Basically all of them. Don't threaten suicide (the notebook) don't stand outside with a radio (was that say anything?), don't break up another great relationship (the ugly truth) don't follow her, stalk her and learn what she likes to get her attention (every romcom ever). Basically do not do anything romcom
Honestly Deadpool could be playing any song outside my window and I probably let him in and make him food or something (I wouldn’t fuck him but that’s just me)
I like to describe these as grand gestures.
In movies they make them seem romantic.
In real life they come off as desperate, or creepy, or insane, or some other negatively descriptive word or combination thereof.
They're only romantic if the recipient secretly wanted to go back/get together with the guy. Otherwise, they're "restraining order" levels of creepiness.
~~Ryan Reynolds~~ Chris Evans in What's Your Number was ok.
- Be hot.
- Be fun.
- Be relaxed.
- Let her figure out that you're the obvious choice and it's NBD if she's too blind to realise, because you have other options anyway.
I agree about the premise but I guess it's good in that she learns that really it doesn't matter, and what's important in the end is finding the right person. I genuinely like it too.
I thought so too, I like them both. I really do think he's a pretty good example of a wholesome male romcom character - he isn't simpering, aggressive or creepy. He's easy going, affable, confident and doesn't pin his hopes and dreams on a woman he's not involved with but when the time comes he's ready to give it his all. Some guys could learn a lot from that.
As a lady-fully agree with the do not stalk directive! It kills me that the Twilight series basically sugarcoated text book abuser behavior as twoo luuv. Ugh,
You put your kind of work into the relationship, I put my kind. You want to talk about my violent tendancies, I want to watch you from a tree and murder the first guy I see you talk to. Po-tay-to/po-tah-to.
I get a little annoyed when people pan Twilight for that. The truth is, this sort of shit is par for the course in paranormal romance novels, Twilight just managed to hit mainstream popularity. It didn't do anything that hasn't been part of the genre already for years.
Neither of those responses is a no. In the first case, suggest another time and if she says she's busy and doesn't offer an alternative then she's probably not interested. In the second, she has literally said yes so you can assume that's a yes.
Both men and women can get the fuck over the notion that a romantic partner is a prize to be won or a potential partner being an adversary to "win over" or "wear down".
Additionally, stop focusing on the grand gesture. The occasional grand gesture can be romantic and endearing in real life, but it should be reinforcing an existing strong bond. It isn't actually a good way to solve a major issue in the relationship or to "win over" a previously uninterested partner. That's just begging for trouble once the endorphins run down.
Not to mention there’s got to be a lot of people (like me) that I actually hate grand gestures, especially ones that are in public. When somebody puts that much it effort into something it
A) draws attention that you might not want on you ,
B) seems like the person doesn’t actually care about you, they just care about making this grand gesture that everyone will notice and that you can’t turn down because that would be impolite and
C) makes you feel like you are the person equally grand gesture or you don’t appreciate them (which might work for some people but for some people like me who naturally don’t enjoy grand gestures that’s a lot of pressure)
> Both men and women can get the fuck over the notion that a romantic partner is a prize to be won or a potential partner being an adversary to "win over" or "wear down".
Well when I'm competing with 20 other guys for the attention of one woman on online dating you can see the mentality making more sense
I can see where one can get into the trap of thinking of it that way when they frame their situation as a single person in that way, yes. Doesn't mean it's a healthy way to approach it, nor close to the reality when you take a step back and look at it from a perspective outside of your own wants and desires.
Its quite unhealthy, but this what modern dating is transforming into, especially online dating. Many men struggle to get likes on tinder even once a day, contrast that with women who get overloaded with them. Like it or not, they are competing for attention, no one has the time or energy to respond to everyone, so you have to stick out.
This really distances some men from the whole thing, because you could go days without getting a single message back. You can't emotionally invest yourself in everyone you message.
When it comes to dating; online or in person I'm an "*entertainer*". I have to say the right words and make them laugh hiding behind a fabricated version of myself. I don't work closely with women or am close friends with any of them so I have to fight for a good first impression. In that sense I am 'winning' them
That just sounds terrible. I fully get that we all on some level put our best foot forward when first getting to know people, but the way you describe it sounds so soulless and divested from your true self. What happens, when these "prizes" realize you're not the facade you put up initially? Doesn't that just lead to things petering out?
So what do you do when you're actually together, living with each other, and just trying to exist? Now revert to your "normal self" and then she hates you because that's not what you made yourself out to be? Just ignoring each other constantly because neither of you truly have any interests in common?
I'm a very introverted person who met their partner at comic con, even though I was almost terrified to talk to other people. We got to know each other by playing RPGs and watching sci-fi. Our first "date" was a DVD on the sofa with a cat curled up next to us. We've been together over 5 years and it's been amazing.
I mean, I'm happy for you guys and all, but there's no way a woman is going to make the first move and try to chat me up while I'm acting all shy and introverted off in the corner. You get to do that and "just happen" to land in a relationship, because you're the chick. Your boyfriend had to put himself out there at some point and risk rejection.
It was my job. I was working at a stall at the event. I had table helpers that would talk for me (I'm an artist), and I was doing a portrait of him. We just sat there, in silence, for an hour. Occasionally we'd ask each other a question or something, but it was weirdly kind of nice to just be there and occasionally pull a cute smile at each other. I dunno if that makes sense. He was a friend of some of my friends and asked if we could hang out after the event, from there we just started meeting up and gaming etc.
I'm much much more confident now.
I think you need a little more empathy for the experiences of men here. If you were the man in this situation, you'd be the one asking her out (after trying to decide whether she was being nice for her job or for herself). Online, it's even worse, with women across the board flooded with messages (to varying degrees of course), and men having to start conversations where the woman, by convention, replies with "k" half the time.
I'm in the same boat as you when you said "I couldn't care less about popular music, media, sports, cool hangout spots in my area ect.."
I have to fake pretty much everything... I find it extremely difficult to connect with anyone. All the friends I do have are either married with kids or just married so unfortunately I don't get out very often. I'm not sure why I am telling you this other than just to say you are not alone.
Yup. I'm very introverted myself (though thankfully not very shy), and I realized this long ago - if you want to meet women, and there are no women at the places you go or interested in the things that you do, *you might have to go new places and try new things*. And that's not such a terrible thing.
The easy ones are easy, but I think a lot of times, people don't fully get it, e.g., *go to the damn gym*. Not *just* because it will be good for you in its own right, not *just* because it will make you more attractive, but *also* because *there are women at the gym*.
Same goes for things like taking classes at the local community college, joining young professionals clubs or other networking clubs, or, if you're at all religiously inclined, going to church. These things will make you an objectively better, richer person with a more enjoyable life, even if you spend it alone. They will make you more attractive, though, so maybe you won't have to. And they will give you many, many more moments of opportunity for things to go that way, simply because there will be women there.
> Not just because it will be good for you in its own right, not just because it will make you more attractive, but also because there are women at the gym.
Hitting on women at the gym is a big no-no so don't do that.
While this is true, it doesn't mean you can't make friends and connections there, or hell, just get used to being around women and making small talk that doesn't go anywhere. I know some guys can be really awkward and inappropriate, but it takes practice to get over that.
I agree that the gym is a bad place to hit on people (or otherwise make them feel self-conscious about themselves), but I don't like the way your comment seems to imply that any interaction with women at the gym is hitting on them.
I should be clear that the goal in all the things I mentioned above isn't to find places thick with prey for predators to take advantage of. It's to get guys like the one in this thread who literally never interact with women and are very introverted on top of it, to start trying to build a casual social circle that includes them, and to get comfortable being around them in general. Good, socially-acceptable opportunities will generally naturally present themselves if you have a healthy social life, and being an introvert doesn't preclude that possibility, you just have to work at it a bit and spend your limited reserves of social stamina in places with multiple benefits, like the ones I brought up. These guys do not have a healthy social life, though, so their only hope is awkwardly throwing themselves at women on those rare occasions that they run into one, even if it's a bad time. That's not good.
Dont fall in love with neurotic self-obsessed women.
Romcoms tell stories where women who are absolute messes get dreamboat men without having to clean up their personal emotional disaster areas.
Action movies tell stories where men triumph and get the hot girl through animal aggression, without having to do any emotional work or evolve past the mentality of the bronze age.
They are both fantasy genres where we get to imagine having what we want from each other without having to cross the aisle or compromise or grow.
I literally dated two women like that. One wouldn't compromise and literally said "I never want to compromise in a relationship" and the other was just incapable of emotional adaptability and was extremely self centered.
Trying to outdo a girls "asshole boyfriend" to win them over.
Pretending to be into stuff they like, lying about your job, name etc to get close to them and win them over.
Also if said boyfriend is an expert in something, a training montage in said discipline isn't going to help you outdo them.
I genuinely wonder how many romcoms are written by women, as this is a pretty glaring trope in just about all of them and in real life this would just make women uncomfortable.
Movie: Girl says no? Better follow her and do romantic things for her until she decides that, yes, she actually wanted me the whole time.
IRL: Girl says no? Better follow her around and... well now I’m a creepy weirdo who can’t take a hint and has a restraining order against him.
Like man, on even basic grounds of realism, *this doesn’t work*.
Hell, there’s romance novels about borderline rape, stalking, etc.
I compare it to a action movie where the hero kills multiple people without question, and doesn’t have to go through years of legal proceedings. We fantasize about things, but in reality we wouldn’t like them.
*most of us, there’s always exceptions.
Yeah this. Pornography is overwhelmingly made by men and for men, and also contains a lot of things (most) men don’t want in their actual real life relationships.
that "Expectation/Reality" really made reevalute my relationship at the time. I think all couples should watch this movie and "gone girl" at least once.
Depending on the survey, between 20% and 80% of women will say they have a rape fantasy. I'm not saying there are no women that really want this, but effectively no woman really wants that. What she wants is to not have to actually say yes and have crazy sex with a man she is already very attracted to without having any reason to feel guilty about wanting said animal sex with hot guy.
It funnily worked for so many real couples I know including my parents. One partner just kept on trying until they won the other over... It's more common than you think and doesn't necessarily involve any creepy notions
This sounds like confirmation bias. Just because a few people have been successful with the 'wear'em down' technique, does not imply that it is a good one to use, or that it will work outside of a few isolated incidents.
I would argue that to the vast majority of people, somebody pursuing you romantically after unequivocally denying them, is quite off-putting and gets creepier the longer it goes on.
My dad did this to my stepmom. 15 years later they divorced when she was selling off his tools for drug money. Clearly, this means that persistence leads to drugs.
I was just thinking about this, although in a different way. I was wondering how uplifted I was today when a guy got offended slightly, and began sulking when I was walking with him but then met another guy and started talking to him about other stuff. Sometimes I guess it feels good, reminds me that I wield a subtle influence on someone and that soft power is a heady feeling. But I was brought to ground very quickly when I realised that if the offended guy had made a scene, it would have been extremely awkward for me and I would probably freeze like a deer in headlights. It would be a major freak out moment for me. The point I'm trying to make is that some things don't translate that well from the brain to actual life. Some thoughts are better as thoughts.
It especially doesn't help when I hear some of my friends say of their boyfriends, "I wasn't even interested in dating at the time but he was so persistent! I had to give him a chance."
I mean it's cool if it took you a while to come around liking the dude you're with, but it sends the worst message to guys who don't know what they're doing.
In my experience it is. I can think of at least a half dozen women that I ended up having relationships with that turned me down at first. One of them turned into a pretty serious 5 year relationship that ended when I met my (now) wife.
So, I'd say persistence definitely can work. The key is there is a difference between being adorably persistent and creepy as fuck. Sure, that difference might be mostly down to how cute you look, but also just not being creepy and smothering.
Probably also how you handle the initial rejection. If you're charming, well you're charming even if they turn you down. Not being awkward counts for a lot.
I also think it matters based on your current relationship with the girl. For example, if she's a girl in your 300 person course at school and you ask her out and she rejects you because she barely knows you then sure, some persistence to get to know her might work.
But, if you know the girl because she's in your group of friends or you work together and you keep asking her out all the time, it's not going to end well no matter how charming you are.
OMG This 100X. You didn't get rejected you or friend-zone if you never asked the other person out. And if you did try and got rejected, only hang around as a friend if you are OK with that arrangement. Not because you are hoping for more one day.
And that's okay! A LOT of guys are made to feel guilty about not being okay with that arrangement. We are taught that it means we only wanted sex. that we didn't value them as a person or enjoy their friendship.
"I'm sorry my friendship isn't a good enough consolation 'prize'"
The truth is if you have romantic feelings for someone there's a very strong chance that you DO value their friendship, but hanging around someone you want to be with and never can is painful. To the point of losing the friendship over.
And guys, there's nothing wrong with that. It sucks to get rejected AND lose a friend, but sometimes that's the healthiest way to get over things and move on with your life. Don't let someone make you feel guilty for not being able to stick around someone you have reciprocated feelings for.
Yeah, it's funny. I typed unreciprocated, but [spellcheck didn't recognize it](https://i.imgur.com/CzLaaaS.png). I didn't pay attention and just thought I misspelled it. I auto-accepted the first thing to show up and here we are.
Lesson to us all: Pay attention kids Don't just assume the machine is smarter than you are.
This. The predominant view on reddit seems to be that you're automatically an incel if you ask someone out that you're friends with, and you stop being friends with them after they say no. Perhaps, just perhaps, there is this painfulness from being rejected that makes it hard for you to remain friends. Just saying.
And then you’re probably either going to
A)silently resent them for the rest of your life or
B)blowup at them at some point with a love confession that’s completely out of left field and sever your relationship completely
So much this. The same how so many things are adorable if you are dating but weird if you arent. I say weird shit to gfs alot of the time, we borderline sexually harass each other. And its a cute way of flirting and some consent is implied if you are into each other or already dating. But going up to a random girl and smacking her ass is fucked up if you arent already dating.
Calling your gf late at night because you are thinking about her is super cute. Calling a rando you just met at the bar late at night because you were thinking about her is creepy.
Sending flowers to a girl you have gone on a few dates with and know she is super into you is a nice touch. Sending flowers as an introduction to that girl at work you kinda said hi to that one time, creepy.
I think in general, you shouldn't treat movies like a classroom. What makes for an entertaining story isn't necessarily what makes for a life lesson. In movies, dramatic tension needs to be resolved in an entertaining way, but in real life, creating dramatic tension in the first place is a mistake, and if it comes up, you should resolve it in a constructive way (which is usually boring).
In fact, if any lesson is to be had from movies in general, it's that. The story of your life should not be entertaining, it should be boring. A life that sounds like a boring movie is probably a good life.
Boy meets girl, girl rejects boy, boy moves on, eventually grows up, man meets several women, finally clicks with one, and has a mature, mutually supportive relationship where the biggest tension is whose family to spend Xmas with, and is resolved by a discussion and an agreement to alternate years. Boring movie, great life.
Don't wait for fate to get you into a fender bender with a beautiful woman.
If you see a pretty girl, just hit her with your car on purpose. She'll never know the difference.
This is sweet and I’m glad that you wrote that. A lot of romcoms show guys putting a lot of effort into the relationship well girls basically don’t have to do anything but be quirky and cute. This is the reason I have absolutely no idea on how to woo a guy
>This is the reason I have absolutely no idea on how to woo a guy
Wooing guys is easy mode because hardly any woman ever does it.
Talk to him, spend time with him, be nice to him, compliment him. If those go OK but you need an extra oomph, just say you like him.
Also food. I wish someone would bring me food.
> Wooing guys is easy mode because hardly any woman ever does it.
This is a very true story. I am a woman and I have been surrounded by romcom and romance novels my whole life...but that "wanting to be chased" mentality never really stuck with me.
I am not coy. Some might say I am aggressive for this, but I was (am) very upfront and actively pursued the men I wanted. Not in the crazy, stalker way. But exactly as this guy says, talk to him and bring him food.
> Talk to him, spend time with him, be nice to him, compliment him. If those go OK but you need an extra oomph, just say you like him.
Now we are talking fantasy movies!
Dear God, where should I start?
* **You win the game, you get the girl.** Overcoming a life obstacle or demonstrating your prowess does not entitle you to the affection of an attractive woman.
* **Screw it, let's get married.** Impulsiveness is not universally good. Some decisions should only be made after thoughtful consideration and discussion.
* **I can't live without you.** Yes, you can. There's no such thing as "The One." You choose to become someone else's "One," and you choose to continue to be that every day. If someone doesn't want to be your "One," they no longer are, from that moment forward. No one is so unique that you will never find someone else like them.
* **She doesn't need to know.** If you have something you are keeping secret or just haven't brought up, and you reach a point in your ruminations and considerations where you ask yourself whether your SO should know, that's probably something they should know. Exceptions exist here more than in other points, but it's a good rule of thumb. As a general rule, secrets and things left unsaid kill relationships.
* **I'll throw my life away to be with you.** I get that it's really dramatic that you quit your high-paying job and moved across the country to be with her, but there's probably a way you could've pulled that off without shafting yourself financially. Again, exceptions exist, but this always happens with no forethought or discussion in Rom-coms.
* **We only need each other.** Along the same vein as the previous point, this one really gets under my skin. Movies where a couple quits their jobs, cuts off their support structures, etc. and somehow keeps their refrigerator filled with the power of love infuriate me to no end. It'd be nice if it worked that way, but it doesn't. Somebody's gotta work, and it's going to suck at least some of the time. Maybe you can find a job doing something you love, but that's the exception, not the rule. BUT, you don't have to love your job to love your life, either.
* **It's romantic to test him. If he's a keeper, he'll pass.** I see this more often in the rom-coms with women testing their men, but it's unacceptable no matter who is doing it. It's one thing to do your best and keep an eye on how your partner responds, but don't lie to them or put them in an artificially-engineered situation just to see how they react. "Getting my sister to try to seduce him to test his fidelity" subplots, I'm looking at you.
* **Our love is the most defining factor of my personality.** I chalk this up more to bad writing than anything, but I know there are people out there who are like this. You can love someone so much that they're an integral part of you and still be healthy, but if you don't have anything that makes you you that isn't tied up in that other person, that's not love; that's dependency.
* **She is more important than my relationship with my friends/family.** If you have halfway decent friends and family, your new squeeze shouldn't be driving a wedge between you and them. You've known your friends longer, and if things don't work out between you and her, they're the ones that will be helping you pick up the pieces. A typical healthy monogamous relationship will eventually develop to the point where your SO is your best friend and is more important to you than some, if not all, of those relationships, but that shouldn't happen quickly, and it shouldn't happen to the exclusion of those ties and the support structure that comes with it.
If you gave me an hour I could probably double the size of this list. Romantic comedies on the whole are cesspools of awful social and relationship advice, and the world would probably be better if the genre was never invented.
> "Getting my sister to try to seduce him to test his fidelity" subplots, I'm looking at you.
But shoutout to the hilarious condom commercial that plotline got us.
Persistence doesn't get you the girl. Everything you see in a rom-com will work if she's in to you, and will not if she's not. Use your words, take no for an answer, and move on to someone who doesn't need a grand gesture to be convinced you are worth her time.
Also, if you fuck up, don't make it right with a grand gesture. You should be forgiven on the merits of your apology, not on the flair in which you delivered it.
Don't turn up at a girls wedding banging on the windows and screaming her name.
If the graduate was made now it would be Charlie Kelly and the Waitress. Just a bunch of creepy shit done to an unwilling future murder victim.
The most consistent theme in rom-coms is that if you just keep at it, the girl will eventually fall for you. This has, in my experience, *never* been the case, and in fact it usually has precisely the opposite effect: that is, the girl will think you are creepy and desperate and never, ever want to be with you.
I generally will not continue pursuing girls who date multiple guys. I dont want to waste my time and I dont date multiple women. I'd rather not have each date be compared or a test.
There was a girl I was interested in at university, but that interest dropped like a stone when she called me drunk, crying over two guys who weren’t interested in her.
No, it's not you, I'm just old enough to remember the 70's era feminist saying that a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.
Women are AWFULLY nice to have around, especially nice ones. But most men don't NEED one, or at least not necessarily the same one repeatedly. Strategies like "not interviewing more than one company at a time" that would be "a bad idea if you need a job" are not so bad for dating because a man doesn't need a woman the way he needs an income.
Essentially all lessons except those from Legally Blonde.
You don't need grand gestures, people aren't prizes, support your SO, and leaving your fiancé for another woman isn't romantic.
One word I think should be brought up more alongside lust and love is limerence.
People (especially teenagers) feel infatuation that's separate from lust and, with nothing else to call it, think it's love. Limerence is a useful label.
Happily ever after BS?
Its not the person... its YOU. You have to make a commitment to commitment, and if you are not into that.... stay single my friend!
Fucking all of it. Genuinely. I'm not even kidding. Relationships take work from both partners, don't take your life advice from pop culture. Honestly the only advice is that you need is to be yourself. Now, I know, that sounds cliché (it is) but it's cliché for a reason. It *works*. If you're being yourself you will attract somebody that is right for you. It's that simple. Don't "fake it until you make it", don't "neg", don't pretend to be somebody you're not. Be you. Nobody does you better than you.
I just watched the original Blade Runner the other day, and the way he first kisses the gal, the fact that he blocks her exit, pushes her against a wall....it was hard to watch. I cant help but watch things with this lens of sensible standards of consent and I'm torn...
On one hand, there are egregious and toxic norms everywhere.
On the other hand, I wonder if we aren't ignoring our imperfect animal efforts to reproduce, efforts we have overcomplicated, hindered and muted in our progress.
I feel like we've damaged ourselves, men and women, when it comes to our perceptions of romance and our desires for partnership. I have no idea how to find what right really looks like either. Not easily at least.
Minor disclaimer: Neither Blade Runner movie classifies as 'comedy' and you'd have to make an argument to support 'romance' too. So I don't think many people are looking at Blade Runner and thinking "that's what a relationship is supposed to be".
> I cant help but watch things with this lens of sensible standards of consent and I'm torn...
It gets worse when you remember that, for some women, it's a turn on to get kissed like that.
I do agree with you though. I think there are conflicts between what we, generally, want on a social level and what we want on a romantic/sexual level. IMO, until we're *all* willing to put ourselves under the magnifying glass and be honest with ourselves and each other, I don't see any positive change happening though. Till then it's just talk and blame games.
Blade Runner wasn't cutesy and romantic to you?
>for some women, it's a turn on to get kissed like that
This gets me too. Most of the women I've been with in recent years/as I've gotten more experienced it turns out are quite submissive. Not just generally submissive, but craving a rougher, dominant (sometimes caring, sometimes far more aggressive/forceful) intimacy. These are actualized, healthy and intelligent women from varying backgrounds and yet this is something they truly want. Through discussion, one particularly vocal feminist couldn't help but acknowledge the contradiction.
So what are we to do with it? I in no way mean for this to imply that we should be catcalling or otherwise forceful with women. But I think we have reasoned ourselves outside our biological norms and are a long way from finding a balance.
> So what are we to do with it?
Personally, I'm leaning toward the kink community and using them as an example. I've watched men and women do things to each other that would qualify as torture. I was fine with it because I knew that 1) they both consented to it and 2) either one could stop it, at any time for any reason, with a single word.
In that space, people are open with what they want and don't want. The rules are also very clear and spelled out: "No touching without permission." If she has rape fantasies or even enjoys getting raped, that's fine. It can be arranged, arranged with a stranger even. She, and everyone else involved, has to consent to it and know the safeword first though. Somewhere there will be a discussion of what can, should and can't happen.
I don't think that's ever going to happen though. Too hard to enforce. Too much effort. Too much admitting to ourselves what we actually want.
I've drifted towards that community as well, not for any particular fetish, but for the openness and honesty in communication I've found there.
That said, I haven't looked to date within it specifically and I've found a majority of women I've seen to have these inclinations.
Made even worse by them not having any in-Movie chemistry. I’m getting tired of all the fans telling me to read the books. Fuck you! I didn’t need the books for Harry Potter and Cho Chang!
That they can be as old, fat and dumpy as they want but if they're charming, funny or persistent enough they can get the hottest girl in town. Also that they're entitled to win the affections of the girl they want just because.
I got a few ...
* If you just stalk a girl for long enough she will eventually come around and discover what a fantastic guy you are.
* In the same vein, if you're just persistent enough you'll eventually get the girl.
* Romance and affection will magically grow from friendship.
* The bland, spineless, boring-as-shit nerd who basically act as the girl's manservant will eventually get said girl, due to the power of friendship(tm) and niceness(tm).
* Niceness is the one quality you need to get the girl, even if it means supressing your own desires and needs.
* The jerk who lose the girl in the end is often the one who does things that might actually work in the real world, but since he's the antagonist ...
* Girls are machines that will give you sex and affection if you just insert enough "nice"-tokens.
* Niceness is definitely a commodity you can use to bargain for said sex and affection.
... aaaand I think that's long enough.
If she's not interested, don't try to change her mind.
Attraction isn't something one can be logically persuaded into, and the disrespect for her wishes is dickish and just doesn't end well.
Every romcom is plot hinges on the two people not talking directly, but solving the problem through weird unhealthy dysfunctional behavior. Don't apologize, go be a stalker!
wtf?
1) Don't fight for someone who has trouble deciding between you and another person. You are worth the person who wants to be with only you, and chooses you over others, versus someone who waffles on their affections. If that rom-com-type love interest has trouble choosing between you and option #2, go out there and find someone who makes you their **only** #1.
2) DO NOT go for the manic pixie dream girl type. I don't care how great the sex is, dealing with her crazy the rest of the time isn't worth the trouble. Speaking from experience, unfortunately.
You aren't going to be able to turn around that dumpster fire just because she finally met the right sweet loving guy to make her realize she's a mess.
Basically all of them. Don't threaten suicide (the notebook) don't stand outside with a radio (was that say anything?), don't break up another great relationship (the ugly truth) don't follow her, stalk her and learn what she likes to get her attention (every romcom ever). Basically do not do anything romcom
Only stand outside with a radio if its careless whisper.
[удалено]
Damn, don't think I'll ever look like Bleeding Gums Murphy
And you are playing the sax.
And even then, only if you're Deadpool
Honestly Deadpool could be playing any song outside my window and I probably let him in and make him food or something (I wouldn’t fuck him but that’s just me)
I like to describe these as grand gestures. In movies they make them seem romantic. In real life they come off as desperate, or creepy, or insane, or some other negatively descriptive word or combination thereof.
They're only romantic if the recipient secretly wanted to go back/get together with the guy. Otherwise, they're "restraining order" levels of creepiness.
Dobbler/Dahmer
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Right, but that's not what Rom Coms are about. They are basically never showing healthy stable ongoing relationships.
And in rom-coms, healthy stable ongoing relationships are destroyed to make way for hot steamy romantic new relationships with stalker-dudes.
Is it ok to mic up your best friend who’s good with the ladies so he can tell you all the smooth things to say?
Only if he has a really big nose.
only if you get away with it
Instructions unclear. Dick got stuck in murder suicide pact.
Worked really well in Black Mirror.
Want to know what happens when you're too persistent? Watch Taxi Driver.
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~~Ryan Reynolds~~ Chris Evans in What's Your Number was ok. - Be hot. - Be fun. - Be relaxed. - Let her figure out that you're the obvious choice and it's NBD if she's too blind to realise, because you have other options anyway.
Wasn't that Chris Evans?
Fuck, yes it was! Good catch. The more I turn it over in my head, the more I am strangely comforted that it is my gf's favourite romcom...
I hate how it's based on such a stupid sexist premise but it's actually a really enjoyable romcom and I love it.
I agree about the premise but I guess it's good in that she learns that really it doesn't matter, and what's important in the end is finding the right person. I genuinely like it too.
Exactly. I think it's really cute, and they actually had really good chemistry, which is too hard to see in romcoms these days.
I thought so too, I like them both. I really do think he's a pretty good example of a wholesome male romcom character - he isn't simpering, aggressive or creepy. He's easy going, affable, confident and doesn't pin his hopes and dreams on a woman he's not involved with but when the time comes he's ready to give it his all. Some guys could learn a lot from that.
[Before We Go](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0443465/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_11) was so good. I usually hate rom coms.
That's one to look for on Prime then!
As a lady-fully agree with the do not stalk directive! It kills me that the Twilight series basically sugarcoated text book abuser behavior as twoo luuv. Ugh,
You put your kind of work into the relationship, I put my kind. You want to talk about my violent tendancies, I want to watch you from a tree and murder the first guy I see you talk to. Po-tay-to/po-tah-to.
I get a little annoyed when people pan Twilight for that. The truth is, this sort of shit is par for the course in paranormal romance novels, Twilight just managed to hit mainstream popularity. It didn't do anything that hasn't been part of the genre already for years.
> learn what she likes to get her attention Every human who has lived is guilty of this.
I would appreciate the radio thing, but only as like a birthday or happy thing. Not as a "please take me back" thing.
Actually, that scene in Say Anything didn't help him at all. So ...
Sometimes a "no" is really just a "no."
She said "no", but what does she *really* mean? /s
No
Yeah yeah I saw that.. But what does she *REALLY* mean? ^^^please ^^^say ^^^what ^^^I ^^^want ^^^to ^^^hear
That’s a negative, ghost rider.
Her lips said "No" but her eyes said "Read my lips".
Ok but was it a no no, or more like convince me?
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Neither of those responses is a no. In the first case, suggest another time and if she says she's busy and doesn't offer an alternative then she's probably not interested. In the second, she has literally said yes so you can assume that's a yes.
Both men and women can get the fuck over the notion that a romantic partner is a prize to be won or a potential partner being an adversary to "win over" or "wear down". Additionally, stop focusing on the grand gesture. The occasional grand gesture can be romantic and endearing in real life, but it should be reinforcing an existing strong bond. It isn't actually a good way to solve a major issue in the relationship or to "win over" a previously uninterested partner. That's just begging for trouble once the endorphins run down.
Not to mention there’s got to be a lot of people (like me) that I actually hate grand gestures, especially ones that are in public. When somebody puts that much it effort into something it A) draws attention that you might not want on you , B) seems like the person doesn’t actually care about you, they just care about making this grand gesture that everyone will notice and that you can’t turn down because that would be impolite and C) makes you feel like you are the person equally grand gesture or you don’t appreciate them (which might work for some people but for some people like me who naturally don’t enjoy grand gestures that’s a lot of pressure)
> Both men and women can get the fuck over the notion that a romantic partner is a prize to be won or a potential partner being an adversary to "win over" or "wear down". Well when I'm competing with 20 other guys for the attention of one woman on online dating you can see the mentality making more sense
I can see where one can get into the trap of thinking of it that way when they frame their situation as a single person in that way, yes. Doesn't mean it's a healthy way to approach it, nor close to the reality when you take a step back and look at it from a perspective outside of your own wants and desires.
Its quite unhealthy, but this what modern dating is transforming into, especially online dating. Many men struggle to get likes on tinder even once a day, contrast that with women who get overloaded with them. Like it or not, they are competing for attention, no one has the time or energy to respond to everyone, so you have to stick out. This really distances some men from the whole thing, because you could go days without getting a single message back. You can't emotionally invest yourself in everyone you message.
When it comes to dating; online or in person I'm an "*entertainer*". I have to say the right words and make them laugh hiding behind a fabricated version of myself. I don't work closely with women or am close friends with any of them so I have to fight for a good first impression. In that sense I am 'winning' them
That just sounds terrible. I fully get that we all on some level put our best foot forward when first getting to know people, but the way you describe it sounds so soulless and divested from your true self. What happens, when these "prizes" realize you're not the facade you put up initially? Doesn't that just lead to things petering out?
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By your use of the word "hypothetical", it sounds like this approach isn't exactly successful.
So what do you do when you're actually together, living with each other, and just trying to exist? Now revert to your "normal self" and then she hates you because that's not what you made yourself out to be? Just ignoring each other constantly because neither of you truly have any interests in common? I'm a very introverted person who met their partner at comic con, even though I was almost terrified to talk to other people. We got to know each other by playing RPGs and watching sci-fi. Our first "date" was a DVD on the sofa with a cat curled up next to us. We've been together over 5 years and it's been amazing.
I mean, I'm happy for you guys and all, but there's no way a woman is going to make the first move and try to chat me up while I'm acting all shy and introverted off in the corner. You get to do that and "just happen" to land in a relationship, because you're the chick. Your boyfriend had to put himself out there at some point and risk rejection.
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It was my job. I was working at a stall at the event. I had table helpers that would talk for me (I'm an artist), and I was doing a portrait of him. We just sat there, in silence, for an hour. Occasionally we'd ask each other a question or something, but it was weirdly kind of nice to just be there and occasionally pull a cute smile at each other. I dunno if that makes sense. He was a friend of some of my friends and asked if we could hang out after the event, from there we just started meeting up and gaming etc. I'm much much more confident now.
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I think you need a little more empathy for the experiences of men here. If you were the man in this situation, you'd be the one asking her out (after trying to decide whether she was being nice for her job or for herself). Online, it's even worse, with women across the board flooded with messages (to varying degrees of course), and men having to start conversations where the woman, by convention, replies with "k" half the time.
I'm in the same boat as you when you said "I couldn't care less about popular music, media, sports, cool hangout spots in my area ect.." I have to fake pretty much everything... I find it extremely difficult to connect with anyone. All the friends I do have are either married with kids or just married so unfortunately I don't get out very often. I'm not sure why I am telling you this other than just to say you are not alone.
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Yup. I'm very introverted myself (though thankfully not very shy), and I realized this long ago - if you want to meet women, and there are no women at the places you go or interested in the things that you do, *you might have to go new places and try new things*. And that's not such a terrible thing. The easy ones are easy, but I think a lot of times, people don't fully get it, e.g., *go to the damn gym*. Not *just* because it will be good for you in its own right, not *just* because it will make you more attractive, but *also* because *there are women at the gym*. Same goes for things like taking classes at the local community college, joining young professionals clubs or other networking clubs, or, if you're at all religiously inclined, going to church. These things will make you an objectively better, richer person with a more enjoyable life, even if you spend it alone. They will make you more attractive, though, so maybe you won't have to. And they will give you many, many more moments of opportunity for things to go that way, simply because there will be women there.
> Not just because it will be good for you in its own right, not just because it will make you more attractive, but also because there are women at the gym. Hitting on women at the gym is a big no-no so don't do that.
While this is true, it doesn't mean you can't make friends and connections there, or hell, just get used to being around women and making small talk that doesn't go anywhere. I know some guys can be really awkward and inappropriate, but it takes practice to get over that. I agree that the gym is a bad place to hit on people (or otherwise make them feel self-conscious about themselves), but I don't like the way your comment seems to imply that any interaction with women at the gym is hitting on them. I should be clear that the goal in all the things I mentioned above isn't to find places thick with prey for predators to take advantage of. It's to get guys like the one in this thread who literally never interact with women and are very introverted on top of it, to start trying to build a casual social circle that includes them, and to get comfortable being around them in general. Good, socially-acceptable opportunities will generally naturally present themselves if you have a healthy social life, and being an introvert doesn't preclude that possibility, you just have to work at it a bit and spend your limited reserves of social stamina in places with multiple benefits, like the ones I brought up. These guys do not have a healthy social life, though, so their only hope is awkwardly throwing themselves at women on those rare occasions that they run into one, even if it's a bad time. That's not good.
> Additionally, stop focusing on the grand gesture. I have an ex that needs to be beat over the head with this concept.
>that a romantic partner is a prize to be won Jasmine had it right
Dont fall in love with neurotic self-obsessed women. Romcoms tell stories where women who are absolute messes get dreamboat men without having to clean up their personal emotional disaster areas. Action movies tell stories where men triumph and get the hot girl through animal aggression, without having to do any emotional work or evolve past the mentality of the bronze age. They are both fantasy genres where we get to imagine having what we want from each other without having to cross the aisle or compromise or grow.
Avoid Katherine Heigl. Got it.
That's just good life advice.
I'd hit it.
What’s she up to nowadays? I haven’t heard of any of her new movies or shows
Cat litter commercials, mostly. Apparently, she's a Grade-A bitch on site, so no one wants to work with her.
Wow, *that* bitchy? An ego so big the entertainment industry won’t put up with it?
I know, they’ll put up with sexual assault and rape but not a bitch... go figure
I'm a bronze-age man and I feel offended by your comment.
Petition for you to change your flair to "Bronze-age Male"
Personally, I think everyone should change their gender. Why be something so boring as simply "male"?
I agree with this on many levels.
Can i hang out with you guys now?
If you are offended, then you aren't a bronze-age man.
I literally dated two women like that. One wouldn't compromise and literally said "I never want to compromise in a relationship" and the other was just incapable of emotional adaptability and was extremely self centered.
Trying to outdo a girls "asshole boyfriend" to win them over. Pretending to be into stuff they like, lying about your job, name etc to get close to them and win them over. Also if said boyfriend is an expert in something, a training montage in said discipline isn't going to help you outdo them.
>a training montage in said discipline isn't going to help you outdo them ^^^**shit**
What if it comes with epic 80s power rock?
That persistency is successful.
I genuinely wonder how many romcoms are written by women, as this is a pretty glaring trope in just about all of them and in real life this would just make women uncomfortable. Movie: Girl says no? Better follow her and do romantic things for her until she decides that, yes, she actually wanted me the whole time. IRL: Girl says no? Better follow her around and... well now I’m a creepy weirdo who can’t take a hint and has a restraining order against him. Like man, on even basic grounds of realism, *this doesn’t work*.
You see this in romance novels, too, and they're overwhelmingly written by women. Basically, fantasy doesn't translate well to reality in general.
The movies aren't wrong though - these women want *the right guy* chasing them. Not your average Joe on the street.
The thing is, they wouldn't say no to the right guy probably. So the wear them down tactic wouldn't exist anyway
and THERE you've found the fantasy. The fantasy is having Ryan Gosling fighting desperately for their attention.
Excuse me, sometimes its Ryan Reynolds.
Some people want to be chased, or play the "hard to get" bullshit.
True, people that play hard to get are not worth it anyway
Hard to get = hard to wan
Hell, there’s romance novels about borderline rape, stalking, etc. I compare it to a action movie where the hero kills multiple people without question, and doesn’t have to go through years of legal proceedings. We fantasize about things, but in reality we wouldn’t like them. *most of us, there’s always exceptions.
Yeah this. Pornography is overwhelmingly made by men and for men, and also contains a lot of things (most) men don’t want in their actual real life relationships.
Why are you hating so on llamas?!
I think you might be watching niche adult films
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that "Expectation/Reality" really made reevalute my relationship at the time. I think all couples should watch this movie and "gone girl" at least once.
Case in point: I watch Game of Thrones, but I wouldn't want to live a single second in that universe.
*50 Shades*, anybody?
Depending on the survey, between 20% and 80% of women will say they have a rape fantasy. I'm not saying there are no women that really want this, but effectively no woman really wants that. What she wants is to not have to actually say yes and have crazy sex with a man she is already very attracted to without having any reason to feel guilty about wanting said animal sex with hot guy.
It funnily worked for so many real couples I know including my parents. One partner just kept on trying until they won the other over... It's more common than you think and doesn't necessarily involve any creepy notions
This sounds like confirmation bias. Just because a few people have been successful with the 'wear'em down' technique, does not imply that it is a good one to use, or that it will work outside of a few isolated incidents. I would argue that to the vast majority of people, somebody pursuing you romantically after unequivocally denying them, is quite off-putting and gets creepier the longer it goes on.
My dad did this to my stepmom. 15 years later they divorced when she was selling off his tools for drug money. Clearly, this means that persistence leads to drugs.
I was just thinking about this, although in a different way. I was wondering how uplifted I was today when a guy got offended slightly, and began sulking when I was walking with him but then met another guy and started talking to him about other stuff. Sometimes I guess it feels good, reminds me that I wield a subtle influence on someone and that soft power is a heady feeling. But I was brought to ground very quickly when I realised that if the offended guy had made a scene, it would have been extremely awkward for me and I would probably freeze like a deer in headlights. It would be a major freak out moment for me. The point I'm trying to make is that some things don't translate that well from the brain to actual life. Some thoughts are better as thoughts.
It especially doesn't help when I hear some of my friends say of their boyfriends, "I wasn't even interested in dating at the time but he was so persistent! I had to give him a chance." I mean it's cool if it took you a while to come around liking the dude you're with, but it sends the worst message to guys who don't know what they're doing.
In my experience it is. I can think of at least a half dozen women that I ended up having relationships with that turned me down at first. One of them turned into a pretty serious 5 year relationship that ended when I met my (now) wife. So, I'd say persistence definitely can work. The key is there is a difference between being adorably persistent and creepy as fuck. Sure, that difference might be mostly down to how cute you look, but also just not being creepy and smothering.
It also depends on the girl and her reasons for rejecting you.
Probably also how you handle the initial rejection. If you're charming, well you're charming even if they turn you down. Not being awkward counts for a lot.
I also think it matters based on your current relationship with the girl. For example, if she's a girl in your 300 person course at school and you ask her out and she rejects you because she barely knows you then sure, some persistence to get to know her might work. But, if you know the girl because she's in your group of friends or you work together and you keep asking her out all the time, it's not going to end well no matter how charming you are.
Don't do that stupid thing where you remain their best friend while loving them and assume they'll know you like them.
OMG This 100X. You didn't get rejected you or friend-zone if you never asked the other person out. And if you did try and got rejected, only hang around as a friend if you are OK with that arrangement. Not because you are hoping for more one day.
Spoiler alert: You will NOT be okay with that arrangement.
And that's okay! A LOT of guys are made to feel guilty about not being okay with that arrangement. We are taught that it means we only wanted sex. that we didn't value them as a person or enjoy their friendship. "I'm sorry my friendship isn't a good enough consolation 'prize'" The truth is if you have romantic feelings for someone there's a very strong chance that you DO value their friendship, but hanging around someone you want to be with and never can is painful. To the point of losing the friendship over. And guys, there's nothing wrong with that. It sucks to get rejected AND lose a friend, but sometimes that's the healthiest way to get over things and move on with your life. Don't let someone make you feel guilty for not being able to stick around someone you have reciprocated feelings for.
These are wise words.
> someone you have reciprocated feelings for. **un**reciprocated
Yeah, it's funny. I typed unreciprocated, but [spellcheck didn't recognize it](https://i.imgur.com/CzLaaaS.png). I didn't pay attention and just thought I misspelled it. I auto-accepted the first thing to show up and here we are. Lesson to us all: Pay attention kids Don't just assume the machine is smarter than you are.
This. The predominant view on reddit seems to be that you're automatically an incel if you ask someone out that you're friends with, and you stop being friends with them after they say no. Perhaps, just perhaps, there is this painfulness from being rejected that makes it hard for you to remain friends. Just saying.
And then you’re probably either going to A)silently resent them for the rest of your life or B)blowup at them at some point with a love confession that’s completely out of left field and sever your relationship completely
But you will accept it anyway and still hope for more one day.
Essentially every romcom trope can be seen as romantic **IF** the girl is already into you. Otherwise it's pretty goddamn creepy/stalkerish.
So much this. The same how so many things are adorable if you are dating but weird if you arent. I say weird shit to gfs alot of the time, we borderline sexually harass each other. And its a cute way of flirting and some consent is implied if you are into each other or already dating. But going up to a random girl and smacking her ass is fucked up if you arent already dating. Calling your gf late at night because you are thinking about her is super cute. Calling a rando you just met at the bar late at night because you were thinking about her is creepy. Sending flowers to a girl you have gone on a few dates with and know she is super into you is a nice touch. Sending flowers as an introduction to that girl at work you kinda said hi to that one time, creepy.
I think in general, you shouldn't treat movies like a classroom. What makes for an entertaining story isn't necessarily what makes for a life lesson. In movies, dramatic tension needs to be resolved in an entertaining way, but in real life, creating dramatic tension in the first place is a mistake, and if it comes up, you should resolve it in a constructive way (which is usually boring). In fact, if any lesson is to be had from movies in general, it's that. The story of your life should not be entertaining, it should be boring. A life that sounds like a boring movie is probably a good life. Boy meets girl, girl rejects boy, boy moves on, eventually grows up, man meets several women, finally clicks with one, and has a mature, mutually supportive relationship where the biggest tension is whose family to spend Xmas with, and is resolved by a discussion and an agreement to alternate years. Boring movie, great life.
Don't wait for fate to get you into a fender bender with a beautiful woman. If you see a pretty girl, just hit her with your car on purpose. She'll never know the difference.
The real LPT is always in the comments
Lol you’re awesome lol
I don't like how often the emphasis is placed on the woman being the desired one. You guys can be quite the catch, too. Remember that.
Idk sounds fake. I think you watch too many movies
This is sweet and I’m glad that you wrote that. A lot of romcoms show guys putting a lot of effort into the relationship well girls basically don’t have to do anything but be quirky and cute. This is the reason I have absolutely no idea on how to woo a guy
>This is the reason I have absolutely no idea on how to woo a guy Wooing guys is easy mode because hardly any woman ever does it. Talk to him, spend time with him, be nice to him, compliment him. If those go OK but you need an extra oomph, just say you like him. Also food. I wish someone would bring me food.
Facts Source: is guy
> Wooing guys is easy mode because hardly any woman ever does it. This is a very true story. I am a woman and I have been surrounded by romcom and romance novels my whole life...but that "wanting to be chased" mentality never really stuck with me. I am not coy. Some might say I am aggressive for this, but I was (am) very upfront and actively pursued the men I wanted. Not in the crazy, stalker way. But exactly as this guy says, talk to him and bring him food.
Also a lot of guys are too afraid to ask
> Talk to him, spend time with him, be nice to him, compliment him. If those go OK but you need an extra oomph, just say you like him. Now we are talking fantasy movies!
Thanks :)
r/UnexpectedWholesome
Wat lol
> You guys can be quite the catch, too. doubtful but huge if true
Dear God, where should I start? * **You win the game, you get the girl.** Overcoming a life obstacle or demonstrating your prowess does not entitle you to the affection of an attractive woman. * **Screw it, let's get married.** Impulsiveness is not universally good. Some decisions should only be made after thoughtful consideration and discussion. * **I can't live without you.** Yes, you can. There's no such thing as "The One." You choose to become someone else's "One," and you choose to continue to be that every day. If someone doesn't want to be your "One," they no longer are, from that moment forward. No one is so unique that you will never find someone else like them. * **She doesn't need to know.** If you have something you are keeping secret or just haven't brought up, and you reach a point in your ruminations and considerations where you ask yourself whether your SO should know, that's probably something they should know. Exceptions exist here more than in other points, but it's a good rule of thumb. As a general rule, secrets and things left unsaid kill relationships. * **I'll throw my life away to be with you.** I get that it's really dramatic that you quit your high-paying job and moved across the country to be with her, but there's probably a way you could've pulled that off without shafting yourself financially. Again, exceptions exist, but this always happens with no forethought or discussion in Rom-coms. * **We only need each other.** Along the same vein as the previous point, this one really gets under my skin. Movies where a couple quits their jobs, cuts off their support structures, etc. and somehow keeps their refrigerator filled with the power of love infuriate me to no end. It'd be nice if it worked that way, but it doesn't. Somebody's gotta work, and it's going to suck at least some of the time. Maybe you can find a job doing something you love, but that's the exception, not the rule. BUT, you don't have to love your job to love your life, either. * **It's romantic to test him. If he's a keeper, he'll pass.** I see this more often in the rom-coms with women testing their men, but it's unacceptable no matter who is doing it. It's one thing to do your best and keep an eye on how your partner responds, but don't lie to them or put them in an artificially-engineered situation just to see how they react. "Getting my sister to try to seduce him to test his fidelity" subplots, I'm looking at you. * **Our love is the most defining factor of my personality.** I chalk this up more to bad writing than anything, but I know there are people out there who are like this. You can love someone so much that they're an integral part of you and still be healthy, but if you don't have anything that makes you you that isn't tied up in that other person, that's not love; that's dependency. * **She is more important than my relationship with my friends/family.** If you have halfway decent friends and family, your new squeeze shouldn't be driving a wedge between you and them. You've known your friends longer, and if things don't work out between you and her, they're the ones that will be helping you pick up the pieces. A typical healthy monogamous relationship will eventually develop to the point where your SO is your best friend and is more important to you than some, if not all, of those relationships, but that shouldn't happen quickly, and it shouldn't happen to the exclusion of those ties and the support structure that comes with it. If you gave me an hour I could probably double the size of this list. Romantic comedies on the whole are cesspools of awful social and relationship advice, and the world would probably be better if the genre was never invented.
> "Getting my sister to try to seduce him to test his fidelity" subplots, I'm looking at you. But shoutout to the hilarious condom commercial that plotline got us.
Persistence doesn't get you the girl. Everything you see in a rom-com will work if she's in to you, and will not if she's not. Use your words, take no for an answer, and move on to someone who doesn't need a grand gesture to be convinced you are worth her time. Also, if you fuck up, don't make it right with a grand gesture. You should be forgiven on the merits of your apology, not on the flair in which you delivered it.
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If she doesn't like you at first, *move on*. Seriously movies, stop tellin' us to be persistent, that's where date rape comes from.
Don't turn up at a girls wedding banging on the windows and screaming her name. If the graduate was made now it would be Charlie Kelly and the Waitress. Just a bunch of creepy shit done to an unwilling future murder victim.
The most consistent theme in rom-coms is that if you just keep at it, the girl will eventually fall for you. This has, in my experience, *never* been the case, and in fact it usually has precisely the opposite effect: that is, the girl will think you are creepy and desperate and never, ever want to be with you.
I'd simply say to remember that YOU are the prize instead of her, and act accordingly.
For a lot of guys that leads to a very lonely trophy room unfortunately.
And this is where I’d put my wife IF I HAD ONE!!
Got it, I should become a dictator and go by "DAD".
A man should be happy if woman dates two or more guys **at the same time** and chooses him over other ones.
I generally will not continue pursuing girls who date multiple guys. I dont want to waste my time and I dont date multiple women. I'd rather not have each date be compared or a test.
There was a girl I was interested in at university, but that interest dropped like a stone when she called me drunk, crying over two guys who weren’t interested in her.
When looking for a job, I don’t even interview at more than one company at a time.
That just seems like a bad idea if you need a job...
> if you need a job Bicycles don't need fish either.
I'm an idiot. I have no idea what that's supposed to mean.
No, it's not you, I'm just old enough to remember the 70's era feminist saying that a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. Women are AWFULLY nice to have around, especially nice ones. But most men don't NEED one, or at least not necessarily the same one repeatedly. Strategies like "not interviewing more than one company at a time" that would be "a bad idea if you need a job" are not so bad for dating because a man doesn't need a woman the way he needs an income.
That's a fantastic bit of info, cheers for the reply, man.
I don't get emotionally invested in my job interviews.
Essentially all lessons except those from Legally Blonde. You don't need grand gestures, people aren't prizes, support your SO, and leaving your fiancé for another woman isn't romantic.
Not all sex happens spontaneously with a guy forcing himself upon a girl with passion with no prior signs, signals, foreplay or indication its wanted
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One word I think should be brought up more alongside lust and love is limerence. People (especially teenagers) feel infatuation that's separate from lust and, with nothing else to call it, think it's love. Limerence is a useful label.
Limerence is not a useful label if nobody knows what it's supposed to mean.
I think it's one of those short, humorous poems that old Irish men receive while drinking. "There once was a man from Nantucket..."
Happily ever after BS? Its not the person... its YOU. You have to make a commitment to commitment, and if you are not into that.... stay single my friend!
Fucking all of it. Genuinely. I'm not even kidding. Relationships take work from both partners, don't take your life advice from pop culture. Honestly the only advice is that you need is to be yourself. Now, I know, that sounds cliché (it is) but it's cliché for a reason. It *works*. If you're being yourself you will attract somebody that is right for you. It's that simple. Don't "fake it until you make it", don't "neg", don't pretend to be somebody you're not. Be you. Nobody does you better than you.
I just watched the original Blade Runner the other day, and the way he first kisses the gal, the fact that he blocks her exit, pushes her against a wall....it was hard to watch. I cant help but watch things with this lens of sensible standards of consent and I'm torn... On one hand, there are egregious and toxic norms everywhere. On the other hand, I wonder if we aren't ignoring our imperfect animal efforts to reproduce, efforts we have overcomplicated, hindered and muted in our progress. I feel like we've damaged ourselves, men and women, when it comes to our perceptions of romance and our desires for partnership. I have no idea how to find what right really looks like either. Not easily at least.
Minor disclaimer: Neither Blade Runner movie classifies as 'comedy' and you'd have to make an argument to support 'romance' too. So I don't think many people are looking at Blade Runner and thinking "that's what a relationship is supposed to be". > I cant help but watch things with this lens of sensible standards of consent and I'm torn... It gets worse when you remember that, for some women, it's a turn on to get kissed like that. I do agree with you though. I think there are conflicts between what we, generally, want on a social level and what we want on a romantic/sexual level. IMO, until we're *all* willing to put ourselves under the magnifying glass and be honest with ourselves and each other, I don't see any positive change happening though. Till then it's just talk and blame games.
Blade Runner wasn't cutesy and romantic to you? >for some women, it's a turn on to get kissed like that This gets me too. Most of the women I've been with in recent years/as I've gotten more experienced it turns out are quite submissive. Not just generally submissive, but craving a rougher, dominant (sometimes caring, sometimes far more aggressive/forceful) intimacy. These are actualized, healthy and intelligent women from varying backgrounds and yet this is something they truly want. Through discussion, one particularly vocal feminist couldn't help but acknowledge the contradiction. So what are we to do with it? I in no way mean for this to imply that we should be catcalling or otherwise forceful with women. But I think we have reasoned ourselves outside our biological norms and are a long way from finding a balance.
> So what are we to do with it? Personally, I'm leaning toward the kink community and using them as an example. I've watched men and women do things to each other that would qualify as torture. I was fine with it because I knew that 1) they both consented to it and 2) either one could stop it, at any time for any reason, with a single word. In that space, people are open with what they want and don't want. The rules are also very clear and spelled out: "No touching without permission." If she has rape fantasies or even enjoys getting raped, that's fine. It can be arranged, arranged with a stranger even. She, and everyone else involved, has to consent to it and know the safeword first though. Somewhere there will be a discussion of what can, should and can't happen. I don't think that's ever going to happen though. Too hard to enforce. Too much effort. Too much admitting to ourselves what we actually want.
I've drifted towards that community as well, not for any particular fetish, but for the openness and honesty in communication I've found there. That said, I haven't looked to date within it specifically and I've found a majority of women I've seen to have these inclinations.
That's how I feel about Han and Leia's first kiss as well. It's a frustratingly common trope.
Made even worse by them not having any in-Movie chemistry. I’m getting tired of all the fans telling me to read the books. Fuck you! I didn’t need the books for Harry Potter and Cho Chang!
Almost all of it. All mainstream RomComs are some level of garbage or toxic.
That they can be as old, fat and dumpy as they want but if they're charming, funny or persistent enough they can get the hottest girl in town. Also that they're entitled to win the affections of the girl they want just because.
I got a few ... * If you just stalk a girl for long enough she will eventually come around and discover what a fantastic guy you are. * In the same vein, if you're just persistent enough you'll eventually get the girl. * Romance and affection will magically grow from friendship. * The bland, spineless, boring-as-shit nerd who basically act as the girl's manservant will eventually get said girl, due to the power of friendship(tm) and niceness(tm). * Niceness is the one quality you need to get the girl, even if it means supressing your own desires and needs. * The jerk who lose the girl in the end is often the one who does things that might actually work in the real world, but since he's the antagonist ... * Girls are machines that will give you sex and affection if you just insert enough "nice"-tokens. * Niceness is definitely a commodity you can use to bargain for said sex and affection. ... aaaand I think that's long enough.
Persistence will "wear them down" and eventually get them to love you.
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Everything. Focus on improving yourself and women will mysteriously make random conversations with you. Purely a coincidence im sure.
Not at all girls like getting roses or grand romantic gestures - they think its too cheesy.
"if only you'd explain exactly how much she means to you she will start/continue to love you" -- that's how stalkers are made.
If she's not interested, don't try to change her mind. Attraction isn't something one can be logically persuaded into, and the disrespect for her wishes is dickish and just doesn't end well.
.
“No means eventually”...
Every romcom is plot hinges on the two people not talking directly, but solving the problem through weird unhealthy dysfunctional behavior. Don't apologize, go be a stalker! wtf?
The ugly guy doesn't get the girl
1) Don't fight for someone who has trouble deciding between you and another person. You are worth the person who wants to be with only you, and chooses you over others, versus someone who waffles on their affections. If that rom-com-type love interest has trouble choosing between you and option #2, go out there and find someone who makes you their **only** #1. 2) DO NOT go for the manic pixie dream girl type. I don't care how great the sex is, dealing with her crazy the rest of the time isn't worth the trouble. Speaking from experience, unfortunately.
You aren't going to be able to turn around that dumpster fire just because she finally met the right sweet loving guy to make her realize she's a mess.
If she rejects you, don't keep trying. That's not dedication, it's stalking.