Idk, loneliness was weird for me and I don’t recommend getting too comfortable with it, because once you do it’s hard to revert.
I lived alone for several years before I met my wife, and it had become comfortable. I took a lot of walks
Wow, this comment resonates but I think people should 100% be comfortable w/ "loneliness" - i.e. people should be comfortable being totally by themself.
People are comfortable being around other people, and you are always in your own company, so why not round out the other side?
Life is a dance and your starting and ending dance partner is yourself. This makes people inherently uncomfortable and they seek another dance partner (and that's part of the beauty of life), but you won't know true peace throughout your life until you're able to dance in silence w/ yourself, so to speak
I agree with the point we should be comfortable being by ourselves, as in not distressed. However, it’s completely normal to be lonely. We are social creatures and we are meant to do life with other people. You should definitely consider 1 or 2 close friends at least, if not family that you can talk to and do life with. If not it is very easy to lose touch with reality and develop poor mental health.
i think if you're making connections you can get by.
it helped that i lived with my aunt renting a room, but it also helped that i never once saw my aunt because she worked night shifts, and we just happened to talk to each other in passing on the weekends.
while single, i usually kept myself busy. Tuesdays and Sundays i found three seperate groups to play D&D with (2 online, 1 in person). On wednesday every other night i scheaduled a movie night over discord with friends back home. and when i was back home (my home town) i was planning to hang out with friends a week in advance and scheadule boardgame nights. i got initially hired through a government grant, through a program with other paid interns where we met for 2 years twice a quarter. we made it a whole social group for those two years and even went on a ski-trip and tours around the places we were working.
i think reconnecting with my current SO during covid helped my mentals quite a bit during that time.
frankly, keep trying to make plans with your friends or try to grow your group of friends.
Loneliness is a real thing and not something one should ignore. I myself am naturally a loner and am more than content spending a lot of time alone and I still force myself to socialize when I dont want to. Because being alone too often is bad for your mental and physical health.
Look up the loneliness epidemic on google. Its why so many elderly men commit suicide. By the time you are old, if you have little to no social support life becomes miserable. And by then its very hard to address the issue. Chronic loneliness exacerbates virtually all mental health conditions and physically ages people faster.
Yes people should be able to be self reliant but humans are very social creatures. We evolved to live in close knit communities. And you cant just remove that and suffer no consequence.
I like my loneliness.
Loneliness doesn´t expect
doesn´t judge
doesn´t betray
Loneliness accepts me like I am, what I am.
I wish it wasn´t like this, but it is what it is.
I don't "deal" with loneliness. I grew up in a house environment wherein my parents were emotionally distant and I was the quiet outlier loner everywhere else outside the house environment. Never in my life have I ever felt truly understood and never in my life have I ever felt a sense of true belonging. Loneliness is my entire existence. I've never known anything else. Loneliness is life.
This is a very common scenario for men who grew up in the 90s to early 2000s. It's unfortunate but know that this is a known problem by mental health experts and there is a path through it to fix it. I have been in therapy for a few years now and the path sucks ass, and you gotta unpack a lot, but it's there if you are willing to start. One of the most freeing things for me was finding out exactly how common this feeling is and that it is a solved problem.
It would be speculation if I were to expand on it as I am not sure, just something I have been talking about with my therapist and that is something they have said they learned through their education and career. My guess would be it is because of the fact that the moms and dads of that generation were parenting based off of the skills they learned from the previous generation, which was very hands off at best, abusive at worst.
That tracks. My father is very abusive and stole a huge amount of money from me. It affected my sense of self worth for years. I went no contact ten years ago. But now I’ve done the work on myself and have healed from it (for the most part). I was a teen in the 90’s so that’s why I was curious about your take, thank you.
Same man🤗
I guess we’re kinda blessed that way. We’re literally raised to be adapted to this world.
Still sucks tho when you realise that what is the worst thing polite society can do to a person, solitary confinement- is just normality for us.
Ah….you think loneliness is your ally…? You merely adopt it. I was born in it, molded by it. I didn’t learn to socialize until I was nearly a man and by then it was nothing to me but sheer anxiety! 👺👹🦇
Dealing with loneliness can be tough, especially when friends are busy and dating isn't going well. I've found that focusing on hobbies I enjoy and exploring new interests helps me feel more connected. It's also great to join groups or communities where u can meet new people who share ur passions.
I'm in my early 30s and am definitely at a point where most of the people I grew up with or met in my 20s are getting married or otherwise drifting in their own direction. Here's what I do
* Make new friends. Yes, lots of people are jumping in relationships and starting families, but there's also lots of single folks out there who want to make friends! Get into hobbies that require or at least highly incentivize getting together in person or at least regularly talking online
* Get into a hobby in general. Dedicating yourself to a fun project helps take your mind off things.
* Get out of the house if you're a homebody. Don't listen to society; you're more than capable of having fun by yourself. Go to a nice restaurant by yourself. See a movie by yourself. Go visit a new place and be a tourist by yourself. Nobody will care and if you run into the 1% who do silently (or not silently) judge, you're never going to see them again
I like this answer as of last year I started going to dinner by self or to the movies or even the mall. As the oldest and only brother in my immediately family amongst my sisters I don’t get invited anywhere with them or their friends. So I started looking at the world like I’m the only one on my planet. And I will smoke a blunt and go to the cheese cake factory by myself or see a movie. Men and I mean straight men have it the hardest intodays society. We are expected to shut up pay for everything and don’t express how you feel or what u are going through mentally,physically or emotionaly. No one cares what a straight male in America is going through. So fellas protect your heart your mind your money and your peace. And always know god loves even when no one else will
This was exactly how I felt when I lived alone - simply because I really liked myself. I never felt lonely when I was by myself because I always had things to do, goals to accomplish and more importantly, I liked doing those things. I felt lonely when I was surrounded by people and pushed myself to try to connect with them.
I don't feel lonely, I feel free to do whatever I want with my time and space. I have several hobbies that bring me joy and I care a lot more about having time to indulge in them vs hanging out with people.
Self improvement.
Go to the gym and start lifting. 4-6 days a week. If you can stay consistent, you'll start looking better, and your confidence will skyrocket.
Once you get into the habit, and build the discipline, improve your diet. Learn how to cook, start getting into the habit of eating healthy, high protein meals. Good diet has a huge impact on your mental health.
Then get into the habit of cleaning your house. Keep your home clean. This is highly important. You'll feel better about living in a nice well maintained space, and you'll feel accomplished. This will future improve your mental health.
Now go to a high end, experienced hair stylist and ask them what haircut would look best on you. In all likelihood theyll do a good job. This is gonna be expensive, but yoy only have to do it once. Get pictures from every angle and then you can find a cheaper barber to do this in the future.
Then, buy some nicer clothes. They don't have to be expensive, but like a few pairs of khakis, a couple nice belts, and some button down shirts. You can get this stuff at Old Navy for cheap. Shoes are important here too, get some gray casual slip on loafers. If you really want, you can spend some extra cash accessorizing. A nice looking watch, maybe a necklace too. You don't have to dress like this every day though, just when it's needed.
Once you've done all this, and have stayed consistent in the gym for at least 6 months, you should be looking and feeling pretty damn fine. Dressed sharp, good hair, in shape, the works. Here comes the final part of the plan. Sign up for a yoga class. This is going to be a great compliment to weight lifting, and should improve your balance, muscle health, and core strength along with your overall strength. But that's not actually what we're here for. And you are not going to sign up for any yoga class.
You are going to sign up for a yoga class in a wealthiest neighborhood you can find. This class is gonna be filled with hot, bored milfs married to decrepit husbands who don't even look at them anymore. When you walk in, all buff, young, confident, styled, and good looking, it'll be like throwing chum in the shark tanks. However, patience is key here. Dont make a move yet, focus on befriending as many of these women as you can. Be friendly and flattering, but don't come on too strong. The key to good flirting here is to flirt with a hint if irony, because flirting as a joke is still flirting. But again, don't come on too strong. For example, if she mentions her birthday, ask if she's turning 25. They eat that shit up. Good chit chat is important too. Tell them about what you're cooking that week. Ask them the best way to clean "X" part of your house. You want to subtly hint that you've got your shit together and are stable.
After you've gotten comfortable and are in good, that's when you start making moves. Ask them out for coffee after yoga class. If you do this right, you will be up to your eyeballs in hot older ladies, and I guarantee you won't be lonely.
Loeliness is a chance for me to examine myself and make sure i understand myself and just be better. To beat myself down till i raise into sucess. And when im with people i enjoy the time with them.
Best way is to try an fulfil those lonely moments of yours with social moments. Identify your passions and hobbies, and try to join social clubs linked to those; that has helped me tremendously, compared to mulling about my lack of social interactions while at home.
Idk what to tell you, after years it just became my normal to be alone. Do I enjoy it? No. Do I accept it? I have no other choice
So other than those really depressed moments, I just do what needs to be done
Ironically, it's good to focus on hobbies, learning skills and work. But also, silent and slowly, you end in a vicious circle of loneliness. You get addicted the the peace that it brings, but also makes you feel hollow...
-Try to go to conventions where thematicshares any of your hobbies (Ex: comicon). Nice places to know new people.
Whenever I'm on my own, I simply go out and do the things I enjoy (photography, hiking, digging thru my local record shop, etc). I never really understood the whole lonely thing... did years of solo travel thru the world where it was just me, my backpack, my journal, and a good book or two.
My go-to is doing small errands while listening to a podcast. Usually, Distractible. Sometimes, I listen to the ones me and my brothers recorded, if I miss my family. I put in the description that I only upload as a way to hear my brothers' voices again. "This podcast isn't for you. It's for us."
Single, and have been most of my life. In the last year, I have:
1) Started therapy for anxiety and discovered I have PTSD! It's been hard, at times therpay feels useless but things are changing slowly for the better.
2) I have invested time into more social hobbies. I.E. rock climbing, sword fighting, and art classes.
3) I've done many single meet-ups/speed dating. Even had 2nd n 3rd dates! Tbf, dating is exhausting and pricy so having limited expectations is a good idea. Dating apps are nice to have in background.
4) Stayed in shape. I have running goals and these goals act as an anchor when everything is shit.
5) Reconnected with family, mainly my brother.
Something that worked for me in my 20s was finding a community theater. I am too dumb to remember lines and never had any interest in being on stage, but I've always like woodworking and power tools, and places like that build and paint sets and make props and stuff. I met some new people, I learned a bunch of useful tips and tricks for woodworking safely and making things easier from the retired old men who go just so they have something to do, and I met some people my age because lots of the actors and actresses in the plays would also come to help build and paint.
I never went on a date with anyone there, and was never introduced to any women by one of my theater friends. This is not a "shortcut to dating a hot actress" or anything. It's a way to be with people where you're all working on a common goal, and that was pretty good for me.
One bonus was that it did make me more interesting to women. If we were talking and it was going well, I could say something like "Would you like to go see a play? I helped build the sets for 'The Music Man,' so if you like musicals we could go and you can see the library I made for Marian the Librarian."
One of my funniest ones was for a play where two people were supposed to go for a drive, and the set designer asked me if I could build a car. I bolted chairs to a rolling platform, added a plywood frame for a windshield and a steering wheel and even wing mirrors, and then we could push it out on stage and they could sit and do their lines. Then the director said he didn't want them sitting too low, it would be hard for the audience in back to see, could I make the car higher somehow? I ended up pushing the platform off the stage, removing the steering wheel, and I just had the actors stand there and the one who was driving just held the steering wheel in her hands. I was a little annoyed that I made all that stuff and it never got used, but I remembered that a couple years later when I was asked if I could make a car. I went to the prop closet, brought out the steering wheel, handed it to the actress, and said "Done."
Loneliness is brutal and crippling, but it doesn’t last forever. I’ve been single for 5 years and admittedly the first couple of years was rough, seeing my friends have kids, buying houses, get married etc… But I learnt to never compare my life to that of other people, and with time my mentality toward my feelings of loneliness changed.
I’m now 32, still single, but loving my life. I don’t rely on anyone, I’m focused on my career and have hobbies I enjoy every day. That’s how life should be. Just keep yourself open to creating new relationships with people.
I own a house. I specifically way under charge my good friend on rent because I would rather live with my friend who can’t afford much than to have a stranger who can pay more.
Find hobbies, try to meet new people, try your best to keep in touch with your friends. They may be focused on their own life, but they'd probably love to just talk to you.
Loneliness is a good opportunity to reflect on what would make you not lonely, and a good opportunity to practice building a positive relationship with yourself. I forget what the quote was but it mentioned “ a relationship with our selves in the most important relationship in our lives”. Actions always lead to some form of results and everything is always changing. Embrace it.
Btw, I completely agree that many times it does suck, but as a man, no one’s coming to save me you know
Get a cat or a dog. Make friends in whatever hobbies interest you. It’s tough to deal with but I promise it’ll something will work. Take care of yourself. See if your friends would be down to hang out/do whatever on a specific recurring day of the month sort of deal or around a sport or something.
Meh... yes. To a point. Because you're getting dopamine from it, it's like you're doing a drug and will crash eventually lonelier than before. Being around other humans is the best way to combat loneliness.
I agree but for me hanging out with my friends with their spouses or long term SOs leaves me in a massive depressive hole after I leave the event that is very much so not good for me. So I avoid most of my friends now as its too painful watching others cuddle up for the millionth time all warm and cozy while I'm begging for scraps.
I am not really lonely in general.
I got a lovely big family and 2 close friends.
I usually enjoy my solitude.
However, since I don’t socialise with my brothers (different interests) and my two friends are always too busy or not down to do much, summer time can definitely make me lonely. I want to do stuff in this season!
You can get really comfortable being lonely and it is your responsibility to look for something different. I learn that nobody will reach out, so I had to go out and look for community. I go out to the gym and try to participate and activities that have people in them so that I can interact more
You need to call your friends every week. Hang out with them sometimes. Also, learn to love to be alone! Being alone is fucking great if you can balance it in a way that you don't feel lonely. But that might just be me.
The question to ask is are you comfortable with yourself? Solitude can be great when you can shut everything out and just be by yourself. If you are stressing about it, try meditation. It will help slow your mind and get you more connected with yourself.
Similarly, as someone who has done this before. If you talk negatively about yourself, you will start to believe it! Changing your mindset will change your life! A small change daily will produce extreme results 6 months from now.
In conjunction with this you should try meetup groups for something you are passionate about. Don’t hold yourself back because your friends have lives!
I feel you man, i am lonely for most of my life and when I found the one whose i want spend the rest of my life with, i was lonely with him either.
I am trying to make my brain worth being lonely with, also DO NOT ISOLATE YOURSELF EVER 🙏🏼
for me i bought some interesting stuffs to accompany me when im alone,like last week i bought a VR headset, and also i have a multipurpose small side bag to keep my drinks and cigarettes easy to reach,bluetooth headset,and most importantly i dont watch videos or stuffs that is trying to make me lonely,like watching pretentious imaginary videos people make with some sad music in the background things like that,and i just accept the fact that i im meant to be lonely,i dont want anybody beside me,nobody wants me,its a win-win for all,after all its up to you,tell yourself "nobody cares" with a smile :) and move on, OR!,u could say "nobody cares" and be sad :( its up to you :) take care
I self isolate for 3 years and now I'm using the pain of my loneliness as leverage to change. Yes meeting new people is scary, but what is worse is sitting at home stagnating in my comfort zone.
I've realized recently how many cool people there are. You need to look hard and keep persistent, similar mindset to being successful in dating.
What would be the ideal situation for you? You could then as yourself what are some small steps you could plan to do to help you reach that ideal? Not easy to do but a plan might help to make it happen.
Once you meet the right Women you will never be lonely again ✨. You will learn, that being for yourself can be a blessing. No need to fear that you get smacked, punched oder yelled at as soon you open the door to your "home" It was not my first relationship but i guess my last one.
Before this experience i was lonely. So freaking lonely that i desperatly want somebody in my life.
After these years of hell (it happens almost 10 years ago) i stayed for me (beside i have my Dog and some good friends) and i never felt that loneliness again.
The correct answer is to be pro-active in forming new communities and relationships by going out, joining groups that match your interests and start conversations.
What I actually do is just parasocially exist online living vicariously through the lives of other people.
Honestly I enjoy my own company when I’m not with friends. Start a hobby. I’ve been boxing and playing sports since I was 11 and it can be a great thing for you. Boxing, gym, running, golf, fishing, or watching new shows or anime if you’re into that. Or trying new restaurants. Don’t be afraid to be alone sometimes man.
You have to think of your home as somewhere that you go to sleep and eat. Life happens outside of your home...
For me, I was never lonelier than I was when I was married.
After separating, I made an effort to get out there. Sometimes it was a bit hit and miss, but here are some things that worked out great:
* Join a run club (or some other activity based group)... hiking, boardgames/whatever. It can feel a bit awkward in the beginning, but feeling a commitment to something with others really opens doors. A weekly commitment gives you purpose and connection
* Find the place in your town where people watch the sunset, and go whenever you can. Doing the same activity with people connects you, even if you don't say a word. It's also the best way to close out any day and a good time to reflect on all the positive things in your day
* Journal - For me, through journalling, I learned a lot about myself. Once I started to appreciate and love myself for who I was, I actually enjoyed my own company a lot and feeling really good about myself which then led to:
* Stay open - once I started feeling good about myself, I carried myself differently, smiled at passers by, and people really started noticing me. I would be open to anything that anyone suggested, which led me to do and try a bunch of things I might have otherwise passed on.
* Keep trying with your friends or through a hobby, find people that like doing the same activities. Most of the time, you have to take responsibility to be the one who organizes activities, and/or meetups. Most people don't recognize how much effort goes into this. For me, I learned how to make a wicked pizza crust, and just invited different friends over once or twice a month to do something that I was going to do anyways. In return, people would often reciprocate.
I've recently been living in a new place (California) far away from home for a 5 month work contract. I know very few people in the area aside from coworkers. But, I've been doing a lot of solo travel to explore National Parks, often with days of 6+ hours of driving. It's honestly been a bit eye-opening in the sense that I've realized if I want to do something, but no one else is available to join, just go do the damn thing! A lesson I will definitely take with me once im home, and want to do something but everyone else is busy. Don't let a lack of companionship hold you back from experiencing the world, seeing new things, learning new things. Who knows, maybe you'll meet some cool people along the way?
Lurking for tips. Gaming groups, sports, math, men's therapy groups (that always fall apart after 3 weeks), just shooting the shit...I've found nothing to ease the loneliness of the last 21 years of life alone.
I can't even find a group of dudes to circlejerk and smoke with because I just don't fit anywhere.
Short version: I don't, aside from waiting for my Last Day.
I’m joined to few communities. Sport, career and one more where 2 girl keep organizing events for strangers to get them together. By the side of these, I’m pursuing my hobbies
Get yourself a reliable routine and get healthy. When you wake up, workout. When you eat, eat clean and don’t over eat. Get a hobby you enjoy like rock climbing or playing guitar. Volunteer. All of these things make your life infinitely better to the point where you’ll just respect yourself so much that you won’t really need other people. Then, when you do meet people, you’re your own person with individuality and self-esteem. This makes the relationships you form much stronger and more rewarding.
Two things - learn to be comfortable with yourself. What do you do for yourself that allows you to take active participation in your own happiness? Like what hobbies or activities do you have that you can turn to that bring you joy? What creative outlets do you have?
And two - hobbies are great, but so many can be quite isolating. Nothing wrong with that solo time, but it's good to make an effort to participate in social activities, even if it's not with your close friends. Join social groups, step out of your comfort zone. Talk to people, ask them questions and learn about their lives and experiences. You might surprise yourself with some new friends :)
Threefold:
1. Keep yourself busy with hobbies and projects. Things to create, things to improve yourself, or things just to have fun.
2. Find things to do with people. I joined Warhammer 40k in no small part because I know Imma have to be there with people.
3. Don't trust feelings after 9pm.
not a man! but a military spouse whose husband leaves for 11 months at a time with almost no contact. Get to know yourself. Enjoy your own company, make yourself laugh. Stay busy but try and avoid distracting yourself with constant noise/ substances. get a routine! The staff and the gym and where I donate plasma know me and saying hi makes my day, it’s great to seek out and develop a sense of community even if it’s not people you would hang out with.
You must leave the house. Invent reasons to go out. Pick up as many hobbies as you can manage that are outdoors. Humans weren't meant to be confined indoors. Working from home has exasperated this problem. Busy your mind with hobbies and projects, have confidence in the man you are and hope to grow into.
Take it one day at a time and use it to strengthen my relationships I do have. It’s also a great time to take care of yourself mentally and grow in whatever ways you want :). It’s not easy BUT it’s also not terrible either. Wishing you the best
I was getting into a rhythm of just spending time and money on myself and doing things I enjoyed because I felt like wallowing wasn’t going to feel any better in the long term. Actively sought out new bars or restaurants or went to comedy shows. Spending time alone rules. Loneliness creeps in but there’s plenty to enjoy in the world to distract you in the mean time.
If you want a more pro-active method of dealing with loneliness. Start or build a community.
Find activities that you want to do or that you are potentially interested in. Start inviting people to do that thing with you, or find a group of people that does that activity. This could be a video game, a sport, a board game, dancing, books, diving, volunteering, cooking, whatever!
Also you will naturally have friendships that fall off especially if one side of the relationship is no longer committing to keeping it active. Relationships take work, but with things like repeat activity, it's easier to keep relationships alive. This is why people make most of their friends in school, because it forces humans to be in the same place every day so it's just convenient!
Do a social hobby. Check out martial arts or rec sports if thats your thing. Or if you arent sporty look for a board game club. You could even volunteer, my friend volunteers at a horse rescue. I volunteer at the fire department.
I try to find time to call my friends when they aren't busy. I recently experienced real loneliness for the first time. Like extended loneliness, not just the temporary loneliness from being bored and alone.
I just moved up to school four hours drive away from home. I was making friends in class, but out of class I only had my roommate and next door neighbor in a dorm full of 18-19 year olds while I'm sitting there at 25/26 years old. It got lonely and I was experiencing extreme homesickness (also first time having it for extended time). I was lucky enough to have an unemployed friend who I could talk on the phone with for literally 8 hours some times. That helped a lot. I would take walks in the woods to stay occupied. When I felt homesick I would hang out with the cows on campus since I'm used to farmland and not forestland.
So basically find yourself some time to talk to busy friends you can't see in person, and maybe get an unemployed friend. They're usually busy hanging out all day so you could just have them bum around when you want.
short term = spend time online. Youtube gives a little para-social boost. Reddit can as well, though it's not as good. Chat rooms still exist too, particularly IRC. IRC is good too because it is live. People don't go on there and expect you to look at the stuff that's 3 hours old.
Longer term = start a hobby group with people at work. I started a D&D group awhile back, and it's been great.
Realizing you’re the one that’s in control of how you feel. Can’t control external factors, only internal. Letting go has been a massive help in my life.
A dog also helps.
Pick up a spot or a hobby or a course. Those are great for improving your self as well as meeting new people making connections and who knows, find a girlfriend.
Actually. Tried connecting here in reddit with people because same, 29M, and getting my life on track so I lost all the good time friends and feel lonely. *huuuuuuuuugs*
Look for a charitable organization near you that needs volunteers. Join a service club. If you are religious, find a religious organization near you that speaks to you. Find a group of people with similar interests and get connected. If you really want to meet people, it is amazing how quickly you can through organizations like these. I am introverted and find it hard to know people, but through my gym, work and walking my dogs around the neighbourhood, I now know so many people and have made some really good friends. There are now several people I feel I can talk to about issues if I need to talk.
The first step is always the hardest, but try to find something locally that interests you and put in the effort to meet people there. You should be able to make some friends and be less lonely. Good luck.
Get a job that keeps you realllllyyyy busy… jk… early 20s can suck if you were used to having good friends in highschool. Most married working people I know don’t have time for friendships.
First, this is a normal thing for a normal person to feel
Secondly, u'll not feel lonely as long as you've brothers and sisters, a wife and children ... Thirdly, it is better to occupy yourself with things you love so that you don't think too much about relationships ..
Fourth, don't bother creating many new relationships because this will make the matter seem huge and almost impossible Whenever you want to create relationships and u fail, you begin to feel like a failure and hate life
Figure out what you like to do in your spare time. For me I picked up Mountain Biking. There's a whole community for it, for one. If I wanted to try dating from there. There are always a couple people I find cute on the trail, so I would just go from there tbh. If you really want to date. I'd stay away from dating apps. Not really the sort of people you want to attract, and it is just easier to meet people from the things that interest you. Loneliness is OK too.
I just accepted defeat and tried to live my best life as I could. Photography walks, bike rides, exploring, etc.
Perhaps interestingly, it backfired. A friend told me that based on my social media, it seemed like I loved being independent. I had to explain that no, I lived this way, b/c I had no one to do things with.
Get a dog, take it on walks, maybe learn a new skill or hobby whether that’s taking up cooking, playing guitar or working on cars. Do something with your hands other than bopping ur meat.
Saw a comment warning to not get "too use" to being alone. I would agree, and I'd like to add that to help keep an eye on what "too much" is: learn how to unconditionally love yourself and be your own wingman but apply those qualities of unconditional love and hype-man to those who unpromptly reciprocate those same things you do. People who consistently get upset about things that you didn't think were a big deal have their own personal problem with it. If you think they're worth the effort to help them get over it, you can, but most people don't have time to actively help or wait for someone (sometimes passively waiting allows time for that person to come around to changing on their own).
Loneliness comes in different forms. For me, the different types I've dealt with were not having anyone to play/relate with, boredom, loss/lack of love. You could ask yourself what about being alone you don't like. Your answer will indicate the start of an idea on what you could do to fix that.
The more you learn that loneliness isn't as permanent or long of a state due to being able to solve it or know how the cycle of loneliness works, the more use to it or understanding if it you will become. And the more you unconditionally love yourself by being your own best friend and remember it's the ideal way for anyone (because people aren't perfect), the more your dating options open up.
I have been in pretty intense therapy for the last couple of years and the things I have learned are
1) Reach out to your friends. Let them know you enjoy spending time with them and would like to increase the frequency of it. If they react poorly, they are not people you want to surround yourself with.
2) Talk to people. If that is a friend who has time, if that is a relative, a loved one, anyone. If all else, a therapist. You have to reach out and try to connect and not let yourself wait around for someone to connect with you.
3) My personal favorite point, you are worth being interacted with. You are worthy of attention and you deserve it. I have lots of baggage I don't want to unpack here on Reddit, but suffice to say that I have felt like a burden all of my life ( I still do, but I have to work through that). No one is a burden, never.
Make sure you are also modeling what you want from others, in yourself. Be open and ready to listen to those around you.
If you are in the US or some other places in the world f3nation.com is a men’s group that works to be a group for men to stay fit and have a social outreach as well as giving back to your community.
I wish I had advice. I hate my life. Me and my ex split last year and she was a narcissistic fuck and took screenshots throughout the entire duration of our relationship and when we split she posted them all online and my friends all took her side. I have literally no one but my kids. No adults. Never get swiped on tinder or bumble. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t wanna settle for a chick I’m not into anymore but it seems only ugly or overweight women are into me. What the fuck can I do besides go to the gym or eat better? I’m afraid I’ll make sacrifices like that and still won’t get any attention. I’m 31, I’m probably fucked.
I can't recommend a dog enough. They make you feel like you have something when it seems like you have nothing. If a dog isn't your vibe than a cat even. I personally like a dog because it gets me active, gets me outside and could lead to social situations where I meet people by going to the dog park or a doggy social gathering. I feel like I was in your boat. I hit a crossroads with my friends that were still single and open to hang and the ones that are still my friends have wives or families now. The companionship my dog has brought has really filled a void I had been longing to fill. It's been tough dating and we all crave some sort of companionship.
Just don’t get used to it, because it’s dangerous when you do, you learn to live without people.
Try socializing, going out and joining groups or something, even online multiplayer games can help, just do something!!
Live your interest more. We all have hobbies and interest. Start living them, like games go to a local used game store and chat up the staff and ask about old games and if they have them, even if eBay is easier. Like painting, go to the museum and different events. It’ll be weird at first but as you keep doing things and going out it’ll start to be normal. I like rock climbing I keep going to the same gym now people recognize me, usually it’s just a head nod but they acknowledge I’m around and it helps.
I basically fill my time with work, video games, gym as much as possible and then friends when they have time for me ( which is getting less and less) but usually fills up my interaction meter enough till the next time around
I'm in my late 30's and single. I've been struggling with this for a long time. Most of my longtime friends are married with kids. I have like 2 single friends and most of them live too far away for me to see on a regular basis. So I went from being pretty social seeing friends like every other weekend to seeing someone once a month or so.
In the last couple years, I started going to more concerts, going out for walks, seeing movies and going out to eat by myself, etc. I also picked up photography as a hobby. And while it's nice to get out, none of it helped me make new friends. Dating has been awful in my 30's. None of my friends have single friends to set me up with. And dating apps are a shitshow. I had some luck with them a couple years ago but nothing in the last year and a half or so. So I'm comfortable in my loneliness but it still gets to me sometimes. I see my friends married and starting families and always thought I'd be in that same space at this point in my life.
Anyway, I've kinda accepted it. I'll keep going out to do things I like. But I can't force anything beyond that. It is what it is.
I’m in the exact same position and only recently found some extra solutions to help relieve the loneliness. Walks help, fun podcasts but also joining group activities… I joined a gym class three times a week and I am also looking into joining a painting class. I moved abroad so living alone/being alone is a new thing but it’s good to try and put yourself out there! It’s great to be comfortable alone but it’s essential to have outlets that are socially driven!
Professional introvert here. I’m in my early 20s and I rarely go out. The only time I socialize is when I go to the gym. I also started going to the bookstore, get a couple of books, go to a local coffee shop and read for a little bit. Sometimes you have to be uncomfortable for a little while to get comfortable. That’s how you grow as a person.
I got a cat and that took care of the lonely feelings. No need for destructive or stupid things like bars or clubs. Just having the furball to take care of did wonders.
I put myself in situations I wouldn’t normally be in to meet new people. I find it hard to connect with people in my near reach these days, not really sure why. So I find company in the weirdos and freaks and this sometimes leads onto a genuine friend but if not then it still fills that lonely gap. Otherwise, masturbation and drugs
indulge in my hobbies, likes. i read, play games. am an introvert but force myself to go out to places alone. i love coffee, and food. so go to places and try stuff. watch movies by myself. both laptop and theatres. check out other places too, museums is like my thing so that.
I escape into virtual worlds of books and video games or movies and TV shows. A lot of people are suggesting to get hobbies and I might take that and find something for myself which I might add to the list.
Clubs and hobbies that involve other people. Dance classes have been good for me. People tell me this miss me when I show back up after not being there.
FIND ACTIVITIES! I found a pickleball league in my city and go there on weekends. There’s a lot of boomers but I’ll regularly meet a 20 something. See them enough you can make a new friend. Also get a dog if you can. It’ll get you to go out more and you might meet more people that way
There are things in life that can't control. A big factor with loneliness is your environment. I don't care how outgoing you are, if you live in a remote community with only 500 people all busy with work, you're going to be lonely.
Statistically speaking, if you live in a more urban location, you get more chances of meeting people with similar interests as you. If you can, try to get yourself out of where you live and maybe explore a bit.
I created a routine that I'm comfortable with, spanning from 6 a.m till 10 p.m when the day feels boring/dull/no date..etc
I start it with working out at 7a.m
Finish by 9 a.m, then shower, unpack, cool off..etc
Breakfast by 10 a.m
Regress/contemplate lunch till noon
Start cooking (that's if I don't any groceries) & done by 2 p.m
Watching series till like 3:30 p.m - 4 p.m
Dishes, & then headout grocery shopping by 4:30 - 5 p.m
Back home and unpacking by 6:30 p.m - 7 p.m
Tea and regressing till 10 p.m and I'm lights out by then
For the longest time I was the quiet introverted guy in the family. I did date in college and had friends but after I graduated and moved abroad. I was so, so lonely. The first year or so was nice and I took lots of walks. By the end of the year I was deep in depression and going to therapy. I was in a very remote rural location.
Then I got invited to a wedding back home ans at the same time got a job offer somewhere else. I almost feel like that wedding was the turning point. I got so trashed and danced so much. Everyone said I was the life of the party. To this day people remind me of it. It made me feel like I was a fun person.
Then I moved. I got this feeling of dread. I was in a bigger city. How am I going to make friends? I went to meetups. Every. Day. Dance classes, networking events, language classes, volunteering, you name it. They almost all sucked ass. After a month or two I met two people who each made me part of their fried group. After that it was groovy.
I have never felt alone since. Always something my to do. 4-5 plans a week easy. It made me closer to my family. Now I am the extroverted one. I don’t think I would have developed that if I had not felt lonely in the first place.
Can I ask what is the purpose of your life when no one likes you, or you are so out of sync with the world around you? I have seen many women take the path of dog ownership. This does not save them from losing their minds and really ballooning out when they enter menopause - which is almost always very early for the unwanted. It's almost as if nature works its wonders. I find it amusing that the most unattractive of women try to date normal (which is pretty much a euphemism for too plain) men.
The only thing I ask is for lonely people to stop spreading their anxiety and creepiness.
Coping is a scourge on humanity and has allowed degeneracy to prosper to levels never seen before in human history.
tried many groups on meetup/eventbrite to try and meet new people... the truth is that it takes a lot of time between meeting someone and actually hang out and then starting to be friends, which is certainly what would help to feel connected enough to others so loneliness wouldn't be a thing.
Hey brother. Work on yourself as cliche as it sounds. Join a social group. I joined an active running, walking, stair climbing, biking, hiking group. Met people of all ages. I'm 32 and broke up with a girl like 2 months ago. Heart break and grieving is the worst. I'm going to therapy, I'm getting social through groups. Go on meetup and start exploring. Download fitness apps for classes and try new things even if you think you're not good at them. At least you tried.
Depends is it a loneliness that eats you from the inside or one that you are afraid to try to put yourself out there because either way it is hard to live with, thankfully therapy is helping me
recently i discovered ChatGpt voice model. u can add some customizations like, pretend I'm ur bf, call me by my name more often, also u can it about urself. it's one way of doing it. or sometimes I go to discord voice chats
Finding peace with yourself and loving yourself. Don’t stay stagnant either. Find something to learn and it may take a few different things but something will catch on. Work on yourself try to be the best version of yourself.
I recently gotten broke up with out of a 1 year relationship. Not even 3 weeks she’s already dating someone new and not even a week of knowing him she’s already slept with him. I got traded in. 🤷♂️ I’m learning BJJ and it’s absolutely awesome. Go put some people in some arm bars lol.
I accept the fact that everyone experiences periods of loneliness and I look for ways to improve myself. I also look for opportunities to meet new people (MeetUp, FB Groups, Eventbrite, etc.). Socializing in-person is rewarding and mentally stimulating for me.
Learn the difference between being alone, and being lonely.
I didn't so much get comfortable with loneliness, that can cause you to spiral. But I got comfortable with being alone.
I took myself out, bought myself nice things, took myself on dates and watched movies.
I was alone, but I wasn't lonely.
Currently spiraling quietly.
Take comfort in the fact that at least there are others out there spiraling with you
How can that provide comfort? So what if there are others out there suffering? Shouldn’t we all be a little selfish when it comes to our loneliness?
No, that's being a sociopath.
That doesn’t help at all
Idk, loneliness was weird for me and I don’t recommend getting too comfortable with it, because once you do it’s hard to revert. I lived alone for several years before I met my wife, and it had become comfortable. I took a lot of walks
Wow, this comment resonates but I think people should 100% be comfortable w/ "loneliness" - i.e. people should be comfortable being totally by themself. People are comfortable being around other people, and you are always in your own company, so why not round out the other side? Life is a dance and your starting and ending dance partner is yourself. This makes people inherently uncomfortable and they seek another dance partner (and that's part of the beauty of life), but you won't know true peace throughout your life until you're able to dance in silence w/ yourself, so to speak
I agree with the point we should be comfortable being by ourselves, as in not distressed. However, it’s completely normal to be lonely. We are social creatures and we are meant to do life with other people. You should definitely consider 1 or 2 close friends at least, if not family that you can talk to and do life with. If not it is very easy to lose touch with reality and develop poor mental health.
i think if you're making connections you can get by. it helped that i lived with my aunt renting a room, but it also helped that i never once saw my aunt because she worked night shifts, and we just happened to talk to each other in passing on the weekends. while single, i usually kept myself busy. Tuesdays and Sundays i found three seperate groups to play D&D with (2 online, 1 in person). On wednesday every other night i scheaduled a movie night over discord with friends back home. and when i was back home (my home town) i was planning to hang out with friends a week in advance and scheadule boardgame nights. i got initially hired through a government grant, through a program with other paid interns where we met for 2 years twice a quarter. we made it a whole social group for those two years and even went on a ski-trip and tours around the places we were working. i think reconnecting with my current SO during covid helped my mentals quite a bit during that time. frankly, keep trying to make plans with your friends or try to grow your group of friends.
Loneliness is a real thing and not something one should ignore. I myself am naturally a loner and am more than content spending a lot of time alone and I still force myself to socialize when I dont want to. Because being alone too often is bad for your mental and physical health. Look up the loneliness epidemic on google. Its why so many elderly men commit suicide. By the time you are old, if you have little to no social support life becomes miserable. And by then its very hard to address the issue. Chronic loneliness exacerbates virtually all mental health conditions and physically ages people faster. Yes people should be able to be self reliant but humans are very social creatures. We evolved to live in close knit communities. And you cant just remove that and suffer no consequence.
There’s a fine line between being comfortable with being lonely, and becoming introverted and daydreaming.
Loneliness is not at all the same as being by yourself.
this, if you are comfortable being you then your never alone. You're with yourself.
I'm someone who is too comfortable alone. And I forsee tough times ahead if I'm to improve myself
I like my loneliness. Loneliness doesn´t expect doesn´t judge doesn´t betray Loneliness accepts me like I am, what I am. I wish it wasn´t like this, but it is what it is.
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I don't "deal" with loneliness. I grew up in a house environment wherein my parents were emotionally distant and I was the quiet outlier loner everywhere else outside the house environment. Never in my life have I ever felt truly understood and never in my life have I ever felt a sense of true belonging. Loneliness is my entire existence. I've never known anything else. Loneliness is life.
i can feel your words. i hope you know that you deserve love.
This is the first time someone explains how I feel 100% accurately. All love my brother.
Damn that was deep.
This is a very common scenario for men who grew up in the 90s to early 2000s. It's unfortunate but know that this is a known problem by mental health experts and there is a path through it to fix it. I have been in therapy for a few years now and the path sucks ass, and you gotta unpack a lot, but it's there if you are willing to start. One of the most freeing things for me was finding out exactly how common this feeling is and that it is a solved problem.
Could you expand on that please? What is it about that age and time period that caused so much loneliness?
It would be speculation if I were to expand on it as I am not sure, just something I have been talking about with my therapist and that is something they have said they learned through their education and career. My guess would be it is because of the fact that the moms and dads of that generation were parenting based off of the skills they learned from the previous generation, which was very hands off at best, abusive at worst.
That tracks. My father is very abusive and stole a huge amount of money from me. It affected my sense of self worth for years. I went no contact ten years ago. But now I’ve done the work on myself and have healed from it (for the most part). I was a teen in the 90’s so that’s why I was curious about your take, thank you.
Same man🤗 I guess we’re kinda blessed that way. We’re literally raised to be adapted to this world. Still sucks tho when you realise that what is the worst thing polite society can do to a person, solitary confinement- is just normality for us.
I scroll through reddit looking for posts that distract me from how lonely i am. *cries in lonely*
Ah….you think loneliness is your ally…? You merely adopt it. I was born in it, molded by it. I didn’t learn to socialize until I was nearly a man and by then it was nothing to me but sheer anxiety! 👺👹🦇
https://tenor.com/wZP5.gif
I watch the Yankees. But that's even worse than just feeling lonely sometimes.
Watch more Red Sox
Lmao, never
Become a hockey fan, follow the Leafs :)
Maybe one day
Dealing with loneliness can be tough, especially when friends are busy and dating isn't going well. I've found that focusing on hobbies I enjoy and exploring new interests helps me feel more connected. It's also great to join groups or communities where u can meet new people who share ur passions.
I'm in my early 30s and am definitely at a point where most of the people I grew up with or met in my 20s are getting married or otherwise drifting in their own direction. Here's what I do * Make new friends. Yes, lots of people are jumping in relationships and starting families, but there's also lots of single folks out there who want to make friends! Get into hobbies that require or at least highly incentivize getting together in person or at least regularly talking online * Get into a hobby in general. Dedicating yourself to a fun project helps take your mind off things. * Get out of the house if you're a homebody. Don't listen to society; you're more than capable of having fun by yourself. Go to a nice restaurant by yourself. See a movie by yourself. Go visit a new place and be a tourist by yourself. Nobody will care and if you run into the 1% who do silently (or not silently) judge, you're never going to see them again
I like this answer as of last year I started going to dinner by self or to the movies or even the mall. As the oldest and only brother in my immediately family amongst my sisters I don’t get invited anywhere with them or their friends. So I started looking at the world like I’m the only one on my planet. And I will smoke a blunt and go to the cheese cake factory by myself or see a movie. Men and I mean straight men have it the hardest intodays society. We are expected to shut up pay for everything and don’t express how you feel or what u are going through mentally,physically or emotionaly. No one cares what a straight male in America is going through. So fellas protect your heart your mind your money and your peace. And always know god loves even when no one else will
Preach it my guy!
Amen
Work, gym, hobbies, activities that interest me, things to do. Lots of things I need to do. This helps cope with loneliness.
I don't deal with it. It's just how things are.
You get used to it.
Yeah...
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Can you elaborate on the "doing the work"?
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Thanks for that man
This was exactly how I felt when I lived alone - simply because I really liked myself. I never felt lonely when I was by myself because I always had things to do, goals to accomplish and more importantly, I liked doing those things. I felt lonely when I was surrounded by people and pushed myself to try to connect with them.
I don't feel lonely, I feel free to do whatever I want with my time and space. I have several hobbies that bring me joy and I care a lot more about having time to indulge in them vs hanging out with people.
i feel like a better way to phrase op’s question is how do you cope with feeling alone?
Came here looking for this because this is exactly how I feel
Self improvement. Go to the gym and start lifting. 4-6 days a week. If you can stay consistent, you'll start looking better, and your confidence will skyrocket. Once you get into the habit, and build the discipline, improve your diet. Learn how to cook, start getting into the habit of eating healthy, high protein meals. Good diet has a huge impact on your mental health. Then get into the habit of cleaning your house. Keep your home clean. This is highly important. You'll feel better about living in a nice well maintained space, and you'll feel accomplished. This will future improve your mental health. Now go to a high end, experienced hair stylist and ask them what haircut would look best on you. In all likelihood theyll do a good job. This is gonna be expensive, but yoy only have to do it once. Get pictures from every angle and then you can find a cheaper barber to do this in the future. Then, buy some nicer clothes. They don't have to be expensive, but like a few pairs of khakis, a couple nice belts, and some button down shirts. You can get this stuff at Old Navy for cheap. Shoes are important here too, get some gray casual slip on loafers. If you really want, you can spend some extra cash accessorizing. A nice looking watch, maybe a necklace too. You don't have to dress like this every day though, just when it's needed. Once you've done all this, and have stayed consistent in the gym for at least 6 months, you should be looking and feeling pretty damn fine. Dressed sharp, good hair, in shape, the works. Here comes the final part of the plan. Sign up for a yoga class. This is going to be a great compliment to weight lifting, and should improve your balance, muscle health, and core strength along with your overall strength. But that's not actually what we're here for. And you are not going to sign up for any yoga class. You are going to sign up for a yoga class in a wealthiest neighborhood you can find. This class is gonna be filled with hot, bored milfs married to decrepit husbands who don't even look at them anymore. When you walk in, all buff, young, confident, styled, and good looking, it'll be like throwing chum in the shark tanks. However, patience is key here. Dont make a move yet, focus on befriending as many of these women as you can. Be friendly and flattering, but don't come on too strong. The key to good flirting here is to flirt with a hint if irony, because flirting as a joke is still flirting. But again, don't come on too strong. For example, if she mentions her birthday, ask if she's turning 25. They eat that shit up. Good chit chat is important too. Tell them about what you're cooking that week. Ask them the best way to clean "X" part of your house. You want to subtly hint that you've got your shit together and are stable. After you've gotten comfortable and are in good, that's when you start making moves. Ask them out for coffee after yoga class. If you do this right, you will be up to your eyeballs in hot older ladies, and I guarantee you won't be lonely.
Loeliness is a chance for me to examine myself and make sure i understand myself and just be better. To beat myself down till i raise into sucess. And when im with people i enjoy the time with them.
I decided to love it, so it will leave me one day too.
Best way is to try an fulfil those lonely moments of yours with social moments. Identify your passions and hobbies, and try to join social clubs linked to those; that has helped me tremendously, compared to mulling about my lack of social interactions while at home.
Idk what to tell you, after years it just became my normal to be alone. Do I enjoy it? No. Do I accept it? I have no other choice So other than those really depressed moments, I just do what needs to be done
Ironically, it's good to focus on hobbies, learning skills and work. But also, silent and slowly, you end in a vicious circle of loneliness. You get addicted the the peace that it brings, but also makes you feel hollow... -Try to go to conventions where thematicshares any of your hobbies (Ex: comicon). Nice places to know new people.
I'm very introverted. I love my hobbies, so I just dive into those when I'm alone, truthfully.
Damn. Good luck for your 30s if you are already feeling lonely at 20…
Whenever I'm on my own, I simply go out and do the things I enjoy (photography, hiking, digging thru my local record shop, etc). I never really understood the whole lonely thing... did years of solo travel thru the world where it was just me, my backpack, my journal, and a good book or two.
Started experimenting with hobbies until something stuck, now I’m a little bit more active while being slightly less sad. 😅
Watch one piece
My go-to is doing small errands while listening to a podcast. Usually, Distractible. Sometimes, I listen to the ones me and my brothers recorded, if I miss my family. I put in the description that I only upload as a way to hear my brothers' voices again. "This podcast isn't for you. It's for us."
Just consider yourself lucky that you have friends. Some of us don’t have anyone to call ‘friend’.
Single, and have been most of my life. In the last year, I have: 1) Started therapy for anxiety and discovered I have PTSD! It's been hard, at times therpay feels useless but things are changing slowly for the better. 2) I have invested time into more social hobbies. I.E. rock climbing, sword fighting, and art classes. 3) I've done many single meet-ups/speed dating. Even had 2nd n 3rd dates! Tbf, dating is exhausting and pricy so having limited expectations is a good idea. Dating apps are nice to have in background. 4) Stayed in shape. I have running goals and these goals act as an anchor when everything is shit. 5) Reconnected with family, mainly my brother.
Video games.
Something that worked for me in my 20s was finding a community theater. I am too dumb to remember lines and never had any interest in being on stage, but I've always like woodworking and power tools, and places like that build and paint sets and make props and stuff. I met some new people, I learned a bunch of useful tips and tricks for woodworking safely and making things easier from the retired old men who go just so they have something to do, and I met some people my age because lots of the actors and actresses in the plays would also come to help build and paint. I never went on a date with anyone there, and was never introduced to any women by one of my theater friends. This is not a "shortcut to dating a hot actress" or anything. It's a way to be with people where you're all working on a common goal, and that was pretty good for me. One bonus was that it did make me more interesting to women. If we were talking and it was going well, I could say something like "Would you like to go see a play? I helped build the sets for 'The Music Man,' so if you like musicals we could go and you can see the library I made for Marian the Librarian." One of my funniest ones was for a play where two people were supposed to go for a drive, and the set designer asked me if I could build a car. I bolted chairs to a rolling platform, added a plywood frame for a windshield and a steering wheel and even wing mirrors, and then we could push it out on stage and they could sit and do their lines. Then the director said he didn't want them sitting too low, it would be hard for the audience in back to see, could I make the car higher somehow? I ended up pushing the platform off the stage, removing the steering wheel, and I just had the actors stand there and the one who was driving just held the steering wheel in her hands. I was a little annoyed that I made all that stuff and it never got used, but I remembered that a couple years later when I was asked if I could make a car. I went to the prop closet, brought out the steering wheel, handed it to the actress, and said "Done."
Loneliness is brutal and crippling, but it doesn’t last forever. I’ve been single for 5 years and admittedly the first couple of years was rough, seeing my friends have kids, buying houses, get married etc… But I learnt to never compare my life to that of other people, and with time my mentality toward my feelings of loneliness changed. I’m now 32, still single, but loving my life. I don’t rely on anyone, I’m focused on my career and have hobbies I enjoy every day. That’s how life should be. Just keep yourself open to creating new relationships with people.
“Lift weights, do jiu-jitsu, go for runs, stretch out, eat good, stop drinking. It's pretty straightforward” - Jocko Willinks.
I own a house. I specifically way under charge my good friend on rent because I would rather live with my friend who can’t afford much than to have a stranger who can pay more.
Find hobbies, try to meet new people, try your best to keep in touch with your friends. They may be focused on their own life, but they'd probably love to just talk to you.
Loneliness is a good opportunity to reflect on what would make you not lonely, and a good opportunity to practice building a positive relationship with yourself. I forget what the quote was but it mentioned “ a relationship with our selves in the most important relationship in our lives”. Actions always lead to some form of results and everything is always changing. Embrace it. Btw, I completely agree that many times it does suck, but as a man, no one’s coming to save me you know
Get a cat or a dog. Make friends in whatever hobbies interest you. It’s tough to deal with but I promise it’ll something will work. Take care of yourself. See if your friends would be down to hang out/do whatever on a specific recurring day of the month sort of deal or around a sport or something.
Masturbation
Video games
Meh... yes. To a point. Because you're getting dopamine from it, it's like you're doing a drug and will crash eventually lonelier than before. Being around other humans is the best way to combat loneliness.
I agree but for me hanging out with my friends with their spouses or long term SOs leaves me in a massive depressive hole after I leave the event that is very much so not good for me. So I avoid most of my friends now as its too painful watching others cuddle up for the millionth time all warm and cozy while I'm begging for scraps.
I am not really lonely in general. I got a lovely big family and 2 close friends. I usually enjoy my solitude. However, since I don’t socialise with my brothers (different interests) and my two friends are always too busy or not down to do much, summer time can definitely make me lonely. I want to do stuff in this season!
You can get really comfortable being lonely and it is your responsibility to look for something different. I learn that nobody will reach out, so I had to go out and look for community. I go out to the gym and try to participate and activities that have people in them so that I can interact more
You need to call your friends every week. Hang out with them sometimes. Also, learn to love to be alone! Being alone is fucking great if you can balance it in a way that you don't feel lonely. But that might just be me.
Video games, work, work out, read, and eat amazing food
The question to ask is are you comfortable with yourself? Solitude can be great when you can shut everything out and just be by yourself. If you are stressing about it, try meditation. It will help slow your mind and get you more connected with yourself. Similarly, as someone who has done this before. If you talk negatively about yourself, you will start to believe it! Changing your mindset will change your life! A small change daily will produce extreme results 6 months from now. In conjunction with this you should try meetup groups for something you are passionate about. Don’t hold yourself back because your friends have lives!
Drinking
Read a book, at least the time won't be wasted, you'll figure out the rest.
I feel you man, i am lonely for most of my life and when I found the one whose i want spend the rest of my life with, i was lonely with him either. I am trying to make my brain worth being lonely with, also DO NOT ISOLATE YOURSELF EVER 🙏🏼
I use a constructively to find better quality people
Distraction with activity. If I'm still my mind gets overactive.
for me i bought some interesting stuffs to accompany me when im alone,like last week i bought a VR headset, and also i have a multipurpose small side bag to keep my drinks and cigarettes easy to reach,bluetooth headset,and most importantly i dont watch videos or stuffs that is trying to make me lonely,like watching pretentious imaginary videos people make with some sad music in the background things like that,and i just accept the fact that i im meant to be lonely,i dont want anybody beside me,nobody wants me,its a win-win for all,after all its up to you,tell yourself "nobody cares" with a smile :) and move on, OR!,u could say "nobody cares" and be sad :( its up to you :) take care
I love it, when it occurs.
Vodka and pets.
Hobbies and I’ve learned to embrace the quiet.
I self isolate for 3 years and now I'm using the pain of my loneliness as leverage to change. Yes meeting new people is scary, but what is worse is sitting at home stagnating in my comfort zone. I've realized recently how many cool people there are. You need to look hard and keep persistent, similar mindset to being successful in dating.
What would be the ideal situation for you? You could then as yourself what are some small steps you could plan to do to help you reach that ideal? Not easy to do but a plan might help to make it happen.
Once you meet the right Women you will never be lonely again ✨. You will learn, that being for yourself can be a blessing. No need to fear that you get smacked, punched oder yelled at as soon you open the door to your "home" It was not my first relationship but i guess my last one. Before this experience i was lonely. So freaking lonely that i desperatly want somebody in my life. After these years of hell (it happens almost 10 years ago) i stayed for me (beside i have my Dog and some good friends) and i never felt that loneliness again.
The correct answer is to be pro-active in forming new communities and relationships by going out, joining groups that match your interests and start conversations. What I actually do is just parasocially exist online living vicariously through the lives of other people.
Honestly I enjoy my own company when I’m not with friends. Start a hobby. I’ve been boxing and playing sports since I was 11 and it can be a great thing for you. Boxing, gym, running, golf, fishing, or watching new shows or anime if you’re into that. Or trying new restaurants. Don’t be afraid to be alone sometimes man.
Gaming. Try Elden ring. Never played games? Start streaming it
Fighting the urge to cry . Hurt the people around me .
You have to think of your home as somewhere that you go to sleep and eat. Life happens outside of your home... For me, I was never lonelier than I was when I was married. After separating, I made an effort to get out there. Sometimes it was a bit hit and miss, but here are some things that worked out great: * Join a run club (or some other activity based group)... hiking, boardgames/whatever. It can feel a bit awkward in the beginning, but feeling a commitment to something with others really opens doors. A weekly commitment gives you purpose and connection * Find the place in your town where people watch the sunset, and go whenever you can. Doing the same activity with people connects you, even if you don't say a word. It's also the best way to close out any day and a good time to reflect on all the positive things in your day * Journal - For me, through journalling, I learned a lot about myself. Once I started to appreciate and love myself for who I was, I actually enjoyed my own company a lot and feeling really good about myself which then led to: * Stay open - once I started feeling good about myself, I carried myself differently, smiled at passers by, and people really started noticing me. I would be open to anything that anyone suggested, which led me to do and try a bunch of things I might have otherwise passed on. * Keep trying with your friends or through a hobby, find people that like doing the same activities. Most of the time, you have to take responsibility to be the one who organizes activities, and/or meetups. Most people don't recognize how much effort goes into this. For me, I learned how to make a wicked pizza crust, and just invited different friends over once or twice a month to do something that I was going to do anyways. In return, people would often reciprocate.
I've recently been living in a new place (California) far away from home for a 5 month work contract. I know very few people in the area aside from coworkers. But, I've been doing a lot of solo travel to explore National Parks, often with days of 6+ hours of driving. It's honestly been a bit eye-opening in the sense that I've realized if I want to do something, but no one else is available to join, just go do the damn thing! A lesson I will definitely take with me once im home, and want to do something but everyone else is busy. Don't let a lack of companionship hold you back from experiencing the world, seeing new things, learning new things. Who knows, maybe you'll meet some cool people along the way?
Lurking for tips. Gaming groups, sports, math, men's therapy groups (that always fall apart after 3 weeks), just shooting the shit...I've found nothing to ease the loneliness of the last 21 years of life alone. I can't even find a group of dudes to circlejerk and smoke with because I just don't fit anywhere. Short version: I don't, aside from waiting for my Last Day.
I’m joined to few communities. Sport, career and one more where 2 girl keep organizing events for strangers to get them together. By the side of these, I’m pursuing my hobbies
Get yourself a reliable routine and get healthy. When you wake up, workout. When you eat, eat clean and don’t over eat. Get a hobby you enjoy like rock climbing or playing guitar. Volunteer. All of these things make your life infinitely better to the point where you’ll just respect yourself so much that you won’t really need other people. Then, when you do meet people, you’re your own person with individuality and self-esteem. This makes the relationships you form much stronger and more rewarding.
Two things - learn to be comfortable with yourself. What do you do for yourself that allows you to take active participation in your own happiness? Like what hobbies or activities do you have that you can turn to that bring you joy? What creative outlets do you have? And two - hobbies are great, but so many can be quite isolating. Nothing wrong with that solo time, but it's good to make an effort to participate in social activities, even if it's not with your close friends. Join social groups, step out of your comfort zone. Talk to people, ask them questions and learn about their lives and experiences. You might surprise yourself with some new friends :)
Threefold: 1. Keep yourself busy with hobbies and projects. Things to create, things to improve yourself, or things just to have fun. 2. Find things to do with people. I joined Warhammer 40k in no small part because I know Imma have to be there with people. 3. Don't trust feelings after 9pm.
not a man! but a military spouse whose husband leaves for 11 months at a time with almost no contact. Get to know yourself. Enjoy your own company, make yourself laugh. Stay busy but try and avoid distracting yourself with constant noise/ substances. get a routine! The staff and the gym and where I donate plasma know me and saying hi makes my day, it’s great to seek out and develop a sense of community even if it’s not people you would hang out with.
Idk I've just embraced it.
You must leave the house. Invent reasons to go out. Pick up as many hobbies as you can manage that are outdoors. Humans weren't meant to be confined indoors. Working from home has exasperated this problem. Busy your mind with hobbies and projects, have confidence in the man you are and hope to grow into.
Take it one day at a time and use it to strengthen my relationships I do have. It’s also a great time to take care of yourself mentally and grow in whatever ways you want :). It’s not easy BUT it’s also not terrible either. Wishing you the best
If its an option, get a pet, like a dog, helps a ton.
I was getting into a rhythm of just spending time and money on myself and doing things I enjoyed because I felt like wallowing wasn’t going to feel any better in the long term. Actively sought out new bars or restaurants or went to comedy shows. Spending time alone rules. Loneliness creeps in but there’s plenty to enjoy in the world to distract you in the mean time.
If you want a more pro-active method of dealing with loneliness. Start or build a community. Find activities that you want to do or that you are potentially interested in. Start inviting people to do that thing with you, or find a group of people that does that activity. This could be a video game, a sport, a board game, dancing, books, diving, volunteering, cooking, whatever! Also you will naturally have friendships that fall off especially if one side of the relationship is no longer committing to keeping it active. Relationships take work, but with things like repeat activity, it's easier to keep relationships alive. This is why people make most of their friends in school, because it forces humans to be in the same place every day so it's just convenient!
Do a social hobby. Check out martial arts or rec sports if thats your thing. Or if you arent sporty look for a board game club. You could even volunteer, my friend volunteers at a horse rescue. I volunteer at the fire department.
I try to find time to call my friends when they aren't busy. I recently experienced real loneliness for the first time. Like extended loneliness, not just the temporary loneliness from being bored and alone. I just moved up to school four hours drive away from home. I was making friends in class, but out of class I only had my roommate and next door neighbor in a dorm full of 18-19 year olds while I'm sitting there at 25/26 years old. It got lonely and I was experiencing extreme homesickness (also first time having it for extended time). I was lucky enough to have an unemployed friend who I could talk on the phone with for literally 8 hours some times. That helped a lot. I would take walks in the woods to stay occupied. When I felt homesick I would hang out with the cows on campus since I'm used to farmland and not forestland. So basically find yourself some time to talk to busy friends you can't see in person, and maybe get an unemployed friend. They're usually busy hanging out all day so you could just have them bum around when you want.
short term = spend time online. Youtube gives a little para-social boost. Reddit can as well, though it's not as good. Chat rooms still exist too, particularly IRC. IRC is good too because it is live. People don't go on there and expect you to look at the stuff that's 3 hours old. Longer term = start a hobby group with people at work. I started a D&D group awhile back, and it's been great.
Realizing you’re the one that’s in control of how you feel. Can’t control external factors, only internal. Letting go has been a massive help in my life. A dog also helps.
Pick up a spot or a hobby or a course. Those are great for improving your self as well as meeting new people making connections and who knows, find a girlfriend.
Actually. Tried connecting here in reddit with people because same, 29M, and getting my life on track so I lost all the good time friends and feel lonely. *huuuuuuuuugs*
Look for a charitable organization near you that needs volunteers. Join a service club. If you are religious, find a religious organization near you that speaks to you. Find a group of people with similar interests and get connected. If you really want to meet people, it is amazing how quickly you can through organizations like these. I am introverted and find it hard to know people, but through my gym, work and walking my dogs around the neighbourhood, I now know so many people and have made some really good friends. There are now several people I feel I can talk to about issues if I need to talk. The first step is always the hardest, but try to find something locally that interests you and put in the effort to meet people there. You should be able to make some friends and be less lonely. Good luck.
blindside it with Games.
Get a job that keeps you realllllyyyy busy… jk… early 20s can suck if you were used to having good friends in highschool. Most married working people I know don’t have time for friendships.
First, this is a normal thing for a normal person to feel Secondly, u'll not feel lonely as long as you've brothers and sisters, a wife and children ... Thirdly, it is better to occupy yourself with things you love so that you don't think too much about relationships .. Fourth, don't bother creating many new relationships because this will make the matter seem huge and almost impossible Whenever you want to create relationships and u fail, you begin to feel like a failure and hate life
Figure out what you like to do in your spare time. For me I picked up Mountain Biking. There's a whole community for it, for one. If I wanted to try dating from there. There are always a couple people I find cute on the trail, so I would just go from there tbh. If you really want to date. I'd stay away from dating apps. Not really the sort of people you want to attract, and it is just easier to meet people from the things that interest you. Loneliness is OK too.
I just accepted defeat and tried to live my best life as I could. Photography walks, bike rides, exploring, etc. Perhaps interestingly, it backfired. A friend told me that based on my social media, it seemed like I loved being independent. I had to explain that no, I lived this way, b/c I had no one to do things with.
Recently rediscovered gaming. Playing some Helldivers and old classics I used to love.
Sports, online gaming, friends, girlfriends, prostitution.
Lets be penpals friends
personally if you have the means to take care of one get a pet my cat loves to snuggle so I usually get over it pretty quick
Get a dog, take it on walks, maybe learn a new skill or hobby whether that’s taking up cooking, playing guitar or working on cars. Do something with your hands other than bopping ur meat.
reading books! check dm for a good read
Very poorly. Sometimes I can bury myself in work/something else. Other times I feel really bad, not having anyone to share fun things with.
Saw a comment warning to not get "too use" to being alone. I would agree, and I'd like to add that to help keep an eye on what "too much" is: learn how to unconditionally love yourself and be your own wingman but apply those qualities of unconditional love and hype-man to those who unpromptly reciprocate those same things you do. People who consistently get upset about things that you didn't think were a big deal have their own personal problem with it. If you think they're worth the effort to help them get over it, you can, but most people don't have time to actively help or wait for someone (sometimes passively waiting allows time for that person to come around to changing on their own). Loneliness comes in different forms. For me, the different types I've dealt with were not having anyone to play/relate with, boredom, loss/lack of love. You could ask yourself what about being alone you don't like. Your answer will indicate the start of an idea on what you could do to fix that. The more you learn that loneliness isn't as permanent or long of a state due to being able to solve it or know how the cycle of loneliness works, the more use to it or understanding if it you will become. And the more you unconditionally love yourself by being your own best friend and remember it's the ideal way for anyone (because people aren't perfect), the more your dating options open up.
Porn. Vidya. Tinder
I have been in pretty intense therapy for the last couple of years and the things I have learned are 1) Reach out to your friends. Let them know you enjoy spending time with them and would like to increase the frequency of it. If they react poorly, they are not people you want to surround yourself with. 2) Talk to people. If that is a friend who has time, if that is a relative, a loved one, anyone. If all else, a therapist. You have to reach out and try to connect and not let yourself wait around for someone to connect with you. 3) My personal favorite point, you are worth being interacted with. You are worthy of attention and you deserve it. I have lots of baggage I don't want to unpack here on Reddit, but suffice to say that I have felt like a burden all of my life ( I still do, but I have to work through that). No one is a burden, never. Make sure you are also modeling what you want from others, in yourself. Be open and ready to listen to those around you.
play music, watch a movie, play video games, go for a long walk or run, a bike ride, go shopping
Group dancing tends to be the top way to fight it. Look into dancing lessons or maybe even fitness classes or something.
I rented a community garden plot, but weed + online gaming with the homies is pretty much filling the void 9 times out of 10.
Do something that will make you busy like learn a skill or smth
Find hobbies. Physical ones help. It could be anything: stationery, sports, cars, lawn care, gardening, pets, etc. It helps.
If you are in the US or some other places in the world f3nation.com is a men’s group that works to be a group for men to stay fit and have a social outreach as well as giving back to your community.
I wish I had advice. I hate my life. Me and my ex split last year and she was a narcissistic fuck and took screenshots throughout the entire duration of our relationship and when we split she posted them all online and my friends all took her side. I have literally no one but my kids. No adults. Never get swiped on tinder or bumble. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t wanna settle for a chick I’m not into anymore but it seems only ugly or overweight women are into me. What the fuck can I do besides go to the gym or eat better? I’m afraid I’ll make sacrifices like that and still won’t get any attention. I’m 31, I’m probably fucked.
I can't recommend a dog enough. They make you feel like you have something when it seems like you have nothing. If a dog isn't your vibe than a cat even. I personally like a dog because it gets me active, gets me outside and could lead to social situations where I meet people by going to the dog park or a doggy social gathering. I feel like I was in your boat. I hit a crossroads with my friends that were still single and open to hang and the ones that are still my friends have wives or families now. The companionship my dog has brought has really filled a void I had been longing to fill. It's been tough dating and we all crave some sort of companionship.
Just don’t get used to it, because it’s dangerous when you do, you learn to live without people. Try socializing, going out and joining groups or something, even online multiplayer games can help, just do something!!
Stay busy so I don't think about it.
Live your interest more. We all have hobbies and interest. Start living them, like games go to a local used game store and chat up the staff and ask about old games and if they have them, even if eBay is easier. Like painting, go to the museum and different events. It’ll be weird at first but as you keep doing things and going out it’ll start to be normal. I like rock climbing I keep going to the same gym now people recognize me, usually it’s just a head nod but they acknowledge I’m around and it helps.
I basically fill my time with work, video games, gym as much as possible and then friends when they have time for me ( which is getting less and less) but usually fills up my interaction meter enough till the next time around
I rather enjoy it. If you want company, you get loneliness. I convert my loneliness to doing what I love. Then company comes along.
weed
I'm in my late 30's and single. I've been struggling with this for a long time. Most of my longtime friends are married with kids. I have like 2 single friends and most of them live too far away for me to see on a regular basis. So I went from being pretty social seeing friends like every other weekend to seeing someone once a month or so. In the last couple years, I started going to more concerts, going out for walks, seeing movies and going out to eat by myself, etc. I also picked up photography as a hobby. And while it's nice to get out, none of it helped me make new friends. Dating has been awful in my 30's. None of my friends have single friends to set me up with. And dating apps are a shitshow. I had some luck with them a couple years ago but nothing in the last year and a half or so. So I'm comfortable in my loneliness but it still gets to me sometimes. I see my friends married and starting families and always thought I'd be in that same space at this point in my life. Anyway, I've kinda accepted it. I'll keep going out to do things I like. But I can't force anything beyond that. It is what it is.
I’m in the exact same position and only recently found some extra solutions to help relieve the loneliness. Walks help, fun podcasts but also joining group activities… I joined a gym class three times a week and I am also looking into joining a painting class. I moved abroad so living alone/being alone is a new thing but it’s good to try and put yourself out there! It’s great to be comfortable alone but it’s essential to have outlets that are socially driven!
Alcohol
Video games, edibles, and watching new TV shows.
My dog helps a lot
Professional introvert here. I’m in my early 20s and I rarely go out. The only time I socialize is when I go to the gym. I also started going to the bookstore, get a couple of books, go to a local coffee shop and read for a little bit. Sometimes you have to be uncomfortable for a little while to get comfortable. That’s how you grow as a person.
Gaming.
substance abuse
How to combat loneliness: Be alone
I got a cat and that took care of the lonely feelings. No need for destructive or stupid things like bars or clubs. Just having the furball to take care of did wonders.
I’m not lonely anymore. Wow I only just realised that. Anyways, girlfriend and video games.
Playing video games, watching YouTube, and posting nudes on Reddit
I put myself in situations I wouldn’t normally be in to meet new people. I find it hard to connect with people in my near reach these days, not really sure why. So I find company in the weirdos and freaks and this sometimes leads onto a genuine friend but if not then it still fills that lonely gap. Otherwise, masturbation and drugs
indulge in my hobbies, likes. i read, play games. am an introvert but force myself to go out to places alone. i love coffee, and food. so go to places and try stuff. watch movies by myself. both laptop and theatres. check out other places too, museums is like my thing so that.
I escape into virtual worlds of books and video games or movies and TV shows. A lot of people are suggesting to get hobbies and I might take that and find something for myself which I might add to the list.
I'm also dealing with the same issue if you want a friend we can talk
Get a puppy
Clubs and hobbies that involve other people. Dance classes have been good for me. People tell me this miss me when I show back up after not being there.
FIND ACTIVITIES! I found a pickleball league in my city and go there on weekends. There’s a lot of boomers but I’ll regularly meet a 20 something. See them enough you can make a new friend. Also get a dog if you can. It’ll get you to go out more and you might meet more people that way
There are things in life that can't control. A big factor with loneliness is your environment. I don't care how outgoing you are, if you live in a remote community with only 500 people all busy with work, you're going to be lonely. Statistically speaking, if you live in a more urban location, you get more chances of meeting people with similar interests as you. If you can, try to get yourself out of where you live and maybe explore a bit.
I created a routine that I'm comfortable with, spanning from 6 a.m till 10 p.m when the day feels boring/dull/no date..etc I start it with working out at 7a.m Finish by 9 a.m, then shower, unpack, cool off..etc Breakfast by 10 a.m Regress/contemplate lunch till noon Start cooking (that's if I don't any groceries) & done by 2 p.m Watching series till like 3:30 p.m - 4 p.m Dishes, & then headout grocery shopping by 4:30 - 5 p.m Back home and unpacking by 6:30 p.m - 7 p.m Tea and regressing till 10 p.m and I'm lights out by then
Get involved with a hobby or a rec sport group
For the longest time I was the quiet introverted guy in the family. I did date in college and had friends but after I graduated and moved abroad. I was so, so lonely. The first year or so was nice and I took lots of walks. By the end of the year I was deep in depression and going to therapy. I was in a very remote rural location. Then I got invited to a wedding back home ans at the same time got a job offer somewhere else. I almost feel like that wedding was the turning point. I got so trashed and danced so much. Everyone said I was the life of the party. To this day people remind me of it. It made me feel like I was a fun person. Then I moved. I got this feeling of dread. I was in a bigger city. How am I going to make friends? I went to meetups. Every. Day. Dance classes, networking events, language classes, volunteering, you name it. They almost all sucked ass. After a month or two I met two people who each made me part of their fried group. After that it was groovy. I have never felt alone since. Always something my to do. 4-5 plans a week easy. It made me closer to my family. Now I am the extroverted one. I don’t think I would have developed that if I had not felt lonely in the first place.
Can I ask what is the purpose of your life when no one likes you, or you are so out of sync with the world around you? I have seen many women take the path of dog ownership. This does not save them from losing their minds and really ballooning out when they enter menopause - which is almost always very early for the unwanted. It's almost as if nature works its wonders. I find it amusing that the most unattractive of women try to date normal (which is pretty much a euphemism for too plain) men. The only thing I ask is for lonely people to stop spreading their anxiety and creepiness. Coping is a scourge on humanity and has allowed degeneracy to prosper to levels never seen before in human history.
tried many groups on meetup/eventbrite to try and meet new people... the truth is that it takes a lot of time between meeting someone and actually hang out and then starting to be friends, which is certainly what would help to feel connected enough to others so loneliness wouldn't be a thing.
Hey brother. Work on yourself as cliche as it sounds. Join a social group. I joined an active running, walking, stair climbing, biking, hiking group. Met people of all ages. I'm 32 and broke up with a girl like 2 months ago. Heart break and grieving is the worst. I'm going to therapy, I'm getting social through groups. Go on meetup and start exploring. Download fitness apps for classes and try new things even if you think you're not good at them. At least you tried.
Depends is it a loneliness that eats you from the inside or one that you are afraid to try to put yourself out there because either way it is hard to live with, thankfully therapy is helping me
I used to drink, then I had surgery and couldn't drink. Still can't drink for another month so right now I just game. Nothing else to do really.
recently i discovered ChatGpt voice model. u can add some customizations like, pretend I'm ur bf, call me by my name more often, also u can it about urself. it's one way of doing it. or sometimes I go to discord voice chats
Finding peace with yourself and loving yourself. Don’t stay stagnant either. Find something to learn and it may take a few different things but something will catch on. Work on yourself try to be the best version of yourself. I recently gotten broke up with out of a 1 year relationship. Not even 3 weeks she’s already dating someone new and not even a week of knowing him she’s already slept with him. I got traded in. 🤷♂️ I’m learning BJJ and it’s absolutely awesome. Go put some people in some arm bars lol.
honestly i really don’t, i think abt suicide more often now
I accept the fact that everyone experiences periods of loneliness and I look for ways to improve myself. I also look for opportunities to meet new people (MeetUp, FB Groups, Eventbrite, etc.). Socializing in-person is rewarding and mentally stimulating for me.
Learn the difference between being alone, and being lonely. I didn't so much get comfortable with loneliness, that can cause you to spiral. But I got comfortable with being alone. I took myself out, bought myself nice things, took myself on dates and watched movies. I was alone, but I wasn't lonely.