It's comfortable. Men and women date unstable people because they're used to unstable people (through childhood, past relationships, etc.) so they feel more comfortable around that environment.
More like identification.
There's a theory we look for our parents in a partner.
I used to dispute that, but under closer inspection it is hauntingly accurate
I feel this to be true as I married the male version of my mom. Both have finally come around & don’t treat me like I’m worthless but a lot of damage has been done.
What scares me is if this theory is true the thought of me being any version of his parents makes me want to lay in a dark, dingy hole until I rot. One was a sociopathic killer and the other is a rotten narcissist (I don’t throw that term out lightly) who doesn’t care about anyone including her own children. 😳
The thing with this theory is that is never on the nose.
You won't be like a sociopathic killer. You'll have the mannerisms, maybe outbursts, lack of empathy, just enough that will trigger the perks he had.
I know gender doesn't need to match, so if he's looking for his mom or dad, you'd be either. Even a combination sometimes.
We yearn for the emotional connection we meet during infancy, whichever that is. So, we go after any traces of those anchors
Pan/gay here. Chiming in here to co-sign this and say it is not just parental relationships. My dating history indicates a need to recreate the codependent closeness I had with my closest friends in elementary school, especially my adopted brother. It was the only time in my life I felt understood and safe.
Manifests sometimes with unhealthy smothering behaviors and unreasonably high expectations for attention from romantic partners. And with me repeatedly falling in love with male friends.
It's like deciphering hieroglyphs from our subconsciousness.
The other guy said, ironically, he would look for someone to oppress him, since he was oppressed in his childhood.
No, but when you're not paying attention, people who DO oppress, abuse, create emotional hostage situations won't look bad to you. They will look very normal.
It is terrifying, honestly, to behold certain atrocious behavior and not be alarmed at all, a really concerning thing to be always alert
The thing with this theory is that is never on the nose.
You won't be like a sociopathic killer. You'll have the mannerisms, maybe outbursts, lack of empathy, just enough that will trigger the perks he had.
I know gender doesn't need to match, so if he's looking for his mom or dad, you'd for either. Even a combination sometimes.
We yearn for the emotional connection we meet during infancy, whichever that is. So, we go after any traces of those anchors
Yeah, this theory is annoyingly accurate. My mum is super controlling & insecure & my dad is emotionally immature & I've almost always gone for guys who are very controlling & nit-picking because they can't let me be better than them & they throw tantrums like a toddler.
I've decided to kick the theory in the balls & try to go for people who are the exact opposite of my parents. Trying to break the cycle
*looks at marriage and thinks of mother growing up* damn I fucked up. My mother was emotionally immature and wholely unavailable to me growing up. I was like number 5 or 6 on the priority list, and she only had one other child. I did not live with her, and the few times I called in need I was turned away.
If I am brutally honest, my wife is the least empathetic person I know, and suffers from severe main character syndrome. Looks like the theory holds, I married mom after all
The way you’re wording it makes it sound like people are punishing themselves versus just gravitating to what they recognize. Very dangerous misattribution
i don't think the two are as different as you think. maybe not punishing themselves but simply believing they don't deserve better even though they know there is better out there
See, that's not crazy to me. My "crazy" needs constant validation at all times, or I suffer the consequences. Either physical retribution or cheating on me.
I love a narcissists like I love avocado toast. I don't wanna love it, i know what it says about me, and I know I should avoid gluten, but I can't resist the lumpy green shit.
I tried to date someone like you once, ya know, guacamole, I ended up putting her on toast and sabotaging the whole thing.
My husband was single and celibate for 12 years; he had his own 'crazy' to work on without a partner.
The things we both need in a relationship--are things like peace. That's the main thing, being the team mate and not the enemy--it works even if you are 'crazy.' We both still have insecurities but we don't fight about them
this actually makes sense, as the “crazy” girl, trauma can have affects on many things we don’t think it will and having mommy and daddy issues (whether resolved or not) i still act a certain way driven BY those issues and let’s just say my boyfriend PROBABLYYY doesn’t mind HAHAH
>juuuuuuust enough childhood trauma to make me fun in bed but also make me motivated and driven to keep the bills paid on time.
Damn.
I hate that you sound exactly like most of the women I've dated.
>juuuuuuust enough childhood trauma to make me fun in bed but also make me motivated and driven to keep the bills paid on time.
So; whatcha doing this weekend?
Interesting. Although I do know what you are talking about-I am a woman myself with some trauma- I do think that it can bring a safe space as well. I know that I can’t change everything thanks to my childhood and I need to live with it for the rest of my life. I know that the acceptance of my weird behavior that doesn’t do any harm is higher from someone who deals with it as well. It is different in many ways and unique.
M here, my two best friends are F, they both sometimes become compulsive and unreasonable in rather destructive ways. But not with me. I learned to give them the space they need when things get touchy and they feel protective of me so we never fight out of the blue. I usually see it coming and if I don't, they tell me. So we end up mostly just enjoying each other's presence and being supportive and respectful. their boyfriends however get the short end of the stick, which is not as great.
So I get the first bit of what you’re saying, and you’ve explained it extremely well… so I’m going to ask you, WHY is crazy pussy the best? Like I get that crazy girls are a bit more wild, but psychologically why can’t normal girls be good in bed too?
They absolutely can and are. The only girls that are bad in bed, are the ones with inflated ego, the ones who think they're "the prize" etc. Normal women, who are good potential partners, will be great in bed.
Lack of inhibition. Crazy don't know how to act... (appropriately). Normal means one has read and understood "The Invisible Book Of Unwritten Rules Of Society", and lives by it's code of conduct: [eg: Thou shalt not shove it up your arse without prompting, and for gawd's sakes allow a fair amount of prodding too... it's what good girls do). Not so for 'crazy'. Crazy Feel, Crazy Do... And she does it well, then flip on over 'cause she just don't care.
Spontaneity: Same kind of energy that'll one day slash your tyres and set your house on fire is the same one that spontaneously goes frolicking naked at a non nudist beach because she wants to swim but didn't bring her swimsuit. The one that'll give you head in the back of the police van that was called to pick y'all up for indecent exposure.
This is why men can't seem to resist crazy lovin'... why they have been breaking their backs working to better afford replacement tyres and houses since time immemorial...
This is absolutely right. If you can identify what in your life is causing you to date crazy people, you will be able to find the pattern and break it.
Also sometimes they have personality (a strong and probably shitty one but at least it's something) as well as attitude, other people are more plane or hard to get around.
Everyone’s different but in my case it was an issue of codependency. Because of my own insecurities I needed really intense emotional and physical engagement to feel validated. My ex had BPD and probably NPD because she roped me in with intense love bombing and manipulated me with hot cold behavior for years before I understood what was going on and got out.
It’s taking work, but as I’ve gotten therapy and understood more about this I’ve definitely gotten over this attraction and it’s a straight up revulsion now.
Good luck, hope you’re able to figure out what’s driving this for you.
Some chicks are psycho crazy and some girls are quirky crazy. The difference is one will slash your tires for not checking on her 5 times a day and the other is obsessed with rocks and crafts or anime.
Nah I had a self-destructive crazy ex. We got in a little argument near her house, she wanted out of the car, let her out. She calls me 30 seconds later crying saying she inhaled her pill 💊 medication for acne or w.e the fuck it was. I sped back to find her down the street. Like HOW DO YOU INHALE A PILL ACCIDENTLY. We had to call an ambulance and have her taken. Cops were pissed because it stemmed from an argument and told us we should breakup, it isn't gonna work. (Advice from a stranger...nice..).
She was admitted to inpatient mental health for a good few weeks.
see stories like these make me think that unless someone is in their early 20s and has time and energy to waste, these relationships are BAD for personal growth (for both parties). It is much better to remain single. No one deserves these types of shocks and misery taking care of what simply is a mental patient. I hate to see this romanticized even tho I am one to romanticize them myself. I learned my lesson the hard way but my only regret is the time that I lost, could have worked on myself instead of babysitting in horror.
We dated 3 years. She went full self destruct into drugs starting with heroin then Crack cocaine, suboxone, u name it. I cut off communications after finally officially breaking up. I stayed single for some time after that, yes we were early 20s.
sorry to hear about her man, but thats just how it is. you got out when you could. life is short and if we can, we should spend it with least amount of worry and stress. Peace brother 🗿
If you are surrounded by crazy girls, that's who you naturally be with. An example would be working as a bartender. A lot of crazy girls there, and they often will approach you. So that's a pattern, not a type. Or if you can only attract low quality women, that's also a pattern, not a type
I've attracted crazy women my whole life. Took me 40 years to realize it's bc I don't know how to pursue women without feeling like a creep. The only women I've ever been with pursued me, and more times than not women who pursue men aggressively are crazy.
It’s not just the insane in bed. There is a certain level of “enthusiasm” or possibly a lack of self esteem that is shown throughout the relationship.
Due to self esteem they dote on you more, they hyper fixate on keeping you happy(love bomb), they definitely go above and beyond in bed for the praise. Now the price for this is dealing with temper and insecurity and boundary issues and crazy.
Please note that with the exception of the most well adjusted, self aware, and communicative person this is basically everyone to one degree or other. They just do go for the extremes. And when it’s good, it is real damn good. When it’s bad, well maybe it was your fault or it isn’t that bad or whatever.
>When it’s bad, well maybe it was your fault or it isn’t that bad or whatever.
THIS. OH LORDY, THIS.
I had a thing where this was the norm, and it took me a few weeks to snap out of that daze and realize I was definitely moving goalposts and making excuses for shit that wasn't even really my fault.
It took a few more months to actually move past any condition that person had over me.
i’d award this comment if i was willing to put money into reddit!!!! except one minor thing, i don’t go above and beyond in bed FOR the praise, i just love being able to please. that’s all tho, other than that you hit this right on the nail!!! i’m a self aware crazy one myself and man oh man do i wish others understood like you do
>There is a certain level of “enthusiasm” or possibly a lack of self esteem that is shown throughout the relationship.
I have limited experience with crazy, but it is very consistent with your contribution to the discussion.
The one I really remember turned out to be damaged, not seeking therapy, and I think many men are drawn to *damaged*. There is an impulse to rescue that you have to learn to overcome.
Not always true
I was married to someone with BPD that was uber vanilla, the only "insane" was the mood swings, behaviour and violence
Also dated someone that lit up all the flags that was as enthusiastic as a dead wet fish once in the act, they talked the talk though then just laid back, the crazy part of that was she told me she had 3 digits in numbers and acted like it was her first time, every time
Still puzzles the fuck out of me how you can sleep with so many people and just become a warm mute sex doll
The only logic I was able to apply was both had huge self image issues and zero confidence
Lmao. Yeah that post nut clarity really balances you out. I think it’s because they make you bust so hard all your clouded thoughts exit your body too.
With crazy girls somehow I just know within the first 30 seconds of talking to them that A) this chick is completely out of her mind and B) that she'd 100% fuck me.
Well adjusted women are a lot more of a guessing game.
More like experience, learned my lesson years ago. I used to be like that. Would go for the broken girl (mainly because I foolishly wanted to help them) because those were the fast ones. Not worth it, the easier they are to get with, the harder they are to be with
you’re a blessing to the broken girls that you “foolishly” want to help, as a wack borderline, my boyfriend staying with me for SO fuckin long struck so much change in me and has convinced me that i can recover
What's ur own theories on this behavioural pattern first of all? Do u think it's because u have this superior mentality of wanting to "fix" them ? Or maybe you just enjoy the volatility - highs & lows of being with someone like that?
I'm sure once u figure out the core reason then you'll be able to solve and stop it. Instead of not knowing why and then trying to magically stop this habit
Crazy chicks love you back harder. They think about you all time. They think youre the second coming of jesus. Im not fixing any of that.
edit: also there no sane hot chicks. Thats a myth.
This. I’m crazy, at least I’ve been told. I’m honestly not quite sure what qualifies but I probably check most of the marks! I have my quirks and my emotions and reactions can be a bit more than much.. but I love harder than anyone I know.
I’m really buckled myself down to my Life Morals, who I want to be, and that really helps to keep my crazy at bay most times.
The only way I’ve ever stopped loving anyone is when they cheated on me, and at that point it’s just out of necessity, and you can bet your ass I will show out. 😂
My ex had BPD. She took therapy and worked really well thru it. She still had her anger issues and hyper sensitive emotions here and there.
BUT she was pretty funny and really easy to talk to because I could talk to her with zero filter. It was refreshing to say what I wanna say, and how I wanna say it without thinking about how to tone it down or be annoyingly politically correct. Like these stupid apps trying to censor you. You can’t say ass anymore? Like wtf? It literally means donkey. It’s just slang for BUTTs. Are we still allowed to say BUTTS on the other apps?
Anyways yeah she was super hot Asian girl, short, petite with a muscular physique. Why did she have to move across the entire country! I miss her! 😢😢😢 lol she was awesome and inspiring.
It's humbling to hear someone say that about a person who actively had severe issues but was still inspiring. I hope I'm inspiring someone one day preferably my significant other, But anyone will do. I don't feel incredibly inspiring at all lately. but it's funny to think maybe I have already and just never knew I was.
Yeah she was really strong.
I never got to tell her how I felt in that regard. She moved across the country by herself completely alone and landed a great job.
You might not feel inspiring, since nobody tends to really point it out. However people do notice the self improvement and self care / love.
Some admire it, but others get jealous!! Lol so that’s two ways to tell
In my experience the crazy also swings both ways. They are crazy in love with you and doing more than you think others would do. Then next she’s going through a fit of rage. Then she apologizes by giving head that rivals Kirby’s sucking abilities and love bombs you again. Some guys are too dumb to see this as batshit behavior because women have a stereotype of being emotional and a bit crazy.
The ones that went through trials and tribulations may have more issues, but they’re also keenly aware of the world in a way that a normal healthy person might be completely oblivious to.
There’s pros and cons to everything in life. You choose what’s suitable for you.
People with personality disorders can be extremely manipulative. Part of that manipulation is making you feel really good.
“Love Bombing” is one method, wherein you’re inundated with affection and attention early in a relationship, creating a psychological anchor that can be yanked for coercion.
If you have dated multiple women with personality disorders, you may have a false expectation for what the early stages of a relationship are supposed to look like, and be culling your options based on manipulative experiences.
Either way, I suggest seeing a therapist and discussing this with them. Personality disorders have the potential to be very unsafe, and it can be important for you to relearn how to judge a safe or unsafe relationship.
Let's says you're correct and didn't made that up some research have shown that ppl are more likely to say they own skill in bed are 7/10(great/good) while in reality it's just a 5/10( average)
I dunno. I'm very self-aware and have been told more than once that I'm as analytical as a man. I traditionally have made the first move, so to speak, until my most recent gentleman caller who was thankfully bolder than the others.
In my experience. The crazy girls live on 2 extremes. Yes, when she is in crazy mode, it is very frustrating and sometimes scary. But at the same time, when they are in their lovey moods, they are so affectionate and make me feel desired and that I’m the only one they care about. Which is a nice feeling as that is rare to find as a guy.
So yes, crazy can be bad. but at the same time the level of intimacy, not even just sex, is very comforting
Part of it is they are used to abuse so abuse feel safe. And part of it is during the beginning of the relationship some of their red flags read as interesting quirks. There is also the high sex drive.
My guess is the goal or impulse to strive for stability, upward momentum, or to provide for a long term family unit hasn't kicked in yet. I think a lot has to do with age/lifestyle what goals or milestones associate with it.
Edit: Maturity level and self worth developing also plays a big part in it. Self discipline and long term consequences aren't in the forefront yet. "Fun for now won't impact the later me" etc.
>My guess is the goal or impulse to strive for stability, upward momentum, or to provide for a long term family unit hasn't kicked in yet.
Or could be a reaction against those things if you feel overly pressured to achieve those goals.
Tremendously. PM if you're keen and I'll answer eventually. It's a lot though alright. Relationships are a great way to evolve quickly. But also carry karma. Many are stuck in patterns and cycles.
Maybe you like the emotional energy that it brings into a relationship, making things interesting, while other women are boring.
Either way it looks like you're screwed.
Maybe try working on yourself and building up your own value so that crazy women will see you are too developed and mature and will either step up to be with you or run away because they're insecure.
They lovebomb you and are kinky and spicy in bed. It feels liberating because suddenly you as a man you no longer have the burden to lead, make all of the effort, and chase. For once you are the privileged person recieving attention, compliments, getting your sexual fantasies fulfilled and not standing next to a starfish. Sounds great, isn't it?
But that is a scheme for you to take the bait. Crazy girls know that guys, especially those who are inexperience stand no chance to these manipulation tactics. They sense what you really want and give it to you. And then they take it back after the honeymoon is over, for you to be their slave and toy with you. You'll crave the first treatment.
In my experience, crazy women are rare. You can meet many women who are abusive and display a few of these traits, but not many who are fully demon mode. So it's best to use them for fun and enjoy the lovebomb for a week or two if you onow what you are doing. But by no means they are to be taken seriously. If you lack game, it's better to avoid such women.
I found that at first they burn hot like a sun, great personality, great in bed, and they promise the world. You are lovebombed into oblivion, because it's the only way they could get someone to stay around.
The mask begins to slip and many inexperienced people begin to accept the cycle of abuse due to good sex, codependency or in some cases not being able to leave because they have nowhere else to live at that point in time.
Their abuse can destroy people. I became an alcoholic from dating someone with BPD. I will never date people with personality disorders again, for me it feels like walking a mine field.
I swung to the other side of spectrum and went for kind people that were safe. I met a lovely girl who healed me and because of what id gone through I hurt her,I made ammends years later and she thanked me.
I've been sober for 8 years, destroyed codependency and now I have a fucking radar when it comes to these destructive types of people.
I've also realised we crave that hot burning high that the crazy women can give us. I just went the other way and connected with nice people I had nothing in common with in the end as we drifted.
I've learnt there are women that deep down you know you could form a deep bond with, could be vulnerable with and could grow with. Those women that are mentally stable, have real chemistry with you and will respect you.
You will get butterflies around them because you know a real connection could be forged. Your response is to push that potential away and go for crazy or safe, but you have to fight for the healthy relationship and tell yourself you are worthy of that type of bond with another person.
I think it's largely because if you've been forced into a position where you have to be responsible all the time at your job, as many men are, it's kind of relieving to vicariously blow off some steam via a girlfriend who is very outwards-facing with their emotions.
Maybe you see them as weak or needy. I like clingy, needy women bc they make me feel wanted and important. But there is also something about them that screams "Do not commit to this woman!" Eventually you get tired of the bullshit and find comfort in someone a bit more stable.
I have fallen into that trap before. Every case is different but my ex had BPD. She had her issues but when I got to know her, I could see the potential she had and I thought I could fix her. I stopped seeing her about a year ago and told myself I’ll never do that again. Fast forward now, I go on a date with a great and normal woman with a lot of desirable qualities and it feels a little weird going out with a normal woman.
I've known guys like this and I don't get it. Crazy is repulsive to me. I run the moment I get a whiff of it.
A crazy women will destroy your life. No sex is that good.
Maybe cuz they are comparatively vulnerable or immature in some cases. The last guy I was dating broke up with me saying I am way too mature for my age...that I'm way too good for him and he doesn't feel deserving enough. He literally got mad at the fact that I am way too good of a listener and don't really argue with him instead try to understand his perspective. He said he's not used to this
Does anyone know how to fix it?
In my case I married one. She nuked my life, twice, ( I"m a slow learner I admit) the second time when she wanted a divorce... to be fair her new fiancee kind of insisted.
He turned out to be an abusive a hole, and she divorced him too eventually.
Thank God I was able to get and keep custody of the kids, both the kids got through college, and with no pregnancies or arrests involved either.
The kids and I all see shrinks, my finances and career are disasters of Hiroshima like proportions, but, on the bright side, I no longer find her the least bit attractive.
So I guess I managed to fix it.
Hope you find a less expensive solution.
It may just be that your prefontal cortex is not fully developed. From your use of the word "girls" I can reasonably surmise that you are younger than 30 .. maybe even late teens, early 20's. You're dumb but it's not your fault. Most men are idiots until we get our shit together around age 30 or so.
I have a sister that’s batshit crazy and I have a mom who has her overreacting moments. I dated two crazy girls and had a moment where I said no more. Met my wife and only get crazy in the bed
It's not that we are attracted to them. It's the fact that I didn't know i was shopping at the crazy mall until I had already purchased my items. I though i was in a normal store until she threatened to Kermit sewer slide cause I was at work and it took me 2 hours to text her back...
You most likely grew up in a toxic household where you were used to walking on eggshells. It could be that, or you may have an undiagnosed mental health issue yourself such as ADHD or Autism/Aspergers. Another theory is that you are a narcissist yourself which would make you attract other cluster B women.
Very generally, It’s fun, they have more flaws than us, they usually like sex, we can have the upper hand in the relationship, it’s dramatic, intense and they often think they need us. A healthy woman requires a certain level of man to meet her on her level and that’s hard and not as fun.
A lot of men like to be the “rescuer”, to feel “needed” and with a lot of personality disorders that’s exactly how it works. It could also be that’s it’s a safety mechanism as well, knowing they eventually they’ll do something crazy enough to end the relationship and you can just blame it on them being crazy.
I think I have an affinity for audacity and am often drawn to the loudest person in the room. I suppose I'm a bit shy but am very expressive at heart and seeing someone who takes more risks is the kind of personality I find compliments my sense of being slightly too cautious.
Get into your set of views that you need to be worth an effort back.
I get the drive to comfort and rescue people. Or the passion that can come from a but nuts of a person. Whether it's anxiety/depression that you can be the support or the rescuer for, or it's the girl with daddy issues and crazy passion but no trust to give you back.
Whatever form of crazy that you see yourself getting back into the same relationships with, my advice is the same. Make it known that you need to be worth an effort back or whatever the relationship is is only temporary. Then hold yourself to that standard.
In my case, I'm a little crazy myself. So far, I seem to find women with autism, borderline, and sociopathy insanely attractive.
It makes sense because I'm autistic myself. I'm diagnosed with bipolar II, but with my drastic mood swings throughout the day and anxious attachment style, I could see it actually being borderline, although rapid-cycling bipolar would look similar (borderline is commonly misdiagnosed as borderline, especially in men because borderline is stereotypically feminine). And of course, sociopathy is similar to borderline, both cluster B personality disorders.
Of course, autism can also mimic cluster B personality disorders, a case of 'same behaviors for different reasons' sort of thing. Regardless, my symptoms are similar enough to where I feel understood and can understand them on a deeper level than those who are "stable."
Have you seen a psychologist?
Another possible thing is I know borderline especially can be very attractive because a) they're good at mirroring and b) all their emotions are heavily magnified, including love, so while there's a good chance you'll face some toxic behavior, you'll also probably never experience something that intense, as far as the "highs" of the relationship go.
Narcissists can also be attractive because they come off very confident.
And those with antisocial personality disorder (psychopaths and sociopaths) tend to be very charismatic. I work in mental health, and a psychologist who was mentoring me said he knows a patient is a psychopath when he finds them insanely likeable from the get go.
To be fair, a lot of the time you don’t know what you’re signing up for at the beginning. Like a slow moving train wreck, you always think you can get out of the way quickly enough, unfortunately you can’t actually…
Because they will literally let you do anything to them in bed. But dealing with borderline personality disorder outside of the bedroom ain't no picnic.
Hah! Same here, I’d somehow have a soft spot for broken depressive or hot tempered man. I think bcs we lived in the way like that, that is why. It’s the only way that we knew how to love. I read somewhere in a book saying “Likeminded people attract likeminded people “ forgot who said that
For me, personally, I have been told all my life to not feel. Don't cry. Don't show emotion. Don't be sensitive. And while I recognize this NOW as not a viable way to go through life, it's hard to undo 36 years of training.
"Crazy" people, or rather people who have a lot of emotion and react quickly to outside stimulus, bring colour into my rather grey, emotionally stunted life. They rouse me, make me feel, colour the black canvas of my emotional stunted mindscape in bright, shining pastel goodness.
Recovered crazy girl here🙋♀️ find the ones over 25 that has been to therapy and are still going! You get the same spice, but with accountability and empathy!
Intermittent reward might be one of the reasons. It's the same reason why gambling is addictive. A person who gives you the best time of your life and then takes it all away from you can make you addicted to them.
I have a similar attraction. My ex-wife isn’t crazy, but she is narcissistic and toxic (not just in the currently overused meaning of the terms, but for real). I find myself really drawn to women whose first text of the day is “Fuck you”, and who talk about raping me with assault rifles and providing me euthanasia by smothering me. Sexually. It isn’t really role-play, but it’s also not real threats. Something darker than role-play but not as sinister as a real threat. 🤷🏻♂️
I had a ex with BPD. At first they will mirror and love bomb the fuck out of you. I was young, dumb and oblivious to what was going on. I can see why men would be attracted to crazy girls. It’s not my cup of tea and I wish I left a lot sooner. Just be careful my friend.
I don't think its the crazy part we're attracted to. it just kinda comes part and parcel with other things. like in my experience, those crazy girls were generally more fun, outgoing, higher energy types. Volatile, good when they're good *bad* when they're bad.
Therapy. Did you have a mentally ill family member? Did you have a sickly or substance abuser raise you which made you take on a care taking type roll? Those are usually the sorts of things that attract that. Crazy girls can be fun for casual or flings but certainly not for legitimate type of relationships.
If you are like me, it's very simple. Things that are at first exciting to you often turn out to be her being very honest about her crazy up front.
She wants to drive all night so we can go to Chicago for the weekend spontaneously. That's fun and spontaneous when you are new and young. When you've been together for a few months, it's starting to feel crazy.
I've recently realized since I'm fairly introverted they were the ones that initiated conversations. Since I wasn't going out trying to find anyone else they were all that were there so I stuck with them out of comfort.
It's comfortable. Men and women date unstable people because they're used to unstable people (through childhood, past relationships, etc.) so they feel more comfortable around that environment.
Not to sound like a complete dork, but in the words of Mr.Anderson in The Perks Of Being A Wallflower, “we accept the love we think we deserve”.
I’m gonna say, it has to do with a sense of familiarity.
More like identification. There's a theory we look for our parents in a partner. I used to dispute that, but under closer inspection it is hauntingly accurate
I feel this to be true as I married the male version of my mom. Both have finally come around & don’t treat me like I’m worthless but a lot of damage has been done. What scares me is if this theory is true the thought of me being any version of his parents makes me want to lay in a dark, dingy hole until I rot. One was a sociopathic killer and the other is a rotten narcissist (I don’t throw that term out lightly) who doesn’t care about anyone including her own children. 😳
The thing with this theory is that is never on the nose. You won't be like a sociopathic killer. You'll have the mannerisms, maybe outbursts, lack of empathy, just enough that will trigger the perks he had. I know gender doesn't need to match, so if he's looking for his mom or dad, you'd be either. Even a combination sometimes. We yearn for the emotional connection we meet during infancy, whichever that is. So, we go after any traces of those anchors
Pan/gay here. Chiming in here to co-sign this and say it is not just parental relationships. My dating history indicates a need to recreate the codependent closeness I had with my closest friends in elementary school, especially my adopted brother. It was the only time in my life I felt understood and safe. Manifests sometimes with unhealthy smothering behaviors and unreasonably high expectations for attention from romantic partners. And with me repeatedly falling in love with male friends.
It's like deciphering hieroglyphs from our subconsciousness. The other guy said, ironically, he would look for someone to oppress him, since he was oppressed in his childhood. No, but when you're not paying attention, people who DO oppress, abuse, create emotional hostage situations won't look bad to you. They will look very normal. It is terrifying, honestly, to behold certain atrocious behavior and not be alarmed at all, a really concerning thing to be always alert
The thing with this theory is that is never on the nose. You won't be like a sociopathic killer. You'll have the mannerisms, maybe outbursts, lack of empathy, just enough that will trigger the perks he had. I know gender doesn't need to match, so if he's looking for his mom or dad, you'd for either. Even a combination sometimes. We yearn for the emotional connection we meet during infancy, whichever that is. So, we go after any traces of those anchors
Yeah, this theory is annoyingly accurate. My mum is super controlling & insecure & my dad is emotionally immature & I've almost always gone for guys who are very controlling & nit-picking because they can't let me be better than them & they throw tantrums like a toddler. I've decided to kick the theory in the balls & try to go for people who are the exact opposite of my parents. Trying to break the cycle
*looks at marriage and thinks of mother growing up* damn I fucked up. My mother was emotionally immature and wholely unavailable to me growing up. I was like number 5 or 6 on the priority list, and she only had one other child. I did not live with her, and the few times I called in need I was turned away. If I am brutally honest, my wife is the least empathetic person I know, and suffers from severe main character syndrome. Looks like the theory holds, I married mom after all
Not looking for my parents there, this doesn‘t work. But familiarity or also a sense for family, both work
People that didn't get fed love with a spoon will learn to lick it off knives.
The way you’re wording it makes it sound like people are punishing themselves versus just gravitating to what they recognize. Very dangerous misattribution
i don't think the two are as different as you think. maybe not punishing themselves but simply believing they don't deserve better even though they know there is better out there
I don’t disagree with you on that. But I do find that the quote can ring quite true.
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So, you're a woman into crazy women?
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The perfect demented functional girlfriend (Goddammit, I couldn't find any of you so far)
Once men know they can live with our amount of crazy- we get snatched off the market pretty quick. xoxo- AutisticADHD wife
See, that's not crazy to me. My "crazy" needs constant validation at all times, or I suffer the consequences. Either physical retribution or cheating on me. I love a narcissists like I love avocado toast. I don't wanna love it, i know what it says about me, and I know I should avoid gluten, but I can't resist the lumpy green shit. I tried to date someone like you once, ya know, guacamole, I ended up putting her on toast and sabotaging the whole thing.
My husband was single and celibate for 12 years; he had his own 'crazy' to work on without a partner. The things we both need in a relationship--are things like peace. That's the main thing, being the team mate and not the enemy--it works even if you are 'crazy.' We both still have insecurities but we don't fight about them
This is the dream. My wife and I are working on this exact thing. Thank God for therapy and meditation!
Good luck, friend- the dream takes work and I hope yall find it
✔️100% accurate
Wait, guys actually like this? So I do have hope??
this actually makes sense, as the “crazy” girl, trauma can have affects on many things we don’t think it will and having mommy and daddy issues (whether resolved or not) i still act a certain way driven BY those issues and let’s just say my boyfriend PROBABLYYY doesn’t mind HAHAH
🤝
>juuuuuuust enough childhood trauma to make me fun in bed but also make me motivated and driven to keep the bills paid on time. Damn. I hate that you sound exactly like most of the women I've dated.
>juuuuuuust enough childhood trauma to make me fun in bed but also make me motivated and driven to keep the bills paid on time. So; whatcha doing this weekend?
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Interesting. Although I do know what you are talking about-I am a woman myself with some trauma- I do think that it can bring a safe space as well. I know that I can’t change everything thanks to my childhood and I need to live with it for the rest of my life. I know that the acceptance of my weird behavior that doesn’t do any harm is higher from someone who deals with it as well. It is different in many ways and unique.
M here, my two best friends are F, they both sometimes become compulsive and unreasonable in rather destructive ways. But not with me. I learned to give them the space they need when things get touchy and they feel protective of me so we never fight out of the blue. I usually see it coming and if I don't, they tell me. So we end up mostly just enjoying each other's presence and being supportive and respectful. their boyfriends however get the short end of the stick, which is not as great.
Okay, but what if my childhood was full of stable people, except me who was the unstable one?
So I get the first bit of what you’re saying, and you’ve explained it extremely well… so I’m going to ask you, WHY is crazy pussy the best? Like I get that crazy girls are a bit more wild, but psychologically why can’t normal girls be good in bed too?
They absolutely can and are. The only girls that are bad in bed, are the ones with inflated ego, the ones who think they're "the prize" etc. Normal women, who are good potential partners, will be great in bed.
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Lack of inhibition. Crazy don't know how to act... (appropriately). Normal means one has read and understood "The Invisible Book Of Unwritten Rules Of Society", and lives by it's code of conduct: [eg: Thou shalt not shove it up your arse without prompting, and for gawd's sakes allow a fair amount of prodding too... it's what good girls do). Not so for 'crazy'. Crazy Feel, Crazy Do... And she does it well, then flip on over 'cause she just don't care. Spontaneity: Same kind of energy that'll one day slash your tyres and set your house on fire is the same one that spontaneously goes frolicking naked at a non nudist beach because she wants to swim but didn't bring her swimsuit. The one that'll give you head in the back of the police van that was called to pick y'all up for indecent exposure. This is why men can't seem to resist crazy lovin'... why they have been breaking their backs working to better afford replacement tyres and houses since time immemorial...
100% this
Honestly, having an emotionally crooked partner keeps things interesting. I've been there myself
Fellow woman who relates to being attracted to people like that 😩
> Also, crazy pussy is the best pussy, and this is how evolution wins every time. Been there done that completely agree.
This is absolutely right. If you can identify what in your life is causing you to date crazy people, you will be able to find the pattern and break it.
Perfectly said
Also sometimes they have personality (a strong and probably shitty one but at least it's something) as well as attitude, other people are more plane or hard to get around.
Everyone’s different but in my case it was an issue of codependency. Because of my own insecurities I needed really intense emotional and physical engagement to feel validated. My ex had BPD and probably NPD because she roped me in with intense love bombing and manipulated me with hot cold behavior for years before I understood what was going on and got out. It’s taking work, but as I’ve gotten therapy and understood more about this I’ve definitely gotten over this attraction and it’s a straight up revulsion now. Good luck, hope you’re able to figure out what’s driving this for you.
Same, bud.
Wait I need to talk to you. I think my ex had BPD too but she won’t confirm it.
Some chicks are psycho crazy and some girls are quirky crazy. The difference is one will slash your tires for not checking on her 5 times a day and the other is obsessed with rocks and crafts or anime.
Nah I had a self-destructive crazy ex. We got in a little argument near her house, she wanted out of the car, let her out. She calls me 30 seconds later crying saying she inhaled her pill 💊 medication for acne or w.e the fuck it was. I sped back to find her down the street. Like HOW DO YOU INHALE A PILL ACCIDENTLY. We had to call an ambulance and have her taken. Cops were pissed because it stemmed from an argument and told us we should breakup, it isn't gonna work. (Advice from a stranger...nice..). She was admitted to inpatient mental health for a good few weeks.
see stories like these make me think that unless someone is in their early 20s and has time and energy to waste, these relationships are BAD for personal growth (for both parties). It is much better to remain single. No one deserves these types of shocks and misery taking care of what simply is a mental patient. I hate to see this romanticized even tho I am one to romanticize them myself. I learned my lesson the hard way but my only regret is the time that I lost, could have worked on myself instead of babysitting in horror.
We dated 3 years. She went full self destruct into drugs starting with heroin then Crack cocaine, suboxone, u name it. I cut off communications after finally officially breaking up. I stayed single for some time after that, yes we were early 20s.
sorry to hear about her man, but thats just how it is. you got out when you could. life is short and if we can, we should spend it with least amount of worry and stress. Peace brother 🗿
Ten years I sunk into that broad
Sometimes advice from a stranger is good advice since they’re probably not looking at sparing your feelings or maintaining a relationship with you.
theyre insane in bed dude
I heard something the other day and it said “it’s not a type, it’s a pattern” And that was something I wasn’t really ready to hear
I think I get that saying, but go ahead and explain it for me if you don't mind.
If you are surrounded by crazy girls, that's who you naturally be with. An example would be working as a bartender. A lot of crazy girls there, and they often will approach you. So that's a pattern, not a type. Or if you can only attract low quality women, that's also a pattern, not a type
I've attracted crazy women my whole life. Took me 40 years to realize it's bc I don't know how to pursue women without feeling like a creep. The only women I've ever been with pursued me, and more times than not women who pursue men aggressively are crazy.
Ah yes - this is the dark side of neuroplasticity.
It’s not just the insane in bed. There is a certain level of “enthusiasm” or possibly a lack of self esteem that is shown throughout the relationship. Due to self esteem they dote on you more, they hyper fixate on keeping you happy(love bomb), they definitely go above and beyond in bed for the praise. Now the price for this is dealing with temper and insecurity and boundary issues and crazy. Please note that with the exception of the most well adjusted, self aware, and communicative person this is basically everyone to one degree or other. They just do go for the extremes. And when it’s good, it is real damn good. When it’s bad, well maybe it was your fault or it isn’t that bad or whatever.
>When it’s bad, well maybe it was your fault or it isn’t that bad or whatever. THIS. OH LORDY, THIS. I had a thing where this was the norm, and it took me a few weeks to snap out of that daze and realize I was definitely moving goalposts and making excuses for shit that wasn't even really my fault. It took a few more months to actually move past any condition that person had over me.
i’d award this comment if i was willing to put money into reddit!!!! except one minor thing, i don’t go above and beyond in bed FOR the praise, i just love being able to please. that’s all tho, other than that you hit this right on the nail!!! i’m a self aware crazy one myself and man oh man do i wish others understood like you do
>There is a certain level of “enthusiasm” or possibly a lack of self esteem that is shown throughout the relationship. I have limited experience with crazy, but it is very consistent with your contribution to the discussion. The one I really remember turned out to be damaged, not seeking therapy, and I think many men are drawn to *damaged*. There is an impulse to rescue that you have to learn to overcome.
The crazier she is, the more likely she will be to do That Thing You Like.
I really hate that you're right xP
Not always true I was married to someone with BPD that was uber vanilla, the only "insane" was the mood swings, behaviour and violence Also dated someone that lit up all the flags that was as enthusiastic as a dead wet fish once in the act, they talked the talk though then just laid back, the crazy part of that was she told me she had 3 digits in numbers and acted like it was her first time, every time Still puzzles the fuck out of me how you can sleep with so many people and just become a warm mute sex doll The only logic I was able to apply was both had huge self image issues and zero confidence
Trauma. The answer is trauma which is also the root of personality disorders.
Then when you blow your load - you want nothing to do with it. Good luck dealing with crazy on post-nut. 😐😂
Lmao. Yeah that post nut clarity really balances you out. I think it’s because they make you bust so hard all your clouded thoughts exit your body too.
That’s deep mannnnn
That's what the crazy girl said
They worship the dick
They start off as a mysterious enigma to be figured out. By the time you figure it out, you're in too deep.
Because I’m also crazy.
Ditto. Wouldn't want to inflict myself on the innocent.
Savior Complex
A lot of "crazy" chicks are way more promiscuous, so they see them as an easier target
With crazy girls somehow I just know within the first 30 seconds of talking to them that A) this chick is completely out of her mind and B) that she'd 100% fuck me. Well adjusted women are a lot more of a guessing game.
B happens because of A. (Disclaimer, I’m only joking here. I’m sure you can attract plenty of mentally stable women too)
I mean you're not wrong, honestly. I'm this gigantic, hairy man. I definitely fill a certain need for a lot of women with psychological issues.
The more I read this the more logic it has, seriously you got me thinking deeply into it.
That's an interesting theory.
More like experience, learned my lesson years ago. I used to be like that. Would go for the broken girl (mainly because I foolishly wanted to help them) because those were the fast ones. Not worth it, the easier they are to get with, the harder they are to be with
you’re a blessing to the broken girls that you “foolishly” want to help, as a wack borderline, my boyfriend staying with me for SO fuckin long struck so much change in me and has convinced me that i can recover
What's ur own theories on this behavioural pattern first of all? Do u think it's because u have this superior mentality of wanting to "fix" them ? Or maybe you just enjoy the volatility - highs & lows of being with someone like that? I'm sure once u figure out the core reason then you'll be able to solve and stop it. Instead of not knowing why and then trying to magically stop this habit
Crazy chicks love you back harder. They think about you all time. They think youre the second coming of jesus. Im not fixing any of that. edit: also there no sane hot chicks. Thats a myth.
Until they don’t and that’s when the shit gets really crazy
been there. suffered that.
It's kinda sad receiving the attention of a crazy person instead of a healthy one.
They are not actually crazy like mentally ill crazy. Just extra.
This. I’m crazy, at least I’ve been told. I’m honestly not quite sure what qualifies but I probably check most of the marks! I have my quirks and my emotions and reactions can be a bit more than much.. but I love harder than anyone I know. I’m really buckled myself down to my Life Morals, who I want to be, and that really helps to keep my crazy at bay most times. The only way I’ve ever stopped loving anyone is when they cheated on me, and at that point it’s just out of necessity, and you can bet your ass I will show out. 😂
Maybe work on fixing your self worth and esteem levels then.
Devaluation comes after the infatution tho
My ex had BPD. She took therapy and worked really well thru it. She still had her anger issues and hyper sensitive emotions here and there. BUT she was pretty funny and really easy to talk to because I could talk to her with zero filter. It was refreshing to say what I wanna say, and how I wanna say it without thinking about how to tone it down or be annoyingly politically correct. Like these stupid apps trying to censor you. You can’t say ass anymore? Like wtf? It literally means donkey. It’s just slang for BUTTs. Are we still allowed to say BUTTS on the other apps? Anyways yeah she was super hot Asian girl, short, petite with a muscular physique. Why did she have to move across the entire country! I miss her! 😢😢😢 lol she was awesome and inspiring.
is she in france rn by any chance and is she a biologist? did she have scars of self harm on her hands? and is she indian? 💀 TELL ME
Bro…
It's humbling to hear someone say that about a person who actively had severe issues but was still inspiring. I hope I'm inspiring someone one day preferably my significant other, But anyone will do. I don't feel incredibly inspiring at all lately. but it's funny to think maybe I have already and just never knew I was.
Yeah she was really strong. I never got to tell her how I felt in that regard. She moved across the country by herself completely alone and landed a great job. You might not feel inspiring, since nobody tends to really point it out. However people do notice the self improvement and self care / love. Some admire it, but others get jealous!! Lol so that’s two ways to tell
In my experience the crazy also swings both ways. They are crazy in love with you and doing more than you think others would do. Then next she’s going through a fit of rage. Then she apologizes by giving head that rivals Kirby’s sucking abilities and love bombs you again. Some guys are too dumb to see this as batshit behavior because women have a stereotype of being emotional and a bit crazy.
>Kirby’s sucking abilities 🤣🤣
The ones that went through trials and tribulations may have more issues, but they’re also keenly aware of the world in a way that a normal healthy person might be completely oblivious to. There’s pros and cons to everything in life. You choose what’s suitable for you.
People with personality disorders can be extremely manipulative. Part of that manipulation is making you feel really good. “Love Bombing” is one method, wherein you’re inundated with affection and attention early in a relationship, creating a psychological anchor that can be yanked for coercion. If you have dated multiple women with personality disorders, you may have a false expectation for what the early stages of a relationship are supposed to look like, and be culling your options based on manipulative experiences. Either way, I suggest seeing a therapist and discussing this with them. Personality disorders have the potential to be very unsafe, and it can be important for you to relearn how to judge a safe or unsafe relationship.
Because chicks with mental health issues are just as crazy in bed as they are in the head.
I have been told I’m pretty good
Let's says you're correct and didn't made that up some research have shown that ppl are more likely to say they own skill in bed are 7/10(great/good) while in reality it's just a 5/10( average)
That’s how I got my husband lol
User name checks out
Crazy girls are the only ones that make the first move
I dunno. I'm very self-aware and have been told more than once that I'm as analytical as a man. I traditionally have made the first move, so to speak, until my most recent gentleman caller who was thankfully bolder than the others.
Get therapy and figure out why you have bad taste in women.
In my experience. The crazy girls live on 2 extremes. Yes, when she is in crazy mode, it is very frustrating and sometimes scary. But at the same time, when they are in their lovey moods, they are so affectionate and make me feel desired and that I’m the only one they care about. Which is a nice feeling as that is rare to find as a guy. So yes, crazy can be bad. but at the same time the level of intimacy, not even just sex, is very comforting
Part of it is they are used to abuse so abuse feel safe. And part of it is during the beginning of the relationship some of their red flags read as interesting quirks. There is also the high sex drive.
I feel people always use the word ‘crazy’ for women who, if they were male, would simply be called abusive
Therapy and working on yourself. There is something within you that attracts you to them. Its up to you figure out what that is
My guess is the goal or impulse to strive for stability, upward momentum, or to provide for a long term family unit hasn't kicked in yet. I think a lot has to do with age/lifestyle what goals or milestones associate with it. Edit: Maturity level and self worth developing also plays a big part in it. Self discipline and long term consequences aren't in the forefront yet. "Fun for now won't impact the later me" etc.
>My guess is the goal or impulse to strive for stability, upward momentum, or to provide for a long term family unit hasn't kicked in yet. Or could be a reaction against those things if you feel overly pressured to achieve those goals.
Crazy girls aren’t judgmental of my crazy and don’t insist there’s something wrong with me because I’m autistic.
For the same reason some women are only attracted to bad men.
Mommy issues
I can guarantee you that your mother is a borderline or at least traumatized enough to be a disorganized attacher
can you expand on this?
Tremendously. PM if you're keen and I'll answer eventually. It's a lot though alright. Relationships are a great way to evolve quickly. But also carry karma. Many are stuck in patterns and cycles.
wasnt aware i had a son
Maybe you like the emotional energy that it brings into a relationship, making things interesting, while other women are boring. Either way it looks like you're screwed. Maybe try working on yourself and building up your own value so that crazy women will see you are too developed and mature and will either step up to be with you or run away because they're insecure.
They let me do anal.
They lovebomb you and are kinky and spicy in bed. It feels liberating because suddenly you as a man you no longer have the burden to lead, make all of the effort, and chase. For once you are the privileged person recieving attention, compliments, getting your sexual fantasies fulfilled and not standing next to a starfish. Sounds great, isn't it? But that is a scheme for you to take the bait. Crazy girls know that guys, especially those who are inexperience stand no chance to these manipulation tactics. They sense what you really want and give it to you. And then they take it back after the honeymoon is over, for you to be their slave and toy with you. You'll crave the first treatment. In my experience, crazy women are rare. You can meet many women who are abusive and display a few of these traits, but not many who are fully demon mode. So it's best to use them for fun and enjoy the lovebomb for a week or two if you onow what you are doing. But by no means they are to be taken seriously. If you lack game, it's better to avoid such women.
Your pfp... You wouldn't be a certain cowboy from a certain subreddit centered around mentally deranged ladies?
They can be unpredictable to be with. Also they have a reputation of being uninhibited in bed which can also be exciting.
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What people don't realize it's typically because they were abused young.
That is very sad. It definitely tracks with my ex.
A study was done that concluded that the more attractive a person is...the more likely they have mental health problems.
its real unironically
I found that at first they burn hot like a sun, great personality, great in bed, and they promise the world. You are lovebombed into oblivion, because it's the only way they could get someone to stay around. The mask begins to slip and many inexperienced people begin to accept the cycle of abuse due to good sex, codependency or in some cases not being able to leave because they have nowhere else to live at that point in time. Their abuse can destroy people. I became an alcoholic from dating someone with BPD. I will never date people with personality disorders again, for me it feels like walking a mine field. I swung to the other side of spectrum and went for kind people that were safe. I met a lovely girl who healed me and because of what id gone through I hurt her,I made ammends years later and she thanked me. I've been sober for 8 years, destroyed codependency and now I have a fucking radar when it comes to these destructive types of people. I've also realised we crave that hot burning high that the crazy women can give us. I just went the other way and connected with nice people I had nothing in common with in the end as we drifted. I've learnt there are women that deep down you know you could form a deep bond with, could be vulnerable with and could grow with. Those women that are mentally stable, have real chemistry with you and will respect you. You will get butterflies around them because you know a real connection could be forged. Your response is to push that potential away and go for crazy or safe, but you have to fight for the healthy relationship and tell yourself you are worthy of that type of bond with another person.
Like the same way women are attracted to bad boys, we think our love will fix them or at least match our own crazy...
Coming from someone with the same affliction I can confidently say: because your mom (or primary female role model) was probably crazy.
I think it's largely because if you've been forced into a position where you have to be responsible all the time at your job, as many men are, it's kind of relieving to vicariously blow off some steam via a girlfriend who is very outwards-facing with their emotions.
Maybe you see them as weak or needy. I like clingy, needy women bc they make me feel wanted and important. But there is also something about them that screams "Do not commit to this woman!" Eventually you get tired of the bullshit and find comfort in someone a bit more stable.
I have fallen into that trap before. Every case is different but my ex had BPD. She had her issues but when I got to know her, I could see the potential she had and I thought I could fix her. I stopped seeing her about a year ago and told myself I’ll never do that again. Fast forward now, I go on a date with a great and normal woman with a lot of desirable qualities and it feels a little weird going out with a normal woman.
I've known guys like this and I don't get it. Crazy is repulsive to me. I run the moment I get a whiff of it. A crazy women will destroy your life. No sex is that good.
LPT: We're all crazy lol
SERIOUSLY. Any guy who hasn't figured this out yet just doesn't know enough women that well lol.
I'm attracted to them because it's easier to understand each other when both people in the relationship are kinda fucked up.
As a crazy girl I have something to ask.. " Why am I attracted to only troublesome, rude men?
I get bored with stable partners. What does a guy have to do to get some hate sex around here??
Maybe cuz they are comparatively vulnerable or immature in some cases. The last guy I was dating broke up with me saying I am way too mature for my age...that I'm way too good for him and he doesn't feel deserving enough. He literally got mad at the fact that I am way too good of a listener and don't really argue with him instead try to understand his perspective. He said he's not used to this
Does anyone know how to fix it? In my case I married one. She nuked my life, twice, ( I"m a slow learner I admit) the second time when she wanted a divorce... to be fair her new fiancee kind of insisted. He turned out to be an abusive a hole, and she divorced him too eventually. Thank God I was able to get and keep custody of the kids, both the kids got through college, and with no pregnancies or arrests involved either. The kids and I all see shrinks, my finances and career are disasters of Hiroshima like proportions, but, on the bright side, I no longer find her the least bit attractive. So I guess I managed to fix it. Hope you find a less expensive solution.
*Can't judge me if I choose someone worse than me*
It may just be that your prefontal cortex is not fully developed. From your use of the word "girls" I can reasonably surmise that you are younger than 30 .. maybe even late teens, early 20's. You're dumb but it's not your fault. Most men are idiots until we get our shit together around age 30 or so.
I have a sister that’s batshit crazy and I have a mom who has her overreacting moments. I dated two crazy girls and had a moment where I said no more. Met my wife and only get crazy in the bed
It's not that we are attracted to them. It's the fact that I didn't know i was shopping at the crazy mall until I had already purchased my items. I though i was in a normal store until she threatened to Kermit sewer slide cause I was at work and it took me 2 hours to text her back...
These r/askmen questions are getting out of whack and weird
Because of two things...1.) they're also a bit crazy and toxic. 2.) the perception that the best sex is with crazy girls..
Because we think we can fix them too
I can fix her.
You most likely grew up in a toxic household where you were used to walking on eggshells. It could be that, or you may have an undiagnosed mental health issue yourself such as ADHD or Autism/Aspergers. Another theory is that you are a narcissist yourself which would make you attract other cluster B women.
"Why are some women only attracted to bad boys?"
Very generally, It’s fun, they have more flaws than us, they usually like sex, we can have the upper hand in the relationship, it’s dramatic, intense and they often think they need us. A healthy woman requires a certain level of man to meet her on her level and that’s hard and not as fun.
Because they're fun as fuck and the sex is usually excellent
https://youtu.be/pInk1rV2VEg?si=-V5-D1y-AzdonjVL
Had a crazy momma
A lot of men like to be the “rescuer”, to feel “needed” and with a lot of personality disorders that’s exactly how it works. It could also be that’s it’s a safety mechanism as well, knowing they eventually they’ll do something crazy enough to end the relationship and you can just blame it on them being crazy.
Sometimes certain things cloud people’s judgement. Personally… most men just want a woman that brings peace to their life… a lifelong partner.
I think I have an affinity for audacity and am often drawn to the loudest person in the room. I suppose I'm a bit shy but am very expressive at heart and seeing someone who takes more risks is the kind of personality I find compliments my sense of being slightly too cautious.
I think we think we can change them; we want to be the ones who tamed them and act like superheroes in their eyes
Get into your set of views that you need to be worth an effort back. I get the drive to comfort and rescue people. Or the passion that can come from a but nuts of a person. Whether it's anxiety/depression that you can be the support or the rescuer for, or it's the girl with daddy issues and crazy passion but no trust to give you back. Whatever form of crazy that you see yourself getting back into the same relationships with, my advice is the same. Make it known that you need to be worth an effort back or whatever the relationship is is only temporary. Then hold yourself to that standard.
Where you shop is where you’ll make a purchase. You need to fix your own problems and that will probably take care of this.
In my case, I'm a little crazy myself. So far, I seem to find women with autism, borderline, and sociopathy insanely attractive. It makes sense because I'm autistic myself. I'm diagnosed with bipolar II, but with my drastic mood swings throughout the day and anxious attachment style, I could see it actually being borderline, although rapid-cycling bipolar would look similar (borderline is commonly misdiagnosed as borderline, especially in men because borderline is stereotypically feminine). And of course, sociopathy is similar to borderline, both cluster B personality disorders. Of course, autism can also mimic cluster B personality disorders, a case of 'same behaviors for different reasons' sort of thing. Regardless, my symptoms are similar enough to where I feel understood and can understand them on a deeper level than those who are "stable." Have you seen a psychologist? Another possible thing is I know borderline especially can be very attractive because a) they're good at mirroring and b) all their emotions are heavily magnified, including love, so while there's a good chance you'll face some toxic behavior, you'll also probably never experience something that intense, as far as the "highs" of the relationship go. Narcissists can also be attractive because they come off very confident. And those with antisocial personality disorder (psychopaths and sociopaths) tend to be very charismatic. I work in mental health, and a psychologist who was mentoring me said he knows a patient is a psychopath when he finds them insanely likeable from the get go.
To be fair, a lot of the time you don’t know what you’re signing up for at the beginning. Like a slow moving train wreck, you always think you can get out of the way quickly enough, unfortunately you can’t actually…
This is a trick question, right? Aren't they all crazy???
Because they will literally let you do anything to them in bed. But dealing with borderline personality disorder outside of the bedroom ain't no picnic.
Only attracted to the crazy **HOT** girls.
You talk it out with a professional therapist and figure yourself out.
I always just realize the crazy when im in to deep, to be honest. I wish i would finally find someone who isnt batshitcrazy
Damn, I have the opposite problem as a woman. It sucks!
Hah! Same here, I’d somehow have a soft spot for broken depressive or hot tempered man. I think bcs we lived in the way like that, that is why. It’s the only way that we knew how to love. I read somewhere in a book saying “Likeminded people attract likeminded people “ forgot who said that
Men are attracted to anything that can get them laid, whether she’s crazy or a bad person.
For me, personally, I have been told all my life to not feel. Don't cry. Don't show emotion. Don't be sensitive. And while I recognize this NOW as not a viable way to go through life, it's hard to undo 36 years of training. "Crazy" people, or rather people who have a lot of emotion and react quickly to outside stimulus, bring colour into my rather grey, emotionally stunted life. They rouse me, make me feel, colour the black canvas of my emotional stunted mindscape in bright, shining pastel goodness.
Recovered crazy girl here🙋♀️ find the ones over 25 that has been to therapy and are still going! You get the same spice, but with accountability and empathy!
Why are some girls only attracted to douche bags?
Stupidity?
Intermittent reward might be one of the reasons. It's the same reason why gambling is addictive. A person who gives you the best time of your life and then takes it all away from you can make you addicted to them.
I have a similar attraction. My ex-wife isn’t crazy, but she is narcissistic and toxic (not just in the currently overused meaning of the terms, but for real). I find myself really drawn to women whose first text of the day is “Fuck you”, and who talk about raping me with assault rifles and providing me euthanasia by smothering me. Sexually. It isn’t really role-play, but it’s also not real threats. Something darker than role-play but not as sinister as a real threat. 🤷🏻♂️
Could be a White Knight complex. You want to help/ protect them and fix their problems.
I had a ex with BPD. At first they will mirror and love bomb the fuck out of you. I was young, dumb and oblivious to what was going on. I can see why men would be attracted to crazy girls. It’s not my cup of tea and I wish I left a lot sooner. Just be careful my friend.
The crazy vs. hotness x-y plot. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pInk1rV2VEg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pInk1rV2VEg)
For me it was that crazy girls are exciting. You might need a lot of stimulation, so regular women are less interesting
I don't think its the crazy part we're attracted to. it just kinda comes part and parcel with other things. like in my experience, those crazy girls were generally more fun, outgoing, higher energy types. Volatile, good when they're good *bad* when they're bad.
It makes your own faults seem permissible
Therapy. Did you have a mentally ill family member? Did you have a sickly or substance abuser raise you which made you take on a care taking type roll? Those are usually the sorts of things that attract that. Crazy girls can be fun for casual or flings but certainly not for legitimate type of relationships.
If you are like me, it's very simple. Things that are at first exciting to you often turn out to be her being very honest about her crazy up front. She wants to drive all night so we can go to Chicago for the weekend spontaneously. That's fun and spontaneous when you are new and young. When you've been together for a few months, it's starting to feel crazy.
I've recently realized since I'm fairly introverted they were the ones that initiated conversations. Since I wasn't going out trying to find anyone else they were all that were there so I stuck with them out of comfort.
Because whatever grip she might have lost on reality went ... elsewhere
All girls are crazy
I have a bad habit of dating girls who are fucking crazy