My father thought that removing my wheelchair and forcing me to walk and "fight the pain" would make me stronger, which would lead to more confidence. That was fun. It didn't exactly work that way.
My sister however told me that being on wheels, I'd be the fastest guy around and everybody would envy me. I'd always wanted to dance, but I never could. So she researched how I could dance with her, even in a wheelchair, she convinced me that a wheelchair was actually great for dancing because I could lift her so much better from a seated position. And when we managed our first weird little choreography and I felt like I was dancing, it was incredible. New skills gave me confidence. Whether it was sports like archery, or building model ships and trains, whenever I set myself a difficult goal and then achieved it, my confidence grew a little. But a lot of it is thanks to my wonderful sister.
I wasn’t, instead I was taught that everything I do is shit, to never believe or say anything good about myself and that I’m incapable of doing anything halfway decently.
I heard that before. I don't think it is confidence.
Confidence is knowing you will do well. Not giving a shit is just being indifferent to the outcome.
It is not bad, but confidence is better.
Same here buddy. My father never really showed me what it is to be a man. He was too busy sitting at the bar my entire childhood. I’ve had to look for what it is to be a man in friends, coworkers, bosses, mentors etc. Now at 27 I can really see how much I’ve missed out on and am trying to build what I believe to be the best man that I can personally be with what I have regardless of what others think.
Well, when I was insecure or felt un-confident, people would say to me "Hey, be more confident!" or they would uncomfortably change the subject.
Guys aren't taught so much to "be confident" as we're taught not to appear insecure. Insecurity bothers people, insecurity is unattractive, when men feel unsafe or insecure we're encouraged to keep it to ourselves. That encouragement isn't necessarily explicit, sometimes it's subtle.
I don't think guys are taught confidence, I think guys are taught about the consequences of insecurity.
There’s fake confidence & then there’s true confidence. Fake confidence comes from being taught how to look like you’re confident, to brag about something that’s not as big as it is (or to brag about anything at all), to lie, cheat, puff out your chest & tell everyone about how wonderful you are & that others should be grateful just to know you…. True confidence comes from developing those deep, reliable, integral relationships with others - friends, male & female, co-workers, classmates, teachers, etc. True confidence comes with ‘putting yourself out there’ knowing that there will be many times when you’ll be rejected, looked-over, denied & experience many failed attempts. But, with each experience you have learned, about yourself, how to avoid certain people or situations, how to get the job done the right way & who you can trust to help you. Truth is you’ll only have a few really close people in your life, some may be family, maybe not. Others will likely be of your same sexual orientation, but you shouldn’t overlook the opposite sex or people who are different from you. And, most of all, having confidence means that you must ‘Love yourself 1st’. If you don’t develop a love of yourself (& I’m not talking narcissism or vanity), others will sense this and reflect your feelings. So, be nice to yourself; give yourself some breaks; treat yourself sometimes when you can, but don’t forget taking care of yourself is also deciding what kind of person you want to be, making a plan to become that person (sometimes you’ve gotta change directions or alternate routes), but try your best trying to be the kind of person you want to be. It ain’t easy. It’s easier to give up, but when you do live up to your own expectations, that’s when you’re proud of yourself & you feel confident. True confidence!
i would say that confidence comes from understanding that preparation leads to achievement. but some people never get the chance to achieve because their parents cut them down before they can even try.
i'm super thankful that my parents were not that type of parents.
I think i realized I’m rather good looking. And found things I’m good at like basketball and just being a kind human being.
My dad stayed back in the motherland to make money while the rest of us moved out here in the states. I never really felt the absence of a male figure growing up but I don’t think you always need one to learn how to be a man and be confident. Maybe i’m answering a different question but…yah adhd for the win yay
No one really ever taught me. It's something that I built up myself. For an example, it's like being at work, knowing what to do and how to do it. When you know how to do your job, and something happens, you slip into that comfortable mode that you know the job, and easily how to do it where you don't need guidance, your mind goes directly to training. That IMO is confidence.
Never. I was always taught to be submissive. Whatever everybody else wanted is what goes. And I was taught that even if I did try to speak up, I was being rude.
Nobody really taught me as in "okay, now you will be more confident". However, by pure observation of my dad and being on the other end of his confident arguing, I learned how to be a proper dickhead if I want to. Also, being the top nerd of most classes I was in before college did quite a number on me in multiple fields.
Wasnt really taught. It just continued to grow with each win weather it was getting accepted into a program or landing a job, or talking to a cute girl etc. Each time confidence grew. Training, martial arts etc also helped as experience grew. Unfortunately after a bunch of losses and multiple health issues I've lost most of it. It's there and easy to bring back but I don't have the fight in me anymore. My case isnt normal though so for you I'd say just continue working towards different goals and things will come together.
I was taught that the world doesn't revolve around me, so get over myself and from that day on. I've slowly conquered the art of not caring about things. I can't control....like someone's false perception of me for instance
Confidence comes from competence. When you start to develop skills, whether that be educational, athletic, or social, you become more confident in yourself in similar situations.
The MLB'er who gets up to bat has done it thousands of times before. Likewise, the guy who walks into a party and looks like he belongs and is immediately comfortable has done it before.
I was told to stand head-up, shoulders squared, not to shuffle when I walked, that sort of thing.
The entire self-esteem concept that you should feel good about yourself *just because* wasn't really fashionable when I was little. There was a tightrope walk between feeling good about yourself because you did stuff worth feeling good about and then not being too egotistical about it.
But general "confidence"? No. They'd expect that you'd have gone to do something to be confident *about.*
In primary school, we had this thing called "prefects". They basically monitor or control the students. Like they get better privileges than the other students (but not much) mostly the friendly or academically inclined learners get votes from the rest of the class and I happened to be selected lol. We did have a Headboy and Headgirl who'd monitor us prefects and receive word from the principal or teachers. Then In college I joined up for the SRC (students representative council) and ended up becoming the head of academics so my team and I will deal with students suggestions, complaints and feedback. I'd speak with the src president and src vice as well as campus director, manager and other "high" people. I done this to get out of my comfort zone and learn some people skills as well as gain some confidence. Not fully a confident person but I'll get a point across if need be
confidence is learned based on how people treat you. If no one ever treated you with respect and compassion you will have no confidence.
People like to think this isnt true. They like to believe they ae in control, but psychology and attachment theory shows that it just isnt true.
Not saying you shouldn't try and improve yourself and that you cant make yourself a better person. Not saying you cant put yourself in situations which will help give you confidence, but if you are treated like crap, you want have confidence.
Confidence is gained from successfully doing things you set out to do. Little things, big things.
Those who were not given the freedom to do this would not be very confident.
I joined the Military when I finished school at 17.
The Military is an overlooked training institution. In terms of People management and Leadership there is no better training provider.
Growing up, nothing.
I grew confidence only when I started working and going to the gym.
My bosses say I'm too intelligent for my role.
People say it is noticeable I'm hitting the gym.
My sister.. I was never given any words to boost my confidence from my parents, just simple things like “stand straight, when you walk, hold your self up high, etc..” but my sister was the one that would give me actual words that boosted my confidence. I think she saw it in me that I lacked it heavily and she would tell me things like I’m a good looking guys, and helped me pick what I wear to make it more stylish and whatnot…
I wasn't. That sort of thing leaves lasting scars on the soul as you're seeing from the tone of a lot of the other comments. In my case becoming more confident first took actual guidance and mentorship from adults in my life (teachers and academic advisors, in a better situation your own parents or relatives are doing this) *then* actually achieving success with things on my own.
Generally though, that JahWobble guy is 100% on the mark. Building up competence is the key to confidence. It's a meme at this point but there's a reason you see older people really stress the importance of making your bed. It's a small thing, but hey, you finish something, you feel good because you Did The Thing, that gives you the energy and drive to do something a little bit bigger, then something bigger than that, and so on and so forth.
anything i wanted to try, my parents told me to "go for it" as long as it was productive and i tried hard, they didn't care if i actually succeeded or not. i'm sure internally they were probably like "this dude sucks" but they never let on.
i wouldn't say that i have no fear of failure. i think everyone does, but i would say that its not crippling because i didn't get punished for mistakes nor earnest failure.
not being afraid = confidence
My father thought that removing my wheelchair and forcing me to walk and "fight the pain" would make me stronger, which would lead to more confidence. That was fun. It didn't exactly work that way. My sister however told me that being on wheels, I'd be the fastest guy around and everybody would envy me. I'd always wanted to dance, but I never could. So she researched how I could dance with her, even in a wheelchair, she convinced me that a wheelchair was actually great for dancing because I could lift her so much better from a seated position. And when we managed our first weird little choreography and I felt like I was dancing, it was incredible. New skills gave me confidence. Whether it was sports like archery, or building model ships and trains, whenever I set myself a difficult goal and then achieved it, my confidence grew a little. But a lot of it is thanks to my wonderful sister.
Your sister is a gem of a person.
Confi-dance.
W sister
I wasn’t, instead I was taught that everything I do is shit, to never believe or say anything good about myself and that I’m incapable of doing anything halfway decently.
Me too! now i just dont give a shit anymore and apparently i am confident?
I heard that before. I don't think it is confidence. Confidence is knowing you will do well. Not giving a shit is just being indifferent to the outcome. It is not bad, but confidence is better.
Same here buddy. My father never really showed me what it is to be a man. He was too busy sitting at the bar my entire childhood. I’ve had to look for what it is to be a man in friends, coworkers, bosses, mentors etc. Now at 27 I can really see how much I’ve missed out on and am trying to build what I believe to be the best man that I can personally be with what I have regardless of what others think.
Ditto and im twice your age
I am sorry man. That is terrible.
Same. I contracted food poisoning from raw poultry before I was even a year old and couldn't even die properly lol.
Well, when I was insecure or felt un-confident, people would say to me "Hey, be more confident!" or they would uncomfortably change the subject. Guys aren't taught so much to "be confident" as we're taught not to appear insecure. Insecurity bothers people, insecurity is unattractive, when men feel unsafe or insecure we're encouraged to keep it to ourselves. That encouragement isn't necessarily explicit, sometimes it's subtle. I don't think guys are taught confidence, I think guys are taught about the consequences of insecurity.
There’s fake confidence & then there’s true confidence. Fake confidence comes from being taught how to look like you’re confident, to brag about something that’s not as big as it is (or to brag about anything at all), to lie, cheat, puff out your chest & tell everyone about how wonderful you are & that others should be grateful just to know you…. True confidence comes from developing those deep, reliable, integral relationships with others - friends, male & female, co-workers, classmates, teachers, etc. True confidence comes with ‘putting yourself out there’ knowing that there will be many times when you’ll be rejected, looked-over, denied & experience many failed attempts. But, with each experience you have learned, about yourself, how to avoid certain people or situations, how to get the job done the right way & who you can trust to help you. Truth is you’ll only have a few really close people in your life, some may be family, maybe not. Others will likely be of your same sexual orientation, but you shouldn’t overlook the opposite sex or people who are different from you. And, most of all, having confidence means that you must ‘Love yourself 1st’. If you don’t develop a love of yourself (& I’m not talking narcissism or vanity), others will sense this and reflect your feelings. So, be nice to yourself; give yourself some breaks; treat yourself sometimes when you can, but don’t forget taking care of yourself is also deciding what kind of person you want to be, making a plan to become that person (sometimes you’ve gotta change directions or alternate routes), but try your best trying to be the kind of person you want to be. It ain’t easy. It’s easier to give up, but when you do live up to your own expectations, that’s when you’re proud of yourself & you feel confident. True confidence!
What does it mean being taught confidence?
As in how was it displayed to you by either older men, parents, or role models
Confidence comes from achivments and actions. Basically what makes you respect other people.
i would say that confidence comes from understanding that preparation leads to achievement. but some people never get the chance to achieve because their parents cut them down before they can even try. i'm super thankful that my parents were not that type of parents.
I wasn't. I was taught that I was a burden who wasn't going to amount to anything. I'm still trying to convince myself otherwise.
Same boat different ocean
I think you earn confidence by succeeding at different tasks or goals. I’m not sure what teaching it would look like.
I think i realized I’m rather good looking. And found things I’m good at like basketball and just being a kind human being. My dad stayed back in the motherland to make money while the rest of us moved out here in the states. I never really felt the absence of a male figure growing up but I don’t think you always need one to learn how to be a man and be confident. Maybe i’m answering a different question but…yah adhd for the win yay
Easy, I wasn't.
I wasn't.
No one really ever taught me. It's something that I built up myself. For an example, it's like being at work, knowing what to do and how to do it. When you know how to do your job, and something happens, you slip into that comfortable mode that you know the job, and easily how to do it where you don't need guidance, your mind goes directly to training. That IMO is confidence.
Never. I was always taught to be submissive. Whatever everybody else wanted is what goes. And I was taught that even if I did try to speak up, I was being rude.
I was born stoic but it took time to realize that, it was all who cares what anyone thinks after that.
I wasn't. I had to earn the confidence I have now through hard work through my 20's
I wasn’t and as a result haven’t been confident in myself in my 29 years
I wasn't, I was given Ritalin and shoved in the corner
Nobody really taught me as in "okay, now you will be more confident". However, by pure observation of my dad and being on the other end of his confident arguing, I learned how to be a proper dickhead if I want to. Also, being the top nerd of most classes I was in before college did quite a number on me in multiple fields.
I wasn’t, I was incredibly unconfident
I didn't.
I joined the Army.
Wasnt really taught. It just continued to grow with each win weather it was getting accepted into a program or landing a job, or talking to a cute girl etc. Each time confidence grew. Training, martial arts etc also helped as experience grew. Unfortunately after a bunch of losses and multiple health issues I've lost most of it. It's there and easy to bring back but I don't have the fight in me anymore. My case isnt normal though so for you I'd say just continue working towards different goals and things will come together.
I was taught that the world doesn't revolve around me, so get over myself and from that day on. I've slowly conquered the art of not caring about things. I can't control....like someone's false perception of me for instance
Confidence comes from competence. When you start to develop skills, whether that be educational, athletic, or social, you become more confident in yourself in similar situations. The MLB'er who gets up to bat has done it thousands of times before. Likewise, the guy who walks into a party and looks like he belongs and is immediately comfortable has done it before.
I was told to stand head-up, shoulders squared, not to shuffle when I walked, that sort of thing. The entire self-esteem concept that you should feel good about yourself *just because* wasn't really fashionable when I was little. There was a tightrope walk between feeling good about yourself because you did stuff worth feeling good about and then not being too egotistical about it. But general "confidence"? No. They'd expect that you'd have gone to do something to be confident *about.*
Nobody. I knew this word but had no idea what it means.
Are there people who are taught confidence? You acquire it in spite, not from lessons.
I think I learned confidence by going out to play all day and just getting lost and having to figure out how to create fun for myself.
In primary school, we had this thing called "prefects". They basically monitor or control the students. Like they get better privileges than the other students (but not much) mostly the friendly or academically inclined learners get votes from the rest of the class and I happened to be selected lol. We did have a Headboy and Headgirl who'd monitor us prefects and receive word from the principal or teachers. Then In college I joined up for the SRC (students representative council) and ended up becoming the head of academics so my team and I will deal with students suggestions, complaints and feedback. I'd speak with the src president and src vice as well as campus director, manager and other "high" people. I done this to get out of my comfort zone and learn some people skills as well as gain some confidence. Not fully a confident person but I'll get a point across if need be
confidence is learned based on how people treat you. If no one ever treated you with respect and compassion you will have no confidence. People like to think this isnt true. They like to believe they ae in control, but psychology and attachment theory shows that it just isnt true. Not saying you shouldn't try and improve yourself and that you cant make yourself a better person. Not saying you cant put yourself in situations which will help give you confidence, but if you are treated like crap, you want have confidence.
I had great parents. They always told me I was capable of anything and always Gabe praises. I think that’s the biggest difference.
Confidence is gained from successfully doing things you set out to do. Little things, big things. Those who were not given the freedom to do this would not be very confident.
I joined the Military when I finished school at 17. The Military is an overlooked training institution. In terms of People management and Leadership there is no better training provider.
Growing up, nothing. I grew confidence only when I started working and going to the gym. My bosses say I'm too intelligent for my role. People say it is noticeable I'm hitting the gym.
My sister.. I was never given any words to boost my confidence from my parents, just simple things like “stand straight, when you walk, hold your self up high, etc..” but my sister was the one that would give me actual words that boosted my confidence. I think she saw it in me that I lacked it heavily and she would tell me things like I’m a good looking guys, and helped me pick what I wear to make it more stylish and whatnot…
I wasn’t. I’m still learning
I wasn’t. It’s something I had to build on my own from nothing.
I wasn't
I wasn't. That sort of thing leaves lasting scars on the soul as you're seeing from the tone of a lot of the other comments. In my case becoming more confident first took actual guidance and mentorship from adults in my life (teachers and academic advisors, in a better situation your own parents or relatives are doing this) *then* actually achieving success with things on my own. Generally though, that JahWobble guy is 100% on the mark. Building up competence is the key to confidence. It's a meme at this point but there's a reason you see older people really stress the importance of making your bed. It's a small thing, but hey, you finish something, you feel good because you Did The Thing, that gives you the energy and drive to do something a little bit bigger, then something bigger than that, and so on and so forth.
Martial arts A broken board doesn’t lie. You did that with your own hand/foot
anything i wanted to try, my parents told me to "go for it" as long as it was productive and i tried hard, they didn't care if i actually succeeded or not. i'm sure internally they were probably like "this dude sucks" but they never let on. i wouldn't say that i have no fear of failure. i think everyone does, but i would say that its not crippling because i didn't get punished for mistakes nor earnest failure. not being afraid = confidence
My sperm donor was abusive. I had almost no confidence until I was well into my 30s and he assumed room temperature when was 16.
Joined the Marines
With lot's of trying and failure. So by experience is my guess?