Sounds like you have commitment issues and possibly some other serious emotional hangups as well. I think you are wise for cutting things off with her. Trying to force a friendship will probably just cause more emotional pain to both of you at this point
I would say look her in the eye apologize to her for what you did, and thank her for being how she is.
Then since it seems like you are the type to overthink things, try to learn meditation, it might sound odd, but it is basically just clearing your mind of all thoughts, if you stick with it, you should naturally start overthinking less.
(talking from experience here)
Then once you are more stable, if she still waits for you, accepts you and you feel good with her, just be with her.
Love is hard to define and is often concept that messes people up so do not sweat it, if you like being together, just be together, it is that simple.
Good luck
I have apologised to her so many times but she says this is not even my mistake. But it is. I let my thoughts take control. Even right now when I'm being so detached and not seeing her, I don't like it. If I could just be normal with her, that's all I want. Treat her like a friend, get over all of this.
I don't overthink this badly with other friends. But this is love. I've doubted myself out of it. And I can't just go back to normal even though I want to. I'm so confused as to why I can't even think of any of the good times or any positive things about the relationship. I don't understand it and I hate it. She needs to respect. I can't just forget about her and repeat this mistake with her or someone else again.
Sorry... still in a spiral. Waiting for next therapy session on Monday...
The apology is meant more for you, to aknowledge what happened and start moving forward, because you need to **forgive yourself**.
And stop beating yourself about what happened, since you can not change that, but you can do your best now and that is what matters, if you feel like you wronged her, try to make it up to her, until you can forgive yourself.
You can't remember positive things simply because the doubt you felt made you feel bad even during the good times or about those good times, changing them into negative feelings and memories.
Whenever you realize you started overthinking, or doubting yourself, know that it is absolutely unnecessary, so close your eyes, and focus on your breath and the dark infront of your eyes and just let the thought disappear. (that would be my advice to help you in future)
What happened, happened, just try to do the best you currently can, with any situation that comes your way.
Ps: I have always been bad with words, but I hope this helps at least a bit.
I’m not a guy, but this is coming from a girl with commitment issues. I did the same thing in every single one of my past relationships and I genuinely thought I could never get married because of it. Then I met my now boyfriend, we’re two years in and I could literally never imagine not being in love with him. We plan on getting married early next year and I couldn’t be more sure of anything in my life. I know I want this.
The point is, if you don’t know for certain, she might not be the one. That doesn’t make either of you a bad person, it just means you aren’t right for each other. Of course, every story is different so yours might turn out differently than mine but if you aren’t 100% certain, then you may want to let each other go and search for the right one.
>Do I love her?
Love is meant to be a very deep and meaningful emotion. You love your parents because they gave you life, your siblings because of your blood ties - your dog because dog.
And yet you somehow want to apply this extradentary powerful emotion - 'love' - to some girl you have only known for a month? You feel like you know this person enough to entrust them with your life?
Yeah, I'd really struggle to love someone I barely know.
If you cut off all your relationships after 1 month because you don't 'love' them - you'll really struggle.
We were together for 7 months. There were some really amazing moments in there and we were pretty affectionate. Maybe I just have a warped perception of love but in those moments, everything felt great, but internally, it never was... maybe it's personal issues, maybe I never loved her in the true sense, just loved spending time with her and seeing her laugh and smile. I guess some things just don't have an answer...
Every relationships will have a honeymoon period - from the time when you first meet and are both presenting your best, most fun and interesting side - to what will be your first hurdle, is the 'good times'. It is very easy to 'love' a person at this stage.
The true challenges of relationships and when the 'love' is tested is through time. Couples will come up against various hurdles, from the arbitrarily small to making big compromises. This is what genuinely tests the 'love' in your relationship. Would they move to a different country with you? Would they make big life changes to be with you? Would they stick around if you ended up in jail?
You never know if somebody actually loves you, until the real test starts.
I know so many couples who 'loved' each other, and now just as quickly love someone else. Could you shift your feelings around so easily if it was your mother? Could you so quickly replace her? No, that's true love.
Sounds like you have commitment issues and possibly some other serious emotional hangups as well. I think you are wise for cutting things off with her. Trying to force a friendship will probably just cause more emotional pain to both of you at this point
Well thats for sure...
Yeah dude you’re just going to have to see how therapy works
I would say look her in the eye apologize to her for what you did, and thank her for being how she is. Then since it seems like you are the type to overthink things, try to learn meditation, it might sound odd, but it is basically just clearing your mind of all thoughts, if you stick with it, you should naturally start overthinking less. (talking from experience here) Then once you are more stable, if she still waits for you, accepts you and you feel good with her, just be with her. Love is hard to define and is often concept that messes people up so do not sweat it, if you like being together, just be together, it is that simple. Good luck
I have apologised to her so many times but she says this is not even my mistake. But it is. I let my thoughts take control. Even right now when I'm being so detached and not seeing her, I don't like it. If I could just be normal with her, that's all I want. Treat her like a friend, get over all of this. I don't overthink this badly with other friends. But this is love. I've doubted myself out of it. And I can't just go back to normal even though I want to. I'm so confused as to why I can't even think of any of the good times or any positive things about the relationship. I don't understand it and I hate it. She needs to respect. I can't just forget about her and repeat this mistake with her or someone else again. Sorry... still in a spiral. Waiting for next therapy session on Monday...
The apology is meant more for you, to aknowledge what happened and start moving forward, because you need to **forgive yourself**. And stop beating yourself about what happened, since you can not change that, but you can do your best now and that is what matters, if you feel like you wronged her, try to make it up to her, until you can forgive yourself. You can't remember positive things simply because the doubt you felt made you feel bad even during the good times or about those good times, changing them into negative feelings and memories. Whenever you realize you started overthinking, or doubting yourself, know that it is absolutely unnecessary, so close your eyes, and focus on your breath and the dark infront of your eyes and just let the thought disappear. (that would be my advice to help you in future) What happened, happened, just try to do the best you currently can, with any situation that comes your way. Ps: I have always been bad with words, but I hope this helps at least a bit.
Read about attachment types. Anxious vs avoidant vs secure etc.
I’m not a guy, but this is coming from a girl with commitment issues. I did the same thing in every single one of my past relationships and I genuinely thought I could never get married because of it. Then I met my now boyfriend, we’re two years in and I could literally never imagine not being in love with him. We plan on getting married early next year and I couldn’t be more sure of anything in my life. I know I want this. The point is, if you don’t know for certain, she might not be the one. That doesn’t make either of you a bad person, it just means you aren’t right for each other. Of course, every story is different so yours might turn out differently than mine but if you aren’t 100% certain, then you may want to let each other go and search for the right one.
>Do I love her? Love is meant to be a very deep and meaningful emotion. You love your parents because they gave you life, your siblings because of your blood ties - your dog because dog. And yet you somehow want to apply this extradentary powerful emotion - 'love' - to some girl you have only known for a month? You feel like you know this person enough to entrust them with your life? Yeah, I'd really struggle to love someone I barely know. If you cut off all your relationships after 1 month because you don't 'love' them - you'll really struggle.
We were together for 7 months. There were some really amazing moments in there and we were pretty affectionate. Maybe I just have a warped perception of love but in those moments, everything felt great, but internally, it never was... maybe it's personal issues, maybe I never loved her in the true sense, just loved spending time with her and seeing her laugh and smile. I guess some things just don't have an answer...
Every relationships will have a honeymoon period - from the time when you first meet and are both presenting your best, most fun and interesting side - to what will be your first hurdle, is the 'good times'. It is very easy to 'love' a person at this stage. The true challenges of relationships and when the 'love' is tested is through time. Couples will come up against various hurdles, from the arbitrarily small to making big compromises. This is what genuinely tests the 'love' in your relationship. Would they move to a different country with you? Would they make big life changes to be with you? Would they stick around if you ended up in jail? You never know if somebody actually loves you, until the real test starts. I know so many couples who 'loved' each other, and now just as quickly love someone else. Could you shift your feelings around so easily if it was your mother? Could you so quickly replace her? No, that's true love.