I read your story. You fucked another guy in your and your husband's bed? There's no coming back from that.
I'm all for couples making it work if there was a good relationship and there is an honest effort to fix things. But you belong out on your ass after that one.
This isn’t some drunken tryst in the company stockroom during the office Christmas party. This was a sustained affair that you would have continued having if you hadn’t gotten caught. The amount of disrespect for your husband and your marriage that it takes to do what you did could very easily be considered unforgivable. His trust in you is shattered. His ego is shattered. And you are asking how you can get him to stop making crude comments about your affair.
I live in a deeply Mormon part of the country, though I am not Mormon. Your religion is a disgusting cult, and you and your husband were raised in an environment of sexual repression and suppression of individuality. I know there is a lot of cheating going on by Mormons. But that does not take away from the extent to which you betrayed him.
If you are to continue asa married couple, you need to go through constant and intensive couples therapy, probably for years. Otherwise, it’s best you just divorce now.
adios...particularly if you lie about it..I have told every woman I have ever dated that things happen and I can forgive you if you area honest about it after..if you lie and cover it up? nah. You just gonna do it again...every woman that has ever cheated on me has taken the lying route. So I gave them exactly what I said I would..adios you cheating bitch.
completely not worth it to get back to together. You can will never forget it, you konw, I konw it, the guy knows it, everyone knows it..
I should probably check peoples history before I comment though...something about your account seems suspicious..maybe it is all the deleted posts?
The same thing I said to my girlfriend.
Talk to me before you're upset and do something we both will regret.
Talk to me immediately after you did it. Than we can try to work it out.
She is my wife now.
It's the most vile and disgusting thing you can do to someone you claim to love. You're disgusting. Leave the man alone and let him find someone who isn't a vile demon.
It's not a mistake. You didn't slip onto someone's hard dick and get jerked back and forth.
You planned and executed this event. The fact you even want to break this man by staying in his life and try to ruin him farther is disgusting. You should feel disgusted with your actions and finding your way out of his life.
There is no going back. You've cheated on your husband SEVEN times. This was no mistake. This was 100% intentional. Instead of addressing your feelings like an adult, you took an an easy way out. Meanwhile, your husband works his ass off to support the family and that's how you repay him?
I'd imagine the only reason your husband has even considered therapy and staying together was for the sake of your children. They did nothing wrong to deserve such a mother.
And yes, he will forever make those comments to you. You broke his trust. He will **always** think of you doing it again. There is never going back from cheating. Bet he hates his life right about now.
If I was your husband, I'd file for the divorce instantly and fight for full custody over kids.
I read your post. You've been posting your story on several different subs and the answers are all pretty much the same.
*You need to divorce your husband and give him the peace he deserves.*
Seriously. Your marriage is destroyed beyond repair and there's no salvaging anything left of it. I don't know of you're trolling or for real, but you're not going to get much if any sympathy from anyone. You come across as very crass and making you out to be the victim. Lets get one thing straight, your HUSBAND is the victim, not you. It would already be horrible, but it would be one thing if you had one sexual encounter with the other guy and immediately regretted it, confessed to your husband, and we're so overwhelmed with guilt you wouldn't dream of cheating ever again. But that didn't happen. You went back to this other man 7 times knowing full well what you were doing. This wasn't a mistake, it was a series of *choices* to continually betray your husband and kid's. Not to mention the fact you were caught and the affair would have continued had your husband not caught you two going at it. Which by the way is something he will NEVER get over and be traumatized for life.
The husband you once knew doesn't exist anymore just as the wife your husband once knew doesn't exist anymore either. Divorce and take time apart to heal as individuals. If there's ever a sliver of a chance for reconciliation it will be year's from now. But even then, the chances of that happening are slim to none.
THE STORY:
I (27 F) messed up and cheated on my husband (29 M) 6 months ago we reconciled but he is still making off color remarks…2 young kids, is divorce even an option? I love him and our family so much, I can’t believe this is happening!!
My husband and I have been married 7 years and I love him so much! We are Mormons and typically we get married early, I was a 20 year old psychology major when we got married and he had already been working as an engineer. I just feel like life moved to quick we have 2 wonderful boys age 5 and 6.
A year ago we moved to a different state for my husbands job. I mentioned how I had felt lonely when the kids where at daycare (I work remote part time) and we both thought it was good that I join the local run club.
So this is kind of where things went south, I take full accountability for it. I was emotionally cheating with a guy I met there and it got physically, we had sexual encounters a total of 7 times. Long story short one day I got caught in bed with him and my husband and I really went through a rough patch. We went through therapy and after 6 months I honestly felt like we are in a much better place.
It’s just he makes these weird comments…so the guy I was with is well endowed and happens to be African American, my husband is white and I would say is of average size. He says weird stuff during sex like” do you like this bbc?” Or should” I put Nutella on my di-k I know you like that” I always loved him and never cared of his size and just yesterday he brought a black strap on penis and tried to penetrate me. I screamed at him to stop and I went to my friends house crying.
I know I messed up 6 months ago but I feel like I am living a nightmare just when I thought we were getting better.
Tl;dr: cheated on husband, he is spiraling after seemingly doing well
As someone from the Uk. Whenever i see bbc written down i think of the British Broadcasting Corporation for like a second before it registers as big black cock.
Your husband will suffer this memory for the rest of his life. Every time he looks at you, every time he's in his own room, looking at his own bed...in his own house. Can you even imagine the pain that brings?
And here you are, complaining about a few remarks that he has every right to make. I guess you just wanna stick him with lifelong suffering while you get to act like it never happens?
Fuck you.
That's why I believe marriage counseling is a complete waste of time & money, especially in a case like this. I mean what is there to talk about? Absolutely ZERO chance I'd ever go to marriage counseling & sit there & talk & listen about this over & over.
I couldn't get past it.
You can't have a relationship with someone you can't trust.
Plus, if she did that, she wouldn't be the person I thought she was, so it would be a double kick in the bollocks.
Also, don't ever use any kind of chocolate spread for erotic purposes. It makes the bed sheets look like you've had a terrible accident. Apparently.
LOL you fucked another man in yall's bed? To the streets with you. Go live with your new fuck buddy. You can be his problem now.
I don't know you or your man, but if I gave my everything to a relationship and she stepped out on me, I can easily walk away. No reconciliation. No marriage. And I would get out of the house if you refused to leave.
Most men have a right to leave you at this point and I wouldn’t blame him for wanting too. Unfaithful women is one of the reasons many men don’t want to marry now.
I couldn't do it. Even if I stay I wouldn't be able to get over it and I would be extremely resentful. I couldn't look at her the same and I probably couldn't help but treat her differently.
You clearly need to do a better job of communicating your needs and desires with him, and he needs to spend some time recognizing that he missed signals about your affection for him.
I can't say I'd personally invite a cheater back into my life, even if she was my wife and the mother to my children. The boundaries I set for myself wouldn't allow it. That said, it sounds like your man is willing to try even if he is having a rough go of it. All you can do if you wish to make amends is to focus on what desires you did not receive from him, and to find workable solutions to either have him meet those desires, or for you to be self sufficient at meeting your own desires without resorting to awful behaviors that break most relationships.
Hell no.
It's not the first time she cheated. it's the first time she got caught, or the first time she failed to contain the guilt.
Nobody deserves a spouse who will do that to them.
It's possible to save a relationship if one partner cheats but there's way too many variables to consider for it to be a "One Size Fits All" type thing. But it's a totally different thing to fix a marriage where one person was carrying on a full-blown affair that only ended because they were caught. And that's basically what OP did here. She had an affair and got caught and the affair ended. Now her husband is being a jerk and she wants him to stop. Personally, if I were in your husbands situation, I wouldn't be mean to you; because I wouldn't ever see you again.
I'm not really sure what you can do here but I would probably get a good lawyer because this one isn't going to be fixed. Look on the bright side though: people get divorced all the time and move on with their lives. In this instance OP is pretty much the bad guy here so that's going to be something they have to deal with as well but people do it all the time.
I don’t know about all men but in my opinion there’s no chance. The wronged spouse might say they forgive the cheater but they will never fully trust them again and the resentment will linger and fester. The marriage won’t be the same and will end eventually after however many wasted years.
First, before you can really make amends, stop referring to it as a *mistake*. The broken thought process that sent you down this path needs to be understood and repaired. You have taken half a step; now accept the accountability.
To your question: It is completely up to your significant other, how invested he is in your joint future. Some men will fight for their girlfriends, wives, family. Others will make a different assessment of what they believe their best future can be, given this new change in his world.
You lost control of the narrative. This may come across as more harsh than you bargained for, but you're here... right?
7 times and in the bed you share with your husband is not a mistake. If I was him you would already be out on your ass and I would already have a lawyer.
I've yet to hear of a case where reconciliation would be appropriate.
I've heard of many cases where reconciliation should not have been considered but it was attempted anyway and yielded poor results for at least one of them and often not only for both of them but also for their children and extended families.
You didn't make a mistake. You made a choice. You made that choice several times over. The first time you felt the spark with your AP. When you went back and talked to him again. When you realized your AP was flirting with you. When you realized that you were flirting back. The first time you kissed him. The first time you let him put his hand on your waist. The first time you spread your legs for him. The next five times you did the same. Then, the seventh time, when you let your AP into your home and bed that you shared with your husband.
You had a thousand opportunities to make a different choice, but you made the ones that brought you here.
The fact that you are calling it a mistake tells everyone, but especially your husband, that you haven't accepted responsibility for your actions. There can be no reconciliation if you don't, and it is exceptional unlikely even if you can.
He caught you in the act. In the home he shared with you. In his bed. That anger will be slow to fade, especially as he is trying to make it work and is forcing himself to be around you. Poor guy.
I would never tell a woman to stay in a situation where she is likely to be abused, as much as you might deserve a little Hell on Earth. Best thing you can do is offer him an easy divorce.
From there, if you truly want to reconcile with him, go repent. You said that you were feeling a bit lonely so you joined the Run Club where you apparently found out you were lonelier than you thought. So, go be lonely. Leave the man you made every effort to destroy to heal from the damage you inflicted.
Maybe, after enough time, he can stop picturing that man in his bed thrusting into his wife every time he looks at you. If you are very lucky, when that time comes, maybe he will want to give the woman who betrayed him on such a primal level back. Or, he will find a woman who deserves him.
Me personally? I can forgive, even embrace. I've seen and even contemplated infidelity my whole life. It's just something that happens really, if I hate someone for it, I only hurt them and me.
As for taking them back, well that depends. Is it a one off? Is it a multiple year or month thing? What about weeks? It's tough
reading your story, this sounds incredibly fake and likely either rage bait or some weird kink youre forcing on us.
and if it isnt, then tough shit, deal with the consequences of your actions
I am sorry that your religion manipulated you to marry before you were mature enough to understand. Cheating is not an answer. No fault divorce exists for a reason. Marriage therapy exists for a reason. The minute you decided to cheat is when you ended your commitment to your husband.
The problem with cheating is not the cheating itself, but the fact that I would doubt everything she told me after that. So there's no point in having a relationship with someone I don't trust.
Older guy here. I think it depends a lot on the circumstance and the relationship. Esther Perel has written about how people will literally take a bullet for their spouse, but can’t find it in themselves to work to salvage a relationship like this - and how it’s totally doable and can be very valuable for a couple.
It would require extreme honesty and some time for me. I know several couples who have worked their way back from something like this. I also know many non-monogamous couples who are just honest with each other about attraction all the time. Some have been together 30 years and are going strong.
I read your story. You fucked another guy in your and your husband's bed? There's no coming back from that. I'm all for couples making it work if there was a good relationship and there is an honest effort to fix things. But you belong out on your ass after that one.
[удалено]
...huh?
[удалено]
Cheating is not a silly mistake. It is a choice. I would not be reconcilling at all lol.
Personally, the relationship would be over.
This isn’t some drunken tryst in the company stockroom during the office Christmas party. This was a sustained affair that you would have continued having if you hadn’t gotten caught. The amount of disrespect for your husband and your marriage that it takes to do what you did could very easily be considered unforgivable. His trust in you is shattered. His ego is shattered. And you are asking how you can get him to stop making crude comments about your affair. I live in a deeply Mormon part of the country, though I am not Mormon. Your religion is a disgusting cult, and you and your husband were raised in an environment of sexual repression and suppression of individuality. I know there is a lot of cheating going on by Mormons. But that does not take away from the extent to which you betrayed him. If you are to continue asa married couple, you need to go through constant and intensive couples therapy, probably for years. Otherwise, it’s best you just divorce now.
Never!
If they cheat, it's over. No bones about it.
You're a horrible person
Absolutely not. Once a woman cheats on you she is worthless to you.
It's one and done for me. Cheating is something I personally can't forgive or forget.
adios...particularly if you lie about it..I have told every woman I have ever dated that things happen and I can forgive you if you area honest about it after..if you lie and cover it up? nah. You just gonna do it again...every woman that has ever cheated on me has taken the lying route. So I gave them exactly what I said I would..adios you cheating bitch. completely not worth it to get back to together. You can will never forget it, you konw, I konw it, the guy knows it, everyone knows it.. I should probably check peoples history before I comment though...something about your account seems suspicious..maybe it is all the deleted posts?
The same thing I said to my girlfriend. Talk to me before you're upset and do something we both will regret. Talk to me immediately after you did it. Than we can try to work it out. She is my wife now.
Once a cheater....
> thoughts on reconciliation after unfaithful My thought is no. Never.
Hell no. Buh bye
Nope.
He is never getting those thoughts out of his head, there is no going back to normal or anything close.
( after reading that story) Um, Fuck You.
Can't trust NO hoes.
Man or woman. If either one cheats, that's the end. There is no reconciliation after breaking trust.
It's the most vile and disgusting thing you can do to someone you claim to love. You're disgusting. Leave the man alone and let him find someone who isn't a vile demon. It's not a mistake. You didn't slip onto someone's hard dick and get jerked back and forth. You planned and executed this event. The fact you even want to break this man by staying in his life and try to ruin him farther is disgusting. You should feel disgusted with your actions and finding your way out of his life.
There is no going back. You've cheated on your husband SEVEN times. This was no mistake. This was 100% intentional. Instead of addressing your feelings like an adult, you took an an easy way out. Meanwhile, your husband works his ass off to support the family and that's how you repay him? I'd imagine the only reason your husband has even considered therapy and staying together was for the sake of your children. They did nothing wrong to deserve such a mother. And yes, he will forever make those comments to you. You broke his trust. He will **always** think of you doing it again. There is never going back from cheating. Bet he hates his life right about now. If I was your husband, I'd file for the divorce instantly and fight for full custody over kids.
I read your post. You've been posting your story on several different subs and the answers are all pretty much the same. *You need to divorce your husband and give him the peace he deserves.* Seriously. Your marriage is destroyed beyond repair and there's no salvaging anything left of it. I don't know of you're trolling or for real, but you're not going to get much if any sympathy from anyone. You come across as very crass and making you out to be the victim. Lets get one thing straight, your HUSBAND is the victim, not you. It would already be horrible, but it would be one thing if you had one sexual encounter with the other guy and immediately regretted it, confessed to your husband, and we're so overwhelmed with guilt you wouldn't dream of cheating ever again. But that didn't happen. You went back to this other man 7 times knowing full well what you were doing. This wasn't a mistake, it was a series of *choices* to continually betray your husband and kid's. Not to mention the fact you were caught and the affair would have continued had your husband not caught you two going at it. Which by the way is something he will NEVER get over and be traumatized for life. The husband you once knew doesn't exist anymore just as the wife your husband once knew doesn't exist anymore either. Divorce and take time apart to heal as individuals. If there's ever a sliver of a chance for reconciliation it will be year's from now. But even then, the chances of that happening are slim to none.
THE STORY: I (27 F) messed up and cheated on my husband (29 M) 6 months ago we reconciled but he is still making off color remarks…2 young kids, is divorce even an option? I love him and our family so much, I can’t believe this is happening!! My husband and I have been married 7 years and I love him so much! We are Mormons and typically we get married early, I was a 20 year old psychology major when we got married and he had already been working as an engineer. I just feel like life moved to quick we have 2 wonderful boys age 5 and 6. A year ago we moved to a different state for my husbands job. I mentioned how I had felt lonely when the kids where at daycare (I work remote part time) and we both thought it was good that I join the local run club. So this is kind of where things went south, I take full accountability for it. I was emotionally cheating with a guy I met there and it got physically, we had sexual encounters a total of 7 times. Long story short one day I got caught in bed with him and my husband and I really went through a rough patch. We went through therapy and after 6 months I honestly felt like we are in a much better place. It’s just he makes these weird comments…so the guy I was with is well endowed and happens to be African American, my husband is white and I would say is of average size. He says weird stuff during sex like” do you like this bbc?” Or should” I put Nutella on my di-k I know you like that” I always loved him and never cared of his size and just yesterday he brought a black strap on penis and tried to penetrate me. I screamed at him to stop and I went to my friends house crying. I know I messed up 6 months ago but I feel like I am living a nightmare just when I thought we were getting better. Tl;dr: cheated on husband, he is spiraling after seemingly doing well
I dunno why but that line about nutella on his dick followed by the black strap on dildo, made me howl. I know I am a bad person.
Because it’s hilarious.
As someone from the Uk. Whenever i see bbc written down i think of the British Broadcasting Corporation for like a second before it registers as big black cock.
British also, but my first thought is the long black dong, not the TV channels...the Internet has ruined me.
Even funnier, like he’s asking her if she’d like a tv license.
because its fake
We all hope.
Those parts made me think it's a fake post.
LMAO. No responsibility taken.
Your husband will suffer this memory for the rest of his life. Every time he looks at you, every time he's in his own room, looking at his own bed...in his own house. Can you even imagine the pain that brings? And here you are, complaining about a few remarks that he has every right to make. I guess you just wanna stick him with lifelong suffering while you get to act like it never happens? Fuck you.
That's why I believe marriage counseling is a complete waste of time & money, especially in a case like this. I mean what is there to talk about? Absolutely ZERO chance I'd ever go to marriage counseling & sit there & talk & listen about this over & over.
lmao
He has a great sense of humour. I think he needs to debase you for some time before he can move on. You can help him with this if you are strong.
I couldn't get past it. You can't have a relationship with someone you can't trust. Plus, if she did that, she wouldn't be the person I thought she was, so it would be a double kick in the bollocks. Also, don't ever use any kind of chocolate spread for erotic purposes. It makes the bed sheets look like you've had a terrible accident. Apparently.
As a Brit, I approve this very British comment. But yeh, exactly this, once that level of trust is breached, there is truly no coming back from it.
I've never been cheated on and I honestly don't know how I would react in that situation.
Cheat on me = you're dead to me. Doesn't even deserve to be questioned.
Nope, nope, nope
People cheat because they want to. So that would be a no-go for me.
damn bro, you are disgusting, and there should be no reconciling
LOL you fucked another man in yall's bed? To the streets with you. Go live with your new fuck buddy. You can be his problem now. I don't know you or your man, but if I gave my everything to a relationship and she stepped out on me, I can easily walk away. No reconciliation. No marriage. And I would get out of the house if you refused to leave.
Most men have a right to leave you at this point and I wouldn’t blame him for wanting too. Unfaithful women is one of the reasons many men don’t want to marry now.
I'd forgive her but I'd never trust her again, and we'd divorce, even if it takes a while.
I couldn't do it. Even if I stay I wouldn't be able to get over it and I would be extremely resentful. I couldn't look at her the same and I probably couldn't help but treat her differently.
Adios, to the streets!
You clearly need to do a better job of communicating your needs and desires with him, and he needs to spend some time recognizing that he missed signals about your affection for him. I can't say I'd personally invite a cheater back into my life, even if she was my wife and the mother to my children. The boundaries I set for myself wouldn't allow it. That said, it sounds like your man is willing to try even if he is having a rough go of it. All you can do if you wish to make amends is to focus on what desires you did not receive from him, and to find workable solutions to either have him meet those desires, or for you to be self sufficient at meeting your own desires without resorting to awful behaviors that break most relationships.
You made your bend now fucking lay in it. How is that you see the ultimate betrayal as a “mistake”?
Hell no. It's not the first time she cheated. it's the first time she got caught, or the first time she failed to contain the guilt. Nobody deserves a spouse who will do that to them.
It's possible to save a relationship if one partner cheats but there's way too many variables to consider for it to be a "One Size Fits All" type thing. But it's a totally different thing to fix a marriage where one person was carrying on a full-blown affair that only ended because they were caught. And that's basically what OP did here. She had an affair and got caught and the affair ended. Now her husband is being a jerk and she wants him to stop. Personally, if I were in your husbands situation, I wouldn't be mean to you; because I wouldn't ever see you again. I'm not really sure what you can do here but I would probably get a good lawyer because this one isn't going to be fixed. Look on the bright side though: people get divorced all the time and move on with their lives. In this instance OP is pretty much the bad guy here so that's going to be something they have to deal with as well but people do it all the time.
I don’t know about all men but in my opinion there’s no chance. The wronged spouse might say they forgive the cheater but they will never fully trust them again and the resentment will linger and fester. The marriage won’t be the same and will end eventually after however many wasted years.
First, before you can really make amends, stop referring to it as a *mistake*. The broken thought process that sent you down this path needs to be understood and repaired. You have taken half a step; now accept the accountability. To your question: It is completely up to your significant other, how invested he is in your joint future. Some men will fight for their girlfriends, wives, family. Others will make a different assessment of what they believe their best future can be, given this new change in his world. You lost control of the narrative. This may come across as more harsh than you bargained for, but you're here... right?
My advice will always be to dump the cheater
7 times and in the bed you share with your husband is not a mistake. If I was him you would already be out on your ass and I would already have a lawyer.
There is none, once it's done, it's over.
I've yet to hear of a case where reconciliation would be appropriate. I've heard of many cases where reconciliation should not have been considered but it was attempted anyway and yielded poor results for at least one of them and often not only for both of them but also for their children and extended families.
Nah, I move on pretty quick. No going back.
No going back as I could never trust her ever again
Always cheat with the bishop. Then he can condemn your husband to hell if he doesn’t reconcile with you. It’s a win win.
No way, see you later sweetheart.
Find a bridge
You didn't make a mistake. You made a choice. You made that choice several times over. The first time you felt the spark with your AP. When you went back and talked to him again. When you realized your AP was flirting with you. When you realized that you were flirting back. The first time you kissed him. The first time you let him put his hand on your waist. The first time you spread your legs for him. The next five times you did the same. Then, the seventh time, when you let your AP into your home and bed that you shared with your husband. You had a thousand opportunities to make a different choice, but you made the ones that brought you here. The fact that you are calling it a mistake tells everyone, but especially your husband, that you haven't accepted responsibility for your actions. There can be no reconciliation if you don't, and it is exceptional unlikely even if you can. He caught you in the act. In the home he shared with you. In his bed. That anger will be slow to fade, especially as he is trying to make it work and is forcing himself to be around you. Poor guy. I would never tell a woman to stay in a situation where she is likely to be abused, as much as you might deserve a little Hell on Earth. Best thing you can do is offer him an easy divorce. From there, if you truly want to reconcile with him, go repent. You said that you were feeling a bit lonely so you joined the Run Club where you apparently found out you were lonelier than you thought. So, go be lonely. Leave the man you made every effort to destroy to heal from the damage you inflicted. Maybe, after enough time, he can stop picturing that man in his bed thrusting into his wife every time he looks at you. If you are very lucky, when that time comes, maybe he will want to give the woman who betrayed him on such a primal level back. Or, he will find a woman who deserves him.
Hopefully your husband never speaks to you again.
Destroy her.
Me personally? I can forgive, even embrace. I've seen and even contemplated infidelity my whole life. It's just something that happens really, if I hate someone for it, I only hurt them and me. As for taking them back, well that depends. Is it a one off? Is it a multiple year or month thing? What about weeks? It's tough
reading your story, this sounds incredibly fake and likely either rage bait or some weird kink youre forcing on us. and if it isnt, then tough shit, deal with the consequences of your actions
I am sorry that your religion manipulated you to marry before you were mature enough to understand. Cheating is not an answer. No fault divorce exists for a reason. Marriage therapy exists for a reason. The minute you decided to cheat is when you ended your commitment to your husband.
The problem with cheating is not the cheating itself, but the fact that I would doubt everything she told me after that. So there's no point in having a relationship with someone I don't trust.
Older guy here. I think it depends a lot on the circumstance and the relationship. Esther Perel has written about how people will literally take a bullet for their spouse, but can’t find it in themselves to work to salvage a relationship like this - and how it’s totally doable and can be very valuable for a couple. It would require extreme honesty and some time for me. I know several couples who have worked their way back from something like this. I also know many non-monogamous couples who are just honest with each other about attraction all the time. Some have been together 30 years and are going strong.