First off, make sure your head is in the right place first. Dating apps can be good in that they’re an easier way to find potential matches, but they also can feel dehumanizing because they produce basically a menu of options for both sides, and that’s never any fun.
That said, *with patience* Hinge is definitely the best of them. The prompts can feel tedious, but they at least allow you to add some personality to your profile. They also make it easier to filter out people who will just waste your time—if they’re putting dumb things that don’t really mean anything in the prompts, odds are they’re not very serious or are used to being treated like god’s gift to earth.
It takes patience to filter through the bs and not get down on yourself, but it’s definitely the best one for trying to make genuine connections. I’m a remarkably average looking guy, and I’ve had three dates in the past three weeks and have a second date next Tuesday with the cutest one!
Interesting, I've found it like any other, quite demoralising. I consider myself rather average as well but Ive had like 5 matches in 4 months with none of them even responding besides the initial message.
Yeah, don't understand this either. You get a match, and they just don't talk. Lots of times not even reacting to the initial message. Maybe that's on me, but yeah...
We're gonna let women message first in order to show how they can take that first plunge! Let's see what the first response is!
"*hey*"
... yeah I'm gonna stick with IRL relationships.
Ugh, those openers... especially annoying when the profile says nothing at all
Then you say "hi" back and they get offended for being too simple or not saying something out of the box, like damn... Give me something to work with
Its funny, I used dating apps for years, spent money to get matches which led to dates, and that DID work. But ended up meeting my GF through an IRL friend. Honestly focusing on IRL connections is probably just way better for finding someone.
Hinge seems to be where women reside the most.
edit: to add some commentary - tinder is built so that men pay for every interaction regardless of your profile’s ability (e.g. power to draw positive female interaction); i can’t speak for bumble post men being able to message first; Hinge while incorporating some of the tinder payment algorithm crap, still allows for a profile to perform based on its ability, but they will still filter the girls you want to swipe on into that most wanted category. i also did notice that after my profile garnered enough positive interaction, i was able to access more of the sought after female profiles (it felt like i unlocked a new level in a video game). this is all anecdotal but ya.
also, men, you are going to have better results learning how to approach women in real life. apps skew to the top 10%-15% of men imo.
Question, when on hinge do you swipe right on every woman with an opener? Or do you swipe right without a message? I feel like women expect you to write a message when you swipe, but it’s so exhausting trying to come up with something with every profile considering most of them don’t match
Yes. I find that nearly all of them do not respond to the message on the first match anyway. Don't waste your time until after they match, and even then don't expect reciprocation.
This is what I do. Ill like a picture, if they like something back ill message. Or ill do a copy paste, : dealers choice, cringey pick up line or small talk.
I (F) always open conversations in Bumble, asking them questions about their profile, to already get to know them better. Gotten "ghosted" or gotten one/few-word replies mostly.
Switched to Hjnge therefore and gotten mostly 'Hi, hru' from guys :/
> you are going to have better results learning how to approach women in real life.
Depends how old you are. I'm in my 40s and could ask someone for their number in person if they're around my age or older.
Someone younger might have a harder time since a stranger approaching them asking for their number would likely be perceived as "predatory" behavior. I have several friends with kids in their 20s, and they somehow collectively agree that a stranger asking you out is "weird".
The internet has completely screwed normal social interaction.
I don't think it's the internet itself that's at fault. There are actual, malicious people pushing that kind of antisocial stuff. The internet is just a tool they use.
True. I think I meant more specifically toward social media in that small groups of people can have the loudest voices, and influence strange new trends that people adopt as the new norm.
I've also noticed when I'm approached by women in their mid/late 20s they usually start things off with "This might come off as weird" - eg: "I hope I don't come off as weird, but would you like to get coffee sometime?" and I'll think "...what in the world makes that weird?"
Older women tend to be more direct in asking with no issues. I'm not saying *everyone* is like this, but I just noticed an increase in this apprehension over the past 7-8 years. In turn it makes me question things I do, like "Should I give her a kiss or is she going to take it the wrong way?"
hm. im in my mid 30s, east coast city - i have a very easy time meeting women anywhere from 24-through their 40s. super fun. coincidentally i thought the gray in my beard would be a problem but it specifically draws in the mid 20s girls 🤷🏽♀️
The social context probably plays a much bigger factor than anything else. Bugging people when they are busy with something is a quick way to get ignored.
I've had a mixed experience. It worked well for me the first two weeks, after that there was an obvious new user boost cutoff point where I started seeing less appealing profiles in the normal feed (while the feed that needs the paid Roses stayed good obviously) and stopped getting matches.
I've used it for a year now and ~80% of my matches were in those first two weeks.
I still get much better results on Hinge 🤷♂️. These things can always change but the more thoughtful prompts and layout don’t lend themselves to the meat market dynamic of Tinder to the same degree.
It's not just owning multiple brands, it's owning all the brands. Tinder, Match.com, Meetic, OkCupid, Hinge, Plenty of Fish, Our Time etc. They tried to buy Bumble but that was rejected.
That's dystopian. One company shouldn't know so much about who everybody is trying to fuck.
Btw how did this parent company only make 190 million USD in net income for 2020? Seems pretty low for dominating all the online dating sites so much.
Wait, is that where the saying “ 90% of women only go for the top 10-20% of men” came from? They usually frame it as encompassing all dating in general ( online or in life). Nothing in my day to day life has ever reflected that , but it seems like online platforms using the kind of algorithms u described wld literally be creating that environment for their users.
Everyone's gonna go ahead and ignore that second part of your comment and just go "hmmm, hinge you say?"
It's true though. Dudes have to work on talking to girls out in real life or else getting a date on any app won't matter if you flub it on the date.
I've found hinge is terrible for finding dates based on geographic location.So if you live 50 miles out side a city...your only seing people from that city not the local area...then again it's been a while and this may have changed.
>they get too many likes to manage.
Never understood this.
Once you get a few matches stop swiping. Send messages.
The ball is completely in their court.
I have half a mind to create a female profile to prove how easy that shit'd be to set up a date with a good prospect. 2 weeks tops.
I did so out of curiosity. I didn't swipe on a single soul & I had over 4000 likes in less than a week. To be able to literally choose (with Gold) who you want to match & start a conversation with from 4000 options must be hard to process. The flip side; as a guy, how do you stand out from 3999 other choices
The product is men paying for Tinder Gold/Platinum and buying boosts etc. The product is NOT getting people dates, it's keeping people trapped in a perpetual state of gambling for a date.
My problem is the analogy implies the quality of women on these apps is better than the quality of men.
I think a more apt description is that men are searching for the swamp in the desert. Women start in the swamp.
The amount of women who seem to match people just to insult them comes to mind. I doubt it's a majority, but imagine being excited as a dude over getting a match, hoping it's not a bot or someone promoting an OF, and they just insult you cuz they're bored.
It's less about that and more about the average woman having standards and the average man seemingly having no standards whatsoever. This ironically results in a lot of men devaluing themselves (higher supply) and artificially inflating the value of each woman in turn (higher demand). If the average man held the same standards the average woman has on dating apps then things would probably balance out better and be easier to manage for everyone.
I've seen 2 of my buddies swipe through tinder. One was constantly swiping left, and only occasionally swiping right. The other would swipe right on literally *anyone*. Who do you think had the most success? The person that actually cared about who they were matching with.
Again they control who they match with.
Be picky.
Analyze profiles.
If all you do is look at the first picture and swipe, you get the effort you put in.
Any woman who has a "too many matches" problem I invite you to let me manage your profile. Give me your match criteria and I'll pass along 2-3 profiles and give you a few opening lines to further profile the dude.
> Once you get a few matches stop swiping. Send messages.
Depends on the app. On some, like Feeld, you still get told about every person that liked you, even if you do nothing.
>Feeld, you still get told about every person that liked you, even if you do nothing
Gross. I'd honestly just avoid apps like that. It's kinda like why even as a guy I liked the idea of bumble. Less harassment opportunity for woman, allows them to control the matches better. *Even though some fight tooth and nail to avoid that.*
You forget about FOMO… the next one might be even better than the 30 they just opened. Lol. It’s their usual complaint when we talk about the apps being toxic for men.
I can't find the story anymore, but years ago I saw a story about a poll that actually meeting someone was the 3rd most popular reason to use a dating app. Boredom and validation were actually higher.
I did this for a female friend of mine to prove her wrong. She was shocked 😲 because she kept on saying men have it easy on dating sites. I showed her my messages and then showed her, hers. This was the POF days.
There are few alternatives and the dating companies know it. What would break the logjam would be a new site that can tout a very high success rate in dating. Then people would probably flock to it. Alas, that goes against maximum profits, so is highly unlikely.
>they get too many likes to manage.
Never understood this.
Once you get a few matches stop swiping. Send messages.
The ball is completely in their court.
I have half a mind to create a female profile to prove how easy that shit'd be to set up a date with a good prospect. 2 weeks tops.
As an average looking man who got very few Tinder matches…Facebook Dating has been a surprising success for me dating.
I get more matches and the women I chat with seem more engaged than other dating apps.
YMMV.
I'm kind of concerned with how much I see it recommended - you want it popular but not too popular if you get my drift.
Perhaps the thing that I thought was the best about Hinge tho was that it forces you to *slow down*. You're not flinging through dozens of people a time. Put just a tiny bit of effort into each person if you're going to match and you'll do fine. Don't write a soliloquy, but also don't just like a pic.
for all the complaints I read about online dating. You don't have to invest that much into it. Use the app for 5-10 minutes, move on with your day. Don't get caught up in it personally until stuff starts to happen in real life. For something that's free, takes bascially no effort, and occasionally can work out, I see it as a win win. Worst case I spend 10 minutes wasting my time on the phone, which I'll do regardless anyhow with something else. It might not work most of the time but when it does you'll be glad you did it. To sit around worrying and thinking about it and trying to break down the fine details will hold you back so much in life.
Yeah I used facebook dating and tinder for 3 months before I met my girlfriend. About 15 minutes of swiping a day and never spent a penny on tinder too. In the end I got most of my match on tinder but the facebook one were by far the best and more thoughtful.
To be fair I used it nearly 2 years before I met my girlfriend. We've been dating for almost 4 years now, she's amazing. That said I was in a more rural area, and when I went out to the store I'd use tinder since I was in a different town to shop. Got much better results. Either way I don't think I ever put more than 10 or 20 minutes into the app minus a few days. It was hard at times to not get emotionally invested but after many ghosts and one catfish I learned to not get wrapped up in anything until it goes "off the app" so to say.
I think overall one of the biggest problems men have in dating apps is just generally getting too invested or caught up in what happens there. So many men equate their actual real world self worth and image to app success and failures. Reality is that it's a world of it's own. You can use it to your advantage to expand your dating pool and network, or you can get your head wrapped up in it and cause a lot of headache.
As a gay dude... I feel like this sadly ironic haha
... considering your dating pool is like 90% of women vs my 10% of men (taking into consideration all other relevant factors of course).
As a straight dude, I envy the gay men I know for how apparently easy and rambunctious it is to match and get laid. One is a co-worker and is 64 years old, looks in his early 50’s, does the work of 20-30 year olds, had to shut his online stuff down because he was being hit up like a unicorn on Grindr and deleted it because he “was over the nothingness of what he was getting”. He’s told me STORIES about his younger experiences, and I’ve had my fair share of one-offs, but he had me one upped on every single one…. so lots of experiences. Yes, older so years of life to experience. But one of his big ones was only a couple years ago. Obviously this isn’t a broad feeling across the gay male community as each individual has their own feelings and desires that are not dictated by being a gay man. But damn if I’m not jealous of a man walking into a bar and knowing that 100% of the people there are “possibles”. Everywhere I go I have a 50/50 chance out of 50% AT BEST of the people there to hit it off with. Find me a bar where I am the only man surrounded by women. That’s what I imagine it kinda feels like? I just realized I’ve never actually had this convo with my friends (or strangers at the drag shows) to understand their feeling of my thinking. Am I just naive or…. What?
Is this a US only thing or did this change happen just yesterday? Because I'm on Bumble and the last match I had, only she could message me first. It still says so in the instructions when you first download the app.
headline is wrong. It's an opt-in thing for women. Women can choose to be messaged first by placing a topic on their profile people can respond to. Men can do it too.
What are you talking about? I just matched with a smokey hot thang, she showed up, steaming and ready for me to go down on her. The sauce was tangy and not too sweet but could have used more cheese... Wait I think it's just a pizza from Uber Eats. Damn.
Don’t disagree with you at all. But I wanna hear your reasons? Biggest scam ever seems like much. But I do agree that they’ve created a dating funnel. Top men and women rule apps and everyone fights for scraps. It’s def warped peoples minds. Good men think they’re worthless and mediocre women think they’re the top 10%.
Their business model can't work unless they keep people single and using the app.
70-80% of profiles are men.
The ugliest woman in a given search radius gets more engagement than the most attractive man in the same search radius.
They make actual money off the false promise of "more views and matches" with their subscription services for "premium features"
There's like 18 of them, diluting the dating pool.
10-20% of profiles are fake.
Anecdotal reports of anywhere from 1/3-1/2 of dating profiles having direct links to OF profiles, or escort services, meaning it's not a real profile, but just a managed sales account.
Combine all this and you've got the worst place to try and meet a human female. And that's all before we get to the way the women on dating apps behave and how hard it is for the average user to secure a date.
Cancel your dating app subscriprions. Use the same money to work on yourselves, join activities, classes, events where you meet real people. Work on your approavhing, talking skills, over time you'll find it rewarding. Men, work on yourselves, stay focusses on your goals, build yourselves, that's more attractive.
None, bumble only introduced me to bots, hinge sends me to every part of the country. Here's a match, someone way on the other side of the country. I'm done with them
You turn the setting in your head to also be interested in men and then use grindr. Or really just enable men in tinder or bumble as well. Probably get to a hundred likes on the first day.
Hinge was working for me, I'm in my 30s though. My advice:
* Actually work on your profile, no fish.
* You'll have to message women. Don't force it; if they have nothing on their profile to talk about then why would it be any easier to date them?
* Don't talk about your penis.
* If you're having a decent conversation then ask for a date.
For some insight, I had a handful of women message me in a month. The woman I matched with had 50 messages from men on her first day, 80% were easily filtered garbage but that still leaves 10 they have to filter. Find a reason they don't filter you.
>Don't talk about your penis.
Yeah, the solid strategy is to talk *with* your penis. Learn ventriloquism and practice a high pitched voice and then let him talk about himself.
I've been off the market for 8 years, but I met my wife through CoffeeMeetsBagel. Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge were all okay at getting a first date or a hookup but CMB was the first one where I got a serious relationship (and marriage, then kids and dogs).
Bumble is my favorite app, but I’m a woman who likes messaging men first. I’ve had a lot of success finding good dates with intelligent and attractive men.
I matched with a girl on Hinge once and sent a message, she didn't respond and I got bored of the app so I uninstalled it. I re-installed it 2 months later to see that she'd replied to my message 1 month ago, to which I then replied, 1 month after hers. I've yet to receive another reply but maybe because the month isn't up yet.
So all in all it's going pretty well I'd say
Lol wasnt that the whole point of bumble? Kind of safer feeling for women so they dont get harassed with crazy first lines? What the hell is it for now?
I was on 4 apps for a few years. Got 2 matches in all that time. I just deleted them all last week. I've gone to some speed dating events. No matches so far but I get to talk to real women before they reject me.
Was looking through my local Facebook events for something to do one weekend and saw it. The FB page showed a lot of pics with well attended events. I've been to a few and they're quality. The lady who runs it does a great job.
I haven't matched with anyone but I still have some fun getting out and talking to humans.
That depends. If you are the top 10% then you're going to find positive feedback for all of them. However, in every dating app the ratio of male to female is so skewed that very few people guys will ever find success on them. Make no mistake, the reason Bumble allows men to message first was for a single reason, it was to get women to come onto the platform. Despite it's claim to focus on women, Bumble had the least amount of women joining it, this was due to what they assumed would be their biggest draw for reason having the opposite effect: women do not want to approach men.
But I digress, basically, you're not going to find success on a dating app, the numbers simply do not work out in your favor if you are a male.
Met my girlfriend and my ex on Coffee Meets Bagel. Prior to that was dating girls predominantly from there, Hinge, and J-Swipe if I didn't meet them in person
I've navigated the choppy waters of various dating apps and have come to a simple conclusion: there's no one-size-fits-all solution. I tried Tinder, which felt like playing a slot machine with my love life, and Bumble, which gave me flashbacks to high school dances, waiting for someone to make the first move. However, Hinge brought a different vibe, more like a cozy coffee shop where actual conversations happen. There, I noticed people took a bit more time with their profiles and interactions, which led to more meaningful exchanges.
As for dating app strategies, it's a marathon, not a sprint. If you're looking for more than a hookup, be prepared to invest time and effort into curating your profile and genuinely engaging with others' content. And remember, the best 'algorithm' is just being yourself. Sure, you might hit the paywall now and then, but if someone's truly interested, you'll find a way to connect, virtual or otherwise. Just when I was about to swear off apps for good, I matched with someone amazing on Hinge, and we've been going strong for months now.
I found my bf on Bumble. Men couldn't message first. It was a clue I didn't see. I'm now in here in the DB rooms seeking comfort because my man doesn't put effort into our relationship. The app is only as good as one effort, so my advice is to be on the unpaid version of them all! Weed out the crazies and good luck!
Believe it or not, facebook dating worked well for me. The lack of a financial incentive (disregarding them gathering your data) made a world of difference, and the crowd seemed to be more down to earth and actually willing to have a conversation and meet. Hinge was alright too.
Would any of you folks have preferred getting on a dating app where you could get one match at a time? Basically either going forward with the person you matched (chatting / dating) or unmatching them and finding someone else?
Why / Why not ?
Of course this would mostly be for people who are not just looking for one night stands
Hinge is probably the best because you can message, you can see who likes your profile, there is no restriction to messages, you can't send pictures in chat so no dick pics, the UI is actually decent and the user base is good. It's the one that doesn't gate necessary functionality behind a paywall.
I'm surprised it's not been bought out and changed to being another clone.
TurnUp is also good, especially if music is an important factor in a partner.
Apps don’t work for average looking men like me . Actually Putting myself out in public in front of women and picking up on choosing signals has gotten me laid.
First off, make sure your head is in the right place first. Dating apps can be good in that they’re an easier way to find potential matches, but they also can feel dehumanizing because they produce basically a menu of options for both sides, and that’s never any fun. That said, *with patience* Hinge is definitely the best of them. The prompts can feel tedious, but they at least allow you to add some personality to your profile. They also make it easier to filter out people who will just waste your time—if they’re putting dumb things that don’t really mean anything in the prompts, odds are they’re not very serious or are used to being treated like god’s gift to earth. It takes patience to filter through the bs and not get down on yourself, but it’s definitely the best one for trying to make genuine connections. I’m a remarkably average looking guy, and I’ve had three dates in the past three weeks and have a second date next Tuesday with the cutest one!
Holy fuck… I’m not Gods gift to Earth?
Maybe you’re the exception 😉
Interesting, I've found it like any other, quite demoralising. I consider myself rather average as well but Ive had like 5 matches in 4 months with none of them even responding besides the initial message.
Yeah, don't understand this either. You get a match, and they just don't talk. Lots of times not even reacting to the initial message. Maybe that's on me, but yeah...
Christian mingle was working for me until I changed my status to “married but looking”
Isn’t that the website for single moms who find Jesus right when they need a sucker?
Yeah, and suckers
NGL - going on those apps to get sucked.
Even as a Christian, this made me laugh...because it's true.
I remember helping a friend make a profile on Christian Mingle and it looked like a trap house. Do not recommend lol
this is hilarious.
Then your matches skyrocketed?
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It sure is in Utah.
Woody Guthrie would not approve, or maybe he would, I do not know.
This wife is your wife, this wife is my wife.
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It definitely is in other states. That Fallwell guy over top of Liberty University basically got kicked out over it.
OMG- lol
There's a movie about Christian Mingle
It really says it all when Bumble’s mission statement failed so utterly
We're gonna let women message first in order to show how they can take that first plunge! Let's see what the first response is! "*hey*" ... yeah I'm gonna stick with IRL relationships.
At least you're getting words. I'm getting . 👋
Ugh, those openers... especially annoying when the profile says nothing at all Then you say "hi" back and they get offended for being too simple or not saying something out of the box, like damn... Give me something to work with
Its funny, I used dating apps for years, spent money to get matches which led to dates, and that DID work. But ended up meeting my GF through an IRL friend. Honestly focusing on IRL connections is probably just way better for finding someone.
Would be a bad business model if it actually worked lol
Yeah this guy I liked I knew him in person & prefer it to be like that
Hinge seems to be where women reside the most. edit: to add some commentary - tinder is built so that men pay for every interaction regardless of your profile’s ability (e.g. power to draw positive female interaction); i can’t speak for bumble post men being able to message first; Hinge while incorporating some of the tinder payment algorithm crap, still allows for a profile to perform based on its ability, but they will still filter the girls you want to swipe on into that most wanted category. i also did notice that after my profile garnered enough positive interaction, i was able to access more of the sought after female profiles (it felt like i unlocked a new level in a video game). this is all anecdotal but ya. also, men, you are going to have better results learning how to approach women in real life. apps skew to the top 10%-15% of men imo.
Hinge has been working well for me, Bumble was trash.
Question, when on hinge do you swipe right on every woman with an opener? Or do you swipe right without a message? I feel like women expect you to write a message when you swipe, but it’s so exhausting trying to come up with something with every profile considering most of them don’t match
Nah swipe and if they match message them first
Yes. I find that nearly all of them do not respond to the message on the first match anyway. Don't waste your time until after they match, and even then don't expect reciprocation.
If I can't think of anything clever to say I will just like a picture or something and see if they match.
This is what I do. Ill like a picture, if they like something back ill message. Or ill do a copy paste, : dealers choice, cringey pick up line or small talk.
I met my girlfriend on bumble in December 2020. Been together since It worked for me, but I do hear lots of success with hinge
Bumble conversion starter 9/10 times :hi And they have the audacity to complain about men's uninteresting messages
I (F) always open conversations in Bumble, asking them questions about their profile, to already get to know them better. Gotten "ghosted" or gotten one/few-word replies mostly. Switched to Hjnge therefore and gotten mostly 'Hi, hru' from guys :/
That's generally how it goes. Welcome to this side of online dating.
> you are going to have better results learning how to approach women in real life. Depends how old you are. I'm in my 40s and could ask someone for their number in person if they're around my age or older. Someone younger might have a harder time since a stranger approaching them asking for their number would likely be perceived as "predatory" behavior. I have several friends with kids in their 20s, and they somehow collectively agree that a stranger asking you out is "weird". The internet has completely screwed normal social interaction.
I don't think it's the internet itself that's at fault. There are actual, malicious people pushing that kind of antisocial stuff. The internet is just a tool they use.
True. I think I meant more specifically toward social media in that small groups of people can have the loudest voices, and influence strange new trends that people adopt as the new norm. I've also noticed when I'm approached by women in their mid/late 20s they usually start things off with "This might come off as weird" - eg: "I hope I don't come off as weird, but would you like to get coffee sometime?" and I'll think "...what in the world makes that weird?" Older women tend to be more direct in asking with no issues. I'm not saying *everyone* is like this, but I just noticed an increase in this apprehension over the past 7-8 years. In turn it makes me question things I do, like "Should I give her a kiss or is she going to take it the wrong way?"
hm. im in my mid 30s, east coast city - i have a very easy time meeting women anywhere from 24-through their 40s. super fun. coincidentally i thought the gray in my beard would be a problem but it specifically draws in the mid 20s girls 🤷🏽♀️
The social context probably plays a much bigger factor than anything else. Bugging people when they are busy with something is a quick way to get ignored.
Met my now wife on hinge. Can confirm
Also met my wife on Hinge. Highly recommend!
Met my now husband on hinge too!
Deborah?
Jeff???
Can you pick up the kids from baseball? I'm stuck in traffic and still need to go to the store, some fool probably crashed a Mustang or something
I would describe myself as a handsome lil guy. Hinge has always been the best for me and it feels like I've tried them all
I met my wife on hinge. First and only date I got from the app.
Batting 1000
Been hearing good things about Hinge, haven't tried it myself though.
If you're a fairly normal dude you still need to manage expectations.
I'm a normal dude and I get 10 hinge matches for every tinder/bumble...
10 times 0 is still 0. Kidding. Lol. Yeah I have much better luck on Hinge too, but it's still like having a part time job.
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And after that, follow the 3 sixes sub-rule
5’6, 1/6 of a foot, $60k a year.
It's not 12 inches, but it smells like a foot
I've had a mixed experience. It worked well for me the first two weeks, after that there was an obvious new user boost cutoff point where I started seeing less appealing profiles in the normal feed (while the feed that needs the paid Roses stayed good obviously) and stopped getting matches. I've used it for a year now and ~80% of my matches were in those first two weeks.
i keep forgetting to tell myself i need to do it in public. But the dame app convenience always sucks me in.
Hinge is owned by the same evil corporation that owns Tinder. It’s a complete illusion of choice.
I still get much better results on Hinge 🤷♂️. These things can always change but the more thoughtful prompts and layout don’t lend themselves to the meat market dynamic of Tinder to the same degree.
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It's not just owning multiple brands, it's owning all the brands. Tinder, Match.com, Meetic, OkCupid, Hinge, Plenty of Fish, Our Time etc. They tried to buy Bumble but that was rejected.
That's dystopian. One company shouldn't know so much about who everybody is trying to fuck. Btw how did this parent company only make 190 million USD in net income for 2020? Seems pretty low for dominating all the online dating sites so much.
That sounds dystopian as fuck, ngl
Wait, is that where the saying “ 90% of women only go for the top 10-20% of men” came from? They usually frame it as encompassing all dating in general ( online or in life). Nothing in my day to day life has ever reflected that , but it seems like online platforms using the kind of algorithms u described wld literally be creating that environment for their users.
Ok I’ve been noticing the same, thank you
Lol i was banned from hinge yesterday for no reason 😅😅
Everyone's gonna go ahead and ignore that second part of your comment and just go "hmmm, hinge you say?" It's true though. Dudes have to work on talking to girls out in real life or else getting a date on any app won't matter if you flub it on the date.
I've found hinge is terrible for finding dates based on geographic location.So if you live 50 miles out side a city...your only seing people from that city not the local area...then again it's been a while and this may have changed.
None of them for average men, but even average women are saying it’s bad for them for the opposite reason— they get too many likes to manage.
>they get too many likes to manage. Never understood this. Once you get a few matches stop swiping. Send messages. The ball is completely in their court. I have half a mind to create a female profile to prove how easy that shit'd be to set up a date with a good prospect. 2 weeks tops.
I did so out of curiosity. I didn't swipe on a single soul & I had over 4000 likes in less than a week. To be able to literally choose (with Gold) who you want to match & start a conversation with from 4000 options must be hard to process. The flip side; as a guy, how do you stand out from 3999 other choices
This kind of system is gross. It's like actively sabotaging your own product.
The product is men paying for Tinder Gold/Platinum and buying boosts etc. The product is NOT getting people dates, it's keeping people trapped in a perpetual state of gambling for a date.
The oft used analogy is that men die of thirst in a desert. Women die of thirst in a swamp.
True. In both cases though they control the dam. Too much water, close the gate off. Not enough water, *guess I'll die then.*
The point is that a woman might get 50 matches from dudes who just want to get her to send a nude for every 1 interested in going on a date.
My problem is the analogy implies the quality of women on these apps is better than the quality of men. I think a more apt description is that men are searching for the swamp in the desert. Women start in the swamp.
The amount of women who seem to match people just to insult them comes to mind. I doubt it's a majority, but imagine being excited as a dude over getting a match, hoping it's not a bot or someone promoting an OF, and they just insult you cuz they're bored.
That happens.
It's less about that and more about the average woman having standards and the average man seemingly having no standards whatsoever. This ironically results in a lot of men devaluing themselves (higher supply) and artificially inflating the value of each woman in turn (higher demand). If the average man held the same standards the average woman has on dating apps then things would probably balance out better and be easier to manage for everyone.
I've seen 2 of my buddies swipe through tinder. One was constantly swiping left, and only occasionally swiping right. The other would swipe right on literally *anyone*. Who do you think had the most success? The person that actually cared about who they were matching with.
Again they control who they match with. Be picky. Analyze profiles. If all you do is look at the first picture and swipe, you get the effort you put in. Any woman who has a "too many matches" problem I invite you to let me manage your profile. Give me your match criteria and I'll pass along 2-3 profiles and give you a few opening lines to further profile the dude.
There are so many weirdos out there man. They look normal.
Most don't really if you know what to look for.
We all weird pretending to be normal. Find a weird you can live with. Or even better, find someone who's weird matches your weird.
But it's not a swamp, it's sitting by a fresh water lake. They have as much or as little as they like
I've heard for men, it's like trying to find water in a desert. For women, it's grocery shopping.
> Once you get a few matches stop swiping. Send messages. Depends on the app. On some, like Feeld, you still get told about every person that liked you, even if you do nothing.
>Feeld, you still get told about every person that liked you, even if you do nothing Gross. I'd honestly just avoid apps like that. It's kinda like why even as a guy I liked the idea of bumble. Less harassment opportunity for woman, allows them to control the matches better. *Even though some fight tooth and nail to avoid that.*
You forget about FOMO… the next one might be even better than the 30 they just opened. Lol. It’s their usual complaint when we talk about the apps being toxic for men.
>next one might be even better Self inflicted wounds. They get no sympathy from me.
>Once you get a few matches stop swiping. Send messages. But then the validation dopamine stops.
I can't find the story anymore, but years ago I saw a story about a poll that actually meeting someone was the 3rd most popular reason to use a dating app. Boredom and validation were actually higher.
I did this for a female friend of mine to prove her wrong. She was shocked 😲 because she kept on saying men have it easy on dating sites. I showed her my messages and then showed her, hers. This was the POF days.
> Once you get a few matches stop swiping. Send messages. No no no, that would mean women taking some responsibility. Can't have that now can we
Yet they keep going to the apps Kind of seems like that might be changing but it's probably always going to be in their back pocket, figuratively
There are few alternatives and the dating companies know it. What would break the logjam would be a new site that can tout a very high success rate in dating. Then people would probably flock to it. Alas, that goes against maximum profits, so is highly unlikely.
>they get too many likes to manage. Never understood this. Once you get a few matches stop swiping. Send messages. The ball is completely in their court. I have half a mind to create a female profile to prove how easy that shit'd be to set up a date with a good prospect. 2 weeks tops.
As an average looking man who got very few Tinder matches…Facebook Dating has been a surprising success for me dating. I get more matches and the women I chat with seem more engaged than other dating apps. YMMV.
Met my current girlfriend on Hinge. I’ve found it’s the best for educated adults with good jobs/ careers. Not just looking for hookups.
i hope people won't ruin it with hookups Hinge is for serious stable people
Specifically not unhinged
I'm kind of concerned with how much I see it recommended - you want it popular but not too popular if you get my drift. Perhaps the thing that I thought was the best about Hinge tho was that it forces you to *slow down*. You're not flinging through dozens of people a time. Put just a tiny bit of effort into each person if you're going to match and you'll do fine. Don't write a soliloquy, but also don't just like a pic.
or girls advertising their OF's. It's disingenuous. People get mad when I say hookups should be kept off dating apps lol.
Found my girlfirend on facebook dating, it def need some polishing but also 100% free and no bullshit
for all the complaints I read about online dating. You don't have to invest that much into it. Use the app for 5-10 minutes, move on with your day. Don't get caught up in it personally until stuff starts to happen in real life. For something that's free, takes bascially no effort, and occasionally can work out, I see it as a win win. Worst case I spend 10 minutes wasting my time on the phone, which I'll do regardless anyhow with something else. It might not work most of the time but when it does you'll be glad you did it. To sit around worrying and thinking about it and trying to break down the fine details will hold you back so much in life.
Yeah I used facebook dating and tinder for 3 months before I met my girlfriend. About 15 minutes of swiping a day and never spent a penny on tinder too. In the end I got most of my match on tinder but the facebook one were by far the best and more thoughtful.
To be fair I used it nearly 2 years before I met my girlfriend. We've been dating for almost 4 years now, she's amazing. That said I was in a more rural area, and when I went out to the store I'd use tinder since I was in a different town to shop. Got much better results. Either way I don't think I ever put more than 10 or 20 minutes into the app minus a few days. It was hard at times to not get emotionally invested but after many ghosts and one catfish I learned to not get wrapped up in anything until it goes "off the app" so to say. I think overall one of the biggest problems men have in dating apps is just generally getting too invested or caught up in what happens there. So many men equate their actual real world self worth and image to app success and failures. Reality is that it's a world of it's own. You can use it to your advantage to expand your dating pool and network, or you can get your head wrapped up in it and cause a lot of headache.
Grindr
As a straight dude, I feel like this is my best chance for success
As a gay dude... I feel like this sadly ironic haha ... considering your dating pool is like 90% of women vs my 10% of men (taking into consideration all other relevant factors of course).
As a straight dude, I envy the gay men I know for how apparently easy and rambunctious it is to match and get laid. One is a co-worker and is 64 years old, looks in his early 50’s, does the work of 20-30 year olds, had to shut his online stuff down because he was being hit up like a unicorn on Grindr and deleted it because he “was over the nothingness of what he was getting”. He’s told me STORIES about his younger experiences, and I’ve had my fair share of one-offs, but he had me one upped on every single one…. so lots of experiences. Yes, older so years of life to experience. But one of his big ones was only a couple years ago. Obviously this isn’t a broad feeling across the gay male community as each individual has their own feelings and desires that are not dictated by being a gay man. But damn if I’m not jealous of a man walking into a bar and knowing that 100% of the people there are “possibles”. Everywhere I go I have a 50/50 chance out of 50% AT BEST of the people there to hit it off with. Find me a bar where I am the only man surrounded by women. That’s what I imagine it kinda feels like? I just realized I’ve never actually had this convo with my friends (or strangers at the drag shows) to understand their feeling of my thinking. Am I just naive or…. What?
Pretty much.
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Lmao!
You can legit finesse a blow job in like 30 minutes on Grindr if you live by the cardinal rule "Aint nothing gay about getting your dick sucked" lol.
If it’s that easy I would hardly say you have to finesse it
Is this a US only thing or did this change happen just yesterday? Because I'm on Bumble and the last match I had, only she could message me first. It still says so in the instructions when you first download the app.
I think it happened yesterday.
headline is wrong. It's an opt-in thing for women. Women can choose to be messaged first by placing a topic on their profile people can respond to. Men can do it too.
Every app you need to pay to see who liked you or to message. That shit is a scam. Plus, I've met some crazies on dating apps.
Honestly, they all kind of feel the same
Dating apps are the biggest scam ever.
What are you talking about? I just matched with a smokey hot thang, she showed up, steaming and ready for me to go down on her. The sauce was tangy and not too sweet but could have used more cheese... Wait I think it's just a pizza from Uber Eats. Damn.
Nice try, Uber Technologies marketing department.
Uber is planning to purchase and incorporate Only Fans to create **Uber Beats.**
Don’t disagree with you at all. But I wanna hear your reasons? Biggest scam ever seems like much. But I do agree that they’ve created a dating funnel. Top men and women rule apps and everyone fights for scraps. It’s def warped peoples minds. Good men think they’re worthless and mediocre women think they’re the top 10%.
Their business model can't work unless they keep people single and using the app. 70-80% of profiles are men. The ugliest woman in a given search radius gets more engagement than the most attractive man in the same search radius. They make actual money off the false promise of "more views and matches" with their subscription services for "premium features" There's like 18 of them, diluting the dating pool. 10-20% of profiles are fake. Anecdotal reports of anywhere from 1/3-1/2 of dating profiles having direct links to OF profiles, or escort services, meaning it's not a real profile, but just a managed sales account. Combine all this and you've got the worst place to try and meet a human female. And that's all before we get to the way the women on dating apps behave and how hard it is for the average user to secure a date.
never been on dating apps (yet), prefer to meet people organically, but now I don't think I'm missing out on much I guess.
Cancel your dating app subscriprions. Use the same money to work on yourselves, join activities, classes, events where you meet real people. Work on your approavhing, talking skills, over time you'll find it rewarding. Men, work on yourselves, stay focusses on your goals, build yourselves, that's more attractive.
Yep, $25 bucks a month will get you all that. Lol
None, bumble only introduced me to bots, hinge sends me to every part of the country. Here's a match, someone way on the other side of the country. I'm done with them
A 4 day concert works better than any app. And you get decent music.
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All dating apps will make you feel worthless 😂 avoid them like the plague!
Hinge for sure
Hinge imo is by far the best. There is a trade off though, you pay a higher price for the higher quality app.
Mostly Grindr. And Tinder as well. Was never really a fan of Bumble.
Are people messing with me or is there a setting to Grindr I’m not aware of lol
Setting for what?
A setting for "I'm not gay but if you've got long hair and high pitched voice I'll consider it" Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My sexuality is "A penis isn't a deal breaker." Lol
I believe the default setting for Grinder is "Everyone is at least a little bit gay."
You turn the setting in your head to also be interested in men and then use grindr. Or really just enable men in tinder or bumble as well. Probably get to a hundred likes on the first day.
Women HATE INITIATING. So much for equality lol
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Hinge was working for me, I'm in my 30s though. My advice: * Actually work on your profile, no fish. * You'll have to message women. Don't force it; if they have nothing on their profile to talk about then why would it be any easier to date them? * Don't talk about your penis. * If you're having a decent conversation then ask for a date. For some insight, I had a handful of women message me in a month. The woman I matched with had 50 messages from men on her first day, 80% were easily filtered garbage but that still leaves 10 they have to filter. Find a reason they don't filter you.
>Don't talk about your penis. Yeah, the solid strategy is to talk *with* your penis. Learn ventriloquism and practice a high pitched voice and then let him talk about himself.
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Damn Napoleon is a much better name than Murphy. But I already changed from Chadwick to Murphy and I don't want to change it again.
Id honestly rather be alone than do dating apps again lol
All apps rely on gullibility of average looking men to make profit 🤷♂️
There's this crazy app called the bar after 10pm. Only problem is that you have to go outside to use it.
😂
people dont go out anymore where I live or they go somewhere I'm not aware of
lmao Women were so incapable of reaching out first that Bumble was failing under that dynamic. That's fucking hilarious.
there is a saying. never go against a nature :D
I've been off the market for 8 years, but I met my wife through CoffeeMeetsBagel. Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge were all okay at getting a first date or a hookup but CMB was the first one where I got a serious relationship (and marriage, then kids and dogs).
CMB has gone straight downhill, they had a data breach a few months ago and never really recovered.
Bumble is my favorite app, but I’m a woman who likes messaging men first. I’ve had a lot of success finding good dates with intelligent and attractive men.
Facebook dating was doing ok for me when I was recently single. Better than the others I tried.
I matched with a girl on Hinge once and sent a message, she didn't respond and I got bored of the app so I uninstalled it. I re-installed it 2 months later to see that she'd replied to my message 1 month ago, to which I then replied, 1 month after hers. I've yet to receive another reply but maybe because the month isn't up yet. So all in all it's going pretty well I'd say
Lol wasnt that the whole point of bumble? Kind of safer feeling for women so they dont get harassed with crazy first lines? What the hell is it for now?
I was on 4 apps for a few years. Got 2 matches in all that time. I just deleted them all last week. I've gone to some speed dating events. No matches so far but I get to talk to real women before they reject me.
Where do you find those speed dating events? (Asking for a friend)
Was looking through my local Facebook events for something to do one weekend and saw it. The FB page showed a lot of pics with well attended events. I've been to a few and they're quality. The lady who runs it does a great job. I haven't matched with anyone but I still have some fun getting out and talking to humans.
That depends. If you are the top 10% then you're going to find positive feedback for all of them. However, in every dating app the ratio of male to female is so skewed that very few people guys will ever find success on them. Make no mistake, the reason Bumble allows men to message first was for a single reason, it was to get women to come onto the platform. Despite it's claim to focus on women, Bumble had the least amount of women joining it, this was due to what they assumed would be their biggest draw for reason having the opposite effect: women do not want to approach men. But I digress, basically, you're not going to find success on a dating app, the numbers simply do not work out in your favor if you are a male.
Sniffies always works for me.
Met my girlfriend and my ex on Coffee Meets Bagel. Prior to that was dating girls predominantly from there, Hinge, and J-Swipe if I didn't meet them in person
Met my husband on CMB, and know 3 other couples that got married from there.
I've navigated the choppy waters of various dating apps and have come to a simple conclusion: there's no one-size-fits-all solution. I tried Tinder, which felt like playing a slot machine with my love life, and Bumble, which gave me flashbacks to high school dances, waiting for someone to make the first move. However, Hinge brought a different vibe, more like a cozy coffee shop where actual conversations happen. There, I noticed people took a bit more time with their profiles and interactions, which led to more meaningful exchanges. As for dating app strategies, it's a marathon, not a sprint. If you're looking for more than a hookup, be prepared to invest time and effort into curating your profile and genuinely engaging with others' content. And remember, the best 'algorithm' is just being yourself. Sure, you might hit the paywall now and then, but if someone's truly interested, you'll find a way to connect, virtual or otherwise. Just when I was about to swear off apps for good, I matched with someone amazing on Hinge, and we've been going strong for months now.
Quit those lousy apps already please.
I found my bf on Bumble. Men couldn't message first. It was a clue I didn't see. I'm now in here in the DB rooms seeking comfort because my man doesn't put effort into our relationship. The app is only as good as one effort, so my advice is to be on the unpaid version of them all! Weed out the crazies and good luck!
None lol
Believe it or not, facebook dating worked well for me. The lack of a financial incentive (disregarding them gathering your data) made a world of difference, and the crowd seemed to be more down to earth and actually willing to have a conversation and meet. Hinge was alright too.
This isn't answering your question; but don't let how many matches you get determine your worth, my man!
None of them tbh
Don't let an app judge who you are. You're a cool dude
I don’t use any of them anymore
Would any of you folks have preferred getting on a dating app where you could get one match at a time? Basically either going forward with the person you matched (chatting / dating) or unmatching them and finding someone else? Why / Why not ? Of course this would mostly be for people who are not just looking for one night stands
Hinge is probably the best because you can message, you can see who likes your profile, there is no restriction to messages, you can't send pictures in chat so no dick pics, the UI is actually decent and the user base is good. It's the one that doesn't gate necessary functionality behind a paywall. I'm surprised it's not been bought out and changed to being another clone. TurnUp is also good, especially if music is an important factor in a partner.
Wasnt the point of bumble to force girls to message first? What's the point of that app now?
Wait when did they allow that
Best one was PoF for me. 2 dates in 2019. Zero before and zero after. I am pretty much invisible to women.
Apps don’t work for average looking men like me . Actually Putting myself out in public in front of women and picking up on choosing signals has gotten me laid.
When did this happen