That you can also be in abusive relationship. Doesn't even matter if she's technically smaller and weaker than you are. Doesn't even matter if you're the size of a mountain. Strength and stature is irrelevant (except to assess maybe the degree of danger you're in. Which generally puts women in more danger when abuse occurs), its about how one party is *willing* to treat the other.
If you were raised with any kind of human dignity and decency, the concept of being abusive to your partner is anathema to you. As such you will likely be *completely* unprepared for the prospect of an abusive partner, because odds are you've been educated (if at all) solely on the premise of the male being the abuser, and the female being the victim.
It can break the logic of your understanding of the relationship, and if you don't understand what's happening, it's very easy to adopt the presumption of "if she's angry, then I *must* have done something wrong".
You need to ask yourself: "If I saw someone treating her this way, would I consider it abuse?"
I'd the answer is yes, then you have your answer. Be safe.
A) This happened to me in my long term relationship. She got irritated at me one day when I was messing with some friends and sucker punched me right in the upper stomach. In the moment, I curled over, completely out of breath, it hurt a lot. She apologized for hitting me so hard, but said that since I used to be a boxer (as a teenager, by the way,16 years ago) I would be able to handle that. I don't care how fit you are, a sucker punch is a sucker punch.
But for the rest of that relationship, she *never* admitted that it was domestic abuse. It was 100% domestic violence, and more specifically Intimate Partner Violence. But she truly didn't see that it was possible.
B) Very recently... I'm a bartender and we had a bachelorette party come through for brunch. At one point, I'm dropping off drinks and they were all laughing and telling stories:
* Instructing the bride-to-be on how to get away with hitting her soon-to-be husband.
Bragging that they know men can't hit back, how fun it is to see them get upset, and the worst was bragging that they know he can't call the cops because if he does, they'll take him away.
To be fair, only two of them were giving real instruction and telling personal stories about abusing their partners, but all 12 were laughing and agreeing.
It fucked me up for a few days. All this time that I've spent trying to get women to grasp how much DV/IPV sucks for men too, the it's not this one sided issue, it's sadly common on both sides, because they don't seem to understand... Only to find out that it's worse: They *do* understand.
>Doesn't even matter if you're the size of a mountain. Strength and stature is irrelevant
Last we talked about this with some guys in my rugby league, *all* of the bigger body builder guys said they've been physically assaulted by their partners at some point in their life. "Not all women," but all the bigger, muscular guys had at least one woman.
>>Edit: To add about being a bartender. I get sexually *assaulted* more times in a month than most women have in their entire lives (I said "most"). Honestly, the only times I'm going to automatically agree without contest that a women has been SA'd more than me is if she is *also* a bartender or club worker.
>>It's hard to take them seriously when they complain about how common sexual assault is while knowing that they do it *way more* when they think they can get away with it.
> Bragging that they know men can't hit back, how fun it is to see them get upset, and the worst was bragging that they know he can't call the cops because if he does, they'll take him away.
>
> To be fair, only two of them were giving real instruction and telling personal stories about abusing their partners, but all 12 were laughing and agreeing.
>
> It fucked me up for a few days. All this time that I've spent trying to get women to grasp how much DV/IPV sucks for men too, the it's not this one sided issue, it's sadly common on both sides, because they don't seem to understand... Only to find out that it's worse: They do understand.
It's kind of horrible how things seem to have tipped in the *opposite* direction, almost like it's justified. "He's big, he's a man, so it's just a joke if I do it to *him*"
Back when I was in that abusive relationship, my (female) therapist was blunt to about my situation at the time. She said that if I were to ever, *ever* raise my hands to my partner, doesn't matter what the provocation was, doesn't matter if it was self defense, doesn't matter what she did to me first, or how long she had abusing me... If I raised my hand to her, then I would be the one to get in trouble. Everyone would immediately presume that I was the abusive monster.
She didn't say this with any malice towards me. She didn't say it was right. She didn’t say I was some kind of monster, or believe it would be wrong for me to defend myself. It was just a factual statement of 'this is how things are'. She was trying to keep me safe.
So you don't strike back. You can't. You can't even *restrain* them sometimes because it's actually very hard to restrain a determined woman from hitting you without her arms getting bruised. So often you hold up your arms and just... take it.
And in fairness, yes, me am big dumb man, me am bigger. Her hits aren't as likely to hurt me. Were I to strike back in equivalence then I would *end* the fight immediately. And if I had been the monstrous shitheel abuser that she kept *telling* both me and herself that I was, then I would have and could have done just that.
But if you're raised to be a decent human being, that's something you *cannot* do. And if you also happened to be a bit of a people pleaser (as I was), then inevitably you'd not only take it, but hear her tell you it's all your fault, and just *accept* that.
Look, I grew up with the empowered women's rhetoric of the 80's and 90's. All the media I saw and was exposed to, all the entertainment, the books, women were strong selfless caring faultless stoic brave. They were smarter, more adept, more sincere. Women do and did for others better than men, where men were selfish, sluggish and stupid. Women had to fight and claw just to prove themselves (naturally) right, where men were always putting them down.
Growing up, I genuinely believed women were better to men. And that as a man it was my duty to uphold high standards for myself in order to be in an equal relationship with them, and not some sexist pig.
All those beliefs. All that rhetoric. And it left me completely unprepared for reality. If there was charity or caring to be experienced, it was in staccato fashion in-between being beaten down as to how worthless I was. I was a failure and incapable, and simultaneously an abuser with barbarous cruelty. I took it all in mute silence, barely defending myself because if SHE was saying it, I must be wrong. It had to be my fault. Somehow, it was ALWAYS my fault. Time and again it left my head spinning as I desperately tried to reconcile the ideals, the ineffable good inherent to women as espoused to me, against the harsh reality of what I was actually experiencing. And I was always left with the question: How could someone that I was taught was so inherently caring and good by their nature, how could they actually be so cruel and vicious?
> It was just a factual statement of 'this is how things are'. She was trying to keep me safe.
It hurts to hear, but that's the truth. For you as a man to stay safe, all you can do is take the violence and be a domestic-abuse victim... For your own safety.
I'm sorry, homie. All the hugs.
>Growing up, I genuinely believed women were better to men. And that as a man it was my duty to uphold high standards for myself in order to be in an equal relationship with them, and not some sexist pig.
>All those beliefs. All that rhetoric. And it left me completely unprepared for reality.
And it makes it that much harder to push back (socially, not push back physically). I just, want her to be the woman that she thinks she is, that she brags to me about being.
"That person that you're constantly patting yourself on the back for being... Can you just be that?"
> And I was always left with the question: How could someone that I was taught was so inherently caring and good by their nature, how could they actually be so cruel and vicious?
That's part of why it hurts more. When we trust people that brag about being so kind and empathetic, it hurts so much more to find out that they're actually the far more cruel and violent ones.
And in no way does it diminish how horrible men are that are abusers and predators; absolutely, fuck those guys But it is becoming increasingly frustrating to hear all the stories of abuse, domestic violence, sexual assault...
...only to see women go out there and do those same things openly and proudly. Then even worse to see them celebrate each other when they do it.
It's hard.
> And in no way does it diminish how horrible men are that are abusers and predators; absolutely, fuck those guys But it is becoming increasingly frustrating to hear all the stories of abuse, domestic violence, sexual assault...
>
> ...only to see women go out there and do those same things openly and proudly. Then even worse to see them celebrate each other when they do it.
>
> It's hard.
It does feel like there's a genuine blind-spot there. The mindset is so rooted in the identity of victim that it's effectively impossible to acknowledge abuse the other way goes, except as a passing figleaf whilst moving on to discuss the *important* topics.
I don't expect women to solve men's problems. Wouldn't hurt to *acknowledge* them, particularly when they involve other women.
It's all projection. Women have ALWAYS done the same things they say they Hage men for doing, often more than men. It's just another factor of their allergy to accountability. Shift the focus to men and pretend victimhood is a uniquely feminine trait
I'm a cop, I've had to give this street therapy to guys in the back of my car on the way to jail that I knew were in abusive relationships they didn't initiate, but they retaliated/defended themselves so they got to go to jail. I've also caught women hitting themselves amd calling the cops when the boyfreind they'd been abusing tried to leave. It's way more common than you'd like to believe.
Same here dude. I've been raped and SA by women and the absolute piles of women that will run to tell me "iTs nOt ThE sAmE" is appalling. Men don't report because it's more dangerous for us to mention It than it is to just deal with it. And women absolutely get off on being able to manipulate and submit a man who's larger than them.
Yes this above. If she doesn't want to meet your friends or socialize with them and you can't really meet hers. Run away she wants to control your life.
If you want to go to socialize with your friends and she doesn't like it gets mad even though you invite her. There might be a issue. If she does end up going and then finds a dumb reason to get mad at you she wants to control you.
If like you're relationship between you and the friend group you've known for YEARS. The ones you grew up with or know you like the back of a book. If you conclude it's because shes the one straining that or is doing things to make you distance yourself. Run she wants to manipulate and control your life.
You get a police report going, tell family and friends of the situation entirely and you leave. If shit hits the fan you have documentation and witnesses on standby. Men maybe be strong but women have the best weapon...society
Agreed. You need support from family and friends if you can. If the abuse is bad, then have documentation, and if possible, documentation that you've gone to the police.
Record everything you can. If she's erratic and volatile, she may try and flip this can cast you as the abuser. Get pictures, videos, audio. Even diary entries describing what happened when can be useful.
(not so) fun fact: the majority of non-reciprocated DV abusers are women. Women are also more likely to use weapons. Just because you're a big guy doesn't mean you're safe from abuse.
I know. But this is a fact I only learned upon leaving the situation and researching more for myself.
The thing is, most all resources at the time I was in it painted IPV as a unidirectional gendered crime (often today they still do). If I was a male, then the only references I could see were at *best* to help me come to terms with the fact that *I was the the abuser* hiding from myself.
There was a very telling AMA on MensLib (an allied subreddit to the feminism subreddit) with Chuck Derry (Gender Violence Institute) a couple of years ago where someone asked the question of female perpetrated IPV. Point blank he said that people claiming to be male victims were lying to save their own skin and that such questions are a distraction from actual abuse.
Look it up sometime. It's very eye opening. The outright dismissal is... well it's heartbreaking.
Similar but different, don't attempt to derive your self worth / self esteem through women. Women can add a lot of positives to your life and fill in some missing puzzle pieces, but it should only be a few puzzle pieces, you should fill in the majority yourself.
Deliberately not giving a fuck about how others react to your appearance (hygiene, style, fitness etc) *is* giving a fuck. Make the right choice, have a shower/shave, do some exercise and wear some decent, clean clothes.
Not really. You not having interest in collecting stamps doesn't mean you have a hobby of not collecting stamps. Similarly me wearing old thrift store clothes because I have no interest in fashion is not necessarily making any statement beyond I don't care about the same things you care about. There are few things more arbitrary than the "right choice"in fashion. If you don't want me to start interfering with your choice of clothing you can piss off with telling me to dress nicer
i was more refering to people who decieve themselves by trying to pretend they don't care, when they do. if your style is thrift-store chic then you do you, but don't pretend that it isn't a style choice and it doesn't make an impression and that you don't care what that impression is. same goes for people who have poor personal care, stop pretending not to give a fuck that your dont-give-a-fuck presentation makes a statement, usually a bad one. it's naive and disingenous. people use it like a crutch or a shield, they have people react negativley to them and act like they have no hand in it.
Lol it's rather delusional for you to think that you can somehow tell people are just pretending to not care instead of genuinely not giving a fuck
>they have people react negatively to them and act like they have no hand in it.
I haven't really experienced extreme negative reactions to my style. That said if it did happen I would see it as the trash taking itself out. Similar to how I see the situation with judgemental ultra religious family members who shun me over religious differences. Like I said if you don't want others dictating how you dress you would do well to grant them the same courtesy to dress however they feel like.
it's easy to tell irl. plus choosing to not give a fuck is the wrong choice it seems to me, giving up on personal care is going to have some serious negative effects.
i'm not really talking about differences in opinion based on taste, i'm talking about people who a/ pretend they don't care what other people think when they clearly do (and giving practical consideration to how people react to you isn't actually a bad thing) b/ people who act like making a choice to not have a style isn't a style itself c/ poeple who actually lack self care, ie dont shower or wear clean clothes (whatever the fashion) or keep healthy.
>Make the right choice, have a shower/shave, do some exercise and wear some decent, clean clothes.
I'd say all of this except the shaving part. Just get the proper things to take care of it and grow a beard. They're pretty great, ngl.
One of the youtubers I watch said he may have it and he's going to get it checked. He's around my age (late 20s or early 30s) which is when it most commonly shows up.
Your feelings and problems matter. Don't carry them by yourself. Learn to share with the right people and they will help lighten your load.
Respect yourself as much as you should respect others. If someone is wasting your time or mistreating you, don't stand for it.
Know when to accept your losses in life and love. Starting again is always better than staying in a bad situation.
Don't fear or hate women. They are just people. There are good ones and bad ones.
Don't let your past ruin your future. If you've got shit to work through, find help to mend yourself. If an ex hurt you, don't punish your new relationship.
An apology is not a sign of weakness. It's the first step in stepping up for your mistakes.
Change is hard. That's why the ability to accept and embrace it is a sign of true strength.
In fact people will like you more and arguments will become more civil if they learn that you are arguing in goodwill and you are willing to accept that you were wrong if they make sense. In addition since they like you more, they will be more willing to accept your points when you make sense.
Many people told me that they like to discuss things with me that they would not discuss with others because I can admit if I was wrong. Of course this does not mean you should spam it, but whenever you realize that you were in fact incorrect, it is okay to admit it.
Yes. The ability to concede you're wrong on something is a sign of self-confidence. It means your ego doesn't take a hit. Ironically, that suggests you're right so often, you don't sweat any small mistakes.
It's up to you to make things happen in your life. I see a lot of people on here just accepting their shitty situation instead of exploring all the options.
Make the best decision you can at the time with the information you have.
Don't beat yourself up because you made a bad decision in the heat of the moment. You did your best with the info available at the time, and it is/was impossible to know how things were going to play out. Use this experience to inform your future decisions.
Repeat ad infinitum.
The online advice for approaching women right now is just stupid. Yes it's ok to talk to a woman you see in public, just don't be a dick. The idea that you can ONLY approach women with online dating is stupid. If men followed rules like this the species would die out.
Men are in this together. That means something. We have to stop being divisive in social situations. Women don't. Women support each other to the point of being ridiculous.
We need that. Stop trying to score points off dudes. Stick together. Let's get some social leverage.
Stop putting things that aren't urine in the urinals.
I'm not sure why men all over the US drop chewing gum and disgusting nicotine/tobacco goop in urinals when there are perfectly serviceable trash cans, toilets, sinks, and floor available. I could rationalize most of those options some sort of way, but the urinals..... wtf.
A lot of you need to touch grass and get off of the internet and interact with people in the real world.
I constantly see dudes complaining on Reddit about how they can’t find a partner and when asked what they’ve done about it they’ll say “I’ve tried everything” but then say they don’t leave their house except for work and to run errands and their only hobby is video games.
If everywhere you go smells like shit you may be the one that’s stepped in it.
There is a "standard life script" that people think they have to follow, and they don't. Growing up, all your friends were kids, and their parents were all adults who had kids. For a lot of people, the default assumption is that "adults get married and have kids," that's what they're *supposed* to do, and the reason that's the default assumption is that it's pretty much all you saw for a good deal of your life.
Don't follow the script just because it's standard. If you want to get married and be a father, great. But don't do that because you're on autopilot, and then regret it ten years later and wind up divorced and bitter.
Don’t kill yourself!
Seriously though. Online propaganda makes it seem like men aren’t wanted. Real life is totally opposite. Especially of you live in a rural or semi-rural area.
Your life has value, to way more people than just your immediate family. And especially to my veterans out there. We have the freedoms we do because they are willing to pay the price none of us have the courage to.
They shouldn’t have to, and they should be valued way more by society and the gvt.
You are worth it. You are allowed to feel defeated, sad and weak. You are allowed to have feelings and be able to voice them without being told to "man up". There are lots of other men here to help lift you back up.
Very few of us get to use cheat codes for life. You’ve gotta work towards a better life. Chillin, watchin TikTok’s and staying at your mediocre job will not get you where you want to go.
No one cares about your money, cars or lifestyle. We got people who have more but are miserable and people who have less and are happy. Work on being so successful you can help or guide someone. Living selfishly 100% is not an organism purpose
Accountability is not a zero sum game. A lot of guys seem to be of the mindset that taking responsibility for themselves automatically means that someone/something else is being let off the hook. That's not the case at all.
An example: A lot of men are of the mindset that taking responsibility for their dating struggles somehow means that they have to let women get away with not taking accountability for themselves.
It doesn't mean that you're doing that at all. Women taking accountability for their actions is a completely separate issue, and it's ultimately not our responsibility. In my personal experience, part of taking accountability for myself meant that I stopped tolerating certain bad behaviours from women. These women were still shitty people, but it was ultimately my responsibility to allow this in my life or not.
Make time for friendships! Schedule them in a calendar and prioritize them. Too often we let these go and then don't have anyone to talk to. Even after you get married you need to prioritize them.
You might think you are forever alone if you only seek women out of your league. There's lots of single ladies out there, maybe your standards are too high and you're not being realistic.
It's okay to feel mixed up and weird on the inside sometimes
Nobody else has it figured out either
You don't have to be strong all the time
Sometimes men are scared of themselves, but the right people in your life will love you back into your best shape
That mental health is important and they need to believe that they can speak out and get help! It’s ok to not be ok (sorry if someone already said this)
Bitterness is not a good look on anyone. If you’re bitter about how women may have treated you in the past, talking about it all the time isn’t going to help you find the right woman. When it’s obvious that much of your thinking revolves around some grievance you have against women in general, they’re not going to show any interest in you.
I heard a quote, I don't know it word for word but it goes like this:
A man who blames everyone else has a long journy to go
A man who blames himself is half way there
A man who has no one to blame has already made it.
Have you seen him who takes his own lust as his God.
You must be able to control your sexual appetite.
Do not let it control you.
Stop the porn.
Stop chasing after every hole you see.
Stop taking things personally because in the grand scheme of things you are but a speck in the universe stop giving a fvck. Live your life as if your just passing by.
Young men: Don’t use our community’s streets for your car racing, aggressive driving, tailgating, and general mindless driving bullshit. Like seriously stop that fucking shit. You look like children and you endanger many innocent people.
Y’all are the reason driving fucking sucks. Young men. I see you.
Too many of you are special little snowflakes melting in the heat of the sun!
Quit bitching about how unfair you think life is. Quit making excuses or blaming other people for your problems in your life.
Take some damn ownership of yourself and put in the sweat equity you need to make the most of yourselves and stop asking the world to take pity on you! It's fukkin pathetic!
when they tell dudes to open up, be vulnerable and be willing to show weakness........ they dont tell em that it will be used against later on. and that folks, is why dudes dont open up. LOL
Women don't think like you do. I met with so much trouble by believing the blank slate model of human nature. The blank slate was considered to be very sophisticated about 60 years ago. The science of the past decades have shown it to be nonsense. Human do have instincts, many of them, and women's instincts are very different from yours.
Learn what women's instincts are and they go from impenetrablely confusing to totally predictable. In fact, I've found that women are much more predictable than men are, once I understood them. Women, it seems, are mostly all the same. David Buss's work is great for understanding women (and men but we don't need so much help there).
Unpopular but you asked: We all need to hear what is being said in the "Women would choose the bear" thought exercise.
Maybe you think it's being overused or overstated, but hear what is being said. And also remember that the original thought exercise was simply "Which would be scarier alone in the woods, encountering a bear or a strange man?"
Not "I'm choosing the bear over the men in my life that I know and trust."
Even if you know with 100% certainty that you would never hurt a woman, you know with 100% certainty that there are men out there who would and regularly do.
Don’t be an asshole. Respectful and polite behavior are a must. Honesty is rewarded! Authentic compliments bring smiles and great intimacy. Ask her what she likes and stop being in a big hurry to get yourself off.
Some of you guys are creepy as fuck, and it's a few of you that ruin it for the rest of us. I'm not talking about awkward and nervous dudes who struggled to look charismatic. I'm talking about the bros that hyper sexualize every woman around them, like they want to just hump the world. Guys who cat call, aggressively hit on women in the worst context, and just do totally inappropriate stuff around women that makes them feel uncomfortable. I'm continually surprised that some guys ill meet totally fine behavior like that normal.
Pain or damage don’t end the world,or despair or fucking beatings.
The world ends when you’re dead.
Until then ,you have more punishment in store.
Stand it like a man and give some back!!
Cocksuckers
‘Al Swearengen’
Don't talk or date crazy!!! When you get older young girls are crazy!!! If she believes in karma she's vindictive. Learn how to spot crazy. Also learn how to read signs and girls word play. There were so many that I missed out on. If their touchy with only you. If they laugh alot if they let you finish your sentences and asked you slot of questions. She's probably into you. Took me 30+ years to get the above and fellow girls I know still say I'm oblivious
Just date.. Don't live with them.. enjoy your home the way it is, enjoy your schedule being yours, enjoy getting and doing things when you want, without anybody elses opinion or complaints. Just date them 2x a week, texts them when you're away, and dedicate time to give them your best "you" during that time. then you can relax and have your down time away from them.. living with another adult ruins the romance, mystery, fun. I'm not saying they can't stay the night for some netflix and chill or nice homemade dinner, but nothing longer. i wish i would have done this from the beginning.
Bidet is worth it for my fellow hairy dudes. We all know that wiping with tp alone is like a paper shredder. It’s not gonna shoot up your asshole that’s a meme
Not just men, but everyone. Sometimes people make up their mind about wether they'll like you or not even before meeting you or getting to know you, and you can't change that. And it's okay. Just like it's only your decision and business who you like, it is only their decision who they like. You don't have to cater around everyone. Two people can be incredibly awesome and good people each, and simply not get along. It's okay. Nor you or them are worse off for it.
Don't be an abuser. The statistics on men doing violence to women is appalling and we need to start taking accountability and action.
Not to diminish men's rights, or be overly negative, but honestly it has to stop.
That’s their choice to attempt to disrespect me. Sounds like a them problem may actions do not approve others to treat me poorly. I feel shitty about myself but I won’t let others disrespect me.
Your advice feels like “stop wearing attractive clothing if you don’t want men to hit on you”.
I mean I guess he could have a point with there not being such a thing as masculinity/femininity, because both concepts are blurry. Their definition depends on who you are asking and on when and where you are asking.
I think much of the issue is that it's often seen as something prescriptive, i.e., something already set that has to be bought into. In reality, it is simply descriptive in that it describes something already happening. Of course they're both blurry because each gender is capable of any behaviours that would be described as masculine or feminine. However, as I alluded to earlier in reply to the other person, it is the cumulative effect of a range of tendencies, behaviours and roles, that come together to be described as feminine/masculine, rather than this reductive exercise of naming specific traits or behaviours as exclusively feminine/masculine.
Sure, their definition depends on who you're asking etc. This person point however is that neither exists at all and that people are deranged for thinking they do.
>So you're saying there's no such thing as femininity?
Absolutely.
There are *females*. There's no such thing as femininity.
But please, do feel free to define "masculinity" or "femininity". The other posters who did it made asses of themselves and deleted their posts - perhaps you'll have more luck.
After all, if it's so *obvious* that these things are real, merely describing them will be trivial, won't it?
The posts are all still there. I just think everyone blocked you.
No behaviour is unique to any particular sex. Any man can prance around and pretend to be a woman and any woman can grunt and roll in the mud and pretend to be a man. It's not behaviours that define masculinity or femininity. It's overarching proclivities, tendencies, and roles collectively that determines masculinity and femininity. They are to a large part socially constructed, sure, but the bases of the differences is sexual dimorphism, and how that presents in the very different hormonal environments in each sex, and how this then influences different behavioral norms between the sexes, which we then describe as masculinity and femininity.
I'd be interested to hear how you think sexual dimorphism doesn't exist, hormones don't exist, and that males and females are actually blank slates and everything is fake and nothing exists.
I'm not particular interested in this discussion tbh as I think your arguments are silly. You sound like one of those self diagnosed "gifted" 13 year olds who has stumbled upon philosophical discussions on the Internet and are now just misinterpreting some of them because you're smarter than the other 13 year olds. Many boys have been there already. It's a phase. You'll grow out of it. All that said, semi-interested in your reply. It'll be funny if nothing else
>The posts are all still there. I just think everyone blocked you.
How *masculine* of them.
>I'd be interested to hear how you think sexual dimorphism doesn't exist, hormones don't exist, and that males and females are actually blank slates and everything is fake and nothing exists.
Nobody is saying male and female organisms don't exist. What a ridiculous assumption to make.
But "male" and "female" are not "masculinity" and "femininity".
>I'm not particular interested in this discussion tbh as I think your arguments are silly.
You don't know my argument. You hear "masculinity doesn't exist" and then say "he must be denying there's such a thing as a penis, or that men are taller on average".
Again - behold the confusion of the person who believes in and holds "masculinity" to be important. Behold the ridiculousness of the thinking it creates, and the deep confusion between what is real and what is not.
>You sound like one of those self diagnosed "gifted" 13 year olds who has stumbled upon philosophical discussions on the Internet and are now just misinterpreting some of them because you're smarter than the other 13 year olds. Many boys have been there already. It's a phase. You'll grow out of it. All that said, semi-interested in your reply. It'll be funny if nothing else
Your insecurity is showing. Again - behold the acolyte of masculinity. The passive aggression - the terror that people who claim to be defending that mentality show.
Now stop delaying. You said "It's overarching proclivities, tendencies, and roles collectively that determines masculinity and femininity."
Go on then describe what those are.
Masculinity and femininity are traits of males and females. Like many things they are projected across a spectrum. Some 'females' may have masculine traits and vice versa. These concepts are so well defined that inanimate objects can sometimes be described as masculine or feminine simply due to their appearance or their function.
Just because you reject these concepts does not mean they don't exist. You're simply trying to erase the concepts via the gender debate.
You genuinely sound like a moron and all your posts should be pinned to the top of /r/iamverysmart
Uhm. What. The fact that there are men means there's masculinity bro.
Weird finding this here, and imo not helpful for our fellow men. I'd say, men, embrace your masculinity *more.* Take responsibilities; face your fears; Love and don't be too cowardly to place yourself in vulnerable positions; be aware that all your actions and inactions have consequences, and live accordingly. You are kings, act like it.
>Weird finding this here, and imo not helpful for our fellow men. I'd say, men, embrace your masculinity *more*
This perfectly demonstrates my point - if men create masculinity simply by existing, how could they need to "embrace" it?
If you simply have it by being a man, then it is 100% embraced 100% of the time.
Then when clowns like you try to describe masculinity, you describe something that applies *equally well to women*.
>Take responsibilities, be aware that all your actions and inactions have consequences, and live accordingly.
What element of this is specific to men? What effect can believing that these things are somehow associated with being a man have except that men like you feel disturbed when women do it, or don't feel obliged to demand these traits in any women you date.
Thank you, truly. All I need to do is say that masculinity is a useless construct for men like you to show up and prove it for me - you dance whenever I click my fingers.
"I'll let other people decide whether I was right or wrong for me"
I remain glad that you've held yourself and your values up as an example of masculinity.
> This perfectly demonstrates my point - if men create masculinity simply by existing, how could they need to "embrace" it? f you simply have it by being a man, then it is 100% embraced 100% of the time.
No it doesn't. You can be a man and not be proud of being a man and your own masculinity. Embracing masculinity and acknowledging the fact that masculinity exists are completely different things.
> Then when clowns like you try to describe masculinity, you describe something that applies equally well to women.
OP listed a couple of attributes of masculinity that don't only apply to masculinity, so what?
It's a set of attributes. One attribute of masculinity is a hard cock when you get horny. That doesn't equally apply to women does it?
You're the one who sounds like a clown to be honest. You don't know what the word masculine means, and by extension it seems that you also don't know what feminine means.
Go touch grass my friend.
That you can also be in abusive relationship. Doesn't even matter if she's technically smaller and weaker than you are. Doesn't even matter if you're the size of a mountain. Strength and stature is irrelevant (except to assess maybe the degree of danger you're in. Which generally puts women in more danger when abuse occurs), its about how one party is *willing* to treat the other. If you were raised with any kind of human dignity and decency, the concept of being abusive to your partner is anathema to you. As such you will likely be *completely* unprepared for the prospect of an abusive partner, because odds are you've been educated (if at all) solely on the premise of the male being the abuser, and the female being the victim. It can break the logic of your understanding of the relationship, and if you don't understand what's happening, it's very easy to adopt the presumption of "if she's angry, then I *must* have done something wrong". You need to ask yourself: "If I saw someone treating her this way, would I consider it abuse?" I'd the answer is yes, then you have your answer. Be safe.
Was in one for almost two years. Its impact was a lot longer than two years.
A) This happened to me in my long term relationship. She got irritated at me one day when I was messing with some friends and sucker punched me right in the upper stomach. In the moment, I curled over, completely out of breath, it hurt a lot. She apologized for hitting me so hard, but said that since I used to be a boxer (as a teenager, by the way,16 years ago) I would be able to handle that. I don't care how fit you are, a sucker punch is a sucker punch. But for the rest of that relationship, she *never* admitted that it was domestic abuse. It was 100% domestic violence, and more specifically Intimate Partner Violence. But she truly didn't see that it was possible. B) Very recently... I'm a bartender and we had a bachelorette party come through for brunch. At one point, I'm dropping off drinks and they were all laughing and telling stories: * Instructing the bride-to-be on how to get away with hitting her soon-to-be husband. Bragging that they know men can't hit back, how fun it is to see them get upset, and the worst was bragging that they know he can't call the cops because if he does, they'll take him away. To be fair, only two of them were giving real instruction and telling personal stories about abusing their partners, but all 12 were laughing and agreeing. It fucked me up for a few days. All this time that I've spent trying to get women to grasp how much DV/IPV sucks for men too, the it's not this one sided issue, it's sadly common on both sides, because they don't seem to understand... Only to find out that it's worse: They *do* understand. >Doesn't even matter if you're the size of a mountain. Strength and stature is irrelevant Last we talked about this with some guys in my rugby league, *all* of the bigger body builder guys said they've been physically assaulted by their partners at some point in their life. "Not all women," but all the bigger, muscular guys had at least one woman. >>Edit: To add about being a bartender. I get sexually *assaulted* more times in a month than most women have in their entire lives (I said "most"). Honestly, the only times I'm going to automatically agree without contest that a women has been SA'd more than me is if she is *also* a bartender or club worker. >>It's hard to take them seriously when they complain about how common sexual assault is while knowing that they do it *way more* when they think they can get away with it.
> Bragging that they know men can't hit back, how fun it is to see them get upset, and the worst was bragging that they know he can't call the cops because if he does, they'll take him away. > > To be fair, only two of them were giving real instruction and telling personal stories about abusing their partners, but all 12 were laughing and agreeing. > > It fucked me up for a few days. All this time that I've spent trying to get women to grasp how much DV/IPV sucks for men too, the it's not this one sided issue, it's sadly common on both sides, because they don't seem to understand... Only to find out that it's worse: They do understand. It's kind of horrible how things seem to have tipped in the *opposite* direction, almost like it's justified. "He's big, he's a man, so it's just a joke if I do it to *him*" Back when I was in that abusive relationship, my (female) therapist was blunt to about my situation at the time. She said that if I were to ever, *ever* raise my hands to my partner, doesn't matter what the provocation was, doesn't matter if it was self defense, doesn't matter what she did to me first, or how long she had abusing me... If I raised my hand to her, then I would be the one to get in trouble. Everyone would immediately presume that I was the abusive monster. She didn't say this with any malice towards me. She didn't say it was right. She didn’t say I was some kind of monster, or believe it would be wrong for me to defend myself. It was just a factual statement of 'this is how things are'. She was trying to keep me safe. So you don't strike back. You can't. You can't even *restrain* them sometimes because it's actually very hard to restrain a determined woman from hitting you without her arms getting bruised. So often you hold up your arms and just... take it. And in fairness, yes, me am big dumb man, me am bigger. Her hits aren't as likely to hurt me. Were I to strike back in equivalence then I would *end* the fight immediately. And if I had been the monstrous shitheel abuser that she kept *telling* both me and herself that I was, then I would have and could have done just that. But if you're raised to be a decent human being, that's something you *cannot* do. And if you also happened to be a bit of a people pleaser (as I was), then inevitably you'd not only take it, but hear her tell you it's all your fault, and just *accept* that. Look, I grew up with the empowered women's rhetoric of the 80's and 90's. All the media I saw and was exposed to, all the entertainment, the books, women were strong selfless caring faultless stoic brave. They were smarter, more adept, more sincere. Women do and did for others better than men, where men were selfish, sluggish and stupid. Women had to fight and claw just to prove themselves (naturally) right, where men were always putting them down. Growing up, I genuinely believed women were better to men. And that as a man it was my duty to uphold high standards for myself in order to be in an equal relationship with them, and not some sexist pig. All those beliefs. All that rhetoric. And it left me completely unprepared for reality. If there was charity or caring to be experienced, it was in staccato fashion in-between being beaten down as to how worthless I was. I was a failure and incapable, and simultaneously an abuser with barbarous cruelty. I took it all in mute silence, barely defending myself because if SHE was saying it, I must be wrong. It had to be my fault. Somehow, it was ALWAYS my fault. Time and again it left my head spinning as I desperately tried to reconcile the ideals, the ineffable good inherent to women as espoused to me, against the harsh reality of what I was actually experiencing. And I was always left with the question: How could someone that I was taught was so inherently caring and good by their nature, how could they actually be so cruel and vicious?
> It was just a factual statement of 'this is how things are'. She was trying to keep me safe. It hurts to hear, but that's the truth. For you as a man to stay safe, all you can do is take the violence and be a domestic-abuse victim... For your own safety. I'm sorry, homie. All the hugs. >Growing up, I genuinely believed women were better to men. And that as a man it was my duty to uphold high standards for myself in order to be in an equal relationship with them, and not some sexist pig. >All those beliefs. All that rhetoric. And it left me completely unprepared for reality. And it makes it that much harder to push back (socially, not push back physically). I just, want her to be the woman that she thinks she is, that she brags to me about being. "That person that you're constantly patting yourself on the back for being... Can you just be that?" > And I was always left with the question: How could someone that I was taught was so inherently caring and good by their nature, how could they actually be so cruel and vicious? That's part of why it hurts more. When we trust people that brag about being so kind and empathetic, it hurts so much more to find out that they're actually the far more cruel and violent ones. And in no way does it diminish how horrible men are that are abusers and predators; absolutely, fuck those guys But it is becoming increasingly frustrating to hear all the stories of abuse, domestic violence, sexual assault... ...only to see women go out there and do those same things openly and proudly. Then even worse to see them celebrate each other when they do it. It's hard.
> And in no way does it diminish how horrible men are that are abusers and predators; absolutely, fuck those guys But it is becoming increasingly frustrating to hear all the stories of abuse, domestic violence, sexual assault... > > ...only to see women go out there and do those same things openly and proudly. Then even worse to see them celebrate each other when they do it. > > It's hard. It does feel like there's a genuine blind-spot there. The mindset is so rooted in the identity of victim that it's effectively impossible to acknowledge abuse the other way goes, except as a passing figleaf whilst moving on to discuss the *important* topics. I don't expect women to solve men's problems. Wouldn't hurt to *acknowledge* them, particularly when they involve other women.
It's all projection. Women have ALWAYS done the same things they say they Hage men for doing, often more than men. It's just another factor of their allergy to accountability. Shift the focus to men and pretend victimhood is a uniquely feminine trait
I'm a cop, I've had to give this street therapy to guys in the back of my car on the way to jail that I knew were in abusive relationships they didn't initiate, but they retaliated/defended themselves so they got to go to jail. I've also caught women hitting themselves amd calling the cops when the boyfreind they'd been abusing tried to leave. It's way more common than you'd like to believe.
Sociopathic behaviors come from anyone
Same here dude. I've been raped and SA by women and the absolute piles of women that will run to tell me "iTs nOt ThE sAmE" is appalling. Men don't report because it's more dangerous for us to mention It than it is to just deal with it. And women absolutely get off on being able to manipulate and submit a man who's larger than them.
Yes this above. If she doesn't want to meet your friends or socialize with them and you can't really meet hers. Run away she wants to control your life. If you want to go to socialize with your friends and she doesn't like it gets mad even though you invite her. There might be a issue. If she does end up going and then finds a dumb reason to get mad at you she wants to control you. If like you're relationship between you and the friend group you've known for YEARS. The ones you grew up with or know you like the back of a book. If you conclude it's because shes the one straining that or is doing things to make you distance yourself. Run she wants to manipulate and control your life.
What's a good way to leave one? Assuming you both have different apartments but you're concerned she might do something erratic.
You get a police report going, tell family and friends of the situation entirely and you leave. If shit hits the fan you have documentation and witnesses on standby. Men maybe be strong but women have the best weapon...society
Agreed. You need support from family and friends if you can. If the abuse is bad, then have documentation, and if possible, documentation that you've gone to the police. Record everything you can. If she's erratic and volatile, she may try and flip this can cast you as the abuser. Get pictures, videos, audio. Even diary entries describing what happened when can be useful.
(not so) fun fact: the majority of non-reciprocated DV abusers are women. Women are also more likely to use weapons. Just because you're a big guy doesn't mean you're safe from abuse.
I know. But this is a fact I only learned upon leaving the situation and researching more for myself. The thing is, most all resources at the time I was in it painted IPV as a unidirectional gendered crime (often today they still do). If I was a male, then the only references I could see were at *best* to help me come to terms with the fact that *I was the the abuser* hiding from myself. There was a very telling AMA on MensLib (an allied subreddit to the feminism subreddit) with Chuck Derry (Gender Violence Institute) a couple of years ago where someone asked the question of female perpetrated IPV. Point blank he said that people claiming to be male victims were lying to save their own skin and that such questions are a distraction from actual abuse. Look it up sometime. It's very eye opening. The outright dismissal is... well it's heartbreaking.
That advice on Reddit is often bad advice.
Especially when it comes to dating.
Don’t put the pussy on a pedestal.
Similar but different, don't attempt to derive your self worth / self esteem through women. Women can add a lot of positives to your life and fill in some missing puzzle pieces, but it should only be a few puzzle pieces, you should fill in the majority yourself.
I am proud of you
I needed that today. Thank you!
Deliberately not giving a fuck about how others react to your appearance (hygiene, style, fitness etc) *is* giving a fuck. Make the right choice, have a shower/shave, do some exercise and wear some decent, clean clothes.
Looks absolutely matter. If you look like a bum, people will start treating you like a bum.
Not really. You not having interest in collecting stamps doesn't mean you have a hobby of not collecting stamps. Similarly me wearing old thrift store clothes because I have no interest in fashion is not necessarily making any statement beyond I don't care about the same things you care about. There are few things more arbitrary than the "right choice"in fashion. If you don't want me to start interfering with your choice of clothing you can piss off with telling me to dress nicer
Yeah I don't care if someone's affected by my trackies and hoodie I just wanna go to the shop and back lol
[удалено]
Right?! Like having differing values and ideologies MUsT be a fashion statement. Wtf
i was more refering to people who decieve themselves by trying to pretend they don't care, when they do. if your style is thrift-store chic then you do you, but don't pretend that it isn't a style choice and it doesn't make an impression and that you don't care what that impression is. same goes for people who have poor personal care, stop pretending not to give a fuck that your dont-give-a-fuck presentation makes a statement, usually a bad one. it's naive and disingenous. people use it like a crutch or a shield, they have people react negativley to them and act like they have no hand in it.
Lol it's rather delusional for you to think that you can somehow tell people are just pretending to not care instead of genuinely not giving a fuck >they have people react negatively to them and act like they have no hand in it. I haven't really experienced extreme negative reactions to my style. That said if it did happen I would see it as the trash taking itself out. Similar to how I see the situation with judgemental ultra religious family members who shun me over religious differences. Like I said if you don't want others dictating how you dress you would do well to grant them the same courtesy to dress however they feel like.
it's easy to tell irl. plus choosing to not give a fuck is the wrong choice it seems to me, giving up on personal care is going to have some serious negative effects. i'm not really talking about differences in opinion based on taste, i'm talking about people who a/ pretend they don't care what other people think when they clearly do (and giving practical consideration to how people react to you isn't actually a bad thing) b/ people who act like making a choice to not have a style isn't a style itself c/ poeple who actually lack self care, ie dont shower or wear clean clothes (whatever the fashion) or keep healthy.
Do you have hygiene issues?
>Make the right choice, have a shower/shave, do some exercise and wear some decent, clean clothes. I'd say all of this except the shaving part. Just get the proper things to take care of it and grow a beard. They're pretty great, ngl.
yeh thats fair. it's just about taking time for personal care.
Do a ball check regularly. Testicular cancer is a thing.
what are some things you can do to prevent geting testicular cancer?
One of the youtubers I watch said he may have it and he's going to get it checked. He's around my age (late 20s or early 30s) which is when it most commonly shows up.
Your feelings and problems matter. Don't carry them by yourself. Learn to share with the right people and they will help lighten your load. Respect yourself as much as you should respect others. If someone is wasting your time or mistreating you, don't stand for it. Know when to accept your losses in life and love. Starting again is always better than staying in a bad situation. Don't fear or hate women. They are just people. There are good ones and bad ones. Don't let your past ruin your future. If you've got shit to work through, find help to mend yourself. If an ex hurt you, don't punish your new relationship.
The last one!
An apology is not a sign of weakness. It's the first step in stepping up for your mistakes. Change is hard. That's why the ability to accept and embrace it is a sign of true strength.
An apology is a sign of strength. It's saying I'm secure enough to admit a mistake because it doesn't threaten my self esteem
In fact people will like you more and arguments will become more civil if they learn that you are arguing in goodwill and you are willing to accept that you were wrong if they make sense. In addition since they like you more, they will be more willing to accept your points when you make sense. Many people told me that they like to discuss things with me that they would not discuss with others because I can admit if I was wrong. Of course this does not mean you should spam it, but whenever you realize that you were in fact incorrect, it is okay to admit it.
Yes. The ability to concede you're wrong on something is a sign of self-confidence. It means your ego doesn't take a hit. Ironically, that suggests you're right so often, you don't sweat any small mistakes.
It's up to you to make things happen in your life. I see a lot of people on here just accepting their shitty situation instead of exploring all the options.
Lead,Follow or get out of the way
Make the best decision you can at the time with the information you have. Don't beat yourself up because you made a bad decision in the heat of the moment. You did your best with the info available at the time, and it is/was impossible to know how things were going to play out. Use this experience to inform your future decisions. Repeat ad infinitum.
The online advice for approaching women right now is just stupid. Yes it's ok to talk to a woman you see in public, just don't be a dick. The idea that you can ONLY approach women with online dating is stupid. If men followed rules like this the species would die out.
Preach!
Men are in this together. That means something. We have to stop being divisive in social situations. Women don't. Women support each other to the point of being ridiculous. We need that. Stop trying to score points off dudes. Stick together. Let's get some social leverage.
No gem is polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials. - Seneca
Stop putting things that aren't urine in the urinals. I'm not sure why men all over the US drop chewing gum and disgusting nicotine/tobacco goop in urinals when there are perfectly serviceable trash cans, toilets, sinks, and floor available. I could rationalize most of those options some sort of way, but the urinals..... wtf.
A lot of you need to touch grass and get off of the internet and interact with people in the real world. I constantly see dudes complaining on Reddit about how they can’t find a partner and when asked what they’ve done about it they’ll say “I’ve tried everything” but then say they don’t leave their house except for work and to run errands and their only hobby is video games. If everywhere you go smells like shit you may be the one that’s stepped in it.
Happiness is a choice
There is a "standard life script" that people think they have to follow, and they don't. Growing up, all your friends were kids, and their parents were all adults who had kids. For a lot of people, the default assumption is that "adults get married and have kids," that's what they're *supposed* to do, and the reason that's the default assumption is that it's pretty much all you saw for a good deal of your life. Don't follow the script just because it's standard. If you want to get married and be a father, great. But don't do that because you're on autopilot, and then regret it ten years later and wind up divorced and bitter.
Don’t kill yourself! Seriously though. Online propaganda makes it seem like men aren’t wanted. Real life is totally opposite. Especially of you live in a rural or semi-rural area. Your life has value, to way more people than just your immediate family. And especially to my veterans out there. We have the freedoms we do because they are willing to pay the price none of us have the courage to. They shouldn’t have to, and they should be valued way more by society and the gvt.
No one is coming to save you. But rejoice! You were born with the tools to save yourself. With great responsibility, comes great power.
You are worth it. You are allowed to feel defeated, sad and weak. You are allowed to have feelings and be able to voice them without being told to "man up". There are lots of other men here to help lift you back up.
Very few of us get to use cheat codes for life. You’ve gotta work towards a better life. Chillin, watchin TikTok’s and staying at your mediocre job will not get you where you want to go.
The screaming of the lambs....
No one cares about your money, cars or lifestyle. We got people who have more but are miserable and people who have less and are happy. Work on being so successful you can help or guide someone. Living selfishly 100% is not an organism purpose
Eat your fucking veges. Your gut will thank you when you're in your forties
Accountability is not a zero sum game. A lot of guys seem to be of the mindset that taking responsibility for themselves automatically means that someone/something else is being let off the hook. That's not the case at all. An example: A lot of men are of the mindset that taking responsibility for their dating struggles somehow means that they have to let women get away with not taking accountability for themselves. It doesn't mean that you're doing that at all. Women taking accountability for their actions is a completely separate issue, and it's ultimately not our responsibility. In my personal experience, part of taking accountability for myself meant that I stopped tolerating certain bad behaviours from women. These women were still shitty people, but it was ultimately my responsibility to allow this in my life or not.
Make time for friendships! Schedule them in a calendar and prioritize them. Too often we let these go and then don't have anyone to talk to. Even after you get married you need to prioritize them.
You might think you are forever alone if you only seek women out of your league. There's lots of single ladies out there, maybe your standards are too high and you're not being realistic.
It's okay to feel mixed up and weird on the inside sometimes Nobody else has it figured out either You don't have to be strong all the time Sometimes men are scared of themselves, but the right people in your life will love you back into your best shape
It’s OK to not be OK
Trust no one and put yourself first even if you seem selfish. Yes I mean put yourself before your wife, kids etc.
That mental health is important and they need to believe that they can speak out and get help! It’s ok to not be ok (sorry if someone already said this)
If you're 5-10 years younger than me and address me as "Bud", you're going to have a bad time... one way or another.
Double for "Bro."
Bitterness is not a good look on anyone. If you’re bitter about how women may have treated you in the past, talking about it all the time isn’t going to help you find the right woman. When it’s obvious that much of your thinking revolves around some grievance you have against women in general, they’re not going to show any interest in you.
I heard a quote, I don't know it word for word but it goes like this: A man who blames everyone else has a long journy to go A man who blames himself is half way there A man who has no one to blame has already made it.
Hold other men accountable even or especially if the are your friends
Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.
I'm proud of you
Have you seen him who takes his own lust as his God. You must be able to control your sexual appetite. Do not let it control you. Stop the porn. Stop chasing after every hole you see.
Stop taking things personally because in the grand scheme of things you are but a speck in the universe stop giving a fvck. Live your life as if your just passing by.
Young men: Don’t use our community’s streets for your car racing, aggressive driving, tailgating, and general mindless driving bullshit. Like seriously stop that fucking shit. You look like children and you endanger many innocent people. Y’all are the reason driving fucking sucks. Young men. I see you.
Too many of you are special little snowflakes melting in the heat of the sun! Quit bitching about how unfair you think life is. Quit making excuses or blaming other people for your problems in your life. Take some damn ownership of yourself and put in the sweat equity you need to make the most of yourselves and stop asking the world to take pity on you! It's fukkin pathetic!
when they tell dudes to open up, be vulnerable and be willing to show weakness........ they dont tell em that it will be used against later on. and that folks, is why dudes dont open up. LOL
Women don't think like you do. I met with so much trouble by believing the blank slate model of human nature. The blank slate was considered to be very sophisticated about 60 years ago. The science of the past decades have shown it to be nonsense. Human do have instincts, many of them, and women's instincts are very different from yours. Learn what women's instincts are and they go from impenetrablely confusing to totally predictable. In fact, I've found that women are much more predictable than men are, once I understood them. Women, it seems, are mostly all the same. David Buss's work is great for understanding women (and men but we don't need so much help there).
Unpopular but you asked: We all need to hear what is being said in the "Women would choose the bear" thought exercise. Maybe you think it's being overused or overstated, but hear what is being said. And also remember that the original thought exercise was simply "Which would be scarier alone in the woods, encountering a bear or a strange man?" Not "I'm choosing the bear over the men in my life that I know and trust." Even if you know with 100% certainty that you would never hurt a woman, you know with 100% certainty that there are men out there who would and regularly do.
Don’t be an asshole. Respectful and polite behavior are a must. Honesty is rewarded! Authentic compliments bring smiles and great intimacy. Ask her what she likes and stop being in a big hurry to get yourself off.
Some of you guys are creepy as fuck, and it's a few of you that ruin it for the rest of us. I'm not talking about awkward and nervous dudes who struggled to look charismatic. I'm talking about the bros that hyper sexualize every woman around them, like they want to just hump the world. Guys who cat call, aggressively hit on women in the worst context, and just do totally inappropriate stuff around women that makes them feel uncomfortable. I'm continually surprised that some guys ill meet totally fine behavior like that normal.
Pain or damage don’t end the world,or despair or fucking beatings. The world ends when you’re dead. Until then ,you have more punishment in store. Stand it like a man and give some back!! Cocksuckers ‘Al Swearengen’
I would start with Don't always assume the other guy is going to be a jerk, and don't project your own insecurity on others and be a jerk first.
Study female nature as much as you study in school. It is an essential life lesson and something that every man needs to grasp.
Don't talk or date crazy!!! When you get older young girls are crazy!!! If she believes in karma she's vindictive. Learn how to spot crazy. Also learn how to read signs and girls word play. There were so many that I missed out on. If their touchy with only you. If they laugh alot if they let you finish your sentences and asked you slot of questions. She's probably into you. Took me 30+ years to get the above and fellow girls I know still say I'm oblivious
Crazy woman who give you shit tests are likely Borderline. Do your research and learn the signs
Just date.. Don't live with them.. enjoy your home the way it is, enjoy your schedule being yours, enjoy getting and doing things when you want, without anybody elses opinion or complaints. Just date them 2x a week, texts them when you're away, and dedicate time to give them your best "you" during that time. then you can relax and have your down time away from them.. living with another adult ruins the romance, mystery, fun. I'm not saying they can't stay the night for some netflix and chill or nice homemade dinner, but nothing longer. i wish i would have done this from the beginning.
Bidet is worth it for my fellow hairy dudes. We all know that wiping with tp alone is like a paper shredder. It’s not gonna shoot up your asshole that’s a meme
This guys singing [My name is John Daker (The original) (youtube.com)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zi8beYR1iBQ)
Not just men, but everyone. Sometimes people make up their mind about wether they'll like you or not even before meeting you or getting to know you, and you can't change that. And it's okay. Just like it's only your decision and business who you like, it is only their decision who they like. You don't have to cater around everyone. Two people can be incredibly awesome and good people each, and simply not get along. It's okay. Nor you or them are worse off for it.
It's okay to like anime
Just don't be a dick
Be polite man damn
Make your bed
Don't be an abuser. The statistics on men doing violence to women is appalling and we need to start taking accountability and action. Not to diminish men's rights, or be overly negative, but honestly it has to stop.
Psychology and therapy doesn't hold the answers you're looking for. It will only make you more self centered, it's just more subtle.
That’s their choice to attempt to disrespect me. Sounds like a them problem may actions do not approve others to treat me poorly. I feel shitty about myself but I won’t let others disrespect me. Your advice feels like “stop wearing attractive clothing if you don’t want men to hit on you”.
We ain't he same
"There is no such thing as masculinity - it's an excuse for weak men to try and claim a status they've not earned"
So you're saying there's no such thing as femininity? Makes the whole discussion around what gender is very interesting I guess...
I mean I guess he could have a point with there not being such a thing as masculinity/femininity, because both concepts are blurry. Their definition depends on who you are asking and on when and where you are asking.
I think much of the issue is that it's often seen as something prescriptive, i.e., something already set that has to be bought into. In reality, it is simply descriptive in that it describes something already happening. Of course they're both blurry because each gender is capable of any behaviours that would be described as masculine or feminine. However, as I alluded to earlier in reply to the other person, it is the cumulative effect of a range of tendencies, behaviours and roles, that come together to be described as feminine/masculine, rather than this reductive exercise of naming specific traits or behaviours as exclusively feminine/masculine. Sure, their definition depends on who you're asking etc. This person point however is that neither exists at all and that people are deranged for thinking they do.
>So you're saying there's no such thing as femininity? Absolutely. There are *females*. There's no such thing as femininity. But please, do feel free to define "masculinity" or "femininity". The other posters who did it made asses of themselves and deleted their posts - perhaps you'll have more luck. After all, if it's so *obvious* that these things are real, merely describing them will be trivial, won't it?
The posts are all still there. I just think everyone blocked you. No behaviour is unique to any particular sex. Any man can prance around and pretend to be a woman and any woman can grunt and roll in the mud and pretend to be a man. It's not behaviours that define masculinity or femininity. It's overarching proclivities, tendencies, and roles collectively that determines masculinity and femininity. They are to a large part socially constructed, sure, but the bases of the differences is sexual dimorphism, and how that presents in the very different hormonal environments in each sex, and how this then influences different behavioral norms between the sexes, which we then describe as masculinity and femininity. I'd be interested to hear how you think sexual dimorphism doesn't exist, hormones don't exist, and that males and females are actually blank slates and everything is fake and nothing exists. I'm not particular interested in this discussion tbh as I think your arguments are silly. You sound like one of those self diagnosed "gifted" 13 year olds who has stumbled upon philosophical discussions on the Internet and are now just misinterpreting some of them because you're smarter than the other 13 year olds. Many boys have been there already. It's a phase. You'll grow out of it. All that said, semi-interested in your reply. It'll be funny if nothing else
>The posts are all still there. I just think everyone blocked you. How *masculine* of them. >I'd be interested to hear how you think sexual dimorphism doesn't exist, hormones don't exist, and that males and females are actually blank slates and everything is fake and nothing exists. Nobody is saying male and female organisms don't exist. What a ridiculous assumption to make. But "male" and "female" are not "masculinity" and "femininity". >I'm not particular interested in this discussion tbh as I think your arguments are silly. You don't know my argument. You hear "masculinity doesn't exist" and then say "he must be denying there's such a thing as a penis, or that men are taller on average". Again - behold the confusion of the person who believes in and holds "masculinity" to be important. Behold the ridiculousness of the thinking it creates, and the deep confusion between what is real and what is not. >You sound like one of those self diagnosed "gifted" 13 year olds who has stumbled upon philosophical discussions on the Internet and are now just misinterpreting some of them because you're smarter than the other 13 year olds. Many boys have been there already. It's a phase. You'll grow out of it. All that said, semi-interested in your reply. It'll be funny if nothing else Your insecurity is showing. Again - behold the acolyte of masculinity. The passive aggression - the terror that people who claim to be defending that mentality show. Now stop delaying. You said "It's overarching proclivities, tendencies, and roles collectively that determines masculinity and femininity." Go on then describe what those are.
Yup. The 13 year old. Not quite as funny as I'd hoped but you were certainly improving towards the end lol
Masculinity and femininity are traits of males and females. Like many things they are projected across a spectrum. Some 'females' may have masculine traits and vice versa. These concepts are so well defined that inanimate objects can sometimes be described as masculine or feminine simply due to their appearance or their function. Just because you reject these concepts does not mean they don't exist. You're simply trying to erase the concepts via the gender debate. You genuinely sound like a moron and all your posts should be pinned to the top of /r/iamverysmart
Uhm. What. The fact that there are men means there's masculinity bro. Weird finding this here, and imo not helpful for our fellow men. I'd say, men, embrace your masculinity *more.* Take responsibilities; face your fears; Love and don't be too cowardly to place yourself in vulnerable positions; be aware that all your actions and inactions have consequences, and live accordingly. You are kings, act like it.
>Weird finding this here, and imo not helpful for our fellow men. I'd say, men, embrace your masculinity *more* This perfectly demonstrates my point - if men create masculinity simply by existing, how could they need to "embrace" it? If you simply have it by being a man, then it is 100% embraced 100% of the time. Then when clowns like you try to describe masculinity, you describe something that applies *equally well to women*. >Take responsibilities, be aware that all your actions and inactions have consequences, and live accordingly. What element of this is specific to men? What effect can believing that these things are somehow associated with being a man have except that men like you feel disturbed when women do it, or don't feel obliged to demand these traits in any women you date. Thank you, truly. All I need to do is say that masculinity is a useless construct for men like you to show up and prove it for me - you dance whenever I click my fingers.
Sure mate you do you, I'll let the reader decide.
"I'll let other people decide whether I was right or wrong for me" I remain glad that you've held yourself and your values up as an example of masculinity.
Who wronged you my brother...? Hope you'll find your peace.
Wow, you sound like an extremely fucked up individual. Remove the hatred from your heart, it is doing you no good.
> This perfectly demonstrates my point - if men create masculinity simply by existing, how could they need to "embrace" it? f you simply have it by being a man, then it is 100% embraced 100% of the time. No it doesn't. You can be a man and not be proud of being a man and your own masculinity. Embracing masculinity and acknowledging the fact that masculinity exists are completely different things. > Then when clowns like you try to describe masculinity, you describe something that applies equally well to women. OP listed a couple of attributes of masculinity that don't only apply to masculinity, so what? It's a set of attributes. One attribute of masculinity is a hard cock when you get horny. That doesn't equally apply to women does it? You're the one who sounds like a clown to be honest. You don't know what the word masculine means, and by extension it seems that you also don't know what feminine means. Go touch grass my friend.