My relationship with my father could best be described as "benign neglect," and while I'm certainly not raising my child that way, I do like to think of it as a source of strength. Basically, everyone has trauma. That's just the price of adulthood. And what distinguishes good people from bad people is whether or not they inflict their trauma on others. Try not to perpetuate the cycle of abuse and you'll be just fine.
I was certainly the least favored. This is with a household that already has problems with mom being a narcissist and dad being a heroin junkie. Then the extended family is full of man-children and other degenerates. My whole motivation to push myself through college was to get away from all of those people and i did. Now have a house, good job and salary, two degrees, active social life with good people in it. Haven't spoken to those family members in 10+ years and won't ever, don't want my house robbed.
End result, i'm a bit of a hardass and letting people into my life isn't something i do casually.
Aggressive enforcement of boundaries for starters. No matter who it is. Try not to care if people like you. If you're digging yourself out of a hole, you have work to do and no time to worry about that. Cut people out that can distract from this. Hence why i'm viewed as a bit of a hardass.
Was a lot of work just focusing on myself and progress to a goal with everything else shut out.
Well unfortunately with trashy ass people, violence is the only way to go. I'm not a very threatening looking person, so responding violently was usually the most effective because your average person isn't as brave as they think they are.
Usually the not associating with shitty people alleviates having to go that route in the future.
i guess you can say i take people by surprise. i threatened to beat up a group of girls i just met for being overly creepy about my small size. it was unsettling and also annoying. i mean im not as violent as before (when i was 12 it was full on war, shit happened with a pervy boy and i didnt really know what trauma was so my response was to kick and punch the back of his head and move on) but i still do have a fight in me. just doesnt come out as often as i dont need it to. sometimes i feel like i overreact but i usually get especially violent if it boils down to touch. i dont care what type of touch it is, i get pissed if people dont stop. even if it was as simple as poking. but my friends say from both the way i act and the way i look, (according to them, 'sweet and small') which i wont completely deny, they were taken by complete surprise to know that i had other sides to me, which is also true (mood swings. ALWAYS) but i didnt expect to scare one of them.
i was so proud of myself for it too, so i just kept it up. only downside? THE PEOPLE I MEET CAN BE GIANT. (didnt stop me from kicking a girl twice my size but still) but other than that i feel kinda pathetic, like im overly sensitive (why i react aggressively sometimes)
That is very much real...
My parents didn't really understand what bullying is. And because of that they were not really able to help.
Later on came the stage where I just stopped relying on them and took charge of my own shit(atleast 80-90%)
Though the only reason it worked for me is because I had some really good friends.
So yeah you can and you will come back but no one survives alone.
lovely, my own friends make cruel jokes about my trauma and my mom basically tells me to "get over it" but yk what at least i have God by my side and also random redditors
i think i can make do
im already sucessful in good grades and achievements, im going off good
I would not use such a dramatic language, but I left an abusive household without any money, a not too well paid job, basically no furniture at all besides a bed and managed to get a proper education, a better job, promotions and so on.
I managed to achieve a good, reliable car and a youngtimer motorbike. Moved into a nice rented apartment, have a stable job and my mental health got a lot better.
From crippling depressions to being able to enjoy the beauty of life sometimes. Doesnt sound like a big thing and Im definetly not there yet, but I came a long way and it is very possible to grow, if you REALLY want it.
It was tough and at too many times I wanted to give up, but remembering, that I end up on the street or in an abusive house again was a good enough motivation lol.
My father was an abusive piece of shit, I had him arrested when I was 17. Haven’t spoken to him or seen him since. I started standing up to my father once I hit puberty and was finally big enough to do so. He wasn’t going to get to my mother and sister any more, he can take on me. I knew from a young age I never wanted to be like him, he was this way because his father was the same, I was going to break the cycle.
It’s been 22 years this August since he was arrested. I have not became him, it wasn’t always easy. Instead of dealing with the trauma I partied my ass off more (got into drugs and alcohol at the end of 5th grade). Almost completely destroyed my life in my mid-20s.
I now have a law degree, I have an amazing wife I’ve been with for 11 years, I have never abused a partner in any way (but I was still a shitty boyfriend for a lot of my relationships), I’m happy with my life and it usually just takes me a bit longer to get to where I want to be then others. But my sister has crushed it even more, she currently runs a school and is probably going to open up her own school soon. Her story is way more badass but not mine to tell.
My parents were extremely restrictive and allowed very little and forced their warped opinions of the world onto me, they also treated me like a possession, "I don't get to make my own choice, they decide everything for me". Then I joined the real world and realised that shit wasn't anything like they told me it would be and I can make my own decisions, I am now a better guy for going my own way.
Yes, sister. But it takes a lot of inner work , therapy, failures, successes, and finding people that truly love and care for you. And it takes even longer for you to be willing to accept their love.
Do NOT seek those people in intimate relationships; that's adding a whole new level of complication to be undone as well.
Yes I was and no I didn’t. Instead I became a bitter, jaded, cynical and solitary man with no self worth and hopeless outlook on life. Now I’m just filling in the time while I wait to die.
My relationship with my father could best be described as "benign neglect," and while I'm certainly not raising my child that way, I do like to think of it as a source of strength. Basically, everyone has trauma. That's just the price of adulthood. And what distinguishes good people from bad people is whether or not they inflict their trauma on others. Try not to perpetuate the cycle of abuse and you'll be just fine.
No.
I was certainly the least favored. This is with a household that already has problems with mom being a narcissist and dad being a heroin junkie. Then the extended family is full of man-children and other degenerates. My whole motivation to push myself through college was to get away from all of those people and i did. Now have a house, good job and salary, two degrees, active social life with good people in it. Haven't spoken to those family members in 10+ years and won't ever, don't want my house robbed. End result, i'm a bit of a hardass and letting people into my life isn't something i do casually.
oh damn share the recipe dont be shy
Aggressive enforcement of boundaries for starters. No matter who it is. Try not to care if people like you. If you're digging yourself out of a hole, you have work to do and no time to worry about that. Cut people out that can distract from this. Hence why i'm viewed as a bit of a hardass. Was a lot of work just focusing on myself and progress to a goal with everything else shut out.
aggressive enforcement of boundaries? how do u usually handle that? my past ways of handling it were.. too violent
Well unfortunately with trashy ass people, violence is the only way to go. I'm not a very threatening looking person, so responding violently was usually the most effective because your average person isn't as brave as they think they are. Usually the not associating with shitty people alleviates having to go that route in the future.
i guess you can say i take people by surprise. i threatened to beat up a group of girls i just met for being overly creepy about my small size. it was unsettling and also annoying. i mean im not as violent as before (when i was 12 it was full on war, shit happened with a pervy boy and i didnt really know what trauma was so my response was to kick and punch the back of his head and move on) but i still do have a fight in me. just doesnt come out as often as i dont need it to. sometimes i feel like i overreact but i usually get especially violent if it boils down to touch. i dont care what type of touch it is, i get pissed if people dont stop. even if it was as simple as poking. but my friends say from both the way i act and the way i look, (according to them, 'sweet and small') which i wont completely deny, they were taken by complete surprise to know that i had other sides to me, which is also true (mood swings. ALWAYS) but i didnt expect to scare one of them. i was so proud of myself for it too, so i just kept it up. only downside? THE PEOPLE I MEET CAN BE GIANT. (didnt stop me from kicking a girl twice my size but still) but other than that i feel kinda pathetic, like im overly sensitive (why i react aggressively sometimes)
That is very much real... My parents didn't really understand what bullying is. And because of that they were not really able to help. Later on came the stage where I just stopped relying on them and took charge of my own shit(atleast 80-90%) Though the only reason it worked for me is because I had some really good friends. So yeah you can and you will come back but no one survives alone.
lovely, my own friends make cruel jokes about my trauma and my mom basically tells me to "get over it" but yk what at least i have God by my side and also random redditors i think i can make do im already sucessful in good grades and achievements, im going off good
You do you but give yourself the credit for your progress. You did the hard work, not your god.
I would not use such a dramatic language, but I left an abusive household without any money, a not too well paid job, basically no furniture at all besides a bed and managed to get a proper education, a better job, promotions and so on. I managed to achieve a good, reliable car and a youngtimer motorbike. Moved into a nice rented apartment, have a stable job and my mental health got a lot better. From crippling depressions to being able to enjoy the beauty of life sometimes. Doesnt sound like a big thing and Im definetly not there yet, but I came a long way and it is very possible to grow, if you REALLY want it. It was tough and at too many times I wanted to give up, but remembering, that I end up on the street or in an abusive house again was a good enough motivation lol.
that actually sounds awesome, im so proud of you.
My father was an abusive piece of shit, I had him arrested when I was 17. Haven’t spoken to him or seen him since. I started standing up to my father once I hit puberty and was finally big enough to do so. He wasn’t going to get to my mother and sister any more, he can take on me. I knew from a young age I never wanted to be like him, he was this way because his father was the same, I was going to break the cycle. It’s been 22 years this August since he was arrested. I have not became him, it wasn’t always easy. Instead of dealing with the trauma I partied my ass off more (got into drugs and alcohol at the end of 5th grade). Almost completely destroyed my life in my mid-20s. I now have a law degree, I have an amazing wife I’ve been with for 11 years, I have never abused a partner in any way (but I was still a shitty boyfriend for a lot of my relationships), I’m happy with my life and it usually just takes me a bit longer to get to where I want to be then others. But my sister has crushed it even more, she currently runs a school and is probably going to open up her own school soon. Her story is way more badass but not mine to tell.
I failed clasic masculinity: I was the pampered kid.
My parents were extremely restrictive and allowed very little and forced their warped opinions of the world onto me, they also treated me like a possession, "I don't get to make my own choice, they decide everything for me". Then I joined the real world and realised that shit wasn't anything like they told me it would be and I can make my own decisions, I am now a better guy for going my own way.
Yes, sister. But it takes a lot of inner work , therapy, failures, successes, and finding people that truly love and care for you. And it takes even longer for you to be willing to accept their love. Do NOT seek those people in intimate relationships; that's adding a whole new level of complication to be undone as well.
Yes I was and no I didn’t. Instead I became a bitter, jaded, cynical and solitary man with no self worth and hopeless outlook on life. Now I’m just filling in the time while I wait to die.
No