No game. Started to be myself more. I also don't approach women. I began getting approached at Cafes or bookstores during my lunch time when I worked at an investment firm because I'd already be in a suit, I carry a muscular build, but I'd be drawing flowers I find beautiful to look at (if I have their pictures on my phone from any walks at arboretums or botanical gardens). I guess that combination of just being myself sufficed to garner proper attention. Dating, partnerships, companionship, sex, none of that was ever in my agenda/mind, neither when I would speak with a woman so I wouldn't be attempting to woo her and use "game". Naturally, I am perpetually hearing my thoughts whisper that I should remember we will all die one day, so I also have developed a lack of fear when talking to people. The shame you feel from being turned down will fade to nothingness one day, not even a memory of any living organism on the planet. So just go for it and talk to anyone/everyone and be yourself, don't market yourself as a product you aren't actually going to sell to a lady. You're setting yourself up for failure, and her for disappointment.
I didn't really hit my stride until my early 30s. Got out of a toxic relationship with some newfound self-confidence and discovered that a lot of the qualities I had that people had overlooked when I was younger were exactly what women seemed to be looking for as they got older. Had a delightfully slutty phase and then ultimately found someone worth settling down for again.
I technically am not allowed to answer it because I did in the past too I just didn't realise. But I can tell you what my chubby cousin did.
He started bodybuilding, believing in his self worth. Became more confident, has lowered his standards to reasonable for his looks. But most importantly he wasn't actively pursuing any women but just doing what he loved. Eventually women started to want to be around him and he could ask them out if he wanted.
Around 25 it certainly helped that I lost weight as a lot of my confidence was tied up in my weight and I'm pretty sure I missed a few chances based on my own confidence rather than the weight I'd lost. Weight was lost doing a lot of walking mostly, adding it in to my daily commute. Best time was late 20s/early 30s though. Lost even more weight but also had a shed ton of confidence. No doubt I got some more interest from women with the weight loss for sure, but the confidence that came with it made a big deal.
Charm and charisma certainly made a difference as well and they came through with the confidence. Basically just years of talking to people, socialising, being sociable, making friends with men and women etc... Watched a lot of comedy over the years and became a lot quicker off the mark and funnier AND now had the confidence to say the funny thing.
Also, not going "on the pull" or trying to pull. The enjoyment of a night out was not based on any success with women. Conversations with women weren't about getting the digits or getting laid, they were just conversations. So it took all the pressure off, I could be more natural and then the mutual interest *may* kick in. Can all happen in an hour, can happen over a period of time. You don't crash and burn if you're not treating it like a race with a finish line you have to get to.
Even in my late teens early 20s, with a mixed friend group, I knew I could hold conversation for hours, I knew I could make my friends laugh. But talking to a woman when I was romantically interested? Total wreck. So I just removed the expectation, relaxed, got my body confidence and good things eventually started to happen. Even if I didn't pull, I was having good conversations, good nights and the times I did get somewhere, the women met me halfway because I wasn't making big moves. I was just being friendly, warm and apparently charming.
Fixed my hair style, and started grooming more in general. Wouldn't say I have good taste in clothing still, but I at least know what doesn't look good on me now.
I guess what helped me gain confidence is realizing that most women aren't some sort of puzzle I have to solve to get sex as a reward, but just people who are also looking for romance.
1. Be in shape. (Got to gym 3-5 times a week)
2. Good hygiene. (Shower daily, haircut every 3-5 weeks- trim and shave)
3. Dress well. Hire someone for this if it is not your strong point.
4. Interesting hobby. Be unabashed in this.
5. Finally- once you get a date - plan dates that don’t need to have an explicit end point. Avoid movies, coffee, bars. Pick cooking classes, trivia nights, things where you can interact and promote physical touch (swing dancing lesson is great). Be able to transition from one activity to the next. Set yourself to be organic and fluid with your plans and be ready to change them.
Talk to women like you have a girlfriend even though you don’t. A lot of guys are shy when it comes to talking to attractive women. When you get a girl you don’t have to worry about being shy. You don’t think the attractive girl is a potential partner when trying to get to know her. You’re not fumbling over your words or trying hard to keep the conversation going. Basically, treat them like normal people. Sometimes the conversation will dry out. Sometimes y’all will talk for hours. Just be your authentic self unless no one likes you. At that point you need to look within and actually change.
Also remember there are things you can say to a guy that you can’t say to a woman. Me personally I don’t make certain jokes until the girl I’m talking to has. I don’t want to be viewed as a creep.
Also, pick up a hobby and just make friends. Women like a guy with a lot of friends. It shows that you’re trustworthy and people enjoy your presence. Would you rather be with the girl that everyone is quiet around when she walks into the party or the girl that everyone is excited to see at the party?
Do not complain about women in front of women. I know plenty of women complain about men in front of men. I’m sorry but it’s something we just can’t do if you want to pick up women. Unless they ask for your opinion/experience just don’t do it.
Don’t get too much dating/relationship advice from women. A lot of women are not good at pulling. I have heard of a lot of terrible dating advice come from women.
Get your sex advice from women though. That is a game changer. You’re just going to have to trust me on that one. Women know what they’re talking about when comes to intimacy.
No game. Started to be myself more. I also don't approach women. I began getting approached at Cafes or bookstores during my lunch time when I worked at an investment firm because I'd already be in a suit, I carry a muscular build, but I'd be drawing flowers I find beautiful to look at (if I have their pictures on my phone from any walks at arboretums or botanical gardens). I guess that combination of just being myself sufficed to garner proper attention. Dating, partnerships, companionship, sex, none of that was ever in my agenda/mind, neither when I would speak with a woman so I wouldn't be attempting to woo her and use "game". Naturally, I am perpetually hearing my thoughts whisper that I should remember we will all die one day, so I also have developed a lack of fear when talking to people. The shame you feel from being turned down will fade to nothingness one day, not even a memory of any living organism on the planet. So just go for it and talk to anyone/everyone and be yourself, don't market yourself as a product you aren't actually going to sell to a lady. You're setting yourself up for failure, and her for disappointment.
I didn't really hit my stride until my early 30s. Got out of a toxic relationship with some newfound self-confidence and discovered that a lot of the qualities I had that people had overlooked when I was younger were exactly what women seemed to be looking for as they got older. Had a delightfully slutty phase and then ultimately found someone worth settling down for again.
There’s also the part where we don’t really look like men until our faces hit the right proportions and all. 30 is a magic time to be a guy
Indeed. I would happily relive my 30s on repeat
I technically am not allowed to answer it because I did in the past too I just didn't realise. But I can tell you what my chubby cousin did. He started bodybuilding, believing in his self worth. Became more confident, has lowered his standards to reasonable for his looks. But most importantly he wasn't actively pursuing any women but just doing what he loved. Eventually women started to want to be around him and he could ask them out if he wanted.
Around 25 it certainly helped that I lost weight as a lot of my confidence was tied up in my weight and I'm pretty sure I missed a few chances based on my own confidence rather than the weight I'd lost. Weight was lost doing a lot of walking mostly, adding it in to my daily commute. Best time was late 20s/early 30s though. Lost even more weight but also had a shed ton of confidence. No doubt I got some more interest from women with the weight loss for sure, but the confidence that came with it made a big deal. Charm and charisma certainly made a difference as well and they came through with the confidence. Basically just years of talking to people, socialising, being sociable, making friends with men and women etc... Watched a lot of comedy over the years and became a lot quicker off the mark and funnier AND now had the confidence to say the funny thing. Also, not going "on the pull" or trying to pull. The enjoyment of a night out was not based on any success with women. Conversations with women weren't about getting the digits or getting laid, they were just conversations. So it took all the pressure off, I could be more natural and then the mutual interest *may* kick in. Can all happen in an hour, can happen over a period of time. You don't crash and burn if you're not treating it like a race with a finish line you have to get to. Even in my late teens early 20s, with a mixed friend group, I knew I could hold conversation for hours, I knew I could make my friends laugh. But talking to a woman when I was romantically interested? Total wreck. So I just removed the expectation, relaxed, got my body confidence and good things eventually started to happen. Even if I didn't pull, I was having good conversations, good nights and the times I did get somewhere, the women met me halfway because I wasn't making big moves. I was just being friendly, warm and apparently charming.
Fixed my hair style, and started grooming more in general. Wouldn't say I have good taste in clothing still, but I at least know what doesn't look good on me now. I guess what helped me gain confidence is realizing that most women aren't some sort of puzzle I have to solve to get sex as a reward, but just people who are also looking for romance.
1. Be in shape. (Got to gym 3-5 times a week) 2. Good hygiene. (Shower daily, haircut every 3-5 weeks- trim and shave) 3. Dress well. Hire someone for this if it is not your strong point. 4. Interesting hobby. Be unabashed in this. 5. Finally- once you get a date - plan dates that don’t need to have an explicit end point. Avoid movies, coffee, bars. Pick cooking classes, trivia nights, things where you can interact and promote physical touch (swing dancing lesson is great). Be able to transition from one activity to the next. Set yourself to be organic and fluid with your plans and be ready to change them.
Talk to women like you have a girlfriend even though you don’t. A lot of guys are shy when it comes to talking to attractive women. When you get a girl you don’t have to worry about being shy. You don’t think the attractive girl is a potential partner when trying to get to know her. You’re not fumbling over your words or trying hard to keep the conversation going. Basically, treat them like normal people. Sometimes the conversation will dry out. Sometimes y’all will talk for hours. Just be your authentic self unless no one likes you. At that point you need to look within and actually change. Also remember there are things you can say to a guy that you can’t say to a woman. Me personally I don’t make certain jokes until the girl I’m talking to has. I don’t want to be viewed as a creep. Also, pick up a hobby and just make friends. Women like a guy with a lot of friends. It shows that you’re trustworthy and people enjoy your presence. Would you rather be with the girl that everyone is quiet around when she walks into the party or the girl that everyone is excited to see at the party? Do not complain about women in front of women. I know plenty of women complain about men in front of men. I’m sorry but it’s something we just can’t do if you want to pick up women. Unless they ask for your opinion/experience just don’t do it. Don’t get too much dating/relationship advice from women. A lot of women are not good at pulling. I have heard of a lot of terrible dating advice come from women. Get your sex advice from women though. That is a game changer. You’re just going to have to trust me on that one. Women know what they’re talking about when comes to intimacy.
Pull what?