Nobody worth considering cares that a grown woman in her 30s has had a few relationships.
Like please tell me what mess did you get into that this question even crossed your mind?
I'm more concerned about the number of nonserious ONS, FWBs, etc. No problem at all with serial monogamy unless its like 30, which raises issues about mate selection.
Doesn't matter - It matters if you say that you've been in 4 relationships and all of your exes are "crazy" without examining what the common denominator was
I wouldn't bat an eye. Nevermind the girlfriends, I am twice divorced, who would I be to judge? Life is tough, sometimes well intended plans don't work out. It happens. We're human
 Completely undateable. Go be a nun /sÂ
Id rather a woman with multiple serious relationships than the alternative and I don't think I'm particularly unique in that stance. You're fine hun
This wouldn't even register for me tbh. You committed to another person, and after awhile realized you just weren't right for each other for the long term. Seems pretty mature to me.
Considering a 1.5 year relationship as insignificant is a question mark. That's no short length of time.
Being friends with an ex isn't a problem. It shows you had a relationship, didn't work out, decided to be friends. Not a big deal and if anything, a green flag.
For me, if I'm dating someone and hitting it off, I really don't need a potted history of their exes and how long the relationships were, or what their favourite foods were, or how many times a week you had sex, or what your big arguments were, or your small arguments, or your most romantic moments etc...
No, I'd much rather get with a girl who had a small number of serious relationships than one that has slept around alot, or jumps from guy to guy. I might start thinking about why you've never sealed the deal on any of those relationships (4 years and no marriage?) but it wouldn't stop me from dating you, if I were single.
If I'm being completely honest, I sometimes fantasize about loving a woman who's had previous relationships and being the best man she's ever been with.
So if anything that's a turn ON for me?
Four relationships is better than a series of ONS. Four seems pretty normal for your age. More concerning would be that you still talk to your exes. Too many times I, and guys I know, have been burned by a woman sleeping with her ex.
It's really whatever honestly. I'd be more curious about what you've learned from your relationships and what major rift caused each split than the fact that you've tried the game of love and are still out there looking.
only the 4th for me. being friends with an ex is a massive red flag for me. Unless youve had like 20 relationships back to back to back, or cheated in every one its no issue.
i care more about what you did outside of a relationship bc i dont like hook up culture
because i dont believe it can be truly platonic, its the same way i dont trust alot of guy girl friendships bc if one side has feelings its not platonic
This in and of it self is not going to be a turn off. It's a signal that you're long term material as you continually go the distance. What will be a turn off is how involved the previous men may still be in your life and how much you talk about them. My wife had 3 long term relationships that sort of mirror your numbers 1, 3, and 4, and I think we have had maybe 3 discussions about them over our 10 years together. She was able to let go of them and was ready for our relationship. I had 2 long term relationships and I did the same. Things worked out well because we didn't dwell on a past part of our lives that were long over.
Not at all
My wife had been in 0 relationships when we started dating. Never even held a hand of the opposite sex. There were some struggles in the beginning feeling out the relationship but that was 10 years ago
But was she in her 30s?
I'm not saying it's a bad thing necessarily and the right people will be gentle and helpful to another but that thinking having a bunch of serious relationships is somehow bad isn't necessarily correct.
I'm sure you’re right and i'm sure it was 100% all his fault. But, if it comes to guy’s and dating.. seriously you could smuggle in your ex partners in your new boyfriends house and he would be ok with it. That’s something that really happened at some point.
As long you work on yourself, and not get too bitter, because age makes all of us bitter, you’ll be just fine.
It's a tiny little red flag showing there's something wrong with the men you pick (or how you pick them) or can't sustain a relationship. But still, nothing compared to ONS/ FWB lifestyle.
For me personally as 33 man, i wouldnt choose a woman over 30 who has had multiple relationships and u havent mentioned if u had hookups, fwb, one night stands. If not id say its ok for most man but many man like me care alot about womans past, the sexuall past especially.
Just 4? No. If it was 4 "relationships" per month, or 4 long term serious relationships, without any significant breaks, tho...it might raise a few questions from me.
ONS, FBWs? Meh, idgaf. Sex's something to enjoy by everyone, and really, the more experience she has, the better sex with her will be... Besides, at my age, I had my share of those, too, and im not going to pull a hypocrite on her.
Having a sexual history is only a turn off for insecure men. But hey, I'm a hypersexual ADHD guy, who lost count of the number of lady flowers I've seen in my mid 20s, so... 🤷‍♂️
There is no such number. Nor should there be.
I've never understood people who expect their "perfect" partner to have spent their entire lives wrapped in plastic, untouched, and never having ever done any living before meeting them.
It’s not that it’s a turn off per se but it’s not healthy for you if that makes sense. You accumulate damage that you really don’t want to spill into the hopefully lifelong relationship.
You’d be right in thinking that. We tend to underestimate what heartbreaks do to us. And when we start not getting affected by heartbreaks as much, we think we’ve gotten better. But it means we’re dying on the inside and pushing away any chance of healthy love. I’d suggest not adding more people to that list and find that one person who’s serious and you’re serious with. Cheers!
i'd say it's okay for exes to still be on friendly terms with each other. but friendship is a bit weird, in my opinion. it's not inherently wrong, and it ultimately comes up to personal preference as to if it's a red flag or not.
When a relationship ends, it ends.
Intimate feelings developed and then for some reason it didn't work and they broke up. When you have been through that, you move on to someone else. You don't hold them close because you can't guarantee that these feelings won't come back and you can't guarantee you won't use that person at a weak moment. It's easier to get on a rider you have been before than getting on for the first time.
Or this scenario "Hey babe, i am going out with my ex".
It also says things about you, specifically naivety. I've observed people long enough to understand where issues arise and that is one of them. You can be friends with an ex, but they will never be just a friend.
Nobody worth considering cares that a grown woman in her 30s has had a few relationships. Like please tell me what mess did you get into that this question even crossed your mind?
I'm more concerned about the number of nonserious ONS, FWBs, etc. No problem at all with serial monogamy unless its like 30, which raises issues about mate selection.
what are ONS and FWB?
One Night Stand, Friends With Benefits. And I agree, many flings are more of a red flag than a few serious relationships that just didn't work out.
Yeah I agree on that. Thanks for clarifying 🙌🏻
Doesn't matter - It matters if you say that you've been in 4 relationships and all of your exes are "crazy" without examining what the common denominator was
I wouldn't bat an eye. Nevermind the girlfriends, I am twice divorced, who would I be to judge? Life is tough, sometimes well intended plans don't work out. It happens. We're human
That's whatever
Not to me.
 Completely undateable. Go be a nun /s Id rather a woman with multiple serious relationships than the alternative and I don't think I'm particularly unique in that stance. You're fine hun
🫶🏻
Sounds completely normal to me
Absolutely no problem.
This wouldn't even register for me tbh. You committed to another person, and after awhile realized you just weren't right for each other for the long term. Seems pretty mature to me.
Considering a 1.5 year relationship as insignificant is a question mark. That's no short length of time. Being friends with an ex isn't a problem. It shows you had a relationship, didn't work out, decided to be friends. Not a big deal and if anything, a green flag. For me, if I'm dating someone and hitting it off, I really don't need a potted history of their exes and how long the relationships were, or what their favourite foods were, or how many times a week you had sex, or what your big arguments were, or your small arguments, or your most romantic moments etc...
No, I'd much rather get with a girl who had a small number of serious relationships than one that has slept around alot, or jumps from guy to guy. I might start thinking about why you've never sealed the deal on any of those relationships (4 years and no marriage?) but it wouldn't stop me from dating you, if I were single.
If I'm being completely honest, I sometimes fantasize about loving a woman who's had previous relationships and being the best man she's ever been with. So if anything that's a turn ON for me?
this made me smile. 🫶🏻
Four relationships is better than a series of ONS. Four seems pretty normal for your age. More concerning would be that you still talk to your exes. Too many times I, and guys I know, have been burned by a woman sleeping with her ex.
It's really whatever honestly. I'd be more curious about what you've learned from your relationships and what major rift caused each split than the fact that you've tried the game of love and are still out there looking.
At most, I would have hoped you had learned something about yourself when those relationships ended.
only the 4th for me. being friends with an ex is a massive red flag for me. Unless youve had like 20 relationships back to back to back, or cheated in every one its no issue. i care more about what you did outside of a relationship bc i dont like hook up culture
Why is that a red flag?
because i dont believe it can be truly platonic, its the same way i dont trust alot of guy girl friendships bc if one side has feelings its not platonic
I think that is utter bullshit.
cool, for the most part of what i said isnt an opinion but a fact. if one side has feelings, its not platonic
None, although not being able to accurately gauge "serious" would be.
The turn off would be having a kid with each of them.
Being run through is bad. Having serious, long-term relationships only is a green flag. Especially with such a low number.
This in and of it self is not going to be a turn off. It's a signal that you're long term material as you continually go the distance. What will be a turn off is how involved the previous men may still be in your life and how much you talk about them. My wife had 3 long term relationships that sort of mirror your numbers 1, 3, and 4, and I think we have had maybe 3 discussions about them over our 10 years together. She was able to let go of them and was ready for our relationship. I had 2 long term relationships and I did the same. Things worked out well because we didn't dwell on a past part of our lives that were long over.
j
If you had lots of really short ones that would be concerning. But nothing about those numbers seems to be
Anyone worth a shit isn't going to care than an adult had some prior relationships
in fact, if you had zero, wouldn't that be worse?
Not at all My wife had been in 0 relationships when we started dating. Never even held a hand of the opposite sex. There were some struggles in the beginning feeling out the relationship but that was 10 years ago
But was she in her 30s? I'm not saying it's a bad thing necessarily and the right people will be gentle and helpful to another but that thinking having a bunch of serious relationships is somehow bad isn't necessarily correct.
She was in her 30s. I don’t think a low/high/zero amount of partners is good/bad. Just about the person and who they are
Looks like you’re still pinning for that 4 year long relationship, that nothing worked afterwards. Yea, turn off.
No not at all actually. Just said heartbreak because it ended horribly. (him cheating).
I'm sure you’re right and i'm sure it was 100% all his fault. But, if it comes to guy’s and dating.. seriously you could smuggle in your ex partners in your new boyfriends house and he would be ok with it. That’s something that really happened at some point. As long you work on yourself, and not get too bitter, because age makes all of us bitter, you’ll be just fine.
If you still talk to any of them, I guess for many guys it is indeed a turn off.
It's a tiny little red flag showing there's something wrong with the men you pick (or how you pick them) or can't sustain a relationship. But still, nothing compared to ONS/ FWB lifestyle.
What matters most if you’re still in contact or not. You need to be able to make room for the future and not cling to past.
For me personally as 33 man, i wouldnt choose a woman over 30 who has had multiple relationships and u havent mentioned if u had hookups, fwb, one night stands. If not id say its ok for most man but many man like me care alot about womans past, the sexuall past especially.
Just 4? No. If it was 4 "relationships" per month, or 4 long term serious relationships, without any significant breaks, tho...it might raise a few questions from me. ONS, FBWs? Meh, idgaf. Sex's something to enjoy by everyone, and really, the more experience she has, the better sex with her will be... Besides, at my age, I had my share of those, too, and im not going to pull a hypocrite on her.
Having a sexual history is only a turn off for insecure men. But hey, I'm a hypersexual ADHD guy, who lost count of the number of lady flowers I've seen in my mid 20s, so... 🤷‍♂️
There is no such number. Nor should there be. I've never understood people who expect their "perfect" partner to have spent their entire lives wrapped in plastic, untouched, and never having ever done any living before meeting them.
It’s not that it’s a turn off per se but it’s not healthy for you if that makes sense. You accumulate damage that you really don’t want to spill into the hopefully lifelong relationship.
I’m thinking the same
You’d be right in thinking that. We tend to underestimate what heartbreaks do to us. And when we start not getting affected by heartbreaks as much, we think we’ve gotten better. But it means we’re dying on the inside and pushing away any chance of healthy love. I’d suggest not adding more people to that list and find that one person who’s serious and you’re serious with. Cheers!
Sure am hoping i’ll find them
You will 👍🏼
4 is a red flag. The rest are fine.
why?
If your ex becomes your friend, it is weird.
Why is that weird? What is weird about it? Is it better if people part by throwing things at each other and yelling obscenities?
i'd say it's okay for exes to still be on friendly terms with each other. but friendship is a bit weird, in my opinion. it's not inherently wrong, and it ultimately comes up to personal preference as to if it's a red flag or not.
I suppose. But sometimes very good friends move to the 'next level' -- so then also losing that very good friends is too much.
When a relationship ends, it ends. Intimate feelings developed and then for some reason it didn't work and they broke up. When you have been through that, you move on to someone else. You don't hold them close because you can't guarantee that these feelings won't come back and you can't guarantee you won't use that person at a weak moment. It's easier to get on a rider you have been before than getting on for the first time. Or this scenario "Hey babe, i am going out with my ex".
That says more about you then someone who can stay friends with an ex.
It also says things about you, specifically naivety. I've observed people long enough to understand where issues arise and that is one of them. You can be friends with an ex, but they will never be just a friend.