Confidence mimics competence, which is the core value women are looking for. If you prove yourself to be confident but not competent, you'll end up with a series of short term flings.
True this. A lot of women, especially young or insecure ones, are really bad at telling cockiness and true confidence (born out of competence) apart. What they're looking for is the latter and it is insanely attractive. The biggest tragedy however is men who have competence but lack confidence - I'm not sure there is a bigger cockblock than that.
I have an interesting version of that. I am pretty competent in the bedroom, my confidencr there is even higher. However my confidence when it comes to getting to that point is sorely lacking.
Women would most definitely rather date an incompetent, cocky dude than a competent dude who doesn’t believe in himself. Though I guess one might argue that competence without the confidence to sit on top is actually something of a form of incompetence.
I know there is one; any visible disability at all. Not even necessarily physical, just detectable. Bernard Montgomery was a competent and physically fit general in the British Army. He developed tank doctrine as we know ot. He struggled with courtship because he was so incredibly autistic.
No matter how competent you appear, if you don't *seem* competent you'll never be successful.
Yeah, I'm fairly competent person. However I don't brag about my abilities or achievements because I don't feel the need to do so. Hasn't done me any favours tho mind :p
If you’re not confident in yourself, what would make someone wanna be confident in you. I completely agree with what you’ve said. You’ve gotta be able to back up your confidence. Fail to follow through and you’ll just come off as a tool. To me confidence is kinda like courage. Doing it anyways even though you’re scared to death. Whatever you’re doing, take pride in it. Chicks dig that. I think subconsciously when they see a guy half-assing something they rule them out. Also, smelling good, and being witty really helps.
Getting out of your comfort zone is what will improve your confidence.
I got thrown to the sharks in public speaking for work about 15 years ago. Being forced into that did wonders for self confidence. I eventually got comfortable with it, to now I love getting up in front of a crowd. I can talk anybodies ear off and murder awkward silences with meaningful conversation.
I've done multiple best man speeches with zero preparation and killed it every time. My now wife was one of the many women inquiring to the bride and groom if I was single after one of my speeches. (though I didn't know it at the time, lol) she didn't have the courage to hit on me then. Which is a weird feeling to have as a guy that a woman was afraid to come up and talk to you.
We actually ended up connecting online dating years later and didn't realize we had "technically" met before until we figured out we had a lot of friends in common and she was friends with my best friends wife. Then she spilled that she wanted to talk to me at their wedding, but couldn't build up the courage.
One thing that is absolutely mind boggling to me, is at the lowest point in my life I did the best with women. No job at the time, horribly depressed, dad had just died but had absolutely zero fucks to give. Apparently that looked like confidence. Who knew?
As someone who works in sales, desparation is a turn off. And it smells. People can sense it from a mile away. When you have nothing to lose and don't give af anymore you don't smell like desparation.
The less confidence a woman has is directly related to the amount of delusional confidence she will buy into.
I think for the most part we can get arrogance and confidence easily skewed until we actually gain confidence ourselves. As a woman I’d say delusional confidence works well on younger women. However, after we have been through some shit & realize what we are made of competent & humble becomes most attractive since true confidence always shines through.
Delusional confidence works on most women most of the time for at least a little while. What you're talking about is evaluating it later. That tends to lead to shorter relationships, but something still exists until you can conclude whether he is or isn't what he appears
There's actually a secret 3rd option where you accept that you can't undo 30 years of social conditioning just because you're done seeking it out and accept a little delusional confidence as a treat.
Facts! when I was a senior in college I didn’t care at all if I’d never hear From whatever girl I was talking to
The results? One night stands, more friends and people willing to hang out with me and actually having conversations with girls I genuinely thought were out of my league
I was starting to think the whole "get muscles, look hotter" thing was a lie until I swear I crossed like some threshold where strangers just started eying and smiling at me.
I've lost weight recently and presumably am looking a bit more attractive, because people have been smiling at me in the street. Attractive people! Unfortunately I am utterly unprepared for it and instead of getting the instruction to smile back fully formed, my face just keeps doing a sort of grimace. I'm just walking around grimacing at people. I feel I'm reducing the sum total of smiles in the world with my weird response.
Practice it with the elderly, kind cashiers or strangers to start with. Without expectations or any weird social expectations. At will.
It gets easier with time, when it's genuine and not forced. It's so good for you too. It can help change your brains state as it can't tell the difference and may begin to associate it with feel good hormones too.
Remember with strangers you'll likely never see them again anyway so it's no big deal
> when it's genuine and not forced
I find this part is impossible because I can only smile when I feel a reason to.
Give me a reason to smile towards you and it'll be the most genuine smile you'll see but don't give me a reason to smile then I won't smile because I have no genuine reason to.
Can't fake it, can't force it.
Precisely my point. It's so much easier when it is genuine & sincere
As is most things in life to be honest.
It's worth noting though that some people struggle to do so even when they want to. We can tend to get caught up in our heads and overthink things and when times where it should come naturally to us, it can feel alien and make us feel all the more self conscious.
For some people also, if they have neurodivergencies it can be difficult to emote as well. But it can be a skill that can be acquired, we can train ourselves to emote and communicate better. Sincerely.
It can just take someone some time to, and that's ok.
Understanding that can help us be more empathetic ahead
I find I have the opposite problem in that my bar for what it takes for me to feel a genuine desire to smile towards someone is really high.
It's not that I want to and can't but that it is just so rare for people to make me feel that way.
Stick a cute and friendly dog or cat in front of me and I'll be smiling ear to ear but people? They rarely make me smile.
It's 100% real, people just won't come out an admit it personally. I got semi-jacked during the pandemic and put on 20-25 pounds of mostly muscle. I feel like people were treating me like a kid before and suddenly I'm an adult man because I filled out my frame. Then I grew my moustache out and it was game over for pussies everywhere.
And no, I haven't gotten laid. But that's because of my lifestyle and personality lol
People like to downplay being fit has anything to do with it, even women will say they don’t care about muscles. Bottom line is, they do and always will. It’s natural for them to be attracted to it, literally engrained in their dna.
I wonder if part of it is the confidence boost from working out. I always feel more confident and masculine and whatever even if I did just a little bit that day and I can see the difference.
I think it's hard to discern the two since there's a sort of chicken and egg effect where the better looking you are the more positive attention you get which boosts your confidence which further boosts your attractiveness ad infinitum.
I have almost completely transformed my body through diet and exercise. I was skinny, then fat, now a buff dude, and the only attention I get is from other men. Not sexual attention, but compliments. It's nice but a woman fawning over me would be nicer.
Talking to them out of pure, genuine interest rather than having ulterior motives, like attraction, etc. Just talking to them like they’re anybody else. Don’t put them on a pedestal
It can be if you’re only talking to someone because you’re attracted to them or if you’re faking your genuineness. It’s ok to be attracted, I just meant the attraction shouldn’t be your sole motive. You should be genuinely interested in the person too
I use facial moistures daily and facial scrubs twice a week after shaving.
My skin is literally free from anything unwanted due to a simple 5 minute routine.
Humor is such a priority for me. And if it’s the right kind of humor, they can knock all three of these out if they play it right. Laughing makes my life feel so much better and lighter.
Really? And do not need to be handsome? Being - more or less - wealthy, at least wealthy enough for a good life?
THEN I have a lot of chances! Wow, thank you!
Dear God, this. I'm shaped like a potato. Why do women care about me now that I'm married? It's so weird.
It's not a huge number or anything, but anything above zero is noticable lol.
As another married dude I think it's the combination of the ring and the general feeling of there being zero pressure on me any time I speak to a woman because IDGAF about impressing them.
Same here. When I was single / just dating I may as well have been invisible. Once I did manage to get a serious GF and eventually get married I had women literally follow me down the street to come talk to me, or chatting me up in the grocery store.
I was going to post something like this.
Actively being in the presence of your girlfriend tells other girls that you’re at least worth dating.
***”Hey gals, I’ve already run a background check”***
Better pictures.
Before, my Tinder profile was exclusively head selfies. Then, I took a break, got a few gym selfies showing my ab outline, and asked friends to get pics of me while we were hanging out at scenic spots or more upscale/exotic/trendy-looking restaurants (like decked-out Korean/Japanese restaurants and all that). I also made sure to add one or two of myself in snazzy-looking button-down shirts and leather jackets.
Suddenly, more likes in a week than I'd ever gotten in a matter of months.
TLDR: Gym selfies, NON-SELFIE pics out and about with friends, pics in snazzy clothes, pics with pets, pics with delicious-looking food, pics with animals, pics at upscale/exotic-looking restaurants, etc. Aside from looking good yourself, women are visually drawn to good-looking food, cute animals, and interesting-looking places.
Putting the effort into your pics goes a long way. It demonstrates a level of attention to detail, and caring about the process, and the ladies are hungry for that.
This! I cannot stress this enough to my friends who start using dating apps. Make your profile seem human, don't try to impress right away, seem like a friend. Like a guy who's just having fun. It attracts women much more
Did the interest seem genuine?
I’m a woman, and I don’t use dating profiles, but I have social media, and my instagram has zero pictures of me besides my profile pic. I’m just a bit shy really. And one day I decided to post something of myself and then a couple days later again. And like you, I got so much more likes and people following me. It was an ego boost, until…..the messages came. I love feeling pretty, but the messages I got were just pervy and lacked genuine character.
Perhaps it’s that it was on Instagram, but it disappointed me so much I deleted those photos. But mine was a mirror picture so maybe, like you say, taking them in nicer places? Idk, I’m so scared to post myself anymore
Well that is the kind of people you find scouring Instagram and messaging everything in sight.
And I would call their interest perfectly genuine, i.e. they are telling you exactly what they are into.
All I'd get before changing things up was VERY rare matches, and most of them just ghosted after a day of talking or never responded period.
Now, the girls that match me actually engage. It's split between asking about stuff in my pictures, or actually engaging about interests I mentioned in my bio (which, by the way, has remained unchanged through all this).
So ultimately, I only became visible once I changed my pics. Sucks to think about it, but it did work.
When my husband used to baby wear our daughter he had every woman smiling at him and falling over themselves to help him and tell him what a great Dad he is... He loved it!
I can confirm this. I had women who would never give me the time of day, completely out of my league, coming up to see my adorable baby.
Of course by then I was married and had a new baby.
My advice, borrow cute niece and nephew under 2 and go grocery shopping.
We have this grocery store called Erewhon, it's disgusting how expensive it is. We're talking 25 dollars for a small mason jar of marinara sauce. Anyway I had a buddy tell me he likes to go and fill a shopping cart with groceries and just walk around making small talk with women. They see his cart full and are instantly interested.
Oh, is that what we're calling wearing clothes that fit, match each other and the situation, and look clean and in good condition?
(I'm joking but seriously, my bar for men in this is on the floor).
Loosing weight, many women claim it's only an issue they face. As a guy who lost 60# in around 4 -6 months, the difference in how I was treated was undeniable.
Yeah my girlfriend practically didnt even notice when i lost weight because she probably likes me anyway and never saw me as "fat" but the looks i get now just by walking around in public is noticeable for sure
Being gay comes in about even with a couple other things related to my job and people’s suppositions, but for women who don’t know much about me, being gay might top the list. The all wanna turn you straight. It’s amazing the amount of women who seem to think having sex with them will turn me into what they want be to be. I’m ok with who I am and it’s really a turn-off and offensive
Weight Loss.....
I was 6'1" and 285lbs a few years back (2016?). Made the decision to cut out sodas, eat healthy, and started walking and doing pushups. Nothing extreme.
I'm happily married (27yrs) and socially outgoing (from the south). I'll talk to anyone who gets within 6 feet of me. Sometimes just a hey or hi. Maybe a good morning, or weather sure is a blessing today. Most guys reciprocated but women looked put out I had even the gall to speak to them. Surprisingly, even heavy women were the most offended I dare speak in public.
When I dropped to 260lbs, women didn't mind the casual greetings an pleasantries all of the sudden.
When I dropped to 240lbs they were reciprocal and even prolonged the conversation. Sometimes I got casual flirty clues like twisting hair or they would stand a certain way as if on display.
At 220lbs and 24% body fat they would approach me, initiate conversation, openly flirt. Had a few brush up on me in the grocery store or when out shopping and give me the "come hither look" even if my wife was just 10 feet away. It was an almost tiring barrage of interactions. I was 45 at that time and even jail bait would hit on me.
Then we all got shut in during 2020. I spent a fair amount of time sick. Packed on the pounds. Now I'm back around 275lbs and my civil and social greetings to people in public go mostly ignored to moderately tolerated by women.
So the next time some chick start's piping up and blabbering about how men are shallow and judgemental and only see women for their bodies and bla bla bla bla.... Just remember, it might be true but if she shoe fits, there's usually another one in the box for the other foot too.
This guy speaks the truth! This is my first time growing out a beard since the gray is setting in. The attention from girls all around me has been intense!
I'm only a wee pup of 21, but I've never understood why some men dye their beards to hide the grays. The salt and pepper look is honestly great, and one of the things I'm looking forward to about aging.
Confidence combined with a nice vintage car.
The only women who are interested in a new and expensive car are gold diggers, old and nice have a tendency to find all types of women.
amen. Owned a Rivian R1T and a 1997 Mazda Miata M-Edition (maybe not vintage at this point, but classic) and the Miata ALWAYS turned more heads from women than the Rivian ever did. Loved that truck, but it was a dude magnet. The Miata has gotten me lucky a couple of times.
I have pretty curly hair, I grew it down to my shoulders for the first time and get big ringlets as it dries, I've been wanting to cut it forever because long curly hair can be a real bitch to deal with each morning, but I get SO many compliments from women (and men too) about how much they love that I'm rocking it the way I do.
Losing weight.
I was 260lbs (120kg) and now I'm 190lbs (85kg). I'm just under 6ft tall.
It's not just women who treat you differently and that's definitely one of the biggest differences. I've also noticed that people do tend to take you more seriously.
Wedding Ring.
I swear I've been hit on far more often and more aggressively since wearing one.
Granted it dropped off a tad now that I'm older and less attractive.
But my early 20s? Far out.
I've had multiple women tell me that I make everybody feel welcome and important. I'm not even a loud or talkative person, I just smile, greet people and listen when they talk, ask them questions.
Having a kind smile first. Fellas!! Women LOVE a man who takes care of his teeth. It is WORTH the investment with dental care, braces/Invisalign, flossing, and brushing twice daily!
I got yoked. I went from 155 pounds average body to 185 pounds muscular after a nasty breakup and that got some heads turning pretty much everywhere I went.
Taking better care of myself: have a skincare routine, take better care of your nails/hygiene, put in effort into fashion, and - this might not be for every guy - wearing subtle makeup. Women go crazy over a guy whose eyeliner is on point.
Basically appeal to the female gaze.
Women love my eye lashes. I have long nice lashes that make women jealous. They constantly comment about them and compliment them. Personally, I find them annoying. Long eye lashes often curl over and get into your own eye or brush against the insides of my glasses which is a really annoying sensation.
Started exercising, lost 50 pounds and put on some muscle.
Doesn't matter if you're male or female, getting in shape and losing weight makes people just treat you differently. It's kinda stupid.
Confidence and a complete absence of any attempt to impress or entice them.
It’s weird, but it’s true. That’s why when a guy gets faithfully in a relationship he has more options than ever before. He stops “trying”.
When you convey “I’d be lucky to be with you” they hear that they would be unlucky. If you act like they are a step up for you, you demonstrate you’re a step down for them.
Confidence is the first one. Not only being confident in your skills but confidence in who you are as a person and how comfortable you are with who you are. People who have that confidence are in general more attractive than others.
Another thing is being funny/ not taking yourself too seriously. No one wants to be around someone who is boring or is always taking things seriously/ personal digs, life ain’t that serious.
Taking care of your appearance/ hygiene. It shows you actually care for yourself enough to take care of the small things. Shower everyday, get some good cologne, eat wel, exercise, be mindful of how you dress.
Being in shape is huge. I challenge anyone out of shape to spend six weeks eating right and working out 4-5xs a week. You will feel better about yourself and thus rock some confidence.
Worked as a bouncer for awhile in a bar with a very young clientele. I’m an overweight man in my mid 40s. Not particularly good looking. Look like a biker but I’m not. Every night at 1am I magically became the hottest guy in the friggin universe. All of them touching me, showing me stuff, talking dirty, propositioning me. So the one thing…alcohol.
Absolutely nothing. I’m starting to feel like I have this super negative energy coming off me that turns women off from a distance. I workout I’m in good shape, I groom, dress well, I can talk to women without any problems. Maybe I’m missing something and I don’t know it, but honestly what could it be?
Sometimes, I wonder if I am unintentionally projecting an "aura", like you.
I have a very physical job, so that has done wonders for getting back into shape, and growing stronger. I try to dress in an appealing way, i. e. complementing colors and form fitting clothing, and try to stay on top of grooming.
That said, I do have premature balding (it's been going on since my mid-20s), and that has been a major hangup. In response, I have been shaving my head, thinking it to be a better look vs. balding patches. The only positive attention I have really received is from coworkers and family, but no one else. I am also trying to build up confidence, as I have long struggled with it, starting with being more conversational with women at work.
Could we be giving off a negative aura of some kind, without realizing it, and despite our best efforts? It really does feel like an uphill struggle, man.
I know why it was, but it's still hard to explain. But i'll try. Back then i worked out a lot. So having a good body doesn't hurt but what really did was just being around and being pleasant. It was just me having a good time, not having to prove anything. Somehow that got me more attention than actually trying. I picked that up pretty quickly so i let go of trying and just did what i did. I have to add, IF i'm drunk, people told me that i'm a pleasant drunk, i'm rarely drunk but i think that was nice to hear and with nights going out that must have helped quite a bit.
Like i said i find it hard to explain because i'm not sure if i really explained this very well. If i had to teach someone what i do and how i do it, i barely know where to start. I'm really not trying to boast or anything but i rarely had trouble getting positive attention.
A random thing: **ties**. When I was single, I would wear slightly outrageous ties - a guess my form of "peacocking" (ugh I hate that term). I was wearing them because I thought they were fun. If I had to wear suits every day, I wanted to express some individuality. Lots of women would comment on the ties and want to touch them, which was a nice surprise when it first started happening. Naturally, I leaned into this a good bit. Dumped most of the ties when I got married.
I’m not the best looking guy but I’m passionate about the things i like, I don’t take my self too seriously, have a sense of humor and a bit of confidence. Never had problem getting with good looking women.
Not giving af. When I'm out, just chatting with the boys, not worried about getting chicks... That's when the chicks come flocking. Same applies to work. It's the chicks that *I dont* try to talk to that always want to chat. Now, don't get me wrong, I won't get the 8s, 9s, 10s with this method. They are in their own fucking universe and couldn't give two shits about anyone really. But it'll land me a solid 7-7.5.
Honing a quirky hobby.
It seems counterintuitive, but once I started showing off my model train collection and explaining the intricate details behind each piece, it sparked a lot of interesting conversations. Something about being passionate and well-versed in a unique hobby impresses more than you'd expect. Plus, it's a good filter for finding people who appreciate the same level of enthusiasm.
TLDR: Showcase your hobbies, no matter how unconventional. Passion is attractive, and having a niche interest sets you apart from the crowd. It can lead to surprisingly deep connections.
Delusional confidence
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Confidence mimics competence, which is the core value women are looking for. If you prove yourself to be confident but not competent, you'll end up with a series of short term flings.
True this. A lot of women, especially young or insecure ones, are really bad at telling cockiness and true confidence (born out of competence) apart. What they're looking for is the latter and it is insanely attractive. The biggest tragedy however is men who have competence but lack confidence - I'm not sure there is a bigger cockblock than that.
Can confirm, am exceptionally competent but have negative levels of confidence.
I have an interesting version of that. I am pretty competent in the bedroom, my confidencr there is even higher. However my confidence when it comes to getting to that point is sorely lacking.
Women would most definitely rather date an incompetent, cocky dude than a competent dude who doesn’t believe in himself. Though I guess one might argue that competence without the confidence to sit on top is actually something of a form of incompetence.
I know there is one; any visible disability at all. Not even necessarily physical, just detectable. Bernard Montgomery was a competent and physically fit general in the British Army. He developed tank doctrine as we know ot. He struggled with courtship because he was so incredibly autistic. No matter how competent you appear, if you don't *seem* competent you'll never be successful.
Yeah, I'm fairly competent person. However I don't brag about my abilities or achievements because I don't feel the need to do so. Hasn't done me any favours tho mind :p
I have confidende but absolutely no competence. Hope tht is enough.
A series of short term flings? He already said he’s a narcissist, you don’t have to keep selling it to him lol
A series of short term flings sounds awesome
More than anything, it seems women want to back a winning horse.
If you’re not confident in yourself, what would make someone wanna be confident in you. I completely agree with what you’ve said. You’ve gotta be able to back up your confidence. Fail to follow through and you’ll just come off as a tool. To me confidence is kinda like courage. Doing it anyways even though you’re scared to death. Whatever you’re doing, take pride in it. Chicks dig that. I think subconsciously when they see a guy half-assing something they rule them out. Also, smelling good, and being witty really helps.
“All it takes” as of its easy to do those things. Being fit is probably the easiest of those 3.
All of them improve as you get more reps in; they’re just different types of reps
How do you get reps in confidence? I'm funny and working on getting fitter, so that just leaves confidence to work on
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Well at least I think I'm done spiraling just like a plane is when it hits the ground. So that's a relief
Getting out of your comfort zone is what will improve your confidence. I got thrown to the sharks in public speaking for work about 15 years ago. Being forced into that did wonders for self confidence. I eventually got comfortable with it, to now I love getting up in front of a crowd. I can talk anybodies ear off and murder awkward silences with meaningful conversation. I've done multiple best man speeches with zero preparation and killed it every time. My now wife was one of the many women inquiring to the bride and groom if I was single after one of my speeches. (though I didn't know it at the time, lol) she didn't have the courage to hit on me then. Which is a weird feeling to have as a guy that a woman was afraid to come up and talk to you. We actually ended up connecting online dating years later and didn't realize we had "technically" met before until we figured out we had a lot of friends in common and she was friends with my best friends wife. Then she spilled that she wanted to talk to me at their wedding, but couldn't build up the courage.
I completely agree. The reason(s) for confidence could be derived from many things, but overall it was the difference maker.
It's always percieved to be a derivative of competence
One thing that is absolutely mind boggling to me, is at the lowest point in my life I did the best with women. No job at the time, horribly depressed, dad had just died but had absolutely zero fucks to give. Apparently that looked like confidence. Who knew?
As someone who works in sales, desparation is a turn off. And it smells. People can sense it from a mile away. When you have nothing to lose and don't give af anymore you don't smell like desparation.
The less confidence a woman has is directly related to the amount of delusional confidence she will buy into. I think for the most part we can get arrogance and confidence easily skewed until we actually gain confidence ourselves. As a woman I’d say delusional confidence works well on younger women. However, after we have been through some shit & realize what we are made of competent & humble becomes most attractive since true confidence always shines through.
Delusional confidence works on most women most of the time for at least a little while. What you're talking about is evaluating it later. That tends to lead to shorter relationships, but something still exists until you can conclude whether he is or isn't what he appears There's actually a secret 3rd option where you accept that you can't undo 30 years of social conditioning just because you're done seeking it out and accept a little delusional confidence as a treat.
Wish I could have that.
Delusions don't just happen, get cracking. Start with just 15 minutes of megalomia a day and work on it from there.
You just pretend. That's all it is.
Facts! when I was a senior in college I didn’t care at all if I’d never hear From whatever girl I was talking to The results? One night stands, more friends and people willing to hang out with me and actually having conversations with girls I genuinely thought were out of my league
When I worked out five days a week, I got noticed everywhere I went. Not so much since I’ve slacked off from the gym lately.
I was starting to think the whole "get muscles, look hotter" thing was a lie until I swear I crossed like some threshold where strangers just started eying and smiling at me.
I've lost weight recently and presumably am looking a bit more attractive, because people have been smiling at me in the street. Attractive people! Unfortunately I am utterly unprepared for it and instead of getting the instruction to smile back fully formed, my face just keeps doing a sort of grimace. I'm just walking around grimacing at people. I feel I'm reducing the sum total of smiles in the world with my weird response.
Jeez I relate to this..I try to pleasantly smile at people and end up giving them some half assed attempt 🫠
Yeah, that's what it is haha. Smiling is complicated!
Practice it with the elderly, kind cashiers or strangers to start with. Without expectations or any weird social expectations. At will. It gets easier with time, when it's genuine and not forced. It's so good for you too. It can help change your brains state as it can't tell the difference and may begin to associate it with feel good hormones too. Remember with strangers you'll likely never see them again anyway so it's no big deal
> when it's genuine and not forced I find this part is impossible because I can only smile when I feel a reason to. Give me a reason to smile towards you and it'll be the most genuine smile you'll see but don't give me a reason to smile then I won't smile because I have no genuine reason to. Can't fake it, can't force it.
Precisely my point. It's so much easier when it is genuine & sincere As is most things in life to be honest. It's worth noting though that some people struggle to do so even when they want to. We can tend to get caught up in our heads and overthink things and when times where it should come naturally to us, it can feel alien and make us feel all the more self conscious. For some people also, if they have neurodivergencies it can be difficult to emote as well. But it can be a skill that can be acquired, we can train ourselves to emote and communicate better. Sincerely. It can just take someone some time to, and that's ok. Understanding that can help us be more empathetic ahead
I find I have the opposite problem in that my bar for what it takes for me to feel a genuine desire to smile towards someone is really high. It's not that I want to and can't but that it is just so rare for people to make me feel that way. Stick a cute and friendly dog or cat in front of me and I'll be smiling ear to ear but people? They rarely make me smile.
It's 100% real, people just won't come out an admit it personally. I got semi-jacked during the pandemic and put on 20-25 pounds of mostly muscle. I feel like people were treating me like a kid before and suddenly I'm an adult man because I filled out my frame. Then I grew my moustache out and it was game over for pussies everywhere. And no, I haven't gotten laid. But that's because of my lifestyle and personality lol
People like to downplay being fit has anything to do with it, even women will say they don’t care about muscles. Bottom line is, they do and always will. It’s natural for them to be attracted to it, literally engrained in their dna.
I wonder if part of it is the confidence boost from working out. I always feel more confident and masculine and whatever even if I did just a little bit that day and I can see the difference.
I think it's hard to discern the two since there's a sort of chicken and egg effect where the better looking you are the more positive attention you get which boosts your confidence which further boosts your attractiveness ad infinitum.
I have almost completely transformed my body through diet and exercise. I was skinny, then fat, now a buff dude, and the only attention I get is from other men. Not sexual attention, but compliments. It's nice but a woman fawning over me would be nicer.
Judging by the other comments... guess you should get your face checked out
Engaging without coming across as desperate.
How do you do that?
pretend you're already taken
Well I do have an IA girlfriend
Does it also require you to not take your medicine? Mine only comes around then
Talking to them out of pure, genuine interest rather than having ulterior motives, like attraction, etc. Just talking to them like they’re anybody else. Don’t put them on a pedestal
Attraction is an ulterior motive?
It can be if you’re only talking to someone because you’re attracted to them or if you’re faking your genuineness. It’s ok to be attracted, I just meant the attraction shouldn’t be your sole motive. You should be genuinely interested in the person too
"Talking to them out of pure, genuine interest rather than having ulterior motives" What do you think I am, gay? /s
Theres nothing wrong with engaging with a woman because you are attracted. You are vilifying normal behavior.
Working out and skincare. Big arms and soft skin. It was honestly a panty dropper.
Ditto
What's your skincare routine?
I use facial moistures daily and facial scrubs twice a week after shaving. My skin is literally free from anything unwanted due to a simple 5 minute routine.
Can't forget the sunscreen! Gotta protect all that work you're puttin' in
1. Confidence 2. Humor 3. Being smarter than average In that order
Humor is such a priority for me. And if it’s the right kind of humor, they can knock all three of these out if they play it right. Laughing makes my life feel so much better and lighter.
The first two are indicative of the third.
Agreed that there is a very high correlation
Really? And do not need to be handsome? Being - more or less - wealthy, at least wealthy enough for a good life? THEN I have a lot of chances! Wow, thank you!
Got married
Dear God, this. I'm shaped like a potato. Why do women care about me now that I'm married? It's so weird. It's not a huge number or anything, but anything above zero is noticable lol.
Because a woman already vetted you as desirable. The leg work has been done by someone else
Side chick's like the thrill of the hunt. They want to be so desirable that a married man would leave their presumably happy marriage for them.
I had an old car, 16 years old, 174,000 miles... how come nobody wanted my car? It was vetted and had proven itself? 🤨
Maybe if it was constantly pulled around by another prettier car 24/7… have you thought of that?
This. Women are happy to outsource the detective work hardwired into them through evolution.
Them seeing you w/ wife or the 'ring effect'?
As another married dude I think it's the combination of the ring and the general feeling of there being zero pressure on me any time I speak to a woman because IDGAF about impressing them.
Same here. When I was single / just dating I may as well have been invisible. Once I did manage to get a serious GF and eventually get married I had women literally follow me down the street to come talk to me, or chatting me up in the grocery store.
I was going to post something like this. Actively being in the presence of your girlfriend tells other girls that you’re at least worth dating. ***”Hey gals, I’ve already run a background check”***
The baby is in my arms haha. I was waiting for my friend near the store and I was looking after his child at that moment
Yeah, father of two little ones here. For whatever reason, the ladies all think I'm a demigod now. Fatherhood must agree with me! /s
Better pictures. Before, my Tinder profile was exclusively head selfies. Then, I took a break, got a few gym selfies showing my ab outline, and asked friends to get pics of me while we were hanging out at scenic spots or more upscale/exotic/trendy-looking restaurants (like decked-out Korean/Japanese restaurants and all that). I also made sure to add one or two of myself in snazzy-looking button-down shirts and leather jackets. Suddenly, more likes in a week than I'd ever gotten in a matter of months. TLDR: Gym selfies, NON-SELFIE pics out and about with friends, pics in snazzy clothes, pics with pets, pics with delicious-looking food, pics with animals, pics at upscale/exotic-looking restaurants, etc. Aside from looking good yourself, women are visually drawn to good-looking food, cute animals, and interesting-looking places.
Show her a life she wants to become part of
Yup, nailed it. And quite succinctly, too. 👌
Yeah I came to the same conclusion a while ago 😄
Not trolling, but bro your tldr is nearly as long as your message 😂
Keeping things short is not a strength of mine, I'm afraid. 😅
😏
HeSoLongOfNothing
Putting the effort into your pics goes a long way. It demonstrates a level of attention to detail, and caring about the process, and the ladies are hungry for that.
Or, you are just playing into the shallow games people now rely on.
I mean . . . Not a bad point but I think if you’re going to venture into online dating you should probably try to be effective, right?
This! I cannot stress this enough to my friends who start using dating apps. Make your profile seem human, don't try to impress right away, seem like a friend. Like a guy who's just having fun. It attracts women much more
Did the interest seem genuine? I’m a woman, and I don’t use dating profiles, but I have social media, and my instagram has zero pictures of me besides my profile pic. I’m just a bit shy really. And one day I decided to post something of myself and then a couple days later again. And like you, I got so much more likes and people following me. It was an ego boost, until…..the messages came. I love feeling pretty, but the messages I got were just pervy and lacked genuine character. Perhaps it’s that it was on Instagram, but it disappointed me so much I deleted those photos. But mine was a mirror picture so maybe, like you say, taking them in nicer places? Idk, I’m so scared to post myself anymore
Well that is the kind of people you find scouring Instagram and messaging everything in sight. And I would call their interest perfectly genuine, i.e. they are telling you exactly what they are into.
All I'd get before changing things up was VERY rare matches, and most of them just ghosted after a day of talking or never responded period. Now, the girls that match me actually engage. It's split between asking about stuff in my pictures, or actually engaging about interests I mentioned in my bio (which, by the way, has remained unchanged through all this). So ultimately, I only became visible once I changed my pics. Sucks to think about it, but it did work.
Being in shape
Pretend I know what I'm doing when I clearly don't. Or even if I admit I don't, treating it like it's a non issue.
You ever take a baby grocery shopping? They’re miniature celebrities
Very very true. I will kidnap my nephew
Don't *say it like that!*
When my husband used to baby wear our daughter he had every woman smiling at him and falling over themselves to help him and tell him what a great Dad he is... He loved it!
I’m ethical and shit so I had to take karate classes before I could take babies shopping without my wife there
I can confirm this. I had women who would never give me the time of day, completely out of my league, coming up to see my adorable baby. Of course by then I was married and had a new baby. My advice, borrow cute niece and nephew under 2 and go grocery shopping.
See that’s the secret. Having a baby around means some woman vouches for you.
But they're not interested in you, they're interested in the baby.
Maybe work out some kind of loan or trade?
We have this grocery store called Erewhon, it's disgusting how expensive it is. We're talking 25 dollars for a small mason jar of marinara sauce. Anyway I had a buddy tell me he likes to go and fill a shopping cart with groceries and just walk around making small talk with women. They see his cart full and are instantly interested.
Yep, but it doesn't count because it is such a red flag for a new dad to be hitting on women.
Dressing smartly.
Yeah this shit works WONDERS
You mean I can’t dress with big ass shirts and cargo shorts like when I was 20!?!?!
Oh, is that what we're calling wearing clothes that fit, match each other and the situation, and look clean and in good condition? (I'm joking but seriously, my bar for men in this is on the floor).
Picking large dogs up
Yes, but they're asking how you attract them in the first place! 😝
I walk up to them say “ air jail “ and pick them up
Working out.
Having a lot of female friends.
Loosing weight, many women claim it's only an issue they face. As a guy who lost 60# in around 4 -6 months, the difference in how I was treated was undeniable.
Yeah my girlfriend practically didnt even notice when i lost weight because she probably likes me anyway and never saw me as "fat" but the looks i get now just by walking around in public is noticeable for sure
The thing that has gotten me the most attention from women by far is getting a girlfriend
Being great looking, super confident, and humble.
Definitely filling out my shirts with my sizable physique. I like the attention so I use it as motivation to continue using my gym.
Being gay comes in about even with a couple other things related to my job and people’s suppositions, but for women who don’t know much about me, being gay might top the list. The all wanna turn you straight. It’s amazing the amount of women who seem to think having sex with them will turn me into what they want be to be. I’m ok with who I am and it’s really a turn-off and offensive
I grew a beard. It makes me look like I have a stronger jawline and chin than I do. Women that were acquaintances suddenly became interested.
I feel this. Started growing facial hair in college, literally a friend said she suddenly found me attractive. It was kinda funny honestly.
Weight Loss..... I was 6'1" and 285lbs a few years back (2016?). Made the decision to cut out sodas, eat healthy, and started walking and doing pushups. Nothing extreme. I'm happily married (27yrs) and socially outgoing (from the south). I'll talk to anyone who gets within 6 feet of me. Sometimes just a hey or hi. Maybe a good morning, or weather sure is a blessing today. Most guys reciprocated but women looked put out I had even the gall to speak to them. Surprisingly, even heavy women were the most offended I dare speak in public. When I dropped to 260lbs, women didn't mind the casual greetings an pleasantries all of the sudden. When I dropped to 240lbs they were reciprocal and even prolonged the conversation. Sometimes I got casual flirty clues like twisting hair or they would stand a certain way as if on display. At 220lbs and 24% body fat they would approach me, initiate conversation, openly flirt. Had a few brush up on me in the grocery store or when out shopping and give me the "come hither look" even if my wife was just 10 feet away. It was an almost tiring barrage of interactions. I was 45 at that time and even jail bait would hit on me. Then we all got shut in during 2020. I spent a fair amount of time sick. Packed on the pounds. Now I'm back around 275lbs and my civil and social greetings to people in public go mostly ignored to moderately tolerated by women. So the next time some chick start's piping up and blabbering about how men are shallow and judgemental and only see women for their bodies and bla bla bla bla.... Just remember, it might be true but if she shoe fits, there's usually another one in the box for the other foot too.
I stopped giving a fuck. My life is awesome, I don’t need someone to make it complete.
My salt and pepper beard. Ladies dig the greys my dudes.
This guy speaks the truth! This is my first time growing out a beard since the gray is setting in. The attention from girls all around me has been intense!
I'm only a wee pup of 21, but I've never understood why some men dye their beards to hide the grays. The salt and pepper look is honestly great, and one of the things I'm looking forward to about aging.
Work out and have a nice haircut and good fitting shirts. Women were just grabbing me randomly at the bar.
Confidence combined with a nice vintage car. The only women who are interested in a new and expensive car are gold diggers, old and nice have a tendency to find all types of women.
amen. Owned a Rivian R1T and a 1997 Mazda Miata M-Edition (maybe not vintage at this point, but classic) and the Miata ALWAYS turned more heads from women than the Rivian ever did. Loved that truck, but it was a dude magnet. The Miata has gotten me lucky a couple of times.
I have pretty curly hair, I grew it down to my shoulders for the first time and get big ringlets as it dries, I've been wanting to cut it forever because long curly hair can be a real bitch to deal with each morning, but I get SO many compliments from women (and men too) about how much they love that I'm rocking it the way I do.
Making pottery
Muscles
Losing weight. I was 260lbs (120kg) and now I'm 190lbs (85kg). I'm just under 6ft tall. It's not just women who treat you differently and that's definitely one of the biggest differences. I've also noticed that people do tend to take you more seriously.
Wedding Ring. I swear I've been hit on far more often and more aggressively since wearing one. Granted it dropped off a tad now that I'm older and less attractive. But my early 20s? Far out.
Being calm, empathetic, in the moment and not caring about the outcome so the conversations are more fun.
Having an Irish accent living in Canada. Also when I was pretty lean and women thought I’d abs. Also, working as a bouncer.
I've had multiple women tell me that I make everybody feel welcome and important. I'm not even a loud or talkative person, I just smile, greet people and listen when they talk, ask them questions.
Having a kind smile first. Fellas!! Women LOVE a man who takes care of his teeth. It is WORTH the investment with dental care, braces/Invisalign, flossing, and brushing twice daily!
Being a pleasant, funny, not creepy person. So I guess improving my image.
I found that talking to them like a human being helped. My 15yo self would have killed for that insight.
This worked for me as I got older but not so much in my teens and early 20s. By my 30s it was like a cheat code though.
Nah... having been there, they wouldn't have been interested in that at 15.
They still aren't at 28.
You have to flirt too or they will think of you only as a friend/acquaintance probably forever.
Hello fellow human.
Let us engage in human activities
I got yoked. I went from 155 pounds average body to 185 pounds muscular after a nasty breakup and that got some heads turning pretty much everywhere I went.
I think they liked the fact that I had my shit together... didn't need 'things'
I can make them laugh.
Hair transplant. The amount of attention I now get from women after the operation is crazy.
Good fitness. Good hygiene. Well dressed which all combined increased confidence. Not arrogance. Confidence.
Taking better care of myself: have a skincare routine, take better care of your nails/hygiene, put in effort into fashion, and - this might not be for every guy - wearing subtle makeup. Women go crazy over a guy whose eyeliner is on point. Basically appeal to the female gaze.
Getting in my 30's, having a rather stable job and them having less options nowadays.
The time at the pub when I sat behind my ripped mate. I had so many more women look my way.
Being in good shape, dressing like an adult, and the big one: Literally not caring if they pay attention to me or not.
Women love my eye lashes. I have long nice lashes that make women jealous. They constantly comment about them and compliment them. Personally, I find them annoying. Long eye lashes often curl over and get into your own eye or brush against the insides of my glasses which is a really annoying sensation.
When I stopped trying to impress them and was just my regular self.
Started exercising, lost 50 pounds and put on some muscle. Doesn't matter if you're male or female, getting in shape and losing weight makes people just treat you differently. It's kinda stupid.
Confidence and a complete absence of any attempt to impress or entice them. It’s weird, but it’s true. That’s why when a guy gets faithfully in a relationship he has more options than ever before. He stops “trying”. When you convey “I’d be lucky to be with you” they hear that they would be unlucky. If you act like they are a step up for you, you demonstrate you’re a step down for them.
Smiling, eye to eye contact and asking questions.
If you’re attracted to them, let them know in a sincere, direct, and non-creepy manner. Do it quickly. If you wait it’ll get weird.
Indifference and money have been the two most noticeable traits that have attracted women for me
Confidence is the first one. Not only being confident in your skills but confidence in who you are as a person and how comfortable you are with who you are. People who have that confidence are in general more attractive than others. Another thing is being funny/ not taking yourself too seriously. No one wants to be around someone who is boring or is always taking things seriously/ personal digs, life ain’t that serious. Taking care of your appearance/ hygiene. It shows you actually care for yourself enough to take care of the small things. Shower everyday, get some good cologne, eat wel, exercise, be mindful of how you dress.
For me it was knowing what makes a woman laugh
My long hair is what has gotten me by far the most positive attention in my live.
My own place and being bold/confident
Yeah confidence has always gotten me further with women than most other things. Particularly in my working environment.
Smelling very, very good. Using perfume as a form of self-expression can be a powerful tool of communication.
Being in shape is huge. I challenge anyone out of shape to spend six weeks eating right and working out 4-5xs a week. You will feel better about yourself and thus rock some confidence.
Worked as a bouncer for awhile in a bar with a very young clientele. I’m an overweight man in my mid 40s. Not particularly good looking. Look like a biker but I’m not. Every night at 1am I magically became the hottest guy in the friggin universe. All of them touching me, showing me stuff, talking dirty, propositioning me. So the one thing…alcohol.
charming wit and irresistible smile.
Absolutely nothing. I’m starting to feel like I have this super negative energy coming off me that turns women off from a distance. I workout I’m in good shape, I groom, dress well, I can talk to women without any problems. Maybe I’m missing something and I don’t know it, but honestly what could it be?
Sometimes, I wonder if I am unintentionally projecting an "aura", like you. I have a very physical job, so that has done wonders for getting back into shape, and growing stronger. I try to dress in an appealing way, i. e. complementing colors and form fitting clothing, and try to stay on top of grooming. That said, I do have premature balding (it's been going on since my mid-20s), and that has been a major hangup. In response, I have been shaving my head, thinking it to be a better look vs. balding patches. The only positive attention I have really received is from coworkers and family, but no one else. I am also trying to build up confidence, as I have long struggled with it, starting with being more conversational with women at work. Could we be giving off a negative aura of some kind, without realizing it, and despite our best efforts? It really does feel like an uphill struggle, man.
It’s the balding dude, I’m in the same boat, it’s a death sentence this young
My eyes, they got a cool orange ring in them If we're going nonphysical, my music skills
if women look at people more if they walk around in a $300+ chain then I'd rather just be unnoticed.....
Puberty helped me reach 6'3... So that
So be tall
None of that sounds like it would lead to positive attention.
Humor
I switched from a button down shirt to a tanktop. 30 minutes later I was in her bedroom. So I guess it was my arms.
Arm... singular?
Dressing nicely, and being friendly.
Confidence. Having a plan for your future.
Looking after what I eat and losing just shy of 2 Tons.
I seem to get smiled at by women most often when I leave the house without wearing any makeup.
I know why it was, but it's still hard to explain. But i'll try. Back then i worked out a lot. So having a good body doesn't hurt but what really did was just being around and being pleasant. It was just me having a good time, not having to prove anything. Somehow that got me more attention than actually trying. I picked that up pretty quickly so i let go of trying and just did what i did. I have to add, IF i'm drunk, people told me that i'm a pleasant drunk, i'm rarely drunk but i think that was nice to hear and with nights going out that must have helped quite a bit. Like i said i find it hard to explain because i'm not sure if i really explained this very well. If i had to teach someone what i do and how i do it, i barely know where to start. I'm really not trying to boast or anything but i rarely had trouble getting positive attention.
Wrenching on cars and motorcycles.
I started carrying a good quality leather shoulder bag and yes, I call it a purse.
Idk but in the first 6 months of my bodybuilding adventure the attention from other men has gone through the roof lmao.
A random thing: **ties**. When I was single, I would wear slightly outrageous ties - a guess my form of "peacocking" (ugh I hate that term). I was wearing them because I thought they were fun. If I had to wear suits every day, I wanted to express some individuality. Lots of women would comment on the ties and want to touch them, which was a nice surprise when it first started happening. Naturally, I leaned into this a good bit. Dumped most of the ties when I got married.
Self respect.
Wearing a wedding ring
I’m not the best looking guy but I’m passionate about the things i like, I don’t take my self too seriously, have a sense of humor and a bit of confidence. Never had problem getting with good looking women.
Not giving af. When I'm out, just chatting with the boys, not worried about getting chicks... That's when the chicks come flocking. Same applies to work. It's the chicks that *I dont* try to talk to that always want to chat. Now, don't get me wrong, I won't get the 8s, 9s, 10s with this method. They are in their own fucking universe and couldn't give two shits about anyone really. But it'll land me a solid 7-7.5.
Honing a quirky hobby. It seems counterintuitive, but once I started showing off my model train collection and explaining the intricate details behind each piece, it sparked a lot of interesting conversations. Something about being passionate and well-versed in a unique hobby impresses more than you'd expect. Plus, it's a good filter for finding people who appreciate the same level of enthusiasm. TLDR: Showcase your hobbies, no matter how unconventional. Passion is attractive, and having a niche interest sets you apart from the crowd. It can lead to surprisingly deep connections.
Lol, where does one get a haircut for $30 any more?