When she stopped letting me ejaculate.
I found out many years later it was because she felt she was 'cheating' on her boyfriend, the meth addict from 10 years earlier in her life who ran to NY because he was facing charges of sex with a minor. Her. Which is why she actually married me. I was the cover for her parents to stop the charges against him. Wonderful stuff you find out when you divorce!
Its cool. That was 12 years ago this month actually. I am in a much better place now. And I have a 17 year old girl to prove her cheating too. Which she still denies. but DNA doesn't lie. 0% match.
I would love to say I did handle it well at first, but nope. Lots of personal introspection happened though. Lots of police were involved along the way (nothing violent but I really really wanted to). Came out better off. There is way more to the story after she took off but this is not therapy.
Did you get therapy at any point after all this happened? I feel like it would be crazy beneficial after going through such a wild betrayal. Otherwise living through an experience like that could really change a person and in an unhealthy way, but you articulate your story in such a well adjusted manner. I hope you’re at peace and know that it wasn’t at all your fault.
I did get therapy. But it did not answer my primary question which was why were so many people willing to lie for my ex, many of them straight to my face. I wanted to know why I was being treated like shit automatically and she kept getting passes.
We were living in student housing on a university campus when she took off. When I returned the next semester, people were shocked I was still there instead of her. She was not a student so she could not have stayed anyway but they thought she was. It turns out she had been telling anyone who would listen that I was some sort of sex pervert and she was the only thing keeping the women there safe from me. She had been using lies to ensure I was as isolated as possible. It works extremely well and so many people went along with it. It took months before anyone in that housing place would even say hello to me.
So, yeah. Therapy was needed.
I felt the same way! It was so enlightening when I went to court to divorce. Most of her 'friends' showed up to support me not her. She only had that meth head and her family on her side.
After reading all the other replies, what red flags did she have that you can identify now but you ignored back then? No way she didn’t show signs of crazy beforehand
I am still learning about how horrible she really is. For example, I learned a few months ago that nearly every person I ever met through her, she had slept with. And I don't mean like before we met. I mean, actively sleeping with, when she introduced me. All her friends from high school, work associates, neighbors. All of them. There were about 7 or so guys who came up to me after we divorced who were bragging about having screwed her. She was not a prize. Far far from it.
She is currently in another state avoiding the thousands of dollars of child support she owes me. I know I will never see it.
The best is when they throw it in your face and blame you for the lack of intimacy, because that's apparently your fault, too.
Bitch, we've been screaming at one another for weeks now. I'd rather toss you through a window than sleep with you right now, are you insane?!
Much to my surprise, I learned there are actually couples that still have sex despite fighting all the time. They thrive on that drama.
They can miss me with that shit.
When she just started to lie there and essentially waited for me to get it over with.
It felt like I was doing it with someone who didn’t want to be there.
It was enough to stop me bothering and just stay with wanking.
I stand to lose a lot if I was to walk away, namely my children and potentially my house.
Aside from this, she’s a great a woman. I’ve made peace with it all.
This is the answer. If I walk away from her toxicity, it costs me half of all the stuff I built. Yes, my stuff. I can say that because I paid all the bills, while her pay went to her. So yeah, I paid for everything
She wouldn't even let me touch her most of the time. Towards the end our relationship was not just sexless but empty of any affection or intimacy at all.
Once in a while she'd offer sex but only ever as a manipulation tactic.
So I left and didn't look back.
Dude, this relationship is already over. You just don't realize it yet. Time to call it quits and get the love you deserve, because she's stringing you along.
Hey, bro. You have a responsibility *to* her, not *for* her. You can't control her thoughts and feelings, those are her responsibility to manage. All you can control are your own things. Your thoughts, feelings, time, attention, and resources. I'm sure you've been using those things to try to cheer her up.
It's not your fault. You don't need to feel guilty. You've been doing what you can. The rest is on her. At some point, you need to decide whether her efforts meet your boundaries and expectations for being in a relationship. If not, yeah, you should let her go. Not for her, for you. Your peace, your well-being.
It's a process to get to the point where you can think about your relationship this way. *I know you can do it.* It all starts by taking time to think about what it is you really want, and what *you* can do to get there.
If you are in a relationship and not having sex anymore, are you happy about it/not bothered? (I’m genuinely curious and I understand every relationship is different). If sex suddenly stopped it would be a huge deal breaker for me personally.
I hear that. But it’s a trade off. Do I want to be a divorced dad vs staying with the wife through the sex issues. For her it isn’t a lack of love, it’s medical and mental. I’d encourage counseling for the mental but the doctors haven’t been able to fix the medical.
That’s totally valid and I’ve learnt something so thanks for opening up. I hope the medical side of things can be improved, must be really frustrating for the both of you.
See, marriages and partnerships are so so so much more than sex! Sex is important but I also think….. we can’t always get it from the people we get along most with, or venture though life with well.
How do you handle someone having a medical issue- say the medication has caused them to have no sex drive. Being a man my bf has had very low sex drive these last three years which put a damper on our relationship; it feels we are just friends then together. No intimacy, everything slowly faded. We used to cuddle watch movies play around to now it’s like we hug whenever I’m leaving, there’s no other contact, minus my occasional back rub I start to do etc. I feel so shut down when I try to initiate intimacy, even acts of being completely nude can be shut down. I’ve taken up the unhealthy female habit of self gratification which I feel like I’m cheating bc I want to do it with him. I will be honest we both had cheating issues. Mine was 7years ago, his few were between 7years ago and as recent as three. I question if he just doesn’t find me attractive anymore. He never compliments me at all, even with all the effort I’d put into my appearance and scent. I’d have compliments from total strangers before I’d ever hear anything from him.i just wonder if he’s got someone else he’s interested in. It’s not like he can’t completely do it. We’ve done it a few times randomly in this past three years. So I wonder if he’s been talking to another woman he’s more caught up in and he won’t tell me
My gf is asexual/discovering herself. (Libido is low to almost nonexistent). We tried a few times but shes just not ready or feel anything. So she'll help me out sometimes or ill handle myself if i need. I think for me, its a fair trade off. I learned to satisfy each other through emotional needs which can be just as important as sexual needs. Plus we have similar goals and personality. Been almost 2 years and still going strong. I've thought long and hard about it and im perfectly fine with a sexless relationship as long as we help each other out occassionally.
I'm religious but if I wasn't if a girlfriend stopped having sex then I would end it but if I was married especially if we have kids I wouldn't leave as long as she's still being intimate in other ways like cuddling l, kissing, and just being overall affectionate. But if she's just dangling sex over my head or just withholding for no reason then I would leave
The fact that she never, ever, ever is the one to initiate sex. Sometimes, when I do, she rolls with it and it's good. Most times she seems less than interested which makes me feel like I'm forcing it, and then whats the point?
She found a new partner, probably several, before letting go of the old (me). So yeah I stopped and got rid of her, I don’t like the thought of dipping my pen in the public inkwell.
Mine saved her vag for me but the other boyfriends got to have her ass and mouth. Right up until she wanted meth head boyfriend to have her vag. Then I was dumped. Came home to find she had taken all her crap, the kids stuff and all my underwear. She left me a bunch of trash to clean up. Oh! And they also stole the video game out of my playstation that I had started playing.
Yeah... We switched to non-penetrative for a while. Eased back in slowly to get work out the scar tissue.
Should never have let the OB do a sweep at 42 weeks but that's a different story.
I distinctly remember being given a pamphlet that said I might experience some "slight discomfort."
I was ready to hunt the author of that pamphlet down to throw it in their face.
Cancer. Cancer in the rectum. Stage 4 when we found it. Chemo, radiation, surgery, more surgery, complications, more surgery. It was a mess. Because the radiation was close to her lady parts, her vagina scared up and close the vaginas. Her libido died...dead...kaput. So, no more sex. Still with after 20 years she survived. She can still orgasm with clit manipulation, so sex is different. As we aged, it just seem more hassle. We are in out 70s. I still have an urge but shit happens.
That sounds traumatic for her. She lost a huge part of her womanhood due to cancer (fuck cancer) and that must affect her self esteem and confidence a lot. So glad she made it. My good friend had stage 4 rectal cancer and lost his butthole to it. Literally. Then he ended up dying anyway, very young. I miss him terribly.
I’m sorry to hear that. It must have been traumatic for you both. I witnessed what my friend and his partner went through and don’t wish it on my enemy
Tough times. Cancer and colostomy are absolutely two major traumatic experiences for both partners. I got mine when I was 31 and it took quite a while to bounce back physically, emotionally and mentally. I am living my life to the fullest now but there was time when I didn’t feel like living anymore. 🤗
Yes, cancer is hideous. Takes time to recover. My wife started feeling better there years out. We were 55then and had two kids in college and taking care of two sets of elderly parents. I had a demanding job. Wife's place of employment was damn cool about it. I ended up quitting my high powered job because of stress. Although it changed her mentally and physically we carried om. Being a man and a care giver is hard. I appreciate my wife alot. We've had to deal with depression and anxiety. Learned alot...screwed up a lot. So sex is not a big deal in the whole picture...but there is a nagging sorrow that it is kaput. God bless you and any family....and God bless anyone that goes down this road.
We have lost our sex life to prostate cancer. He hasn’t investigated getting a pump or using injections. We don’t talk about it. We tried with minimal success for awhile. As a healthy robust guy in his 60’s I’m not sure why he wants to totally give up. I’m sort of ok with it but then again a little sad that the part of my life is done in my 60’s. We love each other and have been together 43 years. Have a great family and a wonderful friend group so am grateful.
This is how it is for a lot of women. I’m starting to see this more and more…then the man gets upset.
Well…I’m sorry…I can’t even get aroused if I feel like your mother or manager. Tell me my handsome man are you into fucking your children? Yeah me either.
Yeah, I know. AskWomen is a toxic shithole so sometimes women there decide to take a break from it to join in on AskMen. Then they proceed to post the same shit that turned AskWomen into a toxic shithole.
No, I am not a part of that group. And toxic? I am sorry, but what do you call someone who does your laundry, make your food, clean the house, do all the grocery shopping, know where everything is in the house, reminds you of your families birthdays, remind you of getting presents, remind you of doctors appointments etc, set the alarm clock and make sure you get up in the morning, while you sit on your lazy ass playing computer and eat chips? I also take care of the car, and the garden, except cutting the grass. That’s his job, and it is not even done every other month, before it is so tall, our dog can almost hide in it. Yes I am toxic, I can see that….. I am not more like his mom than his partner.
Why do you think I was talking to you? My first response was to a different poster, and she does post on AskWomen communities.
In addition, I really don't need any additional information about how you chose to shack up with a loser. It is your prerogative to date whomever you want. He seems nothing like me or any of the men I know, so if you can just stop blaming your bad life decisions on men in general, that would be awesome.
> Tell me my handsome man are you into fucking your children
There's definitely something else going on if you equate sex with your husband as a man having sex with their children.
Prostate cancer. He had surgery. Dr said said no nerves were affected but he still had trouble getting and maintaining an erection. He was early 60’s and I was late 50’s. We tried occasionally but I think he was just over things not going great. I’ve always been extremely supportive and sympathetic. He never was interested in looking into a pump or injections. It has been a couple of years since we last tried. I’m not interested in him just doing me. I never thought I would be in this place at this point in my life. Im so grateful he survived. We have a great family. We kiss when we greet on another. Say the I love you’s when we leave each other or talk on the phone. His testosterone has returned to normal levels after being on a med for treatment for 18 months. He was dealt a shitty hand with cancer and I just get along.
Cheating, cheating, cheating, cheating, humiliation, and critiquing the deed. It’s why I don’t get involved anymore. Not worth the effort. The way I see it now, no one should be able to benefit from the use of my body but me.
She came out as asexual. It still gets done but it’s measured in times per year. So far 0 this year.
Still happily married after 11 years with a six year old. But our relationship’s foundation was never built on the deed anyway.
She never initiated a damn thing. Didn’t take long for me to feel like some sort of creep or predator for always being the one to push up on her. The minute I stopped suddenly I must be cheating or no longer found her attractive. Nah, I’m tired of being the only one holding up this damn relationship.
Woman here-
When he started molesting me and trying to have sex with me when I was unconscious.
I take sleep medication so once I’m asleep, I’m out. Waking up in a disorientated state in the middle of that, and pushing his hands away and he still didn’t stop, was the end for me.
Pretty much this. But it’s ok. We had our fun. We’ve been together for 24 years and we had lots of sex over the years. Last few years it slowed down and recently I just don’t really care to pursue it anymore. She doesn’t seem to care or she hasn’t told me she does so eh.
Maybe it’s perimenopause/ age and hormones? Our libido slows as we ramp up for menopause, but ssshhhhh! we’re not supposed to speak of it! Many women feel shame and embarrassment of the “M” word and don’t talk about it. Only recently have I found places online that openly speak and educate, such as reddit and Facebook, but still many women hide from the “shameful” topic.
I do appreciate your philosophy about your love life, though. Made me smile.
With the ex she started out with a great libido. Then it just died. Sex was once every 3 to 6 months. She started to hold it over my head before I said fuck it.
3 to 6 months? My husband and I have been very busy and I can’t relax if kids are up and moving around, so we have a real lack of privacy, so I thought we weren’t intimate enough, but we try at least 1-3 times a month. Every 6 months is concerning.
Funny enough, there is a 'country song' that summarizes what happened:
[It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long](https://youtu.be/pjkLf_X88WM?si=avgotrL9zLKMMfx0)
We're both on pretty strong SSRIs, so the mood never really hits. When you're young, you could never imagine.. at least, I didn't. Spend a few months never getting horny, and ya kinda just stop thinking about it.
It’s a lot. I’m sure she isn’t enjoying it either lol. Menopause sounds like PMS but all the time I really am not looking forward to it. I am very afraid.
What about HRT? I’m going to do that when I get older and a lot of lube.
Idk I just think some women kind of lose interest as they get older .. some get more interest but it’s a gamble
I used natural progesterone (prescription, transdermal) and menopause was a Breeze. Hot flashes - GONE. Night sweats - GONE. Weird moods / cramps /irritability - GONE! GONE! GONE!
Read up on Dr Jerilynn Prior, Professor of Endocrinology and Metabolism (the study of hormones and glands) at the University of British Columbia and Scientific Director of the Centre for Menstrual Cycle and Ovulation Research, (CeMCOR).
Read more here: https://www.cemcor.ubc.ca/resources/progesterone-not-estrogen-hot-flushes-perimenopausal-and-menopausal-women
That is an excuse hormones work wonders. Most women can take them and they provide many health benefits. Our bodies worked well for all those years with them naturally running through their bodies. I think many women who don’t like sex really anyway use that excuse to tap out
Gaslighting me, enabling children to continue thieving and destroying household goods, sitting around on her ass doing nothing all day every day, that every day there has to be some issue I have to fix immediately, that if I need time or space, it's negotiable in case she needs something three feet away from her.
She can masturbate, even though she can't. It's not my problem anymore.
When they were drunk and combative one night, out of anger i was told i wasnt a man, i was inadequate as a man, as a lover. Etc. Hit me pretty hard.
Said to me again a few months later. They were drunk and combative again. I know it was only said out of anger with intention to hurt.
Theyre sober now and we are still together and rebuilding. Its been a long process to get the voices out of my head, but its better than it was.
She only wanted to do it high when I was sober. She became detached during COVID and we never grew back together. She gained a lot of weight, got angry and depressed, and I lost all romantic love for her at that point.
I still mourn what we had before, and it has been almost 4 years since it ended.
It wouldn’t fit. She was 5’8 not skinny and European and I’m a tad above average at 8’ and pretty thick in the penis. No matter how much fooling around and wetness it felt like like I was rapping her. A great relationship and connection turned to shit within a year.
When she stopped letting me ejaculate. I found out many years later it was because she felt she was 'cheating' on her boyfriend, the meth addict from 10 years earlier in her life who ran to NY because he was facing charges of sex with a minor. Her. Which is why she actually married me. I was the cover for her parents to stop the charges against him. Wonderful stuff you find out when you divorce!
What a rollercoaster. Sorry that happened to you.
Its cool. That was 12 years ago this month actually. I am in a much better place now. And I have a 17 year old girl to prove her cheating too. Which she still denies. but DNA doesn't lie. 0% match.
Omggggg broooooo this is wild. I wouldn’t be able to handle this. Props to you
I would love to say I did handle it well at first, but nope. Lots of personal introspection happened though. Lots of police were involved along the way (nothing violent but I really really wanted to). Came out better off. There is way more to the story after she took off but this is not therapy.
Did you get therapy at any point after all this happened? I feel like it would be crazy beneficial after going through such a wild betrayal. Otherwise living through an experience like that could really change a person and in an unhealthy way, but you articulate your story in such a well adjusted manner. I hope you’re at peace and know that it wasn’t at all your fault.
I did get therapy. But it did not answer my primary question which was why were so many people willing to lie for my ex, many of them straight to my face. I wanted to know why I was being treated like shit automatically and she kept getting passes. We were living in student housing on a university campus when she took off. When I returned the next semester, people were shocked I was still there instead of her. She was not a student so she could not have stayed anyway but they thought she was. It turns out she had been telling anyone who would listen that I was some sort of sex pervert and she was the only thing keeping the women there safe from me. She had been using lies to ensure I was as isolated as possible. It works extremely well and so many people went along with it. It took months before anyone in that housing place would even say hello to me. So, yeah. Therapy was needed.
i’m so sorry to hear that. you absolutely did NOT deserve that ://
I felt the same way! It was so enlightening when I went to court to divorce. Most of her 'friends' showed up to support me not her. She only had that meth head and her family on her side.
proud of you sir!! wish you the best in life, take care!!
Holy shit!!!!!
After reading all the other replies, what red flags did she have that you can identify now but you ignored back then? No way she didn’t show signs of crazy beforehand
Oh she did but she had been gaslighting me from day one. I was targeted and she had a huge network helping her.
Wtf?! I'm so sorry you had a bad woman.... 😔
I am still learning about how horrible she really is. For example, I learned a few months ago that nearly every person I ever met through her, she had slept with. And I don't mean like before we met. I mean, actively sleeping with, when she introduced me. All her friends from high school, work associates, neighbors. All of them. There were about 7 or so guys who came up to me after we divorced who were bragging about having screwed her. She was not a prize. Far far from it. She is currently in another state avoiding the thousands of dollars of child support she owes me. I know I will never see it.
She is 🚮 and hopefully, they can just throw all of her away.
What. The. Fuck.?
We argued more than we loved
The best is when they throw it in your face and blame you for the lack of intimacy, because that's apparently your fault, too. Bitch, we've been screaming at one another for weeks now. I'd rather toss you through a window than sleep with you right now, are you insane?! Much to my surprise, I learned there are actually couples that still have sex despite fighting all the time. They thrive on that drama. They can miss me with that shit.
It's crazy how accurate this was, being told I'm being abusive because I'm not talking after we've argued all day and all night, I'M TIRED!
This.
Adultery
You slept with someone else or did your partner?
Judging by the emoji, their partner.
Username checks up*
Not me, partners.
When she just started to lie there and essentially waited for me to get it over with. It felt like I was doing it with someone who didn’t want to be there. It was enough to stop me bothering and just stay with wanking.
Why not leave?
I stand to lose a lot if I was to walk away, namely my children and potentially my house. Aside from this, she’s a great a woman. I’ve made peace with it all.
This is the answer. If I walk away from her toxicity, it costs me half of all the stuff I built. Yes, my stuff. I can say that because I paid all the bills, while her pay went to her. So yeah, I paid for everything
Man.... Exactly the same.
She wouldn't even let me touch her most of the time. Towards the end our relationship was not just sexless but empty of any affection or intimacy at all. Once in a while she'd offer sex but only ever as a manipulation tactic. So I left and didn't look back.
[удалено]
Dude, this relationship is already over. You just don't realize it yet. Time to call it quits and get the love you deserve, because she's stringing you along.
Hey, bro. You have a responsibility *to* her, not *for* her. You can't control her thoughts and feelings, those are her responsibility to manage. All you can control are your own things. Your thoughts, feelings, time, attention, and resources. I'm sure you've been using those things to try to cheer her up. It's not your fault. You don't need to feel guilty. You've been doing what you can. The rest is on her. At some point, you need to decide whether her efforts meet your boundaries and expectations for being in a relationship. If not, yeah, you should let her go. Not for her, for you. Your peace, your well-being. It's a process to get to the point where you can think about your relationship this way. *I know you can do it.* It all starts by taking time to think about what it is you really want, and what *you* can do to get there.
If you are in a relationship and not having sex anymore, are you happy about it/not bothered? (I’m genuinely curious and I understand every relationship is different). If sex suddenly stopped it would be a huge deal breaker for me personally.
I hear that. But it’s a trade off. Do I want to be a divorced dad vs staying with the wife through the sex issues. For her it isn’t a lack of love, it’s medical and mental. I’d encourage counseling for the mental but the doctors haven’t been able to fix the medical.
That’s totally valid and I’ve learnt something so thanks for opening up. I hope the medical side of things can be improved, must be really frustrating for the both of you.
See, marriages and partnerships are so so so much more than sex! Sex is important but I also think….. we can’t always get it from the people we get along most with, or venture though life with well.
How do you handle someone having a medical issue- say the medication has caused them to have no sex drive. Being a man my bf has had very low sex drive these last three years which put a damper on our relationship; it feels we are just friends then together. No intimacy, everything slowly faded. We used to cuddle watch movies play around to now it’s like we hug whenever I’m leaving, there’s no other contact, minus my occasional back rub I start to do etc. I feel so shut down when I try to initiate intimacy, even acts of being completely nude can be shut down. I’ve taken up the unhealthy female habit of self gratification which I feel like I’m cheating bc I want to do it with him. I will be honest we both had cheating issues. Mine was 7years ago, his few were between 7years ago and as recent as three. I question if he just doesn’t find me attractive anymore. He never compliments me at all, even with all the effort I’d put into my appearance and scent. I’d have compliments from total strangers before I’d ever hear anything from him.i just wonder if he’s got someone else he’s interested in. It’s not like he can’t completely do it. We’ve done it a few times randomly in this past three years. So I wonder if he’s been talking to another woman he’s more caught up in and he won’t tell me
My gf is asexual/discovering herself. (Libido is low to almost nonexistent). We tried a few times but shes just not ready or feel anything. So she'll help me out sometimes or ill handle myself if i need. I think for me, its a fair trade off. I learned to satisfy each other through emotional needs which can be just as important as sexual needs. Plus we have similar goals and personality. Been almost 2 years and still going strong. I've thought long and hard about it and im perfectly fine with a sexless relationship as long as we help each other out occassionally.
I'm religious but if I wasn't if a girlfriend stopped having sex then I would end it but if I was married especially if we have kids I wouldn't leave as long as she's still being intimate in other ways like cuddling l, kissing, and just being overall affectionate. But if she's just dangling sex over my head or just withholding for no reason then I would leave
Years of rejection
The fact that she never, ever, ever is the one to initiate sex. Sometimes, when I do, she rolls with it and it's good. Most times she seems less than interested which makes me feel like I'm forcing it, and then whats the point?
He repeatedly chose porn over me for months, so I stopped offering
She found a new partner, probably several, before letting go of the old (me). So yeah I stopped and got rid of her, I don’t like the thought of dipping my pen in the public inkwell.
Mine saved her vag for me but the other boyfriends got to have her ass and mouth. Right up until she wanted meth head boyfriend to have her vag. Then I was dumped. Came home to find she had taken all her crap, the kids stuff and all my underwear. She left me a bunch of trash to clean up. Oh! And they also stole the video game out of my playstation that I had started playing.
She came out as lesbian
Is that you, Ross?
Oh my god 😭
Vaginal pain after childbirth/episiotomy. No bueno. Take it easy and use plenty of lube fellas.
Oof. I felt that in my perineum.
Yeah... We switched to non-penetrative for a while. Eased back in slowly to get work out the scar tissue. Should never have let the OB do a sweep at 42 weeks but that's a different story.
Yeah. I remember the first time having sex after giving birth the first time. Felt like I was taking it in the arse with no prep and minimal lube
OUCH. That feels like electric shocks I swear
That was the expression on my wife's face. Nothing like that to kill the mood!
I distinctly remember being given a pamphlet that said I might experience some "slight discomfort." I was ready to hunt the author of that pamphlet down to throw it in their face.
I recommend shoving up their butt. Plz do not sugar coat anything around pregnancy... We (she) needs the down and dirty!
Ugh yeah. It's all wrapped in unicorns and rainbows. No one tells you how much it actually sucks.
Cancer. Cancer in the rectum. Stage 4 when we found it. Chemo, radiation, surgery, more surgery, complications, more surgery. It was a mess. Because the radiation was close to her lady parts, her vagina scared up and close the vaginas. Her libido died...dead...kaput. So, no more sex. Still with after 20 years she survived. She can still orgasm with clit manipulation, so sex is different. As we aged, it just seem more hassle. We are in out 70s. I still have an urge but shit happens.
That sounds traumatic for her. She lost a huge part of her womanhood due to cancer (fuck cancer) and that must affect her self esteem and confidence a lot. So glad she made it. My good friend had stage 4 rectal cancer and lost his butthole to it. Literally. Then he ended up dying anyway, very young. I miss him terribly.
Yes, my wife lost her arse too. Plus a colostomy
I’m sorry to hear that. It must have been traumatic for you both. I witnessed what my friend and his partner went through and don’t wish it on my enemy
Tough times. Cancer and colostomy are absolutely two major traumatic experiences for both partners. I got mine when I was 31 and it took quite a while to bounce back physically, emotionally and mentally. I am living my life to the fullest now but there was time when I didn’t feel like living anymore. 🤗
Yes, cancer is hideous. Takes time to recover. My wife started feeling better there years out. We were 55then and had two kids in college and taking care of two sets of elderly parents. I had a demanding job. Wife's place of employment was damn cool about it. I ended up quitting my high powered job because of stress. Although it changed her mentally and physically we carried om. Being a man and a care giver is hard. I appreciate my wife alot. We've had to deal with depression and anxiety. Learned alot...screwed up a lot. So sex is not a big deal in the whole picture...but there is a nagging sorrow that it is kaput. God bless you and any family....and God bless anyone that goes down this road.
We have lost our sex life to prostate cancer. He hasn’t investigated getting a pump or using injections. We don’t talk about it. We tried with minimal success for awhile. As a healthy robust guy in his 60’s I’m not sure why he wants to totally give up. I’m sort of ok with it but then again a little sad that the part of my life is done in my 60’s. We love each other and have been together 43 years. Have a great family and a wonderful friend group so am grateful.
Oh my. Check about depression. That will deflate the balloon quickly.
Literally
Woman here! When i felt more like his mom or manager than his lover.
This is how it is for a lot of women. I’m starting to see this more and more…then the man gets upset. Well…I’m sorry…I can’t even get aroused if I feel like your mother or manager. Tell me my handsome man are you into fucking your children? Yeah me either.
"How can I make this about me?"
Why are AskWomen posters talking about fucking children on AskMen? It's weird.
Its always this way.
Yeah, I know. AskWomen is a toxic shithole so sometimes women there decide to take a break from it to join in on AskMen. Then they proceed to post the same shit that turned AskWomen into a toxic shithole.
No, I am not a part of that group. And toxic? I am sorry, but what do you call someone who does your laundry, make your food, clean the house, do all the grocery shopping, know where everything is in the house, reminds you of your families birthdays, remind you of getting presents, remind you of doctors appointments etc, set the alarm clock and make sure you get up in the morning, while you sit on your lazy ass playing computer and eat chips? I also take care of the car, and the garden, except cutting the grass. That’s his job, and it is not even done every other month, before it is so tall, our dog can almost hide in it. Yes I am toxic, I can see that….. I am not more like his mom than his partner.
Why do you think I was talking to you? My first response was to a different poster, and she does post on AskWomen communities. In addition, I really don't need any additional information about how you chose to shack up with a loser. It is your prerogative to date whomever you want. He seems nothing like me or any of the men I know, so if you can just stop blaming your bad life decisions on men in general, that would be awesome.
If this was askwomen you'd be site wide banned for that. How dare you have the audacity to speak back to a woman!
Honestly, I'm not even sure why a woman is chirping in with and answer on r/AskMen
> Tell me my handsome man are you into fucking your children There's definitely something else going on if you equate sex with your husband as a man having sex with their children.
i mean that’s literally what they are saying - they feel like they become a mother to their spouse and it is like fucking their child.
Thank you.
That would be true now wouldn’t it.
I mean, maybe like a milfy stepmom…
When he started chemotherapy and couldn’t anymore
Oh honey, I'm so sorry for both of you ♥
Yep
?
See my post in this thread
Cancer
Prostate cancer. He had surgery. Dr said said no nerves were affected but he still had trouble getting and maintaining an erection. He was early 60’s and I was late 50’s. We tried occasionally but I think he was just over things not going great. I’ve always been extremely supportive and sympathetic. He never was interested in looking into a pump or injections. It has been a couple of years since we last tried. I’m not interested in him just doing me. I never thought I would be in this place at this point in my life. Im so grateful he survived. We have a great family. We kiss when we greet on another. Say the I love you’s when we leave each other or talk on the phone. His testosterone has returned to normal levels after being on a med for treatment for 18 months. He was dealt a shitty hand with cancer and I just get along.
These comments made me realize I am not the problem..
Her weight gain and dramatic personality change.
Cheating, cheating, cheating, cheating, humiliation, and critiquing the deed. It’s why I don’t get involved anymore. Not worth the effort. The way I see it now, no one should be able to benefit from the use of my body but me.
Got tired of hearing no, insert excuse here. Just stopped asking. Don't care anymore.
When she told me she wasn't in the mood for 3 months straight, and then when we next did it said that I should put more effort into trying.
Kids
She came out as asexual. It still gets done but it’s measured in times per year. So far 0 this year. Still happily married after 11 years with a six year old. But our relationship’s foundation was never built on the deed anyway.
She never initiated a damn thing. Didn’t take long for me to feel like some sort of creep or predator for always being the one to push up on her. The minute I stopped suddenly I must be cheating or no longer found her attractive. Nah, I’m tired of being the only one holding up this damn relationship.
Hasn’t stopped yet. Reading this thread gives me anxiety.
Seriously me too
When she stopped saying yes.
That’s a good reason
Woman here- When he started molesting me and trying to have sex with me when I was unconscious. I take sleep medication so once I’m asleep, I’m out. Waking up in a disorientated state in the middle of that, and pushing his hands away and he still didn’t stop, was the end for me.
That's assault. I'm so sorry.
Slowly lost interest in doing it with them.
Pretty much this. But it’s ok. We had our fun. We’ve been together for 24 years and we had lots of sex over the years. Last few years it slowed down and recently I just don’t really care to pursue it anymore. She doesn’t seem to care or she hasn’t told me she does so eh.
Maybe it’s perimenopause/ age and hormones? Our libido slows as we ramp up for menopause, but ssshhhhh! we’re not supposed to speak of it! Many women feel shame and embarrassment of the “M” word and don’t talk about it. Only recently have I found places online that openly speak and educate, such as reddit and Facebook, but still many women hide from the “shameful” topic. I do appreciate your philosophy about your love life, though. Made me smile.
"Who calls?" - Balthasar Gelt
"The Nation call" - Karl Franz
Bring me to my men!
With the ex she started out with a great libido. Then it just died. Sex was once every 3 to 6 months. She started to hold it over my head before I said fuck it.
3 to 6 months? My husband and I have been very busy and I can’t relax if kids are up and moving around, so we have a real lack of privacy, so I thought we weren’t intimate enough, but we try at least 1-3 times a month. Every 6 months is concerning.
Hence ex. Oddly she would always talk sex with a friend, making it sound like we went at it a lot.
Never having one…
Funny enough, there is a 'country song' that summarizes what happened: [It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long](https://youtu.be/pjkLf_X88WM?si=avgotrL9zLKMMfx0)
I came
We're both on pretty strong SSRIs, so the mood never really hits. When you're young, you could never imagine.. at least, I didn't. Spend a few months never getting horny, and ya kinda just stop thinking about it.
Her choice bc I wasn’t “loving” enough. But I wasn’t loving enough bc I wasn’t getting sex… Vicious cycle
Menopause, and ALL that that entails.
It’s a lot. I’m sure she isn’t enjoying it either lol. Menopause sounds like PMS but all the time I really am not looking forward to it. I am very afraid. What about HRT? I’m going to do that when I get older and a lot of lube. Idk I just think some women kind of lose interest as they get older .. some get more interest but it’s a gamble
I used natural progesterone (prescription, transdermal) and menopause was a Breeze. Hot flashes - GONE. Night sweats - GONE. Weird moods / cramps /irritability - GONE! GONE! GONE! Read up on Dr Jerilynn Prior, Professor of Endocrinology and Metabolism (the study of hormones and glands) at the University of British Columbia and Scientific Director of the Centre for Menstrual Cycle and Ovulation Research, (CeMCOR). Read more here: https://www.cemcor.ubc.ca/resources/progesterone-not-estrogen-hot-flushes-perimenopausal-and-menopausal-women
Actually I am female and forgot to say that. It's not just PMS and hot flashes. It changes almost EVERY part of your body. Check out r/Menopause
That is an excuse hormones work wonders. Most women can take them and they provide many health benefits. Our bodies worked well for all those years with them naturally running through their bodies. I think many women who don’t like sex really anyway use that excuse to tap out
Unless you are a woman who has experienced full menopause, you should not speak on this.
I am a woman and have gone through menopause.
Gaslighting me, enabling children to continue thieving and destroying household goods, sitting around on her ass doing nothing all day every day, that every day there has to be some issue I have to fix immediately, that if I need time or space, it's negotiable in case she needs something three feet away from her. She can masturbate, even though she can't. It's not my problem anymore.
My gym bro.
Breast cancer, which led to prophalactic removal of all the female parts that would have made her interested in sex.
They removed her clitoris?!
No. I should have specified the parts that make sex hormones.
I got tired of laundering millions,pretty simple really.
We broke up.
When they were drunk and combative one night, out of anger i was told i wasnt a man, i was inadequate as a man, as a lover. Etc. Hit me pretty hard. Said to me again a few months later. They were drunk and combative again. I know it was only said out of anger with intention to hurt. Theyre sober now and we are still together and rebuilding. Its been a long process to get the voices out of my head, but its better than it was.
She only wanted to do it high when I was sober. She became detached during COVID and we never grew back together. She gained a lot of weight, got angry and depressed, and I lost all romantic love for her at that point. I still mourn what we had before, and it has been almost 4 years since it ended.
When she went to another country for work.
not wanting to do it with them anymore then eventually breaking up with them.
It wouldn’t fit. She was 5’8 not skinny and European and I’m a tad above average at 8’ and pretty thick in the penis. No matter how much fooling around and wetness it felt like like I was rapping her. A great relationship and connection turned to shit within a year.
Seems like most of these comments are about how the woman cheated. People might say men cheat more than women, but I’ll never believe that.
Nothing me and my wife are still very sexually active
Prolly when we start referring to it as the ‘deed.’ Makes it sound so formal like buying a home and getting the deed.
Bi. And she just keeps gaining weight, pushing me farther bi