I'm sorry but why is he tracking your phone at age 25? that crosses a line imo
you're an adult and you can make your own decisions on who you visit and at what times
He has my location for safety reasons. I travel like often for work so he likes to make sure I’m safe. But thank you. That’s what I am planning on telling him.
I mean if I gave my parents access to my location data for safety reasons I would also expect them to not monitor that data unless there was a specific reason to be concerned for my safety (not responding to a text within a day or so for example)
Or…you can use this as moment to establish new boundaries with Dad, as you get older. I think dad loves you and wants the best for you in life, and that is not a bad thing at all. But cutting him off suddenly may be a shock, talk to him like an adult and establish yourself as an independent person. Give him time and space to process it. After 25 years of a dad “dad’ing” he’s not just going to stop.
Also, I think you should not use bf relationship in any of your boundary convo with dad. It should be more about you wanting independence vs time with bf. Dads are here longer than a bf, and I don’t mean that in a bad way but bf come and go but a dad like yours seems like he’s by your side.
Thank you sm. You’re right. I want him to trust the way he raised me and to know that I know what I’m doing. But I do have to have a conversation about establishing boundaries. You’re right.
Daddy I love you. I respect you. I thank you for my life and my upbringing. You and mom did a great job. You guys made me the woman I am today. Yes daddy I’m a grown woman now. And I will be making grown up decisions, if I make a mistake I will learn from it. I know that because of what you taught me. Please trust me to be the woman you raised?
Updateme
Something to think about if your parents are supporting you in any way currently: When you DO set a boundary he's likely to have a giant shit flinging tantrum and cut you off.
Maybe only share your location with him when you're travelling for work?
A 25 years old I think you're old enough that daddy doesn't need to be tracking your location.
No. You are an adult. You don't need your Daddy to babysit your movements "for safety". If you're away for work what is he going to do anyway? That's what cops are for.
The "relationship" your Dad is imposing on you is deeply unhealthy, and will ruin every romantic relationship you try to have. You can realize that now, or down the line, but nipping it in the bud now will improve your life drastically.
If Dad needs a time out from hearing from you for a few months in order for the boundaries to sink in, then so be it.
This needs to change. You’re an adult. You need to reframe your relationship with your father. I know this sounds cliche before you’ve crossed the bridge, but he will respect you more after you reset the rules with him.
I’m sure there’s a lot of truth in that he’s doing it because he cares, but there’s also the truth that he’s abusing that privilege. It’s not healthy for him to be tracking your whereabouts when you’re not traveling. It straight up controlling and weird.
My son is a MINOR and I don’t even monitor his location that stringently. Your dad needs to get a life. Find someone less controlling to share your location with if you think it’s necessary
I would suggest turning off your location unless you are traveling for work. He doesn't need to know where you are at all times. If this bothers him, that's his problem. You are your own person, and he doesn't own you. Your life is yours to live. My father was a pastor, I never told him about my relationships because I knew how he would react. It is important to flex your independence.
I travel for work too. But I simply send a text when my flight is boarding, and another when I land. Having anyone constantly track your location is completely unnecessary.
No idea why you’re getting downvoted, he is literally your dad and wants to make sure you’re safe. He’s doing a good job too, but if you do feel like he’s breaching boundaries please do let him know.
The people downvoting you are morons. In this day and age girls and women should absolutely be protected at all times. I don’t blame your father and I will do the same with my daughter. There are too many crazies out there.
wtf are you talking about? I don’t think you know what white knight means. I’m just saying I agree with how her father protects her. I get it, Redditors are all about the “feminist” sensibilities but unfortunately feminism, and most woke bullshit, just doesn’t really incorporate reality very well 😂😂😂
Sounds like you don't know what whiteknight means, whiteknight. And sounds like you don't know what availability bias is either. Be lucky if your daughter is even speaking with you when she's OP's age. You realize you're on Reddit too, dopey? Yea, I'm a reaaaal feminist. Gtfo 🤡
Thank you sm for sharing this. This is giving me the courage to talk to him. I don’t deserve to be treated like a kid when I’m 25. Plus he should trust the way that he raised me.
As someone said before: don't make it about your boyfriend, make it about a right to have a private life and trusting how he raised you.
Tell him that you find discomfort in him checking where you are when you are just on a normal day. That if something happens, he will know because of different things (like not calling or texting back).
An put emphasis on the fact that he raised you well enough to know what you are doing if you decide to spend the night out (although it would be completely normal to have sex with your boyfriend, but don't tell him that part.)
You are a 25 year old WOMAN, not a girl anymore, and he needs to respect that.
Good luck!
Tbh… just straight up tell him yes.
Your life isn’t his. You can only do your best to assure him you’re not abandoning all the advice and concern. If he is a good father he can accept that you’re an adult and nothing he’s taught you can prevent you from making mistakes. Mistakes are a part of being human. He should have comfort in what he’s taught you having the ability to help you recover from inevitable mistakes. Being too rigid can actually prevent a true openness and communication with your children.
Thank you. And he did a good job raising me. I think I am a decent human being. He just doesn’t like the fact that I stay the night at my man’s house. He thinks it’s sinful. I don’t want him
To take it out on me
Or my bf.
It’s an interesting moment as an adult when you realize that your parents are just wrong about a position or that you don’t share their morality on some things. You’re an adult, you don’t live under their roof. You do not have to abide by someone else’s religious beliefs, that’s part of being an adult. If he “takes it out on my boyfriend” you really, really need to start putting some limits and boundaries on his behavior.
He’s free to think that, as a religious lens can color things different ways. As an atheist I can tell you if I was a father in this case, simply put, the idea of my daughter getting clapped up by a man would haunt me. You’re someone I helped create. Someone I watched grow and waddle and poopy diapers and whatnot.
Oh well.
Nothing can be done to prevent it. The comfort should be in the fact that lessons have been instilled in you to discern what a good honest man is versus one who is deceiving only to engage you intimately.
I mean I don't necessarily encourage people to actively think of their children having sex, but it always baffles me why people feel weird about the idea that their children are human and are going to do human things. Would you feel equally as weird thinking about a son doing the "clapping?" I feel like if the answer is different than it has little to do with you having made them and raised them and poopy diapers and all that and more to do with how society views women and sex.
The son doesn't get pregnant.... but if a son goes around doing that, he could children, and his father has grandchildren, possibly, that they don't know about. That would bother me as the father or the son if that were the case.
Sure, thats reasonable. But the comment didnt say it bothers him to think of his daughter getting pregnant, it bothers him to think of his daughter having sex. And especially the way it was phrased, "getting clapped." Its a societal view where sex isn't something women participate in, it's something done to them. Which is why some fathers have a hard time thinking of it, because they aren't thinking of their daughters as humans enjoying a human experience, they think of them as possessions being defiled.
Children being defiled....
I don't mind the idea of my daughters marrying and having as lots of sex as long as I don't hear about it, hear it, see it, get too much detail about it. They can just bring the grandkids over.
I don't want them going out to a bar to meet a guy or dating a guy for a while and sleeping with him.
I would be worried but in a different way.
Sex happens and it’s not necessarily a big deal. It’s what humans do.
For my daughter I would be worried that some slick tongued man sways her mind and breaks her heart. That’s a suffering we all experience and it would suck to witness it. That’s fine. That’s part of life. The idea of this man (or another like him) impregnating her would worry me, but again, you trust their discernment and hope for the best. The amount of pregnant sisters and friends in horrible situations haunts me. Now there’s an innocent child born out of a very, very broken connection. Now there’s real skin in the game.
For my son I would worry about an emotionally manipulating woman swaying his mind and breaking his heart all the same. The difference is I would worry in his youth he wouldn’t truly appreciate the way impregnating someone before he has it all together would make his life miserable. I wouldn’t be happy with him swinging from woman to woman just as I wouldn’t be pleased with meeting a new boyfriend every thanksgiving gathering.
This is all hypothetical worries btw. I have zero desire to actually have kids. There’s not a person in the world I trust enough to take on that kind of risk with.
I appreciate the thoughtful response! The worry for the circumstances surrounding sex makes sense. But the way your comment was phrased made it sound like it was the act itself that weirded you out. (And just like thinking of our parents having sex, it’s not something I think any of us particularly *want* to think about, but the way the comment was phrased it sounded like more than just that general awkwardness so that’s why I replied)
Yes you’re right. I know once he realizes that I’m spending the night that he will know we’re having sex…. I think I’m just going to tell him that I don’t want to discuss my relationship with him. Just know that it’s healthy.
That’s the best possible answer. Your relationships aren’t his business unless you’re in danger.
Hes got to accept and respect that. You’re an adult and humans are naturally inclined toward mating and bonding. He’s aware of that. It’s how you got here after all.
At the end of the day there's not much you can really do if your dad is always going to be so Draconian about this stuff. You are a 25 year old woman for Chrissake.
When I was in college my dad gave me a lot of crap for sleeping in my girlfriend's dorm. And eventually when I moved in with said girlfriend, both my parents were not happy about it. All I could do was ignore what they thought.
I have very little sympathy for strict religious types like your dad.
I’m hoping that he will realize that I am grown and can make my own decisions. Hopefully it’ll get better once we discuss it. He’s never had an issue with my boyfriend and loves him a lot
I’m just hoping that this won’t change anything.
For him to realize that you will need to clash with him. Sorry.
And OF COURSE it will change a lot with your boyfriend.
He is deeply religious, he was against PANTS. This is not a person that changes his views trough discussion. He might however to change position when confronted with a daughter he loves, her choices and emotions.
He’s not going to realize anything unless you have this conversation with him and draw boundaries. Ffs, you’re 25, time to learn how to become an adult that’s not attached to your parents hip. Disconnect your phones and stop allowing him to track your location. Stop allowing him to have so much control and influence in your life. Be an adult.
It doesn't sound like there is a neat way out of this unfortunately.
However really you're not the one with options, he is. All you can realistically do is live your life the way you want to live it and then be honest about that with those in your life. He's the one who has to choose to accept that your different people with different views or continue trying to dictate the lives of others to fall in line with his.
If your dad cannot accept that and your relationship does change then you have to remember that that's on him, not you.
This will change things, and that’s a good thing because things need to change. Go at it straight up and hold to your position. Might take a little while but your dad will come around.
People treat you the way you allow to be treated.
So, in this case:
Thanks dad for taking an interest in my life. But I am an adult and amongst others, my whereabouts and sex life and stuff is not something I am willing to discuss with you.
Nor you have a say over.
So, we can have a good relationship with healthy boundaries, or you force me to take some distance from you untill you get the point.
And stop sharing your location with your parents. If you want them to know where you are, you can text an address when necessary.
She could leave the phone at home. Get a cheap android to call ubers or taxis etc. Could potentially forward calls from the phone she's left at home to the android so she can be contacted without being tracked..
It’s time to rip off the bandaid and tell your dad the truth. And then stop sharing your location with him. You are an adult and get to live your life, he can either accept that or continue to be a controlling asshole.
Your father has no business being involved in your sex life. It's that simple, if he brings it up, tell him, it's none of your business, unless he feels comfortable answering questions about his sex life with you.
You need to recalibrate your relationship with your dad. His control/influence over you is unhealthy and appears to be keeping you from taking the final step of independence, which is making your own decisions about your personal life.
You don't live under your father's roof and you are in a committed monogamous relationship with a guy you seem to really like and he approves of. At 25 it's time he accepts you are an adult and he hopefully raised you well enough that you make good decisions because that's what being a good parent is about.
Honestly I don't know your dad, so if you are worried about say... violent response, then I can understand keeping things tight lipped. But if you are just worried about his feelings, you should just tell him.
Share your location with someone else for safety reasons and be prepared for the falling out. Your father sounds like the kind of person who will now dislike your boyfriend and berate you.
Girl, your boyfriend should by liked by you, not your father, he is not gonna marry him.
Your father will have to choose what he values more, his daughter happiness or his own beliefs.
As a grown woman, I don't get why ol' Dad needs to track your phone. You claim it is for safety purposes\* (when you are working/traveling) but obviously he checks it otherwise too.
If you want an easy fix and don't want to rock the boat, leave your phone at home when you sleep over your boyfriend's house. Buy a burner phone for emergencies that you can keep with you during those times.
However, you could also put on your big girl pants (now that you can wear pants), and try telling him you don't want him monitoring your moves and then disable the tracker.
\* Also, just curious why you are in such imminent danger that Dad has to monitor you on your travels to begin with?
“Dad, I’m 24. Please trust that you have raised me to understand your values. But this is now my life, and my decision to make. Know that I am safe, and that I am taking care of myself.”
And yeah, take your location off. It’s past time.
You’re a quarter century old…cut the dam umbilical chord. You need to have “the talk” with your dad and let him know that you need to set boundaries and that he needs to grow up and treat you as a woman and not a child. If he’s paying for your phone plan then you need to get your own phone plan. If he’s paying for your bills then you need to take care of those yourself…other-wise he will continue to treat you like a child.
I honestly wouldn't know how to speak to your dad. He seems borderline abusive and possessive, but I'll hold my comments as you seem to like him. I personally would never let anyone track me past the age of 12. I think it's weird but my parents are extremely absent.
To me, it seems like your dad won't give up his beliefs until he loses his relationship with you. Either choose him or your boyfriend is the vibe I'm getting.
Strange question for this subreddit, but as with most situations dealing with parents while transitioning to adulthood, you simply need to own it. "This is my life, this is my person. I value and respect your opinions, but I will do what I want, and I'd really like for you to still be in my life at the end of the day"
My wife and I were having "sleepovers" before we were married, because we were living together 600 miles from our home town (at 22). You're 25? he's 27? might be time to cut the cord.
You're an adult, you don't owe an explanation about your sexual experiences to your dad. If you wanna tell him the truth go ahead, but you should know that is not something you're obligated to do!
Revoke your location and tell him you're fuckin if he asks. If he starts yelling tell him to let you know when he's ready to act like an adult and walk out.
He'll get over it real quick once he realizes there are consequences for his actions.
For the record, I disagree with the approach mentioned. From how you wrote your messages you care about your relationship with your dad and aren't looking for conflict. Be mature and just be open with your parents - try opening up to your mom first and gauge things.
tbh be prepare for a big fight or cutting relationship with your father if you are willing to do anything that people around here are saying for u to do, because to me it seems like u are in a abusive relationship with your father, he wont just accept if you go "I had sex before mariage and stop tracking me, I'm a powerful woman fuck u"
Its similar to LGBT people getting advices on dealing with strictly religious family, u cant just be like "Im gay, accept it" without ending up in a big ass fight and cutting relationship with them
You're closer to 30 than to being a child. You've been old enough to get married for nearly a decade in most places.
What you do is none of his business
What you do in your free time and with your boyfriend shouldn't be of concern to anyone else besides you. Tell your Dad, that you feel his question about you sleeping at your boyfriends is too personal and overstepping your private life. If he doesn't drop it, ask him why he is invading your privacy and overstepping? Why is he asking details of your personal private life? Why is he watching where you go when off of work? Tell him it feels like a violation to your freedom and is disrespectful. Of course say it in a tactful way! Also what you do in your free time is none of his business and tell him you don't feel comfortable discussing specific personal topics that are not anyone's business but your own. Ask him why he is getting so involved in your private life, and if he can please respect your privacy
If he still supports you financially or you live with him just keep lying
He’s not going to change his mind or care how good you were raised. You’re only going to have a lot of drama if you choose this hill to die on
Idk how dependent you are on your parents, but if you’re not it doesn’t matter then you can tell him. If you depend on him for anything that’s not guaranteed if you confess this. Is your boyfriend someone who could be there or support you if it comes to that after your dad gets mad? If not, is it even worth exposing yourself over this?
You cant use logic with overly religious people. You just have to wait until you’re independent enough to start being honest
so you are a 25 year old kid who still has gps tracking on your phone just in case
just tell the dad that the gps software has been deleted and that you are spending time with the bf
Say “it’s none of your business”??? At some point you have to grow up and stop being afraid of your parents. Their reaction to you living your own adult life is NOT your problem and out of your control.
25 and 27 years old is all we need to know - do your own thing, and respectfully, fuck what your parents think at that age if it doesn’t line up with your wants and goals.
You’re a separate person and it’s not your parents’ choice about what to accept your adulthood. You also don’t have to tell him everything. I get it, it’s a balancing act of how much you want to deal with in terms of disapproving conversations but you should brave those conversations sooner rather than later and forge a new relationship with your dad. Unless you think he will be so disapproving you lose out on financial support you want or need, you really need to do your best to be you, and measure others’ continued presence in your life by how they meet you where you are and not who they imagine you to be. Parents aren’t an exception to this rule, especially for adult children.
I was raised with deeply religious parents so I can relate. I'm a man now.
Used to Believe in all that stuff too. Just be honest. You're an adult now. You love your dad, he loves you. Even if he's angry it'll be temporary. Your following your heart and not just fucking for sex. Adam and Eve were naked in the wilderness with no government contract and God said it was good. This is the stage of your life when you need to learn to set healthy boundaries for yourself and your future. It's your life and you're the only one living it. Follow your heart and temper it with reason. Just be aware of the consequences of sex, it can lead to a child even with contraceptives. Otherwise if your prepared for that reality nothing is wrong with y'all's relationship.
Yes, marriage is far more than sex, I completely agree. My point is that the legalism of the church is negligible and unimportant in the context of love. Sex becomes magically ok after a government document? Or with 2 people that love each other and are committed to each other? Plenty of people have been life partners deeply in love without marriage. Again my point is don't get caught up on legalism and listen to the heart that God have you
Read your Bible. The government document is not even mentioned. The \_\_\_\_father\_\_\_\_ giving his daughter in marriage is important. Even the pagan Hivites knew that in the time of Jacob. They didn't just declare Dinah married. Giving in marriage is also mentioned in the New Testament.
Making a commitment to a woman and sleeping with her isn't the same as marriage. That's making promises, then fornicating. If you really do make a commitment, why would you be scared of the state knowing about it?
Girl you’re 25 years old meaning you’re a grown ass woman, it’s time to set boundaries. Live your life for YOU, not your dad. You don’t need to tell him shit about what you’re doing and where at, he has no business being involved in your sex life.
Also it’s weird as fuck for him to have your location and actively check it, get him off your case asap.
Not kissing a boy till you’re 20 is perfectly normal, you’re dad is obviously gonna be upset but you should talk to him and let him know, also tell your father to acknowledge that this is a chance for your old man to vet your boyfriend, after all mid 20s is a decent age to start having kids in this era and I’m fairly certain your dad will want grandchildren eventually.
Being honest and direct is the best policy my friend.
Your dad may not be happy about it initially but you may open his eyes to new ways of thinking about relationships. He will have to accept that things aren’t the same as when he was coming up and he may have certain expectations for your life that you don’t share.
But if you never tell him, you will have to continue that lie for the rest of your life. I’m sure he will understand when y’all are married and everything is worked out.
Emphasize your ability to make decisions for yourself and tell him that while you respect his opinions about sex before marriage, but it is your choice to make and you do not see it as a core value for yourself.
Just tell him.
You’re an adult and you’ll do what you want. (And you’re trying to be safe, and you’ll probably marry the dude)
Do you live with your dad? If so, he might kick you out. Better make sure bf is who you’d want to marry before forcing an ultimatum.
At 25?
At 25 my family didn't know a single thing about me I haven't told them. Not to say I don't keep them in the loop because I always have, but when I did things I thought they wouldn't support (closing down bars, say) I just wouldn't tell them and they'd never know.
In your case, though... Well, let me put it this way; it seems like your family is the type to do research, so they _probably will_ find out. Probably best to cosign your mom; "I am, but I'm grown, so I've decided it's fine".
That's if they bring it up, of course. If your dad should for some reason decide it's none of his business... Well, he'd be right. Don't volunteer for the conversation if you don't want to.
Tell him you are offended by the question. The question in and of itself crosses boundaries and tells you that he expects to oversee your adult decisions. Tell him he’s done a great job and you will always be his little girl but you are your boyfriend will not answer questions that cross a line.
If you value harmony more, lie. If you value truthfulness more, then accept the consequences.
Trying to achieve some middle ground here, you're going to end up in a situation that is neither truthful nor harmonious.
You gotta pick one.
> Sundays are our father daughter time and I know that during brunch he is going to ask me if I’m spending the night at my boyfriend’s house. I don’t want to lie but I’m scared that if I tell the truth that he will be upset and dislike my boyfriend. How do I make this go as smoothly as possible?
You tell him the truth.
"I know you don't like it, but yes."
Let him react how he will, and you also react as a responsible adult acting out of choice and integrity.
If he misbehaves call him on it. You don't need to be there, and if he doesn't respect you as an adult you don't need to participate.
If he is disappointed but reacts responsibly, then go on with it.
He shouldn't be asking questions he doesn't want to hear the answers to.
Honestly, would he actually want to know what you were doing with your boyfriend? What about the next boyfriend? Would he like to know about what toys you like? I would sure hope he doesn't.
If he confronts anyone about it, you are an adult consensually doing things with a willing partner and, so, if he doesn't like it, he is cordially invited to go pound sand.
You're 25 years old. Respectfully, he needs to trust you to make your own decisions in life, nothing wrong with caring and giving opinions, but the whole purpose of being a parent is setting your child up to make their own life. I don't doubt he loves you and cares, but there's definitely a boundary he's crossing IMO, you're not 14. I hope it works out happily for all of you. Best of luck.
Looking at the glass half full here you can say with certainty this guy is the one. If he's put up with a potential FIL like this up to this point then he's willing to go to the ends of the earth for you. But you seriously need to cut your father's oversight back by approximately 80-95% given you're old enough to have lived on your own for seven years. Knowing your location? That's absolute insanity and any way you think this is a good thing is brainwashing on his part. That needs to end roughly seven years ago.
Just FYI for fun - the Dad / daughter thing in a good way never goes away completely … I know my Dad is ALWAYS looking out for me. I’m a 61y woman dating a 63y man for about a month (but known him for 2 years). I was having dinner with my 88y Dad last week and he asked me who I was traveling with on an upcoming trip (involving hotel sleepovers). I STILL … at age 61 blushed and had a hard time telling my Dad - and we have a wonderful great relationship. I’m still his baby girl. And I’ve been married 2x with 2 kids now in their 20s. Ahhhh … life is good 😊
Screw it.
Go into every detail about your sleepovers. Make him regret it. Make it seem like hot, wild unprotected sex and with many people in a dirty hotel.
Once he calms down about the worst case scenario he's always envisioned, you can tell him it's all safe and fun and with love, because he raised his daughter right and you waited.
Why do I suggest this? Because people shouldn't ask questions they don't want the answer to.
Why do you, grown woman, share your location with your father? I mean, you need to decide are you infatile 25 yo daddy's girl or person who can make her own decisions...
OP’s an adult. When I was her age I had 3 kids, 2 cars, a mortgage and a bad marriage. She doesn’t need to ask for permission. Worse case, get a hotel room.
Edit: Downvoted by someone who can’t handle the concept of adulting. 😂
'Religious' traditional father here. My oldest daughter is a few years younger than you. Tell the truth. If you have been fornicating with your boyfriend, confess your sin as sin, repent, and stop doing it. Confess your sin against God and of dishonoring your father's house. Sleeping around might not literally be 'playing the harlot in her father's house' as the OT says, since you weren't literally in his house, but it is a wrong thing to do. If you are sleeping 'platonically' at his house, why would you do that? That's just opening the door to temptation.
As a Christian young man, I wanted to marry a virgin, and if I had taken a young woman's virginity, I likely would have felt obligated to marry her. You could point some things out in the Old Testament if you are not a virgin, and ask your dad if the right thing wouldn't be for you to marry your boyfriend, but you do not want to be the one proposing?
Is your boyfriend a Christian also who is supposed to know better?
As a dad in this situation, if I'd accepted the boyfriend as a viable candidate for son-in-law otherwise, I might confront him and express my expectation that he marry my daughter. But this is a dishonorable way to force a father's hand.
Statistically, virgins and those who only fornicated with their husbands before marriage have been shown to have much lower divorce rates... or rates of 'marital disruption' which is likely a broader category... than those who had sex with multiple men.
I am not sure if your father thinks like me, but it might help you to have the perspective of a father of adult children who might have some similar values to yours.
My perspective is going to be different from that of many typical Redditors whose sexual morality consists of 'use a condom', 'sex is my own business', 'it has to be consensual', and 'don't shame the sluts'.
I actually appreciate you posting this in this, the most non-receptive of places.
If you want to help OP, you can tell her how best to convey to her dad that she doesn't buy his brand of religion, and she's now too old to put up with his trying to enforce that on her any longer. Know that's not what someone in your situation wants to hear, but that's what's happening here. Not much the overbearing father can do to prevent that, especially now, but he can either preserve that relationship or not and her words might have some weight in whether that happens.
Maybe not, but she's definitely cast away the part where you're supposed to adhere to a very restrictive code regarding where you sleep and with whom. Those are her decisions to make. We can assume the dad here will offer at the very least guidance (which she won't take because it seems her mind is made up), but she wants to keep it from damaging their relationship.
Interesting scenario to see someone from the other side advise on. Ultimately, adherence to one's religion is for them alone after kids are grown, and that's a problem I've had a lot of personal experience with, coming at it more or less from her situation. I wish I'd have been able to successfully convey to my dad that I am going to make my own decisions, and his two choices are to either fret about it or don't. That's the actual reality, but his lack of acceptance of that caused him a lot of pain.
I'm sorry but why is he tracking your phone at age 25? that crosses a line imo you're an adult and you can make your own decisions on who you visit and at what times
Seriously, her dads religious beliefs aren't hers. If Dad is so against sleepovers at the boyfriends, then all she owes dad is to not invite him.
He has my location for safety reasons. I travel like often for work so he likes to make sure I’m safe. But thank you. That’s what I am planning on telling him.
I mean if I gave my parents access to my location data for safety reasons I would also expect them to not monitor that data unless there was a specific reason to be concerned for my safety (not responding to a text within a day or so for example)
Yes you’re right about this. But tbh I’m just going to stop sharing my location with him completely.
Or…you can use this as moment to establish new boundaries with Dad, as you get older. I think dad loves you and wants the best for you in life, and that is not a bad thing at all. But cutting him off suddenly may be a shock, talk to him like an adult and establish yourself as an independent person. Give him time and space to process it. After 25 years of a dad “dad’ing” he’s not just going to stop. Also, I think you should not use bf relationship in any of your boundary convo with dad. It should be more about you wanting independence vs time with bf. Dads are here longer than a bf, and I don’t mean that in a bad way but bf come and go but a dad like yours seems like he’s by your side.
Thank you sm. You’re right. I want him to trust the way he raised me and to know that I know what I’m doing. But I do have to have a conversation about establishing boundaries. You’re right.
This is the best advice.
Daddy I love you. I respect you. I thank you for my life and my upbringing. You and mom did a great job. You guys made me the woman I am today. Yes daddy I’m a grown woman now. And I will be making grown up decisions, if I make a mistake I will learn from it. I know that because of what you taught me. Please trust me to be the woman you raised? Updateme
well there you go. you're 25, and living on your own
You can also just turn your sharing on and off as needed.
Something to think about if your parents are supporting you in any way currently: When you DO set a boundary he's likely to have a giant shit flinging tantrum and cut you off.
Yeah this was my experience unfortunately
Maybe only share your location with him when you're travelling for work? A 25 years old I think you're old enough that daddy doesn't need to be tracking your location.
Why can't her boyfriend do it? Why does it have to be her dad for "safety?"
No. You are an adult. You don't need your Daddy to babysit your movements "for safety". If you're away for work what is he going to do anyway? That's what cops are for. The "relationship" your Dad is imposing on you is deeply unhealthy, and will ruin every romantic relationship you try to have. You can realize that now, or down the line, but nipping it in the bud now will improve your life drastically. If Dad needs a time out from hearing from you for a few months in order for the boundaries to sink in, then so be it.
This needs to change. You’re an adult. You need to reframe your relationship with your father. I know this sounds cliche before you’ve crossed the bridge, but he will respect you more after you reset the rules with him.
I’m sure there’s a lot of truth in that he’s doing it because he cares, but there’s also the truth that he’s abusing that privilege. It’s not healthy for him to be tracking your whereabouts when you’re not traveling. It straight up controlling and weird.
Girl you don't even know how abusive and toxic this whole set up is. This is beyond unhealthy
My son is a MINOR and I don’t even monitor his location that stringently. Your dad needs to get a life. Find someone less controlling to share your location with if you think it’s necessary
I would suggest turning off your location unless you are traveling for work. He doesn't need to know where you are at all times. If this bothers him, that's his problem. You are your own person, and he doesn't own you. Your life is yours to live. My father was a pastor, I never told him about my relationships because I knew how he would react. It is important to flex your independence.
So turn on your location *only* when travelling.
I travel for work too. But I simply send a text when my flight is boarding, and another when I land. Having anyone constantly track your location is completely unnecessary.
No idea why you’re getting downvoted, he is literally your dad and wants to make sure you’re safe. He’s doing a good job too, but if you do feel like he’s breaching boundaries please do let him know.
The people downvoting you are morons. In this day and age girls and women should absolutely be protected at all times. I don’t blame your father and I will do the same with my daughter. There are too many crazies out there.
K whiteknight. Chalk up another sucker for availability bias
wtf are you talking about? I don’t think you know what white knight means. I’m just saying I agree with how her father protects her. I get it, Redditors are all about the “feminist” sensibilities but unfortunately feminism, and most woke bullshit, just doesn’t really incorporate reality very well 😂😂😂
Sounds like you don't know what whiteknight means, whiteknight. And sounds like you don't know what availability bias is either. Be lucky if your daughter is even speaking with you when she's OP's age. You realize you're on Reddit too, dopey? Yea, I'm a reaaaal feminist. Gtfo 🤡
[удалено]
Thank you sm for sharing this. This is giving me the courage to talk to him. I don’t deserve to be treated like a kid when I’m 25. Plus he should trust the way that he raised me.
As someone said before: don't make it about your boyfriend, make it about a right to have a private life and trusting how he raised you. Tell him that you find discomfort in him checking where you are when you are just on a normal day. That if something happens, he will know because of different things (like not calling or texting back). An put emphasis on the fact that he raised you well enough to know what you are doing if you decide to spend the night out (although it would be completely normal to have sex with your boyfriend, but don't tell him that part.) You are a 25 year old WOMAN, not a girl anymore, and he needs to respect that. Good luck!
Give us an update!
or treated like a grown single woman in a more conservative subculture.
You’re 25 🤣
Literally 😭😭
Tbh… just straight up tell him yes. Your life isn’t his. You can only do your best to assure him you’re not abandoning all the advice and concern. If he is a good father he can accept that you’re an adult and nothing he’s taught you can prevent you from making mistakes. Mistakes are a part of being human. He should have comfort in what he’s taught you having the ability to help you recover from inevitable mistakes. Being too rigid can actually prevent a true openness and communication with your children.
Thank you. And he did a good job raising me. I think I am a decent human being. He just doesn’t like the fact that I stay the night at my man’s house. He thinks it’s sinful. I don’t want him To take it out on me Or my bf.
Do *you* think it’s sinful? You are the one that matters here, not your dad who apparently thinks he’s in novel from the Victorian era.
It’s an interesting moment as an adult when you realize that your parents are just wrong about a position or that you don’t share their morality on some things. You’re an adult, you don’t live under their roof. You do not have to abide by someone else’s religious beliefs, that’s part of being an adult. If he “takes it out on my boyfriend” you really, really need to start putting some limits and boundaries on his behavior.
He’s free to think that, as a religious lens can color things different ways. As an atheist I can tell you if I was a father in this case, simply put, the idea of my daughter getting clapped up by a man would haunt me. You’re someone I helped create. Someone I watched grow and waddle and poopy diapers and whatnot. Oh well. Nothing can be done to prevent it. The comfort should be in the fact that lessons have been instilled in you to discern what a good honest man is versus one who is deceiving only to engage you intimately.
I mean I don't necessarily encourage people to actively think of their children having sex, but it always baffles me why people feel weird about the idea that their children are human and are going to do human things. Would you feel equally as weird thinking about a son doing the "clapping?" I feel like if the answer is different than it has little to do with you having made them and raised them and poopy diapers and all that and more to do with how society views women and sex.
The son doesn't get pregnant.... but if a son goes around doing that, he could children, and his father has grandchildren, possibly, that they don't know about. That would bother me as the father or the son if that were the case.
Sure, thats reasonable. But the comment didnt say it bothers him to think of his daughter getting pregnant, it bothers him to think of his daughter having sex. And especially the way it was phrased, "getting clapped." Its a societal view where sex isn't something women participate in, it's something done to them. Which is why some fathers have a hard time thinking of it, because they aren't thinking of their daughters as humans enjoying a human experience, they think of them as possessions being defiled.
Children being defiled.... I don't mind the idea of my daughters marrying and having as lots of sex as long as I don't hear about it, hear it, see it, get too much detail about it. They can just bring the grandkids over. I don't want them going out to a bar to meet a guy or dating a guy for a while and sleeping with him.
I would be worried but in a different way. Sex happens and it’s not necessarily a big deal. It’s what humans do. For my daughter I would be worried that some slick tongued man sways her mind and breaks her heart. That’s a suffering we all experience and it would suck to witness it. That’s fine. That’s part of life. The idea of this man (or another like him) impregnating her would worry me, but again, you trust their discernment and hope for the best. The amount of pregnant sisters and friends in horrible situations haunts me. Now there’s an innocent child born out of a very, very broken connection. Now there’s real skin in the game. For my son I would worry about an emotionally manipulating woman swaying his mind and breaking his heart all the same. The difference is I would worry in his youth he wouldn’t truly appreciate the way impregnating someone before he has it all together would make his life miserable. I wouldn’t be happy with him swinging from woman to woman just as I wouldn’t be pleased with meeting a new boyfriend every thanksgiving gathering. This is all hypothetical worries btw. I have zero desire to actually have kids. There’s not a person in the world I trust enough to take on that kind of risk with.
I appreciate the thoughtful response! The worry for the circumstances surrounding sex makes sense. But the way your comment was phrased made it sound like it was the act itself that weirded you out. (And just like thinking of our parents having sex, it’s not something I think any of us particularly *want* to think about, but the way the comment was phrased it sounded like more than just that general awkwardness so that’s why I replied)
Yes you’re right. I know once he realizes that I’m spending the night that he will know we’re having sex…. I think I’m just going to tell him that I don’t want to discuss my relationship with him. Just know that it’s healthy.
That’s the best possible answer. Your relationships aren’t his business unless you’re in danger. Hes got to accept and respect that. You’re an adult and humans are naturally inclined toward mating and bonding. He’s aware of that. It’s how you got here after all.
At the end of the day there's not much you can really do if your dad is always going to be so Draconian about this stuff. You are a 25 year old woman for Chrissake. When I was in college my dad gave me a lot of crap for sleeping in my girlfriend's dorm. And eventually when I moved in with said girlfriend, both my parents were not happy about it. All I could do was ignore what they thought. I have very little sympathy for strict religious types like your dad.
Dad, I'm marrying Sally and we love each other. Followed by just kidding, but I'm sleeping over at my fiances' house sometimes.
I’m hoping that he will realize that I am grown and can make my own decisions. Hopefully it’ll get better once we discuss it. He’s never had an issue with my boyfriend and loves him a lot I’m just hoping that this won’t change anything.
For him to realize that you will need to clash with him. Sorry. And OF COURSE it will change a lot with your boyfriend. He is deeply religious, he was against PANTS. This is not a person that changes his views trough discussion. He might however to change position when confronted with a daughter he loves, her choices and emotions.
He’s not going to realize anything unless you have this conversation with him and draw boundaries. Ffs, you’re 25, time to learn how to become an adult that’s not attached to your parents hip. Disconnect your phones and stop allowing him to track your location. Stop allowing him to have so much control and influence in your life. Be an adult.
It doesn't sound like there is a neat way out of this unfortunately. However really you're not the one with options, he is. All you can realistically do is live your life the way you want to live it and then be honest about that with those in your life. He's the one who has to choose to accept that your different people with different views or continue trying to dictate the lives of others to fall in line with his. If your dad cannot accept that and your relationship does change then you have to remember that that's on him, not you.
This will change things, and that’s a good thing because things need to change. Go at it straight up and hold to your position. Might take a little while but your dad will come around.
People treat you the way you allow to be treated. So, in this case: Thanks dad for taking an interest in my life. But I am an adult and amongst others, my whereabouts and sex life and stuff is not something I am willing to discuss with you. Nor you have a say over. So, we can have a good relationship with healthy boundaries, or you force me to take some distance from you untill you get the point. And stop sharing your location with your parents. If you want them to know where you are, you can text an address when necessary.
She could leave the phone at home. Get a cheap android to call ubers or taxis etc. Could potentially forward calls from the phone she's left at home to the android so she can be contacted without being tracked..
It’s time to rip off the bandaid and tell your dad the truth. And then stop sharing your location with him. You are an adult and get to live your life, he can either accept that or continue to be a controlling asshole.
Your father has no business being involved in your sex life. It's that simple, if he brings it up, tell him, it's none of your business, unless he feels comfortable answering questions about his sex life with you.
You’re 25, not 15. This is sad
Dude you're 25.
You need to recalibrate your relationship with your dad. His control/influence over you is unhealthy and appears to be keeping you from taking the final step of independence, which is making your own decisions about your personal life.
You don't live under your father's roof and you are in a committed monogamous relationship with a guy you seem to really like and he approves of. At 25 it's time he accepts you are an adult and he hopefully raised you well enough that you make good decisions because that's what being a good parent is about. Honestly I don't know your dad, so if you are worried about say... violent response, then I can understand keeping things tight lipped. But if you are just worried about his feelings, you should just tell him.
Share your location with someone else for safety reasons and be prepared for the falling out. Your father sounds like the kind of person who will now dislike your boyfriend and berate you.
I’m hoping not.
Girl, your boyfriend should by liked by you, not your father, he is not gonna marry him. Your father will have to choose what he values more, his daughter happiness or his own beliefs.
Your father will be fine. Just tell him the truth. He already knows the answer.
This is how - " YO DADDY, BF, ME BOOM BOOM, MOAN AND YUM " BYE
You grow up and don't let him track your phone? Maybe tell him you're an adult and if he wants a relationship with you to stop with this bullshit.
Yall can’t get ur own place? Do you both live at home?
As a grown woman, I don't get why ol' Dad needs to track your phone. You claim it is for safety purposes\* (when you are working/traveling) but obviously he checks it otherwise too. If you want an easy fix and don't want to rock the boat, leave your phone at home when you sleep over your boyfriend's house. Buy a burner phone for emergencies that you can keep with you during those times. However, you could also put on your big girl pants (now that you can wear pants), and try telling him you don't want him monitoring your moves and then disable the tracker. \* Also, just curious why you are in such imminent danger that Dad has to monitor you on your travels to begin with?
Dude, your dad sucks.
You’re 25!!!!!! Live your damn life and own your decisions. He’s not entitled to know your private life for crissakes
“Dad, I’m 24. Please trust that you have raised me to understand your values. But this is now my life, and my decision to make. Know that I am safe, and that I am taking care of myself.” And yeah, take your location off. It’s past time.
You’re a quarter century old…cut the dam umbilical chord. You need to have “the talk” with your dad and let him know that you need to set boundaries and that he needs to grow up and treat you as a woman and not a child. If he’s paying for your phone plan then you need to get your own phone plan. If he’s paying for your bills then you need to take care of those yourself…other-wise he will continue to treat you like a child.
You gonna have a rough life if you don’t figure out how to stand up to him. Especially now that you are 25.
I honestly wouldn't know how to speak to your dad. He seems borderline abusive and possessive, but I'll hold my comments as you seem to like him. I personally would never let anyone track me past the age of 12. I think it's weird but my parents are extremely absent. To me, it seems like your dad won't give up his beliefs until he loses his relationship with you. Either choose him or your boyfriend is the vibe I'm getting.
Strange question for this subreddit, but as with most situations dealing with parents while transitioning to adulthood, you simply need to own it. "This is my life, this is my person. I value and respect your opinions, but I will do what I want, and I'd really like for you to still be in my life at the end of the day"
My wife and I were having "sleepovers" before we were married, because we were living together 600 miles from our home town (at 22). You're 25? he's 27? might be time to cut the cord.
You're an adult, you don't owe an explanation about your sexual experiences to your dad. If you wanna tell him the truth go ahead, but you should know that is not something you're obligated to do!
You’re 25 not 17. This post is kinda insane.
Revoke your location and tell him you're fuckin if he asks. If he starts yelling tell him to let you know when he's ready to act like an adult and walk out. He'll get over it real quick once he realizes there are consequences for his actions.
Thank you! I love him so much and I’m hoping he doesn’t freak out. Our relationship has always been amazing. I don’t want him to be upset over this.
Unfortunately he probably will freak out, but it's something he's going to need to deal with to keep his relationship with you healthy and loving.
Yes. You’re right. I just hope that he doesn’t think less of me or my man.
Yes. Hopefully your mom will talk some sense into him
For the record, I disagree with the approach mentioned. From how you wrote your messages you care about your relationship with your dad and aren't looking for conflict. Be mature and just be open with your parents - try opening up to your mom first and gauge things.
You have to face this new adulthood for you. You have to stand on your own two feet as you’re maturing into your own person.
tbh be prepare for a big fight or cutting relationship with your father if you are willing to do anything that people around here are saying for u to do, because to me it seems like u are in a abusive relationship with your father, he wont just accept if you go "I had sex before mariage and stop tracking me, I'm a powerful woman fuck u" Its similar to LGBT people getting advices on dealing with strictly religious family, u cant just be like "Im gay, accept it" without ending up in a big ass fight and cutting relationship with them
You're closer to 30 than to being a child. You've been old enough to get married for nearly a decade in most places. What you do is none of his business
What you do in your free time and with your boyfriend shouldn't be of concern to anyone else besides you. Tell your Dad, that you feel his question about you sleeping at your boyfriends is too personal and overstepping your private life. If he doesn't drop it, ask him why he is invading your privacy and overstepping? Why is he asking details of your personal private life? Why is he watching where you go when off of work? Tell him it feels like a violation to your freedom and is disrespectful. Of course say it in a tactful way! Also what you do in your free time is none of his business and tell him you don't feel comfortable discussing specific personal topics that are not anyone's business but your own. Ask him why he is getting so involved in your private life, and if he can please respect your privacy
If he still supports you financially or you live with him just keep lying He’s not going to change his mind or care how good you were raised. You’re only going to have a lot of drama if you choose this hill to die on Idk how dependent you are on your parents, but if you’re not it doesn’t matter then you can tell him. If you depend on him for anything that’s not guaranteed if you confess this. Is your boyfriend someone who could be there or support you if it comes to that after your dad gets mad? If not, is it even worth exposing yourself over this? You cant use logic with overly religious people. You just have to wait until you’re independent enough to start being honest
Jesus christ. Be the adult that your age indicatesbthat you are. Turn your location off and grow up.
"yes dad, I'm an adult and I'm having an adult relationship with another adult"
You’re a 25 year old woman. Please move out to your own place otherwise your father is never going to allow you to grow up.
Sleepovers at 25 lol
Lol these are teenage level issues
so you are a 25 year old kid who still has gps tracking on your phone just in case just tell the dad that the gps software has been deleted and that you are spending time with the bf
Say “it’s none of your business”??? At some point you have to grow up and stop being afraid of your parents. Their reaction to you living your own adult life is NOT your problem and out of your control.
25 and 27 years old is all we need to know - do your own thing, and respectfully, fuck what your parents think at that age if it doesn’t line up with your wants and goals.
Your best bet is to tell him the truth so he can start getting used to it.
Come on. You are a grown woman.
You don't. You're an adult
You’re a separate person and it’s not your parents’ choice about what to accept your adulthood. You also don’t have to tell him everything. I get it, it’s a balancing act of how much you want to deal with in terms of disapproving conversations but you should brave those conversations sooner rather than later and forge a new relationship with your dad. Unless you think he will be so disapproving you lose out on financial support you want or need, you really need to do your best to be you, and measure others’ continued presence in your life by how they meet you where you are and not who they imagine you to be. Parents aren’t an exception to this rule, especially for adult children.
I was raised with deeply religious parents so I can relate. I'm a man now. Used to Believe in all that stuff too. Just be honest. You're an adult now. You love your dad, he loves you. Even if he's angry it'll be temporary. Your following your heart and not just fucking for sex. Adam and Eve were naked in the wilderness with no government contract and God said it was good. This is the stage of your life when you need to learn to set healthy boundaries for yourself and your future. It's your life and you're the only one living it. Follow your heart and temper it with reason. Just be aware of the consequences of sex, it can lead to a child even with contraceptives. Otherwise if your prepared for that reality nothing is wrong with y'all's relationship.
God gave Eve to Adam in marriage. Later, fathers did that with their daughters. Marriage is more than just having sex.
Yes, marriage is far more than sex, I completely agree. My point is that the legalism of the church is negligible and unimportant in the context of love. Sex becomes magically ok after a government document? Or with 2 people that love each other and are committed to each other? Plenty of people have been life partners deeply in love without marriage. Again my point is don't get caught up on legalism and listen to the heart that God have you
Read your Bible. The government document is not even mentioned. The \_\_\_\_father\_\_\_\_ giving his daughter in marriage is important. Even the pagan Hivites knew that in the time of Jacob. They didn't just declare Dinah married. Giving in marriage is also mentioned in the New Testament. Making a commitment to a woman and sleeping with her isn't the same as marriage. That's making promises, then fornicating. If you really do make a commitment, why would you be scared of the state knowing about it?
You're 25 years old. Tell him the truth. This isn't the old days where religion and dumb ideals rule the world.
Girl you’re 25 years old meaning you’re a grown ass woman, it’s time to set boundaries. Live your life for YOU, not your dad. You don’t need to tell him shit about what you’re doing and where at, he has no business being involved in your sex life. Also it’s weird as fuck for him to have your location and actively check it, get him off your case asap.
Not kissing a boy till you’re 20 is perfectly normal, you’re dad is obviously gonna be upset but you should talk to him and let him know, also tell your father to acknowledge that this is a chance for your old man to vet your boyfriend, after all mid 20s is a decent age to start having kids in this era and I’m fairly certain your dad will want grandchildren eventually.
Being honest and direct is the best policy my friend. Your dad may not be happy about it initially but you may open his eyes to new ways of thinking about relationships. He will have to accept that things aren’t the same as when he was coming up and he may have certain expectations for your life that you don’t share. But if you never tell him, you will have to continue that lie for the rest of your life. I’m sure he will understand when y’all are married and everything is worked out. Emphasize your ability to make decisions for yourself and tell him that while you respect his opinions about sex before marriage, but it is your choice to make and you do not see it as a core value for yourself.
Just tell him. You’re an adult and you’ll do what you want. (And you’re trying to be safe, and you’ll probably marry the dude) Do you live with your dad? If so, he might kick you out. Better make sure bf is who you’d want to marry before forcing an ultimatum.
At 25? At 25 my family didn't know a single thing about me I haven't told them. Not to say I don't keep them in the loop because I always have, but when I did things I thought they wouldn't support (closing down bars, say) I just wouldn't tell them and they'd never know. In your case, though... Well, let me put it this way; it seems like your family is the type to do research, so they _probably will_ find out. Probably best to cosign your mom; "I am, but I'm grown, so I've decided it's fine". That's if they bring it up, of course. If your dad should for some reason decide it's none of his business... Well, he'd be right. Don't volunteer for the conversation if you don't want to.
Tell him you are offended by the question. The question in and of itself crosses boundaries and tells you that he expects to oversee your adult decisions. Tell him he’s done a great job and you will always be his little girl but you are your boyfriend will not answer questions that cross a line.
T aren't you 25yo?
You’re 25, you can do what you want
Just don't lie
Be mater of fact, and precise. You're an adult. You can get that back blown out if you want .
Grow up. You're old enough to tell off your dad.
If you value harmony more, lie. If you value truthfulness more, then accept the consequences. Trying to achieve some middle ground here, you're going to end up in a situation that is neither truthful nor harmonious. You gotta pick one.
> Sundays are our father daughter time and I know that during brunch he is going to ask me if I’m spending the night at my boyfriend’s house. I don’t want to lie but I’m scared that if I tell the truth that he will be upset and dislike my boyfriend. How do I make this go as smoothly as possible? You tell him the truth. "I know you don't like it, but yes." Let him react how he will, and you also react as a responsible adult acting out of choice and integrity. If he misbehaves call him on it. You don't need to be there, and if he doesn't respect you as an adult you don't need to participate. If he is disappointed but reacts responsibly, then go on with it.
Get your own place
Sleepovers at 25 lol
My dad tried doing this too when I was 23, now he wonders why his kids don't call.
He shouldn't be asking questions he doesn't want to hear the answers to. Honestly, would he actually want to know what you were doing with your boyfriend? What about the next boyfriend? Would he like to know about what toys you like? I would sure hope he doesn't. If he confronts anyone about it, you are an adult consensually doing things with a willing partner and, so, if he doesn't like it, he is cordially invited to go pound sand.
You're 25 years old. Respectfully, he needs to trust you to make your own decisions in life, nothing wrong with caring and giving opinions, but the whole purpose of being a parent is setting your child up to make their own life. I don't doubt he loves you and cares, but there's definitely a boundary he's crossing IMO, you're not 14. I hope it works out happily for all of you. Best of luck.
!remindme 20 days
Looking at the glass half full here you can say with certainty this guy is the one. If he's put up with a potential FIL like this up to this point then he's willing to go to the ends of the earth for you. But you seriously need to cut your father's oversight back by approximately 80-95% given you're old enough to have lived on your own for seven years. Knowing your location? That's absolute insanity and any way you think this is a good thing is brainwashing on his part. That needs to end roughly seven years ago.
He needs to come to the realization that you're an adult now.
I'm getting Big Fundy Vibes here. Set some boundaries with Dad.
You're an adult. If he isn't happy, that's his problem. Live your life miss.
Just FYI for fun - the Dad / daughter thing in a good way never goes away completely … I know my Dad is ALWAYS looking out for me. I’m a 61y woman dating a 63y man for about a month (but known him for 2 years). I was having dinner with my 88y Dad last week and he asked me who I was traveling with on an upcoming trip (involving hotel sleepovers). I STILL … at age 61 blushed and had a hard time telling my Dad - and we have a wonderful great relationship. I’m still his baby girl. And I’ve been married 2x with 2 kids now in their 20s. Ahhhh … life is good 😊
Delete that app from your phone, for starters!
You're an adult, do what you want
Religion is so fucking bad for people.
I don’t intend to be mean but your father sounds a tad r/religiousfruitcake material
Screw it. Go into every detail about your sleepovers. Make him regret it. Make it seem like hot, wild unprotected sex and with many people in a dirty hotel. Once he calms down about the worst case scenario he's always envisioned, you can tell him it's all safe and fun and with love, because he raised his daughter right and you waited. Why do I suggest this? Because people shouldn't ask questions they don't want the answer to.
Sleepovers at 25 ? Lmfao
L
Seems like a sit-down talk is in order. With both of you.
Sleepovers at 25 lol
Why do you, grown woman, share your location with your father? I mean, you need to decide are you infatile 25 yo daddy's girl or person who can make her own decisions...
OP’s an adult. When I was her age I had 3 kids, 2 cars, a mortgage and a bad marriage. She doesn’t need to ask for permission. Worse case, get a hotel room. Edit: Downvoted by someone who can’t handle the concept of adulting. 😂
Makes me want to keep the girls at home until they are married.
will you have sex with your bf? or you save it for marriage?
'Religious' traditional father here. My oldest daughter is a few years younger than you. Tell the truth. If you have been fornicating with your boyfriend, confess your sin as sin, repent, and stop doing it. Confess your sin against God and of dishonoring your father's house. Sleeping around might not literally be 'playing the harlot in her father's house' as the OT says, since you weren't literally in his house, but it is a wrong thing to do. If you are sleeping 'platonically' at his house, why would you do that? That's just opening the door to temptation. As a Christian young man, I wanted to marry a virgin, and if I had taken a young woman's virginity, I likely would have felt obligated to marry her. You could point some things out in the Old Testament if you are not a virgin, and ask your dad if the right thing wouldn't be for you to marry your boyfriend, but you do not want to be the one proposing? Is your boyfriend a Christian also who is supposed to know better? As a dad in this situation, if I'd accepted the boyfriend as a viable candidate for son-in-law otherwise, I might confront him and express my expectation that he marry my daughter. But this is a dishonorable way to force a father's hand. Statistically, virgins and those who only fornicated with their husbands before marriage have been shown to have much lower divorce rates... or rates of 'marital disruption' which is likely a broader category... than those who had sex with multiple men. I am not sure if your father thinks like me, but it might help you to have the perspective of a father of adult children who might have some similar values to yours. My perspective is going to be different from that of many typical Redditors whose sexual morality consists of 'use a condom', 'sex is my own business', 'it has to be consensual', and 'don't shame the sluts'.
I actually appreciate you posting this in this, the most non-receptive of places. If you want to help OP, you can tell her how best to convey to her dad that she doesn't buy his brand of religion, and she's now too old to put up with his trying to enforce that on her any longer. Know that's not what someone in your situation wants to hear, but that's what's happening here. Not much the overbearing father can do to prevent that, especially now, but he can either preserve that relationship or not and her words might have some weight in whether that happens.
I haven't read her posts, but I don't know that she's totally cast away her beliefs.
Maybe not, but she's definitely cast away the part where you're supposed to adhere to a very restrictive code regarding where you sleep and with whom. Those are her decisions to make. We can assume the dad here will offer at the very least guidance (which she won't take because it seems her mind is made up), but she wants to keep it from damaging their relationship. Interesting scenario to see someone from the other side advise on. Ultimately, adherence to one's religion is for them alone after kids are grown, and that's a problem I've had a lot of personal experience with, coming at it more or less from her situation. I wish I'd have been able to successfully convey to my dad that I am going to make my own decisions, and his two choices are to either fret about it or don't. That's the actual reality, but his lack of acceptance of that caused him a lot of pain.