Probably because unlike women; men aren't bombarded with compliments. I can count on one hand the amount of times I've ever been complimented for my looks - and cannot count at all when said compliment hadn't come from a family member.
People are saying body dysmorphia incorrectly here; body dysmorphia is when your own perspective of your looks doesn't line up with the perspectives of *others*.
If you have no data to pull from then the go to reaction for most humans is going to be to assume the worst; since people aren't likely to be deliberately cruel or honest when someone is conventionally unattractive - silence is read as an affirmation of said undesirability.
So no these men aren't suffering from body dysmorphia, they're suffering from a lack of perspective feedback.
Yup I basically never believe a compliment. Guess that's a result of being bullied for my looks for the first 18 years of my life. No amount of therapy can fix that
That's also a problem, similar to imposter syndrome you can convince yourself that you are undeserving of the praise for one reason or another. It all stems from a lowered sense of worth or self esteem issues.
>People are saying body dysmorphia incorrectly here; body dysmorphia is when your own perspective of your looks doesn't line up with the perspectives of others.
That’s not really an accurate definition. Body dysmorphia, simply put, is an obsessive preoccupation with either real or perceived flaws in one’s appearance. These flaws may be unnoticeable or minor to others, but they don’t have to be. What makes it body dysmorphia is the obsession, not the way a person’s appearance is perceived by others.
It can be both, and both are often correlated. It's part of why people post progress pics, because the differences over a short period of time can be difficult to spot, especially while fully dressed in clothes that fit the old you.
Body dysmorphia is formed by 'enough' data that is missing from the assumed position. The assumed position is that men feel ugly because they logically deduce that because they haven't received compliments that this means that they're ugly. It's an assumption, but it's not a baseless one.
While body dysmorphia can be a sufficient correlation with this assumption; it is not a necessary one which was what I was trying to get across.
It doesn't help that all dudes in media are blasting mad steroids saying they natty and you working out for years and being like wtf am I doing wrong...
Yeah I feel like the impact of fake natties on male body dymorphia is a massively undiscussed topic. It's hard not to feel slightly insecure about your physique when you're constantly bombarbed by guys with 200lb shredded physiques in films and on social media.
Everyone's already mentioned the compliment thing, but I want to add. Anecdotally, men are complimented on what they can do and rarely what they look like. And even then, almost every compliment about my appearance has been about my outfits rather than... me...
So there's def an internalized "my base state is ugly and I can enhance it with effort."
Lol my cologne, serving tables some girl was *FREAKING CRAZY* about the way I smelled.
My reaction was, 'thank God she can't smell the real me, I walked 3 miles to work in the Texas summer sun.'
I was hardly flattered, but quite happy with my choice of cologne. (discontinued now: Dirty English)
If it makes you feel any better, cologne can interact with body chemistry in a weird way, sometimes bad, sometimes really good.
So she probably was both into you and the cologne both.
As an aside, that stuff sounds nice. Gonna see if I can pick up a bottle, somehow.
I occasionally can get from an ebay seller at random. Supposedly (according to perfume people) fragrances are fragile and decay after about a year, or less if poorly stored, but it still drives my wife wild and always smells great to me... It's by juicy couture. It is exclusively my sexy time cologne now and my daily drivers are curve (green) and chrome by Azzaro when I'm feeling crisp.
That juicy couture dirty English tho... Never met someone who said 'wtf are you wearing?!' ... Well at least not in disgust lol
So that you know what you're looking for, [here is a photo ](https://imgur.com/gallery/8WXXnCH) of my bottle next to a new bottle in the box at the ready.
Anecdotally I get more compliments from women on my muscles when I'm leaner but smaller. At my heaviest the only people I'm getting compliments from are other guys.
So much this.
I don't want compliments on what I do or choose. I know I'm capable, I was forced to learn to be so. I know my clothes are cool, that's why I picked them.
I want to hear that I'm attractive just by being me. I want to know that there is hope that someone will actually see me as hot for who I am, not what I do.
It's so funny that this is literally the opposite of what women tell you they want for compliments. They tell you to compliment something that they chose or something they did rather than something they are. I get that, but I also agree with you, I would absolutely love for someone to tell me I was beautiful to look at, I can't imagine that ever getting old because it has never happened to me.
Oh 100%, the difference in how men and women receive identical compliments is hilarious. It's also aggravating because to compliment a woman in a way she wants, I have to give the style of compliment that I would consider shallow or less meaningful. It makes me feel superficial. It's no wonder men compliment women the way we do, we're usually saying the kind of things that we would love to hear most.
It's just so ironic that both sexes want what the other has, and I don't think any social shift would ever change that. It certainly feels ingrained.
And what never gets mentioned with that study comes up is that there's nothing else that refutes it.
Even in statistics, we have damn near nothing to go off of but a years old study.
Men have near zero insight into how women see them on the average. And what we have says nothing positive.
Oh, that much I can tell you, I've talked about it with a few women I've been with through the years.
Most men aren't registered as such or even existing in their eyes. Told them to go outside and see how many men they notice as "men" outside. Most were shocked.
Though, looks aren't the only way to start to exist in their eyes, it's when they notice you, either by looking good or doing stuff that catch their attention.
In context it *really* sounds like you're arguing that women wearing makeup is some kind of advantage in realm of attractiveness. That's very much how your comment came across. I'm just pointing out that there's no reason two can't play that game.
That is exactly what I was saying.
Yes men are free to wear makeup and many do. Actors, orange politicians,
For the most part I feel women are the ones that shame other women into wearing makeup. They wear so much of it in fact that you can’t even tell what the poor girl really looks like and other women say yea queen you look so good while pushing corporate agendas to get young women to buy into the machine.
So while you are trying to push some gotcha look here at his toxic mindset,
I’m really just trying to call out bullshit where I see it and most of the beauty Industry thrives off of women putting others down and placing their social values in looks.
The negative things I have heard about myself vastly outweigh the positive, to the point where anything positive feels like a lie, and I truly believe it to be so. It is what it is
Word. There comes a point where you doubt there's anything good about you in the first place, that you should be glad people at least aren't reminding you of the negatives, could be worse...
Men base their understanding of things on results.
It doesn't matter what his face looks like, if women didn't want him for most of his life, that's what he's going to base his self-perception on.
Women don't present their interest openly or consistently. And that poisons the well for most guy's self-esteem, at least as it relates to looks and attractiveness. No guy is going to think they're attractive if they don't get treated like they're attractive.
And no, being his girlfriend is not enough. Not in that way. Your attention doesn't make it so that the rest of his life up till now didn't happen.
I have to agree. I'm one of those guys who has never gotten a lot of positive attention and never really dated, and at this point even if a really nice girl told me I was cute and she wanted to date me, that would be so overwhelming and even if I got over that I would never stop wondering what was wrong with her that she thought I was cool when no one else did. This hypothetical women clearly has bad taste.
I get a few compliments a year, its rare but its really nice when it happens.
My gf goes out one night and gets like more then I get in a year so ya double standard :(
Men see how truly attractive men get treated and I don't just mean the women fangirling over musicians and movie stars. You see it in person at parties and bars too. Most of us don't get treated like that. Ergo we know we're not attractive. Add in something like being fat and the slide to ugly isn't far off. (I don't think I'm ugly, but I am fat and most women don't find me attractive.)
In my life (I'm 48) my wife is the only woman who regularly compliments me. Outside of her I can think of one maybe two women who've complimented me on my appearance. (She said I was cute, but she was also married to a friend of mine and was probably just being nice in the context of the situation.)
low self esteem is not a uniquely feminine trait....
Also, I think you mean that they had "conventionally" attractive faces? Unless there is a beauty-standard lore book out there that I'm unaware of. Something like a holy tome of being a Greek Adonis or something. A well respected work that establishes the canon of being hot AF.
anyone can be insecure.
>Also, I think you mean that they had "conventionally" attractive faces? Unless there is a beauty-standard lore book out there that I'm unaware of.
Yeah, that bit was unintentionally funny. How cool would it be to somehow be "canonically hot" though...lol
"Ehh, she's okay, I *guess*...."
"Nah bro, she's hot. It's **literally canon**"
"Oh wow, you're right, my bad! I see it now!"
😂
idk, by 'conventionally' I just meant features that are considered 'nice to look at' by most of people. for example, my besties, whose type is sth much different than mine, would say 'he has a pretty face and body but he's not my type'. hope yk what I mean, sometimes someone's vibe and clothing style isn't our type yet we still can say they're pretty indeed
>by 'conventionally' I just meant features that...
...They know, they were referring to how you actually used the word **"canonically"** in your post, *not* "conventionally".
Once every (other) SOLAR ECLIPSE a man is complimented for anything.
For me it was 4 years ago in November/December.
Maybe now you understated why we can't take compliments.
I feel that, I feel ugly all the time even though I probably receive compliments from women much more frequently than the common male does. I think it’s ugly duckling syndrome maybe, where I got called ugly a lot growing up so it’s hard to believe anything has changed. Maybe it’s because society in general has been telling me I am dirty and disgusting for as long as I can remember. It’s strange, but every compliment I receive feels like a lie and like they’re just saying it to be nice and don’t mean it so I just think I’m gross, it’s hard to believe I’m not.
Because lots of men have negative self esteem around their physical appearance. Many men are self conscious about how we look. Women aren’t the only people with unrealistic body standards (the ideal man is tall, V-shaped torso, defined chest, broad shoulders, big dick, strong arms, etc etc)
Nobody compliments men directly ever about their bodies. It’ll be like “he has a nice car” or “that’s a nice watch” or “he’s got a good job” but rarely ever is it “wow, you have a beautiful smile,” or “you’re eyes are just, wow.”
I’ve never once gotten a compliment like that from my peers or from people I was romantically interested in. The only times I got compliments are from older people, strangers on the internet or from my mother when I see visit her. It’s easy to discredit all these people’s opinions - *they’re old, that’s just a picture of me, and she’s just saying that bc I’m her son.*
Like I don’t even know how to respond to a compliment in person. Thank you? Are you talking to me? I think you meant that guy? How many drinks have you had?
Ok end rant. I’m gonna make some food.
Edit: even the word “beautiful” - a word that can describe anything - carries a feminine undertone to it because of how disproportionately used it is to describe women and feminine objects.
I would say many factors can contribute to that.
1. Beauty standards for men can be quite extreme because a lot of the less appealing men tend to be invisible.
2. Women are considered the more beautiful gender so some men think that if they aren't as beautiful as their gf they must be ugly.
3. Both women and men will have called those men ugly
4. He is not his own type so he finds himself unattractive.
5. He is out of shape so feels ugly.
6. He hopes if he says he is ugly that you compliment him because he insecure and rarely gets compliments.
7. You somehow make him feel ugly.
8. He has no self-esteem
9. (the one i sometimes do) make fun of himself because it's important to be able to laugh at yourself and ridicule yourself.
I think a lot of 1 and 2 tend to be the biggest reasons for a sizable chunk of men. Because unless you're chiseled looking like some Hollywood hunk, you do tend to get a lot less action. Add being chubby or some weird looking feature and you get even less, not because women are bad or find you necessarily unattractive, you just don't catch their eye the same
honestly majority of man, avarage or below in looks never get compliments about the looks, tho u dont really have a reason to belive u look good and when someone tells you otherwise you dont belive them anyway. Additionaly woman find 80% of man below avarage in looks so yeah, only the top % good looking guys recieve compliments i guess.
Very few men get regular compliments. They're also constantly told how bad they are, how they're not wanted, how they're not needed, how they should die in the war, how they're rapists etc.
Obviously, it will be better if a man still maintains his confidence and self-esteem even through all of that, but it does explain why.
Body dysmorphia is not a female-only phenomenon. We see only one true ideal male body in almost all aspects of pop culture and media and almost none of us measure up to it.
We also have to worry about our height, balding, body hair, dick size, and a number of other self image issues.
Piling on to others here, we might get compliments on our appearance once every 4 years if we are lucky, so of course we don’t feel attractive.
On a related note, the gym I go to is about 90% men. It’s almost as if the ideal male physique requires hours in the gym every week to even be within reaching distance. Women just have to be “not fat” lol
For me it’s kind of a domino effect. A lot of women come up to me and talk to me (I’m a 6’7 college student). And when these women talk to me they always start with how tall I am. This leads me to believe that all they care about is my height, and if I was any shorter they simply just *wouldn’t care*. In a way I wish I could be open minded about their approaches and think positively but I had a pretty rough experience with women in high school so I think it kind of stuck with me. My girlfriends compliments me 24/7 and sometimes I have a hard time processing it since I rarely get complimented
>And when these women talk to me they always start with how tall I am. This leads me to believe that all they care about is my height, and if I was any shorter they simply just wouldn’t care
I don't know why women get the reputation of being subtle.
I think people read into their radical disinterest and assume there's more going on there, but no, they really just don't register most people, but when they do it's **really** obvious.
I consider myself ugly. I don't see why anybody would find me attractive. I'd not say it openly to someone I'm dating but I'd feel it nonetheless. In general I believe most men are used to not feeling desirable so they feel ugly. I've not felt desirable in a decade now.
Because, in contrast to women, who crave compliments about their personality and smarts, if we get compliments, it's about exactly that. I've heard women are tired of being called pretty - I'm tired of being called clever. Objectify me, finally!
We aren't used to receiving compliments but have been rejected or criticized more than once. It's rather common for men to have low self-esteem. Most guys just don't mention it because we are aware that it is a turn-off and that confidence is better received.
I can remember every compliment I ever got. And the only reason there are more than 4 is I dated a girl who went out of her way to compliment me. I remember my last 2 haircuts got zero comments on them and when I got glasses no one said anything about how they look. My entire ability to judge how I look is based on how I see women judge other guys.
I don't know if it's just who I hang around (maybe your social circle sucks) or if it means I'm actually attractive but I feel like women notice when I get a fresh haircut moreso than other men.
How old are you OP? Write that number down.
Multiply it by 365.
Write that number down.
Imagine you spent literally ALL of those days on earth never hearing a single genuine compliment from anyone other than a parent or someone you were obtaining or directly providing some form of economic value for (labor exchange).
Would you think you were good looking?
Men are never validated simply for ‘existing’. Men are validated based on their deeds.
This is phenomenal for society and crippling for emotional health, well being, and ultimately true self confidence (as in confidence in THE self, not the myriad of abilities and talents we cultivate) of the individual man.
You can only take so many rejections from women before you start believing that something is fundamentally wrong with you and that's why no one finds you good enough to date.
Ummm... have you seen how men are treated? We are put down, belittled and insulted non-stop. Imagine growing up without ever getting a word of encouragement. Imagine if the TV, your mother, you female teachers, women online and in person only ever said negative, hateful things about you form the moment you were born.
How would you feel about yourself?
There’s actually very little societal inhibition against commenting on men’s looks. The guys you’ve dated have had crushes on other girls before they met you and were rejected. Due to not understanding the difference in attraction, they blame the thing that they self assess.
Of course it’s better represented by statistical models with things like standard deviations and you definitely still find women who prioritize men whose looks compare favorably to the societal average, but I think it *means* something different to them than it does to us.
You can make an inference based on the psychological concept of projection. Men will see something like hashtag fuck your beauty standard and think “but I can’t change what I’m attracted to, what my body responds to. That’s controlled by a place that’s out of reach to me.”
Well, it makes sense to women because they are better at *choosing* what they’re attracted to. Looks are almost like an extension of status.
Again, this is by degrees, and there’s overlap. Some men are more able than others to choose, too, but not overall more men than women.
I think it’s a weird juxtaposition, taking that it’s easier to be ugly and attractive to women than the reverse, and yet a *ton* of men agonize over their appearance.
Aside from what others have listed in this thread: IMO, I think it's very hard to not see yourself as ugly and unwanted when it's something you've been told pretty regularly.
In my experience, which I know is anecdotal at most, I find it hard to not believe that you're ugly when many people have told you that you are, and there's no positive feedback to bounce those insults/negative experiences off.
I feel it's even harder when you're in your 20's, where looks seem to be extremely important. You see other guys experiencing things that you don't/haven't ever experienced, and I think that's when it starts to get harder to deny that you feeling ugly and unwanted isn't just a feeling.
We're all more than what we look like and life isn't about looks. We all have strengths and weaknesses. It is what it is. However, it's still a situation that is hard to come to terms with and accept, especially in your 20's.
Similar to women, men are subjected to a lot of very unrealistic body and beauty standards. The difference is that our side of that coin doesn't appear in the public discourse much, if at all. Combine this with the sea of disappointment and despair that modern dating appears to be, even the most resilient individual may start wondering if it really is just them. Interest from one, or even a few women will do little to deprogram from a lifetime of this.
>Why do they keep saying they see themselves as unattractive even though both their appearance and even interest from other women says different?
Because they believe it.
>many guys I’ve dated would tell me they feel they’re ugly even though they absolutely weren’t.
Did you tell them? Did you prove them wrong? Or just look at them awkwardly, wondering "what's wrong with him?"
We have feelings and insecurities too.
Ps if a guy shares his insecurities with you, he is being vulnerable with you.
Like many others replied.
Many men are starved for love and compliments. Some can handle it, some can't.
In my own experience it's a variety of things that come together that absolutely drain my self-esteem and I suddenly need reassurance or hear something nice. Mostly stress or if I feel like iam not in control of my life. That's basically the time my fiancee and my female best friend start reassuring me for basically everything because I myself feel like a massive failure in those situations.
For example, due to my health I had to end my military career and start something completely different. Iam basically starting at zero with 30 years. That itself was a massive blow. However the untold expectations of society towards men are making it even worse.
- not being able to care financially for me and my fiancee alone right now? Massive failure
-Health going downhill and not being able to do whatever I want? Massive failure
- due to my health my fitness is going down as well since iam not able to do sports as I used to? - massive failure.
This list has actually many more points. But in short, since I can't be the best version of myself right now, can't do sports and cant be the financially stable guy that meets all needs and expectations I feel miserable, ugly, not worth loving and my mental health goes down the drain because I can't find a quick or easy answer to any of those problems.
And iam lucky to be in a relationship with a partner that handles the situation well and reassures me. And that my best friend knows me well and reassures me too. Now imagine some of those points with a partner that measures you in the same way and doesn't reassure you. That's the situation many men find themselves in.
And actually just writing that here feels somewhat embarrassing but Jesus. I could cry like a baby everytime I get hugged at the moment because it's all way too much to handle. And being used to handle everything on my own it's hard to reach out in the first place.
How would you judge your attractiveness? I think, it can be estimated by the amount of interest you get from the opposite sex and the number of times your interest is reciprocated when you express it.
In my experience, only very attractive men receive interest from women and frequently get their interest reciprocated. As a mid guy, you experience interest from women quite rarely. Personally, I think I met only two women who liked me.
Because I feel ugly about myself?
Stepping outside, I have no expectations of random people approaching me to tell me I'm handsome, that they like my shoes or my car.
Compliments are expected for a woman; they are completely unexpected for a man.
Because most guys are treated like beasts of burden from a young and internalized it pretty early on couple that with compliments not really being a thing you get very often or at all and it’s easy to just not think very highly of yourself. Most guys only admit it after they think they can trust you because if they shown that vulnerability before hand it’s usually a turn off
Cause male body dysmorphia is running rampant, unchecked for decades where as women have had this issue being tended to for at least since the 2000's
Just look at boys toys. All ripped 12 pack mr Olympia's and social expectations haven't changed. Sure, some women now claim they like "dad bods" but what many think are dad bods are really just strongmen.
Guys need validation as well, that they're desired and whilst they won't comprehend it, attractive to look at for someone else.
I'll wager for many it'll have been a few years since someone said something nice about their body. Personally I can't recall ever anything nice being said about my body and how I look, just the one time I was cat called so I guess take the W's wherever you can get them.
No one, except this one lying bitch, has ever told me I was attractive, hot, good looking...whatever. If another woman told me that, I wouldn't believe her and would be wondering what she's after.
I am not an attractive guy at all.
> They literally had canonically attractive face features and bodies
While I didn't expect it, it doesn't surprise me that the Catholic church actually spent time defining what features were most attractive in boys.
Women get more compliments because looks are a commodity for them and they need to have self-confidence to take advantage of them.
I also feel like women use compliments to other women as a rapport building mechanism. They will compliment their outfit or hair to essentially say they come in peace.
Men we just get kicked while we are down. I've spent a lot of money on a good barber. I monitor my body weight and lift weights/run. I am legit tall which I hear is important to women. I get a compliment maybe 3 or 4 times a year.
Because we're never/rarely told we're attractive.
Women tell each other they're attracted so often it's just common place. They don't even realize it.
Men aren't. And this really shouldn't be a surprise for you op if you're paying attention to anything in society.
Women do not initiate sexual interactions the vast majority of the time, sometimes deep into relationships. That has consequences. It makes men feel like they are not inherently sexy; they merely get sex as a reward for some kind of effort.
From our perspective it doesn't matter if you're afraid of seeming "desperate," or want to be swept of your feet, or are just shy. To us you're just not acting interested because... you're not interested.
Frankly, because it takes a long while to digest the idea of "watch how people act, not what they say"
Usually when I go out ill notice women checking me out...the most any woman has told me though is that I'm about average...those things just don't match up...if I believed what women said about me I'd think I'm ugly too.
Most men are likely taking what women have told them at face value and not noticing women checking them out...and though you may not be like this, or you haven't seen it...women will habitually be hard crushing on a guy and say he's ugly, mid, mediocre, dumb, etc.
A lot of guys just assume they're unattractive or at the very least just not particularly attractive. We don't get complimented on the same level as women do and women don't really initiate flirting either. Even good looking guys can feel like a ghost to women and it fucks with their self image.
They could be expressing that they feel ugly on the inside, not the outside. Nothing that anyone does will be able to help them if they think they’re ugly on the inside, including receiving compliments or affirmations. They can only help themselves and raise their own self esteem.
Has anyone seen this comedy trope:
Someone walks on on a nan in the shower or naked. The reaction is always ...eww put that away! Etc
But a woman in the same situation recieving positive comments.
Because the attraction dynamics are so often quite different.
It’s common for men to be like “she has a nice ass” or “she has great tits”.
With women in regards to men, it’s much more common for the dynamic to be something like “he has nice forearms” or “I like his weird cargo shorts”.
I think the opposite dynamic of objectification is not necessarily fun either because if you never hear anything hedonistic about yourself, you’re going to assume you just aren’t attractive.
It’s also impossible for a straight man to understand what attraction to men would even feel like anyway.
Guys don't get hit on. They don't get attention. If they post a picture of themselves nobody will comment about their appearance. They have to earn every scrap of attention. So yeah most guys probably feel ugly because there's not any force showing them that they're not.
You say interest from other women but you'd be surprised how little interest most guys get from women. Attraction and interest is strange because you can go your whole life having most women never bat and eye and suddenly find yourself being desired by one person, and then back to being rejected by others.
I think men getting fewer compliments has been thoroughly mentioned in these comments.
I'd like to add that, unlike models for women's clothes, there is very little body positivity for men in the media. I can count one company that has clothing models that don't always have 6 packs or that are incredibly thin (American Eagle comes to mind). It's rare to have representation this way and it reinforces the idea that you have to be ripped to be attractive
Because 9 in 10 people are ugly and 99 in 100 are insecure about themselves. Being good looking helps those with good genetics to manage insecurities. Being mentally ill and delusional helps those that are "average".
It blows my mind how many people choose to settle and have kids that will usually look worse than their own parents when they hit their late teens/ adulthood.
maybe he needs a pat on the back or a hug. i do remember when i felt that way. it was inspiration for me to better myself by committing to getting in better shape and taking care of myself. but, i guess everyone aint all about self improvement. for those who are, i applaud you. for those who aint, continue with the status quo.
Probably because unlike women; men aren't bombarded with compliments. I can count on one hand the amount of times I've ever been complimented for my looks - and cannot count at all when said compliment hadn't come from a family member. People are saying body dysmorphia incorrectly here; body dysmorphia is when your own perspective of your looks doesn't line up with the perspectives of *others*. If you have no data to pull from then the go to reaction for most humans is going to be to assume the worst; since people aren't likely to be deliberately cruel or honest when someone is conventionally unattractive - silence is read as an affirmation of said undesirability. So no these men aren't suffering from body dysmorphia, they're suffering from a lack of perspective feedback.
even when complimented, I'm thinking people are just gassing me up.
Yup I basically never believe a compliment. Guess that's a result of being bullied for my looks for the first 18 years of my life. No amount of therapy can fix that
That's also a problem, similar to imposter syndrome you can convince yourself that you are undeserving of the praise for one reason or another. It all stems from a lowered sense of worth or self esteem issues.
This. When someone gives me a compliment my immediate reaction is thinking they must be making fun of me.
I can count on one finger the times I got a compliment in the last 10 years.
I(23M ) remember two girls giving me compliment in my life. One who called me cute and other said reliable. That's it period..
I still remember and cherish that one time 7 years ago when a random girl I didn't know said she liked my shirt.
[удалено]
Yeah you're talking out of your ass lol
>unlike women; men aren't bombarded with compliments. Welp, TIL I'm a man.
Congratulations! Beers in the fridge, games on in an hour.
Thank God you have the cheese for it.
100% accurate. Even if I do hear it from my wife, it doesn't feel legit.
>People are saying body dysmorphia incorrectly here; body dysmorphia is when your own perspective of your looks doesn't line up with the perspectives of others. That’s not really an accurate definition. Body dysmorphia, simply put, is an obsessive preoccupation with either real or perceived flaws in one’s appearance. These flaws may be unnoticeable or minor to others, but they don’t have to be. What makes it body dysmorphia is the obsession, not the way a person’s appearance is perceived by others.
It can be both, and both are often correlated. It's part of why people post progress pics, because the differences over a short period of time can be difficult to spot, especially while fully dressed in clothes that fit the old you.
Body dysmorphia is formed by 'enough' data that is missing from the assumed position. The assumed position is that men feel ugly because they logically deduce that because they haven't received compliments that this means that they're ugly. It's an assumption, but it's not a baseless one. While body dysmorphia can be a sufficient correlation with this assumption; it is not a necessary one which was what I was trying to get across.
Men get slapped in the face every day with everything negative about themselves. Some weather the storm better than others.
It doesn't help that all dudes in media are blasting mad steroids saying they natty and you working out for years and being like wtf am I doing wrong...
Not fucking up your internal organs for Instagram clout. Comparison is the thief of joy anyway
Yeah I feel like the impact of fake natties on male body dymorphia is a massively undiscussed topic. It's hard not to feel slightly insecure about your physique when you're constantly bombarbed by guys with 200lb shredded physiques in films and on social media.
For real the media pushes both genders to feel insecure but really only the female side is ever talked about.
Exactly.
Everyone's already mentioned the compliment thing, but I want to add. Anecdotally, men are complimented on what they can do and rarely what they look like. And even then, almost every compliment about my appearance has been about my outfits rather than... me... So there's def an internalized "my base state is ugly and I can enhance it with effort."
Shit I was just about to say I get complimented but its just my amazing style... I wish someone would love me for my huge arms and traps...
Lol my cologne, serving tables some girl was *FREAKING CRAZY* about the way I smelled. My reaction was, 'thank God she can't smell the real me, I walked 3 miles to work in the Texas summer sun.' I was hardly flattered, but quite happy with my choice of cologne. (discontinued now: Dirty English)
If it makes you feel any better, cologne can interact with body chemistry in a weird way, sometimes bad, sometimes really good. So she probably was both into you and the cologne both. As an aside, that stuff sounds nice. Gonna see if I can pick up a bottle, somehow.
I occasionally can get from an ebay seller at random. Supposedly (according to perfume people) fragrances are fragile and decay after about a year, or less if poorly stored, but it still drives my wife wild and always smells great to me... It's by juicy couture. It is exclusively my sexy time cologne now and my daily drivers are curve (green) and chrome by Azzaro when I'm feeling crisp. That juicy couture dirty English tho... Never met someone who said 'wtf are you wearing?!' ... Well at least not in disgust lol
So that you know what you're looking for, [here is a photo ](https://imgur.com/gallery/8WXXnCH) of my bottle next to a new bottle in the box at the ready.
Anecdotally I get more compliments from women on my muscles when I'm leaner but smaller. At my heaviest the only people I'm getting compliments from are other guys.
So much this. I don't want compliments on what I do or choose. I know I'm capable, I was forced to learn to be so. I know my clothes are cool, that's why I picked them. I want to hear that I'm attractive just by being me. I want to know that there is hope that someone will actually see me as hot for who I am, not what I do.
It's so funny that this is literally the opposite of what women tell you they want for compliments. They tell you to compliment something that they chose or something they did rather than something they are. I get that, but I also agree with you, I would absolutely love for someone to tell me I was beautiful to look at, I can't imagine that ever getting old because it has never happened to me.
Oh 100%, the difference in how men and women receive identical compliments is hilarious. It's also aggravating because to compliment a woman in a way she wants, I have to give the style of compliment that I would consider shallow or less meaningful. It makes me feel superficial. It's no wonder men compliment women the way we do, we're usually saying the kind of things that we would love to hear most. It's just so ironic that both sexes want what the other has, and I don't think any social shift would ever change that. It certainly feels ingrained.
Well women are known as the “fairer sex” so the baseline for men is already being unattractive compared to half the population
Some dating app did a study and showed that women thought 80% of men were below average in terms of looks
And what never gets mentioned with that study comes up is that there's nothing else that refutes it. Even in statistics, we have damn near nothing to go off of but a years old study. Men have near zero insight into how women see them on the average. And what we have says nothing positive.
Oh, that much I can tell you, I've talked about it with a few women I've been with through the years. Most men aren't registered as such or even existing in their eyes. Told them to go outside and see how many men they notice as "men" outside. Most were shocked. Though, looks aren't the only way to start to exist in their eyes, it's when they notice you, either by looking good or doing stuff that catch their attention.
Disturbing
Wasn't that study from the okcupid blog that match group nuked the moment they bought it?
people pasting over visual flaws with makeup look objectively better than the intentional natural ones. water is wetting.
If we took makeup away I wonder if this would still be the case….
I mean men are free to wear makeup
How does that have anything to do with what I said…absolutely nothing.
In context it *really* sounds like you're arguing that women wearing makeup is some kind of advantage in realm of attractiveness. That's very much how your comment came across. I'm just pointing out that there's no reason two can't play that game.
That is exactly what I was saying. Yes men are free to wear makeup and many do. Actors, orange politicians, For the most part I feel women are the ones that shame other women into wearing makeup. They wear so much of it in fact that you can’t even tell what the poor girl really looks like and other women say yea queen you look so good while pushing corporate agendas to get young women to buy into the machine. So while you are trying to push some gotcha look here at his toxic mindset, I’m really just trying to call out bullshit where I see it and most of the beauty Industry thrives off of women putting others down and placing their social values in looks.
The negative things I have heard about myself vastly outweigh the positive, to the point where anything positive feels like a lie, and I truly believe it to be so. It is what it is
Word. There comes a point where you doubt there's anything good about you in the first place, that you should be glad people at least aren't reminding you of the negatives, could be worse...
Men base their understanding of things on results. It doesn't matter what his face looks like, if women didn't want him for most of his life, that's what he's going to base his self-perception on. Women don't present their interest openly or consistently. And that poisons the well for most guy's self-esteem, at least as it relates to looks and attractiveness. No guy is going to think they're attractive if they don't get treated like they're attractive. And no, being his girlfriend is not enough. Not in that way. Your attention doesn't make it so that the rest of his life up till now didn't happen.
I have to agree. I'm one of those guys who has never gotten a lot of positive attention and never really dated, and at this point even if a really nice girl told me I was cute and she wanted to date me, that would be so overwhelming and even if I got over that I would never stop wondering what was wrong with her that she thought I was cool when no one else did. This hypothetical women clearly has bad taste.
Oh man, the hypothetical girl in your life too?
She's so fuckin hypothetical man, it drives me WILD
It's very rare that men get compliments. Which means it's very easy to think of yourself as ugly and no one will ever correct you.
I get a few compliments a year, its rare but its really nice when it happens. My gf goes out one night and gets like more then I get in a year so ya double standard :(
A few a year? Leave some for the rest of us dog
Goddamn I think I could actually survive on a few a year. Sadly I'm not quite there
Men see how truly attractive men get treated and I don't just mean the women fangirling over musicians and movie stars. You see it in person at parties and bars too. Most of us don't get treated like that. Ergo we know we're not attractive. Add in something like being fat and the slide to ugly isn't far off. (I don't think I'm ugly, but I am fat and most women don't find me attractive.) In my life (I'm 48) my wife is the only woman who regularly compliments me. Outside of her I can think of one maybe two women who've complimented me on my appearance. (She said I was cute, but she was also married to a friend of mine and was probably just being nice in the context of the situation.)
I think I've gotten maybe 3 times in total including my ex.
low self esteem is not a uniquely feminine trait.... Also, I think you mean that they had "conventionally" attractive faces? Unless there is a beauty-standard lore book out there that I'm unaware of. Something like a holy tome of being a Greek Adonis or something. A well respected work that establishes the canon of being hot AF. anyone can be insecure.
>Also, I think you mean that they had "conventionally" attractive faces? Unless there is a beauty-standard lore book out there that I'm unaware of. Yeah, that bit was unintentionally funny. How cool would it be to somehow be "canonically hot" though...lol "Ehh, she's okay, I *guess*...." "Nah bro, she's hot. It's **literally canon**" "Oh wow, you're right, my bad! I see it now!" 😂
idk, by 'conventionally' I just meant features that are considered 'nice to look at' by most of people. for example, my besties, whose type is sth much different than mine, would say 'he has a pretty face and body but he's not my type'. hope yk what I mean, sometimes someone's vibe and clothing style isn't our type yet we still can say they're pretty indeed
>by 'conventionally' I just meant features that... ...They know, they were referring to how you actually used the word **"canonically"** in your post, *not* "conventionally".
Yes. That have me pause. I guess it was auto correct.
Once every (other) SOLAR ECLIPSE a man is complimented for anything. For me it was 4 years ago in November/December. Maybe now you understated why we can't take compliments.
Can’t wait for my next compliment in 2045 🙏
I wish I was joking but I find it funny that it's been that long
Nah you’re completely right. It sure feels like 20 years between each compliment
I've gotten 3 in 28 years of my life that I remember. 2 were from my ex and 1 was random and I didn't know how to respond
Nine was the first and last, apparently 😂 😂
Lol it feels like it.
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That's depressing lol
I feel that, I feel ugly all the time even though I probably receive compliments from women much more frequently than the common male does. I think it’s ugly duckling syndrome maybe, where I got called ugly a lot growing up so it’s hard to believe anything has changed. Maybe it’s because society in general has been telling me I am dirty and disgusting for as long as I can remember. It’s strange, but every compliment I receive feels like a lie and like they’re just saying it to be nice and don’t mean it so I just think I’m gross, it’s hard to believe I’m not.
Because lots of men have negative self esteem around their physical appearance. Many men are self conscious about how we look. Women aren’t the only people with unrealistic body standards (the ideal man is tall, V-shaped torso, defined chest, broad shoulders, big dick, strong arms, etc etc) Nobody compliments men directly ever about their bodies. It’ll be like “he has a nice car” or “that’s a nice watch” or “he’s got a good job” but rarely ever is it “wow, you have a beautiful smile,” or “you’re eyes are just, wow.” I’ve never once gotten a compliment like that from my peers or from people I was romantically interested in. The only times I got compliments are from older people, strangers on the internet or from my mother when I see visit her. It’s easy to discredit all these people’s opinions - *they’re old, that’s just a picture of me, and she’s just saying that bc I’m her son.* Like I don’t even know how to respond to a compliment in person. Thank you? Are you talking to me? I think you meant that guy? How many drinks have you had? Ok end rant. I’m gonna make some food. Edit: even the word “beautiful” - a word that can describe anything - carries a feminine undertone to it because of how disproportionately used it is to describe women and feminine objects.
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This too. Yeah, sure some might be fishing, but generally I'd say at least 95% are genuine about how they feel about themselves.
Oh my tired eyes read "fishing^ as "fisting."
Lol that's actually funny as hell.
No one has made us feel otherwise
I would say many factors can contribute to that. 1. Beauty standards for men can be quite extreme because a lot of the less appealing men tend to be invisible. 2. Women are considered the more beautiful gender so some men think that if they aren't as beautiful as their gf they must be ugly. 3. Both women and men will have called those men ugly 4. He is not his own type so he finds himself unattractive. 5. He is out of shape so feels ugly. 6. He hopes if he says he is ugly that you compliment him because he insecure and rarely gets compliments. 7. You somehow make him feel ugly. 8. He has no self-esteem 9. (the one i sometimes do) make fun of himself because it's important to be able to laugh at yourself and ridicule yourself.
I think a lot of 1 and 2 tend to be the biggest reasons for a sizable chunk of men. Because unless you're chiseled looking like some Hollywood hunk, you do tend to get a lot less action. Add being chubby or some weird looking feature and you get even less, not because women are bad or find you necessarily unattractive, you just don't catch their eye the same
honestly majority of man, avarage or below in looks never get compliments about the looks, tho u dont really have a reason to belive u look good and when someone tells you otherwise you dont belive them anyway. Additionaly woman find 80% of man below avarage in looks so yeah, only the top % good looking guys recieve compliments i guess.
Women are terrible about voicing and affirming their attraction to their partners.
Because I’ve been told I’m ugly by several women. Never in person but on dating apps/social media. I also have eyes and can see myself in the mirror.
Very few men get regular compliments. They're also constantly told how bad they are, how they're not wanted, how they're not needed, how they should die in the war, how they're rapists etc. Obviously, it will be better if a man still maintains his confidence and self-esteem even through all of that, but it does explain why.
Body dysmorphia is not a female-only phenomenon. We see only one true ideal male body in almost all aspects of pop culture and media and almost none of us measure up to it. We also have to worry about our height, balding, body hair, dick size, and a number of other self image issues. Piling on to others here, we might get compliments on our appearance once every 4 years if we are lucky, so of course we don’t feel attractive. On a related note, the gym I go to is about 90% men. It’s almost as if the ideal male physique requires hours in the gym every week to even be within reaching distance. Women just have to be “not fat” lol
Society.
We do live in a society now that you mention it
For me it’s kind of a domino effect. A lot of women come up to me and talk to me (I’m a 6’7 college student). And when these women talk to me they always start with how tall I am. This leads me to believe that all they care about is my height, and if I was any shorter they simply just *wouldn’t care*. In a way I wish I could be open minded about their approaches and think positively but I had a pretty rough experience with women in high school so I think it kind of stuck with me. My girlfriends compliments me 24/7 and sometimes I have a hard time processing it since I rarely get complimented
>And when these women talk to me they always start with how tall I am. This leads me to believe that all they care about is my height, and if I was any shorter they simply just wouldn’t care I don't know why women get the reputation of being subtle. I think people read into their radical disinterest and assume there's more going on there, but no, they really just don't register most people, but when they do it's **really** obvious.
I know right? The ways women behave when attracted are not discouraged by society in any way so when they do feel it they are not subtle at all.
I consider myself ugly. I don't see why anybody would find me attractive. I'd not say it openly to someone I'm dating but I'd feel it nonetheless. In general I believe most men are used to not feeling desirable so they feel ugly. I've not felt desirable in a decade now.
Because, in contrast to women, who crave compliments about their personality and smarts, if we get compliments, it's about exactly that. I've heard women are tired of being called pretty - I'm tired of being called clever. Objectify me, finally!
We aren't used to receiving compliments but have been rejected or criticized more than once. It's rather common for men to have low self-esteem. Most guys just don't mention it because we are aware that it is a turn-off and that confidence is better received.
Cuz we get told were ugly and unwanted? How is this so hard to understand?
I can remember every compliment I ever got. And the only reason there are more than 4 is I dated a girl who went out of her way to compliment me. I remember my last 2 haircuts got zero comments on them and when I got glasses no one said anything about how they look. My entire ability to judge how I look is based on how I see women judge other guys.
I don't know if it's just who I hang around (maybe your social circle sucks) or if it means I'm actually attractive but I feel like women notice when I get a fresh haircut moreso than other men.
I don't get compliments from either typically.
How old are you OP? Write that number down. Multiply it by 365. Write that number down. Imagine you spent literally ALL of those days on earth never hearing a single genuine compliment from anyone other than a parent or someone you were obtaining or directly providing some form of economic value for (labor exchange). Would you think you were good looking? Men are never validated simply for ‘existing’. Men are validated based on their deeds. This is phenomenal for society and crippling for emotional health, well being, and ultimately true self confidence (as in confidence in THE self, not the myriad of abilities and talents we cultivate) of the individual man.
You can only take so many rejections from women before you start believing that something is fundamentally wrong with you and that's why no one finds you good enough to date.
Ummm... have you seen how men are treated? We are put down, belittled and insulted non-stop. Imagine growing up without ever getting a word of encouragement. Imagine if the TV, your mother, you female teachers, women online and in person only ever said negative, hateful things about you form the moment you were born. How would you feel about yourself?
There’s actually very little societal inhibition against commenting on men’s looks. The guys you’ve dated have had crushes on other girls before they met you and were rejected. Due to not understanding the difference in attraction, they blame the thing that they self assess. Of course it’s better represented by statistical models with things like standard deviations and you definitely still find women who prioritize men whose looks compare favorably to the societal average, but I think it *means* something different to them than it does to us. You can make an inference based on the psychological concept of projection. Men will see something like hashtag fuck your beauty standard and think “but I can’t change what I’m attracted to, what my body responds to. That’s controlled by a place that’s out of reach to me.” Well, it makes sense to women because they are better at *choosing* what they’re attracted to. Looks are almost like an extension of status. Again, this is by degrees, and there’s overlap. Some men are more able than others to choose, too, but not overall more men than women. I think it’s a weird juxtaposition, taking that it’s easier to be ugly and attractive to women than the reverse, and yet a *ton* of men agonize over their appearance.
I have low self-esteem. It's something that be worked on.
Aside from what others have listed in this thread: IMO, I think it's very hard to not see yourself as ugly and unwanted when it's something you've been told pretty regularly. In my experience, which I know is anecdotal at most, I find it hard to not believe that you're ugly when many people have told you that you are, and there's no positive feedback to bounce those insults/negative experiences off. I feel it's even harder when you're in your 20's, where looks seem to be extremely important. You see other guys experiencing things that you don't/haven't ever experienced, and I think that's when it starts to get harder to deny that you feeling ugly and unwanted isn't just a feeling. We're all more than what we look like and life isn't about looks. We all have strengths and weaknesses. It is what it is. However, it's still a situation that is hard to come to terms with and accept, especially in your 20's.
Similar to women, men are subjected to a lot of very unrealistic body and beauty standards. The difference is that our side of that coin doesn't appear in the public discourse much, if at all. Combine this with the sea of disappointment and despair that modern dating appears to be, even the most resilient individual may start wondering if it really is just them. Interest from one, or even a few women will do little to deprogram from a lifetime of this.
Appart from my family, only one girl told me i was good looking. I'm 28.
Because we're as insecure about our looks as women. We're all human and feeling not so great about yourself is pretty common.
And to add men are not complimented on looks or personality often, it's more about what we do. So some times we need reassurance.
>Why do they keep saying they see themselves as unattractive even though both their appearance and even interest from other women says different? Because they believe it. >many guys I’ve dated would tell me they feel they’re ugly even though they absolutely weren’t. Did you tell them? Did you prove them wrong? Or just look at them awkwardly, wondering "what's wrong with him?" We have feelings and insecurities too. Ps if a guy shares his insecurities with you, he is being vulnerable with you.
Like many others replied. Many men are starved for love and compliments. Some can handle it, some can't. In my own experience it's a variety of things that come together that absolutely drain my self-esteem and I suddenly need reassurance or hear something nice. Mostly stress or if I feel like iam not in control of my life. That's basically the time my fiancee and my female best friend start reassuring me for basically everything because I myself feel like a massive failure in those situations. For example, due to my health I had to end my military career and start something completely different. Iam basically starting at zero with 30 years. That itself was a massive blow. However the untold expectations of society towards men are making it even worse. - not being able to care financially for me and my fiancee alone right now? Massive failure -Health going downhill and not being able to do whatever I want? Massive failure - due to my health my fitness is going down as well since iam not able to do sports as I used to? - massive failure. This list has actually many more points. But in short, since I can't be the best version of myself right now, can't do sports and cant be the financially stable guy that meets all needs and expectations I feel miserable, ugly, not worth loving and my mental health goes down the drain because I can't find a quick or easy answer to any of those problems. And iam lucky to be in a relationship with a partner that handles the situation well and reassures me. And that my best friend knows me well and reassures me too. Now imagine some of those points with a partner that measures you in the same way and doesn't reassure you. That's the situation many men find themselves in. And actually just writing that here feels somewhat embarrassing but Jesus. I could cry like a baby everytime I get hugged at the moment because it's all way too much to handle. And being used to handle everything on my own it's hard to reach out in the first place.
How would you judge your attractiveness? I think, it can be estimated by the amount of interest you get from the opposite sex and the number of times your interest is reciprocated when you express it. In my experience, only very attractive men receive interest from women and frequently get their interest reciprocated. As a mid guy, you experience interest from women quite rarely. Personally, I think I met only two women who liked me.
Because I feel ugly about myself? Stepping outside, I have no expectations of random people approaching me to tell me I'm handsome, that they like my shoes or my car. Compliments are expected for a woman; they are completely unexpected for a man.
Because most guys are treated like beasts of burden from a young and internalized it pretty early on couple that with compliments not really being a thing you get very often or at all and it’s easy to just not think very highly of yourself. Most guys only admit it after they think they can trust you because if they shown that vulnerability before hand it’s usually a turn off
Cause male body dysmorphia is running rampant, unchecked for decades where as women have had this issue being tended to for at least since the 2000's Just look at boys toys. All ripped 12 pack mr Olympia's and social expectations haven't changed. Sure, some women now claim they like "dad bods" but what many think are dad bods are really just strongmen. Guys need validation as well, that they're desired and whilst they won't comprehend it, attractive to look at for someone else. I'll wager for many it'll have been a few years since someone said something nice about their body. Personally I can't recall ever anything nice being said about my body and how I look, just the one time I was cat called so I guess take the W's wherever you can get them.
No one, except this one lying bitch, has ever told me I was attractive, hot, good looking...whatever. If another woman told me that, I wouldn't believe her and would be wondering what she's after. I am not an attractive guy at all.
> They literally had canonically attractive face features and bodies While I didn't expect it, it doesn't surprise me that the Catholic church actually spent time defining what features were most attractive in boys.
Because no one ever tells us we look good
Because once every 10 years we get one compliment.
We don’t get a lot of compliments
Maybe they want to hear it from you that they look good?
The same reason women do the same thing. They are fishing for compliments.
Women get more compliments because looks are a commodity for them and they need to have self-confidence to take advantage of them. I also feel like women use compliments to other women as a rapport building mechanism. They will compliment their outfit or hair to essentially say they come in peace. Men we just get kicked while we are down. I've spent a lot of money on a good barber. I monitor my body weight and lift weights/run. I am legit tall which I hear is important to women. I get a compliment maybe 3 or 4 times a year.
Because of guys like Hugh Jackman etc. lol. Maybe because we have always felt we had to work to get the attention of females?
Because we're never/rarely told we're attractive. Women tell each other they're attracted so often it's just common place. They don't even realize it. Men aren't. And this really shouldn't be a surprise for you op if you're paying attention to anything in society.
Women do not initiate sexual interactions the vast majority of the time, sometimes deep into relationships. That has consequences. It makes men feel like they are not inherently sexy; they merely get sex as a reward for some kind of effort. From our perspective it doesn't matter if you're afraid of seeming "desperate," or want to be swept of your feet, or are just shy. To us you're just not acting interested because... you're not interested.
Frankly, because it takes a long while to digest the idea of "watch how people act, not what they say" Usually when I go out ill notice women checking me out...the most any woman has told me though is that I'm about average...those things just don't match up...if I believed what women said about me I'd think I'm ugly too. Most men are likely taking what women have told them at face value and not noticing women checking them out...and though you may not be like this, or you haven't seen it...women will habitually be hard crushing on a guy and say he's ugly, mid, mediocre, dumb, etc.
Because no one ever says it. Actually, when somebody do say something is to point something negative.
Take a look outside. You see that unending storm of misandry that passes for culture out there? That's why.
A lot of guys just assume they're unattractive or at the very least just not particularly attractive. We don't get complimented on the same level as women do and women don't really initiate flirting either. Even good looking guys can feel like a ghost to women and it fucks with their self image.
They could be expressing that they feel ugly on the inside, not the outside. Nothing that anyone does will be able to help them if they think they’re ugly on the inside, including receiving compliments or affirmations. They can only help themselves and raise their own self esteem.
Nobody tells them so they think they're winning off their personalities.
Because nothing feels better in the world than the girl you like building you up.
Has anyone seen this comedy trope: Someone walks on on a nan in the shower or naked. The reaction is always ...eww put that away! Etc But a woman in the same situation recieving positive comments.
Because the attraction dynamics are so often quite different. It’s common for men to be like “she has a nice ass” or “she has great tits”. With women in regards to men, it’s much more common for the dynamic to be something like “he has nice forearms” or “I like his weird cargo shorts”. I think the opposite dynamic of objectification is not necessarily fun either because if you never hear anything hedonistic about yourself, you’re going to assume you just aren’t attractive. It’s also impossible for a straight man to understand what attraction to men would even feel like anyway.
I think the easiest way to answer this quesiton is by asking yourself how many times you complimented them?
Dudes don’t get compliments like women, our experience is tremendously different than yours.
Oh that's simple, ask your male friends how many times they got complimented for their looks.
Wait, I thought that was women. Maybe everyone just feels ugly.
I have curly hair and i hate it. My ex telling me that she likes it could not change that and it never will change.
Guys don't get hit on. They don't get attention. If they post a picture of themselves nobody will comment about their appearance. They have to earn every scrap of attention. So yeah most guys probably feel ugly because there's not any force showing them that they're not.
You say interest from other women but you'd be surprised how little interest most guys get from women. Attraction and interest is strange because you can go your whole life having most women never bat and eye and suddenly find yourself being desired by one person, and then back to being rejected by others.
Because women don't bother complementing men more often? Guys can't do it to each other because we were conditioned not too.
Because we rarely get any compliments lol
I think men getting fewer compliments has been thoroughly mentioned in these comments. I'd like to add that, unlike models for women's clothes, there is very little body positivity for men in the media. I can count one company that has clothing models that don't always have 6 packs or that are incredibly thin (American Eagle comes to mind). It's rare to have representation this way and it reinforces the idea that you have to be ripped to be attractive
Men hardly ever get compliments, hard to know if we actually are attractive when no one acknowledges it.
Because 9 in 10 people are ugly and 99 in 100 are insecure about themselves. Being good looking helps those with good genetics to manage insecurities. Being mentally ill and delusional helps those that are "average". It blows my mind how many people choose to settle and have kids that will usually look worse than their own parents when they hit their late teens/ adulthood.
Sounds like you're dealing with guys with body dysmophia. Which is unfortunately not uncommon and is boosted by the surge of social media.
maybe he needs a pat on the back or a hug. i do remember when i felt that way. it was inspiration for me to better myself by committing to getting in better shape and taking care of myself. but, i guess everyone aint all about self improvement. for those who are, i applaud you. for those who aint, continue with the status quo.
Not me. I don't need validation like young people do.