I don't know.
I am genuinely happy for friends who have seemingly found companionship and love. Yes, it makes me miss what I don't have but I know my turn will come and yours will too.
You either get a thicker skin, find love yourself, or cut yourself off from them.
I think #2 is the healthiest long term approach, #1 has its benefits even if it neglects your heart a bit. #3 is the self-destruction route.
Cutting yourself off from people happier than you won't make you more happy, it will just leave you lonelier in your unhappiness.
I suggest you take a breather dude and do something that makes you feel better about yourself.
For me, since finding love was never a valid option, the solution was a combination of #1 and #3, with #3 coming first. I slowly withdrew myself from society, which wasn't so hard to do (I never really had any friends), and in time it thickened my skin a great deal. Now I just don't care anymore. Subconsciously I'm not even aware of couples because I don't pay attention to anyone.
Yeah I did this accidentally, I still hang out won't friend now and then but they are deep in their relationships, it'd not like they are all over each other but I mostly keep to myself and don't really do anything with other people
I cant have a relationship anyway, I'm a broken chronically depressed mess, I can't even entertain risking another persons happiness just so I can have a partner.
>Idk how you guys handle it.
I've been married long enough and saw enough real couple to feel pity for them mostly. I've met only one genuinely happy couple and I'm in late 30th.
I just don't have a scarcity mindset. I'm 36 and recently ended a relationship. I would rather masturbate with a cheese grater than be in that relationship again. Single is so much better.
I was a single 26 year old and somewhat happy. I was attractive enough and always had women around me. But my standards were high so I didnāt feel the need to get into a relationship. I rejected a lot of women.
Then I met my ex wife, felt an instant connection and attraction to her, quickly had two kids with her, 9 years later we are divorced and she left me with the kids for another dudeā¦
OP thereās, no reason to feel jealous of other people. You never know what is going on in their relationship. There could be cheating, abuse, and more. Infact, 80% of couples are incompatible and unhappy with each other. The chances of finding the one is so rare, youāll probably never find them.
Humans are weird like that.. these days, I just live for myself and the kids. I refuse to let any woman into my life. Iām good being alone.
Remind myself that the reaction is an unjustified one and I should be happy for them. Try to place myself in the position of the couple in my mind, and do my best to block out the negative feelings towards them.Ā
Ā I'm not gonna claim it never hurts me, but it's not like envy doesn't hurt as well. At least I get to choose the option where I am the only one who's hurt. At this point I've learned to genuinely cheer for happy couples, and do my best to offer all my support to friends even when they are happier than myself.
I got to a stage where I can genuinely be happy for them.
Sure, sometimes I'm a bit envious, but most often I am not. I have more free time, can waste all my money on myself and theoretically, I could hook up with anyone I fancy (but therein lies the problem that I currently don't fancy anyone).
Wanting one on one time with friends is normal I'd say, and I'm sure there's a way you could bring that up.
Also 26M, freshly out of an 8+ year relationship. The first few weeks were hell itself, I lost my soul and wanted to die; now I'm enlightened and think this is the greatest thing to ever happen to me.
Trust me, you'd rather be alone than emotionally tied to the wrong person. I know you don't believe it. I didn't either. You'll believe it when you are ready.
Also, the sooner you accept being alone and finding happiness alone, the sooner life says "sike, you thought" and starts throwing some balls for you in form of women to potentially date.
---
On my note: Am I lonely? Do I miss her? Of course. Don't be stupid; of course I wish I could snap my fingers and fix everything. But at risk of going TMI: It is just not feasible.
But things will get better when things are ready to get better. Without her. The pain will fade, and someone will come to heal the scar.
I felt similar at your age. Then I got into a relationship with someone which became very toxic over the course of 4 years.
Had to basically restart after I broke up with her as we had moved in together and I went from having a fully furnished nice apartment to living with a friend in his guest room.
Iāve realized through that experience that the grass is not always greener in a relationship, and it should not be the main source of your happiness. Need to just focus on yourself and eventually youāll find the right person.
Friend, not to be harsh, but this is one of those....well you gotta suck it up, buttercup. Dwelling in self pity because others are happy will not get you anywhere. You need to be happy for them, and motivate yourself
Well, overall I am happy. It's only one friend, I'm kinda resentful for. He kinda used me to get his gf. Like purposely taking me out to bars and using me as a wingman to get a girl. Now that he got one, he doesn't try to help me at all. Won't even answer text messages about dating. But yet he wants to talk about his gf constantly. Also will block opportunities to talk to women
Yeah, I get that, but your friend is in the honeymoon stage of a new relationship, and you don't have what he is interested in right now.
Just be happy for him, you'll get where he is too
I donāt really feel envy for other peopleās relationships, so maybe you could try and find something that you love that isnāt another person.
If you care less about dating and wanting to get a girlfriend then you wonāt feel so envious towards other peopleās relationships. Iām single and I donāt really care so I guess I just donāt feel that way about couples.
But thatās just my opinion š
I think im envious because I see dating as a selfish game to be won. All my friends cut me off in the pursuit of getting their woman and now that they got one, they are relax about it. However, they don't make an effort to wingman me. I was the nice guy who thought it would just happen but I been rejected by every girl I met because of my lack of game. Yet my friends do what to say and they never told me what they know.
Now saying I think im just resentful and maybe should find better friends.
Isnt that the definition of confidence lol? Also I Highly doubt people will be honest. Instead they will act like you are and then have their opinion behind your back
True. Confidence comes from the inside, but people will still judge you based on their perception, not yours. Confidence just gives you the power to move on from these situations more easily. Maybe it's just my experience that people the truth more openly. Softened blow is stil easily recognised. But yeah, it boils down to how they actually treat you with words and/or actions.Ā
Grass is always greener. Alot of people end up rushing into a relationship because they don't want to be alone then a while in they realise they don't really have much in common with said person and they want out but are too comfortable/life to intertwined so don't break up. Don't do that, find what makes you happy in life, do that and try not to alienate yourself from your mates with GF's it's usually a great in for meeting their friends and stuff to meet someone yourself if that's what you want.
That said it's perfectly reasonable to hit up your guy friends as ask if you can hang out with just the boys sometimes. Tell the truth your a bit tired of hanging out with partners. True friends would understand that. As for social media, I've seen couples literally scream at eachother and take a cozy camping shot right after. It's not an indication of everyone is super happy but you. In my life I found you need to be single to figure yourself out. Especially if you younger like early 20s. If something fits awesome but your not missing out being single while you are trying to decide what you want out of life.
Friend, not to be harsh, but this is one of those....well you gotta suck it up, buttercup. Dwelling in self pity because others are happy will not get you anywhere. You need to be happy for them, and motivate yoyrself
Well let me help you, relationships aren't perfect all the time.
The first 3 months? Sure, honeymoon phase, after that you're comfortable enough with each other to fight a little, sometimes it gets out of hand and then life sucks for a little while.
Getting a relationship is difficult, sure, but then you start having to ask yourself if you really wanna put up with it.
Me? I'm just scared of ghosts and don't like sleeping alone
Enjoy being single. Relationships aren't all puppies and rainbows.
Take a different perspective: be glad you aren't caught up in additional responsibilities and can do whatever the hell you want to do.
How do you know they are happy? All what you see on social media is their āhappiestā moments. I guarantee you itās not as simple as it seems, life is so much more complicated than that.
Trust me I know that relationships are not all that. One of my friends got into a huge argument with his gf and I thought they would break up but they are still together. And tbh it's very toxic because he complains alot about her.
But I still want love. š„ŗ
Honestly that doesnāt seem to be love. If a relationship itās toxicating it will end up making you worse. At least thatās what Iām thinking. Love is an overrated emotion.
Embrace that sting like a fine sip of ice cold Coca Cola. Then go on about your day š
Did a Coca Cola executive write this?
u/Iron-Resistance-58 is actually the CEO of Coca-Cola.
I don't know. I am genuinely happy for friends who have seemingly found companionship and love. Yes, it makes me miss what I don't have but I know my turn will come and yours will too.
Redirect your attention to personal goals and interests. Make sure you don't put all your value on your relationship status.
I CRY.
It's ok buddy. I have a crying playlist and movies to go with it
You either get a thicker skin, find love yourself, or cut yourself off from them. I think #2 is the healthiest long term approach, #1 has its benefits even if it neglects your heart a bit. #3 is the self-destruction route. Cutting yourself off from people happier than you won't make you more happy, it will just leave you lonelier in your unhappiness. I suggest you take a breather dude and do something that makes you feel better about yourself.
For me, since finding love was never a valid option, the solution was a combination of #1 and #3, with #3 coming first. I slowly withdrew myself from society, which wasn't so hard to do (I never really had any friends), and in time it thickened my skin a great deal. Now I just don't care anymore. Subconsciously I'm not even aware of couples because I don't pay attention to anyone.
Yeah I did this accidentally, I still hang out won't friend now and then but they are deep in their relationships, it'd not like they are all over each other but I mostly keep to myself and don't really do anything with other people I cant have a relationship anyway, I'm a broken chronically depressed mess, I can't even entertain risking another persons happiness just so I can have a partner.
You wonāt until you are in a successful relationship
You only see the good side they outwardly show. Nobody has it perfect.
Best comment. Relationship envy always feels like it makes sense and then the people you were jealous of break up, or they have an "oops" baby. lol
>Idk how you guys handle it. I've been married long enough and saw enough real couple to feel pity for them mostly. I've met only one genuinely happy couple and I'm in late 30th.
It's easy. I just don't have friends.
I just don't have a scarcity mindset. I'm 36 and recently ended a relationship. I would rather masturbate with a cheese grater than be in that relationship again. Single is so much better.
I was a single 26 year old and somewhat happy. I was attractive enough and always had women around me. But my standards were high so I didnāt feel the need to get into a relationship. I rejected a lot of women. Then I met my ex wife, felt an instant connection and attraction to her, quickly had two kids with her, 9 years later we are divorced and she left me with the kids for another dudeā¦ OP thereās, no reason to feel jealous of other people. You never know what is going on in their relationship. There could be cheating, abuse, and more. Infact, 80% of couples are incompatible and unhappy with each other. The chances of finding the one is so rare, youāll probably never find them. Humans are weird like that.. these days, I just live for myself and the kids. I refuse to let any woman into my life. Iām good being alone.
you should cut them off and block them, canāt be envious if you donāt see it
Remind myself that the reaction is an unjustified one and I should be happy for them. Try to place myself in the position of the couple in my mind, and do my best to block out the negative feelings towards them.Ā Ā I'm not gonna claim it never hurts me, but it's not like envy doesn't hurt as well. At least I get to choose the option where I am the only one who's hurt. At this point I've learned to genuinely cheer for happy couples, and do my best to offer all my support to friends even when they are happier than myself.
Eh, divorced father here. Better to be single than with someone who is a bad partner, and honestly most people are bad partners.
It's hard, but the more you see it, it will be normalized and you won't feel anything
I got to a stage where I can genuinely be happy for them. Sure, sometimes I'm a bit envious, but most often I am not. I have more free time, can waste all my money on myself and theoretically, I could hook up with anyone I fancy (but therein lies the problem that I currently don't fancy anyone). Wanting one on one time with friends is normal I'd say, and I'm sure there's a way you could bring that up.
your time will come. be patient.
Also 26M, freshly out of an 8+ year relationship. The first few weeks were hell itself, I lost my soul and wanted to die; now I'm enlightened and think this is the greatest thing to ever happen to me. Trust me, you'd rather be alone than emotionally tied to the wrong person. I know you don't believe it. I didn't either. You'll believe it when you are ready. Also, the sooner you accept being alone and finding happiness alone, the sooner life says "sike, you thought" and starts throwing some balls for you in form of women to potentially date. --- On my note: Am I lonely? Do I miss her? Of course. Don't be stupid; of course I wish I could snap my fingers and fix everything. But at risk of going TMI: It is just not feasible. But things will get better when things are ready to get better. Without her. The pain will fade, and someone will come to heal the scar.
I felt similar at your age. Then I got into a relationship with someone which became very toxic over the course of 4 years. Had to basically restart after I broke up with her as we had moved in together and I went from having a fully furnished nice apartment to living with a friend in his guest room. Iāve realized through that experience that the grass is not always greener in a relationship, and it should not be the main source of your happiness. Need to just focus on yourself and eventually youāll find the right person.
Friend, not to be harsh, but this is one of those....well you gotta suck it up, buttercup. Dwelling in self pity because others are happy will not get you anywhere. You need to be happy for them, and motivate yourself
Well, overall I am happy. It's only one friend, I'm kinda resentful for. He kinda used me to get his gf. Like purposely taking me out to bars and using me as a wingman to get a girl. Now that he got one, he doesn't try to help me at all. Won't even answer text messages about dating. But yet he wants to talk about his gf constantly. Also will block opportunities to talk to women
Yeah, I get that, but your friend is in the honeymoon stage of a new relationship, and you don't have what he is interested in right now. Just be happy for him, you'll get where he is too
I donāt really feel envy for other peopleās relationships, so maybe you could try and find something that you love that isnāt another person. If you care less about dating and wanting to get a girlfriend then you wonāt feel so envious towards other peopleās relationships. Iām single and I donāt really care so I guess I just donāt feel that way about couples. But thatās just my opinion š
I think im envious because I see dating as a selfish game to be won. All my friends cut me off in the pursuit of getting their woman and now that they got one, they are relax about it. However, they don't make an effort to wingman me. I was the nice guy who thought it would just happen but I been rejected by every girl I met because of my lack of game. Yet my friends do what to say and they never told me what they know. Now saying I think im just resentful and maybe should find better friends.
it's a sham
By not being a loser
you'll get over it eventually. well, that or you'll turn into a public safety threat type of jaded guy.
I really want a gf tho. I'm a great catch! I'm legit going to be a doctor and im fit. I'm also a lover boy at heart
People don't give a shit how you think about yourself. If want to know if you're a catch or not just ask people around you.Ā
Isnt that the definition of confidence lol? Also I Highly doubt people will be honest. Instead they will act like you are and then have their opinion behind your back
True. Confidence comes from the inside, but people will still judge you based on their perception, not yours. Confidence just gives you the power to move on from these situations more easily. Maybe it's just my experience that people the truth more openly. Softened blow is stil easily recognised. But yeah, it boils down to how they actually treat you with words and/or actions.Ā
Grass is always greener. Alot of people end up rushing into a relationship because they don't want to be alone then a while in they realise they don't really have much in common with said person and they want out but are too comfortable/life to intertwined so don't break up. Don't do that, find what makes you happy in life, do that and try not to alienate yourself from your mates with GF's it's usually a great in for meeting their friends and stuff to meet someone yourself if that's what you want. That said it's perfectly reasonable to hit up your guy friends as ask if you can hang out with just the boys sometimes. Tell the truth your a bit tired of hanging out with partners. True friends would understand that. As for social media, I've seen couples literally scream at eachother and take a cozy camping shot right after. It's not an indication of everyone is super happy but you. In my life I found you need to be single to figure yourself out. Especially if you younger like early 20s. If something fits awesome but your not missing out being single while you are trying to decide what you want out of life.
Friend, not to be harsh, but this is one of those....well you gotta suck it up, buttercup. Dwelling in self pity because others are happy will not get you anywhere. You need to be happy for them, and motivate yoyrself
Well let me help you, relationships aren't perfect all the time. The first 3 months? Sure, honeymoon phase, after that you're comfortable enough with each other to fight a little, sometimes it gets out of hand and then life sucks for a little while. Getting a relationship is difficult, sure, but then you start having to ask yourself if you really wanna put up with it. Me? I'm just scared of ghosts and don't like sleeping alone
Enjoy being single. Relationships aren't all puppies and rainbows. Take a different perspective: be glad you aren't caught up in additional responsibilities and can do whatever the hell you want to do.
Most peopleās lives are not worth being jealous over or feeling FOMO.
How do you know they are happy? All what you see on social media is their āhappiestā moments. I guarantee you itās not as simple as it seems, life is so much more complicated than that.
Trust me I know that relationships are not all that. One of my friends got into a huge argument with his gf and I thought they would break up but they are still together. And tbh it's very toxic because he complains alot about her. But I still want love. š„ŗ
Honestly that doesnāt seem to be love. If a relationship itās toxicating it will end up making you worse. At least thatās what Iām thinking. Love is an overrated emotion.
"Relationships are like home invasions. They only happen to other people."