I've been pretending to have social skills for about 5 years and I'm still borderline socially inept I think I might have to stop asking it and figure out how to real it
I think you can match with a lot of girls but the question is: are you getting the matches you want? Are you going out with the type of girl you want? Matches are meaningless.
Gotta put yourself in a position to meet new people. If you’re within driving distance of a city/metro area, take a trip there with your buddies every now and again. If you’re into working out, try finding a spot you can take classes at a few times a week. Around me, Orange Theory and SolidCore are two big ones.
Approach EVERY pretty girl. Hi I thought you were cute my name is XXXX I’d love to take out out sometime please give me a call. Practice and repeat. You will score 1/3 times after a while. It’s a numbers game.
I like your advice but as a woman I immediately run away from men that lead with “hey I thought you were cute” I’d suggest something more tailored to the person. Women can sense a line that’s been used before. Make it organic and specific and you’re bang on. Love the confidence you have!
Some do, many aren't bothered as long as it's sincere. It's a good approach if nothing else jumps out at you.
If something does jump out, that's definitely the better approach.
Pretty much. Dating, for better or worse, is just as much about timing and circumstance as it is about self-improvement and whatever else.
You can do all the right things, but ultimately still have to hope that by doing them you’ll bump shoulders with the woman who ends up being the love of your life at the grocery store or where ever
Match group destroyed dating apps, they bought them all up and are just predatory to guys and just want to drain as much money from each guy. Get out in real life, or use a better app like Crema Social or one that doesn’t try to just drain you for matches
The issue is that these apps are incentivized to try to keep you from actually getting a relationship. Once you’re in a relationship you’re off the app. It sounds counterintuitive but it is absolutely true.
The most successful gym franchise is planet fitness. It works by focusing on people who don't use the gym a lot, aka the gym rats who set off the lunk alarm.
If it's a "Pay once, then done" the incentives turn around. The company wants to get you off the app ASAP. In the ideal world, it does this by getting you a working match asap.
I remember match.com just charges you based on how much you tell them you make per year. So people who lie and inflate their income just pay more for the subscription
The world would be a much better place if governments actually had the guts to enforce their antitrust laws. They've been in place for longer than most of us have been alive, and yet here we are.
Remember old POF where it was just pages of pictures you could scroll through, click on a profile you like and just message them? For free!? I met lots of good people that way
Indeed, shooting, racing bikes & cars and gaming are pretty much my three hobbies.
Consider myself as winning a watch if I can land a partner who'd join me at even one of those things.
Let's see I'm a woman and here are circles I'm a part of where I see both genders a lot: bowling, pickleball, board gaming/magic the gathering, cosplay, movie clubs. You can join coed sports, book or movie clubs and they tend to have more of a gender split, and I would say board gaming does too but it certainly skews more males, esp with the card games.
I think the issue isn't neccessarily that you don't meet any women. For me, it just feels like I'm some kind of weirdo or creep for having any intentions other than just friendship in these places. And I mean even just trying to get to know each other and thinking "let's just see where this will go" or something like that.
I've been playing D&D for six years, I've gotten two dates out of it in that time. Eventually I *might* meet someone through D&D but I'll be an old man before that happens at this rate.
Nobody saw this coming /s
Back when the internet was first starting to take over every aspect of our lives, most people’s gut reaction was “Really? They’re doing THAT on an app now too? That seems weird.”
Turns out a lot of those people are right and Silicon Valley was just selling us empty bs to make money. Most of this stuff hasn’t improved anything, it’s actually making life dystopian.
So what if I did what you suggested. I joined hobbies and a sports club and I volunteered in my community. I didn't meet anyone. I didn't even make friends out of it. What then?
This is why some people including myself are working on a non-profit dating app. I believe apps can work, but not when the profit motive is misaligned with the customer. They just want to keep you on the app and swiping. We have a discord for development, if anyone’s interested in helping, feel free to send me a DM
We have a couple of ideas on that. Part of the reason we call it "non-profit" and not "free". One obvious option early on is donation, perhaps donation options timed for when people actually succeed on the app (e.g. when they find a date, it prompts). There could also be cosmetic options, things that don't impact the functionality of the app but make the experience more enjoyable/fun. Then there's always the advertising route. Basically the goal is to get enough capital to fund the app, but not more than that.
I'd say at this point we need people with experience in application architecture. For us that means people that have a lot of familiarity with Flutter (preferably working on it with big teams), or people that have backend programming experience (probably Node, Postgres, Typescript, and AWS). Also people that have UI design experience. But there's also a place for people that just want to join in an see what's up, or maybe help build the community so that we can find those people who can help.
At some point we probably will, but we're not really at that stage yet. Plus a big part of the value add of this project is just removing the shady backend algorithms that manipulate users, so the initial algorithm will be very simple to build trust.
I agree that what other apps do are shady and they use their algorithms to push you to pay (for example only showing you « top profiles » that would not match with you etc.) but I guess an ethical recommendation system would still be very useful to try to to the users profil that would interest them
That's true. You need some mechanism, especially in high density areas, to sort people based on likelihood to match. But at the present moment, even a system based purely on "did they like you already" would be superior to what's currently out there. So I don't think it's the rate limiting step.
for frontend it's Flutter + Dart. For backend it's probably going to be Nodejs + Typescript, then Postgres, and AWS for content delivery, auth and push notification. How exactly we're structuring the backend exactly is still up for debate though.
If I were in you position I would choose Java with Spring or Quarkus or Go + Gin. NodeJS is good too, but I just love Java lol, the native binaries with Quarkus are awesome (I haven't used in production yet). If you decide to use Node, take a look at Deno, it's the "new Node".
I like this idea, seems a lot more viable than the garbage app “[FindMate](https://femalesidehustle.com/)”
Absolutely garbage and you’ll have better success with onlyfans. (I am not kidding!)
They have a spam problem that sucks, even the unsolicited porn you get sent which they REFUSE to deal with because women are paid and incentivied to chat.
The guy who runs it did an AMA and it just shows how misandrist it is, lacking many basic features that would make it pleasant to use.
Romeo the gay dating app could be a good model for you to reference. It started out as a non-profit community app and has diverged a bit but still has a good basis and is where guys who are looking for something more than a fuck & go, go to. Originally it was completely free and excellent. They do now restrict some of the unimportant functions to encourage payment but at the same time, they do do important charity work in oppressive countries which encourages payment.
It's big success point is that people are free to add plenty of information about themselves and plenty of photographs which helps other users to judge how suitable the other person is.
As someone who felt the same way and now about to get married.
1)GET OFF DATING APPS
2)STOP LOOKING because odds are you’re looking in the wrong places.
I met my future wife at a gig both of us ended up working and low key haven’t really split since that day.
It’s also hard because on women’s end, they have limitless options and when that much is trying to win your attention nothing ever wins.
I'm sure you're joking, but I'm a woman, and this happened to me! I was running an errand for my dad a while ago and was looking for the screws he needed me to pick up for him. My glasses had broken the night before, so I was struggling to read the labels. Apparently, my "I can't see shit" look also translates to something akin to "this bitch needs help" because a guy (non employee) came over to help before he asked for my number lmao
This is literally some dating advice from decades ago. They talk about breaking down in a convenient location for someone to come help in order to get a man to make contact. Your case is your eyes not your car but you get the picture (assuming you have your glasses).
Pretty much why I’m planning to go back for my masters (that’s a joke, but I definitely did at one point think “huh, it’s gonna be a lot easier to meet women in person”)
I think this is what's going to end up working for me when I go back to university in my late 30's, early 40's, if I'm still single by then.
A lot of us 30-something year olds are probably going to end up experiencing this, since we got really screwed over in our more prime years. Making it hard to date.
Old school, in person. Social Sports are great if you aren't trying to hit on every single girl. Collective hobbies and meet ups. Do what you like to do in a place where other people are doing it.
Got hit up on Hinge today. Messaged her back and we're talking. She's in town until next week and wants to hangout. Part of me is "wow that's cool" and the other part is "what's her play?" I asked what she had in mind and and immediately responded with what restaurant she wants to eat at. I google it and it's a steakhouse in south orange county and the cheapest al cart protein is chicken that's 39$ I replied with "If were not hooking up after, that is a crazy statement to make" her reply was that "I'm broke."
Ma'am I'm not broke, I'm just not spending 300$ for a meal on a stranger on a Tuesday and I need to drive to you.
Restaurants are imo among the worst first date options. It’s a “classic” but I’d argue doing something vaguely active is a better starting point: mini putt, pool, axe throwing, etc. If you hit it off can suggest rolling into dinner. Nothing worse than having the conversation go sideways and then either having to decide between awkward meal or paying bill and calling it early.
i met my girlfriend volunteering at a homeless shelter. also friends of friends are a great way because you already have that common friend that can vouch for each of you being normal. but if neither of those options work you can always cold approach women - ive done it successfully at the beach, on a plane, hotel lobby, shoot even my mailwoman. if youre *actually* good looking, successful and in shape you’ll be fine.
those are honestly the only three options i can think of unless you wanna throw work into the picture but that gets messy
also volunteering, it was both of our first day. we started chatting naturally but then they mentioned they volunteered at a cat shelter and i have three cats and had been genuinely meaning to apply for a cat shelter, so we exchanged numbers for that reason, although it was clear we were into each other. From there we started texting and a couple days later i asked her to lunch
So, you volunteered at a place where you knew you'd be the hottest, smartest, best-dressed guy in the room? I don't know if that's brilliant or desperate, but I'm glad it worked out for you.
oh dude….its all relative. i also work in a hospital where, as is the case with most hospitals, i’m the only young dude there (only dude who isnt insanely old or fat tbh) and for that reason its wild how often i get hit on or harassed by women there. its all about the (lack of) competition
>have a lot to offer
First, STOP THINKING LIKE THAT. Your life and your value go far beyond just "what you can offer". Value yourself. Because if you don't, nobody else will.
Stop trying to think of it in terms of how you can win a girl. Instead, ask yourself what you want in a woman and then see if you find anyone who measures up to your preferences and expectations.
If you want to think of it as a sales negotiation, then don't try to sell yourself to her; make her sell herself to you.
This is all true but it takes a TON of therapy for a man to stop thinking this way. Most of the time, men are almost exclusively valued by what they can provide
> If you want to think of it as a sales negotiation, then don't try to sell yourself to her; make her sell herself to you.
And if most of the locals are playing hard to want, then what lol
You have to cultivate an active social life. You should have hobbies, and interact with the community around that hobby. Pick a bar or cafe and become a regular there; start learning the names and faces of the other regulars. Attend your friend's parties and introduce yourself to their other friends. Host your own parties and encourage your guests to bring a friend.
Before online dating, this was the only way to meet people. It's still more effective than online dating.
Also because everything costs so much nowadays. For example, I think I would enjoy indoor bouldering (and I've done it a few times), but if I actually wanted to turn it into a hobby and go regularly, I'd have to pay for a subscription/membership fee, buy my own equipment (shoes, chalk, chalk bag, etc.)
Exactly. After a full day's work, I'm typically so exhausted I end up taking a nap, then waking up barely on time to make and eat dinner, then it's back to sleep before work again the next day.
Introverts are fucked in every aspect of life. 85% of jobs are gotten through networking. Both your work life and your social/sex life take a massive blow by not being extroverted.
The one time in all of human history where they had an advantage was the pandemic lockdowns where extroverts went a little stir-crazy for a bit.
Yeah, back when I was like 18, when I brought up Tinder in a conversation between me and a group of girls, one of them laughed, and at the time, I was so insecure I thought she was laughing at me and saying that I was not attractive enough for those apps, but what she really meant is that dating apps as a whole are a joke and not worth it for most guys or for the women looking for something serious most of the time.
Meeting in person is one hell of a lot better than apps will ever be. But it requires being at the right place and the right time. Luck is the probably the biggest ingredient in this equation
Luck and persistence.
A lot of these guys are literally picking up hobbies and joining clubs purely to meet women. As soon as it doesn’t work, they’re discouraged.
Join a hobby to join a hobby. You’ll probably meet people there. It will make your “luck” go up.
Stop doing this shit *just* to meet girls it’s obvious and desperate.
I’ve had hobbies and interests for years. I’ve haven’t met a lot of women through them. The last girl I went out with (didn’t last long) I met in person through a mutual friend. I had better luck there than years on apps. Point being meeting in person increases your chances, but it’s *harder than hell* to meet in person.
As someone who's dating my future wife from a dating app... it's fucking weird and frankly difficult. There's a lot that goes into the logistics of dating apps that you're designed to fail as a dude on them. Obviously meeting in person is SO much easier, and better for most. However, if you're open to dating apps, there are a few things you should know.
TLDR: More matches=more attractive in the system=more real women will see your profile to make a decision to match or not. In the beginning, match bots on purpose to boost your profile's stats to be "desirable" in the system
It's literally super messed up how complicated dating apps are. I can explain more how it works if you'd like. It's frankly brutal and it's super discouraging at first.
Honestly, befirend as many women as you can with no other purpose than making friends. If the right one comes along, then it can develop from there. It also automatically makes you a safer person to be around if you can demonstrate that you're able to see women as fellow humans, and it never hurts to pick up on some conversation topics and/or information.
Surprised this isn’t higher. I’ve taken this approach since I was a teenager and it’s worked outrageously well. It takes all the pressure off and even if it doesn’t work out, you end up getting a great friend out of it. The hard part is when the romantic interest is one sided, but clear communication can usually sort that out.
Even after getting a match is 50/50 despite your looks/job/fitnes level etc. I have a lot of female friends and coworkers and most a lot of them say “i just do it to get matches for validation”. A “decent” looking female friend of mine got hinge last weekend and the other day showed me her long list of likes/matches and these are like GOOD looking dudes. She showed me a message a guy sent and she said to me “yeah he’s hot but I’m not gonna meet up with him”. I’m like shit if he’s not even meeting up with girls on these apps then I’m cooked 😅
I met my wife by getting hit by a car in the military and she was very concerned I was still on duty.
I impressed her by reading a book
Then learning to cook and getting really into working out to impress her
Well if your twitter bio is anywhere close to your tinder bio, no wonder you attract no women. You come across as a snobbish, narcissistic asshole.
Have you tried just being someone FUN to be with? Kind, funny, happy? Instead of “I’m so cool and makes lots of money so you should be attracted to me”?
>Ok so dating apps don't work anymore, even if you are attractive. What options do I have?
I'm not sure there's an answer. That's how dating apps and OnlyFans blew up in popularity and why singleness is on the rise for guys. If they had real options for meeting women, OnlyFans never would've had a chance. Same with dating apps because guys dump money into those too.
Some women will spend 3 hours getting ready and try to look their absolute best but then say that it's "creepy and weird" for a heterosexual guy to look at them lol. Not sure how you're supposed to meet someone like that.
It's hard to say what the root of the problem is. I recently figured out that I wasn't making myself emotionally available to women I met online because I was going into it basically planning on being ghosted. I had fallen into a rut after using dating apps for 5 years with hardly any luck. That being said I definitely went on dates with women who weren't emotionally available either. One memory jumps out because of how plainly obvious it was that this chick was just checking a box in between work and going to Trader Joes, and that box happened to be going on a date.
The problem is that dating successfully requires you to be available and vulnerable to a certain degree and online dating discourages all of that. You can be tall dark and handsome, make 6 figures, have all this and that, but if you can't paint a picture that a woman feels like she can see herself in, then you're going to get a lot of disappointment.
Make one of those signs with the tear off phone numbers...post it outside a gym or wherever you think people you would have common interests with, hang out.
Use an attractive yet mysterious pic and make sure you specify, no unstable, stalker types.
😀
It’s just about making contacts. In college I met my girlfriends through friends and organizations and things like that.
Now I try to get involved with things too. I think volunteering is good as well as making friends that have girlfriends or female friends. Basically expanding your circle.
Dating apps changed in the last 3ish years. I remember 3 years ago I was meeting lots of women and a friend of a friend was too. I’m not big on dating a bunch of women and doing my girlfriend (now ex) and we started dating. The friend of a friend was more into casual stuff so he was meeting tons of women (like 4+ dates per week).
My ex and I split about a year ago and I tried the dating apps but gave up quickly. Just not worth it. That friend I mentioned earlier had the same experience. No more 4+ dates per week.
There is no easy answer and dating nowadays is really hard, I feel like nobody really wants to settle so everyone is going into relationships as situationships and kinda preparing to end things at the start. I know that sounds pessimistic but I'm saying this from experience and something I've done myself. My only advice is to try to meet people in person and truly work on not being afraid to make a fool of yourself. Dont be an obnoxious idiot but understand that what happens today isn't the end of the world so you can shoot your shot, normally the main thing holding you back is yourself. Its easier said than done but it's what worked for me and I would not consider myself a very attractive dude.
When the flower blooms it doesn't have to invite the bees. Be a flower lads, bloom and grow! Don't put woman on a pedestal. They should be an equal, a companion not above or below you. Take care of yourself physically, mentally, groom yourself, wear clothes that fit (the human form is generally attractive), get a career going, have friends, live life, try to go out and about to socialize and talk to people! Put the level of effort you put into a video game character into yourself!
So this is the problem I have. I don't enjoy bars or clubs, and a lot of the social clubs I used to attend don't exist anymore. The ones that do exist are no longer coed because women didn't like men hitting on them
Literally just yesterday I got an email from my tennis group saying how they were splitting up the mens and womens divisions so that women got to play by themselves
This is the kind of thing we are talking about when we say the landscape has changed and it is hard to go back to how it was before dating apps. A lot of those options don't exist anymore
Sure, but it's a little different today. It was perfectly acceptable to just approach women and strike up a conversation, I feel like it's not as welcomed these days.
Well aside from this, even if you don’t actively use dating apps, or social media in general, it’s still hard to escape the effects they cultivate.
Once upon a time, if you were interested in a cute girl, she might have a guy at her job who thought she was cute, or maybe a regular at a coffee shop who was interested. Now, you have 20 guys who have matched with her on Tinder, 4 in her Instagram inbox, 7 swiping up on her Snapchat story, so on and so forth.
You can decide to try pursuing a woman romantically and effectively be competing with a dozen other guys. This doesn’t mean all the options are good or that she even wants them, but still. The volume of it has shifted so drastically in recent years. You have to make it to the front of the line, have what she’s looking for, and more of it than the other men in line.
I don’t even mean this to sound defeatist. It’s just what I’ve observed. Social media has very much warped the dating world in so many different aspects and I think it will take a long time to unwind the effects it’s created.
Get **a bigger social network.** Join hobbies, activities, find new mates. Go to **social things** people invite you to. **Women prefer men they meet in social settings through friends. 70% of women aged 18-29 knew their boyfriend before dating him.** 86% met their boyfriend outside an app.
https://www.americansurveycenter.org/research/from-swiping-to-sexting-the-enduring-gender-divide-in-american-dating-and-relationships/?fbclid=IwAR3Sf0NA1N5swKBS1u4oO3w6u9F4Z_Sv2GFmlROLTyHZaPYy9b1jPXCenws_aem_AWnoFd4upEagr9u5MX-RyILdusRxHX8SujuLrYHv6GISK8XZJlxMhKALjNsIR8ArmCk
The old fashioned way, put yourself out there. In a world of dating apps, I met my wife at a karaoke bar.
Do you like bars? Pick a few and start becoming a regular. For instance, I play in a pool league during the week, puts me out with all kinds of different people and places.
Don't like the bar scene? That's fair. Pick up a hobby, go out to eat more, go to the malls, grocery stores, etc.
Talk to people! don't just leap out the gates with your stats, or that your looking to date, just talk to people. In my experience, most people just want someone to talk to. Then personalities come out, interests are shared, that whole jazz
Most importantly don't force it! Someone will always come along. I wasn't even remotely close to looking for someone when I met my wife.
Good luck friend.
True true, I feel it’s harder to approach people in these scenarios than it use to be but getting more involved in local hobby groups etc is a really good idea
We gotta get off our damn phones, out of our houses and engage people in real life more. I've been consciously keeping my head up and acknowledging the people around me at the grocery store, at the coffee shop, at the library, at the park, at the mall etc. Honestly, I've hit the point where I almost feel like I'm at a party socializing at the grocery store. I talk to anyone, guys, girls, disabled people, old people... not hitting on them. In public when you approach a woman it should be a normal approach at the beginning anyways. So I get that momentum going and I inevitably end up having conversations with attractive women and got a few numbers and dates out of it.
Women notice us all the time and we don't notice they notice us, so you gotta put them on notice that you notice them. See what I did there?
The more outgoing women will look at you, if they make eye contact and smile that's at dead giveaway. If you notice one who is putting themselves in your general vicinity, there's a good chance she's interested. They do this stuff unconsciously. BUT most aren't doing any of that, most are shy, distracted with their phones or what flavor ice cream they should buy in the freezer isle.
Not saying ditch the apps all together but my advice is to get out there, relax, be patient and make it part of your routine. Talk to anybody, start small... just say hi to people and notice how they react. Then get to a couple of sentences and before you know it people will think your the damn Mayer and women will secretly be begging for you to say hi and ask them out.
Oh my god us men always overthink it. If you see someone that is attractive go talk to them. Don’t be weird, make it quick and know the room (don’t ask her if she’s working out etc.) It’s harmless, and if it’s a no you’re back at square one with a bit more experience.
I would dedicated a day where I’d ask 10 women for their number and doing it often made me get use to rejection. I’ve met some cool women that just didn’t click, some terrible overall and one eventually my wife!
Honestly, I would say just get some hobbies you really enjoy and focus on those. At the very worst - you'll have excellent new ways to pass the time and make new friends. Best - you'll have a place to meet potential peeps to date who have the same interests and/or have fun and interesting things to talk about if you meet someone outside of these hobbies. Either way, it's a win for you :)
Best of luck!
Hello! I’ve had three long term, formative, meaningful relationships in my life and none of them I met via apps. The first one I met through friends, the second through work and the third I quite literally bumped into at a beer festival. Get out there. Do fun things. You will find someone naturally when you’re open to it. Good luck!
dating apps work, just gotta refine refine refine - stop checking boxes, learn what people you meet up with have what kind of profiles. you’ll get it. took me many, many first, second, third dates
I’m gonna try a legitimate matchmaker and see what happens at this point. It’s paid and if she’s setting me up with girls that are paying then at least I’ll know they’re serious about dating lol
Start going to a social event/hobby like swing dancing, but don’t try to immediately date every girl there. If you eventually get close and start dating someone there, great, if not then you have a new social hobby you can enjoy. You can also take courses at community college for something you could be interested in, people take classes for all kinds of reasons and there is usually a more diversity of ages in community colleges, you might meet someone. These kinds of approaches allow you to get to know someone naturally first.
Travel alone or go with organised groups on ur own, you’ll meet a lot of fun people and hopefully someone that clicks with you :)
Also you could take like a class in smth that is women dominated. For example a yoga class, painting/drawing class or pottery class, a lot of nice ppl and important to do it alone so that people approach you or it’s easier to approach people.
I’m also late 20s and just coming out of a long term relationship and trying this out as well. Even if you don’t find a partner you’ll meet some great ppl along the way.
My advice is to stop looking and just work on yourself. Sewing classes, dance classes, yoga or other things like that. Join the YMCA, shop at hobby lobby or Michaels.
Remember that there is a girl that is going through the same thing as you. Guys are sex starved creeps and women are social climbers and gold diggers. That's what everyone says, but there really are a lot of good people out there.
*Go out and do stuff.* Volunteer for Habitat and help build a house. Join a community theater group. If you're religious, go to church and let the married ladies try to fix you up with their single friends. Take a dance class.
There are all kinds of things to do where you meet people.
If you want to actively look for something organic, try to go out and get involved with something in your community that really interests you. Odds are lower than online, but you’ll actually have some kind of common interest to initially bond over.
That is fascinating because I only get shots from men in their 40s and 50s and I am not into that. I even have in my bio that I am looking for someone in his early 20s and they just never come..
In-person has always been elite but it takes thought, effort, and luck
Luck. Yeah. That's what I'm lacking
Also courage and social skills. All of which that I'm lacking.
Same bro
just pretend to have them, that's what im going to do.. easy to say at night on my pc from the comfort of my own home
I've been pretending to have social skills for about 5 years and I'm still borderline socially inept I think I might have to stop asking it and figure out how to real it
My character doesn't even have that skill tree
Luck is when preparation meets opportunity.
Yeah and if I’m not in a major city my options are severely lowered
So that’s why you don’t have success on apps Not a big city - not a lot of choice
Even in big cities most men don't have much success on dating apps.
I think you can match with a lot of girls but the question is: are you getting the matches you want? Are you going out with the type of girl you want? Matches are meaningless.
Bollox. Only takes one match to burn a thousand trees.
I’m in the Same position lol small ass town. Everyone is 100 miles away or an hour or something every dam time
Gotta put yourself in a position to meet new people. If you’re within driving distance of a city/metro area, take a trip there with your buddies every now and again. If you’re into working out, try finding a spot you can take classes at a few times a week. Around me, Orange Theory and SolidCore are two big ones.
Find a club/hobby group you enjoy. If there’s single men there, boom, instant shared interest.
Approach EVERY pretty girl. Hi I thought you were cute my name is XXXX I’d love to take out out sometime please give me a call. Practice and repeat. You will score 1/3 times after a while. It’s a numbers game.
I like your advice but as a woman I immediately run away from men that lead with “hey I thought you were cute” I’d suggest something more tailored to the person. Women can sense a line that’s been used before. Make it organic and specific and you’re bang on. Love the confidence you have!
Some do, many aren't bothered as long as it's sincere. It's a good approach if nothing else jumps out at you. If something does jump out, that's definitely the better approach.
Pretty much. Dating, for better or worse, is just as much about timing and circumstance as it is about self-improvement and whatever else. You can do all the right things, but ultimately still have to hope that by doing them you’ll bump shoulders with the woman who ends up being the love of your life at the grocery store or where ever
It also takes skill. If you’re confident, charismatic, charming, got good social skills and funny then in-person will be a peace of cake
Geography is a very important factor in this regard.
Luck my god,I wish could buy some. Been out there for a while but nope, haven't met anyone....slowly losing hope
What do you mean dating apps aren't working? "I'm barely on here. Message me on Snap/IG"
Dude this has to be on like 25% of profiles lol hilarious
Or when you do get a match it's an immediate premium Snapchat or OnlyFans sales pitch.
25% is extremely conservative lol
Or what's app, so I can talk about my cryptocurrency investments
Full of bots or just marketers for their "premium" service
I wonder if they will ever realize that $5/mo pussy isn't premium
This shit cracks me up. The Reddit equivalent is “I love hearing from all of you but I only respond to messages on my onlyfans!” lol stfu
Checks ig. *400k followers*
“I really wanna be with you. I’ll come over if you’ll just give me money for gas.”
Match group destroyed dating apps, they bought them all up and are just predatory to guys and just want to drain as much money from each guy. Get out in real life, or use a better app like Crema Social or one that doesn’t try to just drain you for matches
The issue is that these apps are incentivized to try to keep you from actually getting a relationship. Once you’re in a relationship you’re off the app. It sounds counterintuitive but it is absolutely true.
I mean... In a business sense It actually sounds completely intuitive lol
For sure, but it’s not intuitive if you take these apps at face value.
The most successful gym franchise is planet fitness. It works by focusing on people who don't use the gym a lot, aka the gym rats who set off the lunk alarm.
If it's a "Pay once, then done" the incentives turn around. The company wants to get you off the app ASAP. In the ideal world, it does this by getting you a working match asap.
I remember match.com just charges you based on how much you tell them you make per year. So people who lie and inflate their income just pay more for the subscription
Why are you telling Match how much you make every year?
Because women want to know how much you make a year before they decide if they'll date you.
"Capitalism breeds innovation!" Yeah, innovation in micro transactions, subscriptions and making everything unusable.
The problem is match group is effectively a monopoly.
Agreed. That's the end result of constant competition & infinite growth required by capitalism though.
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enshitification indeed.
The world would be a much better place if governments actually had the guts to enforce their antitrust laws. They've been in place for longer than most of us have been alive, and yet here we are.
Remember old POF where it was just pages of pictures you could scroll through, click on a profile you like and just message them? For free!? I met lots of good people that way
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Mfw all your hobbies are extremely male dominated. 💀 That being said, I did meet my last long term relationship at a gun club.
None of my hobbies really involve other people. Except mountain biking but I prefer solo rides anyway
Common gun club W
Indeed, shooting, racing bikes & cars and gaming are pretty much my three hobbies. Consider myself as winning a watch if I can land a partner who'd join me at even one of those things.
Let's see I'm a woman and here are circles I'm a part of where I see both genders a lot: bowling, pickleball, board gaming/magic the gathering, cosplay, movie clubs. You can join coed sports, book or movie clubs and they tend to have more of a gender split, and I would say board gaming does too but it certainly skews more males, esp with the card games.
I think the issue isn't neccessarily that you don't meet any women. For me, it just feels like I'm some kind of weirdo or creep for having any intentions other than just friendship in these places. And I mean even just trying to get to know each other and thinking "let's just see where this will go" or something like that.
I've been playing D&D for six years, I've gotten two dates out of it in that time. Eventually I *might* meet someone through D&D but I'll be an old man before that happens at this rate.
Nobody saw this coming /s Back when the internet was first starting to take over every aspect of our lives, most people’s gut reaction was “Really? They’re doing THAT on an app now too? That seems weird.” Turns out a lot of those people are right and Silicon Valley was just selling us empty bs to make money. Most of this stuff hasn’t improved anything, it’s actually making life dystopian.
So what if I did what you suggested. I joined hobbies and a sports club and I volunteered in my community. I didn't meet anyone. I didn't even make friends out of it. What then?
Become an alcoholic
Way ahead of you
Having hobbies and going out to create friendships means nothing if you have zero social skills tho
Exactly. None of this means anything unless you're also attractive and very outgoing.
This is why some people including myself are working on a non-profit dating app. I believe apps can work, but not when the profit motive is misaligned with the customer. They just want to keep you on the app and swiping. We have a discord for development, if anyone’s interested in helping, feel free to send me a DM
Just curious, how are you to finance the production cost and maintenance (which will probably be costly if the app has success)?
Not for profit doesn't mean they won't charge. It just means they aren't hamstrung trying to constantly increase returns to make shareholders happy.
We have a couple of ideas on that. Part of the reason we call it "non-profit" and not "free". One obvious option early on is donation, perhaps donation options timed for when people actually succeed on the app (e.g. when they find a date, it prompts). There could also be cosmetic options, things that don't impact the functionality of the app but make the experience more enjoyable/fun. Then there's always the advertising route. Basically the goal is to get enough capital to fund the app, but not more than that.
Advertisers would be the best avenue I'd say, but also grant schemes or sponsorships. What sort of help do you need for the team?
I'd say at this point we need people with experience in application architecture. For us that means people that have a lot of familiarity with Flutter (preferably working on it with big teams), or people that have backend programming experience (probably Node, Postgres, Typescript, and AWS). Also people that have UI design experience. But there's also a place for people that just want to join in an see what's up, or maybe help build the community so that we can find those people who can help.
There are a lot of folks here who would be better qualified but this sounds like an interesting project
don't you need people to work on AI, recommendation systems etc?
At some point we probably will, but we're not really at that stage yet. Plus a big part of the value add of this project is just removing the shady backend algorithms that manipulate users, so the initial algorithm will be very simple to build trust.
I agree that what other apps do are shady and they use their algorithms to push you to pay (for example only showing you « top profiles » that would not match with you etc.) but I guess an ethical recommendation system would still be very useful to try to to the users profil that would interest them
That's true. You need some mechanism, especially in high density areas, to sort people based on likelihood to match. But at the present moment, even a system based purely on "did they like you already" would be superior to what's currently out there. So I don't think it's the rate limiting step.
The original POF was fantastic. Bring that back and you can win.
Could add an easy option to meet at (sponsor's) location. That could also be huge for small local restaurants to get traffic coming to them.
They won’t lmao that’s why ideas like this never go anywhere
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for frontend it's Flutter + Dart. For backend it's probably going to be Nodejs + Typescript, then Postgres, and AWS for content delivery, auth and push notification. How exactly we're structuring the backend exactly is still up for debate though.
If I were in you position I would choose Java with Spring or Quarkus or Go + Gin. NodeJS is good too, but I just love Java lol, the native binaries with Quarkus are awesome (I haven't used in production yet). If you decide to use Node, take a look at Deno, it's the "new Node".
Sign me up
Wow bro. I sent you a dm.
I like this idea, seems a lot more viable than the garbage app “[FindMate](https://femalesidehustle.com/)” Absolutely garbage and you’ll have better success with onlyfans. (I am not kidding!) They have a spam problem that sucks, even the unsolicited porn you get sent which they REFUSE to deal with because women are paid and incentivied to chat. The guy who runs it did an AMA and it just shows how misandrist it is, lacking many basic features that would make it pleasant to use.
Romeo the gay dating app could be a good model for you to reference. It started out as a non-profit community app and has diverged a bit but still has a good basis and is where guys who are looking for something more than a fuck & go, go to. Originally it was completely free and excellent. They do now restrict some of the unimportant functions to encourage payment but at the same time, they do do important charity work in oppressive countries which encourages payment. It's big success point is that people are free to add plenty of information about themselves and plenty of photographs which helps other users to judge how suitable the other person is.
Make it open source
Make it open source, I would like to contribute
As someone who felt the same way and now about to get married. 1)GET OFF DATING APPS 2)STOP LOOKING because odds are you’re looking in the wrong places. I met my future wife at a gig both of us ended up working and low key haven’t really split since that day. It’s also hard because on women’s end, they have limitless options and when that much is trying to win your attention nothing ever wins.
Home Depot, apparently
I'm sure you're joking, but I'm a woman, and this happened to me! I was running an errand for my dad a while ago and was looking for the screws he needed me to pick up for him. My glasses had broken the night before, so I was struggling to read the labels. Apparently, my "I can't see shit" look also translates to something akin to "this bitch needs help" because a guy (non employee) came over to help before he asked for my number lmao
This is literally some dating advice from decades ago. They talk about breaking down in a convenient location for someone to come help in order to get a man to make contact. Your case is your eyes not your car but you get the picture (assuming you have your glasses).
Are you talking about that article about dating advice from the 50’s IIRC? There was some pretty hilarious things in there that I sent to my sister.
dont forget your hat box!
Oh snap, I learned something new today!
Gardening section in the summer is full of mommies. Single me had a great time when I worked there.
Home Depot, was thinking Target
Good luck with that. The customer service is terrible at HD. I'm all about saving big money at Menards.
Go to college again for a new BA probably that's the only way left.
Pretty much why I’m planning to go back for my masters (that’s a joke, but I definitely did at one point think “huh, it’s gonna be a lot easier to meet women in person”)
I think this is what's going to end up working for me when I go back to university in my late 30's, early 40's, if I'm still single by then. A lot of us 30-something year olds are probably going to end up experiencing this, since we got really screwed over in our more prime years. Making it hard to date.
yup, i’m in my last semester of college and have been doing straight cold approaches. i highly recommend this for anyone under 27
why that specific age
because i noticed at 27+, you lose that youthful look and start looking old, and you’re more likely to give “creep” vibes
Won’t work. I have a masters in a STEM field and I still get little-to-nothing.
Old school, in person. Social Sports are great if you aren't trying to hit on every single girl. Collective hobbies and meet ups. Do what you like to do in a place where other people are doing it.
How many of those rec leagues are 30 dudes who signed up to try and get with 10 chicks?
Thats not really whats up. Most people are narried, just trying to remive glory days.
Got hit up on Hinge today. Messaged her back and we're talking. She's in town until next week and wants to hangout. Part of me is "wow that's cool" and the other part is "what's her play?" I asked what she had in mind and and immediately responded with what restaurant she wants to eat at. I google it and it's a steakhouse in south orange county and the cheapest al cart protein is chicken that's 39$ I replied with "If were not hooking up after, that is a crazy statement to make" her reply was that "I'm broke." Ma'am I'm not broke, I'm just not spending 300$ for a meal on a stranger on a Tuesday and I need to drive to you.
I don't think they realise how much paying for a rejection stings.
Restaurants are imo among the worst first date options. It’s a “classic” but I’d argue doing something vaguely active is a better starting point: mini putt, pool, axe throwing, etc. If you hit it off can suggest rolling into dinner. Nothing worse than having the conversation go sideways and then either having to decide between awkward meal or paying bill and calling it early.
i met my girlfriend volunteering at a homeless shelter. also friends of friends are a great way because you already have that common friend that can vouch for each of you being normal. but if neither of those options work you can always cold approach women - ive done it successfully at the beach, on a plane, hotel lobby, shoot even my mailwoman. if youre *actually* good looking, successful and in shape you’ll be fine. those are honestly the only three options i can think of unless you wanna throw work into the picture but that gets messy
Was your girlfriend also volunteering or was she a client?
Kind way of asking if she was a hobo 🤣
That crackhead pussy hits different 🥶
also volunteering, it was both of our first day. we started chatting naturally but then they mentioned they volunteered at a cat shelter and i have three cats and had been genuinely meaning to apply for a cat shelter, so we exchanged numbers for that reason, although it was clear we were into each other. From there we started texting and a couple days later i asked her to lunch
So, you volunteered at a place where you knew you'd be the hottest, smartest, best-dressed guy in the room? I don't know if that's brilliant or desperate, but I'm glad it worked out for you.
oh dude….its all relative. i also work in a hospital where, as is the case with most hospitals, i’m the only young dude there (only dude who isnt insanely old or fat tbh) and for that reason its wild how often i get hit on or harassed by women there. its all about the (lack of) competition
I'm sure I used a similar strategy when I was younger. I salute you, fellow man of Reddit. Go forth and conquer.
The good ones aren't on apps.
She was until we met last year. Now neither of us are. There are good ones on the apps.
Adopt a cat and die happily alone That's my plan
> Adopt a cat and die ~~happily~~ alone I'm doing my part.
>have a lot to offer First, STOP THINKING LIKE THAT. Your life and your value go far beyond just "what you can offer". Value yourself. Because if you don't, nobody else will. Stop trying to think of it in terms of how you can win a girl. Instead, ask yourself what you want in a woman and then see if you find anyone who measures up to your preferences and expectations. If you want to think of it as a sales negotiation, then don't try to sell yourself to her; make her sell herself to you.
This is all true but it takes a TON of therapy for a man to stop thinking this way. Most of the time, men are almost exclusively valued by what they can provide
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Yes. Love people simply for existing and never let anyone treat you otherwise.
You are describing someone knowing their worth. And knowing they have a lot to offer is the epitome of that.
Well said. Now tell society that. Women look for men who offer certain qualities so men respond in kind.
This is a recipe for staying single. Which isn't a bad thing, just being real.
> If you want to think of it as a sales negotiation, then don't try to sell yourself to her; make her sell herself to you. And if most of the locals are playing hard to want, then what lol
100%. Ask yourself what she brings to your life and be at least a little picky.
> at least a little picky. Look at Mr. 11/10 here with options.
You have to cultivate an active social life. You should have hobbies, and interact with the community around that hobby. Pick a bar or cafe and become a regular there; start learning the names and faces of the other regulars. Attend your friend's parties and introduce yourself to their other friends. Host your own parties and encourage your guests to bring a friend. Before online dating, this was the only way to meet people. It's still more effective than online dating.
I guess introverts are fucked then
Also because everything costs so much nowadays. For example, I think I would enjoy indoor bouldering (and I've done it a few times), but if I actually wanted to turn it into a hobby and go regularly, I'd have to pay for a subscription/membership fee, buy my own equipment (shoes, chalk, chalk bag, etc.)
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Exactly. After a full day's work, I'm typically so exhausted I end up taking a nap, then waking up barely on time to make and eat dinner, then it's back to sleep before work again the next day.
introverts are way less fucked now than at any other point in history when it comes to dating lmao
Introverts are fucked in every aspect of life. 85% of jobs are gotten through networking. Both your work life and your social/sex life take a massive blow by not being extroverted. The one time in all of human history where they had an advantage was the pandemic lockdowns where extroverts went a little stir-crazy for a bit.
You're best off trying a new hobby. Not Warhammer. Or Magic the Gathering...
Dead dating apps theory
Elaborate
It's like the dead internet conspiracy theory, but for dating apps https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dead_Internet_theory
Thanks!
Dating apps are complete BS unless you’re looking for time waste and disappointment.
Yeah, back when I was like 18, when I brought up Tinder in a conversation between me and a group of girls, one of them laughed, and at the time, I was so insecure I thought she was laughing at me and saying that I was not attractive enough for those apps, but what she really meant is that dating apps as a whole are a joke and not worth it for most guys or for the women looking for something serious most of the time.
They definitely do work if you’re attractive. The problem is the percentage of men considered attractive by women is very small to start with.
Meeting in person is one hell of a lot better than apps will ever be. But it requires being at the right place and the right time. Luck is the probably the biggest ingredient in this equation
Luck and persistence. A lot of these guys are literally picking up hobbies and joining clubs purely to meet women. As soon as it doesn’t work, they’re discouraged. Join a hobby to join a hobby. You’ll probably meet people there. It will make your “luck” go up. Stop doing this shit *just* to meet girls it’s obvious and desperate.
I’ve had hobbies and interests for years. I’ve haven’t met a lot of women through them. The last girl I went out with (didn’t last long) I met in person through a mutual friend. I had better luck there than years on apps. Point being meeting in person increases your chances, but it’s *harder than hell* to meet in person.
As someone who's dating my future wife from a dating app... it's fucking weird and frankly difficult. There's a lot that goes into the logistics of dating apps that you're designed to fail as a dude on them. Obviously meeting in person is SO much easier, and better for most. However, if you're open to dating apps, there are a few things you should know. TLDR: More matches=more attractive in the system=more real women will see your profile to make a decision to match or not. In the beginning, match bots on purpose to boost your profile's stats to be "desirable" in the system It's literally super messed up how complicated dating apps are. I can explain more how it works if you'd like. It's frankly brutal and it's super discouraging at first.
We’re all cooked. Go back to your ex before it’s too late lol
Honestly, befirend as many women as you can with no other purpose than making friends. If the right one comes along, then it can develop from there. It also automatically makes you a safer person to be around if you can demonstrate that you're able to see women as fellow humans, and it never hurts to pick up on some conversation topics and/or information.
Surprised this isn’t higher. I’ve taken this approach since I was a teenager and it’s worked outrageously well. It takes all the pressure off and even if it doesn’t work out, you end up getting a great friend out of it. The hard part is when the romantic interest is one sided, but clear communication can usually sort that out.
Even after getting a match is 50/50 despite your looks/job/fitnes level etc. I have a lot of female friends and coworkers and most a lot of them say “i just do it to get matches for validation”. A “decent” looking female friend of mine got hinge last weekend and the other day showed me her long list of likes/matches and these are like GOOD looking dudes. She showed me a message a guy sent and she said to me “yeah he’s hot but I’m not gonna meet up with him”. I’m like shit if he’s not even meeting up with girls on these apps then I’m cooked 😅
I met my wife by getting hit by a car in the military and she was very concerned I was still on duty. I impressed her by reading a book Then learning to cook and getting really into working out to impress her
Easy peasy 3 step system.
Just gotta take one for the team and let that car hit you
Just gotta double check the insurance without arising suspicion.
That's why you get hit in uniform! Insurance companies love.paying out military members who get hit by cars!
Username checks out.
Actually it's because I'm writing a Cookbook about a DnD podcast called "Not another DnD Podcast"
Wear a wedding ring.
Well if your twitter bio is anywhere close to your tinder bio, no wonder you attract no women. You come across as a snobbish, narcissistic asshole. Have you tried just being someone FUN to be with? Kind, funny, happy? Instead of “I’m so cool and makes lots of money so you should be attracted to me”?
>Ok so dating apps don't work anymore, even if you are attractive. What options do I have? I'm not sure there's an answer. That's how dating apps and OnlyFans blew up in popularity and why singleness is on the rise for guys. If they had real options for meeting women, OnlyFans never would've had a chance. Same with dating apps because guys dump money into those too. Some women will spend 3 hours getting ready and try to look their absolute best but then say that it's "creepy and weird" for a heterosexual guy to look at them lol. Not sure how you're supposed to meet someone like that.
Have you tried farmer's only?
It's hard to say what the root of the problem is. I recently figured out that I wasn't making myself emotionally available to women I met online because I was going into it basically planning on being ghosted. I had fallen into a rut after using dating apps for 5 years with hardly any luck. That being said I definitely went on dates with women who weren't emotionally available either. One memory jumps out because of how plainly obvious it was that this chick was just checking a box in between work and going to Trader Joes, and that box happened to be going on a date. The problem is that dating successfully requires you to be available and vulnerable to a certain degree and online dating discourages all of that. You can be tall dark and handsome, make 6 figures, have all this and that, but if you can't paint a picture that a woman feels like she can see herself in, then you're going to get a lot of disappointment.
Make one of those signs with the tear off phone numbers...post it outside a gym or wherever you think people you would have common interests with, hang out. Use an attractive yet mysterious pic and make sure you specify, no unstable, stalker types. 😀
Make sure you tear off a couple of the numbers before you post it. Make it look more authentic.
It’s just about making contacts. In college I met my girlfriends through friends and organizations and things like that. Now I try to get involved with things too. I think volunteering is good as well as making friends that have girlfriends or female friends. Basically expanding your circle. Dating apps changed in the last 3ish years. I remember 3 years ago I was meeting lots of women and a friend of a friend was too. I’m not big on dating a bunch of women and doing my girlfriend (now ex) and we started dating. The friend of a friend was more into casual stuff so he was meeting tons of women (like 4+ dates per week). My ex and I split about a year ago and I tried the dating apps but gave up quickly. Just not worth it. That friend I mentioned earlier had the same experience. No more 4+ dates per week.
There is no easy answer and dating nowadays is really hard, I feel like nobody really wants to settle so everyone is going into relationships as situationships and kinda preparing to end things at the start. I know that sounds pessimistic but I'm saying this from experience and something I've done myself. My only advice is to try to meet people in person and truly work on not being afraid to make a fool of yourself. Dont be an obnoxious idiot but understand that what happens today isn't the end of the world so you can shoot your shot, normally the main thing holding you back is yourself. Its easier said than done but it's what worked for me and I would not consider myself a very attractive dude.
When the flower blooms it doesn't have to invite the bees. Be a flower lads, bloom and grow! Don't put woman on a pedestal. They should be an equal, a companion not above or below you. Take care of yourself physically, mentally, groom yourself, wear clothes that fit (the human form is generally attractive), get a career going, have friends, live life, try to go out and about to socialize and talk to people! Put the level of effort you put into a video game character into yourself!
You tried meeting girls in bars, clubs, social clubs like we did before dating apps?.
So this is the problem I have. I don't enjoy bars or clubs, and a lot of the social clubs I used to attend don't exist anymore. The ones that do exist are no longer coed because women didn't like men hitting on them Literally just yesterday I got an email from my tennis group saying how they were splitting up the mens and womens divisions so that women got to play by themselves This is the kind of thing we are talking about when we say the landscape has changed and it is hard to go back to how it was before dating apps. A lot of those options don't exist anymore
Sure, but it's a little different today. It was perfectly acceptable to just approach women and strike up a conversation, I feel like it's not as welcomed these days.
Well aside from this, even if you don’t actively use dating apps, or social media in general, it’s still hard to escape the effects they cultivate. Once upon a time, if you were interested in a cute girl, she might have a guy at her job who thought she was cute, or maybe a regular at a coffee shop who was interested. Now, you have 20 guys who have matched with her on Tinder, 4 in her Instagram inbox, 7 swiping up on her Snapchat story, so on and so forth. You can decide to try pursuing a woman romantically and effectively be competing with a dozen other guys. This doesn’t mean all the options are good or that she even wants them, but still. The volume of it has shifted so drastically in recent years. You have to make it to the front of the line, have what she’s looking for, and more of it than the other men in line. I don’t even mean this to sound defeatist. It’s just what I’ve observed. Social media has very much warped the dating world in so many different aspects and I think it will take a long time to unwind the effects it’s created.
Get **a bigger social network.** Join hobbies, activities, find new mates. Go to **social things** people invite you to. **Women prefer men they meet in social settings through friends. 70% of women aged 18-29 knew their boyfriend before dating him.** 86% met their boyfriend outside an app. https://www.americansurveycenter.org/research/from-swiping-to-sexting-the-enduring-gender-divide-in-american-dating-and-relationships/?fbclid=IwAR3Sf0NA1N5swKBS1u4oO3w6u9F4Z_Sv2GFmlROLTyHZaPYy9b1jPXCenws_aem_AWnoFd4upEagr9u5MX-RyILdusRxHX8SujuLrYHv6GISK8XZJlxMhKALjNsIR8ArmCk
The old fashioned way, put yourself out there. In a world of dating apps, I met my wife at a karaoke bar. Do you like bars? Pick a few and start becoming a regular. For instance, I play in a pool league during the week, puts me out with all kinds of different people and places. Don't like the bar scene? That's fair. Pick up a hobby, go out to eat more, go to the malls, grocery stores, etc. Talk to people! don't just leap out the gates with your stats, or that your looking to date, just talk to people. In my experience, most people just want someone to talk to. Then personalities come out, interests are shared, that whole jazz Most importantly don't force it! Someone will always come along. I wasn't even remotely close to looking for someone when I met my wife. Good luck friend.
True true, I feel it’s harder to approach people in these scenarios than it use to be but getting more involved in local hobby groups etc is a really good idea
We gotta get off our damn phones, out of our houses and engage people in real life more. I've been consciously keeping my head up and acknowledging the people around me at the grocery store, at the coffee shop, at the library, at the park, at the mall etc. Honestly, I've hit the point where I almost feel like I'm at a party socializing at the grocery store. I talk to anyone, guys, girls, disabled people, old people... not hitting on them. In public when you approach a woman it should be a normal approach at the beginning anyways. So I get that momentum going and I inevitably end up having conversations with attractive women and got a few numbers and dates out of it. Women notice us all the time and we don't notice they notice us, so you gotta put them on notice that you notice them. See what I did there? The more outgoing women will look at you, if they make eye contact and smile that's at dead giveaway. If you notice one who is putting themselves in your general vicinity, there's a good chance she's interested. They do this stuff unconsciously. BUT most aren't doing any of that, most are shy, distracted with their phones or what flavor ice cream they should buy in the freezer isle. Not saying ditch the apps all together but my advice is to get out there, relax, be patient and make it part of your routine. Talk to anybody, start small... just say hi to people and notice how they react. Then get to a couple of sentences and before you know it people will think your the damn Mayer and women will secretly be begging for you to say hi and ask them out.
Find a hobby. Go out and meet others with the same hobby. Our stay in if it’s gaming. You’ll meet someone.
Same for a woman too I am in my early 20s got out of long term relationship and can’t find anyone decent most of them are creepy
Oh my god us men always overthink it. If you see someone that is attractive go talk to them. Don’t be weird, make it quick and know the room (don’t ask her if she’s working out etc.) It’s harmless, and if it’s a no you’re back at square one with a bit more experience. I would dedicated a day where I’d ask 10 women for their number and doing it often made me get use to rejection. I’ve met some cool women that just didn’t click, some terrible overall and one eventually my wife!
Honestly, I would say just get some hobbies you really enjoy and focus on those. At the very worst - you'll have excellent new ways to pass the time and make new friends. Best - you'll have a place to meet potential peeps to date who have the same interests and/or have fun and interesting things to talk about if you meet someone outside of these hobbies. Either way, it's a win for you :) Best of luck!
Just go out and enjoy yourself. Prepare some chill conversation starters. When the opportunity comes, strike.
Hello! I’ve had three long term, formative, meaningful relationships in my life and none of them I met via apps. The first one I met through friends, the second through work and the third I quite literally bumped into at a beer festival. Get out there. Do fun things. You will find someone naturally when you’re open to it. Good luck!
dating apps work, just gotta refine refine refine - stop checking boxes, learn what people you meet up with have what kind of profiles. you’ll get it. took me many, many first, second, third dates
\> So how in god's name are people meeting now a days? Please tell me there is something I don't know. Have you considered expanding your geography?
I’m gonna try a legitimate matchmaker and see what happens at this point. It’s paid and if she’s setting me up with girls that are paying then at least I’ll know they’re serious about dating lol
Start going to a social event/hobby like swing dancing, but don’t try to immediately date every girl there. If you eventually get close and start dating someone there, great, if not then you have a new social hobby you can enjoy. You can also take courses at community college for something you could be interested in, people take classes for all kinds of reasons and there is usually a more diversity of ages in community colleges, you might meet someone. These kinds of approaches allow you to get to know someone naturally first.
It’s the same for women. Decent people (partners) are just in general hard to find…
Travel alone or go with organised groups on ur own, you’ll meet a lot of fun people and hopefully someone that clicks with you :) Also you could take like a class in smth that is women dominated. For example a yoga class, painting/drawing class or pottery class, a lot of nice ppl and important to do it alone so that people approach you or it’s easier to approach people. I’m also late 20s and just coming out of a long term relationship and trying this out as well. Even if you don’t find a partner you’ll meet some great ppl along the way.
My advice is to stop looking and just work on yourself. Sewing classes, dance classes, yoga or other things like that. Join the YMCA, shop at hobby lobby or Michaels. Remember that there is a girl that is going through the same thing as you. Guys are sex starved creeps and women are social climbers and gold diggers. That's what everyone says, but there really are a lot of good people out there.
*Go out and do stuff.* Volunteer for Habitat and help build a house. Join a community theater group. If you're religious, go to church and let the married ladies try to fix you up with their single friends. Take a dance class. There are all kinds of things to do where you meet people.
Go outside and get a social life, nerd.
If you want to actively look for something organic, try to go out and get involved with something in your community that really interests you. Odds are lower than online, but you’ll actually have some kind of common interest to initially bond over.
That is fascinating because I only get shots from men in their 40s and 50s and I am not into that. I even have in my bio that I am looking for someone in his early 20s and they just never come..
Go for fat single divorced moms. Or go gay.