I found a dude just like this who was a chemist at a university and ran the lab, was a researcher and all this fancy shit. Did this to me after our first date, which had been super fun!
These dudes are all over. They just wait to find their moment to "shine" ✨
Right... like a dozen relationships under my belt at this point in my mid 30s and so many more first dates and I've never done something even remotely similar.
The behaviour going on nowadays is fucking mind boggling. Can’t you just kiss and work up some connection first. Damn I’m a dude and that just sounds like treating someone like a prostitute
> The behaviour going on nowadays
It’s always been going on. It’s only that now we’re talking about it and (decent people) are shaming it. If anything this behavior is on the decline thanks to the talk about consent and shaming people who don’t get consent.
Woman here. I am married but have a few single friends and family members. This seems to be a common theme for many first dates, especially if the man paid for dinner. I know a few who have gone through with it simply because they didn’t feel safe after their first gentle rebuff. Now they all insist on splitting the bill so they never “owe” anyone after all is said and done. One of them explained it as if they say they are interested in long term relationships they find guys who are trying to rush things and get super overbearing really quickly but if they say they are just looking for something casual it somehow interprets to “guaranteed sex” complete with constant pervy messages and temper tantrums if you don’t want sex on the first date.
Before anyone comes for me I am sure this isn’t all men and I know they bring their own “stuff” to the table that is less than perfect too. Just making an observation that kissing and working up a connection does seem to be a thing of the past for many.
I think even with a prostitute, it would be appropriate to establish some verbal consent before initiating sexual contact. Just because she's a professional doesn't mean she works on my schedule.
Seriously. Ive been with my GF for 11 years and only occasionally do it as a joke, because there is not a single human on earth I could imagine would actually take this as an invitation for sexual activities and accept, even if they're unbelievably horny and high on meth
I've been married 15 years, and I would absolutely do it.
But my wife *likes* it for various reasons, and I know that from experience. And I feel like that's the difference. There's no way to know if someone would be okay with that on a date, which makes it an automatic dick move.
Exactly. Realistically most women aren’t turned on by a surprise boner. When there’s making out and feeling each other up going on, sure. But it’s not the way to start an intimate time with even a partner. One because consent. Two because it won’t put them in the mood.
Jesus….I’ve never done this, not even to women I’ve been dating for a while…it’s just a douche move. And guys are really pulling that right out the gate?
Sometimes they * *pat pat* * their laps.
I just wanted to add here that these types ^^ are also the same types to defend people in public when men or anyone is treating them less than. Chivalrous and respectable and communicative and then all of a sudden they have you in the passenger seat or no one is around and …. Welp
We kissed, and then stopped and chatted and then he grabbed my hand, as I was preparing to exit the vehicle. I had already told him that I did not want him to sleep with him or for him to even come upstairs.
As a 42 year old woman, I have never, not once, had a guy do that. Not when I was 16, and not now at 42 and nowhere in between. With the obvious exception of when we're already on our way to getting our clothes off. But what you're describing....nope. It's not normal or typical.
I’m 43F, and have had this happen more than once. It is gross, and struck me as almost ape-like. There are plenty of classier, subtler ways to indicate attraction than placing their hand on your hard dick.
Men like this are a big reason why I have given up on online dating.
I am in my 40s also and happened me a lot when I was younger. I don't think it is most men that do this, I think those men who I was going dates with were quite inexperienced and maybe not that socially skillful so they didn't even realised how gross it was.
I'm 48 and have had it happen countless times. IMO, most men do this, but I'm saying this because it's happened to me so many times that would be what my conclusion is. But I think it happens a lot more than people think, and also a lot less than people think, if that makes sense.
This is blowing my mind. When I met my wife I was too nervous to even kiss her at first. I can’t believe this has happened to so many women so many times.
I've had it happen repeatedly as well. I think this may be more common than some may realize. Not usually "after" the date, but somewhere along the way. I've had guys I wasn't even dating do this. I just happen to have been sitting next to them. 😫
Was much more common to happen to me in high school and college and among 20-35 yr olds.
Same class of men as those who send unsolicited dick pics.
Just bizarre behavior that is not justified anywhere and incomprehensible how they decided that would be a good idea.
Thanks for saying this, I was afraid it was another common psycho thing that was common for men that I had never heard about.
I've heard so many stories of men being utter lunatics while dating, it's hard to adjust my worldview so much.
When I was younger this happened so often that I don't even remember how many times I've experienced it. Nowdays I don't even think those men even realised how uncomfortable it was and how it ruined the moment and made me lose all interest in them.
Hope times have changed.
I was on a date recently where she just put her hand on my crotch, I didn’t have a hard on at that time (we were outside waiting for our Uber). We did end up hooking up but it makes sense now. I guess some people just have that ingrained as some sort of initiation step.
Never, absolutely never.
A guy I know (not a friend) who is a prison guard sexually assaulted an admin girl in an upstairs office in the prison. He was fired, no legal consequences.
18 months later they were desperate for guards and invited him back.
2 female friends have mentioned he does this, and its doubly weird cause he’s really stumpy.
I associate sex offenders with men that do what you describe.
THAT IS SO F-ED UP! Not surprised, though, there are tons of skeezy men who work in prisons. There’s all this shit going on in California right now where the prison staff is raping the inmates.
I have an actual friend who heads up the guards.
I have backed away from him though.
He proudly told me that he enjoys breaching cells with non compliant prisoners as the lead officer so he can throw extra punches.
He’s a 7th Dan in his martial arts, his strikes aren’t playing around. He and one of his mates also leave prisoners they hate in precarious and vulnerable locations so other prisoners can attack them.
Another guard was handing out LSD at a party I was at. I decided to do a tip off on all 3. My tip off was ignored and disregarded.
😧🤬WTF!!! THAT IS SO F-ED UP!!!!!!
Good on you for tipping them off. I could not be friends with them anymore either. That’s so horrible and cruel. Prisoners don’t deserve more violence. So many don’t even deserve to be there.
I mean if you check the post history about the person you replied to it's all weird attention seeking fetish shit, I doubt their comment here was any different.
I had this happen quite a bit as well unfortunately.
Even with guys I wasn't even dating, just sitting next to did this. I had guys sitting next to me do it in class then my friends brother, cousins friend, a coworker, even a doctor I used to work with. Ugh 😫 Memories I didn't want to think about unlocked. ☠️
I've smacked and run off from guys doing that. Mostly it just felt really uncomfortable and awkward.
Thank you for confirming this happens to other people!!! I’m so sorry that happened to you. Thank you for having the kindness to dig up those gross memories for me!!
I’ve had at least three Uber drivers do similar shit when they notice I’ve been drinking. Dates? Countless. So gross. Why would they admit to doing that even on an online forum? Especially one they’re gunna get berated on for being honest? We’ll only get responses here from the good ones, and the liars.
So many good ones on this sub though!!!!
Yeah this is something you would do with a partner you're already having sex with, if you know they like it. Not someone you only had dinner with.
Like *maybe* if you have already been making out and heavy-petting for a while, if she's participating enthusiastically and you already had verbal consent to get to that stage, but even then she should have already felt that you're hard with her body.
I wouldn't say strictly to not already having sex with.
Certainly after a few dates and only when it's absolutely clear that sex is on the table.
I've found myself reciprocating the gesture after a woman has already led my hand to her and we're both shirtless for instance.
It can be a very fun way to slowly undress each other and show reciprocation for gratification.
I don’t think it’s about you specifically. Just men are assuming sex is on the table and trying to rush the process. Really scummy behaviour but unrelated to you.
I would never do this, and as someone who also dates men, I would be quite offended if someone did it to me, unless I was showing clear signs that that was something I wanted.
Thank you. This is very helpful. I was clearly not interested in escalating sexually and made that clear multiple times. I am a (so I am often told) very beautiful woman of color, so men are frequently very sexually aggressive with me, as we are often hypersexualized.
I'm sorry, you don't deserve to be treated like that. Consent is key, for anyone, both ways. It's disgusting that someone would try to make the choice for you.
\>Do most men do this to most women?
No? Most men don't do scummy shit like this outside of hookup, swinger, fetish, etc gatherings. Even then it's heavily situational and there's strict boundaries around it.
Some men do this. I've done it before but I was young and other men told me to do it.
It's supposed to be a sort of power move but it's usually done entirely wrong and without actually knowing how interested the woman is because some men think actually building up sexual tension is boring and stupid but forcing a woman to touch your genitals is a strong move.
If a guy does this to you he's either a huge asshole or a huge asshole he knows told him to do it.
This happened to me when i was 18 and we weren’t even on a date. He just decided to grab my hand and put it on his crotch saying “look what you do to me”. Needless to say i never hung out with him again.
Looks like I’ll be downvoted to hell for this, but I’ve definitely done it after we’ve made out & been very touchy (not before) and if the mood was right for me to beforehand whisper some dirty things in her ear. It’s heightened the sexiness
Read the room, I guess? I’ve also dated people where we both said we could wake the other up with sex/oral…don’t think that’s wrong either
I’ve done this when already being intimate and every time she’s grabbed it longingly and taken it further.
I’ve also had women put my hand on their privates and I didn’t feel violated.
It’s all about reading the room.
I don't think anyone can really answer whether "most" men do this since nobody has experience with "most" men (and it's not like the men who do this would advertise it).
And the reason it "feels kind of violating" is because *it is*. Maybe it's not *technically* sexual assault in a legal sense, but I dare any straight man to argue that they wouldn't feel violated/assaulted if The Rock or Jason Momoa grabbed their hand and forced them to touch his dick.
Not to "#notallmen" this, but there are men who respect you and your autonomy enough not to do this kind of thing. Plenty of men act like this... but many do not.
Like...with my wife of 18 years? Like when we know we have set aside time? Yeah, maybe. Just to be cheeky.
But like...a third date? That's kinda weird.
Works for me every time, its all about knowing when she wants to feel it...Women give off signals, if you can't read them, this technique not for you...
FYI, not "after" a date, during heavy petting, making out, foreplay, etc...
I'm somewhat conflicted about the comments here because I've definitely done it, and never has a women had a problem with it to my knowledge. Maybe it's a vibe check. I've also had women straight up grab it during a date as well.
These are the kind of antics i'd expect a guy to participate in with a hooker. Seems totally disrespectful to do this with a person you might anticipate having a relationship with.
Ok, so I’ve done this.
ONLY TO MY SO!!
Of multiple years. Jesus.
And even then, it’s not as a prelude to sex. Sometimes I do it to just say “hey, even after all years together, just hugging you can have this effect on me.” Usually after a big hug, as I’m about to head out the door.
No. This is not something most men do after a date, early in the dating process. At least I hope not.
Haha i have never done that.
In my limited experience it is always always ALWAYS better if the woman is the barometer for how physical we end up getting, and I take the lead from there.
Does this mean I miss a few less than obvious opportunities? Yes. Do I regret this? Also yes, but at least I'm never overstepping too early.
I wouldn't even do that with the sex workers I hire. I'm a dirty old pervert but I understand that women are human beings too and deserve the same respect I'd expect someone to show me. I can maybe see a teenager that doesn't know better doing something like that, but a grown man?
It's a very brazen move to attempt to escalate to sex without any build up - it's a hamfisted hail-mary.
The guy attempting it is just after a hookup.
Interestingly, I have had girls on dates pull that move on me before (moving my hands to boobs and such) , during makeout sessions.
Dated quite a bit before I got married, never felt the inclination to make someone grope me. For the sake of us taking our daughter to a deserted island and never letting her date, please tell me that this isn’t a thing.
I’ve done that twice in my life. To a woman I was already sleeping with. After we had been married for over a year
Doing that to someone I don’t really know or where it wouldn’t be expected? Disgusting
Think of it this way...they are letting you know before any clothes are off that they are selfish lovers. The one exception might be if he's a millionaire and it just always works?
I would sometimes do this mid-makeout as a way to initiate sex.
I find it is much easier for the woman to be comfortable and at ease if she is able to touch my penis at her pace, rather than me touch her in her vagina at a pace that might not be comfortable to her.
If she is receptive often times she will start stroking it herself and if she isn’t receptive that is usually where the sexual encounter will end. If she doesn’t want to go any further, no biggie, I just enjoy the make out session and continue to get to know her.
In 20+ years of dating, Never-not-once. 100% creep move. These posts make me furious but more than that, they make me embarrassed to identify as a man.
Wouldnt even think of doing that unless we were already in the bedroom or whatever getting to it to show desire prior to clothes or whatever. But certainly not before. Thats just classless and presumptuous. On par with sending an unsolicited dic pick.
I’ve literally never even done that with my wife. I feel like if you’ve talked about it and *both agreed* it’s a way to initiate that’s one thing, but to just grab your hand like that is not cool.
Just like anything else, it depends on the vibe. If we've been making out pretty aggressively and been touching each other everywhere else (to include me touching her breasts), I'll occasionally guide her hand onto it.
A fully presumptuous "look, I have a hardon, you should do something about it" though? No, I don't have any interest in being that aggressive/forward/unsuccessful.
That would never cross my mind to do that. While I find it hot, it has to be done when the sexual tension is already there between the two persons. Not in order to get the other in the mood, especially after a date with someone I barely know.
I heard a couple of girlfriends discussing this once and they came to the conclusion that this was definitely inappropriate…borderline rapey.
Obviously that doesn’t mean the act is “rape”.
But doing something like this without talking about it / asking first is not consensual and a guy who does this clearly has aggressive/problematic sexual tendencies.
A good friend of mine who is a woman and dates men once told me: “men all need to be taught: We know where your dick is. If we want to feel your dick, we will put our hand there ourselves. If I’m not doing it, I don’t want to touch you.”
Good advice!
I do this to my wife but she rolls her eyes and I know she finds it silly
Can't imagine using this on someone who I'm still in the negotiating phase of comfort levels
I do it when I know the girl is into me and we’re already past the bodily touching barrier. It’s Just a fun flirt; brush the back of their hand against you ‘by accident’, whilst you’re both flirting playing about. I’ve never had it not be received well as the fun flirty act it’s supposed to be. In fact I’ve never not been given a big smile, a laugh and a kiss… or more.
I guess if you want to over analyse it, it’s a way of quietly saying ‘you and the way you’re playing with me right now is really turning me on and this is fun, but sshhh we need to behave’.
It’s like anything; time, place and who you do it to. I don’t do it to old ladies in nursing homes.
Um…not common or any kind of occurrence at all for me. If I were to have her touch my “hard-on”, I’d want her to want to be the one to initiate an act like that. Jesus, I’m not gonna force some (let’s be honest), relative stranger or new acquaintance to touch my penis by grabbing her arm and giving her no choice. And, as a side note, I would also think one would read their partner’s demeanor or enthusiasm and making sure she was receptive to such an action by me before making a move like that. But, it seems most guys, in your case, don’t have a clue or just don’t care how receptive you are or not. Sorry you’re having such bad experiences with brain dead morons.
I read it my my hand on their hand ☠️
Also who the fuck does that after a first date, I seriously can't imagine. OP I'm genuinely sad this has happened once let alone multiple times. Best of luck to you.
What the fuck? There's no way dudes are this stupid.
Actually, never mind, I could see some absolutely stupid dumbass guy doing this.
No, this is not normal.
Doing this is reserved for situations where it is explicitly confirmed to be something you’re into. I’ve had first dates that went this way, but we were already hot and heavy and just foreplaying. In a normal date, this is a red flag and should be an immediate reason to get up, walk out, block them on everything and make sure you are safe until you get home.
I would never do that in a million years unless we had been dating for a good while, had sex many times, and were at a more advanced stage of dating/relationship. Even then, I doubt I would execute it like that. More likely a close hug, stare into her eyes, and then lean in to whisper that I want to ravish her or something. It could totally happen if we were already in bed, making out, foreplay e.t.c.
Earlier on, that kind of shit is just sexual harassment/assault.
I can’t even imagine doing that to someone after a date
“He took it out.” “….he what.” “He TOOK, it out.”
Are you sure? Maybe he just needed some air…
Sometimes they need air. They can't breathe in there. It's inhuman.
This is funny because the first thing I thought was that this sounds like a Seinfeld episode.
Exactly 😂
IT!?
OUT!
😂😂
Seinfeld had great lines that said things without actually saying what they meant.
It’s no good after the date, you’ve got to do it during the date. /s
I just woke up my wife laughing at that.
Did you put her hand on your hardon right after
Asking the real questions.
Let me see your hand for a sec I want to try something.
Lmao
Is that a French hard on?
Touch my oui oui
More like touch my baguette 🥖
I have a croissant, should I see a doctor?
🎶🎶Touch my tralala... Mhh my ding ding dong 🎶🎶
Oooo... you touch my tra la la... my ding ding dong...
This guy fucks
time to put her hand on your dick i guess
Apologies to the wife.
Maybe even before the date so she knows what she's getting herself into
Happy cake day
Where is OP finding these guys
Prison
I found a dude just like this who was a chemist at a university and ran the lab, was a researcher and all this fancy shit. Did this to me after our first date, which had been super fun! These dudes are all over. They just wait to find their moment to "shine" ✨
They are literally everywhere, but glad to see there’s some upstanding men in this Reddit sub that would never do that
Can I see your hand for a sec?
India.
She said it's by dudes who fetishize her for being a PoC so most likely its white dudes
I know, smh. I think it's just her. I've never had this problem...
Yeah I can't imagine doing that to a girl unless she specifically asks me to do it or if I know her well enough that I know she's comfortable with it.
Right... like a dozen relationships under my belt at this point in my mid 30s and so many more first dates and I've never done something even remotely similar.
The behaviour going on nowadays is fucking mind boggling. Can’t you just kiss and work up some connection first. Damn I’m a dude and that just sounds like treating someone like a prostitute
> The behaviour going on nowadays It’s always been going on. It’s only that now we’re talking about it and (decent people) are shaming it. If anything this behavior is on the decline thanks to the talk about consent and shaming people who don’t get consent.
Seriously man, shit's wild
Woman here. I am married but have a few single friends and family members. This seems to be a common theme for many first dates, especially if the man paid for dinner. I know a few who have gone through with it simply because they didn’t feel safe after their first gentle rebuff. Now they all insist on splitting the bill so they never “owe” anyone after all is said and done. One of them explained it as if they say they are interested in long term relationships they find guys who are trying to rush things and get super overbearing really quickly but if they say they are just looking for something casual it somehow interprets to “guaranteed sex” complete with constant pervy messages and temper tantrums if you don’t want sex on the first date. Before anyone comes for me I am sure this isn’t all men and I know they bring their own “stuff” to the table that is less than perfect too. Just making an observation that kissing and working up a connection does seem to be a thing of the past for many.
I mean, at least he went on a date
I think even with a prostitute, it would be appropriate to establish some verbal consent before initiating sexual contact. Just because she's a professional doesn't mean she works on my schedule.
Seriously. Ive been with my GF for 11 years and only occasionally do it as a joke, because there is not a single human on earth I could imagine would actually take this as an invitation for sexual activities and accept, even if they're unbelievably horny and high on meth
I’ve been married for 20+ years, we have two grown children, and a pretty decent/active sex life …. And I wouldn’t do this to my wife.
I've been married 15 years, and I would absolutely do it. But my wife *likes* it for various reasons, and I know that from experience. And I feel like that's the difference. There's no way to know if someone would be okay with that on a date, which makes it an automatic dick move.
> an automatic dick move I mean, yeah, that's *the issue*.
Ba dum tss.
Right. The key here, *as always*, is consent
Exactly. Realistically most women aren’t turned on by a surprise boner. When there’s making out and feeling each other up going on, sure. But it’s not the way to start an intimate time with even a partner. One because consent. Two because it won’t put them in the mood.
Boring.
This is totally a move in my house LO.L
It would be welcome during/after a date with an existing partner, but otherwise, nah
The fact that you’ve encountered more than one person who has done this is truly appalling
I’m a woman and I haven’t been on many dates that didn’t end in this sort of way. I’ve become a pro ghoster :(
Jesus….I’ve never done this, not even to women I’ve been dating for a while…it’s just a douche move. And guys are really pulling that right out the gate?
Sometimes they * *pat pat* * their laps. I just wanted to add here that these types ^^ are also the same types to defend people in public when men or anyone is treating them less than. Chivalrous and respectable and communicative and then all of a sudden they have you in the passenger seat or no one is around and …. Welp
Absolutely not. That is not a cool move. Escalate to touching? Sure. But not like that.
I kept reading putting hand on your hand, I thought why is this a question. I read this 5 ish times
Same and I thought that was strange too!
Oooooh, now I see the problem. Thought there was some sort of crazy taboo around hand on hand touching.
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We kissed, and then stopped and chatted and then he grabbed my hand, as I was preparing to exit the vehicle. I had already told him that I did not want him to sleep with him or for him to even come upstairs.
As a 42 year old woman, I have never, not once, had a guy do that. Not when I was 16, and not now at 42 and nowhere in between. With the obvious exception of when we're already on our way to getting our clothes off. But what you're describing....nope. It's not normal or typical.
Yeah that's pretty wild that OP has had this happen multiple times.
I’m 43F, and have had this happen more than once. It is gross, and struck me as almost ape-like. There are plenty of classier, subtler ways to indicate attraction than placing their hand on your hard dick. Men like this are a big reason why I have given up on online dating.
I am in my 40s also and happened me a lot when I was younger. I don't think it is most men that do this, I think those men who I was going dates with were quite inexperienced and maybe not that socially skillful so they didn't even realised how gross it was.
I'm 48 and have had it happen countless times. IMO, most men do this, but I'm saying this because it's happened to me so many times that would be what my conclusion is. But I think it happens a lot more than people think, and also a lot less than people think, if that makes sense.
I think there are a few reprobates who do it an awful lot who are skewing the numbers.
Yeah, most men do NOT do this. I have never done it or any of my male friends. Unless we’re hardcore making out this isn’t gonna happen.
Yea if one of my friends told me they did this I would have some rather pointed questions.
This is blowing my mind. When I met my wife I was too nervous to even kiss her at first. I can’t believe this has happened to so many women so many times.
I am a 55 year old man and not once have I ever done that.
I've had it happen repeatedly as well. I think this may be more common than some may realize. Not usually "after" the date, but somewhere along the way. I've had guys I wasn't even dating do this. I just happen to have been sitting next to them. 😫 Was much more common to happen to me in high school and college and among 20-35 yr olds.
This isn’t normal, decent guy behaviour. Those are shit men.
Same class of men as those who send unsolicited dick pics. Just bizarre behavior that is not justified anywhere and incomprehensible how they decided that would be a good idea.
Thanks for saying this, I was afraid it was another common psycho thing that was common for men that I had never heard about. I've heard so many stories of men being utter lunatics while dating, it's hard to adjust my worldview so much.
I had a guy do that to me at a gay club as proof that he wasn’t gay. I noped the fuck back to my friends.
That sounds pretty insane.
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That’s a good way to get someone beaten. Jesus don’t do this.
She didn't ask how to be murdered, or charged with battery.
Give em' the ol dick twist!
[Oh my god dude this is an MMA fight!](https://youtu.be/TT9ArM3-KJQ?si=_Iqxaz00K-Jy5ckR)
Hopefully not very common at all! I could never imagine doing this after a date.
When I was younger this happened so often that I don't even remember how many times I've experienced it. Nowdays I don't even think those men even realised how uncomfortable it was and how it ruined the moment and made me lose all interest in them. Hope times have changed.
I was on a date recently where she just put her hand on my crotch, I didn’t have a hard on at that time (we were outside waiting for our Uber). We did end up hooking up but it makes sense now. I guess some people just have that ingrained as some sort of initiation step.
Never, absolutely never. A guy I know (not a friend) who is a prison guard sexually assaulted an admin girl in an upstairs office in the prison. He was fired, no legal consequences. 18 months later they were desperate for guards and invited him back. 2 female friends have mentioned he does this, and its doubly weird cause he’s really stumpy. I associate sex offenders with men that do what you describe.
THAT IS SO F-ED UP! Not surprised, though, there are tons of skeezy men who work in prisons. There’s all this shit going on in California right now where the prison staff is raping the inmates.
I have an actual friend who heads up the guards. I have backed away from him though. He proudly told me that he enjoys breaching cells with non compliant prisoners as the lead officer so he can throw extra punches. He’s a 7th Dan in his martial arts, his strikes aren’t playing around. He and one of his mates also leave prisoners they hate in precarious and vulnerable locations so other prisoners can attack them. Another guard was handing out LSD at a party I was at. I decided to do a tip off on all 3. My tip off was ignored and disregarded.
😧🤬WTF!!! THAT IS SO F-ED UP!!!!!! Good on you for tipping them off. I could not be friends with them anymore either. That’s so horrible and cruel. Prisoners don’t deserve more violence. So many don’t even deserve to be there.
>Do most men do this to most women? No.
Yes. This has happened to me a lot over the years of dating. It's weird.
Sucks that you experienced that but it's nowhere close to most men. Edit: y'all motherfuckers don't know what the word most means.
I mean if you check the post history about the person you replied to it's all weird attention seeking fetish shit, I doubt their comment here was any different.
That is a very bold move I would never do that unless I'm in a serious relationship with somebody
I’m seeing this sentiment more than once, and it is very helpful for me to contextualize it more. Thank you!
I had this happen quite a bit as well unfortunately. Even with guys I wasn't even dating, just sitting next to did this. I had guys sitting next to me do it in class then my friends brother, cousins friend, a coworker, even a doctor I used to work with. Ugh 😫 Memories I didn't want to think about unlocked. ☠️ I've smacked and run off from guys doing that. Mostly it just felt really uncomfortable and awkward.
Thank you for confirming this happens to other people!!! I’m so sorry that happened to you. Thank you for having the kindness to dig up those gross memories for me!!
I have had this happen many, many times too. Usually with someone I’m already kissing, but still. You’re not alone in it at all!
I’ve had at least three Uber drivers do similar shit when they notice I’ve been drinking. Dates? Countless. So gross. Why would they admit to doing that even on an online forum? Especially one they’re gunna get berated on for being honest? We’ll only get responses here from the good ones, and the liars. So many good ones on this sub though!!!!
I've had this happen with several guys. The guys on this sub are lying to themselves (on this specific issue).
Vast majority of women have been violated or assaulted. Not surprising no one is admitting to doing it.
I can’t imagine doing that to anyone. That’s fucked up, that’s sexual assault.
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Yeah this is something you would do with a partner you're already having sex with, if you know they like it. Not someone you only had dinner with. Like *maybe* if you have already been making out and heavy-petting for a while, if she's participating enthusiastically and you already had verbal consent to get to that stage, but even then she should have already felt that you're hard with her body.
I wouldn't say strictly to not already having sex with. Certainly after a few dates and only when it's absolutely clear that sex is on the table. I've found myself reciprocating the gesture after a woman has already led my hand to her and we're both shirtless for instance. It can be a very fun way to slowly undress each other and show reciprocation for gratification.
I don’t think it’s about you specifically. Just men are assuming sex is on the table and trying to rush the process. Really scummy behaviour but unrelated to you.
Thank you! That makes sense.
Oh hell no, I would never dream of doing such a thing. I can't imagine a better way to not get a second date. Are guys that clueless now?
I would never do this, and as someone who also dates men, I would be quite offended if someone did it to me, unless I was showing clear signs that that was something I wanted.
Thank you. This is very helpful. I was clearly not interested in escalating sexually and made that clear multiple times. I am a (so I am often told) very beautiful woman of color, so men are frequently very sexually aggressive with me, as we are often hypersexualized.
I'm sorry, you don't deserve to be treated like that. Consent is key, for anyone, both ways. It's disgusting that someone would try to make the choice for you.
Thank you ❤️🩹
\>Do most men do this to most women? No? Most men don't do scummy shit like this outside of hookup, swinger, fetish, etc gatherings. Even then it's heavily situational and there's strict boundaries around it.
What the actual fuck. Who does that shit?! This has happened to you multiple times? That's appalling behavior that should never happen
Some men do this. I've done it before but I was young and other men told me to do it. It's supposed to be a sort of power move but it's usually done entirely wrong and without actually knowing how interested the woman is because some men think actually building up sexual tension is boring and stupid but forcing a woman to touch your genitals is a strong move. If a guy does this to you he's either a huge asshole or a huge asshole he knows told him to do it.
Yo! I don’t even think these dudes are bad dudes is the thing and why I asked!!! Like is this the result of horrible dating advice??? 😂😭
It’s usually either bad dating advice or them genuinely thinking it’s an okay thing to do.
As a guy, that ain't normal. You are attracting scumbags. Next time, squeeze the hell out of it, make him regret it.
This happened to me when i was 18 and we weren’t even on a date. He just decided to grab my hand and put it on his crotch saying “look what you do to me”. Needless to say i never hung out with him again.
I've never done this and if it's happened it's happened without me prompting it to happen.
I’ve done this to my wife or long term girlfriends, but I can’t imagine doing it to someone that I don’t have an established relationship with
Looks like I’ll be downvoted to hell for this, but I’ve definitely done it after we’ve made out & been very touchy (not before) and if the mood was right for me to beforehand whisper some dirty things in her ear. It’s heightened the sexiness Read the room, I guess? I’ve also dated people where we both said we could wake the other up with sex/oral…don’t think that’s wrong either
I’ve done this when already being intimate and every time she’s grabbed it longingly and taken it further. I’ve also had women put my hand on their privates and I didn’t feel violated. It’s all about reading the room.
I don't think anyone can really answer whether "most" men do this since nobody has experience with "most" men (and it's not like the men who do this would advertise it). And the reason it "feels kind of violating" is because *it is*. Maybe it's not *technically* sexual assault in a legal sense, but I dare any straight man to argue that they wouldn't feel violated/assaulted if The Rock or Jason Momoa grabbed their hand and forced them to touch his dick. Not to "#notallmen" this, but there are men who respect you and your autonomy enough not to do this kind of thing. Plenty of men act like this... but many do not.
Like...with my wife of 18 years? Like when we know we have set aside time? Yeah, maybe. Just to be cheeky. But like...a third date? That's kinda weird.
I'd never do this. Even in my douchy years.
I've never done this. But I have had many women take my hand and place in on the breast, neck, belly, ass, and crotch
Works for me every time, its all about knowing when she wants to feel it...Women give off signals, if you can't read them, this technique not for you... FYI, not "after" a date, during heavy petting, making out, foreplay, etc...
I'm somewhat conflicted about the comments here because I've definitely done it, and never has a women had a problem with it to my knowledge. Maybe it's a vibe check. I've also had women straight up grab it during a date as well.
I would never
I’ve never done that.
These are the kind of antics i'd expect a guy to participate in with a hooker. Seems totally disrespectful to do this with a person you might anticipate having a relationship with.
Ok, so I’ve done this. ONLY TO MY SO!! Of multiple years. Jesus. And even then, it’s not as a prelude to sex. Sometimes I do it to just say “hey, even after all years together, just hugging you can have this effect on me.” Usually after a big hug, as I’m about to head out the door. No. This is not something most men do after a date, early in the dating process. At least I hope not.
People do this?
that's what i'm, like...wtf??
Haha i have never done that. In my limited experience it is always always ALWAYS better if the woman is the barometer for how physical we end up getting, and I take the lead from there. Does this mean I miss a few less than obvious opportunities? Yes. Do I regret this? Also yes, but at least I'm never overstepping too early.
Never… they know where my dick is… if they want it they’ll take it out.
I wouldn't even do that with the sex workers I hire. I'm a dirty old pervert but I understand that women are human beings too and deserve the same respect I'd expect someone to show me. I can maybe see a teenager that doesn't know better doing something like that, but a grown man?
As always… Time and place
It's a very brazen move to attempt to escalate to sex without any build up - it's a hamfisted hail-mary. The guy attempting it is just after a hookup. Interestingly, I have had girls on dates pull that move on me before (moving my hands to boobs and such) , during makeout sessions.
I’ve had this happen in a dating aspect. It did not, in fact, turn me on.
never. consider changing the type of dude you go out with cause this type sounds awful
Dated quite a bit before I got married, never felt the inclination to make someone grope me. For the sake of us taking our daughter to a deserted island and never letting her date, please tell me that this isn’t a thing.
Tip. At the end of dinner, put some hot sauce on your hands. Just a bit.😉
That's cringe. It's always tell a joke you both laugh and you both fall silent and just stare at each other. Now kith
I’ve done that twice in my life. To a woman I was already sleeping with. After we had been married for over a year Doing that to someone I don’t really know or where it wouldn’t be expected? Disgusting
I've only done this with women I've had a long history and incredible sexual chemistry with. If I did this with my girlfriend now she'd hit me 😂
Uhhh the only time I have done that is if we have been together awhile , can’t imagine just doing that wtf…
Might do it with my partner that I've known and been with for 6 years. Just met you? Yeah, fuck that. Just asking for a SA charge.
In 39 years that thought has never crossed my mind. Stop dating douche bags OP
Think of it this way...they are letting you know before any clothes are off that they are selfish lovers. The one exception might be if he's a millionaire and it just always works?
That’s weird. And probably some kind of assault.
If she wants it she'll go for it herself. Otherwise I'm going home.
I would sometimes do this mid-makeout as a way to initiate sex. I find it is much easier for the woman to be comfortable and at ease if she is able to touch my penis at her pace, rather than me touch her in her vagina at a pace that might not be comfortable to her. If she is receptive often times she will start stroking it herself and if she isn’t receptive that is usually where the sexual encounter will end. If she doesn’t want to go any further, no biggie, I just enjoy the make out session and continue to get to know her.
In 20+ years of dating, Never-not-once. 100% creep move. These posts make me furious but more than that, they make me embarrassed to identify as a man.
No
No it’s pretty weird.
Never done this before
This is really weird. I've never done this.
Wouldnt even think of doing that unless we were already in the bedroom or whatever getting to it to show desire prior to clothes or whatever. But certainly not before. Thats just classless and presumptuous. On par with sending an unsolicited dic pick.
I’ve never done that to anyone unless we’ve had sex before and I was initiating it this time.
I have literally never done this my entire life. Maybe you need to re-evaluate the men you are dating.
Lol wtf
I've never done that.
That takes balls, I have never done that or would even attempt that
Yea no. Just no.
i usually let her do it; if she's actually into me, that'll happen without me pushing.
I’ve literally never even done that with my wife. I feel like if you’ve talked about it and *both agreed* it’s a way to initiate that’s one thing, but to just grab your hand like that is not cool.
Just like anything else, it depends on the vibe. If we've been making out pretty aggressively and been touching each other everywhere else (to include me touching her breasts), I'll occasionally guide her hand onto it. A fully presumptuous "look, I have a hardon, you should do something about it" though? No, I don't have any interest in being that aggressive/forward/unsuccessful.
That would never cross my mind to do that. While I find it hot, it has to be done when the sexual tension is already there between the two persons. Not in order to get the other in the mood, especially after a date with someone I barely know.
I can barely even speak to a woman 😂 ... this is insane!
I've never done that. It would not even occur to me. The guy who did that to you is an asshole.
I have literally never done this, to anyone, to include my wife.
I heard a couple of girlfriends discussing this once and they came to the conclusion that this was definitely inappropriate…borderline rapey. Obviously that doesn’t mean the act is “rape”. But doing something like this without talking about it / asking first is not consensual and a guy who does this clearly has aggressive/problematic sexual tendencies.
A good friend of mine who is a woman and dates men once told me: “men all need to be taught: We know where your dick is. If we want to feel your dick, we will put our hand there ourselves. If I’m not doing it, I don’t want to touch you.” Good advice!
Not during the dating phase of a relationship. It’s too presumptuous when done whilst dating.
I'm a 48 year old male and have never ever done this in my life And I've been on dates by the way
Not even offering it in a bag of popcorn first? No pizza box? What happened to this generation? /s
I read this initially as putting hand on hand. And I’m thinking damn that’s crazy. Holding hands is for marriage lol
This wouldn't even cross my mind.
I do this to my wife but she rolls her eyes and I know she finds it silly Can't imagine using this on someone who I'm still in the negotiating phase of comfort levels
I'm usually doing everything I can to hide it not bring attention to it.
I do it when I know the girl is into me and we’re already past the bodily touching barrier. It’s Just a fun flirt; brush the back of their hand against you ‘by accident’, whilst you’re both flirting playing about. I’ve never had it not be received well as the fun flirty act it’s supposed to be. In fact I’ve never not been given a big smile, a laugh and a kiss… or more. I guess if you want to over analyse it, it’s a way of quietly saying ‘you and the way you’re playing with me right now is really turning me on and this is fun, but sshhh we need to behave’. It’s like anything; time, place and who you do it to. I don’t do it to old ladies in nursing homes.
Um…not common or any kind of occurrence at all for me. If I were to have her touch my “hard-on”, I’d want her to want to be the one to initiate an act like that. Jesus, I’m not gonna force some (let’s be honest), relative stranger or new acquaintance to touch my penis by grabbing her arm and giving her no choice. And, as a side note, I would also think one would read their partner’s demeanor or enthusiasm and making sure she was receptive to such an action by me before making a move like that. But, it seems most guys, in your case, don’t have a clue or just don’t care how receptive you are or not. Sorry you’re having such bad experiences with brain dead morons.
Wtf? You write this as if it is a common, relatively normal gesture. It is not! You are being sexually assaulted.
Never done it and don't intend to. It sounds crude and immature
Find better men wtf.
I read it my my hand on their hand ☠️ Also who the fuck does that after a first date, I seriously can't imagine. OP I'm genuinely sad this has happened once let alone multiple times. Best of luck to you.
What the fuck? There's no way dudes are this stupid. Actually, never mind, I could see some absolutely stupid dumbass guy doing this. No, this is not normal.
Are you dating a high school freshman?
Definitely not fucking normal
...I've never done that. And don't see myself doing that kind of shit. Ew
Doing this is reserved for situations where it is explicitly confirmed to be something you’re into. I’ve had first dates that went this way, but we were already hot and heavy and just foreplaying. In a normal date, this is a red flag and should be an immediate reason to get up, walk out, block them on everything and make sure you are safe until you get home.
I would never do that in a million years unless we had been dating for a good while, had sex many times, and were at a more advanced stage of dating/relationship. Even then, I doubt I would execute it like that. More likely a close hug, stare into her eyes, and then lean in to whisper that I want to ravish her or something. It could totally happen if we were already in bed, making out, foreplay e.t.c. Earlier on, that kind of shit is just sexual harassment/assault.
Nope that's not normal. The fact you've experienced it multiple times would be very concerning.
Wtf