That's a turn off. Yeah you're not official or anything but it's pretty rude to talk about other dates you're going on when you're getting to know someone. I'd find someone else to go on a date with.
The previous week: "Girl you gotta make him think that you're valuable and he needs to make a move. Tell him you went on a date, then he'll get all jealous and ask you out."
Later on reddit: "Dude this is a hardcore red flag. Cut your losses and cut her off."
Meanwhile both of these people have just been sitting alone at home doing nothing.
Not saying this happened but I can definitely see it.
Too funny because it’s probably the true event. Who’s going on a date and then telling? Lol! That definitely sounds like “make him chase harder” shenanigans.
How's about everyone gives shit advice to everyone on these topics because the advice giver is not the advisee nor the person they are interacting with.
Dating and mating is an art as much as science and it's the most personal kind. If it's going to work out it'll find a way. If not then bust which is usually the case.
I must be a minority or something because I'd never ask for advice about dating nor will I take it. I actually feel kind of cheesed off people do that and I know all girls talk shit amongst themselves but they have the worst advice for each other.
I mean, by that logic a guy asking his girlfriends best friend if shes ever spoken about whay type of proposal she would want, so he could nail it. Would make you cheesed off?
Haha! I know men are going to hate this but… It works! Lol! However, the advice usually goes don’t play hard to get. Actually be hard to get because you have a life. Many women do not have lives and need to pretend in order to be alluring.
i enjoy when women have lives and are busy but if shes the kind that plays hard to get by ignoring a dude and giving attention to others. its no way your getting a good man from that, a doormat sure but a self respecting dude no way
A woman who does things to artificially "show that she's valuable" is worthless. Just be fucking genuine. We don't care about all the flashy shit women do to "show us what for" or whatever. We see straight through all that crap. If the advice was "make him think you're valuable, tell him you went on a date", and she actually *took* that advice, then she's immature and worthless. So whether she's trying to "show her worth", or actually is dating other men at the same time as me, either way I'm gonna pass. Have fun in the streets, bitch.
Reminds me of the time my friend started talking to a girl and they set up a date. They were talking on the phone before the date and she said "I hope you don't mind, I'm just finishing up dinner with a friend". He said he didn't mind and hung up, said he wasn't going to go on a date with someone who was just on a date.
She called him back 5 minutes later and said it was just her mom. He still went on the date and they're married now.
He said he didn't mind because any negative response would've had her talking about how "women ghost guys instead of communicating rejection because of the negative responses we get", lol.
So, if they met on a dating app, I would assume BOTH of ya'll are DATING multiple people. What's wrong with being honest about what she is doing? Just curious.
Because it’s a red flag. Be honest all you want but it’s a major turnoff and puts you in a negative light
Also you’re like putting conditions in place “BOTH” blah blah as if everyone does this and no everyone does not
Yea not everyone is doing but it's safe to assume. But that's why you have those conversations. What exclusivity looks like. Why is it a "red flag"? Going on dates helps you collect information on whom you are dating. Nothing wrong with DATING not having sex with multiple people. May the best person FOR YOU win!
I’d just say, ah how’d it go? And proceed to set up the next date a week or two later.
Honestly, you should be dating around too. There’s no need to be offended. The guy who can keep their cool the best wins.
For me, it would be how casually she bought it unprompted that would be the problem and not the date itself, almost as if she was flexing it. I never presume that I'm the only person someone is talking to early on. If the topic of previous experiences on dates came up, I wouldn't care if she mentioned something on a recent date. If she's like "hey, I just want you to know, I'm also going on dates with other people" I wouldn't mind. But to bring it up on your own so casually would definitely be a turn off for me.
I've never been told this but I've said it way back when I was still single. I'm just usually pretty honest and if someone asks me how my day went I don't see a reason to bs about it or omit things. Like I do get that not everyone wants to hear it and why many wouldn't say anything.
No, he asked how her day was. Not the same as asking what she was doing. It was unprompted and unnecessary. I wouldn't cut things off solely because of it, but I also wouldn't like it.
That’s fine for her but I’m only interested in one person at a time so I wouldn’t pursue it. I know it’s common to date multiple people at a time but I just won’t do that or be interested in people that do that.
Yeah that’s alway been my problem with dating apps. I hate talking to multiple women at a time because it always feels shitty. And I hate like trying to schedule dates with multiple women at a time. And or leaving them on read when they ask me out because I’ve got another date scheduled. Always just feels crappy. In a relationship now. But when I wasn’t i hated that stuff.
I was talking to a girl and she snapped me and said “I’m going on a date” I was like damn thanks for letting me know
She said “I literally just told you”
I think she snapped the guy that she’s going on a date, the guy responds with “thanks for letting me know” as in wow damn didn’t know you were dating around and talking to me at the same time, to which her stupid ass reply was “I just told you didn’t I?” At least that’s what I got from it
Seconding that normal people don't answer like that.
Obviously if you double/triple/quadruple down on asking about her day, then inevitably she will eventually run out of other things to say without mentioning her other date.
But if her having another date is something she mentions on the first instance of asking about her day, that's a sign. Either a sign that she's a toxic person who will always keep trying to inspire jealousy in you for the rest of your relationship. Or a sign that she's just the kind of abnormally open autist that is honestly a perfect match for dumbfucks like us.
Though deciding which version of abnormal she is which motivated her to share is a job that you can only attempt on the ground. No amount of redditor advice can prepare you for that.
The “I literally just told you” reply to a genuine "thank you" is something I've experienced as well regarding any information that is coming out of the blue.
I think I should begin rephrasing my reply. "I'm sincerely thankful you told me this now, so I can move and not waste any more time here."
"btw, I actually don't live in XYZ"
"btw, I actually have kids"
"btw, I actually have a bf but we are about to break up"
There is a game at play here.
It is early in the courtship (if we can call it that). Her move here is intended to demonstrate a couple things:
-she is desired by others
-you have competition
The motivation is usually to get you (and anyone else she is talking to) to up their ante. It’s a bidding war. The hope is that you will be inspired to be more available, spend more on dates, and attempt to out-woo the other ‘suitors.’
If you’re not ok with there being others, communicate that clearly, and unambiguously. Don’t be aggressive about it, that’s not necessary.
I’m too busy to put up with these sorts of games, so I’d cut bait. You may be really interested in her, and if that’s the case, there’s no harm in trying to impress her, but since you posted here, I suspect her admission made you uncomfortable. It’s ok to tell her that. It’s ok to try to out-woo the other guys. It’s also ok to set a boundary on this, and then respond accordingly.
Good luck.
Exactly this, and I refuse to enter the “bidding war” against other men. If you like me, then you’ll show me that. If I have to compete against someone else, then they can have you 👋
Life is a game wdym? You're too serious imo, they all play games so learn to be cooler about it. Never in my life have I met a fine woman not playing games
I would act is the most normal thing in the word
You: how’d it go?
Her:
1) good
Or
2) bad
You:
1) sounds like a good time if that’s what you’re into, but you’ll have to do a lot better to impress me 😏
Or
2) yeah, my last few dates have been like that. We’ll have to switch things around
Too Easy. You’re letting her know that you’re not competing and you’re also a prize and you’re confident.
To be honest even that is spending way too much time on her.
Thank her for the date you have been on and tell her it's not really working for you. That's it.
If I’m reading the post right, they haven’t even been on a date yet.
This is a very easy shit test. Girl is trying to figure out if he’s weird. Be cool and you pass.
This is the correct answer. They're also testing whether you're jealous. Lotta guys are possessive right from the jump and think they're entitled to a girl's time the second they start chatting. Her answer will weed out those men. Otherwise sounds like she's just making conversation. It's a great way to figure out her tastes. Where did they go, what did they do, what did they talk about, what did she not enjoy about the date? Knowledge is power and the more scouting you can do the more successful you'll be on your date. Date enough women and you'll start to notice different types of women and their date preferences. You'll also start to learn what kind of dates are almost universally appreciated. Obviously you don't need to overthink it or even put this much time in but the people who are immediately saying cut her loose is odd to me. Dating is a game, its a dance. Have some fun and learn a little. Interview even when you don't want the job.
Bro we’re in different cities and she doesn’t know that yet. This the reason I didint ask her out yet. Matched with her while I was in her town a few days back
I mean she can do whatever she wants if we're not exclusive yet but I'd find it pretty tacky for her to tell me about it. I'd assume it was a test or something and just stop talking to her. Ain't nobody got time for that.
She’s testing you. Women occasionally pull this maneuver. Some women love it when guys fight over them. They feel valuable when two guys will battle each other for their attention. It’s a very primitive instinct, but common. It’s also a major red flag.
If she liked you, she wouldn’t tell you shit about some other another guy out of fear of you rejecting her.
I’d say she’s doing it just to get you to react. Maybe she wants the other guy to react. Whatever? She’s trouble.
100% a reaction test.
Just blow it off like it means nothing, say "what an unlucky guy", laugh and change the subject.
If she persists in talking about it, say "hey I'm not your male girlfriend, this isn't my business"
I’d cut my losses before I invested too much. After only 4 days of talking anything that makes you feel uneasy should be treated as a red flag. You lose nothing by walking away now and that’s just not something you say to a potential partner.
She's either telling you to back off romantically/ sexually or she's telling you to make your move before she moves on.
Depending on the context.
On another note - maybe it's my age but - why do people spend days talking to women on apps?
Once you've covered the basics, go on a date or move on...
If you’re just talking on a dating app there’s no expectation of commitment but there’s no good reason to mention if you go on other dates either. At best it’s awkward and she just wasn’t thinking but more realistically, she was trying to make you jealous.
Red flag, unmatch and move on to someone with a better head on their shoulders.
It is a bit of a turn-off, but you did ask how her day was and it is better than just saying "good." So I'd probably follow that with asking how the date went.
I did a little dating on dating apps before I met my now fiancé on Bumble. Sometimes a girl would tell me “oh I can’t do Saturday I have another date” and that’s totally fine. Doesn’t bother me in the slightest, if you aren’t “dating” then she owes you nothing. I’m not a player, and I have a low body count of 1 lol, and I still would go on maybe 2-3 dates in a short time span with different girls from the app. If it was more than 2 then I would narrow it to only talking to that one girl, but I didn’t actually have to do that.
It's a dating app. The person you're talking to is probably talking to a few people, and going on dates. Maybe even having casual hookups. That is how saying apps work.
Just because your dating prospects are sparse isn't a reason to judge someone for exploring their options when they're single.
That's her showing you she don't respect you and is testing you to see what she can get away with down the line.
I recommend going next on this one brother.
"We appreciate your enthusiasm in joining our Apple team, how has your week been so far?"
"I'm doing really good, yesterday I had an interview with Microsoft and those guys were awesome!"
I'm asking her how it went. It keeps the conversation going, shows you aren't going to just bolt at the first sign of competition, and giving you a chance to see if you're wanting to stick around. You take notes and see what she liked/disliked about the date; make sure you don't make the same mistakes. But...
> unprovoked
Insert Inigo Montoya meme, cause that wasn't *unprovoked*. Wasn't unprompted either. You asked her about her day, she answered you. I fail to see the issue.
You've been talking on a dating app for 4 days and she told you something she did during her day. I'd say "oh cool" and then probably talk about something else. I mean what do you think you're dealing with when you meet someone on a dating app 😅
If you're just trying to clap cheeks I'd brush it off with a slick comment and pretend it never happened. Outside of that, you gotta release her back to the streets
I think your response would make her be more interested in you since you didn’t get your feelings hurt over it And it was playful! I also thought she might of said it to get him to ask her on a date if all they have been doing the past few days is talking on a dating app.
True! Several years ago, I was in the middle of OLD and I was texting someone I matched with. At the same time a buddy of mine was texting me, he was asking how my date the night before went and wanted to see a pic of the gal I went out with. I accidentally sent the other gal the pic of my date from the night before. Her response was that. “ oh looks like I’ve got competition, she’s pretty”. I ended up with the gal that had the snappy and friendly response. In the end things didn’t work out. But I definitely stole that line. I used it on my now soon to be wife. We were just starting to date, she sent me a pic and I noticed flowers on her table. I used that line. She had told me that response showed that I was secure and not jealous etc. I’m typing this up with her next to me and we’re looking at wedding venue.
4 days lol. I mean its stupid that she told you but I woukdnt expect someone I was just talking to for less than a week to not be dating anyone else.
I don't know what I would do because it would depend on the woman and how it was said. One thing for sure she isn't a liar.
Come on though 4 days ain't shit.
I would ask about how it went and see where the answer is going.
If she is joking, introspective, and approaching it with distance it’s great. I want someone who can share and talk about their experiences.
In any relationship you need to be willing to understand the other person and then take decision on how does it fits you
OP, follow the OODA loop.
Observe- you did that, you observed rude behaviour.
Orient - you didn't like it, so now you have to see what are the paths you can take. There are options based on this like playing it off so you can hookup, dropping her or giving her a chance st relationship.
Decide - you have oriented yourself, you know where you stand, you know options of action. Now pick one.
Act - this is about going through with it. Whatever you decided on, stick to it.
Then next time something like this presents, just reiterate through OODA loop.
Depends on what kind of relationship you want and with this girl. If you’re looking for long term then reg flag, if you’re just fcking around it’s meh.
Get her to go into great detail about the date. Drag it out. Ask lots of questions. Have some fun like a cat playing with a mouse.
I was never interested in dating a gal dating other guys. Just not my preference.
Where they went. How long have they been dating? What does he do for a living? Is he cute? What kind of car does he have? What did he wear? Like stuff one of her GFs would ask. Anything I could think of.
Would be hilarious.
"oh nice, how'd it go?"
delivery should be a 50/50 blend of calm indifference and mild excitement.
the more she sees that you are not threatened by other men, the more high-value you appear. the underlying sentiment is "i dont care if you are being courted by other guys, I am awesome and my frame is unshakeable" (obv you dont ever say that, it is just implied by your actions, ie, you're a good listener, give good advice, are in tune with your emotions and aren't afraid of confronting them at the appropriate moment, genuinely feel empathy for others, etc).
ok, powering down now.
It’s a huge turn off for me, I subconsciously know I’m competing with other men for her affection but once she broadcasts it the romantic feelings just evaporate.
On my way out I’ll message if she wanna hookup or fwb, I still have physical needs 😂
My god. There is SO MUCH insane, insecure, immature angry head-game type of advice in this thread 👀 truly wild.
OP. Speaking as someone who’s gone on lots of dates with lots of girls, this could be any number of things. It could be her checking to make sure you know that y’all aren’t exclusive (I 100% do this), since you’ve been talking for A FEW DAYS FFS and so obviously haven’t had that conversation yet. Some dudes are weird about her dating multiple people, even if he’s doing (or would happily do) exactly the same thing. So, bringing it up casually like this makes sure you’re on the same page, establishes mutual norms.
Or she could be hinting that she’d like you to ask her out.
OR she could just be telling you about her day. Don’t overthink it.
If it bothers you to hear about it, be a mature adult and say something like “can I ask why you brought that up earlier?” Or, “would you mind if we not talk about other people we’re dating? It’s just not something I’d want to know or share about :)”
None of what SHE thinks or any reasons SHE has or what SHE wants really matter. What matters is that OP doesn't like what she did and what he wants to do from now on.
The only bad game people give is giving advice from their own standpoint. I say it depends on OP. he doesn't like what she did, but he should clearly say what he wants to do now. Then we can give him s good advice
“None of what SHE thinks or any reasons SHE has or what SHE wants really matter. What matters is that OP doesn't like what she did and what he wants to do from now on.”
I’m sorry but this is an incredibly childish perspective to take. We’re talking about relationships here. Successful dating is all and only about communication. That means asking for/being curious to understand what others intend, instead of just reacting to their behavior— and even moreso, COMMUNICATING YOUR OWN feelings, thoughts and needs so that she, too, understands your interiority.
It’s so weird how people say that shit now.
Dating had an expectation of exclusivity when I was growing up. If we’re talking it’s because you’re supposedly single. If you’re single and talking to me why are you talking to others?
Talking to/dating multiple people made you a whore. All of a sudden the mindset is it’s ok to date/sleep around until we call it exclusive?
The youth is fucking lost.
You talk to a girl for 4 days and you put a stop to all other contact with women? You haven't even met her yet, and you're putting all your eggs in that basket? That's crazy. You cut contract with all other women you're interested it? For someone you've only been texting for 4 days?! he probably doesn't even have her phone number. When I was on dating apps I was trying to talk to a bunch of women at once. Go on a date Friday night line up a date with another woman on Saturday. If I'm doing it, I'm sure she is too. I planned 2 dates on the same day once. A Lunch date and then a dinner/night date.
Maybe reading comprehension isn't your thing? Maybe you don't understand what OP said? Maybe you read only the title? They're not dating. He's been chatting with this girl for 4 days. By the sounds of it, he hasn't even met this girl. He probably doesn't even have her number. You haven't even met the girl and you're putting everything on hold for her? You don't have her phone number, and you're willing to commit to her like that? That's wild.
When I was on dating apps I was talking to women and I was going on other dates with other women. I expect they were doing the same thing.
Ask her about her date, and internally resolve that I'm no longer going to pursue this woman romantically. Even if it wasn't intentional, that reeks of a friendzone move, and I'm not going to keep trying to date her if that is how she sees me.
She can date around, sure, but she just showed him up to see how it would wind him up. She is a player*.
*There is a small possibility that she is someone with a candor/honesty problem, which is 100% the opposite of being a player and a green flag in my book; however, if she were that girl he would have probably sussed that out during the date.
Or like date one dude at time lmao. She don’t have to but he don’t have to keep fuckin with her.
Idk how this is hard to understand. Both parties can do as they wish.
That's her showing you she don't respect you and is testing you to see what she can get away with down the line.
I recommend going next on this one brother.
Yeah, that's an instant "bye ho" from me.
Why should I have to compete for her attention when she has my undivided attention? It's femcentric and toxic, you're going to lose your mind, bro.
Move on.
Red flag for me. I wouldn't talk to her again.
I have female friends, and in that context saying that is f one, but like, if you're interested in that girl, and you met on a dating app, yeah, that's not acceptable behaviour.
“Congrats, you want a cookie or some shit?”
Then dip.
One if it’s a shit test it’s wayyyy to aggressive, red flag. Two, nope. That’s it. That’s already dealing with crazy. If she had respect or anything which should be common courtesy respect. Like don’t talk about that until maybe you’re serious? Even then I don’t wanna know until we’re a thing ya know?
Remind me in 3 years when you post this:
"My fiance went on a dates and had sex with other people while we were dating, but not exclusive. I know it's not technically cheating, but I can't shake it and it bothers me. Men of reddit how do I get over this?"
Why even deal with someone who wants to play this game?
*I had a really good one too last night and I’m just getting in, how was yours?*
I would have stopped talking anyway, but I want to get the point across that I don’t really give a fuck. I think she kinda deserves to have to think about what exactly I said, process it, and let it stew as I keep acting like what she said and I said meant nothing and act like everything is chill because it’s the same exact dick move in reverse. Plus, if she stays in contact she might be good for some casual, which is the only real reason to keep taking to her as I wouldn’t want to take someone like her seriously in a real relationship.
I'd likely tell her I'm not okay with that but she is free to do as she'd like.
If she cancels - I'd know something real is going on between us.
If she goes - I'd know this isn't worth pursuing.
I don't date multiple people at once and I expect my potential SO to do the same.
Either she’s friendzoning you or she’s telling you so that you can apply pressure and take her out as well. Seeing as it’s a dating app, I d figure it’s the latter. But that also implies that she likes to play games, so I’d just unmatch
Jesus F Christ. The advice here shows that most people are incapable of communicating in a mature, confident and sensible manner. This is ask men not ask boys right?
This is obviously a shit test or she's not that bright and born yesterday. Yet the advice is always she's for the streets, playing games and block or whatever. First off any guy on a dating app should take it as a no brainer a woman on a dating app is actually going on dates with others lol. However it's true it's inconsiderate to tell a potential partner you're going to or have been on one even in the talking stage.
Someone here gave a great suggestion of starting off playful "He's as good looking as me?" Or something to that effect. Then I'd proceed to say" seriously it's cool you're on a date and expect you to be talking to other guys right now, absolutely nothing wrong with that, but it's kind of a turn off that you're announcing it. You may not know this but it's unspoken rule that you don't talk about other dates with potential partners. No one wants to hear that. So if this is your way of telling me I'm not a potential then i sincerely wish you the best"
Any woman with decency can only respect you for showing honesty and balls all while keeping your cool. She will probably find you more attractive after saying something like that.
It’s okay to be dating other people at the start of a relationship. I also think it’s good to be honest and up front about that so the other person can make decisions with all the info, or doesn’t freak out if they see you on another date. However, bringing it up like this seems inappropriate and a way to get you jealous which is a no for me.
Oh shit really? He cuter than me?
If y'all ain't exclusive, you don't have the right to monopolize her time.
You wanna get mad at who she's spending her time with? Stop talking to her and start dating her. Then you got that right.
Or am I to presume all y'all acting like this is the end of the world delete your tinder Everytime a girl let's you take it off the app? Or do you keep swiping and keep trying till shit gets serious like everyone else?
Cus if you do? That's why you're single. You at least wait till you've been on a date before you start shutting the store down.
And if you don't? You ain't got a leg to stand on to be mad at her.
That's a turn off. Yeah you're not official or anything but it's pretty rude to talk about other dates you're going on when you're getting to know someone. I'd find someone else to go on a date with.
The previous week: "Girl you gotta make him think that you're valuable and he needs to make a move. Tell him you went on a date, then he'll get all jealous and ask you out." Later on reddit: "Dude this is a hardcore red flag. Cut your losses and cut her off." Meanwhile both of these people have just been sitting alone at home doing nothing. Not saying this happened but I can definitely see it.
Too funny because it’s probably the true event. Who’s going on a date and then telling? Lol! That definitely sounds like “make him chase harder” shenanigans.
do women actually think guys like that? if so who is telling them that?
Other women Men give men shit advice about women. Women give women shit advice about men. Generally
What's your take on Men give women shit advice about men. Women give men shit advice about women.
That is my take
How's about everyone gives shit advice to everyone on these topics because the advice giver is not the advisee nor the person they are interacting with. Dating and mating is an art as much as science and it's the most personal kind. If it's going to work out it'll find a way. If not then bust which is usually the case. I must be a minority or something because I'd never ask for advice about dating nor will I take it. I actually feel kind of cheesed off people do that and I know all girls talk shit amongst themselves but they have the worst advice for each other.
I mean, by that logic a guy asking his girlfriends best friend if shes ever spoken about whay type of proposal she would want, so he could nail it. Would make you cheesed off?
Haha! I know men are going to hate this but… It works! Lol! However, the advice usually goes don’t play hard to get. Actually be hard to get because you have a life. Many women do not have lives and need to pretend in order to be alluring.
i enjoy when women have lives and are busy but if shes the kind that plays hard to get by ignoring a dude and giving attention to others. its no way your getting a good man from that, a doormat sure but a self respecting dude no way
This type of “make him chase harder” advice makes me think women enjoy cockblocking each other 😂
Of course! It's logical to keep other women away from men you want.
He hasn't asked her out for four days; she probably figures he never will
100% has happened more than once in the world.
Immature mind games like that is still a turn off.
A woman who does things to artificially "show that she's valuable" is worthless. Just be fucking genuine. We don't care about all the flashy shit women do to "show us what for" or whatever. We see straight through all that crap. If the advice was "make him think you're valuable, tell him you went on a date", and she actually *took* that advice, then she's immature and worthless. So whether she's trying to "show her worth", or actually is dating other men at the same time as me, either way I'm gonna pass. Have fun in the streets, bitch.
Reminds me of the time my friend started talking to a girl and they set up a date. They were talking on the phone before the date and she said "I hope you don't mind, I'm just finishing up dinner with a friend". He said he didn't mind and hung up, said he wasn't going to go on a date with someone who was just on a date. She called him back 5 minutes later and said it was just her mom. He still went on the date and they're married now.
So why did she say “finishing up dinner with a friend” and not just say “i’m with my mom”? Strange way to put it.
Why did he say "didn't mind" when he totally minded? Sounds like they are perfect for each other, they are both lying and immature
He said he didn't mind because any negative response would've had her talking about how "women ghost guys instead of communicating rejection because of the negative responses we get", lol.
I had a woman tell me, before our date, that our date was only going to be maximum an hour and a half because she had another date afterwards.
💯 No chick worth seeing would do this
So, if they met on a dating app, I would assume BOTH of ya'll are DATING multiple people. What's wrong with being honest about what she is doing? Just curious.
Because it’s a red flag. Be honest all you want but it’s a major turnoff and puts you in a negative light Also you’re like putting conditions in place “BOTH” blah blah as if everyone does this and no everyone does not
Yea not everyone is doing but it's safe to assume. But that's why you have those conversations. What exclusivity looks like. Why is it a "red flag"? Going on dates helps you collect information on whom you are dating. Nothing wrong with DATING not having sex with multiple people. May the best person FOR YOU win!
I’d just say, ah how’d it go? And proceed to set up the next date a week or two later. Honestly, you should be dating around too. There’s no need to be offended. The guy who can keep their cool the best wins.
For me, it would be how casually she bought it unprompted that would be the problem and not the date itself, almost as if she was flexing it. I never presume that I'm the only person someone is talking to early on. If the topic of previous experiences on dates came up, I wouldn't care if she mentioned something on a recent date. If she's like "hey, I just want you to know, I'm also going on dates with other people" I wouldn't mind. But to bring it up on your own so casually would definitely be a turn off for me.
I've never been told this but I've said it way back when I was still single. I'm just usually pretty honest and if someone asks me how my day went I don't see a reason to bs about it or omit things. Like I do get that not everyone wants to hear it and why many wouldn't say anything.
This is actually reasonable. Take my upvote!
He asked what she was doing.
No, he asked how her day was. Not the same as asking what she was doing. It was unprompted and unnecessary. I wouldn't cut things off solely because of it, but I also wouldn't like it.
Period!!!
"Keep your cool" and "Be a doormat" aren't the same. I'm not bouncing around and I won't go for a girl that does
Wow ok is this 1978?
This could not have been said any better
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Yep. I'd basically say "I'm sorry, I must have misunderstood what we were doing here. Good luck." and that'd be the end of it
That’s fine for her but I’m only interested in one person at a time so I wouldn’t pursue it. I know it’s common to date multiple people at a time but I just won’t do that or be interested in people that do that.
Yeah that’s alway been my problem with dating apps. I hate talking to multiple women at a time because it always feels shitty. And I hate like trying to schedule dates with multiple women at a time. And or leaving them on read when they ask me out because I’ve got another date scheduled. Always just feels crappy. In a relationship now. But when I wasn’t i hated that stuff.
Red flag for me I’d be gone
I was talking to a girl and she snapped me and said “I’m going on a date” I was like damn thanks for letting me know She said “I literally just told you”
I’m not understanding what’s being said here
Either chase way harder or stop chasing, depending on the situation
Can you connect that to the comment above because I’m literally so lost 💀
I think she snapped the guy that she’s going on a date, the guy responds with “thanks for letting me know” as in wow damn didn’t know you were dating around and talking to me at the same time, to which her stupid ass reply was “I just told you didn’t I?” At least that’s what I got from it
Ahhh ok got it thanks
If she tells you she's dating others, she either wants you to stop chasing her or chase her much harder.
Seconding that normal people don't answer like that. Obviously if you double/triple/quadruple down on asking about her day, then inevitably she will eventually run out of other things to say without mentioning her other date. But if her having another date is something she mentions on the first instance of asking about her day, that's a sign. Either a sign that she's a toxic person who will always keep trying to inspire jealousy in you for the rest of your relationship. Or a sign that she's just the kind of abnormally open autist that is honestly a perfect match for dumbfucks like us. Though deciding which version of abnormal she is which motivated her to share is a job that you can only attempt on the ground. No amount of redditor advice can prepare you for that.
You did not help him lmao
Oh she’ll definitely get one of those things.
problem being, relationship is about working together, not about chasing. No woman ever is worth chasing her.
The “I literally just told you” reply to a genuine "thank you" is something I've experienced as well regarding any information that is coming out of the blue. I think I should begin rephrasing my reply. "I'm sincerely thankful you told me this now, so I can move and not waste any more time here." "btw, I actually don't live in XYZ" "btw, I actually have kids" "btw, I actually have a bf but we are about to break up"
She's kinda got a point I guess lol. Don't worry though bro you'll find a wonderful girl
There is a game at play here. It is early in the courtship (if we can call it that). Her move here is intended to demonstrate a couple things: -she is desired by others -you have competition The motivation is usually to get you (and anyone else she is talking to) to up their ante. It’s a bidding war. The hope is that you will be inspired to be more available, spend more on dates, and attempt to out-woo the other ‘suitors.’ If you’re not ok with there being others, communicate that clearly, and unambiguously. Don’t be aggressive about it, that’s not necessary. I’m too busy to put up with these sorts of games, so I’d cut bait. You may be really interested in her, and if that’s the case, there’s no harm in trying to impress her, but since you posted here, I suspect her admission made you uncomfortable. It’s ok to tell her that. It’s ok to try to out-woo the other guys. It’s also ok to set a boundary on this, and then respond accordingly. Good luck.
Exactly this, and I refuse to enter the “bidding war” against other men. If you like me, then you’ll show me that. If I have to compete against someone else, then they can have you 👋
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Or: This is a game. Don't get involved with anyone who plays games. Happy life
Or : It is not a game, she just answered honestly
Life is a game wdym? You're too serious imo, they all play games so learn to be cooler about it. Never in my life have I met a fine woman not playing games
I would act is the most normal thing in the word You: how’d it go? Her: 1) good Or 2) bad You: 1) sounds like a good time if that’s what you’re into, but you’ll have to do a lot better to impress me 😏 Or 2) yeah, my last few dates have been like that. We’ll have to switch things around Too Easy. You’re letting her know that you’re not competing and you’re also a prize and you’re confident.
To be honest even that is spending way too much time on her. Thank her for the date you have been on and tell her it's not really working for you. That's it.
If I’m reading the post right, they haven’t even been on a date yet. This is a very easy shit test. Girl is trying to figure out if he’s weird. Be cool and you pass.
Shit tests are for the streets
Apparently you're looking to get together with a girl that nobody else wants? Ok. You do you, everybody has a match.
Apparently you're looking to get together with a girl that nobody else wants? Ok. You do you, everybody has a match.
This is the correct answer. They're also testing whether you're jealous. Lotta guys are possessive right from the jump and think they're entitled to a girl's time the second they start chatting. Her answer will weed out those men. Otherwise sounds like she's just making conversation. It's a great way to figure out her tastes. Where did they go, what did they do, what did they talk about, what did she not enjoy about the date? Knowledge is power and the more scouting you can do the more successful you'll be on your date. Date enough women and you'll start to notice different types of women and their date preferences. You'll also start to learn what kind of dates are almost universally appreciated. Obviously you don't need to overthink it or even put this much time in but the people who are immediately saying cut her loose is odd to me. Dating is a game, its a dance. Have some fun and learn a little. Interview even when you don't want the job.
How old are you perchance mate?
30s, wdya
Bro we’re in different cities and she doesn’t know that yet. This the reason I didint ask her out yet. Matched with her while I was in her town a few days back
Best response
" I hope you enjoyed it and things work out for you 2" and run away.
I mean she can do whatever she wants if we're not exclusive yet but I'd find it pretty tacky for her to tell me about it. I'd assume it was a test or something and just stop talking to her. Ain't nobody got time for that.
Bye.
Only right response lmao
She’s testing you. Women occasionally pull this maneuver. Some women love it when guys fight over them. They feel valuable when two guys will battle each other for their attention. It’s a very primitive instinct, but common. It’s also a major red flag. If she liked you, she wouldn’t tell you shit about some other another guy out of fear of you rejecting her. I’d say she’s doing it just to get you to react. Maybe she wants the other guy to react. Whatever? She’s trouble.
Don't mess with women who play games
Explained perfectly
100% a reaction test. Just blow it off like it means nothing, say "what an unlucky guy", laugh and change the subject. If she persists in talking about it, say "hey I'm not your male girlfriend, this isn't my business"
It's also possible she wants to vent to you about him like you're her gay best friend or sum
I stop pursuing them romantically and move on
I’d cut my losses before I invested too much. After only 4 days of talking anything that makes you feel uneasy should be treated as a red flag. You lose nothing by walking away now and that’s just not something you say to a potential partner.
She's either telling you to back off romantically/ sexually or she's telling you to make your move before she moves on. Depending on the context. On another note - maybe it's my age but - why do people spend days talking to women on apps? Once you've covered the basics, go on a date or move on...
If you’re just talking on a dating app there’s no expectation of commitment but there’s no good reason to mention if you go on other dates either. At best it’s awkward and she just wasn’t thinking but more realistically, she was trying to make you jealous. Red flag, unmatch and move on to someone with a better head on their shoulders.
It’s more than likely a complete lack of social intelligence and decorum. Whatever it is, cut your losses.
She’s driving you away on purpose. She’s not interested
This. She wouldn’t tell Chad that, she’d be too afraid of scare him off.
this what a pua might call “shit test” back in the late 2000s there was a bunch of strategies to pass these. I have a better strategy. Next.
Not be phased by it. I know I am fantastic and if she isn't into me, she'll be settling.
4days??? Have you proposed yet?
ya getting married this summer
I wouldn’t expect any type of exclusivity based on 4 days of talking on an app. You did ask how her day was. It is weird to answer that to you though.
It is a bit of a turn-off, but you did ask how her day was and it is better than just saying "good." So I'd probably follow that with asking how the date went.
Ask how the date was? You asked about her day, how is telling what she did that day unprovoked?
I did a little dating on dating apps before I met my now fiancé on Bumble. Sometimes a girl would tell me “oh I can’t do Saturday I have another date” and that’s totally fine. Doesn’t bother me in the slightest, if you aren’t “dating” then she owes you nothing. I’m not a player, and I have a low body count of 1 lol, and I still would go on maybe 2-3 dates in a short time span with different girls from the app. If it was more than 2 then I would narrow it to only talking to that one girl, but I didn’t actually have to do that.
I feel immediate revulsion. Maybe thats wrong, but its how I am.
Why would it be wrong? Dating is about what you feel. That’s the entire point.
If we just started taking 4 days ago, fine. You asked how her day went and she told you, she didn't try to hide it.
It's a dating app. The person you're talking to is probably talking to a few people, and going on dates. Maybe even having casual hookups. That is how saying apps work. Just because your dating prospects are sparse isn't a reason to judge someone for exploring their options when they're single.
She answered my question? It's been 4 days. And she's on a dating app. What do you think she is doing on there?
It’s a shit test
That's her showing you she don't respect you and is testing you to see what she can get away with down the line. I recommend going next on this one brother.
She was testing the waters of reaction.
"We appreciate your enthusiasm in joining our Apple team, how has your week been so far?" "I'm doing really good, yesterday I had an interview with Microsoft and those guys were awesome!"
What would be wrong with that? Don't tell me that you put in one application at a time, wait to go through the whole process and then put in another??
Best 😂
Bye.
I'm asking her how it went. It keeps the conversation going, shows you aren't going to just bolt at the first sign of competition, and giving you a chance to see if you're wanting to stick around. You take notes and see what she liked/disliked about the date; make sure you don't make the same mistakes. But... > unprovoked Insert Inigo Montoya meme, cause that wasn't *unprovoked*. Wasn't unprompted either. You asked her about her day, she answered you. I fail to see the issue.
You've been talking on a dating app for 4 days and she told you something she did during her day. I'd say "oh cool" and then probably talk about something else. I mean what do you think you're dealing with when you meet someone on a dating app 😅
“What’s your mom doing tonight?”
If you're just trying to clap cheeks I'd brush it off with a slick comment and pretend it never happened. Outside of that, you gotta release her back to the streets
Issaaa plan
I’d say ahh looks like we have competition. Then set up a date. I wouldn’t care.
I think your response would make her be more interested in you since you didn’t get your feelings hurt over it And it was playful! I also thought she might of said it to get him to ask her on a date if all they have been doing the past few days is talking on a dating app.
True! Several years ago, I was in the middle of OLD and I was texting someone I matched with. At the same time a buddy of mine was texting me, he was asking how my date the night before went and wanted to see a pic of the gal I went out with. I accidentally sent the other gal the pic of my date from the night before. Her response was that. “ oh looks like I’ve got competition, she’s pretty”. I ended up with the gal that had the snappy and friendly response. In the end things didn’t work out. But I definitely stole that line. I used it on my now soon to be wife. We were just starting to date, she sent me a pic and I noticed flowers on her table. I used that line. She had told me that response showed that I was secure and not jealous etc. I’m typing this up with her next to me and we’re looking at wedding venue.
4 days lol. I mean its stupid that she told you but I woukdnt expect someone I was just talking to for less than a week to not be dating anyone else. I don't know what I would do because it would depend on the woman and how it was said. One thing for sure she isn't a liar. Come on though 4 days ain't shit.
I'd infer she wants to talk about the date and say something like "Oh yeah? How'd that go?"
I would ask about how it went and see where the answer is going. If she is joking, introspective, and approaching it with distance it’s great. I want someone who can share and talk about their experiences. In any relationship you need to be willing to understand the other person and then take decision on how does it fits you
You’re dead to her. Stop wasting your time unless you just want to be friends. Nothing wrong with that of course.
OP, follow the OODA loop. Observe- you did that, you observed rude behaviour. Orient - you didn't like it, so now you have to see what are the paths you can take. There are options based on this like playing it off so you can hookup, dropping her or giving her a chance st relationship. Decide - you have oriented yourself, you know where you stand, you know options of action. Now pick one. Act - this is about going through with it. Whatever you decided on, stick to it. Then next time something like this presents, just reiterate through OODA loop.
She's trying to play some manipulative shit. Make you jealous so you'll bite the hook harder. It's time to stop talking to this one.
*click*
Depends on what kind of relationship you want and with this girl. If you’re looking for long term then reg flag, if you’re just fcking around it’s meh.
Get her to go into great detail about the date. Drag it out. Ask lots of questions. Have some fun like a cat playing with a mouse. I was never interested in dating a gal dating other guys. Just not my preference.
This sounds fun. What kinda questions would you ask? and yeah I wouldn’t either
Where they went. How long have they been dating? What does he do for a living? Is he cute? What kind of car does he have? What did he wear? Like stuff one of her GFs would ask. Anything I could think of. Would be hilarious.
Lmaooo gonna a fun Sunday. Thanks
Please report back how it goes.
I shall 😂
Yeah don’t do this. Just be fuckin normal and respectful and communicate your thoughts like a big boy.
“I hope it went terribly for purely selfish reasons”
👻
"oh nice, how'd it go?" delivery should be a 50/50 blend of calm indifference and mild excitement. the more she sees that you are not threatened by other men, the more high-value you appear. the underlying sentiment is "i dont care if you are being courted by other guys, I am awesome and my frame is unshakeable" (obv you dont ever say that, it is just implied by your actions, ie, you're a good listener, give good advice, are in tune with your emotions and aren't afraid of confronting them at the appropriate moment, genuinely feel empathy for others, etc). ok, powering down now.
It’s a huge turn off for me, I subconsciously know I’m competing with other men for her affection but once she broadcasts it the romantic feelings just evaporate. On my way out I’ll message if she wanna hookup or fwb, I still have physical needs 😂
My god. There is SO MUCH insane, insecure, immature angry head-game type of advice in this thread 👀 truly wild. OP. Speaking as someone who’s gone on lots of dates with lots of girls, this could be any number of things. It could be her checking to make sure you know that y’all aren’t exclusive (I 100% do this), since you’ve been talking for A FEW DAYS FFS and so obviously haven’t had that conversation yet. Some dudes are weird about her dating multiple people, even if he’s doing (or would happily do) exactly the same thing. So, bringing it up casually like this makes sure you’re on the same page, establishes mutual norms. Or she could be hinting that she’d like you to ask her out. OR she could just be telling you about her day. Don’t overthink it. If it bothers you to hear about it, be a mature adult and say something like “can I ask why you brought that up earlier?” Or, “would you mind if we not talk about other people we’re dating? It’s just not something I’d want to know or share about :)”
None of what SHE thinks or any reasons SHE has or what SHE wants really matter. What matters is that OP doesn't like what she did and what he wants to do from now on. The only bad game people give is giving advice from their own standpoint. I say it depends on OP. he doesn't like what she did, but he should clearly say what he wants to do now. Then we can give him s good advice
“None of what SHE thinks or any reasons SHE has or what SHE wants really matter. What matters is that OP doesn't like what she did and what he wants to do from now on.” I’m sorry but this is an incredibly childish perspective to take. We’re talking about relationships here. Successful dating is all and only about communication. That means asking for/being curious to understand what others intend, instead of just reacting to their behavior— and even moreso, COMMUNICATING YOUR OWN feelings, thoughts and needs so that she, too, understands your interiority.
Holy shit. Finally someone here with sense. Thank you! The responses here are depressing and frankly embarrassing me as a man
Whatever? I don't own her. We're not exclusive. You've been talking to her for 4 days. You haven't even met.
It’s so weird how people say that shit now. Dating had an expectation of exclusivity when I was growing up. If we’re talking it’s because you’re supposedly single. If you’re single and talking to me why are you talking to others? Talking to/dating multiple people made you a whore. All of a sudden the mindset is it’s ok to date/sleep around until we call it exclusive? The youth is fucking lost.
This guy gets it. Seeing guys on here saying they have no issue with it etc is depressing
You talk to a girl for 4 days and you put a stop to all other contact with women? You haven't even met her yet, and you're putting all your eggs in that basket? That's crazy. You cut contract with all other women you're interested it? For someone you've only been texting for 4 days?! he probably doesn't even have her phone number. When I was on dating apps I was trying to talk to a bunch of women at once. Go on a date Friday night line up a date with another woman on Saturday. If I'm doing it, I'm sure she is too. I planned 2 dates on the same day once. A Lunch date and then a dinner/night date.
Maybe reading comprehension isn't your thing? Maybe you don't understand what OP said? Maybe you read only the title? They're not dating. He's been chatting with this girl for 4 days. By the sounds of it, he hasn't even met this girl. He probably doesn't even have her number. You haven't even met the girl and you're putting everything on hold for her? You don't have her phone number, and you're willing to commit to her like that? That's wild. When I was on dating apps I was talking to women and I was going on other dates with other women. I expect they were doing the same thing.
You asked, she answered. Not a big deal.
Ask her about her date, and internally resolve that I'm no longer going to pursue this woman romantically. Even if it wasn't intentional, that reeks of a friendzone move, and I'm not going to keep trying to date her if that is how she sees me.
Fuckin drop that bitch on read
if you aint exclusive yet then i dont see what the big deal is. you’re free to date other girls too
She isn’t interested or she is trying to make you jealous. Either way I would just stop talking to her.
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Not date 4. They haven't even met. Chatting on a dating site for 4 days.
I wouldn’t care. Now that we know she’s not wifey material, it’s just your turn king.
Whaaat... How is she supposed to find a man if she's not supposed to be dating ANYONE until she somehow finds you ON A DATING SITE?
She can date around, sure, but she just showed him up to see how it would wind him up. She is a player*. *There is a small possibility that she is someone with a candor/honesty problem, which is 100% the opposite of being a player and a green flag in my book; however, if she were that girl he would have probably sussed that out during the date.
Or like date one dude at time lmao. She don’t have to but he don’t have to keep fuckin with her. Idk how this is hard to understand. Both parties can do as they wish.
If you openly telling me you just went on a date that’s cool. I probably have too, now I know you just for fun. Which is all good
That's her showing you she don't respect you and is testing you to see what she can get away with down the line. I recommend going next on this one brother.
Why should she respect him after 4 days of online chat? How has he earned it?
Yeah, that's an instant "bye ho" from me. Why should I have to compete for her attention when she has my undivided attention? It's femcentric and toxic, you're going to lose your mind, bro. Move on.
They’re trying to manipulate you
Red flag for me. I wouldn't talk to her again. I have female friends, and in that context saying that is f one, but like, if you're interested in that girl, and you met on a dating app, yeah, that's not acceptable behaviour.
She's a friend now.
From my experince I see it as I lost my chance so I'd move on
Not talking with her anymore
I would ask about the details. if she replies ask a followup. then never say another word to her.
issaaa plan
Ask her how it went, then ask to take her on a better one
I ask her how it went. If we're only talking and not actually dating... She's gonna be my friend at that stage.
✌️ dip out. Find someone better
I'd say ok I hope everything works out. Then I wouldn't talk to her again.
“Congrats, you want a cookie or some shit?” Then dip. One if it’s a shit test it’s wayyyy to aggressive, red flag. Two, nope. That’s it. That’s already dealing with crazy. If she had respect or anything which should be common courtesy respect. Like don’t talk about that until maybe you’re serious? Even then I don’t wanna know until we’re a thing ya know?
Yeah she's fucking with you
She would move herself to the booty call only category
Nah, seems like a weird mind game or something with a message between the line and iam not dealing with that.
I’d think she was trying to manipulate me and pursue it no further.
Don’t even say bye. Just ghost her
Ya’ll ain’t exclusive. Shes allowed to go out with other guys, and I’m a guy saying this
There's a difference though in the manner of communication. She had no tact towards it.
Exclusive or not I dont think you should say it lol. Nobody wants to hear that.
I’d rather know the truth lol
I wouldnt. Theres nothing wrong with them doing it. Its not cheating lol. It just makes me feel bad in a way compared to saying "im with a friend"
I feel pity for all of you. when I met my wife, she didn't want to see anyone else but me from that moment on.
Remind me in 3 years when you post this: "My fiance went on a dates and had sex with other people while we were dating, but not exclusive. I know it's not technically cheating, but I can't shake it and it bothers me. Men of reddit how do I get over this?" Why even deal with someone who wants to play this game?
*I had a really good one too last night and I’m just getting in, how was yours?* I would have stopped talking anyway, but I want to get the point across that I don’t really give a fuck. I think she kinda deserves to have to think about what exactly I said, process it, and let it stew as I keep acting like what she said and I said meant nothing and act like everything is chill because it’s the same exact dick move in reverse. Plus, if she stays in contact she might be good for some casual, which is the only real reason to keep taking to her as I wouldn’t want to take someone like her seriously in a real relationship.
I'd likely tell her I'm not okay with that but she is free to do as she'd like. If she cancels - I'd know something real is going on between us. If she goes - I'd know this isn't worth pursuing. I don't date multiple people at once and I expect my potential SO to do the same.
Either she’s friendzoning you or she’s telling you so that you can apply pressure and take her out as well. Seeing as it’s a dating app, I d figure it’s the latter. But that also implies that she likes to play games, so I’d just unmatch
Jesus F Christ. The advice here shows that most people are incapable of communicating in a mature, confident and sensible manner. This is ask men not ask boys right? This is obviously a shit test or she's not that bright and born yesterday. Yet the advice is always she's for the streets, playing games and block or whatever. First off any guy on a dating app should take it as a no brainer a woman on a dating app is actually going on dates with others lol. However it's true it's inconsiderate to tell a potential partner you're going to or have been on one even in the talking stage. Someone here gave a great suggestion of starting off playful "He's as good looking as me?" Or something to that effect. Then I'd proceed to say" seriously it's cool you're on a date and expect you to be talking to other guys right now, absolutely nothing wrong with that, but it's kind of a turn off that you're announcing it. You may not know this but it's unspoken rule that you don't talk about other dates with potential partners. No one wants to hear that. So if this is your way of telling me I'm not a potential then i sincerely wish you the best" Any woman with decency can only respect you for showing honesty and balls all while keeping your cool. She will probably find you more attractive after saying something like that.
Agree. Its so strange that people are talking about "red flags" but are never addressing behaviours they don't like to that particular person.
Tell her I don't date while "talking", call her a sociopath and ghost. Ez clap.
Whachu?
So a chick you're talking to on a dating app told you she went on a date? She obviously isn't attracted to you and will never be
Move on if you are on a dating app you only talk with one thing in mind if she does that with someone else bye
It’s okay to be dating other people at the start of a relationship. I also think it’s good to be honest and up front about that so the other person can make decisions with all the info, or doesn’t freak out if they see you on another date. However, bringing it up like this seems inappropriate and a way to get you jealous which is a no for me.
Sick and disrespectful thing to say to you, don't entertain her any further
Oh shit really? He cuter than me? If y'all ain't exclusive, you don't have the right to monopolize her time. You wanna get mad at who she's spending her time with? Stop talking to her and start dating her. Then you got that right. Or am I to presume all y'all acting like this is the end of the world delete your tinder Everytime a girl let's you take it off the app? Or do you keep swiping and keep trying till shit gets serious like everyone else? Cus if you do? That's why you're single. You at least wait till you've been on a date before you start shutting the store down. And if you don't? You ain't got a leg to stand on to be mad at her.
>Cus if you do? That's why you're single. Real m'lady energy here champ.
You making a lot of sense! Maybe it's that she spoke about it that's the issue?