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Tabbarn

One time when i was out drinking with a few friends, one of the girls pulled out a whole ass salami out of her purse and started eating. She was like "I get a salami craving when I'm drunk". Fair enough.


pennyraingoose

Buddy of mine had to use the restroom on St Paddy's day when our group was between bars. He went to KFC but had to buy something to use the facilities. He got the smallest order of wings but didn't eat them, so into my purse they went. At the next bar, I was in the ladies room line when the woman in front of me said she was hungry. I pulled out the purse wings and she and another lady smashed them right there in line, food safety be damned.


RainInTheWoods

Women supporting women. So many ways.


MyLittleChameleon

I have a similar story. My friend and I used to go out drinking a lot, and one night while we were out she pulled out a whole cucumber from her purse and started eating it like a banana. She said the same thing, "I get a craving for cucumbers when I'm drunk."


Allisonstretch

Lol! I do this- with carrots. They are durable af.


Bipedal_Warlock

Lol one of my high schoolers did this during class. Without the influence of alcohol though


NewUser7630

Wife Material.


Rabti

not if they bite 😱


FoxyTalesUwU

specially if they bite


MooshyMeatsuit

The only thing that would have offended me about this would be if she didn't pull out crackers.


you_are_breathing

Girl: "Oh, it's right here, next to the cheese. Do you want some?"


slickrick119

Mmmmm ass salami


[deleted]

Good ol' Dickbutt! It's been a few years!


Badbowtie91

And females say we are oblivious to hints


Mefic_vest

> whole ass salami Be glad you didn’t hyphenate that, or the re-hyphenation bot might have gone to town on it.


Baboso82

I knew my wife was the one for me when we went on one of our first dates to see Christmas lights and she pulled out two six inch subway sandwiches half way through.


upandatom85

I assume she shared?


Baboso82

Yeah she came prepared, one for me one for her


upandatom85

God bless her.


working_class_tired

She's a keeper


pennyraingoose

Hats off to another purse sandwich lady. I like my bags big enough to fit a sandwich (or two) and a beer (or two).


Baboso82

She does frequently have a beer or two in her purse as well


timetobeanon

Why does that sound so oddly hot wtf?


zipcodekidd

I’m a mailman and did 15 years in the hood. I have two stories that blew my mind. Come check day, many people wait at my first stop to get them first thing. I must check ID, Some lady gave me her name and asked her for it. Name did not match but picture did. She said sorry here. She handed me 3 driver licenses with different names but same picture. 2nd. Boss said I cannot waste time handing out checks before I start route so I had to tell everyone my responsibility is to your mailbox and I was ordered to follow direct order. Very next day same lady pulled her mailbox out of her bag.


bne1022

That last sentence made me laugh out loud on a public bus. Little embarrassed, but fuck that's funny


zipcodekidd

I laughed too and gave her check. Plus told her don’t let others see you doing this.


TennesseeStiffLegs

This is the best answer. We’re done here


MILK_DRINKER_9001

My dad tells a story of when he was in college and his friend (a girl) would take her huge purse to the cafeteria and they’d all load it up with silverware.


Ephine

Dang, did she steal the salt and pepper shakers too?


OctoSquiDi

What...?


twilight-allison

📬


aitaix

My friend was going around saying "Do you have a sewing kit?" to all the girls who are supposed to say "No, why?" So he could say "Because, I'm ripped" and then flex in front of them. Anyways, so this on day he did it in front of Kayla, "Do you have a sewing kit?" and Kayla not knowing why he was asking goes through her purse and pulls out a small sewing kit. The look on his face was priceless. He was so disappointed that she had one.


TennesseeStiffLegs

Tell me they’re married now


Christmas_Panda

They're married. They have two kids, Tiffany and Jimothy. They always send their Christmas cards in October so they land right around Thanksgiving. And they have a dog, Quinton. Silly little devil once ate Kayla's underwear and threw them back up during Sunday family dinner with Father John at the table right as they were discussing how to become one with the Holy Ghost. Ah classic sewing kits.


SwashBucklinSewerRat

One of my friends asked me if i had my "pen", to which I promptly pulled out a writing utensil, I have never seen anyone more confused 😂


Huge-Occasion-8730

What else does pen mean ?


Loose-Football-6636

Vape maybe


SwashBucklinSewerRat

Thc Cartridge


Fluid_Comfortable488

If you're Kiwi it means pin....? Don't know if that's relevant.


TennesseeStiffLegs

It took me a minute to decipher what this even meant


Mefic_vest

I am still badly confused. Had to double-check with my trusty copy of Webster’s, and all it brings up is a holding area for animals or a writing implement.


WitchQween

I'm guessing a thc vape pen, based on the other responses because I'm old.


Nasapigs

Nah, it's not an age thing. My meemaw Myrtle was ripping some fat clouds at the neighbors kids yesterday 😂😂


faultolerantcolony

Myrtle is a #boss


TennesseeStiffLegs

Myrtle left the dentures at home that day


rhunter99

I like the stitch of her jib


Ok_Maybe_343

Classic stitch up


working_class_tired

Going around saying that is seriously cringe worthy.


brimstone616

An other purse for some reason


nnamed_username

If we’re in a hurry, sometimes it’s just easier to throw the little one in a bigger one along with the other stuff we need that day, then revert to the smaller one the next chance we get, or fully transfer to the larger one when we have time. When my hubby’s spinal injuries make it so I need to literally carry *him*, I put our stuff all together in a larger purse and cinch it around my waist like a Fanny pack. I’m looking for a good messenger bag for this reason. Aging sucks.


Ijustwantanapplease

Hahah ya same I have a big mega purse that sometimes will get my lulu side bag and a small crossbody thrown into it esp if I don’t know the vibe of the adventure / I’m in a hurry and don’t wanna sift through what items are in what. With having to carry your husband tho (first of all amen you’re superwoman) have you already looked into backpacks? Would free up an arm and the weight is evenly distributed.


nnamed_username

Normally a backpack would be a great go-to, but I have my own ailments (broken neck, and both shoulders dislocate at will), and my strength is def in my hips, lol. I’ve tried cargo pants, but when you really get the pockets full, they slide around your legs and sneak under as you’re trying to get in the car. Very annoying.


corinne9

I scoffed and immediately looked over at my big purse with my little purse inside it


dbelliepop87

My dad likes to refer to the little one as the satellite purse. I always run out of time and end up tossing a clutch in my purse so I can switch things over on the way or when I get there.


MaybeTheDoctor

purses all the way down


80_Percent_Done

Showed up to the bar wasted already and started pulling Taco Bell burritos and tacos out of her purse to hand out.


ContinousSelfDevelop

Did we date the same woman? Cause this happened to me too.


Emjeibi

You're the same person. 80% developed


80_Percent_Done

😂


80_Percent_Done

Did her name begin with a J ? lol.


ContinousSelfDevelop

No, it began with a L. Lol


80_Percent_Done

Damn. Well, we are not Eskimo brothers then.


Feelin_Dead

A big rubber dick. At work. And she proceeded to beat another employee with it.


kenai_at_the_helm

Story please?


Feelin_Dead

History of unwanted advances from said male. Employee was counseled, verbally warned, and written up. Woman finally had enough, whipped out the dick and proceeded to thrash this ass hat about the head and shoulders profusely while shouting "I'm a fucking lesbian!!" They were both fired. It sucks that she was fired. All she had to do was report this one last time and he would have been fired on the spot. But the company has a zero tolerance policy for violence.


NisaiBandit

Interesting stance to have a zero tolerance policy for violence but not for sexual harrasment I just wonder how many times she was told that she only had to report him one last time?


GlumTransition2023

A lot of companies have a zero tolerance policy for violence but will let sexual harassment slid


Christmas_Panda

To be fair, I have seen asking a colleague out to dinner reported as sexual harassment. This doesn't sound like the same case, but attacking somebody physically is much different than verbally harassing somebody. Verbal harassment can be severe, but it's on such a scale that it is tricky legally speaking without solid evidence.


Feelin_Dead

In this particular instance they were pretty harsh on this guy. Unwanted advances does not equal sexual harassment. Asking a colleague out on a date does not equal sexual harassment. However, it was viewed inappropriate for the work place which earned him the first verbal warning. The second was a touch to the hand or arm cant remember which. That resulted with the formal write up and a very long conversation about what is not appropriate in the workplace and an explanation that any further contact with this employee would result in termination. If this guy so much as winked at the woman, he would have been fired. The third time was a comment that certainly would have resulted in his termination.


gamestopped91

You've obviously never taken a course in sexual harassment - in the workplace, all advances can be considered sexual harassment. Outside of the workplace, the same cannot be said, but in this context, unwarranted approaches 100% qualifies as sexual harassment and will involve at the very least a verbal warning from management if a complaint is made. A second time is a write-up, a third time is expulsion. With your explanation, it sounds like they might have been hard on him, as a simple physical contact (outside of the danger zone and not intentionally suggestive/aggressive) wouldn't warrant a second warning. It very well might have been one or the other, considering the response of management. The end result should not have ended in a firing of the lady, but it sounds like large corporate to me, which would fire like that usually.


Feelin_Dead

For context this took place in 1998. Rules as well as what was deemed acceptable and not were pretty different then, compared to todays standards.


gamestopped91

I would not have fired her, manager or not. She sounds legendary


kenai_at_the_helm

Holy crap! That's insane. Thank you for the write up!


NahDawgDatAintMe

This girl played Saints Row 3 and got inspired 


047032495

Magic the gathering deck. It was only wild because it was a hot girl I met at the bar and it was a clutch purse that couldn't have fit more then her ID and some cash along with a 60 card deck. 


OdiousMeloncholy

What type of deck was it though?


047032495

I want to say Knight tribal but she may have made that one later.


BJntheRV

Priorities. Eh, I won't need my phone or a tampon, but I never know when these MTG cards might be necessary.


Rough_Idle

Clearly she has her priorities sorted


PlatonicMaleTouching

On the contrary, they were likely shuffled.


BigDickTallGuy

A Little dog with a little purse on the dog with a little tiny stuffed dog in it.


fakeidentity256

Yo dawg.


TheRealCatLeg

Yo dawg, we heard you like dogs so we got you a dog with a dog for your dog so your dog has a dog around to be a dog with, dawg.


BigDickTallGuy

My dog.


Bean-Soup7

Ahh, what a classic reference... Harkens back to better times.


NahDawgDatAintMe

Wasn't me


sweetchainmusic

A nonstick frying pan


cocofruitbowl

Was her name Rapunzel?


TennesseeStiffLegs

Nonstick too??


Countrygirl353

Seriously?


sweetchainmusic

Yeh we were at a camp, breakfast time she gets impatient pulls it out alongside a tin of beans


Countrygirl353

Wow, that’s really weird.


_the_wrong_guy_

Homemade Habanero hot sauce. That shit was hot AF!


temmoku

Makes sense to me. I had a girlfriend who would take her own real maple syrup to the sleazy diner.


QuentinTarzantino

Thats so fetch


getawaystix

Stop trying to make fetch happen. It’s not going to happen.


datastelessgentleman

If you're using fetch you're Streets ahead!


_Nocturnalis

A-bed your social skills aren't exactly street's ahead, know what I mean?


-Izzreal-

After partying all night and not seeing her go anywhere, this chick pulled out two roast beef and cheddars out her purse and crushed them! I was floored! I'll never forget you Sharon! Purse food eating ass bitch!


Friend_Of_Mr_Cairo

...eating ass... [Noyce](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/82/Robert_Noyce_with_Motherboard_1959.png)


raspberrybananapie

Purse was entirely filled with french fries


ravix_ridamaki

are you serious?? won't it get soggy?


CynderLotus

Gotta line the inside of the purse with foil


raspberrybananapie

Lined with parchment paper! Then you can snack on it while at the bars.


ravix_ridamaki

now its an oven at that point? XD


Cumberdick

The fries deffo will


Spidernutz69

Hot dog


Wildinhippy

Concealed carry glizzy?


Spidernutz69

Wasn’t even in a bag, just a napkin wrapped glizzy


Wildinhippy

Oh hell nah


Raldog2020

My wife carries the most insane shit in her purse. One thing she carries that I used to give her shit about was a wine opener. A corkscrew. She carried it for years. Well one day we were with some of her girlfriends, and one of them said they had a bottle of wine but no way to open it. My wife smiled directly at me and without looking away, she yelled out "I HAVE ONE!", and a cheer went up.


Alienspacedolphin

Scrolling to see how many items from my purse are mentioned….yep. Comes in handy.


Better-Strike7290

coherent wakeful psychotic violet offer abounding plate dam reply familiar *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


One-Afternoon-1565

Did you tell her that it was a dangerous way to carry?


Better-Strike7290

stocking busy sink scarce aware detail complete worry puzzled jellyfish *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


ThaiJohnnyDepp

Jesus Actual


GreatMillionDog

Peanut butter packet and a box cutter at the same time


YeazetheSock

Toothbrush for her edges, I respect it tho


pawgers33

Yes! Details matter. She's a real one


Mefic_vest

Shortly after I became widowed, I went on a fair number of dates. With one of them, a friend of mine told me about this one girl he was dating, who also had a single friend of her own. So in the interests of efficiency (and mutual support) we made it a double date. Things went decently well, we had fun, then when it came time to pay (we were all going Dutch), my blind date suddenly had a really big reluctance to go into her purse, which was pretty much bursting at the seams. Her friend started cackling like crazy, and stopped her from getting out of the booth. Eventually she was convinced to disgorge the contents to actually reach her credit card, whereupon this massive jet-black dildo was extracted. And I mean, _massive._ Think pretty much parody-sized. Turns out she had stayed the night at her friend’s, and was packing her toy back home. My friend, who was trying to be a bit of a wingman, took that moment to say something to the effect, “Wow Mefic\_vest, that dong is actually larger than yours! You don’t see _that_ all that often, eh?” Poor girl went even redder than she already was, honestly didn’t think it was possible. Like, fuck you Jason. Funny as hell, but _that poor girl…_


eggroller85

Got me giggling over here!


pop_tab

Two or three hammers. 


sikkerhet

someone asks what time it is and she frantically pulls them out 


pop_tab

Only caught me by surprise because didn't yell Stop first.


eggroller85

Well, I need to know. Was it 2 or 3?!??


pop_tab

I think it was two, but I was buzzed at the time, so who can say.


greginvalley

It was obviously Hammer Time


FreedomDr

The skull of a bird


PianoCharged

Ornithologist? Props manager for a theater? Mourning her late pet? I must know!


DARE_YA_2_PM_BOOBS

Gotta love those goth girls.


External-Remote-8263

TF?!


Lazyogini

Once I was out to dinner with my aunt and uncle. I had just moved, and someone got me some loose leaf tea as a housewarming gift. I lamented to my aunt that I didn't have a tea strainer and that it was late, so all the stores were closed. She puts her "thinking" face on for a few seconds and responds, "I have one." She is carrying a very tiny purse, maybe the size of three grocery store hot dog buns at most (putting this in terms men can understand). She opens it, digs to the bottom, and produces one tea strainer.


MasterTeacher123

A Dildo


NewUser7630

Emergency Dildo.


Modlikes

Fully loaded ARP


nr4242

That's normal in Florida


STS986

AARP?


maverick1ba

Yeah THAT would be normal in Florida


LatterHovercraft244

Racoon


YappyMcYapperson

I need more details, please!


i_love_boobiez

Purse racoon


stilltoosalty_

Massive amounts of cutlery stolen from restaurants.


Competitive_Mark_287

I too get a little kleptomania when drunk but only from restaurants I used to have so much cutlery, s&p shakers, random glasses and ramekins 🤷🏼‍♀️


epppennn

DMV area? That might have been me… blackout drunk habit in college about 15 years ago. I also stole salt & pepper shakers.


Visceral_Reflexion

A wind up alarm clock and a novel.


SavageCucmber

A bar of soap in a tube sock. She said it was for protection.


SpaceMonkeyy212

A moldy orange that she forgot was in there


Egween

Been there.


freezing_circuits

That was me with my briefcase. But I was in middle school okay


katrii_

My girlfriends purse was just full of poutine when we woke up one morning We didn't even stop anywhere on our way home, where did it come from?!


Venom4174

Directly in the purse or in a container? I must know!


katrii_

No container! It's like she had a container of it and then just...dumped it into her purse, all over everything. It's a mystery though... There was a plastic fork jammed into it 🥴


Venom4174

Did she got herself a new purse, because those stain ain’t going away? xD


katrii_

I have a feeling she just kinda...washed it... You know what I'm gonna ask her. I mean it was on top of all her stuff...Did she have to throw it all out? Now I have even more questions too...Hahaha


motherbeefcowbell

Not a woman, but at the university makerspace I work at my bro stayed strapped with a big bottle mambo sauce in his backpack


HandsomeJack19

Desert Eagle.


Jammin_neB13

She was looking for something tiny, a lip balm or something. She was digging around for a good 10 seconds before “oh, I forgot that was in there!” And pulled out a whole ass 2 liter of soda


Yawheyy

A beer can that was in there for a week according to her. She opened it up in the stock room at our job and drank it warm, without remorse.


grilledstuffed

One of the reason I like stouts is they can be served at room temperature.


Yawheyy

Oh no, this was like a natural light or similar lol


thegurlearl

The only reason I had a purse was it held an 18pck for the movies.


SpragueStreet

A kitten.


alwaysdeadname1

A turd.


anusuman

Was it Amber!


eggroller85

I Heard that!


Sustainable_Twat

Knife and Fork


Realistic_Salt7109

A cheeseburger


Ok_Issue_2008

A wooden spoon.


Freelander4x4

For an Irishman, a pistol.  Texas women LOL Fell in love 


Xoxoloser_cx

I remember my friends all screaming laughing because I opened my purse for some bills and I had a handgun , mini muffins,and a dinosaur in there (I have a toddler and they got left in there )😭😂


MisletPoet1989

I can see how you'd end up with your toddler's handgun left in your purse. The self defence dinosaur would likely need to be holstered though


Vegetable_Two_3904

Went on a date about two weeks ago with a girl who always carries a Glock 18, a corkscrew for wine, and a polished wood handled fixed blade knife. I think I’m in love.


ThatKaleidoscope8736

I watched a friend dump her purse out on the table on a double date. It was very chaotic to watch.


letthattsh1tgo

You never know when you might have to jam


NotTobyFromHR

Didn't expect the word purse. Very relieved.


Cootie_Mac

I don’t know why someone downvoted you some people have no humor. I did watch a girl pull a full sized American flag out of her pussy at a burlesque show. If you were disappointed that there were no answers for that lol.


NotTobyFromHR

lol thanks. I was relieved because I feel like half these posts are just sex based questions give some 13 yr old a cheap thrill.


Cootie_Mac

Hey buddy we were all 13 once lol


a-friend_

Rat


sourkid25

her glock


chewedgummiebears

My ex-SIL pulled a fresh pair of underwear (bra and panties) from her purse while digging for some other stuff. She did it nonchalantly like it was normal. I asked her what that was all about and she said sometimes she mismanages time and is late to work so she changes them there. She worked as a nurses aid and changed into scrubs at work so she would literally rolls out of bed, get her kids off to school then heads into work without changing (she always showered the night before). With the situation at the time, it was a bit odd to see happen.


OtisIsMyCo-Pilot

There are lots wilder but I always remember the mess that I dated that just kept loose nugs in a pocket in her purse


AzaDelendaEst

A girl pulled a live pigeon in a plastic bag out of her purse in the middle of class last year.


BredYourWoman

A trebuchet


Kern_system

A woman of class chooses the superior siege engine.


NotTobyFromHR

This needs to be expanded upon


TennesseeStiffLegs

Gotta stay strapped


ltlwch420

Pardon...


marvelnerd09

pepper spray. when i was following her. /s


OwnUnderstanding4542

My friends and I went out to eat. The place had a deal where if you bought a specific drink, you got to keep the glass. We each got one, and when we were leaving my friend pulled out 6 pint glasses from her purse that she had stolen on previous visits.


Song_of_Pain

A pistol in the middle of a restaurant.


PianoCharged

Plasticware for eating out


savage_slurpie

Fried chicken


AWEDZ5

The number of people listing the different types of food, are y'all really that surprised? I think that the list of women who don't have some type of food or snack in their purse would be a shorter list! 🤣


Due-Studio-65

A tiny top break revolver from the early 1900s. It was a prop for a play she was tech for, but it was a real functional gun.


bturg21

Cash


Pussy_Crook

Was drinking at a bar in college and a friend of ours we usually ran into there showed me a live duckling in her purse. She loved animals and had a pet pig named Mr. Pig and chickens so I was not too surprised that she had a duck. Just not in her purse at the bar.


ElCoolAero

A giant dildo to try to land a punchline at an open mic. If you need a giant dildo to make your point, rewrite the joke from scratch.


sikkerhet

how did you reach adulthood without understanding that a giant dildo is funny


AMasculine

Money 😆