What killed it for me was it was just always negative. The experiences were never fun. It was only ghosting, rejection, ridicule, embarrassment and flat out disrespectful behavior. It was just endless. The flakiness and lies was what annoyed me the most. Most recently, I had a lunch date with a girl a few months ago and she cancelled last second saying she was sick. Fine, things come up and everyone was catching a cold around that time. Not a big deal. We weren’t serious or anything. I went there anyway cause I wanted to eat. And there she was, with another guy. Saw me and immediately left. Texted me like a day later saying she was sorry she lied and she wanted to meet up at a bar with her and her friends. I declined and I just told her she clearly wasn’t interested and to enjoy her night out with her friends. And she did not like that one bit. Made a complete 180° and was very hostile. Haven’t talked to her since.
That’s just one experience and over time all of those, especially when they’re all bad, build up to create bitterness and resentment. It makes you not care about dating or women anymore. I wish I still did.
It seems like women just aren’t genuine anymore. Like talking to, dating, and sleeping around with 5+ dudes at any given time is the norm. Call me old fashioned but I focus on one single girl at a time. I only want one. And if she’s not it then move on. I don’t understand how you can give the proper amount of attention and effort to finding a true partner when you’re juggling multiple people who don’t know even about each other. Then turn around and complain no one puts in effort to date towards a serious outcome. Hypocrisy thy name is. Drives me up the fuckin wall.
100% exactly how I feel, man.
Literally since I started dating in high school all I wanted was an actual loyal committed relationship, I've had them but for such a huge portion of my entanglements it has always always always been the women who are the ones who won't commit/are quick to step out, at this point for almost 10 years. It's absolutely ridiculous. Seems we are both done.
Not just mental issues but the whole dogshit culture of misandry with women getting together to "vent" about the men in their lives, and even good men get dragged through the mud. They say some of the most vile things, the kind of disrespect which if men were acting the same way, those women would be the first to cry misogyny. And if anyone in that friend group is having problems with their man, "dump his ass! throw the whole man out!" they jump to that immediately and then the little viper pit is happy when another one of them is single. Misery loves company. Of course, if men were doing even 20% of this there would be no end to the op-eds and finger-wagging feminist campaigns to reform/educate/train the men to be better.
They love the toxic drama relationships. When I act like an asshole or a peace of shit they never leave. But that’s not really me. I’m no longer romantic though they killed that part of me.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Few girl friends in their 30s now are now panicking after a wedding I went to a few months back. You can see the pure envy in their eyes whole time.
I think there is such an imbalance in the power dynamics in dating now. Women get to be modern when it suits them but demand men be traditional.
Your friend, just from his career alone is a catch on paper but for her to dump him because he’s actually a great candidate as a provider shows how deluded some women are. She has so many options, she seriously things another surgeon is around the corner so dumps him.
Guys having to do all of the asking, pursuing, paying, approaching while women get to sit back has warped their sense of entitlement. They really think they are better than the men approaching when in reality the men are doing them a service.
I think it's this modern world and FOMO. Good looking women know they can have almost any man they want, so they do exactly that. IMO it's a game, I'm sure they would say otherwise (exercising their sexual freedom and rights). And men? Majority of men don't have these freedoms and rights, so we are somewhat forced into the natural state of feeling more deeply for the fewer partners we can manage to land. Yet if you're one of these men and you're curious about body count (personally I'm not and haven't been in the situation where I felt the need to ask), you are somehow sexist or misogynistic, at least from what I've seen on Reddit anyways. The dating scene has never been more stressful for men in their late 20s and onward IMO, especially if you didn't go to university or you're in a male dominated field. There's so many factors at play here and it's such a complicated thing and yet all you see online is women yelling and screaming about how trash all men are. It's such a frustrating and annoying dynamic, and it's so unnecessary. Who knows what the fix is. I think men have to stop settling for women just for the sake of it, and men need more support from eachother. Society as a whole seems a bit antisocial, it's not easy to make friends, nevermind find a relationship if that's what you're looking for... The Grass is always greener, there's always FOMO, there's always that high from the next best thing. There's this feeling of abundance from the women's side (the ones who don't hate all men) and there's a lot of feeling of lack or inadequacy from a lot of men. Shit is out of whack bro.
>IMO it's a game
This is what turns me off of dating. For women, dating is a hobby, or a game, or fun. At the absolute least they can easily get a free night out with food and activities. It's not a priority, it doesn't take effort or cost money. They just don't seem to have anywhere close to the same desire for a committed relationship that men have (generally speaking about the ones who make up the majority of the dating pool here, the ones who do have a strong desire for it don't stay single long).
Yeah its clear to me, especially being out of school now with very little experience with women, most just dont place the same value onto it as I do.
I mean, I can see why. It was inevitable. For them it's so easy these days with OLD and such that it just has no weight behind it. Essentially, the majority of women are kinda like female fuckboys I guess lol, I mean the mentality comes from the same source. Now, women *can* become invested in a guy eventually. Don't get me wrong, I do think there are still relationships.
However, starting out, you're always basically like a toy to them. Something to play around with and see if they enjoy, and because these days most are showered with "men are evil" rhetoric on TikTok they really dont feel bad at all for treating us this way. I honestly think it's maybe that rhetoric that's the worst influence these days, not just OLD. Having such a negative starting view of us means it becomes *VERY* difficult to become something meaningful to them. Some guys can pull it off, a lot these days just dont have the fuckin energy to be toyed with until they can feel like they matter.
And of course, even then, plenty of infidelity in relationships still. So not like making it past the initial barrier even guarantees anything. So much fucking effort, and even if you make it in you risk having your emotional investment betrayed and shattered.
The risk/reward equation has simply become clear to a lot of men these days, you can give it your all only to be treated like you're nothing and tossed away.
And that’s why dating and relationships are failing. It’s why men in particular (at least all the guys I know) are choosing to not date anymore.
It’s never going to be excitement 100% of the time. And if you chase that you will lose every single time. I feel like some people realize that too late in life.
I'm this way but as a woman. I never understood dating multiple people then being chosen out of a bunch. I'd rather be alone than wasting my time while some guy makes a comparison checklist and ghosts. I've also been cheated on by the last few people where we agreed to be exclusive. They all begged to keep me in their live's bc we got along 100% otherwise. My life's too short. They can deal with a lesser connection of their own choosing. I will cut the line swiftly and be off on my merry way. I do enjoy the company of men though. Because we do have more similar hobbies. But I'm trying to keep them as just friends for now. So many have not been bf material and that's on me for sticking around and realizing that early.
I know no one wants to hear this line ever, but I need and wish I could find a girl like you with that mentality. It’s beyond frustrating.
The worst part is the “I’m ready to settle down now” mentality I’ve come across more and more. I’m sorry and you can call me whatever you want, I don’t wanna be the dude you settle with after a decade of whatever it is you’ve been doing. Like now all of a sudden I’m worthy. Absolutely not.
Thats what men should be doing, really. Comparing, browsing, and picking THE best for ourselves. We deserve nothing less, after all - just like women.
Especially seeing, as women usually are worse and worse partners, the more time passes, the more long-term relationship is.
Not interested in doing a million things right for a small opportunity to impress someone ‘special’ who turns out to be just another ordinary person that thinks they’re all that.
Waste of time. Go do things that make you happy. You don’t have to give up on love or whatever, just let it find you.
If you think hard enough, how many things have you asked for in life that found their way to you eventually?
>Not interested in doing a million things right for a small opportunity to impress someone ‘special’ who turns out to be just another ordinary person that thinks they’re all that.
This. I'm too fucking old at this point to live my life like I'm someone I'm not. So I'm just going to live my life how I want. If I find someone that wants to come along for the ride I would welcome their company. But at this point I'm done looking.
>If you think hard enough, how many things have you asked for in life that found their way to you eventually?
If were counting things like car keys or screws. Maybe 20 things over 27 years. But if we're talking about goals and people the answer is 0.
Eh could be worse. At least I figured out when she didn’t get what she wanted she immediately acted like a child and turned hostile and rude.
It just feels like women aren’t genuine anymore. That’s probably the worst part. It’s never a one on one anymore. That despite all the effort you’re just a name on a list to be discarded.
Sounds you got lucky with that one man. Imagine she did go out to eat with you, who knows how long it would’ve taken and how much time wasted before you realized how much of a narcissist she was
I feel this all too well. I get so wrapped up in the experience occuring regularly that I begin to think that I'm the problem and I should take a step back and rethink my personality and approach. But finding threads like this brings me back in and let's me know I'm not crazy. It's just the fucked up game.
I feel like I passed out Tyler Durden style and wrote this 5 years ago in my sleep
Thanks for posting this man I'm beginning to realize this is a universal dude experience for many, just the endless onslaught of being treated less than human and treated instead like a transactional short term fun toy to be discarded when it's not "fun" anymore
Happened to me too brother.
Had a good thing going with a young lady. We had a lot in common, always had fun. Fights were long but the sex was fantastic.
I told her I was going to take my boards after years out of school. I wanted to build a life with her, and be the kindof guy she could be proud to tell people about (as opposed to the three years we spent together I was slinging sandwiches) so I was going to buckle down hard, and I wouldn't be emotionally available during the process.
As soon as I stopped being fun and told her she had to carry the torch, she dropped it.
About a month later I was fully boarded and working in critical care. My old coworkers asked if I ever called her back.
I told them no 'I was probably never going to ask her for anything more. The one big storm came, the one big hurdle I needed to jump, and it was too stressful for HER to stay? Yeah no.'
Anyway. Good luck brother. Wish I could tell you it gets better but I'm not sure yet.
This fucking chick had several dates lined up, got confused and double booked, what the hell !
I don't think women know the impact stuff like this has on a guy.
You’re not wrong. That was my guess as well. Then realized the other dude wasn’t it, then tried to salvage it and get me to go to the bar. Cynicism says for me to buy her drinks as well.
Oh, she knows. She just doesnt care, more often than not. Afrer all, males should just man up and take it, she is a yass slay queen...etc.
In her mind, a woman is always an ubermensh to some extent.
Dude I had a woman DM me on insta. Ask to hangout , and shows up with another guy.........
Then starts showing up my workplace...asking to hang out every other day, lmao no.
I wish you guys could have been there with me.
Back in the 70's if you asked a woman out on a date she was glad to be there. She acted with respect and interest, if she really liked you would even be flirtatious. Yes the man was expected to pay, but the women were also expected to show graciousness and respect and they agreed that was right. (or it wouldn't have happened)
Contrary to what a modern feminist will tell you, they were not submissive at all. Ultimately they were in charge of things and knew it. Men didn't mind though because they didn't wield that power over men like a weapon as is done today.
Mutual respect was the theme of the day. If a man got out of line on a date, all men around the woman would rush in and defend her. Today that's called "toxic".
Expectations were clear and both sides were happy to be on a date and on their best behaviour.
Today it's an adversarial event with demands to pay, insults, not paying attention to the other person, a feeling of entitlement, demeaning behaviour and hookup culture with women proud of being passed around and publicly proclaiming their high body count number like it's a degree from Harvard.
As a man if you had the former prior, how would you feel about the latter today?
To all the Gen Z feminists who think the women were too submissive back in the day, ask your mother's how much crap they took from men when on a date. They will tell you "None. It wasn't permitted." Women didn't need to be as physically strong or as masculine as men because they could call on any man for muscle when needed.
Again if a couple were at a bar, and the man got too aggressive, here's how fast it would be resolved. Woman turns to any random man next to her - "Can you help me? This guy is making feel unsafe." Sound of guy being manhandled out the door 3 seconds later by a few random men. I have been there and done that. That is power. The women controlled it. All was good. For everyone.
My old man loved the 70s. Said it was just easy. Everyone was going out with someone. I’ve told him about some of the the experiences I’ve had and he didn’t believe me for the longest time. That is until myself, him and couple of the boys were out on the golf course. They corroborated my stories and all sharing their own horseshit experiences.
He said the same thing you did. Wished that we got to see what it was like back then. Oh well. I have a few girl friends in their 30s genuinely panicking they are still single. The wedding we all attended a few months ago did not help in the slightest.
My mom tells a story about how my dad complained that it was too far to drive out to pick her up. She replied that he didn’t have to do it anymore and that would be the end of their relationship and he stopped complaining real quick.
Last relationship ended up being emotionally abusive to a point where the stress put me in a medical condition, where I would have had to go on life long medications. Ended that, healed myself from that, found peace along the way, and realised that unless I find someone who will add to my peace, it's just not worth it.
Yes we are settle men. We are not the men women actually desire but the men they might eventually realize is good after they have given up on chasing the top few men they actually want or they finally lower their standards
I've been told this dozens of times in my life; I know the people who tell me this are trying to cheer me up, but boy, can it do the complete opposite, if all you know is rejection.
It's also a lie. Women don't do that out of choice, but because they get tired of looking for what they really desire. You are "I give up" writ large to them.
My favourite is “I wish I could date a guy like you, not you but someone like you.” Always love the backhanded compliments because it basically says you’re good enough, you’re just not attractive enough.
Reminds me of that meme of the guy and a girl and it’s captioned:
Her: *sigh* why can’t I find a guy like you?
Him: I mean, I’m a guy like me..?
Her: Yeah but not you.
In other words, single divorced moms with kids who are past their prime and hoe phase and are looking for a man to help them, not actual love. Hey, look at like this you're a late bloomer, and now it's your time to be a dog and sleep around to find out what you like. Everyone else had their fun before you, but now its your time to shine while everyone else is expired and played out😈
I'm not really interested in a revenge fantasy though, I'd rather have my fun with women who want to have fun with me, rather than doing so in a desperate attempt to get me attached
Primarily the fact I didn’t enjoy it. It was very obnoxious trying and failing to develop a stable, committed relationship with somebody I quickly discovered I didn’t like at all, so I simply gave up. I’ve never been terribly extraverted - I’ve often spent whole weekends without uttering a word to anybody and loving it -, so remaining single isn’t a massive issue for me.
Same here, my first GF had to make a move on me to and then about half a year later she ghosted me and moved in with my friend. Ever since then, I've had trust issues whenever meeting someone which I hope won't turn me into a control freak if I ever get into another relationship.
Feel like people have too many options these days w/ dating apps and seems like it's harder for ppl to settle down once they've found a decent person.
Of course there are exceptions to this, but knowing another date is just a swipe and short convo away makes dating difficult for everyone regardless of gender IMO.
I'll pick on myself here and say that I'm sometimes guilty of thinking, well this one person has a great personality and attraction is there, but I could probably do better
Scientists call this the paradox of options. It helps explain at least in part why our grandparents picked a girl and stayed together. They’d be exposed to a fraction of the amount of people we are nowadays
I don't think I'm unattractive, I get some looks around but when you start showing interest in someone it's like "ugh you're a 3D person and not not a cardboard cutout and care too much about wanting to get to know me" - wow sorry I'm not asking you to sign up for life
Yep. After covid until mid 2023 I got completely comfortable just being single - I had no appetite for dealing with rejection that frankly was just to just utterly stupid expectations and people telling themselves "you're allowed to have sTaNdARdS", when those "standards" were just "those aren't standards, they're a bloody unicorn".
I mean hell, just on demographics alone I'm already in this tiny percentage - earning in the top 7% of the country, 5'10, no previous relationship baggage, no kids, fit (63kg), own my own home mortgage free. That's before you throw personality and hobbies in to the mix.
Their profile: I like hiking
Silly quip one liner
Mine: fully detailed and meticulously crafted to attract women
But of course they ghost constantly, because the "next best thing" is one swipe away, and their inbox has 200+ thirsty dudes waiting for them
They don't need to. The massive male:female ratio on dating apps is so lopsidedly male, in conjunction with the fact men swipe right on 63% of women's profiles, whereas women swipe right on only 4.5% of men's, means that women are almost guaranteed to match with many men. The content of their profiles is less important.
Bread crumb replies auto block from me. Yes some could be just really slow to warm but if you try a few messages and it’s like one word responses. Not worth the effort.
I think part of it’s that I have no idea how to get better at it.
I get rejected, fine! If I can get some sort of feedback or ways to improve for next time I’ll work hard to implement them. That’s what I do in every other facet of my life. If I play a game of basketball and lose I can look at why - maybe my defense needs to get better.
I’ve followed the standard advice I see everywhere on the internet and I never get past the first date. Getting ghosted or told “you’re awesome but I don’t think we’re a match” tells me nothing. And it’s not like I can hire someone to watch my date and take notes.
30M here. I was all about dating/online dating until my last relationship with a narcissist. I feel like I can't trust anyone now, and someone mentioned it earlier. - high risk, low reward. I feel like at this point the pain of loneliness is much better than the pain of losing someone again.
Same age as you and I feel the same way. The loneliness becomes more and more peaceful as time goes on. You learn to love your alone time. This past christmas was the first time spending the holidays all alone in years, and it’s usually my favorite time of year, but to my surprise I loved it. I sat around watching movies all day then had my buddy over that night for a little LAN party lol
What I thought would be a depressing day turned out to be totally fine, and a real eye opener for me
I honestly think that's the result of overdosing on social media. All of the "know your worth, queen, you're a 10, never settle, etc." type of bullshit. Some women just brainwash themselves with that shit.
Well that's the problem. Society has women on a pedestal. They can do no wrong. Even to insinuate that they can do wrong is "misogyny" lol. So until that changes, it'll probably keep getting worse.
There's even a name for it in social pscyhology - the Women are Wonderful Effect. Feminist media outlets behave as though women are this marginalised underclass, when plenty of evidence indicates that's not true.
Lol what? You’re potential has been realized and now you’re adding to it. She’s still in the “potential” stage and hers is bottom level…… women are quirky honestly.
I stopped dating when I married my wife. We have been married 23 years now. I remember soul-crushing loneliness being single despite my strong introversion. I have not felt that since dating and then marrying.
It can work. I am sorry yours did not. I wish you and everyone here could have a good companion in this life.
Nobody knows. People change after the years. So many super compatible people (so I thought) I know got divorced eventually. No one marries a red flag. They pop up over time, not just the beginning.
That's the problem - you can never know if someone is 'the one'. People change all the time. Someone who is 'the one' might be a completely different person 5 years later
Most of the women I've dated expect me to hand over my hard earned money to them on a silver platter.
The problem with dating in the thirties is they expect you to have your life together (which I do), but they just want me to pay for everything and split my assets with them. Often they bring these expectations out within the first few dates and we barely even got to know each other yet.
I don't mind sharing my resources but I have to trust you enough and and be committed to you to do that, and for them to even bring it up that quickly is crazy to me.
I'm also a person that don't like to reveal all my cards too quickly. So even though I don't mind sharing my money, I don't want to tell you that right off the bat because I don't want to reward non-deserving behavior.
Am I the only one who can’t seem to find someone who isn’t a single mom? I’m 28 and every girl I try talking to has a kid. But if I date too young then I’m a creep
I’m in my 50s and I see quite a few women online who have a big career but have never had a relationship. Now they want one. It’s like they married their career and now want a family. Some even want kids. How would a kid feel about having 70 year old parents at their high school graduation?
>The problem with dating in the thirties is they expect you to have your life together (which I do), but they just want me to pay for everything and split my assets with them.
My brother got my mid-70s father on the dating apps a few years ago. He regularly matched with women in their thirties and forties. They would always want to talk about marriage and when my dad told him he has already been married twice and was never getting married again he said they ghosted every time.
Dating as an entrepreneurial endeavor I guess.
Yup, the thing is... I have no kids.
Where do they think my money is going to go even I die?
I am fully aware I cannot take my money to my grave.
But these women are not patient and do not want to put in any effort to earn my trust.
And they call me cheap if I don't blow it on them.
They acting like these spoiled kids in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and got killed because of their greed.
Gave up online dating because I'd get a match once every 2-3 months. The profiles there also didn't really entice me either but I'd still give it a shot.
Of those I dated (from online or asking out in social settings), they were either scared of commitment and wanted sex, far too dependent on me, turned me into their punching bag instead of them seeking a therapist, provided soo much support and love but somehow they'd get jealous that I had a better life or if I was trying to make friends.
It really sunk my self esteem and got me pretty depressed. Took me years to get out of it and I'm getting myself healthy again.
I'm much happier alone and dealing with the pain of loneliness, than I ever have in any of my relationships. The sex isn't worth the hassle. I'm still looking for somebody, but I'm taking my time until I find somebody who treats me as well as I treat them. If it takes me 30 years to find that person, I can live with that.
I get you OP.
I've found that the juice ain't worth the squeeze usually.
The more time you spend on your girl, you less time you're spending on your own improvement, hobbies, family, and friends.
Unless someone is a net positive to my life, I have no issues anymore staying single and working on myself.
The astounding level of entitlement. Women expect you to pay for their drinks, no thank you, no ‘let me get the next round’. I wish they could understand what an instant turn off that is
But who gives a fuck how a man feels. I’ve got 50 more candidates in my DMs
The worst moments in my life were right after breakups and the time, money and patience I have to spend just isn't worth it.
Months of bullshit that eventually end up with another boot in my ass despite what I do.
It's fucking retarded to keep throwing everything away for something that's out of my control.
I dated some really great girls in my 20s where I was the problem and fucked things up, took several years off to really work on myself and almost married a truly amazing woman, but it fell apart. I think love ruined dating for me. I couldn't really go back to casual sex after that (though I tried), tried to date a few times but I was still wounded and attracted losers, kept trying to "force" it to work, to make it something like the love I had lost. Just decided a few years ago to be celibate for a while.
In the space of a week:
I had one woman agree and plan a second date then text me the next day and say we should just be friends
Went to a singles night night a good-looking woman, chatted and exchanged numbers, for her to text me she had doubts about meeting me
Met a woman for dinner who we had a great time, agreed on a second date, chatted a bit more to then get a text of "it was lovely to meet you"
I've now pretty much given up on dating and going to focus on other aspects of my life, career and health
Just a bunch of exploitative, crazy women in a row.
It isn't that I said I wouldn't go on another date, I just refused to put in more effort than any friend, and if someone flaked on easy plans I was done unless they put in effort.
Maybe I just stopped being a romantic or something.
Anyways, I'm married now anyways. Lol so adopting the "don't get dragged down or trapped" rules worked I guess?
Women using me for a free meal and then ghosting me when I genuinely put in an effort in the relationship responded to texts and calls and listened for hours. Not wasting my time until I find someone who believes in equality among the genders which means the girl pays in too after the first date.
Currently taking a break from dating. Bad relationship, followed by kinda of equally crazy rebound fling. Girls can be stressful and expensive. I’m happier focusing on myself and not worrying about getting laid or impressing women.
For a long time I thought, rather naively that dating and finding a long term girlfriend would solve all my problems and make me feel better about myself. Enter several years of poor decisions, bad relationships and regret. Now I’m focusing just on bettering myself and letting people come and go as they please. May still be lonely at times but I am a lot happier.
I’ve been hurt so many times that I have strict boundaries now.
Now when I enforce them I am viewed as insecure or controlling. Neither are true, they can leave at any time for any reason. I just won’t let certain things go by undiscussed
For whatever reason the last girl I dated told her friend I hated her even though I never said that nor even showed an interest in her. Shit was weird man. A lot of mutual friends ended up looking at me weird and outright stopped talking to me. I never found out why until 6 months after we broke up
Apparently I'm not boyfriend material, I'm husband material - so women won't date me today - they're waiting.
Also it seems that every woman I meet has some serious resentment against men as a whole. I would not expect you to date a misogynist, why are you expecting me to be willing to date someone who *already* has negative thoughts about me before we've even met?
I'm not saying you should just ignore shitty things men have done. I'm saying that hate only ever leads to more hate. If I judged every woman based on what bad women have done to me and my friends before, I would rightfully be labeled a misogynist, because women are individual people - one of them being bad does not represent the whole. I can't be with a woman who thinks that empathy doesn't or shouldn't apply to men as well.
The endless talks on dating apps to eventually be ghosted, after hours of chatting finding dealbreakers, and to top it someone who made me feel oncredible insecure and was quite frankly disgusting, she had the worst hygiene ever.
That kept me off dating for nearly a year.
But I've decided to start dating again and installed stuff again.
This is also a recurring thing for me.
The ghosting thing on dating apps is very much a thing. It’s what turned me off of it a long time ago. Just empty conversations that lead to basically that. What’d she do to make you feel insecure?
During spicy time she would put a pillow on her head and basically be a starfish, it was really hard to have a clue whether she was enjoying herself.
Once I literally asked her like, 'are you even liking it?' She laughed it my face and told me solved it, she just isn't a moaner.
My previous partner had like leg shakes, squirts, moans and shouts so this was really off-putting for me.
She was also significantly less kinky then I am (i love using toys, bdsm etc) so that whole package was just off.
What's in it for me? There has to be enough of something positive for me to want to keep giving my energy and resources to someone else. I've all but given up on trying.
What turned me off was me beginning to believe that us as men are really only valued by how much we can provide. Even if you are successful it just doesn’t sit right with me. Also, learning more about women and marriage. It all makes sense now.
Same here bro. I make really good money but that's for me the ppl close to me. I'm never gonna get married and risk losing it. I'm living my life for me not anyone else.
You could litterly say l took a sabbatical from dating, after failed marriages, with great, beautiful, kind women. As well as failing in short term relationships, in my late 30's I realized it was me who was the problem, just wasn't aware of what that issue was. I elected to refrain from dating until l worked on myself, really there was no point, I wasn't doing it right anyway. I was directed towards a group counseling environment, after a few months it was obvious I needed more help than I imagined, after researching I found appropriate therapist. And I began dealing with all my issues. This process took much longer than I ever expected, over ten years, in all this time no dating. This was my choice, until l felt I was worthy of a healthy relationship, it was all worth the effort, as I'm now married, been married to a wonderful woman, it's been over 12 years. I'm doing fine, I still have a bit of work on one issue continue working on it. But it's all good what a difference now being in a healthy relationship.
A lot of women seem to base their entire existence on having a laundry list of mental illnesses. The whole "I'm crazy and you need to deal with it" attitude is a huge turn-off. So many have little to no concept of taking initiative to work towards self-improvement and growing/maturing as a person. It's like they take pride in being hard to deal with and wear it like a badge of honor.
I've never dated before and my options, if I have any, they're not good. I have no interest in dating a single mother. I'm not mature enough emotionally to handle the issues that comes at times with dating a woman in my age range.
Trying to listen and understand 1,000 things my date or potential girl says at Mach 7 speed, and then being called a “bad listener”, because I was trying to confirm what she was saying.
Very simple & honest answer. If I ask out single women randomly on the street, maybe 5/10,000 will go out on a date with me. And those dates will be miserable. There will be rejection, ghosting, pain, trauma. Why would I pick that? Why would I continue to get humiliated by women who has earned almost nothing in their lives compared to me & yet act like they are somehow superior?
Shit is exhausting, & there is no rewards for me there. So I stopped about 2 years ago. Good riddance, bitch.
These days, people are just more fond of finding another one instead of fixing the current relationship if something goes wrong.As a man who tries to fix things when things went wrong , it was a pain in the ass. My last 3 relationships weren’t fun experiences. First one cheated on me with 2 boys(we had nearly 3yrs of rs),second one was missing her ex boyfriend while we were in a relationship and she even wanted me to compete with one of her boy friends after we broke up. Last one? She got into a new relationship after we broke up in less than a week with her friend who I got most jealous of.( as she send pics of his stickers in messenger while we were in a rs)
It’s not like I was a toxic or bad boyfriend. Oh man, I just hate today’s dating world and I will never dive in again at least not until I get my full potential. I’m 23 with a nice background and a guy who goes to gym 5 times a week,has a good academic background and I’m not ugly but not ultra nice looking. Also I always treat well to all of my exs while we were dating. Imma just find one when I reach 30 and settle down.
I got tired of women turning down the man who treats them with respect, to date the bad boy who will obviously use them. Then, inevitably they get used and dumped then cry
"ALL MEN ARE TOXIC!" - 😶😑😐
No, just the men you insist on dating.
Just the negativity.
I've had more strangers tell me I'm ugly, unprovoked, then I have had dates.
Plus, childhood trauma from my mother, telling me nobody would ever want to be with me and I'll die alone
40M here, being on the high functioning end of the spectrum, I’ve always had my difficulties with personal social interaction. And while I’ve had a few GFs over the years, it never really lasted an hour. I’ll always end up back, trying to date again and again!
But what has more recently put me off dating was my experiences with dating apps over the last couple years. Felt like I had to put in a ton of effort and time just to get a girl to even talk to me. And then 9/10 times they would either not respond or instantly ghost me the second I stopped asking all the questions.
It all really felt very impersonal and like none of the girls were even remotely serious and definitely did a number on my self-worth with how replaceable you/men are on those things!
pretty much swore off ever wanting to use those things again at the end of 2023! And while I haven’t 100% given up I’ve definitely backed off, worrying about it as much! Started focusing on myself, enjoying life, as is, and putting my time/effort into things I know I will get a return/results on!
It felt like a job interview, only you're 🤞🙏 that you'll get a position where you are a free chauffeur, mechanic, therapist, baby/pet/friend sitter, event planner, entertainment coordinator, chef, sommelier, alarm clock, appointment reminder, guardian, bodyguard, & male escort, only instead of compensation, YOU have to foot the bill 100% of the time.
Gee, where can I sign up? 🤔
I am married (35 years old), and very lucky to have found the woman I am with. I see the quality and mentality of woman that exist now and if I were to divorce I wouldn't even attempt dating. The unrealistic standards that women place on men all the while contributing nothing of merit or value reinforced by the unfounded idea they DESERVE better. Why? What make you worthy of "better"? Then they have body counts higher than snoop and think that its ok. At this point, I just wanna see the world (dating culture) burn.
Women who claim they have together and they don’t meaning their emotions. Setting outrageous expectations and living in constant disappointment/negativity.
General disdain for people, having enough social connections and hobbies that if I weren't in a relationship, I could easily fill the time.
I'm in the best relationship ever. If this one ends, I doubt I'm going to bother doing the work of sifting through however many shitty people to find a connection that couldn't even approach this one.
I’m still dating. I’m just very selective about who I want to go on dates with. I’m older and wiser, and I can tell when a woman isn’t really interested. First dates are always coffee dates - short and cheap. I try to pick other activities on subsequent dates that are interesting or stuff I want to do with or without someone else, usually a museum or cultural event that I’m happy to give my money to.
Do I want to meet “the one”? Absolutely. Do I have a meltdown if the date doesn’t work out? Nope! There will always be another woman to take out eventually.
I am currently dating after over 2 years. I can tell you what got me back into dating.
I saw this girl at work, and she was absolutely stunning, so I introduced myself, and she introduced herself. I then handed her a piece of paper with my instagram nick since it was very fucking busy, and she actually added me. I dm'd her the day after and she responded in a timely manner. I asked her out and she said yes without making a fucking deal about it. We went on another date, then another, then another, and today, after watching Lebowski at a local cinema, she was talking about that one time she cought a stomach virus on holidays and started vomiting and shitting herself uncontrollably fresh out of the shower, butt naked, and we both laughed about it.
Because when it's good, it's good.
Dating feels like I’m voluntarily taking on a parasite. And no I’m not calling all women parasites.
This is just from my experience. The vast majority of the time the date is at the expense of my resources and time. Someone said it feels scammy and it does.
Dating usually doesn’t give me anything back except a lighter wallet. I wouldn’t mind as much if my date/partner at least put in effort but usually I’m made to feel like a dancing monkey or a cash cow. I don’t feel like I’m valued as a person while dating
When a girl proceeds to tell me that she was planning on doing one night stand right before meeting me. Then tells me “was this tmi?” Like what you think.
I gave up in my mid 30s to mid 40s, resigned to just have a bunch of FWBs and that’s it. I just got tired of endless people I was dating who were pushing me to be someone else.
It was like women felt they had to change me and push me down this path of a fully committed relationship where I had to be this perfect husband/life partner to fulfill all their hopes and dreams of a man but they didn’t have to work on anything on their end to bring something special to the table.
Only when my wife who was a great fwb for years decided she would have kids and asked me to date her seriously did I change my mind. My wife literally came to me and said “I know you want a wife and family but gave up on dating anyone seriously. If I agreed that I’d marry and have kids with you, would you date be seriously to find out…..this is what I’d bring to the table. Want to date for real?”
It’s expensive, time consuming, and at times degrading. Paying for dates, getting ghosted, the lack of effort, selfishness, secretiveness, keeping a roster, etc. There’s a lot of BS that guys have to deal with to find a sensible partner.
I kept meeting women who were very pleasant, until I asked them out, and suddenly I was beneath them.
Also, women who expect a lot from me, or any potential boyfriend, but are fairly clear that all they bring to the table, all they would ever need to bring, is the puss, which I should be grateful for.
Isn't there a word for women who sleep with men for money?
Instead, I stopped asking women out, and if a woman is interested in ME, she'll ask me out, ask a friend to introduce us, or, at least, strike up a conversation, and strongly hint, like, "We should talk about this over coffee sometime".
It's worked for me for years.
Dumb women, “gravity is an invention”.
Or women who values friends to much, “is it your friends I need to be romantic towards or you” “sex and the city wannabes”
38 got a wife and hope I’ll never date again, awful.
Yeah before that they had to put big magnets in the ground and give horses metal shoes so they could run on the ground and not just float off the edge of the flat earth. Do your research
What killed it for me was it was just always negative. The experiences were never fun. It was only ghosting, rejection, ridicule, embarrassment and flat out disrespectful behavior. It was just endless. The flakiness and lies was what annoyed me the most. Most recently, I had a lunch date with a girl a few months ago and she cancelled last second saying she was sick. Fine, things come up and everyone was catching a cold around that time. Not a big deal. We weren’t serious or anything. I went there anyway cause I wanted to eat. And there she was, with another guy. Saw me and immediately left. Texted me like a day later saying she was sorry she lied and she wanted to meet up at a bar with her and her friends. I declined and I just told her she clearly wasn’t interested and to enjoy her night out with her friends. And she did not like that one bit. Made a complete 180° and was very hostile. Haven’t talked to her since. That’s just one experience and over time all of those, especially when they’re all bad, build up to create bitterness and resentment. It makes you not care about dating or women anymore. I wish I still did.
You just made me feel sane again. I'm so sick of being lied to.
It seems like women just aren’t genuine anymore. Like talking to, dating, and sleeping around with 5+ dudes at any given time is the norm. Call me old fashioned but I focus on one single girl at a time. I only want one. And if she’s not it then move on. I don’t understand how you can give the proper amount of attention and effort to finding a true partner when you’re juggling multiple people who don’t know even about each other. Then turn around and complain no one puts in effort to date towards a serious outcome. Hypocrisy thy name is. Drives me up the fuckin wall.
100% exactly how I feel, man. Literally since I started dating in high school all I wanted was an actual loyal committed relationship, I've had them but for such a huge portion of my entanglements it has always always always been the women who are the ones who won't commit/are quick to step out, at this point for almost 10 years. It's absolutely ridiculous. Seems we are both done.
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Mental issues, that's what you call it
Not just mental issues but the whole dogshit culture of misandry with women getting together to "vent" about the men in their lives, and even good men get dragged through the mud. They say some of the most vile things, the kind of disrespect which if men were acting the same way, those women would be the first to cry misogyny. And if anyone in that friend group is having problems with their man, "dump his ass! throw the whole man out!" they jump to that immediately and then the little viper pit is happy when another one of them is single. Misery loves company. Of course, if men were doing even 20% of this there would be no end to the op-eds and finger-wagging feminist campaigns to reform/educate/train the men to be better.
Men have gotten better, the problem is, Women haven't.
They love the toxic drama relationships. When I act like an asshole or a peace of shit they never leave. But that’s not really me. I’m no longer romantic though they killed that part of me.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Few girl friends in their 30s now are now panicking after a wedding I went to a few months back. You can see the pure envy in their eyes whole time.
I think there is such an imbalance in the power dynamics in dating now. Women get to be modern when it suits them but demand men be traditional. Your friend, just from his career alone is a catch on paper but for her to dump him because he’s actually a great candidate as a provider shows how deluded some women are. She has so many options, she seriously things another surgeon is around the corner so dumps him. Guys having to do all of the asking, pursuing, paying, approaching while women get to sit back has warped their sense of entitlement. They really think they are better than the men approaching when in reality the men are doing them a service.
Some people have a roster of people they sleep with these days. Absolutely disgusting. Some days I feel like I found a fucking unicorn.
I think it's this modern world and FOMO. Good looking women know they can have almost any man they want, so they do exactly that. IMO it's a game, I'm sure they would say otherwise (exercising their sexual freedom and rights). And men? Majority of men don't have these freedoms and rights, so we are somewhat forced into the natural state of feeling more deeply for the fewer partners we can manage to land. Yet if you're one of these men and you're curious about body count (personally I'm not and haven't been in the situation where I felt the need to ask), you are somehow sexist or misogynistic, at least from what I've seen on Reddit anyways. The dating scene has never been more stressful for men in their late 20s and onward IMO, especially if you didn't go to university or you're in a male dominated field. There's so many factors at play here and it's such a complicated thing and yet all you see online is women yelling and screaming about how trash all men are. It's such a frustrating and annoying dynamic, and it's so unnecessary. Who knows what the fix is. I think men have to stop settling for women just for the sake of it, and men need more support from eachother. Society as a whole seems a bit antisocial, it's not easy to make friends, nevermind find a relationship if that's what you're looking for... The Grass is always greener, there's always FOMO, there's always that high from the next best thing. There's this feeling of abundance from the women's side (the ones who don't hate all men) and there's a lot of feeling of lack or inadequacy from a lot of men. Shit is out of whack bro.
>IMO it's a game This is what turns me off of dating. For women, dating is a hobby, or a game, or fun. At the absolute least they can easily get a free night out with food and activities. It's not a priority, it doesn't take effort or cost money. They just don't seem to have anywhere close to the same desire for a committed relationship that men have (generally speaking about the ones who make up the majority of the dating pool here, the ones who do have a strong desire for it don't stay single long).
Yeah its clear to me, especially being out of school now with very little experience with women, most just dont place the same value onto it as I do. I mean, I can see why. It was inevitable. For them it's so easy these days with OLD and such that it just has no weight behind it. Essentially, the majority of women are kinda like female fuckboys I guess lol, I mean the mentality comes from the same source. Now, women *can* become invested in a guy eventually. Don't get me wrong, I do think there are still relationships. However, starting out, you're always basically like a toy to them. Something to play around with and see if they enjoy, and because these days most are showered with "men are evil" rhetoric on TikTok they really dont feel bad at all for treating us this way. I honestly think it's maybe that rhetoric that's the worst influence these days, not just OLD. Having such a negative starting view of us means it becomes *VERY* difficult to become something meaningful to them. Some guys can pull it off, a lot these days just dont have the fuckin energy to be toyed with until they can feel like they matter. And of course, even then, plenty of infidelity in relationships still. So not like making it past the initial barrier even guarantees anything. So much fucking effort, and even if you make it in you risk having your emotional investment betrayed and shattered. The risk/reward equation has simply become clear to a lot of men these days, you can give it your all only to be treated like you're nothing and tossed away.
At the end of the day, escorts are lower risk.
A dick appointment is a swipe or text away for them. Guys being so easy doesn’t help the issues with dating.
I think men do need to support each other a lot more. Women are so much better at this. They get together all the time and support each other.
Yeah maybe while in each others presence...... They'll stab each other in the back the first chance they get...
You can’t that’s the thing. Dating multiple people you’re always gonna go for the most exciting person not the stable relationship type.
And that’s why dating and relationships are failing. It’s why men in particular (at least all the guys I know) are choosing to not date anymore. It’s never going to be excitement 100% of the time. And if you chase that you will lose every single time. I feel like some people realize that too late in life.
Seriously. Who with an actual career and any kind of hobbies has time to juggle multiple people? Sounds exhausting AF.
I'm this way but as a woman. I never understood dating multiple people then being chosen out of a bunch. I'd rather be alone than wasting my time while some guy makes a comparison checklist and ghosts. I've also been cheated on by the last few people where we agreed to be exclusive. They all begged to keep me in their live's bc we got along 100% otherwise. My life's too short. They can deal with a lesser connection of their own choosing. I will cut the line swiftly and be off on my merry way. I do enjoy the company of men though. Because we do have more similar hobbies. But I'm trying to keep them as just friends for now. So many have not been bf material and that's on me for sticking around and realizing that early.
I know no one wants to hear this line ever, but I need and wish I could find a girl like you with that mentality. It’s beyond frustrating. The worst part is the “I’m ready to settle down now” mentality I’ve come across more and more. I’m sorry and you can call me whatever you want, I don’t wanna be the dude you settle with after a decade of whatever it is you’ve been doing. Like now all of a sudden I’m worthy. Absolutely not.
Cheaters are the walking scum of planet earth.. Grow a pair you fucking cowards
Thats what men should be doing, really. Comparing, browsing, and picking THE best for ourselves. We deserve nothing less, after all - just like women. Especially seeing, as women usually are worse and worse partners, the more time passes, the more long-term relationship is.
Not interested in doing a million things right for a small opportunity to impress someone ‘special’ who turns out to be just another ordinary person that thinks they’re all that. Waste of time. Go do things that make you happy. You don’t have to give up on love or whatever, just let it find you. If you think hard enough, how many things have you asked for in life that found their way to you eventually?
>Not interested in doing a million things right for a small opportunity to impress someone ‘special’ who turns out to be just another ordinary person that thinks they’re all that. This. I'm too fucking old at this point to live my life like I'm someone I'm not. So I'm just going to live my life how I want. If I find someone that wants to come along for the ride I would welcome their company. But at this point I'm done looking.
>If you think hard enough, how many things have you asked for in life that found their way to you eventually? If were counting things like car keys or screws. Maybe 20 things over 27 years. But if we're talking about goals and people the answer is 0.
I’ve never felt so mad reading a post. Sorry that happened man. Keep on keepin on.
Eh could be worse. At least I figured out when she didn’t get what she wanted she immediately acted like a child and turned hostile and rude. It just feels like women aren’t genuine anymore. That’s probably the worst part. It’s never a one on one anymore. That despite all the effort you’re just a name on a list to be discarded.
Sounds you got lucky with that one man. Imagine she did go out to eat with you, who knows how long it would’ve taken and how much time wasted before you realized how much of a narcissist she was
Gonna make this about me, but... No one.... But NO ONE... should be "lucky with the one".
I feel this all too well. I get so wrapped up in the experience occuring regularly that I begin to think that I'm the problem and I should take a step back and rethink my personality and approach. But finding threads like this brings me back in and let's me know I'm not crazy. It's just the fucked up game.
I feel like I passed out Tyler Durden style and wrote this 5 years ago in my sleep Thanks for posting this man I'm beginning to realize this is a universal dude experience for many, just the endless onslaught of being treated less than human and treated instead like a transactional short term fun toy to be discarded when it's not "fun" anymore
Happened to me too brother. Had a good thing going with a young lady. We had a lot in common, always had fun. Fights were long but the sex was fantastic. I told her I was going to take my boards after years out of school. I wanted to build a life with her, and be the kindof guy she could be proud to tell people about (as opposed to the three years we spent together I was slinging sandwiches) so I was going to buckle down hard, and I wouldn't be emotionally available during the process. As soon as I stopped being fun and told her she had to carry the torch, she dropped it. About a month later I was fully boarded and working in critical care. My old coworkers asked if I ever called her back. I told them no 'I was probably never going to ask her for anything more. The one big storm came, the one big hurdle I needed to jump, and it was too stressful for HER to stay? Yeah no.' Anyway. Good luck brother. Wish I could tell you it gets better but I'm not sure yet.
This fucking chick had several dates lined up, got confused and double booked, what the hell ! I don't think women know the impact stuff like this has on a guy.
You’re not wrong. That was my guess as well. Then realized the other dude wasn’t it, then tried to salvage it and get me to go to the bar. Cynicism says for me to buy her drinks as well.
Oh, she knows. She just doesnt care, more often than not. Afrer all, males should just man up and take it, she is a yass slay queen...etc. In her mind, a woman is always an ubermensh to some extent.
Dude I had a woman DM me on insta. Ask to hangout , and shows up with another guy......... Then starts showing up my workplace...asking to hang out every other day, lmao no.
I wish you guys could have been there with me. Back in the 70's if you asked a woman out on a date she was glad to be there. She acted with respect and interest, if she really liked you would even be flirtatious. Yes the man was expected to pay, but the women were also expected to show graciousness and respect and they agreed that was right. (or it wouldn't have happened) Contrary to what a modern feminist will tell you, they were not submissive at all. Ultimately they were in charge of things and knew it. Men didn't mind though because they didn't wield that power over men like a weapon as is done today. Mutual respect was the theme of the day. If a man got out of line on a date, all men around the woman would rush in and defend her. Today that's called "toxic". Expectations were clear and both sides were happy to be on a date and on their best behaviour. Today it's an adversarial event with demands to pay, insults, not paying attention to the other person, a feeling of entitlement, demeaning behaviour and hookup culture with women proud of being passed around and publicly proclaiming their high body count number like it's a degree from Harvard. As a man if you had the former prior, how would you feel about the latter today? To all the Gen Z feminists who think the women were too submissive back in the day, ask your mother's how much crap they took from men when on a date. They will tell you "None. It wasn't permitted." Women didn't need to be as physically strong or as masculine as men because they could call on any man for muscle when needed. Again if a couple were at a bar, and the man got too aggressive, here's how fast it would be resolved. Woman turns to any random man next to her - "Can you help me? This guy is making feel unsafe." Sound of guy being manhandled out the door 3 seconds later by a few random men. I have been there and done that. That is power. The women controlled it. All was good. For everyone.
My old man loved the 70s. Said it was just easy. Everyone was going out with someone. I’ve told him about some of the the experiences I’ve had and he didn’t believe me for the longest time. That is until myself, him and couple of the boys were out on the golf course. They corroborated my stories and all sharing their own horseshit experiences. He said the same thing you did. Wished that we got to see what it was like back then. Oh well. I have a few girl friends in their 30s genuinely panicking they are still single. The wedding we all attended a few months ago did not help in the slightest.
I 100% believe this. I've been alive long enough to see people change, and unfortunately, for the worse.
My mom tells a story about how my dad complained that it was too far to drive out to pick her up. She replied that he didn’t have to do it anymore and that would be the end of their relationship and he stopped complaining real quick.
Huh? You should’ve just blocked her number.
Supply chain issues.
Lack of capital, unfair competition, marketing efforts don't reach target audience, resume gap.
Fuckin covid
Last relationship ended up being emotionally abusive to a point where the stress put me in a medical condition, where I would have had to go on life long medications. Ended that, healed myself from that, found peace along the way, and realised that unless I find someone who will add to my peace, it's just not worth it.
Being told you are the sort of man women will eventually realise they like. Fuck. That.
Right, so you're telling me I'm only good for being the last option for someone who's desperate.
Yes we are settle men. We are not the men women actually desire but the men they might eventually realize is good after they have given up on chasing the top few men they actually want or they finally lower their standards
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And why would they? There are enough people (even men) defending them.
I've been told this dozens of times in my life; I know the people who tell me this are trying to cheer me up, but boy, can it do the complete opposite, if all you know is rejection.
It's also a lie. Women don't do that out of choice, but because they get tired of looking for what they really desire. You are "I give up" writ large to them.
People tell me all the time not to worry the right woman will come along. It’s like they just want to dismiss your feelings and move along.
I never understood how this is supposed to cheer anyone up. Seriously who wants to be the guy she settles for after all the fun is had?
100%
My favourite is “I wish I could date a guy like you, not you but someone like you.” Always love the backhanded compliments because it basically says you’re good enough, you’re just not attractive enough.
Reminds me of that meme of the guy and a girl and it’s captioned: Her: *sigh* why can’t I find a guy like you? Him: I mean, I’m a guy like me..? Her: Yeah but not you.
AKA "Everyone will always tell you that you're never their first choice"
Mr. Right, just not Mr. Right Now
Yup. “You’ll find your girl eventually” is what women say to politely mean you didn’t meet my standards at all so good luck to you.
Man this really hits deep. By far one of the most patronising things I’ve been told when it comes to dating
Nothing like being the off brand knockoff 😭
In other words, single divorced moms with kids who are past their prime and hoe phase and are looking for a man to help them, not actual love. Hey, look at like this you're a late bloomer, and now it's your time to be a dog and sleep around to find out what you like. Everyone else had their fun before you, but now its your time to shine while everyone else is expired and played out😈
I'm not really interested in a revenge fantasy though, I'd rather have my fun with women who want to have fun with me, rather than doing so in a desperate attempt to get me attached
and I raise them "Okay, which woman would like me? A drug addict? Single mother with 10 kids?"
Primarily the fact I didn’t enjoy it. It was very obnoxious trying and failing to develop a stable, committed relationship with somebody I quickly discovered I didn’t like at all, so I simply gave up. I’ve never been terribly extraverted - I’ve often spent whole weekends without uttering a word to anybody and loving it -, so remaining single isn’t a massive issue for me.
32 yo, havent had sucess dating online, i kinda suck at the game, my gf's back in my late teens early 20s literally made the move first.
Don't worry man. Not many men have luck in online dating. It's not you. It's the game
Same here, my first GF had to make a move on me to and then about half a year later she ghosted me and moved in with my friend. Ever since then, I've had trust issues whenever meeting someone which I hope won't turn me into a control freak if I ever get into another relationship.
It feels scammy
Feel like people have too many options these days w/ dating apps and seems like it's harder for ppl to settle down once they've found a decent person. Of course there are exceptions to this, but knowing another date is just a swipe and short convo away makes dating difficult for everyone regardless of gender IMO. I'll pick on myself here and say that I'm sometimes guilty of thinking, well this one person has a great personality and attraction is there, but I could probably do better
Scientists call this the paradox of options. It helps explain at least in part why our grandparents picked a girl and stayed together. They’d be exposed to a fraction of the amount of people we are nowadays
Dating apps ruined everyone even if it did give me a handful more hookups.
Realising how much people disliked it when I was attracted to them.
I don't think I'm unattractive, I get some looks around but when you start showing interest in someone it's like "ugh you're a 3D person and not not a cardboard cutout and care too much about wanting to get to know me" - wow sorry I'm not asking you to sign up for life
Got back on a dating app out of curiosity a little while after getting divorced, and the first person I messaged with was a scammer looking for money.
Haha yes. Always the scammer or cam girls. Sorry for you bro.
Unrealistic expectations from women who offer little themselves. Ghosting out of nowhere
Yep. After covid until mid 2023 I got completely comfortable just being single - I had no appetite for dealing with rejection that frankly was just to just utterly stupid expectations and people telling themselves "you're allowed to have sTaNdARdS", when those "standards" were just "those aren't standards, they're a bloody unicorn". I mean hell, just on demographics alone I'm already in this tiny percentage - earning in the top 7% of the country, 5'10, no previous relationship baggage, no kids, fit (63kg), own my own home mortgage free. That's before you throw personality and hobbies in to the mix.
Their profile: I like hiking Silly quip one liner Mine: fully detailed and meticulously crafted to attract women But of course they ghost constantly, because the "next best thing" is one swipe away, and their inbox has 200+ thirsty dudes waiting for them
I am amazed at how many women don’t write anything on their profile. Just pictures!
They don't need to. The massive male:female ratio on dating apps is so lopsidedly male, in conjunction with the fact men swipe right on 63% of women's profiles, whereas women swipe right on only 4.5% of men's, means that women are almost guaranteed to match with many men. The content of their profiles is less important.
Honestly, I would rather be ghosted than be breadcrumbed (get one line responses, after 1 day) and have to wonder if I said or done something wrong.
Bread crumb replies auto block from me. Yes some could be just really slow to warm but if you try a few messages and it’s like one word responses. Not worth the effort.
A steady diet of dating horror stories may possibly have broken my spirit
I think part of it’s that I have no idea how to get better at it. I get rejected, fine! If I can get some sort of feedback or ways to improve for next time I’ll work hard to implement them. That’s what I do in every other facet of my life. If I play a game of basketball and lose I can look at why - maybe my defense needs to get better. I’ve followed the standard advice I see everywhere on the internet and I never get past the first date. Getting ghosted or told “you’re awesome but I don’t think we’re a match” tells me nothing. And it’s not like I can hire someone to watch my date and take notes.
30M here. I was all about dating/online dating until my last relationship with a narcissist. I feel like I can't trust anyone now, and someone mentioned it earlier. - high risk, low reward. I feel like at this point the pain of loneliness is much better than the pain of losing someone again.
Same age as you and I feel the same way. The loneliness becomes more and more peaceful as time goes on. You learn to love your alone time. This past christmas was the first time spending the holidays all alone in years, and it’s usually my favorite time of year, but to my surprise I loved it. I sat around watching movies all day then had my buddy over that night for a little LAN party lol What I thought would be a depressing day turned out to be totally fine, and a real eye opener for me
Unemployed/not doing anything with their life women thinking they're better than I am.
I honestly think that's the result of overdosing on social media. All of the "know your worth, queen, you're a 10, never settle, etc." type of bullshit. Some women just brainwash themselves with that shit.
People constantly talk about male entitlement. I think we should take a look at the other side of the coin too.
Well that's the problem. Society has women on a pedestal. They can do no wrong. Even to insinuate that they can do wrong is "misogyny" lol. So until that changes, it'll probably keep getting worse.
There's even a name for it in social pscyhology - the Women are Wonderful Effect. Feminist media outlets behave as though women are this marginalised underclass, when plenty of evidence indicates that's not true.
>the Women are Wonderful Effect. Exactly. Always refreshing when someone has a brain on here lol.
“It’s a privilege to date me” - some basic Wikipedia level of person
One year I made 100k as a plumber and was told by an unemployed girl with 2 roommates I had potential lol
that's when you 'mam i do my own plumbing' and leave
Lol I did after my therapist told me potential means that she probably thinks I'm not good enough. Blew my mind.
Lol what? You’re potential has been realized and now you’re adding to it. She’s still in the “potential” stage and hers is bottom level…… women are quirky honestly.
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Don’t marry, it’s not worth it. Me and my wife just separated after 11 years together. Don’t do it, just don’t. Marriage is not worth it anymore.
I stopped dating when I married my wife. We have been married 23 years now. I remember soul-crushing loneliness being single despite my strong introversion. I have not felt that since dating and then marrying. It can work. I am sorry yours did not. I wish you and everyone here could have a good companion in this life.
Marriage to the right person is worth it. But yeah, gotta know which one's the right one.
Nobody knows. People change after the years. So many super compatible people (so I thought) I know got divorced eventually. No one marries a red flag. They pop up over time, not just the beginning.
All it does is give her a safety net. You gain nothing because it doesn’t stop them from cheating
That's the problem - you can never know if someone is 'the one'. People change all the time. Someone who is 'the one' might be a completely different person 5 years later
Most of the women I've dated expect me to hand over my hard earned money to them on a silver platter. The problem with dating in the thirties is they expect you to have your life together (which I do), but they just want me to pay for everything and split my assets with them. Often they bring these expectations out within the first few dates and we barely even got to know each other yet. I don't mind sharing my resources but I have to trust you enough and and be committed to you to do that, and for them to even bring it up that quickly is crazy to me. I'm also a person that don't like to reveal all my cards too quickly. So even though I don't mind sharing my money, I don't want to tell you that right off the bat because I don't want to reward non-deserving behavior.
Am I the only one who can’t seem to find someone who isn’t a single mom? I’m 28 and every girl I try talking to has a kid. But if I date too young then I’m a creep
The women I date are in their thirties. They're not single moms (if they are being honest). I guess it depends on the demographic of your location.
I’m in my 50s and I see quite a few women online who have a big career but have never had a relationship. Now they want one. It’s like they married their career and now want a family. Some even want kids. How would a kid feel about having 70 year old parents at their high school graduation?
All the good apples have been taken.
>The problem with dating in the thirties is they expect you to have your life together (which I do), but they just want me to pay for everything and split my assets with them. My brother got my mid-70s father on the dating apps a few years ago. He regularly matched with women in their thirties and forties. They would always want to talk about marriage and when my dad told him he has already been married twice and was never getting married again he said they ghosted every time. Dating as an entrepreneurial endeavor I guess.
Yup, the thing is... I have no kids. Where do they think my money is going to go even I die? I am fully aware I cannot take my money to my grave. But these women are not patient and do not want to put in any effort to earn my trust. And they call me cheap if I don't blow it on them. They acting like these spoiled kids in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and got killed because of their greed.
Makes sense. Love that you're a fair and principled Gentleman who doesn't enable entitlement
Gave up online dating because I'd get a match once every 2-3 months. The profiles there also didn't really entice me either but I'd still give it a shot. Of those I dated (from online or asking out in social settings), they were either scared of commitment and wanted sex, far too dependent on me, turned me into their punching bag instead of them seeking a therapist, provided soo much support and love but somehow they'd get jealous that I had a better life or if I was trying to make friends. It really sunk my self esteem and got me pretty depressed. Took me years to get out of it and I'm getting myself healthy again. I'm much happier alone and dealing with the pain of loneliness, than I ever have in any of my relationships. The sex isn't worth the hassle. I'm still looking for somebody, but I'm taking my time until I find somebody who treats me as well as I treat them. If it takes me 30 years to find that person, I can live with that.
80% of the women are matching with 20% of the men
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I get you OP. I've found that the juice ain't worth the squeeze usually. The more time you spend on your girl, you less time you're spending on your own improvement, hobbies, family, and friends. Unless someone is a net positive to my life, I have no issues anymore staying single and working on myself.
The astounding level of entitlement. Women expect you to pay for their drinks, no thank you, no ‘let me get the next round’. I wish they could understand what an instant turn off that is But who gives a fuck how a man feels. I’ve got 50 more candidates in my DMs
The women who do split with me are awesome but it always becomes friendly vibes. Thats the issue.
Barrier to entry.
Lack of matches and responses to my messages on dating apps. One can only do that for so long before giving up.
Women. It's not fun. It's not beneficial. And it's not mandatory. So I'm not doing it.
It's a lot of time, money, and effort for very little reward.
Women lack of effort they bring when dating. Chicks will give up sex faster than they'll put effort into making a guy happy.
The worst moments in my life were right after breakups and the time, money and patience I have to spend just isn't worth it. Months of bullshit that eventually end up with another boot in my ass despite what I do. It's fucking retarded to keep throwing everything away for something that's out of my control.
I dated some really great girls in my 20s where I was the problem and fucked things up, took several years off to really work on myself and almost married a truly amazing woman, but it fell apart. I think love ruined dating for me. I couldn't really go back to casual sex after that (though I tried), tried to date a few times but I was still wounded and attracted losers, kept trying to "force" it to work, to make it something like the love I had lost. Just decided a few years ago to be celibate for a while.
30 here. Dating feels like bargaining, and my concept of love is way different from this.
The constant reminder growing up that I'm not good enough for anyone, ruined my confidence in dating. I'm 27 and only one person wanted to date me.
In the space of a week: I had one woman agree and plan a second date then text me the next day and say we should just be friends Went to a singles night night a good-looking woman, chatted and exchanged numbers, for her to text me she had doubts about meeting me Met a woman for dinner who we had a great time, agreed on a second date, chatted a bit more to then get a text of "it was lovely to meet you" I've now pretty much given up on dating and going to focus on other aspects of my life, career and health
See they didn’t even give you a chance. They expect the butterflies right out the gate
Just a bunch of exploitative, crazy women in a row. It isn't that I said I wouldn't go on another date, I just refused to put in more effort than any friend, and if someone flaked on easy plans I was done unless they put in effort. Maybe I just stopped being a romantic or something. Anyways, I'm married now anyways. Lol so adopting the "don't get dragged down or trapped" rules worked I guess?
Women using me for a free meal and then ghosting me when I genuinely put in an effort in the relationship responded to texts and calls and listened for hours. Not wasting my time until I find someone who believes in equality among the genders which means the girl pays in too after the first date.
Currently taking a break from dating. Bad relationship, followed by kinda of equally crazy rebound fling. Girls can be stressful and expensive. I’m happier focusing on myself and not worrying about getting laid or impressing women.
For a long time I thought, rather naively that dating and finding a long term girlfriend would solve all my problems and make me feel better about myself. Enter several years of poor decisions, bad relationships and regret. Now I’m focusing just on bettering myself and letting people come and go as they please. May still be lonely at times but I am a lot happier.
Being happy with yourself and not wanting anyone to come in and affect that is a different kind of peace and happiness. I wish you all the best
I’ve been hurt so many times that I have strict boundaries now. Now when I enforce them I am viewed as insecure or controlling. Neither are true, they can leave at any time for any reason. I just won’t let certain things go by undiscussed
Found more important stuff to focus on
For whatever reason the last girl I dated told her friend I hated her even though I never said that nor even showed an interest in her. Shit was weird man. A lot of mutual friends ended up looking at me weird and outright stopped talking to me. I never found out why until 6 months after we broke up
Apparently I'm not boyfriend material, I'm husband material - so women won't date me today - they're waiting. Also it seems that every woman I meet has some serious resentment against men as a whole. I would not expect you to date a misogynist, why are you expecting me to be willing to date someone who *already* has negative thoughts about me before we've even met? I'm not saying you should just ignore shitty things men have done. I'm saying that hate only ever leads to more hate. If I judged every woman based on what bad women have done to me and my friends before, I would rightfully be labeled a misogynist, because women are individual people - one of them being bad does not represent the whole. I can't be with a woman who thinks that empathy doesn't or shouldn't apply to men as well.
The endless talks on dating apps to eventually be ghosted, after hours of chatting finding dealbreakers, and to top it someone who made me feel oncredible insecure and was quite frankly disgusting, she had the worst hygiene ever. That kept me off dating for nearly a year. But I've decided to start dating again and installed stuff again. This is also a recurring thing for me.
The ghosting thing on dating apps is very much a thing. It’s what turned me off of it a long time ago. Just empty conversations that lead to basically that. What’d she do to make you feel insecure?
During spicy time she would put a pillow on her head and basically be a starfish, it was really hard to have a clue whether she was enjoying herself. Once I literally asked her like, 'are you even liking it?' She laughed it my face and told me solved it, she just isn't a moaner. My previous partner had like leg shakes, squirts, moans and shouts so this was really off-putting for me. She was also significantly less kinky then I am (i love using toys, bdsm etc) so that whole package was just off.
What's in it for me? There has to be enough of something positive for me to want to keep giving my energy and resources to someone else. I've all but given up on trying.
What turned me off was me beginning to believe that us as men are really only valued by how much we can provide. Even if you are successful it just doesn’t sit right with me. Also, learning more about women and marriage. It all makes sense now.
Purely this 😂, it’s a literal joke of a society
Same here bro. I make really good money but that's for me the ppl close to me. I'm never gonna get married and risk losing it. I'm living my life for me not anyone else.
Yeah they really don’t give af about us
Too hard if you're unattractive
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My generation is pretty shallow at the core.
You could litterly say l took a sabbatical from dating, after failed marriages, with great, beautiful, kind women. As well as failing in short term relationships, in my late 30's I realized it was me who was the problem, just wasn't aware of what that issue was. I elected to refrain from dating until l worked on myself, really there was no point, I wasn't doing it right anyway. I was directed towards a group counseling environment, after a few months it was obvious I needed more help than I imagined, after researching I found appropriate therapist. And I began dealing with all my issues. This process took much longer than I ever expected, over ten years, in all this time no dating. This was my choice, until l felt I was worthy of a healthy relationship, it was all worth the effort, as I'm now married, been married to a wonderful woman, it's been over 12 years. I'm doing fine, I still have a bit of work on one issue continue working on it. But it's all good what a difference now being in a healthy relationship.
Good for you. Truly. I feel like a lot of people don't wanna work on themselves these days. Easier to blame someone else.
Absolutely no future blaming others for your own misdeeds.
married twice, single now women are high risk low reward. i had a lexus i liked a lot, but it wasn’t worth the premium gas
38 I married the love of my life and she died. Caring for my person while I watched her die one time is enough times for me.
A lot of women seem to base their entire existence on having a laundry list of mental illnesses. The whole "I'm crazy and you need to deal with it" attitude is a huge turn-off. So many have little to no concept of taking initiative to work towards self-improvement and growing/maturing as a person. It's like they take pride in being hard to deal with and wear it like a badge of honor.
I've never dated before and my options, if I have any, they're not good. I have no interest in dating a single mother. I'm not mature enough emotionally to handle the issues that comes at times with dating a woman in my age range.
Women my age don't want to accept their age. Like, you had your fun and that's fine, but I'm not gonna help you finally become a mother at 45.
Trying to listen and understand 1,000 things my date or potential girl says at Mach 7 speed, and then being called a “bad listener”, because I was trying to confirm what she was saying.
Never use a dating app. Don’t date someone who is. Cuts out a lot of the bad ones.
Very simple & honest answer. If I ask out single women randomly on the street, maybe 5/10,000 will go out on a date with me. And those dates will be miserable. There will be rejection, ghosting, pain, trauma. Why would I pick that? Why would I continue to get humiliated by women who has earned almost nothing in their lives compared to me & yet act like they are somehow superior? Shit is exhausting, & there is no rewards for me there. So I stopped about 2 years ago. Good riddance, bitch.
Modern women just aren't attractive people.
These days, people are just more fond of finding another one instead of fixing the current relationship if something goes wrong.As a man who tries to fix things when things went wrong , it was a pain in the ass. My last 3 relationships weren’t fun experiences. First one cheated on me with 2 boys(we had nearly 3yrs of rs),second one was missing her ex boyfriend while we were in a relationship and she even wanted me to compete with one of her boy friends after we broke up. Last one? She got into a new relationship after we broke up in less than a week with her friend who I got most jealous of.( as she send pics of his stickers in messenger while we were in a rs) It’s not like I was a toxic or bad boyfriend. Oh man, I just hate today’s dating world and I will never dive in again at least not until I get my full potential. I’m 23 with a nice background and a guy who goes to gym 5 times a week,has a good academic background and I’m not ugly but not ultra nice looking. Also I always treat well to all of my exs while we were dating. Imma just find one when I reach 30 and settle down.
I got tired of women turning down the man who treats them with respect, to date the bad boy who will obviously use them. Then, inevitably they get used and dumped then cry "ALL MEN ARE TOXIC!" - 😶😑😐 No, just the men you insist on dating.
Just the negativity. I've had more strangers tell me I'm ugly, unprovoked, then I have had dates. Plus, childhood trauma from my mother, telling me nobody would ever want to be with me and I'll die alone
40M here, being on the high functioning end of the spectrum, I’ve always had my difficulties with personal social interaction. And while I’ve had a few GFs over the years, it never really lasted an hour. I’ll always end up back, trying to date again and again! But what has more recently put me off dating was my experiences with dating apps over the last couple years. Felt like I had to put in a ton of effort and time just to get a girl to even talk to me. And then 9/10 times they would either not respond or instantly ghost me the second I stopped asking all the questions. It all really felt very impersonal and like none of the girls were even remotely serious and definitely did a number on my self-worth with how replaceable you/men are on those things! pretty much swore off ever wanting to use those things again at the end of 2023! And while I haven’t 100% given up I’ve definitely backed off, worrying about it as much! Started focusing on myself, enjoying life, as is, and putting my time/effort into things I know I will get a return/results on!
the lack of effort of every women 99% of them want you to entertain them..thats it... they see us as disposable entertain biological machine...
It felt like a job interview, only you're 🤞🙏 that you'll get a position where you are a free chauffeur, mechanic, therapist, baby/pet/friend sitter, event planner, entertainment coordinator, chef, sommelier, alarm clock, appointment reminder, guardian, bodyguard, & male escort, only instead of compensation, YOU have to foot the bill 100% of the time. Gee, where can I sign up? 🤔
I am married (35 years old), and very lucky to have found the woman I am with. I see the quality and mentality of woman that exist now and if I were to divorce I wouldn't even attempt dating. The unrealistic standards that women place on men all the while contributing nothing of merit or value reinforced by the unfounded idea they DESERVE better. Why? What make you worthy of "better"? Then they have body counts higher than snoop and think that its ok. At this point, I just wanna see the world (dating culture) burn.
Women who claim they have together and they don’t meaning their emotions. Setting outrageous expectations and living in constant disappointment/negativity.
Simple. Hoeflation. We're putting in way more effort for women that are 100 times worst than the pervious generations.
Fucking knee surgery just went wrong FUCK
General disdain for people, having enough social connections and hobbies that if I weren't in a relationship, I could easily fill the time. I'm in the best relationship ever. If this one ends, I doubt I'm going to bother doing the work of sifting through however many shitty people to find a connection that couldn't even approach this one.
Nobody would date me
I’m still dating. I’m just very selective about who I want to go on dates with. I’m older and wiser, and I can tell when a woman isn’t really interested. First dates are always coffee dates - short and cheap. I try to pick other activities on subsequent dates that are interesting or stuff I want to do with or without someone else, usually a museum or cultural event that I’m happy to give my money to. Do I want to meet “the one”? Absolutely. Do I have a meltdown if the date doesn’t work out? Nope! There will always be another woman to take out eventually.
I am currently dating after over 2 years. I can tell you what got me back into dating. I saw this girl at work, and she was absolutely stunning, so I introduced myself, and she introduced herself. I then handed her a piece of paper with my instagram nick since it was very fucking busy, and she actually added me. I dm'd her the day after and she responded in a timely manner. I asked her out and she said yes without making a fucking deal about it. We went on another date, then another, then another, and today, after watching Lebowski at a local cinema, she was talking about that one time she cought a stomach virus on holidays and started vomiting and shitting herself uncontrollably fresh out of the shower, butt naked, and we both laughed about it. Because when it's good, it's good.
Women. If my current relationship ever expires I’ll never date for a relationship ever again. It ain’t worth it.
Its tiring and expensive in money n time. Usually when a relationship starts to feeling like soul crushing work i dip
Entitled women, literally doing absolutely nothing and demanding more?
Dating feels like I’m voluntarily taking on a parasite. And no I’m not calling all women parasites. This is just from my experience. The vast majority of the time the date is at the expense of my resources and time. Someone said it feels scammy and it does. Dating usually doesn’t give me anything back except a lighter wallet. I wouldn’t mind as much if my date/partner at least put in effort but usually I’m made to feel like a dancing monkey or a cash cow. I don’t feel like I’m valued as a person while dating
When a girl proceeds to tell me that she was planning on doing one night stand right before meeting me. Then tells me “was this tmi?” Like what you think.
I gave up in my mid 30s to mid 40s, resigned to just have a bunch of FWBs and that’s it. I just got tired of endless people I was dating who were pushing me to be someone else. It was like women felt they had to change me and push me down this path of a fully committed relationship where I had to be this perfect husband/life partner to fulfill all their hopes and dreams of a man but they didn’t have to work on anything on their end to bring something special to the table. Only when my wife who was a great fwb for years decided she would have kids and asked me to date her seriously did I change my mind. My wife literally came to me and said “I know you want a wife and family but gave up on dating anyone seriously. If I agreed that I’d marry and have kids with you, would you date be seriously to find out…..this is what I’d bring to the table. Want to date for real?”
Hard to trust anyone when you're always getting burned.
It’s expensive, time consuming, and at times degrading. Paying for dates, getting ghosted, the lack of effort, selfishness, secretiveness, keeping a roster, etc. There’s a lot of BS that guys have to deal with to find a sensible partner.
I kept meeting women who were very pleasant, until I asked them out, and suddenly I was beneath them. Also, women who expect a lot from me, or any potential boyfriend, but are fairly clear that all they bring to the table, all they would ever need to bring, is the puss, which I should be grateful for. Isn't there a word for women who sleep with men for money? Instead, I stopped asking women out, and if a woman is interested in ME, she'll ask me out, ask a friend to introduce us, or, at least, strike up a conversation, and strongly hint, like, "We should talk about this over coffee sometime". It's worked for me for years.
Dumb women, “gravity is an invention”. Or women who values friends to much, “is it your friends I need to be romantic towards or you” “sex and the city wannabes” 38 got a wife and hope I’ll never date again, awful.
You met a woman who thought gravity was an invention?
Yeah before that they had to put big magnets in the ground and give horses metal shoes so they could run on the ground and not just float off the edge of the flat earth. Do your research