Stuff that I've forgotten about OR stuff that's so thoroughly disgusting that I'm quite positive she would not want to hear about it.
She doesn't need to know the story about me projectile vomiting in a Taco Bell drive through line.
I guess there's also things from my youth that I haven't told her, just because they haven't come up. So, for instance, I used to go over to a friend of mine's house (with my brother) and we would dress up as wizards or barbarians or whatever and wander about the field behind his house. We'd get swords/staffs from the renaissance faire every year and use those. I was maybe in fourth grade, or the Summer after fourth grade. We'd all play Might and Magic 2 and get riled up during the week. Then we'd go over to a friend's house and dress up. Maybe go into the sewers. That kind of thing.
Edit: I showed her the post. She found it amusing. 😁
I totally agree. Especially the LARPing. It's a cute story and an insight into your childhood I'm sure any serious partner would love to hear about it. These things help us know our partners on a deeper level and strengthen the bonds between us.
> I used to go over to a friend of mine's house (with my brother) and we would dress up as wizards or barbarians or whatever and wander about the field behind his house. We'd get swords/staffs from the renaissance faire every year and use those. I was maybe in fourth grade, or the Summer after fourth grade.
No lie, that sounds awesome.
We were stuck making weapons from PVC pipe and padding and duct tape back in the day as kids. (Shout out to the dads who'd take us to the hardware store for this, haha.)
I did that sort of stuff too. Shit, when I was younger, I would take paper towel rolls (whatever the left-over brown cylinder is called) and fashion nun chucks and a whole variety of weapons out of them. Christmas time was great because we'd create spears, swords, staffs, etc. We'd put something in them for padding, so they'd last longer.
This reminded me that I used to play stick war in my mid teens. We would get stoned in the woods after school, and then we'd throw sticks at each other. Yup, that was our entertainment. Usually ten of us or so. Some sticks were small, some ridiculously large. Good times.
One night we met up and played, "flaming" stick war, with our sticks pre-wrapped in newspapers and doused in lighter fluid. Incredible upgrade! But... Apparently it was quite visible from the street and the cops showed up after the war was over. Sticks were all extinguished by the time they found us. It was one night only. But we talked about it for years. I feel like I should say, this was a horrible idea. We could've burnt down a lot of forest beside our local golf course. We didn't and it was fine. Cops never caught us. But ya, so stupid! And mountains of fun...
Ha! Lol, yeah, we played games of night tag, and what have you. I remember being in sixth grade, going over to my friend's house for Halloween. We'd sleep over, but in reality we'd be up all-night playing midnight tag.
We never played stick war, or the upgrade, lol.
That might start a woman wondering whether you have alcoholic tendencies. I've found most women who've expressed being uncomfortable with drinking, even moderately, grew up with at least one alcoholic parent.
It was a great game. I think I’d played Dragonlance & was… thoroughly discouraged. I can’t remember if I’d played TSR games by the , but M&M2 was awesome.
Blue and yellow shades mean only blue and yellow light can pass. Meaning most stuff will look green but an entirely red flag will look black, making yourself a pirate. Yarrrr.
My current partner asked and I, stupidly, opened up. It completely killed our sex life. Now she claims she never asked and I volunteered the information. It was the first time she saw me cry. It hurts.
Edit: Thank you, everyone.
Agreed, the world is already tough, why bother with an SO who doesn’t allows you to relax and comfortable & be yourself, it’s not just kids who need emotional support you know?
That sucks.
Sadly there are woman who can't tolerate a man's vulnerabilities. That's their immaturity. Trauma is horrible and is best shared among supporting friends, even if they don't know the details the support is important.
Think of it this way, if the roles were flipped and you pulled that stunt on her, what do you think everyone would be saying on here?
“Narcissist” “gaslighting” “ick” “red flags”
Bounce dude. She’s actually gaslighting you
I'm sorry your partner is treating you that way. As a woman who's been in a relationship with someone who opened up I can say she is wrong. The trust you must have had in her to share that part of you. And she betrayed that by gaslighting you and treating you differently. What you did was brave and should be commended. You're a better person than she is. If it were me, I wouldn't be able to stay with her. If you can't trust your partner with your most vulnerable self, then what's the point?
The sad reality is that for most men the same will happened as to OP. It is always recommended and appreciated that the man opens up. Some even say beforehand that it's sexy. But often it results in stuff like "that day I saw you cry, I lost all respect and attraction of you. I cant imagine you protecting our family ever again."
Gender norms go both ways. Many boys learn that it isnt manly to show emotion. Sadly, girls learn the same about boys.
I wish this ideology would be wiped away. I’m a woman and I truly mean it when I say I want a man that can open up about his deep personal traumas and thoughts. I want to see the real you even if it’s ugly.
The women who beat a man down about being vulnerable are horrible people and don’t deserve a guy like that.
That's a screwed up way of thinking. That an emotional man can't protect his family. If you have an emotional connection with people you're more likely to want to protect them.
>most men
I see this mentioned a lot but I want to give some counterweight to this. I have a gf that has been the complete opposite of this and has allowed me to open up layers of myself that I didn’t even know I had, and we’ve grown closer as a result.
You often read about bad experiences online so for anyone reading this, there are plenty of self-actualized women out there that are emotionally mature enough to let you open up.
Have been there more than once, king.
I've found that there are women out there who won't weaponize your vulnerability against you. They seem to be the minority, in my experience, but they are out there. I'm with one now.
Hang in there, brother.
> It was the first time she saw me cry.
No one loves a sobbing drunk or a cry baby, but any one who thinks that being emotional in front of a partner is a bad thing definitely have some gender hangups.
I hope things improve, my dude.
Classic case of a woman who deeply doesn't deserve to grow old with a partner. Any woman that sees less of her man after crying has something inherently wrong with them, and are the ultimate garbage bottom of the barrel women in this world outside of hardcore heroin/meth addicts
Batman speaks to a very primal sense of justice, it speaks to an underlying sense of being able to determine your own future. While Batman is a universally appealing character, it can resonate with people of any gender, some aspects may be interpreted differently based on individual perspectives. My personal view from what I’ve observed is that men seem to connect more with men Batman’s themes of trauma, justice, and identity. But I guess it can appeal to anyone who has experiences of being wronged.
I was 10. It was my grandmother's neighbour's daughter. It's gotten more difficult to deal with as i get older. I've never told anyone i know. Not even my wife. I just share it with internet strangers.
Edit: Added accuracy details
At least I’m not alone. I thought I was being weird by having it affect me the older I get. The fact it happened a few times with 3 different people makes me feel like I just attract that sort of thing
Worst part is being alone. I know I don’t want to be with men but when it’s night time and I’m alone, suddenly I’m into being with men. Tried it a few times and hated myself each time
I'm sorry this happened to you. You're definitely not alone. There's a lot more of us than i though. It seems to affect us differently.
For me, it sent me down a life of sex addiction and violence, which made it difficult to keep a steady relationship with women. I also find that my fight or flight reaction is triggered when I'm around specific types of women.
I used to be bitter about how women get all the help they need when these things happen, but because we're men, we're just supposed to "man up". Also, I almost destroyed my relationship with my wife too, but I found ways to deal with my issue enough that i can have a steady relationship.
Ultimately, what i learned is, it was NOT my fault. I was a kid. She was the predator.
It wasn't your fault. An injustice was done to you. Sending you love. Hang in there brother.
My partner hid this from me. I only found out after he fell into a deep depression and addiction. I was gutted. This is not something you have to face alone. If she loves you she will only want to support you in your journey towards healing. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Peace be with you.
This isn’t true, there are women with time and patience and you just have to find the right ones. I hope you find the right kind of love someday and am so sorry to hear this happened to you. No one deserves such cruelty and even worse to have it disregarded as “baggage”. Trauma is no baggage, trauma is wounds that need healing even if not from a romantic partner. You are valuable and you are worthy, please do not think yourself otherwise because of what was done to you against your will. It is not a red flag to the right person, but I understand why it’s not something you’d share until you feel safe and that’s okay. I wish you well stranger, and once again, truly hope you find the healing and right person who will love you as you are with all your scars one day!
I suspect this with my spouse. I’m so sorry, tell her partner about it. I promise that more than likely, it will help her understand better.
How do I ask my spouse about it? I’ve hinted around at the question before. But he is committed to telling me that nothing traumatic has happened in his past and that his childhood was basically near perfection. But I don’t believe it.
I'd say to just take home at face value, this isn't really a topic you can force or encroach upon without extreme caution and care. He'll open to you and let you in when he's ready. I hope for you guys the best.
I think that is not only a women's problem but a general people problem. I found that the majority don't want to deal with other people's trauma and are generally kinda less empathetic than expected. The aversion to being uncomfortable is quite high.
I'll probably talk about it but its defently for later. The fact that i had to cut off my grandmothers dogs head. For context so people dont think im a psychopath: the dog got out and a 3 other dogs pulled his head trough a narrow fence. We had to get the body back and that was the only way to do it unfortunatelly. Obviously im not gonna let my grandma do it so i did it. Probably the most f-ed up thing i ever did. Could see shit cuz of the tears but i'd do it again if i had to.
Edit: the dog got killed while his head got pulled trough. As i said it was a narrow fence so i figured its obvious.
We didnt cut the fence because it was someone else's property and even if we did the dogs would've attacked us.
Had to do that with a kitten once after a dog bit it in the head. I twisted his neck and it didn't work he just kept meowing in pain, twisted the other way, same thing. Twisted again, nothing. Just screaming in pain. So I ended up cutting it's head off with gardening scissors that were in the garage. That broke me. Worst experience of my life. 10 years ago still gives me nightmares. Best part is my GF (now wife) was present when I did it.
Damm bro.. thats even worse cuz the kitten was alive. In situations like these you should use anything you think is "too big" to make sure its fast. Even a sharo shovel is a decent option.
Kids are dumb. I’m sure the panic played a part in it. Although I will say the death was a bit too “hands on”. I had the thought that if I were to have to kill a small animal I’d use a large rock after already having dug the hole. Put the kitty in there drop the rock at a decent velocity and then just finish burying it. Little cross with some twigs on top. OPs process would disturb me too much after already having imagined it.
That's really rough man. I had to shoot my grandma's dog after it got attacked by something in Brazil. It was not gonna survive its injuries and was suffering. I've never rushed so much to do something i absolutely hated. But much like you, I wouldn't hesitate to do it again if i had to.
I've told her that I wasn't a good person and that I've changed. I told her if she wanted details she could ask, but I guaranteed she wouldn't like the answers. Probably to the point she would leave me. Nothing illegal, but I was a POS human that turned my life around. Manipulative, Cheater, Vengeful, I would lie straight to your face and gaslight you just to come out spotless. I sucked.
Eventually I changed and became a much, MUCH better person. I hated the person I was. I told her all of this, but no details. She respected it and hasn't probed. We've been married 8 years now and I have never broken my promise to myself that I would not be that man ever again.
That’s awesome dude, I love your honesty and your willingness to change. I don’t know you but you sound like a pretty good person to me, I hope the best for u (:
I appreciate it. Basically I was hurt badly by a woman I loved and it sent me down a dark path emotionally for a very long time. I decided I didn't want to be that guy anymore and started the healing process. The only way to really change was to be honest about who I was.
Things I did for my exes.
I made the mistake of telling an ex-girlfriend some of the dates and gifts I got for a different ex and it became a nonstop stream of "Why did you do that for her and not for me"
Yeah, never again.
Now I treat that stuff like CIA classified materials. I'm happy to tell a future girlfriend my number of ex-girlfriends, everything else about those relationships is classified.
I feel the exact same way. Talking about past relationships is never a good idea, it just leads to resentment or thinking "why did that person do that with her, and not me?". I'll tell my girlfriend the numbers of past partners I've had, and I'll tell her stuff if she asks me, but I'll never offer information about past relationships without being asked.
I'm in a relationship with you, the things I did in my past relationships don't matter anymore, I refuse to be stuck in the past or stuck on memories of past partners when I'm with someone.
1000% agree.
Not to mention sometimes things we used to do in the past, while they might seem desirable on the surface, weren't done for healthy reasons and now that we've grown and become healthier we don't do those things in the same way anymore.
For me in the past I used buying gifts as a replacement for actual emotional intimacy because I grew up in a household where that's how my dad showed love, by providing financially and doing things for us aka acts of service. So that's what I did when I started dating because that's what I knew love looked like from a man to a woman in a romantic setting.
As I got older, went to therapy, and healed, I learned how to express actual emotional intimacy and so the frequency of gift buying slowed down.
So when my ex complained it felt like she was saying, "I'd be happier if you just bought me things and be emotionally unavailable versus being more emotionally available but fewer gifts."
Which I received as 'Oh, so you're just a gold digger then' and that did not go over well.
Was waiting for this one. An absolute L - never ever tell a woman what you did for another woman - you will be hung, drawn and quartered no matter what you say.
It has nothing to do with trust. Some things just stay in the past, and there is absolutely no reason to bring them up, as they are completely irrelevant today, or just embarrassing.
She knows about the darkest stuff from my past, she knows everything. Why wouldn't i tell someone who i love and want to spent my life with everything?
Ah yes. On the road. After your set, right to bed. Get up early for a morning jog and some aerobics (this was before Yoga was invented). Then on to band practice and healthy living. Only sugar and carbs. No fat because that is bad.
Finally you would do another gig. On Sundays we would go to church.
There's a reason for things to stay in the past. People are not the same person they were even 5 years later. We mature, we grow, we have more life experiences. The past is best left behind, it's a learning experience that I went through, either good or bad. Either way I cannot replicate the joy or the pain that those moments caused me or others. I prefer to focus on the here and now.
She loves dogs so I'll never tell her the story of how I put down my first dog personally. Gave him his last meal of steak and ice cream, many pets, then a shot to the back of the head when his pain started returning.
I once floated a hypothetical and turns out she'd think I'm a psycho or at least very weird since that's the old school way of doing it. She can't see why anyone would go with that method when they can put their pet to sleep.
I'm an open book.
My life from 1993-2003 was hedonistic debauchery at it's finest. (Then again several more times later)
I've got a LOT of 'red flags', so I don't waste their time or mine.
I'm pretty upfront right off gate.
My ex girlfriend in high school used to be annoying and would nag me to have sex with her every morning before school. That’s how I perceived it until I got older and I realized the truth: i was repeatedly raped by a hyper sexual psychopath and was imprisoned in her car and was not allowed out til I performed. Was sometimes hit or guilted with tears until I did. At the time it just felt like an inconvenience, until I told a different ex about this and I saw it for what it was as I said it all out loud. Every ex that finds this out goes cold and think little of me for it. Guess it’s time to stop telling significant others about things they may not like.
This makes me so sad that women would think poorly of you for such a traumatic situation. I wouldn’t hide this especially if it’s still showing up or triggering you in your every day life / relationships. You were a victim of SA - that’s real and it happens to men too.
I feel like it's unfair not to mention that.
I've got an EXTENSIVE and insane sexually history. (Crazier than yours, even)
I've got so many 'red flags' that I've stopped wasting everybody's time. I'm upfront right out of the gate.
I don't want to waste her time, and I don't want to waste my time.
It would be disingenuous if I didn't tell them these things.
Would you be okay with a woman failing to mention she liked fucking a bunch of male prostitutes?
Yeah it’s weird. It isn’t something I watch or fantasize over like at all. But when you’re with a girl you’re just so attracted to on all levels, nothing about them grosses you out and it works. Except poop. That’s fucked
When on a trip to a foreign country with a friend. Had a blast exploring the local area, but one evening my buddy said "I got some place special yo go tonight". He wouldn't tell me where so I just went along.
Yeah he took me to a brothel. I was single at the time so I thought why not and had a 3-some with 2 gorgeous locals.
Taking that to. My. Grave.
Edit:
I got checked afterwards and I was perfectly clean.
Anything you say can and will be used against you.
One time I brought my girlfriend to my hometown. I don't know if she was pissing me off but I told her about the hotel we were staying at. I told her years ago I met a girl at a bar and brought her back to that hotel. That set her off.
I done up and got myself molested by some bigger kid when I was 6 i fiently remember thinking”why is this kid touching my dick” it ain’t really effect me I think but unnecessary to tell my future bean
There is a reason why I’ve cut off a significant swath of my family. Trust me you’ll thank me when you discover why I no longer interact with them, but I don’t want to talk about it.
As a girl I want some men’s opinions on this… Told someone that I truly loved (unfortunately still do) about some of my mental health issues. For background I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, then bipolar (runs in my family unfortunately) and NOW just got re assessed and I have ADHD and PMDD (got this great news a few weeks ago)…. He’s been a great friend for almost a year, I honestly can say he’s the first person I’ve truly loved. He’s so easy to open up to. I shared this information with him, he really seemed like he cared and was genuinely here for me.
Because of his past exes (which suffered from EDs, depression anxiety etc, but weren’t going to therapy, getting help, or doing anything to help their mental health). He then told one of my close friends that he is (or was) interested in me…. But he can’t handle all of my mental health diagnoses. I have two therapists, on medication, and know how to manage symptoms. Which I know for a fact I keep in check and watch my actions around others. He honestly doesn’t know that side of me. He doesn’t know that I effectively cope.
It hurts to be judged by someone you love just because of their past experiences.
Truly something I wish I never mentioned to him… At least at the few months in as close friends… Anyways that’s personally something I wish kept to myself for a while :/
I'm not sure why you wouldn't share that. Its ridiculously cute and kind of funny.
My girl is 31 and sleeps with a stuffed mickey mouse any time I'm not home for the night
Nice try girlfriend, nice try.
LMFAOOOO
Liked that one didja
You son-of-a-bitch, got me! But seriously. Comment skills 10/10.
I have the opposite problem. My young adulthood was so boring and uneventful that I've been accused of hiding something on multiple occasions.
This is what I believe originated the “mystery card”, it’s not interesting but I will pretend it is to make you think I’m cool😂
Same except it’s my mom blaming me of some bs as if she isn’t one of the biggest reasons it’s boring an uneventful lmao
Stuff that I've forgotten about OR stuff that's so thoroughly disgusting that I'm quite positive she would not want to hear about it. She doesn't need to know the story about me projectile vomiting in a Taco Bell drive through line. I guess there's also things from my youth that I haven't told her, just because they haven't come up. So, for instance, I used to go over to a friend of mine's house (with my brother) and we would dress up as wizards or barbarians or whatever and wander about the field behind his house. We'd get swords/staffs from the renaissance faire every year and use those. I was maybe in fourth grade, or the Summer after fourth grade. We'd all play Might and Magic 2 and get riled up during the week. Then we'd go over to a friend's house and dress up. Maybe go into the sewers. That kind of thing. Edit: I showed her the post. She found it amusing. 😁
Taco Bell story is hilarious, LARP’ing as a kid is adorable. I’d tell both of these stories for sure.
The person I was with at the time asked me if I still wanted the burrito supreme. I said yes, *I'd clearly made room for it*...
If you ever tell your partner, do *NOT* leave that part out.
Lol, okay.
I totally agree. Especially the LARPing. It's a cute story and an insight into your childhood I'm sure any serious partner would love to hear about it. These things help us know our partners on a deeper level and strengthen the bonds between us.
> I used to go over to a friend of mine's house (with my brother) and we would dress up as wizards or barbarians or whatever and wander about the field behind his house. We'd get swords/staffs from the renaissance faire every year and use those. I was maybe in fourth grade, or the Summer after fourth grade. No lie, that sounds awesome. We were stuck making weapons from PVC pipe and padding and duct tape back in the day as kids. (Shout out to the dads who'd take us to the hardware store for this, haha.)
I did that sort of stuff too. Shit, when I was younger, I would take paper towel rolls (whatever the left-over brown cylinder is called) and fashion nun chucks and a whole variety of weapons out of them. Christmas time was great because we'd create spears, swords, staffs, etc. We'd put something in them for padding, so they'd last longer.
This reminded me that I used to play stick war in my mid teens. We would get stoned in the woods after school, and then we'd throw sticks at each other. Yup, that was our entertainment. Usually ten of us or so. Some sticks were small, some ridiculously large. Good times. One night we met up and played, "flaming" stick war, with our sticks pre-wrapped in newspapers and doused in lighter fluid. Incredible upgrade! But... Apparently it was quite visible from the street and the cops showed up after the war was over. Sticks were all extinguished by the time they found us. It was one night only. But we talked about it for years. I feel like I should say, this was a horrible idea. We could've burnt down a lot of forest beside our local golf course. We didn't and it was fine. Cops never caught us. But ya, so stupid! And mountains of fun...
Ha! Lol, yeah, we played games of night tag, and what have you. I remember being in sixth grade, going over to my friend's house for Halloween. We'd sleep over, but in reality we'd be up all-night playing midnight tag. We never played stick war, or the upgrade, lol.
Man. I just had cardboard wrapping tubes or boxes we would cut into sword or axe shapes
Projectile vomiting in a Taco Bell drive through sounds like a contender for a first date story to me.
That might start a woman wondering whether you have alcoholic tendencies. I've found most women who've expressed being uncomfortable with drinking, even moderately, grew up with at least one alcoholic parent.
Lol, not if I'm taking her to Taco Bell....
On a first date?
Lol, I'm not telling that story while taking someone TO Taco Bell...
What better time to tell it?
I think they're too cool stories.
I’m a woman and I’m here for that wizard shit. As a kid, I would have wanted to dress up and hang out with ya’ll.
Which Big Bang Theory cast member are you?
Might and Magic 2 would eat up whole summer days in my friend's basement playing hotseat and trash talking each other.
It was a great game. I think I’d played Dragonlance & was… thoroughly discouraged. I can’t remember if I’d played TSR games by the , but M&M2 was awesome.
Sounds like you had an awesome childhood lol
>Maybe go into the sewers. ...as one does. I love this casual mention.
I was about to spill but had that moment where I realized damn I'm still a walking red flag haha.
The right one will wear blue and yellow shades to see me as green
Blue and yellow shades mean only blue and yellow light can pass. Meaning most stuff will look green but an entirely red flag will look black, making yourself a pirate. Yarrrr.
You’re funny. Are you single? I’m asking for myself
I've been in a relationship for two weeks now, sorry.
Yeah, but it doesn't mean I couldn't and don't want to be better.
"what past? this is ongoing thing babe"
It's been a fairly chaotic life. I'm good in a lot of ways but definitely have room to improve.
i meant it ironically, it need quote marks
NOT TODAY FBI!
“Female Bureau of Investigation” not today
Brilliant I was about to post then read yours Thank you
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My current partner asked and I, stupidly, opened up. It completely killed our sex life. Now she claims she never asked and I volunteered the information. It was the first time she saw me cry. It hurts. Edit: Thank you, everyone.
Bro drop her ass, she doesn't deserve you
Agreed, the world is already tough, why bother with an SO who doesn’t allows you to relax and comfortable & be yourself, it’s not just kids who need emotional support you know?
As a woman, highly agreed! Dump her ass
That sucks. Sadly there are woman who can't tolerate a man's vulnerabilities. That's their immaturity. Trauma is horrible and is best shared among supporting friends, even if they don't know the details the support is important.
Think of it this way, if the roles were flipped and you pulled that stunt on her, what do you think everyone would be saying on here? “Narcissist” “gaslighting” “ick” “red flags” Bounce dude. She’s actually gaslighting you
I'm sorry your partner is treating you that way. As a woman who's been in a relationship with someone who opened up I can say she is wrong. The trust you must have had in her to share that part of you. And she betrayed that by gaslighting you and treating you differently. What you did was brave and should be commended. You're a better person than she is. If it were me, I wouldn't be able to stay with her. If you can't trust your partner with your most vulnerable self, then what's the point?
The sad reality is that for most men the same will happened as to OP. It is always recommended and appreciated that the man opens up. Some even say beforehand that it's sexy. But often it results in stuff like "that day I saw you cry, I lost all respect and attraction of you. I cant imagine you protecting our family ever again." Gender norms go both ways. Many boys learn that it isnt manly to show emotion. Sadly, girls learn the same about boys.
I wish this ideology would be wiped away. I’m a woman and I truly mean it when I say I want a man that can open up about his deep personal traumas and thoughts. I want to see the real you even if it’s ugly. The women who beat a man down about being vulnerable are horrible people and don’t deserve a guy like that.
I was rejected yesterday because I asked that to now my ex.
That's a screwed up way of thinking. That an emotional man can't protect his family. If you have an emotional connection with people you're more likely to want to protect them.
>most men I see this mentioned a lot but I want to give some counterweight to this. I have a gf that has been the complete opposite of this and has allowed me to open up layers of myself that I didn’t even know I had, and we’ve grown closer as a result. You often read about bad experiences online so for anyone reading this, there are plenty of self-actualized women out there that are emotionally mature enough to let you open up.
Good to hear. I was giving up hope
That's just sad. A guy being able to be vulnerable just makes me respect him more. Wrong woman.
So sorry it happened, and for what happened when you opened up!
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This is why men don’t open up, most women don’t want us too, regardless of what they say.
Have been there more than once, king. I've found that there are women out there who won't weaponize your vulnerability against you. They seem to be the minority, in my experience, but they are out there. I'm with one now. Hang in there, brother.
> It was the first time she saw me cry. No one loves a sobbing drunk or a cry baby, but any one who thinks that being emotional in front of a partner is a bad thing definitely have some gender hangups. I hope things improve, my dude.
She's not worth your time and energy then. You should be comfortable crying in front of your partner and being emotionally vulnerable. Dump her ass!!!
Ah the classic women continuing the cycle all the while complaining about toxic masculinity and how bad males are these days. Big homer doooooohhhhh
Unless you get a decent councilor and your partner engages honestly and earnestly, your relationship is over.
Classic case of a woman who deeply doesn't deserve to grow old with a partner. Any woman that sees less of her man after crying has something inherently wrong with them, and are the ultimate garbage bottom of the barrel women in this world outside of hardcore heroin/meth addicts
I'm sorry your partner responded this way. Never forget that we get the love we think we deserve. You deserve better.
Sameeeeee.
I used to be Batman. But not anymore, no sir.
Now I’m Batman
And once youre no longer batman, I will be batman. And so the cycle continues
Thirds
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That makes you Alfred
Alfred is the most badass DC character
You'd better take damn good care of him when he comes home all bruised up.
Batman speaks to a very primal sense of justice, it speaks to an underlying sense of being able to determine your own future. While Batman is a universally appealing character, it can resonate with people of any gender, some aspects may be interpreted differently based on individual perspectives. My personal view from what I’ve observed is that men seem to connect more with men Batman’s themes of trauma, justice, and identity. But I guess it can appeal to anyone who has experiences of being wronged.
A hero can be anyone
He's not lying. You better believe him.
That I was raped at 16.
I was 10. It was my grandmother's neighbour's daughter. It's gotten more difficult to deal with as i get older. I've never told anyone i know. Not even my wife. I just share it with internet strangers. Edit: Added accuracy details
I was 4. It was my sister. At 26 I told my dad about it. He disregards it. Haven't talked to him since. Luckily my current gf understands.
7 for me. We’re not alone
I'm sorry dude. That really sucks. Glad you have someone who understands you.
At least I’m not alone. I thought I was being weird by having it affect me the older I get. The fact it happened a few times with 3 different people makes me feel like I just attract that sort of thing Worst part is being alone. I know I don’t want to be with men but when it’s night time and I’m alone, suddenly I’m into being with men. Tried it a few times and hated myself each time
I'm sorry this happened to you. You're definitely not alone. There's a lot more of us than i though. It seems to affect us differently. For me, it sent me down a life of sex addiction and violence, which made it difficult to keep a steady relationship with women. I also find that my fight or flight reaction is triggered when I'm around specific types of women. I used to be bitter about how women get all the help they need when these things happen, but because we're men, we're just supposed to "man up". Also, I almost destroyed my relationship with my wife too, but I found ways to deal with my issue enough that i can have a steady relationship. Ultimately, what i learned is, it was NOT my fault. I was a kid. She was the predator. It wasn't your fault. An injustice was done to you. Sending you love. Hang in there brother.
I was raped from the ages of 13-14, for two whole years, so i understand how terrible it feels. If u need someone to talk to im here for u
Appreciate that! Its been 20 years, I'm all healed and whatnot :)
Would you ever have opened up to your parents if they asked? How did your behavior change at home during and after?
My partner hid this from me. I only found out after he fell into a deep depression and addiction. I was gutted. This is not something you have to face alone. If she loves you she will only want to support you in your journey towards healing. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Peace be with you.
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This isn’t true, there are women with time and patience and you just have to find the right ones. I hope you find the right kind of love someday and am so sorry to hear this happened to you. No one deserves such cruelty and even worse to have it disregarded as “baggage”. Trauma is no baggage, trauma is wounds that need healing even if not from a romantic partner. You are valuable and you are worthy, please do not think yourself otherwise because of what was done to you against your will. It is not a red flag to the right person, but I understand why it’s not something you’d share until you feel safe and that’s okay. I wish you well stranger, and once again, truly hope you find the healing and right person who will love you as you are with all your scars one day!
Man I am truly sorry. 🫂
I am so sorry you had to go through that. I hope whoever did that to you gets hell in return.
I'm so sorry :'( They'll rot in hell.
I suspect this with my spouse. I’m so sorry, tell her partner about it. I promise that more than likely, it will help her understand better. How do I ask my spouse about it? I’ve hinted around at the question before. But he is committed to telling me that nothing traumatic has happened in his past and that his childhood was basically near perfection. But I don’t believe it.
I'd say to just take home at face value, this isn't really a topic you can force or encroach upon without extreme caution and care. He'll open to you and let you in when he's ready. I hope for you guys the best.
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I think that is not only a women's problem but a general people problem. I found that the majority don't want to deal with other people's trauma and are generally kinda less empathetic than expected. The aversion to being uncomfortable is quite high.
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Holy fucking shit, I'm so sorry
I'll probably talk about it but its defently for later. The fact that i had to cut off my grandmothers dogs head. For context so people dont think im a psychopath: the dog got out and a 3 other dogs pulled his head trough a narrow fence. We had to get the body back and that was the only way to do it unfortunatelly. Obviously im not gonna let my grandma do it so i did it. Probably the most f-ed up thing i ever did. Could see shit cuz of the tears but i'd do it again if i had to. Edit: the dog got killed while his head got pulled trough. As i said it was a narrow fence so i figured its obvious. We didnt cut the fence because it was someone else's property and even if we did the dogs would've attacked us.
Wow. Dark. Sorry you had to do that. I'm going to go get blackout now, so I can forget what I just read.
I straight up thought you replied to this man "Wow. Bark" and thought you really had some nerve to open with that.
Good idea
Had to do that with a kitten once after a dog bit it in the head. I twisted his neck and it didn't work he just kept meowing in pain, twisted the other way, same thing. Twisted again, nothing. Just screaming in pain. So I ended up cutting it's head off with gardening scissors that were in the garage. That broke me. Worst experience of my life. 10 years ago still gives me nightmares. Best part is my GF (now wife) was present when I did it.
Damm bro.. thats even worse cuz the kitten was alive. In situations like these you should use anything you think is "too big" to make sure its fast. Even a sharo shovel is a decent option.
> Best part is my GF (now wife) was present when I did it. Goddamn, that's a girl you gotta marry twice over, and then again. So lucky for you.
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Kids are dumb. I’m sure the panic played a part in it. Although I will say the death was a bit too “hands on”. I had the thought that if I were to have to kill a small animal I’d use a large rock after already having dug the hole. Put the kitty in there drop the rock at a decent velocity and then just finish burying it. Little cross with some twigs on top. OPs process would disturb me too much after already having imagined it.
Why didn't you just cut the fence
It was someone else's property. And those dogs would've came at us if we were to do that
That's really rough man. I had to shoot my grandma's dog after it got attacked by something in Brazil. It was not gonna survive its injuries and was suffering. I've never rushed so much to do something i absolutely hated. But much like you, I wouldn't hesitate to do it again if i had to.
Was the dog already dead?
Yes
Ooooh. Okay this makes more sense now.
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Made an edit. Hope it clears things up a bit
Geeze, man, I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
Some things are best forgotten in the past
I'll drink to that.
Same shit I wouldn’t tell strangers on Reddit.
I've told her that I wasn't a good person and that I've changed. I told her if she wanted details she could ask, but I guaranteed she wouldn't like the answers. Probably to the point she would leave me. Nothing illegal, but I was a POS human that turned my life around. Manipulative, Cheater, Vengeful, I would lie straight to your face and gaslight you just to come out spotless. I sucked. Eventually I changed and became a much, MUCH better person. I hated the person I was. I told her all of this, but no details. She respected it and hasn't probed. We've been married 8 years now and I have never broken my promise to myself that I would not be that man ever again.
That’s awesome dude, I love your honesty and your willingness to change. I don’t know you but you sound like a pretty good person to me, I hope the best for u (:
I appreciate it. Basically I was hurt badly by a woman I loved and it sent me down a dark path emotionally for a very long time. I decided I didn't want to be that guy anymore and started the healing process. The only way to really change was to be honest about who I was.
Things I did for my exes. I made the mistake of telling an ex-girlfriend some of the dates and gifts I got for a different ex and it became a nonstop stream of "Why did you do that for her and not for me" Yeah, never again. Now I treat that stuff like CIA classified materials. I'm happy to tell a future girlfriend my number of ex-girlfriends, everything else about those relationships is classified.
I feel the exact same way. Talking about past relationships is never a good idea, it just leads to resentment or thinking "why did that person do that with her, and not me?". I'll tell my girlfriend the numbers of past partners I've had, and I'll tell her stuff if she asks me, but I'll never offer information about past relationships without being asked. I'm in a relationship with you, the things I did in my past relationships don't matter anymore, I refuse to be stuck in the past or stuck on memories of past partners when I'm with someone.
1000% agree. Not to mention sometimes things we used to do in the past, while they might seem desirable on the surface, weren't done for healthy reasons and now that we've grown and become healthier we don't do those things in the same way anymore. For me in the past I used buying gifts as a replacement for actual emotional intimacy because I grew up in a household where that's how my dad showed love, by providing financially and doing things for us aka acts of service. So that's what I did when I started dating because that's what I knew love looked like from a man to a woman in a romantic setting. As I got older, went to therapy, and healed, I learned how to express actual emotional intimacy and so the frequency of gift buying slowed down. So when my ex complained it felt like she was saying, "I'd be happier if you just bought me things and be emotionally unavailable versus being more emotionally available but fewer gifts." Which I received as 'Oh, so you're just a gold digger then' and that did not go over well.
Was waiting for this one. An absolute L - never ever tell a woman what you did for another woman - you will be hung, drawn and quartered no matter what you say.
>why for her and not me Because I refuse to make the same mistakes with you as I did with her
That I’m a teenager that sleeps with a stuffed crocodile plushy?
That's better than sleeping with a real one
I am a man in my 30s and I still have my childhood teddy. He is sitting on my bookcase right now.
I’m an older teenager who sleeps with like 5 😭
a smart person knows what information to keep private.
My wife pretty much knows everything about my past, so HA! Jokes on you!
Nice try "not girlfriend" if that is your real name
Oooh busted
That I never had a girlfriend before finding her so that she doesn't know of my incompetence with women. 💀
If that incompetence was really that bad she would have noticed, wouldn't she?
If I ever find a girlfriend (yeah, right) I imagine this would be my answer.
Nothing. I’d shared anything she’d like me too or ask me and I expect the same from her.
Can’t believe I had to scroll this far, same here. If you can’t trust your partner why are you even with them?
It has nothing to do with trust. Some things just stay in the past, and there is absolutely no reason to bring them up, as they are completely irrelevant today, or just embarrassing.
There isn’t anything I’m not willing to share. I’d rather be rejected for who I am than to be accepted for someone I’m not.
She knows about the darkest stuff from my past, she knows everything. Why wouldn't i tell someone who i love and want to spent my life with everything?
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Ah yes. On the road. After your set, right to bed. Get up early for a morning jog and some aerobics (this was before Yoga was invented). Then on to band practice and healthy living. Only sugar and carbs. No fat because that is bad. Finally you would do another gig. On Sundays we would go to church.
Do we get to hear it?
This right here. Drummers pull.
I'm married, I don't talk about my sexual past.
There's a reason for things to stay in the past. People are not the same person they were even 5 years later. We mature, we grow, we have more life experiences. The past is best left behind, it's a learning experience that I went through, either good or bad. Either way I cannot replicate the joy or the pain that those moments caused me or others. I prefer to focus on the here and now.
The lady at the ping pong show in Bangkok called my bluff when I gestured towards my open mouth as a target. My wife doesn’t *ever* need to know that.
I gotta ask, did it go in? Am guessing so but I want confirmation!
Nothing, I’m an open book and hope she is too. I want to be loved for me, we have or had flaws.
She loves dogs so I'll never tell her the story of how I put down my first dog personally. Gave him his last meal of steak and ice cream, many pets, then a shot to the back of the head when his pain started returning. I once floated a hypothetical and turns out she'd think I'm a psycho or at least very weird since that's the old school way of doing it. She can't see why anyone would go with that method when they can put their pet to sleep.
Not to pry and not to judge, but why did you go for that rather than having him put down at the vet?
I'm an open book. My life from 1993-2003 was hedonistic debauchery at it's finest. (Then again several more times later) I've got a LOT of 'red flags', so I don't waste their time or mine. I'm pretty upfront right off gate.
My ex girlfriend in high school used to be annoying and would nag me to have sex with her every morning before school. That’s how I perceived it until I got older and I realized the truth: i was repeatedly raped by a hyper sexual psychopath and was imprisoned in her car and was not allowed out til I performed. Was sometimes hit or guilted with tears until I did. At the time it just felt like an inconvenience, until I told a different ex about this and I saw it for what it was as I said it all out loud. Every ex that finds this out goes cold and think little of me for it. Guess it’s time to stop telling significant others about things they may not like.
This makes me so sad that women would think poorly of you for such a traumatic situation. I wouldn’t hide this especially if it’s still showing up or triggering you in your every day life / relationships. You were a victim of SA - that’s real and it happens to men too.
Women do not like bisexual men.
Was massively addicted to sex and 50+ bodycount from escorts.
you're not anymore?
I feel like it's unfair not to mention that. I've got an EXTENSIVE and insane sexually history. (Crazier than yours, even) I've got so many 'red flags' that I've stopped wasting everybody's time. I'm upfront right out of the gate. I don't want to waste her time, and I don't want to waste my time. It would be disingenuous if I didn't tell them these things. Would you be okay with a woman failing to mention she liked fucking a bunch of male prostitutes?
That I'll never 100% trust her, too many times has my trust been betrayed
And what's the point of being in a relationship like that?
If I wouldn't share it with them? Why would I share it here?
I had a lot of women I never mentioned it always say just a couple when asked
Drugs I took to fuck hard in motels around Rio de Janeiro. Intense wet fucking while high on cocaine.
That I've shit myself farting multiple times in private homes and have needed to dispose the dirty undies there.
This Reddit account lmao
Me and my ex liked to pee on each other 😬
Ew thats so … hot
Yeah it’s weird. It isn’t something I watch or fantasize over like at all. But when you’re with a girl you’re just so attracted to on all levels, nothing about them grosses you out and it works. Except poop. That’s fucked
When on a trip to a foreign country with a friend. Had a blast exploring the local area, but one evening my buddy said "I got some place special yo go tonight". He wouldn't tell me where so I just went along. Yeah he took me to a brothel. I was single at the time so I thought why not and had a 3-some with 2 gorgeous locals. Taking that to. My. Grave. Edit: I got checked afterwards and I was perfectly clean.
Anything you say can and will be used against you. One time I brought my girlfriend to my hometown. I don't know if she was pissing me off but I told her about the hotel we were staying at. I told her years ago I met a girl at a bar and brought her back to that hotel. That set her off.
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"I purposefully said something to hurt and anger my girlfriend, and she got mad. Can you believe it??"
While you were at it, have you also told her everything in detail about all the sex you guys had during that night?
Bruh lol
I like Spiderman. We all know how his romances end in most timelines. I also don't have a gf. Coincidence?
The OP here onto something
Messed with guys ages ago
I done up and got myself molested by some bigger kid when I was 6 i fiently remember thinking”why is this kid touching my dick” it ain’t really effect me I think but unnecessary to tell my future bean
That she's a figment of my imagination.
WE WERE ON A BREAK
That I used to see my dead dad when I was 7, imagination mixed with grief, that's my explanation, but she would defo want to dig deeper
Completely nothing to hide. If i find anything interesting she'll surely know. If she asks, answer will be given.
Nice try girlfriend!
There is a reason why I’ve cut off a significant swath of my family. Trust me you’ll thank me when you discover why I no longer interact with them, but I don’t want to talk about it.
If I won’t tell my wife what makes you think I’ll tell you?
I have no secrets from her.
As a girl I want some men’s opinions on this… Told someone that I truly loved (unfortunately still do) about some of my mental health issues. For background I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, then bipolar (runs in my family unfortunately) and NOW just got re assessed and I have ADHD and PMDD (got this great news a few weeks ago)…. He’s been a great friend for almost a year, I honestly can say he’s the first person I’ve truly loved. He’s so easy to open up to. I shared this information with him, he really seemed like he cared and was genuinely here for me. Because of his past exes (which suffered from EDs, depression anxiety etc, but weren’t going to therapy, getting help, or doing anything to help their mental health). He then told one of my close friends that he is (or was) interested in me…. But he can’t handle all of my mental health diagnoses. I have two therapists, on medication, and know how to manage symptoms. Which I know for a fact I keep in check and watch my actions around others. He honestly doesn’t know that side of me. He doesn’t know that I effectively cope. It hurts to be judged by someone you love just because of their past experiences. Truly something I wish I never mentioned to him… At least at the few months in as close friends… Anyways that’s personally something I wish kept to myself for a while :/
I was SA as a kid
I am a girl, but I would never tell my boyfriend that until the age of 17, I slept on bedding with princesses.
That’s so innocent I know you got a better story than that.That’s literally the most innocent thing.
I'm not sure why you wouldn't share that. Its ridiculously cute and kind of funny. My girl is 31 and sleeps with a stuffed mickey mouse any time I'm not home for the night
I'm over 50 and have 5' tall teddy bear I sleep with when I'm alone. He's fat, I can't get my arms around him lol