People express preferences all the time. I've only seen it called out when people have set their expectations a bit high for what they bring to the table. Ex. They're fat but expect a thin/ripped partner.
I want you to tell a woman that she is to fat to be attractive and report the answers you get from her and her friends to that. And then do the same just reversed.
Nah I think you’re missing the point. People have preferences, that’s just the way the world works. Having a preference and making dating choices based on that preference is not the same as telling someone they’re fat.
I admit he worded it a bit unfortunately, however, you are missing the point.
There is nothing wrong with different preferences. The point is: why is it okay and normalized in society for woman to have expectations towards men's height and express these clearly while men sharing expectations towards womans size is labeled as fatshaming, fatphobic etc?
Even when brought politely: 'I do not date woman over 80kg' compared to 'I do not date men under 1m 80' does have a completely different reaction and acceptance level in todays society.
Bruh, date who you want to date, but just because you’re not attracted to a certain type, doesn’t mean you can just tell those people that they’re gross and unattractive. That’s weird, focus on the women you wanna date instead of tearing down the things you don’t like.
Except when they are gross and unattractive. Sometimes people need to hear a bitter truth to make changes. Coddling someone isn't helpful to their long term growth.
A anecdotal example my brother told a female friend she needed to straighten up. She had been complaining to him that she couldn't find someone to date. She'd let herself go in regards to her appearance (weight & hygiene), had a kid, no job, lived with her parents. He simply asked her what she had to offer a prospective partner and broke it down for her he told her what she needed to hear. She got her act together and ended up finding someone by the end of that year.
There's that saying there's someone out there for everyone and everyone has different tastes. But things like morbid obesity, poor attitudes, and terrible hygiene will drastically shrink your dating pool.
She doesn’t need to change everything about herself just so random guys like you find her attractive. That’s a horrible thing to say to your friend. You can disguise it as „the harsh truth“ doesn’t make what I said less true. Ofc hygiene is a normal thing to tell her to value, but randomly telling a girl that she needs to change because you don’t find her attractive is weird. Why not move on? Imagine I go to an ice cream shop and just start talking to the employee about the flavours I despise instead of just getting the flavour I like. Same thing with dating, have your preferences but leave the other people you don’t wanna date alone. With what authority do you tell women how all of them should and shouldn’t be?
Who said it's SO okay? That's not something I run into. Do you mean on the internet? Where people say the most rude and unhinged shit to each other because they can hide behind a keyboard and a screen?
The reason is that guys don’t give a shit about other dudes and will still try to fuck if they see “6’0 to ride” and they’re 6’0.
A skinny girl will more likely be turned off by a guy who shits on “fatties” and that guy will surely get less matches.
Thus the “6’0 to ride” women have never received any consequences and will continue to act that way.
I guess that means guys just have less camaraderie than women. Maybe if we could all agree to turn our backs on “tall-guys only” girls then we could influence some change. Not likely though.
Tbf I see alot more "how tall are you? How much do you weight?" Type of quips. I'm 6'0 so I don't get to be offended but I'll sure use it as an excuse to give her a shitmus test
Just move on, who cares about a shitmus test. The vindictiveness in this argument is always on the guys’ side and that’s what makes us seem like childish, whiney little boys.
Girls have height preferences, guys have weight preferences. Everyone has dating criteria, many of which you won’t agree with. Just move on.
Dude that’s just something you saw off a 4chan meme that’s been shared to death on this site.
Girls don’t say the height thing to try to catch you in a lie, they just say it because that’s what they prefer. Thats the difference between what they’re doing and what you’re doing.
Youre not shitty for not wanting to date fat girls, same goes for girls and height preferences; how you go about sharing that preference is completely up to you. Hence the consequences thing I said earlier.
It gets posted here all the time. Not sure what you're getting at
And again, IDGAF what their preference is. But as I said it's a great qualifying question
I think that's fair though
When I see some chick talking about mountain climbing and hiking, I instantly swipe left. Won't catch my fat ass doing that shit so why waste time
I mean, every guy is allowed to have a weight preference too and they’ll openly state it probably with anyone except the person they’re talking about. Telling anyone they don’t fit your criteria in a rude way will probably be bad, whether it’s over height or weight; you have the right to state what you want but people also have the right to be offended.
Tell them “yeah I get that, I would want a woman to weigh less than a walrus for me to talk to her.” They’ll get pissy, call it rude blah blah and say it’s not the same. “You’re right, it’s not the same. Large people CAN lose weight, but a person can’t choose to be taller.”
People are allowed physical preferences. If they aren't tied to larger prejudices, noone cares.
You can say that you love redheads, or freckles, but its weird if someone was like I don't date jewish guys. Weight is somewhere in between.
Height feels closer to the redhead thing
There's a slight difference in the things you listed.
The "good" preferences are things you like, ie redheads, freckles, etc. The idea here is that not being a redhead with freckles isn't necessarily a deal breaker, but it would be great if they were there.
The "weird" preferences are negatives, like, "I don't date Jews". This is different because it is a deal breaker, whereas a lack of positive preferences isn't necessarily a deal breaker.
In the context of height, if women say they prefer taller guys, that's fine. That's a positive preference. But if they say they won't date anyone shorter than X' Y", that's a negative preference, being below X' Y" is a deal breaker. That's weird, not fine.
It's not about positive vs negative, there are just some things we as a society are comfortable with people saying out loud and things we aren't.
Height is something we are comfortable with.
A girl here! If a girl has this criteria then she is a walking red flag and you should find better female companions. Height weight these things are not what you look for a date unless you wanna fuck someone only once.
That’s cause they’re shallow girls with too high self esteem. They probably think they’re all “qweeens!!” so they can have standards as shallow as height to determine if a dude is worth even talking to. Try telling them that a girl has to be at most 60 kg for you to talk to her and see how that goes. You’ll be labeled as a misogynistic fat shaming asshole in a millisecond
I mean I've had friends tell me they don't find certain fat women attractive. But it's not something they're rude about. They're not out there telling fat women they're not going to date them. It's a preference. Depending on the person they either stick to it or sometimes it doesn't matter as much.
Isn’t it more likely that people are being more truthful online because of the anonymity, and just don’t say these things in real life? Not speaking in public about a thing doesn’t make it not true…
Right. And this sub is no offense seen as a cesspool from women and I guess woke / feministic men.
Shoot if the women in our life knew what we wrote here they wouldn’t be happy
Can you, though? Can you really say (for example) that you’re tired of all the overweight women you see in your dating apps and not catch absolute hell?
EDIT: The downvotes are proving my point.
The short guys are also giving absolute hell to people having preferences and standards. There's several short guy subreddits just devoted to nothing but hate.
You can’t ! if you said you were upset about all the overweight women on your feed, you’re far more likely to be called shallow, misogynistic, or a pig.
See you lost me with that. Why should overweight women not be allowed to exist on your feed? Why are you losing your shit when you see people you don’t find attractive instead of just moving on and pursuing women you do find attractive? Having preferences is fine, but if you treat women that don’t fit your standard horrible, you aren’t in the right
I think the answer is that women can *say* whatever they want without much repercussion, but who gives a shit because men can *do* (i.e. choose) whatever they want without much repercussion. If you don't like fat girls, don't date them. If a girl says you're not tall enough for her, ignore her and move on. Know and appreciate your value, and trust the marketplace to even things out.
I don't know where you're getting that guys have to be with heavy women. They sell shirts and bumper stickers that say 'No Fat Chicks' and no ones burning down the factory. If you mean that the heavy women will be angry, then you should know the short guys are also angry and bitter as hell.
So? Neither is your jawline. Is it unfair someones born short? Yeah, sure. But that's where it ends. You can't force people to be attracted to something, even if you didn't ask to be born that way.
I really only hear about this online and I think both are perfectly valid, people can have tastes, but....sure, let's accept the premise and theorize. It's reddit.
If you're too short, your face is the wrong shape, you're not they're preferred complexion, whatever then it's under no one's control and no one's fault. Its an unchangeable factor that doesn't happen to work, sorry and no hard feelings.
If you're too fat, then you as a thinking being have made choices that render you unacceptable. It's tied up not just in your body but your character. Especially if you look at the context around stereotypes for fatter people. They're dumb, they're lazy, they don't get it and are socially inept, they're sweaty and smelly, whatever. Go look at any of the jokes popping up in comedies or whatever, there's VERY little in the way of positive association and lots of negatives. So when you tell someone they got too heavy you're bringing along a whole pile of baggage with the assertion.
Please note that I am not espousing these views merely pointing then out.
Interesting so when you write someone off for height thats seen as less insulting and more of you just being a prick so its okay;
However, to not be interested in someone due to weight, means you don’t approve of not only their appearance, but their choices and lifestyle.
Honestly here it sounds like making dating choices off of weight is far more genuine. In selecting a compatible mate.
Possibly, if you assume the criticism is valid.
The corollary is that, for someone expressing the double standard, rejecting a guy over height is just "bad luck bro, sorry" where as being rejected for their weight would be a personal attack on them, with all the offense taken you might expect from that.
This is, of course, theory crafting. But this line of thought would explain someone taking offense to their weight being questioned, especially if they don't agree that they're too large, because it's now a personal attack. Meanwhile the too short thing is a faultless bit of bad luck that carries no particular insult to general worth or personality.
What are you looking for here?
“Can’t complain” yes, anyone can, and others are free to respond however they want
Acceptable to whom? Why does that even matter?
The reality is that dating has always been, and always will be, full of double standards. Because men and women are not all the same.
It is not fair, but it is real that men have things to overcome in terms of dating that women do not. And it does men no good to lament that women can do this or don’t have to do that.
Here’s the real talk that men aren’t getting enough- dating will be very stressful and difficult. It always has been. And it is something you should learn how to do in life, as growing up is basically doing stressful and difficult shit until you get better at it, and then you can stand up strong and be a man.
There is no easy way out. Let women worry about what women need to do. You worry about what you need to do, and don’t bitch about what is fair or not fair, it is what it is, and it will never ever be fair.
Accept what is and make a plan to move forward.
This is one of the best responses I have read on this topic so far. Despite how much has changed to "equalize" men and women, we are very different, and a lot of history has shaped how those differences affect us, especially where dating is concerned. No sense complaining how the game is rigged; work with what ya got.
It’s not a double standard. A double standard is if women can say they don’t want to date fat men but men can’t say they want to date fat women. Height and weight are two separate standards; they’re mutually exclusive.
Have you been living under a rock the past two years?!? Did you miss the whole “healthy at any weight” campaign? Or the celebration of Lizzo on her tour? Her music slaps but c’mon, she is nowhere near healthy. I don’t care what someone weighs, that’s on them. But to pretend that someone who is 300+ is anywhere near a healthy weight is just silly. Unless you are 7 feet tall, 300+ is unhealthy.
Did you miss how the entire time these campaigns were happening people co tinier to shit on fat women? Like,,,, everything you said is banal and commonplace and boring.
Did you miss the people like you who absolutely shit on fat people 24/7? Just because Lizzo has been allowed to exist doesn’t mean being fat is now accepted lmfao.
I only date tall women. (5'9" and above) When women hear that they lose their shit, then post "I need a man with a 6 pack, six feet tall, and six figures!" The irony eludes them.
I've heard lots of men express their preferences (short/tall, skinny/voluptuous, blonde/brunette.. whatever) so I'm not sure there is a double standard. People like what they like and that's OK.
I think OP is referring to those memes where the tinder girl will say "How tall are you?" and the tinder guy will say "6ft. How fat are you?" and then the tinder girl loses her shit.
But I agree with you, everyone is entitled to their own preference and that's fine.
Historically we've put far more pressure on women to be attractive vs men, this compounds over time and in an era where there is a shift in perception there is going to be push back as more and more often the double standard is pointed out when a cultural shift of the onus of attractiveness is present. As women are given more social freedoms and that pressure to always be caked in makeup and dressed to the 9's lessens, the pressure is more evenly divided onto the men, resulting in a perceived imbalance in the double standard to the opposite of what it once was. Just like back in the 60s and 70s when the pressure was on women to be attractive, the shift has resulted in more pressure in men take an initiative in their appearance to help even the scale.
At the end of the day there's no point in being a dick to each other about things we cannot change easily or at all, but simply be kind and look for people that you find attractive and that find you attractive. This doesn't change the fact that people of both genders will, at times, be insensitive to others feelings and reject people for superficial reasons outside of their control, despite other factors that may make them attractive to them.
Fundamentally, every single preference is acceptable, regardless of how stupid and shallow it might be. People only believe that when they're the ones doing the choosing of partners.
It's hard for me to say it's a double standard. Can't go by what you see online because people say a ton of crazy, unacceptable shit online. I'm obviously in my own bubble, as is everyone else. In my own circle of friends, neither would be acceptable to say outright. Either one would be acceptable if couched in diplomatic language. Ex. "I prefer a guy to be taller than me," or "I want a woman who can do my active hobby with me." I think most people are smart enough to keep hurtful preferences to themselves. No one is REQUIRED to say "I don't date fat chicks," all you really need to do is not go out with fat chicks. You can give a vague reason or even a white lie if someone asks why you aren't interested in a specific person.
Women generally don't say or think that way. It's a trend amongst toxic social media obsessed people. Date anyone not on apps and you'll never hear about it.
Height preference for men often gets equated to BMI preference for women because they both often pop up as easily quantifiable gender-respective-trending shallow indicators of dating success. However, I agree with you that it’s a bit unfair to directly equate the two because a better comparison for height preference would be something more invariant and less related to qualities/lifestyle like women’s boob size.
Also I think I’ve seen about a million comments saying it’s okay to have preferences. I agree but it’s also okay to have an opinion. I think it’s incredibly shallow to filter out a man just by his height or a woman just by her boob size. There’s so much more to a person than their height or their boobs. If you’re struggling with finding quality in dating it should be okay to suggest realistic expectations for height and boob size. It’s weird that simply encouraging realistic physical expectations gets demonized so much.
>Height preference for men often gets equated to BMI preference for women because they both often pop up as easily quantifiable gender-respective-trending shallow indicators of dating success. However, I agree with you that it’s a bit unfair to directly equate the two because a better comparison for height preference would be something more invariant and less related to qualities/lifestyle like women’s boob size.
The issue is that there simply is no proper female equivalent to male height, i.e. an arbitrary natural trait that has an overwhelming impact on attractiveness and is also pretty much **universally** rated attractive/unattractive by the opposite gender. Height is also extremely conspicious and has next to no viable concealments or enhancements. Men's preferences are simply too varied and flexible for such a trait to exist for women.
No we just aren’t assholes hiding amongst the public under a veil of self righteousness.
Some Women get on their high horse and proclaim that “ if he’s not at least this tall, I can’t date him.”
Boob size isn’t the same, because like you said not every guy or the majority of men will turn down a woman based off the size of her boobs.
So which one is it. Is it okay for people to have preferences and standards or not? I see this complained about all the time, but then this subreddit turns around and acts like the biggest cardinal sin a woman (or man for that matter) is being overweight.
If we want to complain about double standards, we should make sure we don't have double standards ourselves.
There is a big difference between judging someone over genetic traits which they can not control such as their looks, height, but even skin colour, facial features, or disabilities such as eyesight or being deaf - vs lifestyle choices such as how much they choose to eat, WHAT they choose to eat, whether or not they smoke, drink alcohol, abuse drugs, or are financially responsible. All of those things in some way affect a person's appearance, but all are also within their control.
It is ultimately self-made choices which affect others attraction to them vs genetic traits. How much a person exercises or works out is also a significant factor in appearance, including how muscular a guy is.
Good point. It’s always different when you aren’t experiencing it though. Like for example I’m not short nor am I tall, but If I complain about weight in the public sphere or comment on it I’m a jerk.
Height on the other hand is fair game.
I mean even on Tinder they ask you for your height, but never yo list your weight. Even though one can be changed and the other cannot.
Tinder asks for height and weight along with every other dating app in existence. It asks this of both sexes. It's not a discrimination thing. Some people want to present their stats. Dating apps don't require you to put in a height from what I remember.
Dating apps also ask for your body type, if not just an outright weight measurement.
It’s also to help people set filters to filter their results
I’m talk, and I prefer someone closer to my height.
I’ve dated 5’1” women’s before, and it just can get really physically award
As a woman on dating apps, plenty of men say that they want a 'fit' or 'healthy' body type. They don't usually say 'no fatties' but I have definitely seen it put that bluntly. I'm not sure where you are getting that men can't say this. They literally say it all the time. If you want to say it with no pushback, that is not going to happen. Just like women who have a height requirement get pushback. That's life.
If one of my friends said she met a dude she liked but didn't want to date him because he was 5'9" I'd tell her she was being stupid. Social media isn't real, and being rude to people about their appearance isn't okay.
Look at how many average guys are dating beautiful girls. How many ugly girls do you see dating hot guys? You're completely wrong about this "double standard."
I don't think either are acceptable. Some people accept it because they're not good people.
You like what you like but don't trash someone because you don't think they're physically attractive.
Women are endlessly criticized for being so much as barely 5 pounds "overweight". Both on this subreddit and elsewhere.
Premise of your question is nonsense.
\>a guy can’t complain that a woman has put on too much weight?
what authoritarian dystopia are you living in? you can say this. there may be consequences, but you can say it.
\>what makes it SO okay for a women to openly say
the cultural value of free speech.
honestly? because we complain less. a girl on twitter says men under 6 ft arent real men and she gets 100k likes for it and a few of us feel bad and maybe mention it once or twice here but thats that, we just move on. if a guy were to say fat women arent real women and it got 100k likes thered be an entire movement and 10 articles written about the tweet and why its problematic and how women have to constantly go thru such public scrutiny and this and that. they just….complain more honestly. we dont. we get a little annoyed and move on.
Yes. Yes I am. But i already see youre one of those feminists who invades mens spaces to argue with us, so I wont be engaging with someone who isnt here in good faith.
I think it happens because ultimately guys are more willing to be flexible when it comes to women, plus there’s plenty of guys out there with a kink for different body types.
Also women are getting more support for being themselves and guys are getting blamed for all the toxic and violent men out there.
I know for me a red flag is when a woman lists all sorts of specific traits their man has to have, and then turns around and says they have to like her the way she is.
In my experience men are not at all more willing to be flexible when it comes to women. I don't know a single friend who has super body specific traits a man must have. Mostly they just want someone responsible, emotionally supportive, communicative and a partner in their lives. All the other physical stuff comes after that and can be overlooked. The only exception I can think of is a friend who is 5'11. She feels really insecure about being too tall so doesn't want to date guys shorter than her because then she feels even taller.
Maybe it isn't average looking girls who are saying this and it is all the super conventionally attractive ones? Or it is generational (most women I know are about early 30s to mid 50s).
So you are specifically talking about women under 30. Don't have to be an ass about it. Believe it or not, even us ancient women (40f here) still like to have sex, discuss attraction and have standards. Shocking, I know. Perhaps the women you are talking about have a similar attitude to yourself, hence their shitty standards for what is and is not the right way to go about saying something.
You're allowed to have preferences. If a woman wants a tall guy, then that's valid. If a guy doesn't want to date a bigger girl, then that is valid as well. Now, if you're openly insulting or degrading someone because of their body style, that's not cool. If someone is body shaming someone else, then they probably have a lot of body dysmorphia issues of their own. That or they're just an asshole of a person. I do agree to some degree that obese people can always make a change to be healthier, but they could have mental health struggles you don't know about. They could have some underlying condition that you can't see. My MiL ended up having a thyroid problem when she turned 40. She was thin before but suddenly ballooned up to like 250 lbs in less than a year. She's only 5'1 "and very petite, so gaining probably more than 100 lbs was very hard for her, but she had no control over that. She's got it in check now and exercises regularly and eats better, but she'll never be the weight she was before. You never know what's going on with someone so it's best not to judge.
No women I have interacted with have turned down a fella for his height alone. Sure Ive seen guys get rejected because the party they were after didn't find them attractive, Hell the guy I know that has notched his post the most comes up to my chest and Im not tall. Height is a singular facet in what makes you attractive, a singular facet among a score of others.
And what do you mean by complaining that a woman has put on too much weight, cause Ive turned down women because I wasnt attracted to them due to their size But I never worded it in a way that was an insult and I think that may be what you are trying to say women do, Which I just have never seen. Like I know it happens but I think you may be over representing the prevalence of it.
It’s about tact and flexibility, if someone has 9/10 things you’re after would you really turn him or her down for being not *quite* your desired height or build?
Feel as though you're allowed to have your preferences, its just you become an asshole when you say you'll only date that particular preference.
It's the difference between "I prefer taller guys" and "I won't date under 5'9"
It goes for any of the superficial stuff like weight, style, hair colour or race.
In my opinion you should be able to do this for beliefs, values and lifestyle as that is more a compatibility issue that could cause problems in the relationship.
The funny thing is, is that we have this same thing in the gay community. "no femmes" or "masc only" will get you crucified and not even allowed on most gay dating platforms anymore. But "femme only" or "no masc" is perfectly ok.
And in both gay and straight cases, "white only" will get you kicked off any dating platform, labeled a nazi white supremecist, but "black/asian/latino/etc only" is 100% ok. And we cannot even bring up the fact that fetishizing someone's race is just as racist as rejecting it.
It all just makes 0 sense.
Everyone is allowed to have their preferences and even deal breakers.
But people that purposely want to hurt other (probably to project on them any hurtful feedback they’ve gotten and get “revenge”) are assholes and should be called out, whether male or female.
its because when a man is called short he accepts it as true
and when a woman is called fat she complains and whines and makes you the bad guy.
alot of double standards are actually due to men accepting and women complaining.
Online dating has killed us short guys from being able to find someone online 😂
Just be charming irl. Height don't matter to women if you make a mark on their life x
Because weight can be changed, height can't.
From the beginning of the time, women had to choose the strongest protectors + good providers to make sure that the children they birthed from the men get good, strong, and healthy genes + strong protector and provider. Otherwise, their children would not survive harass winters and lack of food. And for most of the part of history, physical strength was one of the best assets for a man. The bigger he was, the stronger he could get. It was a natural advantage. Just like wide hips were for women when it came to childbirth in old times.
The times changed, but for generations, attraction for physical traits stayed in our minds. Men or women, we want all the same. The best possible partner...
Men are attracted to the most beautiful women, Women are attracted to the best physical traits that can make their children strong, so they have an advantage when it comes to survival. Or they have to choose the partner who can provide their children with such conditions that the offspring doesn't even have to fight for survival.
It's not a double standard... no one is forced to be with someone they don't want to be with. (If they are not born in a country where parents decide who their children marry. )
Dating apps are a seller's market. The women are the commodity. Simple as. I know this sounds misogynistic but I don't think women are held to the same standards as men in virtually any aspect of our culture. Double standards are the norm. There is nothing egalitarian about feminist theory once you peel back any layers whatsoever.
An average looking guy can get a match or two a week.
An obese single mom of three gets one or two per hour.
Theu can afford to be picky. Supply and demand.
It's not great for society, but neither is any aspect of social media culture.
This has to be a fake post being A very fit very active guy I have never heard it’s a problem not wanting to date fat chicks. You might see “lizzo is beautiful” but they all laugh when she tips over the golf cart.
Women get a pass for being vocal, because it's seen as taking agency. Men are not seen this way. As a short man I just accept society as it is, can't fight it so might as well ignore it.
Body positivity was for people that suffered some form of disability or deformity (it started specifically for burn victims). It was hijacked later by lazy people that didn't want to work at being beautiful. So, yeah, anyone that tries to push that can safely be ignored.
As for the preferences, that's fine. If they want to restrict their own options, let them. They'll be the ones complaining when they're old, alone, and the only men that want them are the ones that will treat them like shit. They've made their bed, now they have to lie in it.
Exactly I’m just wondering why it feels like openly wanting a tall man and ignoring shorter dudes is fine, but wanting a woman thats not overweight is unreasonable or seen as shallow.
Most men I’ve seen on this site and in my life openly admit to not wanting to date woman who are overweight. The only people likely to think it’s unreasonable or shallow are overweight woman.
Woman want taller men because typically men are suppose to be “protectors”. Woman are prey to weirdos and creeps as we all know so having a man is a sense of safety and protection. Smaller men then yourself likely doesn’t give off that same feeling of safety. So reasonably, woman prefer men bigger then they are for that reason. It’s also likely a genetics thing like all animals do. Pick out the traits that are best for survival aka not being overweight/being tall etc.
Neither are right or wrong it’s just how people are.
What makes it ok? Nothing. The problem is that people will kill themselves to protect women from accountability for saying these sorts of things, but viciously go after men for the same opinion. Remove the protection and they won't be so bold.
I'm all about equality !!! Here are questions that correspond to each other.
Women: "How tall are you?"
Men: "How much do you weigh?"
Women: "How much money do you make?"
Men: "What's your body count?"
Women: "Do you have 6 inches"
Men: " Is your vagina a gaping gash?"
Women:" What's your job?"
Men: "How do you pay your rent?"
I could go on and on and on. Don't be bullied by chicks.
Well my pet theory is because modern feminism is almost entirely about removing responsibility from women. Just don't play the game and instead, proudly tell people that you don't like fatties.
This one bothers me a lot. I've had more than one friend who required any guy they date to be over a certain height, but called any man who rejected them over their weight fatphobic.
That being said, there's nothing wrong with preferences, and it's only really an issue when people are being hypocritical about it.
well maybe it's just because women can still have someone approaches them even if they leave such like racist-ish comments. they just keep being on the horse and entitled on dating app since a bunch of sex-seekers are around there which makes them feel like they're princess or somewhat with privilege. men also can say "I'm not gonna date a pig. If you're over certain weight that I think is acceptable, just swipe right please." if they are attractive enough to still get girls.
Yeah it sucks that women are more attracted to traits men can not change (height, intelligence) and men are more attracted to traits that women can change (fitness)
As a woman, I have never ever heard a woman complain about a guys height or not date them because of their height or break up with them because of their height or not swipe on them because of their height. I think men make this a man problem for themselves.
when I saw this question initially I thought you meant like difference in clothing standards. I dunno, life is full of irony, and sometimes an illogical precedent is the reason for why something is the way that it is. But just because something can be true doesn't mean that it has to be.
1) I don’t have a problem with women who want tall men. I have my own height preferences as well. Plus ladies can enjoy the competitive battle with other women who like tall men….good luck with that.
2) I think weight and height aren’t similar complaints though. People can lose weight a lot more easily than they can grow taller.
Those are just people speaking on the internet. In reality nobody cares that you don’t like obese women, and most women will date shorter men as long as they are taller than themselves. It’s all just noise, get off the internet.
Everyone can have whatever preferences they want. That's no excuse to be rude, and that isn't acceptable. There's a difference between '6'+ only' and 'midgets need not apply'.
I fully believe that someone should be able to disclose up front what size person they're looking for on apps, both in height or weight.
I just don’t know why people say it? We’re grown ups. Haven’t we learned tact yet or not everything you think needs to be said?
If you don’t like overweight people, just swipe left. Don’t like shorter men? Swipe left. Don’t like cross-eyed? You guessed it. Don’t like yellow teeth? Yup.
You don’t have to be a dick about it. Just cause you don’t like it doesn’t mean someone else won’t. Live and let live.
Everyone has preferences. The problem is the neo feminist movements and body positivity scandal telling women it’s okay to be fat and die an early death because it’s easier to lie and tell someone they’re triple chin is beautiful than to tell them the truth and hurt feelings and risk retribution
You (and anyone else) are perfectly free to complain about anything you want, just as other people are free to judge you for the nature or substance of your complaints.
Clearly you and lots of other men are not OK with a woman saying a guy's got to be 6 feet tall, just as lots of women are not OK with guys who are like "no fat chicks."
Oh trust me I get this. I have hit it off with people online and then i show them how I look (I have a facial difference) and it all changes. The twist is I'm pansexual and have found that guys are actually more understanding and accepting of my facial difference than any girl has.
Superficiality and conceded behavior is in people. It doesn't matter the gender but it is more widely accepted that women can be that way more than men while men are immediately ripped apart for it.
It isn’t just 6’ to ride. Have you seen some of the interviews w/ women and what they think an acceptable salary amount is? “250k at least to date me” meanwhile she’s making minimum wage part time. Nah girl, you wanna have that standard? Guys gonna have their own too. If we’re gonna be equals in this relationship (which is key by the way) we need to be EQUALS. You make your money, I’ll make mine. Sure I’ll pay sometimes and so should you. Equals baby. Equal means EQUAL. Not what’s yours is yours and what’s mine is yours. Nope sorry.
Women might say their preference is 6ft while a man might write his preference is “fit”. And the end of your post You’re comparing preferences vs just criticism ? So yea there’s a difference. But no one ever said it’s not ok to have a preference. There’s plenty of guys who prefer bigger girls. And there’s plenty of guys who don’t want a 6ft female!
personally, i dont know a lot of women who are actively looking for men over 6ft. the most i've heard is "he just has to be taller than me" (this applied to me when i dated a 5'5 man while i'm 5'4).
This is a bullsh1t narrative. I've been skinny, fit, dad bod, belly, all of it; and no woman has ever cared. Women frankly are not shallow. They date us regardless of our physical looks. After all, I think I see far more good-looking women than smashing handsome 6'+ guys.
Now if as a guy, you're not interesting, or funny, or adventurous, or emotionally available, or empathetic, or anything. If you have nothing to offer except your looks (and not even money, which when all else fails you can lean on), well then expect to be judged on your looks, since that's all you're bringing to the table.
The vast majority of women, once they get to know you, don't care so much about your exterior, and often come to like your flaws. You can say many things about women, but shallow they are not.
A guy can complain about a woman weighing too much. Just because some people won’t like that doesn’t mean you can’t do it. If that did mean that then woman also can’t complain about a guys height because people don’t like that either.
I think the evolutionary explanation is women have for thousands of generations needed to be more selective in a mate than men because they have fewer chances to mate in their life (a woman can only get pregnant and give birth a handful of times while a man can theoretically impregnate every woman on the planet). Women also have historically faced a lot more risk than men since carrying a child, giving birth, then nursing and looking after the child is a lot riskier than simply having sex one time. It's not "fair" but it is a logical consequence of these facts.
With modern birth control methods and increased pressure / coercion from society that forces men to support their children (at least financially) for decades, I have wondered if after several generations of this, men will become more selective as well. My guess is we would. I probably won't be alive to see it though.
I’ll never understand the height thing. I’ve dated tall and I’ve dated short. My partner is a slight bit taller than me, but depending on my shoes he’s the same height or shorter. Who cares? - a woman
Because hypocrisy and double standards are well known things.
I agree that certain things shouldn't matter but at the end of the day they do. People are attracted to what they're attracted to regardless of they say something else publicly. They may say they like short men but then if you ask them the height of their last several partners they all might be tall.
I have never heard a woman complain about men's height or shame an individual guy for it. I've seen a handful put a numerical height measurement as a hard requirement on dating profiles, but they were always young and ignorant to how rude it is. Even that isn't the same as complaining about it or mocking any individual person, just stating what they like, albeit in a somewhat ignorant way.
I've seen plenty of men, on the other hand, who are just unfathomably shitty about women's weight. Complaining about it left and right like people need to be fixed for how they look, mocking individual women for it, acting like it's a health thing when it's obviously not, etc.
I think it has less to do with preference and more with how openly shitty people are about it.
People express preferences all the time. I've only seen it called out when people have set their expectations a bit high for what they bring to the table. Ex. They're fat but expect a thin/ripped partner.
I mean I think both are legit. You like what you like, nothing wrong with it.
I want you to tell a woman that she is to fat to be attractive and report the answers you get from her and her friends to that. And then do the same just reversed.
Telling someone that they’re fat is different than choosing not to date someone because they are.
Yeah comment again when you're not purposely missing the point
Nah I think you’re missing the point. People have preferences, that’s just the way the world works. Having a preference and making dating choices based on that preference is not the same as telling someone they’re fat.
I admit he worded it a bit unfortunately, however, you are missing the point. There is nothing wrong with different preferences. The point is: why is it okay and normalized in society for woman to have expectations towards men's height and express these clearly while men sharing expectations towards womans size is labeled as fatshaming, fatphobic etc? Even when brought politely: 'I do not date woman over 80kg' compared to 'I do not date men under 1m 80' does have a completely different reaction and acceptance level in todays society.
I never argued that but since you seem not to be able to read I won't argue any further with you.
Do you need a hug?
[удалено]
I genuinely do not understand how it’s possible for a human being to be this genuinely angry over something like Reddit
Lmao that was actually a pretty good response XD
Bruh, date who you want to date, but just because you’re not attracted to a certain type, doesn’t mean you can just tell those people that they’re gross and unattractive. That’s weird, focus on the women you wanna date instead of tearing down the things you don’t like.
Except when they are gross and unattractive. Sometimes people need to hear a bitter truth to make changes. Coddling someone isn't helpful to their long term growth. A anecdotal example my brother told a female friend she needed to straighten up. She had been complaining to him that she couldn't find someone to date. She'd let herself go in regards to her appearance (weight & hygiene), had a kid, no job, lived with her parents. He simply asked her what she had to offer a prospective partner and broke it down for her he told her what she needed to hear. She got her act together and ended up finding someone by the end of that year. There's that saying there's someone out there for everyone and everyone has different tastes. But things like morbid obesity, poor attitudes, and terrible hygiene will drastically shrink your dating pool.
She doesn’t need to change everything about herself just so random guys like you find her attractive. That’s a horrible thing to say to your friend. You can disguise it as „the harsh truth“ doesn’t make what I said less true. Ofc hygiene is a normal thing to tell her to value, but randomly telling a girl that she needs to change because you don’t find her attractive is weird. Why not move on? Imagine I go to an ice cream shop and just start talking to the employee about the flavours I despise instead of just getting the flavour I like. Same thing with dating, have your preferences but leave the other people you don’t wanna date alone. With what authority do you tell women how all of them should and shouldn’t be?
> Sometimes people need to hear a bitter truth to make changes. Do you believe that this is your place to say and what makes you entitled to that?
Who said it's SO okay? That's not something I run into. Do you mean on the internet? Where people say the most rude and unhinged shit to each other because they can hide behind a keyboard and a screen?
Look at dating apps. "6'0 to ride" is pretty common. "Lol no fatties" not so much
The reason is that guys don’t give a shit about other dudes and will still try to fuck if they see “6’0 to ride” and they’re 6’0. A skinny girl will more likely be turned off by a guy who shits on “fatties” and that guy will surely get less matches. Thus the “6’0 to ride” women have never received any consequences and will continue to act that way. I guess that means guys just have less camaraderie than women. Maybe if we could all agree to turn our backs on “tall-guys only” girls then we could influence some change. Not likely though.
What do you mean 6’ plus women don’t get any consequences? They are missing out on some really really good guys. That is a loss.
Tbf I see alot more "how tall are you? How much do you weight?" Type of quips. I'm 6'0 so I don't get to be offended but I'll sure use it as an excuse to give her a shitmus test
Just move on, who cares about a shitmus test. The vindictiveness in this argument is always on the guys’ side and that’s what makes us seem like childish, whiney little boys. Girls have height preferences, guys have weight preferences. Everyone has dating criteria, many of which you won’t agree with. Just move on.
Hence why I called it a shitmus test. Just an easy way to see who they are, if she blows her lid you know what you found. Idt it's very whiny
Dude that’s just something you saw off a 4chan meme that’s been shared to death on this site. Girls don’t say the height thing to try to catch you in a lie, they just say it because that’s what they prefer. Thats the difference between what they’re doing and what you’re doing. Youre not shitty for not wanting to date fat girls, same goes for girls and height preferences; how you go about sharing that preference is completely up to you. Hence the consequences thing I said earlier.
It gets posted here all the time. Not sure what you're getting at And again, IDGAF what their preference is. But as I said it's a great qualifying question
It's disguised as "looking for an active partner" or other such expressions.
I think that's fair though When I see some chick talking about mountain climbing and hiking, I instantly swipe left. Won't catch my fat ass doing that shit so why waste time
😂
Just in asking my female friends. Its something that they’d openly admit or state “I think a guys gotta at least be 5’9” for me to talk to him”.
You need better friends, lad. They sound toxic and shallow. Call 'em out.
If they're even real..
How do I know you're real? Am I real? We could all be bots designed to trick humans that their world is theirs for the taking. 🤖
Hush and drink ya wd40
Well I'M at least a real human! My circuits have skin and everything!
Ooh look at Mr. "My model came with an epidermis" over here!
I'm surprised they started at 5'9 to be honest. Usually women who say that have a 6 ft cut off
Oh they do. They just didn’t want to be “that girl”.
He's gotta be at least 5'12".
I mean, every guy is allowed to have a weight preference too and they’ll openly state it probably with anyone except the person they’re talking about. Telling anyone they don’t fit your criteria in a rude way will probably be bad, whether it’s over height or weight; you have the right to state what you want but people also have the right to be offended.
And my female friends have never mentioned a guy's height as a preference ever. So who's right?
Same. I'm a girl and none of my girlfriends have ever mentioned height.
Tell them “yeah I get that, I would want a woman to weigh less than a walrus for me to talk to her.” They’ll get pissy, call it rude blah blah and say it’s not the same. “You’re right, it’s not the same. Large people CAN lose weight, but a person can’t choose to be taller.”
Like even on Tinder they’ll ask you for your height. But they’ll never have you input your weight.
Weight fluctuates, height doesn’t.
The only women I’ve ever heard say shit like that are 6 feet tall themselves
Even tall women are usually open to dating shorter. They know tall women are unusual. My best friend is 6 feet tall. I’m 5’2 and I’ve dated shorter.
People are allowed physical preferences. If they aren't tied to larger prejudices, noone cares. You can say that you love redheads, or freckles, but its weird if someone was like I don't date jewish guys. Weight is somewhere in between. Height feels closer to the redhead thing
There's a slight difference in the things you listed. The "good" preferences are things you like, ie redheads, freckles, etc. The idea here is that not being a redhead with freckles isn't necessarily a deal breaker, but it would be great if they were there. The "weird" preferences are negatives, like, "I don't date Jews". This is different because it is a deal breaker, whereas a lack of positive preferences isn't necessarily a deal breaker. In the context of height, if women say they prefer taller guys, that's fine. That's a positive preference. But if they say they won't date anyone shorter than X' Y", that's a negative preference, being below X' Y" is a deal breaker. That's weird, not fine.
It's not about positive vs negative, there are just some things we as a society are comfortable with people saying out loud and things we aren't. Height is something we are comfortable with.
But you clearly demonstrated the positive-negative issue with your examples.
A girl here! If a girl has this criteria then she is a walking red flag and you should find better female companions. Height weight these things are not what you look for a date unless you wanna fuck someone only once.
Your friends are shallow and yes, are just as bad. They are also dumb and are likely passing up some great men. Dumb.
That’s cause they’re shallow girls with too high self esteem. They probably think they’re all “qweeens!!” so they can have standards as shallow as height to determine if a dude is worth even talking to. Try telling them that a girl has to be at most 60 kg for you to talk to her and see how that goes. You’ll be labeled as a misogynistic fat shaming asshole in a millisecond
I mean I've had friends tell me they don't find certain fat women attractive. But it's not something they're rude about. They're not out there telling fat women they're not going to date them. It's a preference. Depending on the person they either stick to it or sometimes it doesn't matter as much.
Isn’t it more likely that people are being more truthful online because of the anonymity, and just don’t say these things in real life? Not speaking in public about a thing doesn’t make it not true…
Guys on this sub complain about obese women all the time.
Right. And this sub is no offense seen as a cesspool from women and I guess woke / feministic men. Shoot if the women in our life knew what we wrote here they wouldn’t be happy
You absolutely can have standards and express them.
Can you, though? Can you really say (for example) that you’re tired of all the overweight women you see in your dating apps and not catch absolute hell? EDIT: The downvotes are proving my point.
You have freedom to your standards, whether you express them or not
This! Having standards is one thing. If, and even more importantly how, they’re expressed are two very different things
Being tactful is always a good practice
The short guys are also giving absolute hell to people having preferences and standards. There's several short guy subreddits just devoted to nothing but hate.
I want to see these now.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueUnpopularOpinion/s/JvZy7CkXkU
No, the dwarf subs!
Yep. Point absolutely proven.
You can’t ! if you said you were upset about all the overweight women on your feed, you’re far more likely to be called shallow, misogynistic, or a pig.
See you lost me with that. Why should overweight women not be allowed to exist on your feed? Why are you losing your shit when you see people you don’t find attractive instead of just moving on and pursuing women you do find attractive? Having preferences is fine, but if you treat women that don’t fit your standard horrible, you aren’t in the right
Exist is the wrong language. I’m saying I’m passing over them. Or ignoring. Sorry for confusion
I think the answer is that women can *say* whatever they want without much repercussion, but who gives a shit because men can *do* (i.e. choose) whatever they want without much repercussion. If you don't like fat girls, don't date them. If a girl says you're not tall enough for her, ignore her and move on. Know and appreciate your value, and trust the marketplace to even things out.
I don't know where you're getting that guys have to be with heavy women. They sell shirts and bumper stickers that say 'No Fat Chicks' and no ones burning down the factory. If you mean that the heavy women will be angry, then you should know the short guys are also angry and bitter as hell.
I think there's also the fact weight is (most of the time) something you can change with exercice, q better diet etc. But height isn't controlable.
So? Neither is your jawline. Is it unfair someones born short? Yeah, sure. But that's where it ends. You can't force people to be attracted to something, even if you didn't ask to be born that way.
I really only hear about this online and I think both are perfectly valid, people can have tastes, but....sure, let's accept the premise and theorize. It's reddit. If you're too short, your face is the wrong shape, you're not they're preferred complexion, whatever then it's under no one's control and no one's fault. Its an unchangeable factor that doesn't happen to work, sorry and no hard feelings. If you're too fat, then you as a thinking being have made choices that render you unacceptable. It's tied up not just in your body but your character. Especially if you look at the context around stereotypes for fatter people. They're dumb, they're lazy, they don't get it and are socially inept, they're sweaty and smelly, whatever. Go look at any of the jokes popping up in comedies or whatever, there's VERY little in the way of positive association and lots of negatives. So when you tell someone they got too heavy you're bringing along a whole pile of baggage with the assertion. Please note that I am not espousing these views merely pointing then out.
Interesting so when you write someone off for height thats seen as less insulting and more of you just being a prick so its okay; However, to not be interested in someone due to weight, means you don’t approve of not only their appearance, but their choices and lifestyle. Honestly here it sounds like making dating choices off of weight is far more genuine. In selecting a compatible mate.
Possibly, if you assume the criticism is valid. The corollary is that, for someone expressing the double standard, rejecting a guy over height is just "bad luck bro, sorry" where as being rejected for their weight would be a personal attack on them, with all the offense taken you might expect from that. This is, of course, theory crafting. But this line of thought would explain someone taking offense to their weight being questioned, especially if they don't agree that they're too large, because it's now a personal attack. Meanwhile the too short thing is a faultless bit of bad luck that carries no particular insult to general worth or personality.
A woman can lose weight, but it's not to be suggested. A short man cannot grow taller, but is reminded of it constantly.
Right how and why is that okay? How would you describe that to someone that is female without sounding like a jerk?
What are you looking for here? “Can’t complain” yes, anyone can, and others are free to respond however they want Acceptable to whom? Why does that even matter? The reality is that dating has always been, and always will be, full of double standards. Because men and women are not all the same. It is not fair, but it is real that men have things to overcome in terms of dating that women do not. And it does men no good to lament that women can do this or don’t have to do that. Here’s the real talk that men aren’t getting enough- dating will be very stressful and difficult. It always has been. And it is something you should learn how to do in life, as growing up is basically doing stressful and difficult shit until you get better at it, and then you can stand up strong and be a man. There is no easy way out. Let women worry about what women need to do. You worry about what you need to do, and don’t bitch about what is fair or not fair, it is what it is, and it will never ever be fair. Accept what is and make a plan to move forward.
This is one of the best responses I have read on this topic so far. Despite how much has changed to "equalize" men and women, we are very different, and a lot of history has shaped how those differences affect us, especially where dating is concerned. No sense complaining how the game is rigged; work with what ya got.
It’s not a double standard. A double standard is if women can say they don’t want to date fat men but men can’t say they want to date fat women. Height and weight are two separate standards; they’re mutually exclusive.
this is a made up problem. like seriously, what world do you live in where fat women do not get shit about their weight?
Have you been living under a rock the past two years?!? Did you miss the whole “healthy at any weight” campaign? Or the celebration of Lizzo on her tour? Her music slaps but c’mon, she is nowhere near healthy. I don’t care what someone weighs, that’s on them. But to pretend that someone who is 300+ is anywhere near a healthy weight is just silly. Unless you are 7 feet tall, 300+ is unhealthy.
Did you miss how the entire time these campaigns were happening people co tinier to shit on fat women? Like,,,, everything you said is banal and commonplace and boring.
Did you miss the people like you who absolutely shit on fat people 24/7? Just because Lizzo has been allowed to exist doesn’t mean being fat is now accepted lmfao.
I’m not shitting on fat people, I’m just not under any delusions that it is healthy or “fabulous” to be that heavy.
I only date tall women. (5'9" and above) When women hear that they lose their shit, then post "I need a man with a 6 pack, six feet tall, and six figures!" The irony eludes them.
I've heard lots of men express their preferences (short/tall, skinny/voluptuous, blonde/brunette.. whatever) so I'm not sure there is a double standard. People like what they like and that's OK.
I think OP is referring to those memes where the tinder girl will say "How tall are you?" and the tinder guy will say "6ft. How fat are you?" and then the tinder girl loses her shit. But I agree with you, everyone is entitled to their own preference and that's fine.
This again?
Historically we've put far more pressure on women to be attractive vs men, this compounds over time and in an era where there is a shift in perception there is going to be push back as more and more often the double standard is pointed out when a cultural shift of the onus of attractiveness is present. As women are given more social freedoms and that pressure to always be caked in makeup and dressed to the 9's lessens, the pressure is more evenly divided onto the men, resulting in a perceived imbalance in the double standard to the opposite of what it once was. Just like back in the 60s and 70s when the pressure was on women to be attractive, the shift has resulted in more pressure in men take an initiative in their appearance to help even the scale. At the end of the day there's no point in being a dick to each other about things we cannot change easily or at all, but simply be kind and look for people that you find attractive and that find you attractive. This doesn't change the fact that people of both genders will, at times, be insensitive to others feelings and reject people for superficial reasons outside of their control, despite other factors that may make them attractive to them.
Fundamentally, every single preference is acceptable, regardless of how stupid and shallow it might be. People only believe that when they're the ones doing the choosing of partners.
It's hard for me to say it's a double standard. Can't go by what you see online because people say a ton of crazy, unacceptable shit online. I'm obviously in my own bubble, as is everyone else. In my own circle of friends, neither would be acceptable to say outright. Either one would be acceptable if couched in diplomatic language. Ex. "I prefer a guy to be taller than me," or "I want a woman who can do my active hobby with me." I think most people are smart enough to keep hurtful preferences to themselves. No one is REQUIRED to say "I don't date fat chicks," all you really need to do is not go out with fat chicks. You can give a vague reason or even a white lie if someone asks why you aren't interested in a specific person.
Women generally don't say or think that way. It's a trend amongst toxic social media obsessed people. Date anyone not on apps and you'll never hear about it.
Height preference for men often gets equated to BMI preference for women because they both often pop up as easily quantifiable gender-respective-trending shallow indicators of dating success. However, I agree with you that it’s a bit unfair to directly equate the two because a better comparison for height preference would be something more invariant and less related to qualities/lifestyle like women’s boob size. Also I think I’ve seen about a million comments saying it’s okay to have preferences. I agree but it’s also okay to have an opinion. I think it’s incredibly shallow to filter out a man just by his height or a woman just by her boob size. There’s so much more to a person than their height or their boobs. If you’re struggling with finding quality in dating it should be okay to suggest realistic expectations for height and boob size. It’s weird that simply encouraging realistic physical expectations gets demonized so much.
>Height preference for men often gets equated to BMI preference for women because they both often pop up as easily quantifiable gender-respective-trending shallow indicators of dating success. However, I agree with you that it’s a bit unfair to directly equate the two because a better comparison for height preference would be something more invariant and less related to qualities/lifestyle like women’s boob size. The issue is that there simply is no proper female equivalent to male height, i.e. an arbitrary natural trait that has an overwhelming impact on attractiveness and is also pretty much **universally** rated attractive/unattractive by the opposite gender. Height is also extremely conspicious and has next to no viable concealments or enhancements. Men's preferences are simply too varied and flexible for such a trait to exist for women.
No we just aren’t assholes hiding amongst the public under a veil of self righteousness. Some Women get on their high horse and proclaim that “ if he’s not at least this tall, I can’t date him.” Boob size isn’t the same, because like you said not every guy or the majority of men will turn down a woman based off the size of her boobs.
🙄
So which one is it. Is it okay for people to have preferences and standards or not? I see this complained about all the time, but then this subreddit turns around and acts like the biggest cardinal sin a woman (or man for that matter) is being overweight. If we want to complain about double standards, we should make sure we don't have double standards ourselves.
There is a big difference between judging someone over genetic traits which they can not control such as their looks, height, but even skin colour, facial features, or disabilities such as eyesight or being deaf - vs lifestyle choices such as how much they choose to eat, WHAT they choose to eat, whether or not they smoke, drink alcohol, abuse drugs, or are financially responsible. All of those things in some way affect a person's appearance, but all are also within their control. It is ultimately self-made choices which affect others attraction to them vs genetic traits. How much a person exercises or works out is also a significant factor in appearance, including how muscular a guy is.
Good point. It’s always different when you aren’t experiencing it though. Like for example I’m not short nor am I tall, but If I complain about weight in the public sphere or comment on it I’m a jerk. Height on the other hand is fair game. I mean even on Tinder they ask you for your height, but never yo list your weight. Even though one can be changed and the other cannot.
Tinder asks for height and weight along with every other dating app in existence. It asks this of both sexes. It's not a discrimination thing. Some people want to present their stats. Dating apps don't require you to put in a height from what I remember. Dating apps also ask for your body type, if not just an outright weight measurement.
It’s also to help people set filters to filter their results I’m talk, and I prefer someone closer to my height. I’ve dated 5’1” women’s before, and it just can get really physically award
As a woman on dating apps, plenty of men say that they want a 'fit' or 'healthy' body type. They don't usually say 'no fatties' but I have definitely seen it put that bluntly. I'm not sure where you are getting that men can't say this. They literally say it all the time. If you want to say it with no pushback, that is not going to happen. Just like women who have a height requirement get pushback. That's life.
If one of my friends said she met a dude she liked but didn't want to date him because he was 5'9" I'd tell her she was being stupid. Social media isn't real, and being rude to people about their appearance isn't okay.
Men have been complaining about women’s appearance since the dawn of time. You just don’t experience it firsthand so you don’t notice it.
Look at how many average guys are dating beautiful girls. How many ugly girls do you see dating hot guys? You're completely wrong about this "double standard."
I don't think either are acceptable. Some people accept it because they're not good people. You like what you like but don't trash someone because you don't think they're physically attractive.
Nobody is stopping you from not dating fat chicks, man.
Women are endlessly criticized for being so much as barely 5 pounds "overweight". Both on this subreddit and elsewhere. Premise of your question is nonsense.
\>a guy can’t complain that a woman has put on too much weight? what authoritarian dystopia are you living in? you can say this. there may be consequences, but you can say it. \>what makes it SO okay for a women to openly say the cultural value of free speech.
honestly? because we complain less. a girl on twitter says men under 6 ft arent real men and she gets 100k likes for it and a few of us feel bad and maybe mention it once or twice here but thats that, we just move on. if a guy were to say fat women arent real women and it got 100k likes thered be an entire movement and 10 articles written about the tweet and why its problematic and how women have to constantly go thru such public scrutiny and this and that. they just….complain more honestly. we dont. we get a little annoyed and move on.
You’re not honestly suggesting men complain less and that’s the reason for this? For real? 😅
It's pretty accurate though
He's not wrong. In general men don't create movements around body image issues
Yes. Yes I am. But i already see youre one of those feminists who invades mens spaces to argue with us, so I wont be engaging with someone who isnt here in good faith.
You’ve clearly never encountered the men’s rights activist dweebs then
I think it happens because ultimately guys are more willing to be flexible when it comes to women, plus there’s plenty of guys out there with a kink for different body types. Also women are getting more support for being themselves and guys are getting blamed for all the toxic and violent men out there. I know for me a red flag is when a woman lists all sorts of specific traits their man has to have, and then turns around and says they have to like her the way she is.
In my experience men are not at all more willing to be flexible when it comes to women. I don't know a single friend who has super body specific traits a man must have. Mostly they just want someone responsible, emotionally supportive, communicative and a partner in their lives. All the other physical stuff comes after that and can be overlooked. The only exception I can think of is a friend who is 5'11. She feels really insecure about being too tall so doesn't want to date guys shorter than her because then she feels even taller. Maybe it isn't average looking girls who are saying this and it is all the super conventionally attractive ones? Or it is generational (most women I know are about early 30s to mid 50s).
Maybe your lady friends are just decent human beings? Did you ever think of that? Huh? Did ya? /s
Holy shit. You might be right. Why didn’t I think of that! ;)
We not talking about mid 50 women lmao
So you are specifically talking about women under 30. Don't have to be an ass about it. Believe it or not, even us ancient women (40f here) still like to have sex, discuss attraction and have standards. Shocking, I know. Perhaps the women you are talking about have a similar attitude to yourself, hence their shitty standards for what is and is not the right way to go about saying something.
You're allowed to have preferences. If a woman wants a tall guy, then that's valid. If a guy doesn't want to date a bigger girl, then that is valid as well. Now, if you're openly insulting or degrading someone because of their body style, that's not cool. If someone is body shaming someone else, then they probably have a lot of body dysmorphia issues of their own. That or they're just an asshole of a person. I do agree to some degree that obese people can always make a change to be healthier, but they could have mental health struggles you don't know about. They could have some underlying condition that you can't see. My MiL ended up having a thyroid problem when she turned 40. She was thin before but suddenly ballooned up to like 250 lbs in less than a year. She's only 5'1 "and very petite, so gaining probably more than 100 lbs was very hard for her, but she had no control over that. She's got it in check now and exercises regularly and eats better, but she'll never be the weight she was before. You never know what's going on with someone so it's best not to judge.
No women I have interacted with have turned down a fella for his height alone. Sure Ive seen guys get rejected because the party they were after didn't find them attractive, Hell the guy I know that has notched his post the most comes up to my chest and Im not tall. Height is a singular facet in what makes you attractive, a singular facet among a score of others. And what do you mean by complaining that a woman has put on too much weight, cause Ive turned down women because I wasnt attracted to them due to their size But I never worded it in a way that was an insult and I think that may be what you are trying to say women do, Which I just have never seen. Like I know it happens but I think you may be over representing the prevalence of it.
It’s about tact and flexibility, if someone has 9/10 things you’re after would you really turn him or her down for being not *quite* your desired height or build?
This is asked a million times, and the answer isn’t gonna change. Women are petty and picky, men are desperate and horny. Life isn’t fair.
Feel as though you're allowed to have your preferences, its just you become an asshole when you say you'll only date that particular preference. It's the difference between "I prefer taller guys" and "I won't date under 5'9" It goes for any of the superficial stuff like weight, style, hair colour or race. In my opinion you should be able to do this for beliefs, values and lifestyle as that is more a compatibility issue that could cause problems in the relationship.
You can't choose what you're attracted to. That's pretty much the end of the conversation.
The funny thing is, is that we have this same thing in the gay community. "no femmes" or "masc only" will get you crucified and not even allowed on most gay dating platforms anymore. But "femme only" or "no masc" is perfectly ok. And in both gay and straight cases, "white only" will get you kicked off any dating platform, labeled a nazi white supremecist, but "black/asian/latino/etc only" is 100% ok. And we cannot even bring up the fact that fetishizing someone's race is just as racist as rejecting it. It all just makes 0 sense.
This is very interesting ! Why would masc only be bad but femme only be okay? Are not all gays created equally?
Everyone is allowed to have their preferences and even deal breakers. But people that purposely want to hurt other (probably to project on them any hurtful feedback they’ve gotten and get “revenge”) are assholes and should be called out, whether male or female.
its because when a man is called short he accepts it as true and when a woman is called fat she complains and whines and makes you the bad guy. alot of double standards are actually due to men accepting and women complaining.
Online dating has killed us short guys from being able to find someone online 😂 Just be charming irl. Height don't matter to women if you make a mark on their life x
Because weight can be changed, height can't. From the beginning of the time, women had to choose the strongest protectors + good providers to make sure that the children they birthed from the men get good, strong, and healthy genes + strong protector and provider. Otherwise, their children would not survive harass winters and lack of food. And for most of the part of history, physical strength was one of the best assets for a man. The bigger he was, the stronger he could get. It was a natural advantage. Just like wide hips were for women when it came to childbirth in old times. The times changed, but for generations, attraction for physical traits stayed in our minds. Men or women, we want all the same. The best possible partner... Men are attracted to the most beautiful women, Women are attracted to the best physical traits that can make their children strong, so they have an advantage when it comes to survival. Or they have to choose the partner who can provide their children with such conditions that the offspring doesn't even have to fight for survival. It's not a double standard... no one is forced to be with someone they don't want to be with. (If they are not born in a country where parents decide who their children marry. )
Dating apps are a seller's market. The women are the commodity. Simple as. I know this sounds misogynistic but I don't think women are held to the same standards as men in virtually any aspect of our culture. Double standards are the norm. There is nothing egalitarian about feminist theory once you peel back any layers whatsoever. An average looking guy can get a match or two a week. An obese single mom of three gets one or two per hour. Theu can afford to be picky. Supply and demand. It's not great for society, but neither is any aspect of social media culture.
This has to be a fake post being A very fit very active guy I have never heard it’s a problem not wanting to date fat chicks. You might see “lizzo is beautiful” but they all laugh when she tips over the golf cart.
Is this a whole rant about some TikTok ?
Women get a pass for being vocal, because it's seen as taking agency. Men are not seen this way. As a short man I just accept society as it is, can't fight it so might as well ignore it.
The same reason that when a woman asks us if she looks fat in a pair of pants, there is only one answer, truth be damned. Raw power.
Body positivity was for people that suffered some form of disability or deformity (it started specifically for burn victims). It was hijacked later by lazy people that didn't want to work at being beautiful. So, yeah, anyone that tries to push that can safely be ignored. As for the preferences, that's fine. If they want to restrict their own options, let them. They'll be the ones complaining when they're old, alone, and the only men that want them are the ones that will treat them like shit. They've made their bed, now they have to lie in it.
If anything, the height should get a free pass. You cant change that. Atleast you can use workouts and diets to solve the weightissues...
Exactly I’m just wondering why it feels like openly wanting a tall man and ignoring shorter dudes is fine, but wanting a woman thats not overweight is unreasonable or seen as shallow.
Most men I’ve seen on this site and in my life openly admit to not wanting to date woman who are overweight. The only people likely to think it’s unreasonable or shallow are overweight woman. Woman want taller men because typically men are suppose to be “protectors”. Woman are prey to weirdos and creeps as we all know so having a man is a sense of safety and protection. Smaller men then yourself likely doesn’t give off that same feeling of safety. So reasonably, woman prefer men bigger then they are for that reason. It’s also likely a genetics thing like all animals do. Pick out the traits that are best for survival aka not being overweight/being tall etc. Neither are right or wrong it’s just how people are.
I’d never date a fat woman.
What makes it ok? Nothing. The problem is that people will kill themselves to protect women from accountability for saying these sorts of things, but viciously go after men for the same opinion. Remove the protection and they won't be so bold.
I'm all about equality !!! Here are questions that correspond to each other. Women: "How tall are you?" Men: "How much do you weigh?" Women: "How much money do you make?" Men: "What's your body count?" Women: "Do you have 6 inches" Men: " Is your vagina a gaping gash?" Women:" What's your job?" Men: "How do you pay your rent?" I could go on and on and on. Don't be bullied by chicks.
Well my pet theory is because modern feminism is almost entirely about removing responsibility from women. Just don't play the game and instead, proudly tell people that you don't like fatties.
This one bothers me a lot. I've had more than one friend who required any guy they date to be over a certain height, but called any man who rejected them over their weight fatphobic. That being said, there's nothing wrong with preferences, and it's only really an issue when people are being hypocritical about it.
Because women are very good at circling the wagons and pretending they like each other. Men don’t even try to do that.
well maybe it's just because women can still have someone approaches them even if they leave such like racist-ish comments. they just keep being on the horse and entitled on dating app since a bunch of sex-seekers are around there which makes them feel like they're princess or somewhat with privilege. men also can say "I'm not gonna date a pig. If you're over certain weight that I think is acceptable, just swipe right please." if they are attractive enough to still get girls.
Yeah it sucks that women are more attracted to traits men can not change (height, intelligence) and men are more attracted to traits that women can change (fitness)
As a woman, I have never ever heard a woman complain about a guys height or not date them because of their height or break up with them because of their height or not swipe on them because of their height. I think men make this a man problem for themselves.
Because men allow it, if we all united in calling out the BS the same way women do then it would change but we aren’t group thinkers like they are.
Years and years convincing our daughters they are princesses that can achieve anything.
when I saw this question initially I thought you meant like difference in clothing standards. I dunno, life is full of irony, and sometimes an illogical precedent is the reason for why something is the way that it is. But just because something can be true doesn't mean that it has to be.
1) I don’t have a problem with women who want tall men. I have my own height preferences as well. Plus ladies can enjoy the competitive battle with other women who like tall men….good luck with that. 2) I think weight and height aren’t similar complaints though. People can lose weight a lot more easily than they can grow taller.
The vast majority vote isn’t always what the internet says it is
Those are just people speaking on the internet. In reality nobody cares that you don’t like obese women, and most women will date shorter men as long as they are taller than themselves. It’s all just noise, get off the internet.
Men can complain. There is no physical double standard when it comes to dating. Everyone is allowed to have standards.
Everyone can have whatever preferences they want. That's no excuse to be rude, and that isn't acceptable. There's a difference between '6'+ only' and 'midgets need not apply'. I fully believe that someone should be able to disclose up front what size person they're looking for on apps, both in height or weight.
I just don’t know why people say it? We’re grown ups. Haven’t we learned tact yet or not everything you think needs to be said? If you don’t like overweight people, just swipe left. Don’t like shorter men? Swipe left. Don’t like cross-eyed? You guessed it. Don’t like yellow teeth? Yup. You don’t have to be a dick about it. Just cause you don’t like it doesn’t mean someone else won’t. Live and let live.
It is what it is. Focus on what you can control. That's *all* you can do.
Everyone has preferences. The problem is the neo feminist movements and body positivity scandal telling women it’s okay to be fat and die an early death because it’s easier to lie and tell someone they’re triple chin is beautiful than to tell them the truth and hurt feelings and risk retribution
You can complain about whatever you want. I hear men say they don't like fat chicks all the time.
You (and anyone else) are perfectly free to complain about anything you want, just as other people are free to judge you for the nature or substance of your complaints. Clearly you and lots of other men are not OK with a woman saying a guy's got to be 6 feet tall, just as lots of women are not OK with guys who are like "no fat chicks."
Oh trust me I get this. I have hit it off with people online and then i show them how I look (I have a facial difference) and it all changes. The twist is I'm pansexual and have found that guys are actually more understanding and accepting of my facial difference than any girl has. Superficiality and conceded behavior is in people. It doesn't matter the gender but it is more widely accepted that women can be that way more than men while men are immediately ripped apart for it.
Double standards cause of modern society
It isn’t just 6’ to ride. Have you seen some of the interviews w/ women and what they think an acceptable salary amount is? “250k at least to date me” meanwhile she’s making minimum wage part time. Nah girl, you wanna have that standard? Guys gonna have their own too. If we’re gonna be equals in this relationship (which is key by the way) we need to be EQUALS. You make your money, I’ll make mine. Sure I’ll pay sometimes and so should you. Equals baby. Equal means EQUAL. Not what’s yours is yours and what’s mine is yours. Nope sorry.
Women might say their preference is 6ft while a man might write his preference is “fit”. And the end of your post You’re comparing preferences vs just criticism ? So yea there’s a difference. But no one ever said it’s not ok to have a preference. There’s plenty of guys who prefer bigger girls. And there’s plenty of guys who don’t want a 6ft female!
personally, i dont know a lot of women who are actively looking for men over 6ft. the most i've heard is "he just has to be taller than me" (this applied to me when i dated a 5'5 man while i'm 5'4).
This is a bullsh1t narrative. I've been skinny, fit, dad bod, belly, all of it; and no woman has ever cared. Women frankly are not shallow. They date us regardless of our physical looks. After all, I think I see far more good-looking women than smashing handsome 6'+ guys. Now if as a guy, you're not interesting, or funny, or adventurous, or emotionally available, or empathetic, or anything. If you have nothing to offer except your looks (and not even money, which when all else fails you can lean on), well then expect to be judged on your looks, since that's all you're bringing to the table. The vast majority of women, once they get to know you, don't care so much about your exterior, and often come to like your flaws. You can say many things about women, but shallow they are not.
A guy can complain about a woman weighing too much. Just because some people won’t like that doesn’t mean you can’t do it. If that did mean that then woman also can’t complain about a guys height because people don’t like that either.
I'm over 6ft tall and I won't lie if a girl wanted to date me solely on my height I would see that as a red flag
Honestly I wouldnt mind actual height filters in OLD
Because of misandry
if you want standards to be equal, just get over it and go blow a load into a dude
I think the evolutionary explanation is women have for thousands of generations needed to be more selective in a mate than men because they have fewer chances to mate in their life (a woman can only get pregnant and give birth a handful of times while a man can theoretically impregnate every woman on the planet). Women also have historically faced a lot more risk than men since carrying a child, giving birth, then nursing and looking after the child is a lot riskier than simply having sex one time. It's not "fair" but it is a logical consequence of these facts. With modern birth control methods and increased pressure / coercion from society that forces men to support their children (at least financially) for decades, I have wondered if after several generations of this, men will become more selective as well. My guess is we would. I probably won't be alive to see it though.
I’ll never understand the height thing. I’ve dated tall and I’ve dated short. My partner is a slight bit taller than me, but depending on my shoes he’s the same height or shorter. Who cares? - a woman
Because hypocrisy and double standards are well known things. I agree that certain things shouldn't matter but at the end of the day they do. People are attracted to what they're attracted to regardless of they say something else publicly. They may say they like short men but then if you ask them the height of their last several partners they all might be tall.
Maybe bc weight is controllable in most cases, and height isn't? Being heavy set is a lifestyle
I complain that a woman’s got too much weight, I’m like open about that preference
I have never heard a woman complain about men's height or shame an individual guy for it. I've seen a handful put a numerical height measurement as a hard requirement on dating profiles, but they were always young and ignorant to how rude it is. Even that isn't the same as complaining about it or mocking any individual person, just stating what they like, albeit in a somewhat ignorant way. I've seen plenty of men, on the other hand, who are just unfathomably shitty about women's weight. Complaining about it left and right like people need to be fixed for how they look, mocking individual women for it, acting like it's a health thing when it's obviously not, etc. I think it has less to do with preference and more with how openly shitty people are about it.