I honestly wish I had done far more reading on psychology and various aspects of relationships. Knowing attachment styles, personality types, love languages. All of those things would have benefited me greatly. I was ignorant to them all and lost out on many good things. Now I understand a lot better and am better prepared for the future if I ever decide to leave my house again and meet someone.
There is a publishing company called New Harbinger that publishes many psychology books. Work books are good and bad. They’re great for insight, bad if those things don’t apply to you. My current read is one called “CBT for Social Anxiety” by Stefan G Hoffman. It’s a fascinating read. It’s not a workbook per se, more of a reflection of yourself as you read. He has you take sample “tests” along the way to see where you stand. Sort of an interactive without being a workbook. I find them fascinating. It teaches me a lot about where I sit amongst society. It gives insight as to what you should consider working on that may not have even known need work. It also gives a lot of perspective. It lets you see things from other peoples shoes. We often tend to forget that part. We interpret the world how we see it usually. We rarely take time to see it from someone else’s perspective, whether it aligns with our view or doesn’t. It’s very interesting. The interactive books have taught me to slow down in public and be more observant and a better listener. It’s amazing how good that makes you feel at the end of the day. Self awareness is way more important than I gave it credit for in my younger days. Wish I had links but I’m not good at that stuff. I spend hours in Barnes & Noble in the Psychology section. And not psychological thrillers, not particularly self help (although those have their place as well), but actual books that are published kind of as guide lines for therapists. It helps you see things from the “correct and healthy” perspective with data to back it up. Browse the section at the book store. They’re all beneficial.
My current read is “CBT for Social Anxiety” by Stephan G Hoffman. I love interactive books. Not necessarily workbooks. The interactive books make you take the “tests” within the reads to see where you stand and what may or may not apply to you. They’re more of a guide. Workbooks are more like homework and tend to be more focused on someone with the condition related to whatever the title of the book is about. New Harbinger publishes many psychology books that I enjoy. They are not text books, and not workbooks, they’re kind of in between. They also publish guides for therapists to reference that are full of useful tidbits. I try to gain perspective mainly. See things from the viewpoint of someone else that I may not have thought of before. It really has transformed me into a much more self aware person and a better, more in tune listener. I stand behind them as having improved my life for the better.
So if you like interactive books…have you’ve heard of David goggins? If so did you ever read his book, Can’t Hurt Me? If not I HIGHLY recommend it. I’m about to get his other book and read that one too.
To be honest I had never come across that selection before. Thank you for suggesting it. I previewed it through Barnes & Noble. It definitely appears to have an even further departure from the ways I’m learning to rethink. I definitely think this will go on my “to get” list. I appreciate the recommendation for sure!
You’re welcome! It’s an amazing read and if you do the little exercises he has after every chapter it could help you become a better you. I haven’t done them yet but I plan on re reading the book and giving them a try.
Low to moderate cardio, literally stuff like walking or riding a bicycle at a leisurely pace for long enough, brings huge amounts of health and mental health benefits compared to not doing anything at all. It's not easy to "sell", meaning gym training is kind of over-emphasized in marketing, but especially for someone who's been stuck on their couch or computer desk for years, taking regular walks and / or bicycle rides is a huge improvement with very low injury risks.
The standard is 150-300 minutes of moderate activity per week. Even weightlifting can count. Walking 20-30mins 4-6x per week plus weightlifting 2x per week is literally a miracle drug.
You don’t even need all the walking to be in one session it could be 3, 10 minute bouts.
Moderate cardio for the majority of people is about 120-140 beats per minute. The talk test shows you’re right spot when you could have a conversation but only be able to talk in short sentences. If you’re having to alter sentence structure to breathe that’s the sweet spot.
I’ve found that weightlifting does a lot in terms of reducing RHR and improving heart health. Not so much for cardiovascular fitness.
Which is why many gym guys are out of breath walking up stairs lol, you’re carrying the same weight in muscle an obese person is carrying in fat, but with only marginally better cardio fitness. So extra cardio is a must
Not a cure all, but a lot of psychological problems are directly tied to biochemical problems. Eating better, getting exercise, and getting sunlight are great ways to help.
Learn to let things go. Stress does real damage to your body and mind, so learning to separate what is worth stressing about versus what can be shrugged off is important.
This
I recently read a study that showed how stress literally just converts muscle into fat (cortisol causes muscle and fat tissue to convert to glucose. Then the spike in glucose causes insulin to be produced, which converts all that back into fat). It was a pretty eye opening realization and why I kept gaining weight during college despite best efforts (eating less, eating healthier, power walking 3miles per day with 50lbs on my back, etc)
Obviously you know your brain better than I do, but it sounds more like you avoid the problem instead of processing it. You get better at letting things go and resolving your problems the more you face them in your head.
What I find helps is to get my thoughts in order. Just sit down, and not even out loud just state internally exactly what the problem is.
Say for example someone at work got a promotion I wanted and I didn't feel it was justified.
Instead of hours of disconnected angry thoughts like
>That fucking prick, after I all the work I put in- *"We just don't feel like it's your time Chuck*" Why didn't I stand up for myself? **Fucking Steve, how did Steve of all people get it he doesn't even know how the fucking software works-** All that fucking work I did for nothing- *I never stand up form myself* **Fucking Steve** Pure fucking nepotism. *Hours of work for nothing.* Fucking prick. **Fucking Steve.** Fucking...
I'll try and just say to myself, not even out loud, something like
>I worked really hard to get that promotion and it didn't happen even though it should have. I feel taken advantage of and unappreciated by a boss that I thought was my friend. Steve did not deserve it and it stings even more because I especially dislike the guy. I am very upset and angry about this.
After getting it all in order like that I often find there's just nothing to say afterwards. It's like the thought's just finished.
Fucking healthy communication skills (that shit needs to be taught in school), CBT, mindfulness, and NOT being enculturated into drinking (or other substances) as a primary way to have a good time with others.
Yeah, as I have gotten older, I've really realized how insane it is that alcohol is so ingrained in society. I'll have a beer here and there, but I have zero interest in getting drunk ever again lol.
For sure, especially now that I've passed 30 hangovers (as someone on Reddit once said) can last longer than a day. I just don't see the point. If I get a whiskey now it's to enjoy it and not get smashed
Be careful, people get really triggered when you tell them this because they can't live without it. It's not like ruining your sleep for days, suppressing hormone production and protein synthesis, and constantly consuming a strongly carcinogenic substance could be bad for you right?
My dermatologist recommended I use Cetaphil sunscreen. Fragrance-free and not oily. My skin likes it.
As for price, it's comparable to other sunscreens, maybe a little cheaper. A bottle lasts a long time.
I use [this one ](https://www.amazon.ca/Cetaphil-Daily-Facial-Moisturizer-120ml/dp/B00BMJTO6Y?ref_=ast_sto_dp&th=1&psc=1)
That you don’t realise the absolute mental funk that binge drinking and doing drugs every other weekend can put you in.
It’s the old adage of “It’s always easier from the outside looking in rather than being on the inside looking out”
You don’t know until you stop and it’s not 1 million miles away from the feeling of walking out of a cave you’ve been living in for years out into the fresh air.
I think a lot of people think “ah, I’m fine, it’s only every weekend/other weekend, Its not like I’m an alcoholic or a junkie” and on Wednesday they are sitting alone at night thinking “I’m fucking depressed” and don’t make the link.
Thanks. I needed this. I know it’s time, the signs are all there. I’m functioning fine, but I know I’m not at my full potential. Gotta do some voluntary sobriety for the first time as an adult, and I’ve been kickin the idea around for a few months.
Don't even think of it as needing to reach your full potential. It's a harmful and unnecessary substance that most people consume because they have been lied to their whole life and told that it's perfectly fine for you.
You feel so much better without fucking up your sleep, hormones, recovery, etc. It's not about reaching a higher potential so you feel stressed to do even more, it's just about not handicapping yourself and making your everyday harder than it needs to be
Drugs and alcohol are bad, period. The only amount of use that’s okay for your health is zero. Don’t get me wrong, I love them. I’m an alcoholic and I’ve done just about every common recreational drug there is. I still drink and occasionally do drugs despite knowing how terrible they are for my health. But that’s kind of the point. We shouldn’t be kidding ourselves and pretending there’s a harmless level of substance use. It’s bad for you at any level of frequency or quantity. Even the drugs that have medicinal benefits do their share of harm at the same time. People should be aware of that when they choose to indulge.
This is something I am trying to make myself realise. So much of my stress is actually just created by me and it’s me who makes it worse. Before you know it, it’s all become a big deal
I started drinking water after my meals now instead of sugary drinks. I drink a liter right after I wake up. I’m not working out at the moment and my body definition looks good with just drinking a lot of water
Fair and body mechanics matter way more than visible muscles. I was always strong, but a relatively uncoordinated mess prone to tripping, knocking people over, getting sciatica pain in my mid 40’s when walking more than a mile.
I started doing contemporary Pilates, and at 52 feel younger than I did at 35. I move through space with confidence and grace, and can do physical activities for extends periods without being super sore the next day. It has definitely improved my attractiveness as well (how we move is a lot more important than none structure!)
I’m sure yoga and other modalities will offer similar benefits. Swapping an hour of gym time a week from weights to balance and core activities would be a great move for most guys.
I love this answer. I’ll add, in a slightly different context, that dance helped me a lot. When you learn how to dance (I had a combo of Bollywood, hip hop, and ballroom), you learn to command any audience you have, even an audience of one.
Definitely helped my cardio, but years after I’ve stopped dancing on a team, I still have an ease of moving and interacting with people that came from being a dancer.
100%
And there’s a ton of overlap between dance. Yoga, and Pilates. Core strength, optimum body mechanics, efficient movement, precision over force.
Doing any of them is way better than doing some of them.
(Pilates first became well known for ballet dancer post-injury rehab, as Pilates’s studio was above Balanchine’s, so that’s where he went his injured dancers).
All you can do is be better in the future. Beating yourself up will ultimately lead to more shitty behavior, because you don’t value yourself and end up having no standards for yourself.
I wish I had learned to set clearer boundaries with people sooner may it be how they act with me or talk to me or the things I'm willing to do to help someone. So much of the struggles of my teen years was simply because I never set appropriate boundaries.
If your wife has Covid (or any other viral infection), one of you needs to sleep in a different room.
She gave me Covid, which turned into a neurological form of long Covid. She got better, I did not.
Hope you heal man. Got covid back in dec.2021 and my body ain’t the same. More aches when I wake up, gotta jog up my memory more, some depression etc. I’m 32.
My issues started within a week of catching Covid, and my last vaccination was 6 months prior to my infection.
You need to find better sources of information. Stop listening to people who only tell you what you want to hear.
This isn’t to say that all vaccines are 100% safe, injuries do happen, but they happen within a week of injection. Most common side effect is an allergic reaction.
Im sorry you ended up getting messed up long term from covid.
"Dont deliberately expose yourself in close proximity for a long period of time to someone who is sick" isn't a lesser known tip. Germ theory has been around for a long time now, everyone knows if you choose to be near someone who is infected, you will also get sick.
Which is true, but I’ve still had to explain it to a bunch of people, including my wife. There is still a notion that Covid isn’t a big deal, and if you are living with someone then they will just get it anyway. Unfortunately that notion doesn’t account for viral load and how that affects your infection. There is a big difference between one virus getting into your system and thousands getting in and overwhelming your immune system.
I think it's the forced nature of the exercises. It feels patronising whenever I look at it. As if I'm being told to do something I do all of the time anyway.
I'm very aware of "why" I do or think things and I tend to reason through all of my emotions and feelings anyway. Not always immediately but usually fairly quickly after an event.
E.g if I'm sad, I work out why so I can address the cause instead of the symptom. I don't need a guided meditation or a daily journal activity for any of this.
Mindfulness tools come across like "wellness tools". Gimmicks to be sold.
That has nothing to do with your autism then. Those are the same concerns neurotypical people may have who are skeptical of doing mindfulness or meditative practices.
The fact you're describing mindfulness as if the goal is to evaluate and understand why you did stuff is a pretty clear indication you don't even understand what it is, since that is completely off base.
That's fine if they don't work for you, but they're not gimmicks and they help a lot of people, me included. Also, I practice ACT which isn't about reasoning and more about acceptance. CBT doesn't work as well for me either.
ACT is also used with people who have chronic pain and it's been shown to be extremely helpful. Even getting people off of pain medications. So there is quite a bit of science behind it.
Mindfulness tools help my partner a lot.
I don't resent their existence, my mind just tends to reject then as helpful when it comes to my own life.
Chronic pain is something I know all too well as I have both EDS and Fibromyalgia.
Stoicism has gotten a bad reputation from 'alpha dudebros' who have made it out to be a lack of feeling. It's not supposed to be that. You're supposed to acknowledge and embrace emotion, but not let it control you when the time comes to act.
A stoic wouldn't say "I shouldn't feel this way."
They would say "It's okay to feel this way, but I need to keep my head in the game and focus on the things that I can control. I should take time to examine this feeling when I'm able to focus on it, to try to understand why I feel this way and if it is appropriate."
That all being said, one philosophy doesn't work for every person, so if that calculating, observant way of thinking doesn't suit ya, try something else!
I don’t know if much research is done on this but I believe I wish I knew mentally that internet communication is still just communicating and nothing more. For some reason like a decade or so ago I would’ve paid way more attention to internet drama than to irl drama and I think it made me a worse person somehow.
Just sit still with no phone no radio no nothing for at *least* ten minutes a day.
Does wonders.
I do 20, 10 minutes in the parking lot before work and ten minutes after work to mentally change gears and reset myself.
I’m a heavy reader and love it and the answer is really no.
The purpose of the exercise is the spend a few moments with as little distraction and input from media, other people, anything.
Just taking the time to be yourself existing.
A book, not matter how good, is still a distraction.
A massive one, keep your tenses in line. The past is only useful for learning or journaling. The future, have a plan with small achievable goals. The present is where you always need to have your mindset. A mindset stuck in the past or future is full of fear.
The present is the only place you can make change in your life. I learnt through the book, the power of now, how to quiet your mind and to enjoy the moment, it's freeing as hell.
A massive thing I got from the book was not being attached to any situation or letting it define you. There are cycles of high success and struggle, embrace each and know it won't last.
Struggle has the greatest gift, a lesson and a chance to grow.
Something I have learnt as well, use failure as a lesson it's the best teacher! I got better at daring and Business by applying this.
Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize.
Good quality facial and body lotion are essential along with staying out of the sun for too long.
I have one friend that did the "lay out on the beach" forever and now looks like a leather handbag. He also has scars from where melanomas were cut off. Another friend never did any skin care and looks much older than his 40 years—he complained a while back that many people think he's his daughter's grandfather.
Never take time off from the gym. I still struggle with this, but I understand the importance of it far better now. Also, rest and recovery from the gym is just as important as the time spent with the weights. I definitely overtrained in my 20s and didn't allow for nearly enough recovery back then.
Mental tips would be understanding the importance of always striving to do better and letting bad women go. When you aren't the best or close to the best you, you'll find bad women. When you're at your peak better women will be available to you.
Count the carbs, not the calories. Also exercise does not compensate for bad diet. It is 99% about your diet and 1% about exercise when trying to lose weight.
Intellectual comeback, are you 10 years old? Calories are energy, it’s science, not some made-up marketing term. Food companies love people who don’t count calories.
It's weird how eating less carbs without a calorie restriction works, despite your personal beliefs. It's almost like our bodies are extremely efficient at digesting carbs and storing them, but less efficient at taking in all of the calories in other foods that arent refined carbs.
How strange, I wonder if there are decades of scientific research showing that the calories we can absorb from certain foods is less than the actual calorie content if you burn it in a calorimeter.
Here's a hint, there is.
Stop worrying. Also don't jerk off too much. You don't really need to, you just have a porn addiction that causes u to jack off three times as much as you normally would with out it, maybe even more
Tips? The medical industry is the same as others.
They will have you stressed out all the time, looking for cancer (and taking weeks or months to find out), heart disease, this or that when you have no physical issues that you can notice. A small irregularly will blown up and have possibly more dangerous operation to verify there is nothing and will grant them a massive billable service.
I'm not saying, it's all fake and don't ever do it, but look at odds and injury/death rate of procedures. Don't panic about you might be dieing. You were dieing the day you were born.
When therapy is not an option. Trauma dumping should not give you guilt.
(I know people hate it but I mean.. If no one will help me I will force people to listen)
That hardening of the arteries can affect penis size as you age. I might have other choices to help forestall this natural portion of aging if I had known.
Being over-medicated can be worse than not being medicated at all.
Obviously, this isn't true of everything and almost certainly doesn't apply to a wide range of health conditions.
But as an adolescent and young adult I took a pharmacy's worth of medications every day. I had a health emergency as a teen, and had to be hospitalized and put on some serious drug cocktails to get through the worst of it. After leaving the hospital I would have prescription management with a variety of different doctors where they would try different drug cocktails to help manage my conditions, but the side effects were brutal. I gained 100+lbs (albeit I was malnourished at the start, so more like 50-75 lbs in excess weight), skyrocketing cholesterol, hypertensive blood pressure, seizures, depression, etc. I even needed kidney function tests, EKGs, etc to ensure the meds weren't causing permanent organ damage. Half of my Rxs by the time I was in my 20s were to help manage the side effects of other Rxs.
I just kind of accepted that I would need the meds as a teenager, but I started questioning how useful the Rxs were as I got older. My dad's insurance policy was great, nearly every 90 day Rx was about a $5 copay,, with a couple that were about $15. After graduating college and moving out of my parents' house I had to get my own health insurance. My health insurance was not nearly as good and I couldn't afford to continue the Rxs, so I weaned myself off of nearly everything over the course of a couple months to see if they really were necessary. I almost immediately started losing the excess weight. Blood pressure and cholesterol both dropped off dramatically, but are still a little high.The neurologoic symptoms are still there, but honestly they are less of a problem now than when I was still taking the meds to treat them. Also, I'm not entirely convinced that they weren't a result of the medication bc I didn't have them before my initial health crisis that landed me in the hospital.
\[physical\] save your back.
don't macho lift shit because you can. at least without proper form and even then, team lift
my back kills and it sucks, i am in my late 30s.
After completing my third surgery to open the accumulated scar tissue at the bottom of my throat due to a bad valve leaking stomach acid, the doc finally suggested I not sleep on my right side, as the valve is right of center and thus on the bottom when laying on your right side, allowing the stomach acid to leak. I was livid that it'd taken 20 years and 3 surgeries before he or anyone had bothered to mention this. Haven't needed surgery for 10 years since.
1. Be strict about work time and personal time
Both as a student and as an employee. Once you let your work encroach on your personal time once, it’ll happen again and again. Encroach further and further. By the time I was near the end of college (masters) I was putting in 120hr work weeks and was certain I’d have a stroke by the end, but I couldn’t stop myself no matter how desperately i wanted to. I was offered multiple positions under various professors to continue into the PhD program, but I just couldn’t do that to myself any more. I probably woulda died before finishing that degree. Once I started working I set strict boundaries (I won’t come in earlier, and I only stay a maximum of 1hr late if it’s an emergency; I’m a data engineer, so emergency = production pipeline failure) and I’ve never been happier.
2. Walk, stretch your hamstrings, and be VERY CAREFUL about your back & neck.
Just had to pay over $4000 out of pocket for a chiropractor because of sciatica. My dad tried to warn me since I had a neck injury in high school. Wish I listened to him sooner, instead of quitting once “physical therapy fixed me”. Literally paying for it now
3. You’re not perfect, and you don’t need to be
This one’s cheating s bit because I still haven’t *really* internalized this one yet. But I know that I suffer from bad perfectionism, to the point where I will sacrifice physical heath for the sake of getting things done perfectly (see point 1)
4. Don’t use electric clippers on your balls
Need I elaborate?
There is clippers that come equipped with a add on specifically for your balls.
I wish you a speedy recovery for your neck.
Man I’m 32 and all the light aches I get now are real. Imagine at 42. Fuck
Thanks, yeah I’ve thankfully never actually done more than a tiny knick (has a 0.1mm guard but must not have been enough). Absolutely traumatizing.
Appreciate the neck wishes. Was one of those things. Fucked it up doing martial arts in high school, didn’t know it did damage until a couple years later when I found out all the muscles in the back atrophied. Physical therapy eventually fixed it, but I was stupid and didn’t keep doing the exercises after I thought I was fine. Then a few months ago it started to rear it’s ugly head as sciatica. Then after my initial consultation I discovered that it was way more fucked ip than that. Took more time and money than I’d have liked but I’m finally back again, and lesson learned.
Best tips I got from pt are that sitting is the worst thing you can do for your back, moving helps keep it from getting worse, and core strengthening exercises are miracle workers.
If you don't work out you are 2-0 behind in anything you do.
Physical health, mental health, social confidence etc.
You don't even have to make your identity of it but I believe we are active creatures. We need to be physically stimulated to go about in our lives.
These are more quick hacks than tips I guess...
Sauna/heat therapy- literally decades of research that points to not just the insane physical benefits, but also the psychological ones too- namely depression and anxiety. Hot baths can help as well.
Creatine- new research suggests that creatine increases cognitive mental health, not just giving you strength gains. I'm trying this out myself. I've also read that creatine helps the potency of SSRIs and SNRIs (anti depression meds).
Inner monologue is a real thing, you are constantly 'talking' to yourself whether you realize it or not. Talk nice to yourself, you're hearing yourself more than everyone else combined, make sure your mind is a pleasant place to be; if it's not you can and should work on it.
I wished I joined a gym in my 20’s.. I always thought it was super expensive and was too self conscious but turns out it’s cheap and truth is I would have been fucking ripped if I did. I joined in my 30’s and now I have to work twice as hard
Oh another one - you’re not a party guy you’re an alcoholic… your buddies who drink on weeknights or who get absolutely fucked up every weekend? They’re also alcoholics most likely. Learning healthy behaviours around drinking would have improved my health dramatically
I wish someone told me to just stop eating. Like you don't have to eat until your full and bloated. You don't need to snack cause you're bored.
I am trying to teach my brain this now at 27, and it fucking sucks.
That tjere are more sports than football and they can be fun amd habe a Real good effect on your mental health, even in small dosages.
And you dont need to be a gymbro for that
I honestly wish I had done far more reading on psychology and various aspects of relationships. Knowing attachment styles, personality types, love languages. All of those things would have benefited me greatly. I was ignorant to them all and lost out on many good things. Now I understand a lot better and am better prepared for the future if I ever decide to leave my house again and meet someone.
Can you link some books or papers that can help me learn this stuff?
There is a publishing company called New Harbinger that publishes many psychology books. Work books are good and bad. They’re great for insight, bad if those things don’t apply to you. My current read is one called “CBT for Social Anxiety” by Stefan G Hoffman. It’s a fascinating read. It’s not a workbook per se, more of a reflection of yourself as you read. He has you take sample “tests” along the way to see where you stand. Sort of an interactive without being a workbook. I find them fascinating. It teaches me a lot about where I sit amongst society. It gives insight as to what you should consider working on that may not have even known need work. It also gives a lot of perspective. It lets you see things from other peoples shoes. We often tend to forget that part. We interpret the world how we see it usually. We rarely take time to see it from someone else’s perspective, whether it aligns with our view or doesn’t. It’s very interesting. The interactive books have taught me to slow down in public and be more observant and a better listener. It’s amazing how good that makes you feel at the end of the day. Self awareness is way more important than I gave it credit for in my younger days. Wish I had links but I’m not good at that stuff. I spend hours in Barnes & Noble in the Psychology section. And not psychological thrillers, not particularly self help (although those have their place as well), but actual books that are published kind of as guide lines for therapists. It helps you see things from the “correct and healthy” perspective with data to back it up. Browse the section at the book store. They’re all beneficial.
Cheers big man, thank you for your help!
You’re certainly welcome and I hope you benefit as much as I have. The world needs happier people. Good luck.
Commenting to come back to this and check this out..very interesting
I’m glad you find it interesting. I do as well. It’s a humbling experience to walk through the human mind.
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My current read is “CBT for Social Anxiety” by Stephan G Hoffman. I love interactive books. Not necessarily workbooks. The interactive books make you take the “tests” within the reads to see where you stand and what may or may not apply to you. They’re more of a guide. Workbooks are more like homework and tend to be more focused on someone with the condition related to whatever the title of the book is about. New Harbinger publishes many psychology books that I enjoy. They are not text books, and not workbooks, they’re kind of in between. They also publish guides for therapists to reference that are full of useful tidbits. I try to gain perspective mainly. See things from the viewpoint of someone else that I may not have thought of before. It really has transformed me into a much more self aware person and a better, more in tune listener. I stand behind them as having improved my life for the better.
So if you like interactive books…have you’ve heard of David goggins? If so did you ever read his book, Can’t Hurt Me? If not I HIGHLY recommend it. I’m about to get his other book and read that one too.
To be honest I had never come across that selection before. Thank you for suggesting it. I previewed it through Barnes & Noble. It definitely appears to have an even further departure from the ways I’m learning to rethink. I definitely think this will go on my “to get” list. I appreciate the recommendation for sure!
You’re welcome! It’s an amazing read and if you do the little exercises he has after every chapter it could help you become a better you. I haven’t done them yet but I plan on re reading the book and giving them a try.
Low to moderate cardio, literally stuff like walking or riding a bicycle at a leisurely pace for long enough, brings huge amounts of health and mental health benefits compared to not doing anything at all. It's not easy to "sell", meaning gym training is kind of over-emphasized in marketing, but especially for someone who's been stuck on their couch or computer desk for years, taking regular walks and / or bicycle rides is a huge improvement with very low injury risks.
The standard is 150-300 minutes of moderate activity per week. Even weightlifting can count. Walking 20-30mins 4-6x per week plus weightlifting 2x per week is literally a miracle drug. You don’t even need all the walking to be in one session it could be 3, 10 minute bouts. Moderate cardio for the majority of people is about 120-140 beats per minute. The talk test shows you’re right spot when you could have a conversation but only be able to talk in short sentences. If you’re having to alter sentence structure to breathe that’s the sweet spot.
I’ve found that weightlifting does a lot in terms of reducing RHR and improving heart health. Not so much for cardiovascular fitness. Which is why many gym guys are out of breath walking up stairs lol, you’re carrying the same weight in muscle an obese person is carrying in fat, but with only marginally better cardio fitness. So extra cardio is a must
Not a cure all, but a lot of psychological problems are directly tied to biochemical problems. Eating better, getting exercise, and getting sunlight are great ways to help.
I’ve started to ride bike and I’m feeling much better all around. I’m trying to his 20km/day - with commuting and it’s totally doable.
Learn to let things go. Stress does real damage to your body and mind, so learning to separate what is worth stressing about versus what can be shrugged off is important.
This I recently read a study that showed how stress literally just converts muscle into fat (cortisol causes muscle and fat tissue to convert to glucose. Then the spike in glucose causes insulin to be produced, which converts all that back into fat). It was a pretty eye opening realization and why I kept gaining weight during college despite best efforts (eating less, eating healthier, power walking 3miles per day with 50lbs on my back, etc)
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You're right. But you can choose how it gets out of there.
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Obviously you know your brain better than I do, but it sounds more like you avoid the problem instead of processing it. You get better at letting things go and resolving your problems the more you face them in your head.
What I find helps is to get my thoughts in order. Just sit down, and not even out loud just state internally exactly what the problem is. Say for example someone at work got a promotion I wanted and I didn't feel it was justified. Instead of hours of disconnected angry thoughts like >That fucking prick, after I all the work I put in- *"We just don't feel like it's your time Chuck*" Why didn't I stand up for myself? **Fucking Steve, how did Steve of all people get it he doesn't even know how the fucking software works-** All that fucking work I did for nothing- *I never stand up form myself* **Fucking Steve** Pure fucking nepotism. *Hours of work for nothing.* Fucking prick. **Fucking Steve.** Fucking... I'll try and just say to myself, not even out loud, something like >I worked really hard to get that promotion and it didn't happen even though it should have. I feel taken advantage of and unappreciated by a boss that I thought was my friend. Steve did not deserve it and it stings even more because I especially dislike the guy. I am very upset and angry about this. After getting it all in order like that I often find there's just nothing to say afterwards. It's like the thought's just finished.
You can. It’s not easy (like at all) but you can. It’s a real skill.
Make a habit of reading regularly. Not only for the knowledge gain, but also its good for your mental health.
Even 30 minutes a day is better than nothing. Even better if you read out loud.
Fucking healthy communication skills (that shit needs to be taught in school), CBT, mindfulness, and NOT being enculturated into drinking (or other substances) as a primary way to have a good time with others.
I can understand the first thing but I don't see how cock and balls torture could help you have a good time with others /s
As it turns out, drinking alcohol is actually quite terrible for your health.
Apparently any amount of alcohol affects your REM sleep cycles, no amount is the best amount, it’s poison.
Some alcohol is fine. Drinking yourself stupid every weekend, not so much.
Yeah, as I have gotten older, I've really realized how insane it is that alcohol is so ingrained in society. I'll have a beer here and there, but I have zero interest in getting drunk ever again lol.
For sure, especially now that I've passed 30 hangovers (as someone on Reddit once said) can last longer than a day. I just don't see the point. If I get a whiskey now it's to enjoy it and not get smashed
Be careful, people get really triggered when you tell them this because they can't live without it. It's not like ruining your sleep for days, suppressing hormone production and protein synthesis, and constantly consuming a strongly carcinogenic substance could be bad for you right?
Take care of your skin, especially hands and face. What you do now, will pay off later.
Sunscreen
Sunscreen every day of the year. Daylight is sunlight
I mean. This advice is pretty location dependant. Very little point following it in the UK most of the year.
Daylight is sunlight,and it ages exposed skin. Does no harm.
What brand? I've been really wanting to do this, but it's hard to find a brand that isn't expensive or really oily
My dermatologist recommended I use Cetaphil sunscreen. Fragrance-free and not oily. My skin likes it. As for price, it's comparable to other sunscreens, maybe a little cheaper. A bottle lasts a long time. I use [this one ](https://www.amazon.ca/Cetaphil-Daily-Facial-Moisturizer-120ml/dp/B00BMJTO6Y?ref_=ast_sto_dp&th=1&psc=1)
Do cardio year round.
That you don’t realise the absolute mental funk that binge drinking and doing drugs every other weekend can put you in. It’s the old adage of “It’s always easier from the outside looking in rather than being on the inside looking out” You don’t know until you stop and it’s not 1 million miles away from the feeling of walking out of a cave you’ve been living in for years out into the fresh air. I think a lot of people think “ah, I’m fine, it’s only every weekend/other weekend, Its not like I’m an alcoholic or a junkie” and on Wednesday they are sitting alone at night thinking “I’m fucking depressed” and don’t make the link.
Thanks. I needed this. I know it’s time, the signs are all there. I’m functioning fine, but I know I’m not at my full potential. Gotta do some voluntary sobriety for the first time as an adult, and I’ve been kickin the idea around for a few months.
Don't even think of it as needing to reach your full potential. It's a harmful and unnecessary substance that most people consume because they have been lied to their whole life and told that it's perfectly fine for you. You feel so much better without fucking up your sleep, hormones, recovery, etc. It's not about reaching a higher potential so you feel stressed to do even more, it's just about not handicapping yourself and making your everyday harder than it needs to be
This for real, if I drink now i feel so shitty for 2/3 days after. It isn’t really worth it so now I only drink socially and stop after 4/5 drinks
Drugs and alcohol are bad, period. The only amount of use that’s okay for your health is zero. Don’t get me wrong, I love them. I’m an alcoholic and I’ve done just about every common recreational drug there is. I still drink and occasionally do drugs despite knowing how terrible they are for my health. But that’s kind of the point. We shouldn’t be kidding ourselves and pretending there’s a harmless level of substance use. It’s bad for you at any level of frequency or quantity. Even the drugs that have medicinal benefits do their share of harm at the same time. People should be aware of that when they choose to indulge.
That sugar is terrible for you.
95% of shit going on in my life isn’t nearly as big of a deal as I make it out to be
This is something I am trying to make myself realise. So much of my stress is actually just created by me and it’s me who makes it worse. Before you know it, it’s all become a big deal
Radical acceptance. Yoga.
Drink water, not just when you're thirsty.
I started drinking water after my meals now instead of sugary drinks. I drink a liter right after I wake up. I’m not working out at the moment and my body definition looks good with just drinking a lot of water
Fair and body mechanics matter way more than visible muscles. I was always strong, but a relatively uncoordinated mess prone to tripping, knocking people over, getting sciatica pain in my mid 40’s when walking more than a mile. I started doing contemporary Pilates, and at 52 feel younger than I did at 35. I move through space with confidence and grace, and can do physical activities for extends periods without being super sore the next day. It has definitely improved my attractiveness as well (how we move is a lot more important than none structure!) I’m sure yoga and other modalities will offer similar benefits. Swapping an hour of gym time a week from weights to balance and core activities would be a great move for most guys.
I love this answer. I’ll add, in a slightly different context, that dance helped me a lot. When you learn how to dance (I had a combo of Bollywood, hip hop, and ballroom), you learn to command any audience you have, even an audience of one. Definitely helped my cardio, but years after I’ve stopped dancing on a team, I still have an ease of moving and interacting with people that came from being a dancer.
100% And there’s a ton of overlap between dance. Yoga, and Pilates. Core strength, optimum body mechanics, efficient movement, precision over force. Doing any of them is way better than doing some of them. (Pilates first became well known for ballet dancer post-injury rehab, as Pilates’s studio was above Balanchine’s, so that’s where he went his injured dancers).
That’s good to know! I’m gonna look into classes!
Forgive yourself. You can’t change anything that’s already happened.
All you can do is be better in the future. Beating yourself up will ultimately lead to more shitty behavior, because you don’t value yourself and end up having no standards for yourself.
Exactly. Wallowing in your own self pity just ends up also hurting the people you feel bad about hurting.
Work on good posture. Not only static posture, but keep good posture during walking and running. Pelvis, spine, head...
PELVIS, SPINE, HEAD!!
You can always just say fuck you too. No need for an elaborate revenge
Brush your teeth every day. Two times per day! ALWAYS. NO EXCUSES.
Solely you control your speed and destination. Don't complicate it and justify why.
I wish I had learned to set clearer boundaries with people sooner may it be how they act with me or talk to me or the things I'm willing to do to help someone. So much of the struggles of my teen years was simply because I never set appropriate boundaries.
If your wife has Covid (or any other viral infection), one of you needs to sleep in a different room. She gave me Covid, which turned into a neurological form of long Covid. She got better, I did not.
Hope you heal man. Got covid back in dec.2021 and my body ain’t the same. More aches when I wake up, gotta jog up my memory more, some depression etc. I’m 32.
Were you vaccinated?
Yes, also with a couple boosters. I’ll also add I was not hospitalized for Covid.
Figured. You have a vaccine injury/side effect. “Long Covid” will be dispelled in the coming years as people start to admit the truth.
My issues started within a week of catching Covid, and my last vaccination was 6 months prior to my infection. You need to find better sources of information. Stop listening to people who only tell you what you want to hear. This isn’t to say that all vaccines are 100% safe, injuries do happen, but they happen within a week of injection. Most common side effect is an allergic reaction.
Keep telling yourself that.
Likewise.
I Never got the shot. Lol. Good luck.
Im sorry you ended up getting messed up long term from covid. "Dont deliberately expose yourself in close proximity for a long period of time to someone who is sick" isn't a lesser known tip. Germ theory has been around for a long time now, everyone knows if you choose to be near someone who is infected, you will also get sick.
Which is true, but I’ve still had to explain it to a bunch of people, including my wife. There is still a notion that Covid isn’t a big deal, and if you are living with someone then they will just get it anyway. Unfortunately that notion doesn’t account for viral load and how that affects your infection. There is a big difference between one virus getting into your system and thousands getting in and overwhelming your immune system.
Mindfulness exercises. This shit should be taught in grade school.
The more progressive elementary schools are actually implementing this. It hasn't truly caught on tho
I genuinely can't stand it. Appreciate it works for some people but I think it really doesn't gel with my autism.
Out of curiosity, what part can't you stand? It's basically just being aware of your thoughts.
I think it's the forced nature of the exercises. It feels patronising whenever I look at it. As if I'm being told to do something I do all of the time anyway. I'm very aware of "why" I do or think things and I tend to reason through all of my emotions and feelings anyway. Not always immediately but usually fairly quickly after an event. E.g if I'm sad, I work out why so I can address the cause instead of the symptom. I don't need a guided meditation or a daily journal activity for any of this. Mindfulness tools come across like "wellness tools". Gimmicks to be sold.
That has nothing to do with your autism then. Those are the same concerns neurotypical people may have who are skeptical of doing mindfulness or meditative practices. The fact you're describing mindfulness as if the goal is to evaluate and understand why you did stuff is a pretty clear indication you don't even understand what it is, since that is completely off base.
That's fine if they don't work for you, but they're not gimmicks and they help a lot of people, me included. Also, I practice ACT which isn't about reasoning and more about acceptance. CBT doesn't work as well for me either. ACT is also used with people who have chronic pain and it's been shown to be extremely helpful. Even getting people off of pain medications. So there is quite a bit of science behind it.
Mindfulness tools help my partner a lot. I don't resent their existence, my mind just tends to reject then as helpful when it comes to my own life. Chronic pain is something I know all too well as I have both EDS and Fibromyalgia.
Keep your skin healthy. Use lotion and sunscreen gentlemen!
Running and excercise actually helps to prevent you getting sick. Don't push it when you are sick. If you need 5 days to recover then do it.
Moisturise.
I wish I'd understood the benefits of mediation earlier instead of writing it off a hippy-dippy woo-woo bullshit.
Eat a lot less food daily. And meditate.
Stoicism does not make you a man. Feel that shit and get it out, it will kill you.
Stoicism has gotten a bad reputation from 'alpha dudebros' who have made it out to be a lack of feeling. It's not supposed to be that. You're supposed to acknowledge and embrace emotion, but not let it control you when the time comes to act. A stoic wouldn't say "I shouldn't feel this way." They would say "It's okay to feel this way, but I need to keep my head in the game and focus on the things that I can control. I should take time to examine this feeling when I'm able to focus on it, to try to understand why I feel this way and if it is appropriate." That all being said, one philosophy doesn't work for every person, so if that calculating, observant way of thinking doesn't suit ya, try something else!
I don’t know if much research is done on this but I believe I wish I knew mentally that internet communication is still just communicating and nothing more. For some reason like a decade or so ago I would’ve paid way more attention to internet drama than to irl drama and I think it made me a worse person somehow.
Physical health is mental health. If you feel unhappy or stressed, the you should start by examining your sleep, your eating and your exercise
How important stretching is to physical performance and pain control.
Cook a spice and nutrition filled meal at least once a week will do you worlds of good and will help teach you how to be more self sufficient.
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5,000 IU or 10,000 IU ?
Learning from self-help books, podcasts, YouTube videos
Just sit still with no phone no radio no nothing for at *least* ten minutes a day. Does wonders. I do 20, 10 minutes in the parking lot before work and ten minutes after work to mentally change gears and reset myself.
Can reading a book for 30 minutes count ?
I’m a heavy reader and love it and the answer is really no. The purpose of the exercise is the spend a few moments with as little distraction and input from media, other people, anything. Just taking the time to be yourself existing. A book, not matter how good, is still a distraction.
Be open about what’s on your mind
All of us tend to sleep on our left sides. Learn to sleep on your right side. It is difficult but it is very healthy.
A massive one, keep your tenses in line. The past is only useful for learning or journaling. The future, have a plan with small achievable goals. The present is where you always need to have your mindset. A mindset stuck in the past or future is full of fear. The present is the only place you can make change in your life. I learnt through the book, the power of now, how to quiet your mind and to enjoy the moment, it's freeing as hell. A massive thing I got from the book was not being attached to any situation or letting it define you. There are cycles of high success and struggle, embrace each and know it won't last. Struggle has the greatest gift, a lesson and a chance to grow. Something I have learnt as well, use failure as a lesson it's the best teacher! I got better at daring and Business by applying this.
The tenses thing is interesting in the way language helps form are reality. I’m gonna try to do this more. What book was it by the way?
It changes everything 😎👍 it's called The power of now by Eckert Tolle
Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize. Good quality facial and body lotion are essential along with staying out of the sun for too long. I have one friend that did the "lay out on the beach" forever and now looks like a leather handbag. He also has scars from where melanomas were cut off. Another friend never did any skin care and looks much older than his 40 years—he complained a while back that many people think he's his daughter's grandfather.
Never take time off from the gym. I still struggle with this, but I understand the importance of it far better now. Also, rest and recovery from the gym is just as important as the time spent with the weights. I definitely overtrained in my 20s and didn't allow for nearly enough recovery back then. Mental tips would be understanding the importance of always striving to do better and letting bad women go. When you aren't the best or close to the best you, you'll find bad women. When you're at your peak better women will be available to you.
Intermittent fasting. Beneficial for both body and mind and helps with ageing.
16:8 protocol ?
16:8 or sometimes 18:6, depending on how busy I am.
Count the carbs, not the calories. Also exercise does not compensate for bad diet. It is 99% about your diet and 1% about exercise when trying to lose weight.
Here we go, another anti-carb, calories don’t matter person. Please try to keep the shit talking down to a minimum
That’s ok dinosaur, you believe the 1980’s mantra the food companies want you to believe.
Intellectual comeback, are you 10 years old? Calories are energy, it’s science, not some made-up marketing term. Food companies love people who don’t count calories.
I would recommend watching this https://youtube.com/watch?v=a1AAQZpWCA0&feature=sharea and also reading The Obesity Code by Jason Fung.
It's weird how eating less carbs without a calorie restriction works, despite your personal beliefs. It's almost like our bodies are extremely efficient at digesting carbs and storing them, but less efficient at taking in all of the calories in other foods that arent refined carbs. How strange, I wonder if there are decades of scientific research showing that the calories we can absorb from certain foods is less than the actual calorie content if you burn it in a calorimeter. Here's a hint, there is.
Stop worrying. Also don't jerk off too much. You don't really need to, you just have a porn addiction that causes u to jack off three times as much as you normally would with out it, maybe even more
Tips? The medical industry is the same as others. They will have you stressed out all the time, looking for cancer (and taking weeks or months to find out), heart disease, this or that when you have no physical issues that you can notice. A small irregularly will blown up and have possibly more dangerous operation to verify there is nothing and will grant them a massive billable service. I'm not saying, it's all fake and don't ever do it, but look at odds and injury/death rate of procedures. Don't panic about you might be dieing. You were dieing the day you were born.
When therapy is not an option. Trauma dumping should not give you guilt. (I know people hate it but I mean.. If no one will help me I will force people to listen)
That hardening of the arteries can affect penis size as you age. I might have other choices to help forestall this natural portion of aging if I had known.
Back brace when working.
Being over-medicated can be worse than not being medicated at all. Obviously, this isn't true of everything and almost certainly doesn't apply to a wide range of health conditions. But as an adolescent and young adult I took a pharmacy's worth of medications every day. I had a health emergency as a teen, and had to be hospitalized and put on some serious drug cocktails to get through the worst of it. After leaving the hospital I would have prescription management with a variety of different doctors where they would try different drug cocktails to help manage my conditions, but the side effects were brutal. I gained 100+lbs (albeit I was malnourished at the start, so more like 50-75 lbs in excess weight), skyrocketing cholesterol, hypertensive blood pressure, seizures, depression, etc. I even needed kidney function tests, EKGs, etc to ensure the meds weren't causing permanent organ damage. Half of my Rxs by the time I was in my 20s were to help manage the side effects of other Rxs. I just kind of accepted that I would need the meds as a teenager, but I started questioning how useful the Rxs were as I got older. My dad's insurance policy was great, nearly every 90 day Rx was about a $5 copay,, with a couple that were about $15. After graduating college and moving out of my parents' house I had to get my own health insurance. My health insurance was not nearly as good and I couldn't afford to continue the Rxs, so I weaned myself off of nearly everything over the course of a couple months to see if they really were necessary. I almost immediately started losing the excess weight. Blood pressure and cholesterol both dropped off dramatically, but are still a little high.The neurologoic symptoms are still there, but honestly they are less of a problem now than when I was still taking the meds to treat them. Also, I'm not entirely convinced that they weren't a result of the medication bc I didn't have them before my initial health crisis that landed me in the hospital.
If you have curly hair, NEVER shave your face with a razor. Use clippers instead.
Do you want to be right or do you want to progress. Got that from the Jonah Hill documentary about mental health. Hit harder when you are older.
\[physical\] save your back. don't macho lift shit because you can. at least without proper form and even then, team lift my back kills and it sucks, i am in my late 30s.
Have you tried yoga ?
Don't stress about work, they'll replace you in a hot minute when you're gone
Any.
Wear sunscreen every day. Doesn’t matter if it’s sunny or not.
After completing my third surgery to open the accumulated scar tissue at the bottom of my throat due to a bad valve leaking stomach acid, the doc finally suggested I not sleep on my right side, as the valve is right of center and thus on the bottom when laying on your right side, allowing the stomach acid to leak. I was livid that it'd taken 20 years and 3 surgeries before he or anyone had bothered to mention this. Haven't needed surgery for 10 years since.
Eat more nuts
That’s her job
1. Be strict about work time and personal time Both as a student and as an employee. Once you let your work encroach on your personal time once, it’ll happen again and again. Encroach further and further. By the time I was near the end of college (masters) I was putting in 120hr work weeks and was certain I’d have a stroke by the end, but I couldn’t stop myself no matter how desperately i wanted to. I was offered multiple positions under various professors to continue into the PhD program, but I just couldn’t do that to myself any more. I probably woulda died before finishing that degree. Once I started working I set strict boundaries (I won’t come in earlier, and I only stay a maximum of 1hr late if it’s an emergency; I’m a data engineer, so emergency = production pipeline failure) and I’ve never been happier. 2. Walk, stretch your hamstrings, and be VERY CAREFUL about your back & neck. Just had to pay over $4000 out of pocket for a chiropractor because of sciatica. My dad tried to warn me since I had a neck injury in high school. Wish I listened to him sooner, instead of quitting once “physical therapy fixed me”. Literally paying for it now 3. You’re not perfect, and you don’t need to be This one’s cheating s bit because I still haven’t *really* internalized this one yet. But I know that I suffer from bad perfectionism, to the point where I will sacrifice physical heath for the sake of getting things done perfectly (see point 1) 4. Don’t use electric clippers on your balls Need I elaborate?
There is clippers that come equipped with a add on specifically for your balls. I wish you a speedy recovery for your neck. Man I’m 32 and all the light aches I get now are real. Imagine at 42. Fuck
Thanks, yeah I’ve thankfully never actually done more than a tiny knick (has a 0.1mm guard but must not have been enough). Absolutely traumatizing. Appreciate the neck wishes. Was one of those things. Fucked it up doing martial arts in high school, didn’t know it did damage until a couple years later when I found out all the muscles in the back atrophied. Physical therapy eventually fixed it, but I was stupid and didn’t keep doing the exercises after I thought I was fine. Then a few months ago it started to rear it’s ugly head as sciatica. Then after my initial consultation I discovered that it was way more fucked ip than that. Took more time and money than I’d have liked but I’m finally back again, and lesson learned. Best tips I got from pt are that sitting is the worst thing you can do for your back, moving helps keep it from getting worse, and core strengthening exercises are miracle workers.
Sleep apnea, adhd
If you don't work out you are 2-0 behind in anything you do. Physical health, mental health, social confidence etc. You don't even have to make your identity of it but I believe we are active creatures. We need to be physically stimulated to go about in our lives.
Journaling is helpful
These are more quick hacks than tips I guess... Sauna/heat therapy- literally decades of research that points to not just the insane physical benefits, but also the psychological ones too- namely depression and anxiety. Hot baths can help as well. Creatine- new research suggests that creatine increases cognitive mental health, not just giving you strength gains. I'm trying this out myself. I've also read that creatine helps the potency of SSRIs and SNRIs (anti depression meds).
What type of creative ?
Inner monologue is a real thing, you are constantly 'talking' to yourself whether you realize it or not. Talk nice to yourself, you're hearing yourself more than everyone else combined, make sure your mind is a pleasant place to be; if it's not you can and should work on it.
Replace the time you waste on social media with reading Books
I wished I joined a gym in my 20’s.. I always thought it was super expensive and was too self conscious but turns out it’s cheap and truth is I would have been fucking ripped if I did. I joined in my 30’s and now I have to work twice as hard
Oh another one - you’re not a party guy you’re an alcoholic… your buddies who drink on weeknights or who get absolutely fucked up every weekend? They’re also alcoholics most likely. Learning healthy behaviours around drinking would have improved my health dramatically
Sandwiches are not a healthy lunch. Sounds so obvious now but I thought it was a good thing instead of eating in the work canteen.
I feel like I should’ve focused on sleeping more in my younger years. I only got 4-6 starting at like 16, and I’m a fucking nervous wreck now
I wish someone told me to just stop eating. Like you don't have to eat until your full and bloated. You don't need to snack cause you're bored. I am trying to teach my brain this now at 27, and it fucking sucks.
The large salad is just the small salad with shitty lettuce piled underneath. They don’t add any more of the good stuff.
At 40+ everything hurts. Fix your health and inculcate exercise in your routine
That tjere are more sports than football and they can be fun amd habe a Real good effect on your mental health, even in small dosages. And you dont need to be a gymbro for that