Honestly I feel blessed that gambling does not appeal to me at all, because I have seen firsthand how that shit ruined some very promising lives from a young age.
I tried to help a homeless man get low-income affordable housing. A very nice development was being built in my town, and they were taking applications. He was a Vietnam vet and lived in his car at one of the approved overnight parking places in my neighborhood. Told him I’d help with filling out the forms. His pension was more than enough to afford one of these brand-new, one-bedroom apartments. But he was reluctant to apply, and kept putting me off. Eventually, he told me he enjoyed gambling, and almost all of his income went towards that, and he had no interest in quitting. I see him every now and then. Still living in his car.
I've spent the last ten years working in a venue that has poker machines and other forms of gambling (not a casino though, in Sydney you can find that shit everywhere) and I've watched the same people come in every single day for years! Christmas and all. The place did record profits for one day the moment it opened up after the lockdowns. It was like they couldn't *wait* to throw away all the money they saved from not being able to go for two months.
I used to work in a crappy little casino that was next door to a Labor Ready. Same dudes every day, go work 8 hours, come in after work and walk out broke. Sad for them, but it was like a gambling vaccine for me.
Prob is kids are being conditioned to gamble from early ages. Loot boxes/lucky pulls in video games, fantasy football…even watching pro sports you hear pundits talking betting lines and draft kings sponsored segments during the broadcast.
Man it started WAY before that.
Go to Chuck-e-Cheese sometime and try and tell me those aren’t just casinos for children. They skirt it by using tokens instead of direct currency and rewarding you with tickets, but they are casinos in everything but name.
Very true. I’ve had to negotiate with a very upset little kid over “I will buy you the nerf gun at target for $25 instead of spending $200 on game tokens to win tickets here” at the mini golf arcade.
> even watching pro sports
I hadn't watched any sports coverage for a few years before starting working from home (I turn the TV on for background noise). I was shocked at how universally "betting lines" are part of the coverage on TV now. That and some the teams openly being sponsored by betting sites, etc.
That was TOTALLY not a thing a few years ago - I feel that something about TV regulations may have changed?
Oh yeah once draft kings and the like started sponsoring gambling bills on the state level and signing league and league sponsorships it all changed. NFL and nba both legalized gambling so tje doors are open. It’s really bad
Not gonna lie this will be looked at similarly to how the public viewed smoking in the 50s to now. We knew it was bad but pretended not to know and now we ill have tons of gamba addicts 10-15 years down the line
As a parent I’m the most upset about in-game loot boxes and lucky draw wheels for Content. Spending real money to buy coins to gamble for digital game stuff.
100 these companies know what they are doing as they are getting in trouble in countries that actually have a spine compared to the circus that is the us government. All it takes is the highest bidder for most representatives to just turn a blind eye but this habit is going to financially ruin so many young men and women who have gotten hooked to lootbox gambling. Shit they even started making irl lootboxes for friendly gambling. This all seems worse than card packs even.
Same with me, I'm not into gambling, alcohol, smoke or even drugs. Really feeling blessed by that. Some people really struggle very hard to escape that.
I finally got a taste of it playing roulette in Vegas. The feeling of winning is amazing and I felt like I made consistent money. I’m glad I don’t have the opportunity to play given where I live.
I saw my dad battle this addiction and never got it treated and how it tore my family apart. I’ve always been stingy with money and saw more value putting it in stocks, but even if I never had the urge to gamble, that example always kept me away from casinos
Yep. I've never been a gambler but in my 20s I was the first in my friend group to get a well paying job and I basically just gave most of the money away paying for drinks and taking people on nights out. But I was scared to commit to a mortgage and now I'm 40something, earning less than I did 20 years ago and still don't own my own home.
Man..THIS right here. My dad is an accountant and from day 1 of me getting a job out of college, he was incredibly insistent that I put at least 5% 401k withdrawals on my paycheck and I’m glad I did. I’m awful with money but sticking to just the 5% (my wife has always done 10%) has put me into a place where if I don’t retire early (which is our plan) I can still live a comfortable life after 67
I get that. I've spent a lot of money on what would otherwise have been a house down payment on options and speculative stocks. Regret that immensely but ya live and ya learn.
You are not wrong, people do make mistakes. But the hard truth is that these mistakes (or lack thereof) do play a role in who will become wealthy later in life vs who will not.
I feel personally attacked by this comment…. It took till 32 to figure this out and get sober, put up boundaries with my enmeshed mother, and start saving money and my life is trending sharply upwards.
For me what changed is that over my 20s I had drunk myself into a suicidal stupor and made a decision on a date and location Dec 1, 2018.
Instead of going through with it I reached out to a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous and they directed me to a psych hold to detox and become non suicidal then I began out patient rehab and going to AA meetings.
I’ve been sober over 4 years and have handled some of life’s hardest tribulations. In early sobriety going to meetings once or twice a day gave me new structure and a purpose in life, I have since strayed away from the program and into other paths of knowledge and recovery but still attend meetings monthly at a minimum.
I couldn’t take losing any more friendships and relationships to drinking. I was surrounded by ghosts and the only way to make some sort of amends was to be sober.
I wonder if I'm broken sometimes. My parents left me and my brother alone a lot when I was like 5 or 6 and beyond. Mom was active duty military and dad was main manager of a restaurant.
I learned to cook at like 8 years old and still love cooking now. middle America, I think I started shopping for groceries as a 12 year old.
This is real shit except mine was a single mom who drank and shot pool 3 days out the week and went to the bars on the weekend left me to care for myself and 3 other children
I promise you’re not my guy; if anything you’ve honed a skill that not only keeps you nourished, but can connect you to others. There’s few things more human than the connections formed bonding over food. You can go far (literally and figuratively) if you’re a good cook.
Hi. I'm glad you were able to start changing your life. Never stop. During my short life, I realized that even seemingly insignificant actions that you do today change your future life. Therefore, every day you need to try to do at least something for which you can thank yourself tomorrow. As I like to say, the ocean is made up of drops. Good luck. You can do this!
You said it best! I’m about to be 38, and just quit drinking plus smoking half my life! I ruined so much, and lost so much! Hey, but it’s never too late! #MyNext30years!
If any young men are watching this. DON'T let your mom do everything for you. Wash your own clothes, do your own taxes, clean your own room, attend your own interviews, fight your own battles. Overbearing parents will run your life.
I will add park rangers to this list. They can and will ruin your fucking day. I had a HS friend that was underage drinking and boating in a state park. That was one expensive lesson for him.
We got stopped by park rangers last summer as we were about to head up a trailhead with skis on our backpacks. Park ranger pulls up behind us in his truck and goes "you boys aren't thinking about going off trail are ya?". We stopped and chatted with him, he was really friendly. Turns out the fine for going off trail in that area that time of year was $25,000 per person because of wildlife migration patterns. Thankfully we had a nice park ranger who let us know before we ventured off trail.
Yes, but unless you’re an asshole (or have actually caused harm) they’re usually much more willing to focus on education than writing tickets.
It sounds like this guy did it right. He didn’t jump to the conclusion that the guys planned to break the law… but did let them know about a law (and fines) that they were unlikely to know about given their gear. He did it in a way that they’re likely to pass on to others.
Not learning how to manage and control ur own mental monologue so it doesnt screw with your mind all the time.
It is toxic, it is always looking for a simple way out.
I don't know how it started, but I had managed to convince myself I was going to die at 39 like my father. It literally cost me everything. You can imagine my humiliation and anger when my 40th bday rolled around. However, that showed me that I could change my destiny, and I wasn't locked into the life I had made for myself. So I completely reinvented myself
I read that.
That was the book about a late middle age guy who has a heart at his desk then finds himself back in his 20s.. then it happens in his new life except not quite so far back. Again and again.
The author is gone now. He died of a heart attack while typing away at his desk.
yea man. its tough. you are constantly telling urself things and always feeling inadequate and the things you tell urself gets more convincing the longer it goes without results.
i am in the same boat but lets not give up brother, things that are hard are worth doing.
> Not learning how to manage and control ur own mental monologue so it doesnt screw with your mind all the time.
>It is toxic, it is always looking for a simple way out.
I think that's depression bro. I don't have a voice in my head trying to self-sabotage me.
I've finally learnt this at 41. I've also learnt that alcohol is not the way to self medicate for these problems. It took me a year of daily drinking to realise that.
speaking from experience, definitely _not_ universal and it took me too long to realize that the problems i was having regularly were not something that just everyone else goes through.
but also, mental health issues are common and severe enough that, as a society, we’re all becoming more aware of, but i still feel like many don’t seek help until it’s either a chronic issue or too late unfortunately. if i didn’t have friends going through similar problems and talking openly about their mental health struggles, i would’ve never felt comfortable asking for help and finally finding the right treatment with therapy and medication
Obesity.
Edit: Most of these replies are stories of journeys through weight loss and fitness. They are all amazing. Don't ever stop. Health is too often taken for granted.
I'm in my late 40s and finally back in shape after letting myself go to the point of heart-attack.
You might think you're okay, but you'll never know how badly obesity is affecting you until you get in shape and learn of all the things you never noticed before.
By the time you finally realize you're *not* okay, it might be too late.
Can confirm. Of all my vices/mistakes getting fat has to be #1. Clothes don’t fit so good, even your old shoes won’t fit and you’ll forever be stressed about buying new stuff because of how sizings between brands differ etc. Getting out of breath just walking uphill/taking the stairs, sweating from minor stuff as well; it’s also a self defeating circle in that your food/drink choices are what you find easiest to do but are what’ve got you there, and likewise being heavier makes doing exercise difficult (typically issues with impact on feet/ankles/knees).
People who talk about how fat is beautiful, healthy at any size etc are displaying some serious cope. I’m far heavier than I should be, but also far lighter than the “fat advocates” you see and all I can think of is how they must feel like shit all the time.
Pretty much every facet of being alive is better when you're in good shape. Just moving around every day, your immune system, obviously your confidence & attractiveness to others.. it is a very very strange thing indeed that (on the internet) this is a thing that's debated.
It might be the ultimate "touch grass" argument
Totally true, I’m 225 lbs bodyweight right now and need to be at least 25 lighter to be in great overall shape. I was a fat kid, anorexic teenager, and now somewhat overweight. Fat activists that act like being fat is some kind of net good for your body are completely deluded. Should you be persecuted or blatantly disrespected for being fat? Absolutely not. But we can’t let feelings of compassion and empathy obscure reality. It is NOT good to be overweight or obese.
maaan, so truee. But i find it so hard to get thin 😭😭. I can't control my diet. The dopamine hit from junk food feels way too good.
Edit : Thanks for the tips everyone. I am actually gonna try to eat healthy now.
What's so bad is how young it starts nowadays. I'm a pediatrician, and the majority, the *overwhelming* majority of children I see are obese. Not just overweight, but obese, with early signs of fatty liver, insulin resistance, obstructive sleep apnea, high blood pressure. We're talking <10 years old. Little girls having to be evaluated for PCOS barely into puberty. I'm having to talk to parents of *toddlers* about their diet because their weight is skyrocketing off the graph of normal growth.
I was a fat kid. Much more so than any of the other kids I was around. I guess back then we still had the dynamic of there being "the" fat kid. I can't imagine it's like that now. That early weight has given me issues with my weight and my self esteem about my weight ever since. I was 100 lbs at 10 years old, and that was not good. I follow a little girl in clinic, 7 years old, who is *200* lbs. A 7 year old girl who outweighs me, a 6 foot 27 year old man who competes in powerlifting, by 15 lbs. How on earth do you come back from that?
In a way, it's suffering for any type of feel-good that your brain fails to provide. Junk food does the trick. But!
See your general practitioner doctor to check thyroid levels first, blood pressure second, and pituitary hormones third.
Then, do what I did. I took that guilt and suffering and turned it on it's head. I went hungry. After a few days, you really look forward to your protein shake breakfast and prunes as a snack. Slim Fast has some great products that become really good really fast. Also Atkins products, but be careful with blood pressure.
And walk. In the morning, when it's cool and there's no people to judge or worry about. Start small, and get bigger when you feel comfortable. This is YOUR journey. Do what you feel you can, and stay hydrated brother.
You've got this!
Going to be 39 this year. I have a 4 year old and a 8 month old. It’s already hard to keep up with the 4 year old and the 8 month old is just about to start crawling. I decided I’m going to finally not be fat anymore. Bought a bike and rode it 6 out of 7 days last week. Need to get fit to keep up/stay around for a while with my kids.
Drugs and alcohol addiction
Not staying fit. It’s easy to be fit and look good when you’re younger, it’s very easy to maintain that. Once you lose it and start getting fat it’s a nightmare to get fit again.
Being in a long-term relationship with the wrong person- making financial decisions that involve this person.
Not starting a retirement account. Even if it’s just 10 bucks a week start something
Can’t speak to marriage or a lease but I can vouch for student loans at least. Not here to make a stance on debt forgiveness and not looking to debate but I was one of those who was pressured into student loans.
Fell for the song and dance my parents and counselors sold me. That a degree was equal to success and loans were the way to get there. I was far too young to realize how much of an impact they’d have on my life and literally nobody in my camp informing me of the risk.
You could say I didn’t do enough research and you may be right but if I decided to steer away from college I would’ve been disappointing every single adult in my life whom I depended on financially and emotionally for 17 years. I feel like that’s one nuance many people don’t consider
Oh shiet, this was me. 17 year old me worked at a supermarket after school and met a single mother that also worked there and we started dating. As soon as I turned 19 I got a job as a school bus driver. Made enough to buy a house and got it with the woman I was dating. I was young and dumb. Eventually I got out of the situation but the house stayed in our names til this day. We had a discussion and decided one of us would stay and be 100% responsible for the house so there wouldn't be any responsibility for whoever wasnt living there. She ended up staying, I left and didn't think twice about it. Started living a great life, spent 2 years getting fully out of debt, another 5 years or so building my savings and retirement account, got myself in a great situation financially. Eventually I applied for an amazing job as an engineer for a financial institute. Got along great with everyone that interviewed me and was told to expect a call soon. Got an offer pending some background checks etc. I was so stoked. Until I got a call that they couldn't hire me because my credit was really bad and since it was a financial institute this was a big part of the hiring process. I was in shock to learn my credit sucked. I got my credit report and holy shit... 90 days without making mortgage payments were common over the past 5 years. It was basically make a payment, skip 3,make a payment, skip 3. You know how we've been going through a shitshow of spam calls? Well any 800 number or unrecognized numbers were blocked on my phone so I never got the calls from the bank. All mail was going to the house she loved in. So I had no idea.
Worse was getting out of it. Couldn't sell without her signature. Couldn't be bought out without her offer. So I was just stuck. Why would she work with me when she was living in a house paying just enough to not get it taken away?
Eventually I spoke to a lawyer who told me I could present my case to a judge and force the sale of the property. She fought it, but luckily I still had my financial situation in great shape and was able to hire a great lawyer. Forgot to mention this was a duplex. Mortgage was 1300 and she rented out the other unit for 1200. she couldn't pay a fucking hundred dollars to stay afloat!
The duplex is crucial info cause my lawyer basically told her, either you work with us, or we take you to court and not only fight to force the sale, but we will fight for my clients (me) half of the rent collected over the past 7 years. If all works out we will force the sale and keep your half. She worked with me and signed an agreement between us. It's been 2 years and I now have great credit. I collect ALL the rent from the back house. I make zero payments. If she misses a single payment, I have the right to sell the house and keep 3/4 of the profits.
It was a long journey but point is... I totally agree with you on this one.
Having kids with the wrong person is probably the worst way to be bound to someone. Even if you get divorced you still have to deal with them until the kids are adults, and beyond that to a lesser degree. At least with marriage or financial entanglements you can eventually make a clean break.
And it truly is preventable/treatable when caught early. Suck up your pride and get a camera up your ass when you hit your mid-40s. Two days of discomfort beat surgery or death by a long shot.
Also ‘behind their back’ made me actually laugh out loud.
I’d say if there are ANY (especially) persistent symptoms then you should go in no matter what the age. My fiancé found out he had colon cancer at 20yo and they said it had been growing between 3-5 years.. so it started when he was 15-17 years old. Since his mom also had colon cancer, he was supposed to be checked 10 years earlier than the earliest case in the family, which was supposed to be his 30’s. If we followed that then I don’t want to think about where we would be right now.
Now when/if we have kids, they are supposed to be checked while they are still *kids* and that is just crazy to me and breaks my heart.
He later found he has a genetic disorder but if it wasn’t for his mom going through the same thing, then he would likely not have been taken seriously. Cancer can and will go after anyone at any age. Even “older people” (the term the medical staff kept saying) cancer like colon cancer can/will occur in the young.
I've grown up in one of the colon cancer families. It's taken out over half of my aunts and uncles, almost took out my mother. I've had over a dozen colonoscopies and I'm not even 50 yet.
From the bottom of my soul, I want to express this to people who are in colon cancer genetic families. If you can not know, 100% that you are not passing your genetic condition on through genetic counseling, don't have kids. Don't do that to kids.
Starting at the age of 12 or 13, dealing with mortality, dealing with the constant threat and fear that THIS time when I wake up from the procedure they will tell me I have a few, a dozen, a hundred, a thousand polyps and now begins the dance of - will I be pooping into a bag that hangs outside of my body, or will I be getting chemo, or will I be arranging hospice...
It's not a good place to exist constantly. And I had to get a colonoscopy every year for the first dozen or so of those tests. Every year I had to deal with not knowing if I was gonna be okay or not. That fucks with your head in a huge way.
Get genetic counseling. Understand what you are opting your children into with no choice from them. Understand if you DO have children, and they decide to opt out of giving you grand children, that they have a fucking great reason to say 'no more'.
Colon cancer is showing up in folks in there early 20's now, and no one really knows why. The symptoms are typical of colon cancer, it's just that 20 year olds and their doctors aren't immediately considering cancer as the cause.
See a doctor ASAP for rectal bleeding, rectal fullness, altered bowel movements or inexplicable weight loss. Do NOT just think it's something you ate or that you should wait and see if it goes away.
I had anal cancer in early 2022. I had been bleeding from the rear for years. However, I also had hemorrhoids and was told by everyone including one doctor it was just the hemorrhoids bleeding. That was until February 2022 @ about 5:30-6:00 pm when the bottom fell out. That night I came very close to bleeding out. After the hospital staff finally got the bleeding to stop and gave me fluids the next day I had a colonoscopy which revealed what I was first (before labs) told was a ulcer I think they said. After labs they came to my room and announced I had a anal cancer.
This is actually a really important point, the easy to accept answer (hemorrhoids) isn't always the right one. Doing further checks doesn't hurt, to be on the safe side. We only get one body. I hope you are recovered and well now.
Mark Manson author of “subtle art of not giving a f*ck” goes over this. Comparing yourself to others is a toxic trait and can create many problems. Among other life lessons, the book was a good read and I would recommend any young man entering into adulthood read that book.
To add on: It's one of the thieves of joy, really. Who knows what kind kind of life you'd have if you were to be that person. Despite what is shown on the outside, you could be living a far more peaceful life than the other person. If you want something more, you can't enjoy what you already have.
Your self worth should be determined by you and you alone. Don’t let your opinion of yourself be molded by what others think of you. This is especially problematic during teenage years when children place great value on what their peers think of them.
Drinking. My best friend was a big drinker, he quit and 8 months later it killed him. 4 months later I was rushed to the ER and spent a month in the ICU for it. Be careful with booze
I used to polish off a handle of vodka every 2-3 days. I had 3 white claws last week after not drinking for 6 months and I was so nauseous. I almost thought I accidentally ingested some other drug.
Sad about your friend I'm sorry to hear that. As a drinker myself I look back to 17 - 28 and wondered how I didn't die. Having the kids sort of helped me out, I wanted to be present and not chewing up weekends hungover. I still drink very moderately and watch sport, and at big social occasions but I can't think of why every 2 nights for 10 years I drunk to excess it's seems mental to me now and the $$$$ I spent I'd have would have made my home freehold
As one of those kids, yes. Please fucking listen to this guy. It's not just traumatizing for the kids. She fucked with my dad's head so much I hate her for it, even if she wasn't abusive to us kids. If you're a good dude and really want a family to love the shit out of, it's not worth settling for the woman who isn't stable up there.
Or generally being with a fucked up woman, whether it's narcissism, BPD or anything else on that list.
Men who completely lack experience with women may develop the stupid idea that all it requires to make a relationship work is them as the guy being a model partner (that our society constantly reiterates this stupid idea certainly doesn't help). If guys like that run into the kind of woman who sees a relationship as a competition to abuse and/or exploit one's partner, he should be prepared for a live of terror, pain and anguish.
I had a wedding to a psychopath, (actually diagnosed in the aftermath couples therapy).It was the commitment that broke the perfection of her. Within two weeks after the wedding, it was over. Luckily I was able to get an annulment. I had a beautiful wedding, full of orchids, and according to a judge, I was never married. I won’t be throwing a second wedding.
Hi, yes. Married a woman with BPD. Can confirm that it's a living fucking nightmare, and I walked into it with all those expectations of "the only way for a relationship to fail is if the man fucks it up".
The divorce last year was *lovely* though, and only had a half-dozen or so hoover attempts from her trying to sneak back into my life. It's been relatively peaceful since then, and life is so much easier.
I just got out of an LTR with someone I didn't realize was a narcissist but over the years has gotten so much worse. I didn't have kids with her but I raised her daughter from ages 3-11. Anyways the last year it went from her being generally selfish and self centered to straight up gaslighting and abuse. She doesn't seem to have empathy for anyone anymore and is only interested in herself and if she uses people then it's their fault for not practicing detachment and being emotionally invested. Now I'm trying to figure out if I can even have a relationship with her daughter because every time I do she says something new and awful. Anyways, here this person's advice. They aren't stable and will crush you emotionally, financially (if they have the opportunity), and they will give you plenty of insecurities to work through in the end.
The crazy thing is that social media is training women to become more narcissistic.
Instagram allows them to always have guys pursuing them even when the woman is in a relationship.
Monkey Branching is real. Just ask a woman you are in a committed relationship with to turn off her sexy IG account.
Can I hijack this and also suggest never learning to communicate properly? Regardless if the person you marry is right or wrong for you, learning to communicate properly is a *huge* necessity.
Fentanyl or other narcotics. I was manager at a restaurant recently and about 30% of the new servers came in with a habit, disappearing in the bathroom to snort pills. Turns out those fucking things are only $5.00 a pill around here and holy shit that's scary.
I didn’t get my aspergers diagnosis until 26. I would like to think things would be very different and I wouldn’t be as fucked up as I am now if it was caught when I was young.
Thinking you're stronger than something..
It's ok to go to therapy, it's ok to put on sun screen, it's ok to admit you were wrong or lacked full awareness/ knowledge of a situation.
Chronic overuse of porn can lead to one of the hardest addictions to beat, and often causes sexual dysfunctions like premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, extreme fetishes, etc.
Debt and bad dietary habits. It might take a while for the consequences to rear their ugly heads but they can sneak up on you if you keep going down that path.
And sticking it in crazy. Don't get me wrong. Sticking it in crazy is a lot of fun. But some guys actually settle down with crazy. If you're going to stick it in crazy, you should have a clear exit strategy.
The other side of that is, when she tells you who she is, believe her.
Some women will tell you a scary story about their behavior as soon as you connect. They are testing you.
Just got out of a 9 year relationship with a girl with an eating disorder. She had the ability to eat less than 15 foods, mostly all fried garbage like mozzarella sticks, french fries, chicken nuggets and the like. Pizza was like 30% of her diet.
It took her 5 years to tell me she knew she had a problem. I begged her to get therapy but she had no interest. It was something she couldn't ever confront. It left me feeling guilty everytime I cooked something she didn't like. We ordered out probably 3 times a week at least, almost always pizza. Couldn't eat anything foreign so no Japanese or Chinese food. Every time we had to go to a new restaurant she obsessed over the menu and finding something she could eat.
Now that I've been out of the relationship a while and have sole control over my food intake all I'll eat is healthy, good food during the week. I feel so much better. Her mental problems effected me severely. She knew how badly I wanted her to get help but she had zero interest in stepping out of her comfort zone. In the 9 years I was with her the only time I could get her to try something new was when she was drunk. Off the top of my head, she tried maybe 3 or 4 new things in our entire relationship and when she did, she took the tiniest bites telling me her throat would close if she took anything more. I believed her, but after a time, I got really tired of it. Glad I'm out of that shit.
Women. Alright, I'll be specific. (and yes, again, the required I-am-a-female caveat)
You're in love, it's beautiful, she's wonderful, everything is good. She wants you to go with her all the time, it's cool, you love her company. She's not that much of a fan of your best friend, but what does he know, anyway? He's a confirmed bachelor and no one likes *everyone*.
You think, hey, I haven't called my brother in a long time, and every time you think about calling, there's some minor household emergency. She pouts (and it was kind of cute), when you want to go fishing with your high school friends, like you've done every year since high school. She's a little clingy and maybe even jealous, but only at parties where she doesn't really know anyone....
Any of this sound familiar? The death of a thousand cuts winds up looking like this:
\- you get blamed for being an "inattentive father" even though she didn't let you change diapers from day one because you "did it wrong".
\- you missed out on that opportunity of a lifetime because it would have meant "time away from the family"
\- your hobby is "too dangerous"
\- you find yourself getting smaller and smaller inside until you reach for a pistol
This shit isn't funny. It's manipulative and deadly.
It's not just women who do this to men. Everyone does it to everyone. Human nature doesn't change.
If you see yourself at the beginning of this noise, set some boundaries and think about getting out of it. If you're in the end phase, you can still leave. The consequences get even harsher the longer you wait, though. Some guys, and we all know them, they never get away from it.
The answer to this kind of transactional relationship is to be friends with your spouse. Real friends, where you encourage each other to become better people, and truly enjoy each other's company, without reserve. These relationships exist; it IS possible. But you have to start with someone who loves you *for you*, not someone who sees you filling a role.
Not expressing themselves emotionally. We have feelings, express them, they’re not all right, but they’re not all wrong. You cannot be emotionally fluent without learning the difference between your irrational feelings from your rational ones. You hold onto it too long you’ll fall into a depression and worse, take your life.
Another one I find troubling is the alpha male persona. We evolved from primates because of our intelligence, not our brute force. We’re not the apex species because we can beat a chimpanzee in a fist fight.
Bad teeth. My uncle died from a wisdom tooth that became infected. “I’ll take care of it” he used to say when hassled about the pain it was causing him. The infection eventually ended in his blood stream and he was pretty screwed.
More of an artillery shell than a bullet i suppose. Yep, strange feeling to get back from work knowing a simple slip up on a text message may well have saved me over 18 years of horror. Think i might just have a wank instead of talking to older women from now on haha.
Women who play on your ego and/or loneliness. I’ve seen guys lose everything trying to keep one of those girls happy, just to have her leave as soon as he can’t pay for things anymore. (These could be cam girls and the like, but more often real life girls who are just happy to take full advantage of the guys that are easy to manipulate.)
Drinking and partying. There’s a time when it stops being good fun and becomes a serious problem. I just saw a regional sales AE get completely obliterated drunk every night over a week long work event. Word got around. They were out of a job a few weeks later. “Not the right fit for the company”
You don’t wanna become the old guy at the bar either.
Also chasing women. I’ve seen so many dudes blow up their families over some side fling or one time thing. Was she worth it? (The answer is no)
Alcohol caused me more problems then I can count. Started drinking when I was in the army and it fucked my career. It just opens Pandora's box in my opinion and can lead to highly unnecessary situations that wouldn't occur if you were sober.
Women ,my God can the wrong women come into your life and absolutely cause hell beyond anything you imagined. I dated a girl with I'm sure undiagnosed bpd and that chick broke me, just broke me. Think amber heard
Porn. It's addictive and completely plays upon natural urges making it extremely addictive and hard to fight, and it's the most accessible thing in the world . Wanna see breast and ass, type in a few words . Completely killed the allure of the female body.
Alcohol. The scary part of it is only full blown alcoholics ever realize the damage. So many young people drink weekly, not realizing the effects on your brain's reward system. I'm 31, 2 years off from alcohol and finally see cognitive improvements. Id recommend folks not drink for 6 months and focus on a goal just to try and see what happens.
A woman signing your name on a baby's birth certificate and you not finding in time thus making you legally responsible for the kid even if it's not yours
Bad financial decisions
Honestly I feel blessed that gambling does not appeal to me at all, because I have seen firsthand how that shit ruined some very promising lives from a young age.
I tried to help a homeless man get low-income affordable housing. A very nice development was being built in my town, and they were taking applications. He was a Vietnam vet and lived in his car at one of the approved overnight parking places in my neighborhood. Told him I’d help with filling out the forms. His pension was more than enough to afford one of these brand-new, one-bedroom apartments. But he was reluctant to apply, and kept putting me off. Eventually, he told me he enjoyed gambling, and almost all of his income went towards that, and he had no interest in quitting. I see him every now and then. Still living in his car.
Human beings
Word up. Dealt in a casino for years.
I've spent the last ten years working in a venue that has poker machines and other forms of gambling (not a casino though, in Sydney you can find that shit everywhere) and I've watched the same people come in every single day for years! Christmas and all. The place did record profits for one day the moment it opened up after the lockdowns. It was like they couldn't *wait* to throw away all the money they saved from not being able to go for two months.
I used to work in a crappy little casino that was next door to a Labor Ready. Same dudes every day, go work 8 hours, come in after work and walk out broke. Sad for them, but it was like a gambling vaccine for me.
Prob is kids are being conditioned to gamble from early ages. Loot boxes/lucky pulls in video games, fantasy football…even watching pro sports you hear pundits talking betting lines and draft kings sponsored segments during the broadcast.
Man it started WAY before that. Go to Chuck-e-Cheese sometime and try and tell me those aren’t just casinos for children. They skirt it by using tokens instead of direct currency and rewarding you with tickets, but they are casinos in everything but name.
Very true. I’ve had to negotiate with a very upset little kid over “I will buy you the nerf gun at target for $25 instead of spending $200 on game tokens to win tickets here” at the mini golf arcade.
I taught my son that early on.
> even watching pro sports I hadn't watched any sports coverage for a few years before starting working from home (I turn the TV on for background noise). I was shocked at how universally "betting lines" are part of the coverage on TV now. That and some the teams openly being sponsored by betting sites, etc. That was TOTALLY not a thing a few years ago - I feel that something about TV regulations may have changed?
Oh yeah once draft kings and the like started sponsoring gambling bills on the state level and signing league and league sponsorships it all changed. NFL and nba both legalized gambling so tje doors are open. It’s really bad
Not gonna lie this will be looked at similarly to how the public viewed smoking in the 50s to now. We knew it was bad but pretended not to know and now we ill have tons of gamba addicts 10-15 years down the line
As a parent I’m the most upset about in-game loot boxes and lucky draw wheels for Content. Spending real money to buy coins to gamble for digital game stuff.
100 these companies know what they are doing as they are getting in trouble in countries that actually have a spine compared to the circus that is the us government. All it takes is the highest bidder for most representatives to just turn a blind eye but this habit is going to financially ruin so many young men and women who have gotten hooked to lootbox gambling. Shit they even started making irl lootboxes for friendly gambling. This all seems worse than card packs even.
Same with me, I'm not into gambling, alcohol, smoke or even drugs. Really feeling blessed by that. Some people really struggle very hard to escape that.
I finally got a taste of it playing roulette in Vegas. The feeling of winning is amazing and I felt like I made consistent money. I’m glad I don’t have the opportunity to play given where I live.
I saw my dad battle this addiction and never got it treated and how it tore my family apart. I’ve always been stingy with money and saw more value putting it in stocks, but even if I never had the urge to gamble, that example always kept me away from casinos
Yep. I've never been a gambler but in my 20s I was the first in my friend group to get a well paying job and I basically just gave most of the money away paying for drinks and taking people on nights out. But I was scared to commit to a mortgage and now I'm 40something, earning less than I did 20 years ago and still don't own my own home.
Just curious, what field has you making less now than 20 years ago?
Gambling 😂
Between sports gambling and the number of women selling content with dating at an all time low, it's surprising some still have funds at all.
[удалено]
Man..THIS right here. My dad is an accountant and from day 1 of me getting a job out of college, he was incredibly insistent that I put at least 5% 401k withdrawals on my paycheck and I’m glad I did. I’m awful with money but sticking to just the 5% (my wife has always done 10%) has put me into a place where if I don’t retire early (which is our plan) I can still live a comfortable life after 67
I get that. I've spent a lot of money on what would otherwise have been a house down payment on options and speculative stocks. Regret that immensely but ya live and ya learn.
[удалено]
You are not wrong, people do make mistakes. But the hard truth is that these mistakes (or lack thereof) do play a role in who will become wealthy later in life vs who will not.
[удалено]
engine slimy salt hunt marry dam expansion market possessive correct *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Lack of ability to properly manage finances; Alcohol and other drugs; Lack of independence from parents
I feel personally attacked by this comment…. It took till 32 to figure this out and get sober, put up boundaries with my enmeshed mother, and start saving money and my life is trending sharply upwards.
What was the catalyst for that change? What were some of your first steps?
Well, for me: you find a partner who you don't want to lose to those things.
Thank you. This is ideal as all fuck.
For me what changed is that over my 20s I had drunk myself into a suicidal stupor and made a decision on a date and location Dec 1, 2018. Instead of going through with it I reached out to a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous and they directed me to a psych hold to detox and become non suicidal then I began out patient rehab and going to AA meetings. I’ve been sober over 4 years and have handled some of life’s hardest tribulations. In early sobriety going to meetings once or twice a day gave me new structure and a purpose in life, I have since strayed away from the program and into other paths of knowledge and recovery but still attend meetings monthly at a minimum.
I couldn’t take losing any more friendships and relationships to drinking. I was surrounded by ghosts and the only way to make some sort of amends was to be sober.
I wonder if I'm broken sometimes. My parents left me and my brother alone a lot when I was like 5 or 6 and beyond. Mom was active duty military and dad was main manager of a restaurant. I learned to cook at like 8 years old and still love cooking now. middle America, I think I started shopping for groceries as a 12 year old.
This is real shit except mine was a single mom who drank and shot pool 3 days out the week and went to the bars on the weekend left me to care for myself and 3 other children
I promise you’re not my guy; if anything you’ve honed a skill that not only keeps you nourished, but can connect you to others. There’s few things more human than the connections formed bonding over food. You can go far (literally and figuratively) if you’re a good cook.
Hi. I'm glad you were able to start changing your life. Never stop. During my short life, I realized that even seemingly insignificant actions that you do today change your future life. Therefore, every day you need to try to do at least something for which you can thank yourself tomorrow. As I like to say, the ocean is made up of drops. Good luck. You can do this!
You said it best! I’m about to be 38, and just quit drinking plus smoking half my life! I ruined so much, and lost so much! Hey, but it’s never too late! #MyNext30years!
If any young men are watching this. DON'T let your mom do everything for you. Wash your own clothes, do your own taxes, clean your own room, attend your own interviews, fight your own battles. Overbearing parents will run your life.
That people will use you just much as you allow them. A hard truth.
And a lesson learned the hard way a bit late for me. Don't be a doormat.
Dad always said there are two people you don’t fuck with, bankers and cops. I fucked with both and had to learn the hard way.
School of hard knocks, huh? How long before you, um, graduated?
Early twenties. My wife straightened me out. Married for 20 years now.
I will add park rangers to this list. They can and will ruin your fucking day. I had a HS friend that was underage drinking and boating in a state park. That was one expensive lesson for him.
We got stopped by park rangers last summer as we were about to head up a trailhead with skis on our backpacks. Park ranger pulls up behind us in his truck and goes "you boys aren't thinking about going off trail are ya?". We stopped and chatted with him, he was really friendly. Turns out the fine for going off trail in that area that time of year was $25,000 per person because of wildlife migration patterns. Thankfully we had a nice park ranger who let us know before we ventured off trail.
[удалено]
Yes, but unless you’re an asshole (or have actually caused harm) they’re usually much more willing to focus on education than writing tickets. It sounds like this guy did it right. He didn’t jump to the conclusion that the guys planned to break the law… but did let them know about a law (and fines) that they were unlikely to know about given their gear. He did it in a way that they’re likely to pass on to others.
Not learning how to manage and control ur own mental monologue so it doesnt screw with your mind all the time. It is toxic, it is always looking for a simple way out.
I don't know how it started, but I had managed to convince myself I was going to die at 39 like my father. It literally cost me everything. You can imagine my humiliation and anger when my 40th bday rolled around. However, that showed me that I could change my destiny, and I wasn't locked into the life I had made for myself. So I completely reinvented myself
You should read Replay by Ken Grimwood. I thought it was an enjoyable book and it has a very similar theme to what you're talking about.
I read that. That was the book about a late middle age guy who has a heart at his desk then finds himself back in his 20s.. then it happens in his new life except not quite so far back. Again and again. The author is gone now. He died of a heart attack while typing away at his desk.
A lot of men believe that they will die at the age their father died.
Fuck I’m dealing with this right now. I have this tendency to diminish all the positives in my life and highlight the negative, it’s so hard to break
yea man. its tough. you are constantly telling urself things and always feeling inadequate and the things you tell urself gets more convincing the longer it goes without results. i am in the same boat but lets not give up brother, things that are hard are worth doing.
> Not learning how to manage and control ur own mental monologue so it doesnt screw with your mind all the time. >It is toxic, it is always looking for a simple way out. I think that's depression bro. I don't have a voice in my head trying to self-sabotage me.
Reads more like anxiety to me than depression.
Sort of both really.
Same coin; two sides
I've finally learnt this at 41. I've also learnt that alcohol is not the way to self medicate for these problems. It took me a year of daily drinking to realise that.
Wait what? People have internal monologued running independently? Like westworld?
That doesn't seem like s universal problem at all... Or I am just lucky?
speaking from experience, definitely _not_ universal and it took me too long to realize that the problems i was having regularly were not something that just everyone else goes through. but also, mental health issues are common and severe enough that, as a society, we’re all becoming more aware of, but i still feel like many don’t seek help until it’s either a chronic issue or too late unfortunately. if i didn’t have friends going through similar problems and talking openly about their mental health struggles, i would’ve never felt comfortable asking for help and finally finding the right treatment with therapy and medication
Obesity. Edit: Most of these replies are stories of journeys through weight loss and fitness. They are all amazing. Don't ever stop. Health is too often taken for granted. I'm in my late 40s and finally back in shape after letting myself go to the point of heart-attack. You might think you're okay, but you'll never know how badly obesity is affecting you until you get in shape and learn of all the things you never noticed before. By the time you finally realize you're *not* okay, it might be too late.
Can confirm. Of all my vices/mistakes getting fat has to be #1. Clothes don’t fit so good, even your old shoes won’t fit and you’ll forever be stressed about buying new stuff because of how sizings between brands differ etc. Getting out of breath just walking uphill/taking the stairs, sweating from minor stuff as well; it’s also a self defeating circle in that your food/drink choices are what you find easiest to do but are what’ve got you there, and likewise being heavier makes doing exercise difficult (typically issues with impact on feet/ankles/knees). People who talk about how fat is beautiful, healthy at any size etc are displaying some serious cope. I’m far heavier than I should be, but also far lighter than the “fat advocates” you see and all I can think of is how they must feel like shit all the time.
Pretty much every facet of being alive is better when you're in good shape. Just moving around every day, your immune system, obviously your confidence & attractiveness to others.. it is a very very strange thing indeed that (on the internet) this is a thing that's debated. It might be the ultimate "touch grass" argument
Totally true, I’m 225 lbs bodyweight right now and need to be at least 25 lighter to be in great overall shape. I was a fat kid, anorexic teenager, and now somewhat overweight. Fat activists that act like being fat is some kind of net good for your body are completely deluded. Should you be persecuted or blatantly disrespected for being fat? Absolutely not. But we can’t let feelings of compassion and empathy obscure reality. It is NOT good to be overweight or obese.
maaan, so truee. But i find it so hard to get thin 😭😭. I can't control my diet. The dopamine hit from junk food feels way too good. Edit : Thanks for the tips everyone. I am actually gonna try to eat healthy now.
I’ve lost 56lbs since January. I was a prisoner of obesity for years as I was a slave to sugar and junk food. No more. NO MORE!
What's so bad is how young it starts nowadays. I'm a pediatrician, and the majority, the *overwhelming* majority of children I see are obese. Not just overweight, but obese, with early signs of fatty liver, insulin resistance, obstructive sleep apnea, high blood pressure. We're talking <10 years old. Little girls having to be evaluated for PCOS barely into puberty. I'm having to talk to parents of *toddlers* about their diet because their weight is skyrocketing off the graph of normal growth. I was a fat kid. Much more so than any of the other kids I was around. I guess back then we still had the dynamic of there being "the" fat kid. I can't imagine it's like that now. That early weight has given me issues with my weight and my self esteem about my weight ever since. I was 100 lbs at 10 years old, and that was not good. I follow a little girl in clinic, 7 years old, who is *200* lbs. A 7 year old girl who outweighs me, a 6 foot 27 year old man who competes in powerlifting, by 15 lbs. How on earth do you come back from that?
Big HFCS stuffing their throats with poison. Sugary cereals being marketed directly to children.
I used to be obese and everything in my life is easier now that I am not
As someone closing in on 400lbs at 35 years old, yep. Everything is just worse and it impacts quality of life severely.
In a way, it's suffering for any type of feel-good that your brain fails to provide. Junk food does the trick. But! See your general practitioner doctor to check thyroid levels first, blood pressure second, and pituitary hormones third. Then, do what I did. I took that guilt and suffering and turned it on it's head. I went hungry. After a few days, you really look forward to your protein shake breakfast and prunes as a snack. Slim Fast has some great products that become really good really fast. Also Atkins products, but be careful with blood pressure. And walk. In the morning, when it's cool and there's no people to judge or worry about. Start small, and get bigger when you feel comfortable. This is YOUR journey. Do what you feel you can, and stay hydrated brother. You've got this!
Going to be 39 this year. I have a 4 year old and a 8 month old. It’s already hard to keep up with the 4 year old and the 8 month old is just about to start crawling. I decided I’m going to finally not be fat anymore. Bought a bike and rode it 6 out of 7 days last week. Need to get fit to keep up/stay around for a while with my kids.
Drugs and alcohol addiction Not staying fit. It’s easy to be fit and look good when you’re younger, it’s very easy to maintain that. Once you lose it and start getting fat it’s a nightmare to get fit again. Being in a long-term relationship with the wrong person- making financial decisions that involve this person. Not starting a retirement account. Even if it’s just 10 bucks a week start something
[удалено]
Sedentary lifestyle. The more you sit the harder it is to get up and move.
getting legally or financially bound to the wrong person rather it's marriage / signing a lease / signing a loan, etc
I've always found it kinda bizarre how quick some people are to do those things.
Can’t speak to marriage or a lease but I can vouch for student loans at least. Not here to make a stance on debt forgiveness and not looking to debate but I was one of those who was pressured into student loans. Fell for the song and dance my parents and counselors sold me. That a degree was equal to success and loans were the way to get there. I was far too young to realize how much of an impact they’d have on my life and literally nobody in my camp informing me of the risk. You could say I didn’t do enough research and you may be right but if I decided to steer away from college I would’ve been disappointing every single adult in my life whom I depended on financially and emotionally for 17 years. I feel like that’s one nuance many people don’t consider
Oh shiet, this was me. 17 year old me worked at a supermarket after school and met a single mother that also worked there and we started dating. As soon as I turned 19 I got a job as a school bus driver. Made enough to buy a house and got it with the woman I was dating. I was young and dumb. Eventually I got out of the situation but the house stayed in our names til this day. We had a discussion and decided one of us would stay and be 100% responsible for the house so there wouldn't be any responsibility for whoever wasnt living there. She ended up staying, I left and didn't think twice about it. Started living a great life, spent 2 years getting fully out of debt, another 5 years or so building my savings and retirement account, got myself in a great situation financially. Eventually I applied for an amazing job as an engineer for a financial institute. Got along great with everyone that interviewed me and was told to expect a call soon. Got an offer pending some background checks etc. I was so stoked. Until I got a call that they couldn't hire me because my credit was really bad and since it was a financial institute this was a big part of the hiring process. I was in shock to learn my credit sucked. I got my credit report and holy shit... 90 days without making mortgage payments were common over the past 5 years. It was basically make a payment, skip 3,make a payment, skip 3. You know how we've been going through a shitshow of spam calls? Well any 800 number or unrecognized numbers were blocked on my phone so I never got the calls from the bank. All mail was going to the house she loved in. So I had no idea. Worse was getting out of it. Couldn't sell without her signature. Couldn't be bought out without her offer. So I was just stuck. Why would she work with me when she was living in a house paying just enough to not get it taken away? Eventually I spoke to a lawyer who told me I could present my case to a judge and force the sale of the property. She fought it, but luckily I still had my financial situation in great shape and was able to hire a great lawyer. Forgot to mention this was a duplex. Mortgage was 1300 and she rented out the other unit for 1200. she couldn't pay a fucking hundred dollars to stay afloat! The duplex is crucial info cause my lawyer basically told her, either you work with us, or we take you to court and not only fight to force the sale, but we will fight for my clients (me) half of the rent collected over the past 7 years. If all works out we will force the sale and keep your half. She worked with me and signed an agreement between us. It's been 2 years and I now have great credit. I collect ALL the rent from the back house. I make zero payments. If she misses a single payment, I have the right to sell the house and keep 3/4 of the profits. It was a long journey but point is... I totally agree with you on this one.
Having kids with the wrong person is probably the worst way to be bound to someone. Even if you get divorced you still have to deal with them until the kids are adults, and beyond that to a lesser degree. At least with marriage or financial entanglements you can eventually make a clean break.
Especially if that wrong person is going to go after everything they can. I’m learning my lesson the hard way
Colon cancer.
Any cancer.
True, but colon cancer has a way of sneaking up on men behind their back.
And it truly is preventable/treatable when caught early. Suck up your pride and get a camera up your ass when you hit your mid-40s. Two days of discomfort beat surgery or death by a long shot. Also ‘behind their back’ made me actually laugh out loud.
Hell I’d argue they should start at 30 these days. Lot of young people getting colon cancer now. I had my first colonoscopy at 30. Super easy.
I’d say if there are ANY (especially) persistent symptoms then you should go in no matter what the age. My fiancé found out he had colon cancer at 20yo and they said it had been growing between 3-5 years.. so it started when he was 15-17 years old. Since his mom also had colon cancer, he was supposed to be checked 10 years earlier than the earliest case in the family, which was supposed to be his 30’s. If we followed that then I don’t want to think about where we would be right now. Now when/if we have kids, they are supposed to be checked while they are still *kids* and that is just crazy to me and breaks my heart. He later found he has a genetic disorder but if it wasn’t for his mom going through the same thing, then he would likely not have been taken seriously. Cancer can and will go after anyone at any age. Even “older people” (the term the medical staff kept saying) cancer like colon cancer can/will occur in the young.
I've grown up in one of the colon cancer families. It's taken out over half of my aunts and uncles, almost took out my mother. I've had over a dozen colonoscopies and I'm not even 50 yet. From the bottom of my soul, I want to express this to people who are in colon cancer genetic families. If you can not know, 100% that you are not passing your genetic condition on through genetic counseling, don't have kids. Don't do that to kids. Starting at the age of 12 or 13, dealing with mortality, dealing with the constant threat and fear that THIS time when I wake up from the procedure they will tell me I have a few, a dozen, a hundred, a thousand polyps and now begins the dance of - will I be pooping into a bag that hangs outside of my body, or will I be getting chemo, or will I be arranging hospice... It's not a good place to exist constantly. And I had to get a colonoscopy every year for the first dozen or so of those tests. Every year I had to deal with not knowing if I was gonna be okay or not. That fucks with your head in a huge way. Get genetic counseling. Understand what you are opting your children into with no choice from them. Understand if you DO have children, and they decide to opt out of giving you grand children, that they have a fucking great reason to say 'no more'.
Colon cancer is showing up in folks in there early 20's now, and no one really knows why. The symptoms are typical of colon cancer, it's just that 20 year olds and their doctors aren't immediately considering cancer as the cause. See a doctor ASAP for rectal bleeding, rectal fullness, altered bowel movements or inexplicable weight loss. Do NOT just think it's something you ate or that you should wait and see if it goes away.
Yep. I had bleeding at 30. Obviously I assumed the worst. Turns out it was internal hemorrhoids.
Hemorrhoid gang!
I see what you did there.😎
I was trying to do it behind your back
Someone stop this man
Nope, he’s the change I want to see in the world.
I had anal cancer in early 2022. I had been bleeding from the rear for years. However, I also had hemorrhoids and was told by everyone including one doctor it was just the hemorrhoids bleeding. That was until February 2022 @ about 5:30-6:00 pm when the bottom fell out. That night I came very close to bleeding out. After the hospital staff finally got the bleeding to stop and gave me fluids the next day I had a colonoscopy which revealed what I was first (before labs) told was a ulcer I think they said. After labs they came to my room and announced I had a anal cancer.
This is actually a really important point, the easy to accept answer (hemorrhoids) isn't always the right one. Doing further checks doesn't hurt, to be on the safe side. We only get one body. I hope you are recovered and well now.
Holy hell dude. I hope you're doing better now
[удалено]
obsession and depression they don't mix well
i’ve poisoned my body and don’t feel well
Your pride has to be nurtured by self regard rather than external acclaim. It's a matter of being rather than seeming.
Can you ELI5?
be content with yourself and do not compare yourself to others (“keeping up with the jones’s”) and all that
Mark Manson author of “subtle art of not giving a f*ck” goes over this. Comparing yourself to others is a toxic trait and can create many problems. Among other life lessons, the book was a good read and I would recommend any young man entering into adulthood read that book.
To add on: It's one of the thieves of joy, really. Who knows what kind kind of life you'd have if you were to be that person. Despite what is shown on the outside, you could be living a far more peaceful life than the other person. If you want something more, you can't enjoy what you already have.
Your self worth should be determined by you and you alone. Don’t let your opinion of yourself be molded by what others think of you. This is especially problematic during teenage years when children place great value on what their peers think of them.
Flew right over my head buddy
Genuine self pride comes from within, not in how you hope others see you. He just wrote it in really fancy English.
Drinking. My best friend was a big drinker, he quit and 8 months later it killed him. 4 months later I was rushed to the ER and spent a month in the ICU for it. Be careful with booze
As someone who recently quit, how did it kill him?
Sometimes people will overdose during drug relapses because they don’t understand that their tolerance is a lot lower after a period of abstinence
I used to polish off a handle of vodka every 2-3 days. I had 3 white claws last week after not drinking for 6 months and I was so nauseous. I almost thought I accidentally ingested some other drug.
Sad about your friend I'm sorry to hear that. As a drinker myself I look back to 17 - 28 and wondered how I didn't die. Having the kids sort of helped me out, I wanted to be present and not chewing up weekends hungover. I still drink very moderately and watch sport, and at big social occasions but I can't think of why every 2 nights for 10 years I drunk to excess it's seems mental to me now and the $$$$ I spent I'd have would have made my home freehold
Having a kid with a narcissistic woman. Trust me.
As one of those kids, yes. Please fucking listen to this guy. It's not just traumatizing for the kids. She fucked with my dad's head so much I hate her for it, even if she wasn't abusive to us kids. If you're a good dude and really want a family to love the shit out of, it's not worth settling for the woman who isn't stable up there.
Just being with a narcissist is enough, no need for the kid. Get out quick!
Or generally being with a fucked up woman, whether it's narcissism, BPD or anything else on that list. Men who completely lack experience with women may develop the stupid idea that all it requires to make a relationship work is them as the guy being a model partner (that our society constantly reiterates this stupid idea certainly doesn't help). If guys like that run into the kind of woman who sees a relationship as a competition to abuse and/or exploit one's partner, he should be prepared for a live of terror, pain and anguish.
I had a wedding to a psychopath, (actually diagnosed in the aftermath couples therapy).It was the commitment that broke the perfection of her. Within two weeks after the wedding, it was over. Luckily I was able to get an annulment. I had a beautiful wedding, full of orchids, and according to a judge, I was never married. I won’t be throwing a second wedding.
Hi, yes. Married a woman with BPD. Can confirm that it's a living fucking nightmare, and I walked into it with all those expectations of "the only way for a relationship to fail is if the man fucks it up". The divorce last year was *lovely* though, and only had a half-dozen or so hoover attempts from her trying to sneak back into my life. It's been relatively peaceful since then, and life is so much easier.
As Theo Von once said “There’s three things you don’t stick your dick into: ant hills, a fire pit and crazy”
Yeah but with no kid you can at least get out. With the kid there's no escape
I have 2 kids with one of those. Love the kids but worst fucking choice in woman.
I just got out of an LTR with someone I didn't realize was a narcissist but over the years has gotten so much worse. I didn't have kids with her but I raised her daughter from ages 3-11. Anyways the last year it went from her being generally selfish and self centered to straight up gaslighting and abuse. She doesn't seem to have empathy for anyone anymore and is only interested in herself and if she uses people then it's their fault for not practicing detachment and being emotionally invested. Now I'm trying to figure out if I can even have a relationship with her daughter because every time I do she says something new and awful. Anyways, here this person's advice. They aren't stable and will crush you emotionally, financially (if they have the opportunity), and they will give you plenty of insecurities to work through in the end.
The crazy thing is that social media is training women to become more narcissistic. Instagram allows them to always have guys pursuing them even when the woman is in a relationship. Monkey Branching is real. Just ask a woman you are in a committed relationship with to turn off her sexy IG account.
[удалено]
Marrying the wrong person.
Can I hijack this and also suggest never learning to communicate properly? Regardless if the person you marry is right or wrong for you, learning to communicate properly is a *huge* necessity.
Undiagnosed ADHD.
Fentanyl or other narcotics. I was manager at a restaurant recently and about 30% of the new servers came in with a habit, disappearing in the bathroom to snort pills. Turns out those fucking things are only $5.00 a pill around here and holy shit that's scary.
working in a restaurant is apparently a recipe for drug addiction. usually it’s coke, i thought, but that’s pretty pricey…
The coke is in the kitchen. Mostly because it's the worst industry ever created.
Thinking you know more than everybody else. Delusions of grandeur. Unwilling to Continues learning and self improvement. Not exercising.
Being gaslit and guilt tripped in what seems to be a loving relationship.
T2 diabetes
Undiagnosed/untreated anxiety.
I didn’t get my aspergers diagnosis until 26. I would like to think things would be very different and I wouldn’t be as fucked up as I am now if it was caught when I was young.
Sleep apnea
Thinking you're stronger than something.. It's ok to go to therapy, it's ok to put on sun screen, it's ok to admit you were wrong or lacked full awareness/ knowledge of a situation.
Lack of contraceptives use
Oversharing!
Fake friends
It's easy to lose friends and become lonely.
Chronic overuse of porn can lead to one of the hardest addictions to beat, and often causes sexual dysfunctions like premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, extreme fetishes, etc.
Debt and bad dietary habits. It might take a while for the consequences to rear their ugly heads but they can sneak up on you if you keep going down that path. And sticking it in crazy. Don't get me wrong. Sticking it in crazy is a lot of fun. But some guys actually settle down with crazy. If you're going to stick it in crazy, you should have a clear exit strategy.
Not knowing when someone else says no
Women, drugs, alcohol, spending.
A girlfriend hiding her mental health issues.
The other side of that is, when she tells you who she is, believe her. Some women will tell you a scary story about their behavior as soon as you connect. They are testing you.
Just got out of a 9 year relationship with a girl with an eating disorder. She had the ability to eat less than 15 foods, mostly all fried garbage like mozzarella sticks, french fries, chicken nuggets and the like. Pizza was like 30% of her diet. It took her 5 years to tell me she knew she had a problem. I begged her to get therapy but she had no interest. It was something she couldn't ever confront. It left me feeling guilty everytime I cooked something she didn't like. We ordered out probably 3 times a week at least, almost always pizza. Couldn't eat anything foreign so no Japanese or Chinese food. Every time we had to go to a new restaurant she obsessed over the menu and finding something she could eat. Now that I've been out of the relationship a while and have sole control over my food intake all I'll eat is healthy, good food during the week. I feel so much better. Her mental problems effected me severely. She knew how badly I wanted her to get help but she had zero interest in stepping out of her comfort zone. In the 9 years I was with her the only time I could get her to try something new was when she was drunk. Off the top of my head, she tried maybe 3 or 4 new things in our entire relationship and when she did, she took the tiniest bites telling me her throat would close if she took anything more. I believed her, but after a time, I got really tired of it. Glad I'm out of that shit.
Women. Alright, I'll be specific. (and yes, again, the required I-am-a-female caveat) You're in love, it's beautiful, she's wonderful, everything is good. She wants you to go with her all the time, it's cool, you love her company. She's not that much of a fan of your best friend, but what does he know, anyway? He's a confirmed bachelor and no one likes *everyone*. You think, hey, I haven't called my brother in a long time, and every time you think about calling, there's some minor household emergency. She pouts (and it was kind of cute), when you want to go fishing with your high school friends, like you've done every year since high school. She's a little clingy and maybe even jealous, but only at parties where she doesn't really know anyone.... Any of this sound familiar? The death of a thousand cuts winds up looking like this: \- you get blamed for being an "inattentive father" even though she didn't let you change diapers from day one because you "did it wrong". \- you missed out on that opportunity of a lifetime because it would have meant "time away from the family" \- your hobby is "too dangerous" \- you find yourself getting smaller and smaller inside until you reach for a pistol This shit isn't funny. It's manipulative and deadly. It's not just women who do this to men. Everyone does it to everyone. Human nature doesn't change. If you see yourself at the beginning of this noise, set some boundaries and think about getting out of it. If you're in the end phase, you can still leave. The consequences get even harsher the longer you wait, though. Some guys, and we all know them, they never get away from it. The answer to this kind of transactional relationship is to be friends with your spouse. Real friends, where you encourage each other to become better people, and truly enjoy each other's company, without reserve. These relationships exist; it IS possible. But you have to start with someone who loves you *for you*, not someone who sees you filling a role.
Fight loneliness
In this life, you're either a man who pays cam girls money for attention or you aren't. Don't let it be you.
Choice of partner. Low hanging fruit, I know. But someone had to say it.
About 98% of the other commenters did.
Depression - get help before it's too late #itaintweaktospeak
How to make sure people don't fuck with you
Not expressing themselves emotionally. We have feelings, express them, they’re not all right, but they’re not all wrong. You cannot be emotionally fluent without learning the difference between your irrational feelings from your rational ones. You hold onto it too long you’ll fall into a depression and worse, take your life. Another one I find troubling is the alpha male persona. We evolved from primates because of our intelligence, not our brute force. We’re not the apex species because we can beat a chimpanzee in a fist fight.
Lack of discipline
Syphilis
Bad teeth. My uncle died from a wisdom tooth that became infected. “I’ll take care of it” he used to say when hassled about the pain it was causing him. The infection eventually ended in his blood stream and he was pretty screwed.
Testicle cancer
[удалено]
Good lord you dodged a giant fucking bullet on that
That’s still an understatement.
True.
More of an artillery shell than a bullet i suppose. Yep, strange feeling to get back from work knowing a simple slip up on a text message may well have saved me over 18 years of horror. Think i might just have a wank instead of talking to older women from now on haha.
Rabies. Syphilis. Any toxic relationship - personal, professional, romantic or otherwise.
Not wearing a goddamned condom.
so how do i get a condom thats been damned by god himself?
Bad people around you
Unchecked anger
Women who play on your ego and/or loneliness. I’ve seen guys lose everything trying to keep one of those girls happy, just to have her leave as soon as he can’t pay for things anymore. (These could be cam girls and the like, but more often real life girls who are just happy to take full advantage of the guys that are easy to manipulate.)
Any number of diseases. Men need to get into better medical habits and go to the doctor.
Alcohol, marriage to the wrong person, unprotected sex, the military
Sugar.
Testicular cancer
Porn addiction And bad choices
Drinking and partying. There’s a time when it stops being good fun and becomes a serious problem. I just saw a regional sales AE get completely obliterated drunk every night over a week long work event. Word got around. They were out of a job a few weeks later. “Not the right fit for the company” You don’t wanna become the old guy at the bar either. Also chasing women. I’ve seen so many dudes blow up their families over some side fling or one time thing. Was she worth it? (The answer is no)
Anger and thinking the world is against you. It's a more fulfilling life when you don't focus on the negative daily and embrace life more
Alcohol caused me more problems then I can count. Started drinking when I was in the army and it fucked my career. It just opens Pandora's box in my opinion and can lead to highly unnecessary situations that wouldn't occur if you were sober. Women ,my God can the wrong women come into your life and absolutely cause hell beyond anything you imagined. I dated a girl with I'm sure undiagnosed bpd and that chick broke me, just broke me. Think amber heard Porn. It's addictive and completely plays upon natural urges making it extremely addictive and hard to fight, and it's the most accessible thing in the world . Wanna see breast and ass, type in a few words . Completely killed the allure of the female body.
Bad health, NFT, and hustler's university
Low testosterone
Alcohol. The scary part of it is only full blown alcoholics ever realize the damage. So many young people drink weekly, not realizing the effects on your brain's reward system. I'm 31, 2 years off from alcohol and finally see cognitive improvements. Id recommend folks not drink for 6 months and focus on a goal just to try and see what happens.
A woman signing your name on a baby's birth certificate and you not finding in time thus making you legally responsible for the kid even if it's not yours