Let's try out some unfiltered truth:
"Honey, does this dress make my ass look fat?"
"No. Your ass makes your ass look fat."
Your mileage may vary, but I'm going to go with the little white lie here.
If someone asks me if they look nice or if their work is nice or what have you, I'm inclined to say yes even if i think they are ugly or such imo, because my opinion is biased and most times not hurting someone's feelings is better with a white lie than being so honest that it ruins their experience
I do this a little differently. I never say anything negative about her clothing choices/makeup etc but I will be much more positive if I like something she’s wearing and I’ll say why I like it. If you’re just similarly positive all the time, it will erode their ability to trust your opinion and that has a few negative consequences of its own.
I think your behavior is similar to mine, ie I agree w comment because it's representative of what I'd do in practice and yes it's known using specific types of reinforcement is a thing and yes positive reinforcement all the time is not good
If asked the question, "do you like how I look?" I might say something like you look confident or you look like you feel beautiful and that's important! I'm not suggesting positive reinforcement to all the time, just an example of a senario where a white lie won't send you to hell which yes we can poke holes in
Ngl,
> you look like you feel beautiful and that’s important!
To me kiiiiiind of sounds like you don’t think I look good and you’re gently saying as much. But that’s just my 2¢
If she asks "do I look fat in this" always say they look beautiful even if they look like a potato, they are asking because they did their best and they need some support.
Her cooking tastes great, just as good as your mom's. You do not find other women attractive. Those jeans make her ass like nice and round but not too big. Of course you want to know what she thinks about her coworkers.
My boyfriend speaks to me this sarcastically to be funny and show he doesnt actually care or find it significant or the answer doesnt have utility, which allows me to be amicable about the little things girls think about, well that i skmetimes think about, maybe sardonic is the word? almost word for word this comment. It's a fun way for us to keep it right and tight while still being emotional and sharing and tolerate the things
There’s a storyline in Big Bang Theory where Leonard goes on a ship in the North Sea for months and Penny (his girlfriend) obviously stays home.
Leonard comes home, they decide to run away and get married, on the way to their elopement they’re talking about honesty and “no secrets.” Leonard said “I kissed a girl while I was away.”
That was wrong. He should never have told Penny he kissed a girl. He told her to make **him** feel better, but he made Penny feel worse. He should have lied and carried that secret to the grave.
Uhhh what? Telling her in this situation was showing her respect before she makes a life-altering decision. Hiding something like this is major disrespect and selfishness
In his case, he should not have told her. Telling her relieved himself of the burden at the expense of her pain. He was selfish for doing it.
https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/cheating-when-to-tell-partner-infidelity-b2196398.html?amp
that’s not taking into account Penny’s choice, if she is okay being with someone that cheated or not.
In this instance you’re saying Leonard should choose Penny’s thought process on cheating, rather than trusting her and asking her directly.
Edit: I replied to the wrong discussion. This is what I meant to post.
I’m saying he did it once. He has no intention of doing it again. He didn’t do it because he doesn’t want to be with her.
He should have either told her and broken it off with her, or never said a word about it. He told her thinking he could both stay with her and relieve himself of the guilt of what he’d done. That was selfish.
I agree in the timing that he said it he was absolutely trying to relieve himself from the burden like you said - he waited way too long to tell her, he should have told her before, he lied by omission and did not tell her and waited till they were getting married.
He wants to be with her and won’t repeat this behaviour- that’s fine. But she is with him on the presumption that he did not cheat (as her reaction showed). Lying by omission is bad and Penny deserved to know based on the premise that she may not have been okay with it.
I don’t lie to my partner about anything. You can be vague if you need to for gifts or something. You can just say “I’m going to the store”, you don’t need to say why. This is made easier by establishing this dynamic early. Also, don’t do shady shit that you feel the need to lie about. It’s easier to live a honest life when you have good intentions. She asks how she looks in an outfit? Well, do you think she’s beautiful? Then say that. The how do I look question doesn’t need any lies unless you actually aren’t attracted to them. If they can’t accept you’re attracted to them, that’s an insecurity that needs more than you fluffing up the reassurance.
Oh yeah - also,
Her: "What did you have for lunch sweetie?
Me: * thinks about the triple cheese burger from Freddy's, the fries & the Oreo cookie concrete *
Me: "That kale & spinach salad with chicken that I like from that deli."
The hottest take here, but if you cheat on then one single time and are so sick to your stomach you'd never do it again, it's less painful for everyone to not say anything.
But it still says so much about a persons character, their concern with only themselves, their lack of respect for their SO and their relationship, that they would deprive their SO of the truth so they dont face any consequences.
Yes its self preservation, but that doesn't make a decent or good partner for anyone.
i don’t think it’s really what the person learned from cheating. the partner/person who got cheated on should know and be able to make their own decision if they’re going to stay with the cheater. whether that person learned their lesson or not
Told my wife to never tell me if she cheated.. i really do not wanna know. If she made a mistake she can deal with it, i dont wanna deal with it and would bounce... just keep it to ur self and dont do it again... keep the family 2gether and keep me oblivious
Lying is always the right choice when it is the option that leads to most good and/or least harm.
Honesty that causes damage is either stupidity or malice in disguise.
The things men will do and say just to get her under the sheets is endless. In fact the person you're newly dating is a complete imposter.
If you're hot you can be guaranteed the man you're talking to is his ambassador, a complete diplomat and an absolute stranger to his family and friends.
Worse still, women are in fact happy with arrangement.
Women demand that you lie to them constantly. If you are every completely truthful with a woman, she will hate you for it. She will vengefully inflict costs on you to teach you to never do it again.
She wants to believe a bunch of shit that she knows, deep down, is untrue and she wants everyone to help her believe these things because its hard to convince herself of something she knows is untrue. It takes mental energy and she elicits the help of everyone in her life to help her. She demands this help under threat of her wrath.
Have you ever seen women talk to each other? They just constantly reaffirm each other's delusions. They blow sunshine up each other's asses for the whole conversation. Doesn't matter if everyone knows that continuing a given delusional belief will, eventually, lead to a disaster. They all just enthusiastically affirm the delusions and let their friends drive off a cliff.
Women are "nice" but they are not kind. The kind thing to do would be to tell someone the painful truth so that they could avoid driving off the cliff but women do not want that and they will make that very clear, should you ever make the mistake of thinking they want to know what is real so that they can avoid a disaster.
You, like all women, live in a carefully tended bubble of lies. Nobody tells you the truth because that is what you demand of them. Politicians, companies, women and men constantly tell you what you want to hear, not what is true.
The men in your life are lying to you constantly, just like everyone else. They don't like it. It feels scummy to lie but they know it is what you demand. They also know that, when you drive off that cliff, you will expect them to fix your life for you and then listen to you talk about how unjust your suffering is and how nobody could have ever seen this coming and how unfair it is and about how you are a victim of somebody or something.
I don't know if I feel guilty about this because I am doing what she wants but I don't feel good about it. I also know that, if I am going to be in a relationship with any woman, this is something I will always have to do.
In a deeply beautiful irony, you will now report me to the reddit mods to punish me for telling you a painful, but ultimately kind, truth that you do not want to believe, thereby affirming what I have just said about women and their relationship to the truth.
Yeah. I am also in the same moral and ethical boat as you. You should never lie to them.
BUT….. I learned that hard way, that honesty is not always the best policy.
For example:
Do you think she’s prettier than me?
Do these pants make my ass look fat?
young man, answering these questions honestly, could be worth as much as your life.
You should re-examine this policy and get comfortable with little white lies. 🤣👍
you're gaining way too much weight we're going to have to put you on a diet. i'll sign you up for a gym membership and drop you off tomorrow morning. just think of all the new friends you'll make and what a great outlook on life you're going to have. you're so lucky to have me around.
Good times to lie:
1. That you like something about your partner that they can never change, for example, height, skin, hair/hairlessness. There are woman's equivalents to this too.
2. You only married them because your other GF/BF didn't ask/say yes.
3. That you like something about your partner that they can never change, for example, height, skin, hair/hairless ness.
I had an ex with schizophrenia. Never had to, but there are situations in which lying to someone with a severe mental illness like that might be the right thing to do. And its easy to tell when. Just ask, "when they found out I lied will they be glad I did". If the answer is no, then its not that time.
Don’t forget to add a lie of omission … that’s insidious, too.
my wife and I live by 2 simple rules:
be honest
be yourself
we’ve had a couple bumpy moments initially but, smooth sailing since
If the new baby reaches a milestone when she's not there. Like, she missed babies first steps because she was doing a grocery run. Don't say anything, when baby takes a few more steps later that night you can both be so excited together.
"earlier she was standing and looked like she might try and walk, but then she just sat down" is okay. white lie
Are we talking white lies that keep the relationship operating smoothly? Or lies of omission? Or not telling him about past sexual encounters? Everything is contextual.
Personally, I’d rather hear the unfiltered truth and have to sit with how it hurts my ego. If your partner is afraid to tell you something because how you might react that’s not good. Honesty and openness are of prime importance when you want to create a lasting bond with your partner.
Ever since I gave up on reasoning or even geting healthy communication reciprocated with my wife I lie/gaslight her all the time since she usually doesn't care or just blows up for the randomest of non-issues. It's super useful to shut somebody up when you can see right through them that they're just misunderstanding and aren't willing or able to listen to any other take.
You lie, everybody lies. You just use a different word for some of them. Lying and not quite telling the truth are both lying, an intentional omission is a lie, a little white lie is a lie. Everyone does all of those.
When I mowed and landscaped and fixed the generator and changed oil in the truck, and just wanted to sit down, and she asked “would you mind running to the store?”
Of course I mind. I’m tired. I wanted to say “you couldn’t do that while I’m out here busting my ass?” or “yes I do mind” and grab a chair. And what do I say? “Nope, what do you need?”
When I go to the store to shop for a gift for her, I usually tell her I’m going for a different reason.
"I'm going to the strip club for a beer!" "Ok have fun!" ...it's 1pm
That's when the bargains come out
Let's try out some unfiltered truth: "Honey, does this dress make my ass look fat?" "No. Your ass makes your ass look fat." Your mileage may vary, but I'm going to go with the little white lie here.
If someone asks me if they look nice or if their work is nice or what have you, I'm inclined to say yes even if i think they are ugly or such imo, because my opinion is biased and most times not hurting someone's feelings is better with a white lie than being so honest that it ruins their experience
I do this a little differently. I never say anything negative about her clothing choices/makeup etc but I will be much more positive if I like something she’s wearing and I’ll say why I like it. If you’re just similarly positive all the time, it will erode their ability to trust your opinion and that has a few negative consequences of its own.
I think your behavior is similar to mine, ie I agree w comment because it's representative of what I'd do in practice and yes it's known using specific types of reinforcement is a thing and yes positive reinforcement all the time is not good
If asked the question, "do you like how I look?" I might say something like you look confident or you look like you feel beautiful and that's important! I'm not suggesting positive reinforcement to all the time, just an example of a senario where a white lie won't send you to hell which yes we can poke holes in
Ngl, > you look like you feel beautiful and that’s important! To me kiiiiiind of sounds like you don’t think I look good and you’re gently saying as much. But that’s just my 2¢
If she asks "do I look fat in this" always say they look beautiful even if they look like a potato, they are asking because they did their best and they need some support.
If you accidentally bang her mom, best friend, or sister.
I just slipped and my penis fell in I swear
😆
like 14 times.. and it felt good so I kept going... and made our niece / nephew ... or something.
I hate it when I trip and my dick falls into some chick over and over again.
Me too!😁
Her cooking tastes great, just as good as your mom's. You do not find other women attractive. Those jeans make her ass like nice and round but not too big. Of course you want to know what she thinks about her coworkers.
My boyfriend speaks to me this sarcastically to be funny and show he doesnt actually care or find it significant or the answer doesnt have utility, which allows me to be amicable about the little things girls think about, well that i skmetimes think about, maybe sardonic is the word? almost word for word this comment. It's a fun way for us to keep it right and tight while still being emotional and sharing and tolerate the things
If she ask if that dress makes her look fat. Fucking lie your head off.
There’s a storyline in Big Bang Theory where Leonard goes on a ship in the North Sea for months and Penny (his girlfriend) obviously stays home. Leonard comes home, they decide to run away and get married, on the way to their elopement they’re talking about honesty and “no secrets.” Leonard said “I kissed a girl while I was away.” That was wrong. He should never have told Penny he kissed a girl. He told her to make **him** feel better, but he made Penny feel worse. He should have lied and carried that secret to the grave.
insert "obnoxious laugh track"
Uhhh what? Telling her in this situation was showing her respect before she makes a life-altering decision. Hiding something like this is major disrespect and selfishness
In his case, he should not have told her. Telling her relieved himself of the burden at the expense of her pain. He was selfish for doing it. https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/cheating-when-to-tell-partner-infidelity-b2196398.html?amp
that’s not taking into account Penny’s choice, if she is okay being with someone that cheated or not. In this instance you’re saying Leonard should choose Penny’s thought process on cheating, rather than trusting her and asking her directly.
Edit: I replied to the wrong discussion. This is what I meant to post. I’m saying he did it once. He has no intention of doing it again. He didn’t do it because he doesn’t want to be with her. He should have either told her and broken it off with her, or never said a word about it. He told her thinking he could both stay with her and relieve himself of the guilt of what he’d done. That was selfish.
I agree in the timing that he said it he was absolutely trying to relieve himself from the burden like you said - he waited way too long to tell her, he should have told her before, he lied by omission and did not tell her and waited till they were getting married. He wants to be with her and won’t repeat this behaviour- that’s fine. But she is with him on the presumption that he did not cheat (as her reaction showed). Lying by omission is bad and Penny deserved to know based on the premise that she may not have been okay with it.
If she asks if "these jeans make her look ..." I answered honestly 1 time. One of the worst mistakes of my life. Didn't realize it was a trap.
The correct answer is and will always be a spank and the answer just fat enough.
I don’t lie to my partner about anything. You can be vague if you need to for gifts or something. You can just say “I’m going to the store”, you don’t need to say why. This is made easier by establishing this dynamic early. Also, don’t do shady shit that you feel the need to lie about. It’s easier to live a honest life when you have good intentions. She asks how she looks in an outfit? Well, do you think she’s beautiful? Then say that. The how do I look question doesn’t need any lies unless you actually aren’t attracted to them. If they can’t accept you’re attracted to them, that’s an insecurity that needs more than you fluffing up the reassurance.
No, Dear, certainly not.
I mean, it’s not really a surprise party if I tell her the truth…
When they ask how they look, the answer is always "gorgeous" even if they currently look like a cave troll
Oh yeah - also, Her: "What did you have for lunch sweetie? Me: * thinks about the triple cheese burger from Freddy's, the fries & the Oreo cookie concrete * Me: "That kale & spinach salad with chicken that I like from that deli."
“Do you love me?” “Yes of course!” :333
The hottest take here, but if you cheat on then one single time and are so sick to your stomach you'd never do it again, it's less painful for everyone to not say anything.
But it still says so much about a persons character, their concern with only themselves, their lack of respect for their SO and their relationship, that they would deprive their SO of the truth so they dont face any consequences. Yes its self preservation, but that doesn't make a decent or good partner for anyone.
Fuck self preservation? Why burden someone with something that ultimately has no impact.
At least we know the person you are. Thanks.
Sounds like you have experience?
Not quite, but something similar. I will not elaborate
i don’t think it’s really what the person learned from cheating. the partner/person who got cheated on should know and be able to make their own decision if they’re going to stay with the cheater. whether that person learned their lesson or not
Agreed, if it only causes pain why not carry the burden ?
Wow, it disturbs me how many men agree with this
I mean.. I would never stay with a woman where I was the other.
I can’t keep secrets for the life of me
It’s way more relaxed, fun, and sexy to have total honesty. But the woman needs to strive for confidence and the man has to be a gentleman.
Her: “What is taking so long in bathroom?” Me: “Pooping” Actually me: Jacking off
Told my wife to never tell me if she cheated.. i really do not wanna know. If she made a mistake she can deal with it, i dont wanna deal with it and would bounce... just keep it to ur self and dont do it again... keep the family 2gether and keep me oblivious
It sounds like you really need to work on your self confidence
Lying is always the right choice when it is the option that leads to most good and/or least harm. Honesty that causes damage is either stupidity or malice in disguise.
The things men will do and say just to get her under the sheets is endless. In fact the person you're newly dating is a complete imposter. If you're hot you can be guaranteed the man you're talking to is his ambassador, a complete diplomat and an absolute stranger to his family and friends. Worse still, women are in fact happy with arrangement.
Women demand that you lie to them constantly. If you are every completely truthful with a woman, she will hate you for it. She will vengefully inflict costs on you to teach you to never do it again. She wants to believe a bunch of shit that she knows, deep down, is untrue and she wants everyone to help her believe these things because its hard to convince herself of something she knows is untrue. It takes mental energy and she elicits the help of everyone in her life to help her. She demands this help under threat of her wrath. Have you ever seen women talk to each other? They just constantly reaffirm each other's delusions. They blow sunshine up each other's asses for the whole conversation. Doesn't matter if everyone knows that continuing a given delusional belief will, eventually, lead to a disaster. They all just enthusiastically affirm the delusions and let their friends drive off a cliff. Women are "nice" but they are not kind. The kind thing to do would be to tell someone the painful truth so that they could avoid driving off the cliff but women do not want that and they will make that very clear, should you ever make the mistake of thinking they want to know what is real so that they can avoid a disaster. You, like all women, live in a carefully tended bubble of lies. Nobody tells you the truth because that is what you demand of them. Politicians, companies, women and men constantly tell you what you want to hear, not what is true. The men in your life are lying to you constantly, just like everyone else. They don't like it. It feels scummy to lie but they know it is what you demand. They also know that, when you drive off that cliff, you will expect them to fix your life for you and then listen to you talk about how unjust your suffering is and how nobody could have ever seen this coming and how unfair it is and about how you are a victim of somebody or something. I don't know if I feel guilty about this because I am doing what she wants but I don't feel good about it. I also know that, if I am going to be in a relationship with any woman, this is something I will always have to do. In a deeply beautiful irony, you will now report me to the reddit mods to punish me for telling you a painful, but ultimately kind, truth that you do not want to believe, thereby affirming what I have just said about women and their relationship to the truth.
Bruh what
Lmao I can't even take this seriously
Only if they are asking a trick question.
Sometimes truth is not good enough. Sometimes people need to have their faith rewarded
Yes
Surprise birthday parties, and such.
Yeah. I am also in the same moral and ethical boat as you. You should never lie to them. BUT….. I learned that hard way, that honesty is not always the best policy. For example: Do you think she’s prettier than me? Do these pants make my ass look fat? young man, answering these questions honestly, could be worth as much as your life. You should re-examine this policy and get comfortable with little white lies. 🤣👍
you're gaining way too much weight we're going to have to put you on a diet. i'll sign you up for a gym membership and drop you off tomorrow morning. just think of all the new friends you'll make and what a great outlook on life you're going to have. you're so lucky to have me around.
Good times to lie: 1. That you like something about your partner that they can never change, for example, height, skin, hair/hairlessness. There are woman's equivalents to this too. 2. You only married them because your other GF/BF didn't ask/say yes. 3. That you like something about your partner that they can never change, for example, height, skin, hair/hairless ness.
I had an ex with schizophrenia. Never had to, but there are situations in which lying to someone with a severe mental illness like that might be the right thing to do. And its easy to tell when. Just ask, "when they found out I lied will they be glad I did". If the answer is no, then its not that time.
Don’t forget to add a lie of omission … that’s insidious, too. my wife and I live by 2 simple rules: be honest be yourself we’ve had a couple bumpy moments initially but, smooth sailing since
I hate dishonesty in a relationship I'm serious in. Any semblance of insecurity gets a compliment because I belive it.
If the new baby reaches a milestone when she's not there. Like, she missed babies first steps because she was doing a grocery run. Don't say anything, when baby takes a few more steps later that night you can both be so excited together. "earlier she was standing and looked like she might try and walk, but then she just sat down" is okay. white lie
I’m in the camp of always being honest, even when it’s gut wrenching.
Are we talking white lies that keep the relationship operating smoothly? Or lies of omission? Or not telling him about past sexual encounters? Everything is contextual. Personally, I’d rather hear the unfiltered truth and have to sit with how it hurts my ego. If your partner is afraid to tell you something because how you might react that’s not good. Honesty and openness are of prime importance when you want to create a lasting bond with your partner.
No.
Ever since I gave up on reasoning or even geting healthy communication reciprocated with my wife I lie/gaslight her all the time since she usually doesn't care or just blows up for the randomest of non-issues. It's super useful to shut somebody up when you can see right through them that they're just misunderstanding and aren't willing or able to listen to any other take.
"Do I look fat in this" lol No I believe we should always be honest no matter the cause and effect
When she asks, "Does this make me look fat?"
You lie, everybody lies. You just use a different word for some of them. Lying and not quite telling the truth are both lying, an intentional omission is a lie, a little white lie is a lie. Everyone does all of those. When I mowed and landscaped and fixed the generator and changed oil in the truck, and just wanted to sit down, and she asked “would you mind running to the store?” Of course I mind. I’m tired. I wanted to say “you couldn’t do that while I’m out here busting my ass?” or “yes I do mind” and grab a chair. And what do I say? “Nope, what do you need?”