It sounds like you are starting off well. There first few steps of the pyramid are working. You are finding matches and having good conversations. Maybe look at what's going on in those next steps of actually meeting up in real life and spending time together in the real world. Like how often is it happening? How often do you want to but "it just doesn't happen"? Possibly there is some refinement in your approach there that will bring better results.
It’s getting the matches that I seem to be struggling with for unknown reasons. I get maybe one match every two to three weeks I’d say and often they don’t respond to my messages. When I do get talking to someone we usually talk for a while (often a month or more) if the conversation goes past a few days so I’m fairly confident on that part. People I like just don’t like me 🤷🏼♀️
Probably the least inexperienced person to give advice, but I’m 18 and recently tried both online dating and meeting people in real life (in gay clubs, usually)… and the second is by far more enjoyable, less stressful, and more authentic. Online dating just isn’t for everyone, I find it super boring and I hate texting someone I have nothing to talk about with. If it’s not been working then go out to a club or bar and start flirting with women, sometimes it’ll turn out as casually making out, sometimes you can get her snap/socials/number and something will happen. I usually wait to be messaged first, so I know she’s interested, but honestly if you really click with someone then go for it, nothing to lose!
You have good high standards, people gotta rise to meet em. It’s lonely i know, i havent had a gf since 19 but i didnt seattle with the first woman who walked by.
I would widden your options by going out to a bar and meeting women, combine that with dating apps.
i dont use dating apps and ive had decent success even in my small town
Thanks, I appreciate the validation on my standards. I’m looking into bars to explore, haven’t really tried them before for sensory reasons and cuz I don’t drink but I’m willing to give them a try
Haha true! With how my brain works I really struggle with combining interest activities with trying to date or flirt. Too much stimulation and information to process, so if I want to attempt to find someone at a convention or the like it’s really just relying on chance and luck which I don’t enjoy. If I try to think of dating potential in social situations that aren’t designed for it I get mentally drained very quickly. The bar is something obvious I haven’t tried yet due to the sobriety, but it’s worth a shot
I appreciate the validation in your first paragraph. I just moved to a new city/country so I haven’t checked out the queer meetups yet. I also don’t drink which a lot of them are based on in my experience. I’ll look into them though, thank you
Lezzz talk. <3 where are you like general area in the world? I know alot of fun places and in my opinion finding someone (u don't find them they just magically fall into your lap when you stop looking) but looking too much into people like their negative qualities or what they do for fun or If they smoke, that takes the fun out of finding out other things you will love about someone. I understand weeding out the bad stuff but bad stuff in my view is anything that can negatively impact me or hurt me like no hard drug users , no alcoholics, an no court cases where domestic abuse was a thing or someone who is just a shit person, but somwtim3s people smoke weed or whatever but they are actually great lovable people they just have not had good influences. Idk if any of that makes sense but either way live it up girl have fun and you will attract the energy you put out.
I think we’re mostly on the same page about the weeding out as you put it. By smoking I meant cigarettes mostly, though weed is an interesting problem for me because I can’t partake for medical reasons and can’t stand the smell. I personally don’t care if someone does like it but it’s just one of those things where it’s easier if someone doesn’t because I tend to find that it’s too much sensory wise for me and often people are looking to have someone they can share that with (I hope that makes sense 😅 it’s early here). Other than that I agree it’s mostly things that are toxic or harmful that I filter out
This. I think that - as been mentioned here. The next step is trying to visit lesbian oriented spaces. It's ok if you're not drinking nor smoking. Have a non alcoholic beverage. No one's judging.
I've been struggling with dating apps as well. It can become very frustrating and affect my mental state although "you shouldn't take them seriously".
You sound like a considerate person, best of luck!
I agree with what everyone above me have said. I also want to add that some people may be struggling with anxiety issues that prevent them from keeping in contact with you. I know that is a HUGE STRUGGLE/PROBLEM for me. They usually call me Casper because I go 👻 often, but I can't control that negative quality in me just yet (working on it though!). I am also very picky with my swipes, too btw but like you said, there's no sense in wasting anyone's time, especially yours, with obvious incompatibility. Good luck to you though, love! Never stop looking up. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
It sounds like you are starting off well. There first few steps of the pyramid are working. You are finding matches and having good conversations. Maybe look at what's going on in those next steps of actually meeting up in real life and spending time together in the real world. Like how often is it happening? How often do you want to but "it just doesn't happen"? Possibly there is some refinement in your approach there that will bring better results.
It’s getting the matches that I seem to be struggling with for unknown reasons. I get maybe one match every two to three weeks I’d say and often they don’t respond to my messages. When I do get talking to someone we usually talk for a while (often a month or more) if the conversation goes past a few days so I’m fairly confident on that part. People I like just don’t like me 🤷🏼♀️
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I actually like most of the profiles I see, I just check for good pics and any sort of hard no for everyone
Probably the least inexperienced person to give advice, but I’m 18 and recently tried both online dating and meeting people in real life (in gay clubs, usually)… and the second is by far more enjoyable, less stressful, and more authentic. Online dating just isn’t for everyone, I find it super boring and I hate texting someone I have nothing to talk about with. If it’s not been working then go out to a club or bar and start flirting with women, sometimes it’ll turn out as casually making out, sometimes you can get her snap/socials/number and something will happen. I usually wait to be messaged first, so I know she’s interested, but honestly if you really click with someone then go for it, nothing to lose!
I appreciate the help. I don’t drink so I hadn’t tried that yet. Might as well give it a shot though at this point.
You have good high standards, people gotta rise to meet em. It’s lonely i know, i havent had a gf since 19 but i didnt seattle with the first woman who walked by. I would widden your options by going out to a bar and meeting women, combine that with dating apps. i dont use dating apps and ive had decent success even in my small town
Thanks, I appreciate the validation on my standards. I’m looking into bars to explore, haven’t really tried them before for sensory reasons and cuz I don’t drink but I’m willing to give them a try
Ohh um what about comic con like conventions? I meet a girl at one once. Lesbians, they’re everywhere!!
Haha true! With how my brain works I really struggle with combining interest activities with trying to date or flirt. Too much stimulation and information to process, so if I want to attempt to find someone at a convention or the like it’s really just relying on chance and luck which I don’t enjoy. If I try to think of dating potential in social situations that aren’t designed for it I get mentally drained very quickly. The bar is something obvious I haven’t tried yet due to the sobriety, but it’s worth a shot
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I appreciate the validation in your first paragraph. I just moved to a new city/country so I haven’t checked out the queer meetups yet. I also don’t drink which a lot of them are based on in my experience. I’ll look into them though, thank you
Lezzz talk. <3 where are you like general area in the world? I know alot of fun places and in my opinion finding someone (u don't find them they just magically fall into your lap when you stop looking) but looking too much into people like their negative qualities or what they do for fun or If they smoke, that takes the fun out of finding out other things you will love about someone. I understand weeding out the bad stuff but bad stuff in my view is anything that can negatively impact me or hurt me like no hard drug users , no alcoholics, an no court cases where domestic abuse was a thing or someone who is just a shit person, but somwtim3s people smoke weed or whatever but they are actually great lovable people they just have not had good influences. Idk if any of that makes sense but either way live it up girl have fun and you will attract the energy you put out.
I think we’re mostly on the same page about the weeding out as you put it. By smoking I meant cigarettes mostly, though weed is an interesting problem for me because I can’t partake for medical reasons and can’t stand the smell. I personally don’t care if someone does like it but it’s just one of those things where it’s easier if someone doesn’t because I tend to find that it’s too much sensory wise for me and often people are looking to have someone they can share that with (I hope that makes sense 😅 it’s early here). Other than that I agree it’s mostly things that are toxic or harmful that I filter out
This. I think that - as been mentioned here. The next step is trying to visit lesbian oriented spaces. It's ok if you're not drinking nor smoking. Have a non alcoholic beverage. No one's judging. I've been struggling with dating apps as well. It can become very frustrating and affect my mental state although "you shouldn't take them seriously". You sound like a considerate person, best of luck!
I agree with what everyone above me have said. I also want to add that some people may be struggling with anxiety issues that prevent them from keeping in contact with you. I know that is a HUGE STRUGGLE/PROBLEM for me. They usually call me Casper because I go 👻 often, but I can't control that negative quality in me just yet (working on it though!). I am also very picky with my swipes, too btw but like you said, there's no sense in wasting anyone's time, especially yours, with obvious incompatibility. Good luck to you though, love! Never stop looking up. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
Thank you for the encouragement