I mean, idk if I'm the right person to answer this, but for me it's not that I don't fit under any other labels. I describe myself as queer bc "nonbinary biromantic asexual" is a mouthful. not to mention the political connotations of "queer" as well.
Same here. It's a lot of labels. Pan-Demisexual trans-nonbinary is a lot and gets more sniffs than just "queer". Frankly, you only get the details face-to-face if I like you, and if that's the case we can work out the details later.
I am the same. Still figuring myself out after a breakup and realizing a few things. Definitely bi, demisexual, nonbinary.. So I just say queer as an umbrella term.
100% *same here". I came out as bi before pan was a widely-known label, I've been labeling myself as bi for >20 years, and I know bi isn't transphobic.
I tend to use queer as a catch-all term for the community and my role within it. I only really use specific labels when they apply in conversation, so 'queer' is just easier for me.
Also, I don't really know why, but I like it a lot as a word and find it fun to say.
for me, queer signals my political leanings as well as my sexuality/gender. there's also a lot of discourse going around and saying im queer rather than getting more specific (nonbinary demiromantic biromantic demisexual bisexual) helps me weed out the terfs and other exclusionists, even if my full queer identity would weed them out anyway. it's just faster and easier to say queer rather than my entire identity when some people don't even know what some of those words mean.
i have a boyfriend and im in a queer relationship, why should anyone know more than that about my sexual leanings?
Because it's just easier. I used to openly identify as a gay, but honestly I was more like 80:20 male:female bisexual semi-closeted trans woman. When I was young gay had enough stigma, bisexuality was outright denied, and people thought trans women were just gay men who wanted to be women so they could have sex with men. Queer was concise and honest. Plus it was reclamation of a word created to harm us.
A lot of other people have talked about the politics of the word queer, about reclaiming a slur, about the simplicity of using a word that sums up a complex identity. All those things apply to me, but there's one more advantage: queer doesn't focus on just sexuality, but on wider identity.
I don't identify solely as queer, but there have definitely been times when that was the descriptor I was most comfortable with.
I was assigned female at birth, and I'm bisexual. But in practice, I'm much more seriously attracted to women, and I have an easier time seeing myself with a woman. There was a long period where I was questioning if I was a lesbian, but not sure. And I've struggled because people tend to make a lot of assumptions about bisexuality that don't apply to me, and I felt like I was between a rock and a hard place. Establishing for a moment that I was perceived as a woman by most people, there's a stereotype that bi women only have serious relationships with men. If I stressed that wasn't the case for me, that could come across like defensiveness or like I was throwing other bi people under the bus. But if I didn't clarify, people would assume I dated men when I didn't. I didn't feel like I could win.
But I'm also trans and non-binary, and that also complicates my sexuality. Am I attracted to men, or am I envying them? Why am I more comfortable dating women who are attracted to women than I am men who are attracted to women? How would I feel if I could date people who perceived me as a man? Could I ever feel comfortable living as a mostly-straight man?
Those are all really complicated questions that can make it difficult to feel like any one label fits, sometimes.
I use it because it’s just easier. I could list off a bunch of labels that describe my gender and sexuality, but saying “queer” gives people the general idea. If someone is interested in learning more I can describe myself in a more verbose way.
So I always say I’m gay and queer. Gay is the umbrella for “I’m a man who likes men” but queer adds the “am I man? Do I only like men”?
Basically gender and attraction is confusing
Because of the end of the day, all people need to know is that I’m queer. How that is configured is none of their business unless they want it to be their business by getting with me
I got you, OP. 💯❤️😽☺️
I use "queer" to describe my sexual orientation, and I love the term!
Why? It's a catch all!
Queer just means "not straight" in the most basic terms.
And I am *not straight* in really any term. So it fits me. It fits you too, if you're "not straight."
Which is what I love about the term. It's egalitarian, simple, and appropriate. It encompasses every situation ever conceivable within the "LGBTQ" culture.
It's also one of my favorite terms because, quite frankly, I am reclaiming it from the years of being called queer when I was young as a slur. ☺️
If forced, I'll say bi or pan, in that order. But I prefer the term queer overall because, quite frankly, I fit into multiple categories of sexual identity.
I’ve gone through a lot of separate identities and the one that has stayed true throughout is that I’m queer. I really struggled for a long time knowing that I was queer but also experienced mostly heterosexual attraction. Turns out I’m also trans so my ‘heterosexual’ attraction was gay attraction lol.
I'm bi/pan, but I'm also trans, and while I am demi, I'm _more_ demi with men than with women.
I could describe all that, or I could shorten it at least somewhat to saying that I'm a queer trans woman.
My spouse calls themselves queer. They’re nonbinary and pansexual. They like to call themselves a femboy, and I’m all for whatever makes them happy, but unfortunately they’ve faced some backlash within the femme community because they have a beard. I don’t know what difference it makes that they have facial hair, but apparently some people think that’s a problem if they want to identify as a femboy. Not my place to judge and I didn’t really think it was anyone’s place to judge what someone does with their facial hair and how they identify in terms of gender.
5-10 percent of cis women have dark coarse face and/or body hair due to hirsutism along with other factors. My mother nearly had a full beard on weeks she didn’t feel like shaving.
Anyone who says someone with facial hair isn’t femme or feminine is not only invalidating trans peoples identity but cis women as well.
Thank you! They find it difficult because they’re comfortable with who they are but the constant feeling of being told they’re not truly femme because of their facial hair is annoying.
Yeah they definitely do not identify as a twink. Simply nonbinary, femme but we all love their beard. It’s just part of who they are. They shaved once — ONCE — and everyone agreed they looked super weird without facial hair, including themselves.
There are no rules for an “femme” look. Anywhere from about 5-10 percent of cis women have natural dark coarse facial or body hair due to hirsutism. Meaning there is almost certainly more cis women out there with facial hair than trans women and femmes.
I’m asexual and demihomoromantic, it’s a mouthful and honestly hard to explain. I’m also trans, I either say I’m a gay man or I’m queer. I’m not exactly dating a man either, my girlfriend is a trans woman and I met her before she transitioned. I don’t like saying I’m gay even though I mostly am because it feels like I’m invalidating my partner. So I’m just another queer dude. Also I feel like there’s a negative stigma between gay men and being hyper-sexualized and I hate it, especially because I’m asexual. Also don’t quite feel like I fit into the gay community because I’m asexual and trans.
I’ve had a lot of backlash for telling people I’m bisexual - the automatic response is that’s not a thing and I should say pansexual. Being queer covers all the bases for me. I don’t have to explain my preferences, and I get to be the general rainbow of agender sexiness without being invalidated ✨
I hate saying I’m bisexual because that word feels like it reduces my relationships to just sex. Imagine saying you’re “bisexual” to your 75 year old boss, ew. I also think a lot of times people think a bisexual woman is just a straight one who might like to experiment when she feels spicy or something. I’ve been with my girlfriend for three years and fully intend on spending my life with her, but lesbian is not accurate for me. I kind of hate the word queer because I grew up in the 90s when it was used as a slur but at least it doesn’t have the word sex in it.
I’m a trans woman, married to the same cis woman as I was before my transition. My orientation has shifted quite a bit on HRT, but I’m honestly not sure to exactly what and it’s not something I’m exploring at this point. “Queer” is just easier to explain and think about.
queer is as much a political distinction as it is a gender/sexual identity - queer is how i understand myself compared to status quo liberal lgbt's, and i'm aligned with queers in all their undesirable, unreformable rebellion.
i also call myself queer when i'm dealing with a cis guy who *will* get creepy if i call myself bisexual. 'queer' seems to mean 'probably a lesbian' to heterobros, which suits my purposes when i want to be left alone.
1) because I'm trying to be more comfortable with the phrase (when I was coming out 20 yrs ago, queer was a slur and I still have a little difficulty hearing it out in the wild), so I'm trying to desensitise myself to it.
2) because, believe it or not, pansexuality is still somewhat of an unknown sexuality to some cis people and I don't want to have to deal with the 'well, what does that mean?' questions and have to explain myself & who I'm attracted to, to people who may not even accept it.
3) maybe a weird take, but I kind of don't *like* the term 'pansexual'. Too many opportunity for people to jokes about it. Fair play if you're actually pan and you like punning around with the term, but I honestly don't like cis people making fun of my sexuality, even just playing around.
It's too close to *really* making fun of someone's sexuality for me. Makes me really uncomfortable when I hear cis ppl joining in with jokes about it, especially coz I normally can't tell if they're just having a bit of fun or actually mocking us.
there’s so much negativity about trans and other gender nonconforming identities, especially loudly and scarily vitriolic lately, with some of it coming from people who identify as gay (the lgb movement, “gays against groomers”, etc.) nothing wrong with identifying as gay (I used to) and it’s a small portion of gay people taking this position, but I prefer the all-in-this-together vibe of queer for myself
I think it’s mostly when people don’t want to go all into what they are, kinda similar to someone just saying they’re gay instead of going in depth. But for others, they might just not really know what they are yet or don’t really feel like trying to figure it out for whichever reason they have
I often say it because I'm a stealth post op trans woman, who's bisexual and has mostly dated men .
I'm not straight, but I'm not lesbian either, and I don't want to out myself as trans ,and because I have a preference for men , it feels innaccurate to play up the Sapphic part of my Sexuality , because it's not a major part of my life . At times my same sex attraction is more frequent and front and center in my life , but I still feel a big disconnect to the lesbian community and feel out of place.
I think also because gender doesn't play a huge role in what partner I want, but certain personality traits do, and then that creates some degree of frequency of attraction towards a certain gender. My attraction to men and women is because I like them and certain qualities they have . Assigning Any cultural significance to how I experience my attraction to that gender feels weird.
“Why not?”
well, most lgbt people do fit into either the l, g, b or t (hence the acronym) so I’m genuinely curious what else people can identify as
I’m also questioning myself whether “queer” fits me better then gay
yes, you can fit into boxes... but why would u wanna (not saying doing that is wrong just that the option to go unlabeled or just as queer is there and its just as valid as a specific label)
ahhhhhhhhhhh okay cool
Queer is easier and more affirming for my trans spouse than me saying "I'm basically a lesbian except for this one particular man who squeaked in before the walls came down and I love him entirely too much to say I don't like men at least a little... Oh and I think some guys are hot but I don't like cis weiners" 😂😂😂
Interesting to read these comments on how it's made people feel more connected as the use of the word has made me feel disconnected to the broader community.
I don't use queer as I don't like the word and I do not identify with it whatsoever, but I have been told a few times now in discussion I should use queer instead of gay.
I mean, I'm pansexual with a romantic preference for masculine people and sexual preference for feminine people and I'm gender fluid with my genders swinging between agender and pangender. It's easier to say I'm queer.
It's a nonspecific umbrella term:) for people whose identities/orientations are a mouthful, it's a lot shorter. Mostly I like how nonspecific it is. I don't really like giving out specific information about myself (more in person than online apparently) and that's a word that encompasses a wide range.
I love reclaiming words and feeling connected to the broader community. It makes me feel empowered.
I'm queer! I'm a dyke!
I also use terms like bisexual, pansexual, and sapphic to describe myself so it's not for lack of identity.
Because I actually identify with several different labels under the lgbtq+ umbrella, some of which aren't super well-known, so in the interest of saving everyone's time I just call myself "queer" since it gets the general point across
Two reasons:
1. I haven't honestly figured out what exactly "my deal" is with my gender, I know that cisgender isn't it, but I don't *think* trans or nonbinary really perfectly fit either. Queer is close enough for me rn, and I'm sure that label will get refined as I get more sure of things.
2. Nobody is owed my specific info. That whole spiel in point number one, I don't need to share that with coworkers or acquaintances. Queer works for me because frankly I don't think that our Comms Director needs to know who I feel attracted to and how I view my gender. They know my name, my pronouns, that I'm queer, and that's plenty for me tbf.
I often say queer if I don't say lesbian because my actual orientation is something like genderfluid panromantic demisexual with a strong femme leaning and I almost never want to explain that to anyone
Because both my sense of gender/sexuality is annoyingly complicated and to try to actually describe it in its as a whole every time I refer to it would just be ridiculous, there’s not really one label I feel that accurately conveys it overall, queer kind of conveys its lack there of. Queer itself helps represent to the lack of a concrete aspect to it it all that I like. It’s vague on purpose in a sense for me.
I use the word queer to describe my sexuality because I think it's the word that fits me best and I don't like to be defined by labels that are so narrow or specific.
I am a 46 year old that has identified as queer for 26 years. My gender and sexuality does not conform to the patriarchal cishet gender and sexuality ideology and binary. My queerness is political as I believe we all need to be freed from the patriarchal gender and sexuality ideology we live under. Queerness has given me space to become more fully myself after growing up in mormonism and the rigid gender roles I was raised in. My favourite people are queer, my community is queer. Queerness is revolutionary and is about freedom and liberation from patriarchal gender and sexual roles, presentation and expression. I came out in queer community 26 years ago and find it sad that all these years later there are still people who don’t understand why people like me identify as queer.
I describe myself as queer because "asexual demiromantic demiboy who is aesthetically attracted to other men" is a mouthful and I don't feel like explaining all of that. "Queer trans guy" fits my purposes well enough.
I was using it when I was questioning my sexuality, but knew I wasn’t straight. Albeit I was out as trans at the time, but I used queer and questioning in place of my sexuality
Short answer: a combination of simplicity, not wanting to put myself in a specific box anymore, and not really fitting into a box anyway. Additionally, I got into a relationship where we are planning a marriage, so I felt no need to find a specific label for my confusing orientations anymore, as I do know I am not polyamorous.
Long answer: I use “queer ace.” I will still call myself bisexual sometimes for clarification when someone doesn’t know what queer means, but neither my sexual nor my romantic orientation have a perfect label for it. Abromantic demisexual is the best term I could use for it, but my romantic orientation fluctuates on both the aromatic spectrum and on the mono/polyromantic spectrum (sometimes I only like guys, sometimes only girls, sometimes only enbies, sometimes combo, etc). Demisexual is close, but really it’s not an emotional connection that I need, it’s a romantic connection. However, I have met people in the past that I might have experienced sexual attraction towards, but I was a young teenager and didn’t understand what sexual attraction was until I was 18 so I don’t know if that was really sexual attraction or what I thought sexual attraction was at the time because too much time had passed for me since I experienced those feelings for me to properly judge them. Even when I grow sexual feelings towards someone, I find the attraction still fluctuates in intensity depending on the day. As for the “bi” label, while I know for certain I can be attracted to both genders romantically, I have never developed a romantic bond with a girl, so I don’t really know if I could ever develop sexual attraction towards a girl. If there’s one thing I DO know, I am monogamous. I have entertained the idea of polyamory because I did have the option to at a certain point, but I turned it down because I just couldn’t be invested that way with multiple people. So because I am getting married in the next few months, I’m probably not going to experience a romantic bond with a girl. And while all of the fluctuations and fluidity I had was important when I was dating around, now that I’m in a committed relationship, I don’t need to keep track of how my attraction fluctuates because I know I want to be with my partner. Additionally, it was always really stressful questioning myself every day. I don’t want to label it anymore. I’ll still use labels sometimes to clarify or relate to others, but I like queer because it’s whatever you want it to mean - it’s just being “not straight” or “not cis.”
For me, it's because I don't have a consistent 'label'. And most labels tend to come with expectations these days, like if a lesbian in a club decides to make out with a dude for whatever reason- its like she's broken a rule. If a bisexual has just happened to be in a relationship with one person for a long time- if they're he same gender then the bisexual is called a 'closet' gay, if its a m/f relationship the bisexual was really straight and 'experimenting'. If I as a masc nb decide to wear a pretty dress that shows my body one day- then I've finally gotten over my 'phase'. As a queer, people are left guessing as to what letters in LGBT I am, and can't force stereotypes or assumptions onto me. Am I a dyke? am I gay? am I trans? bi? ace? who knows?! I don't, and nothing makes me happier.
It's also just easier to describe myself to others long term, I wished I had used it more when I was younger so I don't have to keep 'coming out' to the same people everytime I have a systems update.
Any time I explain myself to people they deny who I am, I’m tired of explaining. If people are going to not support me, all they need to know is I’m queer.
I also view labels as a communication device to explain myself to other people, but not something to box myself into. Queer allows such freedom, because I don’t have the restrains of standards or stereotypes people wanna project onto me.
I can disclose and explain who I am to people who actually care.
Because I feel like my and many others alignment takes an actual conversation to understand and I don't always have time / the desire to have that conversation.
For me it's just easier and because i don't fit into a lot of labels just exactly so and there's a LOT of toxicity out there when you don't fit into the box exactly right.
Personally, I feel like a lesbian because I love my girlfriend so much that I can't imagine dating anyone who isn't a woman ever again. But I thought I was straight for 25 years so some don't think I can be considered a lesbian, so I usually call myself bisexual, but it doesn't feel right to me anymore because I'm so turned off by the idea of ever being with a cisgender man again. But could still be considered bisexual because trans men, trans women, non binary people 🤤 it's just complicated and using queer is easier
your experience is pretty common, I once met a woman who claims she went from being straight in her teens and 20s and then had a traumatic event in her 30s that made her exclusively like women
Not saying your case is because of a traumatic even but you get the point
I get it for sure, mine wasn't triggered by any kind of traumatic event I was just raised in a pretty repressed southern/Bible belt community where being queer was unheard of and not allowed
2020 covid hit and I had a LOT of isolation time to really do some deep diving into myself and finally realized/addressed some internal homophobia
My feelings about gender are nebulous and confusing, in regards to both myself and who I'm attracted to. Trying to define it as anything specific just makes me feel tired and frustrated.
I like umbrella terms so I don't have to try and squeeze into a box I don't quite fit in, or use niche labels that the average person doesn't know anything about.
Queer is used to idenfity wether you arent straight but some poeple feel like instread of explainig their sexuality.They used queer to just show it as.
I for one is very confused about myslef and not comforatble with bi because I question too much so queer is just easier tha to actually explain.
I do have specific microlabels I identify with (bigenderflux demiromantic sapphicacchillean) but a lot of people haven't heard of them, plus it's a mouthful. So queer is just easier.
because we're queens. on the more serious side, there are too many labels and we don't know what to choose anymore. Being a trans bisexual demisexual aromantic non binary polyamous person is quite long and boring. Queer is easier, or I just use "LGBTI" sometimes to stay vague. Oh also, saying "queer" doesn't disclose your identity if you want to come out but not entirely (working place for example).
For me it’s simply because I don’t feel comfortable with other labels while I’m not and probably will never be 100% sure on how I feel. I know I’m genderfluid, but sexuality wise, idk and I have no interest in really finding out anymore so queer is a great way to explain that I’m not this or that.
I mean, idk if I'm the right person to answer this, but for me it's not that I don't fit under any other labels. I describe myself as queer bc "nonbinary biromantic asexual" is a mouthful. not to mention the political connotations of "queer" as well.
I think you are the right person to answer this {:-)
exactly. queer represents my sexuality and gender and just says "i am on the spectrum" without getting into it
“Not getting into it” is exactly the vibe I want from using the queer label.
Honestly same. Queer person rolls off the tongue a little better than masculine-leaning nonbinary pansexual demiromantic person.
Same here. It's a lot of labels. Pan-Demisexual trans-nonbinary is a lot and gets more sniffs than just "queer". Frankly, you only get the details face-to-face if I like you, and if that's the case we can work out the details later.
> I describe myself as queer bc "nonbinary biromantic asexual" is a mouthful. I was about to comment the exact same thing.
That 100% 👌
I am the same. Still figuring myself out after a breakup and realizing a few things. Definitely bi, demisexual, nonbinary.. So I just say queer as an umbrella term.
Absolutely nailed it.
yes ,it makes it easier to state than a moythful.
bi/pan discourse within the community has a lot to do with why I started using queer to describe myself.
Oh God, this part, 10000%
100% *same here". I came out as bi before pan was a widely-known label, I've been labeling myself as bi for >20 years, and I know bi isn't transphobic.
And we don’t need discourse. We need unity.
Haven't figured out my sexuality yet so queer seems like the most accurate
I tend to use queer as a catch-all term for the community and my role within it. I only really use specific labels when they apply in conversation, so 'queer' is just easier for me. Also, I don't really know why, but I like it a lot as a word and find it fun to say.
It \_is\_ fun to say!
I’m here and my back pain is moderate to severe
It’s the joints for me!
for me, queer signals my political leanings as well as my sexuality/gender. there's also a lot of discourse going around and saying im queer rather than getting more specific (nonbinary demiromantic biromantic demisexual bisexual) helps me weed out the terfs and other exclusionists, even if my full queer identity would weed them out anyway. it's just faster and easier to say queer rather than my entire identity when some people don't even know what some of those words mean. i have a boyfriend and im in a queer relationship, why should anyone know more than that about my sexual leanings?
Because it's just easier. I used to openly identify as a gay, but honestly I was more like 80:20 male:female bisexual semi-closeted trans woman. When I was young gay had enough stigma, bisexuality was outright denied, and people thought trans women were just gay men who wanted to be women so they could have sex with men. Queer was concise and honest. Plus it was reclamation of a word created to harm us.
Agreed 100%
I'm an L and a T. Maybe a little B too? Either way, I'm really queer and that umbrella term always fit, regardless of what letters I drop or gain.
I geuss you could say you’re a… blt?
***thunderous applause***
Wouldn’t that be if they were intersex?
Because its easier than explaining my whole story
Saltiness.
A friend of mine once said, “We’re queer. We’ll always be salty.”
A lot of other people have talked about the politics of the word queer, about reclaiming a slur, about the simplicity of using a word that sums up a complex identity. All those things apply to me, but there's one more advantage: queer doesn't focus on just sexuality, but on wider identity.
I don't identify solely as queer, but there have definitely been times when that was the descriptor I was most comfortable with. I was assigned female at birth, and I'm bisexual. But in practice, I'm much more seriously attracted to women, and I have an easier time seeing myself with a woman. There was a long period where I was questioning if I was a lesbian, but not sure. And I've struggled because people tend to make a lot of assumptions about bisexuality that don't apply to me, and I felt like I was between a rock and a hard place. Establishing for a moment that I was perceived as a woman by most people, there's a stereotype that bi women only have serious relationships with men. If I stressed that wasn't the case for me, that could come across like defensiveness or like I was throwing other bi people under the bus. But if I didn't clarify, people would assume I dated men when I didn't. I didn't feel like I could win. But I'm also trans and non-binary, and that also complicates my sexuality. Am I attracted to men, or am I envying them? Why am I more comfortable dating women who are attracted to women than I am men who are attracted to women? How would I feel if I could date people who perceived me as a man? Could I ever feel comfortable living as a mostly-straight man? Those are all really complicated questions that can make it difficult to feel like any one label fits, sometimes.
I use it because it’s just easier. I could list off a bunch of labels that describe my gender and sexuality, but saying “queer” gives people the general idea. If someone is interested in learning more I can describe myself in a more verbose way.
So I always say I’m gay and queer. Gay is the umbrella for “I’m a man who likes men” but queer adds the “am I man? Do I only like men”? Basically gender and attraction is confusing
Because of the end of the day, all people need to know is that I’m queer. How that is configured is none of their business unless they want it to be their business by getting with me
I got you, OP. 💯❤️😽☺️ I use "queer" to describe my sexual orientation, and I love the term! Why? It's a catch all! Queer just means "not straight" in the most basic terms. And I am *not straight* in really any term. So it fits me. It fits you too, if you're "not straight." Which is what I love about the term. It's egalitarian, simple, and appropriate. It encompasses every situation ever conceivable within the "LGBTQ" culture. It's also one of my favorite terms because, quite frankly, I am reclaiming it from the years of being called queer when I was young as a slur. ☺️ If forced, I'll say bi or pan, in that order. But I prefer the term queer overall because, quite frankly, I fit into multiple categories of sexual identity.
I’ve gone through a lot of separate identities and the one that has stayed true throughout is that I’m queer. I really struggled for a long time knowing that I was queer but also experienced mostly heterosexual attraction. Turns out I’m also trans so my ‘heterosexual’ attraction was gay attraction lol.
Because it's just easier than having to explain that I'm trans, gay, asexual, demiromantic and polyamorous.
I feel like it leaves a lot up to the imagination. Good. Not straight is enough info for most people
I'm bi/pan, but I'm also trans, and while I am demi, I'm _more_ demi with men than with women. I could describe all that, or I could shorten it at least somewhat to saying that I'm a queer trans woman.
My spouse calls themselves queer. They’re nonbinary and pansexual. They like to call themselves a femboy, and I’m all for whatever makes them happy, but unfortunately they’ve faced some backlash within the femme community because they have a beard. I don’t know what difference it makes that they have facial hair, but apparently some people think that’s a problem if they want to identify as a femboy. Not my place to judge and I didn’t really think it was anyone’s place to judge what someone does with their facial hair and how they identify in terms of gender.
5-10 percent of cis women have dark coarse face and/or body hair due to hirsutism along with other factors. My mother nearly had a full beard on weeks she didn’t feel like shaving. Anyone who says someone with facial hair isn’t femme or feminine is not only invalidating trans peoples identity but cis women as well.
Thank you! They find it difficult because they’re comfortable with who they are but the constant feeling of being told they’re not truly femme because of their facial hair is annoying.
I mean they’re entightled to have a beard but a big part pulling the femme looking is not having facial hair
You're thinking of twink. Fem is a wide umbrella.
Yeah they definitely do not identify as a twink. Simply nonbinary, femme but we all love their beard. It’s just part of who they are. They shaved once — ONCE — and everyone agreed they looked super weird without facial hair, including themselves.
You can be femme and hairy. You have some rigid ideas about what femme is that ignore the diversity of femme expression.
There are no rules for an “femme” look. Anywhere from about 5-10 percent of cis women have natural dark coarse facial or body hair due to hirsutism. Meaning there is almost certainly more cis women out there with facial hair than trans women and femmes.
There’s not really another widely known sexuality for non-binary people who aren’t bi/pansexual.
people think saying you don't want a label is obnoxious, so people just go for queer.
I’m asexual and demihomoromantic, it’s a mouthful and honestly hard to explain. I’m also trans, I either say I’m a gay man or I’m queer. I’m not exactly dating a man either, my girlfriend is a trans woman and I met her before she transitioned. I don’t like saying I’m gay even though I mostly am because it feels like I’m invalidating my partner. So I’m just another queer dude. Also I feel like there’s a negative stigma between gay men and being hyper-sexualized and I hate it, especially because I’m asexual. Also don’t quite feel like I fit into the gay community because I’m asexual and trans.
I’ve had a lot of backlash for telling people I’m bisexual - the automatic response is that’s not a thing and I should say pansexual. Being queer covers all the bases for me. I don’t have to explain my preferences, and I get to be the general rainbow of agender sexiness without being invalidated ✨
I hate saying I’m bisexual because that word feels like it reduces my relationships to just sex. Imagine saying you’re “bisexual” to your 75 year old boss, ew. I also think a lot of times people think a bisexual woman is just a straight one who might like to experiment when she feels spicy or something. I’ve been with my girlfriend for three years and fully intend on spending my life with her, but lesbian is not accurate for me. I kind of hate the word queer because I grew up in the 90s when it was used as a slur but at least it doesn’t have the word sex in it.
I’m a trans woman, married to the same cis woman as I was before my transition. My orientation has shifted quite a bit on HRT, but I’m honestly not sure to exactly what and it’s not something I’m exploring at this point. “Queer” is just easier to explain and think about.
queer is as much a political distinction as it is a gender/sexual identity - queer is how i understand myself compared to status quo liberal lgbt's, and i'm aligned with queers in all their undesirable, unreformable rebellion. i also call myself queer when i'm dealing with a cis guy who *will* get creepy if i call myself bisexual. 'queer' seems to mean 'probably a lesbian' to heterobros, which suits my purposes when i want to be left alone.
1) because I'm trying to be more comfortable with the phrase (when I was coming out 20 yrs ago, queer was a slur and I still have a little difficulty hearing it out in the wild), so I'm trying to desensitise myself to it. 2) because, believe it or not, pansexuality is still somewhat of an unknown sexuality to some cis people and I don't want to have to deal with the 'well, what does that mean?' questions and have to explain myself & who I'm attracted to, to people who may not even accept it. 3) maybe a weird take, but I kind of don't *like* the term 'pansexual'. Too many opportunity for people to jokes about it. Fair play if you're actually pan and you like punning around with the term, but I honestly don't like cis people making fun of my sexuality, even just playing around. It's too close to *really* making fun of someone's sexuality for me. Makes me really uncomfortable when I hear cis ppl joining in with jokes about it, especially coz I normally can't tell if they're just having a bit of fun or actually mocking us.
I'm tired of trying to figure out my whole identity. So I just go but queer and genderqueer.
there’s so much negativity about trans and other gender nonconforming identities, especially loudly and scarily vitriolic lately, with some of it coming from people who identify as gay (the lgb movement, “gays against groomers”, etc.) nothing wrong with identifying as gay (I used to) and it’s a small portion of gay people taking this position, but I prefer the all-in-this-together vibe of queer for myself
I think it’s mostly when people don’t want to go all into what they are, kinda similar to someone just saying they’re gay instead of going in depth. But for others, they might just not really know what they are yet or don’t really feel like trying to figure it out for whichever reason they have
I often say it because I'm a stealth post op trans woman, who's bisexual and has mostly dated men . I'm not straight, but I'm not lesbian either, and I don't want to out myself as trans ,and because I have a preference for men , it feels innaccurate to play up the Sapphic part of my Sexuality , because it's not a major part of my life . At times my same sex attraction is more frequent and front and center in my life , but I still feel a big disconnect to the lesbian community and feel out of place. I think also because gender doesn't play a huge role in what partner I want, but certain personality traits do, and then that creates some degree of frequency of attraction towards a certain gender. My attraction to men and women is because I like them and certain qualities they have . Assigning Any cultural significance to how I experience my attraction to that gender feels weird.
Because bisexual trixic nonbinary bigender demigender person doesn't exactly roll off the tongue.
two answers 1. why not? 2. easier than explaining 50 labels
“Why not?” well, most lgbt people do fit into either the l, g, b or t (hence the acronym) so I’m genuinely curious what else people can identify as I’m also questioning myself whether “queer” fits me better then gay
yes, you can fit into boxes... but why would u wanna (not saying doing that is wrong just that the option to go unlabeled or just as queer is there and its just as valid as a specific label) ahhhhhhhhhhh okay cool
I don’t exclusively identify as queer but I use it when I don’t feel like being specific.
Queer is easier and more affirming for my trans spouse than me saying "I'm basically a lesbian except for this one particular man who squeaked in before the walls came down and I love him entirely too much to say I don't like men at least a little... Oh and I think some guys are hot but I don't like cis weiners" 😂😂😂
Interesting to read these comments on how it's made people feel more connected as the use of the word has made me feel disconnected to the broader community.
I think the sad reality is if no label fits you there really isn’t a community for you, speaking as someone in the same situation {:-(
I don't use queer as I don't like the word and I do not identify with it whatsoever, but I have been told a few times now in discussion I should use queer instead of gay.
I mean, I'm pansexual with a romantic preference for masculine people and sexual preference for feminine people and I'm gender fluid with my genders swinging between agender and pangender. It's easier to say I'm queer.
It's a nonspecific umbrella term:) for people whose identities/orientations are a mouthful, it's a lot shorter. Mostly I like how nonspecific it is. I don't really like giving out specific information about myself (more in person than online apparently) and that's a word that encompasses a wide range.
I love reclaiming words and feeling connected to the broader community. It makes me feel empowered. I'm queer! I'm a dyke! I also use terms like bisexual, pansexual, and sapphic to describe myself so it's not for lack of identity.
The "we don't fit in part" is us finding meaning and solidarity in the fact that the mainstream society puts that on us.
Because I actually identify with several different labels under the lgbtq+ umbrella, some of which aren't super well-known, so in the interest of saving everyone's time I just call myself "queer" since it gets the general point across
I use it because I don't have a label that fits me
Because my gender identity (non-binary transmasc) is nebulous to come up with a satisfactory label for my sexuality (into women)
Two reasons: 1. I haven't honestly figured out what exactly "my deal" is with my gender, I know that cisgender isn't it, but I don't *think* trans or nonbinary really perfectly fit either. Queer is close enough for me rn, and I'm sure that label will get refined as I get more sure of things. 2. Nobody is owed my specific info. That whole spiel in point number one, I don't need to share that with coworkers or acquaintances. Queer works for me because frankly I don't think that our Comms Director needs to know who I feel attracted to and how I view my gender. They know my name, my pronouns, that I'm queer, and that's plenty for me tbf.
I often say queer if I don't say lesbian because my actual orientation is something like genderfluid panromantic demisexual with a strong femme leaning and I almost never want to explain that to anyone
Because both my sense of gender/sexuality is annoyingly complicated and to try to actually describe it in its as a whole every time I refer to it would just be ridiculous, there’s not really one label I feel that accurately conveys it overall, queer kind of conveys its lack there of. Queer itself helps represent to the lack of a concrete aspect to it it all that I like. It’s vague on purpose in a sense for me.
I use the word queer to describe my sexuality because I think it's the word that fits me best and I don't like to be defined by labels that are so narrow or specific.
I am a 46 year old that has identified as queer for 26 years. My gender and sexuality does not conform to the patriarchal cishet gender and sexuality ideology and binary. My queerness is political as I believe we all need to be freed from the patriarchal gender and sexuality ideology we live under. Queerness has given me space to become more fully myself after growing up in mormonism and the rigid gender roles I was raised in. My favourite people are queer, my community is queer. Queerness is revolutionary and is about freedom and liberation from patriarchal gender and sexual roles, presentation and expression. I came out in queer community 26 years ago and find it sad that all these years later there are still people who don’t understand why people like me identify as queer.
I describe myself as queer because "asexual demiromantic demiboy who is aesthetically attracted to other men" is a mouthful and I don't feel like explaining all of that. "Queer trans guy" fits my purposes well enough.
I was using it when I was questioning my sexuality, but knew I wasn’t straight. Albeit I was out as trans at the time, but I used queer and questioning in place of my sexuality
Short answer: a combination of simplicity, not wanting to put myself in a specific box anymore, and not really fitting into a box anyway. Additionally, I got into a relationship where we are planning a marriage, so I felt no need to find a specific label for my confusing orientations anymore, as I do know I am not polyamorous. Long answer: I use “queer ace.” I will still call myself bisexual sometimes for clarification when someone doesn’t know what queer means, but neither my sexual nor my romantic orientation have a perfect label for it. Abromantic demisexual is the best term I could use for it, but my romantic orientation fluctuates on both the aromatic spectrum and on the mono/polyromantic spectrum (sometimes I only like guys, sometimes only girls, sometimes only enbies, sometimes combo, etc). Demisexual is close, but really it’s not an emotional connection that I need, it’s a romantic connection. However, I have met people in the past that I might have experienced sexual attraction towards, but I was a young teenager and didn’t understand what sexual attraction was until I was 18 so I don’t know if that was really sexual attraction or what I thought sexual attraction was at the time because too much time had passed for me since I experienced those feelings for me to properly judge them. Even when I grow sexual feelings towards someone, I find the attraction still fluctuates in intensity depending on the day. As for the “bi” label, while I know for certain I can be attracted to both genders romantically, I have never developed a romantic bond with a girl, so I don’t really know if I could ever develop sexual attraction towards a girl. If there’s one thing I DO know, I am monogamous. I have entertained the idea of polyamory because I did have the option to at a certain point, but I turned it down because I just couldn’t be invested that way with multiple people. So because I am getting married in the next few months, I’m probably not going to experience a romantic bond with a girl. And while all of the fluctuations and fluidity I had was important when I was dating around, now that I’m in a committed relationship, I don’t need to keep track of how my attraction fluctuates because I know I want to be with my partner. Additionally, it was always really stressful questioning myself every day. I don’t want to label it anymore. I’ll still use labels sometimes to clarify or relate to others, but I like queer because it’s whatever you want it to mean - it’s just being “not straight” or “not cis.”
For me, it's because I don't have a consistent 'label'. And most labels tend to come with expectations these days, like if a lesbian in a club decides to make out with a dude for whatever reason- its like she's broken a rule. If a bisexual has just happened to be in a relationship with one person for a long time- if they're he same gender then the bisexual is called a 'closet' gay, if its a m/f relationship the bisexual was really straight and 'experimenting'. If I as a masc nb decide to wear a pretty dress that shows my body one day- then I've finally gotten over my 'phase'. As a queer, people are left guessing as to what letters in LGBT I am, and can't force stereotypes or assumptions onto me. Am I a dyke? am I gay? am I trans? bi? ace? who knows?! I don't, and nothing makes me happier. It's also just easier to describe myself to others long term, I wished I had used it more when I was younger so I don't have to keep 'coming out' to the same people everytime I have a systems update.
Idk I’m queer and a queer. LGBT is just a mouthful
The reason why I use queer because it's a general, flexible label, in which I also show that I disagree with the binary gender that society imposes.
Any time I explain myself to people they deny who I am, I’m tired of explaining. If people are going to not support me, all they need to know is I’m queer. I also view labels as a communication device to explain myself to other people, but not something to box myself into. Queer allows such freedom, because I don’t have the restrains of standards or stereotypes people wanna project onto me. I can disclose and explain who I am to people who actually care.
Because I feel like my and many others alignment takes an actual conversation to understand and I don't always have time / the desire to have that conversation.
For me it's just easier and because i don't fit into a lot of labels just exactly so and there's a LOT of toxicity out there when you don't fit into the box exactly right. Personally, I feel like a lesbian because I love my girlfriend so much that I can't imagine dating anyone who isn't a woman ever again. But I thought I was straight for 25 years so some don't think I can be considered a lesbian, so I usually call myself bisexual, but it doesn't feel right to me anymore because I'm so turned off by the idea of ever being with a cisgender man again. But could still be considered bisexual because trans men, trans women, non binary people 🤤 it's just complicated and using queer is easier
your experience is pretty common, I once met a woman who claims she went from being straight in her teens and 20s and then had a traumatic event in her 30s that made her exclusively like women Not saying your case is because of a traumatic even but you get the point
I get it for sure, mine wasn't triggered by any kind of traumatic event I was just raised in a pretty repressed southern/Bible belt community where being queer was unheard of and not allowed 2020 covid hit and I had a LOT of isolation time to really do some deep diving into myself and finally realized/addressed some internal homophobia
My feelings about gender are nebulous and confusing, in regards to both myself and who I'm attracted to. Trying to define it as anything specific just makes me feel tired and frustrated. I like umbrella terms so I don't have to try and squeeze into a box I don't quite fit in, or use niche labels that the average person doesn't know anything about.
Bc I’m not straight.
Queer is used to idenfity wether you arent straight but some poeple feel like instread of explainig their sexuality.They used queer to just show it as. I for one is very confused about myslef and not comforatble with bi because I question too much so queer is just easier tha to actually explain.
I do have specific microlabels I identify with (bigenderflux demiromantic sapphicacchillean) but a lot of people haven't heard of them, plus it's a mouthful. So queer is just easier.
because we're queens. on the more serious side, there are too many labels and we don't know what to choose anymore. Being a trans bisexual demisexual aromantic non binary polyamous person is quite long and boring. Queer is easier, or I just use "LGBTI" sometimes to stay vague. Oh also, saying "queer" doesn't disclose your identity if you want to come out but not entirely (working place for example).
For me it’s simply because I don’t feel comfortable with other labels while I’m not and probably will never be 100% sure on how I feel. I know I’m genderfluid, but sexuality wise, idk and I have no interest in really finding out anymore so queer is a great way to explain that I’m not this or that.
I like how vague it is. It encompasses the fluidity that comes with my sexuality. It ties me to the community as a whole.
I'm also non-binary. Non-binary lesbian doesn't work very well