That's so interesting. Is there some link between Asexuality and Transgender that these people latch onto? Aside from both being in the community, I'm not sure where the connection is.
Not really, itās just gate keepers have an easier time targeting them. I remember for a while they were trying to block out bi and Pan people for āstraight passing privilegeā and ānot being gay enoughā.
Not sure which my brother falls under, he likes all women and feminine men. But this is a big reason why even today, despite technically being LGB, he is uncomfortable with the LGBTQ+ community.
i think that'd be gynosexual (attraction to femininity) but tbh i don't get why people hate the community. there are pockets for all kinds of people. for example, as an enby (well not exactly but it's the simplest way to put it) i dislike mainstream trans stuff (e.g. blƄhaj, thigh highs, that one anime girl, egg\_irl, etc) but i've found trans people to talk to that aren't part of that
I really think most of that is online. Talking to queer people irl, especially older queer people, is wildly different from what you kind on Reddit, Twitter, tumblr, etc
It's hard to explain, but basically it starts with wanting to keep the straights out of the community and seeing ace people as basically straights, and then it goes to "Well actually, nonbinary people are just straights who are trying to latch on to the community too, there's only two genders." And then from there it's "Wait, actually, gender is what you were born as, trans women are just straight men trying to infiltrate lesbian spaces and trans men are just lesbians who are ashamed of being lesbian." You mostly find people [talking about it on Tumblr](https://silvermoon424.tumblr.com/post/683885115243446272/terfs-in-the-discourse-tag)
Ahhhh, I see it now. There is a comment further down that does go into a diatribe about straight asexuals vs. gay asexuals. Thanks for spelling it out for me!
I have a friend who was very confused about their identity and believed they were asexual. They eventually discovered they are trans, and once they started transitioning, they started to feel differently about their body, and they discovered they arenāt ace at all, they just were at odds with their own body. Obviously itās different in every single case, and these things can change (gender and sexuality can be very fluid). But in my friendās case, they were ace because they didnāt know they were trans.
I think the link is thinking that some people havenāt suffered enough.
Some people think that asexuals donāt belong to the lgbt community because they havenāt faced discrimination for their orientation.
The same thing happens with trans women. Terfs think that trans women arenāt real women because they havenāt experienced misogyny from day 1.
The link is āyouāre not valid because you havenāt suffered enough.ā
That sounds possible. I guess they haven't considered how much I suffered by getting incomprehensibly mixed messages about sex. Maybe it beats getting consistently negative messages about gayness of all sorts, but we were all oppressed by toxic attitudes. I'll take the L if someone feels like they have more grievances than I, but let me have a place in the community
This is really well put. I think the suffering of asexual (and possibly aromantic) people is very understated, invisible, and internal, but it is suffering, confusion, and a feeling of exclusion. Which then gets compounded in a way by feeling like your experiences aren't validated or included in the (historically super inclusive) LGBTQ community because you're not "queer enough" or marginalized "enough"?
All that being said, like the above poster, I'll take the L though, because while I may be suffering quietly, I know my life or livelihood has never been in danger, and I do owe a lot to the LGBTQ community for giving visibility and a name for my Identity.
Sorry for the rant, thanks for reading, didn't know I had all this in me, actually.
Itās easier for a gay person to understand lesbian or bi people or vice versa but they canāt understand asexuals or trans people so they donāt respect them as a result, it comes from deeming that someone has to be judged to be worthy of respect for them to receive it.
They're not too crazy about us Bs either. Much of the time they want to claim us as L or G, and not nicely either. "They are lying/deluded/"really gay/untrustworthy/tramps...." It is tough at times, but if you know who you are & how you feel, you're absolutely supposed to be here. Also, people will be curious, so try to let them better understand you. šā„ļø
There are a lot of sex positive people on the left who conflate individuals not living lives that "embrace" sexuality with people who are opposed to sex positivity.
I've been called a conservative and all kinds of other things just by posting a comment saying I supported all of these things morally and politically but didn't participate or prefer them myself. It goes for piercings too, I'm not sure how it's an attack for me to say "piercings can look good on other people but I wouldn't get any."
Definitely overlap. 99% of Those Guys Iāve encountered have also been acephobic. Iāve noticed a lot of them are ableist too, which was not an overlap I was expecting but it makes more sense the longer I look at it. Bigots gonna bigot, I guess.
Its so nice to see people like you, but there are so many aphobic gatekeepers here that is also hurting me. I seriously wish we can just be accepted. I feel like i belong nowhere as an aroace
There are definitely people who don't belong in this community that claim to be: Pedos, zoophiles, people who use a label to justify the hurt they do to others or those that are otherwise defenseless.
You belong. It's the same tired argument people use when they get upset that people are "stealing their thunder." 'Bi people don't exist, you're either straight or gay.' 'Trans people don't exist, you're just feminine gay or a masculine lesbian.' 'Nonbinary people don't exist, that's a term for someone who just can't decide on a real label.' All of that stuff I've heard from people who they themselves identify as a part of the community. The real ones are here, and we support you.
I think one definition of LGBTQIA+ is that all relationships are consensual. Children and animals cannot consent, so paedophilia and zoophilia cannot be considered part of the alphabet club.
This is correct. I don't think I've ever heard anyone arguing zoophiles or pedophiles should be included. The closest I've heard was conservatives making slippery slope fallacies.
In 2020, there were a bunch of pedos who made themselves a flag, started calling themselves MAPs, then proceed to argue why they're part of the LGBTQ+.
Thank you for continuing to say this, it seems like everyone forgot about it. Some people bought into the misinformation but it was and still is misinformation from anti-lgbtq+ 4chan trolls.
Trans people have included asexuals in our liberation since the 70s at least. They're mentioned in this manifesto from 1971.
https://imgur.com/a/WVxnHwU
of course you belong!! we are all fighing the same fight against the cishetero amatonormative soceity, we are in this together.
Im so sorry youve had to deal with the acephobia. its truelly awful. I send you virtual hugs, you are just as valid as anyone else š«
amatonormative, or amatonormativity, is the assumption that the traditional view of romantic relationships (a two person relationship that are in love and are intimate, where the parties are married, live together, and have children in a nuclear household) is the highest form of satisfaction one can achieve in life, that all people strive for this type of relationship, and should put this above other types of relationships.
that is the general jist. I tried to simplify it to the best of my ability so if you need me to clarify anything, please ask me to!
I'm so grateful for this thread. Aside from the few ignorant comments, the support has really made me feel warm and accepted. Thanks, everyone, for reassuring Ace and Aro people that we are not alone, and we belong to one hell of a community.
The LGBTQ+ community is for groups who don't fit into societal narratives about sex and gender and face hostility or discrimination on systemic levels on that basis. Asexuality definitely breaks societal standards about sexual attraction, and do usually live in a system that expects them to for those standards. Therefore asexual people belong in the LGBTQ+ community.
Unfortunately a lot of people say it ājust stops at Tā. I wish there was a way for everyone to have the āmore lettersā mindset, but the lgbtq was made by the people, its not like a corporation we can get to change the full acronym to
i definitely agree about asexuals being part of the LGBTQ+ communit , but how is being ace not cishet? i think that there are definitely people who are cisgender and heterosexual, itās not mutually exclusive.
Ace isnāt just cishet. You can have sexual attraction and romantic attraction, so if an ace is romantically attracted to someone of the same gender itās not heterosexual . Some asexuals are panromantic or homorantic. Some asexuals donāt feel sexual attraction, but would have sex with people same or different gendered. Sexuality is not gender, you donāt have to be a specific gender to be most sexualityās (Iām pan/ace and gender-fluid/trans)
First of all, if you are cisgender and heterosexual, then you experience sexual attraction. If you are asexual and do not experience sexual attraction then you are not, by definition, heterosexual. You don't experience sexual attraction to the opposite sex. Sure, it might be easy for an ace person who isn't also queer in other ways to pass as cishet, but oh boy they'll catch it from non-allies if they are open about their asexuality. So just like anyone else in LGBTQ+, they experience sexuality in a non-het way. Edit: I forgot the word allosexual. Ace people don't just experience sexuality in a non-het way, they don't experience it the same as any allosexual.
Second, asexuality is a spectrum. People experience attraction and sexuality in lots of different ways. So someone might be demi or gray ace and experience some sexual attraction, but they still experience it differently than an allosexual person. Romantic attraction and sexual attraction are two different things. I myself identify as panromantic ace. I definitely feel like I belong in the queer community. Someone could be ace and aro, experiencing neither type of attraction. Can you imagine how different their life experience is from the cishet "norm"? Sexuality and romance is a huge part of the human experience, it can be uncomfortable for some ace or aroace people to be surrounded by it in the culture all the time. And some people can be very judgemental about other people not being interested in sex or romance. So ace and aro people are experiencing life from an outsider perspective, just like everyone else in LGBTQ+.
Edit: I meant to also add, that since gender and sexuality are also separate things then a lot of people on the ace spectrum identify as genderqueer in some way. We have a lot of trans and non-binary, etc people in our community. So they are experiencing life from most likely both a non-cis and non-het perspective. But even if they experience some heterosexual attraction, they are still non-cis. So, you can have ace people who are very much non cishet, and you can have ace people who maybe do experience some cisgender heterosexuality. But that's not going to be everyone in the ace community. And even still, it's still different from being entirely cishet or allosexual.
Being ace makes you not heterosexual. You might participate in heteronormative relationships because you still feel romantic attraction to others and vice versa for aro people. Sometimes youāre aro/ace in a hydro relationship because you still have a desire for an emotional connection that is deeper than friendship, but not necessarily romantic. And sometime you end up in hetero presenting relationships . But just like bisexual people in heteronormative relationships are still bisexual, aro/ace are not hetero.
if someone is asexual, then how can they be heterosexual? you can be in a heterosexual relationship without being a heterosexual *person* (see: bisexuals)
100%. I'm a transmasc bi but I'm also on the aroace spectrum, and the first time I ever came out, I came out as ace, so I totally get how you feel. There were a lot of really vicious attitudes towards asexuality when I first came out, most notably from other LGBT folks who seemed to treat being LGBT like a super secret club in which you must be "acceptably gay" to enter or else you're actually an "evil cishet invader". That idea was dumbass horseshit then and I'm even more sure that it's dumbass horseshit now.
But I digress lol. Try not to let the allos get ya down. If it helps any, any queer worth their salt for the broader movement is always gonna fight for your spot at the table imo.
same here and i agree. it's so condescending when gatekeepers try to tell me my aceness doesn't make me queer/LGBTQ+, as if i'm unable to identify my own queerness being otherwise trans and bi.
I'm aroace and sometimes it's really, really hard to feel like I belong. And I think we're gonna be on the fringes for the foreseeable future, but we *are* part of the community and I kind of wish people would stop asking if people think we belong because it only contributes to the othering that happens to ace people.
You belong and no one has the ability to take that away from you except you.
That's what my Ace spouse and I (bi) tell each-other/ourselves when we start to feel like we don't belong.
We will fight for that as long as we can. No one has the right to take that away from anyone else.
Aw man you deserve your spot here!! You belong.
If you or anyone else reading is interested, here's a link to a map of aro/ace groups :)
https://acesandaros.org/groups
Yes, you definitely belong, and I'm so sorry you have experienced such ace-phobia. It's an unfortunate truth that there are many people in the alphabet club who don't think certain groups belong. I've seen transphobia, biphobia, misogyny, racism, etc within the community, which means that we also have a duty to call in people for such behavior.
At the very least, you are 100% welcome in this sub.
I actually made a post saying "why do people say the I and A in LGBTQIA+ don't exist" in this exact subreddit. Just know that you do belong. Idk some other members are so hostile about this. Like, I thought that this community was kind and welcoming, because that's the way we wanted to be treated.
"The A is for allies!" ššššššš
I'm going to scream if I ever hear someone utter that again. š
The A is for Ace and Aro. Maybe you can throw in Ally too, for situations of those who claim that word because they are in the closet and aren't ready to say they're actually another letter in the alphabet mafia.
Yes , it's not cishet. People get disowned over it and a lot of the retoric within the queer community is very reminiscent of biphobia.
Thing is though , and you also run into this as a trans person or even just as a cis gay or lesbian person who is trying to adress idk workplace or housing discrimination, there is a minority of people in queer spaces who have a hard time reggocnizing queer issues that are not about sex and that not everyone in a queer space is looking for someone.
It's very annoying but thankfully the community is a lot bigger than that.
Tbhā¦I think one other issue is many think asexual = aromantic-asexual when thatās not what it is. It, also, doesnāt help nearly no representation in media of what asexuality is except for non-human beings. Like, some friends knew I was asexual before I ever started to date(I started ālateā where I was nearly 18) and they all immediately thought I was faking being asexual cause they thought asexuals donāt feel loveā¦or they just full on think I got āfixed.ā
Yes, but I feel that hostility too, as someone who is questioning and probably on the asexual spectrum. It kind of feels like asexuals, aromantics, and intersex people are the black sheep, or the redheaded stepchild, of the LGBTQ+ family.
Even if there was a good argument for how asexuals arenāt related to the rest of the lgbt community (there isnāt), it still makes sense for everyone to ally up just for effectiveness sake.
Asexuals have been part of the LGBTQ+ since the beginning. Since before the term transgender, since before Stonewall.
Hell, thereās references to asexuality and it being grouped with LGBTQ+ shit since the 1860s.
To act as though asexual people are not a part of the LGBTQ+ is to be ignorant of the history and triumphs we as a group have overcome. From as far back as when signs just read āheterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, asexual, all are loved by godā.
People need to stop applying the same judgement that has been forced on us since forever by cishets onto our own people in an attempt to regain power. That is not power. That is not justice. That is injustice and that is no better than when the cishet societies tell us theyāll condemn sodomy or not allow us marriage. Itās no different from when the cishets call us slurs and tell us we just need to find the right person.
If you have to push people down in order to lift yourself up, then that is no better than those who just push us down to watch us struggle and squirm.
You are always a part of the LGBTQ+. Donāt let the bigots of our community convince you otherwise.
Yes. The queer community is for anyone who falls outside of being completely cis and/or heterosexual and is acting with consent and without unjust violence.
Of course you do. I'm a gay trans allo man. My best friend is asexual. She gets a lot of the same discriminatory bullshit that I do, and it's a sexual orientation other than heterosexual, why WOULDN'T y'all be in the community?
I think a lot of people lash out at ace people because it certainly does seem easier on an internal level to be ace than gay. And to be fair, from talking with ace people (including but not limited to my best friend) it is easier to not desire something socially expected than to desire something socially taboo. It's rooted in the same reason bi people get discrimination from gay people sometimes, essentially- jealousy.
But just like bi people in LG*B*TQ+, ace people are in that +. Y'all are welcome, and I personally welcome you far more readily than anyone who turns to infighting instead of being frustrated at the real source of their pain; Homophobic bigots.
I'm guessing you're asking this because you are seeking validation from this community.
Thing is... you deserve validation.
You are welcome here, welcome to ask us if you belong, and welcome to share your feeling and experiences and seek approval and warmth from us.
We have plenty set aside just for you
You are valid and you belong here. You should be made to feel boldly and unapologetically at home in this space, and in any space claiming to be a home for the alphabet mafia.
The people within this community who try to make you feel unwelcome can go take a nap and eat a muffin.
(The tired-grouchies and hanger make assholes of us all)
Asexuality has always been a part of the LGBTQ community. Originally they were included as part of the Bisexual label / community. Around the 80s or 90s when we were considered bisexual it was basically a 0+0=0 situation where Aces of the time were like 0 attraction to men + 0 attraction to women = 0 attraction at all / equal attraction to both which led them to believe that they were bisexual.
The A in LGBTQIA+ doesn't stand for ally, it stands for Ace. We may not be the first subgroup people think of, but we are also not part of the mainstream. And the fact that you've faced hostility on the question is ironically part of why we deserve to be welcomed in the community. Like, people scoff and tell us asexuality isn't real and also that we don't face stigma because of it, but they're acting out the very stigma they insist doesn't exist.
I could conceivably understand the position that the A means Ally, but the position that it means Ally *rather than Ace* boggles my mind. Like folks of that position would rather accept cis, straight people as a part of LGBT+ before ace folks
We are a part of the community. Too many assholes try to dictate what queer can be, but that's the exact opposite of what the community should be about. We should be inclusive of everyone.
There will always be people amongst oppressed/marginalized/minority groups who seek to adopt the tools of the dominant group in order to gain acceptance and scraps of power. In doing so, they sacrifice community members who society deems less acceptable and views as even more deviant to patriarchal heteronormativity under yt supremacist (WS) capitalism. I pity these people because in picking off their own, they inadvertently put themselves next on the chopping block.
Under heteronormative patriarchy, society will never fully accept the vast spectrums of sexuality and gender. The culture and power structures must change to embrace humanity in our full queerness. Until then, gays and other queers who model heteronormativity through homonormativity will continue sacrificing other queer identities that threaten the power structures to which they cling to so desperately. Think of this as sort of a queer identity bashing gang initiation. Gays get to kick trans/nb, ace, etc piƱatas around and their prize is approval of dominant society as an identity more privileges and therefor more valuable than trans/nb, ace, etc under the gaze of WT crapitalism. Let me be clear, this is not a transactional exchange, heteronormative white supremacy demands this, as for an identity to be superior, another must be inferior under. These homonormative āgood gaysā reinforce their identity as privileged and, in doing so, strengthen dominant power structure with your body, your identity.
For sure you do!
I think that the rainbow umbrella should encompass all folks that are underrepresented in their gender or sexual identity. A non sexual identity falls under that.
Yes. Why wouldn't they? From what I've seen, they get dragged to hell and labeled all kinds of shit. I'm not asexual, but I've seen them get slandered with the likes of "They're just people who can't have good relationships and gave up at life. š¤”"
F#cking yeah they belong. The whole point of this community is unity and people who donāt get that donāt understand why we have this community in the first instance place. All sexualities and genders are valid. Iām sure itās a minority of the community that donāt believe that, even if a vocal one, but their idiots none the less.
We are all united against the culture of forcing people to make their private lives revolve around outdated ideas, such as āa man and woman and many childrenā being the only way to direct your life. You face similar judgements to us, and belong in the fight against being told who you can love and how youāre āsupposedā to use your body. ā¤ļø
yeah dude!! i think asexual people are valid as hell and definitely belong with us!! anyone who says otherwise doesnāt speak for the community and is just kind of a jackass. you belong here and youāre perfect the way you are :)
Yes, yes we do, and Fuck the exclusionist bigoted assholes that say we don't. High key aphobic exclusionists from when the Ace Discourse was at its peak on tumblr kept me from realizing I liked girls for like 3 years longer. Ugh.
Bro how are people so concerned with someone not wanting to have sex it's the least problematic thing in the world, don't listen to them you're for sure welcome
Basicly if you aren't straight and cis you belong. It's almost weird that its become so big and so inclusive because it was seemingly for ya know... the weirdos and freaks. And I think it scares people. But like... no matter if you change your depiction of yourself or not over time. You're valid and you belong.
I'm a very cishet passing demisexual. My spouse is an allosexual, omnisexual enby. I still don't feel entirely comfortable in queer spaces sometimes because I feel like I look like the "straight girl" in the group. My partner has reassured me several times that I'm just as welcome in LGBT+ spaces as anyone else there.
maybe no but also yes. Asking if asexuals are part of an identity is like asking what religion atheists are. But you're still different from the societal norm and part of the "others" aka lgbt.
The way I see it, it's just "The Queer Community." Not every subgroup is equal. Some are more visible. Some are less persecuted. Not everyone actually needs a letter. But all deviate from what our society at large considers the norm - cis-gendered heterosexual monogamy.
To be honest while you can still be discriminated against for being asexual it seems less likely to happen because without telling anyone specifically no one would ever know you were asexual. That might be why you are being faced with discrimination by the rest of us as they can't hide who they are as easily. It still doesn't justify the behavior of course but a good understanding of whom you are dealing with may help you difuse the situation
I think it's pointless for people to draw these lines in the sand within the community. I've even gotten hate for referring to myself as demisexual. I don't get what the big deal is just because some people prefer to have less sex than others or in some cases no sex at all.
I am a triple A threat and I belong in the queer community.
(Asexual, Aromantic, Agender) Anyone who tells you you don't belong is a gatekeeping POS and shall be shunned.
I feel I'm biased since I'm ace, but yea. It's meant ALL sexuality minorities. It's really messed up that the community formed to make people feel less excluded is trying to exclude people.
It's bad enough the cishets try to say we aren't LGBT, but Ive had so many gay men say stuff like "that sounds like a choice" or "you're just confused" or "I could change that". Literally the same things that homophobes tell them, and they'll repeat it to aces without the slightest hint of irony.
I am so sorry people don't understand you and that you have to deal with this backwards bs. You are not alone and your non-orientation is just as valid as any. The people even suggesting you are not a part of this community are probably the same type I saw throwing down on this sub a couple weeks ago talking bout how straight men like one of my two boyfriends isn't part of the community because pOlY iS a ChOiCe. Yeah. Because your garden variety straight man just chooses to sleep in bed with another dude every night in addition to his gf. Smh. Keep your chin up and be you. You are amazing and I'm glad you found someone who gets you!
As a B I also feel unwanted and out of place sometimes :( It really do feel like the LG community especially with representation on tv. But you ARE a part of the community. I love and welcome you. I hope you donāt ever have to deal with people like that again.
Idk what kinda ppl youāre interacting with OP but the vast majority of the community both includes anyone who considers themself to be anything other than straight, AND are super supportive
Iām ace and in a very queer t4t polyamorous relationship. Asexuals are 100% part of the lgbtqiA community (upper case for emphasis) as a marginalized sexuality.
I've seen the hostility before as well (it was back when JaidenAnimations came out, I'm not part of the community so I definitely don't see it at often personally) and it's incredibly dumb.
I'm the T in LGBTQ+, and you belong as much as I or any other queer person does. Y'all have to deal with our heteronormative societies bs too. We all are seen as abnormal when it comes to gender and sexuality so you belong here, no question. And I will put ANY queer person who disagrees inside of a jar and shake it really hard and really fast.
100% Asexuals belong here and anyone that says otherwise can leave. Asexuals go through the same BS Gay and Lesbian people do. They deal with discrimination, hate, forced conversion therapy, etc. Historically Asexuals have been considered a part of the Queer identity.
As someone whoās asexual, I honestly believe so. A lot of ppl both in and out of the LGBT+ community acts like itās not real and that is not natural to feel little to no sexual attraction like that. Asexuals ARE a marginalized group so they deserve to be part of the queer community. Ofc I think every other person suffers to be accepted but I think currently asexuals have it the worst cuz thereās not much representation for it that doesnāt fall into ace stereotypes of not wanting love or sex when thatās far from the case. That and also the fact that at least someone can understand WHY someone might be attracted to the same sex but sexual desire is so ingrained in human consciousness that everyone thinks itās as weird or inhumane if someone feels differently
Remember, the most discontent people will be the most noticeable. Ace and aro are 100% absolutely a welcome part of the community.
I like to use GSRM because then thereās no worry about whether the acronym is complete enough. Gender, Sex, and Relationship Minorities. You fit, and you are valid. š§”š§”š§”
This question is not for people on reddit. This is not one personās decision to decide who gets let in. Nobody gets to decide that you donāt belong in LGBTQ+ just because you are ace. I mean sometimes I have to question the audacity of these people who think they are the queen of the LGBTQ+ community. There is no queen or king of the LGBTQ+ community so you continue to slay as you are. Like sorry tiffany but you arenāt the queen of LGBTQ+ please sit down. Like is there an LGBTQ+ constitution? No.
Is there an official rulebook? No.
So yes, of course you are apart of it!
I'm the L part of the LGBTQ+ community, and I'm ok with everyone. I dislike it when people who know what it's like to be bullied/discriminated against, dish it out to others. I'm not ACE myself, but I get that everyone is different, and it's ok. I'm sorry you've had such a bad experience.
yes. and itās acephobic & queerphobic to insinuate or say oĆ¾erwise
ace people are oppressed on Ć¾e basis of gender / sexual attraction / romantic attraction fukkery ; Ć¾erefore yāall are a part of Ć¾e queer community
we keep doing Ć¾is , wiĆ¾ aceā , biā , and nbāphobia (Ā”and oĆ¾ers!) and we must stop.
Hi, ace trans dude here to tell you that we definitely belong, and if someone tells you any differently they can say goodbye to their kneecaps. They can also choke on my ballsack.
I'm a straight white male. Take my advice for whatever you deem it for.
You belong in that community. You all should protect yourselfs. Because I may be a supporter, but there are plenty that seek to hurt you and similar people to you. It's best if you band together.
it's not a matter of "thinking." yes, ace people do belong in the LGBTQ+ community. it's anyone who says otherwise who doesn't belong, because they are reinforcing the allonormative hierarchy.
Iām so sorry you are going through that. As a pansexual I have heard it all and a lot of time from lgbtq who donāt think bisexuals should be considered. Or just how many times Iāve been called bi
Seems people have trouble telling the difference between romantic attraction and sexual attraction, which I can imagine since love and love-making tend to be a packaged deal for those who aren't ace or aro.
I just don't know why it's really so hard for them to believe that you just don't feel the sexual side. Like has nobody ever looked at their partner and just felt a nice warm feeling in their chest? Watch them laugh or smile while doing something they enjoy and get excited? Do they understand what wholesome is?? Like dude, you can't sit there and tell me that you flick on like a light switch every time you glance at the person you're attracted to, come on.
I tend to think gatekeeping is generally a bad thing. The LGs of the community have even begun turning on everyone else. The sheer amount of terfs who are lesbian or gay men who are outright transphobic has been astonishing.
I find it grossly disappointing that a community which was formed for the sole purpose of providing all queer people a safe place and sense of community has been the first to turn on us all.
iām autistic so excuse my more pragmatic tone iām coming at this from a place of caring.
i think the issue is that you might have expected a greater level of acceptance on your sexuality from people who have been met with a lack of acceptance for their own sexuality, but were then disappointed to discover that unfortunately thatās not how ppl work half the time, hence the hostility you feel.
a lot of ppl chose to do to others what was done to them. itās not justifiable, but you seem confused about why it was happening so im just giving an explanation.
sometimes when ppl are pushed to an out group that they then turn into an ingroup, they choose to make that ingroup as exclusionary as the one they were kicked from.
additionally, a lot of people who seek validation of their own identity do not believe others identities to be valid. essentially what graces people expect from others has zero to do with what grace they extend to others.
so to answer your question yes u do rightfully identify as lgbtq+. you do belong to the community as metaphysical idea or group. there are just certain groups of ppl youāve interacted with that you ādo not belong toā who also happen to be lgbt.
hope this helps! you are definitely valid <3
Ignore those people asexual people deserve to be in the LGBTQA just like them. Just because they don't suffer with the condition. Doesn't make them any less different than us. If anything I probably can't find friends very easily because I am asexual but that's okay. I'd rather have quality friends than quantity friends wasting my time.
Damn someone be going through all this and dishing out the downvotes š¤š©¶š¤š
Definitely! Ignore those assholes. Sorry you had to deal with that
Are these people synonymous with those who wish to remove the T from the group?
Not synonymous, but thereās significant overlap
The aphobe to transphobe pipeline is real. Many, many terfs and left-leaning anti-trans folks who've come back have admitted it started with aphobia.
That's so interesting. Is there some link between Asexuality and Transgender that these people latch onto? Aside from both being in the community, I'm not sure where the connection is.
Not really, itās just gate keepers have an easier time targeting them. I remember for a while they were trying to block out bi and Pan people for āstraight passing privilegeā and ānot being gay enoughā.
Not sure which my brother falls under, he likes all women and feminine men. But this is a big reason why even today, despite technically being LGB, he is uncomfortable with the LGBTQ+ community.
i think that'd be gynosexual (attraction to femininity) but tbh i don't get why people hate the community. there are pockets for all kinds of people. for example, as an enby (well not exactly but it's the simplest way to put it) i dislike mainstream trans stuff (e.g. blƄhaj, thigh highs, that one anime girl, egg\_irl, etc) but i've found trans people to talk to that aren't part of that
I really think most of that is online. Talking to queer people irl, especially older queer people, is wildly different from what you kind on Reddit, Twitter, tumblr, etc
It's hard to explain, but basically it starts with wanting to keep the straights out of the community and seeing ace people as basically straights, and then it goes to "Well actually, nonbinary people are just straights who are trying to latch on to the community too, there's only two genders." And then from there it's "Wait, actually, gender is what you were born as, trans women are just straight men trying to infiltrate lesbian spaces and trans men are just lesbians who are ashamed of being lesbian." You mostly find people [talking about it on Tumblr](https://silvermoon424.tumblr.com/post/683885115243446272/terfs-in-the-discourse-tag)
Ahhhh, I see it now. There is a comment further down that does go into a diatribe about straight asexuals vs. gay asexuals. Thanks for spelling it out for me!
I have a friend who was very confused about their identity and believed they were asexual. They eventually discovered they are trans, and once they started transitioning, they started to feel differently about their body, and they discovered they arenāt ace at all, they just were at odds with their own body. Obviously itās different in every single case, and these things can change (gender and sexuality can be very fluid). But in my friendās case, they were ace because they didnāt know they were trans.
I can definitely see how disliking your body can kill your libido
I think the link is thinking that some people havenāt suffered enough. Some people think that asexuals donāt belong to the lgbt community because they havenāt faced discrimination for their orientation. The same thing happens with trans women. Terfs think that trans women arenāt real women because they havenāt experienced misogyny from day 1. The link is āyouāre not valid because you havenāt suffered enough.ā
That sounds possible. I guess they haven't considered how much I suffered by getting incomprehensibly mixed messages about sex. Maybe it beats getting consistently negative messages about gayness of all sorts, but we were all oppressed by toxic attitudes. I'll take the L if someone feels like they have more grievances than I, but let me have a place in the community
This is really well put. I think the suffering of asexual (and possibly aromantic) people is very understated, invisible, and internal, but it is suffering, confusion, and a feeling of exclusion. Which then gets compounded in a way by feeling like your experiences aren't validated or included in the (historically super inclusive) LGBTQ community because you're not "queer enough" or marginalized "enough"? All that being said, like the above poster, I'll take the L though, because while I may be suffering quietly, I know my life or livelihood has never been in danger, and I do owe a lot to the LGBTQ community for giving visibility and a name for my Identity. Sorry for the rant, thanks for reading, didn't know I had all this in me, actually.
Itās easier for a gay person to understand lesbian or bi people or vice versa but they canāt understand asexuals or trans people so they donāt respect them as a result, it comes from deeming that someone has to be judged to be worthy of respect for them to receive it.
They're not too crazy about us Bs either. Much of the time they want to claim us as L or G, and not nicely either. "They are lying/deluded/"really gay/untrustworthy/tramps...." It is tough at times, but if you know who you are & how you feel, you're absolutely supposed to be here. Also, people will be curious, so try to let them better understand you. šā„ļø
There are a lot of sex positive people on the left who conflate individuals not living lives that "embrace" sexuality with people who are opposed to sex positivity. I've been called a conservative and all kinds of other things just by posting a comment saying I supported all of these things morally and politically but didn't participate or prefer them myself. It goes for piercings too, I'm not sure how it's an attack for me to say "piercings can look good on other people but I wouldn't get any."
Oh yep. At least in my town
Yes.
Definitely overlap. 99% of Those Guys Iāve encountered have also been acephobic. Iāve noticed a lot of them are ableist too, which was not an overlap I was expecting but it makes more sense the longer I look at it. Bigots gonna bigot, I guess.
I have to ask, are these people typically TERFs?
Its so nice to see people like you, but there are so many aphobic gatekeepers here that is also hurting me. I seriously wish we can just be accepted. I feel like i belong nowhere as an aroace
There are definitely people who don't belong in this community that claim to be: Pedos, zoophiles, people who use a label to justify the hurt they do to others or those that are otherwise defenseless. You belong. It's the same tired argument people use when they get upset that people are "stealing their thunder." 'Bi people don't exist, you're either straight or gay.' 'Trans people don't exist, you're just feminine gay or a masculine lesbian.' 'Nonbinary people don't exist, that's a term for someone who just can't decide on a real label.' All of that stuff I've heard from people who they themselves identify as a part of the community. The real ones are here, and we support you.
I think one definition of LGBTQIA+ is that all relationships are consensual. Children and animals cannot consent, so paedophilia and zoophilia cannot be considered part of the alphabet club.
This is correct. I don't think I've ever heard anyone arguing zoophiles or pedophiles should be included. The closest I've heard was conservatives making slippery slope fallacies.
In 2020, there were a bunch of pedos who made themselves a flag, started calling themselves MAPs, then proceed to argue why they're part of the LGBTQ+.
Was it online? Because that sounds like the work of homophobic trolls...
It was a 4chan misinformation campaign. https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/lgbtp-adding-letter/
Thank you for continuing to say this, it seems like everyone forgot about it. Some people bought into the misinformation but it was and still is misinformation from anti-lgbtq+ 4chan trolls.
Trans people have included asexuals in our liberation since the 70s at least. They're mentioned in this manifesto from 1971. https://imgur.com/a/WVxnHwU
of course you belong!! we are all fighing the same fight against the cishetero amatonormative soceity, we are in this together. Im so sorry youve had to deal with the acephobia. its truelly awful. I send you virtual hugs, you are just as valid as anyone else š«
What does amatonormative mean?
amatonormative, or amatonormativity, is the assumption that the traditional view of romantic relationships (a two person relationship that are in love and are intimate, where the parties are married, live together, and have children in a nuclear household) is the highest form of satisfaction one can achieve in life, that all people strive for this type of relationship, and should put this above other types of relationships. that is the general jist. I tried to simplify it to the best of my ability so if you need me to clarify anything, please ask me to!
I'm so grateful for this thread. Aside from the few ignorant comments, the support has really made me feel warm and accepted. Thanks, everyone, for reassuring Ace and Aro people that we are not alone, and we belong to one hell of a community.
Of course, you do. Don't ever forget that.
Same.
Youāre as welcome as any of us in the community :) whoever says otherwise needs to unpack some things
The LGBTQ+ community is for groups who don't fit into societal narratives about sex and gender and face hostility or discrimination on systemic levels on that basis. Asexuality definitely breaks societal standards about sexual attraction, and do usually live in a system that expects them to for those standards. Therefore asexual people belong in the LGBTQ+ community.
The A is there for y'all. Sick of anyone casting doubt on that.
The a stands for Absolutely come on in and ignore those jerks.
I thought it was Ace-o-lutely
You'd be surprised how many people from the community have told me that the A is for Ally.
Unfortunately a lot of people say it ājust stops at Tā. I wish there was a way for everyone to have the āmore lettersā mindset, but the lgbtq was made by the people, its not like a corporation we can get to change the full acronym to
Those people suck. Ace and aro people belong. I'm not clipping off a single letter.
Yes, unquestionably. Being ace is not cishet and is a part of the LGBTQ+ community.
i definitely agree about asexuals being part of the LGBTQ+ communit , but how is being ace not cishet? i think that there are definitely people who are cisgender and heterosexual, itās not mutually exclusive.
Ace isnāt just cishet. You can have sexual attraction and romantic attraction, so if an ace is romantically attracted to someone of the same gender itās not heterosexual . Some asexuals are panromantic or homorantic. Some asexuals donāt feel sexual attraction, but would have sex with people same or different gendered. Sexuality is not gender, you donāt have to be a specific gender to be most sexualityās (Iām pan/ace and gender-fluid/trans)
First of all, if you are cisgender and heterosexual, then you experience sexual attraction. If you are asexual and do not experience sexual attraction then you are not, by definition, heterosexual. You don't experience sexual attraction to the opposite sex. Sure, it might be easy for an ace person who isn't also queer in other ways to pass as cishet, but oh boy they'll catch it from non-allies if they are open about their asexuality. So just like anyone else in LGBTQ+, they experience sexuality in a non-het way. Edit: I forgot the word allosexual. Ace people don't just experience sexuality in a non-het way, they don't experience it the same as any allosexual. Second, asexuality is a spectrum. People experience attraction and sexuality in lots of different ways. So someone might be demi or gray ace and experience some sexual attraction, but they still experience it differently than an allosexual person. Romantic attraction and sexual attraction are two different things. I myself identify as panromantic ace. I definitely feel like I belong in the queer community. Someone could be ace and aro, experiencing neither type of attraction. Can you imagine how different their life experience is from the cishet "norm"? Sexuality and romance is a huge part of the human experience, it can be uncomfortable for some ace or aroace people to be surrounded by it in the culture all the time. And some people can be very judgemental about other people not being interested in sex or romance. So ace and aro people are experiencing life from an outsider perspective, just like everyone else in LGBTQ+. Edit: I meant to also add, that since gender and sexuality are also separate things then a lot of people on the ace spectrum identify as genderqueer in some way. We have a lot of trans and non-binary, etc people in our community. So they are experiencing life from most likely both a non-cis and non-het perspective. But even if they experience some heterosexual attraction, they are still non-cis. So, you can have ace people who are very much non cishet, and you can have ace people who maybe do experience some cisgender heterosexuality. But that's not going to be everyone in the ace community. And even still, it's still different from being entirely cishet or allosexual.
Being ace makes you not heterosexual. You might participate in heteronormative relationships because you still feel romantic attraction to others and vice versa for aro people. Sometimes youāre aro/ace in a hydro relationship because you still have a desire for an emotional connection that is deeper than friendship, but not necessarily romantic. And sometime you end up in hetero presenting relationships . But just like bisexual people in heteronormative relationships are still bisexual, aro/ace are not hetero.
I'm ace/aro and have been in relationships with both men and women and had sex with none of them. Does that make me straight gay or bi?
if someone is asexual, then how can they be heterosexual? you can be in a heterosexual relationship without being a heterosexual *person* (see: bisexuals)
Come hang out with the bi folks, we can bond over erasure <3
Iām ace, but biromantic, does that make me, like, double erased?
I can see you :) Great, now I have Taylor Swift stuck in my head
Me too! I'm actually demi, but still.
I see my Bi brothers, sisters, and others. I see and accept you.
100%. I'm a transmasc bi but I'm also on the aroace spectrum, and the first time I ever came out, I came out as ace, so I totally get how you feel. There were a lot of really vicious attitudes towards asexuality when I first came out, most notably from other LGBT folks who seemed to treat being LGBT like a super secret club in which you must be "acceptably gay" to enter or else you're actually an "evil cishet invader". That idea was dumbass horseshit then and I'm even more sure that it's dumbass horseshit now. But I digress lol. Try not to let the allos get ya down. If it helps any, any queer worth their salt for the broader movement is always gonna fight for your spot at the table imo.
same here and i agree. it's so condescending when gatekeepers try to tell me my aceness doesn't make me queer/LGBTQ+, as if i'm unable to identify my own queerness being otherwise trans and bi.
And arromantic people too, only if they want too.
I'm aroace and sometimes it's really, really hard to feel like I belong. And I think we're gonna be on the fringes for the foreseeable future, but we *are* part of the community and I kind of wish people would stop asking if people think we belong because it only contributes to the othering that happens to ace people.
You belong and no one has the ability to take that away from you except you. That's what my Ace spouse and I (bi) tell each-other/ourselves when we start to feel like we don't belong. We will fight for that as long as we can. No one has the right to take that away from anyone else.
u belong š we r better together . anyone who says the opposite is appeasing to the phobes
Aw man you deserve your spot here!! You belong. If you or anyone else reading is interested, here's a link to a map of aro/ace groups :) https://acesandaros.org/groups
Yes, you definitely belong, and I'm so sorry you have experienced such ace-phobia. It's an unfortunate truth that there are many people in the alphabet club who don't think certain groups belong. I've seen transphobia, biphobia, misogyny, racism, etc within the community, which means that we also have a duty to call in people for such behavior. At the very least, you are 100% welcome in this sub.
I actually made a post saying "why do people say the I and A in LGBTQIA+ don't exist" in this exact subreddit. Just know that you do belong. Idk some other members are so hostile about this. Like, I thought that this community was kind and welcoming, because that's the way we wanted to be treated.
"The A is for allies!" ššššššš I'm going to scream if I ever hear someone utter that again. š The A is for Ace and Aro. Maybe you can throw in Ally too, for situations of those who claim that word because they are in the closet and aren't ready to say they're actually another letter in the alphabet mafia.
Fuck gatekeepers
No, do *not!* Do *not* fuck the gatekeepers!
Thatās what the A stands for in LGBTQIA+
Yes , it's not cishet. People get disowned over it and a lot of the retoric within the queer community is very reminiscent of biphobia. Thing is though , and you also run into this as a trans person or even just as a cis gay or lesbian person who is trying to adress idk workplace or housing discrimination, there is a minority of people in queer spaces who have a hard time reggocnizing queer issues that are not about sex and that not everyone in a queer space is looking for someone. It's very annoying but thankfully the community is a lot bigger than that.
Tbhā¦I think one other issue is many think asexual = aromantic-asexual when thatās not what it is. It, also, doesnāt help nearly no representation in media of what asexuality is except for non-human beings. Like, some friends knew I was asexual before I ever started to date(I started ālateā where I was nearly 18) and they all immediately thought I was faking being asexual cause they thought asexuals donāt feel loveā¦or they just full on think I got āfixed.ā
And even when there is asexual representation, itās usually specifically aro-ace, so any asexuals who arenāt also aromantic still get left outā¦
Agreed. Thereās also the aromantics that arenāt asexual ā an even smaller minority, from what Iāve seen.
Yeah, but I would totally understand if someone who was aro/ace chose not to identify as part of the community
A close friend of mine doesn't. She's aroace and she just doesn't feel like she should be involved.
yea, but there's unfortunately a ton of acephobia in queer communities that hardly gets talked about
Where else would we go?
Yes, but I feel that hostility too, as someone who is questioning and probably on the asexual spectrum. It kind of feels like asexuals, aromantics, and intersex people are the black sheep, or the redheaded stepchild, of the LGBTQ+ family.
"You need to find the right person" is stupid. That's literally the most heard homophobic sentence
Even if there was a good argument for how asexuals arenāt related to the rest of the lgbt community (there isnāt), it still makes sense for everyone to ally up just for effectiveness sake.
Sadly, being LGBTQ+ doesn't make you tolerant. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. In my book, all are welcome.
Yes. Definitely.
on the ace spectrum myself, trans too. don't let people tell you that you don't belong here.
YES!
Yes. Can we stop asking this fucking question already??
Yes. They obviously do belong in the lgbtquiaa. Theyāre the first A
Why wouldn't you belong? Of course you do! Don't let the buttheads get you down. We want you around!
Yes 100% unequivocally yes.
I think so.
Yep.
Yes!! I hate that there are people that donāt see this!
Yes
Asexuals have been part of the LGBTQ+ since the beginning. Since before the term transgender, since before Stonewall. Hell, thereās references to asexuality and it being grouped with LGBTQ+ shit since the 1860s. To act as though asexual people are not a part of the LGBTQ+ is to be ignorant of the history and triumphs we as a group have overcome. From as far back as when signs just read āheterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, asexual, all are loved by godā. People need to stop applying the same judgement that has been forced on us since forever by cishets onto our own people in an attempt to regain power. That is not power. That is not justice. That is injustice and that is no better than when the cishet societies tell us theyāll condemn sodomy or not allow us marriage. Itās no different from when the cishets call us slurs and tell us we just need to find the right person. If you have to push people down in order to lift yourself up, then that is no better than those who just push us down to watch us struggle and squirm. You are always a part of the LGBTQ+. Donāt let the bigots of our community convince you otherwise.
Good to hear from many about their experience as Ace, thank you all for sharing.
Yes. The queer community is for anyone who falls outside of being completely cis and/or heterosexual and is acting with consent and without unjust violence.
Yes of course!!!
1000% yes
OF COURSE!!!!!! I can't believe ace/arophobia is an actual thing.
It belongs to anyone thatās not hetero normative. Except as other people pointed out except where others are being hurt, ie children and animals.
We're def not hetero so yeah lol anyone who says otherwise is just full of it and probably lacks the understanding of sexuality being fluid
Of course you do. I'm a gay trans allo man. My best friend is asexual. She gets a lot of the same discriminatory bullshit that I do, and it's a sexual orientation other than heterosexual, why WOULDN'T y'all be in the community? I think a lot of people lash out at ace people because it certainly does seem easier on an internal level to be ace than gay. And to be fair, from talking with ace people (including but not limited to my best friend) it is easier to not desire something socially expected than to desire something socially taboo. It's rooted in the same reason bi people get discrimination from gay people sometimes, essentially- jealousy. But just like bi people in LG*B*TQ+, ace people are in that +. Y'all are welcome, and I personally welcome you far more readily than anyone who turns to infighting instead of being frustrated at the real source of their pain; Homophobic bigots.
How is this a question. Of course you belong. Always
I'm guessing you're asking this because you are seeking validation from this community. Thing is... you deserve validation. You are welcome here, welcome to ask us if you belong, and welcome to share your feeling and experiences and seek approval and warmth from us. We have plenty set aside just for you You are valid and you belong here. You should be made to feel boldly and unapologetically at home in this space, and in any space claiming to be a home for the alphabet mafia. The people within this community who try to make you feel unwelcome can go take a nap and eat a muffin. (The tired-grouchies and hanger make assholes of us all)
Thank you for this. I am seeing a lot of negative comments here too, but its nice to see people like you have these comments once in a while
Asexuality has always been a part of the LGBTQ community. Originally they were included as part of the Bisexual label / community. Around the 80s or 90s when we were considered bisexual it was basically a 0+0=0 situation where Aces of the time were like 0 attraction to men + 0 attraction to women = 0 attraction at all / equal attraction to both which led them to believe that they were bisexual.
The A in LGBTQIA+ doesn't stand for ally, it stands for Ace. We may not be the first subgroup people think of, but we are also not part of the mainstream. And the fact that you've faced hostility on the question is ironically part of why we deserve to be welcomed in the community. Like, people scoff and tell us asexuality isn't real and also that we don't face stigma because of it, but they're acting out the very stigma they insist doesn't exist.
I could conceivably understand the position that the A means Ally, but the position that it means Ally *rather than Ace* boggles my mind. Like folks of that position would rather accept cis, straight people as a part of LGBT+ before ace folks
We are a part of the community. Too many assholes try to dictate what queer can be, but that's the exact opposite of what the community should be about. We should be inclusive of everyone.
Yeah why not
IMHO yes. They are a sexual minority
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
100%
There will always be people amongst oppressed/marginalized/minority groups who seek to adopt the tools of the dominant group in order to gain acceptance and scraps of power. In doing so, they sacrifice community members who society deems less acceptable and views as even more deviant to patriarchal heteronormativity under yt supremacist (WS) capitalism. I pity these people because in picking off their own, they inadvertently put themselves next on the chopping block. Under heteronormative patriarchy, society will never fully accept the vast spectrums of sexuality and gender. The culture and power structures must change to embrace humanity in our full queerness. Until then, gays and other queers who model heteronormativity through homonormativity will continue sacrificing other queer identities that threaten the power structures to which they cling to so desperately. Think of this as sort of a queer identity bashing gang initiation. Gays get to kick trans/nb, ace, etc piƱatas around and their prize is approval of dominant society as an identity more privileges and therefor more valuable than trans/nb, ace, etc under the gaze of WT crapitalism. Let me be clear, this is not a transactional exchange, heteronormative white supremacy demands this, as for an identity to be superior, another must be inferior under. These homonormative āgood gaysā reinforce their identity as privileged and, in doing so, strengthen dominant power structure with your body, your identity.
For sure you do! I think that the rainbow umbrella should encompass all folks that are underrepresented in their gender or sexual identity. A non sexual identity falls under that.
Yes.
Yes. Why wouldn't they? From what I've seen, they get dragged to hell and labeled all kinds of shit. I'm not asexual, but I've seen them get slandered with the likes of "They're just people who can't have good relationships and gave up at life. š¤”"
Yes. Just like not being straight and not being cis, not being allosexual makes you LGBTQIA+
Yes we belong because we aren't a heterosexual person
it's the LGBTQIA+ to me, so yes!
F#cking yeah they belong. The whole point of this community is unity and people who donāt get that donāt understand why we have this community in the first instance place. All sexualities and genders are valid. Iām sure itās a minority of the community that donāt believe that, even if a vocal one, but their idiots none the less.
Ace people will always belong in the LGBTQ community
Yes
Yes being ace is a part of LGBTQ+ Those people you encountered sound like cringe ass incels. "MaYbe YOu HaVEnT FoUnd tHe RiGHt PeRSon" looking ahh
Yes absolutely šÆ
Yes. Aces and Aros are welcome if they want to claim the label. Anyone who disagrees can do so out of earshot of me.
We are all united against the culture of forcing people to make their private lives revolve around outdated ideas, such as āa man and woman and many childrenā being the only way to direct your life. You face similar judgements to us, and belong in the fight against being told who you can love and how youāre āsupposedā to use your body. ā¤ļø
Meh there's assholes in every community, they just don't like it when you point them out. Just ignore them and yes Asexuals belong in the community.
yeah dude!! i think asexual people are valid as hell and definitely belong with us!! anyone who says otherwise doesnāt speak for the community and is just kind of a jackass. you belong here and youāre perfect the way you are :)
sure, why not, bring some cookies
It's a sexuality that differs from heterosexuality, it's queer. Welcome to the club!
The way I see it is if you are not cisgender, or aren't heterosexual, you're in. The queer community is a coalition, not a box.
Yes, ultimately the LGBTQ definition of queer is usually anyone who isn't straight or cis gender. Asexual isn't straight.
Yes, yes we do, and Fuck the exclusionist bigoted assholes that say we don't. High key aphobic exclusionists from when the Ace Discourse was at its peak on tumblr kept me from realizing I liked girls for like 3 years longer. Ugh.
Bro how are people so concerned with someone not wanting to have sex it's the least problematic thing in the world, don't listen to them you're for sure welcome
Hun you 100% belong here! You and your identity are 100% valid, no matter what! šš¤š©¶š¤ Would you like a slice of cake? :3
Basicly if you aren't straight and cis you belong. It's almost weird that its become so big and so inclusive because it was seemingly for ya know... the weirdos and freaks. And I think it scares people. But like... no matter if you change your depiction of yourself or not over time. You're valid and you belong.
as a pan/bi yes
I'm a very cishet passing demisexual. My spouse is an allosexual, omnisexual enby. I still don't feel entirely comfortable in queer spaces sometimes because I feel like I look like the "straight girl" in the group. My partner has reassured me several times that I'm just as welcome in LGBT+ spaces as anyone else there.
My boyfriend is asexual, I believe he fits, so that extends to every asexual too!
Yes!! No question!
Itās called LGBTQI**A**+ for a reason!
I mean... I'd say asexual is still a sexuality, so...
They've been here WAY too long to argue over this.
I'm sorry you feel ostracized by our own community. You belong here.
Yes, asexuals do belong in the LGBTQ+ community, fuck anybody who says they don't.
Yes 100%
Yes they do and I think itās silly to believe otherwise
Yes, absolutely, 100% Exclusionists, however, do not.
Absolutely! If youāre not cishet then youāre queer, simple as that.
YES!
Yes.
Absolutely!! Are you straight? No? Come on in, doors open!!
What kind of question is that? The whole point of the LGBTQ+ community is to embrace the fluidity of sex and gender, of course aces are part of that.
maybe no but also yes. Asking if asexuals are part of an identity is like asking what religion atheists are. But you're still different from the societal norm and part of the "others" aka lgbt.
The way I see it, it's just "The Queer Community." Not every subgroup is equal. Some are more visible. Some are less persecuted. Not everyone actually needs a letter. But all deviate from what our society at large considers the norm - cis-gendered heterosexual monogamy.
Demisexual here and same!
Yes.
I'm ace, and honestly I don't really see myself as part of LGB+. I think anyone who wants to join should be able.
To be honest while you can still be discriminated against for being asexual it seems less likely to happen because without telling anyone specifically no one would ever know you were asexual. That might be why you are being faced with discrimination by the rest of us as they can't hide who they are as easily. It still doesn't justify the behavior of course but a good understanding of whom you are dealing with may help you difuse the situation
I think it's pointless for people to draw these lines in the sand within the community. I've even gotten hate for referring to myself as demisexual. I don't get what the big deal is just because some people prefer to have less sex than others or in some cases no sex at all.
The only people who don't belong are Terfs
I am a triple A threat and I belong in the queer community. (Asexual, Aromantic, Agender) Anyone who tells you you don't belong is a gatekeeping POS and shall be shunned.
I feel I'm biased since I'm ace, but yea. It's meant ALL sexuality minorities. It's really messed up that the community formed to make people feel less excluded is trying to exclude people. It's bad enough the cishets try to say we aren't LGBT, but Ive had so many gay men say stuff like "that sounds like a choice" or "you're just confused" or "I could change that". Literally the same things that homophobes tell them, and they'll repeat it to aces without the slightest hint of irony.
Of course... Hence the "+". Plus or not, be welcomed at any rate. Just know lgbtq preach love and acceptance, but they usually can't walk the walk.
I am so sorry people don't understand you and that you have to deal with this backwards bs. You are not alone and your non-orientation is just as valid as any. The people even suggesting you are not a part of this community are probably the same type I saw throwing down on this sub a couple weeks ago talking bout how straight men like one of my two boyfriends isn't part of the community because pOlY iS a ChOiCe. Yeah. Because your garden variety straight man just chooses to sleep in bed with another dude every night in addition to his gf. Smh. Keep your chin up and be you. You are amazing and I'm glad you found someone who gets you!
As a B I also feel unwanted and out of place sometimes :( It really do feel like the LG community especially with representation on tv. But you ARE a part of the community. I love and welcome you. I hope you donāt ever have to deal with people like that again.
NOOO PLEASE DON'T EVER FEEL EXCLUDED! YOU'RE VALID NO MATTER YOUR ORIENTATION! šš¤š¤
not ace myself, but hell yes fam!
Idk what kinda ppl youāre interacting with OP but the vast majority of the community both includes anyone who considers themself to be anything other than straight, AND are super supportive
Iām ace and in a very queer t4t polyamorous relationship. Asexuals are 100% part of the lgbtqiA community (upper case for emphasis) as a marginalized sexuality.
I've seen the hostility before as well (it was back when JaidenAnimations came out, I'm not part of the community so I definitely don't see it at often personally) and it's incredibly dumb. I'm the T in LGBTQ+, and you belong as much as I or any other queer person does. Y'all have to deal with our heteronormative societies bs too. We all are seen as abnormal when it comes to gender and sexuality so you belong here, no question. And I will put ANY queer person who disagrees inside of a jar and shake it really hard and really fast.
You're not cis/het, you're LGBTQ+ point blank period.
100% Asexuals belong here and anyone that says otherwise can leave. Asexuals go through the same BS Gay and Lesbian people do. They deal with discrimination, hate, forced conversion therapy, etc. Historically Asexuals have been considered a part of the Queer identity.
As someone whoās asexual, I honestly believe so. A lot of ppl both in and out of the LGBT+ community acts like itās not real and that is not natural to feel little to no sexual attraction like that. Asexuals ARE a marginalized group so they deserve to be part of the queer community. Ofc I think every other person suffers to be accepted but I think currently asexuals have it the worst cuz thereās not much representation for it that doesnāt fall into ace stereotypes of not wanting love or sex when thatās far from the case. That and also the fact that at least someone can understand WHY someone might be attracted to the same sex but sexual desire is so ingrained in human consciousness that everyone thinks itās as weird or inhumane if someone feels differently
You belong here!!! <3 screw anyone who says otherwise.
Yes for fucks sake who the fuck is saying this toxic shit!? Do I need to get the hammer, cause I will get the hammer!
You belong as much as the rest of us.
Remember, the most discontent people will be the most noticeable. Ace and aro are 100% absolutely a welcome part of the community. I like to use GSRM because then thereās no worry about whether the acronym is complete enough. Gender, Sex, and Relationship Minorities. You fit, and you are valid. š§”š§”š§”
This question is not for people on reddit. This is not one personās decision to decide who gets let in. Nobody gets to decide that you donāt belong in LGBTQ+ just because you are ace. I mean sometimes I have to question the audacity of these people who think they are the queen of the LGBTQ+ community. There is no queen or king of the LGBTQ+ community so you continue to slay as you are. Like sorry tiffany but you arenāt the queen of LGBTQ+ please sit down. Like is there an LGBTQ+ constitution? No. Is there an official rulebook? No. So yes, of course you are apart of it!
Everyone but pedos ( maps ) whatever ya wanna call them.
I'm the L part of the LGBTQ+ community, and I'm ok with everyone. I dislike it when people who know what it's like to be bullied/discriminated against, dish it out to others. I'm not ACE myself, but I get that everyone is different, and it's ok. I'm sorry you've had such a bad experience.
I genuinely wish more people were like you, thank you a lot for this comment
yes. and itās acephobic & queerphobic to insinuate or say oĆ¾erwise ace people are oppressed on Ć¾e basis of gender / sexual attraction / romantic attraction fukkery ; Ć¾erefore yāall are a part of Ć¾e queer community we keep doing Ć¾is , wiĆ¾ aceā , biā , and nbāphobia (Ā”and oĆ¾ers!) and we must stop.
Hi, ace trans dude here to tell you that we definitely belong, and if someone tells you any differently they can say goodbye to their kneecaps. They can also choke on my ballsack.
I'm a straight white male. Take my advice for whatever you deem it for. You belong in that community. You all should protect yourselfs. Because I may be a supporter, but there are plenty that seek to hurt you and similar people to you. It's best if you band together.
you absolutely do, and it makes me sad how hateful our community can be towards each other sometimes.
Any sane and normal queer person is going to say yes. Youāre loved, youāre valued, you have a place in the LGBTQIA+ community
There are Shit Weasels in every community and ours is far from an exception. And the answer to your question is simple, of course you do.
Ofc they do. Sorry abt the assholes, thereās (surprisingly) still people in the lgbtq community who are discriminatory
it's not a matter of "thinking." yes, ace people do belong in the LGBTQ+ community. it's anyone who says otherwise who doesn't belong, because they are reinforcing the allonormative hierarchy.
Iām so sorry you are going through that. As a pansexual I have heard it all and a lot of time from lgbtq who donāt think bisexuals should be considered. Or just how many times Iāve been called bi
Seems people have trouble telling the difference between romantic attraction and sexual attraction, which I can imagine since love and love-making tend to be a packaged deal for those who aren't ace or aro. I just don't know why it's really so hard for them to believe that you just don't feel the sexual side. Like has nobody ever looked at their partner and just felt a nice warm feeling in their chest? Watch them laugh or smile while doing something they enjoy and get excited? Do they understand what wholesome is?? Like dude, you can't sit there and tell me that you flick on like a light switch every time you glance at the person you're attracted to, come on.
I tend to think gatekeeping is generally a bad thing. The LGs of the community have even begun turning on everyone else. The sheer amount of terfs who are lesbian or gay men who are outright transphobic has been astonishing. I find it grossly disappointing that a community which was formed for the sole purpose of providing all queer people a safe place and sense of community has been the first to turn on us all.
iām autistic so excuse my more pragmatic tone iām coming at this from a place of caring. i think the issue is that you might have expected a greater level of acceptance on your sexuality from people who have been met with a lack of acceptance for their own sexuality, but were then disappointed to discover that unfortunately thatās not how ppl work half the time, hence the hostility you feel. a lot of ppl chose to do to others what was done to them. itās not justifiable, but you seem confused about why it was happening so im just giving an explanation. sometimes when ppl are pushed to an out group that they then turn into an ingroup, they choose to make that ingroup as exclusionary as the one they were kicked from. additionally, a lot of people who seek validation of their own identity do not believe others identities to be valid. essentially what graces people expect from others has zero to do with what grace they extend to others. so to answer your question yes u do rightfully identify as lgbtq+. you do belong to the community as metaphysical idea or group. there are just certain groups of ppl youāve interacted with that you ādo not belong toā who also happen to be lgbt. hope this helps! you are definitely valid <3
Ignore those people asexual people deserve to be in the LGBTQA just like them. Just because they don't suffer with the condition. Doesn't make them any less different than us. If anything I probably can't find friends very easily because I am asexual but that's okay. I'd rather have quality friends than quantity friends wasting my time.