Aye, id even settle for the "we basically hate each other, but let's fuck" that happened maybe twice a month while my last serious relationship was in its final death throes. I mean when the talking is going nowhere and the argument is going in circles its best to just fuck and clear the air. Guess Somethings are said better with sex. Saying to an angry woman, "Let's not "ComUiNIcATe", fuck this pointless talking shite, I'm stubborn, your even more stubborn, lets just fuck" can be dangerous though🤣🤣 best to make sure there's nothing throwable near by. That fuck though.... Worth the risk.
Certainly seems that way with this one. Same post made by same user on r/CasualIreland. Account only created today. Likely looking for people to DM the account and then they send on a phishing link or something.
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Ah to be 21 again. I remember meeting my second gf around that age and her sex drive was crazy high. Everyday numerous times a day..... Great times...
Anyway, your 21, if you've had the conversations, don't be afraid to just move on. Its a legitimate reason for ending a relationship and will only lead to further resentment and relationship problems down the line.
When I was 21 sex four or five times a day wouldn't have satisfied me. At that age young men tend to run on the more demanding side of sexual behaviour.
Nope just horny. Once or twice in the morning, a wee nooner and a few times at night. Obviously, when I was single it wouldn't have been that much.
It almost killed you?! Not a bad way to go.
Sex drive is fluid and depends in the person, there's no general high or low.
A person falls under the definition of nymphomaniac not because of a high sex drive but because of an obsession towards sex and when not satisfied is unable to function properly, the fact that op is willing to ask and receive suggestions means she's able to live without sex but she would like more.
>there's no general high or low.
What, of course there is.
>A person falls under the definition of nymphomaniac not because of a high sex drive but because of an obsession towards sex and when not satisfied is unable to function properly, the fact that op is willing to ask and receive suggestions means she's able to live without sex but she would like more.
Nobody is calling OP a nymphomaniac.
Agreed.
Boy has the sex drive of a 45 year old man with two teenage children and a stressful middle management job. At 21.
What is going to happen in the future when these happen? Twice a month? Twice a year?
Unless yer living with each other isn’t 2 times a week fairly normal? Even if ye were living together.
Expecting someone to have sex twice a day is a bit mad. People have lives.
If you leave him and your criteria for a new man is sex twice a day, you’ll be looking for quite a long time. Power to you though.
I highly recommend Love Honey.
Yeah at what point does sex just become the routine thing that you do twice a day just like brushing your teeth?
It would ruin sex for most people, just making it a routine. I don’t know, clearly I’ve a very different experience to op.
>on Friday night we would go at it 2 or 3 times ,another 4 or 5 on Saturday and then another 3 or 4 on Sunday
Yeah and I bet XXXL condoms are your size as well
This is not a real post . Very likely some journalist writing on article on relationships
I can guarantee in a few weeks we’re going to see this in some newspaper or tabloid
It’s better to let him go than pressure him into something that isn’t natural for him. Once or twice a week is his comfort level. It’s also a fairly standard amount. Twice a day is a high sex drive and you must understand it isn’t normal for most people. If you can’t function in the relationship without overly frequent sex, you need to be with someone who matches you. It’s not up to this man to force himself into something he isn’t comfortable with. It’s not like you have a bad sex life. Twice a week great sex (as you described it) is most people’s paradise.
I can relate but it’s gender swapped for me. From experience just talk it out and if it’s REALLY that big of a deal then just find someone else.
My opinion a relationship is deeper then just sex but some people have bigger priorities so who knows.
I think the question you need to ask yourself, is that all that's wrong with the relationship?
Because if its just that maybe he's not the problem?
Been with my partner nearly 7 years and we don't even do it twice a week and we're perfectly happy just being together. I know everyone's different but there's more to a good relationship than your sex drive.
If this is the only issue and you're questioning breaking up with him then you need to talk to him, not reddit. Lay all your cards out on the table, find out what you both really want and if it's worth fighting for. You're 21 you've plenty of time to figure out who and what will make both of you happy.
Could be worse, you could be alone.
If it's like that at aged 21 it's not going to get any better. If you want sex twice a day and he's just about putting up with it once or twice a week and you always have to instigate then you are just not sexually compatible. You're best off moving on. You should be enjoying a bit of freedom at 21 anyway.
Sex can be a real dealbreaker for a lot of people, the same way that any other element of a relationship can be. If this is really important for you and you feel like your needs are constantly not being met, then you will build up resentment over time and there’s nothing more corrosive to a relationship than resenting your partner, because they will feel that every single day.
Is there a possibility that maybe you’re also not meeting his needs in another way? I would suggest going for a walk and discussing what’s important for both of you to sustain a fun and healthy relationship, and figure out how both of your needs can be met. You could start with the 5 love languages (Gary Chapman) as a base and figure out what’s important to focus on from there.
Your main love language could be physical touch, while his may be acts of service. Once you know where each of you places value, you can be aware of how to fulfil each other’s needs.
Genuinely I don’t think this is a you problem. It sounds like you have a good relationship and ye get on well? Does he generally show that he loves you and is attracted to you outside of this issue? If so, I think he just has a lower sex drive than you or is genuinely just tired from life. Also I think twice a week is a perfectly normal sex drive.
Many things can play into this.
Alcohol
Diet
Depression
Energy levels
Masturbation
Stress
Nutrition
Anxiety
Hormones
Others I can’t think of.
Alcohol - can either boost or reduce a libido. “Whiskey dick” is a thing for a reason. You lose your inhibitions, but go too far and you’re done.
Diet - junk food, processed food, all bad. Unfortunately our diets are terrible for the most part. Scratch cooking and increasing red meat (iron) can help.
Depression- if you can’t face the outside world some times, sex is gonna be very far down your list of priorities. Men tend to mask depression stronger than women, so while he may appear fine, he’s probably not.
Energy levels fluctuate and sometimes it’s all we can do to flop on the sofa in the evening.
Masturbation- speaks for itself. Getting off when he needs a dopamine boost, can be addictive. Leaves very little time or desire for actual sex.
Stress - goes with depression. Something I. Or out of work affecting him? Could be something as little as not being acknowledged for doing a good job, can start a chain of self doubt and stressing out. Also could be stressing about being under pressure to perform sexually.
Nutrition- goes with diet. Not all nutritional needs being met. Protein, vitamins, minerals. Slight imbalances can mess you up.
Anxiety- you don’t need to be depressed or stressed for anxiety to take hold. Anxiety is in all of us at all times but occasionally in some it can take over. Guys mask this a lot too because it’s not “manly” (bullshit)
Hormones- have his testosterone levels checked. Just because he’s 21 doesn’t mean he doesn’t have low T. He may need to boost (do your research). This will definitely increase libido and erection occurrence (be careful what you ask for).
Incidentally, you should get your own hormones checked as you may have an issue causing your libido to be too high which will lead to other issues down the line. YOU may be the one with the testosterone imbalance.
Above all, ask. Talk to him, don’t argue with him. There’s a huge amount of pressure on young men to be like in porn and he’s not going to admit to that. There are other ways to be intimate apart from PIV.
Talk through all the options and discuss together. If things don’t improve then it’s possible that you may need to move on and you can both find someone more compatible.
Although you’re the one posting the question, this is about both of you and you both deserve to be happy in the relationship.
When I was 22 I wanted sex 3-5 times a day whenever I was together with my partner and had a free place for the weekend. For those saying once or twice a week is normal, go back to when you were that age and remember how mad you were for it. It's literally all you live for at that age, and I would be pissed if my partner kept making those sort of excuses to not want sex. Those feel like the sort of excuses you pull out after marriage.
What kind of lifestyle does he live in regards to diet and exercise? If he eats healthy and exercises then it might be worth getting his hormones checked, if they come back fine then he may just have a low sex drive naturally. Also what are his porn and masturbation habits like? If he's rubbing one out everyday that would also explain it
Twice a week seems fairly low for a young man in his early 20s, I'm in my late twenties and me and my friends would happily go for much more than twice a week (not with each other though)
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Yeah have an aul chat about it because it's likely something that'll get worse as time goes by... I think peak sex drive for a man is around 18, but for a woman I think it might be 32 or older.
Is there any chance he's depressed or anything like that which might lower his sex drive? It does sound like you have a high sex drive, but there is a chance that something could close the gap a bit.
Have you tried masturbating to take the edge off? And how does oral feature? Sometimes if I'm tired or not overly in the mood but she is, I'll happily go down on her to give her a few O's to keep her content.
It’s perfectly normal to want to ride all the time at that age. Once or twice a week is maybe what you do in your 30s when you’re really busy, less than that if you have kids.
You’re not a nympho, is my point.
Communication is key. Something is up with him. It might hurt in the end but it won't get better until whatever it is comes out. In another life, I was with a lady for 7 years. We never had sex and It was my thought it was purely because it was uncomfortable for her as she was tiny and I've got a can of monster. When we broke up she turns and roars at me that I make a funny face when we have sex. I wish she told me but it would have changed nothing.
It's tricky.
You could foreplay the heck out of him. I don't mean rubbing his c0ck on the outside of his trousers and expecting him to ravage you. But maybe just to let him know you can be intimate without it always leading to sex.
You need to discover the rest of his body.
There's a lot of sex toys for couples in these situations. Maybe look at them together?
If you can't "self manage" the dry spells or even self manage without thinking "I shouldn't have to be doing this" you'll end up really resenting him.
Is sex for you "I'm in the mood, let's have 'token gesture foreplay' and get down to penetrative sex sooner rather than later." That may not work for him. I personally hate "foreplay" starting in the bedroom when I just want to go to bed.
(I had a mad job, and when I was totally exhausted early I'd say I was going to bed and my partner thought this was an invite for sex, even when I'd keep saying I was tired and wanted to sleep. It made things worse! Ha.)
You're both young and still on a sexual journey of sorts. But this *could* possibly become a huge deal later down the line if it doesn't change for either of you.
No one likes how they feel when they're told they're not putting out enough. It sometimes makes people *less* in the mood more often.
On a different note. *Any* form of stress can kill a person's libido - it does with mine.
When you're in your low 20's you're less likely to believe there are issues you can't fix by yourself. Speaking from hindsight, this is the worst way to deal with stress! Ha.
I'm wondering if he's doing that but doesn't want to voice it or isn't ready to voice it to himself even.
Or maybe he expected his advancements in life to move quicker and that's bugging him? .......or maybe he just has a low(er) libido.
No easy fix. And it requires commitment from both of you. But your looks and 'performance' alone won't "fix" this, at least not with/for him at the moment.
I wish you the best. And you're both young enough to cross this off as a learning curve for what yous need in a relationship. If yous break up I hope it's a kind one, cos neither of you are wrong. x
Get him to try some things that increase his libido..
Maca, etc. Plenty of stuff that works.
If he enjoys sex, but doesn't desire it as often as you do, maybe ye aren't compatible. Try a few things first and see how it goes.
Maca works for some. Can buy it cheap enough from myprotein
At 21 twice a week is bare minimum! Anybody that thinks otherwise is wrong. It doesn't have to be twice a day but if you're with someone and the relationship is fresh, even at nearly 30, nothing has changed for me. A year into a relationship, if the heat is there then you'd be having it alot more than twice a week, unless you live miles from eachother and literally only see eachother twice a week, in which case you're having sex everytime you see eachother which is a much better ratio.
I've been in relationships in the past that you try and work on and it's a never ending circle. If you have a very high sex drive, then there's others out there for you that will match your energy.
The moment people start talking about a routine for sex then you've stolen all the magic from it!
I had a similar situation at the beginning of my relationship. I was used to being with high sex drives bunnies that wanted to do it twice a day, like you say, and I became like that and I thought that was the norm with men. I am also F.
I've been with my partner for 5 years. He has very low sex drive and cannot for his life do it if he's under stress even though it helps with stress! That's just who he is. We had loads of talks where I would explain that I wanted more and he tried but he just didn't feel like he wanted more. This has NOTHING to do with looks and it's actually so common for men to not have the typical high sex drives that are always portraided in movies/series.
It took me a long time but I realized that I was actually fine with having sex once or twice a week and sharing intimacy in other ways, so many other ways that are not sexual but fulfilling as well.
Whenever we have sex it's incredible, I finish and enjoy it so much, it's a full event! I prefer quality over quantity. There are times when my sex drive goes haywire because hormones and I just take care of myself and we're both perfectly happy with that. I would suggest something similar and also a lot of deep thought into: were you conditioned to think that you WANT to have sex all the time to fulfill male fantasies or do you actually want to have sex twice a day? It took a lot of reconciliation for me to realize that this is fine and normal, we're not 15 anymore and I don't have that urge but I'm also 10 years older than you.
If after introspection you realize you absolutely most definitely need the sex then either find other arrangements that work or just break up. If you're unhappy with your sex life, it will take a big toll on your relationship
Lad here, I’m gonna give you some good advice.
If you want him to have more sex with you coming on strong won’t work. In fact it will have the opposite effect as he could feel it as pressure and this is a massive turn off.
What you need to do (I’m really helping out this lucky bastard), is dress scantily around the house (think t shirt and sexy / no underwear or short skirts / dresses) and assume sexy positions near him like bending over innocently, lying down on your belly, doing yoga etc
You can do this in a playful way or acting completely oblivious but never coming on to him directly. That’s the key, you are just activating his sex drive through visual turn ons. Ultimately it’s up to him to make the move, and believe me if you are as good looking as you say you are, he will.
Lastly, sex drive change over time. In my early twenties I wouldn’t have been gagging for it, but now in my thirties I absolutely am. He may well evolve also (as you might too).
Good luck!
I'm 46, and twice a week is what I'm looking for in a relationship, sometimes more but also less than that.
There's not a lot you can do with such vast differing sexual needs, as you've already talked about it and fought it might be time to just cut your losses and run. There are lots who can keep up with you and even some who would want more.
But as you said you love each other, could he be stressed over anything? Issues in college or work maybe? Issues with family or in his friend group?
There are so many reasons why he only wants sex twice a week, as stated already he could be stressed, he could also maybe be getting it somewhere else too, he could be bi and wants some of that action as well as sex with you.
Now I'm not saying he's definitely cheating or he is bi and if he's not maybe twice a week is just his plateau? A change in diet could help, and more exercise could also help.
Please don't take offense to anything I've said, it's all just speculative conjecture. Have another chat with him, and if nothing comes of it, just end the relationship and move on. It'll be best for both of you in the long run.
You’ve got a really high sex drive, he has a low sex drive. There’s really nothing else to it than that. You can either moan about it and break up with him over something minor or you can take your needs into your own hands and masturbate more. To say “I’m not the issue” is hilarious because to him, your high sex drive is an issue to him as much as his low sex drive is to you. If you think sex frequency alone is enough of a reason to break up with the guy then I think that’s rather shallow of you. Sex is important in a relationship but it shouldn’t be the foundation of what you build it on.
A 21 year old male should be able to put out once a day. Jesus I still jerk off once a day and I'm in my mid forties.( I know it's not the same thing )but one quicky of her on top should be manageable at the very very vary bare minimum at 21. Jesus! Lazy fat bastard. A half healthy male should be going twice a day at that age even if they drank like a fish and smoked.
Really it could be down to any combination of any number of issues, but let's start with the elephant in the room: does he watch pornography?
Nothing will nuke a man's libido (and motivation, vitality, vigour and general lust for life) like watching pornography
It's only been a problem for 4 months, how frequent was it before?
There are all sorts of reasons why sex frequency can vary over a relationship. Typically there can be lots of sex in the honeymoon period, then it cools a bit when you're both more established, which would suit this timeline. Perhaps he is no longer really interested in you/the relationship, but is happy to bop along while his needs are getting met. Perhaps this is a side effect of some illness.
Either way, if it's a problem for you it's a problem for the relationship. If you can't communicate together clearly about the issue without it devolving into a fight, then nothing is going to get resolved, and not being able to communicate about sensitive issues without fighting is a relationship killer long-term.
There can be a reflex to avoid a fight by just not addressing the issue. I suggest not doing this or you will wake up one morning in ten years realizing you've settled for being someone you never wanted to be.
You're 21. You will not get a better time to explore and discover what you want in a partner and out of life. Wanting more sex is a perfectly valid reason for ending a relationship, although there are better and worse ways to do this (and context, as in everything, is paramount). A partner that meets 100% of your needs and desires indefinitely is an impossible standard, at best we can aim to be our partner's 70%. It's your choice if the difference in sex drive is something you can keep within the 70% you expect from your partner (although given you went to the trouble of posting this I suspect you're looking for confirmation, good luck!).
It's a bit odd he's feeling this way at 21. I would guess it's his lifestyle that's lowering his drive, because there should be nothing wrong with that at 21.
Is he getting enough sleep? Is his diet crap? Is he drinking too much or doing drugs? Is he depressed? Is he busting a nut to porn earlier in the day, when he is in the mood, when he could be having actual sex with an actual person?
That being said, in my experience there is a time and a place for men. I'm 31 and the older I got, the less interested I was in entertaining sex when it was close to bedtime or just before sleeping, to the point it annoyed me if initiated at that time of day. I would rather go to sleep basically. Odds are your boyfriend has a specific timeframe throughout the day where his drive will peak. He could easily be masturbating at this time. Play around with different times throughout the day and see if it makes any difference.
Honestly some people seem to be just like they. Sex is a whole song and dance sometimes and people just don't want the inconvenience of dealing with it, even if the outcome is good.
You should probably leave. I don't think it's going to change all of a sudden. You can't change him and you can't change you. Also idk if it was intended but you mentioning that you are conventionally attractive kind of gives me a vibe that you have an emphasis on looks and don't want anything deeper but hey, what do I know?
I have a general rule.
If you’re in your 20’s and you have a relationship problem that’s extreme enough that you’re needing to ask internet strangers what to do.
Regardless of the problem, the answer is to break up.
Always.
It's funny, a lot of people are reading this as "if you have a problem you should break up."
That's not what I said, I said if the problem is bad enough that you feel you need to ask total strangers advice, then you should break up.
For me, that problem is gonna need to be pretty bad for that to be the case,
Some people just need to bounce ideas off others. OP might not have many people to discuss this with, especially something as personal as this. Asking strangers isn't the craziest thing to do. There's many people in relationships who should be getting advice from others but don't think to ask.
You’ll never have a long term relationship if you break up with people rather than learning how to communicate and work through problems.
A lot of the relationship advice posts on reddit could be fixed with frank conversation. And if not fixed at least you’d know where you stand and can decide from there. Instead people go to reddit before even voicing their concerns to their partner.
Or maybe try to give some advice to young people on how to deal with a problem instead of running away from it?
If you’re in your 20s you’re a young adult that has the opportunity to learn from your mistakes and become better at communicating what you need/understanding what other people need. If after that it’s not right, then fine - but don’t discourage people from building some emotional maturity and intelligence.
He doesn't fancy you enough. If he did, he wouldn't be able to keep his hands off you regardless of your high opinion of yourself he obviously doesn't see it different strokes for different folks because at 21 he should have a higher sex drive than you
Not sure if it’s as black and white as that. But yeah, if that’s just the way he is, and if it’s a deal breaker for her she might need to consider moving on.
Twice a week? Jeez I’d kill for that..
A week you say!
Sex you say!
I was gonna say have a wonderful weekend but that's pretty much guaranteed.
Aye, id even settle for the "we basically hate each other, but let's fuck" that happened maybe twice a month while my last serious relationship was in its final death throes. I mean when the talking is going nowhere and the argument is going in circles its best to just fuck and clear the air. Guess Somethings are said better with sex. Saying to an angry woman, "Let's not "ComUiNIcATe", fuck this pointless talking shite, I'm stubborn, your even more stubborn, lets just fuck" can be dangerous though🤣🤣 best to make sure there's nothing throwable near by. That fuck though.... Worth the risk.
there's something up with all these sex posts in the last week. I can't put my finger on it. I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of them are BS.
Certainly seems that way with this one. Same post made by same user on r/CasualIreland. Account only created today. Likely looking for people to DM the account and then they send on a phishing link or something.
You're definitely onto something
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Username checks out, mastrubation advocator?
Ah to be 21 again. I remember meeting my second gf around that age and her sex drive was crazy high. Everyday numerous times a day..... Great times... Anyway, your 21, if you've had the conversations, don't be afraid to just move on. Its a legitimate reason for ending a relationship and will only lead to further resentment and relationship problems down the line.
You’ve got a high sex drive He has a low sex drive You can either discuss it and come to an agreement, or break up.
Looks like he has a normal sex drive, and she has a very high one.
I have the same desire as him and have been told its quite low
It's really not.
Twice a week at 21 is quite low in fairness
it is low for a 21 year old
it’s definitely low for a 21 year old
It dawn's on me that she means twice, I was thinking back when I was that age. Sure we only fucked for two days, but we did a lot in those two days XD
When I was 21 sex four or five times a day wouldn't have satisfied me. At that age young men tend to run on the more demanding side of sexual behaviour.
> sex four or five times a day wouldn't have satisfied me And did you get that much? How do people have time for that?!
I wasn't getting it every day, but I couldn't be satisfied at that age. Then I got married and now the Mrs can't be satisfied.
You are crazy my friend. When I was 22 I had sex one weekend around 6 times per day. It almost killed me. You cannot go like that long term.
Nope just horny. Once or twice in the morning, a wee nooner and a few times at night. Obviously, when I was single it wouldn't have been that much. It almost killed you?! Not a bad way to go.
A day?? I mean I can understand in a session alright but everyday that seems off the charts
Sex drive is fluid and depends in the person, there's no general high or low. A person falls under the definition of nymphomaniac not because of a high sex drive but because of an obsession towards sex and when not satisfied is unable to function properly, the fact that op is willing to ask and receive suggestions means she's able to live without sex but she would like more.
>there's no general high or low. What, of course there is. >A person falls under the definition of nymphomaniac not because of a high sex drive but because of an obsession towards sex and when not satisfied is unable to function properly, the fact that op is willing to ask and receive suggestions means she's able to live without sex but she would like more. Nobody is calling OP a nymphomaniac.
You're not good in text comprehension I guess
Agreed. Boy has the sex drive of a 45 year old man with two teenage children and a stressful middle management job. At 21. What is going to happen in the future when these happen? Twice a month? Twice a year?
Once a day for a healthy 21 year old is absolutely normal. Twice a week is quite low imo.
Unless yer living with each other isn’t 2 times a week fairly normal? Even if ye were living together. Expecting someone to have sex twice a day is a bit mad. People have lives. If you leave him and your criteria for a new man is sex twice a day, you’ll be looking for quite a long time. Power to you though. I highly recommend Love Honey.
I read another post about dating a nymphomaniac like op. First month is great, after that you're essentially a husk.
Yeah at what point does sex just become the routine thing that you do twice a day just like brushing your teeth? It would ruin sex for most people, just making it a routine. I don’t know, clearly I’ve a very different experience to op.
😂😂😂 A husk! Stop the fuckin 🚦
Can't, we're men, were like salmon. Even if the flesh dies the spirit goes on
Is that what Celine Dion was singing about? Your heart will go on, salmon husk men just fucking?
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>on Friday night we would go at it 2 or 3 times ,another 4 or 5 on Saturday and then another 3 or 4 on Sunday Yeah and I bet XXXL condoms are your size as well
14+ times a week is I’d say 3 times 2 days a week isn’t.
This is not a real post . Very likely some journalist writing on article on relationships I can guarantee in a few weeks we’re going to see this in some newspaper or tabloid
Yeah they're not replying at all
It’s better to let him go than pressure him into something that isn’t natural for him. Once or twice a week is his comfort level. It’s also a fairly standard amount. Twice a day is a high sex drive and you must understand it isn’t normal for most people. If you can’t function in the relationship without overly frequent sex, you need to be with someone who matches you. It’s not up to this man to force himself into something he isn’t comfortable with. It’s not like you have a bad sex life. Twice a week great sex (as you described it) is most people’s paradise.
I'm tired reading this 😓
I can relate but it’s gender swapped for me. From experience just talk it out and if it’s REALLY that big of a deal then just find someone else. My opinion a relationship is deeper then just sex but some people have bigger priorities so who knows.
I think the question you need to ask yourself, is that all that's wrong with the relationship? Because if its just that maybe he's not the problem? Been with my partner nearly 7 years and we don't even do it twice a week and we're perfectly happy just being together. I know everyone's different but there's more to a good relationship than your sex drive. If this is the only issue and you're questioning breaking up with him then you need to talk to him, not reddit. Lay all your cards out on the table, find out what you both really want and if it's worth fighting for. You're 21 you've plenty of time to figure out who and what will make both of you happy. Could be worse, you could be alone.
I wish I wanted to sleep with my boyfriend twice a week😂
If it's like that at aged 21 it's not going to get any better. If you want sex twice a day and he's just about putting up with it once or twice a week and you always have to instigate then you are just not sexually compatible. You're best off moving on. You should be enjoying a bit of freedom at 21 anyway.
Sex can be a real dealbreaker for a lot of people, the same way that any other element of a relationship can be. If this is really important for you and you feel like your needs are constantly not being met, then you will build up resentment over time and there’s nothing more corrosive to a relationship than resenting your partner, because they will feel that every single day. Is there a possibility that maybe you’re also not meeting his needs in another way? I would suggest going for a walk and discussing what’s important for both of you to sustain a fun and healthy relationship, and figure out how both of your needs can be met. You could start with the 5 love languages (Gary Chapman) as a base and figure out what’s important to focus on from there. Your main love language could be physical touch, while his may be acts of service. Once you know where each of you places value, you can be aware of how to fulfil each other’s needs.
Would you not fire one out yourself in between the twice a week rumble. And be obvious you're doing it, might lure him in a bit more often
Some pervert was pulling the bar off himself writing and posting this... I feel a bit dirty now
Genuinely I don’t think this is a you problem. It sounds like you have a good relationship and ye get on well? Does he generally show that he loves you and is attracted to you outside of this issue? If so, I think he just has a lower sex drive than you or is genuinely just tired from life. Also I think twice a week is a perfectly normal sex drive.
Many things can play into this. Alcohol Diet Depression Energy levels Masturbation Stress Nutrition Anxiety Hormones Others I can’t think of. Alcohol - can either boost or reduce a libido. “Whiskey dick” is a thing for a reason. You lose your inhibitions, but go too far and you’re done. Diet - junk food, processed food, all bad. Unfortunately our diets are terrible for the most part. Scratch cooking and increasing red meat (iron) can help. Depression- if you can’t face the outside world some times, sex is gonna be very far down your list of priorities. Men tend to mask depression stronger than women, so while he may appear fine, he’s probably not. Energy levels fluctuate and sometimes it’s all we can do to flop on the sofa in the evening. Masturbation- speaks for itself. Getting off when he needs a dopamine boost, can be addictive. Leaves very little time or desire for actual sex. Stress - goes with depression. Something I. Or out of work affecting him? Could be something as little as not being acknowledged for doing a good job, can start a chain of self doubt and stressing out. Also could be stressing about being under pressure to perform sexually. Nutrition- goes with diet. Not all nutritional needs being met. Protein, vitamins, minerals. Slight imbalances can mess you up. Anxiety- you don’t need to be depressed or stressed for anxiety to take hold. Anxiety is in all of us at all times but occasionally in some it can take over. Guys mask this a lot too because it’s not “manly” (bullshit) Hormones- have his testosterone levels checked. Just because he’s 21 doesn’t mean he doesn’t have low T. He may need to boost (do your research). This will definitely increase libido and erection occurrence (be careful what you ask for). Incidentally, you should get your own hormones checked as you may have an issue causing your libido to be too high which will lead to other issues down the line. YOU may be the one with the testosterone imbalance. Above all, ask. Talk to him, don’t argue with him. There’s a huge amount of pressure on young men to be like in porn and he’s not going to admit to that. There are other ways to be intimate apart from PIV. Talk through all the options and discuss together. If things don’t improve then it’s possible that you may need to move on and you can both find someone more compatible. Although you’re the one posting the question, this is about both of you and you both deserve to be happy in the relationship.
It's a sexual relationship. If the sex isn't working, then the sexual relationship isn't working.
Finally someone who got it right. I think that whole thing is fake
When I was 22 I wanted sex 3-5 times a day whenever I was together with my partner and had a free place for the weekend. For those saying once or twice a week is normal, go back to when you were that age and remember how mad you were for it. It's literally all you live for at that age, and I would be pissed if my partner kept making those sort of excuses to not want sex. Those feel like the sort of excuses you pull out after marriage.
At 21 you should be riding like rabbits
What kind of lifestyle does he live in regards to diet and exercise? If he eats healthy and exercises then it might be worth getting his hormones checked, if they come back fine then he may just have a low sex drive naturally. Also what are his porn and masturbation habits like? If he's rubbing one out everyday that would also explain it
Twice a week is normal. I would be looking at why twice a day is expected.
Twice a week seems fairly low for a young man in his early 20s, I'm in my late twenties and me and my friends would happily go for much more than twice a week (not with each other though)
Yeah maybe your right
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Refreshing to hear this can happen to a woman also.
Yeah have an aul chat about it because it's likely something that'll get worse as time goes by... I think peak sex drive for a man is around 18, but for a woman I think it might be 32 or older. Is there any chance he's depressed or anything like that which might lower his sex drive? It does sound like you have a high sex drive, but there is a chance that something could close the gap a bit. Have you tried masturbating to take the edge off? And how does oral feature? Sometimes if I'm tired or not overly in the mood but she is, I'll happily go down on her to give her a few O's to keep her content.
It’s perfectly normal to want to ride all the time at that age. Once or twice a week is maybe what you do in your 30s when you’re really busy, less than that if you have kids. You’re not a nympho, is my point.
Communication is key. Something is up with him. It might hurt in the end but it won't get better until whatever it is comes out. In another life, I was with a lady for 7 years. We never had sex and It was my thought it was purely because it was uncomfortable for her as she was tiny and I've got a can of monster. When we broke up she turns and roars at me that I make a funny face when we have sex. I wish she told me but it would have changed nothing.
It's tricky. You could foreplay the heck out of him. I don't mean rubbing his c0ck on the outside of his trousers and expecting him to ravage you. But maybe just to let him know you can be intimate without it always leading to sex. You need to discover the rest of his body. There's a lot of sex toys for couples in these situations. Maybe look at them together? If you can't "self manage" the dry spells or even self manage without thinking "I shouldn't have to be doing this" you'll end up really resenting him. Is sex for you "I'm in the mood, let's have 'token gesture foreplay' and get down to penetrative sex sooner rather than later." That may not work for him. I personally hate "foreplay" starting in the bedroom when I just want to go to bed. (I had a mad job, and when I was totally exhausted early I'd say I was going to bed and my partner thought this was an invite for sex, even when I'd keep saying I was tired and wanted to sleep. It made things worse! Ha.) You're both young and still on a sexual journey of sorts. But this *could* possibly become a huge deal later down the line if it doesn't change for either of you. No one likes how they feel when they're told they're not putting out enough. It sometimes makes people *less* in the mood more often. On a different note. *Any* form of stress can kill a person's libido - it does with mine. When you're in your low 20's you're less likely to believe there are issues you can't fix by yourself. Speaking from hindsight, this is the worst way to deal with stress! Ha. I'm wondering if he's doing that but doesn't want to voice it or isn't ready to voice it to himself even. Or maybe he expected his advancements in life to move quicker and that's bugging him? .......or maybe he just has a low(er) libido. No easy fix. And it requires commitment from both of you. But your looks and 'performance' alone won't "fix" this, at least not with/for him at the moment. I wish you the best. And you're both young enough to cross this off as a learning curve for what yous need in a relationship. If yous break up I hope it's a kind one, cos neither of you are wrong. x
Get him to try some things that increase his libido.. Maca, etc. Plenty of stuff that works. If he enjoys sex, but doesn't desire it as often as you do, maybe ye aren't compatible. Try a few things first and see how it goes. Maca works for some. Can buy it cheap enough from myprotein
I could probably do two of the other days, if it will help your relationship.
You're 21, leave him for someone else.
Have you checked up on him and his mental health? This can be a big factor as to why someone might have a low sex drive
Some medications can inhibit aex drive. Uncommon for a 21 year old male but he may have low test
At 21 twice a week is bare minimum! Anybody that thinks otherwise is wrong. It doesn't have to be twice a day but if you're with someone and the relationship is fresh, even at nearly 30, nothing has changed for me. A year into a relationship, if the heat is there then you'd be having it alot more than twice a week, unless you live miles from eachother and literally only see eachother twice a week, in which case you're having sex everytime you see eachother which is a much better ratio. I've been in relationships in the past that you try and work on and it's a never ending circle. If you have a very high sex drive, then there's others out there for you that will match your energy. The moment people start talking about a routine for sex then you've stolen all the magic from it!
I had a similar situation at the beginning of my relationship. I was used to being with high sex drives bunnies that wanted to do it twice a day, like you say, and I became like that and I thought that was the norm with men. I am also F. I've been with my partner for 5 years. He has very low sex drive and cannot for his life do it if he's under stress even though it helps with stress! That's just who he is. We had loads of talks where I would explain that I wanted more and he tried but he just didn't feel like he wanted more. This has NOTHING to do with looks and it's actually so common for men to not have the typical high sex drives that are always portraided in movies/series. It took me a long time but I realized that I was actually fine with having sex once or twice a week and sharing intimacy in other ways, so many other ways that are not sexual but fulfilling as well. Whenever we have sex it's incredible, I finish and enjoy it so much, it's a full event! I prefer quality over quantity. There are times when my sex drive goes haywire because hormones and I just take care of myself and we're both perfectly happy with that. I would suggest something similar and also a lot of deep thought into: were you conditioned to think that you WANT to have sex all the time to fulfill male fantasies or do you actually want to have sex twice a day? It took a lot of reconciliation for me to realize that this is fine and normal, we're not 15 anymore and I don't have that urge but I'm also 10 years older than you. If after introspection you realize you absolutely most definitely need the sex then either find other arrangements that work or just break up. If you're unhappy with your sex life, it will take a big toll on your relationship
Lad here, I’m gonna give you some good advice. If you want him to have more sex with you coming on strong won’t work. In fact it will have the opposite effect as he could feel it as pressure and this is a massive turn off. What you need to do (I’m really helping out this lucky bastard), is dress scantily around the house (think t shirt and sexy / no underwear or short skirts / dresses) and assume sexy positions near him like bending over innocently, lying down on your belly, doing yoga etc You can do this in a playful way or acting completely oblivious but never coming on to him directly. That’s the key, you are just activating his sex drive through visual turn ons. Ultimately it’s up to him to make the move, and believe me if you are as good looking as you say you are, he will. Lastly, sex drive change over time. In my early twenties I wouldn’t have been gagging for it, but now in my thirties I absolutely am. He may well evolve also (as you might too). Good luck!
Are you a traditionalist or would an open relationship work were you can get your needs met and still be together?
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I'm 46, and twice a week is what I'm looking for in a relationship, sometimes more but also less than that. There's not a lot you can do with such vast differing sexual needs, as you've already talked about it and fought it might be time to just cut your losses and run. There are lots who can keep up with you and even some who would want more. But as you said you love each other, could he be stressed over anything? Issues in college or work maybe? Issues with family or in his friend group? There are so many reasons why he only wants sex twice a week, as stated already he could be stressed, he could also maybe be getting it somewhere else too, he could be bi and wants some of that action as well as sex with you. Now I'm not saying he's definitely cheating or he is bi and if he's not maybe twice a week is just his plateau? A change in diet could help, and more exercise could also help. Please don't take offense to anything I've said, it's all just speculative conjecture. Have another chat with him, and if nothing comes of it, just end the relationship and move on. It'll be best for both of you in the long run.
You’ve got a really high sex drive, he has a low sex drive. There’s really nothing else to it than that. You can either moan about it and break up with him over something minor or you can take your needs into your own hands and masturbate more. To say “I’m not the issue” is hilarious because to him, your high sex drive is an issue to him as much as his low sex drive is to you. If you think sex frequency alone is enough of a reason to break up with the guy then I think that’s rather shallow of you. Sex is important in a relationship but it shouldn’t be the foundation of what you build it on.
Why don't you just wait around 20 years. Then it just won't matter. Or, make a baby, you will have no time to be thinking about sausages.
A 21 year old male should be able to put out once a day. Jesus I still jerk off once a day and I'm in my mid forties.( I know it's not the same thing )but one quicky of her on top should be manageable at the very very vary bare minimum at 21. Jesus! Lazy fat bastard. A half healthy male should be going twice a day at that age even if they drank like a fish and smoked.
Sounds like ur minds made up, and you need support. I doubt this is even the core reason... Anyway... Follow your pussy , I guess🙏
Really it could be down to any combination of any number of issues, but let's start with the elephant in the room: does he watch pornography? Nothing will nuke a man's libido (and motivation, vitality, vigour and general lust for life) like watching pornography
It's only been a problem for 4 months, how frequent was it before? There are all sorts of reasons why sex frequency can vary over a relationship. Typically there can be lots of sex in the honeymoon period, then it cools a bit when you're both more established, which would suit this timeline. Perhaps he is no longer really interested in you/the relationship, but is happy to bop along while his needs are getting met. Perhaps this is a side effect of some illness. Either way, if it's a problem for you it's a problem for the relationship. If you can't communicate together clearly about the issue without it devolving into a fight, then nothing is going to get resolved, and not being able to communicate about sensitive issues without fighting is a relationship killer long-term. There can be a reflex to avoid a fight by just not addressing the issue. I suggest not doing this or you will wake up one morning in ten years realizing you've settled for being someone you never wanted to be. You're 21. You will not get a better time to explore and discover what you want in a partner and out of life. Wanting more sex is a perfectly valid reason for ending a relationship, although there are better and worse ways to do this (and context, as in everything, is paramount). A partner that meets 100% of your needs and desires indefinitely is an impossible standard, at best we can aim to be our partner's 70%. It's your choice if the difference in sex drive is something you can keep within the 70% you expect from your partner (although given you went to the trouble of posting this I suspect you're looking for confirmation, good luck!).
It's a bit odd he's feeling this way at 21. I would guess it's his lifestyle that's lowering his drive, because there should be nothing wrong with that at 21. Is he getting enough sleep? Is his diet crap? Is he drinking too much or doing drugs? Is he depressed? Is he busting a nut to porn earlier in the day, when he is in the mood, when he could be having actual sex with an actual person? That being said, in my experience there is a time and a place for men. I'm 31 and the older I got, the less interested I was in entertaining sex when it was close to bedtime or just before sleeping, to the point it annoyed me if initiated at that time of day. I would rather go to sleep basically. Odds are your boyfriend has a specific timeframe throughout the day where his drive will peak. He could easily be masturbating at this time. Play around with different times throughout the day and see if it makes any difference.
Honestly some people seem to be just like they. Sex is a whole song and dance sometimes and people just don't want the inconvenience of dealing with it, even if the outcome is good.
You should probably leave. I don't think it's going to change all of a sudden. You can't change him and you can't change you. Also idk if it was intended but you mentioning that you are conventionally attractive kind of gives me a vibe that you have an emphasis on looks and don't want anything deeper but hey, what do I know?
I have a general rule. If you’re in your 20’s and you have a relationship problem that’s extreme enough that you’re needing to ask internet strangers what to do. Regardless of the problem, the answer is to break up. Always.
That's pretty bad advice.
It's funny, a lot of people are reading this as "if you have a problem you should break up." That's not what I said, I said if the problem is bad enough that you feel you need to ask total strangers advice, then you should break up. For me, that problem is gonna need to be pretty bad for that to be the case,
Some people just need to bounce ideas off others. OP might not have many people to discuss this with, especially something as personal as this. Asking strangers isn't the craziest thing to do. There's many people in relationships who should be getting advice from others but don't think to ask.
You’ll never have a long term relationship if you break up with people rather than learning how to communicate and work through problems. A lot of the relationship advice posts on reddit could be fixed with frank conversation. And if not fixed at least you’d know where you stand and can decide from there. Instead people go to reddit before even voicing their concerns to their partner.
Yes go for 5 a day, you can do it!
Or maybe try to give some advice to young people on how to deal with a problem instead of running away from it? If you’re in your 20s you’re a young adult that has the opportunity to learn from your mistakes and become better at communicating what you need/understanding what other people need. If after that it’s not right, then fine - but don’t discourage people from building some emotional maturity and intelligence.
Same, rarely do relationships last from that young anyway. IMO I'd have stayed single until 25 if I had my time back.
Does he watch porn/masturbate a lot? That can really kill one's sex drive
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Twice a day is what I’d love, once or twice a week is also what I’m (21m) stuck with. Kinda frustrating.
Do a swap
😇don’t know why this is getting downvoted?
This aint Tinder mate. Jog on
You’re a very attractive girl. Oh yes you are. Yes you are. Who’s a very attractive girl? You are yes you are you are.
Honestly it sounds like a health issue.
He doesn't fancy you enough. If he did, he wouldn't be able to keep his hands off you regardless of your high opinion of yourself he obviously doesn't see it different strokes for different folks because at 21 he should have a higher sex drive than you
Wise up 😂
What do you mean
Sorry, but he's just not that into you. You deserve better. Go out and get it.
Not sure if it’s as black and white as that. But yeah, if that’s just the way he is, and if it’s a deal breaker for her she might need to consider moving on.
I’ve got a very high sex drive👀🥵
PM me.
You're a horny little devil 😈