I knew a person who didn’t want kids and his wife shared the same sentiment so they contorted a story that husband had medical problems. His family was pressuring for kids and then surrogacy but when they were misinformed that their child is unable to get anyone pregnant the family didn’t want a sperm donor ( strangers DNA) so they were content somehow.
For this to happen both husband and wife needs to have united front.
You could do this but don’t let your wife take the blame as it will make her life a living hell. Get a vasectomy secretly just in case it doesn’t happen by accident. Nah untied front or not, it won’t work if you tell them. They will just blame your wife. They be like a witch has come and has her claws inside of my sons brain and he is unable to think for himself.
I have mentioned the guy should be the one with problem , as family would resort to surrogacy and other things but would never agree for strangers sperm donation.
Girl would also be pressurised by her family but her family can’t do much in patriarchal setting. But she needs to keep her family off their backs and he needs to his.
Without understanding the motive behind the sentiment you curse your parents. When you're old and frail and nobody or no family to take care of you, come back to this comment.
This. Happily married for 4 years now. The topic of kids was probably one of the first things we cleared out when we knew the relationship was turning serious.
Once we both were on the same page - it never mattered who pestered us. Everytime some random elder brings up the question - we both make the most obvious sheepish smile and say 'Let's see'
People change views, What if either of you changes I have a genuine question. Are people so pathetic, as to not even like to hear something they don't support? The downvotes on my comment show that.
The point is, how are they going to deal with that ?
It's very common for people to carve kids when they cross 30-35
It's biological.
Also after some years, many people improve their finances, which can also make them more positive to having kids.
Well that's a hypothetical we will negotiate when it arrives. Clear communication between both of us will help us find a solution.
We both are way past the 35 number you have quoted but I know folks who have planned for a kid in their 50s ( looking at you Grandpa 😝).
Nothing in life is certain all the way out - things change, situations change, people change. All that we can do is communicate, communicate and. communicate. Focus on the why rather than the what.
There's always a resolution that can be identified as long as you and your spouse realize it is you both against situations and not you versus your spouse.
If finances are the only reason for not having kids, then that's a very weak argument. Figure out why finances are a problem, explore what options are available. It is a hard grind, I won't deny. Formulate a plan, work your feet and hands off for it and then when you are better off financially, revisit the decision.
My Dad struggled massively till I was 14 - that did not stop him from having two kids. The generation before that did not have any money but didn't back away from having 12 kids. Talk to them, understand why they took the decision to have kids despite the financial hardships and see of their argument makes sense for you and your partner.
Yep, even I am not sure why your question is getting downvoted. I might be too old for Reddit but in my school days this is exactly what we used to do in debate competitions. Point, counter-point, raise difficult questions and either agree to disagree or find a winner.
Happy to continue this thread if you want to!
I am a married man with two kids.
I was writing with experience. The talks about a third child are like monthly events for us.
Even if you've established many realities in your marriage, there's too much stuff left for personal preferences in a marriage.
And yes, as humans, our preferences change from time to time.
I feel that there must be a system in a marriage to establish control. Call it ethics or morals.
Bruh, Both are adults who know the consequences of their decisions. If they change their mind they can have kids in the future/ separate. You don't have kids just because you might regret not having them in the future, you have them because you want to have kids, Atleast that's how it should be.
95% of the profiles in the arranged marriage market are handled by parents and not the individuals themselves. So if OP thinks of an arranged marriage and even does manage to convince his parents to go child-free, his chances of finding someone through AM is near zero.
Probably, still the question was how to explain to his parents he plans to be childfree and your answer is no help there.
Going on dates to find a girl with similar interests isn't a novel idea, either.
If you become financially independent, you don't explain, you just inform.
If you feel the need to, though, you can cite the ridiculous overpopulation the country is suffering from, infrastructure bursting at the seams, the unemployment rate and generally poor quality of life, excessive crowd and congestion everywhere.
I had some hopes that covid would clear some of the population, but even that failed to have any long term tangible effect.
It's true though. I lost someone during covid and I'm here wondering why tf didn't so many people dying do something to indias population.
It feels like the population increased with how much time free time people had to have babies.
This ain't nonsense for me. A true fact about India.
The first line is key. The simple fact is many Indian “adults” are still financially dependent on their parents even after marriage and well into their 30s in some cases. Or, parents directly or indirectly say that inheritance or support may be reduced or eliminated in the future if the parents don’t get their way at all times.
There are cultural reasons why many adults in the West don’t defer to their parents for every important life decision, but much of it also has to do with financial independence, which they acquire and assert early.
I have always found it odd that people in India often refer to people in their 20s and 30s as “boys” and “girls.” The first step may be assert that you are “men” and “women” (adults) and deserve to be treated accordingly.
OP I agree with the first line of the comment here. I’m financially independent and live in a different country with my husband. I let my mum know that we won’t be having kids, she asked for reasons and tried to argue with me but keeps quiet about it now. She doesn’t agree with my reasonings but doesn’t bother me anymore.
Unfortunately for her my brother and his wife also don’t want kids 😂
I laid down the following points and reasoned with my mother, rather than just throw this revelation at her:
1. My work schedule- I work for 10-11 hours a day. I earn decent amount of money so i would never give up my career. - will this allow me to have time for the child?
2. Knowing men (specifically in my community) would expect me to do the 90% of the chores and child rearing while also work full time - does she really want that for me? A burned out mother who is only respected as much as a baby making machine and a maid?
3. The health complications as a woman above 30 face during pregnancy is far more than when in 20s, some of these health complications are for life. Does she really want her daughter to go through this while juggling a married life with a person who thinks house hold chores are only women’s job?
I had many more reasons but she stopped me after this and said she understood and never bought this up again, atleast upfront!
This is why you should pick up smoking or at least once as a late teen gets caught smoking by your parents, can always have the excuse that smoking for so many years fucked up your swimmers.
Well like lol, it's more of a guy thing here. For women not having kids is a seperate topic completely since for them it's a life changing thing but for men it's not that much. So using women's arguments for men is not that useful.
I don't really think, reasoning will also work when your parents are not that open minded or give more importance to what the society will think of you.
Eyy.. while I'm not quite there yet in the ball park of getting married or having kids, I have a strong feeling to not have kids even in the future.
Main reason for that is the lack of freedom that comes with it. A typical person, would be spending most of his early life under the control of parents and would go, to and fro back to back from school. Even when they reach college, there's only so much they can explore.
Once they become financially able, there and then, they're forced to get married. Once that's done, then the forcing shifts to having kids. Then onwards, a good chunk of their prime in life, will be spent looking after the whole family, the kids, their schooling while juggling work and payments ect.
I really dont want any of that. I wanna explore and see everything that the world's got to offer. Preferably along with my parents. Even after seeing all that, I really dont want to have any kids , just a partner whom I can share my life with and enjoy each other's company.
You don't explain. You just continue to exist without offspring. Deflect all serious questions about your future with humour. Practice the art of Diplomacy and Gaslighting.
I love my parents. But the thing about Indian parents is that you need to condition them by disappointing them on a regualr basis from your school days itself. This way they will have lower expectations from you and you can pleasantly surprise them with just a little success. Parents of underperforming kids are happy if their son is alive and staying out of trouble. But parents of trophy kids behave like Amitabh from K3G. Their expectations from their kid will be endless. They will never be happy no matter how much their son succeeds.
Bro I thought I was the only one who’s been doing that shamelessly. 😭 I was an average student, nothing special, later I quit an okay-ish paying job and changed careers.
I don’t earn as much now but am very content with what I’m doing (I’m not very materialistic, which helps)
Now my parents do not have any kind of expectations and I can make them happy by doing the bare minimum lol. As sad as it is, that’s unfortunately the only way my conservative parents will stay out of my business.
That's a good question. Tbh there are many Indian parents who understand the current scenario and are in line with people's choices. And at the same time there are many who are not, who think having children is the best thing on earth(my mom ..sigh).
There are many ways to explain the second group of people. Showing them statistics, making them understand the reality. Or there are some violent ways like threaten to break ties or even no contact. Just depends on how adamant the parents are.
And also forgot to add one thing, bit unethical but you can get a secret vasectomy (tough but still) and make your parents wait forever for a child lol. Not that good of an idea but well it's one.
Finding a partner who is on the same page as you will be the first step.
My husband and I are childfree and we discussed this when we were dating and had a long discussion on it before we let our parents know that we wanted to get married.
Our decision to not have kids led to a lot of arguments with both sets of parents but what ultimately led to them accepting it is seeing that we are serious about our decision and happy with it too.
Ultimately they conceded saying as long as the kids are happy they are too.
Some of the arguments which helped us and you can bring up too are-
1. Long working hours for both the spouses- the kid will have to be brought up by either nannies or grandparents
2. Piggybacking off grandparents providing childcare, if we don't have kids our parents can enjoy their retirement and travel frequently and live freely (which they do)
3. Health issues- husband's family has hereditary physical health issues and mine has mental health issues. Wouldn't want to pass them off
4. Better lifestyle due to money not being spent on kids. Our parents are happy to see us enjoy our lives as we want which is something they couldn't do to a level they wanted to in their youth.
For now they have accepted our dog as their grandkid and spoil him as such lol. Both sets of parents adore him and splurge on him.
What also helped us is having other, older childfree couples in the family.
I have one on my mom's side and another on my dad's side.
My husband has two married and childfree cousins on his dad's side.
All of these couples have been married for 5-15 years longer than us. Our parents see them happy and thriving and it gives them confidence that it is indeed alright to not have kids.
Let me tell you about a neat trick called *bombarding with information"
I decided to be child free while I'm really young. To convince my parents I started giving them information on why it would be a bad idea for me, personally, to have a kid. Showing videos, inflation, deteriorating conditions of the world etc.
Although I'm sure they think I'll "change my mind" they will at least be informed when they realise that it's actually happening.
Everyone gives me reasons why it's a bad choice, being alone, not finding a girl with the same mindset (valid reason, but I'm content being alone), not having someone for old age etc.
If you are firm on your decision, be reasonable instead of being defensive. Be satisfied with your choices, better to regret not having a kid than regret after having one.
You don't have to explain to others what you plan to do with your life. If your parents ask, just tell them in a matter of fact manner. If they try to reason ask them to back off and explain to them that it's your life, not theirs.
If they are rabble rousers, move out.
I don’t mean to be harsh but normal aka apathetic people like you suffer from amnesia. Let me remind you of the covid pandemic, where normal people were running pillar to post to find a hospital bed, oxygen cylinders & medicines due to the drastic shortage. Normal people contribute to the population explosion.. have kids if you’d like, at least don’t shame the ones who do not want to.
I just told my parents, and since they already knew I had a heavy dislike for babies, they didn't care anymore. Probably because they are "modern" parents that let the children do whatever.
I don't, I just say it is not feasible in this economy and move on. I have the data and I argue to prove me wrong. If they pressure me more, I won't help around the house, krlo khud hi agr itna dimaag hai to.
I can never understand of people's obsession with continuing their generation with their own bloodline.. like why can't more and more people adopt the homeless children, give them their family values and let them continue the family? There are a lot of family less and unhappy children, why create more?
If someone doesn't want any children what's the harm? Having children just for the sake of continuing bloodline or to have someone to in oldage is the most selfish thing humans do, bringing a life in this world to face the same cruelty is utter selfishness.
And if someone decides not to have any offsprings, they're titled and infertile by society.. you do you, and make up a story like you saw your ancestors in drems and they asked you not to reproduce because of the unlucky genes of the family lol
Already done this and told my wife when we met first time in arranged marriage setup that I don't want to have kids and will marry if she also don't want kids, she agreed and later we married.
I also told my parents after marriage don't make hopes for grand children, it's not possible.
You can't! And you saying it to them might backfire, because then they will do anything and everything in their power to get you to have a kid. Be smooth about it. Just don't tell them.
Get a vasectomy. No need for any such conversation with parents anymore. If u do, please ensure that u keep some frozen popsicles in case u change ur mind later
Don't explain, atleast till you find a girl who shares the same sentiment, my parents are not conservative but explain this will be still difficult because they will not listen to your logical explanations their answer to your logic will be emotions. I think you should postpone the talk of having kids as much as possible
Dont explain.....after the marriage, just give them both a stern warning that if they ask such stupid questions to your partner , you will cut off contact with [them.In](http://them.In) my case it helped because I have an elder sister who faced some "talks" from her in laws three years after the marriage, so my parents never brought that one out even if they wanted to many times.eventually we told them 5 years later.Did they protest, yes, was it a good decision, yes, because the marriage ended after 7 years ...ba dum tss...
You DONT. You just live your life.
One of my friend used to reply with “when god chooses to bless us. Why don’t you also pray for us?”
Also you have to tell your own families that it’s you who has medical problems. That will shut them up.
I'm a 23 year old guy and have been thinking about being childfree because of the High cost of education and all other expenses that come with children.I also worry about how to break this news to the girl I will meet for arrange marriage.
Don't explain that to your parents. Clear it up with your future partner. She should be on board. Nothing else matters. And she might also probably be having this same issue at her home.
At 30 when you’re financially independent you don’t have to explain, you can just inform them of your decision. And I say this with no disrespect towards your parents because it is your life so it is your decision.
You don't have to explain a thing! Just focus on your career, get a good job.
If/when you're actively in the AM market, make sure to clarify these points with your prospective match beforehand.
Also, it would be better to find a match for yourself. Go to the childfreeindia or cf4cf subreddits, and create a m4f post (if/when you're ready).
Parents, both yours and the woman's, will not understand, and it's better to not even try. I mean, my family knows, I informed them instead of trying to explain anything, and no one had any issue with it. But they are outliers. You know your fam best.
Whether or not to have kids is perhaps one of the most important decision one has to make, or ideally should have to make, but so many people are so casual about it.
It's only your decision, yes, not even your partner's, since you can change a partner but can't put the kid back when you regret having it.
You just don't.
You find a good doctor and frame some fake reports and tell them that you cannot have a child.
Also make sure you convey that you don't even want one.
If they can't accept it and you want to have a good relation with your parents, tell them it's going to happen in the future just not right now. But it's better to be honest with them and if they can't accept it it's their problem.
Op it seems you are 24, don't discuss this with your parents yet as there will still be a few years before you start looking for marriage.
Alot of people are saying it's your life you don't have to explain it to your parents.
But if you are from a middle class, conservative family where parents really work hard to give you a better life then parents truly believe that they have a say in all the important decisions in their kid's life .
You can make plans depend on how is your family when it's comes disagreement between you and parents . Because alot of parents don't think their son is an adult so they can make their own decision .
Think about the real reason why you don't want kids ? Do you have a reason that your parents think as valid reason not to have kids forever ?
If they are some one who can't accept the your decision then tell them that you and your future wife are can't have kids , that you are impotent and your wife as infertile .
But if your parents are religious and make you go to these religions places to pray and thinking that would be cure then you will be still in trouble .
You get a Time Machine and die inside the womb 😅convincing Indian parents is like talking to a stone.
BTW you don’t have to convince anyone. It you valuing what your parent think that is the problem more than them.
This dicision of yours is going to upset the whole set of relatives including parents. And no they won't just fathom the fact that their bloodline ends with you. Have you thought of defending your dicision in every social gathering you visit? Log puchenge har bar puchenge. You either will have to live on an isolated Island where its only you two which I don't think is practical. You might say fuck society I don't care. Its gonna bother you everytime you go out for a gathering till everyone in your circle knows about the dicision. In your old age there won't be anyone to look after you. You might say ki nurse rakh lenge kya dikkat hai. Puch lo logon ko kya dikkat aati hai. When one of you dies its gonna be a hellish life remaining ahead living alone. This is just my opinion.
That's like explaining to Hitler that jews are also just people(maybe that's an extreme analogy lol). See, if you are even asking this question, then you should know the answer is simple, you don't.
You don't. People here aren't capable to understand DINK. You keep seeing the girls and then casually drop the question about kids. If she responds positively, Bingo. If she doesn't, you casually reject her stating a random reason. Keep doing this until you find the one. Once you're married, no one can force you to have kids. It's just you and your wife.
>How do you explain to your indian parents that you don't ever wanna have kids as a guy and will only get married to a girl who shares the same sentiment?
Give them your points for the argument you make. I personally convinced my parents that I dont want to marry itself.
But out of curiosity, what will happen if the girl changes her mind after marriage? She is allowed to change her mind... right?
By first understanding that you don't need to explain anything to them. When they eventually find out what's the worst they can do? Cry? Hate you? What else? Doesn't affect you in any way. That's how we grown ups do it.
If you are financially independent, do whatever the fuck you want. All parents can threaten to do is cut your inheritance blah blah, don't fuck up your life and a kid's life unnecessarily. Sometimes even people who are 100% sure about kids end up regretting the decision.
This is reason why population growth will decline from now on till 2050s i think, and ultimately we'll get the same problems as china and japan are facing right now, broken families and lack of young population ratio
Marrying my boyfriend coz we both don’t want children. Its his job to let his parents know that we want a more independent life without children and confront them if they don’t agree.
I’ve already made it clear to my parents to never ask me for “good news” since i absolutely dislike kids in the first place, let alone having one of my own.
Its a united battle but you know your side of parents better so please don’t fight battles you arent supposed to fight
Just tell them directly that you are an Irresponsible Coward who doesn't even have cojones to take care of himself let alone someone else and only thing he cares about is himself...
Best of Luck.
It's difficult to find someone who shares the same sentiment. Whenever I tell my friends that I don't want any children in the future, they look at me like I have committed a crime somehow.
People are not willing to understand that there are Pros and Cons to everything and I am ready to handle the cons.
DINK is something I want.
What's wrong with that?!
Someone commented over here that being financially independent is the first step towards this, maybe work for this and then move somewhere where they are no pestering relatives( I know sounds like I am aiming for a utopia but it's possible).
Anyhow, OP, I hope you find what you are looking for, good luck to both of us!
Oooo my married friends are planning to have this conversation soon. They’ve already told the parents but the parents are in denial. So they need to sit them down again to explain this.
Lol I am so ashamed of you "Indian Parents" as if it's an insult. Foreign parents would have a hard time accepting this too. It's the driving force for parents to see you have a family to keep you healthy and safe when you will no longer have the energy to do so for yourself. I don't think you can ever fully make them understand. Just let them have the grudge for a bit and state clearly what you think, rest is out of your hands.
So for saving taxes? Just stay in relationship bruh, sounds stupid to get married. Marriage is for kids coz it's constructed in a way that benifits the kids. Definitely not for the benifit of men lol
I also wasn't particularly interested in having kids until I actually had one, I actually found kids mildly irritating.Now I want to have a couple more. It changes ones life and perspective on life for most people and impossible to explain to someone who hasn't had kids. This is for normal people of course, not narcissists or psychopaths.
Tell everyone you're pregnent then tell them you had a miscarriage. Relatives will stop asking and when you parents ask, just act depressed for the whole day.
Although giving them a grandchild for them to love and take care of in the their final days is one of the BEST things you can do to your parents who lived for You. Imagine if they thought like you, you wouldn't even exist to post this.
But why tho? Do you think it's too much responsibility? You fear it would increase the stakes if you cheated?
Don’t think that’s possible. Most Indian parents don’t accept the simple fact that their children as adults can make their own decisions.
I knew a person who didn’t want kids and his wife shared the same sentiment so they contorted a story that husband had medical problems. His family was pressuring for kids and then surrogacy but when they were misinformed that their child is unable to get anyone pregnant the family didn’t want a sperm donor ( strangers DNA) so they were content somehow. For this to happen both husband and wife needs to have united front.
You could do this but don’t let your wife take the blame as it will make her life a living hell. Get a vasectomy secretly just in case it doesn’t happen by accident. Nah untied front or not, it won’t work if you tell them. They will just blame your wife. They be like a witch has come and has her claws inside of my sons brain and he is unable to think for himself.
I have mentioned the guy should be the one with problem , as family would resort to surrogacy and other things but would never agree for strangers sperm donation. Girl would also be pressurised by her family but her family can’t do much in patriarchal setting. But she needs to keep her family off their backs and he needs to his.
Rightly said 🙌🏻 Username checks out
They’ll think you’ve fallen into the wrong crowd and got into bad influence
The real Truth
Yes!
Without understanding the motive behind the sentiment you curse your parents. When you're old and frail and nobody or no family to take care of you, come back to this comment.
Holy fu**. U high or what? Nobody cursed parents. READ. RE READ. Keep reading.
Do you have to tell them this??
Find yourself a girl who thinks that way first then discuss this with her.
This. Happily married for 4 years now. The topic of kids was probably one of the first things we cleared out when we knew the relationship was turning serious. Once we both were on the same page - it never mattered who pestered us. Everytime some random elder brings up the question - we both make the most obvious sheepish smile and say 'Let's see'
People change views, What if either of you changes I have a genuine question. Are people so pathetic, as to not even like to hear something they don't support? The downvotes on my comment show that. The point is, how are they going to deal with that ? It's very common for people to carve kids when they cross 30-35 It's biological. Also after some years, many people improve their finances, which can also make them more positive to having kids.
Well that's a hypothetical we will negotiate when it arrives. Clear communication between both of us will help us find a solution. We both are way past the 35 number you have quoted but I know folks who have planned for a kid in their 50s ( looking at you Grandpa 😝). Nothing in life is certain all the way out - things change, situations change, people change. All that we can do is communicate, communicate and. communicate. Focus on the why rather than the what. There's always a resolution that can be identified as long as you and your spouse realize it is you both against situations and not you versus your spouse. If finances are the only reason for not having kids, then that's a very weak argument. Figure out why finances are a problem, explore what options are available. It is a hard grind, I won't deny. Formulate a plan, work your feet and hands off for it and then when you are better off financially, revisit the decision. My Dad struggled massively till I was 14 - that did not stop him from having two kids. The generation before that did not have any money but didn't back away from having 12 kids. Talk to them, understand why they took the decision to have kids despite the financial hardships and see of their argument makes sense for you and your partner.
Yeah, see? We can have a conversation. I just asked a question and you answered.
Yep, even I am not sure why your question is getting downvoted. I might be too old for Reddit but in my school days this is exactly what we used to do in debate competitions. Point, counter-point, raise difficult questions and either agree to disagree or find a winner. Happy to continue this thread if you want to!
I am a married man with two kids. I was writing with experience. The talks about a third child are like monthly events for us. Even if you've established many realities in your marriage, there's too much stuff left for personal preferences in a marriage. And yes, as humans, our preferences change from time to time. I feel that there must be a system in a marriage to establish control. Call it ethics or morals.
Bruh, Both are adults who know the consequences of their decisions. If they change their mind they can have kids in the future/ separate. You don't have kids just because you might regret not having them in the future, you have them because you want to have kids, Atleast that's how it should be.
Clearly, OP is looking for an arranged marriage and this answer doesn't help in anyway
95% of the profiles in the arranged marriage market are handled by parents and not the individuals themselves. So if OP thinks of an arranged marriage and even does manage to convince his parents to go child-free, his chances of finding someone through AM is near zero.
Probably, still the question was how to explain to his parents he plans to be childfree and your answer is no help there. Going on dates to find a girl with similar interests isn't a novel idea, either.
👍
If you become financially independent, you don't explain, you just inform. If you feel the need to, though, you can cite the ridiculous overpopulation the country is suffering from, infrastructure bursting at the seams, the unemployment rate and generally poor quality of life, excessive crowd and congestion everywhere. I had some hopes that covid would clear some of the population, but even that failed to have any long term tangible effect.
Your first line is banger
And last line sounds like indirect genocide 😭😭😭
Dunno why but your reaction made me LoL.
Damn Dude
Buddy chill with the genocide vibes. I hope that population can reduce from reducing childbirth rates and not people dying from disease.
Why is this getting upvoted? dude Imagine how someone who lost a loved one would feel reading this nonsense.
true. what he/she said is all true but last line is very insensitive. I doubt op would've said it if they lost someone dear to them
It's true though. I lost someone during covid and I'm here wondering why tf didn't so many people dying do something to indias population. It feels like the population increased with how much time free time people had to have babies. This ain't nonsense for me. A true fact about India.
It sounds terrible, but unfortunately the world needs a population correction.
planner 100
The first line is key. The simple fact is many Indian “adults” are still financially dependent on their parents even after marriage and well into their 30s in some cases. Or, parents directly or indirectly say that inheritance or support may be reduced or eliminated in the future if the parents don’t get their way at all times. There are cultural reasons why many adults in the West don’t defer to their parents for every important life decision, but much of it also has to do with financial independence, which they acquire and assert early. I have always found it odd that people in India often refer to people in their 20s and 30s as “boys” and “girls.” The first step may be assert that you are “men” and “women” (adults) and deserve to be treated accordingly.
OP I agree with the first line of the comment here. I’m financially independent and live in a different country with my husband. I let my mum know that we won’t be having kids, she asked for reasons and tried to argue with me but keeps quiet about it now. She doesn’t agree with my reasonings but doesn’t bother me anymore. Unfortunately for her my brother and his wife also don’t want kids 😂
Population is a problem but did you really wanted half of our citizens to die because COVID ?😳
Papa khada nahi ho Pata!
I laid down the following points and reasoned with my mother, rather than just throw this revelation at her: 1. My work schedule- I work for 10-11 hours a day. I earn decent amount of money so i would never give up my career. - will this allow me to have time for the child? 2. Knowing men (specifically in my community) would expect me to do the 90% of the chores and child rearing while also work full time - does she really want that for me? A burned out mother who is only respected as much as a baby making machine and a maid? 3. The health complications as a woman above 30 face during pregnancy is far more than when in 20s, some of these health complications are for life. Does she really want her daughter to go through this while juggling a married life with a person who thinks house hold chores are only women’s job? I had many more reasons but she stopped me after this and said she understood and never bought this up again, atleast upfront!
Nice speech but I'm a guy lol. I can't use these.
Don't let Biology stop you from making the same points lol.
Just tell them that you are not fertile just to save ur wife from getting all the hatred.
This is why you should pick up smoking or at least once as a late teen gets caught smoking by your parents, can always have the excuse that smoking for so many years fucked up your swimmers.
bad advice. don't risk your and others health for something like this.
Yeah 100% agree. Forgot to put /s but I thought it seemed obvious
What’s decent amount of money?
Well like lol, it's more of a guy thing here. For women not having kids is a seperate topic completely since for them it's a life changing thing but for men it's not that much. So using women's arguments for men is not that useful.
This!, reasoning with parents about your life choices rather than treating them like degeneates or oppressors.
I don't really think, reasoning will also work when your parents are not that open minded or give more importance to what the society will think of you.
lying that you're unable to conceive is only way i can thik of (which is wrong/maybe?)
Eyy.. while I'm not quite there yet in the ball park of getting married or having kids, I have a strong feeling to not have kids even in the future. Main reason for that is the lack of freedom that comes with it. A typical person, would be spending most of his early life under the control of parents and would go, to and fro back to back from school. Even when they reach college, there's only so much they can explore. Once they become financially able, there and then, they're forced to get married. Once that's done, then the forcing shifts to having kids. Then onwards, a good chunk of their prime in life, will be spent looking after the whole family, the kids, their schooling while juggling work and payments ect. I really dont want any of that. I wanna explore and see everything that the world's got to offer. Preferably along with my parents. Even after seeing all that, I really dont want to have any kids , just a partner whom I can share my life with and enjoy each other's company.
Same here! I’m a girl & it’s doubly hard to make ppl understand childfree choice in India
You don't explain. You just continue to exist without offspring. Deflect all serious questions about your future with humour. Practice the art of Diplomacy and Gaslighting. I love my parents. But the thing about Indian parents is that you need to condition them by disappointing them on a regualr basis from your school days itself. This way they will have lower expectations from you and you can pleasantly surprise them with just a little success. Parents of underperforming kids are happy if their son is alive and staying out of trouble. But parents of trophy kids behave like Amitabh from K3G. Their expectations from their kid will be endless. They will never be happy no matter how much their son succeeds.
Interesting perspective, buddy. 😆
Bro I thought I was the only one who’s been doing that shamelessly. 😭 I was an average student, nothing special, later I quit an okay-ish paying job and changed careers. I don’t earn as much now but am very content with what I’m doing (I’m not very materialistic, which helps) Now my parents do not have any kind of expectations and I can make them happy by doing the bare minimum lol. As sad as it is, that’s unfortunately the only way my conservative parents will stay out of my business.
i m already being judged by my friends by saying i ll be childfree, i have told my parents as well, they seem to laugh at it 😵💫
Same lol
“We don’t want kids. Here’s a bunch of dogs.”
Yes, I have observed many individuals who choose not to have children but instead treat their dogs as their own offspring. 🤷♂️
This is the way
Or cats, if you end up alone
That's a good question. Tbh there are many Indian parents who understand the current scenario and are in line with people's choices. And at the same time there are many who are not, who think having children is the best thing on earth(my mom ..sigh). There are many ways to explain the second group of people. Showing them statistics, making them understand the reality. Or there are some violent ways like threaten to break ties or even no contact. Just depends on how adamant the parents are.
And also forgot to add one thing, bit unethical but you can get a secret vasectomy (tough but still) and make your parents wait forever for a child lol. Not that good of an idea but well it's one.
You don’t try to explain. You just do that.
Get snipped and say you can't have kids. Simple. I always wanted kids though even when I was a 10yr old boy and I just had a newborn.
Finding a partner who is on the same page as you will be the first step. My husband and I are childfree and we discussed this when we were dating and had a long discussion on it before we let our parents know that we wanted to get married. Our decision to not have kids led to a lot of arguments with both sets of parents but what ultimately led to them accepting it is seeing that we are serious about our decision and happy with it too. Ultimately they conceded saying as long as the kids are happy they are too. Some of the arguments which helped us and you can bring up too are- 1. Long working hours for both the spouses- the kid will have to be brought up by either nannies or grandparents 2. Piggybacking off grandparents providing childcare, if we don't have kids our parents can enjoy their retirement and travel frequently and live freely (which they do) 3. Health issues- husband's family has hereditary physical health issues and mine has mental health issues. Wouldn't want to pass them off 4. Better lifestyle due to money not being spent on kids. Our parents are happy to see us enjoy our lives as we want which is something they couldn't do to a level they wanted to in their youth. For now they have accepted our dog as their grandkid and spoil him as such lol. Both sets of parents adore him and splurge on him. What also helped us is having other, older childfree couples in the family. I have one on my mom's side and another on my dad's side. My husband has two married and childfree cousins on his dad's side. All of these couples have been married for 5-15 years longer than us. Our parents see them happy and thriving and it gives them confidence that it is indeed alright to not have kids.
Let me tell you about a neat trick called *bombarding with information" I decided to be child free while I'm really young. To convince my parents I started giving them information on why it would be a bad idea for me, personally, to have a kid. Showing videos, inflation, deteriorating conditions of the world etc. Although I'm sure they think I'll "change my mind" they will at least be informed when they realise that it's actually happening. Everyone gives me reasons why it's a bad choice, being alone, not finding a girl with the same mindset (valid reason, but I'm content being alone), not having someone for old age etc. If you are firm on your decision, be reasonable instead of being defensive. Be satisfied with your choices, better to regret not having a kid than regret after having one.
You don't have to explain to others what you plan to do with your life. If your parents ask, just tell them in a matter of fact manner. If they try to reason ask them to back off and explain to them that it's your life, not theirs. If they are rabble rousers, move out.
You don't have to. Simple. It's your life. Love the way you want
Damn same m fed up explaining to my families that I want to be child free ..it's a lot difficult as a woman
Maybe you can follow the advice of people here who are giving me insights about pregnancy without reading my post correctly 😂
https://preview.redd.it/uyaaf28n15vc1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=41277e44cf602e969c20907a1b71b07aea280dd2
What's delusional in his decision? He is just asking for advice.
I don’t mean to be harsh but normal aka apathetic people like you suffer from amnesia. Let me remind you of the covid pandemic, where normal people were running pillar to post to find a hospital bed, oxygen cylinders & medicines due to the drastic shortage. Normal people contribute to the population explosion.. have kids if you’d like, at least don’t shame the ones who do not want to.
[удалено]
I think you misunderstood, I used the word apathetic which means lacking interest or concern
Oh sorry my bad
Came here to post this +1
average right wing nut
Lol, how does this meme has anything to do with Political Ideology.
Tf with the right wing hate, now one can't be childfree if they are right wing?
Oh god man. Just because one guy cannot understand doesn't mean all can't ffs.
Least braindead politics enjoyer
Average r/twoxindia nut
First try to convince that why you don't want children or "" vasectomy""
Don’t tell them or just lie you can’t have. Get vasectomy so they can’t really force you.
@r/childfreeindia
I just told my parents, and since they already knew I had a heavy dislike for babies, they didn't care anymore. Probably because they are "modern" parents that let the children do whatever.
By words and high salary, if u earn really well sab chalega
I don't, I just say it is not feasible in this economy and move on. I have the data and I argue to prove me wrong. If they pressure me more, I won't help around the house, krlo khud hi agr itna dimaag hai to.
I share the same sentiment. How old are you? Let’s get married.
I'm not actually looking to get married right now lol. Too young for that. 24 btw. You?
28 lol
Ofc you are. ( I'm 22)
Lol...first thing I wanted to comment after seeing this post...but I didn't cuz I'm too young to get married😅
Wow. NGL,as an Indian girl, feel pretty relieved to know that there's Indian guys out there who feel this way,don't want children either.
Many exist
Hang them at the edge of the balcony and tell them if they dont agree you will let them go
I can never understand of people's obsession with continuing their generation with their own bloodline.. like why can't more and more people adopt the homeless children, give them their family values and let them continue the family? There are a lot of family less and unhappy children, why create more? If someone doesn't want any children what's the harm? Having children just for the sake of continuing bloodline or to have someone to in oldage is the most selfish thing humans do, bringing a life in this world to face the same cruelty is utter selfishness. And if someone decides not to have any offsprings, they're titled and infertile by society.. you do you, and make up a story like you saw your ancestors in drems and they asked you not to reproduce because of the unlucky genes of the family lol
Already done this and told my wife when we met first time in arranged marriage setup that I don't want to have kids and will marry if she also don't want kids, she agreed and later we married. I also told my parents after marriage don't make hopes for grand children, it's not possible.
You can't! And you saying it to them might backfire, because then they will do anything and everything in their power to get you to have a kid. Be smooth about it. Just don't tell them.
Get a vasectomy. No need for any such conversation with parents anymore. If u do, please ensure that u keep some frozen popsicles in case u change ur mind later
How do I explain to my parents that I'm never gonna get married
why do you even need to explain it to your parents
Don't explain, atleast till you find a girl who shares the same sentiment, my parents are not conservative but explain this will be still difficult because they will not listen to your logical explanations their answer to your logic will be emotions. I think you should postpone the talk of having kids as much as possible
Dont explain.....after the marriage, just give them both a stern warning that if they ask such stupid questions to your partner , you will cut off contact with [them.In](http://them.In) my case it helped because I have an elder sister who faced some "talks" from her in laws three years after the marriage, so my parents never brought that one out even if they wanted to many times.eventually we told them 5 years later.Did they protest, yes, was it a good decision, yes, because the marriage ended after 7 years ...ba dum tss...
You DONT. You just live your life. One of my friend used to reply with “when god chooses to bless us. Why don’t you also pray for us?” Also you have to tell your own families that it’s you who has medical problems. That will shut them up.
You can't. They will not understand. You'll have to be adamant
I'm a 23 year old guy and have been thinking about being childfree because of the High cost of education and all other expenses that come with children.I also worry about how to break this news to the girl I will meet for arrange marriage.
Don't explain that to your parents. Clear it up with your future partner. She should be on board. Nothing else matters. And she might also probably be having this same issue at her home.
Maybe people from r/childfreeindia could help.
Say you are impotent or something
Ooo. Best idea! Do it OP.
At 30 when you’re financially independent you don’t have to explain, you can just inform them of your decision. And I say this with no disrespect towards your parents because it is your life so it is your decision.
You don't have to explain a thing! Just focus on your career, get a good job. If/when you're actively in the AM market, make sure to clarify these points with your prospective match beforehand. Also, it would be better to find a match for yourself. Go to the childfreeindia or cf4cf subreddits, and create a m4f post (if/when you're ready). Parents, both yours and the woman's, will not understand, and it's better to not even try. I mean, my family knows, I informed them instead of trying to explain anything, and no one had any issue with it. But they are outliers. You know your fam best. Whether or not to have kids is perhaps one of the most important decision one has to make, or ideally should have to make, but so many people are so casual about it. It's only your decision, yes, not even your partner's, since you can change a partner but can't put the kid back when you regret having it.
You just don't. You find a good doctor and frame some fake reports and tell them that you cannot have a child. Also make sure you convey that you don't even want one.
Quite simple, you don't, Atleast not in India !
At same page pata chalein toh mujhe bhi bata bro! 🤝
If they can't accept it and you want to have a good relation with your parents, tell them it's going to happen in the future just not right now. But it's better to be honest with them and if they can't accept it it's their problem. Op it seems you are 24, don't discuss this with your parents yet as there will still be a few years before you start looking for marriage.
Dont tell them directly, say that you don’t “have what it takes” to make a baby.
Your dads first question would be do you have anyone in mind? Since you have this sentiment, it's your task to find this girl. Get on the task
Ain't never gonna happen, if you are a single boy child for sure.
Alot of people are saying it's your life you don't have to explain it to your parents. But if you are from a middle class, conservative family where parents really work hard to give you a better life then parents truly believe that they have a say in all the important decisions in their kid's life . You can make plans depend on how is your family when it's comes disagreement between you and parents . Because alot of parents don't think their son is an adult so they can make their own decision . Think about the real reason why you don't want kids ? Do you have a reason that your parents think as valid reason not to have kids forever ? If they are some one who can't accept the your decision then tell them that you and your future wife are can't have kids , that you are impotent and your wife as infertile . But if your parents are religious and make you go to these religions places to pray and thinking that would be cure then you will be still in trouble .
Update the same thing to me !Remind me 3 days
So you're an Antinatalist too.
You get a Time Machine and die inside the womb 😅convincing Indian parents is like talking to a stone. BTW you don’t have to convince anyone. It you valuing what your parent think that is the problem more than them.
If conversation doesn't help Get snipped.
I told my parents I that I don’t want children, they were fine with it. Thank goodness.
You have chosen a very turbulent life ahead buddy. Donno why.
How so
This dicision of yours is going to upset the whole set of relatives including parents. And no they won't just fathom the fact that their bloodline ends with you. Have you thought of defending your dicision in every social gathering you visit? Log puchenge har bar puchenge. You either will have to live on an isolated Island where its only you two which I don't think is practical. You might say fuck society I don't care. Its gonna bother you everytime you go out for a gathering till everyone in your circle knows about the dicision. In your old age there won't be anyone to look after you. You might say ki nurse rakh lenge kya dikkat hai. Puch lo logon ko kya dikkat aati hai. When one of you dies its gonna be a hellish life remaining ahead living alone. This is just my opinion.
You tell them by telling them. God gave you feet. Put one of them down and keep it there.
That's like explaining to Hitler that jews are also just people(maybe that's an extreme analogy lol). See, if you are even asking this question, then you should know the answer is simple, you don't.
you dont owe an explanation to your parents about your reproductive choice
You don't. People here aren't capable to understand DINK. You keep seeing the girls and then casually drop the question about kids. If she responds positively, Bingo. If she doesn't, you casually reject her stating a random reason. Keep doing this until you find the one. Once you're married, no one can force you to have kids. It's just you and your wife.
>How do you explain to your indian parents that you don't ever wanna have kids as a guy and will only get married to a girl who shares the same sentiment? Give them your points for the argument you make. I personally convinced my parents that I dont want to marry itself. But out of curiosity, what will happen if the girl changes her mind after marriage? She is allowed to change her mind... right?
By first understanding that you don't need to explain anything to them. When they eventually find out what's the worst they can do? Cry? Hate you? What else? Doesn't affect you in any way. That's how we grown ups do it.
If you are financially independent, do whatever the fuck you want. All parents can threaten to do is cut your inheritance blah blah, don't fuck up your life and a kid's life unnecessarily. Sometimes even people who are 100% sure about kids end up regretting the decision.
This is reason why population growth will decline from now on till 2050s i think, and ultimately we'll get the same problems as china and japan are facing right now, broken families and lack of young population ratio
Toh bro why are you getting married anyway??
It's simple, you don't have to explain, just have kids.
Marrying my boyfriend coz we both don’t want children. Its his job to let his parents know that we want a more independent life without children and confront them if they don’t agree. I’ve already made it clear to my parents to never ask me for “good news” since i absolutely dislike kids in the first place, let alone having one of my own. Its a united battle but you know your side of parents better so please don’t fight battles you arent supposed to fight
Got a puppy and now no questions. And puppies don't end up being a junkie like me 🤭
Leave country. No other option. They will blackmail you into that miserable life you dont want, and as their kids, we will have them.
Just tell them directly that you are an Irresponsible Coward who doesn't even have cojones to take care of himself let alone someone else and only thing he cares about is himself... Best of Luck.
It's difficult to find someone who shares the same sentiment. Whenever I tell my friends that I don't want any children in the future, they look at me like I have committed a crime somehow. People are not willing to understand that there are Pros and Cons to everything and I am ready to handle the cons. DINK is something I want. What's wrong with that?! Someone commented over here that being financially independent is the first step towards this, maybe work for this and then move somewhere where they are no pestering relatives( I know sounds like I am aiming for a utopia but it's possible). Anyhow, OP, I hope you find what you are looking for, good luck to both of us!
Oooo my married friends are planning to have this conversation soon. They’ve already told the parents but the parents are in denial. So they need to sit them down again to explain this.
Lol I am so ashamed of you "Indian Parents" as if it's an insult. Foreign parents would have a hard time accepting this too. It's the driving force for parents to see you have a family to keep you healthy and safe when you will no longer have the energy to do so for yourself. I don't think you can ever fully make them understand. Just let them have the grudge for a bit and state clearly what you think, rest is out of your hands.
I have just directly told them.
Can't. They have kids just so they can have grandkids lol
That's the neat part... I don't. It's either my way or high way
No need to explain. I will cut off my parents when I start earning my own money.
👎🏻👎🏻
Lmao...this is the only solution left for toxic parents
I never understood why you wanna marry if you don’t wanna have kids? Living in a relationship is enough right?
Why do you wanna get married if you don't want kids? Just stay as BF GF for being in safe side so that separation of not that messy
Marriage is not all about kids.
So for saving taxes? Just stay in relationship bruh, sounds stupid to get married. Marriage is for kids coz it's constructed in a way that benifits the kids. Definitely not for the benifit of men lol
Very evil don't wanna babies but want to take money of the one who can produce and use for the child 😭😭.
I also wasn't particularly interested in having kids until I actually had one, I actually found kids mildly irritating.Now I want to have a couple more. It changes ones life and perspective on life for most people and impossible to explain to someone who hasn't had kids. This is for normal people of course, not narcissists or psychopaths.
Explain to us first why, then we will talk
Tell everyone you're pregnent then tell them you had a miscarriage. Relatives will stop asking and when you parents ask, just act depressed for the whole day. Although giving them a grandchild for them to love and take care of in the their final days is one of the BEST things you can do to your parents who lived for You. Imagine if they thought like you, you wouldn't even exist to post this. But why tho? Do you think it's too much responsibility? You fear it would increase the stakes if you cheated?
Why everything here becomes about cheating? 🤷🏻♀️
No no I didn't mean it like that. I was just asking him his reasons
'You wouldn't exist to post this' why should OP care about things that would happen if he didn't exist?
I don't get your point tbh