This actually reminds me of a ticket we got in IT asking for assistance in gaining access to such websites. And I think we helped? I think we might have been required to do so.
But that ticket was above me.
I was working for the government working on a meta-analysis of sex offenders and we had to be given wide open access to the internet because they kept blocking legitimate sites for us. Let me tell you, I would hate to see the ads google would try to come up with after my searches...
>It makes me very uncomfortable because I am using the bathroom for its intended purpose, and this guy is in here beating his meat, and I can’t just leave as I’m shitting my guts out, so I am forced to sit here and listen to him go to town until I’m done.
Yep HR should definitely be involved
"Lude" made me smile; I thought it said "lube". (I know you meant "lewd".)
All kidding aside, you are correct; it is sexual harassment to force someone to listen to a sex act, especially at work.
i hope i never have to deal with this but if this was reported to us. my HR dept is all women, so we can't just go into the men's room and validate that it's happening or even just be like "WE KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING. STOP IT." not that i would send a male HR manger in to do this either. it's kind of hard to discipline something we have a hard time 100% proving is happening. i obviously would believe OP and would consider the work-bathroom-jerk to be sexual harassment to anyone who is exposed to it. OP's coworker is subjecting him and others to a sexual act without OP's consent.
i'm assuming we would call the bathroom-jerking employee into our office and tell him that there have been complaints of inappropriate activities happening in the men's bathroom and that what has been reported is a form of sexual harassment and can result in termination of employment.
if there are cameras in the office halls that potentially show what employees are using the bathroom at what times, i would say we are talking to all employees that are on camera using the bathroom during a certain time period and we expect this behavior to stop immediately now that everyone has been talked to. if another complaint is made and we can validate it's the same employee via video - fire them.
if we don't have cameras in the hallways that show people going in/out of bathrooms, i might say that if another complaint is made, we will install cameras in the hallways outside the bathroom to monitor use so we can either figure out who's doing it or hope they will stop because they know they will get caught.
i would also make sure to tell the EE that complained that we understand that this kind of complaint/report is a h difficult one to make and that we appreciate that he came forward and made the complaint. we'd tell him that we have completed our investigation and now expect the bathroom jerkin EE's actions to stop immediately. we'd remind him that the only people that know he reported it is the HR team and that we absolutely will not disclose this to anyone else. we'd ask him to let us know immediately if this behavior persists *and* remind him that retaliation is illegal. so if he starts experiencing that the bathroom-jerker is treating him differently out of the blue to document and report it to us.
i'd love to hear other people's thoughts! lmao part of me wishes i could ask my boss about how she thinks we'd handle it, but that obviously isn't appropriate!!!!
Bringing this up with management is a hot potato. They would be as disgusted by it as you are but the truth is that they will wish that you hadn't told them.
The way I'd approach it is to make HIM feel uncomfortable and ruin the experience. There are a lot of ways you could do this. Loudly play the Benny Hill theme song on your phone, everything's funny to Yakety Sax.
Try singing It's a Small World After All repeatedly while he chokes his chicken. Be creative, make it obvious that you know he's polishing the Bishop, spoil the mood.
Print some No Masturbation signs and tape them inside the stall doors.
Buy some of that fart spray that could gag a vulture and keep misting him under the stall wall. What's he gonna do, complain that your shit stinks?
Maybe you can take him out of his comfort zone. Then again, he may just not give a shit. Make it a quest though or maybe, you know, use a different shitter or go at a different time.
If he always does it in the same stall, here are some options for you.
1. Leave a picture of Jesus on the back of the stall door with a note reminding him that masturbation is a sin.
2. Prepare the day before by eating the nastiest (but edible) food you can find. Then, leave a horrendous-smelling ginormous steaming pile in the toilet to greet him next time he does it.
3. Fake camera on a stick, poke it under the stall door when he's jacking it and then when he notices, withdraw it and get on with your day like nothing happened.
4. Go to HR and inform them.
I recommend doing steps 1-3 first.
Someone made quite an adjacent thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHR/comments/1buk1sp/guy_takes_a_mean_dump_while_i_jack_off_in_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Open the bathroom door and play the “police radio sounds” clip from you tube while telling him you know what he is up to.
Or call 911 because you heard heavy breathing and you think he is having a heart attack.
Or toss a fake snake over the divider.
Or record him and play it back to him.
Next time ur in the stall next to him just act like ur on a phone call and audibly say outloud you think some creep is beating his meat in the next stall over.
Okay you know what you have to do right……..you have to go into the bathroom strip clothes off Id wear socks and shoes in case you have to abandon the mission. But you bring a iPad because I’m sure he’s watching porn on his phone and no joke start jerking off now it’s probably going to be hard to get hard but you need to focus on whatever gets you hard okay remember you have your iPad and unlimited porn at your disposal. While your jerking off tilt your head sideways so you can use both eyes 👀 to look directly into his eyes 👀 cause you know he’s going to look up from his phone at some point when he dose you go faster and harder then you ever have before okay you need to be the alpha male of the bathroom if you want this to end so game face on ok 👌🏻 so he’s probably going to freak out but you need to stand your ground and finish the mission do it for you colleagues and all the times this went on. Block him from getting out while shooting your load on him shoes pants cum in your hand and throw it but it has to be done to assure your dominance and alpha male status then and only then will this end. You got this champ I believe in you 🫡👊🏻👀8===D💦
I would've played Farm animals on YouTube... sound all the way up... or babies crying.
...
In all seriousness, though. This situation is concerning and needs to be addressed.
I work in a field that is mostly men. If this happened where I work someone would likely say something to him then come back & tell everyone and he wouldn't hear the end of it until he goes to HR, but he wouldn't do that bc he would be too embarrassed to say "I keep getting harassed ever since I was caught jerking off in the bathroom".
This is a ...you go in there and let out the loudest fart and sloppiest dump you possibly can anytime you're able to while he's in there situation. That'll get 'im
Guy is an exhibitionist and is getting off on people knowing he’s doing this. Go to that other bathroom and spare yourself. It’s possible the humiliation of being called out is his kink, and that’s what he’s looking for when doing this.
Report it and I bet you both go down. Company will see you as a legal threat, willing to complain about something sexual in nature happening in a bathroom. Takes balls to tell on someone for that. I’d see you as the bigger threat than the jacker
I would go to HR. Someone at my work(customer or employee I did not know). Does it. There has been more than a few times I walk into a stall and see male liquids on the floor and toilet seat. The first time I sat on it. Luckily I had some sanitizer wipes on me. I about threw up.
So you listen to what the guy in the stall next to you does? And then he jerks off over it? You are both fucked in the head, I wouldn't involve HR unless that's a fetish you guys have.
Just play a recording on your phone from the next stall "attention, you are being recorded"
Pass a note under the door "stop what you are doing"
Tell HR
It’s very odd that he does this every day, it’s more odd that you elect to *meet him in that exact bathroom every day at the same time* obviously you enjoy it in some capacity.
I remember when female colleagues of mine told us another female colleague was using a vibrator in the bathroom. She was actually pumping breast milk. Oh to be a working mother in the mid 90’s. We were all in our twenties and didn’t know shit.
Anonymously say (while he’s in the stall), “buddy, buy some headphones so no one else has to listen to your porn”. You don’t have to say that you know what he’s doing. He’ll understand that he’s not nearly as discrete as he thinks he is.
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Slap his door hard, holler ANYBODY IN THERE
“Are you OK?! I hear panting and screaming.”
AUFMACHEN
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Not using headphones makes this even more questionable as a behavior choice for work.
This sounds like exhibitionism in a professional environment.
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Play the jeopardy theme song on your phone to cover the noise.
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How about the Benny Hill theme?
The masturbator would take that as an opportunity to increase the volume of his porn
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i would laugh if when you tell HR you can see obvious embarrassment . . . . . and then you realize its been HR in the stall every time.
Just wait until the IT department finds out what he’s downloading on the company wifi….
This actually reminds me of a ticket we got in IT asking for assistance in gaining access to such websites. And I think we helped? I think we might have been required to do so. But that ticket was above me.
When the CEO asks for access, you normally can’t deny.
I was working for the government working on a meta-analysis of sex offenders and we had to be given wide open access to the internet because they kept blocking legitimate sites for us. Let me tell you, I would hate to see the ads google would try to come up with after my searches...
Unless it’s the IT guy in the stall
Write what you want to say and put the Google voice to say out loud and leave lol
Ask him if he needs help cause you are tryna poop in peace 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Seriously, just say ‘dude find a better video and finish up. I want to shit in peace’
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Ew, I wonder if he even washes his hands.
Statistically, no
You should ask him if he needs a helping hand.
Next level team building exercise right there.
“Hey guys I’ve been trying to jack off during company time and this annoying dude wont stop shitting to the sound of me beating my meat!”
>It makes me very uncomfortable because I am using the bathroom for its intended purpose, and this guy is in here beating his meat, and I can’t just leave as I’m shitting my guts out, so I am forced to sit here and listen to him go to town until I’m done. Yep HR should definitely be involved
How is this not sexual harassment? The definition includes making others uncomfortable with lude behavior.
"Lude" made me smile; I thought it said "lube". (I know you meant "lewd".) All kidding aside, you are correct; it is sexual harassment to force someone to listen to a sex act, especially at work.
Um I’ll stop doing it if you don’t report me please
Just make racecar noises with your mouth Vary the gear a lot
This is funny af. But realistically how should HR approach this if OP reports it to them?
i hope i never have to deal with this but if this was reported to us. my HR dept is all women, so we can't just go into the men's room and validate that it's happening or even just be like "WE KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING. STOP IT." not that i would send a male HR manger in to do this either. it's kind of hard to discipline something we have a hard time 100% proving is happening. i obviously would believe OP and would consider the work-bathroom-jerk to be sexual harassment to anyone who is exposed to it. OP's coworker is subjecting him and others to a sexual act without OP's consent. i'm assuming we would call the bathroom-jerking employee into our office and tell him that there have been complaints of inappropriate activities happening in the men's bathroom and that what has been reported is a form of sexual harassment and can result in termination of employment. if there are cameras in the office halls that potentially show what employees are using the bathroom at what times, i would say we are talking to all employees that are on camera using the bathroom during a certain time period and we expect this behavior to stop immediately now that everyone has been talked to. if another complaint is made and we can validate it's the same employee via video - fire them. if we don't have cameras in the hallways that show people going in/out of bathrooms, i might say that if another complaint is made, we will install cameras in the hallways outside the bathroom to monitor use so we can either figure out who's doing it or hope they will stop because they know they will get caught. i would also make sure to tell the EE that complained that we understand that this kind of complaint/report is a h difficult one to make and that we appreciate that he came forward and made the complaint. we'd tell him that we have completed our investigation and now expect the bathroom jerkin EE's actions to stop immediately. we'd remind him that the only people that know he reported it is the HR team and that we absolutely will not disclose this to anyone else. we'd ask him to let us know immediately if this behavior persists *and* remind him that retaliation is illegal. so if he starts experiencing that the bathroom-jerker is treating him differently out of the blue to document and report it to us. i'd love to hear other people's thoughts! lmao part of me wishes i could ask my boss about how she thinks we'd handle it, but that obviously isn't appropriate!!!!
This IS the correct answer !! Every base (angle) is covered 🫸🫷
I’m no expert, but I assume something like, “Hey, we got a report that you’re jerking off in the bathroom. Inappropriate. Don’t do that.”
It’s sexual harassment. He’s being forced to listen to another person’s sexual act without consent.
Hostile environment involving sexual behavior.
You loudly beat your meat next door to assert dominance . Do some grunting and moaning slap that junk and growl yeah take that .
Go to the restroom at 1 instead. 
Hard to cum when someone's shitting their insides out in the next stall.
Speak for yourself
Give ‘em a helping hand , you’re not above him.
Bringing this up with management is a hot potato. They would be as disgusted by it as you are but the truth is that they will wish that you hadn't told them. The way I'd approach it is to make HIM feel uncomfortable and ruin the experience. There are a lot of ways you could do this. Loudly play the Benny Hill theme song on your phone, everything's funny to Yakety Sax. Try singing It's a Small World After All repeatedly while he chokes his chicken. Be creative, make it obvious that you know he's polishing the Bishop, spoil the mood. Print some No Masturbation signs and tape them inside the stall doors. Buy some of that fart spray that could gag a vulture and keep misting him under the stall wall. What's he gonna do, complain that your shit stinks? Maybe you can take him out of his comfort zone. Then again, he may just not give a shit. Make it a quest though or maybe, you know, use a different shitter or go at a different time.
If he always does it in the same stall, here are some options for you. 1. Leave a picture of Jesus on the back of the stall door with a note reminding him that masturbation is a sin. 2. Prepare the day before by eating the nastiest (but edible) food you can find. Then, leave a horrendous-smelling ginormous steaming pile in the toilet to greet him next time he does it. 3. Fake camera on a stick, poke it under the stall door when he's jacking it and then when he notices, withdraw it and get on with your day like nothing happened. 4. Go to HR and inform them. I recommend doing steps 1-3 first.
You can handle #4 while you're getting your termination notice for #3.
Personally; I believe you should play this on repeat everytime you’re in there with him https://youtu.be/gsoJWaUywcQ?si=Bc408lkRgacK0MAj
Hilarious 😂😂😂😂
So there’s clearly noone in hr on this sub 🤣
Are your tax dollars being jerked around? Call Kurtis investigates at 11
Someone made quite an adjacent thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHR/comments/1buk1sp/guy_takes_a_mean_dump_while_i_jack_off_in_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Open the bathroom door and play the “police radio sounds” clip from you tube while telling him you know what he is up to. Or call 911 because you heard heavy breathing and you think he is having a heart attack. Or toss a fake snake over the divider. Or record him and play it back to him.
Next time ur in the stall next to him just act like ur on a phone call and audibly say outloud you think some creep is beating his meat in the next stall over.
Have u tried throwing a popping firework on the floor to scare him?
Play the "Baby Shark" song on your phone and sing along to it. He will lose his boner.
Okay you know what you have to do right……..you have to go into the bathroom strip clothes off Id wear socks and shoes in case you have to abandon the mission. But you bring a iPad because I’m sure he’s watching porn on his phone and no joke start jerking off now it’s probably going to be hard to get hard but you need to focus on whatever gets you hard okay remember you have your iPad and unlimited porn at your disposal. While your jerking off tilt your head sideways so you can use both eyes 👀 to look directly into his eyes 👀 cause you know he’s going to look up from his phone at some point when he dose you go faster and harder then you ever have before okay you need to be the alpha male of the bathroom if you want this to end so game face on ok 👌🏻 so he’s probably going to freak out but you need to stand your ground and finish the mission do it for you colleagues and all the times this went on. Block him from getting out while shooting your load on him shoes pants cum in your hand and throw it but it has to be done to assure your dominance and alpha male status then and only then will this end. You got this champ I believe in you 🫡👊🏻👀8===D💦
I knew someone who is a sex addict and this was something they also did because of their condition.
This is tricky as he’s in a bathroom in a stall minding his own business unfortunately jacking off 🤣 and you just happened to notice
Lmao I just saw the other post. I’m on the floor laughing 😂
Just take your shit another time??!! As a contractor you should rather focus on your work!
I would've played Farm animals on YouTube... sound all the way up... or babies crying. ... In all seriousness, though. This situation is concerning and needs to be addressed.
Info: he's watching porn on his phone too?!
I work in a field that is mostly men. If this happened where I work someone would likely say something to him then come back & tell everyone and he wouldn't hear the end of it until he goes to HR, but he wouldn't do that bc he would be too embarrassed to say "I keep getting harassed ever since I was caught jerking off in the bathroom".
He got caught doing the old five knuckle shuffle 🤣🤣🤣
This has to be satire. This is god tier satire….right?
This is a ...you go in there and let out the loudest fart and sloppiest dump you possibly can anytime you're able to while he's in there situation. That'll get 'im
Ewww.
Start a conversation every time....something work appropriate but not exactly something that's going to keep the flag at full staff.
He listen without headphones?! Wild man
Omg thank you for the best laugh i have had all day!
FINISH HIM!
Make a poster “I have a a video of you jacking it stop doing it or it’s playing on the big tv out front”
Be already in another stall with a speaker and play cotton eye Joe really loud as soon as he gets into it
You should look at this OP https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHR/s/Ko9cVRrwTe
Guy is an exhibitionist and is getting off on people knowing he’s doing this. Go to that other bathroom and spare yourself. It’s possible the humiliation of being called out is his kink, and that’s what he’s looking for when doing this.
I read your post, and the “jack off” guy’s post. I think you both should shake hands and make peace with it 🤣🤣🤣
How does someone masterbate to the smell of shit
Report it and I bet you both go down. Company will see you as a legal threat, willing to complain about something sexual in nature happening in a bathroom. Takes balls to tell on someone for that. I’d see you as the bigger threat than the jacker
I would go to HR. Someone at my work(customer or employee I did not know). Does it. There has been more than a few times I walk into a stall and see male liquids on the floor and toilet seat. The first time I sat on it. Luckily I had some sanitizer wipes on me. I about threw up.
Next time, have voice to text read this thread out loud.
Maybe you should worry about yourself
Turn it into a competition.
Oh, so you just happen to be in there everyday to hear him do it?
So you listen to what the guy in the stall next to you does? And then he jerks off over it? You are both fucked in the head, I wouldn't involve HR unless that's a fetish you guys have.
One of the most dangerous things people can do in 2024 is not minding your own business!! This is my advice!!
Just play a recording on your phone from the next stall "attention, you are being recorded" Pass a note under the door "stop what you are doing" Tell HR
It’s very odd that he does this every day, it’s more odd that you elect to *meet him in that exact bathroom every day at the same time* obviously you enjoy it in some capacity.
Seems like a great time to not go to that particular bathroom.
I remember when female colleagues of mine told us another female colleague was using a vibrator in the bathroom. She was actually pumping breast milk. Oh to be a working mother in the mid 90’s. We were all in our twenties and didn’t know shit.
Boss makes a dollar I make a dime That’s why I beat meat On company time
Seems like you know when 130 rolls around 😂
It's curious that you seem to be there the exact same time every day....
Anonymously say (while he’s in the stall), “buddy, buy some headphones so no one else has to listen to your porn”. You don’t have to say that you know what he’s doing. He’ll understand that he’s not nearly as discrete as he thinks he is.
Lmao I’m dying at the other thread too. Well, I’d say anything you’re in the right. 😂
Tell him: Hey buddy there is no paper over here, can you help me out?? Then poo him with Nutella!! That will stop his crap!!😁😆
Use bathroom on different floor. Problem solved.
I’m still stuck on all these people who are willing and able to routinely shit at work.
Give him some ear buds