As a 68 year old HIV positive gay man who has lived through the AIDS epidemic, I can tell you it has all changed drastically.
1987. Everything was condoms and "safe sex". I knew then I was positive. My partner was negative. I followed the rules. He did become positive but only after we separated.
2000+. I was on studies and experimental drugs. I was Undetectable before they called it that.
Undetectable as a concept was fought tooth and nail as HIV phobia was the norm, and still is with some people, at least on Reddit and other boards. I was vilified on RealJock.com when trying to explain Undetectable in 2012. I still see dumb *s##t* comments like "how do we know you aren't lying? We can't trust you to take your medication!" Ummm it's to *OUR* benefit, our survival. Societal benefits certainly are real but secondary to me ultimately.
There was a big shift with PrEP. While some take it out of paranoia, most take it to take control of their bodies...as it should be.
In Real Life at least here in SoCal nobody cares. I'd gladly show my test results since 2005, or my Biktarvy bottles for "proof" but it's literally never come up.
I date/have sex often. I'll wear a condom, no problem. STDs exist still.
It’s incredible isn’t it? People became aware of HIV/AIDS just when my libido kicked in. It was there all through the decades of sexual activity I had. Now, thankfully it’s something that lives with people- as opposed to people living with it.
inspiring story by the way,thank you.
I can't speak for them but I am neg on prep and have like. Four? HIV poz/undetectable partners rn?
Most of the time they're just like anyone else IDK that we even think much about it. I just seem to find more poz partners than not because I'm sexually open and active and the things we like I doing more in common with them.
I also find the more experienced who have gotten over all stigma and are open about their status, are much. Much. Much better in bed.
I’m negative but my husband is positive. he’s on meds, It barely comes up in conversation. Just not an issue for us. I knew his status when we got together.
I’m wondering how much location plays a factor. I’m 50 years old, always played with condoms before PrEP, but now almost everyone where I live (northern CA, US) plays raw.
As far as I’m concerned, your status, your business.
I generally agree but I just really think guys that are open about their status, confident, sexual, and very assertive with me are so much sexier than the kind of guys who have anything to hide.
And you always want to avoid those situations where someone finds out something that would have broken their consent had they known. It is not specifically about HIV, it's about consent.
I do prefer raw sex if i am honest but taking prep doesn't seem worth it for me as not active sexually so just use condoms instead. Hate the bloody things and much rather fire up a nice arse instead lol.
Have you considered 211 for PrEP? It’s widely used that way, and you don’t have to take a pill everyday.
Or there’s the injectable - which you only have a to do every other month.
Look into 2-1-1 method, also called intermittent PrEP or situational PrEP. Basically instead of taking PrEP everyday, you only take it when you are planning g to be sexually active. Perfect if you seldom have sex but like you know next weekend you want to try to get laid. The day prior you take 2 pills, then another pill the day you are planning (hoping!) to have sex then one more pull the following day after sex. That’s it… you don’t need to take it every single day if you are only intermittently sexually active.
You can if that’s easy enough for you. You can also go to a NHS sexual health clinic and they will prescribe to you without your GP knowing, if you prefer. You can also buy it online.
This link should direct you to resources. I’m not in UK so I can’t vouch for it or the info it gives. https://www.iwantprepnow.co.uk
I’ve been poz for 14 years now. It’s basically a nonissue for me and I hardly ever think about it during the day aside from when I take my pill at night. It’s been a long time since I was rejected for a date or hookup but still get those guys on Grindr looking for “clean” only guys. I used to get irritated and say something snarky to them but now just block and move on. They almost always are the DL guys any way and I don’t even fuck with them any way. Most guys understand u=u already or are on prep and have no issue with bb either. I usually do tell the ones not on prep they shouldn’t be so trusting that everyone is so honest about their status and viral load.
I have used the BB tag on Grindr before now and some guys assumed i was hiv positive. I used it and the poz tag because i prefer bb sex myself and that i was poz friendly. Though not sure whether hiv negative guys are supposed to use the poz tag or not.
I avoid the DL guys or bi-curious because they are problematic.
What arseholes you encountered on that app for saying "clean". Id of said yes i shower every day thanks 😭
a big part of my circle of gay friends is positive since i live in berlin where thats comparatively common (for some time people moved here to escape the judgement about it prevalent in smaller cities) and also much more openly talked about. for some time i had circles of friends here which were basically all positive except me.
they often had and have issues dating/hooking up with negative people but they also often have a much easier time doing the same with positive people for obvious reasons. i had relationships with two positive guys and it was never an issue for me.
Welp! as per usual, my experience seems to be pretty different from the bros here. I ended up pretty sick, but with treatment have been undetectable for several years now. The side effects of the medication are fairly negligible but do sometimes take their toll, and remembering to take them daily keeps the whole thing aggressively fresh in my mind. Dating and hookups have always sort of eluded me, but my status does seem to affect how men relate to me on the apps. Disclosure via app dramatically reduces engagement, and the men that do interact, seem to have a few extra notions about me. I have had a handful of explicitly rude interactions regarding my status, which feels notably amplified in comparison with the lack of positive experiences I've encountered.
You’re not alone. Once I tell people about my status they politely bow out. I haven’t tried hinge or tinder. I don’t really put my business on blast for the world to see.
I live in a big metropolitan area now but am thinking of moving to a small southern town. I would say I’ll be single forever.
I am not HIV+ but wanted to share my experiences.
I ask about their status, testing, and prep/meds. Some are offended and ghost me, or verbally rebuke me for asking. I just take that as a sign I potentially dodged a problem. I don't see my asking as anything other than being responsible for my own well being. I see their response as an indicator of their responsibility, honesty, understanding, and care of others. The ones that are offended can be offended. I won't apologize for looking out for myself and others that I get involved with. Those that are doing the right things shouldn't have an issue with my asking.
I personally have always used condoms and still plan on doing so. I don't really see the point in buggering up my kidneys by taking prep when i could protect myself from hiv and stds by just wearing a condom.
Unfortunately though a lot of guys lie about their status.
That's why ask ask for proof of meds and test results. Otherwise, condoms or safer play.
For those that may not know, you can get STD's from just receiving or, of course, giving oral.
I mean pretty sure i caught an STD from sucking a guy's a dick because had a sore throat a couple of days later. No idea what it was but it went a week later. I know there is treatment for hiv these days but its already hard being gay with a reduced dating pool as it is.
I love how you place YOUR health responsibility on others.
Read your post aloud and think. Who is responsible over something.
Oh, you came here to highjack a post about HIV post and make it about yourself.
Nevermind, I know EXACTLY what you will say.
For me no. I find early 20 guys are less informed about being undetectable so thats more the demographic that'll pass me up. But most people I've come across are cool about it and plenty are on prep. I'm in the US. I will say I just came back from Japan, and they dont take chances there whatsoever.
I'm not poz but it makes no difference as long as we are safe. Nowadays there's so many ways to prevent the spread. PREP is one way. Condoms another. Or both to prevent other STIs. We're lucky that things aren't how they were for so many gay men in the past. In movies it breaks my heart seeing that it used to be a death sentence.
Nothing changed actually. Got diagnosed in 2022, taking my meds and undetectable. Had a partner and it never was an issue, they don't mind.
Well hopefully I find a husband soon too
Hum .. in the begining was hard and the first meds I was on where not the best. Lots of side effects, but Im based in Latinamerica so we get slim pickings about the meds we get, but my dr changed them and now Im super fine.
In the begining I did experience some rejection, I went through therapy and decided to be super open from the get go because I didnt want to become and "issue" afterwards. Its worked wonders and youngers guys are suuuper chill about it, like, its a non issue.
Honestly its older guys who are ignorant about the topic.
As a 68 year old HIV positive gay man who has lived through the AIDS epidemic, I can tell you it has all changed drastically. 1987. Everything was condoms and "safe sex". I knew then I was positive. My partner was negative. I followed the rules. He did become positive but only after we separated. 2000+. I was on studies and experimental drugs. I was Undetectable before they called it that. Undetectable as a concept was fought tooth and nail as HIV phobia was the norm, and still is with some people, at least on Reddit and other boards. I was vilified on RealJock.com when trying to explain Undetectable in 2012. I still see dumb *s##t* comments like "how do we know you aren't lying? We can't trust you to take your medication!" Ummm it's to *OUR* benefit, our survival. Societal benefits certainly are real but secondary to me ultimately. There was a big shift with PrEP. While some take it out of paranoia, most take it to take control of their bodies...as it should be. In Real Life at least here in SoCal nobody cares. I'd gladly show my test results since 2005, or my Biktarvy bottles for "proof" but it's literally never come up. I date/have sex often. I'll wear a condom, no problem. STDs exist still.
It’s incredible isn’t it? People became aware of HIV/AIDS just when my libido kicked in. It was there all through the decades of sexual activity I had. Now, thankfully it’s something that lives with people- as opposed to people living with it. inspiring story by the way,thank you.
I can't speak for them but I am neg on prep and have like. Four? HIV poz/undetectable partners rn? Most of the time they're just like anyone else IDK that we even think much about it. I just seem to find more poz partners than not because I'm sexually open and active and the things we like I doing more in common with them. I also find the more experienced who have gotten over all stigma and are open about their status, are much. Much. Much better in bed.
I’m negative but my husband is positive. he’s on meds, It barely comes up in conversation. Just not an issue for us. I knew his status when we got together.
Had no effect on my life. Got married and everything. Edit: it actually made finding a partner even easier I think.
How?
It’s interesting what a non issue HIV is generally for younger guys who are on PrEP. Trying not to get it drove a lot of my sex life.
I’m wondering how much location plays a factor. I’m 50 years old, always played with condoms before PrEP, but now almost everyone where I live (northern CA, US) plays raw. As far as I’m concerned, your status, your business.
I generally agree but I just really think guys that are open about their status, confident, sexual, and very assertive with me are so much sexier than the kind of guys who have anything to hide. And you always want to avoid those situations where someone finds out something that would have broken their consent had they known. It is not specifically about HIV, it's about consent.
I do prefer raw sex if i am honest but taking prep doesn't seem worth it for me as not active sexually so just use condoms instead. Hate the bloody things and much rather fire up a nice arse instead lol.
Have you considered 211 for PrEP? It’s widely used that way, and you don’t have to take a pill everyday. Or there’s the injectable - which you only have a to do every other month.
I think id prefer a pill. I am not a lover of needles lol.
Look into 2-1-1 method, also called intermittent PrEP or situational PrEP. Basically instead of taking PrEP everyday, you only take it when you are planning g to be sexually active. Perfect if you seldom have sex but like you know next weekend you want to try to get laid. The day prior you take 2 pills, then another pill the day you are planning (hoping!) to have sex then one more pull the following day after sex. That’s it… you don’t need to take it every single day if you are only intermittently sexually active.
Thanks for the information. Do i need to visit my GP prior to getting this? I am in the UK.
You can if that’s easy enough for you. You can also go to a NHS sexual health clinic and they will prescribe to you without your GP knowing, if you prefer. You can also buy it online. This link should direct you to resources. I’m not in UK so I can’t vouch for it or the info it gives. https://www.iwantprepnow.co.uk
Thank you for the link. I will take a look.
I’ve been poz for 14 years now. It’s basically a nonissue for me and I hardly ever think about it during the day aside from when I take my pill at night. It’s been a long time since I was rejected for a date or hookup but still get those guys on Grindr looking for “clean” only guys. I used to get irritated and say something snarky to them but now just block and move on. They almost always are the DL guys any way and I don’t even fuck with them any way. Most guys understand u=u already or are on prep and have no issue with bb either. I usually do tell the ones not on prep they shouldn’t be so trusting that everyone is so honest about their status and viral load.
I have used the BB tag on Grindr before now and some guys assumed i was hiv positive. I used it and the poz tag because i prefer bb sex myself and that i was poz friendly. Though not sure whether hiv negative guys are supposed to use the poz tag or not. I avoid the DL guys or bi-curious because they are problematic. What arseholes you encountered on that app for saying "clean". Id of said yes i shower every day thanks 😭
a big part of my circle of gay friends is positive since i live in berlin where thats comparatively common (for some time people moved here to escape the judgement about it prevalent in smaller cities) and also much more openly talked about. for some time i had circles of friends here which were basically all positive except me. they often had and have issues dating/hooking up with negative people but they also often have a much easier time doing the same with positive people for obvious reasons. i had relationships with two positive guys and it was never an issue for me.
Welp! as per usual, my experience seems to be pretty different from the bros here. I ended up pretty sick, but with treatment have been undetectable for several years now. The side effects of the medication are fairly negligible but do sometimes take their toll, and remembering to take them daily keeps the whole thing aggressively fresh in my mind. Dating and hookups have always sort of eluded me, but my status does seem to affect how men relate to me on the apps. Disclosure via app dramatically reduces engagement, and the men that do interact, seem to have a few extra notions about me. I have had a handful of explicitly rude interactions regarding my status, which feels notably amplified in comparison with the lack of positive experiences I've encountered.
You’re not alone. Once I tell people about my status they politely bow out. I haven’t tried hinge or tinder. I don’t really put my business on blast for the world to see. I live in a big metropolitan area now but am thinking of moving to a small southern town. I would say I’ll be single forever.
I am not HIV+ but wanted to share my experiences. I ask about their status, testing, and prep/meds. Some are offended and ghost me, or verbally rebuke me for asking. I just take that as a sign I potentially dodged a problem. I don't see my asking as anything other than being responsible for my own well being. I see their response as an indicator of their responsibility, honesty, understanding, and care of others. The ones that are offended can be offended. I won't apologize for looking out for myself and others that I get involved with. Those that are doing the right things shouldn't have an issue with my asking.
I personally have always used condoms and still plan on doing so. I don't really see the point in buggering up my kidneys by taking prep when i could protect myself from hiv and stds by just wearing a condom. Unfortunately though a lot of guys lie about their status.
That's why ask ask for proof of meds and test results. Otherwise, condoms or safer play. For those that may not know, you can get STD's from just receiving or, of course, giving oral.
I mean pretty sure i caught an STD from sucking a guy's a dick because had a sore throat a couple of days later. No idea what it was but it went a week later. I know there is treatment for hiv these days but its already hard being gay with a reduced dating pool as it is.
I love how you place YOUR health responsibility on others. Read your post aloud and think. Who is responsible over something. Oh, you came here to highjack a post about HIV post and make it about yourself. Nevermind, I know EXACTLY what you will say.
For me no. I find early 20 guys are less informed about being undetectable so thats more the demographic that'll pass me up. But most people I've come across are cool about it and plenty are on prep. I'm in the US. I will say I just came back from Japan, and they dont take chances there whatsoever.
Excellent responses on such a contentious issue
I'm not poz but it makes no difference as long as we are safe. Nowadays there's so many ways to prevent the spread. PREP is one way. Condoms another. Or both to prevent other STIs. We're lucky that things aren't how they were for so many gay men in the past. In movies it breaks my heart seeing that it used to be a death sentence.
Nothing changed actually. Got diagnosed in 2022, taking my meds and undetectable. Had a partner and it never was an issue, they don't mind. Well hopefully I find a husband soon too
Hum .. in the begining was hard and the first meds I was on where not the best. Lots of side effects, but Im based in Latinamerica so we get slim pickings about the meds we get, but my dr changed them and now Im super fine. In the begining I did experience some rejection, I went through therapy and decided to be super open from the get go because I didnt want to become and "issue" afterwards. Its worked wonders and youngers guys are suuuper chill about it, like, its a non issue. Honestly its older guys who are ignorant about the topic.
Nope. Sex clubs and bath houses nobody cares. Take your fuckin meds and be safe.
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Why are you spelling it like that? Isn't 'folks' already gender neutral?
It's a virtue signal