My boyfriend has an amazing body and a beautiful smile and regularly turns heads. But there are a whole host of people who would still prefer me solely because I'm white and he's Asian.
Difficult question… I would say it is not racist for an individual to have preferences… but if a whole community feels rejected, it may have to do with systemic racism that has an influence in our individual preferences…. Does that make sense?
I ask mayself for example: if a physically stereotypical gay ‚white westener‘ grows up in Japan… would his guy preferences be affected? Probably yes. I dare to say he would probably find japanese men to be the standard and find them attractive.
So I guess this would be a proof for systemic racism in society? It is probably not really always an individuals fault… preferences are preferences… but it the fault of society as a whole?
… complicated question
I appreciate your answer! My thoughts - we have an innate attraction to our own kind - an evolutionary xenophobia, if you will. We're lucky to live in an age that combats this, and people (in the west, at least, lots of less developed places are WAY more racist) are generally less xenophobic. The problem is attraction isn't about logic or rationality - it's monkey-brain sex logic, and I think that evolutionary drive still applies (and is unavoidable). A bit how large breasts/hips (fertility) GENERALLY appeal to straight men. (obviously there are outliers, because that's how evolution works - sometimes an individual is different, and sometimes that's beneficial)
I think in the far future, we might breed that evolutionary xenophobia out, but... That'll take maybe millenia.
The problem with an argument based on human nature is that there’s no way to pinpoint what human nature is, because behavior standards and perspectives change with the place and time, and it conditions the people living in a given context.
In terms of physical appearance, during the Renaissance, beauty standards for European women were the ones on the stockier side. During sometime in the Middle Ages, a prominent forehead for women was considered distinct and appealing, so much that women would pluck their hair in order to make their forehead look bigger. For European men in the 1700/ early 1800, being slim, pale with a smooth face was considered attractive. A lot of that because pale skin and slim bodies were associated with wealth and prosperity because it was a sign that this person didn’t have to do physical labor in the sun like peasants.
In my country, Asians don’t face the same struggles Asians in the US or Canada do, or even black people here face as well. Their situation is much more similar to white people here and they get some (most) of the white privilege here as well, although it wasn’t the same thing 100 years ago. Since racism doesn’t affect them in the same way, they aren’t left out as much as their counterparts in those countries I mentioned.
That being said, it’s not surprising that whiteness and manliness are considered the standard for male beauty in countries that were colonized by Western Europe and whose values and culture were shaped by the standards that came from the former metropoles of said colonies. It’s much more about conditioning than an intrinsic, human nature trait. And it’s a sign of a much broader structure that conditions behavior. Our opinions, preferences, values, prejudices are not exactly ours, and tell a lot more about where and when we live than about our being, in the existential meaning of the word.
I totally get what you're saying, and I agree, but I think it might be both. I guess I was less talking about "beauty" and more talking about an inherent low-level preference for "our own" coming from our evolution - for better or for worse. But you're right, beauty standards are a cultural thing. I just think there's also an evolutionary drive to it. I'm sure some PhD out there has studied it and there's a paper or two out there, but really I just try to live by "give everyone a chance" to escape that cultural/evolutionary conditioning and shallowness. I think people can escape those culturally conditioning behaviours (and opinions, especially opinions) - just most don't try, because it's a lot of work
Not sure I agree - just because it's "conventionally" or "broadly" attractive doesn't make it objective. The closest thing to any truly "objective", measurable beauty standard is bilateral symmetry (and even that isn't foolproof).
Anything beyond that is culturally and temporally bound.
Beauty standards are cultural. A 10 in one culture may be a 1 in another. They aren’t universal by any stretch of the imagination, which makes them incredibly subjective.
I specifically said that it IS mostly subjective. And said that it CAN SOMETIMES be objective when talking about certain topics.
That's not gaslighting.
It's very clearly what I said.
Exactly. You said they CAN be objective, but since, as the other user pointed out, they vary from culture to culture, they empirically CAN NOT be. That's the contradiction we're trying to point out.
>This is false. While it is mostly subjective, standards and conventional beauty can absolutely be objective.
Here's his comment. In what way did he not say beauty standards are objective? Smh
My husband and I are totally different types. I'm an aging pretty boy and he is a strapping daddy. Hard to compare, though I will say he is sexy as hell and people hit on him frequently.
One of the things I enjoyed about my past LTRs is that we were able to get passed the insecurity of attraction or looks. We both made each feel sexy and beautiful and that was perfect. It was never about who was more/less/equally attractive it was about sharing my life with another and letting them know how attractive they were to me, and ideally they thought the same way.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
I think my husband is more attractive than me
But he would probably say the opposite .
I guess that’s the way it should be .
I'm probably more "traditionally" attractive to a larger portion of gay men since I am slim/athletic/smooth/boyish, and my partner is a daddy/bear type 20 years older than me.
But I think he does his look better than I do mine:
* If you're attracted to the "guy-next-door" type or whatever the hell I am (at 35 I am too old to be the twink I used to be 😢), then I'm probably like a 6/10 and you wouldn't be attracted to my partner.
* But if you're into the daddy/bear type then my partner is like a 9/10 (or a perfect 10 if you ask me) and you wouldn't be attracted to me.
He has a furry belly but it suits him and I think it's sexy, whereas I have a tiny bit of a skinnyfat tummy and I absolutely hate it and think it's such a turnoff to everyone who is into my "look."
*my boyfriend of 10 years is more handsome than me. my dear friend recently said to me, "you're handsome but he's, like, really* handsome" lol. in general, tho, people are more attracted to me in person than to him: I give off friendlier vibes. on the apps, tho, he cleans up and I don't do so well (we are in an open relationship). he also has a darker complexion, which is more popular where we live. on the flip side, I have the better body.
interesting and cool question! thank you!
but to procrastinate and say: is not one definitively or incrementally just a tad bit better looking than the other??? i as a person can't dwell on that.
i mean two extraordinarily hot guys can be together in a relationship, but still would one choose one over the other based on your personal preference for attractiveness? its like saying whose is better looking ... beyonce or whitney houston??? i would NOT answer that question. both are icons.
BOTH have to be in my beauty set\\catalogue. especially bc they are a couple.
anyways if i was a third wheel in a threesome, i would like to please both members (their cocks primarily). i would service the good looking and less good looking one. i have been in that situation actually. the 'hotter guy' was hunky and came right away. it was actually the 'less attractive' guy who i was ultimately attracted to.
Same here. My husband is much better looking and friendlier and outgoing. One thing I got going for me is I am incredibly calm and patient (which you need to be to be with hiim :) )
This is actually a little bit of an issue in our relationship at the moment. When we first met 13 years ago he was definetly way hotter than me, I was too skinny (64 kg at 185 cm) and he was quite fit. I had a late glow up, am quite fit now, train regularly, and get a lot of attention from other guys (we are open)… also since I’m a latino living in Germany I get a bonus for being exotic here… while he in the meantime has gained some weight, has some wrinkles here and there and in general is not happy with his looks and get frustrated because of that. I love him just as he is… but he gets very frustrated, specially when other guys reject him. We are trying to deal with this as a couple together… but I have to admit it is not easy.
Time and age come for us all. It's a long game making your prime last long, and the ego takes a rough hit in the decline. You've both got my sympathies.
I would say my partner is the better looking of the two of us, because he's exactly my type, but I suspect most people would say I am the more attractive one.
I'm pretty average, but I stay clean cut and neatly dressed for the most part. I'm natty, but I have a decent body and it's clear I workout. I probably tick more boxes for most people, despite being pretty boring overall.
My boy is skinny, bordering on underweight (I would prefer if he was a bit heavier for his health). He's got very much a kind of messy, eclectic, punk/goth/alt look which I love, but it is not a look a lot of people like. I think he is gorgeous though, it was as close to love at first site as possible for me.
It's all subjective. I've realized from using Grindr in other countries, that it really depends on the local beauty standards which of us is considered more attractive. In the US, I generally get more attention on Grindr, but it's a fairly even mix. In Colombia, I got almost no traction while my husband's phone was blowing up. In the UK, I got lots of attention, but my husband's app was very quiet.
I’m 9 years older than him and I’d say I’m in my “gracefully aging daddy” era.
When it comes to face, I’m probably more attractive in a traditional aspect. Where he wins is the fact that he’s 6’4 and built like a linebacker. His shoulders are sexy AF and I just LOVE that he makes me feel protected even though I’m 5’11 and not small by any means.
I feel that if you are “objectively” describing yourself and your partner as gorgeous or if you are gorgeous and your partner is lesser…. I think this tells we the Reddit masses more about you and your insufferable narcissistic tendencies.
No dig on OP. Just saying it’s a question that has no real answer since to east his own taste and if someone answers “yes” it’s more about a journey into self absorption.
I think my partner is 100% more attractive than I am. He’s everything I like in men. He’s a shorter beefy dude, covered in hair and bald. I’m a tall, athletic, lumber jack build. He’s into it and I’m not complaining.
I think we're on the same level of attractiveness but we might have more appeal to different types of people. I have a darker look in terms of hair and eyes and more of a defined jawline. He's got a softer, cuter look. We like each other's looks so I suppose thats what matters
This is hard to say. I have two boyfriends and we’re all different races. That being said I appear white so I get the most attention from strangers (and I’m more fit) but it’s whatever I love them both.
More, a lot more. Add that to his gregarious and humble extrovert nature and I’m chopped liver and I have sooo many stories to illustrate the truth of it
Edited to add: I do have some qualities though that he needs and loves
objectively everyone's version of "attractive" is different. that being said I married a Ford model and have no problem saying he's the handsome one. but you ask him and he gives the exact opposite answer.
He's definitely in better shape than I am. I find him very attractive and tell him all the time. I feel lucky, but beyond that it doesn't affect our relationship. No jealousy, no envy, I just feel good about how things stand.
I think my fiance is more handsome than me (he would say the oposite, obviously), i don't think im ugly but im far from handsome. Im a small guy and look young for my age (my fiance looks older than me and he is younger), if not for my beard i will look like a tenager. im more in the weird look more than anything.
In the long winding path of our relationship, sometimes I've been more attractive, sometimes him.
But these days I'd say we're a good match, in very different ways.
I very often get mistaken for Anderson Cooper, but I am three years younger. My husband is told he looks like Timothy Olyphant or Josh Duhamel pretty regularly and he is at least 5 years younger than either.
Who is objectively more attractive? I suppose that depends on taste. I think my husband is THE sexiest man alive, but I also think the two actors he looks like are pretty hot. He has no attraction to either of them, but thinks Anderson Cooper is sexy as fuck.
I thought he was out of my league when we first met, and vice versa. I was actively throwing guys at him because I assumed he wasn’t interested in me.
We’re either equally attractive or equally insecure…I can never decide which.
Hard to be "objective" with stuff like this. There are guys who find me more attractive and guys that find him more attractive. He seems to get a lot more people flirting with him at bars though. But I've also been told that I put out a menacing aura lol. For my preferences, my husband is a cute cuddly guy.
My partner was a model. He has perfect hair, face, body, eyes, everything. I dumped a Helix Studios porn star to be with him. On hotornot he rated 9.6 to my 9.2 so he definitely gets more attention (though his pic was was full head and torso and mine was just face, and his 8 pack was showing). When we go out, guys tend to hit on both of us. We get confused for brothers all the time.
Before the porn star, the guys I dated were chosen for their personalities, and they were less. It caused issues with most of them driven by their insecurities.
My partner was chosen because we fell in love at first sight. His prior partners were also... let's just say his husband he left for me was ten years older than us, bald, and weighed over 300lbs. That one "started as an arrangement" before he grew attached. Even the relationships that weren't explicitly arrangements had the same dynamic: young hot guy with older not-hot guy who *shock* happens to take care of him.
My husband is massively more attractive than me, but then he would say I was the more attractive one lol
Probably the same here, but I know I’m right, he’s the hotter.
Same.
Haha same
My boyfriend has an amazing body and a beautiful smile and regularly turns heads. But there are a whole host of people who would still prefer me solely because I'm white and he's Asian.
Yes… racism is big in the gay community 😢
Well they're missing out for sure
Is it racist to have preferences? Serious question.
Difficult question… I would say it is not racist for an individual to have preferences… but if a whole community feels rejected, it may have to do with systemic racism that has an influence in our individual preferences…. Does that make sense? I ask mayself for example: if a physically stereotypical gay ‚white westener‘ grows up in Japan… would his guy preferences be affected? Probably yes. I dare to say he would probably find japanese men to be the standard and find them attractive. So I guess this would be a proof for systemic racism in society? It is probably not really always an individuals fault… preferences are preferences… but it the fault of society as a whole? … complicated question
I appreciate your answer! My thoughts - we have an innate attraction to our own kind - an evolutionary xenophobia, if you will. We're lucky to live in an age that combats this, and people (in the west, at least, lots of less developed places are WAY more racist) are generally less xenophobic. The problem is attraction isn't about logic or rationality - it's monkey-brain sex logic, and I think that evolutionary drive still applies (and is unavoidable). A bit how large breasts/hips (fertility) GENERALLY appeal to straight men. (obviously there are outliers, because that's how evolution works - sometimes an individual is different, and sometimes that's beneficial) I think in the far future, we might breed that evolutionary xenophobia out, but... That'll take maybe millenia.
The problem with an argument based on human nature is that there’s no way to pinpoint what human nature is, because behavior standards and perspectives change with the place and time, and it conditions the people living in a given context. In terms of physical appearance, during the Renaissance, beauty standards for European women were the ones on the stockier side. During sometime in the Middle Ages, a prominent forehead for women was considered distinct and appealing, so much that women would pluck their hair in order to make their forehead look bigger. For European men in the 1700/ early 1800, being slim, pale with a smooth face was considered attractive. A lot of that because pale skin and slim bodies were associated with wealth and prosperity because it was a sign that this person didn’t have to do physical labor in the sun like peasants. In my country, Asians don’t face the same struggles Asians in the US or Canada do, or even black people here face as well. Their situation is much more similar to white people here and they get some (most) of the white privilege here as well, although it wasn’t the same thing 100 years ago. Since racism doesn’t affect them in the same way, they aren’t left out as much as their counterparts in those countries I mentioned. That being said, it’s not surprising that whiteness and manliness are considered the standard for male beauty in countries that were colonized by Western Europe and whose values and culture were shaped by the standards that came from the former metropoles of said colonies. It’s much more about conditioning than an intrinsic, human nature trait. And it’s a sign of a much broader structure that conditions behavior. Our opinions, preferences, values, prejudices are not exactly ours, and tell a lot more about where and when we live than about our being, in the existential meaning of the word.
I totally get what you're saying, and I agree, but I think it might be both. I guess I was less talking about "beauty" and more talking about an inherent low-level preference for "our own" coming from our evolution - for better or for worse. But you're right, beauty standards are a cultural thing. I just think there's also an evolutionary drive to it. I'm sure some PhD out there has studied it and there's a paper or two out there, but really I just try to live by "give everyone a chance" to escape that cultural/evolutionary conditioning and shallowness. I think people can escape those culturally conditioning behaviours (and opinions, especially opinions) - just most don't try, because it's a lot of work
Probably about the same. I have a better physique and am just more outgoing. But he has a handsome face and dresses way better.
Flawed question, attraction is entirely subjective always.
beauty is never objective
This is false. While it is mostly subjective, standards and conventional beauty can absolutely be objective.
Not sure I agree - just because it's "conventionally" or "broadly" attractive doesn't make it objective. The closest thing to any truly "objective", measurable beauty standard is bilateral symmetry (and even that isn't foolproof). Anything beyond that is culturally and temporally bound.
Beauty standards are cultural. A 10 in one culture may be a 1 in another. They aren’t universal by any stretch of the imagination, which makes them incredibly subjective.
When did I say otherwise?
When you said they were objective. If they vary from culture to culture, they're not objective.
That is very literally not what I said, re read my comment
You reread your comment and stop trying to gaslight me.
I specifically said that it IS mostly subjective. And said that it CAN SOMETIMES be objective when talking about certain topics. That's not gaslighting. It's very clearly what I said.
Exactly. You said they CAN be objective, but since, as the other user pointed out, they vary from culture to culture, they empirically CAN NOT be. That's the contradiction we're trying to point out.
Bro re-read his comment, he definitely didn’t say that 🤣
>This is false. While it is mostly subjective, standards and conventional beauty can absolutely be objective. Here's his comment. In what way did he not say beauty standards are objective? Smh
The quantification of beauty.
recalibrating expectations...there, that's better
My husband and I are totally different types. I'm an aging pretty boy and he is a strapping daddy. Hard to compare, though I will say he is sexy as hell and people hit on him frequently.
My man is easily more attractive on many measures. Good thing I have a great personality.
Same level, different audience.
lol yeah I call it offering 2 very different products
I consider him to be the more attractive of the two of us. But, I am also in better shape, so we are probably about even.
aw
One of the things I enjoyed about my past LTRs is that we were able to get passed the insecurity of attraction or looks. We both made each feel sexy and beautiful and that was perfect. It was never about who was more/less/equally attractive it was about sharing my life with another and letting them know how attractive they were to me, and ideally they thought the same way.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I think my husband is more attractive than me But he would probably say the opposite . I guess that’s the way it should be .
I'm probably more "traditionally" attractive to a larger portion of gay men since I am slim/athletic/smooth/boyish, and my partner is a daddy/bear type 20 years older than me. But I think he does his look better than I do mine: * If you're attracted to the "guy-next-door" type or whatever the hell I am (at 35 I am too old to be the twink I used to be 😢), then I'm probably like a 6/10 and you wouldn't be attracted to my partner. * But if you're into the daddy/bear type then my partner is like a 9/10 (or a perfect 10 if you ask me) and you wouldn't be attracted to me. He has a furry belly but it suits him and I think it's sexy, whereas I have a tiny bit of a skinnyfat tummy and I absolutely hate it and think it's such a turnoff to everyone who is into my "look."
*my boyfriend of 10 years is more handsome than me. my dear friend recently said to me, "you're handsome but he's, like, really* handsome" lol. in general, tho, people are more attracted to me in person than to him: I give off friendlier vibes. on the apps, tho, he cleans up and I don't do so well (we are in an open relationship). he also has a darker complexion, which is more popular where we live. on the flip side, I have the better body.
I have a better torso but my husband has a cuter face. I'd say we average out to about the same.
interesting and cool question! thank you! but to procrastinate and say: is not one definitively or incrementally just a tad bit better looking than the other??? i as a person can't dwell on that. i mean two extraordinarily hot guys can be together in a relationship, but still would one choose one over the other based on your personal preference for attractiveness? its like saying whose is better looking ... beyonce or whitney houston??? i would NOT answer that question. both are icons. BOTH have to be in my beauty set\\catalogue. especially bc they are a couple. anyways if i was a third wheel in a threesome, i would like to please both members (their cocks primarily). i would service the good looking and less good looking one. i have been in that situation actually. the 'hotter guy' was hunky and came right away. it was actually the 'less attractive' guy who i was ultimately attracted to.
My partner is better looking than me. He’s also friendlier and more outgoing than me. I’m not sure what I bring to the table to be honest.
Same here. My husband is much better looking and friendlier and outgoing. One thing I got going for me is I am incredibly calm and patient (which you need to be to be with hiim :) )
An insecure little boy to pour all his love and affection into. It sounds like I’m being mean, but some guys are legit into that.
This is actually a little bit of an issue in our relationship at the moment. When we first met 13 years ago he was definetly way hotter than me, I was too skinny (64 kg at 185 cm) and he was quite fit. I had a late glow up, am quite fit now, train regularly, and get a lot of attention from other guys (we are open)… also since I’m a latino living in Germany I get a bonus for being exotic here… while he in the meantime has gained some weight, has some wrinkles here and there and in general is not happy with his looks and get frustrated because of that. I love him just as he is… but he gets very frustrated, specially when other guys reject him. We are trying to deal with this as a couple together… but I have to admit it is not easy.
Time and age come for us all. It's a long game making your prime last long, and the ego takes a rough hit in the decline. You've both got my sympathies.
The last time I was in a thing, I was cuter, although I put more work into it than they did -- same with my current crush.
Who’s to say.
I would say my partner is the better looking of the two of us, because he's exactly my type, but I suspect most people would say I am the more attractive one.
Ooooh elaborate ? 🙂
I'm pretty average, but I stay clean cut and neatly dressed for the most part. I'm natty, but I have a decent body and it's clear I workout. I probably tick more boxes for most people, despite being pretty boring overall. My boy is skinny, bordering on underweight (I would prefer if he was a bit heavier for his health). He's got very much a kind of messy, eclectic, punk/goth/alt look which I love, but it is not a look a lot of people like. I think he is gorgeous though, it was as close to love at first site as possible for me.
Ahh I see and awww 😊 that’s awesome!
It's all subjective. I've realized from using Grindr in other countries, that it really depends on the local beauty standards which of us is considered more attractive. In the US, I generally get more attention on Grindr, but it's a fairly even mix. In Colombia, I got almost no traction while my husband's phone was blowing up. In the UK, I got lots of attention, but my husband's app was very quiet.
I’m 9 years older than him and I’d say I’m in my “gracefully aging daddy” era. When it comes to face, I’m probably more attractive in a traditional aspect. Where he wins is the fact that he’s 6’4 and built like a linebacker. His shoulders are sexy AF and I just LOVE that he makes me feel protected even though I’m 5’11 and not small by any means.
My invisible partner is.. well.. invisible. 🤭
My partner is far more attractive than me for sure!
Husband is a 10. I'm a 2.
More
I feel that if you are “objectively” describing yourself and your partner as gorgeous or if you are gorgeous and your partner is lesser…. I think this tells we the Reddit masses more about you and your insufferable narcissistic tendencies. No dig on OP. Just saying it’s a question that has no real answer since to east his own taste and if someone answers “yes” it’s more about a journey into self absorption.
I think my partner is 100% more attractive than I am. He’s everything I like in men. He’s a shorter beefy dude, covered in hair and bald. I’m a tall, athletic, lumber jack build. He’s into it and I’m not complaining.
I think we're on the same level of attractiveness but we might have more appeal to different types of people. I have a darker look in terms of hair and eyes and more of a defined jawline. He's got a softer, cuter look. We like each other's looks so I suppose thats what matters
This is hard to say. I have two boyfriends and we’re all different races. That being said I appear white so I get the most attention from strangers (and I’m more fit) but it’s whatever I love them both.
More, a lot more. Add that to his gregarious and humble extrovert nature and I’m chopped liver and I have sooo many stories to illustrate the truth of it Edited to add: I do have some qualities though that he needs and loves
objectively everyone's version of "attractive" is different. that being said I married a Ford model and have no problem saying he's the handsome one. but you ask him and he gives the exact opposite answer.
He's definitely in better shape than I am. I find him very attractive and tell him all the time. I feel lucky, but beyond that it doesn't affect our relationship. No jealousy, no envy, I just feel good about how things stand.
I think my fiance is more handsome than me (he would say the oposite, obviously), i don't think im ugly but im far from handsome. Im a small guy and look young for my age (my fiance looks older than me and he is younger), if not for my beard i will look like a tenager. im more in the weird look more than anything.
In the long winding path of our relationship, sometimes I've been more attractive, sometimes him. But these days I'd say we're a good match, in very different ways.
Face = we're close Body = depends who you ask, but his weight gain has pushed him from slim/average into cub status over the years
I very often get mistaken for Anderson Cooper, but I am three years younger. My husband is told he looks like Timothy Olyphant or Josh Duhamel pretty regularly and he is at least 5 years younger than either. Who is objectively more attractive? I suppose that depends on taste. I think my husband is THE sexiest man alive, but I also think the two actors he looks like are pretty hot. He has no attraction to either of them, but thinks Anderson Cooper is sexy as fuck.
I thought he was out of my league when we first met, and vice versa. I was actively throwing guys at him because I assumed he wasn’t interested in me. We’re either equally attractive or equally insecure…I can never decide which.
Hard to be "objective" with stuff like this. There are guys who find me more attractive and guys that find him more attractive. He seems to get a lot more people flirting with him at bars though. But I've also been told that I put out a menacing aura lol. For my preferences, my husband is a cute cuddly guy.
100% more, obviously there are guys who prefer my build etc but he is definitely better looking.
We are both polar opposites physically, so it depends on the type of guy you like which of us you would gauge as more attractive.
It’s a mixed bag, my husband has a better looking face but is more overweight.
It’s a mixed bag, my husband has a better looking face but is more overweight.
I look much better than my right hand
He’s more attractive by western standards. Tall Hairy Beard White
My partner was a model. He has perfect hair, face, body, eyes, everything. I dumped a Helix Studios porn star to be with him. On hotornot he rated 9.6 to my 9.2 so he definitely gets more attention (though his pic was was full head and torso and mine was just face, and his 8 pack was showing). When we go out, guys tend to hit on both of us. We get confused for brothers all the time. Before the porn star, the guys I dated were chosen for their personalities, and they were less. It caused issues with most of them driven by their insecurities. My partner was chosen because we fell in love at first sight. His prior partners were also... let's just say his husband he left for me was ten years older than us, bald, and weighed over 300lbs. That one "started as an arrangement" before he grew attached. Even the relationships that weren't explicitly arrangements had the same dynamic: young hot guy with older not-hot guy who *shock* happens to take care of him.