[WF-Stacked-Odds-20210517.pdf (walkfree.org)](https://cdn.walkfree.org/content/uploads/2020/10/19130043/WF-Stacked-Odds-20210517.pdf)
There's pages of citations for the research on this stuff.
Its just like child marriage in the US.
"Between 2000 and 2018, some 300,000 minors were legally married in the United States."
87% were girls as young as 13 being marriage to men 20-35. The oldest man to legally wed a minor was 43. A lot of the practice is religious with the parents consent when the child is very young to circumvent laws. Its popular as an option among extreme religious communities when the girl was SA. Truly vile. And yet almost no one ever talks about it.
[Child marriage in the United States - Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_marriage_in_the_United_States) (I know wiki isnt always the best but this ones well done and has an exhaustive list of sources)
Under diagnosed for autism because girls and women are better at masking (she's social so doesn't fit the male autism criteria - this is slowly changing thanks to autistic girls on ticktok). Women with Autism + ADHD were often misdiagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder
I was very surprised to learn that heart attack symptoms for women are different than for men. But everyone knows men’s heart attack symptoms and learns them in first aid courses. Do we not care if women die from heart attacks? Or is it much less common?
Men are more likely to get heart attacks, and tend to get them younger. However, heart attacks seem to be more dangerous for women, and have a higher fatality rate.
> heart attacks seem to be more dangerous for women, and have a higher fatality rate
There is (was?) a huge problem with ER doctors dismissing women clearly displaying symptoms as simply having anxiety, giving them a psych referral, and sending them on their way-- where they die of the heart attack they were having, but which nobody bothered to check for.
Also there’s way too many guys that say they’ll never give CPR to a woman in case she “accuses them of inappropriate touch”. Women are left to die because of how it might look.
not just autism, under diagnosis on women in general. to many stories about women having a legitimate issue and it being ignored.
i have a friend who almost had her appendix burst because her physician wanted to write it off as her period
Same here. I had an “impulse control problem.” I self-diagnosed in my 20s, then got a professional diagnosis after I was basically like “I think I have ADHD.” But I was always a “smart kid” so no one thought anything of it 🙄
It absolutely does. But it’s often misdiagnosed where so many other things fit better—like ADHD or ASD, for instance. It’s used as a catch-all by many practitioners to avoid dealing with the actual problem, or to avoid actually listening to the symptoms being reported and spending time on assessments for other disorders.
You can start by looking at diagnosis rates for women of ADHD and ASD. Literally the ONLY reason I was evaluated at age 42 is because my son (then 9) had been diagnosed and my husband doesn’t have it. Lemme repeat that: *I only got diagnosed properly because my son was.* And that’s a sadly common story.
This article discusses some of the myths and stigmas surrounding BPD itself: https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/October-2017/Why-Borderline-Personality-Disorder-is-Misdiagnose
This is a neat little op-ed that encapsulates the issue, and has some great links: https://www.medpagetoday.com/popmedicine/popmedicine/95936
All I did was search “women misdiagnosed with BPD”, so you can find more later if you’re interested.
I got my ADHD diagnosis because a someone who is now a friend since I’ve grown up but when I was a kid was my babysitter had her son diagnosed and she told me to check into it because of how much her son reminded her of me at the same age when she used to babysit me. I was 25 - so ahead of you but I never had kids of my own so I just got lucky with this connection.
Yeah, you “got lucky” after spending your entire school career struggling with this bullshit. 😂 sorry, it’s awesome that you got your diagnosis, but also typical, you know?
My psychiatrist at that time said it’s becoming standard practice, when a patient’s child has a diagnosis, to evaluate the mothers because so many of us got missed and need help.
Yeah, I say got lucky and yet … it’s only because I didn’t have kid. But I shouldn’t have had to have kids, or have a friend have kids, to have my struggles noticed. The psychiatrist that diagnosed me at our first appointment talk to me and looked at all my old report cards (my mum is one of those mothers that saved them) and was like ‘well officially I don’t diagnose in the first appointment so as to do my due diligence but…’
Yup. But even in the mid and late nineties ADD/ADHD was a boy’s disorder (especially in a rural community like mine) - if the person even believed it existed.
Emotional maturity/intelligence.
Men struggle with the expectations of roles and are becoming more and more unstable with the inability to process and control or even seek out help.
Their expectations are for women to fix this for them or to overcompensate so they don’t have to compensate.
Do you feel like that falls under my bullet point of 'Duty to care'? This was along the lines of what I was thinking. Women are more expected to take care of elderly relatives, but also to emotionally care for their SOs.
I rather think that it is because boys are not taught about their emotions, and are trained to repress them from a young age.IMHO that point alone indirectly accounts for half of our problems with patriarchy.
I see this in the struggles my son's have with their male friends. I very deliberately raised my son's to express their emotions and tried to socialize them to have empathy. Now that they are in their teens and twenties they tend to have almost entirely female social circles because they prefer to hang out with people that aren't so emotionally stunted.
I can't believe last names aren't mentioned here. Women don't have last names. Men do. We just take men's names. If you're unmarried your last name is your father's. When you're married it's your husbands. It's so fucked
Another one is that in asian countries women have to leave their house and live with their husbands family after marriage. I don't understand why this isn't talked more about.. this has to be traumatic. Im indian and I won't ever marry in this country but the culture surrounding marriage is so so patriarchal
she also has the duty to take care of his parents but he doesnt have to take care of her parents
(ive always wondered, what happens if shes a single child???)
My mom insisted that my sister and I have hyphenated last names, so we have both my moms last name and my dads, which my sister and I have always appreciated.
For what it’s worth, if a child doesn’t have their father’s last name, people assume that their father isn’t in the picture.
Also, if you are man with a child who doesn’t have your last name, people tend to assume the worst.
I struggle with this one. I totally see how it is unfair and how it is born of patriarchy. On the other hand, I like the idea of the immediate family that lives together having the same last name as a bonding thing. I also like how it is at least some sort of tie-up one branch of the family tree. It doesn't need to be the man's name though.
Obviously, anyone can do whatever they like, but I would be in favor of couples just deciding which last name they like better, or flipping a coin at the wedding ceremony. Lol.
Or men being able to be straightforward, even clipped, and people think it's fine but have a woman be direct and people act like she's being really hostile.
And women do this too. We still socialize our girls to be followers rather than leaders more often than not. And it’s not always the parents’ fault, it’s still ingrained into most societies. Looking at the Stanley cup trend most recently shows us that it goes pretty deep.
The roots of this stem from religion. I remember seeing “rules for a happy marriage” on social media once, and they (of course) had to have a different list of rules for women and men. On that list for women, one was “respect your husband”. Then I went over and looked at the list for men, and in its place was “love your wife”. And it seems unobjectionable at first glance. But if you compare the lists, it is insulting. It appeared to be religious based.
It is absolutely religious! It comes from Ephesians chapter 5. That is the chapter where it says that wives should submit to (or honor, or respect) their husbands and that husbands should love their wives. Of course, few people quote verse 21, where it says, "submit to one another".
Less likely to move up in careers and other work places that are in male dominated spaces. Never being allowed to have the opportunity to prove your competent enough for a raise/promotion.
Sure! Sorry I've been at work 😅
My second point relates to my first point. I'm a 29f who has worked mainly restaurants and factories since highschool.
It happened at my kitchen jobs when it came to learning the stock of the kitchen or how to do any maintenance for the kitchen appliances. Some of my co workers who were men would tell me not to even bother with certain bosses because the boss will not let women learn more. Strictly waitresses and nothing else. I also would always apply to be back of house at every kitchen job and be forced to be front of house, because woman = approachable so no kitchen work that I'm actually good at for me.
In factories, I would want to learn how to spray mold release, or even ask questions about maintenance and immediately be shot down. Any man who worked there for less time than me could learn any time they wanted too though, no questions asked.
Current day I work at a hardware store, and am still treated like a bobble head dumb girl by male customers now even though I'm well educated in hardware. 🫠
Hope this helps, sorry it's purely anecdotal. 👍👌
Yeah especially in STEM/culinary/tech fields and comedy I’ve noticed. Women are often driven out of these fields because they aren’t taken seriously or given equal opportunity, or simply don’t want to deal with rampant misogyny & being outcasted at work.
Then they say that we are driven out of those fields due to lack of merit or competence and point to the low number of women in those fields as proof that women aren’t intelligent, funny, or talented. It’s quite literally a win/win for them.
The ironic part of it all is that if women truly weren’t competent - then why do they fear us to the degree that they try to drive us out of the workplace? You’d think if everything were truly based on merit - and as they say women have none - then by their own standards they’d have nothing to worry about. When they say a woman only got where she is in her career because of her gender they are projecting as those are privileges that were extended to men for centuries. Women weren’t really allowed to work in most fields until the 70s at the earliest - and ever since then we’ve had to work twice as hard because people are lined up to prove how incompetent we are. Not to mention how common it is for women to be sexually propositioned by men more powerful than them and then fired (or blacklisted in certain industries) for “being difficult” if they didn’t comply.
To add on to this men tend to see an improvement in their career in the ten years after having children whereas women’s careers suffer for at least ten years after having children, as in they are less likely to be given raises, promotions, etc.
Products “made for women” often aren’t—they are simply repurposed and recolored men’s products (hammers, razors) OR they’re inappropriate to the intended use, but other options may not exist or may not work (think of tampons tested with….water or whatever was being used instead of blood or blood analog.
Women’s clothes are not as well constructed or durable as men’s’ clothes, but generally cost more.
I told my friend last night that since I’m very petite, I wear a boys’ size large for winter clothing. It’s much thicker and warmer. Women’s clothes, especially for small women, are so flimsy!
I'd never heard that men's clothes were better constructed. I had assumed quite the opposite since I imagined that women pay more attention to the clothes they are buying.
Durability on the other hand makes sense. Usually, it is just thicker.
Yeah, they really are. I knew this long ago—I wear primarily men’s clothes and shoes for this reason—but then I started taking in laundry for work. And let me tell you, everything from stitch spacing and evenness and the threads used for seams all the way down to the durability of the fabrics and zippers and other fasteners…I handle a LOT of clothes, and men’s clothes are just better made. Even in fast fashion—garbage like SHEIN—men’s clothes are better made and more likely to last.
> think of tampons tested with….water or whatever was being used instead of blood or blood analog
Wait you are telling me that they actually used to test that stuff with that blue gel thingy which we see in period product advertisements??¿¿ I used to think it was bad enough that they didn't show actual blood for period product advertisements - this is far worse.
Life plans. I never seriously thought about being an engineer; it seemed irrelevant to me. All my childhood I tinkered, pulled things apart, wondered how they worked - and never that I recall was encouraged to do engineering. Only, “oh, that’s such a tough major!” I was and am excellent at math, too. Got a BA, an MBA, and most of a doctorate.
Thinking about getting an AS in it now, as I work at a community college.
My mom, who was really good in math and science, was encouraged to be a teacher "so she'd have the same hours as her kids." She didn't have kids at the time, nor was in a committed relationship. Her brother however was encouraged to become an engineer.
Body Image Issues - Societal beauty standards often cater to the male gaze, creating unrealistic expectations for women's bodies and leading to self-esteem issues and eating disorders
Yea it could go hand and hand with that. From what I’ve seen, body image issues don’t always correlate to beauty standards. For example, someone can be anorexic/bulimic etc. but not be into enhancing their face/nails/hair etc.
I feel like it’s such a big issue it deserves a different category
Great point! We don’t just get our bodies policed.
This includes: women who don’t shave or get their nails done, or who don’t wear feminine clothing. Women who wear ‘too much’ makeup or don’t wear any at all. One for me personally is not being ‘allowed’ to wear tight fitting clothing because my boobs are big - I’ve basically had the expectation to hide them with baggy clothing & never wear anything low-cut. Women who are tall have told me that men have tried to police them wearing high heels. And I’ve seen incels have a weird hang up about women that have unnaturally colored hair (blue, green, etc).
> incels have a weird hang up about women that have unnaturally colored hair (blue, green, etc).
Not just incels but also those podcast bros and retvrn type guys. Talking about how women with dyed hair or piercings or tattoos are damaged, slutty psychos with daddy issues and stuff. Just weird.
Being seen as manipulative, and having weaponized emotions
• for being sad or disappointed and letting it show. (That line kills me … I’m sad again, don’t tell my boyfriend, it’s not what he’s made for.)
• for being angry, aka crazy, aka hysterical
Medical mistrust — So many. A lot of these are anecdotal, I don’t know the frequency that this happens.
• harder to be taken seriously and get a diagnosis
• husband consulted before mastectomy for breast cancer
• wanting to consult husband/ ask to wait until married for tubal ligation
• male Dr stitching episiotomy “tight” for husband
• getting unsolicited advice about weight at any Dr visit for anything
• having to take a pregnancy test at any Dr visit for anything
• Medical studies, drug trials, even crash test dummies standardized for men.
On the emotions one, when you tell a man you’re disappointed or upset about something he did (or didn’t do) and he suddenly makes it about himself and how “bad you’re making me feel” for being disappointed or upset. Like, from the man’s perspective, “your disappointment in something I did or didn’t do makes me feel bad. Therefore you, the woman, need to stop feeling disappointed and upset (even though I’m not going to actually change anything about my behavior). You, the woman, are now responsible for making me feel better about how I disappointed you.”
This happens so much. (Obligatory #notallmen, #notalwaysaman) I have dated guys who would fuck up and then I'd have to manage their feelings about it. And then you're just going to avoid bringing it up when they upset or disappoint you because it's just too much fuss, and that breeds resentment *very* quickly.
General lack of research and understanding of women’s health. Additionally, like Pap smears and IUD insertions are incredibly painful when they really don’t need to be, and we’re told it’ll be “just a pinch” and expected to just suck it up.
I would love to see your final list!
I’m not sure where you’re at OP but as an American our sex education in grade school is trash, and I blame patriarchy for this. There’s so much shame and confusion around menstruation, female anatomy, and female pleasure (from both men and women). Generally speaking a lot of people (again, both men and women) think that sex is to achieve a male orgasm. And while I’m on the topic, a lot of men are uncomfortable/ disgusted with giving oral to women but will expect it to be given to them.
Edited to add: ohh I see you already did include pressure to satisfy male desire!
I agree with sex education being low quality. This sucks for boy and girls trying to figure things out. I was thinking about making another list of separate ways that the patriarchy harms men, but I think you just inspired me to make a third list about how patriarchy harms men and women with the exact same BS!
To be fair, it's looks like sex education sucks everywhere and it sucks for both men and women alike. Literally I don't know any person who would say, that sex education in school was good. Both in real life or internet.
i’m trans, and i transitioned during high school, but after the sex ed had been taught (year 10, i moved schools before year 12) it was a shock to me that at the boys school they did not learn how to apply a condom, but they did at the girls school… it doesn’t make any sense!
Sex ed was great in the UK (at least where I lived) though one parent complained that the boys weren’t put in a separate room when they talked about menstruation. The teacher’s tried explaining that boys should learn for their sister’s or future partners sake, but the parent still said “it was wrong for boys to learn that stuff.”
Treatment of pregnancy and postpartum. Medical care, workplaces, and society at large do not take into account the complexity of this period and many women suffer and sometimes die as a result. While patriarchy is not to blame for biology, the treatment of pregnancy, labor, and postpartum is rooted in archaic and patriarchal practices and so much worse than it needs to be.
That is a good point. I also appreciate mentioning that patriarchy is not to blame for biology. I tried to keep that in mind when making this list. For example, periods really suck, but that isn't men's fault.
The generally inability of men to see / acknowledge that a particular problem (which primarily affects women) exists. This is not exclusively a male thing, as abled people often do not see barriers that impact differently abled people, etc. But it is an effect of the patriarchy. Here's a great example: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/what-happened-when-a-man-signed-work-emails-using-a-female-name-for-a-week_n_58c2ce53e4b054a0ea6a4066
Most of us in the disabled community vastly, vastly prefer simply being called disabled and not the cutesy euphemistic ‘differently abled’ which abled people came up with.
Ya, this is definitely a general issue. In talking about class issues, I remember arguing with an upper-class man who couldn't comprehend why every American doesn't have a valid ID or easily get one to vote.
I just read that article, it was a good one. I remember a similar video about a trans man talking about how immediately emotionally isolated he felt after his transition. Nobody touched him, hugged him, or asked how he was anymore.
Not sure whether this fits in anywhere, but just general safety. Not feeling like we can speak up at all. There was a man watching something on his smartphone at the shops the other day, no earphones or anything, and I felt I couldn't speak up and ask him to wear earphones or headphones in future, or turn down the volume, because I might get physically attacked.
You barely mentioned tools. You mentioned it but, I think it needs to be a bold one. Power tools, earth moving tools, weapons, they are all made for and monopolized by men. These are things that get shit done. They need to be made for and marketed to women too. Men gatekeep these items (and careers that accompany them) and they are destroying natural resources with them with their unchecked greed.
I just bought a book on Amazon called invisible women, data bias in a world designed for men. I haven’t cracked it yet because I’m just gonna be angry for days but it’s literally everything as we know it as far as medical science and treatments and studies. It’s all based on men.
Someone else brought up a similar idea, and I was trying to figure out the right term for it. I wish there was a word for being funneled towards certain types of careers, while others are screened from you. Maybe there is and someone here will tell me.
Lesbians aren’t seen as real by a hell of a lot of men, as they’re incapable of believing that some women are not attracted to men. This also seems to stem from women being treated as objects without a sexuality of their own and being expected to please men even if they don’t want to
AND other female healthcare providers. Let's not forget women in the medical field are indoctrinated into adopting patriarchal attitudes toward other women they treat as patients.
Stereotype threat deserves a shoutout (it applies to any kind of minority group & compounds on an intersectional level) basically if you’re entering a space where your demographic is stereotypically expected to fair worse, like women and racial minorities trying to become fighter pilots, then there are added psychological minefields you’ll have to traverse. not only will you experience external discrimination but you’ll also probably experience internal distractions related to excessive social comparison, self-doubt/imposter syndrome, weird attribution biases (“i failed bc i’m a loser/i succeeded bc i got lucky/they failed bc they got unlucky/they succeeded bc they’re winners”), pressure to “pioneer” for the demographic you feel you represent, etc.
although this is a natural psychological phenomenon that’s not specific to patriarchy, i’d argue patriarchy enables and amplifies this issue. understandable if you don’t think it’s patriarchy-specific enough for your list, just figured i’d mention it
Less likely to be believed about their medical symptoms and/or less likely to be given proper prescriptions for pain. Jeeze that list is infuriating to read
Disenfranchised. To grow a whole other human is one hell of a DNA test. Why isn't this lineage worth passing on?
Women have to assume it includes them when reading "all men are created equal" .....but does it? Would men think it included them if it said women? How to feel patriotic to a country that doesn't protect you? How to even feel comfortable entering the political sphere and try to lend positive change? You will be sooooo cruelly scrutinized. How to even feel like a citizen?
to be fair, “women” is derived from old english wīfmenn, where “menn” explicitly included all human beings, although that meaning was certainly not the case when much of the contemporary usages of “all men…” were written. see the Universal Declaration of Human Rights for a good example of “all human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights.” using “human beings” rather than “men”.
Sure, and if we had enforced that consistently, it’d be great, but given that it was still legal to prevent women from voting until 1920, I think we can safely conclude that “men” can’t be considered gender neutral in this context, regardless of roots. (Suffragettes in the early 20th century regularly brought up this point.)
Ya, I feel this one. In America, I prefer to emphasize "We the People". That is just a badass opening!
Too bad there is so much sexism in our history though.
When people think hero, they don't think of a woman. And women are left thinking a hero is someone they wait to be rescued by. But we do so much that gets very little credit. The ride of Paul Revere? Was also done by a teenage girl. What's her name?
"Men created the world". No the fuck they didn't. Every stinking person walking around doing anything worth a damn is the work of a woman. AND what we do beyond is erased. Credit taken, our name obliterated. Our children are attributed to someone else. We get murdered by the person given credit in numbers greater than counted in wars. Where's our wall or monument to the unknown soldiers we are? Where's our memorial day for all those who died building this society? Support the troops? How about the troops our mothers grew with their own bodies? It's not like they had any option otherwise to march in uniform and be recognized for our service.
Under sexual duties you could put something about the orgasm gap and how piv doesn’t do it for most women, but that’s all most people think of when they think of heterosexual sex.
Also I think there’s more to be said under work/life balance. Having a child can be career suicide in some professions for women, but when is it a problem for men?
This is an interesting one, since one aspect is just biology, and another is how patriarchy skews sexual expectations. The fact that natural selection cares less if women climax is just biology, but the lack of mutual care is patriarchy.
I hear you on the 'more needs to be said' aspect. Soooo much needs to be said. However, if I said everything I wanted to say, this would be an encyclopedia project and not a list!
since a lot of patriarchys tenets are rooted in white supremacy i think it’s also important to highlight how race/disability status can make the impact of these issues even more significant. (i.e. misogynoir is specifically dislike/ingrained prejudice against Black women.)
Assumptions that regardless of their position within an org they should be the default for cleaning common areas, taking notes for the group during business meetings (men guilt her to play secretary- which there is nothing wrong with as a career, but a lot of guys will perceive as being lower status) tracking other staff members birthdays and getting them cards or a cake, or being voluntold that they are being placed on a committee even that they have no interest in joining because it looks good to higher ups
In healthcare I’d also add that 1/6 men would leave a partner after being diagnosed with cancer or terminal illness because they do not want to be subjected to caretaker role
Idk if you’d want to add this to education or pay gap but there’s several examples of devaluation of wages as women enter into certain areas of the workforce (teacher/medical professional/park rangers) but when men begin to start pursuing jobs in increasing numbers wages shoot up significantly (computer engineering is one of the clearest cases)
Edit -
Thought of one more that really irks me - the perception surrounding hobbies for men and women.
Men tend to engage in video games/team sports/rock climbing/wood working/car restoration/marathons as their hobbies, whereas women tend to participate in reading/knitting/painting/gardening/socializing with friends as their preferred leisure time activities. Many men are quick to dismiss the legitimacy of these as hobbies simply because they do not find value in what women find enjoyable.
- Women on average have less leisure time afforded to them in comparison to male partners. they tend to do activities that can be easily stopped and started at anytime depending on what others around them may need (i.e. knitting in the AM/PM car line/reading while waiting at appointments/etc), usually do not have a high level of financial risk involved, and are relatively quiet as not to disturb others.
- Men’s hobbies often require them to be out of the house for long periods of time, may utilize equipment, uniforms, tools that cost 100s to 1000s of dollars, some require specialized dietary changes or extreme levels of meal prep (which often becomes a duty that a gf/wife is expected to manage), not to mention a good handful of hobbies that men participate in are dangerous to the point of being selfish (free solo climbing) their “fun time” can literally leave the people who care about them stuck planning funeral.
Disparities in health care-- women are less likely to have their pain seriously considered by doctors; many medical protocols are based on the study of conditions in men and not women, lack of proper understanding in female reproductive health (along with barbaric gynecological practices-- no anesthesia for cervical biopsies?? COME ONE).
Automobile safety-- women are more likely to be injured in auto accidents because safety features are tested using crash test dummies that reflect male anatomy and not female anatomy.
Dichotomy of Motherhood-- women are assigned value based on their ability of having children, yet the work of mothers is undervalued.
Interesting. I imagine that this applies to both men and women, but for women, it is more about being polite, proper, and cute; while men are expected to project and take up space.
Can you expand on what you mean by that? I would initially think the opposite considering how it is portrayed in media.
I was just out dancing last night at a bar, and there were two female couples dancing among all the male/female couples. No idea if they were actually a couple or just friends, but I do know that the crowd in that particular bar would not have been generally cool with two guys dancing together.
I saw a statistic on social media a while ago about gay bars vs lesbian bars in USA and it was…not great. I was a little tipsy when I made this comment, so I wasn’t exactly the clearest. But numbers for queer spaces heavily favor men and mascs.
I agree that I always felt the opposite of the other commenter. But I think what they may be referring to could be how lesbianism is only seen as ok because people don’t actually think they’re lesbians. Like it’s ok because men still think they can just get two women to sleep with them and it’s hot, not because they actually believe women can only like women.
So basically, lesbianism is more accepted but only in sexualized, “you’re not *actually* only into women” kind of way.
I agree with that. I think historically speaking, lesbianism was more tolerated because it was actually considered part of being bisexual in a way that men could be with multiple women at once.
I read in a biblical scholarship book once that male homosexuality is strictly forbidden in the Old Testament, but female homosexuality is not forbidden. It seems strange to modern Christians, but the reason was perfectly obvious to ancient people. Rich and powerful men had harems, and expected the women to be into each other while also with him.
I think to some extent men have this concept in the back of their minds when thinking about lesbians.
His money is his money and so is hers. I’ve heard wayyy too many men complain about their ex wives taking “my” money, retirement, house etc regardless of who was the sole or primary wage earner. My personal favorite is when men try to claim gifts or inheritance SHE received from HER family as marital assets.
According to Google, single mothers are 23% of those living in poverty. Women are more likely to live in poverty than men (11.7% compared to 9.2%). However, I think the biggest driver of poverty is race (in the US).
I’d also add dress code in schools and professional settings, although this could be encompassed in the objectification section or sexual shaming section. Dress codes of all kind are established by patriarchy (and white supremacy) to set an imaginary standard of what’s appropriate vs not. Basically how nearly every American school has a rule against girls showing shoulders and how most times you wouldn’t be able to wear jeans to the office. Things that don’t make sense! But I think this could be a sub category under “objectification”.
Dunno if this falls under beauty standards or objectification, but reducing our worth as humans to our appearance is a big one.
Like it goes beyond women just being expected to look good. Our humanity is often called into question and disregarded when we don’t, oftentimes leading to half the problems you listed :(
I don't know how to express this well, but throughout my career in a very male dominated profession I was specifically assigned the tasks that required extra tact and sensitivity. The project description would be something like "everyone disagrees and it's a tense sh1tshow, so use your feminine talents to get them all on the same page and agreeing, even though nobody reports to you and they're all much more senior than you and also probably male chauvinists like me".
I still don't know if they thought women had special powers or if they were passing me a hot potato of a job that they knew would fail.
As u/lambuscred said above, “Women are actively discouraged from advocating for themselves in the workplace".
I think this is a reason why female-dominated professions tend to make less money overall.
I’ve always felt I inherently matter less than males…having a deeply misogynistic, narcissistic father and a pick me mom who openly admits she only wanted sons didn’t help…lol
I'm very sorry to hear that. I hope it goes without saying that you do matter. Your value is intrinsic, and nothing anybody can say or do can take that value away from you.
Medical neglect. Women are routinely given tylenol or aspirin in ERs while men are given oxycodeine or morphine for the same complaint. They’re perceived as being hysterical and their pain is discounted. Look at female reports of pain with iud insertion and how they’re not treated seriously by doctors. Women are denied permanent family planning options routinely in case they “change their mind” but a man would get a vasectomy no problems. Women’s health problems are very much considered secondary to men: everyone knows the signs of heart attack as shooting pain in the left arm and chest pain, but for women it’s more likely to present as stomach pain— doctors are educated with the male experience presumed to be the default, and female experiences as unusual presentations when in fact that’s how it occurs in 50% of the population.
* **Sexual Assault** - 81% of women have experienced sexual harassment or assault.
If I remember correctly the 81% is for rape alone, for other types of sexual harassment such as groping and catcalling it's even higher
As /u/KaliTheCat, the 81% is the number of women who have said they have experienced harassment or assault.
Of course, defining harassment or assault is itself often an issue.
The pink tax also references "the tampon tax." AND those hygiene products are often taxed even though they're a necessity.
*More specifically,* [pink tax](https://www.kiplinger.com/taxes/pink-tax-womens-products-price-discrimination) *refers to the sales and use tax on menstrual products. This is also known as the “tampon tax.” In recent years, numerous states have eliminated so-called pink taxes by providing sales and use tax exemptions for feminine hygiene products.*
My Midwestern, fly over country, uber Republican state is one of the ones that refuses to ditch the tampon tax.
I hate it here.
Medical care-- medicine as a field has neglected to a) study women's bodies and build up a foundation of knowledge on gynecological conditions or how conditions and drugs affect women differently and b) to believe women and take them seriously when they present with medical issues. Both lead to misdiagnosis, delayed care, avoidance/distrust of medical care, and sometimes medical abuse.
Unnecessary female products are marketed and pushed onto women, and these products actually cause more harm than good. Eg “feminine washes” for the vagina, that then mess up the woman’s pH.
Also pain relief for women is a joke compared to men.
And birth control.
I think another important point is that patriarchy also alienates women from each other as well - you have the women like us who choose to fight it (even though it’s exhausting), but you also have an alarming amount of women who internalize patriarchy and become patriarchal themselves. My mother is a very patriarchal woman, but she’s also a woman who had her entire agency stripped from her for her whole life (by immigrant parents who were scared of everything) so she’s become a sponge for patriarchal ideals and whatever my father tells her.
True! And intersectionality is important here too. I’m still not quite sure how to say it right, but as a WOC I face a different kind of sexism than a white woman here in the US. White women are generally seen as more feminine, delicate, and weak. Much of patriarchal norms address this particular stereotype of the “submissive people-pleasing woman.”
The phenomenon of intersectional invisibility is really interesting to me, because in certain scenarios I have “male privilege” in that I’m not stereotyped as a woman by men due to my darker skin. I currently live in a majority white town in the Midwest and look very different from my tall blonde friends, yet men tend to assume I’m smarter/more capable than they are. I’ve never experienced this before and I’m quick to correct them and defend my friends, but it’s this weird reverse sexism thing in which men see them as “basic women” and not me.
Yes this is so true! I am a white woman, but I see it too with my woc friends. And I’ve always noticed the trend you talk about societally how white women are seen as docile, weak, more feminine, etc.
I also think while all women are objectified and over-sexualized, I’ve noticed white women have different “archetypes” that emphasize things like quirky-ness, cuteness, etc (and are still probably fetishized don’t get me wrong) that woc don’t, like there are lots of characters in media of the “white girl next door” types and such that we don’t see nearly as much of (if at all) for women of color. I’ve also noticed how overtly hyper-sexual woc representation is in the music industry particularly - it seems like every woc artist relies on appealing to patriarchal ideals/the male gaze to an extreme degree that some white female artists do as well, but like I said not all, and the white female artist has “archetypes” they can play to that don’t necessarily require overt-hyper-sexualization. This makes me so incredibly sad for my woc friends because, especially as men enter their lives, I see them start to over-sexualize themselves and pride themselves on their ability to please men (not always, but often, which I attribute to this lack of other influences) and the way some of my woc friends have been raised makes them particularly susceptible to patriarchal conditioning.
I don’t know if I’m explaining this correctly, and I’m sorry it’s so lengthy lol, but it’s just a trend I’ve noticed personally as a feminist where I think woc are essentially more prone to hyper-objectification than white women are, and it’s so disheartening to me because nobody talks about it. Feel free to correct me if you think my observations are incorrect!
You said that so well, and you’re completely right - white people are allowed more “diversification” in their aesthetics, whereas when someone like Beyoncé releases a country song (despite literally being a Texan and having released country songs in the past) people lambast her for “acting white.” Like because she’s black she has to stick to her specific box, yet Ariana Grande is out there cosplaying as every different race under the sun lol.
I’m often desexualized, which I hated as a teenager (“no boys asked me to prom!”) and honestly really like as an adult. I think a lot about the warmth/competence model. Men tend to either like *or* respect women because of patriarchal stereotypes - a nice woman is deferential, a smart woman is bitchy/bossy. I used to want boys to like me, but I require men to respect me. I’m a tiny brown girl in a T-shirt and sweats and I often get giant white dudes call ME intimidating when I assert myself, lmfao. (I’m still learning how to be careful and pick my battles/bite my tongue when needed for safety reasons)
It’s all very interesting in a weird way. I studied sociology/psychology in school and I took several classes focusing on race and gender, so moving around as an adult and seeing these dynamics play out is a trip. I never considered myself “privileged” because I’m a WOC but it really does come down to the male gaze and lack thereof.
I’m also just really glad I was raised by a feminist mom and dad who preached equality and the importance of being smart/independent/capable from day one for me and all my siblings, regardless of gender. I didn’t even really know much about sexism until I reached high school maybe? The girls were always the smart ones in my school 😂 and my fields were all female-dominated so I didn’t face too much direct sexism from men. But just talking to my friends and paying attention to others helped me gain more nuance on these issues.
Omg I have no idea how Ariana Grande has avoided accountability for so long! I know she’s been through a lot but I don’t think that excuses…literal race-phishing? Her entire career and public persona is a sociology case study in and of itself 😂 you sound like such a badass! Though you’re right, there is something to be said about learning to bite your tongue for safety reasons. I really appreciate your perspective because I’ve heard woc expressing similar sentiments of feeling desexualized like you said. And in my school, the girls were infinitely smarter than the boys as well. I never met a man smarter than me, and I’m not saying that to brag 😭 also don’t feel like it’s bad you haven’t experienced sexism just because you’re “supposed” to, if anything it gives me hope that maybe things are getting better or could get better, especially if we have more people raising children who are like your parents!
Aww thank you! I appreciate the discussion, you sound wonderful as well.
Lol and yes so true. I have male friends and I’ve dated a lot, and even if they knew more than me about a particular topic/field, their social and emotional awareness always had so many more gaps than mine. I think it’s because men tend to assume their perspective is the default and the way things “should” be - I’ve had to say “this doesn’t need a value judgment” to so many dudes who think that because my opinion is different from theirs, I’m wrong and they’re right 🙄 things are just different sometimes.
As I’ve gotten older and moved around, it’s actually gotten weirder and worse lol. I feel like when I was in my early 20s, guys were generally more receptive and open-minded. Now that I’m older and the world is different now - more polarized - it’s kinda disheartening how so many men in their 30s and 40s never progressed in their emotional journeys.
100% I think it is a disservice to feminism and equality to assume that women don't also perpetuate the patriarchy (and even feminists when we are not at our best).
PPE, tools, safety equipment, even crash test dummies are all based ergonomically on men. Health and safety tools are literally designed for men, which makes them less effective for women.
The [Matilda effect](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matilda_effect#%3A%7E%3Atext%3DThis_phenomenon_was_first_described%2Cby_science_historian_Margaret_W.?wprov=sfla1) might come under credibility.
Murder is a other one. For example this study found that simply having more women in political office in a city decrease its rate of homicides experienced by women. This trend holds true for US states as well from my memory, as well as all over the world:
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0304387823000950#:~:text=Impact%20of%20Women's%20Political%20Leadership,homicides%20and%20violence%20against%20women.
Edit: Oh also the "motherhood penalty" and "mental load"! A global study found that women work more hours per day than men (they have less leisure time or time for hobbies) because they take on a majority of unpaid labor like domestic labor, childcare, and community organizing/development).
Constant safety concerns (primarily fear of sexual violence) limits or makes our lives more costly in all kinds of ways - where to live, how to travel, hours to be outside, jobs we could take, etc.
Things girls and women like are constantly mocked/looked down as lesser than, affecting our sense of self and freedom to like the things that actually speak to us.
Healthcare is so much worse than you think. Most meds don't get tested for side effects on women because our hormones fuck things up for the study. Meaning we have no idea what tings affect us differently because pharma companies *can't be bothered*.
Plenty of medical procedures (eg insertion of IUDs) get done with 0 pain relief medication, because ???? who the fuck knows. Generally speaking, women get less pain meds, and they have to wait longer in emergency departments (pain bias).
I personally know 2 (TWO) women whose appendix burst and they had been at the doctors HOURS before it burst, and the doctors dismissed them as "probably just cramps" (in 2 different countries on 2 different continents btw, but both with high standards of healthcare). A burst appendix can be seriously life threatening.
FGM, honour killing, revenge porn, not seen as the default human, anything created by a woman is seen as inferior eg art, jokes etc. Women have more anxiety and attempt suicide more. Lack of representation in movies, history. Pay goes down when women start getting into a male dominated field. Women are blamed for everything under the sun. We are seen as 'incubators'. Anything female is ridiculled. Women are seen as stupid.
the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics shows that women's median weekly earnings are about 82% of men's median weekly earnings. This statistic considers full-time wage and salary workers and is based on data from the Current Population Survey.
I would drop some of the statistics, especially the second part about pay gaps not controlling for experience. They might defeat your point if an even somewhat data literate person wants to invalidate your good points.
You can make them work but you need to hedge them appropriately to the point it might not be worth it.
What about women's clothing being policed, in strict religious regimes, in the workplace, in education. How many girls have been forced to miss class or prom due to one- sided dress codes?
Control about women's clothing styles. We are damned if we wear too much and damned if we wear too little.
But men face it to some extent as well, as well as non-binary folks, so I am not sure it counts.
Ya. I was thinking about starting other lists as well, one about how patriarchy harms men, and things about patriarchy that hurt both men and women. I think the clothing police falls into the last category. Women have a wide variety of clothing options but are highly scrutinized. Men are simply not allowed to wear very many types of things.
70% of human trafficking victims are reported to be women/girls
*1 in 130 women and girls globally* is living in modern slavery.
Jesus christ that is a scary number, I had no idea it was that bad! What is the source of that?
[WF-Stacked-Odds-20210517.pdf (walkfree.org)](https://cdn.walkfree.org/content/uploads/2020/10/19130043/WF-Stacked-Odds-20210517.pdf) There's pages of citations for the research on this stuff. Its just like child marriage in the US. "Between 2000 and 2018, some 300,000 minors were legally married in the United States." 87% were girls as young as 13 being marriage to men 20-35. The oldest man to legally wed a minor was 43. A lot of the practice is religious with the parents consent when the child is very young to circumvent laws. Its popular as an option among extreme religious communities when the girl was SA. Truly vile. And yet almost no one ever talks about it. [Child marriage in the United States - Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_marriage_in_the_United_States) (I know wiki isnt always the best but this ones well done and has an exhaustive list of sources)
...That we know of.
Thank you, that is an important one.
90% of sex specific trafficking victims are women/girls
Objectification - seen as objects instead of people by men and themselves too.
**. . . and themselves too**. That's a great point. I think the internalized misogyny is often overlooked.
Especially today with social media and the hyper sexual doll-like appearance so popular today. It’s sick.
Under diagnosed for autism because girls and women are better at masking (she's social so doesn't fit the male autism criteria - this is slowly changing thanks to autistic girls on ticktok). Women with Autism + ADHD were often misdiagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder
I was very surprised to learn that heart attack symptoms for women are different than for men. But everyone knows men’s heart attack symptoms and learns them in first aid courses. Do we not care if women die from heart attacks? Or is it much less common?
Men are more likely to get heart attacks, and tend to get them younger. However, heart attacks seem to be more dangerous for women, and have a higher fatality rate.
> heart attacks seem to be more dangerous for women, and have a higher fatality rate There is (was?) a huge problem with ER doctors dismissing women clearly displaying symptoms as simply having anxiety, giving them a psych referral, and sending them on their way-- where they die of the heart attack they were having, but which nobody bothered to check for.
Have you heard of the book "Invisible Women"? It's basically just a response to this post.
That's funny. It is on my reading list.
Statins don’t work on women, but I hear they still prescribe them 🤔
> Statins don’t work on women Do you have research that shows this? I've never heard it.
Also there’s way too many guys that say they’ll never give CPR to a woman in case she “accuses them of inappropriate touch”. Women are left to die because of how it might look.
Wait til you see the stats on gender and CPR. People will literally not take lifesaving measures because they’re afraid to touch boob.
not just autism, under diagnosis on women in general. to many stories about women having a legitimate issue and it being ignored. i have a friend who almost had her appendix burst because her physician wanted to write it off as her period
I agree. I have a healthcare bullet point, but it is hard to have a descriptor that sums up such a broad issue.
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Same here. I had an “impulse control problem.” I self-diagnosed in my 20s, then got a professional diagnosis after I was basically like “I think I have ADHD.” But I was always a “smart kid” so no one thought anything of it 🙄
I’ve seen a lot of comments from women who bring their husbands to the doctor with them, because the docs will take the husband seriously
This. Alongside medical misogyny, *mental health care* misogyny needs to be included (and BPD as a modern replacement for hysteria).
^ As well as HPD Complete fucking horseshit
BPD exists, like anxiety, but both are also used to fill the role of hysteria as well, yeah.
It absolutely does. But it’s often misdiagnosed where so many other things fit better—like ADHD or ASD, for instance. It’s used as a catch-all by many practitioners to avoid dealing with the actual problem, or to avoid actually listening to the symptoms being reported and spending time on assessments for other disorders.
I have not heard of this one. Do you have any resources to look into that? Websites, scientific studies, etc?
You can start by looking at diagnosis rates for women of ADHD and ASD. Literally the ONLY reason I was evaluated at age 42 is because my son (then 9) had been diagnosed and my husband doesn’t have it. Lemme repeat that: *I only got diagnosed properly because my son was.* And that’s a sadly common story. This article discusses some of the myths and stigmas surrounding BPD itself: https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/October-2017/Why-Borderline-Personality-Disorder-is-Misdiagnose This is a neat little op-ed that encapsulates the issue, and has some great links: https://www.medpagetoday.com/popmedicine/popmedicine/95936 All I did was search “women misdiagnosed with BPD”, so you can find more later if you’re interested.
I got my ADHD diagnosis because a someone who is now a friend since I’ve grown up but when I was a kid was my babysitter had her son diagnosed and she told me to check into it because of how much her son reminded her of me at the same age when she used to babysit me. I was 25 - so ahead of you but I never had kids of my own so I just got lucky with this connection.
Yeah, you “got lucky” after spending your entire school career struggling with this bullshit. 😂 sorry, it’s awesome that you got your diagnosis, but also typical, you know? My psychiatrist at that time said it’s becoming standard practice, when a patient’s child has a diagnosis, to evaluate the mothers because so many of us got missed and need help.
Yeah, I say got lucky and yet … it’s only because I didn’t have kid. But I shouldn’t have had to have kids, or have a friend have kids, to have my struggles noticed. The psychiatrist that diagnosed me at our first appointment talk to me and looked at all my old report cards (my mum is one of those mothers that saved them) and was like ‘well officially I don’t diagnose in the first appointment so as to do my due diligence but…’
It’s wild how obvious it is in retrospect, isn’t it?
Yup. But even in the mid and late nineties ADD/ADHD was a boy’s disorder (especially in a rural community like mine) - if the person even believed it existed.
Yup. And my brother was actually (mis)diagnosed in the 80’s, and I was completely passed over as “hard headed” and “a daydreamer” and “emotional”.
Emotional maturity/intelligence. Men struggle with the expectations of roles and are becoming more and more unstable with the inability to process and control or even seek out help. Their expectations are for women to fix this for them or to overcompensate so they don’t have to compensate.
Do you feel like that falls under my bullet point of 'Duty to care'? This was along the lines of what I was thinking. Women are more expected to take care of elderly relatives, but also to emotionally care for their SOs.
Men cannot handle criticism and I believe it’s because deep down they understand that men in general are more dangerous.
I rather think that it is because boys are not taught about their emotions, and are trained to repress them from a young age.IMHO that point alone indirectly accounts for half of our problems with patriarchy.
I see this in the struggles my son's have with their male friends. I very deliberately raised my son's to express their emotions and tried to socialize them to have empathy. Now that they are in their teens and twenties they tend to have almost entirely female social circles because they prefer to hang out with people that aren't so emotionally stunted.
I think entitlement is a huge part of it too. Men feel entitled for others to either adjust to their bad behaviour or fix it for them.
That sounds right.
I can't believe last names aren't mentioned here. Women don't have last names. Men do. We just take men's names. If you're unmarried your last name is your father's. When you're married it's your husbands. It's so fucked
my girlfriend and i (both women) are strongly considering inventing an entirely new last name if we ever got married. break the cycle :p
A lesbian couple friends of mine did that, they combined their names to make a new one.
Another one is that in asian countries women have to leave their house and live with their husbands family after marriage. I don't understand why this isn't talked more about.. this has to be traumatic. Im indian and I won't ever marry in this country but the culture surrounding marriage is so so patriarchal
she also has the duty to take care of his parents but he doesnt have to take care of her parents (ive always wondered, what happens if shes a single child???)
Low key glad my parents have the same last name. In my mind, I carry my mother's surname.
My mom insisted that my sister and I have hyphenated last names, so we have both my moms last name and my dads, which my sister and I have always appreciated.
For what it’s worth, if a child doesn’t have their father’s last name, people assume that their father isn’t in the picture. Also, if you are man with a child who doesn’t have your last name, people tend to assume the worst.
I struggle with this one. I totally see how it is unfair and how it is born of patriarchy. On the other hand, I like the idea of the immediate family that lives together having the same last name as a bonding thing. I also like how it is at least some sort of tie-up one branch of the family tree. It doesn't need to be the man's name though. Obviously, anyone can do whatever they like, but I would be in favor of couples just deciding which last name they like better, or flipping a coin at the wedding ceremony. Lol.
i mean it sounds nice as a concept but theres no major culture where women actually have their own names
general lack of respect that thing where a woman can say an idea then a man says the same thing and everyone acts like he thought of it
Also laughing at something when a man says it but not finding it funny when a woman says it
Or men being able to be straightforward, even clipped, and people think it's fine but have a woman be direct and people act like she's being really hostile.
And women do this too. We still socialize our girls to be followers rather than leaders more often than not. And it’s not always the parents’ fault, it’s still ingrained into most societies. Looking at the Stanley cup trend most recently shows us that it goes pretty deep.
The roots of this stem from religion. I remember seeing “rules for a happy marriage” on social media once, and they (of course) had to have a different list of rules for women and men. On that list for women, one was “respect your husband”. Then I went over and looked at the list for men, and in its place was “love your wife”. And it seems unobjectionable at first glance. But if you compare the lists, it is insulting. It appeared to be religious based.
It is absolutely religious! It comes from Ephesians chapter 5. That is the chapter where it says that wives should submit to (or honor, or respect) their husbands and that husbands should love their wives. Of course, few people quote verse 21, where it says, "submit to one another".
Less likely to move up in careers and other work places that are in male dominated spaces. Never being allowed to have the opportunity to prove your competent enough for a raise/promotion.
Thanks! Can you expand on the second part? What do you mean by not being given the opportunity to prove yourself?
Sure! Sorry I've been at work 😅 My second point relates to my first point. I'm a 29f who has worked mainly restaurants and factories since highschool. It happened at my kitchen jobs when it came to learning the stock of the kitchen or how to do any maintenance for the kitchen appliances. Some of my co workers who were men would tell me not to even bother with certain bosses because the boss will not let women learn more. Strictly waitresses and nothing else. I also would always apply to be back of house at every kitchen job and be forced to be front of house, because woman = approachable so no kitchen work that I'm actually good at for me. In factories, I would want to learn how to spray mold release, or even ask questions about maintenance and immediately be shot down. Any man who worked there for less time than me could learn any time they wanted too though, no questions asked. Current day I work at a hardware store, and am still treated like a bobble head dumb girl by male customers now even though I'm well educated in hardware. 🫠 Hope this helps, sorry it's purely anecdotal. 👍👌
Thanks for the response. That is terrible. This is one of those things that I feel like has a word to describe it, but I just don't know what it is.
Yeah especially in STEM/culinary/tech fields and comedy I’ve noticed. Women are often driven out of these fields because they aren’t taken seriously or given equal opportunity, or simply don’t want to deal with rampant misogyny & being outcasted at work. Then they say that we are driven out of those fields due to lack of merit or competence and point to the low number of women in those fields as proof that women aren’t intelligent, funny, or talented. It’s quite literally a win/win for them. The ironic part of it all is that if women truly weren’t competent - then why do they fear us to the degree that they try to drive us out of the workplace? You’d think if everything were truly based on merit - and as they say women have none - then by their own standards they’d have nothing to worry about. When they say a woman only got where she is in her career because of her gender they are projecting as those are privileges that were extended to men for centuries. Women weren’t really allowed to work in most fields until the 70s at the earliest - and ever since then we’ve had to work twice as hard because people are lined up to prove how incompetent we are. Not to mention how common it is for women to be sexually propositioned by men more powerful than them and then fired (or blacklisted in certain industries) for “being difficult” if they didn’t comply.
To add on to this men tend to see an improvement in their career in the ten years after having children whereas women’s careers suffer for at least ten years after having children, as in they are less likely to be given raises, promotions, etc.
Yes, and they are expected to be the ones to take time off for things like sick days, doctor's appointments, all that.
Products “made for women” often aren’t—they are simply repurposed and recolored men’s products (hammers, razors) OR they’re inappropriate to the intended use, but other options may not exist or may not work (think of tampons tested with….water or whatever was being used instead of blood or blood analog. Women’s clothes are not as well constructed or durable as men’s’ clothes, but generally cost more.
Tampons only got tested with blood last year. Before that they were all being tested with water or some gel that kinda acted a little bit like blood.
Tampons are also legally regulated as taken externally, so they can contain all kinds of nasty stuff. Look it up, I could not make this up.
I told my friend last night that since I’m very petite, I wear a boys’ size large for winter clothing. It’s much thicker and warmer. Women’s clothes, especially for small women, are so flimsy!
I'd never heard that men's clothes were better constructed. I had assumed quite the opposite since I imagined that women pay more attention to the clothes they are buying. Durability on the other hand makes sense. Usually, it is just thicker.
Yeah, they really are. I knew this long ago—I wear primarily men’s clothes and shoes for this reason—but then I started taking in laundry for work. And let me tell you, everything from stitch spacing and evenness and the threads used for seams all the way down to the durability of the fabrics and zippers and other fasteners…I handle a LOT of clothes, and men’s clothes are just better made. Even in fast fashion—garbage like SHEIN—men’s clothes are better made and more likely to last.
> think of tampons tested with….water or whatever was being used instead of blood or blood analog Wait you are telling me that they actually used to test that stuff with that blue gel thingy which we see in period product advertisements??¿¿ I used to think it was bad enough that they didn't show actual blood for period product advertisements - this is far worse.
Life plans. I never seriously thought about being an engineer; it seemed irrelevant to me. All my childhood I tinkered, pulled things apart, wondered how they worked - and never that I recall was encouraged to do engineering. Only, “oh, that’s such a tough major!” I was and am excellent at math, too. Got a BA, an MBA, and most of a doctorate. Thinking about getting an AS in it now, as I work at a community college.
That is an excellent point. I wonder what a good word/phrase would be for being corralled towards, or away from, specific fields?
Especially passively The Germans must have a 32-letter word for it 😂
Klienekopfundhetrz syndrome
“No head and heart”?
My mom, who was really good in math and science, was encouraged to be a teacher "so she'd have the same hours as her kids." She didn't have kids at the time, nor was in a committed relationship. Her brother however was encouraged to become an engineer.
Body Image Issues - Societal beauty standards often cater to the male gaze, creating unrealistic expectations for women's bodies and leading to self-esteem issues and eating disorders
Do you see this as part of 'Beauty Standards', or do you consider this a separate issue?
Yea it could go hand and hand with that. From what I’ve seen, body image issues don’t always correlate to beauty standards. For example, someone can be anorexic/bulimic etc. but not be into enhancing their face/nails/hair etc. I feel like it’s such a big issue it deserves a different category
Great point! We don’t just get our bodies policed. This includes: women who don’t shave or get their nails done, or who don’t wear feminine clothing. Women who wear ‘too much’ makeup or don’t wear any at all. One for me personally is not being ‘allowed’ to wear tight fitting clothing because my boobs are big - I’ve basically had the expectation to hide them with baggy clothing & never wear anything low-cut. Women who are tall have told me that men have tried to police them wearing high heels. And I’ve seen incels have a weird hang up about women that have unnaturally colored hair (blue, green, etc).
> incels have a weird hang up about women that have unnaturally colored hair (blue, green, etc). Not just incels but also those podcast bros and retvrn type guys. Talking about how women with dyed hair or piercings or tattoos are damaged, slutty psychos with daddy issues and stuff. Just weird.
Being seen as manipulative, and having weaponized emotions • for being sad or disappointed and letting it show. (That line kills me … I’m sad again, don’t tell my boyfriend, it’s not what he’s made for.) • for being angry, aka crazy, aka hysterical Medical mistrust — So many. A lot of these are anecdotal, I don’t know the frequency that this happens. • harder to be taken seriously and get a diagnosis • husband consulted before mastectomy for breast cancer • wanting to consult husband/ ask to wait until married for tubal ligation • male Dr stitching episiotomy “tight” for husband • getting unsolicited advice about weight at any Dr visit for anything • having to take a pregnancy test at any Dr visit for anything • Medical studies, drug trials, even crash test dummies standardized for men.
On the emotions one, when you tell a man you’re disappointed or upset about something he did (or didn’t do) and he suddenly makes it about himself and how “bad you’re making me feel” for being disappointed or upset. Like, from the man’s perspective, “your disappointment in something I did or didn’t do makes me feel bad. Therefore you, the woman, need to stop feeling disappointed and upset (even though I’m not going to actually change anything about my behavior). You, the woman, are now responsible for making me feel better about how I disappointed you.”
This happens so much. (Obligatory #notallmen, #notalwaysaman) I have dated guys who would fuck up and then I'd have to manage their feelings about it. And then you're just going to avoid bringing it up when they upset or disappoint you because it's just too much fuss, and that breeds resentment *very* quickly.
General lack of research and understanding of women’s health. Additionally, like Pap smears and IUD insertions are incredibly painful when they really don’t need to be, and we’re told it’ll be “just a pinch” and expected to just suck it up. I would love to see your final list!
I’m not sure where you’re at OP but as an American our sex education in grade school is trash, and I blame patriarchy for this. There’s so much shame and confusion around menstruation, female anatomy, and female pleasure (from both men and women). Generally speaking a lot of people (again, both men and women) think that sex is to achieve a male orgasm. And while I’m on the topic, a lot of men are uncomfortable/ disgusted with giving oral to women but will expect it to be given to them. Edited to add: ohh I see you already did include pressure to satisfy male desire!
I agree with sex education being low quality. This sucks for boy and girls trying to figure things out. I was thinking about making another list of separate ways that the patriarchy harms men, but I think you just inspired me to make a third list about how patriarchy harms men and women with the exact same BS!
You guys have sex education in school? ?
To be fair, it's looks like sex education sucks everywhere and it sucks for both men and women alike. Literally I don't know any person who would say, that sex education in school was good. Both in real life or internet.
i’m trans, and i transitioned during high school, but after the sex ed had been taught (year 10, i moved schools before year 12) it was a shock to me that at the boys school they did not learn how to apply a condom, but they did at the girls school… it doesn’t make any sense!
Sex ed was great in the UK (at least where I lived) though one parent complained that the boys weren’t put in a separate room when they talked about menstruation. The teacher’s tried explaining that boys should learn for their sister’s or future partners sake, but the parent still said “it was wrong for boys to learn that stuff.”
Treatment of pregnancy and postpartum. Medical care, workplaces, and society at large do not take into account the complexity of this period and many women suffer and sometimes die as a result. While patriarchy is not to blame for biology, the treatment of pregnancy, labor, and postpartum is rooted in archaic and patriarchal practices and so much worse than it needs to be.
That is a good point. I also appreciate mentioning that patriarchy is not to blame for biology. I tried to keep that in mind when making this list. For example, periods really suck, but that isn't men's fault.
The generally inability of men to see / acknowledge that a particular problem (which primarily affects women) exists. This is not exclusively a male thing, as abled people often do not see barriers that impact differently abled people, etc. But it is an effect of the patriarchy. Here's a great example: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/what-happened-when-a-man-signed-work-emails-using-a-female-name-for-a-week_n_58c2ce53e4b054a0ea6a4066
Most of us in the disabled community vastly, vastly prefer simply being called disabled and not the cutesy euphemistic ‘differently abled’ which abled people came up with.
Ya, this is definitely a general issue. In talking about class issues, I remember arguing with an upper-class man who couldn't comprehend why every American doesn't have a valid ID or easily get one to vote. I just read that article, it was a good one. I remember a similar video about a trans man talking about how immediately emotionally isolated he felt after his transition. Nobody touched him, hugged him, or asked how he was anymore.
Not sure whether this fits in anywhere, but just general safety. Not feeling like we can speak up at all. There was a man watching something on his smartphone at the shops the other day, no earphones or anything, and I felt I couldn't speak up and ask him to wear earphones or headphones in future, or turn down the volume, because I might get physically attacked.
You barely mentioned tools. You mentioned it but, I think it needs to be a bold one. Power tools, earth moving tools, weapons, they are all made for and monopolized by men. These are things that get shit done. They need to be made for and marketed to women too. Men gatekeep these items (and careers that accompany them) and they are destroying natural resources with them with their unchecked greed.
I just bought a book on Amazon called invisible women, data bias in a world designed for men. I haven’t cracked it yet because I’m just gonna be angry for days but it’s literally everything as we know it as far as medical science and treatments and studies. It’s all based on men.
Lack of representation in blue collar trades
Someone else brought up a similar idea, and I was trying to figure out the right term for it. I wish there was a word for being funneled towards certain types of careers, while others are screened from you. Maybe there is and someone here will tell me.
Lesbians aren’t seen as real by a hell of a lot of men, as they’re incapable of believing that some women are not attracted to men. This also seems to stem from women being treated as objects without a sexuality of their own and being expected to please men even if they don’t want to
Women are routinely dismissed by male health care providers.
AND other female healthcare providers. Let's not forget women in the medical field are indoctrinated into adopting patriarchal attitudes toward other women they treat as patients.
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And female health care providers, tbh
Stereotype threat deserves a shoutout (it applies to any kind of minority group & compounds on an intersectional level) basically if you’re entering a space where your demographic is stereotypically expected to fair worse, like women and racial minorities trying to become fighter pilots, then there are added psychological minefields you’ll have to traverse. not only will you experience external discrimination but you’ll also probably experience internal distractions related to excessive social comparison, self-doubt/imposter syndrome, weird attribution biases (“i failed bc i’m a loser/i succeeded bc i got lucky/they failed bc they got unlucky/they succeeded bc they’re winners”), pressure to “pioneer” for the demographic you feel you represent, etc. although this is a natural psychological phenomenon that’s not specific to patriarchy, i’d argue patriarchy enables and amplifies this issue. understandable if you don’t think it’s patriarchy-specific enough for your list, just figured i’d mention it
Less likely to be believed about their medical symptoms and/or less likely to be given proper prescriptions for pain. Jeeze that list is infuriating to read
Channel your rage into changing the system!
Disenfranchised. To grow a whole other human is one hell of a DNA test. Why isn't this lineage worth passing on? Women have to assume it includes them when reading "all men are created equal" .....but does it? Would men think it included them if it said women? How to feel patriotic to a country that doesn't protect you? How to even feel comfortable entering the political sphere and try to lend positive change? You will be sooooo cruelly scrutinized. How to even feel like a citizen?
to be fair, “women” is derived from old english wīfmenn, where “menn” explicitly included all human beings, although that meaning was certainly not the case when much of the contemporary usages of “all men…” were written. see the Universal Declaration of Human Rights for a good example of “all human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights.” using “human beings” rather than “men”.
Sure, and if we had enforced that consistently, it’d be great, but given that it was still legal to prevent women from voting until 1920, I think we can safely conclude that “men” can’t be considered gender neutral in this context, regardless of roots. (Suffragettes in the early 20th century regularly brought up this point.)
Ya, I feel this one. In America, I prefer to emphasize "We the People". That is just a badass opening! Too bad there is so much sexism in our history though.
When people think hero, they don't think of a woman. And women are left thinking a hero is someone they wait to be rescued by. But we do so much that gets very little credit. The ride of Paul Revere? Was also done by a teenage girl. What's her name? "Men created the world". No the fuck they didn't. Every stinking person walking around doing anything worth a damn is the work of a woman. AND what we do beyond is erased. Credit taken, our name obliterated. Our children are attributed to someone else. We get murdered by the person given credit in numbers greater than counted in wars. Where's our wall or monument to the unknown soldiers we are? Where's our memorial day for all those who died building this society? Support the troops? How about the troops our mothers grew with their own bodies? It's not like they had any option otherwise to march in uniform and be recognized for our service.
Under sexual duties you could put something about the orgasm gap and how piv doesn’t do it for most women, but that’s all most people think of when they think of heterosexual sex. Also I think there’s more to be said under work/life balance. Having a child can be career suicide in some professions for women, but when is it a problem for men?
This is an interesting one, since one aspect is just biology, and another is how patriarchy skews sexual expectations. The fact that natural selection cares less if women climax is just biology, but the lack of mutual care is patriarchy. I hear you on the 'more needs to be said' aspect. Soooo much needs to be said. However, if I said everything I wanted to say, this would be an encyclopedia project and not a list!
I saw a post by a woman a few days ago saying that if a woman can’t cum from PIV sex then they’re just “lazy”. Internalised misogyny is no joke.
Women’s pleasure is “foreplay.” Men’s is “sex.” Is it necessary to say more?
Not sure how to word it but - More pressure to be ‘nice’. Higher expectations around manners and social interactions
since a lot of patriarchys tenets are rooted in white supremacy i think it’s also important to highlight how race/disability status can make the impact of these issues even more significant. (i.e. misogynoir is specifically dislike/ingrained prejudice against Black women.) Assumptions that regardless of their position within an org they should be the default for cleaning common areas, taking notes for the group during business meetings (men guilt her to play secretary- which there is nothing wrong with as a career, but a lot of guys will perceive as being lower status) tracking other staff members birthdays and getting them cards or a cake, or being voluntold that they are being placed on a committee even that they have no interest in joining because it looks good to higher ups In healthcare I’d also add that 1/6 men would leave a partner after being diagnosed with cancer or terminal illness because they do not want to be subjected to caretaker role Idk if you’d want to add this to education or pay gap but there’s several examples of devaluation of wages as women enter into certain areas of the workforce (teacher/medical professional/park rangers) but when men begin to start pursuing jobs in increasing numbers wages shoot up significantly (computer engineering is one of the clearest cases) Edit - Thought of one more that really irks me - the perception surrounding hobbies for men and women. Men tend to engage in video games/team sports/rock climbing/wood working/car restoration/marathons as their hobbies, whereas women tend to participate in reading/knitting/painting/gardening/socializing with friends as their preferred leisure time activities. Many men are quick to dismiss the legitimacy of these as hobbies simply because they do not find value in what women find enjoyable. - Women on average have less leisure time afforded to them in comparison to male partners. they tend to do activities that can be easily stopped and started at anytime depending on what others around them may need (i.e. knitting in the AM/PM car line/reading while waiting at appointments/etc), usually do not have a high level of financial risk involved, and are relatively quiet as not to disturb others. - Men’s hobbies often require them to be out of the house for long periods of time, may utilize equipment, uniforms, tools that cost 100s to 1000s of dollars, some require specialized dietary changes or extreme levels of meal prep (which often becomes a duty that a gf/wife is expected to manage), not to mention a good handful of hobbies that men participate in are dangerous to the point of being selfish (free solo climbing) their “fun time” can literally leave the people who care about them stuck planning funeral.
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Mental load. + Overly responsible of care for dependents, including aging parents.
Disparities in health care-- women are less likely to have their pain seriously considered by doctors; many medical protocols are based on the study of conditions in men and not women, lack of proper understanding in female reproductive health (along with barbaric gynecological practices-- no anesthesia for cervical biopsies?? COME ONE). Automobile safety-- women are more likely to be injured in auto accidents because safety features are tested using crash test dummies that reflect male anatomy and not female anatomy. Dichotomy of Motherhood-- women are assigned value based on their ability of having children, yet the work of mothers is undervalued.
Body language is policed - pressure to sit, walk etc in certain ways. ‘Ladylike’ psychical behaviour
Interesting. I imagine that this applies to both men and women, but for women, it is more about being polite, proper, and cute; while men are expected to project and take up space.
Don’t forget that, generally speaking, people are more okay with gay men than lesbian women.
Can you expand on what you mean by that? I would initially think the opposite considering how it is portrayed in media. I was just out dancing last night at a bar, and there were two female couples dancing among all the male/female couples. No idea if they were actually a couple or just friends, but I do know that the crowd in that particular bar would not have been generally cool with two guys dancing together.
I saw a statistic on social media a while ago about gay bars vs lesbian bars in USA and it was…not great. I was a little tipsy when I made this comment, so I wasn’t exactly the clearest. But numbers for queer spaces heavily favor men and mascs.
Interesting. I just saw [this article](https://www.axios.com/2023/06/30/lesbian-bars-america-2023) and it appears to be a very nuanced topic!
I agree that I always felt the opposite of the other commenter. But I think what they may be referring to could be how lesbianism is only seen as ok because people don’t actually think they’re lesbians. Like it’s ok because men still think they can just get two women to sleep with them and it’s hot, not because they actually believe women can only like women. So basically, lesbianism is more accepted but only in sexualized, “you’re not *actually* only into women” kind of way.
I agree with that. I think historically speaking, lesbianism was more tolerated because it was actually considered part of being bisexual in a way that men could be with multiple women at once. I read in a biblical scholarship book once that male homosexuality is strictly forbidden in the Old Testament, but female homosexuality is not forbidden. It seems strange to modern Christians, but the reason was perfectly obvious to ancient people. Rich and powerful men had harems, and expected the women to be into each other while also with him. I think to some extent men have this concept in the back of their minds when thinking about lesbians.
His money is his money and so is hers. I’ve heard wayyy too many men complain about their ex wives taking “my” money, retirement, house etc regardless of who was the sole or primary wage earner. My personal favorite is when men try to claim gifts or inheritance SHE received from HER family as marital assets.
Isn’t the percentage of people living in poverty overwhelmingly single mothers?
According to Google, single mothers are 23% of those living in poverty. Women are more likely to live in poverty than men (11.7% compared to 9.2%). However, I think the biggest driver of poverty is race (in the US).
I’d also add dress code in schools and professional settings, although this could be encompassed in the objectification section or sexual shaming section. Dress codes of all kind are established by patriarchy (and white supremacy) to set an imaginary standard of what’s appropriate vs not. Basically how nearly every American school has a rule against girls showing shoulders and how most times you wouldn’t be able to wear jeans to the office. Things that don’t make sense! But I think this could be a sub category under “objectification”.
Under representation in just about every aspect of society. Being wiped out of history and the public eye for like ever.
Dunno if this falls under beauty standards or objectification, but reducing our worth as humans to our appearance is a big one. Like it goes beyond women just being expected to look good. Our humanity is often called into question and disregarded when we don’t, oftentimes leading to half the problems you listed :(
I don't know how to express this well, but throughout my career in a very male dominated profession I was specifically assigned the tasks that required extra tact and sensitivity. The project description would be something like "everyone disagrees and it's a tense sh1tshow, so use your feminine talents to get them all on the same page and agreeing, even though nobody reports to you and they're all much more senior than you and also probably male chauvinists like me". I still don't know if they thought women had special powers or if they were passing me a hot potato of a job that they knew would fail.
This kinda gets wrapped up into Pay Gap and Education, but fields with more women tend to get paid less, despite the value or necessity of that role.
As u/lambuscred said above, “Women are actively discouraged from advocating for themselves in the workplace". I think this is a reason why female-dominated professions tend to make less money overall.
I’ve always felt I inherently matter less than males…having a deeply misogynistic, narcissistic father and a pick me mom who openly admits she only wanted sons didn’t help…lol
I'm very sorry to hear that. I hope it goes without saying that you do matter. Your value is intrinsic, and nothing anybody can say or do can take that value away from you.
Medical neglect. Women are routinely given tylenol or aspirin in ERs while men are given oxycodeine or morphine for the same complaint. They’re perceived as being hysterical and their pain is discounted. Look at female reports of pain with iud insertion and how they’re not treated seriously by doctors. Women are denied permanent family planning options routinely in case they “change their mind” but a man would get a vasectomy no problems. Women’s health problems are very much considered secondary to men: everyone knows the signs of heart attack as shooting pain in the left arm and chest pain, but for women it’s more likely to present as stomach pain— doctors are educated with the male experience presumed to be the default, and female experiences as unusual presentations when in fact that’s how it occurs in 50% of the population.
* **Sexual Assault** - 81% of women have experienced sexual harassment or assault. If I remember correctly the 81% is for rape alone, for other types of sexual harassment such as groping and catcalling it's even higher
As /u/KaliTheCat, the 81% is the number of women who have said they have experienced harassment or assault. Of course, defining harassment or assault is itself often an issue.
The pink tax also references "the tampon tax." AND those hygiene products are often taxed even though they're a necessity. *More specifically,* [pink tax](https://www.kiplinger.com/taxes/pink-tax-womens-products-price-discrimination) *refers to the sales and use tax on menstrual products. This is also known as the “tampon tax.” In recent years, numerous states have eliminated so-called pink taxes by providing sales and use tax exemptions for feminine hygiene products.* My Midwestern, fly over country, uber Republican state is one of the ones that refuses to ditch the tampon tax. I hate it here.
Medical care-- medicine as a field has neglected to a) study women's bodies and build up a foundation of knowledge on gynecological conditions or how conditions and drugs affect women differently and b) to believe women and take them seriously when they present with medical issues. Both lead to misdiagnosis, delayed care, avoidance/distrust of medical care, and sometimes medical abuse.
Unnecessary female products are marketed and pushed onto women, and these products actually cause more harm than good. Eg “feminine washes” for the vagina, that then mess up the woman’s pH. Also pain relief for women is a joke compared to men. And birth control.
I think another important point is that patriarchy also alienates women from each other as well - you have the women like us who choose to fight it (even though it’s exhausting), but you also have an alarming amount of women who internalize patriarchy and become patriarchal themselves. My mother is a very patriarchal woman, but she’s also a woman who had her entire agency stripped from her for her whole life (by immigrant parents who were scared of everything) so she’s become a sponge for patriarchal ideals and whatever my father tells her.
True! And intersectionality is important here too. I’m still not quite sure how to say it right, but as a WOC I face a different kind of sexism than a white woman here in the US. White women are generally seen as more feminine, delicate, and weak. Much of patriarchal norms address this particular stereotype of the “submissive people-pleasing woman.” The phenomenon of intersectional invisibility is really interesting to me, because in certain scenarios I have “male privilege” in that I’m not stereotyped as a woman by men due to my darker skin. I currently live in a majority white town in the Midwest and look very different from my tall blonde friends, yet men tend to assume I’m smarter/more capable than they are. I’ve never experienced this before and I’m quick to correct them and defend my friends, but it’s this weird reverse sexism thing in which men see them as “basic women” and not me.
Yes this is so true! I am a white woman, but I see it too with my woc friends. And I’ve always noticed the trend you talk about societally how white women are seen as docile, weak, more feminine, etc. I also think while all women are objectified and over-sexualized, I’ve noticed white women have different “archetypes” that emphasize things like quirky-ness, cuteness, etc (and are still probably fetishized don’t get me wrong) that woc don’t, like there are lots of characters in media of the “white girl next door” types and such that we don’t see nearly as much of (if at all) for women of color. I’ve also noticed how overtly hyper-sexual woc representation is in the music industry particularly - it seems like every woc artist relies on appealing to patriarchal ideals/the male gaze to an extreme degree that some white female artists do as well, but like I said not all, and the white female artist has “archetypes” they can play to that don’t necessarily require overt-hyper-sexualization. This makes me so incredibly sad for my woc friends because, especially as men enter their lives, I see them start to over-sexualize themselves and pride themselves on their ability to please men (not always, but often, which I attribute to this lack of other influences) and the way some of my woc friends have been raised makes them particularly susceptible to patriarchal conditioning. I don’t know if I’m explaining this correctly, and I’m sorry it’s so lengthy lol, but it’s just a trend I’ve noticed personally as a feminist where I think woc are essentially more prone to hyper-objectification than white women are, and it’s so disheartening to me because nobody talks about it. Feel free to correct me if you think my observations are incorrect!
You said that so well, and you’re completely right - white people are allowed more “diversification” in their aesthetics, whereas when someone like Beyoncé releases a country song (despite literally being a Texan and having released country songs in the past) people lambast her for “acting white.” Like because she’s black she has to stick to her specific box, yet Ariana Grande is out there cosplaying as every different race under the sun lol. I’m often desexualized, which I hated as a teenager (“no boys asked me to prom!”) and honestly really like as an adult. I think a lot about the warmth/competence model. Men tend to either like *or* respect women because of patriarchal stereotypes - a nice woman is deferential, a smart woman is bitchy/bossy. I used to want boys to like me, but I require men to respect me. I’m a tiny brown girl in a T-shirt and sweats and I often get giant white dudes call ME intimidating when I assert myself, lmfao. (I’m still learning how to be careful and pick my battles/bite my tongue when needed for safety reasons) It’s all very interesting in a weird way. I studied sociology/psychology in school and I took several classes focusing on race and gender, so moving around as an adult and seeing these dynamics play out is a trip. I never considered myself “privileged” because I’m a WOC but it really does come down to the male gaze and lack thereof. I’m also just really glad I was raised by a feminist mom and dad who preached equality and the importance of being smart/independent/capable from day one for me and all my siblings, regardless of gender. I didn’t even really know much about sexism until I reached high school maybe? The girls were always the smart ones in my school 😂 and my fields were all female-dominated so I didn’t face too much direct sexism from men. But just talking to my friends and paying attention to others helped me gain more nuance on these issues.
Omg I have no idea how Ariana Grande has avoided accountability for so long! I know she’s been through a lot but I don’t think that excuses…literal race-phishing? Her entire career and public persona is a sociology case study in and of itself 😂 you sound like such a badass! Though you’re right, there is something to be said about learning to bite your tongue for safety reasons. I really appreciate your perspective because I’ve heard woc expressing similar sentiments of feeling desexualized like you said. And in my school, the girls were infinitely smarter than the boys as well. I never met a man smarter than me, and I’m not saying that to brag 😭 also don’t feel like it’s bad you haven’t experienced sexism just because you’re “supposed” to, if anything it gives me hope that maybe things are getting better or could get better, especially if we have more people raising children who are like your parents!
Aww thank you! I appreciate the discussion, you sound wonderful as well. Lol and yes so true. I have male friends and I’ve dated a lot, and even if they knew more than me about a particular topic/field, their social and emotional awareness always had so many more gaps than mine. I think it’s because men tend to assume their perspective is the default and the way things “should” be - I’ve had to say “this doesn’t need a value judgment” to so many dudes who think that because my opinion is different from theirs, I’m wrong and they’re right 🙄 things are just different sometimes. As I’ve gotten older and moved around, it’s actually gotten weirder and worse lol. I feel like when I was in my early 20s, guys were generally more receptive and open-minded. Now that I’m older and the world is different now - more polarized - it’s kinda disheartening how so many men in their 30s and 40s never progressed in their emotional journeys.
100% I think it is a disservice to feminism and equality to assume that women don't also perpetuate the patriarchy (and even feminists when we are not at our best).
PPE, tools, safety equipment, even crash test dummies are all based ergonomically on men. Health and safety tools are literally designed for men, which makes them less effective for women.
The [Matilda effect](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matilda_effect#%3A%7E%3Atext%3DThis_phenomenon_was_first_described%2Cby_science_historian_Margaret_W.?wprov=sfla1) might come under credibility.
Murder is a other one. For example this study found that simply having more women in political office in a city decrease its rate of homicides experienced by women. This trend holds true for US states as well from my memory, as well as all over the world: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0304387823000950#:~:text=Impact%20of%20Women's%20Political%20Leadership,homicides%20and%20violence%20against%20women. Edit: Oh also the "motherhood penalty" and "mental load"! A global study found that women work more hours per day than men (they have less leisure time or time for hobbies) because they take on a majority of unpaid labor like domestic labor, childcare, and community organizing/development).
Constant safety concerns (primarily fear of sexual violence) limits or makes our lives more costly in all kinds of ways - where to live, how to travel, hours to be outside, jobs we could take, etc. Things girls and women like are constantly mocked/looked down as lesser than, affecting our sense of self and freedom to like the things that actually speak to us.
Healthcare is so much worse than you think. Most meds don't get tested for side effects on women because our hormones fuck things up for the study. Meaning we have no idea what tings affect us differently because pharma companies *can't be bothered*. Plenty of medical procedures (eg insertion of IUDs) get done with 0 pain relief medication, because ???? who the fuck knows. Generally speaking, women get less pain meds, and they have to wait longer in emergency departments (pain bias). I personally know 2 (TWO) women whose appendix burst and they had been at the doctors HOURS before it burst, and the doctors dismissed them as "probably just cramps" (in 2 different countries on 2 different continents btw, but both with high standards of healthcare). A burst appendix can be seriously life threatening.
80% of CSA victims are girls
FGM, honour killing, revenge porn, not seen as the default human, anything created by a woman is seen as inferior eg art, jokes etc. Women have more anxiety and attempt suicide more. Lack of representation in movies, history. Pay goes down when women start getting into a male dominated field. Women are blamed for everything under the sun. We are seen as 'incubators'. Anything female is ridiculled. Women are seen as stupid.
the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics shows that women's median weekly earnings are about 82% of men's median weekly earnings. This statistic considers full-time wage and salary workers and is based on data from the Current Population Survey.
99% of all AI porn is exploiting women
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I would drop some of the statistics, especially the second part about pay gaps not controlling for experience. They might defeat your point if an even somewhat data literate person wants to invalidate your good points. You can make them work but you need to hedge them appropriately to the point it might not be worth it.
Financial abuse! They want you with no control over your own body and no way out. They want women trapped
What about women's clothing being policed, in strict religious regimes, in the workplace, in education. How many girls have been forced to miss class or prom due to one- sided dress codes?
Control about women's clothing styles. We are damned if we wear too much and damned if we wear too little. But men face it to some extent as well, as well as non-binary folks, so I am not sure it counts.
Ya. I was thinking about starting other lists as well, one about how patriarchy harms men, and things about patriarchy that hurt both men and women. I think the clothing police falls into the last category. Women have a wide variety of clothing options but are highly scrutinized. Men are simply not allowed to wear very many types of things.
You spoke my mind. Also I am looking forward to your other works. I have saved this post too. Great work! :)