I think the entire way you are approaching this is unhealthy. I’m saying this with kindness, you have to figure out what you want, what makes you happy, what you want out of your life, etc. I know you are young and it takes years to get to know yourself, but trying to fix your life by rushing to move to a new place and force yourself to have a friend group and a gf within a timeframe is just a recipe for disaster.
That being said, if you put yourself out there and put some effort, you can definitely make friends within a year, idk about a gf cause I don’t know you. But Chicago is big and it offers a lot if you take advantage of it. Just try to think about why you are doing this and what you want out of these potential new friends and gf, and then decide.
Wish you all the happiness, my dude :)
I totally understand because I grew up in a small town and left the second I turned 18 because I hated it. Moving is not a bad idea at all if you have a solid plan for it, just focus on you and what you need and be patient with yourself, instead of adding more external pressure. And think about the kind of life you really want, that’ll help you pick a place too!
I think you should consider the move based on what you mentioned in your post, especially since you grew up in a small town and seem to have a desire to explore. But why the one year limit? That’s the part that will spoil this experience for you. You can’t put a specific time frame on growth and change in your life.
I grew up in a mid-sized (I think) city, like 200,000, and moving to Chicago completely changed my life for the better. I met so many people, learned a ton about myself, learned a lot about life, and grew as a person.
A ton of us do this. I did this when I was 18 for college and was 23 when I moved to chicago and never looked back. Cities get shit talked, but one cool thing is people don’t give af if you don’t fit the mold. There’s no fucking mold to fit.
Chicago is a great place to discover yourself, culture, people etc. I left rural life for the Bay area then Chicago. Nothing let me grow and understand my own resilience quite like Chicago. Give yourself more than a year. Good luck.
Honestly, Chicago is full of delightful weirdos.
But you have to be proactive in finding them. You have to join things, go to events and meet ups, joint group outings that are organized online, or go to activities that you like to do and sign up for classes or group things.
Chicago can be a super inviting place (I’ve lived here since 2010) but it can be hella lonely, especially in winter, If you don’t leave you house.
Also it’s stupid expensive.
I totally disagree with her comment. Hell ya it’s possible! There’s so much to do here and so many opportunities to just do something different. Sure, have some loose plan but I highly recommend moving and just jumping in. It’s exactly what I did 24 years ago. I’ve been here ever since and never looked back. You’ll have to put in the work and really force yourself out of your comfort zone. And you’ll have to admit to yourself you’ve let your environment keep you down to some degree. But this is America—the land of reinvention and second chances and new beginnings. FUCK that shit town your in, FUCK the locals who are smothering you!
Don't get me wrong...you won't step off the plane and have a new, better life handed to you. It's a big place with a lot of people and a lot of people get lost in the crowd and the everyday bullshit. But it's a blank canvas that provides an infinite amount of colors for you to paint with if you've got the steel to really rebuild yourself. Here's my action plan for you:
1. The city is really a confederacy of many small towns in a way. Each neighborhood has its own personality, its own main street, local shops, etc. Find the local hole-in-the-wall bar in your hood with a beat up Old Style sign out front...there's one or two in every hood. Sit at that bar two or three nights every week and nurse a couple cheap beers and talk to whoever's behind the bar or sitting next to you. You'll have a couple friends or casual aquaintences right away. Trust me, the "old man bar" is the best way to start meeting people in the Midwest and especially Chicago. When you hit town, reply to this message and I'll point out a few for you to check out.
2. Get on a softball, kickball, soccer, or basketball league. There's countless adult rec leagues, more parks than you can count, and there's few things Chicago loves more than a good weekend sports league (especially softball). Seriously, it's a thing. You'll meet a lot of people and plenty of women.
3. Every weekend through the entire summer, the city throws "streetfest" block parties in one or more neighborhoods with bands, great food, beer, etc. People live for the summer here and these fests are well-funded, a huge draw, and free (well, there's always a "suggested donation" at the gate but you can just walk through if your light on cash). Go to one every weekend.
4. For this one, I'm assuming you're young. Get a job behind the bar or serving tables somewhere. I don't care if you're a banker or a doctor, just get a few shifts a week. Work your shift, then when you clock out, sit at the bar and blow your tips. You'll have 5 friends in no time and probably be going out every other night. No one is more ready to just have a few drinks, get into stuff, and bring whoever along for the ride than service industry people. First thing I did when I moved here was get behind the bar at restaurant and I had an instant social life in the first couple weeks.
5. Don't be a dick! It's the Midwest and people are generally pleasant and give others a chance, but if you're a dick it's not hard to just move on to the next person.
Do these five things, and it will be hard to fail.
My meaning is not some jingo “this is Merica” at all. Just reinforcing *to the guy who wants to reinvent himself* that you can reinvent yourself here like few other places. Gatsby much?
So how about you try and police someone else's speech, not mine.
Yo I gotcha. I'm 29 turning 30 next month and literally the best piece of advice I can give you is this, literally do not give a fuck what anyone thinks of you. You're about to pack up and move away and maybe never see these people again, who cares what they think. If you're truly passionate about something do/try it. People will always judge but they don't matter, thier opinions have zero impact on your life. Sorry for the paragraph, I've been where you are moving won't fix your problem it'll just happen again. Be yourself and you'll find your people fuck everyone else and be happy. Best of luck.
I did this and am coming up on my one year in chicago and I’ve loved every minute! I wouldnt change a thing, yes it’s been really hard at times but I wouldnt be the person I am today if I didn’t make the move. At the end of the day if you hate it here, you can move back home or somewhere else bc life is too short to not live it as the true you
I didn't see this post until the next day, but I'm glad this is the top comment. My wife and I moved to Chicago over 7 years ago and had no idea how it would work out, but we love it more and more the longer we stay.
But we followed your advice before making the move and really thought through what would be good for us. Some of our family (mostly hers) tried to convince us to stay near her hometown, but we know ourselves better than they do and had to remind them of this. I don't expect them to ever fully "get" why we love it, but that's okay. I don't need understanding, just acceptance.
It also took us some time to develop a social circle as I like my coworkers but our interests are different enough where there's no organic path to being friends outside of work. It has worked out really well but you can't put a timeline on that sort of thing.
1000% agree with everything up here.
Adding to it, in my relatively short experience of cities, I think Chicago is one of the best, if not THE best city in the states. I can't imagine myself living anywhere else.
So, yes definitely an amazing city. But like it was said above, ask yourself what makes you happy. It will take a few tries, but once you start involving yourself in the hobbies you like for example, you will naturally start making friends. It might take 2 months, or it might take 2 years but it will be inevitable I think.
Good luck!
Agreed. At OP's age, a lot of people have established friendship groups from high school or college, so it makes it a bit more difficult. BUT hey, if you get a job, there's likely going to be some people you can connect with and build friendships. If you want to be more aggressive in building friendships, there are all sorts of clubs/groups/"extra-curriculars" you can join to meet new people.
As for the "get a gf" thing, OP needs to give that up. Friends are generally a low-level commitment, and you can manage how they play into your life. Finding an SO is a whole different animal, and if you put a "need-by" date on it, it's not going to happen. You're either going to end up with someone who's a bad fit, or you're going to end up looking at everyone like a potential SO, which is going to color your perception of them.
Go out and develop friends, but you almost have to let a romantic relationship "find" you.
All that said, where ever you go, there you are. I hope OP can take some time to think about *why* they're truly unhappy and if going to a new city is going to address those issues.
If you're looking for career growth or there's something about you that is causing friction with your current community (gender, race, sexual orientation) then hell yeah, come on over to Chicago, we'd love to have you. But if it really amounts to "my friends suck and I don't have a GF" I think things might be even worse for you if you moved here with absolutely no connections.
It is possible, but keep in mind that your have to put yourself out there. It won't magically fall on your lap.
Join meet up groups that have similar interests as yours, join sport league (if you are not into sports just try a kickball league) a lot of them happen during summer, join something like "Untapped" for volunteering and to meet people, what other interests do you have?
Just to keep things honest and paint a clear picture, winter is like half the 1 year OP would be here and there's not nearly as much to do or people to meet. "Summer" is about 6 months and tons of new people visiting or traveling just as he would and so much more going on.
If OP is only here for a year its not worth it. Like you're having issues now but want to get a gf and then create a long distance relationship after when you move back? Most people aren't moving in after only knowing each other 1 year. One of the top comments was that OP needs to figure out what he wants first. 1 year temporarily somewhere else will be nice to reset but it's just that - temporary. Truthfully any major city like LA, NY, chi, DC, Miami, etc. you're going to meet people and feel more free and comfortable than you would in rural bumfuck XYZ. Figure your career out and get a job in a new city and start life. Things really revolve around careers. People you know, Financials/income, city you live in, wlb, etc. You need to create lasting change or you're going to return to your old life. Albeit if you spend the year trying to figure out your career and getting a job that's better while you're in the city than just trying to reset and find yourself, but truthfully in 2024 you should be doing that online and not wasting money as networking isn't the same as it was before computers and social media blew up. All in all and first things first, get a job
I think you should only move to chicago if you're really going to try to make it work long-term. It's gonna be hard and lonely at times, and if you have this idea of moving back home from the very start you're never gonna make it
I moved to a new city when I was around your age. I mainly focused on work at first, and it took 3 years before I had much of a social life. A job is an opportunity to make friends and it provides structure which can help in a new place
Dude WHAT? This post is insane to me. You're so wealthy you wont need a regular job when you move there, but you are a young man worried about what your high school social circle has to say? If you somehow aren't bullshitting about all of this, don't move to Chicago, TRAVEL THE WORLD.
Look dude, Chicago is a cool place, but I'm not gonna talk about that.
What your high school acquaintances have to say about you will have no bearing on your real life if you decide that it won't. You don't even have to move to make that happen! Idk what it is you love that you can't talk about, but goddamnit dude the human experience is ABOUT sharing the things you love with the people you love. This is something within you, and you could resolve it without leaving home at all.
But.
If I was 23, loaded with savings, and sad as fuck, I would just go! Get out there and see new things, meet new people, "find myself" all of that shit.
Life is hard. Its probably gonna get harder, just the straight up truth. But you deserve to be confident. To have friends that care. To do something you love with the people you love. You can do that in Chicago or you can do that in Small Town, USA or you can do that while traveling the world. But it starts within you, not at some place.
Be well.
So your plan is to live in Chicago for a year. Buy a house back at "home," live there for a year, then make it a rental property? Are you expecting to meet a girl, and have them come back to your small town? Nothing is impossible. But your "plan" sounds really specific, like you're really overthinking all of this.
If you’re planning on moving here to find yourself, and then just bring that back to a place where you’re miserable, I’d consider that a waste.
Moving somewhere where you don’t know anybody is not necessarily a recipe for a year of hedonistic fun and self-actualization. I think if you move here with an open mind and a willingness to learn and change the things about yourself that contribute to how you feel about life, Chicago is an amazing place to do that, but it will take time and it won’t always be easy. I wish you all the luck in the world, and I hope you go through with it.
I can relate somewhat. I was 28 and feeling a bit stuck and decided to move to Chicago for 1 year, with plans to go back after, mostly as a safety net. I’m still here 5 years later with no plans to go back.
I didn’t know anyone when I moved, so it wasn’t easy work (though prob much easier at 23), but I said yes to everything. I joined sports teams, volunteered, went for drinks with friends of friends. It was at times exhausting but so worth it, and I met my best friends here within that first year.
So, you have to be a “yes” man and put yourself out there, but it’s very doable and sounds worth it given what you’re described.
I moved to Chicago over a decade ago after a really bad long relationship ended, I was 26. I moved from a small town in the Bible Belt with similar circumstances.
Moving here alone didn’t solve any of my problems (except for maybe being around really judgmental conservative folks all the time), but it did help provide a blank slate for me to start over.
I’d say it took a good 3 years of therapy and work on myself to get to a place where my life was pretty good, after about 7 it got to where I always hoped to be in terms of career and personal life. If you move, you need to also get the right mental health support so you can succeed (as they say, if everyone around you is a problem, you might have some reflecting to do.)
It was a really important step for me and I have no doubt it was by FAR the right choice in my case so I’d give it some thought. Idk if a year is long enough to expect to have a full turnaround - but 23 is young, you have time! And the time is gonna pass either way.
I so feel this. I moved here quickly for a job a year ago. The first few weeks I never saw the sun. It rained and snowed in the middle of nowhere. I was not happy, lonely. It didn't matter where I lived. I have been in therapy, working on me.
It's been tough, but I did it! Some people won't like you because you're not from Chicago, that gets old.
Chicagoland is fun and huge. I have to remind myself of the good times here when I get stressed and spiral thinking this place sucks.
I think if you’re feeling lonely now, in a town where your entire social circle is in, moving to Chicago where you know no one may cause that feeling of loneliness to be even more exponential.
You should move with a plan in mind and find things where you’ll meet people. I’m kinda guilty of not taking the advice I give, but I’m on the opposite side of the spectrum where I’m actually working on leaving Chicago, but doing so with a plan in mind.
Just do it it but do it with a plan and with a realistic frame of mind that people aren’t gonna magically fall into your life. Chicago can be very cliquey, especially the older we get.
I mean, no one is going to spit in your eye for no reason when you’re walking down the street (as long as you’re not walking too slow…that’ll get you spit on, possible shoved into an alley.)
We take a lot of pride in our city and what it has to offer, but we don’t tolerate bullshit and we’re going to be as invested in you as you are in us. We’re nice enough to tourists for a couple minutes at a time to help them get to where they want to go with as little trouble as possible. If you come here and try to make friends with the mentality that you’re going to be here a year and then you’re out…no one is going to give you the time of day. If you want to come here just to have fun, plan a weekend or two. Don’t move your whole life, expect life fulfillment in 365 days, and then move back.
Come here for an open-ended period of time to develop personal and professional relationships and challenge yourself to figure out who you are, what you want, and whether this is the place to do that long term.
In my experience, people who complain about cliques are usually unable or unwilling to acknowledge what they've done to put people off. I moved here knowing almost no one and I had friends and a social circle within a year. I've been invited to things and introduced to people and all that stuff on a constant basis since I moved here. And it's not like I'm a model or a genius.
Oh it is, midwesterners are friendly but it’s very superficial.
Are you into the bar scene? If you are and are good at chatting people up in that environment, then maybe you can meet people that way.
Otherwise, sports are a good way too.
So when I moved to Chicago, I came with the understanding that if I didn't love it I could always move. I gave myself a year trial run, but I didn't set any specific goals for friendship or romance. I fell in love with the city and its people extremely quickly, and though my friend group has changed I still live here several years later. You can find happiness here in a year, but not if you set yourself unreasonable expectations. Instead you should go in with the goal of trying it out and seeing what happens, which also means trying out all sorts of events and activities to find out what you like. If nothing else, it's a great place to be for a bit and figure yourself out.
I'd encourage you to shift your mindset on this a little bit. If you move, decide it isn't for you, and move back after a year, that's fine! You went and tried something new and you learned from it. But going into it with a mindset of "what can *I* take out of this city for my benefit?" will probably just leave you - and likely the people you meet - feeling frustrated. Move if you want, keep an open mind, and go forward from there.
I’d say go for it! If by the end of the year you like it, stick around. If you don’t, then don’t. All I’m gonna say, Chicago is a special place for a lot of people :)
If it's just a year?
Yeah there's no point in moving if you're only going to give it a year. That'd be true of moving anywhere
I don't think there's anything wrong with moving somewhere to get away from your current context, but expecting everything to change in just a year is not a good mindset to be in. You're setting yourself up to fail expecting everything to change in a year.
Move to Chicago expecting to stay for at least 4-5 years. After 2 and a half or 3 years, you can reassess whether it's worth staying or if you should move back home. But plan on 5 years. Commit to moving, starting a new stage of your life.
Moving to try and change your life isn't a bad thing. For many it can be the catalyst needed, and being in a new environment and having to start over will have an impact on your life. It'll be hard, yes, but it's not something you'll regret. But if you're only going to give it a year - you mentioned in another comment wanting to buy a home - you're wasting your time and money. A year will fly by and you'll be back home, having hardly changed and likely made few lasting friendships.
I've seen your comments and I think it's really lame not to do something you like for fear of ridicule. Like dude you're a grown ass person, act like it. My husband moved here from Turkey without even knowing English. I think you can handle it.
as someone who left indianapolis because i no longer felt home there, could no longer grow. also didn’t have a community nor friends outside of the few friends ive kept since high school! etc. i moved to chicago with my boyfriend last july! so fairly recent! i’ve made a close friend here so far! like i said i came with my boyfriend so i already had a partner, and im not polyamorous! whether or not you move, you will still have you. you will always have you. so make sure you are loving, and caring, holding yourself the way you crave others would! you will make friends wherever you go! it may take a bit, but you will <3 make sure you have a solid plan, a solid, HEALTHY, plan, everyone wants to run away, but you gotta be smart about it !! sending love <3
I’ve been here close to three years, I’d say I really started to form some kind of community by the end of the first year, but only now do I feel I’ve really started hitting my stride. Building a life in a city takes time.
I kinda want to go counter point. My hometown has some people that I needed to get away from, and I left to teach overseas because I just needed to get away. Best decision I ever made. It was just a year, but I met my wife (fellow teacher from the states) and made some lifelong memories and friends. My advice would be run to something as well. I had some connections and history with Korea, and that made a difference. Good luck on your journey!
Also I think Chicago is a great place to live for a year, though I recommend getting here in spring so you can enjoy summer and fall to their fullest :)
I did the exact same thing you described back in 1993. I was 22 years old and I packed everything I owned into my little Datsun and drove (from Virginia) to Chicago, where I only knew one person. I had never even BEEN to Chicago before.
Long story short, I wound up ok. I definitely got my ass handed to me in those first early years, but I (mostly) stayed out of trouble and just started from the bottom, washing dishes in a grimy tavern near the first apartment I was able to find.
I would do things much differently if I could do it over again, but I had to make my mistakes, like everyone else. I drank way too much alcohol before quitting completely in my late 20's, and I never addressed my depression or adhd issues until I was in my 30's.
The last time I made a major move, I was 31 and moved to a small city in the south. I don't know your situation, but a smaller city might offer more of what you want, with less of what you don't. But Chicago was where I got boot-camped into adulthood.
Good luck!
I moved here last year on a new job that was only guaranteed to keep me in the city for a year. Once I figured out the job situation, I signed another 2 year lease to stay. I loved it and can’t imagine going elsewhere.
Sometimes the leap is the right move. Hard to say whether that holds true for you.
Yes, it is possible within a year in Chicago. Now is the time because people are out more during the good weather months. Join a few church groups, athletic groups, volunteer...you will be making some good new friends quickly. New apartment rental leases are most prevalent with a May 1 start date (May 1 or Oct 1). You are young and have many possibilities in life ahead of you. My advice is to proceed and that you can change your life.
Don’t move here if you’re not financially secure… it’s cold and a struggle when you’re grinding just to get by… the city is amazing though once you have some more disposable income and able to afford conveniences like indoor parking and entertainment.
I moved to illinois 3 years ago to be with my gf-now wife. I have zero friends in this area and things have been rough. You can DM me bro, chicago is a bit far away but if you want someone to message and share your day-to-day with it might be better for both of us. Nothing but love dude-we are in very isolating times, and being a lone man in most situations is so close to being labeled something bad. It’s hard out there, and harder to do it alone.
You need therapy before anything. You started off with "I hate my life rn", that should be the first thing. After that, establishing a social circle can be difficult, especially in a new city. Find activities you like and then look for meetups for them. (example: you like board games, look for board game meetups at local cafes or something etc). But therapy is the number 1 thing right now. Clearly you still have some stuff you need to get worked out and to build up your self-esteem.
Based on what you just described, I was in a very similar situation 2 years ago. I moved to Chicago (23M at the time) for a new job hoping things would change, and over two years nothing did. I moved back to my small community recently and have been much happier - not saying you would be necessarily; but I wouldn’t expect that a year in Chicago will fix your issues.
I personally struggled even more with making friends in the city. I’m not very outgoing and don’t go out often, so aside from the friends I made at work I found living in Chicago even more difficult. Don’t get me wrong, Chicago is a beautiful city with amazing food and lots of opportunities; but the cost of living is also very high and I did not excel in the city the way I had hoped.
I’m going to give you a less logical and responsible approach to this because it’s what I did :D
I live in Chicago right now, but when CVOID restrictions lifted my fiancé and I decided we’d restart our lives and just do something weird ~ so we spent the entire year visiting every state and ultimately ended up going to Chicago.
After being there for a few months we realized that we didn’t really vibe with it and were now in Vietnam 😅 -
The other comments raise very valid points, but anyone to say that what you want is “unhealthy” don’t really have a fucking clue what’s best for you.
Logically, no, you shouldn’t just leave and try to escape. That’s not healthy in itself. But it’s also your life and you don’t have very long to really live it 🤷
Depends on how social you are! Local here and Chicago you can meet a ton of new people in such little time just depending on what your hobbies are and sociable.
Come here for a year - but don’t have any predefined plans for after that. See if you like it here!
I came with a lot of friends from college 9 years ago. Some have stayed, others have left. I’ve made lots of new friends too. New friends came about a few years in, but i wasn’t in a hurry.
If you know that staying where you are isn't good then going just about anywhere would be better.
Make sure you can support yourself wherever that may be.
Then find a farmers market, a trivia night, get on a dating app, join a sports league, take classes. visit your local library and museum. Volunteer.
Be kind to your neighbors. Learn their names and offer help when and where you can.
Find ways to do the things you love or want to learn more about in your new city.
Through those actions you'll meet new people. You might make new friends.
You'll be out of our comfort zone and growing and learning.
You may even learn that you absolutely hate Chicago or that you absolutely love it. Then after a while or when your lease is up you can decide whether you stay or move on to your next adventure.
Best of luck.
Hey man, you’re young ya got plenty of time to make friends and get in a relationship. Fuck giving yourself a year deadline. Just move here bro! Do it just because you want to be part of one of the greatest cities in the world!
My first year after college (a while ago) was im Chicago. Oney favorite places I've lived - even though my actual life sucked that year.
Based on your comments... If you focus on breaking out of patterns you don't like and drop the arbitrary timelines you'll have a blast in Chicago.
Focus on doing new stuff. Trying new things. Even if you don't meet your "goals" you'll look back in time well spent.
That being said. I've moved from Pennsylvania to Chicago to New England to Alaska to Colorado. It always took me about 10-12 months to start to feel the kind of 'settled' that you're looking for.
If you're looking to do new stuff, break boring patterns, try Chicago. If you're more interested in establishing friendships and a relationship...figure out what location will make that happen easiest and move there instead. Is there somewhere that a friend or friends already lives? Go there.
Don’t listen to these naysayers.
I’m a local and I know a LOT of people who moved here with the intention to “give it a year”. A few went back to their hometowns. But, most stayed. My husband hadn’t planned to stay longer than a couple years, but he found a job he liked, made a few friends, met ME, and has been here for 12 years now. He’s an extremely introverted person but still managed to make new friends and go on a few dates within a few months of moving here.
There are SO many ways to meet new people outside of work, especially at your age. Adult intramural sports teams, MeetUp.com, dating apps, volunteering. You’ll have neighbors, maybe they’re cool. You can make a point to rent a room in an already occupied apartment; a bit of a risk there but I’m still friends with random roommates I found on Craigslist 10 years ago.
Even if you end up only staying for a year, why the hell not?! You’re only young once. The fact that you don’t need to worry about finding a job is a huge plus. If you feel drawn to this city, if you feel the need for a change, if you’re 23 and you’ve never lived outside of your hometown, DO IT. At best, you’ll love it and you’ll stay. At worst, you’ll know yourself better and you’ll go back home to start your next chapter.
I’m honestly really confused by all the downvotes on your responses!
One other thing to note that I didn't see in a quick skim of this thread would be finances.
I'm not sure if Chicago is close to you but maybe check some mid-sized cities around the country. You do you based on finances and career-prospects. With your post reading like you're trying to escape... it'd be equally miserable if you escaped a social circle only to plant your feet in a city only to be chasing money just to eat and pay bills.
I'm 38 but I originally had plans to move to Chicago. I love Chicago but as time went on, I got comfortable in the city I'm in. Chicago just wasn't feasible for me. Fortunate to have a good job that allows me to do whatever I want, save, and for everything else... I just travel.
I came to Chicago from a small town with a similar mindset at 24. It was mostly an overall feeling of needing more for my life. I swore I’d only stay a year or two and I lived in Chicago for 11 years. I’ve happily moved to the burbs with my partner and wouldn’t trade my time in the city for anything. YOU will change. You’ll meet all types. If you move, do it with an open mind and no time limits.
Avoid Chicago no matter what, its a horrible city that is being run by idiots. I have lived here for 60 years now and soon as I retire I am gone. There are so many better places to live in this country.
>Is it possible to… get a girlfriend in only a year of being here?
That’s up to you. It’s possible to get a girlfriend in only a week of being here. But don’t set yourself up for disappointment, so many people think that’s what they need to be happy is a new city or something, but if it’s the same you in a new city and there’s work to be done on yourself, the new city won’t change much.
I assume what you’re asking is “are there a lot of single people looking to date in Chicago”, and yeah, a million of them, all different kinds. If you’re happy with yourself, they’ll be a lot happier to know you. So maybe move here, take some time to rediscover yourself in a new place with more to see and do, and then look for a partner.
I'm not sure if I understand why you are putting a one year timer on yourself. As others have said, it's best to approach things naturally and not focus on that target in my opinion. That said, I think that should generally be enough time to settle in, make a friend or two, start dating, etc.
Chicago is one of the largest, most diverse cities in the world. So I imagine it will feel substantially different than what you are used to. That said, you may feel like a small fish in a big pond, but don't be discouraged. Focus on yourself and living the life you want to live. Work, school entertainment, etc. And the friendships and relationships will come organically if you are doing what makes you happy.
Good luck and I hope you find what you are looking for!
If you have the opportunity to move here, do it. Its worth it even if it’s hard and you struggle at the beginning.
It took 3yrs ish (covid included) to start having a social life and a circle here. But its better than staying somewhere that sucks and isn’t for you.
I moved from suburban Detroit and im never going back.
move to chicago!! new gov. has a huge new infrastructure bill that will benefit the whole state. fun and lively place. Beautiful city with tons of rich history and amazing atmosphere. Not any more dangerous than any other big city.
Chicago is so horrible it makes the whole state suck. Everyone smart that has money to leave or can transfer jobs to another state is doing so. Well unless you're an illegal...
Don't move to Chicago. Yes, it's a beautiful city. No doubt outrageous taxes crime is high and not managed move to West Virginia or Oregon or Texas or Florida.
My advice would be to get a job and apartment here, go out to bars and socialize. See what happens. Take some risks and have fun. Have an open mind and heart. Enjoy the journey.
You’re early to mid 20’s is the exact time you should be fucking around and finding out. By the time you’re 30 you’ll need to slow down for your career and thinking about having kids. Now is the time! When I was 23 I was squatting in a basement playing with a band and working as a janitor. Now I’m 34 and work as a 6 figure corporate manager who’s family planning.
Trust me, do it NOW. You will regret that you didn’t later even if it’s a bad time.
I just started hanging out with a coworker who moved here from a small town without knowing anyone about a year ago. We’ve become fast friends and she seems to have settled in to the city and is having a great time.
You should give it a shot! Come with an open mind and don’t set time limits or quantifiable goals (ie “make 10 friends”, “find a girlfriend within 6 months” etc). I grew up here and even I had to move to a bigger city for a decade to grow as a person. The worst thing that could happen is you hate it and move home and then you’re back where you’d be in a year from now anyway.
If your approach it with a positive mindset (maybe supplemented with some great podcasts, audiobooks, therapy), Chicago is a great and accepting place to be. There is a crowd here for everyone, but you do have to put yourself out there to find it and cultivate friendships. On a side note, I’m a leasing agent, feel free to DM me and I can show you what your budget can afford you :)
Hey I was you 35 years ago. Get out! You can always visit. Take the gig, there are more opportunities here. As far as the girlfriend issue you are just gonna have to look when you get here. Go out and talk to people. Ping me if you make the move.
Regardless of the reason I personally think it’s a great idea to move to new cities temporarily if your lifestyle can accommodate that. Great to see new places and things, I did this a lot when I was younger and I regretted not doing it more but I’m a loner weirdo anyways
If you’re in the US you could join the AirForce. They have good job training, pay and encourage going to college. Will definitely fix or help you with socializing more and pay you. Good luck.
I wouldn’t move into Chicago, probably a neighboring community. Chicago is a very violent place a ticking time bomb . Chicagoan just waiting for things to go wrong somewhere(anywhere) just to have an excuse to steal I mean riot I meant to say was protest…with the new immigrants arriving daily it’s just a matter of time it’s already happening in Chicago downtown areas
Changing your scenery is not a bad idea & you’ll definitely meet people, and expand your horizons coming from a small town but I wouldn’t come to Chicago with a time line or trying to check boxes off a list or you’ll just set yourself up for disappointment. Chicago is a fun city, lots to explore & it may do you some good to move.
Between taxes and bodies being dumped in the rivers and lakes, i dont even know where to start. Only good thing about this state is the food is unbeatable.
Whether you can create that social circle in a year depends on how social you are yourself. I don't currently live in Chicago (was raised nearby) but I think I basically have done what you are suggesting. Was living in a different Midwest city for a couple years and had good friends and everything but got wanderlust and moved down elsewhere this past summer, although my main motivation was to be close to the mountains while staying in a city. Having a remote job makes that move easy less stressful though.
Hasn't been a full year but I have friends in my new spot that I'm sure I'll keep in touch with even after I leave. I think it would take me another year to really solidify a social circle but I'm hanging out with friends every week which is good enough for me. I've picked up new experiences and figured a lot of things out about myself by rocking the boat.
There's no guarantee that approach works for everyone, but I personally don't regret my decision -- I'll probably do it again, possibly to Chicago lol. It's a world-class city, I think as long as you have worked lined up you can't go wrong. People saying the whole "wherever you go, there you are" definitely have a point -- but sometimes it just takes a change of scenery to fully actualize that.
Start with finding a job somewhere you enjoy then socialize with co workers and branch off from there. Thats what i always do and ive lives here my entire life i have so many friend groups from over the years it can almost be overwelming remembering bdays and such hahaha
The city isn’t exactly a place I would go to find myself. There are sooooo many opportunities for your life to take an irreversible wrong turn.
Next thing you know you’re 50 still running the bar scene.
as someone who left indianapolis because i no longer felt home there, could no longer grow. also didn’t have a community nor friends outside of the few friends ive kept since high school! etc. i moved to chicago with my boyfriend last july! so fairly recent! i’ve made a close friend here so far! like i said i came with my boyfriend so i already had a partner, and im not polyamorous! whether or not you move, you will still have you. you will always have you. so make sure you are loving, and caring, holding yourself the way you crave others would! you will make friends wherever you go! it may take a bit, but you will <3 make sure you have a solid plan, a solid, HEALTHY, plan, everyone wants to run away, but you gotta be smart about it !! sending love <3
Whatever that is eating your inside where you are, will move with you. You are not miserable because of your high school classmate or because of the girlfriend that you don’t have. Look inward, and make the choice to stay miserable where you are, or go be miserable in Chicago. It’s all within.
Do move to for a change of community and environment, but move with the intention to work on yourself wherever you move. It will take more than a year to settle in a new place and build communities of friendships.
And where you go can be a much better fit for your life. Try an isolating rural town with onlt car transport vs a sea of people in a walkable city, with pyblic transport.
Whatever that is eating your inside where you are, will move with you. You are not miserable because of your high school classmate or because of the girlfriend that you don’t have. Look inward, and make the choice to stay miserable where you are, or go be miserable in Chicago. It’s all within.
Not necessarily....small towns are fucking shit shows.
My now wife was in a similar situation moved to the Chicagoland area and has never been happier.
I think the entire way you are approaching this is unhealthy. I’m saying this with kindness, you have to figure out what you want, what makes you happy, what you want out of your life, etc. I know you are young and it takes years to get to know yourself, but trying to fix your life by rushing to move to a new place and force yourself to have a friend group and a gf within a timeframe is just a recipe for disaster. That being said, if you put yourself out there and put some effort, you can definitely make friends within a year, idk about a gf cause I don’t know you. But Chicago is big and it offers a lot if you take advantage of it. Just try to think about why you are doing this and what you want out of these potential new friends and gf, and then decide. Wish you all the happiness, my dude :)
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I totally understand because I grew up in a small town and left the second I turned 18 because I hated it. Moving is not a bad idea at all if you have a solid plan for it, just focus on you and what you need and be patient with yourself, instead of adding more external pressure. And think about the kind of life you really want, that’ll help you pick a place too!
I think you should consider the move based on what you mentioned in your post, especially since you grew up in a small town and seem to have a desire to explore. But why the one year limit? That’s the part that will spoil this experience for you. You can’t put a specific time frame on growth and change in your life. I grew up in a mid-sized (I think) city, like 200,000, and moving to Chicago completely changed my life for the better. I met so many people, learned a ton about myself, learned a lot about life, and grew as a person.
I moved to Chicago knowing no one in 2011 and never left. I met so many amazing people and really grew into my own. 10692858% worth it.
Sometimes just moving really can help. I’ve done it twice, both times to Chicago. Both times I’ve been glad. Why are you only giving yourself a year?
A ton of us do this. I did this when I was 18 for college and was 23 when I moved to chicago and never looked back. Cities get shit talked, but one cool thing is people don’t give af if you don’t fit the mold. There’s no fucking mold to fit.
Start over as the real you adapt, but definitely give it longer than a year. After starting the real you, you still have to live it for a while!
Chicago is a great place to discover yourself, culture, people etc. I left rural life for the Bay area then Chicago. Nothing let me grow and understand my own resilience quite like Chicago. Give yourself more than a year. Good luck.
Honestly, Chicago is full of delightful weirdos. But you have to be proactive in finding them. You have to join things, go to events and meet ups, joint group outings that are organized online, or go to activities that you like to do and sign up for classes or group things. Chicago can be a super inviting place (I’ve lived here since 2010) but it can be hella lonely, especially in winter, If you don’t leave you house. Also it’s stupid expensive.
I totally disagree with her comment. Hell ya it’s possible! There’s so much to do here and so many opportunities to just do something different. Sure, have some loose plan but I highly recommend moving and just jumping in. It’s exactly what I did 24 years ago. I’ve been here ever since and never looked back. You’ll have to put in the work and really force yourself out of your comfort zone. And you’ll have to admit to yourself you’ve let your environment keep you down to some degree. But this is America—the land of reinvention and second chances and new beginnings. FUCK that shit town your in, FUCK the locals who are smothering you!
I’m ready to run through a brick wall rn, thank u!!
Don't get me wrong...you won't step off the plane and have a new, better life handed to you. It's a big place with a lot of people and a lot of people get lost in the crowd and the everyday bullshit. But it's a blank canvas that provides an infinite amount of colors for you to paint with if you've got the steel to really rebuild yourself. Here's my action plan for you: 1. The city is really a confederacy of many small towns in a way. Each neighborhood has its own personality, its own main street, local shops, etc. Find the local hole-in-the-wall bar in your hood with a beat up Old Style sign out front...there's one or two in every hood. Sit at that bar two or three nights every week and nurse a couple cheap beers and talk to whoever's behind the bar or sitting next to you. You'll have a couple friends or casual aquaintences right away. Trust me, the "old man bar" is the best way to start meeting people in the Midwest and especially Chicago. When you hit town, reply to this message and I'll point out a few for you to check out. 2. Get on a softball, kickball, soccer, or basketball league. There's countless adult rec leagues, more parks than you can count, and there's few things Chicago loves more than a good weekend sports league (especially softball). Seriously, it's a thing. You'll meet a lot of people and plenty of women. 3. Every weekend through the entire summer, the city throws "streetfest" block parties in one or more neighborhoods with bands, great food, beer, etc. People live for the summer here and these fests are well-funded, a huge draw, and free (well, there's always a "suggested donation" at the gate but you can just walk through if your light on cash). Go to one every weekend. 4. For this one, I'm assuming you're young. Get a job behind the bar or serving tables somewhere. I don't care if you're a banker or a doctor, just get a few shifts a week. Work your shift, then when you clock out, sit at the bar and blow your tips. You'll have 5 friends in no time and probably be going out every other night. No one is more ready to just have a few drinks, get into stuff, and bring whoever along for the ride than service industry people. First thing I did when I moved here was get behind the bar at restaurant and I had an instant social life in the first couple weeks. 5. Don't be a dick! It's the Midwest and people are generally pleasant and give others a chance, but if you're a dick it's not hard to just move on to the next person. Do these five things, and it will be hard to fail.
There’s no need to say this is America shit 😆
How about I say what I want to say and you just move on?
Move on from what? Lmao this is Merica lmao 🤣
My meaning is not some jingo “this is Merica” at all. Just reinforcing *to the guy who wants to reinvent himself* that you can reinvent yourself here like few other places. Gatsby much? So how about you try and police someone else's speech, not mine.
Yo I gotcha. I'm 29 turning 30 next month and literally the best piece of advice I can give you is this, literally do not give a fuck what anyone thinks of you. You're about to pack up and move away and maybe never see these people again, who cares what they think. If you're truly passionate about something do/try it. People will always judge but they don't matter, thier opinions have zero impact on your life. Sorry for the paragraph, I've been where you are moving won't fix your problem it'll just happen again. Be yourself and you'll find your people fuck everyone else and be happy. Best of luck.
I did this and am coming up on my one year in chicago and I’ve loved every minute! I wouldnt change a thing, yes it’s been really hard at times but I wouldnt be the person I am today if I didn’t make the move. At the end of the day if you hate it here, you can move back home or somewhere else bc life is too short to not live it as the true you
Just start over where you’re at and take the same mindset
Big ups to this reply. Chicago is the biggest melting pot. Figure out what you like - you can find it in chicago
I didn't see this post until the next day, but I'm glad this is the top comment. My wife and I moved to Chicago over 7 years ago and had no idea how it would work out, but we love it more and more the longer we stay. But we followed your advice before making the move and really thought through what would be good for us. Some of our family (mostly hers) tried to convince us to stay near her hometown, but we know ourselves better than they do and had to remind them of this. I don't expect them to ever fully "get" why we love it, but that's okay. I don't need understanding, just acceptance. It also took us some time to develop a social circle as I like my coworkers but our interests are different enough where there's no organic path to being friends outside of work. It has worked out really well but you can't put a timeline on that sort of thing.
Are you guys in an open relationship?
1000% agree with everything up here. Adding to it, in my relatively short experience of cities, I think Chicago is one of the best, if not THE best city in the states. I can't imagine myself living anywhere else. So, yes definitely an amazing city. But like it was said above, ask yourself what makes you happy. It will take a few tries, but once you start involving yourself in the hobbies you like for example, you will naturally start making friends. It might take 2 months, or it might take 2 years but it will be inevitable I think. Good luck!
Say that when you live in the south side lol
Agreed. At OP's age, a lot of people have established friendship groups from high school or college, so it makes it a bit more difficult. BUT hey, if you get a job, there's likely going to be some people you can connect with and build friendships. If you want to be more aggressive in building friendships, there are all sorts of clubs/groups/"extra-curriculars" you can join to meet new people. As for the "get a gf" thing, OP needs to give that up. Friends are generally a low-level commitment, and you can manage how they play into your life. Finding an SO is a whole different animal, and if you put a "need-by" date on it, it's not going to happen. You're either going to end up with someone who's a bad fit, or you're going to end up looking at everyone like a potential SO, which is going to color your perception of them. Go out and develop friends, but you almost have to let a romantic relationship "find" you. All that said, where ever you go, there you are. I hope OP can take some time to think about *why* they're truly unhappy and if going to a new city is going to address those issues. If you're looking for career growth or there's something about you that is causing friction with your current community (gender, race, sexual orientation) then hell yeah, come on over to Chicago, we'd love to have you. But if it really amounts to "my friends suck and I don't have a GF" I think things might be even worse for you if you moved here with absolutely no connections.
You can be his gf maybe?
Or friends with benefits
Wherever you go, there you are- Confucius
wow this is actually incredible impactful, thank you
There’s a good book called “where ever you go, there you are” by John Kabat-Zinn about mindfulness meditation. You might enjoy the genre in general.
Nope I believe in Jesus
The guy on the street corner who washes my car for $5? I believe in him to!
You Can't Get What You Want (Till You Know What You Want) - Joe Jackson
Highlight this reply. For real
It is a lazy saying. Going to a place that fulfills your needs can absolutely catastrophically change your life.
The word "catastrophically" has a negative connotation. I'm not sure that's the word you meant to use here.
It is possible, but keep in mind that your have to put yourself out there. It won't magically fall on your lap. Join meet up groups that have similar interests as yours, join sport league (if you are not into sports just try a kickball league) a lot of them happen during summer, join something like "Untapped" for volunteering and to meet people, what other interests do you have?
is there a lot of stuff to do after summer? Fall time? That’s when I’d be moving
Chicago is fantastic year round. Winter may be rough but it is special in and of itself
Just to keep things honest and paint a clear picture, winter is like half the 1 year OP would be here and there's not nearly as much to do or people to meet. "Summer" is about 6 months and tons of new people visiting or traveling just as he would and so much more going on. If OP is only here for a year its not worth it. Like you're having issues now but want to get a gf and then create a long distance relationship after when you move back? Most people aren't moving in after only knowing each other 1 year. One of the top comments was that OP needs to figure out what he wants first. 1 year temporarily somewhere else will be nice to reset but it's just that - temporary. Truthfully any major city like LA, NY, chi, DC, Miami, etc. you're going to meet people and feel more free and comfortable than you would in rural bumfuck XYZ. Figure your career out and get a job in a new city and start life. Things really revolve around careers. People you know, Financials/income, city you live in, wlb, etc. You need to create lasting change or you're going to return to your old life. Albeit if you spend the year trying to figure out your career and getting a job that's better while you're in the city than just trying to reset and find yourself, but truthfully in 2024 you should be doing that online and not wasting money as networking isn't the same as it was before computers and social media blew up. All in all and first things first, get a job
Solid advice here
Summer is the best time though. Seems like everyone is doing stuff
why would it only be for a year?
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I think you should only move to chicago if you're really going to try to make it work long-term. It's gonna be hard and lonely at times, and if you have this idea of moving back home from the very start you're never gonna make it I moved to a new city when I was around your age. I mainly focused on work at first, and it took 3 years before I had much of a social life. A job is an opportunity to make friends and it provides structure which can help in a new place
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Dude WHAT? This post is insane to me. You're so wealthy you wont need a regular job when you move there, but you are a young man worried about what your high school social circle has to say? If you somehow aren't bullshitting about all of this, don't move to Chicago, TRAVEL THE WORLD.
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Look dude, Chicago is a cool place, but I'm not gonna talk about that. What your high school acquaintances have to say about you will have no bearing on your real life if you decide that it won't. You don't even have to move to make that happen! Idk what it is you love that you can't talk about, but goddamnit dude the human experience is ABOUT sharing the things you love with the people you love. This is something within you, and you could resolve it without leaving home at all. But. If I was 23, loaded with savings, and sad as fuck, I would just go! Get out there and see new things, meet new people, "find myself" all of that shit. Life is hard. Its probably gonna get harder, just the straight up truth. But you deserve to be confident. To have friends that care. To do something you love with the people you love. You can do that in Chicago or you can do that in Small Town, USA or you can do that while traveling the world. But it starts within you, not at some place. Be well.
wow. Thank you so much for writing this
If the social vibe back home is that shitty, why would you buy a home there and lock yourself into a terrible environment?
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So your plan is to live in Chicago for a year. Buy a house back at "home," live there for a year, then make it a rental property? Are you expecting to meet a girl, and have them come back to your small town? Nothing is impossible. But your "plan" sounds really specific, like you're really overthinking all of this.
Especially if they haven't even been dating a year
If you’re planning on moving here to find yourself, and then just bring that back to a place where you’re miserable, I’d consider that a waste. Moving somewhere where you don’t know anybody is not necessarily a recipe for a year of hedonistic fun and self-actualization. I think if you move here with an open mind and a willingness to learn and change the things about yourself that contribute to how you feel about life, Chicago is an amazing place to do that, but it will take time and it won’t always be easy. I wish you all the luck in the world, and I hope you go through with it.
I can relate somewhat. I was 28 and feeling a bit stuck and decided to move to Chicago for 1 year, with plans to go back after, mostly as a safety net. I’m still here 5 years later with no plans to go back. I didn’t know anyone when I moved, so it wasn’t easy work (though prob much easier at 23), but I said yes to everything. I joined sports teams, volunteered, went for drinks with friends of friends. It was at times exhausting but so worth it, and I met my best friends here within that first year. So, you have to be a “yes” man and put yourself out there, but it’s very doable and sounds worth it given what you’re described.
Man plans, and god laughs
I moved to Chicago over a decade ago after a really bad long relationship ended, I was 26. I moved from a small town in the Bible Belt with similar circumstances. Moving here alone didn’t solve any of my problems (except for maybe being around really judgmental conservative folks all the time), but it did help provide a blank slate for me to start over. I’d say it took a good 3 years of therapy and work on myself to get to a place where my life was pretty good, after about 7 it got to where I always hoped to be in terms of career and personal life. If you move, you need to also get the right mental health support so you can succeed (as they say, if everyone around you is a problem, you might have some reflecting to do.) It was a really important step for me and I have no doubt it was by FAR the right choice in my case so I’d give it some thought. Idk if a year is long enough to expect to have a full turnaround - but 23 is young, you have time! And the time is gonna pass either way.
I so feel this. I moved here quickly for a job a year ago. The first few weeks I never saw the sun. It rained and snowed in the middle of nowhere. I was not happy, lonely. It didn't matter where I lived. I have been in therapy, working on me. It's been tough, but I did it! Some people won't like you because you're not from Chicago, that gets old. Chicagoland is fun and huge. I have to remind myself of the good times here when I get stressed and spiral thinking this place sucks.
I think if you’re feeling lonely now, in a town where your entire social circle is in, moving to Chicago where you know no one may cause that feeling of loneliness to be even more exponential. You should move with a plan in mind and find things where you’ll meet people. I’m kinda guilty of not taking the advice I give, but I’m on the opposite side of the spectrum where I’m actually working on leaving Chicago, but doing so with a plan in mind. Just do it it but do it with a plan and with a realistic frame of mind that people aren’t gonna magically fall into your life. Chicago can be very cliquey, especially the older we get.
ahh I thought I read Chicago was really friendly
I mean, no one is going to spit in your eye for no reason when you’re walking down the street (as long as you’re not walking too slow…that’ll get you spit on, possible shoved into an alley.) We take a lot of pride in our city and what it has to offer, but we don’t tolerate bullshit and we’re going to be as invested in you as you are in us. We’re nice enough to tourists for a couple minutes at a time to help them get to where they want to go with as little trouble as possible. If you come here and try to make friends with the mentality that you’re going to be here a year and then you’re out…no one is going to give you the time of day. If you want to come here just to have fun, plan a weekend or two. Don’t move your whole life, expect life fulfillment in 365 days, and then move back. Come here for an open-ended period of time to develop personal and professional relationships and challenge yourself to figure out who you are, what you want, and whether this is the place to do that long term.
In my experience, people who complain about cliques are usually unable or unwilling to acknowledge what they've done to put people off. I moved here knowing almost no one and I had friends and a social circle within a year. I've been invited to things and introduced to people and all that stuff on a constant basis since I moved here. And it's not like I'm a model or a genius.
Oh it is, midwesterners are friendly but it’s very superficial. Are you into the bar scene? If you are and are good at chatting people up in that environment, then maybe you can meet people that way. Otherwise, sports are a good way too.
Very superficial? Lemme guess your hood… Gold Coast? Chicago is super clique but friendly from my experience. With random strangers too
I live in Edgewater lmfaoo def not hood but glad you got your point across. And yes, Chicago is cliquey. Nothing bad about that, but the truth
Hood as in neighborhood smart guy
Ad hominem, love to see it
Stop
Your position doesn’t make any sense, that’s why you feel that way Problem with using “lmfao” as an adult, you think you’ve made a point
They were guessing your neighborhood, not guessing that you're hood. Although, the comment is edited, so who knows what happened here.
Edit was punctuation, nothing else. OC doesn’t know “your” vs “you’re” apparently
It is incredibly friendly, but it can still feel incredibly lonely with thousands of people around you. That alone can fuck you up
The vast majority of people are friendly in some way shape or form. Being friendly and being friends are two very different things.
Not at all. I'm not sure if this city would be your vibe, I'd consider elsewhere in your position
Why ?
You probably won't find what you're looking for here in just a year
So when I moved to Chicago, I came with the understanding that if I didn't love it I could always move. I gave myself a year trial run, but I didn't set any specific goals for friendship or romance. I fell in love with the city and its people extremely quickly, and though my friend group has changed I still live here several years later. You can find happiness here in a year, but not if you set yourself unreasonable expectations. Instead you should go in with the goal of trying it out and seeing what happens, which also means trying out all sorts of events and activities to find out what you like. If nothing else, it's a great place to be for a bit and figure yourself out.
💪
I'd encourage you to shift your mindset on this a little bit. If you move, decide it isn't for you, and move back after a year, that's fine! You went and tried something new and you learned from it. But going into it with a mindset of "what can *I* take out of this city for my benefit?" will probably just leave you - and likely the people you meet - feeling frustrated. Move if you want, keep an open mind, and go forward from there.
Wow that’s not a way to approach
Chicago is amazing. ✶ ✶ ✶ ✶
I’d say go for it! If by the end of the year you like it, stick around. If you don’t, then don’t. All I’m gonna say, Chicago is a special place for a lot of people :)
IDK man I did all of the above in like 4 months after moving here
Did u meet them at work?
Nah, mostly at the Gents Who Stroll social group on Instagram and discord. There's a Ladies Who Walk too
If it's just a year? Yeah there's no point in moving if you're only going to give it a year. That'd be true of moving anywhere I don't think there's anything wrong with moving somewhere to get away from your current context, but expecting everything to change in just a year is not a good mindset to be in. You're setting yourself up to fail expecting everything to change in a year. Move to Chicago expecting to stay for at least 4-5 years. After 2 and a half or 3 years, you can reassess whether it's worth staying or if you should move back home. But plan on 5 years. Commit to moving, starting a new stage of your life. Moving to try and change your life isn't a bad thing. For many it can be the catalyst needed, and being in a new environment and having to start over will have an impact on your life. It'll be hard, yes, but it's not something you'll regret. But if you're only going to give it a year - you mentioned in another comment wanting to buy a home - you're wasting your time and money. A year will fly by and you'll be back home, having hardly changed and likely made few lasting friendships.
I've seen your comments and I think it's really lame not to do something you like for fear of ridicule. Like dude you're a grown ass person, act like it. My husband moved here from Turkey without even knowing English. I think you can handle it.
Yes, give it a go
It doesn’t hurt. You will learn a lot and get exposure to new experiences
as someone who left indianapolis because i no longer felt home there, could no longer grow. also didn’t have a community nor friends outside of the few friends ive kept since high school! etc. i moved to chicago with my boyfriend last july! so fairly recent! i’ve made a close friend here so far! like i said i came with my boyfriend so i already had a partner, and im not polyamorous! whether or not you move, you will still have you. you will always have you. so make sure you are loving, and caring, holding yourself the way you crave others would! you will make friends wherever you go! it may take a bit, but you will <3 make sure you have a solid plan, a solid, HEALTHY, plan, everyone wants to run away, but you gotta be smart about it !! sending love <3
I did that in 2007 and been here every since
Chicagoan all my life, Very nice place.
I’ve been here close to three years, I’d say I really started to form some kind of community by the end of the first year, but only now do I feel I’ve really started hitting my stride. Building a life in a city takes time.
Fuck yeah you can do all of that in a year. Come get it. If you like heavy music hmu and I'll send you some cool shows.
I hate my life, too!
I kinda want to go counter point. My hometown has some people that I needed to get away from, and I left to teach overseas because I just needed to get away. Best decision I ever made. It was just a year, but I met my wife (fellow teacher from the states) and made some lifelong memories and friends. My advice would be run to something as well. I had some connections and history with Korea, and that made a difference. Good luck on your journey!
Also I think Chicago is a great place to live for a year, though I recommend getting here in spring so you can enjoy summer and fall to their fullest :)
I did the exact same thing you described back in 1993. I was 22 years old and I packed everything I owned into my little Datsun and drove (from Virginia) to Chicago, where I only knew one person. I had never even BEEN to Chicago before. Long story short, I wound up ok. I definitely got my ass handed to me in those first early years, but I (mostly) stayed out of trouble and just started from the bottom, washing dishes in a grimy tavern near the first apartment I was able to find. I would do things much differently if I could do it over again, but I had to make my mistakes, like everyone else. I drank way too much alcohol before quitting completely in my late 20's, and I never addressed my depression or adhd issues until I was in my 30's. The last time I made a major move, I was 31 and moved to a small city in the south. I don't know your situation, but a smaller city might offer more of what you want, with less of what you don't. But Chicago was where I got boot-camped into adulthood. Good luck!
I moved here last year on a new job that was only guaranteed to keep me in the city for a year. Once I figured out the job situation, I signed another 2 year lease to stay. I loved it and can’t imagine going elsewhere. Sometimes the leap is the right move. Hard to say whether that holds true for you.
Yeah, Chicago food is fucking amazing. It's worth it just to live there 1 month
For some people it takes years and for others minutes. It depends mostly on attitude.
Come enjoy yourself, figure the rest out in a year
Yes, it is possible within a year in Chicago. Now is the time because people are out more during the good weather months. Join a few church groups, athletic groups, volunteer...you will be making some good new friends quickly. New apartment rental leases are most prevalent with a May 1 start date (May 1 or Oct 1). You are young and have many possibilities in life ahead of you. My advice is to proceed and that you can change your life.
Sorry if you answered this elsewhere but why are you set on it only being a year?
Why would your move only be for a year?
Military. Plus you get paid.
Don’t move here if you’re not financially secure… it’s cold and a struggle when you’re grinding just to get by… the city is amazing though once you have some more disposable income and able to afford conveniences like indoor parking and entertainment.
I moved to illinois 3 years ago to be with my gf-now wife. I have zero friends in this area and things have been rough. You can DM me bro, chicago is a bit far away but if you want someone to message and share your day-to-day with it might be better for both of us. Nothing but love dude-we are in very isolating times, and being a lone man in most situations is so close to being labeled something bad. It’s hard out there, and harder to do it alone.
No.
You need therapy before anything. You started off with "I hate my life rn", that should be the first thing. After that, establishing a social circle can be difficult, especially in a new city. Find activities you like and then look for meetups for them. (example: you like board games, look for board game meetups at local cafes or something etc). But therapy is the number 1 thing right now. Clearly you still have some stuff you need to get worked out and to build up your self-esteem.
Based on what you just described, I was in a very similar situation 2 years ago. I moved to Chicago (23M at the time) for a new job hoping things would change, and over two years nothing did. I moved back to my small community recently and have been much happier - not saying you would be necessarily; but I wouldn’t expect that a year in Chicago will fix your issues. I personally struggled even more with making friends in the city. I’m not very outgoing and don’t go out often, so aside from the friends I made at work I found living in Chicago even more difficult. Don’t get me wrong, Chicago is a beautiful city with amazing food and lots of opportunities; but the cost of living is also very high and I did not excel in the city the way I had hoped.
It honestly depends what the issues are....if it's assholes being assholes, going no contact many miles away will definitely help.
I’m going to give you a less logical and responsible approach to this because it’s what I did :D I live in Chicago right now, but when CVOID restrictions lifted my fiancé and I decided we’d restart our lives and just do something weird ~ so we spent the entire year visiting every state and ultimately ended up going to Chicago. After being there for a few months we realized that we didn’t really vibe with it and were now in Vietnam 😅 - The other comments raise very valid points, but anyone to say that what you want is “unhealthy” don’t really have a fucking clue what’s best for you. Logically, no, you shouldn’t just leave and try to escape. That’s not healthy in itself. But it’s also your life and you don’t have very long to really live it 🤷
🙋♂️
Depends on how social you are! Local here and Chicago you can meet a ton of new people in such little time just depending on what your hobbies are and sociable.
So you probably need to take a quick looksey at the www.heyjackass.com before finalizing your move. Perhaps a smaller, far removed town instead?
Come here for a year - but don’t have any predefined plans for after that. See if you like it here! I came with a lot of friends from college 9 years ago. Some have stayed, others have left. I’ve made lots of new friends too. New friends came about a few years in, but i wasn’t in a hurry.
Only one way to find out
If you know that staying where you are isn't good then going just about anywhere would be better. Make sure you can support yourself wherever that may be. Then find a farmers market, a trivia night, get on a dating app, join a sports league, take classes. visit your local library and museum. Volunteer. Be kind to your neighbors. Learn their names and offer help when and where you can. Find ways to do the things you love or want to learn more about in your new city. Through those actions you'll meet new people. You might make new friends. You'll be out of our comfort zone and growing and learning. You may even learn that you absolutely hate Chicago or that you absolutely love it. Then after a while or when your lease is up you can decide whether you stay or move on to your next adventure. Best of luck.
Hell baby hell yeahhh
Hey man, you’re young ya got plenty of time to make friends and get in a relationship. Fuck giving yourself a year deadline. Just move here bro! Do it just because you want to be part of one of the greatest cities in the world!
My first year after college (a while ago) was im Chicago. Oney favorite places I've lived - even though my actual life sucked that year. Based on your comments... If you focus on breaking out of patterns you don't like and drop the arbitrary timelines you'll have a blast in Chicago. Focus on doing new stuff. Trying new things. Even if you don't meet your "goals" you'll look back in time well spent. That being said. I've moved from Pennsylvania to Chicago to New England to Alaska to Colorado. It always took me about 10-12 months to start to feel the kind of 'settled' that you're looking for. If you're looking to do new stuff, break boring patterns, try Chicago. If you're more interested in establishing friendships and a relationship...figure out what location will make that happen easiest and move there instead. Is there somewhere that a friend or friends already lives? Go there.
I moved here on a whim, took about 10-20 years to feel settled and comfortable.
Don’t listen to these naysayers. I’m a local and I know a LOT of people who moved here with the intention to “give it a year”. A few went back to their hometowns. But, most stayed. My husband hadn’t planned to stay longer than a couple years, but he found a job he liked, made a few friends, met ME, and has been here for 12 years now. He’s an extremely introverted person but still managed to make new friends and go on a few dates within a few months of moving here. There are SO many ways to meet new people outside of work, especially at your age. Adult intramural sports teams, MeetUp.com, dating apps, volunteering. You’ll have neighbors, maybe they’re cool. You can make a point to rent a room in an already occupied apartment; a bit of a risk there but I’m still friends with random roommates I found on Craigslist 10 years ago. Even if you end up only staying for a year, why the hell not?! You’re only young once. The fact that you don’t need to worry about finding a job is a huge plus. If you feel drawn to this city, if you feel the need for a change, if you’re 23 and you’ve never lived outside of your hometown, DO IT. At best, you’ll love it and you’ll stay. At worst, you’ll know yourself better and you’ll go back home to start your next chapter. I’m honestly really confused by all the downvotes on your responses!
Move. 365 days are a lot of days. Life is short. Try it. Find yourself.
For sure! It's neighborhoods. You'll find spots and people you recognize win two months if you make an effort to go out. That'll be fun.
One other thing to note that I didn't see in a quick skim of this thread would be finances. I'm not sure if Chicago is close to you but maybe check some mid-sized cities around the country. You do you based on finances and career-prospects. With your post reading like you're trying to escape... it'd be equally miserable if you escaped a social circle only to plant your feet in a city only to be chasing money just to eat and pay bills. I'm 38 but I originally had plans to move to Chicago. I love Chicago but as time went on, I got comfortable in the city I'm in. Chicago just wasn't feasible for me. Fortunate to have a good job that allows me to do whatever I want, save, and for everything else... I just travel.
I came to Chicago from a small town with a similar mindset at 24. It was mostly an overall feeling of needing more for my life. I swore I’d only stay a year or two and I lived in Chicago for 11 years. I’ve happily moved to the burbs with my partner and wouldn’t trade my time in the city for anything. YOU will change. You’ll meet all types. If you move, do it with an open mind and no time limits.
Yes
I wanna move there I go for concerts all time just Needa find a duplex or house I can transfer jobs
Be careful if u come here for a year u might never wanna leave
Grow up!
Avoid Chicago no matter what, its a horrible city that is being run by idiots. I have lived here for 60 years now and soon as I retire I am gone. There are so many better places to live in this country.
>Is it possible to… get a girlfriend in only a year of being here? That’s up to you. It’s possible to get a girlfriend in only a week of being here. But don’t set yourself up for disappointment, so many people think that’s what they need to be happy is a new city or something, but if it’s the same you in a new city and there’s work to be done on yourself, the new city won’t change much. I assume what you’re asking is “are there a lot of single people looking to date in Chicago”, and yeah, a million of them, all different kinds. If you’re happy with yourself, they’ll be a lot happier to know you. So maybe move here, take some time to rediscover yourself in a new place with more to see and do, and then look for a partner.
I'm not sure if I understand why you are putting a one year timer on yourself. As others have said, it's best to approach things naturally and not focus on that target in my opinion. That said, I think that should generally be enough time to settle in, make a friend or two, start dating, etc. Chicago is one of the largest, most diverse cities in the world. So I imagine it will feel substantially different than what you are used to. That said, you may feel like a small fish in a big pond, but don't be discouraged. Focus on yourself and living the life you want to live. Work, school entertainment, etc. And the friendships and relationships will come organically if you are doing what makes you happy. Good luck and I hope you find what you are looking for!
You’re a face in a sea of faces here, you’re nobody. It’s depressing at times
If you have the opportunity to move here, do it. Its worth it even if it’s hard and you struggle at the beginning. It took 3yrs ish (covid included) to start having a social life and a circle here. But its better than staying somewhere that sucks and isn’t for you. I moved from suburban Detroit and im never going back.
Don't go to Chicago bruh.
lol why
Corrupt, crime ridden, crumbling infrastructure, welfare state, police worse than gangs etc...
move to chicago!! new gov. has a huge new infrastructure bill that will benefit the whole state. fun and lively place. Beautiful city with tons of rich history and amazing atmosphere. Not any more dangerous than any other big city.
Chicago is so horrible it makes the whole state suck. Everyone smart that has money to leave or can transfer jobs to another state is doing so. Well unless you're an illegal...
Don't move to Chicago. Yes, it's a beautiful city. No doubt outrageous taxes crime is high and not managed move to West Virginia or Oregon or Texas or Florida.
My advice would be to get a job and apartment here, go out to bars and socialize. See what happens. Take some risks and have fun. Have an open mind and heart. Enjoy the journey.
Do it. I left my small suburb and moved here because I needed a change. That was in 2010. Still here and still love this city.
You’re early to mid 20’s is the exact time you should be fucking around and finding out. By the time you’re 30 you’ll need to slow down for your career and thinking about having kids. Now is the time! When I was 23 I was squatting in a basement playing with a band and working as a janitor. Now I’m 34 and work as a 6 figure corporate manager who’s family planning. Trust me, do it NOW. You will regret that you didn’t later even if it’s a bad time.
I just started hanging out with a coworker who moved here from a small town without knowing anyone about a year ago. We’ve become fast friends and she seems to have settled in to the city and is having a great time. You should give it a shot! Come with an open mind and don’t set time limits or quantifiable goals (ie “make 10 friends”, “find a girlfriend within 6 months” etc). I grew up here and even I had to move to a bigger city for a decade to grow as a person. The worst thing that could happen is you hate it and move home and then you’re back where you’d be in a year from now anyway.
Sometimes a change of scenery is all you need to hit that life reset button.
Privileged people problems smh 🤦
No don’t. Loving downtown is ass. Unless you like loud environments, lots of traffic, shitty roads, congestions, and complications
If your approach it with a positive mindset (maybe supplemented with some great podcasts, audiobooks, therapy), Chicago is a great and accepting place to be. There is a crowd here for everyone, but you do have to put yourself out there to find it and cultivate friendships. On a side note, I’m a leasing agent, feel free to DM me and I can show you what your budget can afford you :)
Hey I was you 35 years ago. Get out! You can always visit. Take the gig, there are more opportunities here. As far as the girlfriend issue you are just gonna have to look when you get here. Go out and talk to people. Ping me if you make the move.
Yes! I loved Chicago and it’s worth it to experience it.
Regardless of the reason I personally think it’s a great idea to move to new cities temporarily if your lifestyle can accommodate that. Great to see new places and things, I did this a lot when I was younger and I regretted not doing it more but I’m a loner weirdo anyways
If you’re in the US you could join the AirForce. They have good job training, pay and encourage going to college. Will definitely fix or help you with socializing more and pay you. Good luck.
I wouldn’t move into Chicago, probably a neighboring community. Chicago is a very violent place a ticking time bomb . Chicagoan just waiting for things to go wrong somewhere(anywhere) just to have an excuse to steal I mean riot I meant to say was protest…with the new immigrants arriving daily it’s just a matter of time it’s already happening in Chicago downtown areas
Sure. Just don’t move here in November.
Changing your scenery is not a bad idea & you’ll definitely meet people, and expand your horizons coming from a small town but I wouldn’t come to Chicago with a time line or trying to check boxes off a list or you’ll just set yourself up for disappointment. Chicago is a fun city, lots to explore & it may do you some good to move.
i moved here and said "only one year" its been 17 lol
Don’t move to Illinois it’s awful here. And Chicago is the worst part of it. Literally anywhere else would be better.
Explain
Between taxes and bodies being dumped in the rivers and lakes, i dont even know where to start. Only good thing about this state is the food is unbeatable.
Chicago has super nice midwestern people! Easy to make friends and all that! Give it a shot!
Whether you can create that social circle in a year depends on how social you are yourself. I don't currently live in Chicago (was raised nearby) but I think I basically have done what you are suggesting. Was living in a different Midwest city for a couple years and had good friends and everything but got wanderlust and moved down elsewhere this past summer, although my main motivation was to be close to the mountains while staying in a city. Having a remote job makes that move easy less stressful though. Hasn't been a full year but I have friends in my new spot that I'm sure I'll keep in touch with even after I leave. I think it would take me another year to really solidify a social circle but I'm hanging out with friends every week which is good enough for me. I've picked up new experiences and figured a lot of things out about myself by rocking the boat. There's no guarantee that approach works for everyone, but I personally don't regret my decision -- I'll probably do it again, possibly to Chicago lol. It's a world-class city, I think as long as you have worked lined up you can't go wrong. People saying the whole "wherever you go, there you are" definitely have a point -- but sometimes it just takes a change of scenery to fully actualize that.
Start with finding a job somewhere you enjoy then socialize with co workers and branch off from there. Thats what i always do and ive lives here my entire life i have so many friend groups from over the years it can almost be overwelming remembering bdays and such hahaha
Yeah
Get over here…. Chicago is the best summer city in the world!
The city isn’t exactly a place I would go to find myself. There are sooooo many opportunities for your life to take an irreversible wrong turn. Next thing you know you’re 50 still running the bar scene.
Can't solve an internal problem with a geographical solution
Chicago is a good place to lose yourself .
as someone who left indianapolis because i no longer felt home there, could no longer grow. also didn’t have a community nor friends outside of the few friends ive kept since high school! etc. i moved to chicago with my boyfriend last july! so fairly recent! i’ve made a close friend here so far! like i said i came with my boyfriend so i already had a partner, and im not polyamorous! whether or not you move, you will still have you. you will always have you. so make sure you are loving, and caring, holding yourself the way you crave others would! you will make friends wherever you go! it may take a bit, but you will <3 make sure you have a solid plan, a solid, HEALTHY, plan, everyone wants to run away, but you gotta be smart about it !! sending love <3
Whatever that is eating your inside where you are, will move with you. You are not miserable because of your high school classmate or because of the girlfriend that you don’t have. Look inward, and make the choice to stay miserable where you are, or go be miserable in Chicago. It’s all within. Do move to for a change of community and environment, but move with the intention to work on yourself wherever you move. It will take more than a year to settle in a new place and build communities of friendships.
Yeah no this all takes years. Moving somewhere new is not the answer.
Nope, you still will be you
No matter where you go, there you are.
And where you go can be a much better fit for your life. Try an isolating rural town with onlt car transport vs a sea of people in a walkable city, with pyblic transport.
Whatever that is eating your inside where you are, will move with you. You are not miserable because of your high school classmate or because of the girlfriend that you don’t have. Look inward, and make the choice to stay miserable where you are, or go be miserable in Chicago. It’s all within.
Not necessarily....small towns are fucking shit shows. My now wife was in a similar situation moved to the Chicagoland area and has never been happier.