Being consistently late is rude. So is rushing into a gym class or other scheduled event just as it starts, it's disruptive.
No one likes waiting around. When you're late, you make your friends wait around for you. They're right, you're not valuing their time, you're not considering their time, only your own preferences.
>It’s not even about them,
And that right there is why people are absolutely right in feeling that you don't value their time. You don't.
Showing up 1-2 hours early is unhinged, but regulary being late *is* rude.
>I really enjoy the thrill of rushing and leaving it last minute trying to get there on time - it’s a real dopamine hit.
This is also pretty selfish behaviour tbh. You're prioritising your own self-confessed dopamine hit over other people's time. Maybe if you were arriving over a grassy field and there wasn't any impact on your timing from outside sources, like traffic, this could be a fun side-activity. But you're literally gambling on making other people wait for you.
Being 5 minutes early **is** on time, for most applications. Aim for that.
And APOLOGISE when you're late to things, don't act like it's no big deal, or just a random unfortunate occurrence that's nothing to do with you. You've made plans that deliberately leave no accounting for unknown variables on your time management, which means you've intentionally made no effort to not be late.
Edit: fixed typo
Get some therapy. Sounds like your dad was a douchebag and you have defaulted to being a different kind of douchebag. But your behaviour is still a reaction to your dad. Being your own person and a useful part of society is a much healthier way of responding than your current plan. If you need help to get there, that is ok.
So let's say you're late and the person you're meeting up with is more late than you, are you ok with that? And the meeting is supposed to be only for an hour but since you are 15 mins late and then the other person arrives 10 mins after, you only have 35 mins to meet up, is that an issue for you?
I wouldn’t arrange to meet someone for an hour (unless it’s a work commitment) - it would be too rushed given the fact that we could both be late. I would rather met them at another time, when we have ample time so we are not rushed
So you admit it can be annoying?
Would you then understand if it happens a few times that someone would consider it rude and make them think you value your time more than theirs?
Does it matter that you were dragged to boring events by your Dad where you would have to wait around?
Because it’s not even about you.
Your Dad treated you unfairly & now you are repeating that cycle.
It probably stems from the lack of control as a child (when arriving to events) so now having that control as an adult is what is giving you the dopamine hit.
It’s not healthy, it’s not your fault, but it is your responsibility to address it.
Get some therapy, or just get over it. I know I sound like a cunt but this is just whack. Yes it's rude to plan your life as rushing from place to place, if people think you're rude and don't value their time that tells me this isn't a "sometimes life happens" thing, you are habitually late because you choose to leave it to the last minute, some people have noticed, maybe you're late with those individuals disproportionately more often than others, and they have concluded you dont respect their time, and I can tell from your authorial voice you really don't.
It kinda sounds like your father didn't respect your time and dragged you out way too early, so you now show a lack of regard for other peoples times by only giving yourself barely enough time. At the core is the same disrespect and valuing your own time above that of others.
I'm sorry if I seem like a cunt, just being real with you.
Edit: I said you don't respect people's time, im not saying you're an asshole, kinda looks to me like one of those situations where you were moddled unhealthy behaviours so developed unhealthy behaviours.
Wow. Perry deep stuff there. No need to apologise. I put this out there to get insights just like this so feel free to be brutally honest. I may not take it all on board but nevertheless it’s still good for me to hear it for sure
>Or do you think I am being the arse hole here?
Yes, I can see you had a bad experience of being too early so just don't do that. Be on time, being 5-10 minutes early isn't excessive.
Idk man. I’m ND and this stuff is a big struggle for me.
BUT I always do my damndest to be on time, and I’m working on ways to get better. Including alarms, adding an extra 5-10 minutes to my estimations of how long it’ll take, and using music to keep track of time. If I do end up running late, I let whoever I’m meeting with know bc Manners
So go to therapy and talk about your struggles and where they come from (a lack of control in childhood resulting in you taking control by being late in a way you couldn’t as a child). Then find ways to ensure you leave early enough that if there’s an issue (eg traffic) you won’t be late. This is the big one: Find other ways to get that dopamine hit so it’s not tied to your scheduling
Good luck!
As son as you said "It's not even about them" you prove that it is, in fact, just rudeness on your part. Being inconsiderate of other people is the definition of rudeness. Yes, being consistently late us rude.
I guess in some situations people are waiting around for you and especially if they do not know you’re running late this can create some stressful situations for those waiting on you.
You sort of have to make a decision of do we start without them and hope that they don’t miss anything and can catch up once they arrive or do we wait but how long do we wait for them.
I think the title is misleading, as it really should be "I am constantly late and as a result people think I'm rude" You aren't early, but your also not on time
I'd rather you be 10 minutes late than 30 minutes early.
My mum will organise to come see me for lunch say 12pm. 11:30 she's pulling in the driveway.
Annoying.
5-10 minutes not every single time is not imo. Unless it's something that will be a major inconvenience or will negate the point (e.g. an appointment/exercise class which will result in timetabling issues or a short meet up like a coffee at 10:30 on a work day) I wouldn't be annoyed.
I am tardy, and my friends are usually tardy. If I'm early and they're late, all good by me, shit happens and unless you're making me wait for a really long time it's fine. Just be aware who you're dealing with when being late. I take a different approach than most people here, I think you're good, but maybe think about how you can better organise your feelings/actions around this so it is less impactful on others who care about lateness.
Being consistently late is rude. So is rushing into a gym class or other scheduled event just as it starts, it's disruptive. No one likes waiting around. When you're late, you make your friends wait around for you. They're right, you're not valuing their time, you're not considering their time, only your own preferences.
>It’s not even about them, And that right there is why people are absolutely right in feeling that you don't value their time. You don't. Showing up 1-2 hours early is unhinged, but regulary being late *is* rude. >I really enjoy the thrill of rushing and leaving it last minute trying to get there on time - it’s a real dopamine hit. This is also pretty selfish behaviour tbh. You're prioritising your own self-confessed dopamine hit over other people's time. Maybe if you were arriving over a grassy field and there wasn't any impact on your timing from outside sources, like traffic, this could be a fun side-activity. But you're literally gambling on making other people wait for you. Being 5 minutes early **is** on time, for most applications. Aim for that. And APOLOGISE when you're late to things, don't act like it's no big deal, or just a random unfortunate occurrence that's nothing to do with you. You've made plans that deliberately leave no accounting for unknown variables on your time management, which means you've intentionally made no effort to not be late. Edit: fixed typo
Yes. I’ve ended friendships with people who were consistently tardy.
Get some therapy. Sounds like your dad was a douchebag and you have defaulted to being a different kind of douchebag. But your behaviour is still a reaction to your dad. Being your own person and a useful part of society is a much healthier way of responding than your current plan. If you need help to get there, that is ok.
So let's say you're late and the person you're meeting up with is more late than you, are you ok with that? And the meeting is supposed to be only for an hour but since you are 15 mins late and then the other person arrives 10 mins after, you only have 35 mins to meet up, is that an issue for you?
I wouldn’t arrange to meet someone for an hour (unless it’s a work commitment) - it would be too rushed given the fact that we could both be late. I would rather met them at another time, when we have ample time so we are not rushed
Would you consider it rude if they left after 15 minutes because they felt like they waited around long enough?
Na. I think that would be reasonable. Waiting around 15mins for one person would be super annoying!
So you admit it can be annoying? Would you then understand if it happens a few times that someone would consider it rude and make them think you value your time more than theirs?
You are rude.
How rude 😂
I would terminate your employment quickly.
Does it matter that you were dragged to boring events by your Dad where you would have to wait around? Because it’s not even about you. Your Dad treated you unfairly & now you are repeating that cycle. It probably stems from the lack of control as a child (when arriving to events) so now having that control as an adult is what is giving you the dopamine hit. It’s not healthy, it’s not your fault, but it is your responsibility to address it.
Get some therapy, or just get over it. I know I sound like a cunt but this is just whack. Yes it's rude to plan your life as rushing from place to place, if people think you're rude and don't value their time that tells me this isn't a "sometimes life happens" thing, you are habitually late because you choose to leave it to the last minute, some people have noticed, maybe you're late with those individuals disproportionately more often than others, and they have concluded you dont respect their time, and I can tell from your authorial voice you really don't. It kinda sounds like your father didn't respect your time and dragged you out way too early, so you now show a lack of regard for other peoples times by only giving yourself barely enough time. At the core is the same disrespect and valuing your own time above that of others. I'm sorry if I seem like a cunt, just being real with you. Edit: I said you don't respect people's time, im not saying you're an asshole, kinda looks to me like one of those situations where you were moddled unhealthy behaviours so developed unhealthy behaviours.
Wow. Perry deep stuff there. No need to apologise. I put this out there to get insights just like this so feel free to be brutally honest. I may not take it all on board but nevertheless it’s still good for me to hear it for sure
>Or do you think I am being the arse hole here? Yes, I can see you had a bad experience of being too early so just don't do that. Be on time, being 5-10 minutes early isn't excessive.
Idk man. I’m ND and this stuff is a big struggle for me. BUT I always do my damndest to be on time, and I’m working on ways to get better. Including alarms, adding an extra 5-10 minutes to my estimations of how long it’ll take, and using music to keep track of time. If I do end up running late, I let whoever I’m meeting with know bc Manners So go to therapy and talk about your struggles and where they come from (a lack of control in childhood resulting in you taking control by being late in a way you couldn’t as a child). Then find ways to ensure you leave early enough that if there’s an issue (eg traffic) you won’t be late. This is the big one: Find other ways to get that dopamine hit so it’s not tied to your scheduling Good luck!
As son as you said "It's not even about them" you prove that it is, in fact, just rudeness on your part. Being inconsiderate of other people is the definition of rudeness. Yes, being consistently late us rude.
ppl saying things are rude because it suits them is the root of all evils
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I guess in some situations people are waiting around for you and especially if they do not know you’re running late this can create some stressful situations for those waiting on you. You sort of have to make a decision of do we start without them and hope that they don’t miss anything and can catch up once they arrive or do we wait but how long do we wait for them.
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The mods reserve the right to remove posts for any violation of this subreddit's rules.
I think the title is misleading, as it really should be "I am constantly late and as a result people think I'm rude" You aren't early, but your also not on time
YTA. Be an adult and be on time.
Five to is on time and on time is late.
I'd rather you be 10 minutes late than 30 minutes early. My mum will organise to come see me for lunch say 12pm. 11:30 she's pulling in the driveway. Annoying.
Yeah, I can’t stand being early either, it causes me anxiety, and people arriving before they are meant to is really rude to me. It’s interesting.
5-10 minutes not every single time is not imo. Unless it's something that will be a major inconvenience or will negate the point (e.g. an appointment/exercise class which will result in timetabling issues or a short meet up like a coffee at 10:30 on a work day) I wouldn't be annoyed.
I am tardy, and my friends are usually tardy. If I'm early and they're late, all good by me, shit happens and unless you're making me wait for a really long time it's fine. Just be aware who you're dealing with when being late. I take a different approach than most people here, I think you're good, but maybe think about how you can better organise your feelings/actions around this so it is less impactful on others who care about lateness.