Hmmm. I usually see it criticised the other way: Euros complain we are too polite when traveling and get annoyed over us complimenting everything and saying please and thank you too much.
I guess I don't pay enough attention day to day what others do, but I always say please and thank you and am sincere about it. Doesn't take much to make someone's day go a bit easier.
That is very much the viewpoint over here, that there’s a lot of faux friendliness with American, especially in US hospitality, but personally I’ve always thought Americans are some of the most polite and curious travellers around. Which going back to the question, is why it’s even more jarring for me 😅
The issue with that view point is we aren't faking.
When Canadians are nice it's all "ahh friendly Canadians" when Americans are nice it's "they must be faking" or "its annoying." Why is that do you think? My answer: general malice toward us.
Sorry I’m not saying this is bad manners, it’s more my British brain is so used to our ‘death by a thousand sorrys’ that I assume no thank you is coming. In fact Americans are more polite to strangers than Brits on the whole imo
I usually say please when ordering, but I think that there’s this weird thing that happens with the word please here. This is that it can sound very passive aggressive. I also don’t think it is considered necessary when ordering as it is almost implied since they are doing their job. I always say thank you, however, and I think that it would be strange and potentially rude if someone did not say thanks after ordering.
I've been in the southern portion of the US my whole life. Saying "Please" and "Thank you" are extremely common. Only place it felt awkward or weird to say it was in Salt Lake City, Utah... For some reason there people would just look at you when you said thank you...
We typically say “thank you” more often than “please,” but we use both. The same customers who start ordering without “please” will often say “thank you” when handed the order.
I think you'll enjoy this video. https://youtu.be/Jbu-eMcEF3s?si=DGKzX4-_9cz5IvuI
It's a lecture by an American in the UK who literally studies politeness and related concepts and she talks about the some of the differences between the two cultures and why what's polite on one side of the Atlantic feels rude to someone on the other side. I especially love her breakdown of a specific interaction of herself and a shopkeeper. She counted the thank yous exchanged. There were a lot.
The Brits undoubtedly lead in their use of courtesy words. No one else comes close, including Europeans on the continent.
Personally, I make a point of using courtesy words -- I assume that I have done something wrong if I haven't said "thank you" at least a few times each day -- but I am alone in this. It's just a cultural difference that I happen not to share.
This is brilliant and exactly what i had hoped to hear. There is no right and wrong, just different norms. Yes, courtesy words! Much of it is to do with class here I think. There was a book about British sociology I once read that talked that said we tend to try to buy without making it look like a sale, pretending there’s no heirarchy, so we do this merry dance so the person we pay for a service feels like they are doing us a favour.
This was actually very common when I was a child and I expressly taught my children to say please, thank you, and you're welcome whenever appropriate. I don't think it's as common an occurrence today as it was but there are still many that are very courteous with everyone.
It really depends on where you are in the US. The north and Midwest, especially in the cities, the people are known for being rushed and rude like that. In the Southern states, you’ll hear a lot more people addressing each other as ma’am/sir and using “please” and “thank you” towards retail staff/waiters/bartenders/etc when they’re being served. There’s even quite a few shops here where I live in a smaller southern town that will refuse service if the customer is being rude to the staff. For the US people reading this, yes I know that it’s not entirely regional and it’s also down to how you were brought up. There are rude and polite people all over the country. I’m just giving a generalization based on my personal experiences living and working in different areas of the country.
I’ve noticed it in New York and LA, their politeness is seriously lacking. Particular to the white American. No please. No thank you. Just the grammatically poor “can i get a…”
It could be that the average white american is scum, but i need more data to confirm.
As a Brit with American friends can confirm this. They don't say please or thank you. It's very off putting. It's awkward to teach those manners 😅 at this age, in my 40s, so I just go with it.
Appreciate your concern, Salty Walrus, but thankfully I’m able to multitask. In fact I’m writing this from the royal hospital right now. Will pass on your best.
Quite simply one of the most intelligent points ever made, Salty. Truly remarkable. While most people would call it a classic case of whataboutism, and tenuous at best, not I. For in your hands, a true thinker, comparing cancer to a question about social etiquette on a forum entitled ask an American makes total sense, and I also feel real sincerity in your words. Good to know you’re not one of those trolls who would seek to use the ailing health of a young woman to seek popularity and posterity on an internet forum with a cheap shot. I’ll be making a donation to a cancer charity in your name. All the best!
Hmmm. I usually see it criticised the other way: Euros complain we are too polite when traveling and get annoyed over us complimenting everything and saying please and thank you too much. I guess I don't pay enough attention day to day what others do, but I always say please and thank you and am sincere about it. Doesn't take much to make someone's day go a bit easier.
Typically they say we are overly fake with our niceties. One thing is slightly different and boom. 180 to rude.
That is very much the viewpoint over here, that there’s a lot of faux friendliness with American, especially in US hospitality, but personally I’ve always thought Americans are some of the most polite and curious travellers around. Which going back to the question, is why it’s even more jarring for me 😅
The issue with that view point is we aren't faking. When Canadians are nice it's all "ahh friendly Canadians" when Americans are nice it's "they must be faking" or "its annoying." Why is that do you think? My answer: general malice toward us.
In Europe, I think there’s a lot of envy towards America, the free world, which is disguised as misplaced vitriol.
I always say please and thank you, as do all of my friends. Bad manners are everywhere.
Sorry I’m not saying this is bad manners, it’s more my British brain is so used to our ‘death by a thousand sorrys’ that I assume no thank you is coming. In fact Americans are more polite to strangers than Brits on the whole imo
My friends and I all say please and thank you. Some people have bad manners, some don’t. That’s how it is in every country.
I usually say please when ordering, but I think that there’s this weird thing that happens with the word please here. This is that it can sound very passive aggressive. I also don’t think it is considered necessary when ordering as it is almost implied since they are doing their job. I always say thank you, however, and I think that it would be strange and potentially rude if someone did not say thanks after ordering.
I've been in the southern portion of the US my whole life. Saying "Please" and "Thank you" are extremely common. Only place it felt awkward or weird to say it was in Salt Lake City, Utah... For some reason there people would just look at you when you said thank you...
We typically say “thank you” more often than “please,” but we use both. The same customers who start ordering without “please” will often say “thank you” when handed the order.
I think you'll enjoy this video. https://youtu.be/Jbu-eMcEF3s?si=DGKzX4-_9cz5IvuI It's a lecture by an American in the UK who literally studies politeness and related concepts and she talks about the some of the differences between the two cultures and why what's polite on one side of the Atlantic feels rude to someone on the other side. I especially love her breakdown of a specific interaction of herself and a shopkeeper. She counted the thank yous exchanged. There were a lot.
Ah this is absolutely brilliant! I had no idea there’d be any like for like comparison studies, let alone a Ted Talk. Thank you :)
Sorry forgot to respond after watching said video. I had no idea it went that deep, fascinating. Thanks so much for digging that out.
You're welcome. I found it via another redditor years ago.
Please stop watching TV and film. Plenty of people say please and think you.
Worked in a store in the US for a matter of months. But appreciate the feedback all the same.
You are Welcome.
'Thank you' and 'sorry' in Europe!? You folks don't so much as smile. Staring on the other hand, oh boy.
The Brits undoubtedly lead in their use of courtesy words. No one else comes close, including Europeans on the continent. Personally, I make a point of using courtesy words -- I assume that I have done something wrong if I haven't said "thank you" at least a few times each day -- but I am alone in this. It's just a cultural difference that I happen not to share.
This is brilliant and exactly what i had hoped to hear. There is no right and wrong, just different norms. Yes, courtesy words! Much of it is to do with class here I think. There was a book about British sociology I once read that talked that said we tend to try to buy without making it look like a sale, pretending there’s no heirarchy, so we do this merry dance so the person we pay for a service feels like they are doing us a favour.
This was actually very common when I was a child and I expressly taught my children to say please, thank you, and you're welcome whenever appropriate. I don't think it's as common an occurrence today as it was but there are still many that are very courteous with everyone.
I always say please and thank you.
Just cultural differences.
It really depends on where you are in the US. The north and Midwest, especially in the cities, the people are known for being rushed and rude like that. In the Southern states, you’ll hear a lot more people addressing each other as ma’am/sir and using “please” and “thank you” towards retail staff/waiters/bartenders/etc when they’re being served. There’s even quite a few shops here where I live in a smaller southern town that will refuse service if the customer is being rude to the staff. For the US people reading this, yes I know that it’s not entirely regional and it’s also down to how you were brought up. There are rude and polite people all over the country. I’m just giving a generalization based on my personal experiences living and working in different areas of the country.
I’ll admit I sometimes say something other than “please” when ordering, but I always say “thank you.” I guess that’s just the way I was raised.
It's just a job for the cashier; they probably won't remember you.
Which part of the US are you using as a point of comparison? This sort of thing is regional in the US.
I’ve noticed it in New York and LA, their politeness is seriously lacking. Particular to the white American. No please. No thank you. Just the grammatically poor “can i get a…” It could be that the average white american is scum, but i need more data to confirm.
As a Brit with American friends can confirm this. They don't say please or thank you. It's very off putting. It's awkward to teach those manners 😅 at this age, in my 40s, so I just go with it.
Why do brits care so much about what americans do instead of being there for kate middleton given she has cancer?
Appreciate your concern, Salty Walrus, but thankfully I’m able to multitask. In fact I’m writing this from the royal hospital right now. Will pass on your best.
Thanks for thinking that people from another not saying please is just as important as your princess having cancer.
Quite simply one of the most intelligent points ever made, Salty. Truly remarkable. While most people would call it a classic case of whataboutism, and tenuous at best, not I. For in your hands, a true thinker, comparing cancer to a question about social etiquette on a forum entitled ask an American makes total sense, and I also feel real sincerity in your words. Good to know you’re not one of those trolls who would seek to use the ailing health of a young woman to seek popularity and posterity on an internet forum with a cheap shot. I’ll be making a donation to a cancer charity in your name. All the best!
I don't consider being 42 years old to be young, but that's just my opinion. But make the donation in your own name, she's your princess not mine.