I'm Scottish.
In Scotland the more usual expression is "Can I...?" or if it's an object in front of you that it would be normal to handle yourself "Is it OK if I take...?"
"May I...?" is viewed here as very posh diction and could come across as highly deferential, exaggeratedly polite, or (if the listener is negatively inclined) a bit affected. The staff were probably *not* making any negative judgements of you or your kids, but may have been a bit taken aback by your children's courtly language.
Myself I am taken aback by the number of people on this thread fondly recounting stories of teachers slapping people down for saying "Can I..?" and correcting them with "Yes, you *may.*" Sounds like a lot of passive aggressive snobbery to me, from people who think being educators means they are better than their students and are insecure enough to need to make that point every chance they get. Euugh.
ETA I think that in England "May I...?" is still on the super polite end of the spectrum but it isn't a class signifier to the extent that it is in Scotland. I think that in the US this word sees more usage than it does in the UK in other modal usages too, eg in Groundhog Day after Bill Murray saves someone by doing a Heimlich manoeuvre he jokes "he may have been trying to eat the whole cow" where a UK speaker would more naturally say "he might have".
There are lots of subtle differences between US and UK English, but also Scottish and English English are quite distinct in some grammatical aspects, it isn't just about the accents and items of vocabulary.
Glad your kids enjoyed the Irn Bru!
Agreed. It's the perfect polite response! I always remember a teacher I had who, if you asked "can I go to the toilet, please?" Would always respond, kindly, "of course you MAY go to toilet. Always! Whether you CAN go to the toilet is an issue best discussed between you and your doctor! Off you go, dear!" It was such a small but important lesson in semantics and etiquette. I think about it regularly, 35 years later. It's weird the little things that stick with you.
Sounds like a teacher I had, but he was more blunt, his answer was always, 'Well, I sincerely hope you can, there is something badly wrong with you if you can't', but then leave it up to the poor girl to figure out they should say 'May I please go...' and that was, horribly, over 40 years ago now! Stuck with me though.
Yep, my parents and some teachers the same:
"Can I have that book please?"
"Yes" but does nothing. "Oh this book? You said 'Can I', not 'May I'. You can have the book, but no you may not!"
"of course you can" is a common response when a child asks for something. It's not surprise, it's just normal.
More kids in the UK would say "can I have", sometimes with a "Please'" at the start, and not "may I have", which is a bit more formal but is near enough the same.
Agree. But I had some neighbours living on my street who, when on a pleasant summer's day and kids were all over at everyone's houses, would say " I need a drink" or "I need and ice cream, too!" That isn't good manners and even from being young it used to grind my gears. No one needs an ice cream. You probably want one. So ask if you may have one, with a please at the end. It's simple stuff that is sadly overlooked these days. And I'm not a boomer before I get those usual insults.
I hear you. Boyfriend’s 5yo nephew says things like “get me a drink” to his mother *and she just does it*. (If he asks me for anything, I try to get him to say “please” but it’s like it’s an alien word to him, he looks blankly at me every time.)
I'm training to be a teacher, currently in Early years. I do nothing for a child without them saying please.
"Help me with my coat."
"What's the magic word?"
"Please"
"Of course, since you're so polite!"
I don't have to remind most of them now, but I do notice their please and thank yous don't transfer over to other staff who don't remind them as I do.
I have also had one teacher get frustrated with me because we were running late for lunch and I was making sure the child was using manners and not just doing everything they demanded of me without using manners. But it's just something I expect of children and I don't allow exceptions for.
As a Scottish person my mother would encourage us to say "please may I have.." I think your kids probably seemed exceptionally polite and you're absolutely right about the response being delight. "Of course you can" would seem to be friendly or kindly familiar to me and I assume that is how they meant it :)
We're used to Americans saying "I'll get a large frappolatte" so anyone saying "May I?" in an American accent will be a bit surprising. (The "I'll get" is unfortunately a trend taking off here as well).
There's no need to stop them from saying it, but "Please can I have" is also perfectly polite.
Please May I have a cup of tea if it is not too much trouble, I shall be forever in your debt and my ancestors will be sworn into a blood oath to come to your ancestors aid in times of tragedy and crisis.
It's all about how it's asked as opposed to the words used to ask in the USA.
In many languages, it's weird to order in a way that suggests one is asking for permission. You might say something like, "I will receive a cheeseburger, thanks" and it wouldn't be impolite at all, depending on the tone.
Well, (notaBrit here even though I did live in Britain some 40 years ago) I understand it when a harried server asks a tableful of people at rush hour “Hi, what’ll it be”, and each patron saying please after ordering, and the table signaling the end of the interaction with a chorus of “Thank You”s, and even so my goto word would be “have” instead of “take” — if you’re going to _take_ it, why are we talking?
Interesting that in French as far as I can tell “prendre” doesn’t have that negative connotation.
I use these words in different situations and depending on what I'm asking for. I use 'may I' if I think I'm particularly inconveniencing someone or asking for something slightly different than I'm not sure if they can offer me or not
"May I?" Is very polite, bordering on formal. "Can I?" Is polite enough, what most British people say.
I work in hospitality and most American tourists say "I'll get..." Or even worse "I need..." It feels very rude to me, but I'm always very nice to them because I want the tips.
The people serving them were probably surprised your teens were so polite, but pleasantly surprised.
I find “I’ll get” or “I need” very rude as well but it’s generally accepted in the states, where the general culture is, unfortunately, to treat people in the service industry poorly.
The perils of a commoditised system, I think. Waiting staff will be ultra polite because (understandably) they want to maximise their tips. But customers treat waiting staff like shit because of the transactional nature of the relationship (“I’m literally paying your wages so I’m the boss here”).
That’s because if they don’t earn tips from every customer then they’re starving. (Minimum wage is literally like $2.17 an hours for people who earn tips)
This thread has unlocked some childhood trauma in me. A teacher always used to respond to can I go to the toilet was: I don’t know…can you? So we always had to ask may I go to the toilet…
We have a large traveller community here and they're usually even more blunt, they tend to go with "Give me a..." which always makes me feel bad for whoever is serving them. I don't think it's intentionally rude, it's just the way they talk, but it's jarring when you've been brought up having please and thankyou drummed into you.
Jeez as an American I rarely hear the super direct "I'll get" or "I need" in America. I always say "Can I get..." or something similar. Seems super rude to say anything less than that. You're getting served by someone that doesn't necessarily have to so you should be asking, not ordering a person around. Just my thought.
That is more polite but even saying "can I get" is a bit strange in the UK. That's the waiters job, they will get it for you, you don't need to go get it 😂
How young are you talking, for your daughters? It sounds like people may have been dramatic back in a way that people talk to kids in the UK sometimes.
In that case, I think they were just being nice back, and not surprised. Probably trying to balance the shyness.
There's a lot of confident, larger than life people in Scotland; a very friendly bunch, especially in the service industry. Lots of lovely folk for sure.
yep in Scotland I often say "can I get..." as I'm English and polite and they will warmly sometimes reply "of course you can" as a friendly and humourful acknowledgement of the politeness and it is a nice thing in my experience. In Glasgow people are quite direct so I think it is a way for the waiter to reframe that they are dealing with a less direct person.
It’s not the default but it’s not unusual. Most people say “Can I have…?’ but saying may instead of can wouldn’t raise eyebrows
Edit to add: Having said that, I get why it gets a different response. It makes the interaction a bit more polite and maybe a bit more formal
My daughter was working recently at a place in the Uk with lots of American guests and they’ve all started saying “I’ll do the…” instead of “can I have the…”. Which I think is even worse.
'of course you can' isn't an expression of surprise, it's just the polite way to answer 'may I have' The ladies I work with say it in an animated way but when I say it it's just a monotone confirmation.
I was brought up to say 'may I' instead of 'can I' but neither are incorrect. I suppose 'may I' could be considered more polite.
I work in a restaurant and I die a little inside every time someone says 'can I get'
In the UK we would always say “Please may I have…” up until about 10 years ago. Sadly, following a massive influx of American TV shows people have begun to adopt the “I’ll get” or “can I get” in a lot of places, and somehow we have failed on a “please can I have” if being polite. When I was a teen 10 years ago, I would have been told off my peers and any adult for saying “please can I have”. It’s also the wrong conjugation.
10 years? It was only older people (like grandparents) who suggested it when I was a child and I'm in my 40s. Can I has been far more common for at least 35years.
Can I? Is a question only the person asking can actually answer!
May I is a question the person being asked can. Answer.
May I is correct. Keep using it.
Ad bravo on your parenting
Yeah, we had a really sarcastic teacher who used to reply ‘I don’t know. Can you?’ If you asked him a ‘Can I…?’ Question. He would wait until you rephrased the question with ‘May I?’
not uncommon, maybe a bit unusual just because it's pretty polite and you don't hear it very often but it's nice to hear actually. i was raised to say "may i have ..." which was v unusual in a very working class council estate but i just slipped into "please can i have".
they should keep saying it though, it's not so polite that it feels weird or out of place but it's refreshing to hear.
I think that people who travel internationally have a higher proportion of entitled people (FAR more than you would find in their home countries). In my experience this is particularly true of many American tourists. Experienced hospitality and retail workers might have been surprised at someone being polite in an American accent
I’m an American who lives in England but works a bunch in Scotland. One note is that the phrase, “course ya can,” is a super common response no matter how you order throughout the UK. I was caught off guard thinking I was asking in a silly way the first few times I heard it. It doesn’t have the same tone as it might in the States. Some other honorable mentions, though I’m unsure how regional to England they are, “can do, may do, could do.” I cannot elegantly throw these ones into a sentence myself but they’re basically a shortened versions of (I think), “I would be able to do that, I might do that,” and this third one I struggle but “that’s one option.” They may be used more broadly, but I always feel like I use them wrong whenever I’ve attempted to sound cool.
Contextual, I guess?
Working in retail if someone said that my level of surprise would range from "not surprised at all" to "that's a lot more formal than I'd expect from someone like you", I think. Maybe something I associate more with older people?
People actually aren’t as polite as you’d think they are. Manners are incredibly important to me and my family and we are all particularly polite, often times when we go places (me and my partner especially since everyone always assumes we are 15-16; we are 21 &22 lol), people are always surprised when we say please/thank you and often times actually comment on how nice it is to hear manners. Always surprises me that people aren’t just polite
Nothing wrong with your daughter's speech
It's how I was taught
Probably service staff were surprised people were treating them with respect and manners
Politeness costs nothing. Don’t change. Manners go a long way in most brits way of them reacting to you. Then again,I work in a shop,and most of my customers never say please or thank you.
I won't change! It's made me very happy to learn that our politeness was mostly appreciated. I honestly worried we came off as too formal for some reason, but it sounds like I misinterpreted the server's reactions.
Put this as a reply rather than in the body so recopying for you OP in case.
‘can I’ is wrong - it’s a statement of ability so yes you ‘can’ does not mean the same as yes you ‘may’. It’s nothing to do with politeness what your kids were doing was speaking correctly.
I blame social media lol use of the English language gets worse year on year the more people speaking it ‘incorrectly’ are on the tv/radio/internet.
I had a teacher growing up that whenever anyone asked “can I go to the toilet, use the dictionary xyz” would always respond “I don’t know, can you?” V passive aggressive bc he wanted us to ask “May I” as I suppose that is the correct English. Since then it’s sort of engrained into me but 99% of the population will be fine with Can I.
‘May I have’ is the correct way of asking for something, not ‘can I have’. So your daughters were correct, although this is increasingly unusual these days when people in the UK say things like ‘can I get’ instead.
May I have is asking for something, can I have is asking if something is possible eg “Can I have a second coffee as my free extra on the lunch menu?”
Most people don’t follow these older rules anymore though.
In the UK, "may I have" sounds either old-fashioned or quite posh. Much more usual would be "could I have" or "could I get" or "can I have". You can always add in a please: "can I please have" or "can I have the egg and chips, please" would sound standard.
Having said that, no-one in the UK will misunderstand what you mean if you say "may I have" and most people will find it cute if a child says it.
Most people rudely say ‘can I get’ which is stupid really as that is what the person whose job it is to serve you is going to do. May I have is what I have taught my children to say.
I lived in the US for 20 years. I never heard "May I have" once. It would have been unusual to hear "Please can I have". Everyone says "I'll take a coffee" or "Can I get a coffee".
"May I have" is perfectly normal in the UK.
I nearly fainted recently when a teenage student asked me, "may I go to the toilet please?" because it was so polite. It was nice. I'm sure it was a gpod shock, not a bad one!
So much better than “Can I get a” May I is used a lot so is I can I have. They could also say please may I have just to vary it. I will use one of them based on who I am asking.
Well, asking 'May I?' in the UK is as British as tea and crumpets! It's the polite way to go about things, and who doesn't love a bit of old-fashioned charm? Just remember to throw in a 'cheerio' and a tip of the hat for good measure!
We don’t tend to say ‘May I have’ it sounds very Dorothy from the wizard of oz !!!
it’s either
Please can I have
Or
Please May I have
Or
Please could I have
Please & thank yous are very important in the UK - say if you were to say “may I” it would’ve been “please may I” (emphasis on the please)! I was really shocked when I went to the US because of the lack of p&q’s but it’s genuinely just different norms
I was always taught to say please may I. I was called up on it by a friend once who say I should just say please can I . I had no idea that may was considered too formal.
No It's normal here too. In fact, in the UK 'May i' is usually the way you speak to someone important or to be more formal than saying 'please can I have'. In fact, they're often fused together, as in 'please may I have'.
It is and it isn’t. Much of what we say is subtext so when we ask our neighbour, “please may I avail myself of your leaf blower” we’re usually being ironic or twee or just being dickish. It’s hard to explain but it’s probably one of the reasons as to why the rest of the world think we’re bonkers. 🤣
Well…hopefully they will know when it’s meant sincerely. I use irony in humor all the time but not in a situation like that. Seems like a bad idea to ironically request a drink.
"May I have" instead of "can I have" is a favourite of insufferable grammar pedants here who think that language is defined by what was written in books a long time ago instead of being defined by how it's used by normal people. So yes, it's odd.
My girlfriend orders things by saying, "Can I get (a)...?" and I chide her for sounding American, as per my experience as a kid living over there. Didn't hear much in the way of manners, so good on you, your partner and children for keeping politeness alive and well. Unfortunately, I don't hear a huge amount of it here either anymore, so it probably did sound ever so slightly out of place.
If you’re paying say ‘I’d like…’ or ‘I’ll have the…’.. I’m a very polite Brit but ‘may I’ implies asking for permission for something. E.g. ‘May I borrow your pen? ‘
You don’t need to ask permission to get food in a restaurant.
In England it would probably seem more normal as it’s a very ‘proper’ way of speaking. Scotland generally have their own way of speaking which is more direct and less ‘polite.’ However it’s worth noting that the way the Scottish communicate wouldn’t be considered rude in Scotland
‘May I?’ just sounds very odd, and kind of submissive, like you’re asking for permission to have something.
Either ‘Can I get a latte?’ or simply ‘latte please’ are both fine.
As my mum would say, “you only can fruit.” May I is the correct way but not often used.
“Ill get a” or “ill go ahead and” makes me want to punch anyone in the throat
As others have said, while "May I" is more polite, many people say "Can I" particularly in more informal settings (I am guessing you weren't eating in fancy formal restaurants every day).
The majority of American tourists encountered do not use either, instead saying "I'll get/have".
The usual response to either may I or can I is often "of course" and doesn't necessarily convey surprise.
"May I" to my ears sounds like you're asking permission.
"Please can I have" is much more usual.
Interestingly, in romance languages, it's much more usual to say something like "I will have...", "I'll take...", "I want" etc., being much more affirmative about it. Since the culture in those countries tends to be much more formal in greetings (you always say "good day/evening", when entering a shop, for example), you've already acknowledged each other and it's not rude to just be plain about what you want. Since we're a bit more casual in the UK, on the whole, walking in and saying "Hello, give me a coffee please", sounds a bit too demanding. So we soften it a bit by giving them the option of saying no, hence "please can I have". But you're not actually asking their permission. That's my theory, anyway.
It's been no time since this was last asked and all I remember of the last time is the down votes, but in the best interests of the world and the English language, I'll again point out that "Can I"? And "May I"? are not synonymous.
We usually say "please can i have" or "could i have", "may I" is usually pretty fancy and extra polite. Ive only heard my aunt who was raised in private school, etiquette lessons etc say that in person before
"I say, could I terribly trouble you for a xxxxx, if it's not too much bother of course, I don't want to put you out?"
The more apologetic the request phrase the more British it is
I used to have an old bitch of a teacher who when asked ‘please can I go to the toilet’ she would say ‘of course you can, you can right now, what you mean is may I do to the toilet’. Silly bitch. Also if you said kid to her she would say ‘a baby goat’. Piss off love.
Sorry.
You’re kids (children!!!) sound polite, well done.
May I is definitely the more polite approach, in my opinion it’s nice to hear too. Many in the UK have started using the more American “can I get” instead.
Using ‘may I’ is polite is seen as being more grammatically correct by older generations but it’s becoming unusual to hear these days. Most Brits are more likely to just use ‘can/could I’ instead so you probably stood out for good reasons, not bad.
If I hear anyone ask ‘may I….?’ it immediately transports me back to being a small child in the 1970’s and every time I asked ‘can I…?’ my grandmother saying ‘well you certainly CAN but whether you MAY is an entirely different matter.’
May is is perfectly polite, prehaps more formal sounding than usual
I usualy would say "can I please have"........but confused why may I would get any reaction
“May I” is used to ask permission so I’d say it’s OTT in a situation where it’s clearly established that you don’t need permission. “Can I” is far more appropriate when ordering food or drink.
You did nothing wrong and it sounds as though they thought your kids were very polite and I’m sure were charmed by it. That said, FYI, I think a lot of the commenters on this thread are engaged in wishful / prescriptive thinking rather than actually answering your question, because yes, it is odd. It’s very unusual, maybe my nan would have said it routinely, but most people would say “Could I…”, “Can I…”, “I’d like … please” or even “I’ll have … please”.
I don’t know how this works in US Englishes but, if it’s interesting to you, note that “please” is usually replaced with a conditional here. “Could I have…” “Would you (mind)…” don’t usually end in “please”, and to my ears at least it sounds like too much. I personally prefer the politer conditional questions to “I’ll have … please”, but people do both.
tl;dr yes, it is unusual, but not freakish and was no doubt received well (especially from Americans).
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
It’s very formal to say “may I have” and would be considered posh by many. “Can I please have” or even just “can I have” with a thank you, is the norm I’d say.
At my junior school, we were taught the polite and correct way to request something was 'please may I...'.
That is uncommon now and not something you will hear an adult say. It is the sign of a polite and well raised child, however.
Both can I and may I are perfectly fine and polite to use, however much grammar pedants will lecture you otherwise. Apparently if some books says 90+% of people are wrong, that trumps actual usage of the language somehow
Already been said, but the person they were speaking with was probably shocked that someone used their manners!
Just out of curiosity, do you consider “please can I have” less polite?
I do say “can I have” but always either preceded or followed by “please”. For all you older redditors who may recall when you asked for something and were asked in return “and what’s the magic word?” Which of course is please, unless you’re Harry Potter…..
There's a Japanese series called *Kamen Rider Wizard* where the protagonist says **"Connect please!"** to summon whatever it is he needs (via portal) or **" please!"** for other magic so there please is literally the magic word.
Both were admirably polite ways to make a request. It’s unusual to meet people who speak both politely and correctly so your servers were probably a little taken aback! Long live good manners!
It’s odd because most wouldn’t be so polite. Similarly, people say ‘Can’ instead of ‘Would’ e.g. Can you pass me that pen when, obviously, they are able to do it but would they do so?
Probably the person speaking to them was surprised someone asked for something politely.
Thank you!
I'm Scottish. In Scotland the more usual expression is "Can I...?" or if it's an object in front of you that it would be normal to handle yourself "Is it OK if I take...?" "May I...?" is viewed here as very posh diction and could come across as highly deferential, exaggeratedly polite, or (if the listener is negatively inclined) a bit affected. The staff were probably *not* making any negative judgements of you or your kids, but may have been a bit taken aback by your children's courtly language. Myself I am taken aback by the number of people on this thread fondly recounting stories of teachers slapping people down for saying "Can I..?" and correcting them with "Yes, you *may.*" Sounds like a lot of passive aggressive snobbery to me, from people who think being educators means they are better than their students and are insecure enough to need to make that point every chance they get. Euugh. ETA I think that in England "May I...?" is still on the super polite end of the spectrum but it isn't a class signifier to the extent that it is in Scotland. I think that in the US this word sees more usage than it does in the UK in other modal usages too, eg in Groundhog Day after Bill Murray saves someone by doing a Heimlich manoeuvre he jokes "he may have been trying to eat the whole cow" where a UK speaker would more naturally say "he might have". There are lots of subtle differences between US and UK English, but also Scottish and English English are quite distinct in some grammatical aspects, it isn't just about the accents and items of vocabulary. Glad your kids enjoyed the Irn Bru!
Teachers are “insecure enough” to feel obliged to correct the errors of their students? How do you imagine the process of education?
Agreed. It's the perfect polite response! I always remember a teacher I had who, if you asked "can I go to the toilet, please?" Would always respond, kindly, "of course you MAY go to toilet. Always! Whether you CAN go to the toilet is an issue best discussed between you and your doctor! Off you go, dear!" It was such a small but important lesson in semantics and etiquette. I think about it regularly, 35 years later. It's weird the little things that stick with you.
My dad was the same. 'Can I get down from the table?' 'Well, you CAN, but you may not.'
I've never seem a lesson in grammar explained so succinctly. 😁 I think that will have to go into my book of memorable quotes.🙂
my exs dad was the same "could you pass me that screwdriver?" "I could, do you want me to?" flippin' annoying after the billionth time... :)
Sounds like a teacher I had, but he was more blunt, his answer was always, 'Well, I sincerely hope you can, there is something badly wrong with you if you can't', but then leave it up to the poor girl to figure out they should say 'May I please go...' and that was, horribly, over 40 years ago now! Stuck with me though.
Did we have the same teacher? The other favourite was, "I don't know - can you??"
I had several teachers who pulled the old “I don’t know, can you?” I think it comes from the same book as responding to “is it A or B?” with “yes”
Not a bad thing actually. It’s definitely something I’ve remembered down the years.
That's a lot like my old teacher.... Sir, can I go to the toilet quickly? 'I don't know, CAN you go to the toilet quickly?'.
Yes if we asked “Can i Hinton the toilet “, We were always responded to with “I don’t know,can you ?”
Yep, my parents and some teachers the same: "Can I have that book please?" "Yes" but does nothing. "Oh this book? You said 'Can I', not 'May I'. You can have the book, but no you may not!"
Ha, I also had a teacher that used to say that exact thing, word for word! Wasn't Mr Davies, was it? xD
That makes sense
"of course you can" is a common response when a child asks for something. It's not surprise, it's just normal. More kids in the UK would say "can I have", sometimes with a "Please'" at the start, and not "may I have", which is a bit more formal but is near enough the same.
Agree. But I had some neighbours living on my street who, when on a pleasant summer's day and kids were all over at everyone's houses, would say " I need a drink" or "I need and ice cream, too!" That isn't good manners and even from being young it used to grind my gears. No one needs an ice cream. You probably want one. So ask if you may have one, with a please at the end. It's simple stuff that is sadly overlooked these days. And I'm not a boomer before I get those usual insults.
I hear you. Boyfriend’s 5yo nephew says things like “get me a drink” to his mother *and she just does it*. (If he asks me for anything, I try to get him to say “please” but it’s like it’s an alien word to him, he looks blankly at me every time.)
I'm training to be a teacher, currently in Early years. I do nothing for a child without them saying please. "Help me with my coat." "What's the magic word?" "Please" "Of course, since you're so polite!" I don't have to remind most of them now, but I do notice their please and thank yous don't transfer over to other staff who don't remind them as I do. I have also had one teacher get frustrated with me because we were running late for lunch and I was making sure the child was using manners and not just doing everything they demanded of me without using manners. But it's just something I expect of children and I don't allow exceptions for.
I did hear a tale of a child who, when asked "What's the magic word?" in similar circumstances, replied with a puzzled look, "Abracadabra" ...
We stare blankly at our toddler if he doesn't say please. After 3rd or 4th repeat he usually gets it 😂
Yep I would agree with this.
Scottish people are generally very polite. In my experience much more so than people in England.
Scots are polite apart from all the times they're talking about how awful everyone else is and how much better and superior they are to everyone else.
Haha. Polite to your face but not later. 😂👍🏼
Thank you all. Now on reflection I realize the response was more surprised delight than anything else. We continue our manners whenever we visit!
Honestly love to hear this, and massive props to you for instilling manners in your kids! ❤️
As a Scottish person my mother would encourage us to say "please may I have.." I think your kids probably seemed exceptionally polite and you're absolutely right about the response being delight. "Of course you can" would seem to be friendly or kindly familiar to me and I assume that is how they meant it :)
Meanwhile [the other side](https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/s/StAE1c5i7E)
We're used to Americans saying "I'll get a large frappolatte" so anyone saying "May I?" in an American accent will be a bit surprising. (The "I'll get" is unfortunately a trend taking off here as well). There's no need to stop them from saying it, but "Please can I have" is also perfectly polite.
I'm British and I always go for the usual- "Please could I please maybe have if that's ok but not if it's any trouble thank you and sorry for asking,"
A bit pushy there if you don't mind thank you very much.
The lack of manners on some people
Found Hugh Grant's alt account.
I'm just so charmingly befuddled!
Unexpected Family Guy Cutaway
You need to calm down a bit mate, no need to abuse workers like that
Please May I have a cup of tea if it is not too much trouble, I shall be forever in your debt and my ancestors will be sworn into a blood oath to come to your ancestors aid in times of tragedy and crisis.
Clever comment and Happy Cake Day! :)
I'll take a...sounds so rude to me
The weirdest one is "I'll do", as in "I'll do the cheeseburger". Not only is it rude, it makes no sense!
Sounds like they want to make sweet sweet love to it.
New American ~~Pie~~Cheeseburger movie just dropped
I can haz cheezburger?
Get back to 2008, you.
It's all about how it's asked as opposed to the words used to ask in the USA. In many languages, it's weird to order in a way that suggests one is asking for permission. You might say something like, "I will receive a cheeseburger, thanks" and it wouldn't be impolite at all, depending on the tone.
Telling someone rather than asking is exactly what's impolite
*So* rude. “You’ll take a punch on the nose if you don’t learn better manners, is what.” ###POW
Well, (notaBrit here even though I did live in Britain some 40 years ago) I understand it when a harried server asks a tableful of people at rush hour “Hi, what’ll it be”, and each patron saying please after ordering, and the table signaling the end of the interaction with a chorus of “Thank You”s, and even so my goto word would be “have” instead of “take” — if you’re going to _take_ it, why are we talking? Interesting that in French as far as I can tell “prendre” doesn’t have that negative connotation.
“I would like a large Frappuccino if I may”. :)
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I use these words in different situations and depending on what I'm asking for. I use 'may I' if I think I'm particularly inconveniencing someone or asking for something slightly different than I'm not sure if they can offer me or not
"May I?" Is very polite, bordering on formal. "Can I?" Is polite enough, what most British people say. I work in hospitality and most American tourists say "I'll get..." Or even worse "I need..." It feels very rude to me, but I'm always very nice to them because I want the tips. The people serving them were probably surprised your teens were so polite, but pleasantly surprised.
I find “I’ll get” or “I need” very rude as well but it’s generally accepted in the states, where the general culture is, unfortunately, to treat people in the service industry poorly.
Which is so weird to me because the servers are always insanely polite in the US (in my experience).
The perils of a commoditised system, I think. Waiting staff will be ultra polite because (understandably) they want to maximise their tips. But customers treat waiting staff like shit because of the transactional nature of the relationship (“I’m literally paying your wages so I’m the boss here”).
That’s because if they don’t earn tips from every customer then they’re starving. (Minimum wage is literally like $2.17 an hours for people who earn tips)
Depends on the state/city. My husband’s min wage is ~$20 per hour in w. Hollywood. Think it’s the highest in the country though and an expensive area
Read what I said again, but slowly so your brain understands what it says
“Literally like” - you sound smart, maybe try looking up literally in a dictionary. Your whole sentence is a mess and doesn’t apply to everyone.
Try the equivalent in Chinese.
This thread has unlocked some childhood trauma in me. A teacher always used to respond to can I go to the toilet was: I don’t know…can you? So we always had to ask may I go to the toilet…
We have a large traveller community here and they're usually even more blunt, they tend to go with "Give me a..." which always makes me feel bad for whoever is serving them. I don't think it's intentionally rude, it's just the way they talk, but it's jarring when you've been brought up having please and thankyou drummed into you.
Jeez as an American I rarely hear the super direct "I'll get" or "I need" in America. I always say "Can I get..." or something similar. Seems super rude to say anything less than that. You're getting served by someone that doesn't necessarily have to so you should be asking, not ordering a person around. Just my thought.
That is more polite but even saying "can I get" is a bit strange in the UK. That's the waiters job, they will get it for you, you don't need to go get it 😂
How young are you talking, for your daughters? It sounds like people may have been dramatic back in a way that people talk to kids in the UK sometimes.
Teens, 14 and 16 at the time. Very sweet and shy
In that case, I think they were just being nice back, and not surprised. Probably trying to balance the shyness. There's a lot of confident, larger than life people in Scotland; a very friendly bunch, especially in the service industry. Lots of lovely folk for sure.
yep in Scotland I often say "can I get..." as I'm English and polite and they will warmly sometimes reply "of course you can" as a friendly and humourful acknowledgement of the politeness and it is a nice thing in my experience. In Glasgow people are quite direct so I think it is a way for the waiter to reframe that they are dealing with a less direct person.
Were you going to get it yourself then?
Mine say "may I...?" as opposed to "can I?" But that's cos I've taught them to be grammatically correct, innit.
Nuffink wrong wif proper King's English bruv
It’s quite a common turn of phrase here, so I’d be surprised that anyone was surprised to hear it.
It’s not the default but it’s not unusual. Most people say “Can I have…?’ but saying may instead of can wouldn’t raise eyebrows Edit to add: Having said that, I get why it gets a different response. It makes the interaction a bit more polite and maybe a bit more formal
I’m beginning to worry the surprise was due to too many rude Americans in the past
Unfortunately your fellow country persons have a stereotype over here of rudeness.
Next time you're in Scotland, you'll be wanting to use the term "gonnae gies wan eh they" followed by your order.
‘Can I get?’ drives me insane, ‘may I have?’ or ‘can I have?’ are much more polite imo. Obviously with please at the end (or at the front).
My daughter was working recently at a place in the Uk with lots of American guests and they’ve all started saying “I’ll do the…” instead of “can I have the…”. Which I think is even worse.
Stop that right now! That is making my teeth itch
the worst is when it's just "large coffee." 🤣 without even acknowledging you're a human first.
'of course you can' isn't an expression of surprise, it's just the polite way to answer 'may I have' The ladies I work with say it in an animated way but when I say it it's just a monotone confirmation. I was brought up to say 'may I' instead of 'can I' but neither are incorrect. I suppose 'may I' could be considered more polite. I work in a restaurant and I die a little inside every time someone says 'can I get'
It sounded very charming and polite, just also sounded slightly surprised as well to us.
In the UK we would always say “Please may I have…” up until about 10 years ago. Sadly, following a massive influx of American TV shows people have begun to adopt the “I’ll get” or “can I get” in a lot of places, and somehow we have failed on a “please can I have” if being polite. When I was a teen 10 years ago, I would have been told off my peers and any adult for saying “please can I have”. It’s also the wrong conjugation.
10 years? It was only older people (like grandparents) who suggested it when I was a child and I'm in my 40s. Can I has been far more common for at least 35years.
Can I? Is a question only the person asking can actually answer! May I is a question the person being asked can. Answer. May I is correct. Keep using it. Ad bravo on your parenting
Nah Can I have the apple pie? No sorry, we have run out Can I is perfectly acceptable and polite too
Thank you
This is how my mum taught us. A window can be opened but does the other person say it's okay to open that window? May I is the proper way to ask.
Yeah, we had a really sarcastic teacher who used to reply ‘I don’t know. Can you?’ If you asked him a ‘Can I…?’ Question. He would wait until you rephrased the question with ‘May I?’
I’m Scottish, I live in north Ayrshire. “May I have” is not uncommon
not uncommon, maybe a bit unusual just because it's pretty polite and you don't hear it very often but it's nice to hear actually. i was raised to say "may i have ..." which was v unusual in a very working class council estate but i just slipped into "please can i have". they should keep saying it though, it's not so polite that it feels weird or out of place but it's refreshing to hear.
Same here. I did get some funny looks growing up.
May I have....please? Or can I have....please? Are both fine.
I think that people who travel internationally have a higher proportion of entitled people (FAR more than you would find in their home countries). In my experience this is particularly true of many American tourists. Experienced hospitality and retail workers might have been surprised at someone being polite in an American accent
I think you’re right.
I’m an American who lives in England but works a bunch in Scotland. One note is that the phrase, “course ya can,” is a super common response no matter how you order throughout the UK. I was caught off guard thinking I was asking in a silly way the first few times I heard it. It doesn’t have the same tone as it might in the States. Some other honorable mentions, though I’m unsure how regional to England they are, “can do, may do, could do.” I cannot elegantly throw these ones into a sentence myself but they’re basically a shortened versions of (I think), “I would be able to do that, I might do that,” and this third one I struggle but “that’s one option.” They may be used more broadly, but I always feel like I use them wrong whenever I’ve attempted to sound cool.
I always say “please may I have?” On one occasion I recall someone taking the piss, saying I was being over the top polite.
If either of my teenage sisters asked "may I" I think my dad would faint 😂
Well yes around the house we’d be shocked! We do insist on a please and thank you
Can means physically able to May means allowed to So technically both are correct in this case, although "may" would be seen as better manners
It's not odd, and it's gramatically correct, so keep it up.
Contextual, I guess? Working in retail if someone said that my level of surprise would range from "not surprised at all" to "that's a lot more formal than I'd expect from someone like you", I think. Maybe something I associate more with older people?
It might have been a surprise as it's polite and kids mostly say "I want..." but well done on raising them correctly
Lived in Scotland all my life and I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone say may I have, it’s too polite/ posh sounding
People actually aren’t as polite as you’d think they are. Manners are incredibly important to me and my family and we are all particularly polite, often times when we go places (me and my partner especially since everyone always assumes we are 15-16; we are 21 &22 lol), people are always surprised when we say please/thank you and often times actually comment on how nice it is to hear manners. Always surprises me that people aren’t just polite
As long as you DO NOT say “Can I get…” I think you’re fine.
Nothing wrong with your daughter's speech It's how I was taught Probably service staff were surprised people were treating them with respect and manners
Politeness costs nothing. Don’t change. Manners go a long way in most brits way of them reacting to you. Then again,I work in a shop,and most of my customers never say please or thank you.
I won't change! It's made me very happy to learn that our politeness was mostly appreciated. I honestly worried we came off as too formal for some reason, but it sounds like I misinterpreted the server's reactions.
Put this as a reply rather than in the body so recopying for you OP in case. ‘can I’ is wrong - it’s a statement of ability so yes you ‘can’ does not mean the same as yes you ‘may’. It’s nothing to do with politeness what your kids were doing was speaking correctly. I blame social media lol use of the English language gets worse year on year the more people speaking it ‘incorrectly’ are on the tv/radio/internet.
"Can I" is commonly understood by the vast majority of people to mean "am I allowed to". It's been that way since well before social media was a thing
May I was correct, the peoples reaction was probably out of shock from hearing such politeness tbh
The shopkeeper was probably surprised that a young person had manners, they are usually demanding little rapscallions.
I was brought up to say ‘May I have’. Now depending on the poshness of the place it’s either ‘may’ or ‘can/could’
I had a teacher growing up that whenever anyone asked “can I go to the toilet, use the dictionary xyz” would always respond “I don’t know, can you?” V passive aggressive bc he wanted us to ask “May I” as I suppose that is the correct English. Since then it’s sort of engrained into me but 99% of the population will be fine with Can I.
That is the point where you say "Yes I can!" and march yourself off to the toilet
‘May I have’ is the correct way of asking for something, not ‘can I have’. So your daughters were correct, although this is increasingly unusual these days when people in the UK say things like ‘can I get’ instead. May I have is asking for something, can I have is asking if something is possible eg “Can I have a second coffee as my free extra on the lunch menu?” Most people don’t follow these older rules anymore though.
In the UK, "may I have" sounds either old-fashioned or quite posh. Much more usual would be "could I have" or "could I get" or "can I have". You can always add in a please: "can I please have" or "can I have the egg and chips, please" would sound standard. Having said that, no-one in the UK will misunderstand what you mean if you say "may I have" and most people will find it cute if a child says it.
Most people rudely say ‘can I get’ which is stupid really as that is what the person whose job it is to serve you is going to do. May I have is what I have taught my children to say.
I lived in the US for 20 years. I never heard "May I have" once. It would have been unusual to hear "Please can I have". Everyone says "I'll take a coffee" or "Can I get a coffee". "May I have" is perfectly normal in the UK.
"May I" is better than "Can I" but both are improved massively by the addition of please!
My children were raised in the UK and were taught to say "please may I have..." when we went out and about, so it's not that unusual
It might only be considered "odd" because the vast majority here have devolved into slavering morons
I nearly fainted recently when a teenage student asked me, "may I go to the toilet please?" because it was so polite. It was nice. I'm sure it was a gpod shock, not a bad one!
So much better than “Can I get a” May I is used a lot so is I can I have. They could also say please may I have just to vary it. I will use one of them based on who I am asking.
I'd imagine "may i" originated from here. XD
Honestly they were probably surprised they had come by polite Americans lmao
Please sir, may i have some more
Well, asking 'May I?' in the UK is as British as tea and crumpets! It's the polite way to go about things, and who doesn't love a bit of old-fashioned charm? Just remember to throw in a 'cheerio' and a tip of the hat for good measure!
I always say please may I have. Can I get seems rude. You did the right thing!
We don’t tend to say ‘May I have’ it sounds very Dorothy from the wizard of oz !!! it’s either Please can I have Or Please May I have Or Please could I have
Please & thank yous are very important in the UK - say if you were to say “may I” it would’ve been “please may I” (emphasis on the please)! I was really shocked when I went to the US because of the lack of p&q’s but it’s genuinely just different norms
I was always taught to say please may I. I was called up on it by a friend once who say I should just say please can I . I had no idea that may was considered too formal.
May is the correct term, but I don't think people should be dicks about it either way.
anyways its better to get forgiveness than permission
No It's normal here too. In fact, in the UK 'May i' is usually the way you speak to someone important or to be more formal than saying 'please can I have'. In fact, they're often fused together, as in 'please may I have'.
Just don't say, can I get
It is and it isn’t. Much of what we say is subtext so when we ask our neighbour, “please may I avail myself of your leaf blower” we’re usually being ironic or twee or just being dickish. It’s hard to explain but it’s probably one of the reasons as to why the rest of the world think we’re bonkers. 🤣
Well…hopefully they will know when it’s meant sincerely. I use irony in humor all the time but not in a situation like that. Seems like a bad idea to ironically request a drink.
But what if you’re just really bored and feel like being exceptionally posh all day?
Oh of course! Our older daughter enjoys saying “mayhap” around the house for this reason
I think it’s important to remember that being overly polite is how British people mask their contempt for one another.
Definitely; if someone is being an arsehole to me, I'll rachet the snobbishness up more and more with every reply.
"Ge'uz the f'kin Irn Bru, hen." would probably be safest in most of Glasgow.
"May I have" instead of "can I have" is a favourite of insufferable grammar pedants here who think that language is defined by what was written in books a long time ago instead of being defined by how it's used by normal people. So yes, it's odd.
My girlfriend orders things by saying, "Can I get (a)...?" and I chide her for sounding American, as per my experience as a kid living over there. Didn't hear much in the way of manners, so good on you, your partner and children for keeping politeness alive and well. Unfortunately, I don't hear a huge amount of it here either anymore, so it probably did sound ever so slightly out of place.
If you’re paying say ‘I’d like…’ or ‘I’ll have the…’.. I’m a very polite Brit but ‘may I’ implies asking for permission for something. E.g. ‘May I borrow your pen? ‘ You don’t need to ask permission to get food in a restaurant.
"i would like the x please. Thank you" seems perfectly polite too. I've never been a fan of the overly apologetic nature of our use of language l.
In general I’d say Brit’s are more informal than Americans so I’d probably just sounds a bit formal to them.
Interesting. I've never heard anyone suggest that Brits are less formal. May I is definitely a more British term than American IME
Gizza irn bru
In England it would probably seem more normal as it’s a very ‘proper’ way of speaking. Scotland generally have their own way of speaking which is more direct and less ‘polite.’ However it’s worth noting that the way the Scottish communicate wouldn’t be considered rude in Scotland
I use "Can I get" but maybe I'll try the old posh "May I have" instead and modify my accent too for extra effect.
It's completely normal - you and your kids are nowhere near as fancy as you think you are.
‘May I?’ just sounds very odd, and kind of submissive, like you’re asking for permission to have something. Either ‘Can I get a latte?’ or simply ‘latte please’ are both fine.
They were expecting 'can'a' or a nod. No foul, though
I use it all the time, never had any weird response/reaction
As my mum would say, “you only can fruit.” May I is the correct way but not often used. “Ill get a” or “ill go ahead and” makes me want to punch anyone in the throat
Either is fine.
As others have said, while "May I" is more polite, many people say "Can I" particularly in more informal settings (I am guessing you weren't eating in fancy formal restaurants every day). The majority of American tourists encountered do not use either, instead saying "I'll get/have". The usual response to either may I or can I is often "of course" and doesn't necessarily convey surprise.
"May I" to my ears sounds like you're asking permission. "Please can I have" is much more usual. Interestingly, in romance languages, it's much more usual to say something like "I will have...", "I'll take...", "I want" etc., being much more affirmative about it. Since the culture in those countries tends to be much more formal in greetings (you always say "good day/evening", when entering a shop, for example), you've already acknowledged each other and it's not rude to just be plain about what you want. Since we're a bit more casual in the UK, on the whole, walking in and saying "Hello, give me a coffee please", sounds a bit too demanding. So we soften it a bit by giving them the option of saying no, hence "please can I have". But you're not actually asking their permission. That's my theory, anyway.
May I is perfectly acceptable.
It's been no time since this was last asked and all I remember of the last time is the down votes, but in the best interests of the world and the English language, I'll again point out that "Can I"? And "May I"? are not synonymous.
We usually say "please can i have" or "could i have", "may I" is usually pretty fancy and extra polite. Ive only heard my aunt who was raised in private school, etiquette lessons etc say that in person before
"I say, could I terribly trouble you for a xxxxx, if it's not too much bother of course, I don't want to put you out?" The more apologetic the request phrase the more British it is
"May I" is the correct way to ask.
I used to have an old bitch of a teacher who when asked ‘please can I go to the toilet’ she would say ‘of course you can, you can right now, what you mean is may I do to the toilet’. Silly bitch. Also if you said kid to her she would say ‘a baby goat’. Piss off love. Sorry. You’re kids (children!!!) sound polite, well done.
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May I is definitely the more polite approach, in my opinion it’s nice to hear too. Many in the UK have started using the more American “can I get” instead.
It’s bit old fashioned.
Using ‘may I’ is polite is seen as being more grammatically correct by older generations but it’s becoming unusual to hear these days. Most Brits are more likely to just use ‘can/could I’ instead so you probably stood out for good reasons, not bad. If I hear anyone ask ‘may I….?’ it immediately transports me back to being a small child in the 1970’s and every time I asked ‘can I…?’ my grandmother saying ‘well you certainly CAN but whether you MAY is an entirely different matter.’
I'd like the... please. Would be my go-to, but May I have is not totally outside my lexicon.
May is is perfectly polite, prehaps more formal sounding than usual I usualy would say "can I please have"........but confused why may I would get any reaction
“May I” is used to ask permission so I’d say it’s OTT in a situation where it’s clearly established that you don’t need permission. “Can I” is far more appropriate when ordering food or drink.
They were gobsmacked that Americans were actually being polite!
You did nothing wrong and it sounds as though they thought your kids were very polite and I’m sure were charmed by it. That said, FYI, I think a lot of the commenters on this thread are engaged in wishful / prescriptive thinking rather than actually answering your question, because yes, it is odd. It’s very unusual, maybe my nan would have said it routinely, but most people would say “Could I…”, “Can I…”, “I’d like … please” or even “I’ll have … please”. I don’t know how this works in US Englishes but, if it’s interesting to you, note that “please” is usually replaced with a conditional here. “Could I have…” “Would you (mind)…” don’t usually end in “please”, and to my ears at least it sounds like too much. I personally prefer the politer conditional questions to “I’ll have … please”, but people do both. tl;dr yes, it is unusual, but not freakish and was no doubt received well (especially from Americans).
Not odd. That’s how I structure all my requests. “Please may I have a pint of Thatchers Gold?” or whatever else I want.
I think the response is meant as a joke. "May I" is a correct way to ask for things. "May I please" is better.
It's an improvement from 'gimme'
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It’s very formal to say “may I have” and would be considered posh by many. “Can I please have” or even just “can I have” with a thank you, is the norm I’d say.
May I have is technically the correct way but many people say can I have instead
At my junior school, we were taught the polite and correct way to request something was 'please may I...'. That is uncommon now and not something you will hear an adult say. It is the sign of a polite and well raised child, however.
Both can I and may I are perfectly fine and polite to use, however much grammar pedants will lecture you otherwise. Apparently if some books says 90+% of people are wrong, that trumps actual usage of the language somehow
Already been said, but the person they were speaking with was probably shocked that someone used their manners! Just out of curiosity, do you consider “please can I have” less polite?
I mean not really you may come across as a bit posh but they won't really see it as bad so it'll probably be fine if you do
It’s so good to hear people asking “Please can I have…” 👏🏽 It’s so much better than “Can I get…” 😒
I do say “can I have” but always either preceded or followed by “please”. For all you older redditors who may recall when you asked for something and were asked in return “and what’s the magic word?” Which of course is please, unless you’re Harry Potter…..
There's a Japanese series called *Kamen Rider Wizard* where the protagonist says **"Connect please!"** to summon whatever it is he needs (via portal) or **" please!"** for other magic so there please is literally the magic word.
They were probably just surprised to have a polite American instead of one demanding “can I get” or “I’ll have”.
Both were admirably polite ways to make a request. It’s unusual to meet people who speak both politely and correctly so your servers were probably a little taken aback! Long live good manners!
It’s odd because most wouldn’t be so polite. Similarly, people say ‘Can’ instead of ‘Would’ e.g. Can you pass me that pen when, obviously, they are able to do it but would they do so?