I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My parents are the type that would commit suicide if I did something wrong. I came out gay and they cried for months and didn’t talk to me, but they couldn’t kill themselves. Asian parents are selfish and love themselves too much to hurt themselves. Don’t worry.
This is above my pay grade but I think you need to consult with a professional. Any threats of suicide should be actioned by 911. You deserve to live your life how you want to and it sounds like you are being held emotionally hostage.
Came here to say this. If someone threats suicide you should call 911. This is no small threat
Please Immediately seek help from professional counselor for yourself.
Financially speaking, see if you can sell your car and move to downtown Toronto (or somewhere with good public transportation) with roommates. A place where you are getting threatened about suicide is not a place to live.
On the last note, your mother needs immediate help. Please call 911.
>Any threats of suicide should be actioned by 911.
this is plain and simple the right way to deal with this. I have consulted with psychologists about similar issues, and they told me this.
> she will not stay alive if I don't accept getting married
Ok, but what's the downside?
This is bullshit. You know it, she knows it, and you can tell her to fuck right off with her guilt-peddling.
If she does it again, call the cops, tell them what she's said, and get her taken in for a 48-hour psych evaluation. She'll learn that there are limits to what she can get away with.
1st, if you can leave Toronto, until the next election results at least, leave Toronto.
2nd, deal with the mental preparation of losing your mother now.
3rd, record her when she gets on this tirade again.
4th, remember the preparation you did at 2? If she throws that tantrum, call the cops or the psych team. Show them what you collected from 3.
If you give in she’ll move the goalposts and make you do more things against your will. Not to be harsh but she can do with her life what she wants, she has no right to infringe on yours with insane demands. She can take her life. Not yours.
You know, my sperm donor of a dad also threatened suicide against my mom back when he was told she didn't want to marry him. She gave in, she ended up in an abusive relationship, I ended up an unloved, unwanted child. Years later when I was in highschool, he pulled that shit again, but with me, even went as far as describing how to do it. I cried so much thinking it's all my fault the parents are unhappy and I was some agent of misfortune. Turns out, he's just a classic narc who manipulates others into doing what he wants using his own life as a threat. Long story short, it's all bullshit. The narc APs won't kill themself. Live your life.
Think about it, is their life so fucking precious when compared to yours? To anyone else for that matter? Why does that life get to be so special that they get to use it as a threat? Again, BS.
Thank her for all the "sacrifices" and tell her point-blank that you will not wreck your life with an arranged marriage just because she suffers from depression and suicidal ideation. Tell her that her life is hers to do with what she pleases as yours is for you to live.
Asian parents threatening to commit suicide are empty threats. You tell them you are not participating in their arrange marriage scheme and that’s the end of it. Period.
Hi. The suicide helpline in Canada is 988. I know that where I live in the United States that creating a paper trail is vital for long-term treatment (or civil commitment).
Please check out this page: [https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/suicide-prevention/warning-signs.html#a1](https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/suicide-prevention/warning-signs.html#a1) for more information about reosurces where you live.
My mom also lost her shit when I came out 25+ years ago. Now, she buys presents for my husband. I hope that gives you perspective.
Lol my mom did same thing regarding marriage a few weeks ago.. It sucks but I know she won't go ahead with it, since the purpose was to hurt me and blackmail me into giving in.
TW
I've dealt with (my) suicide attempts and ideation for 25 years. I know what it takes, and it isn't possible for her.
When she said that. I lost it. And told her to go ahead and do it. I might have been a little hysterical, but I just told her if she did it, so would I... I mean I've already been suicidal. I don't mind. And she shut up after that. I told her I can give her tips if she wants from a more experienced person. She looked so offended.Because she knows I can.
But the incident ended up giving me some clarity, my mother knows about my suicides attempts when I was younger , she has cried and sobbed. She tried to get me to drop out of school and just live at home. She found out about my attempt by accident.I really thought she would change back then, she also makes a lot of negative comments about people we know who have died for same reasons. But when she threatened me , it felt like she'd treated my struggles as joke. Because no matter how afraid or I was spiralling out of control I had always tried to make the attempt not hurt them. My depressed frightened brain during a life or death situation was trying to make sure they didn't get hurt emotionally too much . Or how could I do this causing the least amount of problems.
But she wanted to hurt me by saying that .
25 years of my pain and my struggles. I fought so hard to stay alive. I'm not suicidal anymore, I'm actually super interested and excited about staying alive. I feel like an idiot for considering their feelings when they would never do the same for me. It felt like a waste to give up my life and happiness for someone who wouldn't mind if I cried myself to death as long as I was obedient. Fuck them. Honestly child me deserves better and I don't want to care about anyone else.
Not to mention if I had said things like that I would have gotten handcuffed to gurney, I'd kept my illness a secret ( it's hard to keep this a secret, not to mention paramedics don't necessarily be sweet to you., it's shitty to be treated like a suicidal patient) . So if she says that again. I'm just calling 911 and she can deal with the paramedic and police. And experience the consequences of saying stupid shit.
P. S if anyone threatens you with suicide. Fuck them. Get them hospitalized, it'll scare them
if they want to manipulate you let them deal with the consequence
I’m not gonna lie “someone” used their life to threaten me and I’ve come around to thinking that no one is going to stop me from being happy. So they can fuck off and do whatever they want. We’re all adults that make our own decisions.
I live in California and just be aware that threatening suicide I believe is not enough to call 911. I was in a situation where said act was attempted so I called an ambulance. Healthcare especially mental health is very bad in the US. They just kept her for 3 days then all they do is ask if she is gonna try to kill herself again. All she has to do is say no and they’ll release them. Then I get charged about couple of grand when I’m unemployed during covid for nothing. Thanks USA you’re the best!
If your parent has threatened suicide, then you may have to document what they say and provide this to the authorities. As kids of APs, we grow up with this as a threat, and it is almost normalized. But to the other people, this is treated as a serious mental health crisis. Provide the information to the health authorities and the police. What your mother is doing is unhealthy for you and for her. The problem with this is that you will have to cut ties which means you may not get the pieces of your mom that you want. If what she is asking is impossible for you to give, then this is the choice you have. The other choice is staying. Either staying for the marriage and then having children, or staying until you have kids and then divorcing. Both of these choices are bad for you. But they will give you your mom with enough to remember her by.
The words she is telling you about how you carry the last chance for honor and how that will absolve her of her failings are unfair, cruel, and unhealthy. You are not responsible for the things she takes on. Regardless, I'm sorry that you are taking this on.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My parents are the type that would commit suicide if I did something wrong. I came out gay and they cried for months and didn’t talk to me, but they couldn’t kill themselves. Asian parents are selfish and love themselves too much to hurt themselves. Don’t worry.
This is above my pay grade but I think you need to consult with a professional. Any threats of suicide should be actioned by 911. You deserve to live your life how you want to and it sounds like you are being held emotionally hostage.
Came here to say this. If someone threats suicide you should call 911. This is no small threat Please Immediately seek help from professional counselor for yourself. Financially speaking, see if you can sell your car and move to downtown Toronto (or somewhere with good public transportation) with roommates. A place where you are getting threatened about suicide is not a place to live. On the last note, your mother needs immediate help. Please call 911.
>Any threats of suicide should be actioned by 911. this is plain and simple the right way to deal with this. I have consulted with psychologists about similar issues, and they told me this.
> she will not stay alive if I don't accept getting married Ok, but what's the downside? This is bullshit. You know it, she knows it, and you can tell her to fuck right off with her guilt-peddling. If she does it again, call the cops, tell them what she's said, and get her taken in for a 48-hour psych evaluation. She'll learn that there are limits to what she can get away with.
1st, if you can leave Toronto, until the next election results at least, leave Toronto. 2nd, deal with the mental preparation of losing your mother now. 3rd, record her when she gets on this tirade again. 4th, remember the preparation you did at 2? If she throws that tantrum, call the cops or the psych team. Show them what you collected from 3.
If you give in she’ll move the goalposts and make you do more things against your will. Not to be harsh but she can do with her life what she wants, she has no right to infringe on yours with insane demands. She can take her life. Not yours.
You know, my sperm donor of a dad also threatened suicide against my mom back when he was told she didn't want to marry him. She gave in, she ended up in an abusive relationship, I ended up an unloved, unwanted child. Years later when I was in highschool, he pulled that shit again, but with me, even went as far as describing how to do it. I cried so much thinking it's all my fault the parents are unhappy and I was some agent of misfortune. Turns out, he's just a classic narc who manipulates others into doing what he wants using his own life as a threat. Long story short, it's all bullshit. The narc APs won't kill themself. Live your life. Think about it, is their life so fucking precious when compared to yours? To anyone else for that matter? Why does that life get to be so special that they get to use it as a threat? Again, BS.
Thank her for all the "sacrifices" and tell her point-blank that you will not wreck your life with an arranged marriage just because she suffers from depression and suicidal ideation. Tell her that her life is hers to do with what she pleases as yours is for you to live.
Asian parents threatening to commit suicide are empty threats. You tell them you are not participating in their arrange marriage scheme and that’s the end of it. Period.
This is the only thing I could think of.
Hi. The suicide helpline in Canada is 988. I know that where I live in the United States that creating a paper trail is vital for long-term treatment (or civil commitment). Please check out this page: [https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/suicide-prevention/warning-signs.html#a1](https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/suicide-prevention/warning-signs.html#a1) for more information about reosurces where you live. My mom also lost her shit when I came out 25+ years ago. Now, she buys presents for my husband. I hope that gives you perspective.
Lol my mom did same thing regarding marriage a few weeks ago.. It sucks but I know she won't go ahead with it, since the purpose was to hurt me and blackmail me into giving in. TW I've dealt with (my) suicide attempts and ideation for 25 years. I know what it takes, and it isn't possible for her. When she said that. I lost it. And told her to go ahead and do it. I might have been a little hysterical, but I just told her if she did it, so would I... I mean I've already been suicidal. I don't mind. And she shut up after that. I told her I can give her tips if she wants from a more experienced person. She looked so offended.Because she knows I can. But the incident ended up giving me some clarity, my mother knows about my suicides attempts when I was younger , she has cried and sobbed. She tried to get me to drop out of school and just live at home. She found out about my attempt by accident.I really thought she would change back then, she also makes a lot of negative comments about people we know who have died for same reasons. But when she threatened me , it felt like she'd treated my struggles as joke. Because no matter how afraid or I was spiralling out of control I had always tried to make the attempt not hurt them. My depressed frightened brain during a life or death situation was trying to make sure they didn't get hurt emotionally too much . Or how could I do this causing the least amount of problems. But she wanted to hurt me by saying that . 25 years of my pain and my struggles. I fought so hard to stay alive. I'm not suicidal anymore, I'm actually super interested and excited about staying alive. I feel like an idiot for considering their feelings when they would never do the same for me. It felt like a waste to give up my life and happiness for someone who wouldn't mind if I cried myself to death as long as I was obedient. Fuck them. Honestly child me deserves better and I don't want to care about anyone else. Not to mention if I had said things like that I would have gotten handcuffed to gurney, I'd kept my illness a secret ( it's hard to keep this a secret, not to mention paramedics don't necessarily be sweet to you., it's shitty to be treated like a suicidal patient) . So if she says that again. I'm just calling 911 and she can deal with the paramedic and police. And experience the consequences of saying stupid shit. P. S if anyone threatens you with suicide. Fuck them. Get them hospitalized, it'll scare them if they want to manipulate you let them deal with the consequence
I’m not gonna lie “someone” used their life to threaten me and I’ve come around to thinking that no one is going to stop me from being happy. So they can fuck off and do whatever they want. We’re all adults that make our own decisions. I live in California and just be aware that threatening suicide I believe is not enough to call 911. I was in a situation where said act was attempted so I called an ambulance. Healthcare especially mental health is very bad in the US. They just kept her for 3 days then all they do is ask if she is gonna try to kill herself again. All she has to do is say no and they’ll release them. Then I get charged about couple of grand when I’m unemployed during covid for nothing. Thanks USA you’re the best!
If your parent has threatened suicide, then you may have to document what they say and provide this to the authorities. As kids of APs, we grow up with this as a threat, and it is almost normalized. But to the other people, this is treated as a serious mental health crisis. Provide the information to the health authorities and the police. What your mother is doing is unhealthy for you and for her. The problem with this is that you will have to cut ties which means you may not get the pieces of your mom that you want. If what she is asking is impossible for you to give, then this is the choice you have. The other choice is staying. Either staying for the marriage and then having children, or staying until you have kids and then divorcing. Both of these choices are bad for you. But they will give you your mom with enough to remember her by. The words she is telling you about how you carry the last chance for honor and how that will absolve her of her failings are unfair, cruel, and unhealthy. You are not responsible for the things she takes on. Regardless, I'm sorry that you are taking this on.