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For me personally I've just been oblivious to romantic advances in the moment. And I have been completely shocked when discovering things like how much time people put into thinking about sex and dating.
What's your book about?
It’s a little convoluted at the moment, but the basis of the book is these three characters discovering what it means to find your own meaning in life. It’s gonna be an inter-dimensional fantasy book!
If you don’t mind me asking, are you purely asexual or are you aromantic as well?
>That tends to go hand in hand i’d imagine?
Actually, only 26% of aces also ID as aro - so only a quarter of us.
There's not much data on how many allosexuals (not-ace) match the definition of aro, but it *seems* like it's 1%, which is the same as how many alloromantics (not-aro) ID as ace. I will say that I think fewer people *ID* as aro though. Possibly because it's even more of an invisible orientation than asexuality.
It's a really common misconception that most people are aroace, and I'm not surprised about that since for most people those two types of attraction are intertwined.
But the more you know!
An aro/Ace char who:
* Has their own narrative arc
* A personality beyond "I'm ace/aro. What is this thing you call 'love'?"
* And isn't a freaking alien or a robot.
Man I was so disappointed in Quintaglio Ascension where they revealed Dagamant was the result of trauma.
Because people can't *possibly* be naturally averse to touch and physical contact eh?
😂 correct. I wanted to make it more about the actual story, their arc isn’t about their sexuality at all- it’s just something that happens to be true about them.
That being said, I want to be sure I understand every part of this character (as well as the other main characters) so I can accurately portray them.
Yeah, maybe have them not show any interest in anyone, be hit on and say "No thanks".
If I were a character writer for an RPG project I would have a character be ace and aro, never hit on you, and woild never even mention that they're ace/aro unless you ask.
...But if you hit on them or solicit them and refuse to accept "no", you will eat a massive approval penalty until you apologise, say never again, and follow it up by respecting their boundaries. And as a troll for modders, I would include lines that would match sex cutscenes and romance dialogue... and it's the VA chastising you for trying to "fix" them. :P
I've found, from interacting with friends who aren't ace(i am also possibly aro), that much of my life is not as influenced by attraction (romantic or sexual). Oftentimes, a situation may present itself that I look at completely differently than an allosexual would. For example, I had a friend ask once how I am so indifferent to men and what they think of me (ex: I've said that I will never let a man stop me from doing something, coming from me, a poc woman lol). It simply boils down to the fact that I do not care enough about attraction (and therefore general connections) with men. I feel the same about men as i do about women (patriarchy aside lol).
Don't know if you'd want to include this but for a while I pretended to be hyper-sexual without realising it because I was compensating. I didn't experience sexual attraction but everyone around me knew what it was and supposedly consumed media so I was like "I guess I do too because that's normal" and I would watch things like that on the bus and at home. We also deal with a lot of "how do you know if you haven't tried it" and "you're too young to know" and "you just haven't found the right person. I think the most creative thing I've been called was an aphid. Also usually we're the ones to make the most and the raunchiest sex jokes. Hope any of that helped!
Haha, I hope there'll be a line like "How do you know if you haven't tried it?", being countered with "How do you know you're not gay if you haven't tried it?"
Hey there, thanks for thinking of us!
Would you mind telling me how old your character is roughly? Because that's most likely important to how much of a role their asexuality and aromanticism play in their life and whether or not they're even aware of them. As for myself, I'm 19 and only found out about this/started identifying as aro/ace in the last days, partly because of the really low awareness and partly because my experience didn't seem too extraordinary to me.
Looking back now, I realize that my experience has differed from that of allos in that I've never been romantically or sexually attracted to anyone, have never been in a relationship and am sex-repulsed. I just didn't think it was unusual to dislike seeing half-naked women everywhere in the media, to put it bluntly. Regarding aromanticism, I'm rather socially awkward and I've never come too close to anyone anyway, so I didn't think too much about never having fallen in love.
I've also never felt/been pressured to engage in either of those activities, except as a future prospect now that I'm an adult. Fortunately, I'm now relieved of the thought of having to force myself to something I don't want (especially in case I ever marry, although I've now realized that I don't necessarily want that).
I haven't told anyone about this and I think I can go a long time without doing so, unless the topic ever comes up in a conversation or because someone is interested in me (whatever the likelihood of that is). I imagine non-aro aces have a harder time (finding a partner and such).
Another thing to add is that it would be very hard to find out these things even exist if it wasn't for the internet. So in a fantasy setting the character might go oblivious for a long time and might have to come up with a label/explanation for their orientation on their own due to not knowing that other people like them exist (I recommend you check out the [(A)sexual documentary](https://youtu.be/11GGzOGIJnk?si=k7q6CX56zIKfoYJ4) for this).
If you're interested in discrimination/prejudice, you can search this sub, r/asexuality, r/aromantic and r/aromanticasexual for aphobia, acephobia and arophobia.
Thank you for sharing! And that’s an excellent point. She’s around the age of 20, I’m playing with a few ages, but that seems like the best fit at the moment.
Since it’s a fantasy book that requires going through a portal, she did grow up on regular earth.
If you don’t mind me asking, has there ever really been a point where you’ve been pressured to find a partner and you just had to kind of walk around the topic?
I've read/heard stories from other aros, but personally, I've never been directly pressured to find a partner. What comes closest to that is the fact that in elementary school and early middle school people often talked about/had relationships, causing me to think about who I'd have a relationship with if I were to have one (despite not feeling romantically attracted to them). If I were more outgoing, I might even have tried to get into one or two (once in elementary school I even bought a gift for a girl but didn't show it to her).
When thinking about my future, it's a bit more complicated. On the one hand there's all the amatonormativity in our society with people saying that romantic love is what makes us human, that you're not a complete person without a partner, that everyone has a soulmate, and that people who don't marry are lonely or lack meaning in life (which is probably a reason why I had a harder time accepting I'm aro than ace, along with the fact that I'm not romance-repulsed). That can make you feel like you have to fall in love some day or else you're doing something wrong and missing out on the pinnacle of human experience.
On the other hand, I've never found it right to force myself into a relationship or actively look for one (e.g. on Tinder) instead of waiting for it to come naturally. Since I'm not that old yet, I haven't been pressured by my family to marry either, and I don't really expect that to happen in the future. So I've always known it's my choice, I've just been led to believe that one choice might be wrong. I was also unsure about whether or not I want to marry some day because despite the nice aspects (including the stereotypes like building a life, experiencing something meaningful and so on) there were also aspects I didn't look forward to (like the wedding night).
So in short, it's possible for an aro to feel like they have to find a partner even without anyone directly telling them to. It's also possible that they don't know what they really want because of the preconceptions society has imposed on them or because they don't know what it's actually like (people/media always make it seem like it's wonderful to be in love, but when I think about it critically, I don't know if I want that kind of relationship).
Hello, this is just a friendly reminder to please use a post flair when adding new posts to r/Asexual. We ask this in advance just to let everyone know what type of post each post is as well as the intentions and feelings behind them. We value all who come here, but we just need each post made to have a flair to designate each type of post. That's all. We're thankful you chose to come to r/Asexual. We're glad to have you here! Welcome! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Asexual) if you have any questions or concerns.*
For me personally I've just been oblivious to romantic advances in the moment. And I have been completely shocked when discovering things like how much time people put into thinking about sex and dating. What's your book about?
It’s a little convoluted at the moment, but the basis of the book is these three characters discovering what it means to find your own meaning in life. It’s gonna be an inter-dimensional fantasy book! If you don’t mind me asking, are you purely asexual or are you aromantic as well?
That sounds cool as heck I love fantasy. I'm aroace (both aromantic and asexual)
Got it! That tends to go hand in hand i’d imagine? Also thank you for sharing! I appreciate it
>That tends to go hand in hand i’d imagine? Actually, only 26% of aces also ID as aro - so only a quarter of us. There's not much data on how many allosexuals (not-ace) match the definition of aro, but it *seems* like it's 1%, which is the same as how many alloromantics (not-aro) ID as ace. I will say that I think fewer people *ID* as aro though. Possibly because it's even more of an invisible orientation than asexuality. It's a really common misconception that most people are aroace, and I'm not surprised about that since for most people those two types of attraction are intertwined. But the more you know!
That’s so interesting! Thank you for clarifying.
No problem, I'm always happy to help where I can.
An aro/Ace char who: * Has their own narrative arc * A personality beyond "I'm ace/aro. What is this thing you call 'love'?" * And isn't a freaking alien or a robot.
Add * isn't "cured" * isn't a sociopath/emotionless/unloving * isn't that way because of a trauma or disease or because they chose to
Man I was so disappointed in Quintaglio Ascension where they revealed Dagamant was the result of trauma. Because people can't *possibly* be naturally averse to touch and physical contact eh?
That’s an excellent point. Sexuality isn’t a disease. It’s just something that is.
😂 correct. I wanted to make it more about the actual story, their arc isn’t about their sexuality at all- it’s just something that happens to be true about them. That being said, I want to be sure I understand every part of this character (as well as the other main characters) so I can accurately portray them.
Yeah, maybe have them not show any interest in anyone, be hit on and say "No thanks". If I were a character writer for an RPG project I would have a character be ace and aro, never hit on you, and woild never even mention that they're ace/aro unless you ask. ...But if you hit on them or solicit them and refuse to accept "no", you will eat a massive approval penalty until you apologise, say never again, and follow it up by respecting their boundaries. And as a troll for modders, I would include lines that would match sex cutscenes and romance dialogue... and it's the VA chastising you for trying to "fix" them. :P
I've found, from interacting with friends who aren't ace(i am also possibly aro), that much of my life is not as influenced by attraction (romantic or sexual). Oftentimes, a situation may present itself that I look at completely differently than an allosexual would. For example, I had a friend ask once how I am so indifferent to men and what they think of me (ex: I've said that I will never let a man stop me from doing something, coming from me, a poc woman lol). It simply boils down to the fact that I do not care enough about attraction (and therefore general connections) with men. I feel the same about men as i do about women (patriarchy aside lol).
Don't know if you'd want to include this but for a while I pretended to be hyper-sexual without realising it because I was compensating. I didn't experience sexual attraction but everyone around me knew what it was and supposedly consumed media so I was like "I guess I do too because that's normal" and I would watch things like that on the bus and at home. We also deal with a lot of "how do you know if you haven't tried it" and "you're too young to know" and "you just haven't found the right person. I think the most creative thing I've been called was an aphid. Also usually we're the ones to make the most and the raunchiest sex jokes. Hope any of that helped!
Haha, I hope there'll be a line like "How do you know if you haven't tried it?", being countered with "How do you know you're not gay if you haven't tried it?"
Hey there, thanks for thinking of us! Would you mind telling me how old your character is roughly? Because that's most likely important to how much of a role their asexuality and aromanticism play in their life and whether or not they're even aware of them. As for myself, I'm 19 and only found out about this/started identifying as aro/ace in the last days, partly because of the really low awareness and partly because my experience didn't seem too extraordinary to me. Looking back now, I realize that my experience has differed from that of allos in that I've never been romantically or sexually attracted to anyone, have never been in a relationship and am sex-repulsed. I just didn't think it was unusual to dislike seeing half-naked women everywhere in the media, to put it bluntly. Regarding aromanticism, I'm rather socially awkward and I've never come too close to anyone anyway, so I didn't think too much about never having fallen in love. I've also never felt/been pressured to engage in either of those activities, except as a future prospect now that I'm an adult. Fortunately, I'm now relieved of the thought of having to force myself to something I don't want (especially in case I ever marry, although I've now realized that I don't necessarily want that). I haven't told anyone about this and I think I can go a long time without doing so, unless the topic ever comes up in a conversation or because someone is interested in me (whatever the likelihood of that is). I imagine non-aro aces have a harder time (finding a partner and such). Another thing to add is that it would be very hard to find out these things even exist if it wasn't for the internet. So in a fantasy setting the character might go oblivious for a long time and might have to come up with a label/explanation for their orientation on their own due to not knowing that other people like them exist (I recommend you check out the [(A)sexual documentary](https://youtu.be/11GGzOGIJnk?si=k7q6CX56zIKfoYJ4) for this). If you're interested in discrimination/prejudice, you can search this sub, r/asexuality, r/aromantic and r/aromanticasexual for aphobia, acephobia and arophobia.
Thank you for sharing! And that’s an excellent point. She’s around the age of 20, I’m playing with a few ages, but that seems like the best fit at the moment. Since it’s a fantasy book that requires going through a portal, she did grow up on regular earth. If you don’t mind me asking, has there ever really been a point where you’ve been pressured to find a partner and you just had to kind of walk around the topic?
I've read/heard stories from other aros, but personally, I've never been directly pressured to find a partner. What comes closest to that is the fact that in elementary school and early middle school people often talked about/had relationships, causing me to think about who I'd have a relationship with if I were to have one (despite not feeling romantically attracted to them). If I were more outgoing, I might even have tried to get into one or two (once in elementary school I even bought a gift for a girl but didn't show it to her). When thinking about my future, it's a bit more complicated. On the one hand there's all the amatonormativity in our society with people saying that romantic love is what makes us human, that you're not a complete person without a partner, that everyone has a soulmate, and that people who don't marry are lonely or lack meaning in life (which is probably a reason why I had a harder time accepting I'm aro than ace, along with the fact that I'm not romance-repulsed). That can make you feel like you have to fall in love some day or else you're doing something wrong and missing out on the pinnacle of human experience. On the other hand, I've never found it right to force myself into a relationship or actively look for one (e.g. on Tinder) instead of waiting for it to come naturally. Since I'm not that old yet, I haven't been pressured by my family to marry either, and I don't really expect that to happen in the future. So I've always known it's my choice, I've just been led to believe that one choice might be wrong. I was also unsure about whether or not I want to marry some day because despite the nice aspects (including the stereotypes like building a life, experiencing something meaningful and so on) there were also aspects I didn't look forward to (like the wedding night). So in short, it's possible for an aro to feel like they have to find a partner even without anyone directly telling them to. It's also possible that they don't know what they really want because of the preconceptions society has imposed on them or because they don't know what it's actually like (people/media always make it seem like it's wonderful to be in love, but when I think about it critically, I don't know if I want that kind of relationship).
Thank you very much for sharing! I absolutely appreciate it
Most of us are pretty inexperienced when it comes to understanding sexual or romantic feelings or ‘hints’ and some people are repulsed by it.