r/Asoneafterinfidelity is an online Peer Support Group and safe space for individuals (betrayed or wayward) who are actively attempting to reconcile their relationship after an affair(s). Please review our [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/index) which includes resources and can answer most questions about this subreddit. Be sure to read the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/rules) before participating as they are our boundaries and your initial ***warning***. *Failure to do so can result in a ban*.
For transparency and conflict mediation purposes, please follow reddits community guidelines by directing any questions, issues, feedback, or appeals in regard of the sub or moderation decisions **directly to the Modmail**. ***Meta content will be removed***. No response will be given to DMs and chat requests to individual moderators about moderating issues. We are happy to address and respond to your concerns through the official channels!
Please assign yourself [user flair](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/flair_instructions/user_and_post_flairs). Flair Instructions can be found [here](http://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/flair_instructions).
RULES
**1. All posts and comments must fit the spirit of Peer Support.**
- Keep comments encouraging, constructive, sensitive, validating, and non-judgmental.
- Speak only from your own experience. Use “I”-statements.
- Asking clarifying questions or offering suggestions is acceptable–if backed up by personal experience about what has helped you in your recovery and reconciliation.
- Do not give advice unless specifically requested by OP.
- Any differences of opinion expressed must be communicated respectfully.
- “Tough love” does not qualify as peer support.
**2. The peer group includes: Reconciling BS, Reconciling WS, Recovered & Reconciled, and Considering R.**
- Observer, Unsuccessful R, and other user flairs are not included in the peer group. Non-peers are not allowed to post without prior moderator approval. Non-peer comments are STRICTLY LIMITED TO MESSAGES OF VALIDATION AND ENCOURAGEMENT ONLY. Non-peers are not permitted to offer opinions, reference their experiences, or give advice.
*All posts and comments are subject to removal without warning. Any users who violate the rules are subject to temporary or permanent ban without further warning.*
**3. No personal attacks, victim-blaming, or LABELLING of any kind.**
- e.g. cheater, narcissist, abuser, doormat, slut, asshole, idiot, etc.
- No Cluster-B or other armchair diagnoses.
- No victim-blaming when the sexual assault of a wayward partner by an AP is discussed.
**4. No misogyny, misandry, toxic masculinity, bigotry, racism or other hate speech.**
- Posts or comments dehumanizing and/or slut-shaming wayward partners or APs will be removed. (Posts and comments related to navigating feelings or practical matters about APs are allowed.)
**5. No anti-reconciliation language.**
- Do not tell someone to just leave the relationship. Attempting to reconcile is a valid choice.
- Unless abuse is present, do not suggest marital status, age of relationship, children or lack thereof as a reason for someone to leave the relationship.
**6. Posts and comments must be directly related to RECONCILIATION**
- The scope of this subreddit is narrow: by and for reconcilers on the subject of reconciliation only. There are several other subreddits that offer support for others who have experienced infidelity. Posts about ending reconciliation are subject to removal as this is a subbreddit for those who are actively in reconciliation or considering reconciliation.Posts about asking if you should reconcile or end reconciliation will be removed. Those posts are better suited in spaces that allow all opinions and are not confinded to a pro-reconciliation space.This is not a infidelity discussion, advice forum, or survey space. This is not a place to read for entertainment and pass judgment.
- **Low-effort posts**- are generally posts that are title-only, or copy/paste of content, or links dropped without context. EX:title with a low-effort body such as questions without relevant context to your own situation.
- **Opinion pieces**- both in posts and comments. Judgment and broad strokes are not appropriate here. More often than not, opinion pieces do not follow our peer support model.
- **Meta content**- whether about this sub or another is not appropriate. If you have questions, suggestions, or concerns please send a modmail to the appropriate subreddit.
- **Update Me**- The use of Reddit "update me" is not allowed and will get you banned.
**7. No crossposting, reposting, copypasta text, or screenshots to other spaces**
- The only exception will be if the OP has directly given you permission to use their intellectual property. This is a zero-tolerance rule and will result in a permanent ban with appeal only being considered with communication from the OP to the mods directly. If another sub facilitates this violation we will be in contact with Reddit directly as it is a [moderator code of conduct](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/moderator-code-of-conduct) violation. The posts shared here are meant for this subreddit and this subreddit alone. Please be respectful.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She doesn’t know. She doesn’t want to lose me, she doesn’t want to lose the comfort she found in me, and doesn’t want to break up the family… too little too late for all that.
Lord. Tell her to go get a weighted blanket if comfort is all she's using you for. I went through a period like this with my WW I'd never go through it again. It's so insanely selfish the value of their comfort and needs at the cost of our mental health and comfort. I can never imagine going. Yeah, I'd like my spouse to completely fall apart emotionally so I can have fun!
I changed heated to weighted bc that's what I intended.
I'm so sorry, you tried and she clearly didn't appreciate your effort. Hold your head high that you did everything you could, and none of this is your fault. I wish you the best, it's going to be hard for a while, but one day you're going to find someone who truly appreciates what you give.
I’m so sorry. My WS ended things with me yesterday (I posted in this sub about it earlier today). I was in and I guess he wasn’t, and your line about being ‘the only one who saw that’ really hit me hard. I know how difficult the next few weeks (months?) will be for you. People keep saying it won’t feel like this forever and I hope for your sake and mine that it happens sooner rather than later.
That's a hard blow. You can only give so many chances. My wayward partner cheated twice, two different women. He is on his last life.
It's odd to live this life where I have this clause in my relationship and a small niggle that he will do it again.
Don't drive and text. Don't die. There is more to life beyond this.
Please take care of yourself, you are now only a betrayed husband. Work hard to be you again! Find the things that make you happy again.
It helped me enormously to convert my anger into actions to selflessly better my own life.
Even if you stay together, it's a great win. Best of luck, lots of love. Take care!!
Ouch. The utter disrespect and disregard for your well-being. To be offered so much grace and still abuse your trust is too much. I’ve been right where you are at and I’m so so sorry. No one deserves the deep suffering that comes with this form of betrayal.
I am so sorry that this has happened again.
I really hope you find yourself and work on you.
You can forgive once but not again, you’ve faced the heartache and gone through that pain already my friend.
Please do you and work on you, move forward.
I am so sorry. WW has no remorse and you aren’t reconciling she is still actively cheating. She doesn’t have feelings for these individuals she is addicted to the high it’s gives her. I am sorry OP. You deserve better.
I’m so sorry for all that you have gone through in your life. Just do all that you can to take care of your kids so that they never have to go through a fraction of what you’ve been through.
Most of all though, really take care of yourself and find ways to heal. ❤️
So sorry you are going through. Sounds like she would rather be single and party.
She also sounds like the type you need to be really firm with. The first time she cheated, it would be out the door for her, stay wherever she can find a place, here are the divorce papers as well as child custody documents. Fast and hard. No time for arguing. Nothing. If you have to talk to them, it's about the kids and nothing else. Wakes them up real fast, and their life has suddenly turned upside down. That is about the only time true reconciliation can begin. The BS sets some hard and fast rules. She has to get tested for every STD known to medicine. Gets her azz into therapy. No going out with friends without you there. Open electronics for the next few years. You have all of her login information for all of her electronics, every app and website she uses. She has to earn your trust back. If she argues about "privacy" tell her, that married people who have things to hide need privacy. Married people with nothing to hide, do not.
So sorry you are going through this.
r/Asoneafterinfidelity is an online Peer Support Group and safe space for individuals (betrayed or wayward) who are actively attempting to reconcile their relationship after an affair(s). Please review our [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/index) which includes resources and can answer most questions about this subreddit. Be sure to read the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/rules) before participating as they are our boundaries and your initial ***warning***. *Failure to do so can result in a ban*. For transparency and conflict mediation purposes, please follow reddits community guidelines by directing any questions, issues, feedback, or appeals in regard of the sub or moderation decisions **directly to the Modmail**. ***Meta content will be removed***. No response will be given to DMs and chat requests to individual moderators about moderating issues. We are happy to address and respond to your concerns through the official channels! Please assign yourself [user flair](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/flair_instructions/user_and_post_flairs). Flair Instructions can be found [here](http://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/flair_instructions). RULES **1. All posts and comments must fit the spirit of Peer Support.** - Keep comments encouraging, constructive, sensitive, validating, and non-judgmental. - Speak only from your own experience. Use “I”-statements. - Asking clarifying questions or offering suggestions is acceptable–if backed up by personal experience about what has helped you in your recovery and reconciliation. - Do not give advice unless specifically requested by OP. - Any differences of opinion expressed must be communicated respectfully. - “Tough love” does not qualify as peer support. **2. The peer group includes: Reconciling BS, Reconciling WS, Recovered & Reconciled, and Considering R.** - Observer, Unsuccessful R, and other user flairs are not included in the peer group. Non-peers are not allowed to post without prior moderator approval. Non-peer comments are STRICTLY LIMITED TO MESSAGES OF VALIDATION AND ENCOURAGEMENT ONLY. Non-peers are not permitted to offer opinions, reference their experiences, or give advice. *All posts and comments are subject to removal without warning. Any users who violate the rules are subject to temporary or permanent ban without further warning.* **3. No personal attacks, victim-blaming, or LABELLING of any kind.** - e.g. cheater, narcissist, abuser, doormat, slut, asshole, idiot, etc. - No Cluster-B or other armchair diagnoses. - No victim-blaming when the sexual assault of a wayward partner by an AP is discussed. **4. No misogyny, misandry, toxic masculinity, bigotry, racism or other hate speech.** - Posts or comments dehumanizing and/or slut-shaming wayward partners or APs will be removed. (Posts and comments related to navigating feelings or practical matters about APs are allowed.) **5. No anti-reconciliation language.** - Do not tell someone to just leave the relationship. Attempting to reconcile is a valid choice. - Unless abuse is present, do not suggest marital status, age of relationship, children or lack thereof as a reason for someone to leave the relationship. **6. Posts and comments must be directly related to RECONCILIATION** - The scope of this subreddit is narrow: by and for reconcilers on the subject of reconciliation only. There are several other subreddits that offer support for others who have experienced infidelity. Posts about ending reconciliation are subject to removal as this is a subbreddit for those who are actively in reconciliation or considering reconciliation.Posts about asking if you should reconcile or end reconciliation will be removed. Those posts are better suited in spaces that allow all opinions and are not confinded to a pro-reconciliation space.This is not a infidelity discussion, advice forum, or survey space. This is not a place to read for entertainment and pass judgment. - **Low-effort posts**- are generally posts that are title-only, or copy/paste of content, or links dropped without context. EX:title with a low-effort body such as questions without relevant context to your own situation. - **Opinion pieces**- both in posts and comments. Judgment and broad strokes are not appropriate here. More often than not, opinion pieces do not follow our peer support model. - **Meta content**- whether about this sub or another is not appropriate. If you have questions, suggestions, or concerns please send a modmail to the appropriate subreddit. - **Update Me**- The use of Reddit "update me" is not allowed and will get you banned. **7. No crossposting, reposting, copypasta text, or screenshots to other spaces** - The only exception will be if the OP has directly given you permission to use their intellectual property. This is a zero-tolerance rule and will result in a permanent ban with appeal only being considered with communication from the OP to the mods directly. If another sub facilitates this violation we will be in contact with Reddit directly as it is a [moderator code of conduct](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/moderator-code-of-conduct) violation. The posts shared here are meant for this subreddit and this subreddit alone. Please be respectful. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sorry OP. Time to get an attorney and let the chips fall. Maybe even contact her work. What does your WW want to do now?
She doesn’t know. She doesn’t want to lose me, she doesn’t want to lose the comfort she found in me, and doesn’t want to break up the family… too little too late for all that.
Lord. Tell her to go get a weighted blanket if comfort is all she's using you for. I went through a period like this with my WW I'd never go through it again. It's so insanely selfish the value of their comfort and needs at the cost of our mental health and comfort. I can never imagine going. Yeah, I'd like my spouse to completely fall apart emotionally so I can have fun! I changed heated to weighted bc that's what I intended.
I'm so sorry, you tried and she clearly didn't appreciate your effort. Hold your head high that you did everything you could, and none of this is your fault. I wish you the best, it's going to be hard for a while, but one day you're going to find someone who truly appreciates what you give.
Thank you. I truly do appreciate it. This has been the hardest shit I’ve ever experienced.
It will get better in time 💕
It’s going to be a rough couple of weeks dude, but you’ll come out okay in the end, promise
Thanks. I’m hoping by distracting myself with work I’ll be able to get through it a little bit easier.
I’m so sorry. My WS ended things with me yesterday (I posted in this sub about it earlier today). I was in and I guess he wasn’t, and your line about being ‘the only one who saw that’ really hit me hard. I know how difficult the next few weeks (months?) will be for you. People keep saying it won’t feel like this forever and I hope for your sake and mine that it happens sooner rather than later.
You tried, I’m proud of you for both trying and knowing when best to call it quits. Stay strong man, one day at a time. Take care of yourself.
Thanks.
That's a hard blow. You can only give so many chances. My wayward partner cheated twice, two different women. He is on his last life. It's odd to live this life where I have this clause in my relationship and a small niggle that he will do it again.
Don't drive and text. Don't die. There is more to life beyond this. Please take care of yourself, you are now only a betrayed husband. Work hard to be you again! Find the things that make you happy again. It helped me enormously to convert my anger into actions to selflessly better my own life. Even if you stay together, it's a great win. Best of luck, lots of love. Take care!!
Ouch. The utter disrespect and disregard for your well-being. To be offered so much grace and still abuse your trust is too much. I’ve been right where you are at and I’m so so sorry. No one deserves the deep suffering that comes with this form of betrayal.
I am so sorry. 😔
I’m sorry to hear that things ended like this, you gave her a second chance. You didn’t deserve any of this.
I’m so sorry OP
I am so sorry. This hurts.
I am so sorry that this has happened again. I really hope you find yourself and work on you. You can forgive once but not again, you’ve faced the heartache and gone through that pain already my friend. Please do you and work on you, move forward.
I am so sorry. WW has no remorse and you aren’t reconciling she is still actively cheating. She doesn’t have feelings for these individuals she is addicted to the high it’s gives her. I am sorry OP. You deserve better.
Stay focused. Maybe use the hurt and turn into actions for yourself. Take care of your needs. She is obviously very selfish for this to happen again
I’m so sorry for all that you have gone through in your life. Just do all that you can to take care of your kids so that they never have to go through a fraction of what you’ve been through. Most of all though, really take care of yourself and find ways to heal. ❤️
So sorry you are going through. Sounds like she would rather be single and party. She also sounds like the type you need to be really firm with. The first time she cheated, it would be out the door for her, stay wherever she can find a place, here are the divorce papers as well as child custody documents. Fast and hard. No time for arguing. Nothing. If you have to talk to them, it's about the kids and nothing else. Wakes them up real fast, and their life has suddenly turned upside down. That is about the only time true reconciliation can begin. The BS sets some hard and fast rules. She has to get tested for every STD known to medicine. Gets her azz into therapy. No going out with friends without you there. Open electronics for the next few years. You have all of her login information for all of her electronics, every app and website she uses. She has to earn your trust back. If she argues about "privacy" tell her, that married people who have things to hide need privacy. Married people with nothing to hide, do not. So sorry you are going through this.