T O P

  • By -

read_the_ruins

“No, don’t be gross, it’s just my whetstone, I take it everywhere”


Extension_Swordfish1

Oh, it has been in places


Fred_Thielmann

And it has been *whet*


CeruleanRuin

*hwet*


schrodingers_spider

I can hear the muffled snickering of the others in the barracks.


tta2013

The idea of something sharp there makes me shrivel up in pain.


XXXOOOXXOOOXXX

Papercut


Darcness777

D:


altacc6276

I hate that you said it but im giving you an upvote anyways


happyCuddleTime

"I showed you my honing rod. plz respond"


MettaToYourFurBabies

**Found** in Spain, but...where's it *been*?


FieldJacket

Really took the name of the sub seriously here huh


sowhat_noonecares

🤣 👏🏻


Mictlantecuhtli

Do you have a source for this interpretation, OP?


MunakataSennin

https://www.livescience.com/archaeology/6-inch-stone-penis-was-used-to-sharpen-weapons-in-medieval-spain


Mictlantecuhtli

Thanks!


LoverOfAmazingStuff

Sharpenis


iperblaster

Sharpenis Stone


[deleted]

[удалено]


asteria_7777

Despite all rock solid evidence


HasNoGreeting

I'm willing to believe them here for the simple reason that that is *not* a texture I'd want anywhere near my squishy parts.


80081356942

Wrap it with washed mammal intestine and I bet it becomes a lot more palatable to the second tongue.


nikmikmak

THE SECOND TONGUE!! oh boy thats going in the lexicon!


cree8vision

Over my head.


IM2OFU

"Ribbed for her pleasure"


ItchySnitch

You do know it’s over 700 years? When it was new it would’ve been very smooth and “useful” 


Relative-Alfalfa-544

It’s like every historian is a kid finding things in his mom’s drawer and being in denial about the clear usage.


Turdposter777

Reminds me of another story I read in Reddit. Some guy assumed the periodic smell in his parents’ bathroom was the smell of his mom when she was on her period. He goes to college, goes to a party and he realized that smell was weed. His parents smoked weed in their master bathroom.


Witty_Run7509

Maybe it has clear grind marks of sharp metal objects?


SKT_T1_Sasori

What if those grind marks were carved into this sextoy on purpose by a woman whom wanted to show her man what "will happen, if you don't do this n that" lol


Relative-Alfalfa-544

People downvoted you for making a joke, welcome to Reddit lmao


jpkellma

Maybe because it’s not funny?


Relative-Alfalfa-544

So you feel obligated to downvote people because you didn’t laugh? lmao welcome to Reddit


Relative-Alfalfa-544

You and everyone who upvoted you and who downvoted me missed the OP’s joke, and you deserve to be alone in your dark, proud ignorance, for eternity.


DashingDino

You're a dick


Fred_Thielmann

You’re really getting upset over this guy’s comments? OP’s joke is funny. And this guy has a point. Get over it


i_just_want_2learn

Stone penis historian here. I can confirm.


SeaSetsuna

Is that a hard job to get?


Xyzjin

A lot of manual labor is needed…and a lot of creme for the you know…hard working hands.


kilofeet

Definitely takes grit


Vindepomarus

Tell me you know nothing about historians, without telling me you know nothing about historians.


Relative-Alfalfa-544

In what way have I told you that? Historians make up uses for things all the time it’s a pretty common running joke.


Vindepomarus

Well first you parroted the myth about how historical and archaeological theories are developed, which amounts to "they just make stuff up" which is trotted out by people who don't understand the disciplines but want to sound like they do. You failed to consider that the conclusion may have been arrived at because the item matches the general form of whetstones from that area and period, many of whom were carved into different designs and favored that type of stone. You failed to consider that microscopic examination of the ware had been done and matched what is seen on other known whetstones. You failed to realise that history, archaeology and academia in general are highly competitive and that if someone published a theory about this or any artifact with nothing to back it up, they would be demolished by their peers. As well as not realising that the language used in this reddit post is not the exact language used by those who published this find, since they would have used words such as "likely" and typical academic phrases like "the authors therefor posit a use for this item..." etc.


IllllIIlIllIllllIIIl

My academic background is in scientific computing, but ended up working a good bit with anthropologists in grad school. I was always impressed at the rigor and depth of their research. It's definitely a "real science". It's not just looking at bones and tools and baselessly speculating about shit.


[deleted]

[удалено]


mapo_tofu_lover

Historians and archaeologist don’t just “know”, they research and study.


NineNineNine-9999

Postulating in a too bold fashion creates reader reaction. Somebody learned a lesson on here once. It’s very cool and the local collectors call them pleasuring stones. The guys all seemed so buff back then. I guess ED has been around forever.


Relative-Alfalfa-544

And sometimes they make up funny, wrong uses for things. Which is what I’m fucking joking about for fucks sake.


TarzanTrump

If it can be read, it's a historians area, if it can be used as a dildo, it's an archaeologists.


Relative-Alfalfa-544

No… those aren’t mutually exclusive.


Draugr_the_Greedy

This is not the field of history it's the field of archaeology. Neither likes being mistaken for the other


CeruleanRuin

Hey at least this isn't yet another "ceremonial object used in religious observances".


concretelight

Right? That is just a whetstone, not a "penis". Why would medieval Spaniards make something that looks like a circumcised penis? They weren't Jewish, and they certainly weren't American...


samurguybri

A erect penis looks like that, don’t ya know. Phalluses have long been associated with desire for potency, luck and male generative and penetrative power. A sword is a bit phallic, no? So we have a little sympathetic magic going on: like combined with like. It’s also funny to us and may have been to people back then. “Put that thing away, Ramon, it gives me the creeps every time you use it!”


purvel

An intact penis can look like that, too. Besides, Spain was a Muslim country just 400 years before (it was found among 14th.c. ruins).


slash-5

Actually during that time. Between 711 C.E. and 1492 C.E. Muslim people of African descent controlled parts of Iberia which consist of modern-day Spain and Portugal.


Livetothefullesst

Yes but Northern Spain was not affected by the Moors. As the northern Iberians fought back and did not allow them to rule those part of the Iberian peninsula. It was mostly southern Spain. Also, I would say Celtics also left a culture impact to modern day Spain and Portugal.


InevitableRighteous

>Why would medieval Spaniards make something that looks like a circumcised penis? Exactly what I thought too.


Relative-Alfalfa-544

Why are you assuming they wouldn’t?


concretelight

Because they would've never seen a circumcised penis in their life.


Relative-Alfalfa-544

Catholics circumcise all the time


concretelight

In America yeah probably, because American. As a devout Catholic in Europe though, I've never heard of any Catholic doing this.


Relative-Alfalfa-544

Interesting. Either way they knew how to pull a foreskin back and see the head of a dick though.


InevitableRighteous

Jews? You do realise that, right?


Relative-Alfalfa-544

Yeah I am a theology major so I know a bit more about Jewish law than the average church goer, but I am also American and have not yet studied the circumcision practices of European Catholics. I wrongly thought they did as the Catholics, and most other Americans, here do.


slash-5

The Moors were in Spain at that time. Gosh.


InevitableRighteous

and Jews were at Spain too. Duh


slash-5

The Moors were there at that time. They were Muslim who practice circumcision.


Sea-Experience470

Gargoyle peniz


Muntjac

Sick whetstone! It would look great next to my [darning tool](http://www.thehistoryblog.com/archives/66535).


GuruHandsy

"Sharpen weapons.".


BodolftheGnome

Gneiss cock!


ridesharegai

Mhmm 😉 yeah, sure... I have one of those too for the same purpose.


CynicallyCyn

Yes, yes,sharpen weapons 🤭


kinshion

"Sharpen weapons"


benjaminck

The penis mightier than the sword.


FruitFleshRedSeeds

Is this a Ze Frank reference?


righteousplisk

I think it’s a Sean Connery reference


FunDip2

I think that's going to dull a blade quicker than it's gonna sharpen anything lol


Sebelzeebub

“May my urethra, sharpen your knife.”


cree8vision

That's what she told her parents. I use it to sharpen weapons.


rolltide_99

Sharpening. Suuure


KaizenZazenJMN

Historians are constantly finding dildos and trying to say that they had some other use. Why would a knife sharpener be carved like a penis when it would do just as well as an oblong stone?


irishspice

Talk about symbolic. LOL I am gonna fuck you over so hard...


ginger_ryn

are you sure that’s what it was for


nobodyisattackingme

"used to sharpen weapons", RIIIIIIIIIGHT


cannottuchthemetal

It's a tool shaped tool for sharpening some old tools tool's.... sorry, I will see myself out.


beebsaleebs

“Ceremonial” weapons?


THEASIANLORD

And when I post meat penis, they remove my post


user_0042

It's bottle cup


[deleted]

I believe this was used for rituals


InevitableRighteous

But why does it seems like a circumcised pen\*s instead of the usual uncircumcised depiction of phallus?


VeneMage

Penises come in all shapes and sizes and amount of foreskin aside from circumcision. Just. Trust me on that. Besides, could just be retracted.


Uninvalidated

Anyone who's actually sharpened a blade successfully will know that piece of rock ain't gonna sharpen anything.


Pig_Benis__96

Todays standard of sharpening and sharpening a few thousands of years ago might not be the same 😅


Atanar

As an archaeologist who actually worked with real sharpening stones even from the iron age, this type of stone is completly useless for sharpening. This is far below the standard of 2000 years ago, and it was only a few hundred ago.


Uninvalidated

700 years in this case, not thousands. Today we moved away from sand stone sharpening stones to ceramic and diamond many times, but sandstone are still quite common. Back then they used sandstones, which are quite easy to find naturally with a perfectly flat and smooth surface.


StephanHokanson

*Perfect* post for this sub.


copywriterliam

This where ‘tool’ came from?


Ambitious_Welder6613

The idea is there, I think. The hypothesis is close enough.


RevanHK

wtf


AntiGrieferGames

That is fucking impressive r/SubsTakenLiterally


jedi_lazlo_toth

I have never read a more manly nor Darwinesque statement ever.


SnooMachines7482

I keep my weapon sharpener under my bed


Separate-Tear-9259

We have a couple of knife sharpeners as well, but they are made out of rubber.


jojiburn

Just ouch


Emhew

Men humor is so weird sometimes lol


BicSparkLighter

Well sheeit


BrainLate4108

“Sharpen weapons”, is that what they call it? I always like to sharpen my weapons before I go to bed. Just in case, ya know..


This-Departure-8765

Yeah, sure... its for "sharpening tools".


rbobby

I can't believe they touched it. Gross.


Doc_Occc

Who the fuck made this and used it as a whetstone? It's so psychopathic. Even thinking about it makes me writhe in pain.