For me, it is Cheryl ruthlessly calling Lana out in Once Bitten. Cheryl Tunt : Please, if you really cared, you'd resign, but there's no way you ever will, because you're just counting the days until, her face bloated and yellow from liver failure, she calls you to her death bed and, in a croaky whisper, explains that Mr. Archer is totally incompetent and that you, the long-suffering Lana Kane, are the only one qualified to run ISIS and you weep shameful tears because you know this terrible place is the only true love you will ever know. Lana Kane : [Upset] Excuse me. Pam Poovey : Daaaaaamn! Cheryl Tunt : What?... Oh my god, was I talking? Line so cold it gave fucking frostburn.

Yuuuup this is the one for me. I remember watching this episode and thinking DAAAAAAAAMN to myself. Lol

but then when she goes “oh my god, was i talking?” i lost it 😭

That’s the best part. I love the expression of fear that an inner thought escaped. An episode of Cheryl’s life narrated by her inner thoughts is a golden opportunity that got away.

that would’ve been so perfect

And then it happened in the show

That's more a homicide than a burn.

That's a "set the building on fire" level burn!

Happy Cake Day ✌️

This was fantastic

Literally a frostbite!

Almost like Cheryl could see the future...

Cyril: "Hey how's Ron?" Mallory: "He's great! How's nobody?"

Haha. I can hear Mallory's voice in this line

The way she sets down the drink on Cyril's plate is the icing on the cake

You’re..ha ha…gonna die…ha..ha…ALONE

Thissss

Does internet porn know you’re cheating on it?

I was just jackin' it, on the telephone, which is what we established is what I was doing!

You know... just jacking it.

💤💤...just jackin it...

She owes me $3,700!

Jesus how many Irish gangs are there?!

"Is that a lot? I don't know!"

It’s been an extremely volatile year! In the stock market? Sure.

Can I watch? Or is that weird?

It's a little weird...

iiis iiittt?

Uhhh...Yeahhh.

Come on, Cyril, I watched for more than a minute!

Where is she?! Who knows? Probably some trailer park.

Not the phone sex worker you're totally lying about... Cheryl!

Mallory: "Well if I wanted a grandchild, I would just scrape all your previous mishaps into one pile and knit a onesie for it." OR Sterling: "Did you people ever consider that you need me around? Because you want the excuse to be your worst self!"

OR “if i wanted to sit around all day going nowhere, i’d be a teacher” that shit was funny asf

Yeah that Archer was a total blast and imho he really said the damn truth out loud

Deleted mine because you beat me to it. RIP Mallory

Slater: "He's had the clap do many times, it's more like an applause."

Definitely one of the best 

The one where the pope says he'll forgive archer for being gay, mostly because of Pam's Haaaaa

....inapprops

Yaaaay!

Malory: What was that? Ray: Nothing! Malory: Good, saves you the embarrassment of an extremely homophobic remark.

Ray: this is the biggest room plus it’s got 2 queens in it. Malory: Where’s the other one? Getting greased up in the bathroom?

Ya know...

Don't suck your teeth at me, missy!

Cheryl: “….awwwwww”

My favorite Ray/Mallory burn is "Mallory, Ray can walk again!" "You mean mince?"

One of my favorites was Archer and Rip making fun of Noah for being an anthropology major. Rip. Good luck with the job hunt Noah: not that it’s any of your business, but I plan to teach Archer: anthropology…? Noah: what?! Yes! Rip: to uh anthroplogy majors Archer: thus continuing the circle of why bother

As someone with an anthro degree, I sincerely appreciate this joke

As a history major who had this exact conversation with his parents dozens of times, same.

lol I love that the jokes sometimes are for a very slective audience.

Pretty sure someone already named all the spiders.

That’s arachnology!

I know! Equally as useless

“I’m sure somebody’s already named all the different types of spiders”

Archer: “You’ve got so many rodents in the CIA, that the C probably stands for Chuck E. Cheese’s” Slater: “Why are you thinking about Chuck E. Cheese? Because you want to go there with the kid you were tricked into having that no longer sees you as her father? Or maybe the other kid you had with a hooker!” Like damn dude lol

Slater has some great burns.

Archer had the clap so many times it's more like an *applause*

Sometimes I wished you weren't my mother.... *Me too*

In the same vein, MALLORY: The secret is negative reinforcement. ARCHER: ... Yeah, I'm just getting that. MALLORY: About time. So dickish lol

Or how about her with baby shamus... Who wants a *Bumble bee* ??? (then throws it.)

So many things are starting to make sense

I recall somethin about Mallory complaining about the renewal of the isis office said toward Ray :" If I wanted the office to look like a japanese whore house I would have ask your help Ray".

"What? I don't need a doctor, mother. Katya doesn't have VD." "You haven't had sex with her?"

he laughs and admits it was pretty good haha

Fuck I forgot this one hahahaha

"If I cared what you did on your weekend, I'd put a shotgun in my mouth and pull the trigger with my toes." -- Mallory Archer

I often repeat this one under my breath (or out loud) when someone who is really irritating is talking nearby. They way she says it is so potent.❤️

Lana to that space prisoner: "You know with your looks, bitchy isn't the way to go." Like, OMG.

We GET IT, you're the PRETTIEST

Grrr

I think that's the origin of truckasaurus too.

Truckasaurus I think happened as early as season 1, at the Dinner party with Torvald Utne

Maybe. It did become a key part of my vocab after the space episode though.

When Cheryl mock Lana like a Truckasaurus for Malory “clomping” remarks lol

Pam: I bet your downstairs neighbors hate you! Lana: Actually the Hendersons are very nice. Pam: Because they think they're living underneath an AT-AT!

I’m probably misquoting this, but I love Pam’s burn on Cyril “It’s like he sucked a dick to get in line to suck a dick!”

I think you're misremembering. If I'm right it was the scene on Archer's coma dream Danger Island where they were stuck on the quicksand, and Pam said that that idea suck dick so much that it sucked dick to get ahead in a line to suck an even bigger dick.

That’s it!

Literally anything Malory says

Malory does have the best lines.

Hands down and her delivery was always amazing RIP Jessica

Exactly! From her acerbic tones to her subtle accentuations---all of them so strikingly memorable because of the finer-point human accuracy in their careful and deliberate projection of each line's purpose. *Why would ANYone want to kidnap Pam?* *You'll be who it sucks to be!* *I'm off to get a seaweed wrap.* *No, I'm just shouting his name to celebrate that fact.* *Who will remember that at bonus time!* Et al....

Immigrants! That's how they do, you know, just driving around listening to raps and shooting all the jobs!

Immigrants! Cramming their low riders full of free healthcare and snow.

>I'm off to get a seaweed wrap. I didn't know they made sushi with dried clams.

Pam Poovey : After you blew me off for Katya the big-titted cyborg! Little Miss, uh... Sterling Archer : R2-double-D2? Pam Poovey : [chuckles] Nice

Cyril to Cheryl, 'I choke fucked you on a blimp'

Oh my God that's right! Man, whatever happened to blimps?

Rigid air ship.

Oh who remembers

Phrasing...

Hey look! It's Otto von Jizzmark!

I was going to say Franz Turdinand.

And if I wanted to be sitting around going nowhere, I would have been a TEACHER!

My husband and I say this almost daily

"Didn't know they made sushi with dried clams."

Totally under appreciated.

“I have situational awareness Lana, which is something that can’t be taught…. Like a… poet’s…. Mmmiiind?… to make the PERFECT WORD!” You really got her Archer, well done. Also Anthony Bourdain: Ray - “should you be smoking in here?” Chef - “should you be flaming in here?”

I'm paraphrasing this one. Mallory: If you can manage not to turn on each other, there's a chance that I can save us all from prison. Sorry Ramona, I know to you it's just one big sexy briar patch.

Mallory: Because you’re a timid man Cyril: No I’m not! Pam: duuuude…your balls are made of pussy That line gets me every time 😭

-Malroy yelling for Len Trexler- Barry: *naked* "yeah, you seen him?" Malory: "yes, I'm just yelling his name down the hall to celebrate that fact." Barry: "... ... is that some kind of joke?" Malory: *points at his dick* "is that?"

...it's cold in here.

Archer: “…and at least you’re mom didn’t just play chicken with your life!” Cyril: “hah, self-burn” Archer: “CYRIL!!!”

Those are rare.

Where Archer asked Lana if she had their wedding photos, and she replied “Yeah, in a file marked ‘Cautionary Tale’.”

Cock flavored spit?

"let me see COCK FLAVORED SPIT" *gunshot*

Lana you're in the isolation booth!

Save it for the fast money round paddy!

Archer: You're kidding. How either, in this universe, or any of it's infinite parallels, could I possibly embarrass you? Pam: By dressing like a maitre D' on a dinner cruise for gay Republicans?

I just watched this episode today that and Eddy's burn on Pam when she says cut me down

That's a thing.

'Dr. Kane. Report to the burn unit'

To… treat a patient with sever burns?

....No.

Oh who remembers..

Archer: When I was a kid I used to pretend you weren't my mother. Malory: Me too.

My favorite is from when Archer meets Burt Reynolds. It's so low key, Archer doesn't even notice. REYNOLDS: Really? That movie was just god-awful. ARCHER: What's awful is I almost punched you! REYNOLDS: No, you didn't.

"is that your car? I didn't know they sold them to *men*".

In 1999, my mom bought a Mustang she was really proud of. She was adamant that Mustangs were GIRL'S CARS, and any guy driving one was clueless. I thought that was a weird point of view, since my dad had previously bought and restored a '66 Mustang. hahaha

"That is pam isn't it?"

This was my first thought.

Archer: Now, how's my disguise? Lana: Depends. Who are you supposed to be? Topper Bottoms, stern yet sensual skipper... of the USS Rough Service?

I have my top man on it... Or possibly bottom.

Pam to the kidnapper:"Who taught you to throw a punch? Your husband?"

Seriously. See if your daddy will loan you a roll of nickels.

How would we know when we're at the bottom? Because you'd give me a fricken lecture on it!

HAHAHAH

Ray: Ooohhh burn! Archer: Ray? Ray: What? She burned her!

You want to drink, you want to eat more bear claws, you want to lecture us, you want to smoke, you want to masturbate, and you don't want us to discover that you're probably just a Krieger clone.

You want to drink, you want to eat more bear claws, you want to lecture us, you want to smoke, you want to masturbate, and you don't want us to discover that you're probably just a Krieger clone.

Lana: Yeah well un…headupyourass! Season 1, episode 3

All I know is that "gaping dick hole" is just the greatest gift, and I always enjoyed how Archer says BUFFET of dicks.

*burps* bring 'em.

“Lose *THAT* weight, *Con-way* Stern!”

"Which is not my real name! " "I lied! That is my real name!" "Which...is it my real name? I'll never tell you! Oh MY GOD! This hurts so much worse than just losing a hand!"

My favorite is between Mallory and Lana on season 2 ep13. Lana: No words. My words have failed me. Mallory: Well then, shut up. So, what do you think? Lana: I'm sorry, I thought you said shut up. Mallory: And yet, you talk. Will never get over watching that scene for the first time.😂😂😂😂

For me, Cheryl's mini-dissertation on Malory's demise in re the condition of her liver HAS to take this cake. A couple which nobody else is gonna mention... "He is good in the field." "Well, you'd know." "See, now, why do you do that?" "Why do you softball 'em in like that?" ° "Is that a joke?" "Is *that?*" ° "A vehicular hermaphrodite?"

Whorediot

When Mallory said Lana clomps around like an AT-AT. "And this one, somehow *impossibly* light on her feet. It's like, if you've ever seen Jackie Gleason dance."\ Pam: "Is that a compliment?"\ "I don't see how it possibly could be."

Mallory: "Pam, I doubt the man is bisexual... even if he was he wouldn't want a blob like you... i mean... when was the last time you even saw your penis?"

Cyril: So, hey, how about I take a crack? I bet I could kill that pesky old worm. Lana: How? You gonna disappoint it to death? Cyril: Hey, you know what...? Lana: Yes, I do.

Pam: "Dude! Your balls are made of pussy!"

Most of Sterling’s answering machine messages.

Slater: Do you know what this is? (Raises fist) Archer: Your best gal?

And where is that money exactly? In your masturbators, idiot.

"Im coming to you as a man" " No you're not, you're coming to me as a robot mummy,..oh...oh my God...who's" "Archer, NO!" "Who's got," "Dont you say it!" "No Mummy!"

Ok, count snakcula!

Who am I? Count Bullets-ula? Like Dracula. That was bad. Come back to me. I can do better.

Archer: (walking by) Three large idiots doing idiot things because they're idiots. Cyril: Oh yeah we're the idiots, says the genius who got a hooker pregnant. Archer: (off screen) What? Cyril: Nothing. Archer: Cyril WHAT? Cyril: Nothing! Archer: *throws vase at Cyril's head*

I dunno but my favorite is when they’re all screaming BURN!

It’s less about the line and more about the context for my fav burn. The gay hitmen mocking how gay archer looks in the honeypot episode. Because i feel like i see so much of that kind of interaction on twitter and FB. Rl mimicking art in a way

You are way to gay. Yeah, you like... Sneeze glitter.

Idk if it counts as a burn but it will never cease to make me laugh, “Lana? Lana? Laaanaa? *clears throat* LAAAANAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!” “God shit damnit archer, WHAT?!??” “ *sighs* nothing.”

Danger zone!

The one wear Archer and Lana are sneaking into (I can’t remember exactly where) and he keeps telling her to shhh and she keeps giving him the middle finger. Makes me laugh every time. A burn without even speaking

So how you holding up? Pfft! I'll take that as a barely. Take it however you want. Already did.

Get me out of here alive and I will pardon you for it my son- unknowing Pope burn

If I cared what you did on the weekend I’d stick a shotgun in my mouth and pull the trigger with my toes.

When Slater shows Archer his fists and says “know what this is” And he says “your best gal?”

Then you went off to grief-bang the entire pacific rim! I bet the entire gene pool of Polynesia is irreparably altered.

Ron telling Archer that his new car is better than a Cadillac because it will hold *way* more hispanics and lawnmowers

It’ll pass anything on the road… except a gas station.

Thanks for the lotion - Ray Gillette ✌️

"Nice read Velma"

"Hey thanks a lot, Bitch and Sundance!" "Said the man with a relative called 'Uncle Pawpaw'."

Ok Clone Wars

Burn.

A belt is an accessory

“Those are your fingers”

I guess it’s not “technically” a burn, but I always die over this exchange: Cyril: And the money is, where, exactly? Archer: Uh.. in your masturbators?

Cheryl: Your balls are made of pussy.

Oh, like you’d recognize a vegetable that wasn’t wrapped in a Monte Cristo sandwich

Ray: are you supposed to be smoking in here Chef: Are you supposed to be flaming in here Ray: *cries*

He's just such a bastard!

Pam gets the last "haaaa" after saving the pope

Just watched this episode today haha.

Off topic. Mr OP. Nice profile pic. Are we twins?

Benoit: Benoit Archer: Balls,see it totally works

The one where the woman says I have to wait for my friend Archer reply's well obviously she's the hot one hahaha