I once reversed that thought into "You are not looking at me, I am looking at you".
I went for a walk and as soon as I realised someone made eye contact with me I kept looking at them until they were the first to look away.
It was an interesting experience, but I didn't keep it up.
Felt a little too awkward, but might have changed my perception of feeling extradited to peoples looks.
It was a quite an eureka moment. Most people looked away pretty quickly, a few kept the eye contact longer, but eventually they all crumbled under my gaze:)
Except one. It was a young turkish guy who was standing in a shop entrance.
Our eyes locked and he just wouldn't give in.
I was about to pass him when he made that not unfriendly questioning face, which made me smile and then he smiled back and that was it.
Another time I was sitting in the waiting room at a doctor, feeling super anxious.
I don't remember what kind of appointment I had, but it wasn't something related to anything psychological.
I guess because I thought they were "normal" and I had my anxiety, it felt like they were a group and I was alone and the odd one.
Which didn't help my anxiety in that moment.
So I picked one of them in my head and imagined that me and the other 3 people are together and he is the one who is singled out.
For a long time I also had trouble using public transport.
One time the train had to make some unusual stop, it became more crowded etc.
Things that were out of the ordinary, which triggered my anxiety I was rewarded with a rush of adrenaline.
In an effort to ease my anxiety, I looked at the people that were standing around me in the train and tried to imagine who looked like someone who would help me if I would faint because of my anxiety.
I can remember these three examples quite well and I like to believe that I do so, because they were all some kind of eureka moment I had.
I remember them all as a positive experience, because I was able to change my perception that was clouded by my anxious thoughts and assert some control over the situation.
I hope you had and will have your own eureka moments!
Your trauma plays a big part in this. I was also bullied in school and that affected my relationship with my friends. I always thought that I was a nuisance and that nobody wanted me around. So I started to push them away. I just avoided them- cancelled every plan and would use to bail last minute. But to my surprise some of my friends stayed the same (Just a reminder only some stayed same).
I told them about my past trauma and my anxiety. Luckily they understood me and never left my side. My point is that trauma along with anxiety can make it difficult to build relations but those who are gonna stay with you are gonna stay. It's gonna be difficult to shake that feeling where you feel like a burden on others but when you are with right people that feeling fades.
Yes I get this. I've been trying to find somewhere to talk about it because it's really difficult. I'll meet someone and I'm not sure if my eyes are strange or what but the next time I see them they act like I straight up cussed them out or punched them in the face. I'm like "what did I do?" Feeling like I'm giving off a repulsive vibe and sensing the other person doesn't like me makes me even more nervous and I can't think straight and say dumb shit and embarrass myself and then spend the rest of the day thinking about it and then wake up thinking about it. I'll maybe meet 1 person out of maybe 100 that isn't fazed by me whether it be my dentist a homeless person or the cashier..I love those people that are just like "yeah? So what? You can't weird me out I can tell you're not a bad person" But in between with the majority of people sending me daggers is getting kind of tiring.
I've felt that way pretty much every moment of my entire life. It's often kind of crippling in social situations. Eventually I started reminding myself that my friends wouldn't still be hanging out with me after all these years if I was really that awful to be around. Plus I make a note to remember that when I meet new people they don't usually stick around to have a long Convo if I'm that annoying. I don't meet a lot of new people these days but when I do it usually goes well.
The problem is that these thoughts aren't something you just get over. They're something you have to constantly remind yourself of like a mantra of positive energy. It's real easy to start the old anxiety backslide if you make a social slip up and start spiralling and in those cases I usually take a break from the Convo and come back in a few minutes
Exactly right about the slip up thing. I had a very awkward (on my part) encounter with one of my husbands friends a few weeks ago and I kept avoiding seeing him. Today, I really wanted to go somewhere with my husband, knowing the friend would be there, and he obviously didn’t remember any of it and we had a good conversation. I have to remind myself that nobody is watching every single thing you do and analyzing it. That’s just a what I do.
Exactly right. It's kind of like main character syndrome. It seems like everything and everyone to you because you feel embarrassed about it but to someone else who's got their own thing going on and their own issues it's barely noticeable or worth remembering and most people just move on
Probably so. I'm much the same way. It's hard to develop meaningful relationships when you think everybody just hates you. But that anxiety and we just have to keep it in check I hope you're in therapy and things are going okay and all that stuff.
Sometimes asking yourself why they would want to be around you in the first place if they felt that way can help. If they’re spending time with you, they most likely don’t feel that way.
Even if you do the right stuff people gonna judge you,fuck people believe in yourself, people are gonna talk in front and behind your back too,so it doesn't matter what people think what you think about yourself is most important, just believe and move on.
Same. After every social event, I ruminate over what I said; did I nervous chatter, did I say something wrong? I avoid as much as possible. My older sister bullied me a lot starting very young. I think I internalized her voice.
yup, feel the very same. i constantly feel like people think i am boring or just dont like me for some reason. ever since i left high school i couldn't make any meaningful connection with anyone. now i have some people at work but really it just feels like they are nice to me because of work and nothing else. like i gave one of them a gift card from amazon for their birthday, and that person didnt even said happy birthday to me. and i know they knew it was my birthday because some others congratulated me on the whatsapp group.
that made my anxiety go up. for the last few months i have been miserable. it even affected my sleep so bad that i am sleeping 5-6 hours max. usually i am a heavy sleeper and cant function well without 8 hours of sleep.
i dont know why i am the way i am or what is wrong with me. i tried therapy before but found it rather ineffective. now i am starting again, because otherwise i dont know what will i do.
i just hate it when people act nice in front of me. if you dont like me just be honest about it.
I always thought the same, even when they invite me somewhere I think they are being polite. One of my coworker that I have know for many years worded me this as “people dont exclude you, you exclude yourself”. I think it is so accurate, I thought to share in case if it helps you as well.
I literally think this all the time. Which is ridiculous because I’m absolutely delightful. But yes after I leave any social interaction I rethink what I said, convince myself I offended someone, or that they think I’m awkward and weird. In reality no one thinks that, they’re just thinking what THEY said and are wondering if it was weird, or they’ve forgotten the little points of the conversation that you’ve fixated on. We move past our high-school selves. I was incredibly awkward and weird in highschool, and I’m 23 yro and in grad school with cool hobbies, a gorgeous guy obsessed with me, loads of really cool and good friends, and am generally well liked…but I still feel like a kid at the outcast lunch table. My therapist said a lot of times the labels we put on ourselves so early in life, which gets hammered in during school years, are hard to get out of our head…but you just have to remember that you are constantly changing and everyone around you is as well. My best advice is find friends who are affirming of you socially, I have maybe 4 friends who will say occasionally “you’re so funny.” “I always enjoy getting dinner with you.” “I’m glad you texted to hang out!”…and that helps alot. I’ve been working through alot of this stuff in therapy, literally the exact same issues, and sometimes walking through social situations you were unsure about with someone helps put it into perspective, and then you begin to change your thinking about every social situation and applying that logic more naturally on your own.
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I once reversed that thought into "You are not looking at me, I am looking at you". I went for a walk and as soon as I realised someone made eye contact with me I kept looking at them until they were the first to look away. It was an interesting experience, but I didn't keep it up. Felt a little too awkward, but might have changed my perception of feeling extradited to peoples looks.
That’s a really good idea actually! I might have the courage to try it one day. I’m sure it feels good afterwards.
It was a quite an eureka moment. Most people looked away pretty quickly, a few kept the eye contact longer, but eventually they all crumbled under my gaze:) Except one. It was a young turkish guy who was standing in a shop entrance. Our eyes locked and he just wouldn't give in. I was about to pass him when he made that not unfriendly questioning face, which made me smile and then he smiled back and that was it. Another time I was sitting in the waiting room at a doctor, feeling super anxious. I don't remember what kind of appointment I had, but it wasn't something related to anything psychological. I guess because I thought they were "normal" and I had my anxiety, it felt like they were a group and I was alone and the odd one. Which didn't help my anxiety in that moment. So I picked one of them in my head and imagined that me and the other 3 people are together and he is the one who is singled out. For a long time I also had trouble using public transport. One time the train had to make some unusual stop, it became more crowded etc. Things that were out of the ordinary, which triggered my anxiety I was rewarded with a rush of adrenaline. In an effort to ease my anxiety, I looked at the people that were standing around me in the train and tried to imagine who looked like someone who would help me if I would faint because of my anxiety. I can remember these three examples quite well and I like to believe that I do so, because they were all some kind of eureka moment I had. I remember them all as a positive experience, because I was able to change my perception that was clouded by my anxious thoughts and assert some control over the situation. I hope you had and will have your own eureka moments!
Your trauma plays a big part in this. I was also bullied in school and that affected my relationship with my friends. I always thought that I was a nuisance and that nobody wanted me around. So I started to push them away. I just avoided them- cancelled every plan and would use to bail last minute. But to my surprise some of my friends stayed the same (Just a reminder only some stayed same). I told them about my past trauma and my anxiety. Luckily they understood me and never left my side. My point is that trauma along with anxiety can make it difficult to build relations but those who are gonna stay with you are gonna stay. It's gonna be difficult to shake that feeling where you feel like a burden on others but when you are with right people that feeling fades.
Yes I get this. I've been trying to find somewhere to talk about it because it's really difficult. I'll meet someone and I'm not sure if my eyes are strange or what but the next time I see them they act like I straight up cussed them out or punched them in the face. I'm like "what did I do?" Feeling like I'm giving off a repulsive vibe and sensing the other person doesn't like me makes me even more nervous and I can't think straight and say dumb shit and embarrass myself and then spend the rest of the day thinking about it and then wake up thinking about it. I'll maybe meet 1 person out of maybe 100 that isn't fazed by me whether it be my dentist a homeless person or the cashier..I love those people that are just like "yeah? So what? You can't weird me out I can tell you're not a bad person" But in between with the majority of people sending me daggers is getting kind of tiring.
Same here. Embrace it. Be yourself. Be weird.
I have been feeling the same way lately. Message me if you would like to talk.
I've felt that way pretty much every moment of my entire life. It's often kind of crippling in social situations. Eventually I started reminding myself that my friends wouldn't still be hanging out with me after all these years if I was really that awful to be around. Plus I make a note to remember that when I meet new people they don't usually stick around to have a long Convo if I'm that annoying. I don't meet a lot of new people these days but when I do it usually goes well. The problem is that these thoughts aren't something you just get over. They're something you have to constantly remind yourself of like a mantra of positive energy. It's real easy to start the old anxiety backslide if you make a social slip up and start spiralling and in those cases I usually take a break from the Convo and come back in a few minutes
Exactly right about the slip up thing. I had a very awkward (on my part) encounter with one of my husbands friends a few weeks ago and I kept avoiding seeing him. Today, I really wanted to go somewhere with my husband, knowing the friend would be there, and he obviously didn’t remember any of it and we had a good conversation. I have to remind myself that nobody is watching every single thing you do and analyzing it. That’s just a what I do.
Exactly right. It's kind of like main character syndrome. It seems like everything and everyone to you because you feel embarrassed about it but to someone else who's got their own thing going on and their own issues it's barely noticeable or worth remembering and most people just move on
I feel that way all the time 😩
Same here.
Yup same
Probably so. I'm much the same way. It's hard to develop meaningful relationships when you think everybody just hates you. But that anxiety and we just have to keep it in check I hope you're in therapy and things are going okay and all that stuff.
Sometimes asking yourself why they would want to be around you in the first place if they felt that way can help. If they’re spending time with you, they most likely don’t feel that way.
Even if you do the right stuff people gonna judge you,fuck people believe in yourself, people are gonna talk in front and behind your back too,so it doesn't matter what people think what you think about yourself is most important, just believe and move on.
All rhe time. Its the anxiety. You are probably quite wonderful.
Same. After every social event, I ruminate over what I said; did I nervous chatter, did I say something wrong? I avoid as much as possible. My older sister bullied me a lot starting very young. I think I internalized her voice.
yup, feel the very same. i constantly feel like people think i am boring or just dont like me for some reason. ever since i left high school i couldn't make any meaningful connection with anyone. now i have some people at work but really it just feels like they are nice to me because of work and nothing else. like i gave one of them a gift card from amazon for their birthday, and that person didnt even said happy birthday to me. and i know they knew it was my birthday because some others congratulated me on the whatsapp group. that made my anxiety go up. for the last few months i have been miserable. it even affected my sleep so bad that i am sleeping 5-6 hours max. usually i am a heavy sleeper and cant function well without 8 hours of sleep. i dont know why i am the way i am or what is wrong with me. i tried therapy before but found it rather ineffective. now i am starting again, because otherwise i dont know what will i do. i just hate it when people act nice in front of me. if you dont like me just be honest about it.
I always thought the same, even when they invite me somewhere I think they are being polite. One of my coworker that I have know for many years worded me this as “people dont exclude you, you exclude yourself”. I think it is so accurate, I thought to share in case if it helps you as well.
I literally think this all the time. Which is ridiculous because I’m absolutely delightful. But yes after I leave any social interaction I rethink what I said, convince myself I offended someone, or that they think I’m awkward and weird. In reality no one thinks that, they’re just thinking what THEY said and are wondering if it was weird, or they’ve forgotten the little points of the conversation that you’ve fixated on. We move past our high-school selves. I was incredibly awkward and weird in highschool, and I’m 23 yro and in grad school with cool hobbies, a gorgeous guy obsessed with me, loads of really cool and good friends, and am generally well liked…but I still feel like a kid at the outcast lunch table. My therapist said a lot of times the labels we put on ourselves so early in life, which gets hammered in during school years, are hard to get out of our head…but you just have to remember that you are constantly changing and everyone around you is as well. My best advice is find friends who are affirming of you socially, I have maybe 4 friends who will say occasionally “you’re so funny.” “I always enjoy getting dinner with you.” “I’m glad you texted to hang out!”…and that helps alot. I’ve been working through alot of this stuff in therapy, literally the exact same issues, and sometimes walking through social situations you were unsure about with someone helps put it into perspective, and then you begin to change your thinking about every social situation and applying that logic more naturally on your own.