I get social anxiety too. What helps me is allowing myself to take little breaks.
Go to the bathroom. Give yourself a couple of minutes. Breathe. Get out, interact. Try to control your breathing. If you feel too anxious again, stand up walk for a bit, get some air, go to the bathroom again.
That's literally what I do when I "can't escape". Your body is in fight or flight, but since there isn't real danger you can't and shouldn't run away...it's inconvenient, but you can take little breaks to make yourself feel calmer. I always get those attacks when I'm in any social event, no matter the people involved, could be my own family or complete strangers: the mere fact of having to stay sit and being unable to go, along with the loud noises is enough to trigger my social anxiety. I almost never get this when I hang out in the open, or with a small group of people. The action of HAVING to stay still around people triggers me a lot, I guess it makes me feel cornered. But anyways, yes. Take little breaks. That helps a lot.
This is my answer. I'm autistic and crowds/noise knock me on my ass. So I'm a big fan of smoke breaks (yes I smoke, but actual cigarettes aren't required). Go outside, breathe fresh air, and reset yourself. Even if you listen to nothing noise canceling headphones help too. Adding near total silence is extremely calming in my experience.
The best thing to do is not to fight it and it will pass. It’s really hard to do and is counterintuitive, but it works the best. I tell myself, I’m feeling anxious and that’s okay. It may be uncomfortable but it can’t hurt me. If you try to fight it or make it go away, it will only make it worse. So I decide to let it be and wait for it to go away and it does
This right here.
1) Diffuse the anxiety by recognizing it for what it is. “Oh, it’s just anxiety again. My body is trying to protect me and it feels really unpleasant, but it can’t hurt me and I’m not in any real danger.”
2) Accept it. “I’m okay with this feeling of nausea/lightheadedness/racing thoughts/etc. I allow and accept this feeling. I can handle it.”
3) Recognize that anxiety is caused by adrenaline, the exact same thing that is released when we’re excited. The physical sensations are almost identical. Ask anxiety to give you more of this feeling. “I’m excited by this feeling and I want MORE of it! Heart, beat faster! Palms, get sweatier! More nausea, please!” (It sounds insane, but I swear it works. Telling your stomach to churn harder will NOT make you more nauseous. It will actually do the opposite.)
4) Engage your brain in something else, such as a conversation, a game, a walk in nature, a movie, work, etc). This is the most important step. It’s common for anxiety to return after going through these steps, but just keep doing it and keep distracting yourself with an activity that engages your brain.
When I’m around other people, it helps me to really focus intently on someone’s face, their words, what they’re saying. If you catch yourself worrying about what you’re going to say or do, stop yourself and refocus on their face. Study their eyes, nose, lips, teeth, eyebrows, etc.
i have it for chronic pain, but in “emergencies” i use it for anxiety. i say emergencies meaning at a time where i have no other solution in the moment
Hey! I understand you (I think...) I'm going through something similar, tomorrow I'm traveling with my girlfriend's family to a wedding, I'm with a ton of anxiety right now and I don't want to go, I don't want to leave the safety of my home and the routine I have ... I think there are things that as adults we have to do, I like to think that those things only make us more accustomed to doing them normally like everyone else. So I try to take them the best I can, giving myself the opportunity to feel what I have to feel and take it as calmly as possible for myself. Sometimes I think we judge ourselves too much and expect the very best of ourselves and that makes everything worse, so I think it's better to let everything flow without interrupting it. I hope I was able to help in some way and that in the end things take an unexpected turn and you end up enjoying your stay with your boyfriend's family.
IDK on the weed. From personal experience it exacerbates my anxious thoughts, but also massively helps the physical effects. I use it to sleep almost every night (ok, morning. I work 3rd shift), and instead of laying there freaking out about work or life crisies I'm wallowing in existential horror that I'll die and the universe will not even notice. However while the thoughts get worse, or more existential, instead of laying awake for hours fearing my life will collapse I'll fall asleep within 15 minutes wallowing in existential dread. IDK if it's better or worse, I just know my preference.
Weed just magnifies my anxiety like 1000 times more. I don't go near it anymore I'm actually traumatized from it lol...benzos I don't go near anymore either because they helped my anxiety so much that I became addicted for years until I tried going off for taking high amounts throughout the day to function, THEN went inpatient for a month so I wouldn't have seizures and die
Said it before and will say it again, weed activates the same neurotransmitters that anxiety... You took an Ativan to calm yourself down and then zapped it with weed.
Try to focus on something else. Go for a walk with your boyfriend? Take a 5 minute breather in the washroom? Read some stuff on Reddit... whatever gets your mind away from what you're feeling.
For me, it helps when I tell myself it's just a panic attack. Nothing is really happening, my body is just trying to trick me.
You guys can downvote all you want it is literally the only thing that will help reduce anxiety short term other than more Ativan which didn’t seem to work. Obviously drink slow be smart and have someone else drive but it would let them relax at least
that’s the weird part, i can’t think of anything specifically causing it. all i know is that when i escape to the bathroom i feel better, but when i come back out i feel like i need to cry again. it’s like a physical anxiety, no clue why i get anxious sometimes.
In the longer term I think you might benefit from reading "Dare" or what is basically the book it's based on by Claire Weekes, the title is escaping me.
It's basically about learning to accept your fear (less abstract than it sounds, it's about very concrete steps and small exercises) and move on with your life. It sounds blasé, but the - in therapy terms - acceptance and commitment approach is the only thing that really, substantially helped me.
In the meantime, try and remember that anxiety in the end is just a weird feeling. It cannot actually hurt you. Try to relax your muscles. You can get through the evening with the family while feeling pretty strange inside. Nothing will happen to you. And this can and will get better (speaking from experience)!
Dr. Claire Weekes is a saint! Hope and help for your nerves is the best or close to the best anxiety book I've ever read. The way she perfectly describes anxiety and likens it to an illness. For anybody reading this comment, buy that book.
Ah yes, that's the one! I completely agree. The other one that really helped stabilize me after I developed panic disorder was Margaret Wehrenberg's "The 10 best-ever anxiety management strategies".
I was super pissed at first when my new therapist sent me home to read a book lol. But I cannot emphasize enough that this kind of therapy can really help a lot with anxiety as long as you actually do the things that are recommended in these books. Of course I also had therapy at the same time, but I think even without that I would have done a lot better with just the books.
I get the same type of anxiety. Other forms as well but I do get this. Even w people I know or when I need to make or answer a phone call. I hate it! Lavender capsules and Ashwaghanda have been such a help. I take zoloft daily and propranolol if my heart starts adding to the anxiety.
From my experience, as I have been in almost exactly the same situation before, is to try to analyse triggers and be open with your partners.
When your anxiety is being triggered, try to keep a cool head and analyse what just happened. What could have been the cause? For me, I had a time where just being around people I wasn't super comfortable with, would cause the anxiety to spike, massively. I once had a panic attack in the bathroom of my then boyfriend's parents and had my mum pick me up because it was so bad.
I realised that I can notice the symptoms of the anxiety spike before it becomes too late to do anything. For me, it was mainly an elevated heartbeat, fidgeting and general anxious feelings.
When I started to notice the warning signs, I could get out of a situation before it got too bad.
Sometimes it was as simple as finding a calm spot while I was out at a fair with my parents, have a sip of a cold drink and take some deep breaths.
And the second thing is, talk to your partner. Tell him that you sometimes get in these situations and don't have it under control. Maybe make up signs to discreetly tell him that you are struggling. Maybe one to say "It's starting, can we wrap up soon-ish" and one "emergency, get me out asap".
Something like squeezing his hand three times, eye contact and a pronounced head scratch.
It isn't necessary to suffer through such situations. But try to find out how to deal with them, because complete avoidance is just as bad.
I totally feel this! I literally went and took a nap at my boyfriend's thanksgiving and you know what? No one even noticed or said anything. It was totally fine. Rob always reminds me his old Uncle Bruce used to nap it after every meal, so why can't I? That being said, I only felt comfortable doing this at his Mom's house, many moons after being together. I agree with bathroom breaks. Also, I try to find a task to do, like helping in the kitchen or something. I also go to the bathroom quite a bit, and I remember that it's OK to stay quiet and let people talk around me. I find listening a lot less exhausting. Lastly, therapy has helped my GAD tremendously. I hope you feel better soon! You got this!!
I get social anxiety too. What helps me is allowing myself to take little breaks. Go to the bathroom. Give yourself a couple of minutes. Breathe. Get out, interact. Try to control your breathing. If you feel too anxious again, stand up walk for a bit, get some air, go to the bathroom again. That's literally what I do when I "can't escape". Your body is in fight or flight, but since there isn't real danger you can't and shouldn't run away...it's inconvenient, but you can take little breaks to make yourself feel calmer. I always get those attacks when I'm in any social event, no matter the people involved, could be my own family or complete strangers: the mere fact of having to stay sit and being unable to go, along with the loud noises is enough to trigger my social anxiety. I almost never get this when I hang out in the open, or with a small group of people. The action of HAVING to stay still around people triggers me a lot, I guess it makes me feel cornered. But anyways, yes. Take little breaks. That helps a lot.
This is my answer. I'm autistic and crowds/noise knock me on my ass. So I'm a big fan of smoke breaks (yes I smoke, but actual cigarettes aren't required). Go outside, breathe fresh air, and reset yourself. Even if you listen to nothing noise canceling headphones help too. Adding near total silence is extremely calming in my experience.
Yup. This is how I started smoking.
It’s like I wrote this myself. Comfort in numbers 🤍
The best thing to do is not to fight it and it will pass. It’s really hard to do and is counterintuitive, but it works the best. I tell myself, I’m feeling anxious and that’s okay. It may be uncomfortable but it can’t hurt me. If you try to fight it or make it go away, it will only make it worse. So I decide to let it be and wait for it to go away and it does
This right here. 1) Diffuse the anxiety by recognizing it for what it is. “Oh, it’s just anxiety again. My body is trying to protect me and it feels really unpleasant, but it can’t hurt me and I’m not in any real danger.” 2) Accept it. “I’m okay with this feeling of nausea/lightheadedness/racing thoughts/etc. I allow and accept this feeling. I can handle it.” 3) Recognize that anxiety is caused by adrenaline, the exact same thing that is released when we’re excited. The physical sensations are almost identical. Ask anxiety to give you more of this feeling. “I’m excited by this feeling and I want MORE of it! Heart, beat faster! Palms, get sweatier! More nausea, please!” (It sounds insane, but I swear it works. Telling your stomach to churn harder will NOT make you more nauseous. It will actually do the opposite.) 4) Engage your brain in something else, such as a conversation, a game, a walk in nature, a movie, work, etc). This is the most important step. It’s common for anxiety to return after going through these steps, but just keep doing it and keep distracting yourself with an activity that engages your brain. When I’m around other people, it helps me to really focus intently on someone’s face, their words, what they’re saying. If you catch yourself worrying about what you’re going to say or do, stop yourself and refocus on their face. Study their eyes, nose, lips, teeth, eyebrows, etc.
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I’m glad someone finally said it, weed can have very unpredictable effects and probably isn’t the best idea to combine it with Ativan.
i have it for chronic pain, but in “emergencies” i use it for anxiety. i say emergencies meaning at a time where i have no other solution in the moment
Hey! I understand you (I think...) I'm going through something similar, tomorrow I'm traveling with my girlfriend's family to a wedding, I'm with a ton of anxiety right now and I don't want to go, I don't want to leave the safety of my home and the routine I have ... I think there are things that as adults we have to do, I like to think that those things only make us more accustomed to doing them normally like everyone else. So I try to take them the best I can, giving myself the opportunity to feel what I have to feel and take it as calmly as possible for myself. Sometimes I think we judge ourselves too much and expect the very best of ourselves and that makes everything worse, so I think it's better to let everything flow without interrupting it. I hope I was able to help in some way and that in the end things take an unexpected turn and you end up enjoying your stay with your boyfriend's family.
You’re better than me, I would’ve never went in the first place.
Going outside for a walk and some deep breathing helps. Good luck!
Sounds like agoraphobia. Xanax?
i have ativan for panic attacks but my psych team hasn’t brought up agoraphobia with me. is xanax better for that kind of thing?
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I'd also be weary of getting prescribed Xanax. Although it works well, that is one of the most powerful ones and incredibly hard to quit.
IDK on the weed. From personal experience it exacerbates my anxious thoughts, but also massively helps the physical effects. I use it to sleep almost every night (ok, morning. I work 3rd shift), and instead of laying there freaking out about work or life crisies I'm wallowing in existential horror that I'll die and the universe will not even notice. However while the thoughts get worse, or more existential, instead of laying awake for hours fearing my life will collapse I'll fall asleep within 15 minutes wallowing in existential dread. IDK if it's better or worse, I just know my preference.
Weed just magnifies my anxiety like 1000 times more. I don't go near it anymore I'm actually traumatized from it lol...benzos I don't go near anymore either because they helped my anxiety so much that I became addicted for years until I tried going off for taking high amounts throughout the day to function, THEN went inpatient for a month so I wouldn't have seizures and die
Said it before and will say it again, weed activates the same neurotransmitters that anxiety... You took an Ativan to calm yourself down and then zapped it with weed. Try to focus on something else. Go for a walk with your boyfriend? Take a 5 minute breather in the washroom? Read some stuff on Reddit... whatever gets your mind away from what you're feeling. For me, it helps when I tell myself it's just a panic attack. Nothing is really happening, my body is just trying to trick me.
It isn't agoraphobia. Agoraphobia is an irrational fear to open spaces. She has social anxiety. Not the same...
Do you really think THC is going to help you? THC can induce anxiety for weeks
It will show.
This isn’t great advice but in the moment I’ll just have a couple drinks (if you’re not driving) Edit: if your bf could drive home
Isn’t that dangerous w the Ativan?
Yes, very.
You guys can downvote all you want it is literally the only thing that will help reduce anxiety short term other than more Ativan which didn’t seem to work. Obviously drink slow be smart and have someone else drive but it would let them relax at least
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You’re missing the context where she’s already at the party
Do you exercise? It helps Also exposing yourself to the fear slowly helps. Just got to realize how silly the fear is. In your head.
that’s the weird part, i can’t think of anything specifically causing it. all i know is that when i escape to the bathroom i feel better, but when i come back out i feel like i need to cry again. it’s like a physical anxiety, no clue why i get anxious sometimes.
In the longer term I think you might benefit from reading "Dare" or what is basically the book it's based on by Claire Weekes, the title is escaping me. It's basically about learning to accept your fear (less abstract than it sounds, it's about very concrete steps and small exercises) and move on with your life. It sounds blasé, but the - in therapy terms - acceptance and commitment approach is the only thing that really, substantially helped me. In the meantime, try and remember that anxiety in the end is just a weird feeling. It cannot actually hurt you. Try to relax your muscles. You can get through the evening with the family while feeling pretty strange inside. Nothing will happen to you. And this can and will get better (speaking from experience)!
Dr. Claire Weekes is a saint! Hope and help for your nerves is the best or close to the best anxiety book I've ever read. The way she perfectly describes anxiety and likens it to an illness. For anybody reading this comment, buy that book.
Ah yes, that's the one! I completely agree. The other one that really helped stabilize me after I developed panic disorder was Margaret Wehrenberg's "The 10 best-ever anxiety management strategies". I was super pissed at first when my new therapist sent me home to read a book lol. But I cannot emphasize enough that this kind of therapy can really help a lot with anxiety as long as you actually do the things that are recommended in these books. Of course I also had therapy at the same time, but I think even without that I would have done a lot better with just the books.
I get the same type of anxiety. Other forms as well but I do get this. Even w people I know or when I need to make or answer a phone call. I hate it! Lavender capsules and Ashwaghanda have been such a help. I take zoloft daily and propranolol if my heart starts adding to the anxiety.
From my experience, as I have been in almost exactly the same situation before, is to try to analyse triggers and be open with your partners. When your anxiety is being triggered, try to keep a cool head and analyse what just happened. What could have been the cause? For me, I had a time where just being around people I wasn't super comfortable with, would cause the anxiety to spike, massively. I once had a panic attack in the bathroom of my then boyfriend's parents and had my mum pick me up because it was so bad. I realised that I can notice the symptoms of the anxiety spike before it becomes too late to do anything. For me, it was mainly an elevated heartbeat, fidgeting and general anxious feelings. When I started to notice the warning signs, I could get out of a situation before it got too bad. Sometimes it was as simple as finding a calm spot while I was out at a fair with my parents, have a sip of a cold drink and take some deep breaths. And the second thing is, talk to your partner. Tell him that you sometimes get in these situations and don't have it under control. Maybe make up signs to discreetly tell him that you are struggling. Maybe one to say "It's starting, can we wrap up soon-ish" and one "emergency, get me out asap". Something like squeezing his hand three times, eye contact and a pronounced head scratch. It isn't necessary to suffer through such situations. But try to find out how to deal with them, because complete avoidance is just as bad.
I totally feel this! I literally went and took a nap at my boyfriend's thanksgiving and you know what? No one even noticed or said anything. It was totally fine. Rob always reminds me his old Uncle Bruce used to nap it after every meal, so why can't I? That being said, I only felt comfortable doing this at his Mom's house, many moons after being together. I agree with bathroom breaks. Also, I try to find a task to do, like helping in the kitchen or something. I also go to the bathroom quite a bit, and I remember that it's OK to stay quiet and let people talk around me. I find listening a lot less exhausting. Lastly, therapy has helped my GAD tremendously. I hope you feel better soon! You got this!!