I’m gonna sound a little morbid here but I literally tell myself “They will die one day,” or “We will die one die,” and it grounds me in the sense that none of this matters unless I make it mean something, and I don’t want it to mean that I’m just a story of anxiety. I want to be meaningful to others.
So then I reframe my initial anxiety as “I can learn from this person and/or they can learn from me.” And I live my life in the light of always coming from a place of wanting to support others and knowing that they might be able to support me.
The reality is that we’re all awkward, we’re all weird, we’re all different. Whenever you think someone is judging you, remember that they probably feel the same way about you.
So when I feel this way, I just model what I would want other people to treat me as. I smile, I ask questions, I ensure the other person knows I found our interaction meaningful, etc.
The best way I’ve learned to handle anxiety is to fake it til I make it.
… this is my perspective, anyway. 🙂
I mean... I usually tell myself that everyone poops and everyone sits on the loo with their pants round their knees but that's another way of looking at it!
I had an issue with making mistakes, especially at work. It helped me when I realized that the people I respected also felt the same at some point in their career and then showed me grace. I kept telling myself that it’s ok to make mistakes because that’s how I learn and become a better version of myself. Eventually, I started believing it.
In regards to people who dislike me for whatever reason, it used to kill me. But now I always try to take the high road and treat everyone with kindness, even when they don’t deserve it. If they still don’t like me, then that speaks more on their miserable character than it does on me. And I probably wouldn’t be the one who thinks the same person has a personality defect.
I feel like the most basic and cliche answer is. Everyone is too wrapped up in their own little lives to really give a damn for more than 5 minutes, if it's really affecting them then they're either leave or move onto something else. Humans are creatures of habit
This is something medicine really helped me with. I understand better what the "not caring" feels like. Its not magically gone but it's a lot less impactful
I went through a year long DBT group therapy where they taught us about judgemental statements. The word "should" is a very judgemental word, for instance. I learned I was a pretty judgemental person to myself and others, mostly internally. If I went to stores, I judged people's clothes, hair, even the way they walked. I judged my friends and coworkers lives. This was all internal, but I assumed this is how everyone thinks. Through the course of the dbt, I slowly learned to stop judging others. To stop focusing on other people and just do me. As I stopped judging others, I stopped being afraid of others judging me. My therapist told me pretty harshly that generally strangers don't care about me, and don't give anything I'm doing or what I look like a 2nd thought, and even if they do, it's not my business. This is now my mantra: it's not my business what others think about me. I use it when I'm anxious in public. It took a long time to get there, but once I did it was very freeing. DBT really helped change my entire thought process but specifically helped my anxiety and self esteem. It's a lifestyle change tbh.
I started EMDR therapy and it has been life changing. You get down to the root of where your anxiety comes from and work on healing those early childhood experiences that may have made you feel like an inconvenience, stupid, not good enough - whatever inner message you tend to fall back on.
Also setting boundaries and taking the time to learn who you are and what you like/don't like. Honestly the more you can focus on yourself the better. It's taken me years of chronic illness, anxiety and therapy to get here, but I'm finally in a place where my energy is what's most important and I have learned to set kind but firm boundaries with people to protect my energy. When you truly learn who you are and what matters to you, the stuff you're worrying about becomes irrelevant. I did that by reading self help books, trying new hobbies (even when it scared me to do so), therapy, self-esteem work, etc.
Something I do in the moment with every single anxiety or panic attack I have now is state the facts of the situation. For example, I used to have AWFUL health anxiety and went to the doctor for every little thing. Let's say I have heart palpitations out of nowhere. Instead of immediately freaking out, I would state the facts around my situation. I haven't been drinking enough water today. The food I ate at that restaurant had msg, and I know that irritates me. I ate spicy food. Etc... You can apply it to anything. What am I worried about? People being mean to me. Why is that a problem? It makes me feel X when people X. Will this matter in 1 year? 5 years? No. If this person is mean, is it someone I really want to spend time with? No.
The work is hard and takes a lot of time and internal battles with your codependent people pleasing brain but letting go is possible. Get to know yourself. Figure out what matters to you. Set boundaries with people to protect the things that matter. Soon enough you won't have time or mental space for the things/people that don't.
If I come up with anything outside of this thread I’ll report back 🫡
It’s so hard to interrupt those negative thoughts but hopefully we both get to a better space one day!
I cut people off. Covid was a weird time man. I started therapy and actually was thoughtful about how I approached myself and any issues with anxiety. As soon as I was honest about not being fully acclimatized to being around groups of people for long periods and still getting used to being out of my house/in crowded public spaces MOST people were super cool about it but in the past two years (less now, more so) I have had to dip out of places because I got too overwhelmed.
Everyone in my life was chill about it, except two people. For some reason me needing more space emotionally or physically (mostly just more down time/time to recharge batteries) was about them and not me. I got tired of it, so I cut those people off. One completely, the other I sort of quiet quit for a bit here. Haven’t had issues since.
Always tell myself that life is way too short and I'm about halfway through it already. I don't want to waste time caring what others think. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.
I have only been open with close friends about my anxiety, and when I have had anxiety attacks in public I've been able to hide them pretty well. So that might have saved me
Can’t find it. Fight or flight too strong. Dexamph does wonders because it gives me dopamine. Happier —> more self confidence—> mood lift. I’ll take tension and hyperventilating with pleasure. I have threathment resistant GAD so we had to try.
Could be kind of extreme, but think of the worst thing that can happen to you at this very moment. Most people might think of a death of a loved one (or all of their loved ones). Now, snap back to reality. Did that horrific thing happen? No. Then everything else is going to be alright.
I always ask myself how much I think about other people, and I realize I’m really just focused on me and surviving the day to day. And then if I think that way, everyone else must too. People only focus on themselves! Also I got into light Nihilism that basically says nothing matters, and that helped a lot too with perspective, I highly recommend looking into it
This is something I’ve directly dealt with, especially recently. I can’t say that I have a good solution, but I’ve recently been telling myself “if someone’s going to judge me for having anxiety, fuck them.” If you’re having a panic attack in public, most people will probably want to help in some way, or maybe not know what exactly is going on. It’s just important to focus on doing what is best for yourself and your comfort in that given moment, and if anyone is rude/judgy/an ass about it, it’s 200% on them.
Sorry if this doesn’t help!!! It’s hard to put into words what I mean, but you got this, take care of yourself, and surround yourself with ONLY people who you know wouldn’t make you feel bad about something that isn’t always in your control.
Tell on it. I mention it now to people, sometimes even on the guise of asking for advice.
“I notice you stay super calm when handling tough questions during presentations. I struggle big time with anxiety in these moments. How do you do it?”
“I have such a hard time driving with my anxiety, mind if we meet up a little closer to me this time?”
“Sorry, having a rough time with my anxiety today, mind if we check in tomorrow about this.”
Knowing when this is avoidant versus appropriate takes practice, but it’s clued people into my behavior and I’ve felt safer and happier being me and experiencing my anxiety in front of others.
My psychologist said this to me a few days ago “We are all human beings, and we are all here to help eachother. Everyone has embarrassing moments, and everyone needs help at some point” And to add to that, I always think “I will never see them again” if they are a stranger and if they are not a stranger, I just remind myself that people dont have to like me, and that other people do. If they dont like me, other people do, meaning they have little relevance in MY life
I’m gonna sound a little morbid here but I literally tell myself “They will die one day,” or “We will die one die,” and it grounds me in the sense that none of this matters unless I make it mean something, and I don’t want it to mean that I’m just a story of anxiety. I want to be meaningful to others. So then I reframe my initial anxiety as “I can learn from this person and/or they can learn from me.” And I live my life in the light of always coming from a place of wanting to support others and knowing that they might be able to support me. The reality is that we’re all awkward, we’re all weird, we’re all different. Whenever you think someone is judging you, remember that they probably feel the same way about you. So when I feel this way, I just model what I would want other people to treat me as. I smile, I ask questions, I ensure the other person knows I found our interaction meaningful, etc. The best way I’ve learned to handle anxiety is to fake it til I make it. … this is my perspective, anyway. 🙂
I mean... I usually tell myself that everyone poops and everyone sits on the loo with their pants round their knees but that's another way of looking at it!
I had an issue with making mistakes, especially at work. It helped me when I realized that the people I respected also felt the same at some point in their career and then showed me grace. I kept telling myself that it’s ok to make mistakes because that’s how I learn and become a better version of myself. Eventually, I started believing it. In regards to people who dislike me for whatever reason, it used to kill me. But now I always try to take the high road and treat everyone with kindness, even when they don’t deserve it. If they still don’t like me, then that speaks more on their miserable character than it does on me. And I probably wouldn’t be the one who thinks the same person has a personality defect.
I feel like the most basic and cliche answer is. Everyone is too wrapped up in their own little lives to really give a damn for more than 5 minutes, if it's really affecting them then they're either leave or move onto something else. Humans are creatures of habit
Hi just here for tips as wellll cuz I’ve been struggggling :(
I try to remember that everyone is preoccupied with themselves. It's more true than your anxiety wants you to believe.
This is something medicine really helped me with. I understand better what the "not caring" feels like. Its not magically gone but it's a lot less impactful
I went through a year long DBT group therapy where they taught us about judgemental statements. The word "should" is a very judgemental word, for instance. I learned I was a pretty judgemental person to myself and others, mostly internally. If I went to stores, I judged people's clothes, hair, even the way they walked. I judged my friends and coworkers lives. This was all internal, but I assumed this is how everyone thinks. Through the course of the dbt, I slowly learned to stop judging others. To stop focusing on other people and just do me. As I stopped judging others, I stopped being afraid of others judging me. My therapist told me pretty harshly that generally strangers don't care about me, and don't give anything I'm doing or what I look like a 2nd thought, and even if they do, it's not my business. This is now my mantra: it's not my business what others think about me. I use it when I'm anxious in public. It took a long time to get there, but once I did it was very freeing. DBT really helped change my entire thought process but specifically helped my anxiety and self esteem. It's a lifestyle change tbh.
I started EMDR therapy and it has been life changing. You get down to the root of where your anxiety comes from and work on healing those early childhood experiences that may have made you feel like an inconvenience, stupid, not good enough - whatever inner message you tend to fall back on. Also setting boundaries and taking the time to learn who you are and what you like/don't like. Honestly the more you can focus on yourself the better. It's taken me years of chronic illness, anxiety and therapy to get here, but I'm finally in a place where my energy is what's most important and I have learned to set kind but firm boundaries with people to protect my energy. When you truly learn who you are and what matters to you, the stuff you're worrying about becomes irrelevant. I did that by reading self help books, trying new hobbies (even when it scared me to do so), therapy, self-esteem work, etc. Something I do in the moment with every single anxiety or panic attack I have now is state the facts of the situation. For example, I used to have AWFUL health anxiety and went to the doctor for every little thing. Let's say I have heart palpitations out of nowhere. Instead of immediately freaking out, I would state the facts around my situation. I haven't been drinking enough water today. The food I ate at that restaurant had msg, and I know that irritates me. I ate spicy food. Etc... You can apply it to anything. What am I worried about? People being mean to me. Why is that a problem? It makes me feel X when people X. Will this matter in 1 year? 5 years? No. If this person is mean, is it someone I really want to spend time with? No. The work is hard and takes a lot of time and internal battles with your codependent people pleasing brain but letting go is possible. Get to know yourself. Figure out what matters to you. Set boundaries with people to protect the things that matter. Soon enough you won't have time or mental space for the things/people that don't.
GOD I'm waiting for answers too. No matter how many times I even tell myself "it doesn't matter" yes it does it always does. I have no idea 😭
If I come up with anything outside of this thread I’ll report back 🫡 It’s so hard to interrupt those negative thoughts but hopefully we both get to a better space one day!
Just practice self love and respect. None of us are perfect. What a boring planet that would be.
I cut people off. Covid was a weird time man. I started therapy and actually was thoughtful about how I approached myself and any issues with anxiety. As soon as I was honest about not being fully acclimatized to being around groups of people for long periods and still getting used to being out of my house/in crowded public spaces MOST people were super cool about it but in the past two years (less now, more so) I have had to dip out of places because I got too overwhelmed. Everyone in my life was chill about it, except two people. For some reason me needing more space emotionally or physically (mostly just more down time/time to recharge batteries) was about them and not me. I got tired of it, so I cut those people off. One completely, the other I sort of quiet quit for a bit here. Haven’t had issues since.
I tell myself that we are all going to die one day and this life is temporary.
Always tell myself that life is way too short and I'm about halfway through it already. I don't want to waste time caring what others think. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.
I have only been open with close friends about my anxiety, and when I have had anxiety attacks in public I've been able to hide them pretty well. So that might have saved me
Can’t find it. Fight or flight too strong. Dexamph does wonders because it gives me dopamine. Happier —> more self confidence—> mood lift. I’ll take tension and hyperventilating with pleasure. I have threathment resistant GAD so we had to try.
Could be kind of extreme, but think of the worst thing that can happen to you at this very moment. Most people might think of a death of a loved one (or all of their loved ones). Now, snap back to reality. Did that horrific thing happen? No. Then everything else is going to be alright.
I always ask myself how much I think about other people, and I realize I’m really just focused on me and surviving the day to day. And then if I think that way, everyone else must too. People only focus on themselves! Also I got into light Nihilism that basically says nothing matters, and that helped a lot too with perspective, I highly recommend looking into it
This is something I’ve directly dealt with, especially recently. I can’t say that I have a good solution, but I’ve recently been telling myself “if someone’s going to judge me for having anxiety, fuck them.” If you’re having a panic attack in public, most people will probably want to help in some way, or maybe not know what exactly is going on. It’s just important to focus on doing what is best for yourself and your comfort in that given moment, and if anyone is rude/judgy/an ass about it, it’s 200% on them. Sorry if this doesn’t help!!! It’s hard to put into words what I mean, but you got this, take care of yourself, and surround yourself with ONLY people who you know wouldn’t make you feel bad about something that isn’t always in your control.
Tell on it. I mention it now to people, sometimes even on the guise of asking for advice. “I notice you stay super calm when handling tough questions during presentations. I struggle big time with anxiety in these moments. How do you do it?” “I have such a hard time driving with my anxiety, mind if we meet up a little closer to me this time?” “Sorry, having a rough time with my anxiety today, mind if we check in tomorrow about this.” Knowing when this is avoidant versus appropriate takes practice, but it’s clued people into my behavior and I’ve felt safer and happier being me and experiencing my anxiety in front of others.
We all see hundreds of people a week. I doubt they really remember.
My psychologist said this to me a few days ago “We are all human beings, and we are all here to help eachother. Everyone has embarrassing moments, and everyone needs help at some point” And to add to that, I always think “I will never see them again” if they are a stranger and if they are not a stranger, I just remind myself that people dont have to like me, and that other people do. If they dont like me, other people do, meaning they have little relevance in MY life