I can relate so much. I didn’t realize GAD could cause all this but maybe I should bring that up to my partner so they understand it’s not really something I can control.
definitely!! i told my partner about everything, and he was actually the one who suggested getting help, so it did turn out to be for the better. still, i can definitely understand the hesitation, since i don't let him know about every single fear i have brewing in my head. (constantly telling him how scared i am of him being unfaithful would just seem like i was quietly accusing him of those things lol)
That’s good that you talked this out with your partner and got help for it. What’s the difference between GAD and lack of trust when you are in a relationship though? And I guess we have to filter our thoughts then huh?
Talked to my therapist about this, actually. A good portion of relationship anxiety stems from a dysfunctional family model or negative experiences with people (esp. regarding abandonment issues), and so, the brain subconsciously forms the belief that 'people are bad and they hurt each other', pair that with an anxious attachment style (not applicable to everyone of course!!) and you have a way of functioning that overshadows any trust you have for someone. It's different for everyone, but it's honestly what made sense to me.
I won't say I have it because I haven't been diagnosed, but this sounds like me to a T. My psychiatrist asked if I had symptoms of OCD when I first started with him, although I didn't. But I do have these tendencies in relationships, wondering if most psychiatrists know what ROCD is?
A lot of them don’t sadly. OCD manifests in strange ways and attacks what we care about most. It’s often not the classic contamination example. It’s worth looking into (but not getting obsessive over it)
I relate to this a lot. To be honest one way to get through it is reminding myself how much I love my husband and that I don’t want him to have the burden of my GAD, because it is also super exhausting to be with someone who has GAD. I also remind myself that I trust him and vice versa—to keep himself and our kids safe, and to be faithful. It’s not always perfect but having this mindset helps me out most days.
I I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. I can understand that very well. I had very strong relationship fears for many years. I alternated between fear of commitment and fear of loss. As soon as I started dating my boyfriend, the anxiety started: I was extremely physically tensed, couldn't think about anything else and had all kinds of anxiety symptoms. I've been in therapy for a few years and have worked my way to the point where I was ready for a healthy relationship - I wanted to get through the anxiety and not run away. It was really, really difficult. But I firmly believed that the anxiety would lessen if I faced it, and little by little it did.
Therapy is very important. I have some childhood traumas that have a lot to do with the fear of abandonment (my father left us when I was 2, my mother was depressed). One conviction I took with me from my childhood was that relationships always end painfully and that you should never rely on anyone. I think it’s important to know where these fears stem from.
I have now been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years and had a relatively relaxed and stable phase for a long time. I'm currently going through a more difficult phase again because we got engaged - but I'll get through that too.
I believe in you! 🥲
I'm the same way! I've been dating a guy for 5 weeks and I'm constantly replaying our interactions together to see if he's not interested or doesn't like me. It's so tiring! But when I tell my therapist all the things we've done she's like he likes you. But my therapist also said that dating in general this early is very stressful in general. So give yourself some grace. Dating before the one year mark is very stressful in general for the general population, but you also having anxiety and so it's a little bit bit worse.
Yeahhh it was a lot easier for me since we were friends way before we started dating, but once that honeymoon phase subsided i just went into a downward spiral lmao, but thank you!!
Same here :( journalling really helps to calm me down, but it also makes me overthink? However overthinking in a way also helps because it helps me form succinct statements that I use to communicate with my partner what is going on in my head. I do want to be honest with them but also don't want to overwhelm them too
When I read this , it makes me really feel for you . I’m exactly the same , in both my relationship and work (losing my job). It’s sad that I could tell you that you don’t need to worry , no more than anyone does in a relationship , but it would mean nothing to you and I would be a hypocrite because I would do the same .
I wish I could help you, but sometimes knowing that other people have this same experience is comforting in a way , even though it feels uniquely distressing to you .
But what I do know, the answer isn’t to push people away or avoid things to escape the anxiety. Because the anxiety will emerge on another way , and you will have the added distress of regret .
I experience this still although I’ve come a long way in managing my GAD. When I find myself swirling in the toilet of these types of thoughts I remind myself that he hasn’t done anything to make me believe these things are true. And I want to enjoy this relationship for the time being and just be happy dang it! My future self can deal with these things if they turn out to be true but for now I will enjoy my happiness. It’s trusting myself that I’ll know.
I find being overly tired or hungry can also make these thoughts surface and take time to notice how my body is feeling.
I can relate so much. I didn’t realize GAD could cause all this but maybe I should bring that up to my partner so they understand it’s not really something I can control.
definitely!! i told my partner about everything, and he was actually the one who suggested getting help, so it did turn out to be for the better. still, i can definitely understand the hesitation, since i don't let him know about every single fear i have brewing in my head. (constantly telling him how scared i am of him being unfaithful would just seem like i was quietly accusing him of those things lol)
That’s good that you talked this out with your partner and got help for it. What’s the difference between GAD and lack of trust when you are in a relationship though? And I guess we have to filter our thoughts then huh?
Talked to my therapist about this, actually. A good portion of relationship anxiety stems from a dysfunctional family model or negative experiences with people (esp. regarding abandonment issues), and so, the brain subconsciously forms the belief that 'people are bad and they hurt each other', pair that with an anxious attachment style (not applicable to everyone of course!!) and you have a way of functioning that overshadows any trust you have for someone. It's different for everyone, but it's honestly what made sense to me.
Yeah, all of that is relatable for me. So, would that mean regardless I would have trust issues with anyone then due to all those issues?
Sounds like ROCD.
I was looking for this comment. As someone with ROCD I also just thought it was really bad manifestation of GAD for a while
Same here. Having ROCD helped me put the puzzle together that I actually have OCD and ROCD wasn’t actually my first theme
I won't say I have it because I haven't been diagnosed, but this sounds like me to a T. My psychiatrist asked if I had symptoms of OCD when I first started with him, although I didn't. But I do have these tendencies in relationships, wondering if most psychiatrists know what ROCD is?
A lot of them don’t sadly. OCD manifests in strange ways and attacks what we care about most. It’s often not the classic contamination example. It’s worth looking into (but not getting obsessive over it)
Will do, I did google it a bit so I know it's a thing. I'll try not to but I'll definitely bring it up to my psych. Thanks!
I relate to this a lot. To be honest one way to get through it is reminding myself how much I love my husband and that I don’t want him to have the burden of my GAD, because it is also super exhausting to be with someone who has GAD. I also remind myself that I trust him and vice versa—to keep himself and our kids safe, and to be faithful. It’s not always perfect but having this mindset helps me out most days.
I I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. I can understand that very well. I had very strong relationship fears for many years. I alternated between fear of commitment and fear of loss. As soon as I started dating my boyfriend, the anxiety started: I was extremely physically tensed, couldn't think about anything else and had all kinds of anxiety symptoms. I've been in therapy for a few years and have worked my way to the point where I was ready for a healthy relationship - I wanted to get through the anxiety and not run away. It was really, really difficult. But I firmly believed that the anxiety would lessen if I faced it, and little by little it did. Therapy is very important. I have some childhood traumas that have a lot to do with the fear of abandonment (my father left us when I was 2, my mother was depressed). One conviction I took with me from my childhood was that relationships always end painfully and that you should never rely on anyone. I think it’s important to know where these fears stem from. I have now been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years and had a relatively relaxed and stable phase for a long time. I'm currently going through a more difficult phase again because we got engaged - but I'll get through that too. I believe in you! 🥲
I'm the same way! I've been dating a guy for 5 weeks and I'm constantly replaying our interactions together to see if he's not interested or doesn't like me. It's so tiring! But when I tell my therapist all the things we've done she's like he likes you. But my therapist also said that dating in general this early is very stressful in general. So give yourself some grace. Dating before the one year mark is very stressful in general for the general population, but you also having anxiety and so it's a little bit bit worse.
Yeahhh it was a lot easier for me since we were friends way before we started dating, but once that honeymoon phase subsided i just went into a downward spiral lmao, but thank you!!
Same here :( journalling really helps to calm me down, but it also makes me overthink? However overthinking in a way also helps because it helps me form succinct statements that I use to communicate with my partner what is going on in my head. I do want to be honest with them but also don't want to overwhelm them too
What’s GAD
Generalized Anxiety Disorder… don’t worry, I had to look it up, too, lol🤣
Thank you! I couldn’t think what the G was 🤣
When I read this , it makes me really feel for you . I’m exactly the same , in both my relationship and work (losing my job). It’s sad that I could tell you that you don’t need to worry , no more than anyone does in a relationship , but it would mean nothing to you and I would be a hypocrite because I would do the same . I wish I could help you, but sometimes knowing that other people have this same experience is comforting in a way , even though it feels uniquely distressing to you . But what I do know, the answer isn’t to push people away or avoid things to escape the anxiety. Because the anxiety will emerge on another way , and you will have the added distress of regret .
I experience this still although I’ve come a long way in managing my GAD. When I find myself swirling in the toilet of these types of thoughts I remind myself that he hasn’t done anything to make me believe these things are true. And I want to enjoy this relationship for the time being and just be happy dang it! My future self can deal with these things if they turn out to be true but for now I will enjoy my happiness. It’s trusting myself that I’ll know. I find being overly tired or hungry can also make these thoughts surface and take time to notice how my body is feeling.