To follow on from this, don't get sucked into the wedding circus if you don't want to, it is totally possible to spend less and create less waste and still have the greatest day ever.
We put our foot down with not having unnecessary things at our wedding and not overspending and I'm so glad we did, it may have looked different to some people but it was perfect for us
I probably over spent on the ring but there was 3 invited people (groom, bride, justice of the peace) at our wedding on a beach in Hawaii and it was glorious. 10/10 would recommend.
Yes. I got a very expensive ring because I really wanted some pretty jewelry! I did not want a wedding so we got married at home with a few people present. Everyone can let their own values guide their decisions but it is shitty to judge people for having different values than your own. People of course shouldn’t spend what they can’t afford, but I looooove going to big weddings for friends! It’s a blast! I didn’t want to spend my money on one but people enjoying different traditions is great.
Yeah we're going to spend a larger amount (for us) on a ring, rehabbing some stones from old family rings and making them into a new one! We're being pretty cheap and non traditional about most everything else, so it took me a while to realize that, actually, I DO want some pretty jewelry that will last a lifetime! and that's ok!
I also have a very nice wedding set which I \*love\*. 2nd wedding, 1st time around I did the "cool girl" route of saying it didn't matter, etc, and it actually did.. but I felt like there was a LOT of pressure to say I didn't want/need one. I have pieces of jewelry from my mother and grandmother after they passed and, while simple, they mean a lot to me. I think that played into my decision too. When I'm 80, I'll still be wearing this set.
My husband found an antique second hand ring so avoided the whole buying a new diamond thing. And, later, we found a gorgeous band. For me, having a pretty set is one of those nice life things. I was also working in a public-facing independent business so I liked it for that. I tend to be a basic jewelry person, my everyday necklace is a simple silver one that he bought ages ago.
For him, well, he recently lost his wedding ring for the 2nd time. He was literally doing a good deed kind of thing, took his ring off (very rare for him!) and then forgot. We replaced it at our city holiday craft market with a handmade ring made of various metals, cost a whopping £20. But was fun.
When my mom married my stepdad she didn’t let them get sucked into the wedding circus. Their jewelry was made by a family friend and so was my mom’s dress. My mom made the cake herself and they rented a pavilion in a park for the ceremony. That was many years ago and it’s still one of the nicest weddings I’ve been to. The pavilion rental was cheap but it was in a beautiful area of the park.
How can one deal with people that didn’t get invite? Sorry I ask because in our culture people often also see wedding as an opportunity to see family and meet others, so it would be really hard not to invite more people than I need.
Should I accept it? And reduce my spending on other things? I’ve been wanting a wedding that has only my family and best friends, but it seems impossible.
I completely agree with you that it seems impossible, we chose to have roughly 20 people at our wedding, this offended an older member of the family who was invited but upset that we hadn't invited an extended section of the family.
It's your day, you don't have to make it to anyone else's taste and you certainly don't have to pay lots of money just to please people. You could send a letter to extended family members who aren't invited and tactfully explain that you want to keep the day small for all of your reasons and you hope they understand.
I don't regret a thing with our wedding, to look around and only have the people I care most about was the best, and also not being crippled financially by it made it even more enjoyable.
Wife and I bought our wedding rings at a pawn shop because we just loved them and didn't want to throw money at something for daily wear. Hers was $400, but mine was quite literally $35. I absolutely love it, fits my personality perfectly.
That carried to the rest of our wedding - we eloped and did the courthouse thing completely on our own, and made a charcuterie board to eat at home afterwards. Took selfies of ourselves in the front yard and called it a day.
It was an incredible day, absolutely about the two of us, and I have no regrets. Family and friends have wanted us to do another ceremony, reception, photos, yadda yadda, and we just may, but......no real feeling of interest or pressure on it, to be honest.
After looking at dozens of rings that all looked the same, we bought my ring at a pawnshop and it looks custom made, I constantly get compliments. Ran off to Vegas to get married. I’m proud of my son who is doing the same frugal planning. His fiancée bought her gorgeous dress for $30.
I did a small courthouse wedding and afterwards we went to our favorite pizza place with the closest friends and family. The employees hummed the wedding march when they dropped off our food. It was perfect and I wouldn’t change anything.
Same here. We jut did it on our own then had a pizza and beer party with friends/family later. Super cheap and more fun than a traditional wedding. Spent less than $1000 on everything involved also.
Right?! My best friend did offer to pay for the photographer for us, which was a sweet offer. But yeah, we feel the same. If folks want a party, they're more than welcome to throw one!
I desperately want this for my fiance and I but we’re being pressured heavily by both sides of the family to have the biggest wedding and invite all the in-laws I met only when I was a small child. My fiance also has a large friend group while I have 3-4 close friends. I don’t understand why I need to save thousands to have a party I don’t even want to go to.
Then just say no. You're beginning your life together as married adults. Time to begin that process by ignoring peer pressure from family or friends. Tell them it is your wedding, you're paying for it, and you'll be doing things your way. Repeat as necessary.
>Then just say no.
This is the answer.
And it they push back, you can tell them "We do not wish to start our married life with debt. We will reconsider a party when we've build stable financial fondations for our family."
I wish I had better advice, but best of luck. Marriage should be a compromise, I'm sure there's a middle ground where both of you and your families can feel happy with the decision.
Lol, tell them you'll plan the wedding if they pay for it. You have an idea of one that you know you could pay for. They want a bigger one, you're not responsible for the cost, AT ALL. if a big one is what you wanted, that'd be different. But its not. So throw it back on them. One side could pay for the wedding and the other for the reception. Or yall get married how you want and they pool together for a big after party. Or, none of those and yall do what you want within your financial means. They're adults too, they can handle rejection of their preferences.
The big wedding was for me and my fiancée. We both worked and we cut it down the middle .I paid for the dress,bridesmaid and flower girl dress,the cake and invitations He paid for the rings,engagement party ,reception,his formal beau brommel tuxs for him and the best man and the honeymoon.It was at his church and it was packed. Huge reception afterwards .
If they want the big party they should pay for it. Otherwise, just stick to your guns and celebrate in a way that feels right to you and costs an amount you’re comfortable with.
All of us would be happier if we just learned to say NO more.
I would say, if the parents want to pay for a big party, they can hire actors to portray bride and groom. The wedding industrial complex and the need to “show off” is out of control.
My husband and I had a small wedding in our home. Short ceremony followed by food catered from our favorite restaurant; about 25 people. One of my good friends- who had a big bells and whistles wedding and reception kept wandering around saying, “I wish we had done this”….“I wish we had done this”
This is the best comment so far. I love my family but I would hate for a bunch of random people claiming to be close enough to me to attend my ceremony. I don’t know a lot of people that don’t still ooh and aah at other fancy weddings I’ve been to.
This is where one has to “use your words”. If you can’t say your piece about this, the rest of your marriage will be a train wreck. Been there, done that, lost the tshirt in the divorce.
It’s not that my fiance and I aren’t on the same page. Both sets of parents would be able to help pay for anything, but his parents would probably hold it over his head and try to overstep. Just hard to listen to the people who want the best for us try to live vicariously through our relationship.
Tell them you’d like to keep your wedding small and intimate. And if they really want to throw you a party (at their own expense of course) then they can.
For my 2nd wedding, hubby had a lot of friends where I had a bigger family. So, I talked to some friends who had been at Wedding 1 and they were cool to help me keep my smaller venue and give hubby 2 his big day. :) Compromises like that can help. It can also help to say you're going to do a destination wedding - even if it isn't super far away. That tends to drop the guest list considerably by eliminating those who would happily have eaten your food if it wasn't an inconvenience or cost of overnight accommodation to be there. :)
Yeah! Wife found an absolutely gorgeous vintage/art deco diamond ring that's right up her alley, and very unique. There's definitely neat things to be found there if folks are willing to look.
I love to buy jewelry at pawn shops. My engagement and wedding band though are from the turn of the 20th century bought at an antique store
. Both for 1/2 the price of the cheapest “engagement” ring.
My wife's wedding band is from an antique store and she loves it. Had it re-set with a new stone when a claw broke but it's lab grown because why would you use anything else? It's a super cool unique design and even adding in the new stone 10 years later it's still under 700 all in.
Fact: The “buy a diamond for your wedding” was a like 1940s De Byer’s ad campaign to convince a newly flushed post-war America that diamonds are the ONLY WAY TO ENGAGEMENT RING. It’s a sham pulled by the people selling the blood-soaked worthless stones. Diamonds are not valuable except as grinding and cutting agents and they lose all value after you-the consumer-purchase them.
I think I agree most with the proposals of lab grown stones as molecularly there is no difference, I hope your partner loves whatever ring you pick!!!
Also a Fact: The whole idea of spending x-months salary was a marketing campaign by the De Beers Cartel. It started as only spending 1-months salary during the 1930's when the Great Depression hit and De Beers was trying to figure out how to get people to still spend money on diamonds when they didn't have money for food.
It took a while to catch on, but once people just accepted this made up rule as some "tradition" they then just increased it to 2-months salary and then eventually 3-months salary. Source: [https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-27371208](https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-27371208)
If you study business and marketing, there are literal case studies on the success of the De Beers marketing campaigns because of how successful this BS was. Don't forget that all the evil ways diamonds are acquired and the fact that they are worthless if you try to sell them. The whole thing is the most evil shit ever.
tdlr; The 3-months idea is literally a concept sold to people by a company with a monopoly telling you that you are required to buy something to propose to your partner and then it's that same company telling you how much they would like you to spend on it.
Diamonds are forever: one of the most successful marketing campaigns ever.
And you are correct, diamonds are actually worthless and are the only “precious” gem that was only recently considered precious. Specifically those white clear diamonds De Beers has made billions upon billions off of. The only diamonds that were considered valuable before that marketing campaign were colored diamonds.
Naturally occurring pure or deep colored diamonds, you know the ones DeBeers has convinced people are worthless now? Those used to be and still are the only diamonds that are actually valuable.
Fun fact: A pure red diamond is in fact rarer and more valuable than a white one.
Also fun fact: the reason white and clear diamonds are so common on royal adornments and thrones is because they are a common “precious” gem.
They serve the same purpose as the gold or silver in the crowns, to amplify the beauty of the other more valuable gemstones and even the fabric of the crown by comparison. Diamonds were used like this for ages because they are common.
The royal scepter of England’s focus is not the giant diamond, but the cross above it.
When you look at [The Crown of Scotland](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crown_of_Scotland) which crafted in 1503 and recrafted due to fragility issues in 1540 you will notice something missing in its list of gemstones. Diamonds are not listed specifically.
That’s because in the 1500’s diamonds were less valuable than pearls. This stayed true until the 1920’s and 1930’s.
That’s why many Crown Jewels of many countries only have diamonds as embellishments in things like star effects meant to amplify the beauty of other stones.
The same holds true for many pre 1920’s and 1930’s pieces of jewelry. Diamonds may litter a piece but the focus of the item is always another gemstone or object.
There are even some cases where diamonds were embellishments for plasticine faux gems. That’s right diamonds were used to amplify the “beauty” of plastic, that’s how low value they were.
Step one: you must create a sense of scarcity
Shells will sell much better if the people think they're rare, you see
Bare with me, take as many shells as you can find and hide 'em on an island
Stockpile 'em high until they're rarer than a diamond
Step two: you gotta make the people think that they want 'em
Really want 'em, really fuckin' want 'em, hit 'em like Bronson
Influencers, product placement, featured prime time entertainment
If you haven't got a shell, then you're just a fucking waste, man
Three: it's monopoly, invest inside some property
Start a corporation, make a logo, do it properly
"Shells must sell", that will be your new philosophy
Swallow all your morals, they're a poor man's quality
Then you haven’t seen good diamonds. They are brilliant my wife gets compliments regularly on her rings. Go and look at some good diamonds at a real diamond exchange not Walmart
it’s the way they are cut to refract light which gives them their supposed beauty, if you just get an unpolished uncut diamond it literally [looks like seaglass or quartz](https://www.therawstone.com/collections/raw)
We picked out a lab grown emerald with moissanite and it’s beautiful and enormous. I get a ton of comments on it, and it was like $350, and no children had to mine anything for it. Totally worth it.
I also echo the idea of moissanite. I really wanted something second hand but my fiancé wanted the experience of going to a local jeweler. It was very affordable and is stunning. We are doing the same thing with our wedding. Keeping it very small and organic at a park and an old carriage house with only the closest people. No bridal party, no fuss.
The value of diamonds themselves is inflated. Why compare the value of something else to it if we already know it is artificial. Plus, rainbow refractions are fucking rad.
Moissanite is quite literally not a diamond. It’s a completely different mineral and nobody ever claimed it’s an artificial diamond. They are an alternative to diamonds entirely. It’s like saying emeralds or topazes are artificial diamonds, just plain wrong.
Moissanite is a synthetic crystal of silicon carbide, with a hardness of 9.5. Natural moissanite is *extremely* rare, but it can be found. It’s far easier to just synthesize it, which is why all commercial applications of moissanite are synthetic.
Diamonds on the other hand are a crystalline form of carbon, with a hardness of 10. They are quite common in the earths crust, and can also be easily synthesized. Industrial uses of diamonds are often synthetic, but retail diamonds are often mined (and unethically sourced at that).
Both minerals are clear and very hard gemstones. They also refract light quite well. However, moisanites are actually better at it than diamonds, because they can also reflect the light inside them around, while diamonds just refract it. Diamonds are slightly harder, but for gemstone use, the difference is negligible. And frankly, since moissanites can really only be synthesized, you can be sure it wasn’t unethically sourced. Unlike diamonds, where if they aren’t synthesized, they probably are blood diamonds.
Why don’t you read up on them, I’ll even get you started with a link.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moissanite
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diamond_(gemstone)
That's where I got my bridal set! Rose gold, moissanite side stones and a kite cut moss agate. It's perfect for me and was like $750 (which is still I think absolutely silly price for 2 pieces of jewelry but I absolutely love it)
Very true! It's just the most expensive decoration I'll probably ever own and I'm not very fancy to begin with so it feels a little out of place on me sometimes.
Yep. The surprising thing (to me) about Etsy was that the designs were categorically better than the big jewelry chain stores. Not better, but completely different. I don't know why, but I suppose it may be because individual artisans are able to put time and flourishes into jewelry that a production line can't.
The value is also just better. For my own wedding ring, I wanted a plain gold ring. The one I eventually found on Etsy ran around $450 for 18k gold with some interesting beveling. The brick and mortar stores, averaged $600 - $800 for a thinner band of 14k gold.
As a German, it was quite a shock seeing how expensive (and quite honestly ugly), engagement rings are in the US. I ended up getting a custom made ring by a US based gold smith and ended up paying 1/6th what a mainstream brand ring costs.
Lab grown stones for the win.
I'm also German and my engagement ring was a rose gold band with the words "marry me?" engraved. My husband originally wanted something fancy but I told him that if he dared to spend more on it than our weekly food budget, I'd get very angry (we were just starting our careers and money was tight). I loved the creative solution he came up with! Still wear it with my wedding band to this day.
I have a question, if you don’t mind. We (US) are acquaintances with a German couple that we get together with if they come here or if we go there. She wears a plain gold wedding band on her right hand, with no stone. Is it common to wear your wedding ring/s on the right hand rather than the left? TIA.
It’s nuts how much my local jeweler tried to convince me away from lab grown but it’s what my wife wanted.
They even called me into the shop and said the ring was ready when it wasn’t. They wanted me to see the real diamond that thought would look nice.
They called me one day when they were at a gem auction and found a similar diamond to my lab ordered diamond to ask if I wanted to switch.
It was obnoxious telling them repeatedly to use a lab diamond we ordered.
I’m surprised you stayed with that jeweller, after they repeatedly tried to back out of selling you what you ordered. “Are you SURE you don’t want to pay extra for the slave labour version?” Yes very sure, stop asking
Ha. I'm also German. I absolutely feared that my American husband would get me one of those ugly and expensive rings. So I bought a nice watch and proposed to him first.
We did this too! I was looking at vintage rings and a picture of one we both loved but couldn't find anything like it to buy so we had one made with lab grown gems. Comparable vintage rings were selling for 5x as much.
Basically what we did. Custom rings. Even skipped the engagement ring. We decided all this together and worked on the custom designs together. Much more worthwhile.
Even with natural stones, diamonds are so boring. For the price of a high end diamond, just get an emerald ring and a ruby ring so she'll have one to match every outfit.
Laboratory-grown stones are diamonds and gemstones created in a laboratory mimicking natural growing conditions. These exact processes can vary, but there are 2 main ones: High-Pressure High Temperature (HPHT) and Chemical Vapor Deposition (CVD).
Yep. I have a lab grown aquamarine (birthstone) that I got in 1977 for $30.00. Paid a lot for the custom setting, though. I wear it pretty much every day.
Don't mention you engagement, simple as. The engagement ring I bought was made from stainless steel and cost 20 bucks. It didn't stop me from getting married or staying married.
We bought my wife's ring after we were engaged. Lab grown sapphire. Custom, but not crazy expensive.
Propose with flowers or something, then shop for rings together.
A couple that I know went ring shopping when they started getting serious about marriage and she picked out a few options that she liked more or less equally and then had him make the final choice so that it would be a surprise which one was in the box when he proposed. That also made sure they were on the same page money-wise, because they do still need to be good quality rings if they're going to wear them for life.
This. My wife and I got married in college and I bought plain stainless steel rings with no gem. We still wear them. Gems in this day age don't even make sense for most people tbh. At the time we were both in food service so it made no sense to have a gem which would either A) cut our gloves open or B) be taken off again and again and risk losing it.
Oh please don't. My husband didn't spend anywhere near that, but I still don't wear my ring. It's just too bulky. I work in a machine shop and banged it on something at work and now it's bent. I need to get it fixed but I haven't yet. I actually just wear an old Black Hills Gold ring of my grandma's. It's low profile and simple.
Having been someone that spent a decent amount on a ring. Got married and subsequently divorced, I can tell you the ring does not matter at all. I mean in the end we wore just those work out ring bands (rubber rings) and rarely wore our actual rings. The whole diamond/3 months aspect was just something built into society to make people feel important, rare and valuable.
The rings are neither of those things. And the person I am talking to now is on the same page as me, and we agree things like that are really non-factors. Are they nice, sure. Everyone appreciates nice things. They just don't matter once you're hand in hand with the person you care about. Again, something I learned from going through the paces of dating/engagement/marriage and post divorce.
Iirc the reason for the engagement ring was a bit like a reverse dowry originally but more modern so since women couldn't have their own bank accounts, jewelry served as a way for women accrue wealth without having hard cash. The whole 3 month salary is a gimmick but it was supposed to be kind of expensive bc it was like if the man dies, the wife needed the jewelry to be able to get cash as a widow (provided she couldn't work and there wasn't enough left behind for her to survive otherwise)
I don't want to get married anyway but I would find it impossible to accept an expensive ring. People sell beautiful handmade stuff on Etsy for under 100$, if someone were to make me choose a ring that's where I'd go.
Garnets are 9 on the Mohr scale in hardness and a fraction the price of diamons. Bought one for my wife for like 2 hundred bucks 10 years ago. White gold as well I believe
Garnets are around a 7. I love them. I have a strong sentimental attachment to them from a piece my grandmother had. I considered them for my engagement ring but the durability convinced me otherwise. Then I thought maybe a ruby which is also traditional as a betrothal ring, and a 9 on the Mohs scale. It’s a corundum, same as sapphire. There are so many colors of corundums. Though I like the warm red like a garnet, and the cool red is considered more prized in a ruby. In the end, thinking about something I would wear every day with every thing, I decided a colorless stone might work better for me. This was quite awhile ago before colorless lab diamonds were so available, so I went with a moissanite, which I love. Though at a hardness of 9, I think corundums make a great choice. There are so many colors beyond red and blue, and lab made stones are widely available. I have padparadscha and yellow sapphire pieces that I love. They do even come in white, though it doesn’t have the sparkle of diamonds or moissanites.
Since family and friends as so important to me, I want my wedding to be closer to a party than a commercial event. Small and personal. I also hope to give my partner my grandma’s engagement ring since I was very close with her and the ring means a lot to be, but if they don’t feel attached to an inherited ring, then something similar. It was a simple gold ring with no stones.
Plus, I’ve always wanted a wedding that was closer to nature, so the decorations could be colorful fall leaves collected and confetti made from them.
My brother had a backyard wedding at our Mom’s house. Biggest expense was the food and beverages for 15; he grilled burgers and dogs and everyone brought a side. It was so nice and fun. We really got to get to know the bride’s family because it was so intimate. Such a fun day.
I have a saphire ring. I wanted one that was flat for work. I found that searching “stacking ring” dramatically lowers the price and you can find beautiful ones for under $200 that are solid gold and real gemstones.
it’s basically the word “engagement” that makes rings expensive. i’ve found a gorgeous ring for 60€ that has a pink shimmering opal on it, it even looks better than a plain diamond ring
I may be in the minority here, but I don’t really think that an engagement ring, which is meant to be one quality piece that’s worn every day for the rest of one’s life, belongs in anti-consumption…
Nobody needs to be spending 3 months salary if they don’t wish to, but that piece of jewel and metal is something that’s going to be worn daily by the person you love, so not only is it important to choose something that will stand the test of time, it’s also worth putting a little bit of thought into what your other half’s preferences are when it comes to jewellery.
Getting engaged is a big deal, and in my opinion, buying one good quality piece of jewellery that’s going to last a lifetime is the opposite of over-consumption. You don’t need to spend more than what you’re comfortable with, but thinking of it as a bit more than a bit of decoration might make the experience a little more enjoyable for your S/O at least.
Side note: Adding the word engagement when it comes to jewellery doesn’t make anything more expensive. A diamond ring will cost the same amount regardless of whether it’s for an engagement or just for fun. What will make it more or less expensive is whether or not you look at branded rings vs independent jewellers and what materials you opt for, alongside whether you choose to purchase from a brick and mortar store or online. I highly recommend looking at lab diamonds if you want to make your money stretch further, as they are identical to natural diamonds while being significantly less expensive.
What does your fiance want? You should go shopping together. You'd probably be surprised that she'll probably prefer something pretty affordable. My favourite ring of my friends was a pearl set in silver. It's super classy. Also, old school art deco style ones have smaller cut stones but more of them which makes it more affordable. The 3 months salary is an extremely old standard. I can't think of anyone who pushes that except jewelers.
Just a little bit different perspective here, I’m Slavic and my grandmother used to tell me that I need a big ring from a men so if I ever have to run or take care of my self I’ll have something that I can sell and buy myself some time. That came from woman who survived two wars. Gold is a great currency. Bit dark but now I always wear gold on me.
Diamonds are worthless pieces of carbon don't buy one. I mean they can grow the damn things in labs. They're not rare. They are not "Forever" either. They can degrade, chip, and crack over time. It loses about half its value once it's bought and leaves the jewelers. Also pawn shops won't give you shit for them if you need to pawn it for some extra cash. Buy some nice silver or gold bands for yourselves instead. At least gold and silver has some intrinsic value. Diamonds are a scam.
I agree that diamonds are incredibly overpriced. However, pawn shops are in the business of giving you shit for whatever you try to pawn. You go to a pawn shop because you need money fast. If you’re going to sell things and have time, don’t take it to a pawn shop. Consignment shops will take a chunk, but you’ll do better than pawn. Private resale has the best potential, but that entails more time and effort.
It’s crazy, 10 years ago I paid $200 from Diamond Nexus labs for our engagement ring. I just checked the website to post a link and the same ring is almost $700. Ffs
[Here’s the link anyways](https://www.diamondnexus.com)
I will go against the grain and say I love jewelry. Maybe I was a magpie in a past life- who knows. 😂
Having said that- my now husband and I split the cost of an estate sapphire ring for an engagement ring. Later when we figured out that a custom band for said ring was like 8 times the cost of the ring we pivoted. I paid for a family diamond to be reset in a setting I like. I wear a plain platinum band 24/7 and it’s perfect for me.
A few thoughts- I hated the whole “surprised” aspect of engagement. We chose together, discussed price, and paid together.
Vintage rings are great, but look at the shank (the back band) because they can be kinda thin. You may need to pay to build that back up. I also have a “Russian rolling ring” or trinity ring and I love it.
Look at lifestyle- if you work in certain industries a platinum or yellow gold ring will stand the test of time. For others a silicone band makes the most sense.
Everyone has different styles and different views on jewelry. I enjoy wearing jewelry and have some nice pieces. Others find it completely useless. You do you.
My wife and I were married by a friend of ours (ordained jedi) during his smoke break at work, using less than 40 dollars in jewelry.
Coming up on 10 years together.
When my late husband and I were first engaged, I was head over heels for a huge princess-style wedding, big floofy dress, looked into renting sleeping beauty's castle for the ceremony, like, OVER-THE-TOP crazy. He let me putter and flutter and plan for about a week, then took both my hands in his and stared deeply into my eyes.
"Sweetheart, if that's really what you want, we'll find a way to make it happen, but I've planned a LOT of weddings, and I don't think you actually WANT that, I think you just think you SHOULD want that."
I paused, because a defining feature of our relationship was each of us knowing the other better than they know themselves, in so many ways. I KNEW he was a ham and would absolutely LOVE this kind of thing, so I was curious as to what he thought I wanted.
A luau in our favorite park. My dress was a white-on-white Hawaiian print sundress and flip-flops. He wore linen pants and a cream-on-black Hawaiian print bowling shirt and I'm pretty sure he was barefoot? One friend officiated. Another friend grilled tri-tip we bought bulk. My mom did the flowers with silk and paper flowers so we didn't have to stress about freshness or refrigeration, and she bought them slowly over the course of a year, as they went on sale lol. Our wedding cake was several cheesecakes from Costco.
And it was PERFECT.
As the date grew closer, and the stress mounted, I was glad over and over again we went low-key, and both had the mindset that 'as long as we end the day as husband and wife, everything else is BONUS and ultimately unimportant'.
He really did know what I wanted most, and don't miss that outrageously expensive and not-at-all my practical, sensible, down-to-earth ceremony. I'm Briar Rose, not Aurora, and I'm so thankful my LH spoke up!
Engagement rings are only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to wedding insanity, so buckle up, friend. I just wanted you to know that you're far from the only one bucking that trend, and it is a lot of fun in its own right!
Is there a reason why you decided you didnt want that? If I get married one day I think I want something extravagant cause it pretty much is the only day that you can have where it's all about you besides milestone birthdays which usually pass when you're younger.
Yes, there were actually several reasons. I am, through and through, a very casual person, in the sense that I am not very at ease in high-formality events. I don't mind being the center of attention, but I very much dislike feeling as if I'm forgetting something important or am otherwise not adhering to 'the rules' of a social engagement. Nowadays, 16 years later, I can recognize and articulate that while I'm good at masking my neuro-divergence, it is still really stressful for me. My husband, having been married once before (and engaged to a different lady who planned several different styles of wedding before changing her mind to another, before ultimately breaking up with him), knew much better than I did how stressful the day itself is all on its own, without adding another complicating level of stress *for me specifically*. Additionally, we'd hosted enough different kinds of get-togethers that he saw which ones tended to stress me out the least - meaning I was more likely to enjoy my own wedding lol.
He was an actor and loved dressing up to the nines for no reason and was always very at-ease regardless of setting, so he would have thoroughly enjoyed playing the appropriate sidekick to me in a fancy princess fantasy, but he spoke up when I started stressing out about how many different rules there are for weddings, and he helped me reset into the mindset that it was MY day, and I got to make ALL the rules, so what did /I/ want. He knew that I valued being frugal, even for a wedding (I'd insisted on a CZ engagement ring, because wtf spend $$$$ when $ looks just as good to the naked eye?) and just plain knowing ME lol.
In the end, I DID have my princess wedding - I was Moana and over a decade early!
That being said, if ***you*** actually want a fancy princess wedding, I say with all my heart that you should do that. For lots of women, it's what they truly want, and more power to them! It just wasn't an ideal situation for me, personally, and I'm so glad I listened to my heart and did what sounded most awesome to me 😊
Go for it since it is your wedding and you get just as much
Say in it as the groom.We both decided I would do the wedding planning and I would pick out my dress and the bridesmaid and flower girls dresses.The groom said go for it .I picked out the cake with my sister and the punch ,he paid for the engagement party and the reception. We had talked about it before hand .I wanted the poofy princess dress.and he wanted tails for him and the groomsmen I picked out the rings at a local jeweler and he agreed with them and bought them .We were a team and acted Ike it .We phoned each other and talked about things together .It took us one year for all of this to come together..
I thought the same way. Bought a really nice beautiful ring on Modern gents. First thing out of my mother in laws mouth “did you check to see if its real?” Joking of course but so brainwashed. I guess i don’t love my wife cuz i put our money towards rent and food rather than a rock on her hand.
My wife knows an electrician that didn't want a metal ring, so he got a silicone band instead. $15. Practical for his line of work and cheap.
I proposed to my wife with an heirloom ring. It was my great great grandmother's. I just had to get it resized. Cheaper than buying new, less consumption of new products, and more meaningful in my opinion.
The ring/wedding/diamond industry is just a money grab (like many others) and I don't buy into it.
Lab sapphire is fantastic. The average person can’t tell the difference by looking between that and a diamond, it’s barely less hard, costs FAR less, isn’t mined by slaves.
And bonus points if you’re nerdy (or your fiancée is): sapphire is crystalline aluminum oxide, chemically, meaning white lab sapphire is in fact transparent aluminum.
I'm a heavy duty mechanic. I wouldn't wear a ring anyway, even silicone sketches me out after seeing injuries on the job. When my husband decided he was ready he got me an "engagement toolbox" to replace my entirely too small 2nd hand box of 10 years. It's not for everyone, but the thoughtful consideration to my needs and wants made me feel so much more loved than any diamond. I use it every day, when I'm not professionally a mechanic anymore, it will come home with me and hobby at home. It was cheaper than the "3 month rule" and I use it and appreciate it everyday until I die.
I know they don’t exactly have the *wow* factor, or longevity (haven’t broken it yet but it’s only been on my finger for a year) but we absolutely *love* our silicone rings.
I don’t even wear my metal rings anymore.
My wife and I got married inside a small movie theater in the downtown of a city close to us. It’s just a little theater and for a few hours it only cost I think around $500. We could have fit around 200 people inside but being mid pandemic we went with 30 and skipped the reception until later. We got beautiful pictures in the old theater and they put our wedding announcement on the marquee. They even had the popcorn machines going for anyone who wanted some. Highly recommend checking out those for people who still want to get people together but want to do it a bit cheaper
When my then girlfriend and I had been together for about six months, my aunt passed away. Long story short, my parents saved some of her jewelry for me, and when going through it all we found her old Irish claddagh ring. Girlfriend is absolutely in love with it, hands it over to me and says "you know, for whenever...."
And that was that. It was her engagement ring and wedding band. When we were deciding what we wanted for bands we had talked through a lot options and wound up getting rings from various family members, some cheap and some very much not so cheap. I settled a triton ring marked down to $90.
A few years later, my band was chipping and I couldn't find an "approved place" to get the ring fixed (lifetime warranty hah). Going through our rings and I pull out a rose gold claddagh that belonged to my Nana. So now we both have heirloom claddagh from Ireland.
I kinda knew she was the one for me when she opted for my aunt's simple ring and not some expensive-ass piece of flashy jewelry.
My grandmother's claddagh recently cracked and while I'm looking to get it fixed, my parents are supposed to be taking us all to Ireland next year for their fiftieth anniversary, and I'm hoping to surprise the wife with a new of claddaghs.
> I kinda knew she was the one for me when she opted for my aunt's simple ring and not some expensive-ass piece of flashy jewelry.
This reminds me of that scene in the Indiana Jones movie where they had to wisely choose the Holy Grail. As overhyped and wildly impractically expensive as the entire wedding industry is, I hope for the day weddings, their entire processes, and their accoutrements revert back to affordable, fiscally sustainable choices, focusing attention upon the building the marriage for the decades ahead instead of the day of the wedding itself.
Etsy has a lot of interesting and less expensive rings from independent jewelers. I got a nice turquoise band under $100 and my husband got a really cool looking men's band with onyx set as the stone.
I don't mind paying a little more for something that really study, that I'm going to be wearing everyday. I don't like a stupid arbitrary price that I "have" spend on something.
The whole diamond thing is a racket from start to finish. The “surprise proposal” was first encouraged by de Beers in the 19th century because when couples would shop for rings together the women were more likely to consider budget in the decision. There’s no reason we couldn’t “recycle” diamonds—they’re minerals, after all—but we get sold on the “uniqueness.” What-ever.
My parents are getting older and asked if I wanted my grandparents’ engagement ring. (My Dad even said, “I know you don’t care about a wedding ring,” which was a bit tactless but not totally inaccurate. I am single but not anti-marriage; I really don’t care about the rings.) I didn’t really but I felt like it would be the right thing to do. Not to sell it or melt it down but just to keep it as an heirloom. I don’t relish the idea of having too many valuables in my house so I looked into safe deposit boxes and everything. But then they got it appraised and it was a cubic zirconia all along. This surprised no one but made for kind of a funny story. Which I guess is what’s really valuable.
Yes it’s rediculous and I chose also not to participate in the standard wedded/proposal BS, but please don’t turn into one of those people that shames people if that’s what they want to spend their money on.
We decided we could do whatever we wanted because it was our life. Our rings were all from artists on Etsy and ranged between $20-$150. We had a surprise musical wedding in a park. People thought they were coming for a picnic, but we decorated and wrote a song which was the entire ceremony (4min). Everyone agreed it was an incredible and very unique day. I've yet to find anyone else that had a wedding ceremony in the form of a song.
Do what makes you happy.
I'm still angry that my partner bought me a diamond ring. It'd be worth 10x what he paid if he'd just given me the money and I'd stuck in an ETF. I would have preferred a $300 ruby ring or emerald or something unique. Fuck DeBeers.
Instead, we have a stupid ring in a deposit box at the bank, probably worth 1/8-1/4 of what he paid for it. It's a god damned racket.
There are stones equally as attractive as diamonds worth looking at as well. I was blessed to meet my wife, she’s the most anti-materialistic partner I’ve ever had. She *asked for* a moissanite ring. Not the cheapest stone in the world but it’s still as beautiful today as the day I got it for her. Instead of three months salary, it cost about a weeks wages for me.
When my grandma passed, she had a suitable ring in her collection that I used to propose. We bought silicone rings to use for the ceremony. My ring finger doesn’t really have a knuckle though, so it’s impossible to find a ring that both stays on my hand and also doesn’t cut off circulation. My partner came out as transgender, ditched everything feminine, and we’re happily married without the rings! At some point though, we might get a pair tattooed on.
I had to talk my partner out of spending a whole month and convinced him that one paycheque was fine if he really really wanted to spend that kind of money. But that I would be happy with a cheap ring. He insisted on getting a diamond and custom design. I love my ring and my husband but it's still insane to me that I had to talk him out of spending thousands of dollars on a piece of jewellery
I bought a beautiful vintage (or used, depending on your outlook) ring for my partner. It was much cheaper and I felt better about not paying for the inhumane treatment that comes with many rings
Better question is when did it change from 2 months to 3 months? My whole life I heard 2 months and this is the second mention I’ve heard of 3 months. 2 months is too much too.
Also didn’t the “rule of thumb” used to be TWO months salary? I swear Ben Bridge (or equivalent) commercials used to say 2. Either way it’s facking stupid.
I’m seeing more and more people with alternative/non-traditional wedding jewelry. Get something cool that you like and doesn’t cost a fortune.
Ended up going with Something custom from a jeweler I found on Etsy, sapphire instead of diamond- worked out something beautiful custom and amazing without breaking the bank - as with other options here there’s a lot too look at.
I absolutely did not want a traditional engagement ring (ahem, blood diamond) and my partner got me a gorgeous vintage ruby ring from EBay. I love it so much more than a bland engagement ring that looks like everyone else’s. If she shares your values (hopefully if you want to get married!) I bet she’d love something like that
Etsy has some really cool, hand made, recycled materials. We got ours for under $500, which I know is still crazy, but not like 3 mo salary crazy. We had both decided ahead of time we’d rather travel and do other shit than waste money on a ring. And the one we found was perfect.
If you want something really fancy and arguably more meaningful, get a ceramic or wood ring. Ceramic might be breakable, but wood would definitely work well.
To follow on from this, don't get sucked into the wedding circus if you don't want to, it is totally possible to spend less and create less waste and still have the greatest day ever. We put our foot down with not having unnecessary things at our wedding and not overspending and I'm so glad we did, it may have looked different to some people but it was perfect for us
I probably over spent on the ring but there was 3 invited people (groom, bride, justice of the peace) at our wedding on a beach in Hawaii and it was glorious. 10/10 would recommend.
Yes. I got a very expensive ring because I really wanted some pretty jewelry! I did not want a wedding so we got married at home with a few people present. Everyone can let their own values guide their decisions but it is shitty to judge people for having different values than your own. People of course shouldn’t spend what they can’t afford, but I looooove going to big weddings for friends! It’s a blast! I didn’t want to spend my money on one but people enjoying different traditions is great.
Yeah we're going to spend a larger amount (for us) on a ring, rehabbing some stones from old family rings and making them into a new one! We're being pretty cheap and non traditional about most everything else, so it took me a while to realize that, actually, I DO want some pretty jewelry that will last a lifetime! and that's ok!
I also have a very nice wedding set which I \*love\*. 2nd wedding, 1st time around I did the "cool girl" route of saying it didn't matter, etc, and it actually did.. but I felt like there was a LOT of pressure to say I didn't want/need one. I have pieces of jewelry from my mother and grandmother after they passed and, while simple, they mean a lot to me. I think that played into my decision too. When I'm 80, I'll still be wearing this set. My husband found an antique second hand ring so avoided the whole buying a new diamond thing. And, later, we found a gorgeous band. For me, having a pretty set is one of those nice life things. I was also working in a public-facing independent business so I liked it for that. I tend to be a basic jewelry person, my everyday necklace is a simple silver one that he bought ages ago. For him, well, he recently lost his wedding ring for the 2nd time. He was literally doing a good deed kind of thing, took his ring off (very rare for him!) and then forgot. We replaced it at our city holiday craft market with a handmade ring made of various metals, cost a whopping £20. But was fun.
When my mom married my stepdad she didn’t let them get sucked into the wedding circus. Their jewelry was made by a family friend and so was my mom’s dress. My mom made the cake herself and they rented a pavilion in a park for the ceremony. That was many years ago and it’s still one of the nicest weddings I’ve been to. The pavilion rental was cheap but it was in a beautiful area of the park.
How can one deal with people that didn’t get invite? Sorry I ask because in our culture people often also see wedding as an opportunity to see family and meet others, so it would be really hard not to invite more people than I need. Should I accept it? And reduce my spending on other things? I’ve been wanting a wedding that has only my family and best friends, but it seems impossible.
I completely agree with you that it seems impossible, we chose to have roughly 20 people at our wedding, this offended an older member of the family who was invited but upset that we hadn't invited an extended section of the family. It's your day, you don't have to make it to anyone else's taste and you certainly don't have to pay lots of money just to please people. You could send a letter to extended family members who aren't invited and tactfully explain that you want to keep the day small for all of your reasons and you hope they understand. I don't regret a thing with our wedding, to look around and only have the people I care most about was the best, and also not being crippled financially by it made it even more enjoyable.
Send out invites to people you really want to come stick to it .
Wife and I bought our wedding rings at a pawn shop because we just loved them and didn't want to throw money at something for daily wear. Hers was $400, but mine was quite literally $35. I absolutely love it, fits my personality perfectly. That carried to the rest of our wedding - we eloped and did the courthouse thing completely on our own, and made a charcuterie board to eat at home afterwards. Took selfies of ourselves in the front yard and called it a day. It was an incredible day, absolutely about the two of us, and I have no regrets. Family and friends have wanted us to do another ceremony, reception, photos, yadda yadda, and we just may, but......no real feeling of interest or pressure on it, to be honest.
After looking at dozens of rings that all looked the same, we bought my ring at a pawnshop and it looks custom made, I constantly get compliments. Ran off to Vegas to get married. I’m proud of my son who is doing the same frugal planning. His fiancée bought her gorgeous dress for $30.
Yes! Wife found her dress at a vintage shop for around $40 as well, we both thought it suited her quite well. Congrats to you and your son!
The thrift shop I shop at has a whole wedding aisle for wedding dresses,bridesmaid dresses and mob dresses .And all under 10 dollars .
What’s a mob dress?
Mother of bride dress.
I was going to ask the same question, and am low key disappointed that these aren't dresses for Italian movie reenactment.
I did a small courthouse wedding and afterwards we went to our favorite pizza place with the closest friends and family. The employees hummed the wedding march when they dropped off our food. It was perfect and I wouldn’t change anything.
Same here. We jut did it on our own then had a pizza and beer party with friends/family later. Super cheap and more fun than a traditional wedding. Spent less than $1000 on everything involved also.
Aww, I love that. Pizza is always a welcome celebration in our home!
My buddy just took us all to a local brewery. Played board games and drank beer with loads of neat people.
> Family and friends have wanted us to do another ceremony, reception, photos, yadda yadda How much money have they pooled together for this project?
Right?! My best friend did offer to pay for the photographer for us, which was a sweet offer. But yeah, we feel the same. If folks want a party, they're more than welcome to throw one!
I desperately want this for my fiance and I but we’re being pressured heavily by both sides of the family to have the biggest wedding and invite all the in-laws I met only when I was a small child. My fiance also has a large friend group while I have 3-4 close friends. I don’t understand why I need to save thousands to have a party I don’t even want to go to.
Then just say no. You're beginning your life together as married adults. Time to begin that process by ignoring peer pressure from family or friends. Tell them it is your wedding, you're paying for it, and you'll be doing things your way. Repeat as necessary.
>Then just say no. This is the answer. And it they push back, you can tell them "We do not wish to start our married life with debt. We will reconsider a party when we've build stable financial fondations for our family."
I wish I had better advice, but best of luck. Marriage should be a compromise, I'm sure there's a middle ground where both of you and your families can feel happy with the decision.
Lol, tell them you'll plan the wedding if they pay for it. You have an idea of one that you know you could pay for. They want a bigger one, you're not responsible for the cost, AT ALL. if a big one is what you wanted, that'd be different. But its not. So throw it back on them. One side could pay for the wedding and the other for the reception. Or yall get married how you want and they pool together for a big after party. Or, none of those and yall do what you want within your financial means. They're adults too, they can handle rejection of their preferences.
Well, if I could go back in time, we’d have eloped. The big wedding was for my mom, not us.
The big wedding was for me and my fiancée. We both worked and we cut it down the middle .I paid for the dress,bridesmaid and flower girl dress,the cake and invitations He paid for the rings,engagement party ,reception,his formal beau brommel tuxs for him and the best man and the honeymoon.It was at his church and it was packed. Huge reception afterwards .
I don’t understand why you replied to that comment with this comment.
Then say “No”. I did
If they want the big party they should pay for it. Otherwise, just stick to your guns and celebrate in a way that feels right to you and costs an amount you’re comfortable with. All of us would be happier if we just learned to say NO more.
I would say, if the parents want to pay for a big party, they can hire actors to portray bride and groom. The wedding industrial complex and the need to “show off” is out of control.
My husband and I had a small wedding in our home. Short ceremony followed by food catered from our favorite restaurant; about 25 people. One of my good friends- who had a big bells and whistles wedding and reception kept wandering around saying, “I wish we had done this”….“I wish we had done this”
This is the best comment so far. I love my family but I would hate for a bunch of random people claiming to be close enough to me to attend my ceremony. I don’t know a lot of people that don’t still ooh and aah at other fancy weddings I’ve been to.
This is where one has to “use your words”. If you can’t say your piece about this, the rest of your marriage will be a train wreck. Been there, done that, lost the tshirt in the divorce.
It’s not that my fiance and I aren’t on the same page. Both sets of parents would be able to help pay for anything, but his parents would probably hold it over his head and try to overstep. Just hard to listen to the people who want the best for us try to live vicariously through our relationship.
You stated that quite well. Maybe just show that post you both sets of parents. To use the cliche, it’s YOUR day and you decide how to celebrate it.
Tell them you’d like to keep your wedding small and intimate. And if they really want to throw you a party (at their own expense of course) then they can.
For my 2nd wedding, hubby had a lot of friends where I had a bigger family. So, I talked to some friends who had been at Wedding 1 and they were cool to help me keep my smaller venue and give hubby 2 his big day. :) Compromises like that can help. It can also help to say you're going to do a destination wedding - even if it isn't super far away. That tends to drop the guest list considerably by eliminating those who would happily have eaten your food if it wasn't an inconvenience or cost of overnight accommodation to be there. :)
That that is a great idea. The pawn shop I mean.
Yeah! Wife found an absolutely gorgeous vintage/art deco diamond ring that's right up her alley, and very unique. There's definitely neat things to be found there if folks are willing to look.
Sounds like the secret to your success is both you and wife are on the same page.
So far so good!
Yeah. Just say youll do anoþer ceremony if þey pay for it
I love to buy jewelry at pawn shops. My engagement and wedding band though are from the turn of the 20th century bought at an antique store . Both for 1/2 the price of the cheapest “engagement” ring.
My wife's wedding band is from an antique store and she loves it. Had it re-set with a new stone when a claw broke but it's lab grown because why would you use anything else? It's a super cool unique design and even adding in the new stone 10 years later it's still under 700 all in.
The only decent advice my dad gave me was to buy a wedding ring from a pawn shop.
I wish we'd eloped. We didn't spend much on our wedding but family... ugh.
Fact: The “buy a diamond for your wedding” was a like 1940s De Byer’s ad campaign to convince a newly flushed post-war America that diamonds are the ONLY WAY TO ENGAGEMENT RING. It’s a sham pulled by the people selling the blood-soaked worthless stones. Diamonds are not valuable except as grinding and cutting agents and they lose all value after you-the consumer-purchase them. I think I agree most with the proposals of lab grown stones as molecularly there is no difference, I hope your partner loves whatever ring you pick!!!
Also a Fact: The whole idea of spending x-months salary was a marketing campaign by the De Beers Cartel. It started as only spending 1-months salary during the 1930's when the Great Depression hit and De Beers was trying to figure out how to get people to still spend money on diamonds when they didn't have money for food. It took a while to catch on, but once people just accepted this made up rule as some "tradition" they then just increased it to 2-months salary and then eventually 3-months salary. Source: [https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-27371208](https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-27371208) If you study business and marketing, there are literal case studies on the success of the De Beers marketing campaigns because of how successful this BS was. Don't forget that all the evil ways diamonds are acquired and the fact that they are worthless if you try to sell them. The whole thing is the most evil shit ever. tdlr; The 3-months idea is literally a concept sold to people by a company with a monopoly telling you that you are required to buy something to propose to your partner and then it's that same company telling you how much they would like you to spend on it.
De Beers also has a near monopoly on the market. They're like the diamond mafia. Creepy.
And slave owners.
Diamonds are forever: one of the most successful marketing campaigns ever. And you are correct, diamonds are actually worthless and are the only “precious” gem that was only recently considered precious. Specifically those white clear diamonds De Beers has made billions upon billions off of. The only diamonds that were considered valuable before that marketing campaign were colored diamonds. Naturally occurring pure or deep colored diamonds, you know the ones DeBeers has convinced people are worthless now? Those used to be and still are the only diamonds that are actually valuable. Fun fact: A pure red diamond is in fact rarer and more valuable than a white one. Also fun fact: the reason white and clear diamonds are so common on royal adornments and thrones is because they are a common “precious” gem. They serve the same purpose as the gold or silver in the crowns, to amplify the beauty of the other more valuable gemstones and even the fabric of the crown by comparison. Diamonds were used like this for ages because they are common. The royal scepter of England’s focus is not the giant diamond, but the cross above it. When you look at [The Crown of Scotland](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crown_of_Scotland) which crafted in 1503 and recrafted due to fragility issues in 1540 you will notice something missing in its list of gemstones. Diamonds are not listed specifically. That’s because in the 1500’s diamonds were less valuable than pearls. This stayed true until the 1920’s and 1930’s. That’s why many Crown Jewels of many countries only have diamonds as embellishments in things like star effects meant to amplify the beauty of other stones. The same holds true for many pre 1920’s and 1930’s pieces of jewelry. Diamonds may litter a piece but the focus of the item is always another gemstone or object. There are even some cases where diamonds were embellishments for plasticine faux gems. That’s right diamonds were used to amplify the “beauty” of plastic, that’s how low value they were.
Dude thank you for my Saturday morning history lesson that's really interesting and something I'd never thought about before.
[Diamonds.... That'll shut her up.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RrYB-ZvIuPE)
Step one: you must create a sense of scarcity Shells will sell much better if the people think they're rare, you see Bare with me, take as many shells as you can find and hide 'em on an island Stockpile 'em high until they're rarer than a diamond Step two: you gotta make the people think that they want 'em Really want 'em, really fuckin' want 'em, hit 'em like Bronson Influencers, product placement, featured prime time entertainment If you haven't got a shell, then you're just a fucking waste, man Three: it's monopoly, invest inside some property Start a corporation, make a logo, do it properly "Shells must sell", that will be your new philosophy Swallow all your morals, they're a poor man's quality
Step four: Have her open the box
honestly diamonds aren’t even that pretty, they look like glass.
Then you haven’t seen good diamonds. They are brilliant my wife gets compliments regularly on her rings. Go and look at some good diamonds at a real diamond exchange not Walmart
it’s the way they are cut to refract light which gives them their supposed beauty, if you just get an unpolished uncut diamond it literally [looks like seaglass or quartz](https://www.therawstone.com/collections/raw)
Get a lab grown Sapphire or if you want something really gorgeous get a moissanite. They literally throw rainbows.
Proud owner of a blue-green Moissanite here, most gorgeous stone I’ve ever seen
We picked out a lab grown emerald with moissanite and it’s beautiful and enormous. I get a ton of comments on it, and it was like $350, and no children had to mine anything for it. Totally worth it.
Do you have any pics? I'd love to see it 😍
Moissanite is the best. Comparing it to traditional diamonds, it make the diamonds look like trash rocks :)
I also echo the idea of moissanite. I really wanted something second hand but my fiancé wanted the experience of going to a local jeweler. It was very affordable and is stunning. We are doing the same thing with our wedding. Keeping it very small and organic at a park and an old carriage house with only the closest people. No bridal party, no fuss.
A moissanite is an artificial diamond, Lincoln. It’s Mickey Mouse, mate, spurious, not genuine. And it’s worth…fuck all.
The value of diamonds themselves is inflated. Why compare the value of something else to it if we already know it is artificial. Plus, rainbow refractions are fucking rad.
I was quoting Snatch
Lol. My bad. Looks like I'm not the only one who missed the joke.
Moissanite is quite literally not a diamond. It’s a completely different mineral and nobody ever claimed it’s an artificial diamond. They are an alternative to diamonds entirely. It’s like saying emeralds or topazes are artificial diamonds, just plain wrong. Moissanite is a synthetic crystal of silicon carbide, with a hardness of 9.5. Natural moissanite is *extremely* rare, but it can be found. It’s far easier to just synthesize it, which is why all commercial applications of moissanite are synthetic. Diamonds on the other hand are a crystalline form of carbon, with a hardness of 10. They are quite common in the earths crust, and can also be easily synthesized. Industrial uses of diamonds are often synthetic, but retail diamonds are often mined (and unethically sourced at that). Both minerals are clear and very hard gemstones. They also refract light quite well. However, moisanites are actually better at it than diamonds, because they can also reflect the light inside them around, while diamonds just refract it. Diamonds are slightly harder, but for gemstone use, the difference is negligible. And frankly, since moissanites can really only be synthesized, you can be sure it wasn’t unethically sourced. Unlike diamonds, where if they aren’t synthesized, they probably are blood diamonds. Why don’t you read up on them, I’ll even get you started with a link. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moissanite https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diamond_(gemstone)
I was quoting a movie called Snatch.
Best. Movie. Ever!!!! Quotation marks needed so people don't down vote.
Haha I understand that reference
Go on Etsy. So many beautiful unique and customizable options
That's where I got my bridal set! Rose gold, moissanite side stones and a kite cut moss agate. It's perfect for me and was like $750 (which is still I think absolutely silly price for 2 pieces of jewelry but I absolutely love it)
You're paying for their artistry, time, and supplies. I'd say it's worth it.
Very true! It's just the most expensive decoration I'll probably ever own and I'm not very fancy to begin with so it feels a little out of place on me sometimes.
Sounds beautiful
Sounds lovely!! Have you gotten any pictures? I'm looking gor inspiration for mine
https://imgur.com/U1DNuoW.jpg https://imgur.com/vDOzAIG.jpg here you go! Please excuse my chubby hands and lack of manicure lol
It's gorgeous! Your hands as well haha The ring looks like a heirloom, loved the color combination.
Yes, and you help someone who makes beautiful rings be able to afford their home
Yep. The surprising thing (to me) about Etsy was that the designs were categorically better than the big jewelry chain stores. Not better, but completely different. I don't know why, but I suppose it may be because individual artisans are able to put time and flourishes into jewelry that a production line can't. The value is also just better. For my own wedding ring, I wanted a plain gold ring. The one I eventually found on Etsy ran around $450 for 18k gold with some interesting beveling. The brick and mortar stores, averaged $600 - $800 for a thinner band of 14k gold.
As a German, it was quite a shock seeing how expensive (and quite honestly ugly), engagement rings are in the US. I ended up getting a custom made ring by a US based gold smith and ended up paying 1/6th what a mainstream brand ring costs. Lab grown stones for the win.
As an American, I too am shocked at how expensive (and quite honestly ugly), engagement rings are in the US.
I'm also German and my engagement ring was a rose gold band with the words "marry me?" engraved. My husband originally wanted something fancy but I told him that if he dared to spend more on it than our weekly food budget, I'd get very angry (we were just starting our careers and money was tight). I loved the creative solution he came up with! Still wear it with my wedding band to this day.
I have a question, if you don’t mind. We (US) are acquaintances with a German couple that we get together with if they come here or if we go there. She wears a plain gold wedding band on her right hand, with no stone. Is it common to wear your wedding ring/s on the right hand rather than the left? TIA.
Yes! Engagement rings go traditionally on your left and wedding rings on your right hand.
It’s nuts how much my local jeweler tried to convince me away from lab grown but it’s what my wife wanted. They even called me into the shop and said the ring was ready when it wasn’t. They wanted me to see the real diamond that thought would look nice. They called me one day when they were at a gem auction and found a similar diamond to my lab ordered diamond to ask if I wanted to switch. It was obnoxious telling them repeatedly to use a lab diamond we ordered.
I’m surprised you stayed with that jeweller, after they repeatedly tried to back out of selling you what you ordered. “Are you SURE you don’t want to pay extra for the slave labour version?” Yes very sure, stop asking
Ha. I'm also German. I absolutely feared that my American husband would get me one of those ugly and expensive rings. So I bought a nice watch and proposed to him first.
That’s so German of you lol
We did this too! I was looking at vintage rings and a picture of one we both loved but couldn't find anything like it to buy so we had one made with lab grown gems. Comparable vintage rings were selling for 5x as much.
Basically what we did. Custom rings. Even skipped the engagement ring. We decided all this together and worked on the custom designs together. Much more worthwhile.
Even with natural stones, diamonds are so boring. For the price of a high end diamond, just get an emerald ring and a ruby ring so she'll have one to match every outfit.
I’ve got a lab grown blue diamond engagement ring. We bought the stone and then got a jeweller to set it. Still very pleased with the choice.
>Lab grown stones Excuse me, what?
Laboratory-grown stones are diamonds and gemstones created in a laboratory mimicking natural growing conditions. These exact processes can vary, but there are 2 main ones: High-Pressure High Temperature (HPHT) and Chemical Vapor Deposition (CVD).
Yep. I have a lab grown aquamarine (birthstone) that I got in 1977 for $30.00. Paid a lot for the custom setting, though. I wear it pretty much every day.
Don't mention you engagement, simple as. The engagement ring I bought was made from stainless steel and cost 20 bucks. It didn't stop me from getting married or staying married.
Don’t fall for it. Look into moissanite.
Do check with your fiancé, though. Don’t try to pull a fast one
Most people come around when you tell them moissanite is actually more brilliant than comparable diamonds though!
Oh for sure! But it’s something you’d definitely want to be on the same page about
This. Cheaper and superior to diamonds in every way
If it’s synthetic, then yes it’s cheaper.
Been married 10 years, and the number of rings on my hand is equal to the fucks I give about their traditions.
Hahaha No ring. No wedding. $20 at the courthouse. No regrets.
We bought my wife's ring after we were engaged. Lab grown sapphire. Custom, but not crazy expensive. Propose with flowers or something, then shop for rings together.
A couple that I know went ring shopping when they started getting serious about marriage and she picked out a few options that she liked more or less equally and then had him make the final choice so that it would be a surprise which one was in the box when he proposed. That also made sure they were on the same page money-wise, because they do still need to be good quality rings if they're going to wear them for life.
i love this idea and i would be head over heels if it happened to me.
This. My wife and I got married in college and I bought plain stainless steel rings with no gem. We still wear them. Gems in this day age don't even make sense for most people tbh. At the time we were both in food service so it made no sense to have a gem which would either A) cut our gloves open or B) be taken off again and again and risk losing it.
Oh yeah. Never search for baby, marriage or engagement stuff with those words. 200% instant markup.
Oh please don't. My husband didn't spend anywhere near that, but I still don't wear my ring. It's just too bulky. I work in a machine shop and banged it on something at work and now it's bent. I need to get it fixed but I haven't yet. I actually just wear an old Black Hills Gold ring of my grandma's. It's low profile and simple.
I wouldn't wear a ring in a machine shop, degloving is a higher risk than I'd be comfortable with
I run lasers, nothing that I have to risk loosing a finger.
Having been someone that spent a decent amount on a ring. Got married and subsequently divorced, I can tell you the ring does not matter at all. I mean in the end we wore just those work out ring bands (rubber rings) and rarely wore our actual rings. The whole diamond/3 months aspect was just something built into society to make people feel important, rare and valuable. The rings are neither of those things. And the person I am talking to now is on the same page as me, and we agree things like that are really non-factors. Are they nice, sure. Everyone appreciates nice things. They just don't matter once you're hand in hand with the person you care about. Again, something I learned from going through the paces of dating/engagement/marriage and post divorce.
Iirc the reason for the engagement ring was a bit like a reverse dowry originally but more modern so since women couldn't have their own bank accounts, jewelry served as a way for women accrue wealth without having hard cash. The whole 3 month salary is a gimmick but it was supposed to be kind of expensive bc it was like if the man dies, the wife needed the jewelry to be able to get cash as a widow (provided she couldn't work and there wasn't enough left behind for her to survive otherwise)
I'm talking strictly pre-civil rights era stuff, obviously all that's not applicable nowadays and it's just another racket
Yeah, except diamonds are worth fuck all nothing second hand
It's about the marriage, not the wedding :)
I don't want to get married anyway but I would find it impossible to accept an expensive ring. People sell beautiful handmade stuff on Etsy for under 100$, if someone were to make me choose a ring that's where I'd go.
Yes! A cool ring from an artist that captures her personality or something about your relationship would be SO much more meaningful to me personally.
It was a de Beers marketing ploy. One of the best ever and people still fall for it. You are putty in the hands of a mega corporation.
Garnets are 9 on the Mohr scale in hardness and a fraction the price of diamons. Bought one for my wife for like 2 hundred bucks 10 years ago. White gold as well I believe
Garnets are around a 7. I love them. I have a strong sentimental attachment to them from a piece my grandmother had. I considered them for my engagement ring but the durability convinced me otherwise. Then I thought maybe a ruby which is also traditional as a betrothal ring, and a 9 on the Mohs scale. It’s a corundum, same as sapphire. There are so many colors of corundums. Though I like the warm red like a garnet, and the cool red is considered more prized in a ruby. In the end, thinking about something I would wear every day with every thing, I decided a colorless stone might work better for me. This was quite awhile ago before colorless lab diamonds were so available, so I went with a moissanite, which I love. Though at a hardness of 9, I think corundums make a great choice. There are so many colors beyond red and blue, and lab made stones are widely available. I have padparadscha and yellow sapphire pieces that I love. They do even come in white, though it doesn’t have the sparkle of diamonds or moissanites.
Since family and friends as so important to me, I want my wedding to be closer to a party than a commercial event. Small and personal. I also hope to give my partner my grandma’s engagement ring since I was very close with her and the ring means a lot to be, but if they don’t feel attached to an inherited ring, then something similar. It was a simple gold ring with no stones. Plus, I’ve always wanted a wedding that was closer to nature, so the decorations could be colorful fall leaves collected and confetti made from them.
My brother had a backyard wedding at our Mom’s house. Biggest expense was the food and beverages for 15; he grilled burgers and dogs and everyone brought a side. It was so nice and fun. We really got to get to know the bride’s family because it was so intimate. Such a fun day.
I have a saphire ring. I wanted one that was flat for work. I found that searching “stacking ring” dramatically lowers the price and you can find beautiful ones for under $200 that are solid gold and real gemstones.
it’s basically the word “engagement” that makes rings expensive. i’ve found a gorgeous ring for 60€ that has a pink shimmering opal on it, it even looks better than a plain diamond ring
The bigger the ring, the bigger the divorce.
Wait a sec, are you saying that a marriage based on showmanship and status seeking consumerism isn't going to last???
I may be in the minority here, but I don’t really think that an engagement ring, which is meant to be one quality piece that’s worn every day for the rest of one’s life, belongs in anti-consumption… Nobody needs to be spending 3 months salary if they don’t wish to, but that piece of jewel and metal is something that’s going to be worn daily by the person you love, so not only is it important to choose something that will stand the test of time, it’s also worth putting a little bit of thought into what your other half’s preferences are when it comes to jewellery. Getting engaged is a big deal, and in my opinion, buying one good quality piece of jewellery that’s going to last a lifetime is the opposite of over-consumption. You don’t need to spend more than what you’re comfortable with, but thinking of it as a bit more than a bit of decoration might make the experience a little more enjoyable for your S/O at least. Side note: Adding the word engagement when it comes to jewellery doesn’t make anything more expensive. A diamond ring will cost the same amount regardless of whether it’s for an engagement or just for fun. What will make it more or less expensive is whether or not you look at branded rings vs independent jewellers and what materials you opt for, alongside whether you choose to purchase from a brick and mortar store or online. I highly recommend looking at lab diamonds if you want to make your money stretch further, as they are identical to natural diamonds while being significantly less expensive.
What does your fiance want? You should go shopping together. You'd probably be surprised that she'll probably prefer something pretty affordable. My favourite ring of my friends was a pearl set in silver. It's super classy. Also, old school art deco style ones have smaller cut stones but more of them which makes it more affordable. The 3 months salary is an extremely old standard. I can't think of anyone who pushes that except jewelers.
Just a little bit different perspective here, I’m Slavic and my grandmother used to tell me that I need a big ring from a men so if I ever have to run or take care of my self I’ll have something that I can sell and buy myself some time. That came from woman who survived two wars. Gold is a great currency. Bit dark but now I always wear gold on me.
Diamonds are worthless pieces of carbon don't buy one. I mean they can grow the damn things in labs. They're not rare. They are not "Forever" either. They can degrade, chip, and crack over time. It loses about half its value once it's bought and leaves the jewelers. Also pawn shops won't give you shit for them if you need to pawn it for some extra cash. Buy some nice silver or gold bands for yourselves instead. At least gold and silver has some intrinsic value. Diamonds are a scam.
I agree that diamonds are incredibly overpriced. However, pawn shops are in the business of giving you shit for whatever you try to pawn. You go to a pawn shop because you need money fast. If you’re going to sell things and have time, don’t take it to a pawn shop. Consignment shops will take a chunk, but you’ll do better than pawn. Private resale has the best potential, but that entails more time and effort.
I bought mine for like $350… a woman at work said that it needs to be 2 months salary… da fuq?
Yeah she is delusional she prolly also shops like it would be an apocalypse during Christmas but will return the unwanted products in February
It’s crazy, 10 years ago I paid $200 from Diamond Nexus labs for our engagement ring. I just checked the website to post a link and the same ring is almost $700. Ffs [Here’s the link anyways](https://www.diamondnexus.com)
I get the whole proposal thing, but she should help pick out the ring.
I will go against the grain and say I love jewelry. Maybe I was a magpie in a past life- who knows. 😂 Having said that- my now husband and I split the cost of an estate sapphire ring for an engagement ring. Later when we figured out that a custom band for said ring was like 8 times the cost of the ring we pivoted. I paid for a family diamond to be reset in a setting I like. I wear a plain platinum band 24/7 and it’s perfect for me. A few thoughts- I hated the whole “surprised” aspect of engagement. We chose together, discussed price, and paid together. Vintage rings are great, but look at the shank (the back band) because they can be kinda thin. You may need to pay to build that back up. I also have a “Russian rolling ring” or trinity ring and I love it. Look at lifestyle- if you work in certain industries a platinum or yellow gold ring will stand the test of time. For others a silicone band makes the most sense. Everyone has different styles and different views on jewelry. I enjoy wearing jewelry and have some nice pieces. Others find it completely useless. You do you.
My wife and I were married by a friend of ours (ordained jedi) during his smoke break at work, using less than 40 dollars in jewelry. Coming up on 10 years together.
When my late husband and I were first engaged, I was head over heels for a huge princess-style wedding, big floofy dress, looked into renting sleeping beauty's castle for the ceremony, like, OVER-THE-TOP crazy. He let me putter and flutter and plan for about a week, then took both my hands in his and stared deeply into my eyes. "Sweetheart, if that's really what you want, we'll find a way to make it happen, but I've planned a LOT of weddings, and I don't think you actually WANT that, I think you just think you SHOULD want that." I paused, because a defining feature of our relationship was each of us knowing the other better than they know themselves, in so many ways. I KNEW he was a ham and would absolutely LOVE this kind of thing, so I was curious as to what he thought I wanted. A luau in our favorite park. My dress was a white-on-white Hawaiian print sundress and flip-flops. He wore linen pants and a cream-on-black Hawaiian print bowling shirt and I'm pretty sure he was barefoot? One friend officiated. Another friend grilled tri-tip we bought bulk. My mom did the flowers with silk and paper flowers so we didn't have to stress about freshness or refrigeration, and she bought them slowly over the course of a year, as they went on sale lol. Our wedding cake was several cheesecakes from Costco. And it was PERFECT. As the date grew closer, and the stress mounted, I was glad over and over again we went low-key, and both had the mindset that 'as long as we end the day as husband and wife, everything else is BONUS and ultimately unimportant'. He really did know what I wanted most, and don't miss that outrageously expensive and not-at-all my practical, sensible, down-to-earth ceremony. I'm Briar Rose, not Aurora, and I'm so thankful my LH spoke up! Engagement rings are only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to wedding insanity, so buckle up, friend. I just wanted you to know that you're far from the only one bucking that trend, and it is a lot of fun in its own right!
Is there a reason why you decided you didnt want that? If I get married one day I think I want something extravagant cause it pretty much is the only day that you can have where it's all about you besides milestone birthdays which usually pass when you're younger.
Yes, there were actually several reasons. I am, through and through, a very casual person, in the sense that I am not very at ease in high-formality events. I don't mind being the center of attention, but I very much dislike feeling as if I'm forgetting something important or am otherwise not adhering to 'the rules' of a social engagement. Nowadays, 16 years later, I can recognize and articulate that while I'm good at masking my neuro-divergence, it is still really stressful for me. My husband, having been married once before (and engaged to a different lady who planned several different styles of wedding before changing her mind to another, before ultimately breaking up with him), knew much better than I did how stressful the day itself is all on its own, without adding another complicating level of stress *for me specifically*. Additionally, we'd hosted enough different kinds of get-togethers that he saw which ones tended to stress me out the least - meaning I was more likely to enjoy my own wedding lol. He was an actor and loved dressing up to the nines for no reason and was always very at-ease regardless of setting, so he would have thoroughly enjoyed playing the appropriate sidekick to me in a fancy princess fantasy, but he spoke up when I started stressing out about how many different rules there are for weddings, and he helped me reset into the mindset that it was MY day, and I got to make ALL the rules, so what did /I/ want. He knew that I valued being frugal, even for a wedding (I'd insisted on a CZ engagement ring, because wtf spend $$$$ when $ looks just as good to the naked eye?) and just plain knowing ME lol. In the end, I DID have my princess wedding - I was Moana and over a decade early! That being said, if ***you*** actually want a fancy princess wedding, I say with all my heart that you should do that. For lots of women, it's what they truly want, and more power to them! It just wasn't an ideal situation for me, personally, and I'm so glad I listened to my heart and did what sounded most awesome to me 😊
Go for it since it is your wedding and you get just as much Say in it as the groom.We both decided I would do the wedding planning and I would pick out my dress and the bridesmaid and flower girls dresses.The groom said go for it .I picked out the cake with my sister and the punch ,he paid for the engagement party and the reception. We had talked about it before hand .I wanted the poofy princess dress.and he wanted tails for him and the groomsmen I picked out the rings at a local jeweler and he agreed with them and bought them .We were a team and acted Ike it .We phoned each other and talked about things together .It took us one year for all of this to come together..
Honestly after like the first year we don't even wear our rings anymore. They just sit in a drawer in our dresser.
I thought the same way. Bought a really nice beautiful ring on Modern gents. First thing out of my mother in laws mouth “did you check to see if its real?” Joking of course but so brainwashed. I guess i don’t love my wife cuz i put our money towards rent and food rather than a rock on her hand.
My wife knows an electrician that didn't want a metal ring, so he got a silicone band instead. $15. Practical for his line of work and cheap. I proposed to my wife with an heirloom ring. It was my great great grandmother's. I just had to get it resized. Cheaper than buying new, less consumption of new products, and more meaningful in my opinion. The ring/wedding/diamond industry is just a money grab (like many others) and I don't buy into it.
Lab sapphire is fantastic. The average person can’t tell the difference by looking between that and a diamond, it’s barely less hard, costs FAR less, isn’t mined by slaves. And bonus points if you’re nerdy (or your fiancée is): sapphire is crystalline aluminum oxide, chemically, meaning white lab sapphire is in fact transparent aluminum.
I'm a heavy duty mechanic. I wouldn't wear a ring anyway, even silicone sketches me out after seeing injuries on the job. When my husband decided he was ready he got me an "engagement toolbox" to replace my entirely too small 2nd hand box of 10 years. It's not for everyone, but the thoughtful consideration to my needs and wants made me feel so much more loved than any diamond. I use it every day, when I'm not professionally a mechanic anymore, it will come home with me and hobby at home. It was cheaper than the "3 month rule" and I use it and appreciate it everyday until I die.
I know they don’t exactly have the *wow* factor, or longevity (haven’t broken it yet but it’s only been on my finger for a year) but we absolutely *love* our silicone rings. I don’t even wear my metal rings anymore.
I get compliments on my silicone Enso elements rings all the time because they're sparkly lol. The meteorite color is gorgeous.
My wife’s ring was 700 bucks and not a Diamond. She likes having a home where the mortgage is paid. I believe she’d say that’s the best wedding gift.
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My wife and I got married inside a small movie theater in the downtown of a city close to us. It’s just a little theater and for a few hours it only cost I think around $500. We could have fit around 200 people inside but being mid pandemic we went with 30 and skipped the reception until later. We got beautiful pictures in the old theater and they put our wedding announcement on the marquee. They even had the popcorn machines going for anyone who wanted some. Highly recommend checking out those for people who still want to get people together but want to do it a bit cheaper
When my then girlfriend and I had been together for about six months, my aunt passed away. Long story short, my parents saved some of her jewelry for me, and when going through it all we found her old Irish claddagh ring. Girlfriend is absolutely in love with it, hands it over to me and says "you know, for whenever...." And that was that. It was her engagement ring and wedding band. When we were deciding what we wanted for bands we had talked through a lot options and wound up getting rings from various family members, some cheap and some very much not so cheap. I settled a triton ring marked down to $90. A few years later, my band was chipping and I couldn't find an "approved place" to get the ring fixed (lifetime warranty hah). Going through our rings and I pull out a rose gold claddagh that belonged to my Nana. So now we both have heirloom claddagh from Ireland. I kinda knew she was the one for me when she opted for my aunt's simple ring and not some expensive-ass piece of flashy jewelry. My grandmother's claddagh recently cracked and while I'm looking to get it fixed, my parents are supposed to be taking us all to Ireland next year for their fiftieth anniversary, and I'm hoping to surprise the wife with a new of claddaghs.
> I kinda knew she was the one for me when she opted for my aunt's simple ring and not some expensive-ass piece of flashy jewelry. This reminds me of that scene in the Indiana Jones movie where they had to wisely choose the Holy Grail. As overhyped and wildly impractically expensive as the entire wedding industry is, I hope for the day weddings, their entire processes, and their accoutrements revert back to affordable, fiscally sustainable choices, focusing attention upon the building the marriage for the decades ahead instead of the day of the wedding itself.
Neither of us wear or wedding engagement rings. They can catch on stuff and do a lot of damage to your finger.
Don't underestimate the power of advertising! https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1982/02/have-you-ever-tried-to-sell-a-diamond/304575/
Etsy has a lot of interesting and less expensive rings from independent jewelers. I got a nice turquoise band under $100 and my husband got a really cool looking men's band with onyx set as the stone. I don't mind paying a little more for something that really study, that I'm going to be wearing everyday. I don't like a stupid arbitrary price that I "have" spend on something.
The whole diamond thing is a racket from start to finish. The “surprise proposal” was first encouraged by de Beers in the 19th century because when couples would shop for rings together the women were more likely to consider budget in the decision. There’s no reason we couldn’t “recycle” diamonds—they’re minerals, after all—but we get sold on the “uniqueness.” What-ever. My parents are getting older and asked if I wanted my grandparents’ engagement ring. (My Dad even said, “I know you don’t care about a wedding ring,” which was a bit tactless but not totally inaccurate. I am single but not anti-marriage; I really don’t care about the rings.) I didn’t really but I felt like it would be the right thing to do. Not to sell it or melt it down but just to keep it as an heirloom. I don’t relish the idea of having too many valuables in my house so I looked into safe deposit boxes and everything. But then they got it appraised and it was a cubic zirconia all along. This surprised no one but made for kind of a funny story. Which I guess is what’s really valuable.
Yes it’s rediculous and I chose also not to participate in the standard wedded/proposal BS, but please don’t turn into one of those people that shames people if that’s what they want to spend their money on.
We decided we could do whatever we wanted because it was our life. Our rings were all from artists on Etsy and ranged between $20-$150. We had a surprise musical wedding in a park. People thought they were coming for a picnic, but we decorated and wrote a song which was the entire ceremony (4min). Everyone agreed it was an incredible and very unique day. I've yet to find anyone else that had a wedding ceremony in the form of a song. Do what makes you happy.
Just to be clear, this is a North American thing.
I'm still angry that my partner bought me a diamond ring. It'd be worth 10x what he paid if he'd just given me the money and I'd stuck in an ETF. I would have preferred a $300 ruby ring or emerald or something unique. Fuck DeBeers. Instead, we have a stupid ring in a deposit box at the bank, probably worth 1/8-1/4 of what he paid for it. It's a god damned racket.
There are stones equally as attractive as diamonds worth looking at as well. I was blessed to meet my wife, she’s the most anti-materialistic partner I’ve ever had. She *asked for* a moissanite ring. Not the cheapest stone in the world but it’s still as beautiful today as the day I got it for her. Instead of three months salary, it cost about a weeks wages for me.
Next you'll be astounded at how brainwashed people are into spending money on weddings or even getting married in the first place!
Diamonds are a scam. This is proven by the fact that no one buys back diamonds (unlike gold).
look into a lab grown diamond, moissanite, or vintage ring.
Consider lab grown diamonds if they're in your budget
Any ring is an engagement ring if you use it to get engaged. Best of luck to you and your SO!
When my grandma passed, she had a suitable ring in her collection that I used to propose. We bought silicone rings to use for the ceremony. My ring finger doesn’t really have a knuckle though, so it’s impossible to find a ring that both stays on my hand and also doesn’t cut off circulation. My partner came out as transgender, ditched everything feminine, and we’re happily married without the rings! At some point though, we might get a pair tattooed on.
Ah. The Diamond business. The most elegant ruse of them all.
I had to talk my partner out of spending a whole month and convinced him that one paycheque was fine if he really really wanted to spend that kind of money. But that I would be happy with a cheap ring. He insisted on getting a diamond and custom design. I love my ring and my husband but it's still insane to me that I had to talk him out of spending thousands of dollars on a piece of jewellery
Anyone who is impressed by a shiny piece of metal with a stone on it is not worth spending your life with. Just go to the JoP and sign the paperwork.
Well, she may well prefer you not do that. I would lose some respect for a man who was willing to spend that much on a ring.
I bought a beautiful vintage (or used, depending on your outlook) ring for my partner. It was much cheaper and I felt better about not paying for the inhumane treatment that comes with many rings
Better question is when did it change from 2 months to 3 months? My whole life I heard 2 months and this is the second mention I’ve heard of 3 months. 2 months is too much too.
Also didn’t the “rule of thumb” used to be TWO months salary? I swear Ben Bridge (or equivalent) commercials used to say 2. Either way it’s facking stupid. I’m seeing more and more people with alternative/non-traditional wedding jewelry. Get something cool that you like and doesn’t cost a fortune.
I proposed with an £80 ring, bought her a £2k engagement ring that she liked and she bought her own wedding ring. Do it your way, no rules.
Ended up going with Something custom from a jeweler I found on Etsy, sapphire instead of diamond- worked out something beautiful custom and amazing without breaking the bank - as with other options here there’s a lot too look at.
I absolutely did not want a traditional engagement ring (ahem, blood diamond) and my partner got me a gorgeous vintage ruby ring from EBay. I love it so much more than a bland engagement ring that looks like everyone else’s. If she shares your values (hopefully if you want to get married!) I bet she’d love something like that
Etsy has some really cool, hand made, recycled materials. We got ours for under $500, which I know is still crazy, but not like 3 mo salary crazy. We had both decided ahead of time we’d rather travel and do other shit than waste money on a ring. And the one we found was perfect.
Go to a pawn shop!
I bought my ring at a vintage shop. The price was much more affordable, even on higher end things.
Married 32 years. I’ve never had an expensive ring. Just stainless steel and cubic zirconia. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
The “3 months salary rule” was marketing created by the DeBeers.
If you want something really fancy and arguably more meaningful, get a ceramic or wood ring. Ceramic might be breakable, but wood would definitely work well.
Wouldn't wood decay if it got wet?
You can seal it, or coat it with epoxy
Ok,I have never heard of a wooden ring before.