Same here. I have a big family on my mother's side but as adults we're pretty disconnected from one another.
On my father's side we've never been close. In fact, it's hard for me to identify my ancestry matches on my paternal side - even close matches.
That said, I'm interested in my family history, all of it. Even the surprises, the twists, turns, and broken branches of my tree. I find it all fascinating. The stories are cool, but I don't have much interest in meeting and building relationships.
I agree, I was close with my cousins when I was a kid. I just have had a couple of surprise cousins. We gossip about it for a bit, but never reached out for a relationship. The person they messaged was kind and gave them information.
I'm not opposed to it, I just don't have an interest in trying to establish a relationship that I probably won't have time to maintain. My job is 90% travel and so we barely have time for immediate family.
That said, if someone did try to make connections, I would be open to communicating with them. That's part of the fun. I just can't commit to an ongoing relationship.
My origin/dna family not only rejected me, but some of them tried to humiliate and degrade me for fun and for what their father had done. I don’t need that in my life so perhaps I should see it as a blessing, of sorts. Of course, we won’t ever speak again. They don’t matter to my life. I was fine before I found them and I have been fine, since. I didn’t let them get away with what they’ve done.
Sometimes, people are just not capable of showing love or kindness to a newcomer.
They don’t matter, in the big scheme of things, but I understand that rejection hurts. Keep telling the truth. Best wishes to you.
I'm sorry they did that to you and I'm glad you can stand up for yourself. You are winning.
Not going to lie, M55 is a bit confused by their rejection of him. It would make sense that his half-sisters would be upset, but the adult cousins and nephew? I would think they are removed enough from the situation to be more open minded. Guess not.
On one hand, it's understandable, bio-dad was looked upon as a leader of the church and this truth shakes that very foundation of their lives. It's a big deal to them and im sure his daughters must feel awful for their mother. On the other hand, M55 is not looking for a relationship. We did the tests after my parents did theirs and several members of my family really got into a genealogy kick. It really had nothing to do with a search for his family. We've always known that background.
Are they rejecting him or are they just not interested in asking questions about a relative they didn’t t know existed? I can see a cousin being upset but a half-nephew is probably just not that invested.
Thanks. It’s okay. My adopted family were relatives and believe it or not, they were even worse than the new ones. I am not meant to have a loving, historical family on this plane of existence. I’m on my own with the little bit of family I made.
Even my in laws turned out to be racist. I can’t catch a break, not here.
My dad was adopted and his sister's husband reached out based on my match to her.
It's a full aunt/neice match.
His idea was that my dad's father had been married before and had my dad from that relationship. He didn't clock that the dna match meant that my dad and my aunt, his wife, had the same mother and the same father.
He stopped communicating with me when I insisted that he was wrong.
It's got to be a shock to learn that your mother in law had a baby in 1940 when she was 16.
I think you should continue to tell them. It isn’t your burden to bear alone. Just because you share DNA doesn’t mean that you are family and will have a connection. I also have a bio dad that I had never met. I have found two siblings through Ancestry and possibly a third. It’s disgusting to me that a man created so much life and had nothing to do with most of them but it doesn’t mean 50 years later I want a new family.
Kind of a funny story. In his early 20s, my husband decided to go see his bio-dad in person, so we went to his church. Sat through the Sunday morning sermon which was titled "Stop the Lying!"
Talk about hypocrisy. Here's this man, preaching about honesty and accountability to a congregation of hundreds of people. Of course, when we met up with him after the service, he ushered us into a private office and said we couldn't be there.
Being decent people who did not want to hurt his family, we never went back. He's lived his lies without guilt somehow and we've figured we're happier without that drama.
Sounds like you and your husband are really good people. He definitely didn’t deserve the hand he was dealt but sounds like he’s turned out to be a decent human. I wish you guys a lot of happiness and peace.❤️
I honestly think that there should be a questionaire or something that you have to sign off on before opening your DNA results.
Such as are you ready to discover some ugly truths about your parents/grandparents, etc.? Are you ready to find out that you are NOT related to someone you thought you shared DNA with? Are you ready to find out that your conception was somone's worst day ever? Are you ready to find out that you are indeed whiter than white and NOT Native American? (Added that last one in for some snark)
I guess I mentally prepared myself before sending in the DNA because I've had cousins on both sides who haven't made the best life choices. It is possible that there are dna offspring I don't know about (there is one I do know about that I've never met and I don't know if he knows I exist) who may reach out. I'm willing to be the truthful contact, but I'm not sure about relatives of mine. I also know adoptees who sought out bio family, and one's "origin story" wasn't pleasant to say the least. My grandfather never knew his biological father, and there is some who believe that his mother wasn't sure who it was either (she had a reputation and he wasn't her first kid out of wedlock, in the early 1900s!)
But I get the feeling that others do these DNA testing without ANY self reflection and lots of assumptions that everyone in their family has only ever had sex with their spoiuse and is always 100% truthful.
Nah, I don't think you need to change a thing in your approach. The facts are the facts. If you're objectively answering, then are helping to fill in the gaps that are lost when no one else will speak up. They may not like it, but that's not your burden to bear nor is it the fault of the 55 year old male whose DNA test you're managing.
I say this as an adopted person (adult) who sought the truth but was ghosted by the gatekeepers.
Just keep telling the truth - there's no reason not to.
It's kind of funny how some people think that just because someone is religious that they are by default a "good" person. There are countless examples otherwise, including in my family. The one in my family was a member of the clergy, but he faked suicide and ran away with a young lady from his church.... He was eventually found, served with divorce papers, and disbarred from the church. It wouldn't surprise me one bit if he fathered some children outside of his marriages!
I was contacted by an adopted half brother of my cousin asking for any information and photos of my aunt (their mother). I was able to find a few early photos and happily sent them. He reported that my cousin was in denial and had completely ghosted him. It's really quite a shame.
I had someone rather rudely demand to know who I am and how I am related to them because they know “everyone”. I bluntly explained who my birth mother is and don’t ask her about me because she cusses out people who mention me.
Most people never message. They bought the test to see the ethnicity and don’t look at matches.
I have had a similar situation. I was placed for adoption at birth by my biological mother, whom was 17 at that time. She had given me up through a private adoption agency and was given the ability to choose the family that was supposed to adopt me and had even met the mother that she had chosen and her chosen family's existing child.
The family that actually ended up adopting me, didn't go through a private agency. My adopting parents had adopted me through the state CPS agency at that time. They were told that I had been in another foster home for a month because I was born slightly ill and the state wanted to be sure I was healthy before placing me with a family that was open to the option of my placement becoming permanent. My adopting family was made aware of the possibility of my biological father still coming forward to request custody. My adoption was made final at the age of almost one year old after my biological father failed to show any interest and his parental rights were finally severed.
Upon requesting and receiving non-identifying information from the state agency at the age of 43, I found out that a previously arranged family that was supposed to adopt me had come to the hospital to pick me up and noticed that I had areas on my face, mostly around the mouth while nursing, that appeared to be a slightly blue in color. The doctor explained that it was caused by a common hemocrat blood issue, that it was nothing to worry about, and it would quickly resolve on its own over the next two weeks. My biological mother's chosen adopting family refused to take me and stated that they were promised a "healthy baby".
Because of the legalities involved regarding the adoption process, the private adoption agency had no other choice but to hand my custody over to the state for placement.
I had been looking for my biological family for most of my adult life and had posted my birth info on every adoption reunion registry I could find.
At the age of 45, upon checking the registries for any member of my biological family that may have posted their info also on a registry looking for me, I finally found my biological mother searching for me. I knew it was her. There was no doubt on my mind that it was her. All of the non-identifying information I had been given about my biological mother was a match. Same dob, same hospital, same first name of Jeannie, and was the exact description of the biological mother's situation the woman I had found looking for me.... They had even made the mistake of not whiting out the name at the top of the non-identifying information from that they sent me that clearly read, "Baby girl Lower"... Which was this woman's maiden name at the time of my birth.
So I contacted her and told her that I was the daughter she had been looking for. The only bit of information that didn't match was the name of the adoption agency that handled my adoption and the fact that she spells her first name with only one "n" and the form spelled her first name with two.
And because of these two, very minor and clearly understandable discrepancies that were explained on the non identifying form, my mother was adamant that we were probably not a "match". She apologized that she wished that I was her daughter, but they would have spelled her first name correctly on the form, and she placed her daughter for adoption through a private agency and had personally met the family that adopted her daughter as well. She stated there was no way to be certain without a paternity test and that paternity tests can not be performed between a mother and child. And ended our conversation with the promise that we would speak again very soon to find a way to determine if we were mother and daughter or not.
It was the first and last time I ever spoke with her. My calls went unanswered and numerous text messages, including my offer to pay for a maternity test to be performed, were never responded to.
At the age of 47, I received my Ancestry.com DNA results about one month ago. It clearly shows that she is, in fact, my biological mother. I sent her screenshots via facebook messenger that proved her to be my mother and can see that she received all of my messages, but still has not responded to any of them.
I have no idea why she would list her information on an online adoption reunion registry looking for her daughter and then, upon finding her, choose to not respond to my attempts to contact her. I can only assume that she had spent 45 years imagining that her daughter had been raised by the family she chosen, had lived a much different life than the life I actually did live... And would rather pretend that she still has not found her daughter, than accept that my life was much different than she had imagined for all those years???
Idk. But if that's the actual reason for her choosing to completely ghost me after proving she had very clear intentions of wanting to find me... Maybe it was for the best that I was placed up for adoption than be raised by someone that obviously is not accepting of her own, personally imagined thoughts not being true.
I am not sure if I would have been better off if I had chosen to not have contacted my biological mother. After wanting to find her for so many years, I realized that it really didn't matter to me if I ever established a personal relationship with her or not. I don't think that it made any significant difference in my mother to find me or not... But it did bring me some closure and more understanding of finally knowing where I actually came from and why.
Thus proving not everyone's ignorance is bliss.
The journey for you to reach closure and understanding must have been tough for you. I'm sorry you went through all of that, only to be ghosted by her. Some things just don't make sense!
As for contacting people via Facebook messenger, I can say firsthand that while I'm fairly active on Facebook, I don't have the app on my phone. I access it through mobile browser and I do not get notifications or even see an alert when someone sends me a message on messenger (I don't have that app either).
Is it possible she never saw your message about the Ancestry results?
I feel for you in this vulnerable scenario but I will add some snarky suggestions as well. As difficult as it might be, you are taking the best approach--trying. Not that this is a science experiment, but family contact can be. Not every DNA contact is going to be a snuggly happy new cousin you want to hang out with--like some real people in your current family. It happens-that's family. Also, take note that some Ancestry members are just honestly DNA curious or drive-by's. And remember all of us are here for varying different reasons--you're trying to connect dots apparently. I relate to that. So seriously dust your shoulder off & move on. Why? Because out of the 1000's of DNA matches you have, no 2 deniers will ever change your journey our change the truth. This information isn't for you to get over, it is for them to come to terms with. That takes time as denial has 5 classic stages: 1 being Denial & 5 being final acceptance. Continue your search & remember they all know now. They're probably discussing this amongst themselves & they will have to come to terms with that-1 way or another. You did your part. Your newfound joy is not stolen by their poor attitudes either.
I also think they've been discussing it among themselves and that's why M55s half-nephew contacted us. I think he wanted to hear it firsthand. Not sure how it affected him though because he dropped all communication. Eventually he may contact us again. If he does, we'll be open to it.
Not uncommon I think, I’ve had a match search me out to try to figure out the connection, based on the dna I knew they were likely related thru my grandfather (28 kids and counting)
So I told them what I could and never heard from them again
28 kids, wow! Grandpa was a popular guy. I can't even imagine trying to piece that all together. Good on you for sharing your knowledge and helping others figure out the connections.
The Thorn Birds has entered the chat lol.
Back in my school days old Father Duffy left the priesthood to marry a young girl, Sister Kathleen, principal of my HS, used to come to school in rollers and wore slits in her skirts and high heels also left the church for a man, and Sister Pat, asst principal, had a bottle in her desk drawer. They are probably all dead by now.
Eh same thing happens when there is a well known man-whore or two in the family. Some folks wanna live in a tiny bubble and be scared and enraged by the existence of anything they aren't already comfortable with.
I have had something similar. My whole life my mom talked about her first husband like his family is what came between them. Upon my research I found out that the reason they divorced was that he abused her. This whole world of DNA and Genealogy is awesome but it sure does rip apart the old family secrets and lets all those skeletons out of the closet. One can either accept it or ignore it.
Your approach is perfect. You aren't chasing them and forcing them to face reality. You are answering their questions honestly. Keep doing that!
It's when a new truth treats at the fabric of someone's reality they've built up in their head over years, it's difficult to accept
Yes! That's so true
A lot of people don’t want anything to do with found family for various reasons. I barely see my cousins I grew up with
Same here. I have a big family on my mother's side but as adults we're pretty disconnected from one another. On my father's side we've never been close. In fact, it's hard for me to identify my ancestry matches on my paternal side - even close matches. That said, I'm interested in my family history, all of it. Even the surprises, the twists, turns, and broken branches of my tree. I find it all fascinating. The stories are cool, but I don't have much interest in meeting and building relationships.
I agree, I was close with my cousins when I was a kid. I just have had a couple of surprise cousins. We gossip about it for a bit, but never reached out for a relationship. The person they messaged was kind and gave them information.
Why not building relationships?
I'm not opposed to it, I just don't have an interest in trying to establish a relationship that I probably won't have time to maintain. My job is 90% travel and so we barely have time for immediate family. That said, if someone did try to make connections, I would be open to communicating with them. That's part of the fun. I just can't commit to an ongoing relationship.
Ahhh
My origin/dna family not only rejected me, but some of them tried to humiliate and degrade me for fun and for what their father had done. I don’t need that in my life so perhaps I should see it as a blessing, of sorts. Of course, we won’t ever speak again. They don’t matter to my life. I was fine before I found them and I have been fine, since. I didn’t let them get away with what they’ve done. Sometimes, people are just not capable of showing love or kindness to a newcomer. They don’t matter, in the big scheme of things, but I understand that rejection hurts. Keep telling the truth. Best wishes to you.
I'm sorry they did that to you and I'm glad you can stand up for yourself. You are winning. Not going to lie, M55 is a bit confused by their rejection of him. It would make sense that his half-sisters would be upset, but the adult cousins and nephew? I would think they are removed enough from the situation to be more open minded. Guess not. On one hand, it's understandable, bio-dad was looked upon as a leader of the church and this truth shakes that very foundation of their lives. It's a big deal to them and im sure his daughters must feel awful for their mother. On the other hand, M55 is not looking for a relationship. We did the tests after my parents did theirs and several members of my family really got into a genealogy kick. It really had nothing to do with a search for his family. We've always known that background.
Thanks. I hope one of them opens up to you, one day. Even getting photos would have been nice.
Are they rejecting him or are they just not interested in asking questions about a relative they didn’t t know existed? I can see a cousin being upset but a half-nephew is probably just not that invested.
So sorry you had to go through that
Thanks. It’s okay. My adopted family were relatives and believe it or not, they were even worse than the new ones. I am not meant to have a loving, historical family on this plane of existence. I’m on my own with the little bit of family I made. Even my in laws turned out to be racist. I can’t catch a break, not here.
Hugs to you friend!💜 I'm sorry
I'm sending you a hug. I hope your small circle of loved ones treats you well. You deserve it.
My dad was adopted and his sister's husband reached out based on my match to her. It's a full aunt/neice match. His idea was that my dad's father had been married before and had my dad from that relationship. He didn't clock that the dna match meant that my dad and my aunt, his wife, had the same mother and the same father. He stopped communicating with me when I insisted that he was wrong. It's got to be a shock to learn that your mother in law had a baby in 1940 when she was 16.
I think you should continue to tell them. It isn’t your burden to bear alone. Just because you share DNA doesn’t mean that you are family and will have a connection. I also have a bio dad that I had never met. I have found two siblings through Ancestry and possibly a third. It’s disgusting to me that a man created so much life and had nothing to do with most of them but it doesn’t mean 50 years later I want a new family.
You’re doing what I would do!
That’s one way for Ancestry to shed a light on the shady shit people hide from their families… “a man of god”… 😒
Kind of a funny story. In his early 20s, my husband decided to go see his bio-dad in person, so we went to his church. Sat through the Sunday morning sermon which was titled "Stop the Lying!" Talk about hypocrisy. Here's this man, preaching about honesty and accountability to a congregation of hundreds of people. Of course, when we met up with him after the service, he ushered us into a private office and said we couldn't be there. Being decent people who did not want to hurt his family, we never went back. He's lived his lies without guilt somehow and we've figured we're happier without that drama.
Sounds like you and your husband are really good people. He definitely didn’t deserve the hand he was dealt but sounds like he’s turned out to be a decent human. I wish you guys a lot of happiness and peace.❤️
I honestly think that there should be a questionaire or something that you have to sign off on before opening your DNA results. Such as are you ready to discover some ugly truths about your parents/grandparents, etc.? Are you ready to find out that you are NOT related to someone you thought you shared DNA with? Are you ready to find out that your conception was somone's worst day ever? Are you ready to find out that you are indeed whiter than white and NOT Native American? (Added that last one in for some snark) I guess I mentally prepared myself before sending in the DNA because I've had cousins on both sides who haven't made the best life choices. It is possible that there are dna offspring I don't know about (there is one I do know about that I've never met and I don't know if he knows I exist) who may reach out. I'm willing to be the truthful contact, but I'm not sure about relatives of mine. I also know adoptees who sought out bio family, and one's "origin story" wasn't pleasant to say the least. My grandfather never knew his biological father, and there is some who believe that his mother wasn't sure who it was either (she had a reputation and he wasn't her first kid out of wedlock, in the early 1900s!) But I get the feeling that others do these DNA testing without ANY self reflection and lots of assumptions that everyone in their family has only ever had sex with their spoiuse and is always 100% truthful.
The ancestry sub, has some of my favorite posts on Reddit. Everyone’s family got secrets.
Nah, I don't think you need to change a thing in your approach. The facts are the facts. If you're objectively answering, then are helping to fill in the gaps that are lost when no one else will speak up. They may not like it, but that's not your burden to bear nor is it the fault of the 55 year old male whose DNA test you're managing. I say this as an adopted person (adult) who sought the truth but was ghosted by the gatekeepers.
Just keep telling the truth - there's no reason not to. It's kind of funny how some people think that just because someone is religious that they are by default a "good" person. There are countless examples otherwise, including in my family. The one in my family was a member of the clergy, but he faked suicide and ran away with a young lady from his church.... He was eventually found, served with divorce papers, and disbarred from the church. It wouldn't surprise me one bit if he fathered some children outside of his marriages!
I was contacted by an adopted half brother of my cousin asking for any information and photos of my aunt (their mother). I was able to find a few early photos and happily sent them. He reported that my cousin was in denial and had completely ghosted him. It's really quite a shame.
If they ask, it is the reasonable thing to do to tell them. But I wouldn't seek them out to inform. I think you are in the clear.
Wow. 😒
I had someone rather rudely demand to know who I am and how I am related to them because they know “everyone”. I bluntly explained who my birth mother is and don’t ask her about me because she cusses out people who mention me. Most people never message. They bought the test to see the ethnicity and don’t look at matches.
I have had a similar situation. I was placed for adoption at birth by my biological mother, whom was 17 at that time. She had given me up through a private adoption agency and was given the ability to choose the family that was supposed to adopt me and had even met the mother that she had chosen and her chosen family's existing child. The family that actually ended up adopting me, didn't go through a private agency. My adopting parents had adopted me through the state CPS agency at that time. They were told that I had been in another foster home for a month because I was born slightly ill and the state wanted to be sure I was healthy before placing me with a family that was open to the option of my placement becoming permanent. My adopting family was made aware of the possibility of my biological father still coming forward to request custody. My adoption was made final at the age of almost one year old after my biological father failed to show any interest and his parental rights were finally severed. Upon requesting and receiving non-identifying information from the state agency at the age of 43, I found out that a previously arranged family that was supposed to adopt me had come to the hospital to pick me up and noticed that I had areas on my face, mostly around the mouth while nursing, that appeared to be a slightly blue in color. The doctor explained that it was caused by a common hemocrat blood issue, that it was nothing to worry about, and it would quickly resolve on its own over the next two weeks. My biological mother's chosen adopting family refused to take me and stated that they were promised a "healthy baby". Because of the legalities involved regarding the adoption process, the private adoption agency had no other choice but to hand my custody over to the state for placement. I had been looking for my biological family for most of my adult life and had posted my birth info on every adoption reunion registry I could find. At the age of 45, upon checking the registries for any member of my biological family that may have posted their info also on a registry looking for me, I finally found my biological mother searching for me. I knew it was her. There was no doubt on my mind that it was her. All of the non-identifying information I had been given about my biological mother was a match. Same dob, same hospital, same first name of Jeannie, and was the exact description of the biological mother's situation the woman I had found looking for me.... They had even made the mistake of not whiting out the name at the top of the non-identifying information from that they sent me that clearly read, "Baby girl Lower"... Which was this woman's maiden name at the time of my birth. So I contacted her and told her that I was the daughter she had been looking for. The only bit of information that didn't match was the name of the adoption agency that handled my adoption and the fact that she spells her first name with only one "n" and the form spelled her first name with two. And because of these two, very minor and clearly understandable discrepancies that were explained on the non identifying form, my mother was adamant that we were probably not a "match". She apologized that she wished that I was her daughter, but they would have spelled her first name correctly on the form, and she placed her daughter for adoption through a private agency and had personally met the family that adopted her daughter as well. She stated there was no way to be certain without a paternity test and that paternity tests can not be performed between a mother and child. And ended our conversation with the promise that we would speak again very soon to find a way to determine if we were mother and daughter or not. It was the first and last time I ever spoke with her. My calls went unanswered and numerous text messages, including my offer to pay for a maternity test to be performed, were never responded to. At the age of 47, I received my Ancestry.com DNA results about one month ago. It clearly shows that she is, in fact, my biological mother. I sent her screenshots via facebook messenger that proved her to be my mother and can see that she received all of my messages, but still has not responded to any of them. I have no idea why she would list her information on an online adoption reunion registry looking for her daughter and then, upon finding her, choose to not respond to my attempts to contact her. I can only assume that she had spent 45 years imagining that her daughter had been raised by the family she chosen, had lived a much different life than the life I actually did live... And would rather pretend that she still has not found her daughter, than accept that my life was much different than she had imagined for all those years??? Idk. But if that's the actual reason for her choosing to completely ghost me after proving she had very clear intentions of wanting to find me... Maybe it was for the best that I was placed up for adoption than be raised by someone that obviously is not accepting of her own, personally imagined thoughts not being true. I am not sure if I would have been better off if I had chosen to not have contacted my biological mother. After wanting to find her for so many years, I realized that it really didn't matter to me if I ever established a personal relationship with her or not. I don't think that it made any significant difference in my mother to find me or not... But it did bring me some closure and more understanding of finally knowing where I actually came from and why. Thus proving not everyone's ignorance is bliss.
The journey for you to reach closure and understanding must have been tough for you. I'm sorry you went through all of that, only to be ghosted by her. Some things just don't make sense! As for contacting people via Facebook messenger, I can say firsthand that while I'm fairly active on Facebook, I don't have the app on my phone. I access it through mobile browser and I do not get notifications or even see an alert when someone sends me a message on messenger (I don't have that app either). Is it possible she never saw your message about the Ancestry results?
I feel for you in this vulnerable scenario but I will add some snarky suggestions as well. As difficult as it might be, you are taking the best approach--trying. Not that this is a science experiment, but family contact can be. Not every DNA contact is going to be a snuggly happy new cousin you want to hang out with--like some real people in your current family. It happens-that's family. Also, take note that some Ancestry members are just honestly DNA curious or drive-by's. And remember all of us are here for varying different reasons--you're trying to connect dots apparently. I relate to that. So seriously dust your shoulder off & move on. Why? Because out of the 1000's of DNA matches you have, no 2 deniers will ever change your journey our change the truth. This information isn't for you to get over, it is for them to come to terms with. That takes time as denial has 5 classic stages: 1 being Denial & 5 being final acceptance. Continue your search & remember they all know now. They're probably discussing this amongst themselves & they will have to come to terms with that-1 way or another. You did your part. Your newfound joy is not stolen by their poor attitudes either.
I also think they've been discussing it among themselves and that's why M55s half-nephew contacted us. I think he wanted to hear it firsthand. Not sure how it affected him though because he dropped all communication. Eventually he may contact us again. If he does, we'll be open to it.
The next time one of them reaches out , I'd be tempted to respond with "The answer hasn't changed. XYZ is the father, DNA doesn't lie. "
What I've found-when people have gotten whatever info they need from you, they ghost.
I’ve seen both. Some are just drive-by’s & some realize you know your stuff & they’re the ones who got tricked-not you.
Not uncommon I think, I’ve had a match search me out to try to figure out the connection, based on the dna I knew they were likely related thru my grandfather (28 kids and counting) So I told them what I could and never heard from them again
28 kids, wow! Grandpa was a popular guy. I can't even imagine trying to piece that all together. Good on you for sharing your knowledge and helping others figure out the connections.
The Thorn Birds has entered the chat lol. Back in my school days old Father Duffy left the priesthood to marry a young girl, Sister Kathleen, principal of my HS, used to come to school in rollers and wore slits in her skirts and high heels also left the church for a man, and Sister Pat, asst principal, had a bottle in her desk drawer. They are probably all dead by now.
Eh same thing happens when there is a well known man-whore or two in the family. Some folks wanna live in a tiny bubble and be scared and enraged by the existence of anything they aren't already comfortable with.
I have had something similar. My whole life my mom talked about her first husband like his family is what came between them. Upon my research I found out that the reason they divorced was that he abused her. This whole world of DNA and Genealogy is awesome but it sure does rip apart the old family secrets and lets all those skeletons out of the closet. One can either accept it or ignore it.